Spellcaster (1988) Movie Script
1
I wanna tell you things
But you know I don't dare
I've got a million secrets
I just can't share
Now, even though you
question my loyalty
You're the only
person I wanna see
If only I could make
my situation clear
I think you'd understand
why I live in fear
Passionate crime
Passionate crime
I wanna hide
myself from society
I don't need anything that
is required from me no
And when you look at me
As if I got no shame
Why don't you realize
I can't take all the pain
Passionate crime
Oh oh oh oh oh
Passionate crime
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
- That's the latest
and soon to be greatest
from Cassandra
Castle, Rock TVers.
And if that's not
exciting enough,
I got some great news for you.
For the last 90 days,
we've been telling you
about our latest contest.
Well, it's almost time
for yours truly Rex
to announce the names of
the seven lucky winners
in the "Cassandra
Castle Rock TV Blowout".
This is the contest
where "Rock TV"
wants to send you to
Europe and spend a weekend
in an authentic medieval castle
with the real Cassandra Castle.
But listen, there's more.
Not only do you get
that weekend in Europe
but while you're
inside the castle,
you get to take part
in a treasure hunt
and find a check for
one million dollars.
It might be you that's
gonna be the winner
so stay tuned to
"Rock TV" because-
- Do you think we pay you
to watch television, huh?
I can show you something
you're never gonna see
on television, baby.
- Yeah, how 'bout 10-foot flames
shooting out your asshole, man?
- You look like
you're gonna be sick.
- I feel fine, just fine.
- Well, you're gonna be sick.
- Tom, we need this job.
- And we are back
on worldwide "Rock TV".
- Oh to hell with
family honor, right sis?
Yeah.
- Let's have a winner.
But first of all,
let's recap some of the rules.
- Shh.
They're gonna
announce the winners.
Ran out
and bought a copy
of Cassandra Castle's latest
album, "Passionate Crime",
took out the inner leaf
- I thought you said
and filled it out
along with your name,
- that we don't have a chance.
- Address, phone number, age,
- We don't.
- And you sent it in
- But you hate
- with a photograph.
- Cassandra Castle's music.
- We've done a random drawing
- I do.
and we've come up
with our lucky winners.
- But I like that kinda money.
The first comes
from Freehold, New Jersey.
19-year-old party animal,
Harlan McPherson.
And from jolly old England,
from London
It's a Sloane ranger,
Myrna Fairchild.
From Venice, California,
A 21-year-old California
girl, Teri Harper.
From Rome, Italy, a 19-year-old
Italian stallion,
- Okay, you little shits,
you wanna watch television?
- Tony Capri.
- From Paris, France,
- You can watch it
all you want.
- 17-year-old Yvette Somers.
- You're both fired.
- Move!
-And I can't
believe this, folks.
From Cleveland, Ohio,
Two winners from
the same family.
Tom and Jackie McClain!
Oh my goodness.
- Yes!
- Yeah, we won!
- You'll all be joining me
and Cassandra Castle
in Italy for a weekend
in a medieval castle
- Yeah!
- And a chance at winning
- Yes!
one million dollars.
What are you gonna spend
- What? Have you gone crazy?
one million dollars on?
Think about it.
Passionate crime
Passionate crime
I wanna hide
myself from society
I don't need anything
that is required from me
Oh
And when you look at me
As if I got no shame
Why don't you realize
I can't take all the pain no
Passionate crime
- Thanks a lot.
- Okay.
- Just gimme 10 seconds, Rex.
- You've got it.
Ow.
We're here in sunny Italy
with our "Rock TV"
contest winners.
So right now, let's
give you the lucky seven
and welcome them to
Cassandra's castle.
Myrna!
- Thank you so much.
- Yvette.
Ouch.
- Harlan.
Teri Harlan, Harlan.
- Excuse you, guy.
Real polite, fatso.
- And Teri.
- Oh fatso.
You California
girls are so witty.
- Whoa.
- Whoa!
- Whoa.
Wow.
Nice car.
This is cool.
Okay, come on.
- Hello.
I'm Tony Capri.
I'm here for the
million dollars.
- Tony, you must be
our Italian winner.
- Yes, I am.
- The others are over here.
Come on over and
join 'em. Come on.
Yes.
- Whoa, wait, wait, wait.
Cassandra, are you all right?
Oh.
She's fine.
She's fine.
- She's not fine.
You stuffed me in this tiny limo
with four miserable
aerosol cases.
And now I've got to
spend a god awful weekend
in some stink hole castle.
- Watch out, clear,
you'll crack the lens.
- I don't give a shit.
- Oh, it's the police
and I don't see Sting.
- Yeah, excuse me
just a little moment.
- Jamie, no cameras.
Jackie, where the hell
is the limo?
- The plane was two hours late.
- Yeah, I know, but we're
supposed to be picked up
in a limo at the airport, okay?
- Do you remember
what Mom used to say?
- What?
- "What happens is
supposed to happen."
- Great, what's
supposed to happen
is we're supposed to be
riding in a limo right now
with air conditioning.
Oh please,
that one's mine.
That green one, that's mine.
- Oh, madam, ma'am.
- Ah, I think we've
found our lost orphans.
- We're the winners
from Cleveland.
- No such thing, kid.
- What are you looking at?
- Oh nothing.
I just didn't get a chance
to say hello before.
Hi.
- So you said it.
Now piss off.
- So are you gonna come
in the castle soon?
- A woman's limo is her castle.
- Just forget it, Tom.
She's not your type.
-All right, kids,
you could make it.
All right, let's all
pile into the limo
and get the welcome shot.
Cassandra.
Baby
Cassandra, time to take
the big arrival shot.
Okay, uh, we'll pick up
this one a little later,
but in the meantime,
let's all go inside
and get settled.
Later.
- Hey, Billy, Andy, listen.
I want you guys to get hold
of a high definition
camera for me,
the best one you can find.
I think some really interesting
things are gonna happen
in the dark here this weekend.
- I got lights.
- Yeah, but with an HD we
can pick up some stuff.
Hey, two points apiece.
-Ah, I don't know, that's
pretty chintzy, Jamie.
- Yeah?
Well, it's either that
or doing Merv Griffin
the rest of your life.
- It's not gonna
be easy to find.
We're gonna have to go to Rome.
- Yeah.
Andiamo Boys.
- Welcome, winners,
to Castle Diaboli.
This is one of the oldest
castles in all of Italy.
Cut to the chase.
When do we start
searching for the money?
- Soon.
- Next we go down the stairs.
- When do we eat?
- Sooner, fatso.
- Hey, come check this.
Whoa.
- I'm not accustomed to
carrying my own luggage.
- Well, I'll help you.
What do you got in here?
- Guns. I thought I'd
get in a little shooting.
Rabbits, birds, maybe a boar.
- Yeah well, I'll do my best
to be interesting, okay?
Lots of luggage.
- Not exactly what
I was expecting.
Nice thing.
Oh.
Yeah, I think so.
- Is somebody meeting us there?
Where's my room?
- I thought there were
supposed to be servants.
- Senor Diaboli welcomes you.
- Oh, it's beautiful.
- Of course it's
beautiful. It's French.
It's 14th century and it's worth
about three million francs.
- I love French things.
You know, french fries,
french toast, french kissing.
- You know, like
there's no mirrors here.
- And why do you need a mirror
when I am here to tell you
how lovely you look?
- So I can see for myself.
Oh.
You Americans are so romantic.
- I'm sorry.
It looks so real.
It's beautiful.
- Yes.
Senor Diaboli is quite
proud of his pieces.
- He's really generous
to let us all stay here.
- He enjoys having guests
once every now and then.
- Will he be with us at dinner?
- He will be with
you all eventually.
- Over there.
- Let me ask you something.
Do you always carry an
arsenal around with you?
- When the occasion
calls for it.
- I hate to be like
bearer of bad tidings,
but this is a fun weekend.
We're supposed to party, okay?
- After this ridiculous weekend,
I'm off on safari with
Fergie and Andrew.
- It's 7:00 Rock TVers
and time to boogie down
with Mr. Death.
- This is one creepy place.
- Ah, don't worry about it.
Think of it as a Olympic
million-dollar treasure hunt.
- Well, just don't
get your hopes up.
- Why not?
Have you seen our competition?
I see a Porsche 959 Turbo,
a pool with a jacuzzi.
- In your Porsche?
- Why not?
I see a yacht, 40 foot long,
my name written all over it.
- How 'bout a college education
with your name
written all over it?
- Wrong.
You spend your half
of the money your way,
I've got big plans for mine.
- Tom, you just have
to be realistic.
The chances of us
finding the money
are two in seven.
- Yes, but that's one more
than everybody else here.
Why are you so pessimistic?
- I don't know.
All these different
people brought together
in this old place.
Whoa, you
think it's a setup?
- No, it's just weird.
- Jackie, weird can be fun.
Go with it.
You could use some
weirdness in your life.
I can't
see a damn thing.
You know we
should almost be there.
- We should definitely be there.
- You probably took a
wrong road or something.
There is only one road.
- Then where's the castle?
- I don't know.
- You don't know.
The car just died.
- Why?
I don't know.
- You don't know.
We're on some honky
chase after an HD camera,
stuck in the middle of
nowhere in a dead car,
and you don't know.
- Let me take a
look under the hood.
The door's stuck.
- Wait a minute, my
door's stuck too.
- We are lost in the
middle of nowhere,
we can't find the castle,
and the car won't start.
What else could
possibly go wrong?
Not exactly the
atmosphere for a pig out.
- Please let that be the extent
of our dinner conversation.
I should rather hear
you slobber and chew
than try and speak English.
- I'm anxious to
meet Senor Diaboli.
- Yeah, he must be pretty
crazy to let all this
go on in his house.
- The word is eccentric.
Whoop excuse me.
I dropped my glass.
Oop!
If I don't eat soon,
I'm going to puke.
- Senor Diaboli
sends his regrets.
He will not be joining
you for dinner.
- Jamie, where is the
bloody camera crew?
- I sent them to Rome
to get some equipment.
- If you dare screw this up-
-Yeah, I know. Merv.
- Just get over there.
- Okay.
- Well, we got a
great dinner coming up
but first of all, gotta
give you the rules
for the videotape for
the viewers at home.
Jamie, if you're ready.
- Yes.
- Roll tape.
How do I look? Okay?
Yeah, you
look fine. Let's go.
- Okay.
Hey, "Rock TV" viewers at home.
We're here with our
seven lucky winners
and it's time to
give them the lowdown
on how to score those big bucks.
Well, as you know, you've
all signed a contract
and agreed to abide
by "Rock TV's" rules.
Now, the conditions
are very, very simple.
The treasure hunt
starts tomorrow morning
promptly at dawn.
And in fairness
to Senor Diaboli,
who's been nice enough
to lend us his castle,
we have to tell
you that the check
for one million dollars
has been hidden and hidden well
but not in a place that
would necessitate any digging
or any tearing.
In other words,
there's to be no damage
to any of the property here.
- But we can look anywhere, yes?
- Yes, anywhere except
outside of the castle.
You're free to leave
the castle at any time,
but if you do, you
will be disqualified.
But right now let's
start the fun.
It's a rock 'n' roll weekend
and we're gonna party
with everyone's favorite
party girl, Cassandra Castle.
- I hear many interesting
things about American women.
- Like What?
- That they are naive and silly
and ignorant of love.
That sounds
like me all right.
So I
will dare to tutor you
in the language of love.
- I'm not very good
at learning languages.
I hate the grammar part.
Excuse me.
Tom!
Tom!
I was intoxicated
by your beauty.
- Tom!
- Your room is this way.
- What?
I just escaped
from Italian class.
- What?
- Forget it. I'm going to bed.
- No, no, no. Wait.
Why waste time sleeping?
- This doesn't sound like you.
- No, I mean, we could
start searching now.
- It's against the rules.
- There's only one rule, to win.
- I'm tired.
- I'm going to bed.
- Okay.
- You have got to slow down.
- What do you
think you're doing?
Putting you to bed.
- I know the way your
filthy mind works.
Stupid DJ.
- I'm a VJ and the
last thing I need
is some manufactured superstar
who can't even stay sober for
her own celebrity weekend.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah!
- What else am I supposed to do?
Besides it's my record company
that's paying for this weekend.
I bet there isn't even a check.
- Oh there's a check.
And it's a real one.
- Yeah, for the camera.
Bet nobody finds it.
- Hey, that depends on them.
- I'll make you a deal.
I'll hide the check somewhere
no one will find it.
Hey getting tricky,
that could give us some
very bad publicity.
- Not when I reveal on camera
where it is.
- Now, that's not bad.
That's not bad at all.
- But you've gotta keep
that brat pack away from me.
I don't wanna see them at all
the whole weekend.
Your record
label's not gonna like this.
But screw them.
- Is it a deal?
- Deal.
- 50/50 if you find the check.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm looking for the check.
What are you doing here?
- I'm looking for
something to eat.
Harlan.
- Tom.
Listen if there's a
check in that cake,
I get half of it, okay?
- Hello.
Who's there?
- Oh, I'm sorry. I must
have the wrong room.
- Maybe.
Maybe not.
Depends on what
You're looking for.
Well, you know,
I thought I would take
just a little look
for the check before
I went to bed.
Now,
you know, Yvette,
that is definitely cheating.
- Yes, I know.
Forgive me.
What do you think
I should do about this?
- Well, you could punish me.
Or you could help me.
Or you could punish me
and help me.
- What's the matter?
- Well, you were going
to tell me a clue.
Was I?
- Mm, yes, you were.
You were going to give
me a very good clue.
- Okay.
Okay.
It's hidden
somewhere on the first floor.
- Is that it? It is
on the first floor?
That is not helping.
It is.
Cuts the field in half.
Just don't be too
obvious about it.
Well, all right.
I've always had this
special passion for DJs.
- VJs.
- Not cheating are we?
Interesting decor.
- Nothing here
but old furniture.
- Old furniture
worth 175,000 pounds.
- Well, yes.
You know antiques?
- My parents collect them.
- My parents sell them.
- Well, that's the difference
between us, don't you see.
You're insane.
But then you're French.
English bitch!
- Come here.
Ooh.
Mm.
Ooh.
What is this?
Mm.
Ooh.
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Help!
Help me!
- Hey, are you okay?
You okay?
- Hey, what's going on?
Are we gonna have a party?
- Oh, she's drunk.
No.
There were loads and loads of...
What?
Who?
What are you talking about?
- What the bloody hell
is going on out here?
What are you all doing?
- I didn't know we were
confined to our rooms.
- Listen, if anyone is
found looking for the check
before the contest
officially starts,
he or she will be disqualified.
- Well, what about her?
- I'll take care of her.
The rest of you go
back to your rooms
and get some sleep.
You've got a big day tomorrow.
- Whoa, it's 7:00
back in Jersey.
Past my bedtime.
Good night.
- Yeah.
- I was wondering if
you could help me.
- I was wondering that myself.
- My shower isn't working.
- Well, I'm not very good
at plumbing stuff, you know.
- Maybe it won't take much.
You had
enough hours ago.
I just saw...
God, you won't believe me.
- No, I probably won't.
- I was in this dungeon
and there were these zombies,
these giant zombies with
skull faces and hands
and they were after me.
- Yeah, I've seen
"Lost Weekend".
- No really! I saw it!
I opened this door and
I went down these steps,
these stone steps-
- Listen, that was my door.
- No.
- If you can't keep it
together, our deal is off.
All you have to do is
hang onto the check
and stay out of my bloody way.
- You think I'm crazy.
- No, I don't. I think
you're an alcoholic.
No more of this.
Not until
the contest is over.
You're right, you're
right.
No more juice.
Pills. I need pills.
I just need something
to keep me out of it
for a while.
- Seems to be
working fine to me.
- Well then, how am
I gonna thank you?
Well, if you find
The check, you can
split it with me.
- Oh, come on.
Is that all you're
here for, the money?
Wouldn't you like to
have a little fun?
- When you're
right, you're right.
Except, what was the question?
- Would you wash my back?
- Wash your back?
Yeah.
I'll do it.
I'm a full-service repairman.
Back wash is part of the job.
- Go slow.
I like it better that way.
Thank you.
- Wait, what's going on?
- I'm done.
- Done what?
- Done taking a shower.
- What comes next?
- I don't know.
I'll probably listen
to some music,
go to bed early.
You know, it's gonna
be a big day tomorrow.
- Wait, I thought
we were gonna...
- What?
- Well, you know.
- Oh, sorry, I
just took a shower.
These must
be really sick kicks
you're getting from this.
Really sick.
- Oh, my therapist says there's
no such thing as sick kicks.
- You're a bitch, okay?
- Well, I said thank you.
- You know, that was really
shitty of you to do to me.
- I can understand how you
can have this attitude.
It's very valid. It's okay.
Bye bye.
- I'm wet.
- What happened?
- Nothing.
It's the worst kind of nothing.
When something almost
happens but doesn't.
That kind of nothing.
- You didn't find the check.
- No.
Jackie, may I ask you, is it me?
It is me, isn't it?
- Get some sleep and we'll
find it tomorrow together.
You're wet.
- Hello, what's for
breakfast, kids?
Heavy metal!
- Live from "Rock TV"
it's the Heavy Metal
Breakfast Club.
Dude!
- I'd rather keep my
temper this morning.
"Rock TV" all day, every day
Is part of this
million dollar weekend.
- Hey, Rex, I thought
that the Heavy
Metal Breakfast Club
was a live show.
- Harlan, it is
live, live on tape.
- Mm.
- Hey, so where's our
superstar this morning?
Suppose
she's sleeping it off.
- When do the games begin?
- When everybody gets here.
- Well, where's Yvette?
- The last time I saw her,
she was drooling
over the antiques.
- Where's the American, Teri?
- Here I am.
I like to workout
before breakfast.
- I bet she just has
tons of energy too.
- I regret to inform you
that Senor Diaboli again
will be unable to join you.
- I am an Italian and I have
never heard of this castle
or Senor Diaboli.
- Yes, but you have
heard of the police.
- The red Ferrari?
Misunderstanding.
- Might've been a
misunderstanding for you, punk,
but it cost me and it cost
"Rock TV" a lot of money
and we have to settle that.
- Well, come on!
What are we waiting for?
Let's start this puppy.
- Okay, Jamie, roll tape.
Couple of rules to remember.
The castle is filled with
priceless antiques and valuables
and you must not damage
any of the property here.
- Cut it.
- You got speed?
- Yeah, ready.
- And look?
- Yeah, you look great.
- Okay, "Rock TV"
here's the lucky seven-
- Wait a minute.
I just don't think it's right
to start without Yvette.
- I found this letter
when I went to call
mademoiselle for breakfast.
- "I must leave
immediately for Lyon.
Family emergency.
Boone chance, Yvette."
- Okay, roll tape.
Hey, Rock TVers at home.
We're on location in Italy
at the castle of Senor Diaboli
and what a turn of events.
One of our contestants, Yvette,
has had to drop out due to
unforeseen family emergencies.
But that's good news for
our remaining lucky six
because they now
have a better chance
at that one million dollars.
And that's a lot of scratch
for any high-livin'
rock 'n' roller.
Are you ready to go for it?
- Yeah!
- All right, on your marks.
Get set.
Wait for it.
Go!
- I don't intend
for the rest of you
to benefit from my
superior tracking ability.
If you don't mind.
- I think I'm going to ask
the "I Ching" where it is.
Do you wanna come?
- I always want to come.
- I've been having
a little trouble
with my shower too.
- You want upstairs
or downstairs?
- Uh, I'll take the high road.
- Okay.
- Okay, love you, bye.
Ciao.
- Yeah. Oh bitch!
- You, America are so right.
- What the hell's going on?
What are you doing in here?
Get the hell out of here!
- Hell, hell, hell.
We shall speaking
about paradise.
Oh my god.
Get off me!
Get...
- No, this won't
happen to Tony Capri.
Women who will treat me like-
- Help!
- You all the time.
- You screamed, madam?
- Get him off me!
- Yes, madam.
Senor Diaboli's guests must
be treated with respect.
Oh no.
- What's wrong?
- Well, looking for
a check in a library
is sorta like
looking for a needle
in a stack of needles.
Oh well. The price is right.
- Do you know what
these books are?
- Yeah, potential hiding places.
- They're Bibles.
- Well, I'll go to
confession later
when I'm Catholic.
- We're not supposed to damage
any of Senor Diaboli's property.
- Well, if they're
all the same book,
it hardly seems to matter.
This is definitely
not in the "I Ching".
Ow.
Oh, damn contact lens.
Ah, got it. Found it.
I'm glad it's you.
It is with real pleasure.
What do
you want, grease ball?
- Yes, I'm a grease ball but now,
now I'm a rich one.
Give.
- What?
- What you have just found.
- My contact lens?
- Don't play with me!
No more playing games!
I'm Tony Capri and I
take what I want, okay?
Okay.
- Fine.
Just what do you want?
- What do you think?
The check, the million dollars.
- I don't have it!
- You found it. I heard you.
-Ah, please. You've
gotta believe me.
I found a contact lens.
- Oh, a cocktail lens, yes.
And I'm sure your shower
really was broken, huh?
- I swear I don't have it.
- Okay, then I will
have to search you.
I will be the winner.
- Are you okay?
- He was gonna kill me!
- Come on, let's
get out of here.
- Oh, I gonna kill-
- Come on!
Passionate crime
- Oh no.
- I can't even
believe what he did.
- Oh my god.
The check.
Tom and I will
split it with you.
- Forget it!
I won!
- I just saved your
life back there.
The least you could do
is split it with us.
- No way. I went
for it and I won.
End of discussion.
- Bitch.
Where'd it go?
- We're having fun now.
- There you are.
Something very strange
is going on here.
- Whose shoe is this?
- The French girl's I think.
Tony just attacked Teri.
- I'm not surprised.
- With a knife?
- It's one way to lessen
the odds, isn't it?
- Let's go home.
- No.
No, Jackie, the odds
are shorter for us too.
Let's just stick together, okay?
- This place is dangerous.
- No, just calm down
for a second, okay?
Look, if the other people
are disqualified or maybe even
worse, they'll call it off.
But until then I'm
gonna keep searching.
- Please, Tom.
Come on, Jackie,
let's just go search
for the money.
We're gonna find it, okay?
Just don't worry about it.
It's gonna be okay.
- Get me out!
Somebody, let me out!
Can anybody hear me?
- What's the matter?
What happened?
- What?
Oh nothing, nothing.
- What do you mean nothing?
You were just yelling for help.
- Oh, oh, I was having
trouble with my lace.
You can't even
dress yourself anymore.
We have to shoot the
big revelation scene
in one hour's time.
Look, meet me in
the weapons room.
I'll get Jamie.
In the meantime, I'm gonna
hold onto this check.
I kept
my part of the deal.
- One bloody hour!
Well, the
others may wanna spend all day
in musty dungeons but
I need some lunch.
- Yes, sir.
Would you care for a pig out?
- That's the idea.
Hey, you're all right.
What's the matter, babe?
- I don't wanna talk about it
so just leave me alone.
- So Mickey Mouse is suing
Minnie Mouse for divorce, right?
And they're in front of the
judge and the judge says,
"Look, Mickey, you
can't divorce Minnie
just because she's crazy."
And Mickey says, "I
didn't say she was crazy.
I said she was-"
- Fucking Goofy.
- You've heard it before.
- Don't talk to me.
I had it right in
my hand, right in my hand!
- What?
- I said don't talk to me!
- Sir.
- Wow.
- That's disgusting!
Oh, that's gross.
- Here, you want a piece?
- I don't eat meat.
- Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
Here.
- Oh, you're such a pig!
- This reminds me.
Did you hear the one about the
three pigs that went to Rome?
Two of them were arrested.
You know why?
- No.
- Because the
third one squealed!
Ah!
Hey, Teri, what's the matter?
It's just a joke.
Come on, you can take
a joke, can't you?
Is there, is there a problem?
Come on.
I'll help you with the money.
- Where is Jamie?
- It's not my job.
- I tell you, she has
screwed up so many times.
After this gig, I
am gonna see to it
that she doesn't
even do weddings.
- How did "Rock TV"
ever find this place?
- We got a good deal.
- Yeah, with my bloody money.
- You know, if it
wasn't for "Rock TV"...
You just keep
your bloody money.
And from now on,
you are on your own.
- You bastard!
- Yeah, the hell with chivalry.
Oh!
- Fuck?
Oh!
Ow, ah!
Oh, it's...
Yeah.
-Ah!
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Yeah.
Come on.
Yeah!
- Ooh.
- Okay, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Shh.
- Jackie, why didn't you
tell me about the check?
- I wanna go, Tom.
Something is wrong here.
- No, we're close.
I can feel it.
Jackie take that
side of the hall.
I'll take this side down here.
- Please, Tom.
- I'll be down the hall, okay?
- Teri?
- Hey, it's okay.
It's okay.
Cassandra.
- Are you okay?
Something,
I can't remember.
Something horrible!
- Just take it easy, okay?
- I'm not drunk.
- Look, I know it's hard
being a superstar and all.
- I don't know what I am.
- You know, your
fans really love you.
They love you a lot.
- It's not love.
- Some of 'em do.
- Teri.
- Interesting man, Diaboli,
letting game run wild indoors.
It was part human.
- It was hard to tell from
shooting distance actually.
Had to give it
A sporting chance, you know.
This is crazy.
- Yes. Well, the servants
will clean it up.
Look, you better hold onto this.
There might be others about.
Any luck with the check yet?
- The What?
- Oh, too bad. I'll be off then.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- For what?
- For taking advantage
of you like this.
I'm sorry.
- Listen, I'm in the
music business, all right?
People take advantage
of me all the time.
This, this was different though.
It was real.
- Yeah, but still...
Look, in your
condition, it was wrong.
- I'm not drunk.
I don't know what's
been happening.
I do know I like you.
- Look, I didn't kiss you
just because you're
who you are, you know?
- You don't have to explain.
- Tom!
Who are you?
Welcome,
you overcame your fear.
You made it.
- Where, where am I?
Your room,
my room, any room.
Doesn't really matter.
All that matters
is that you won.
- Senor Diaboli?
- You bet.
- Is this a video or something?
No, no.
It's real life
and real death.
- You killed all of 'em?
- Yes.
But from what I can see,
which is everything,
they deserved it.
- But how?
- Oh, an oldie but a
goodie, black magic.
They don't make deaths
like that anymore.
More's the pity.
Perhaps you'd like
to check it out.
Where are they?
- In limbo Land.
We'll all go down together.
- Go down?
- Home.
- Home? You mean hell?
But Tom...
- Oh, don't worry.
He's still alive.
But it's his turn next.
- What, is this the check?
- Yeah.
- This is the check?
Wait a minute, I won, I won!
- I guess you did.
- I just won a million dollars.
Aye, you had this all
the time, didn't you?
I love you.
- Why? 'Cause I had
a million dollars?
- You know what this means?
I am totally free of school.
I don't have to work
the rest of my life.
You understand that?
- Tom, listen, you don't realize
what goes along with
that million dollars.
- Oh, I don't, I don't?
Yeah, I do, I do.
A Porsche, a projection TV.
I get to move to California.
- Don't do it.
- Don't do what?
Don't do what, win?
Why? What are you nuts?
- No, I'm not nuts
and I'm not drunk.
I'm Tracy Collins from Wraysbury
and I've got $18 million.
That almost made me nuts.
That is mine!
- No, it owns you
and it always will
unless you give it up.
- Look, just be real careful
with that check, okay?
- Did I look like that?
Was I that pathetic?
- I'll make you a deal.
What do you want?
I'll make you a deal, Cassandra.
- Don't make a deal
with your soul, my dear.
No!
- Shit. She screwed it up.
He was supposed
to keep the check
and be consumed by fire.
That's it. She's doomed.
That's it, lady, you're history.
- That wasn't the deal.
- You broke the deal when
you interfered with the test.
He's a good kid.
- He's a loser and he's mine.
- That's cheating.
- Cheating?
Oh do tell me about it.
Isn't that the way you
got what you wanted,
rock 'n' roll star?
- Yeah, and you got
my soul, that's it.
- Oh, read the small
print, darling.
You also keep out of my way.
You've got knowledge.
You are dangerous.
You're coming with me.
- No!
Let her go.
Let all of 'em go.
- Not only am I not
letting them go,
I'm gonna take your
little brother too.
- I'm not kidding.
-And I'm not mortal.
Go ahead, make my day.
- I'll make you a deal.
- No, save yourself.
- I'm all ears.
- You can take me
but you let Tom go.
- Deal.
- And he gets the
million dollars.
Not a problem.
And Cassandra gets
her soul back.
- Look, forget about me.
Just take your brother
and the money and run!
- You got a lotta
soul, little lady.
It's a deal.
But you've gotta do
something naughty to seal it.
- I figured.
- No!
- Oh.
- Where are we?
Oh. Where am I?
I must a
been dreaming.
- I don't know who this...
- This is strange.
Mm-hmm.
Oh no, oh my
god, all this stuff.
Ooh, like could
we get outta here now?
Yeah, I don't
know what that was
in our drinks last night.
Let's go on.
To "Rock TV".
- Jackie.
- Tom!
You're okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Cassandra. Look, I've
gotta find Cassandra.
- What happens is supposed
to happen, remember?
Here.
- Doesn't seem like that
big of a deal now, does it?
I really blew it, Jackie.
Oh, Cassandra.
- Just plain Tracy now.
- Cassandra.
Thought I lost you.
- HOW did you do it?
- I modified the deal.
I got my soul back and everyone
else gets a second chance.
I traded him our contract
for something
completely different.
He's a VJ now.
Let him deal with those devils.
- Welcome back.
I'm Cy Diabolo,
here on "Rock TV",
America's number one video
music channel.
You know it's
rather extraordinary
the number of times I've
overheard people say,
oh, I'd give anything
to be a rock 'n' roll
star.
Well, I've dreamt up
this little competition
which could result in
just that.
The winner gets it all.
A five-year recording contract,
a million dollars in cash,
and the chance to
go all the way.
It's an offer you simply
can't refuse.
Interested?
You should be.
Let me tell you about
it.
Are you sitting comfortably?
Then I'll begin.
Make a deal, make a trade
Forget about the
price you pay
Gotta get to the top
Gotta get down
and you can't stop
Ridin' high through
the lowering
Fast, move slow
Little sin Cadillac
Never get you so bad
Oh devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Oh ho, devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
I'll be feelin' all right
All right
Ridin' high, lookin' good
Livin' high like
I knew you would
Now the world's
starting to spin
I just can't remember
where it began
Watch your step
and your grip
As the devil's
whip starts to fall
It's long, long
Forget to have fun
Devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Oh ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
And I'll be
feelin' all right
When the light starts to dim
What is no longer clear
Oh ho devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Ho ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
And I'll be
feelin' all right
Ho ho devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Ho ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
I'll be feelin' all right
Devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Ho ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
I'll be feelin' all right
Devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Ho ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
I'll be feelin' all right
Devil man
Devil man, devil man
Devil man, devil man
Devil man, devil man
I wanna tell you things
But you know I don't dare
I've got a million secrets
I just can't share
Now, even though you
question my loyalty
You're the only
person I wanna see
If only I could make
my situation clear
I think you'd understand
why I live in fear
Passionate crime
Passionate crime
I wanna hide
myself from society
I don't need anything that
is required from me no
And when you look at me
As if I got no shame
Why don't you realize
I can't take all the pain
Passionate crime
Oh oh oh oh oh
Passionate crime
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
- That's the latest
and soon to be greatest
from Cassandra
Castle, Rock TVers.
And if that's not
exciting enough,
I got some great news for you.
For the last 90 days,
we've been telling you
about our latest contest.
Well, it's almost time
for yours truly Rex
to announce the names of
the seven lucky winners
in the "Cassandra
Castle Rock TV Blowout".
This is the contest
where "Rock TV"
wants to send you to
Europe and spend a weekend
in an authentic medieval castle
with the real Cassandra Castle.
But listen, there's more.
Not only do you get
that weekend in Europe
but while you're
inside the castle,
you get to take part
in a treasure hunt
and find a check for
one million dollars.
It might be you that's
gonna be the winner
so stay tuned to
"Rock TV" because-
- Do you think we pay you
to watch television, huh?
I can show you something
you're never gonna see
on television, baby.
- Yeah, how 'bout 10-foot flames
shooting out your asshole, man?
- You look like
you're gonna be sick.
- I feel fine, just fine.
- Well, you're gonna be sick.
- Tom, we need this job.
- And we are back
on worldwide "Rock TV".
- Oh to hell with
family honor, right sis?
Yeah.
- Let's have a winner.
But first of all,
let's recap some of the rules.
- Shh.
They're gonna
announce the winners.
Ran out
and bought a copy
of Cassandra Castle's latest
album, "Passionate Crime",
took out the inner leaf
- I thought you said
and filled it out
along with your name,
- that we don't have a chance.
- Address, phone number, age,
- We don't.
- And you sent it in
- But you hate
- with a photograph.
- Cassandra Castle's music.
- We've done a random drawing
- I do.
and we've come up
with our lucky winners.
- But I like that kinda money.
The first comes
from Freehold, New Jersey.
19-year-old party animal,
Harlan McPherson.
And from jolly old England,
from London
It's a Sloane ranger,
Myrna Fairchild.
From Venice, California,
A 21-year-old California
girl, Teri Harper.
From Rome, Italy, a 19-year-old
Italian stallion,
- Okay, you little shits,
you wanna watch television?
- Tony Capri.
- From Paris, France,
- You can watch it
all you want.
- 17-year-old Yvette Somers.
- You're both fired.
- Move!
-And I can't
believe this, folks.
From Cleveland, Ohio,
Two winners from
the same family.
Tom and Jackie McClain!
Oh my goodness.
- Yes!
- Yeah, we won!
- You'll all be joining me
and Cassandra Castle
in Italy for a weekend
in a medieval castle
- Yeah!
- And a chance at winning
- Yes!
one million dollars.
What are you gonna spend
- What? Have you gone crazy?
one million dollars on?
Think about it.
Passionate crime
Passionate crime
I wanna hide
myself from society
I don't need anything
that is required from me
Oh
And when you look at me
As if I got no shame
Why don't you realize
I can't take all the pain no
Passionate crime
- Thanks a lot.
- Okay.
- Just gimme 10 seconds, Rex.
- You've got it.
Ow.
We're here in sunny Italy
with our "Rock TV"
contest winners.
So right now, let's
give you the lucky seven
and welcome them to
Cassandra's castle.
Myrna!
- Thank you so much.
- Yvette.
Ouch.
- Harlan.
Teri Harlan, Harlan.
- Excuse you, guy.
Real polite, fatso.
- And Teri.
- Oh fatso.
You California
girls are so witty.
- Whoa.
- Whoa!
- Whoa.
Wow.
Nice car.
This is cool.
Okay, come on.
- Hello.
I'm Tony Capri.
I'm here for the
million dollars.
- Tony, you must be
our Italian winner.
- Yes, I am.
- The others are over here.
Come on over and
join 'em. Come on.
Yes.
- Whoa, wait, wait, wait.
Cassandra, are you all right?
Oh.
She's fine.
She's fine.
- She's not fine.
You stuffed me in this tiny limo
with four miserable
aerosol cases.
And now I've got to
spend a god awful weekend
in some stink hole castle.
- Watch out, clear,
you'll crack the lens.
- I don't give a shit.
- Oh, it's the police
and I don't see Sting.
- Yeah, excuse me
just a little moment.
- Jamie, no cameras.
Jackie, where the hell
is the limo?
- The plane was two hours late.
- Yeah, I know, but we're
supposed to be picked up
in a limo at the airport, okay?
- Do you remember
what Mom used to say?
- What?
- "What happens is
supposed to happen."
- Great, what's
supposed to happen
is we're supposed to be
riding in a limo right now
with air conditioning.
Oh please,
that one's mine.
That green one, that's mine.
- Oh, madam, ma'am.
- Ah, I think we've
found our lost orphans.
- We're the winners
from Cleveland.
- No such thing, kid.
- What are you looking at?
- Oh nothing.
I just didn't get a chance
to say hello before.
Hi.
- So you said it.
Now piss off.
- So are you gonna come
in the castle soon?
- A woman's limo is her castle.
- Just forget it, Tom.
She's not your type.
-All right, kids,
you could make it.
All right, let's all
pile into the limo
and get the welcome shot.
Cassandra.
Baby
Cassandra, time to take
the big arrival shot.
Okay, uh, we'll pick up
this one a little later,
but in the meantime,
let's all go inside
and get settled.
Later.
- Hey, Billy, Andy, listen.
I want you guys to get hold
of a high definition
camera for me,
the best one you can find.
I think some really interesting
things are gonna happen
in the dark here this weekend.
- I got lights.
- Yeah, but with an HD we
can pick up some stuff.
Hey, two points apiece.
-Ah, I don't know, that's
pretty chintzy, Jamie.
- Yeah?
Well, it's either that
or doing Merv Griffin
the rest of your life.
- It's not gonna
be easy to find.
We're gonna have to go to Rome.
- Yeah.
Andiamo Boys.
- Welcome, winners,
to Castle Diaboli.
This is one of the oldest
castles in all of Italy.
Cut to the chase.
When do we start
searching for the money?
- Soon.
- Next we go down the stairs.
- When do we eat?
- Sooner, fatso.
- Hey, come check this.
Whoa.
- I'm not accustomed to
carrying my own luggage.
- Well, I'll help you.
What do you got in here?
- Guns. I thought I'd
get in a little shooting.
Rabbits, birds, maybe a boar.
- Yeah well, I'll do my best
to be interesting, okay?
Lots of luggage.
- Not exactly what
I was expecting.
Nice thing.
Oh.
Yeah, I think so.
- Is somebody meeting us there?
Where's my room?
- I thought there were
supposed to be servants.
- Senor Diaboli welcomes you.
- Oh, it's beautiful.
- Of course it's
beautiful. It's French.
It's 14th century and it's worth
about three million francs.
- I love French things.
You know, french fries,
french toast, french kissing.
- You know, like
there's no mirrors here.
- And why do you need a mirror
when I am here to tell you
how lovely you look?
- So I can see for myself.
Oh.
You Americans are so romantic.
- I'm sorry.
It looks so real.
It's beautiful.
- Yes.
Senor Diaboli is quite
proud of his pieces.
- He's really generous
to let us all stay here.
- He enjoys having guests
once every now and then.
- Will he be with us at dinner?
- He will be with
you all eventually.
- Over there.
- Let me ask you something.
Do you always carry an
arsenal around with you?
- When the occasion
calls for it.
- I hate to be like
bearer of bad tidings,
but this is a fun weekend.
We're supposed to party, okay?
- After this ridiculous weekend,
I'm off on safari with
Fergie and Andrew.
- It's 7:00 Rock TVers
and time to boogie down
with Mr. Death.
- This is one creepy place.
- Ah, don't worry about it.
Think of it as a Olympic
million-dollar treasure hunt.
- Well, just don't
get your hopes up.
- Why not?
Have you seen our competition?
I see a Porsche 959 Turbo,
a pool with a jacuzzi.
- In your Porsche?
- Why not?
I see a yacht, 40 foot long,
my name written all over it.
- How 'bout a college education
with your name
written all over it?
- Wrong.
You spend your half
of the money your way,
I've got big plans for mine.
- Tom, you just have
to be realistic.
The chances of us
finding the money
are two in seven.
- Yes, but that's one more
than everybody else here.
Why are you so pessimistic?
- I don't know.
All these different
people brought together
in this old place.
Whoa, you
think it's a setup?
- No, it's just weird.
- Jackie, weird can be fun.
Go with it.
You could use some
weirdness in your life.
I can't
see a damn thing.
You know we
should almost be there.
- We should definitely be there.
- You probably took a
wrong road or something.
There is only one road.
- Then where's the castle?
- I don't know.
- You don't know.
The car just died.
- Why?
I don't know.
- You don't know.
We're on some honky
chase after an HD camera,
stuck in the middle of
nowhere in a dead car,
and you don't know.
- Let me take a
look under the hood.
The door's stuck.
- Wait a minute, my
door's stuck too.
- We are lost in the
middle of nowhere,
we can't find the castle,
and the car won't start.
What else could
possibly go wrong?
Not exactly the
atmosphere for a pig out.
- Please let that be the extent
of our dinner conversation.
I should rather hear
you slobber and chew
than try and speak English.
- I'm anxious to
meet Senor Diaboli.
- Yeah, he must be pretty
crazy to let all this
go on in his house.
- The word is eccentric.
Whoop excuse me.
I dropped my glass.
Oop!
If I don't eat soon,
I'm going to puke.
- Senor Diaboli
sends his regrets.
He will not be joining
you for dinner.
- Jamie, where is the
bloody camera crew?
- I sent them to Rome
to get some equipment.
- If you dare screw this up-
-Yeah, I know. Merv.
- Just get over there.
- Okay.
- Well, we got a
great dinner coming up
but first of all, gotta
give you the rules
for the videotape for
the viewers at home.
Jamie, if you're ready.
- Yes.
- Roll tape.
How do I look? Okay?
Yeah, you
look fine. Let's go.
- Okay.
Hey, "Rock TV" viewers at home.
We're here with our
seven lucky winners
and it's time to
give them the lowdown
on how to score those big bucks.
Well, as you know, you've
all signed a contract
and agreed to abide
by "Rock TV's" rules.
Now, the conditions
are very, very simple.
The treasure hunt
starts tomorrow morning
promptly at dawn.
And in fairness
to Senor Diaboli,
who's been nice enough
to lend us his castle,
we have to tell
you that the check
for one million dollars
has been hidden and hidden well
but not in a place that
would necessitate any digging
or any tearing.
In other words,
there's to be no damage
to any of the property here.
- But we can look anywhere, yes?
- Yes, anywhere except
outside of the castle.
You're free to leave
the castle at any time,
but if you do, you
will be disqualified.
But right now let's
start the fun.
It's a rock 'n' roll weekend
and we're gonna party
with everyone's favorite
party girl, Cassandra Castle.
- I hear many interesting
things about American women.
- Like What?
- That they are naive and silly
and ignorant of love.
That sounds
like me all right.
So I
will dare to tutor you
in the language of love.
- I'm not very good
at learning languages.
I hate the grammar part.
Excuse me.
Tom!
Tom!
I was intoxicated
by your beauty.
- Tom!
- Your room is this way.
- What?
I just escaped
from Italian class.
- What?
- Forget it. I'm going to bed.
- No, no, no. Wait.
Why waste time sleeping?
- This doesn't sound like you.
- No, I mean, we could
start searching now.
- It's against the rules.
- There's only one rule, to win.
- I'm tired.
- I'm going to bed.
- Okay.
- You have got to slow down.
- What do you
think you're doing?
Putting you to bed.
- I know the way your
filthy mind works.
Stupid DJ.
- I'm a VJ and the
last thing I need
is some manufactured superstar
who can't even stay sober for
her own celebrity weekend.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah!
- What else am I supposed to do?
Besides it's my record company
that's paying for this weekend.
I bet there isn't even a check.
- Oh there's a check.
And it's a real one.
- Yeah, for the camera.
Bet nobody finds it.
- Hey, that depends on them.
- I'll make you a deal.
I'll hide the check somewhere
no one will find it.
Hey getting tricky,
that could give us some
very bad publicity.
- Not when I reveal on camera
where it is.
- Now, that's not bad.
That's not bad at all.
- But you've gotta keep
that brat pack away from me.
I don't wanna see them at all
the whole weekend.
Your record
label's not gonna like this.
But screw them.
- Is it a deal?
- Deal.
- 50/50 if you find the check.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm looking for the check.
What are you doing here?
- I'm looking for
something to eat.
Harlan.
- Tom.
Listen if there's a
check in that cake,
I get half of it, okay?
- Hello.
Who's there?
- Oh, I'm sorry. I must
have the wrong room.
- Maybe.
Maybe not.
Depends on what
You're looking for.
Well, you know,
I thought I would take
just a little look
for the check before
I went to bed.
Now,
you know, Yvette,
that is definitely cheating.
- Yes, I know.
Forgive me.
What do you think
I should do about this?
- Well, you could punish me.
Or you could help me.
Or you could punish me
and help me.
- What's the matter?
- Well, you were going
to tell me a clue.
Was I?
- Mm, yes, you were.
You were going to give
me a very good clue.
- Okay.
Okay.
It's hidden
somewhere on the first floor.
- Is that it? It is
on the first floor?
That is not helping.
It is.
Cuts the field in half.
Just don't be too
obvious about it.
Well, all right.
I've always had this
special passion for DJs.
- VJs.
- Not cheating are we?
Interesting decor.
- Nothing here
but old furniture.
- Old furniture
worth 175,000 pounds.
- Well, yes.
You know antiques?
- My parents collect them.
- My parents sell them.
- Well, that's the difference
between us, don't you see.
You're insane.
But then you're French.
English bitch!
- Come here.
Ooh.
Mm.
Ooh.
What is this?
Mm.
Ooh.
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Help!
Help me!
- Hey, are you okay?
You okay?
- Hey, what's going on?
Are we gonna have a party?
- Oh, she's drunk.
No.
There were loads and loads of...
What?
Who?
What are you talking about?
- What the bloody hell
is going on out here?
What are you all doing?
- I didn't know we were
confined to our rooms.
- Listen, if anyone is
found looking for the check
before the contest
officially starts,
he or she will be disqualified.
- Well, what about her?
- I'll take care of her.
The rest of you go
back to your rooms
and get some sleep.
You've got a big day tomorrow.
- Whoa, it's 7:00
back in Jersey.
Past my bedtime.
Good night.
- Yeah.
- I was wondering if
you could help me.
- I was wondering that myself.
- My shower isn't working.
- Well, I'm not very good
at plumbing stuff, you know.
- Maybe it won't take much.
You had
enough hours ago.
I just saw...
God, you won't believe me.
- No, I probably won't.
- I was in this dungeon
and there were these zombies,
these giant zombies with
skull faces and hands
and they were after me.
- Yeah, I've seen
"Lost Weekend".
- No really! I saw it!
I opened this door and
I went down these steps,
these stone steps-
- Listen, that was my door.
- No.
- If you can't keep it
together, our deal is off.
All you have to do is
hang onto the check
and stay out of my bloody way.
- You think I'm crazy.
- No, I don't. I think
you're an alcoholic.
No more of this.
Not until
the contest is over.
You're right, you're
right.
No more juice.
Pills. I need pills.
I just need something
to keep me out of it
for a while.
- Seems to be
working fine to me.
- Well then, how am
I gonna thank you?
Well, if you find
The check, you can
split it with me.
- Oh, come on.
Is that all you're
here for, the money?
Wouldn't you like to
have a little fun?
- When you're
right, you're right.
Except, what was the question?
- Would you wash my back?
- Wash your back?
Yeah.
I'll do it.
I'm a full-service repairman.
Back wash is part of the job.
- Go slow.
I like it better that way.
Thank you.
- Wait, what's going on?
- I'm done.
- Done what?
- Done taking a shower.
- What comes next?
- I don't know.
I'll probably listen
to some music,
go to bed early.
You know, it's gonna
be a big day tomorrow.
- Wait, I thought
we were gonna...
- What?
- Well, you know.
- Oh, sorry, I
just took a shower.
These must
be really sick kicks
you're getting from this.
Really sick.
- Oh, my therapist says there's
no such thing as sick kicks.
- You're a bitch, okay?
- Well, I said thank you.
- You know, that was really
shitty of you to do to me.
- I can understand how you
can have this attitude.
It's very valid. It's okay.
Bye bye.
- I'm wet.
- What happened?
- Nothing.
It's the worst kind of nothing.
When something almost
happens but doesn't.
That kind of nothing.
- You didn't find the check.
- No.
Jackie, may I ask you, is it me?
It is me, isn't it?
- Get some sleep and we'll
find it tomorrow together.
You're wet.
- Hello, what's for
breakfast, kids?
Heavy metal!
- Live from "Rock TV"
it's the Heavy Metal
Breakfast Club.
Dude!
- I'd rather keep my
temper this morning.
"Rock TV" all day, every day
Is part of this
million dollar weekend.
- Hey, Rex, I thought
that the Heavy
Metal Breakfast Club
was a live show.
- Harlan, it is
live, live on tape.
- Mm.
- Hey, so where's our
superstar this morning?
Suppose
she's sleeping it off.
- When do the games begin?
- When everybody gets here.
- Well, where's Yvette?
- The last time I saw her,
she was drooling
over the antiques.
- Where's the American, Teri?
- Here I am.
I like to workout
before breakfast.
- I bet she just has
tons of energy too.
- I regret to inform you
that Senor Diaboli again
will be unable to join you.
- I am an Italian and I have
never heard of this castle
or Senor Diaboli.
- Yes, but you have
heard of the police.
- The red Ferrari?
Misunderstanding.
- Might've been a
misunderstanding for you, punk,
but it cost me and it cost
"Rock TV" a lot of money
and we have to settle that.
- Well, come on!
What are we waiting for?
Let's start this puppy.
- Okay, Jamie, roll tape.
Couple of rules to remember.
The castle is filled with
priceless antiques and valuables
and you must not damage
any of the property here.
- Cut it.
- You got speed?
- Yeah, ready.
- And look?
- Yeah, you look great.
- Okay, "Rock TV"
here's the lucky seven-
- Wait a minute.
I just don't think it's right
to start without Yvette.
- I found this letter
when I went to call
mademoiselle for breakfast.
- "I must leave
immediately for Lyon.
Family emergency.
Boone chance, Yvette."
- Okay, roll tape.
Hey, Rock TVers at home.
We're on location in Italy
at the castle of Senor Diaboli
and what a turn of events.
One of our contestants, Yvette,
has had to drop out due to
unforeseen family emergencies.
But that's good news for
our remaining lucky six
because they now
have a better chance
at that one million dollars.
And that's a lot of scratch
for any high-livin'
rock 'n' roller.
Are you ready to go for it?
- Yeah!
- All right, on your marks.
Get set.
Wait for it.
Go!
- I don't intend
for the rest of you
to benefit from my
superior tracking ability.
If you don't mind.
- I think I'm going to ask
the "I Ching" where it is.
Do you wanna come?
- I always want to come.
- I've been having
a little trouble
with my shower too.
- You want upstairs
or downstairs?
- Uh, I'll take the high road.
- Okay.
- Okay, love you, bye.
Ciao.
- Yeah. Oh bitch!
- You, America are so right.
- What the hell's going on?
What are you doing in here?
Get the hell out of here!
- Hell, hell, hell.
We shall speaking
about paradise.
Oh my god.
Get off me!
Get...
- No, this won't
happen to Tony Capri.
Women who will treat me like-
- Help!
- You all the time.
- You screamed, madam?
- Get him off me!
- Yes, madam.
Senor Diaboli's guests must
be treated with respect.
Oh no.
- What's wrong?
- Well, looking for
a check in a library
is sorta like
looking for a needle
in a stack of needles.
Oh well. The price is right.
- Do you know what
these books are?
- Yeah, potential hiding places.
- They're Bibles.
- Well, I'll go to
confession later
when I'm Catholic.
- We're not supposed to damage
any of Senor Diaboli's property.
- Well, if they're
all the same book,
it hardly seems to matter.
This is definitely
not in the "I Ching".
Ow.
Oh, damn contact lens.
Ah, got it. Found it.
I'm glad it's you.
It is with real pleasure.
What do
you want, grease ball?
- Yes, I'm a grease ball but now,
now I'm a rich one.
Give.
- What?
- What you have just found.
- My contact lens?
- Don't play with me!
No more playing games!
I'm Tony Capri and I
take what I want, okay?
Okay.
- Fine.
Just what do you want?
- What do you think?
The check, the million dollars.
- I don't have it!
- You found it. I heard you.
-Ah, please. You've
gotta believe me.
I found a contact lens.
- Oh, a cocktail lens, yes.
And I'm sure your shower
really was broken, huh?
- I swear I don't have it.
- Okay, then I will
have to search you.
I will be the winner.
- Are you okay?
- He was gonna kill me!
- Come on, let's
get out of here.
- Oh, I gonna kill-
- Come on!
Passionate crime
- Oh no.
- I can't even
believe what he did.
- Oh my god.
The check.
Tom and I will
split it with you.
- Forget it!
I won!
- I just saved your
life back there.
The least you could do
is split it with us.
- No way. I went
for it and I won.
End of discussion.
- Bitch.
Where'd it go?
- We're having fun now.
- There you are.
Something very strange
is going on here.
- Whose shoe is this?
- The French girl's I think.
Tony just attacked Teri.
- I'm not surprised.
- With a knife?
- It's one way to lessen
the odds, isn't it?
- Let's go home.
- No.
No, Jackie, the odds
are shorter for us too.
Let's just stick together, okay?
- This place is dangerous.
- No, just calm down
for a second, okay?
Look, if the other people
are disqualified or maybe even
worse, they'll call it off.
But until then I'm
gonna keep searching.
- Please, Tom.
Come on, Jackie,
let's just go search
for the money.
We're gonna find it, okay?
Just don't worry about it.
It's gonna be okay.
- Get me out!
Somebody, let me out!
Can anybody hear me?
- What's the matter?
What happened?
- What?
Oh nothing, nothing.
- What do you mean nothing?
You were just yelling for help.
- Oh, oh, I was having
trouble with my lace.
You can't even
dress yourself anymore.
We have to shoot the
big revelation scene
in one hour's time.
Look, meet me in
the weapons room.
I'll get Jamie.
In the meantime, I'm gonna
hold onto this check.
I kept
my part of the deal.
- One bloody hour!
Well, the
others may wanna spend all day
in musty dungeons but
I need some lunch.
- Yes, sir.
Would you care for a pig out?
- That's the idea.
Hey, you're all right.
What's the matter, babe?
- I don't wanna talk about it
so just leave me alone.
- So Mickey Mouse is suing
Minnie Mouse for divorce, right?
And they're in front of the
judge and the judge says,
"Look, Mickey, you
can't divorce Minnie
just because she's crazy."
And Mickey says, "I
didn't say she was crazy.
I said she was-"
- Fucking Goofy.
- You've heard it before.
- Don't talk to me.
I had it right in
my hand, right in my hand!
- What?
- I said don't talk to me!
- Sir.
- Wow.
- That's disgusting!
Oh, that's gross.
- Here, you want a piece?
- I don't eat meat.
- Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
Here.
- Oh, you're such a pig!
- This reminds me.
Did you hear the one about the
three pigs that went to Rome?
Two of them were arrested.
You know why?
- No.
- Because the
third one squealed!
Ah!
Hey, Teri, what's the matter?
It's just a joke.
Come on, you can take
a joke, can't you?
Is there, is there a problem?
Come on.
I'll help you with the money.
- Where is Jamie?
- It's not my job.
- I tell you, she has
screwed up so many times.
After this gig, I
am gonna see to it
that she doesn't
even do weddings.
- How did "Rock TV"
ever find this place?
- We got a good deal.
- Yeah, with my bloody money.
- You know, if it
wasn't for "Rock TV"...
You just keep
your bloody money.
And from now on,
you are on your own.
- You bastard!
- Yeah, the hell with chivalry.
Oh!
- Fuck?
Oh!
Ow, ah!
Oh, it's...
Yeah.
-Ah!
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Yeah.
Come on.
Yeah!
- Ooh.
- Okay, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Shh.
- Jackie, why didn't you
tell me about the check?
- I wanna go, Tom.
Something is wrong here.
- No, we're close.
I can feel it.
Jackie take that
side of the hall.
I'll take this side down here.
- Please, Tom.
- I'll be down the hall, okay?
- Teri?
- Hey, it's okay.
It's okay.
Cassandra.
- Are you okay?
Something,
I can't remember.
Something horrible!
- Just take it easy, okay?
- I'm not drunk.
- Look, I know it's hard
being a superstar and all.
- I don't know what I am.
- You know, your
fans really love you.
They love you a lot.
- It's not love.
- Some of 'em do.
- Teri.
- Interesting man, Diaboli,
letting game run wild indoors.
It was part human.
- It was hard to tell from
shooting distance actually.
Had to give it
A sporting chance, you know.
This is crazy.
- Yes. Well, the servants
will clean it up.
Look, you better hold onto this.
There might be others about.
Any luck with the check yet?
- The What?
- Oh, too bad. I'll be off then.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- For what?
- For taking advantage
of you like this.
I'm sorry.
- Listen, I'm in the
music business, all right?
People take advantage
of me all the time.
This, this was different though.
It was real.
- Yeah, but still...
Look, in your
condition, it was wrong.
- I'm not drunk.
I don't know what's
been happening.
I do know I like you.
- Look, I didn't kiss you
just because you're
who you are, you know?
- You don't have to explain.
- Tom!
Who are you?
Welcome,
you overcame your fear.
You made it.
- Where, where am I?
Your room,
my room, any room.
Doesn't really matter.
All that matters
is that you won.
- Senor Diaboli?
- You bet.
- Is this a video or something?
No, no.
It's real life
and real death.
- You killed all of 'em?
- Yes.
But from what I can see,
which is everything,
they deserved it.
- But how?
- Oh, an oldie but a
goodie, black magic.
They don't make deaths
like that anymore.
More's the pity.
Perhaps you'd like
to check it out.
Where are they?
- In limbo Land.
We'll all go down together.
- Go down?
- Home.
- Home? You mean hell?
But Tom...
- Oh, don't worry.
He's still alive.
But it's his turn next.
- What, is this the check?
- Yeah.
- This is the check?
Wait a minute, I won, I won!
- I guess you did.
- I just won a million dollars.
Aye, you had this all
the time, didn't you?
I love you.
- Why? 'Cause I had
a million dollars?
- You know what this means?
I am totally free of school.
I don't have to work
the rest of my life.
You understand that?
- Tom, listen, you don't realize
what goes along with
that million dollars.
- Oh, I don't, I don't?
Yeah, I do, I do.
A Porsche, a projection TV.
I get to move to California.
- Don't do it.
- Don't do what?
Don't do what, win?
Why? What are you nuts?
- No, I'm not nuts
and I'm not drunk.
I'm Tracy Collins from Wraysbury
and I've got $18 million.
That almost made me nuts.
That is mine!
- No, it owns you
and it always will
unless you give it up.
- Look, just be real careful
with that check, okay?
- Did I look like that?
Was I that pathetic?
- I'll make you a deal.
What do you want?
I'll make you a deal, Cassandra.
- Don't make a deal
with your soul, my dear.
No!
- Shit. She screwed it up.
He was supposed
to keep the check
and be consumed by fire.
That's it. She's doomed.
That's it, lady, you're history.
- That wasn't the deal.
- You broke the deal when
you interfered with the test.
He's a good kid.
- He's a loser and he's mine.
- That's cheating.
- Cheating?
Oh do tell me about it.
Isn't that the way you
got what you wanted,
rock 'n' roll star?
- Yeah, and you got
my soul, that's it.
- Oh, read the small
print, darling.
You also keep out of my way.
You've got knowledge.
You are dangerous.
You're coming with me.
- No!
Let her go.
Let all of 'em go.
- Not only am I not
letting them go,
I'm gonna take your
little brother too.
- I'm not kidding.
-And I'm not mortal.
Go ahead, make my day.
- I'll make you a deal.
- No, save yourself.
- I'm all ears.
- You can take me
but you let Tom go.
- Deal.
- And he gets the
million dollars.
Not a problem.
And Cassandra gets
her soul back.
- Look, forget about me.
Just take your brother
and the money and run!
- You got a lotta
soul, little lady.
It's a deal.
But you've gotta do
something naughty to seal it.
- I figured.
- No!
- Oh.
- Where are we?
Oh. Where am I?
I must a
been dreaming.
- I don't know who this...
- This is strange.
Mm-hmm.
Oh no, oh my
god, all this stuff.
Ooh, like could
we get outta here now?
Yeah, I don't
know what that was
in our drinks last night.
Let's go on.
To "Rock TV".
- Jackie.
- Tom!
You're okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Cassandra. Look, I've
gotta find Cassandra.
- What happens is supposed
to happen, remember?
Here.
- Doesn't seem like that
big of a deal now, does it?
I really blew it, Jackie.
Oh, Cassandra.
- Just plain Tracy now.
- Cassandra.
Thought I lost you.
- HOW did you do it?
- I modified the deal.
I got my soul back and everyone
else gets a second chance.
I traded him our contract
for something
completely different.
He's a VJ now.
Let him deal with those devils.
- Welcome back.
I'm Cy Diabolo,
here on "Rock TV",
America's number one video
music channel.
You know it's
rather extraordinary
the number of times I've
overheard people say,
oh, I'd give anything
to be a rock 'n' roll
star.
Well, I've dreamt up
this little competition
which could result in
just that.
The winner gets it all.
A five-year recording contract,
a million dollars in cash,
and the chance to
go all the way.
It's an offer you simply
can't refuse.
Interested?
You should be.
Let me tell you about
it.
Are you sitting comfortably?
Then I'll begin.
Make a deal, make a trade
Forget about the
price you pay
Gotta get to the top
Gotta get down
and you can't stop
Ridin' high through
the lowering
Fast, move slow
Little sin Cadillac
Never get you so bad
Oh devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Oh ho, devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
I'll be feelin' all right
All right
Ridin' high, lookin' good
Livin' high like
I knew you would
Now the world's
starting to spin
I just can't remember
where it began
Watch your step
and your grip
As the devil's
whip starts to fall
It's long, long
Forget to have fun
Devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Oh ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
And I'll be
feelin' all right
When the light starts to dim
What is no longer clear
Oh ho devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Ho ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
And I'll be
feelin' all right
Ho ho devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Ho ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
I'll be feelin' all right
Devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Ho ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
I'll be feelin' all right
Devil man
Gotta get to heaven
any way I can
Ho ho devil man
I'll make a deal
with the night
I'll be feelin' all right
Devil man
Devil man, devil man
Devil man, devil man
Devil man, devil man