Spider Island (2026) Movie Script
1
(vibrant music)
(loud thudding)
(birds and insects chirping)
(bird trilling)
(unnerving music)
(leaves rustling)
(unnerving music intensifies)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music intensifies)
(vibrant music)
Fire, I'm fire
Baby I'm lit
Fire, I'm fire
Baby I'm lit
Love me
Hey, love me
Maybe, hey, maybe
Shut up!
Love me
Hey, love me
Everybody wants my number
(laughter)
I've got it, I've got it
-It's good?
-I don't know. What is it?
Love it, I love it
(giggling)
Baby I'm lit
I'm fire
I'm fire
Baby I'm lit
Fire, I'm fire
I'm so excited to be coming
to this island.
I've heard so many great things
about this company
and their commitment
to ecological issues.
And remember, people...
Be one with nature.
Give it, I'll give it
Take it, I'll take it
Whoa!
(thud)
I'm alright, I'm alright.
Wow. You are alllllright.
I'm Mongoose, by the way.
It's actually pronounced
the French way,
but most people
call me Mr Goose.
Like, my mum calls me Mong.
Like, whose mother
would call them Mong?
Do you know what I mean?
(party chatter)
Alright, girl?
Wanna take a little selfie?
I don't mind.
Go on.
Argh! Fuck!
You fucking asshole.
You scared me to death.
Chill out, it's an app.
It's not even real.
(cheering)
(vibrant music continues)
Captain: So, we are now
approaching the island itself.
The snakes, spiders
and scorpions on the island
are harmless,
but we do have great whites
in the ocean.
One last tip for you, the, er,
mushrooms that grow wild
on this island
are the strongest psychedelic
substance known to man.
That's not to encourage you.
That's a warning.
Hmm.
Mushrooms it is, then.
(water lapping)
(hotel lobby music)
Mark, phone away, now.
Now!
Is that a new blazer, David?
It's a sports jacket.
It's less formal than a blazer.
Oh. Um... but it's nice.
(water splashing)
Ah...
(humming)
Why is that old fucker
front of house?
He's just helping out
until the guests arrive.
Right, well, I don't want
him serving.
Nobody wants to think about old
people when they're eating.
Adi, I didn't tell you to pull
'em up with your fingers.
I told you to spray 'em.
That's the pesticide
I told you about.
It's banned in Europe.
(phone ringing)
I didn't ask you to spray it
from the Eiffel Tower, did I?
-Hello?
But if the toxins
get into the soil,
it's gonna kill everything.
Thank you.
Er, they're ahead of schedule.
Okay, spray now, or you're back
to cleaning toilets.
(phone vibrating)
David: Unbelievable.
Give these people an inch,
they take a mile...
(footsteps receding)
(vibrant music)
Mongoose: Has anyone
ever told you
you look like Pamela Anderson?
(guests chatter)
David: Hey, welcome. hello.
Finally you're all here.
So happy to see you. Welcome.
Welcome to The Pearl
Haven Hotel.
This really is, it's the jewel
in the crown
for Infinity Dream
International.
And we are thrilled to have you,
the biggest influencers
on the planet,
here to launch it.
Whilst you're here,
everything is free.
Food, drink, it's all free!
(laughs)
Yeah. So all we would ask
in return
is that you tweet, you TikTok,
you hashtag your millions
of followers
and, uh, Rachel, do you wanna
help me out?
Hey. Hey...
Not joining the party?
I'm not in the party.
Hmm. You know, my content isn't
really their content either.
Oh, I'm Ed.
Hi, Ed.
S-sorry, what's your name?
Bye, Ed.
Molly, you're so pretty.
Molly, my girl...
-Molly?
-Yeah.
Did you name her after
your favourite drug, then?
-Pardon?
-Molly, E, MDMA, Ecstasy...
Ecstasy? No. No, no, no, no.
No, I don't do drugs.
So, what do you create?
Me? Oh, I'm not an influencer.
Molly is.
Molly is a superstar.
Aren't you? Hi...
Guys, let's get you
something to eat.
Come this way, come this way.
And remember, feel free to share
online anything...
(We Gettin' To It, Devid Hoffman
& Radiccio Nash plays)
We gettin to it
Yeah, we gettin to it
Got the whole squad
Livin' like a movie
Just sayin'
You could've lived this way
Go on, light me up.
Get it on me, get it on me.
Whoa.
We gettin to it
Come on...
Yes! Come on!
Look at 'em. Like pigs in shit.
Well, they're posting.
I mean, look at all the tags!
Ooh. Hashtag city, baby.
We gettin to it
Yeah, we gettin to it
We gettin to it
Oh, we gettin to it
Why you cappin'
Bout the way...
The Mongoose gang.
What you sayin'?
You alright, yeah?
What we got here? The UFC.
Ultimate Fridge Challenge.
There's only four minis in here.
We gettin to it
Yeah, we gettin to it
We gettin to it
Oh, we gettin to it
Why you cappin', bout the way
your people movin'
Talk big on the Internet
Here we have Finca,
my best friend.
She wants to be
my best friend too.
She just doesn't know it yet.
(grunting)
Mm, mm, mm.
Uh...
You could've lived this way
But you messed around
Bet you feelin'
like you blew it
We gettin to it
Yeah, we gettin to it
(sinister music)
(birds chirping)
(goat bleating)
(goat bleating)
(goat bleating)
I see you've met Duncan,
my guardman.
You're gonna need a bigger goat.
(chuckles)
That's very good, hm.
Hello, Clara.
Hello, Dad.
Bit early for whiskey,
don't you think?
Not this one.
This is a lowland whiskey,
a breakfast malt.
I'll have water.
Well, that'll ruin it.
Just water.
Oh... oh, really?
Um...
I got your letter.
It was brief.
I tried to fill in the blanks,
but there were too many.
(whiskey pouring)
I'm guessing you didn't
come all this way
just to see me.
I'm here because of the hotel.
Ah, the new development.
The Pearl Haven Hotel.
The turd in the crown.
The wart on the scrotum
of luxury.
Uh, so what, are you,
are you travel writing now?
Investigative reporting.
Whoa, a notebook.
Which one are you?
Woodward or Bernstein?
Couldn't think of
a female journalist?
No. No, fair point, well made.
So, um...
So what's the angle?
How does a resort get built
when the entire island
is a protected nature site?
Oh, that's easy.
Bribery and corruption.
-Correct.
-So, what's new?
Er, let me guess.
You, er, your...
your petition didn't work.
Your legal injunction
didn't work.
But, uh, now you think
you can blow open
a corporate malfeasance case
against a multinational
ecohotel.
An ecohotel that's just flown
30 influencers
here from all over the world.
That's a situational irony,
but it's not Watergate.
How about,
"Hotel Destroys Paradise
while West End legend
remains glued to bar stool"?
Well, that wouldn't be accurate.
Sometimes I fall off.
Tsk...
It's all a joke to you,
isn't it?
(bar thuds)
(sighs)
What did I tell you?
Be nice.
(background dance music)
Yeah. The Mongoose gang.
You alright, yeah?
So, the man on the boat
said to me
that the mushrooms
that grow here
are the strongest in the world.
Now I know
you've seen me trippin',
but I've never been slippin'.
It's hard to believe
that these guys are stronger
than the Dutch imports
we get back home -
shout out to my dealers,
Chris and Jamie,
yeah, you know who you are.
So, we're gonna take these
babies on a little test drive,
for the purposes of science;
and for you, my followers,
nearly hit a million people.
Talk to me, Goose.
(sighs) Here we go.
(coughs)
(retching)
(convulsing)
(gasping)
Uh...
These are disgusting!
But I'm intrigued.
(mysterious music)
Uh...
Ah...
Ah... Oh, shit.
(groaning)
Fuck me. Uh...
(mysterious music intensifies)
Ah!
Sorry, are you working
for a company called Mackerel?
I am. Why, does it sound
fishy to you?
Ha! And they say Germans
aren't funny.
What's going on, guys?
So, I am here
in the Pearl Haven Hotel,
and wow, it is a beautiful
tropical paradise.
But as an environmentalist,
it's important for me
to check out
whether this company is green,
or just greenwashing.
Let's go.
Large extraction fans.
It's not a good start.
The rooms are hot.
Too hot, even.
But perhaps that's because...
Wow.
(gasps)
Okay, obviously
I'm a nature lover
and we should all be
one with nature,
but that... that one
scary arachnid,
that bad boy needs to be caught
and put outside.
Now, as I always say,
if you treat animals
with respect,
they'll treat you with respect.
Now, you cannot call yourself
a nature lover
if you only care for cute
little kittens and puppies.
These ugly animals
need love, too.
(jar rattling)
(jar clinks)
Uh, God!
(panicked gasping)
Uh!
(thud)
Okay, let's delete that.
(recording button beeps)
David: We've been
having complaints
about the air conditioning.
We've had it shut down.
It's affecting the entire hotel.
At this current time, we've got
no air conditioning anywhere.
Yeah, I know, Russell.
Do you know how I know that?
'Cause my balls are sticking to
my legs and I'm fucking purple!
Look at me!
You're in black and white.
-Trust me, I'm purple.
-Rachel: He is.
Fix the air con or I will fire
the fucking lot of you!
Towel! Ah, God.
(gasping)
Is that a cobweb?
If I had to bet on it,
I'd say something's trapped
in the vent.
And what do you think it is?
A rat or a lizard, maybe?
A cat?
When I backtracked the issues
with the extractors,
it said relay switch in vent
three was switched off.
Off?
Well, it might not be.
It might be a diagnostics issue
saying it's the switch,
but it isn't.
If it's a short circuit,
it could shut down everything,
including the Internet.
So, er...
(mysterious music)
Well, one of us needs to go
into the vents to have a look.
And Mark's too fat.
(Goose gasping)
(mysterious music intensifies)
(music stops abruptly)
(crickets chirping)
(footsteps receding)
Er, are you going out?
No, I'm wearing my pyjamas.
Only I, I thought we might
have dinner together.
Nuts and bourbon isn't a meal.
Nonsense. It's my five a day.
Come on, Clara.
Let's not fight.
I haven't seen you for so long.
Can't we at least have dinner?
I'm going to meet my contact.
There's a drug dealer
on the island?
I have a contact
amongst the staff
who has information about
the hotel's building practices.
We're going to use it to disrupt
their launch.
You're meeting Adi.
He's the only person
in that place who cares.
But he's the maintenance
manager,
so unless you're gonna ask him
for a tour of the drains,
I can't see how he can help you.
Don't wait up.
Say hi to Adi.
(suspenseful music)
(switch clicks)
(bulb flickers)
(ladder clattering)
(ominous music)
(torch clicks)
(vent clattering)
(Adi gasping)
(ominous music intensifies)
(flashlight clunks)
Kev: I don't believe
in the dictionary.
I think there's too many words.
What I do is I take the ones
I know, I spread 'em out.
Like snakes, yeah?
If I see one moving fast,
I say he's running.
Yeah, he ain't got legs,
but he's still running.
Okay, but millions of years ago,
snakes had legs.
(scoffs) You don't half chat
some bollocks, you.
No, no. They just became
redundant over time.
They're legs.
Kevin's heard of evolution.
He just doesn't believe in it.
No. I believe anything
when I see it.
You can't see evolution.
Yes you can, actually.
For example,
you wear suntan cream, right?
I use many creams.
(giggling)
Ed: Okay.
But you wear suntan cream
to protect your skin
from rapidly getting darker.
Because of increased UV light,
your skin cells
are essentially evolving.
-See Finca, proof!
-No.
That's all I ever want!
(shrieks excitedly)
It's go time!
Don't do that.
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
Of course you can help it.
Oh, it's just something I do
when I, when I get excited.
Yeah. You sound like
a mouse wanking. Sorry.
(mic distorts)
Haha! Yeah...
David: Okay, everyone.
We'll be starting
the presentation
in five minutes...
Hey. How are you?
I'm good.
Erm, if you're coming
to the launch event
and you want a drink,
I'm paying.
It's a free bar.
Yeah, fair. It's the thought
that counts, though.
I'm actually meeting someone.
Maybe later?
Y-yeah, great. Yeah.
(sinister music)
(Adi gasps)
(gasping)
Oh...
(threatening music)
Uh...
(rat thuds)
(Adi gasps)
(conditioner whirring)
(Adi sighs)
(vent rattling)
Uh!
(dramatic music)
(vent rattling)
Uh!
(draught whistling)
(dramatic music intensifies)
Argh!
(spiders scuttling)
(spider biting)
Argh! Aaaargh!
(panicked panting)
Aargh! Aaargh!
(spider biting)
Argh!
(Adi choking)
(conditioner creaking)
(cheesy presentation music)
This is a resort
built into a jungle.
This is the Rainforest Retreat.
And if you're a thrill seeker,
you are not gonna believe this.
Come with me.
This is just the beginning.
We've already
laid the foundations
for the next phase
of this project.
It's a hotel built within
the jungle itself.
A rainforest retreat.
An eco paradise, naturally.
Is it, though?
I'm sorry, who are you?
I'm just someone who thinks
building a hotel
in a jungle is not natural.
If you're so ecofriendly, why
build on the island at all?
Buildings are banned on all
of the islands in the region.
How did you get permission?
So, if I can just say,
we have all
of the relevant permits.
-That's horseshit!
-I love this girl.
This lake was exactly
where we're all standing now.
All those birds have gone!
-Alright, come with me, please.
-Get off me!
If this hotel expands
into the jungle,
it'll kill thousands of species
of plants and animals!
Alright, I've just, I've just
realised who you are.
Your father runs
a shithole hotel
on the south side
of the island, yeah?
So, who exactly
are you protecting
the island for?
Is it for the wildlife?
Or is it for yourself?
Do you want to keep the whole
place for you and Daddy?
Little Miss Entitled...
-Alright, come on.
-Right?
Please! Get this message
to your followers!
This hotel's not eco.
It's a fraud,
and it's breaking the law!
That is absolutely not true.
Please do not post any of that.
How could we?
Your Internet is useless.
If what she said about the lake
is true, she'll have a case.
It's UN environmental law.
I mean, one habitat
can't be destroyed for another.
I like protestor girl.
Yeah, she's fit.
She's a bit too Greta Thunberg
for me.
But Ed wants to fuck her,
don't you, Ed?
What?
No, it's not like that.
What's it like, then?
No, we're just...like, friends.
-Friends?
-Friends?
Are you gonna post what she said
on your feed?
Are you?
Fuck that shit!
I mean, look, give me a petition
to sign and I'll sign it.
Give me a collection tin to fill
and I'll fill it.
But what I'm not gonna do
is bore my followers with it.
I mean, the way I see it is if
a hundred pink flamingos
have to lose their little pond
so that I can drive
a fucking Ferrari, I'm sorry,
I'm driving the Ferrari.
It's a no-brainer.
I mean, that's kind of
where I am.
I mean, I guess...
I get what she's saying,
but it took me years
to build that following.
And I have way more followers
than all of you combined
times four.
-Oh, really?
-What are you doing?
-We're going for a swim.
-No, no... Aaah!
(Mr Gun, 'Better' plays)
I promise I won't be jealous
You don't deserve it all
(screaming)
(cheering, whooping)
(laughter, cheering)
-Here you are, Winnie?
-Yes?
Get this beautiful girl
a margarita,
and I'll have a skinny bitch.
It's a vodka soda.
Oh.
Keeps me lean.
I'm Kev.
-Dina.
-That's a beautiful name.
(growling, yapping)
I mean, if you want
to talk about
people profiting from nature...
She loves that dog.
In public, yeah,
but she's basically a pimp.
No, seriously,
she's whoring that dog out.
She's making it turn tricks
for likes.
Behind closed doors
she's probably beating
the poor animal.
Yet the dog still has more
followers than you.
(chuckling)
Whohoho! Hohoho!
(passionate party music)
(thudding)
No way, Mongoose!
-Oh my God!
-What the fuck?
(splashing)
(laughter)
Please! I gotta get home!
Wait, wait for me!
Ah, shit!
Fuck!
Ah!
(crickets chirping)
(Curtis chatting)
(Curtis chuckling)
(tender music)
Do you want to talk?
My mother's buried
beneath that hotel.
Oh, no, she's not.
The last time I was here,
I buried a time capsule
with her.
She'd written something for me,
something she wanted me to know.
And now it's gone.
Smashed to pieces.
Like the island
you loved so much.
The island you wouldn't even
leave to come to her funeral.
Please, Clara. Can we not do
the whole magical misery tour?
Do you know what I told myself
when mum was dying?
That you couldn't visit because
you were the caretaker.
You had to stay
and protect the island.
But when it needed your help,
you did nothing.
(footsteps receding)
Caretaker...
(suspenseful music)
(spider scuttling)
(Molly whining)
(Molly whining)
(Molly barking)
Stop.
(Molly whining)
Hm.
(threatening music)
(spider scuttling)
(Molly whining)
Molly? Molly? Come on, girl...
(Molly panting)
We're going out.
(Molly whining)
Gary: Only the Germans
could invent
a single word to describe
taking pleasure
in other people's misery.
'Schadenfreude'.
Oh... What other German
do you speak?
-Bundesliga.
-Oh, very good.
Stein. Schnell.
(Glamma giggling)
Achtung, obviously.
You know, you will be
the first English boy
who I've slept with
who speaks German?
Why? How many English boys
have you slept with?
Hmm... Does Welsh count?
No.
Irish?
Definitely not.
Hm.
You're not very tall, are you?
I'm average. I'm above average.
You know, my ex-boyfriend
was, like, seven feet tall.
A real monster.
-Monster...?
-Put your hands up.
Yeah, his hands were like...
twice as big as yours.
-R-right...
-Are you shaking?
No.
I haven't even taken
my clothes off.
It's not gonna be
one of those nights, is it?
(suspenseful music)
What nights?
Oh, hello.
I can work with that.
(threatening music)
(spiders scuttling)
(threatening music intensifies)
(Kev gasping)
Uh...
(button beeps)
(phone ringing)
Hello, reception?
Yeah, bruv... What's going on
with this air con?
It's so hot
I think I could melt.
Sorry, sir. It's gonna
be fixed by tomorrow.
-Tomorrow, yeah?
-Yes sir.
-Promise?
-I give you my word.
Alright.
Uh...
(gasping)
(urinating)
(gasping)
(bottle rattling)
(rattling)
What the fuck?
Hey, Dina...
Gina?
Karen, whatever the fuck
your name is,
get in here and help.
We've got roaches.
(crashing)
(threatening music)
(gasping)
(scuttling)
(dramatic music)
Ah!
(gasps)
Hello?
Calvin?
Or whatever your name is...
You alright?
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music intensifies)
(thunder rumbling)
(rain pattering)
(thunder rumbling)
(poignant music)
(birds chirping)
(thunder rumbling)
(birds chirping)
(rain pattering)
(sombre music)
Have you thought about
not using plastic bottles?
Actually, I don't use
plastic at all.
I retrieved those from the sea.
(refrigerator door thudding)
What's with the getup?
It's very Tomb Raider.
I went up for that, you know?
The butler.
"Your guns, m'lady."
I didn't get it... (chuckles)
obviously.
I need to find Adi.
Do you have any idea
where he might be?
He has the information
I need, but he's disappeared.
Do you want me to look around,
see if I can find him for you?
That would be great. Thank you.
Clara, about what
you said last night...
-I don't wanna talk about it.
-Your mum was difficult!
(tense music)
Really?
You're going there?
She was difficult,
and I was a fucking nightmare.
I have nothing but regrets for
the way things ended between us.
I loved your mum
very deeply, but she...
Have you considered
how difficult
it was for her to love you?
When you have zero love
for yourself?
(poignant music)
If you're looking for that time
capsule you buried with her,
then it's probably
at Emerald Beach.
The two of you used to spend
a lot of time there.
(water lapping)
The fan failure
has blown the circuits.
The two things are linked.
Oh, so it's actually
just one great big fuck up.
Adi was supposed
to override the fan
and get the air con
back up, but...
He fucking didn't.
We have at our disposal
for one weekend only
some of the world's
biggest influencers...
Oh, they prefer
the term 'creators'.
I don't fucking care
if they prefer the term:
'Ballsack Billy the Bear'.
If there's no WiFi and they
can't get their videos up,
no fucker's coming.
Rachel: Is there anything
we can do?
Russell: I don't know.
Open a window?
Rachel: No, I meant anything
we can do about the Internet.
Russell: I'm gonna have to get
to the mainland,
get to the network centre
and link up with the GCode...
Jesus Christ, I don't want
the whole fucking manual.
Just go to Captain Brunner
and ask him to take you.
-Adi?
-Do you want me to find him?
No, I want you
to fuck his sister.
But... Adi has a brother.
Right.
(sighs)
I swear to God,
he is fucking retarded.
You're not really supposed
to say that anymore.
Faulty, then.
You can't say that either.
(loud screaming)
Oh...
Don't tell me someone
shat the bed already.
(dramatic music)
Bollocks...
Whoa...
Ah!
Whoa! Uh...
Uh...
(groaning)
(gasping)
Ah...
David: So, what's wrong with
them, apart from being dead?
It looks like sepsis.
Well, maybe it was drugs, right?
We'll say it was drugs.
Okay, so we need to get,
we need to get ahead
of this, okay?
So, he's gonna have
dirt on him,
so start sniffing.
They've been bitten.
Rachel: Bitten?
By what? A snake?
A spider.
No, no.
Just...no.
There are no poisonous spiders
at this hotel, okay?
There's nothing venomous at all.
It's policy.
Well, I guess this one didn't
get the email.
(suspenseful music)
Shit!
Shit!
Shit, shit, fucking shit!
Right, I need to get their
bodies to the mainland.
-Has Brunner left yet?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What do you think?
You're not going anywhere.
We need you here.
Well, I have a duty
of care to my patients.
They're dead.
I need to know what bit them.
Nothing 'bit' them, okay?
It was drugs.
He, he's a massive druggie.
-Rachel, right?
-He barely drank.
Yeah, he's a massive druggie.
Look, do you, do you even know
what this place means
to Infinity Dream
International, huh?
It's a place where dreams
are meant to come true.
It's paradise, alright?
We don't even have bed bugs.
You, you expect me to believe
that some fucking spider
bit and killed this man
and this woman?
Yes, David,
that is what I'm saying.
And if we don't find out
which species it was,
more people will die.
Okay, well this is my project,
my project,
from the inception
to finding the location
to the hiring
and the firing, okay?
I am inferring
that I can fire you.
Yes, I got it, David. Thank you.
But the yacht's already left.
Oh, and there we are.
So, we can't do anything anyway.
So, we are gonna leave
these two here
until the influencers have gone.
And then, then you can
turn this place
into fucking CSI for all I care.
Oh...
How long before these two start,
you know...?
Actually, don't answer that.
Hm...
(footsteps receding)
(door shuts)
(suspenseful music intensifies)
Russell: I've managed
to override the blocked fan
and I've reprogrammed
the fan sequence.
Get Adi to power up
the control panel.
That should get the fans working
and the air con back up.
-But I can't find Adi.
-Then you'll have to do it!
I have to sail to the mainland
or no one's posting anything.
I'm not technical.
You're not anything.
Press the fucking button!
But which button?
Where did I put that lighter?
Ah...
Er, are you open?
Ah, in actual fact, no.
I've been given a quest
by my daughter.
She has a dragon I must slay
to win back her love.
I just want bottle of water.
Ah.
Take it.
I don't touch the stuff.
Cheers.
Ah...
Mm. (gulping) Mm...
(scoffs) Been on the sauce,
have we?
Er, yeah. Well, no.
Well, the man on the boat
said that the mushrooms
that grow on this island
are the strongest in the world.
I made the mistake
of eating a few, hehe.
Well, I admire your mettle,
young sir.
-Yeah.
-That's a nasty fungi.
A bit like yourself, really.
(chuckles)
What if I were to tell you
that the wildest natural high
on the island
is not in fact the mushrooms.
Huh? What is it then?
Cane toads.
Cane what?
The cane toad.
You wanna get really high?
Lick the back of one
of those lumpy buggers.
Oh, what happens?
It's like the strongest acid
mixed with ketamine
and a microdose of smack.
It will affect your motor
functions though.
You'll be walking like you've
got no bones in your legs.
Sounds really entertaining
for my feed.
People pay to watch
you fall over?
Yeah, I've got nearly
a million followers
that love to see me
as fucked as possible.
I'm missing a trick here.
Heh.
Where do I find these toads?
Gary: I'm never sick.
I reckon they switched
to own brand.
(scoffs) Gary, you're sick
because you drank too much.
That's bollocks.
You washed your face in shots.
Oh yeah...
You had a vodka facial.
Yeah, I do remember that. Ha.
Glamma: Gary!
You fucked her, didn't you?
Bumped into her...
on the way back to my room.
One word, Gary.
Disappointing.
Don't be like that.
Why are you making
excuses to me? I don't care.
Run along.
Your girlfriend's waiting.
Fine.
(background bar music)
Glamma: Hi.
(Glamma and Gary chatting)
Jodi: Molly!
Hi. Have you seen my dog, Molly?
Le petit chien?
-No, sorry.
-No? Molly!
Oh, hey, have you seen Molly?
No, and if I had,
I would've drowned her.
Sorry?
No, but if I do,
I'll let you know.
(water lapping)
(sand raking)
Winnie?
Clara?
Clara! (gasps)
The last time I saw you,
you were this big.
Now you are a woman!
I'm so sorry.
What they've done
to your island.
My island?
It is not mine.
Even this body is not mine.
I have borrowed it.
Well, it's definitely
not theirs.
Clara...
The desire to own
and control things
leads to attachment,
the root of all suffering.
You can only lose
what you cling to.
Let it go.
(suspenseful music)
David Attenborough: When spiders
are ejected
from their natural home,
like any other animal,
they will find a new one.
They come to keep warm, to mate,
and to feed;
and for the most part,
living comfortably beside us.
(knocking)
It's open!
(door opens)
Spiders will only usually attack
if they feel threatened
or cornered.
Just leave it there. Er, merci.
There are over 50,000 species
of spider.
Many are solitary, but some
will hunt in packs.
Molly!
The hairs on their legs
are released
when attacked or killed,
bringing others of their pack
into the fight.
Molly?
-Molly, baby!
Nature's revenge is unforgiving.
Molly, baby!
(Molly yapping)
Molly!
(suspenseful music)
Molly?
Molly? Are you here?
Molly, baby? Molly?
Molly? Molly?
Molly?
(threatening music)
(screaming)
Get up now
Dance if you want to
Get up now
Shake if you want to
Get up now
Move if you want to
You want to
You want to
Get up now
Dance if you want to
Get up now
Shake if you want to
Get up now
Move if you want to
You want to
You want to
Hey
(You Do You
by Daniel Lobel plays)
Raj: I haven't seen Adi
since yesterday.
Clara was looking for him.
I haven't seen him either.
We're having a lot of
technical issues, though.
I guess he has his hands full.
Curtis: Well, keep an eye out
for me, would you?
Raj: Yeah. I'll call you
if I see him.
Curtis: Thanks, Raj.
-Say hello to your dad.
-Oh, thanks.
When it comes through
They know what to do
Queen and the G
Better make room
They smellin' bangolin,
my perfume
Yeah it's my time
Yeah I'm in bloom
Check this
Check this
I'm about to wreck it
Wreck it
Livin' like lavish
Lavish
It doesn't really matter
What they say or do
Get up now
Dance if you want to
Get up now
Shake if you want to
Get up now
Move if you want to
You want to
(whirring)
(toad croaks)
Hey! You found one!
Ohohoho!
Have a look at her.
She is a beauty.
I'm probably gonna regret
asking this,
but, um, how do you know
it's a she?
Ah. I'm just calling
her a woman
'cause I don't like the idea
of licking a man's back.
You draw the line there?
Yeah.
Check her out.
(toad croaks)
Wow.
I'm not being funny, yeah,
but I've been licking
this big ol' green booty
for half an hour now,
and I don't feel a thing.
Patience, my boy.
Here...
(toad croaks)
Ohohohoho.
May I?
Yeah. Knock yourself out.
(toad croaks)
Okay...
(licking)
(toad croaks)
Hey, you got some good
technique there, hehehe.
Yeah, look at that.
She likes it.
Hey... it's my first threesome.
(toad croaks)
(ominous music)
(spiders scuttling)
Clara: They were here first,
but the islanders
don't know their rights.
I do.
Okay, but like, if your dad
runs a hotel here,
doesn't that kind of affect
your argument?
My Dad quit acting
to become an environmentalist.
His place was built so film
crews could stay here
and study the wildlife,
so no, it doesn't.
I have a contact here.
I can't find him anywhere.
I need help.
Aren't you supposed to be
the nature guy?
Mr Eco Warrior?
This could be your story.
You could help break it.
Look...
I'm not saying that
I don't want to help, but...
I'm all about the positives,
you know?
I post about the beauty of life,
not this negative
doomwatch stuff.
And plus I've got, you know...
sponsors, so...
-Mm.
And you don't wanna
rock the boat,
and there are no likes
at the end of the world.
You're a joke.
You're just like
the rest of them.
You've got the whole world
following your every move,
hanging off every word you say.
You could be a force for good,
but... you just care about you.
Okay, wait...
Look...
I'll help you.
Alright?
(suspenseful music)
So, we're in this shed
because...?
He said he had some proof.
This is his office,
such as it is.
(rummaging)
Where would he keep it?
It's gotta be on an email.
I mean, nobody does shit
on paper anymore.
No, not for something like this.
Digital's too... porous.
He said he had some physical
proof to help get the prick.
(rummaging)
-What have you got there?
-It's a receipt...
Signed by David.
Ed: For cement?
Loads of it.
Well, I mean,
that's not illegal.
Then why is it hidden?
But don't you build hotels
with cement?
Yes, you do.
So, doesn't it make it less
of a smoking gun
and more of a... a water pistol?
(chuckles)
Ed, do you go on many dates?
No.
Do you?
Not for a while.
And, er, and what would a date
look like for someone like you?
Oh, you know, go on a march,
protest against oil,
lay in the road.
(chuckling)
Maybe we could glue ourselves
to the road together.
Obviously, if you're up for it.
Look...
I know I sound like a broken
record about all this.
No, look, I get it.
It's important to you.
(threatening music)
Fuck...
-Winnie! Winnie!
-Winnie...
Hey! Hey, hey...
He's got no pulse!
Start compressing here!
Start compressing his chest.
Hey, hey, hey.
Come on! Winnie!
(sobbing) Please don't die!
He's swallowed his tongue!
(dramatic music)
Ah!
(Ed gasping)
(gasping frantically)
Uh! Uh!
(gasping frantically)
Ed: Uh!
Ah!
It's the second one of those
I've killed since I've got here!
They're so aggressive!
Fuck!
Look out!
(threatening music intensifies)
(spiders scuttling)
Ah! Aaah! Ah, ah!
(spiders biting)
Aaah!
Aaargh!
(spiders biting)
Aaargh!
-Ed!
-Aaargh!
(spiders biting)
Aaargh...
Ed!
(dramatic music intensifies)
Just press the button, he says.
(air con whirring)
Adi?
(air con whirring loudly)
Adi?
(suspenseful music)
(rattling)
Fucking hell...
(loud rattling)
(dramatic music)
(rattling in vent)
(dramatic music intensifies)
(air con humming)
Oh, David, it's working.
Oh...
Oh, thank Christ.
(air con humming)
Hallelujah.
Rachel, get rid
of those cobwebs.
Oh, what the fuck
is he doing here?
What the fuck
are you doing here?
I'm looking for a toilet
to block.
Oh, you're so full of shit,
that shouldn't be hard.
-What do you want?
-I'm looking for Adi.
Oh, finally, something
we've got in common.
(panting, gasping)
Oh my God...
(Mark panting, gasping)
Fucking...
I...I need a clean-up crew,
here, now!
(panting)
Would you have a heart attack
on your own fucking time. What?
There's thousands
of the bastards!
Hello, look, I'm Curtis.
Now sorry, specifically
which bastards?
(thud)
(foreboding music)
(grunting)
Aaargh! Uh! Ah!
-David: Jeez...
-Uh! Get them off me!
Argh! Urgh! Ah!
Aaargh!
(choking)
Shit! Shit!
(foreboding music intensifies)
David: Jesus Christ.
-Uh!
-Ah!
What the fuck?!
(hysterical screaming)
(vent clunks)
(spiders pouring)
(eerie music)
(frantic music)
Uh... Uh!
(screaming)
(loud screaming, panicking)
(spiders scurrying)
(screaming)
(threatening music)
(spiders scuttling)
(screaming)
(loud screaming)
(dramatic music)
(screaming and shouting
continues)
Living my life
like a superstar
Looking real nice like
a model, yeah, a model
Baby I don't care
who you are
I just want gelato
and the lotto tight
Cause I can't lie
I'm gonna shake my ass
Till I am 69
I can't lie
I'm gonna shake my ass
Till 69
Argh! Aaaargh!
Champagne dreams but
a soda pop wallet
Aaargh!
You talk big game
But you're broke
So I don't want it
See the only thing
that matters, matters
What the fuck?
I'm not falling
for that shit again.
(screaming)
That's what I like
Yeah, that's what I want
(music muffled)
(screaming)
(ominous music)
Finca!
(screaming)
Finca!
Finca!
(gasping)
This way! Come on!
(screaming)
(dramatic music)
(choking)
(screaming)
In here!
David: Close the door!
-Close the door!
-Yeah!
You! I wanna make a formal
fucking complaint!
This is not cool!
Clara!
Dad!
Shut the door!
Shut the fucking door!
-What the fuck was that?
-Spiders.
I know, but like,
big fucking psycho spiders!
Are you alright?
This hotel's a fucking joke.
Seriously, it's a fucking joke.
Curtis: This is bad.
This is really bad.
Like, you can't do
the basics like Internet
or air conditioning,
but killer spiders?
-Yeah. No problem at all.
-Okay, everybody, be calm. Yeah?
Check each other. Make sure
they're not on you.
But how do we know
this room is safe?
Well, we don't.
It's as safe as a bag
made of his piss.
Seriously, this is one star,
TripAdvisor. One star.
-That is not fair!
-Not fair?!
People are dying!
You must have known
there were spiders here!
Don't be so fucking ridiculous.
First I knew about
poisonous spiders
was about five fucking minutes
ago like everybody else!
You'd better hope that's true.
(sinister music)
Gary: The minibar is a disgrace.
And millions of spiders are
trying to kill. Millions!
David: It's not millions
of spiders. It's a handful.
Uh...
Ah!
(screaming)
Oh... Oh, shit!
(screaming)
Jesus Christ!
(spider scuttling)
Ah! Ah!
(spider scuttling)
Oh...
(screaming)
(smashing)
Leave the, leave the furniture!
Get the spider!
Did you get it?
(dramatic music)
Ah!
(screaming)
(gasps)
(spider scuttling)
Oh, yeah. Oh, great.
Great job.
What are you gonna do now?
Put it outside?
Let's fucking kill the bastard.
Why? There are a thousand
more out there
to take its place.
Welcome to Spider Island!
This is not Spider Island!
Do not even joke!
That shit sticks.
And do not post that!
Chance would be a fine thing.
Sun, sea and spiders!
Book now to avoid
disappointment!
(giggling)
Sorry.
You are so fucked.
Clara: I've never seen
this species before.
David: That's because it's not
from round here.
It's an immigrant.
Clara: Oh, wow. Really?
(speech distorting)
When all else fails,
blame the immigrants?
Finca: Look at the way
it's using its mandibles.
(speech distorting)
(Curtis gasping)
(echoing) Finca: Mandibles...
mandibles...
Look at my fingers...
(hypnotic music)
Dad?
What are you talking about?
Your hands are fine.
I worked with Richard Kiel once.
He had hands this big.
-Who?
-Jaws.
Not the movie, the character
in The Spy Who Loved Me.
The man with gold teeth. Aaargh!
He, he was in Moonraker too.
Not Moonraker 2,
the sequel, that...
and they hadn't made a sequel.
Although the producer did talk
about making a sequel, not...
Dad, how much
have you had to drink?
I swear, I haven't had any...
Oh shit!
(laughs)
I licked a cane toad!
Why?
Is there anything I can say
that would answer
that satisfactorily?
God, you idiot!
That's fair.
How are we gonna
get off the island?
Isn't there an emergency
hard line?
All communications are down.
What about the yacht we came on?
-Gary: I can drive a yacht.
-I think you mean 'sail'.
-Hm, no mate.
My daddy has a yacht. You drive.
-Of course he fucking does.
-That's it, then!
No. There is no yacht.
It sailed to the mainland
this morning.
Russell's gone
to fix the Internet.
Great. So we can die online.
(giggles) Sorry. Again.
Nobody is gonna die, alright?
This room is safe.
So, all we're gonna do is
we're gonna sit here,
we're gonna wait here
until help comes.
Oh, and what?
Fuck all your guests and staff
who are dying out there?
Whatever happened to a captain
sinking with his ship?
He was a fucking idiot
and he died.
Curtis: I've got a boat.
Dad, your boat's
got a hole in it.
I've got another boat.
-A bigger boat.
-Really?
I've got a boat
at Emerald Cove.
In the real world,
or are you tripping?
(laughing)
Uh-oh. (gasps)
Where are you going?
It's probably best
you don't ask.
Okay. Okay, so that's the plan.
We go to Emerald Beach,
we take the fire extinguisher
and anything else
we can repurpose as a weapon.
Gary: How?
They're all over the hotel.
-We can go through the vents.
-Clara: What do you mean?
Well, I think the spiders
were hiding in there.
They are what caused
the air con problem,
and then we turned the fans on
and they got blown out.
Now with the fans on,
I think the vents
are the only place where
there won't be any spiders.
-You're right.
-Of course she's not right.
-You've lost your fucking mind!
-Come here.
If you want any chance
at salvaging the situation
and keeping your job,
how you act right now
is kind of important.
And your priority,
at least outwardly,
has got to be the safety
of your guests.
Yeah.
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.
We're gonna open that vent,
we're gonna go in,
we're gonna crawl through,
we're gonna see if we can
find a way out,
get his boat, then bring help
for everybody, okay?
Let's do it.
(suspenseful music)
(gasping)
(distorted voices)
(gasping)
(hysterical laughter)
Oh...
(gasping)
(knocking)
Clara: Dad, are you in there?
(knocking)
Dad? Get out of the toilet.
We've got to go!
(loud knocking)
Clara: Dad, come on! Hurry up!
(gasping) One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine...
Go on then.
I'll go first.
Just... don't leave
my dad behind. Promise?
I promise.
(dramatic music)
Ah...
(gasping)
(hypnotic music)
Ah...
(gasping)
(spider scuttling)
(squelch)
Ah...
(eerie music)
(shallow breathing)
(threatening music)
Fuck!
Gary: Get up there,
you stupid prick.
Fucking help!
Ugh!
(grunting)
Come on. What are you doing?
-We've gotta go.
-I can't go in there.
What do you mean
you can't go in there?
I'm claustrophobic!
Ah...
-Is that the way out?
-Yeah.
Whatever you two are planning,
do it fast.
We're about to have company.
(Curtis grunting)
Okay, listen to me.
I'm in love with you, okay?
I love you.
I've always been in love
with you and, uh...
I just never felt like
I was good enough for you.
So I messed up last night,
and I'm sorry,
but I want to be with you.
Just you.
If you don't get up
there right now,
you're gonna miss out on the fun
you can have
ridiculing me for saying
all of this shit, okay?
Now go. Please, go.
Go!
(spirited music)
(vent echoing)
Dad? Are you there?
-Yeah, I'm here!
-You alright?
Well, I wouldn't say that.
If I had a choice,
I wouldn't have my head
stuck up David's arse.
Fucking hell.
Could you stop talking please?
Your breath's flammable.
(gasping)
(vent rattling)
The airflow's stopped.
David: Why is no one moving?
What's happened?
Why is there no airflow here?
Oh... what the fuck's
that smell?
Everyone stay where they are!
David: Why are we stopping?
(sighs)
(dramatic music)
Back up.
-Back up!
-Gary: Everybody back!
-Go, go! Move!
-Back up, back up! Oh...
Back up!
Move! Back up! Quick!
Uh!
(spiders scuttling)
(panicked gasping)
(spiders scuttling)
(spiders biting)
Aaargh! Uh...
Aaaargh! Urgh!
(frenetic gasping)
Gary!
Aaaargh! Argh!
(dramatic music intensifies)
Aaaargh! Aaargh!
(crunch)
Urgh!
(solemn music)
(gasping, sobbing)
(gasping)
God...
(panel crashing)
Come on.
Uh!
(David grunting)
(gasps)
(threatening music)
(hissing)
(buggy whirring)
Everybody get on! Quick!
Move! I'm driving that.
-Quick!
-Come, come, come, come.
Quick, quick, quick,
quick, quick.
-Ah, shit.
-Come on, come on, come on!
(extinguisher hissing)
(spiders scuttling)
I can't, I can't believe it.
I can't believe he's dead.
(sombre music)
Cowards die many times
before their death.
The valiant never taste
of death but once.
Throw a spider at him, will you?
Dad, this isn't the time
for Shakespeare.
Please sit down.
Clara: I know a shortcut,
through the caves.
It's quicker.
(mysterious music)
(insects chirping)
Clara: Wait, wait, wait,
stop, stop!
It's Mongoose.
David: Is he meditating?
That man is many things,
but a Buddhist
is not one of them.
He's dead.
He might still have
that cane toad in his bag.
We should rescue it.
Definitely not.
(buggy whirring)
(mysterious music)
I'm alright.
I'm alright!
Whoa, ow!
Get the fuck out of my eye,
you little bastard.
(buggy whirring)
Clara: It's coming up.
Stop! Here.
(buggy decelerating)
How far is it?
Not too far.
We can cut through the caves.
(buggy whizzing)
Where are you going?
David, what are you doing?
What do you think I'm doing?
I'm getting us to the boat
to get out of here.
Yeah, but why are we going
there without them?
Why? You wanna get off?
Join your friends?
Just tell me.
Didn't think so.
Look, you're not
making any sense.
She said there's a shortcut
through the caves.
It's even quicker.
Trust me, the caves
are not quicker.
(birds chirping)
(suspenseful music)
If he gets to the boat first,
don't you think
he's just gonna take it?
Definitely.
He won't. This way's quicker.
Scarier.
(ominous music)
(insects chirping)
Finca: I don't like this.
Clara: Just a bit further
and we can drop down,
go through the caves,
and then it's mangroves.
Water.
(eerie music)
Holy shit.
Oh God...
(Curtis gasping)
Those are...
irregular cobwebs.
What does that mean?
It means they're not
meant for trees.
Nothing's gonna fly into that.
It's too visible. It's...
It's a nest.
(foreboding music)
Look at the size of it.
David Attenborough once told me
about these spiders
that hunt in packs
using a distraction
technique called...
peacock spider.
While you're looking at it,
the pack attacks you from below.
(rustling)
(scuttling)
Run!
(dramatic music)
(spiders scuttling)
(dramatic music intensifies)
Uh!
(thud)
Uh...
Ah! Uh...
I think it's broken. Uh...
Ah, come on...
Dad, I think she's
broken her leg!
(ominous music)
Dad? Did you hear what I said?
Yeah, I heard you.
(spiders scuttling)
(Curtis gasping)
Oh...
(spiders scuttling)
They're coming.
Now you've gotta stay
perfectly still.
Spiders will only attack you
if they feel threatened.
Do not move.
I'll distract them.
(branch snaps)
(rustling)
Come on!
(thud)
Come and get it!
Come on!
Come on!
(dramatic music)
(thud)
Come on, you little fuckers!
-Come on!
-Dad, no!
Come and get it!
You want to fight someone,
fight me!
Come and get it!
Come and get it!
-Don't...move.
-Come on!
Come on!
(thud)
Come on! Come and get me!
(thudding)
Come on! You want a fight?
Fucking fight me!
Come on!
Follow me, you bastards!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Ah! I'm over here! Come on!
(spiders scuttling)
Come on! Follow me!
Come on! There you go!
I'm the Pied Piper! Come on!
(thudding)
Here we go! There you go!
(thudding)
That's it, here we go!
Here we go! Here!
Uh! Argh!
(spider biting)
Oh, God...
(groaning)
Ah! God...
(sinister music)
(groaning)
Clara!
Run!
(sobbing)
(sobbing)
(sombre music)
(sobbing)
We have to go.
Clara!
Go where?
What do you mean?
Go where?
There's nowhere left to go.
If we stay here, we will die.
(sobbing)
Look... I'm sorry
about your dad,
and I'm sorry the island
that you love got fucked.
But if that shit stain manager
gets to that boat first,
he'll win.
And I'm pretty sure
you wanna live
to stop that from happening.
(suspenseful music)
(water dripping)
(grunting)
(grunting)
(gasping)
That motherfucker...
He filled the caves
with concrete.
So, does it mean we're trapped?
If you can climb down,
I think there's a way through.
How tight is the space?
It's tight.
Look at me.
We can do this.
But...
Just give me a minute.
(water dripping)
(lighter clicks)
(suspenseful music)
(threatening music)
Let's go.
Let's go. We should go now.
(gasping)
Ah!
(threatening music intensifies)
(lighter clicks)
Ah!
(lighter sparks)
(dramatic music)
(lighter clicks)
Clara: You're a mother.
Go away.
(water splashing)
(suspenseful music)
(Finca gasping)
(gasping)
(wading)
(uplifting music)
Shit. I thought it'd be closer.
Alright, hold on.
David, just think about
what it would look like
if you and me
are the only two survivors.
Please, we have
to wait for them!
You can. I'm not.
Clara: I've seen the caves!
And I know how you got planning
permission to build on them!
-Caves?
-Yeah...
Well, how did we get planning
permission to build above caves?
-The caves were made safe.
-How?
We followed
the architect's advice.
The spiders came from the caves,
deep below ground,
harming no one.
You filled their home
with concrete, forcing them out.
And your signature is on
the receipt for that cement.
Bullshit. Show me.
Oh, oh no.
Did your letter get wet?
It's ruined it, hasn't it?
Oh, what a pity.
You see, what we actually
have here
is called force majeure, which
is an unforeseen natural act.
And guess what? That absolves me
of all responsibility.
Sorry!
I've got copies of everything.
I'll help you.
Rachel. What are you doing?
I've been helping you for years.
Hiding your mistakes.
Covering up your fuckups.
Yeah, it's your job!
Well, you're a disgusting
human being
and I despise you.
You cannot talk to me like that.
You're an Infinity
Dream employee.
Well, do you want to shove
this up your arse?
Or shall I do it for you?
Alright, very good.
Ow!
Right, I've had enough of this.
You're not gonna make it!
Watch me!
The tides are too strong!
For you, because you're weak!
In fact, your whole, your whole
generation is weak!
You're weak, lazy,
self-obsessed!
In fact, you are...
you're so, so self-obsessed,
you literally think that work
is photographing your food
and sharing every magnificent
bubble-headed thought
that comes into your head!
You're not, you know what?
You're not Gen Z.
You're genpanzee!
You're pathetic!
See ya!
Fuck off!
My generation is trying
to find their way
because your generation
fucked up everything.
And now nature's biting you
in the arse
and you don't like it!
Yeah, yeah.
Nothing's biting me!
Spiders can't swim!
Ooh!
(dramatic music)
Uh!
(screaming)
(screaming)
Rachel, help!
No! Aaargh!
(screaming)
No!
Rachel!
Aargh!
Well, I wasn't expecting that.
No.
I mean, that captain fella,
he said there were sharks.
(messages pinging)
I got signal!
Me too.
I'll call Captain Brunner
and let him know where we are.
(phone ringing)
(dog barking)
How the hell
is that dog still alive?
No, how the hell
is he still alive?
I'm alright!
I'm alright!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's okay, it's okay.
They're just...
riding along, you know,
having the occasional nibble,
but I'm alright.
They're just really
beautiful animals.
(hissing)q
(hissing)
No!
That's not very
respectful to nature.
Aargh! Aargh! Die!
(hissing)
(hissing)
She's killing my friends.
How are you not dead?
Well, aside from being
an absolute legend
with an amazing capacity
for drugs, I'd say...
(toad croaks)
The venom of the cane toad
protects you
from the poison of the spiders.
(toad croaks)
Either that
or I'm a really lucky git.
(suspenseful music)
(toad croaks)
Did you lick a cane toad
with my dad by any chance?
Oh yeah. The old guy,
the actor fella
with the really shitty bar?
I must say, he was...
Really partial to a lick.
(panting)
Dad?
Dad?!
Dad?
Dad!!
Dad?!
Dad?!
(uplifting music)
(gentle music)
(evocative music)
My darling Clara.
I hope you are reading this
as a woman
and that you're happy
in your life.
I hope you can bring yourself
to forgive me
for taking you away
from this beautiful island.
We tried to make
the marriage work,
but your dad cared so much
about saving the planet,
there wasn't much time
for anything else.
I know that sounds a bit
heartless, but it's the truth.
Life stopped being fun,
and life should never
not be fun.
Curtis: To die, to sleep.
No more, and by a sleep
to say we end the heartache
and the thousand natural shocks
that flesh is heir to.
'Tis a consummation
devoutly to be wished.
To die, to sleep.
Dad?
To sleep...
perchance to dream.
Aye, there's the rub.
For in that sleep of death,
what dreams may come
when we have shuffled off
this mortal coil,
must give us pause...
Dad!
(Curtis laughs heartily)
Oh...
Mum left you.
Why didn't you tell me?
Nothing worse
than a man seeking pity.
Apart from a bad actor
playing a man seeking pity.
I love you, Dad.
In that case...
I love me too.
I'm not quite sure
why I'm alive.
The cane toad!
(laughing)
Well, this seems like a good
moment for Shakespeare.
Go on then.
Doubt thou the stars are fire.
Doubt that the sun doth move.
Doubt truth to be a liar.
But never doubt I love.
(uplifting music intensifies)
We've seen days
Where there was not
a cloud in sight
When things just seemed
to go our way
Now it seems
That trouble's
easier to find
We've forgotten how to play
Those other days were easier
Got carried away
On wings our dreams
had shown to us
All of the memories
we share
They're here to stay
And no one can
take that away from us
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Do I want to go back in time
Would you go back in time
Do I want to go back in time
Would you go back in time
Those other days were easier
Got carried away
On wings our dreams
had shown to us
All of the memories
we share
They're here to stay
And no one can
take that away from us
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Those other days were easier
Got carried away
On wings our dreams
had shown to us
All of the memories
we share
They're here to stay
And no one can take
that away from us
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh, ooh, ooh
Do I want to go back in time
Would you go back in time
(vibrant music)
(loud thudding)
(birds and insects chirping)
(bird trilling)
(unnerving music)
(leaves rustling)
(unnerving music intensifies)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music intensifies)
(vibrant music)
Fire, I'm fire
Baby I'm lit
Fire, I'm fire
Baby I'm lit
Love me
Hey, love me
Maybe, hey, maybe
Shut up!
Love me
Hey, love me
Everybody wants my number
(laughter)
I've got it, I've got it
-It's good?
-I don't know. What is it?
Love it, I love it
(giggling)
Baby I'm lit
I'm fire
I'm fire
Baby I'm lit
Fire, I'm fire
I'm so excited to be coming
to this island.
I've heard so many great things
about this company
and their commitment
to ecological issues.
And remember, people...
Be one with nature.
Give it, I'll give it
Take it, I'll take it
Whoa!
(thud)
I'm alright, I'm alright.
Wow. You are alllllright.
I'm Mongoose, by the way.
It's actually pronounced
the French way,
but most people
call me Mr Goose.
Like, my mum calls me Mong.
Like, whose mother
would call them Mong?
Do you know what I mean?
(party chatter)
Alright, girl?
Wanna take a little selfie?
I don't mind.
Go on.
Argh! Fuck!
You fucking asshole.
You scared me to death.
Chill out, it's an app.
It's not even real.
(cheering)
(vibrant music continues)
Captain: So, we are now
approaching the island itself.
The snakes, spiders
and scorpions on the island
are harmless,
but we do have great whites
in the ocean.
One last tip for you, the, er,
mushrooms that grow wild
on this island
are the strongest psychedelic
substance known to man.
That's not to encourage you.
That's a warning.
Hmm.
Mushrooms it is, then.
(water lapping)
(hotel lobby music)
Mark, phone away, now.
Now!
Is that a new blazer, David?
It's a sports jacket.
It's less formal than a blazer.
Oh. Um... but it's nice.
(water splashing)
Ah...
(humming)
Why is that old fucker
front of house?
He's just helping out
until the guests arrive.
Right, well, I don't want
him serving.
Nobody wants to think about old
people when they're eating.
Adi, I didn't tell you to pull
'em up with your fingers.
I told you to spray 'em.
That's the pesticide
I told you about.
It's banned in Europe.
(phone ringing)
I didn't ask you to spray it
from the Eiffel Tower, did I?
-Hello?
But if the toxins
get into the soil,
it's gonna kill everything.
Thank you.
Er, they're ahead of schedule.
Okay, spray now, or you're back
to cleaning toilets.
(phone vibrating)
David: Unbelievable.
Give these people an inch,
they take a mile...
(footsteps receding)
(vibrant music)
Mongoose: Has anyone
ever told you
you look like Pamela Anderson?
(guests chatter)
David: Hey, welcome. hello.
Finally you're all here.
So happy to see you. Welcome.
Welcome to The Pearl
Haven Hotel.
This really is, it's the jewel
in the crown
for Infinity Dream
International.
And we are thrilled to have you,
the biggest influencers
on the planet,
here to launch it.
Whilst you're here,
everything is free.
Food, drink, it's all free!
(laughs)
Yeah. So all we would ask
in return
is that you tweet, you TikTok,
you hashtag your millions
of followers
and, uh, Rachel, do you wanna
help me out?
Hey. Hey...
Not joining the party?
I'm not in the party.
Hmm. You know, my content isn't
really their content either.
Oh, I'm Ed.
Hi, Ed.
S-sorry, what's your name?
Bye, Ed.
Molly, you're so pretty.
Molly, my girl...
-Molly?
-Yeah.
Did you name her after
your favourite drug, then?
-Pardon?
-Molly, E, MDMA, Ecstasy...
Ecstasy? No. No, no, no, no.
No, I don't do drugs.
So, what do you create?
Me? Oh, I'm not an influencer.
Molly is.
Molly is a superstar.
Aren't you? Hi...
Guys, let's get you
something to eat.
Come this way, come this way.
And remember, feel free to share
online anything...
(We Gettin' To It, Devid Hoffman
& Radiccio Nash plays)
We gettin to it
Yeah, we gettin to it
Got the whole squad
Livin' like a movie
Just sayin'
You could've lived this way
Go on, light me up.
Get it on me, get it on me.
Whoa.
We gettin to it
Come on...
Yes! Come on!
Look at 'em. Like pigs in shit.
Well, they're posting.
I mean, look at all the tags!
Ooh. Hashtag city, baby.
We gettin to it
Yeah, we gettin to it
We gettin to it
Oh, we gettin to it
Why you cappin'
Bout the way...
The Mongoose gang.
What you sayin'?
You alright, yeah?
What we got here? The UFC.
Ultimate Fridge Challenge.
There's only four minis in here.
We gettin to it
Yeah, we gettin to it
We gettin to it
Oh, we gettin to it
Why you cappin', bout the way
your people movin'
Talk big on the Internet
Here we have Finca,
my best friend.
She wants to be
my best friend too.
She just doesn't know it yet.
(grunting)
Mm, mm, mm.
Uh...
You could've lived this way
But you messed around
Bet you feelin'
like you blew it
We gettin to it
Yeah, we gettin to it
(sinister music)
(birds chirping)
(goat bleating)
(goat bleating)
(goat bleating)
I see you've met Duncan,
my guardman.
You're gonna need a bigger goat.
(chuckles)
That's very good, hm.
Hello, Clara.
Hello, Dad.
Bit early for whiskey,
don't you think?
Not this one.
This is a lowland whiskey,
a breakfast malt.
I'll have water.
Well, that'll ruin it.
Just water.
Oh... oh, really?
Um...
I got your letter.
It was brief.
I tried to fill in the blanks,
but there were too many.
(whiskey pouring)
I'm guessing you didn't
come all this way
just to see me.
I'm here because of the hotel.
Ah, the new development.
The Pearl Haven Hotel.
The turd in the crown.
The wart on the scrotum
of luxury.
Uh, so what, are you,
are you travel writing now?
Investigative reporting.
Whoa, a notebook.
Which one are you?
Woodward or Bernstein?
Couldn't think of
a female journalist?
No. No, fair point, well made.
So, um...
So what's the angle?
How does a resort get built
when the entire island
is a protected nature site?
Oh, that's easy.
Bribery and corruption.
-Correct.
-So, what's new?
Er, let me guess.
You, er, your...
your petition didn't work.
Your legal injunction
didn't work.
But, uh, now you think
you can blow open
a corporate malfeasance case
against a multinational
ecohotel.
An ecohotel that's just flown
30 influencers
here from all over the world.
That's a situational irony,
but it's not Watergate.
How about,
"Hotel Destroys Paradise
while West End legend
remains glued to bar stool"?
Well, that wouldn't be accurate.
Sometimes I fall off.
Tsk...
It's all a joke to you,
isn't it?
(bar thuds)
(sighs)
What did I tell you?
Be nice.
(background dance music)
Yeah. The Mongoose gang.
You alright, yeah?
So, the man on the boat
said to me
that the mushrooms
that grow here
are the strongest in the world.
Now I know
you've seen me trippin',
but I've never been slippin'.
It's hard to believe
that these guys are stronger
than the Dutch imports
we get back home -
shout out to my dealers,
Chris and Jamie,
yeah, you know who you are.
So, we're gonna take these
babies on a little test drive,
for the purposes of science;
and for you, my followers,
nearly hit a million people.
Talk to me, Goose.
(sighs) Here we go.
(coughs)
(retching)
(convulsing)
(gasping)
Uh...
These are disgusting!
But I'm intrigued.
(mysterious music)
Uh...
Ah...
Ah... Oh, shit.
(groaning)
Fuck me. Uh...
(mysterious music intensifies)
Ah!
Sorry, are you working
for a company called Mackerel?
I am. Why, does it sound
fishy to you?
Ha! And they say Germans
aren't funny.
What's going on, guys?
So, I am here
in the Pearl Haven Hotel,
and wow, it is a beautiful
tropical paradise.
But as an environmentalist,
it's important for me
to check out
whether this company is green,
or just greenwashing.
Let's go.
Large extraction fans.
It's not a good start.
The rooms are hot.
Too hot, even.
But perhaps that's because...
Wow.
(gasps)
Okay, obviously
I'm a nature lover
and we should all be
one with nature,
but that... that one
scary arachnid,
that bad boy needs to be caught
and put outside.
Now, as I always say,
if you treat animals
with respect,
they'll treat you with respect.
Now, you cannot call yourself
a nature lover
if you only care for cute
little kittens and puppies.
These ugly animals
need love, too.
(jar rattling)
(jar clinks)
Uh, God!
(panicked gasping)
Uh!
(thud)
Okay, let's delete that.
(recording button beeps)
David: We've been
having complaints
about the air conditioning.
We've had it shut down.
It's affecting the entire hotel.
At this current time, we've got
no air conditioning anywhere.
Yeah, I know, Russell.
Do you know how I know that?
'Cause my balls are sticking to
my legs and I'm fucking purple!
Look at me!
You're in black and white.
-Trust me, I'm purple.
-Rachel: He is.
Fix the air con or I will fire
the fucking lot of you!
Towel! Ah, God.
(gasping)
Is that a cobweb?
If I had to bet on it,
I'd say something's trapped
in the vent.
And what do you think it is?
A rat or a lizard, maybe?
A cat?
When I backtracked the issues
with the extractors,
it said relay switch in vent
three was switched off.
Off?
Well, it might not be.
It might be a diagnostics issue
saying it's the switch,
but it isn't.
If it's a short circuit,
it could shut down everything,
including the Internet.
So, er...
(mysterious music)
Well, one of us needs to go
into the vents to have a look.
And Mark's too fat.
(Goose gasping)
(mysterious music intensifies)
(music stops abruptly)
(crickets chirping)
(footsteps receding)
Er, are you going out?
No, I'm wearing my pyjamas.
Only I, I thought we might
have dinner together.
Nuts and bourbon isn't a meal.
Nonsense. It's my five a day.
Come on, Clara.
Let's not fight.
I haven't seen you for so long.
Can't we at least have dinner?
I'm going to meet my contact.
There's a drug dealer
on the island?
I have a contact
amongst the staff
who has information about
the hotel's building practices.
We're going to use it to disrupt
their launch.
You're meeting Adi.
He's the only person
in that place who cares.
But he's the maintenance
manager,
so unless you're gonna ask him
for a tour of the drains,
I can't see how he can help you.
Don't wait up.
Say hi to Adi.
(suspenseful music)
(switch clicks)
(bulb flickers)
(ladder clattering)
(ominous music)
(torch clicks)
(vent clattering)
(Adi gasping)
(ominous music intensifies)
(flashlight clunks)
Kev: I don't believe
in the dictionary.
I think there's too many words.
What I do is I take the ones
I know, I spread 'em out.
Like snakes, yeah?
If I see one moving fast,
I say he's running.
Yeah, he ain't got legs,
but he's still running.
Okay, but millions of years ago,
snakes had legs.
(scoffs) You don't half chat
some bollocks, you.
No, no. They just became
redundant over time.
They're legs.
Kevin's heard of evolution.
He just doesn't believe in it.
No. I believe anything
when I see it.
You can't see evolution.
Yes you can, actually.
For example,
you wear suntan cream, right?
I use many creams.
(giggling)
Ed: Okay.
But you wear suntan cream
to protect your skin
from rapidly getting darker.
Because of increased UV light,
your skin cells
are essentially evolving.
-See Finca, proof!
-No.
That's all I ever want!
(shrieks excitedly)
It's go time!
Don't do that.
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
Of course you can help it.
Oh, it's just something I do
when I, when I get excited.
Yeah. You sound like
a mouse wanking. Sorry.
(mic distorts)
Haha! Yeah...
David: Okay, everyone.
We'll be starting
the presentation
in five minutes...
Hey. How are you?
I'm good.
Erm, if you're coming
to the launch event
and you want a drink,
I'm paying.
It's a free bar.
Yeah, fair. It's the thought
that counts, though.
I'm actually meeting someone.
Maybe later?
Y-yeah, great. Yeah.
(sinister music)
(Adi gasps)
(gasping)
Oh...
(threatening music)
Uh...
(rat thuds)
(Adi gasps)
(conditioner whirring)
(Adi sighs)
(vent rattling)
Uh!
(dramatic music)
(vent rattling)
Uh!
(draught whistling)
(dramatic music intensifies)
Argh!
(spiders scuttling)
(spider biting)
Argh! Aaaargh!
(panicked panting)
Aargh! Aaargh!
(spider biting)
Argh!
(Adi choking)
(conditioner creaking)
(cheesy presentation music)
This is a resort
built into a jungle.
This is the Rainforest Retreat.
And if you're a thrill seeker,
you are not gonna believe this.
Come with me.
This is just the beginning.
We've already
laid the foundations
for the next phase
of this project.
It's a hotel built within
the jungle itself.
A rainforest retreat.
An eco paradise, naturally.
Is it, though?
I'm sorry, who are you?
I'm just someone who thinks
building a hotel
in a jungle is not natural.
If you're so ecofriendly, why
build on the island at all?
Buildings are banned on all
of the islands in the region.
How did you get permission?
So, if I can just say,
we have all
of the relevant permits.
-That's horseshit!
-I love this girl.
This lake was exactly
where we're all standing now.
All those birds have gone!
-Alright, come with me, please.
-Get off me!
If this hotel expands
into the jungle,
it'll kill thousands of species
of plants and animals!
Alright, I've just, I've just
realised who you are.
Your father runs
a shithole hotel
on the south side
of the island, yeah?
So, who exactly
are you protecting
the island for?
Is it for the wildlife?
Or is it for yourself?
Do you want to keep the whole
place for you and Daddy?
Little Miss Entitled...
-Alright, come on.
-Right?
Please! Get this message
to your followers!
This hotel's not eco.
It's a fraud,
and it's breaking the law!
That is absolutely not true.
Please do not post any of that.
How could we?
Your Internet is useless.
If what she said about the lake
is true, she'll have a case.
It's UN environmental law.
I mean, one habitat
can't be destroyed for another.
I like protestor girl.
Yeah, she's fit.
She's a bit too Greta Thunberg
for me.
But Ed wants to fuck her,
don't you, Ed?
What?
No, it's not like that.
What's it like, then?
No, we're just...like, friends.
-Friends?
-Friends?
Are you gonna post what she said
on your feed?
Are you?
Fuck that shit!
I mean, look, give me a petition
to sign and I'll sign it.
Give me a collection tin to fill
and I'll fill it.
But what I'm not gonna do
is bore my followers with it.
I mean, the way I see it is if
a hundred pink flamingos
have to lose their little pond
so that I can drive
a fucking Ferrari, I'm sorry,
I'm driving the Ferrari.
It's a no-brainer.
I mean, that's kind of
where I am.
I mean, I guess...
I get what she's saying,
but it took me years
to build that following.
And I have way more followers
than all of you combined
times four.
-Oh, really?
-What are you doing?
-We're going for a swim.
-No, no... Aaah!
(Mr Gun, 'Better' plays)
I promise I won't be jealous
You don't deserve it all
(screaming)
(cheering, whooping)
(laughter, cheering)
-Here you are, Winnie?
-Yes?
Get this beautiful girl
a margarita,
and I'll have a skinny bitch.
It's a vodka soda.
Oh.
Keeps me lean.
I'm Kev.
-Dina.
-That's a beautiful name.
(growling, yapping)
I mean, if you want
to talk about
people profiting from nature...
She loves that dog.
In public, yeah,
but she's basically a pimp.
No, seriously,
she's whoring that dog out.
She's making it turn tricks
for likes.
Behind closed doors
she's probably beating
the poor animal.
Yet the dog still has more
followers than you.
(chuckling)
Whohoho! Hohoho!
(passionate party music)
(thudding)
No way, Mongoose!
-Oh my God!
-What the fuck?
(splashing)
(laughter)
Please! I gotta get home!
Wait, wait for me!
Ah, shit!
Fuck!
Ah!
(crickets chirping)
(Curtis chatting)
(Curtis chuckling)
(tender music)
Do you want to talk?
My mother's buried
beneath that hotel.
Oh, no, she's not.
The last time I was here,
I buried a time capsule
with her.
She'd written something for me,
something she wanted me to know.
And now it's gone.
Smashed to pieces.
Like the island
you loved so much.
The island you wouldn't even
leave to come to her funeral.
Please, Clara. Can we not do
the whole magical misery tour?
Do you know what I told myself
when mum was dying?
That you couldn't visit because
you were the caretaker.
You had to stay
and protect the island.
But when it needed your help,
you did nothing.
(footsteps receding)
Caretaker...
(suspenseful music)
(spider scuttling)
(Molly whining)
(Molly whining)
(Molly barking)
Stop.
(Molly whining)
Hm.
(threatening music)
(spider scuttling)
(Molly whining)
Molly? Molly? Come on, girl...
(Molly panting)
We're going out.
(Molly whining)
Gary: Only the Germans
could invent
a single word to describe
taking pleasure
in other people's misery.
'Schadenfreude'.
Oh... What other German
do you speak?
-Bundesliga.
-Oh, very good.
Stein. Schnell.
(Glamma giggling)
Achtung, obviously.
You know, you will be
the first English boy
who I've slept with
who speaks German?
Why? How many English boys
have you slept with?
Hmm... Does Welsh count?
No.
Irish?
Definitely not.
Hm.
You're not very tall, are you?
I'm average. I'm above average.
You know, my ex-boyfriend
was, like, seven feet tall.
A real monster.
-Monster...?
-Put your hands up.
Yeah, his hands were like...
twice as big as yours.
-R-right...
-Are you shaking?
No.
I haven't even taken
my clothes off.
It's not gonna be
one of those nights, is it?
(suspenseful music)
What nights?
Oh, hello.
I can work with that.
(threatening music)
(spiders scuttling)
(threatening music intensifies)
(Kev gasping)
Uh...
(button beeps)
(phone ringing)
Hello, reception?
Yeah, bruv... What's going on
with this air con?
It's so hot
I think I could melt.
Sorry, sir. It's gonna
be fixed by tomorrow.
-Tomorrow, yeah?
-Yes sir.
-Promise?
-I give you my word.
Alright.
Uh...
(gasping)
(urinating)
(gasping)
(bottle rattling)
(rattling)
What the fuck?
Hey, Dina...
Gina?
Karen, whatever the fuck
your name is,
get in here and help.
We've got roaches.
(crashing)
(threatening music)
(gasping)
(scuttling)
(dramatic music)
Ah!
(gasps)
Hello?
Calvin?
Or whatever your name is...
You alright?
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music intensifies)
(thunder rumbling)
(rain pattering)
(thunder rumbling)
(poignant music)
(birds chirping)
(thunder rumbling)
(birds chirping)
(rain pattering)
(sombre music)
Have you thought about
not using plastic bottles?
Actually, I don't use
plastic at all.
I retrieved those from the sea.
(refrigerator door thudding)
What's with the getup?
It's very Tomb Raider.
I went up for that, you know?
The butler.
"Your guns, m'lady."
I didn't get it... (chuckles)
obviously.
I need to find Adi.
Do you have any idea
where he might be?
He has the information
I need, but he's disappeared.
Do you want me to look around,
see if I can find him for you?
That would be great. Thank you.
Clara, about what
you said last night...
-I don't wanna talk about it.
-Your mum was difficult!
(tense music)
Really?
You're going there?
She was difficult,
and I was a fucking nightmare.
I have nothing but regrets for
the way things ended between us.
I loved your mum
very deeply, but she...
Have you considered
how difficult
it was for her to love you?
When you have zero love
for yourself?
(poignant music)
If you're looking for that time
capsule you buried with her,
then it's probably
at Emerald Beach.
The two of you used to spend
a lot of time there.
(water lapping)
The fan failure
has blown the circuits.
The two things are linked.
Oh, so it's actually
just one great big fuck up.
Adi was supposed
to override the fan
and get the air con
back up, but...
He fucking didn't.
We have at our disposal
for one weekend only
some of the world's
biggest influencers...
Oh, they prefer
the term 'creators'.
I don't fucking care
if they prefer the term:
'Ballsack Billy the Bear'.
If there's no WiFi and they
can't get their videos up,
no fucker's coming.
Rachel: Is there anything
we can do?
Russell: I don't know.
Open a window?
Rachel: No, I meant anything
we can do about the Internet.
Russell: I'm gonna have to get
to the mainland,
get to the network centre
and link up with the GCode...
Jesus Christ, I don't want
the whole fucking manual.
Just go to Captain Brunner
and ask him to take you.
-Adi?
-Do you want me to find him?
No, I want you
to fuck his sister.
But... Adi has a brother.
Right.
(sighs)
I swear to God,
he is fucking retarded.
You're not really supposed
to say that anymore.
Faulty, then.
You can't say that either.
(loud screaming)
Oh...
Don't tell me someone
shat the bed already.
(dramatic music)
Bollocks...
Whoa...
Ah!
Whoa! Uh...
Uh...
(groaning)
(gasping)
Ah...
David: So, what's wrong with
them, apart from being dead?
It looks like sepsis.
Well, maybe it was drugs, right?
We'll say it was drugs.
Okay, so we need to get,
we need to get ahead
of this, okay?
So, he's gonna have
dirt on him,
so start sniffing.
They've been bitten.
Rachel: Bitten?
By what? A snake?
A spider.
No, no.
Just...no.
There are no poisonous spiders
at this hotel, okay?
There's nothing venomous at all.
It's policy.
Well, I guess this one didn't
get the email.
(suspenseful music)
Shit!
Shit!
Shit, shit, fucking shit!
Right, I need to get their
bodies to the mainland.
-Has Brunner left yet?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What do you think?
You're not going anywhere.
We need you here.
Well, I have a duty
of care to my patients.
They're dead.
I need to know what bit them.
Nothing 'bit' them, okay?
It was drugs.
He, he's a massive druggie.
-Rachel, right?
-He barely drank.
Yeah, he's a massive druggie.
Look, do you, do you even know
what this place means
to Infinity Dream
International, huh?
It's a place where dreams
are meant to come true.
It's paradise, alright?
We don't even have bed bugs.
You, you expect me to believe
that some fucking spider
bit and killed this man
and this woman?
Yes, David,
that is what I'm saying.
And if we don't find out
which species it was,
more people will die.
Okay, well this is my project,
my project,
from the inception
to finding the location
to the hiring
and the firing, okay?
I am inferring
that I can fire you.
Yes, I got it, David. Thank you.
But the yacht's already left.
Oh, and there we are.
So, we can't do anything anyway.
So, we are gonna leave
these two here
until the influencers have gone.
And then, then you can
turn this place
into fucking CSI for all I care.
Oh...
How long before these two start,
you know...?
Actually, don't answer that.
Hm...
(footsteps receding)
(door shuts)
(suspenseful music intensifies)
Russell: I've managed
to override the blocked fan
and I've reprogrammed
the fan sequence.
Get Adi to power up
the control panel.
That should get the fans working
and the air con back up.
-But I can't find Adi.
-Then you'll have to do it!
I have to sail to the mainland
or no one's posting anything.
I'm not technical.
You're not anything.
Press the fucking button!
But which button?
Where did I put that lighter?
Ah...
Er, are you open?
Ah, in actual fact, no.
I've been given a quest
by my daughter.
She has a dragon I must slay
to win back her love.
I just want bottle of water.
Ah.
Take it.
I don't touch the stuff.
Cheers.
Ah...
Mm. (gulping) Mm...
(scoffs) Been on the sauce,
have we?
Er, yeah. Well, no.
Well, the man on the boat
said that the mushrooms
that grow on this island
are the strongest in the world.
I made the mistake
of eating a few, hehe.
Well, I admire your mettle,
young sir.
-Yeah.
-That's a nasty fungi.
A bit like yourself, really.
(chuckles)
What if I were to tell you
that the wildest natural high
on the island
is not in fact the mushrooms.
Huh? What is it then?
Cane toads.
Cane what?
The cane toad.
You wanna get really high?
Lick the back of one
of those lumpy buggers.
Oh, what happens?
It's like the strongest acid
mixed with ketamine
and a microdose of smack.
It will affect your motor
functions though.
You'll be walking like you've
got no bones in your legs.
Sounds really entertaining
for my feed.
People pay to watch
you fall over?
Yeah, I've got nearly
a million followers
that love to see me
as fucked as possible.
I'm missing a trick here.
Heh.
Where do I find these toads?
Gary: I'm never sick.
I reckon they switched
to own brand.
(scoffs) Gary, you're sick
because you drank too much.
That's bollocks.
You washed your face in shots.
Oh yeah...
You had a vodka facial.
Yeah, I do remember that. Ha.
Glamma: Gary!
You fucked her, didn't you?
Bumped into her...
on the way back to my room.
One word, Gary.
Disappointing.
Don't be like that.
Why are you making
excuses to me? I don't care.
Run along.
Your girlfriend's waiting.
Fine.
(background bar music)
Glamma: Hi.
(Glamma and Gary chatting)
Jodi: Molly!
Hi. Have you seen my dog, Molly?
Le petit chien?
-No, sorry.
-No? Molly!
Oh, hey, have you seen Molly?
No, and if I had,
I would've drowned her.
Sorry?
No, but if I do,
I'll let you know.
(water lapping)
(sand raking)
Winnie?
Clara?
Clara! (gasps)
The last time I saw you,
you were this big.
Now you are a woman!
I'm so sorry.
What they've done
to your island.
My island?
It is not mine.
Even this body is not mine.
I have borrowed it.
Well, it's definitely
not theirs.
Clara...
The desire to own
and control things
leads to attachment,
the root of all suffering.
You can only lose
what you cling to.
Let it go.
(suspenseful music)
David Attenborough: When spiders
are ejected
from their natural home,
like any other animal,
they will find a new one.
They come to keep warm, to mate,
and to feed;
and for the most part,
living comfortably beside us.
(knocking)
It's open!
(door opens)
Spiders will only usually attack
if they feel threatened
or cornered.
Just leave it there. Er, merci.
There are over 50,000 species
of spider.
Many are solitary, but some
will hunt in packs.
Molly!
The hairs on their legs
are released
when attacked or killed,
bringing others of their pack
into the fight.
Molly?
-Molly, baby!
Nature's revenge is unforgiving.
Molly, baby!
(Molly yapping)
Molly!
(suspenseful music)
Molly?
Molly? Are you here?
Molly, baby? Molly?
Molly? Molly?
Molly?
(threatening music)
(screaming)
Get up now
Dance if you want to
Get up now
Shake if you want to
Get up now
Move if you want to
You want to
You want to
Get up now
Dance if you want to
Get up now
Shake if you want to
Get up now
Move if you want to
You want to
You want to
Hey
(You Do You
by Daniel Lobel plays)
Raj: I haven't seen Adi
since yesterday.
Clara was looking for him.
I haven't seen him either.
We're having a lot of
technical issues, though.
I guess he has his hands full.
Curtis: Well, keep an eye out
for me, would you?
Raj: Yeah. I'll call you
if I see him.
Curtis: Thanks, Raj.
-Say hello to your dad.
-Oh, thanks.
When it comes through
They know what to do
Queen and the G
Better make room
They smellin' bangolin,
my perfume
Yeah it's my time
Yeah I'm in bloom
Check this
Check this
I'm about to wreck it
Wreck it
Livin' like lavish
Lavish
It doesn't really matter
What they say or do
Get up now
Dance if you want to
Get up now
Shake if you want to
Get up now
Move if you want to
You want to
(whirring)
(toad croaks)
Hey! You found one!
Ohohoho!
Have a look at her.
She is a beauty.
I'm probably gonna regret
asking this,
but, um, how do you know
it's a she?
Ah. I'm just calling
her a woman
'cause I don't like the idea
of licking a man's back.
You draw the line there?
Yeah.
Check her out.
(toad croaks)
Wow.
I'm not being funny, yeah,
but I've been licking
this big ol' green booty
for half an hour now,
and I don't feel a thing.
Patience, my boy.
Here...
(toad croaks)
Ohohohoho.
May I?
Yeah. Knock yourself out.
(toad croaks)
Okay...
(licking)
(toad croaks)
Hey, you got some good
technique there, hehehe.
Yeah, look at that.
She likes it.
Hey... it's my first threesome.
(toad croaks)
(ominous music)
(spiders scuttling)
Clara: They were here first,
but the islanders
don't know their rights.
I do.
Okay, but like, if your dad
runs a hotel here,
doesn't that kind of affect
your argument?
My Dad quit acting
to become an environmentalist.
His place was built so film
crews could stay here
and study the wildlife,
so no, it doesn't.
I have a contact here.
I can't find him anywhere.
I need help.
Aren't you supposed to be
the nature guy?
Mr Eco Warrior?
This could be your story.
You could help break it.
Look...
I'm not saying that
I don't want to help, but...
I'm all about the positives,
you know?
I post about the beauty of life,
not this negative
doomwatch stuff.
And plus I've got, you know...
sponsors, so...
-Mm.
And you don't wanna
rock the boat,
and there are no likes
at the end of the world.
You're a joke.
You're just like
the rest of them.
You've got the whole world
following your every move,
hanging off every word you say.
You could be a force for good,
but... you just care about you.
Okay, wait...
Look...
I'll help you.
Alright?
(suspenseful music)
So, we're in this shed
because...?
He said he had some proof.
This is his office,
such as it is.
(rummaging)
Where would he keep it?
It's gotta be on an email.
I mean, nobody does shit
on paper anymore.
No, not for something like this.
Digital's too... porous.
He said he had some physical
proof to help get the prick.
(rummaging)
-What have you got there?
-It's a receipt...
Signed by David.
Ed: For cement?
Loads of it.
Well, I mean,
that's not illegal.
Then why is it hidden?
But don't you build hotels
with cement?
Yes, you do.
So, doesn't it make it less
of a smoking gun
and more of a... a water pistol?
(chuckles)
Ed, do you go on many dates?
No.
Do you?
Not for a while.
And, er, and what would a date
look like for someone like you?
Oh, you know, go on a march,
protest against oil,
lay in the road.
(chuckling)
Maybe we could glue ourselves
to the road together.
Obviously, if you're up for it.
Look...
I know I sound like a broken
record about all this.
No, look, I get it.
It's important to you.
(threatening music)
Fuck...
-Winnie! Winnie!
-Winnie...
Hey! Hey, hey...
He's got no pulse!
Start compressing here!
Start compressing his chest.
Hey, hey, hey.
Come on! Winnie!
(sobbing) Please don't die!
He's swallowed his tongue!
(dramatic music)
Ah!
(Ed gasping)
(gasping frantically)
Uh! Uh!
(gasping frantically)
Ed: Uh!
Ah!
It's the second one of those
I've killed since I've got here!
They're so aggressive!
Fuck!
Look out!
(threatening music intensifies)
(spiders scuttling)
Ah! Aaah! Ah, ah!
(spiders biting)
Aaah!
Aaargh!
(spiders biting)
Aaargh!
-Ed!
-Aaargh!
(spiders biting)
Aaargh...
Ed!
(dramatic music intensifies)
Just press the button, he says.
(air con whirring)
Adi?
(air con whirring loudly)
Adi?
(suspenseful music)
(rattling)
Fucking hell...
(loud rattling)
(dramatic music)
(rattling in vent)
(dramatic music intensifies)
(air con humming)
Oh, David, it's working.
Oh...
Oh, thank Christ.
(air con humming)
Hallelujah.
Rachel, get rid
of those cobwebs.
Oh, what the fuck
is he doing here?
What the fuck
are you doing here?
I'm looking for a toilet
to block.
Oh, you're so full of shit,
that shouldn't be hard.
-What do you want?
-I'm looking for Adi.
Oh, finally, something
we've got in common.
(panting, gasping)
Oh my God...
(Mark panting, gasping)
Fucking...
I...I need a clean-up crew,
here, now!
(panting)
Would you have a heart attack
on your own fucking time. What?
There's thousands
of the bastards!
Hello, look, I'm Curtis.
Now sorry, specifically
which bastards?
(thud)
(foreboding music)
(grunting)
Aaargh! Uh! Ah!
-David: Jeez...
-Uh! Get them off me!
Argh! Urgh! Ah!
Aaargh!
(choking)
Shit! Shit!
(foreboding music intensifies)
David: Jesus Christ.
-Uh!
-Ah!
What the fuck?!
(hysterical screaming)
(vent clunks)
(spiders pouring)
(eerie music)
(frantic music)
Uh... Uh!
(screaming)
(loud screaming, panicking)
(spiders scurrying)
(screaming)
(threatening music)
(spiders scuttling)
(screaming)
(loud screaming)
(dramatic music)
(screaming and shouting
continues)
Living my life
like a superstar
Looking real nice like
a model, yeah, a model
Baby I don't care
who you are
I just want gelato
and the lotto tight
Cause I can't lie
I'm gonna shake my ass
Till I am 69
I can't lie
I'm gonna shake my ass
Till 69
Argh! Aaaargh!
Champagne dreams but
a soda pop wallet
Aaargh!
You talk big game
But you're broke
So I don't want it
See the only thing
that matters, matters
What the fuck?
I'm not falling
for that shit again.
(screaming)
That's what I like
Yeah, that's what I want
(music muffled)
(screaming)
(ominous music)
Finca!
(screaming)
Finca!
Finca!
(gasping)
This way! Come on!
(screaming)
(dramatic music)
(choking)
(screaming)
In here!
David: Close the door!
-Close the door!
-Yeah!
You! I wanna make a formal
fucking complaint!
This is not cool!
Clara!
Dad!
Shut the door!
Shut the fucking door!
-What the fuck was that?
-Spiders.
I know, but like,
big fucking psycho spiders!
Are you alright?
This hotel's a fucking joke.
Seriously, it's a fucking joke.
Curtis: This is bad.
This is really bad.
Like, you can't do
the basics like Internet
or air conditioning,
but killer spiders?
-Yeah. No problem at all.
-Okay, everybody, be calm. Yeah?
Check each other. Make sure
they're not on you.
But how do we know
this room is safe?
Well, we don't.
It's as safe as a bag
made of his piss.
Seriously, this is one star,
TripAdvisor. One star.
-That is not fair!
-Not fair?!
People are dying!
You must have known
there were spiders here!
Don't be so fucking ridiculous.
First I knew about
poisonous spiders
was about five fucking minutes
ago like everybody else!
You'd better hope that's true.
(sinister music)
Gary: The minibar is a disgrace.
And millions of spiders are
trying to kill. Millions!
David: It's not millions
of spiders. It's a handful.
Uh...
Ah!
(screaming)
Oh... Oh, shit!
(screaming)
Jesus Christ!
(spider scuttling)
Ah! Ah!
(spider scuttling)
Oh...
(screaming)
(smashing)
Leave the, leave the furniture!
Get the spider!
Did you get it?
(dramatic music)
Ah!
(screaming)
(gasps)
(spider scuttling)
Oh, yeah. Oh, great.
Great job.
What are you gonna do now?
Put it outside?
Let's fucking kill the bastard.
Why? There are a thousand
more out there
to take its place.
Welcome to Spider Island!
This is not Spider Island!
Do not even joke!
That shit sticks.
And do not post that!
Chance would be a fine thing.
Sun, sea and spiders!
Book now to avoid
disappointment!
(giggling)
Sorry.
You are so fucked.
Clara: I've never seen
this species before.
David: That's because it's not
from round here.
It's an immigrant.
Clara: Oh, wow. Really?
(speech distorting)
When all else fails,
blame the immigrants?
Finca: Look at the way
it's using its mandibles.
(speech distorting)
(Curtis gasping)
(echoing) Finca: Mandibles...
mandibles...
Look at my fingers...
(hypnotic music)
Dad?
What are you talking about?
Your hands are fine.
I worked with Richard Kiel once.
He had hands this big.
-Who?
-Jaws.
Not the movie, the character
in The Spy Who Loved Me.
The man with gold teeth. Aaargh!
He, he was in Moonraker too.
Not Moonraker 2,
the sequel, that...
and they hadn't made a sequel.
Although the producer did talk
about making a sequel, not...
Dad, how much
have you had to drink?
I swear, I haven't had any...
Oh shit!
(laughs)
I licked a cane toad!
Why?
Is there anything I can say
that would answer
that satisfactorily?
God, you idiot!
That's fair.
How are we gonna
get off the island?
Isn't there an emergency
hard line?
All communications are down.
What about the yacht we came on?
-Gary: I can drive a yacht.
-I think you mean 'sail'.
-Hm, no mate.
My daddy has a yacht. You drive.
-Of course he fucking does.
-That's it, then!
No. There is no yacht.
It sailed to the mainland
this morning.
Russell's gone
to fix the Internet.
Great. So we can die online.
(giggles) Sorry. Again.
Nobody is gonna die, alright?
This room is safe.
So, all we're gonna do is
we're gonna sit here,
we're gonna wait here
until help comes.
Oh, and what?
Fuck all your guests and staff
who are dying out there?
Whatever happened to a captain
sinking with his ship?
He was a fucking idiot
and he died.
Curtis: I've got a boat.
Dad, your boat's
got a hole in it.
I've got another boat.
-A bigger boat.
-Really?
I've got a boat
at Emerald Cove.
In the real world,
or are you tripping?
(laughing)
Uh-oh. (gasps)
Where are you going?
It's probably best
you don't ask.
Okay. Okay, so that's the plan.
We go to Emerald Beach,
we take the fire extinguisher
and anything else
we can repurpose as a weapon.
Gary: How?
They're all over the hotel.
-We can go through the vents.
-Clara: What do you mean?
Well, I think the spiders
were hiding in there.
They are what caused
the air con problem,
and then we turned the fans on
and they got blown out.
Now with the fans on,
I think the vents
are the only place where
there won't be any spiders.
-You're right.
-Of course she's not right.
-You've lost your fucking mind!
-Come here.
If you want any chance
at salvaging the situation
and keeping your job,
how you act right now
is kind of important.
And your priority,
at least outwardly,
has got to be the safety
of your guests.
Yeah.
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.
We're gonna open that vent,
we're gonna go in,
we're gonna crawl through,
we're gonna see if we can
find a way out,
get his boat, then bring help
for everybody, okay?
Let's do it.
(suspenseful music)
(gasping)
(distorted voices)
(gasping)
(hysterical laughter)
Oh...
(gasping)
(knocking)
Clara: Dad, are you in there?
(knocking)
Dad? Get out of the toilet.
We've got to go!
(loud knocking)
Clara: Dad, come on! Hurry up!
(gasping) One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine...
Go on then.
I'll go first.
Just... don't leave
my dad behind. Promise?
I promise.
(dramatic music)
Ah...
(gasping)
(hypnotic music)
Ah...
(gasping)
(spider scuttling)
(squelch)
Ah...
(eerie music)
(shallow breathing)
(threatening music)
Fuck!
Gary: Get up there,
you stupid prick.
Fucking help!
Ugh!
(grunting)
Come on. What are you doing?
-We've gotta go.
-I can't go in there.
What do you mean
you can't go in there?
I'm claustrophobic!
Ah...
-Is that the way out?
-Yeah.
Whatever you two are planning,
do it fast.
We're about to have company.
(Curtis grunting)
Okay, listen to me.
I'm in love with you, okay?
I love you.
I've always been in love
with you and, uh...
I just never felt like
I was good enough for you.
So I messed up last night,
and I'm sorry,
but I want to be with you.
Just you.
If you don't get up
there right now,
you're gonna miss out on the fun
you can have
ridiculing me for saying
all of this shit, okay?
Now go. Please, go.
Go!
(spirited music)
(vent echoing)
Dad? Are you there?
-Yeah, I'm here!
-You alright?
Well, I wouldn't say that.
If I had a choice,
I wouldn't have my head
stuck up David's arse.
Fucking hell.
Could you stop talking please?
Your breath's flammable.
(gasping)
(vent rattling)
The airflow's stopped.
David: Why is no one moving?
What's happened?
Why is there no airflow here?
Oh... what the fuck's
that smell?
Everyone stay where they are!
David: Why are we stopping?
(sighs)
(dramatic music)
Back up.
-Back up!
-Gary: Everybody back!
-Go, go! Move!
-Back up, back up! Oh...
Back up!
Move! Back up! Quick!
Uh!
(spiders scuttling)
(panicked gasping)
(spiders scuttling)
(spiders biting)
Aaargh! Uh...
Aaaargh! Urgh!
(frenetic gasping)
Gary!
Aaaargh! Argh!
(dramatic music intensifies)
Aaaargh! Aaargh!
(crunch)
Urgh!
(solemn music)
(gasping, sobbing)
(gasping)
God...
(panel crashing)
Come on.
Uh!
(David grunting)
(gasps)
(threatening music)
(hissing)
(buggy whirring)
Everybody get on! Quick!
Move! I'm driving that.
-Quick!
-Come, come, come, come.
Quick, quick, quick,
quick, quick.
-Ah, shit.
-Come on, come on, come on!
(extinguisher hissing)
(spiders scuttling)
I can't, I can't believe it.
I can't believe he's dead.
(sombre music)
Cowards die many times
before their death.
The valiant never taste
of death but once.
Throw a spider at him, will you?
Dad, this isn't the time
for Shakespeare.
Please sit down.
Clara: I know a shortcut,
through the caves.
It's quicker.
(mysterious music)
(insects chirping)
Clara: Wait, wait, wait,
stop, stop!
It's Mongoose.
David: Is he meditating?
That man is many things,
but a Buddhist
is not one of them.
He's dead.
He might still have
that cane toad in his bag.
We should rescue it.
Definitely not.
(buggy whirring)
(mysterious music)
I'm alright.
I'm alright!
Whoa, ow!
Get the fuck out of my eye,
you little bastard.
(buggy whirring)
Clara: It's coming up.
Stop! Here.
(buggy decelerating)
How far is it?
Not too far.
We can cut through the caves.
(buggy whizzing)
Where are you going?
David, what are you doing?
What do you think I'm doing?
I'm getting us to the boat
to get out of here.
Yeah, but why are we going
there without them?
Why? You wanna get off?
Join your friends?
Just tell me.
Didn't think so.
Look, you're not
making any sense.
She said there's a shortcut
through the caves.
It's even quicker.
Trust me, the caves
are not quicker.
(birds chirping)
(suspenseful music)
If he gets to the boat first,
don't you think
he's just gonna take it?
Definitely.
He won't. This way's quicker.
Scarier.
(ominous music)
(insects chirping)
Finca: I don't like this.
Clara: Just a bit further
and we can drop down,
go through the caves,
and then it's mangroves.
Water.
(eerie music)
Holy shit.
Oh God...
(Curtis gasping)
Those are...
irregular cobwebs.
What does that mean?
It means they're not
meant for trees.
Nothing's gonna fly into that.
It's too visible. It's...
It's a nest.
(foreboding music)
Look at the size of it.
David Attenborough once told me
about these spiders
that hunt in packs
using a distraction
technique called...
peacock spider.
While you're looking at it,
the pack attacks you from below.
(rustling)
(scuttling)
Run!
(dramatic music)
(spiders scuttling)
(dramatic music intensifies)
Uh!
(thud)
Uh...
Ah! Uh...
I think it's broken. Uh...
Ah, come on...
Dad, I think she's
broken her leg!
(ominous music)
Dad? Did you hear what I said?
Yeah, I heard you.
(spiders scuttling)
(Curtis gasping)
Oh...
(spiders scuttling)
They're coming.
Now you've gotta stay
perfectly still.
Spiders will only attack you
if they feel threatened.
Do not move.
I'll distract them.
(branch snaps)
(rustling)
Come on!
(thud)
Come and get it!
Come on!
Come on!
(dramatic music)
(thud)
Come on, you little fuckers!
-Come on!
-Dad, no!
Come and get it!
You want to fight someone,
fight me!
Come and get it!
Come and get it!
-Don't...move.
-Come on!
Come on!
(thud)
Come on! Come and get me!
(thudding)
Come on! You want a fight?
Fucking fight me!
Come on!
Follow me, you bastards!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Ah! I'm over here! Come on!
(spiders scuttling)
Come on! Follow me!
Come on! There you go!
I'm the Pied Piper! Come on!
(thudding)
Here we go! There you go!
(thudding)
That's it, here we go!
Here we go! Here!
Uh! Argh!
(spider biting)
Oh, God...
(groaning)
Ah! God...
(sinister music)
(groaning)
Clara!
Run!
(sobbing)
(sobbing)
(sombre music)
(sobbing)
We have to go.
Clara!
Go where?
What do you mean?
Go where?
There's nowhere left to go.
If we stay here, we will die.
(sobbing)
Look... I'm sorry
about your dad,
and I'm sorry the island
that you love got fucked.
But if that shit stain manager
gets to that boat first,
he'll win.
And I'm pretty sure
you wanna live
to stop that from happening.
(suspenseful music)
(water dripping)
(grunting)
(grunting)
(gasping)
That motherfucker...
He filled the caves
with concrete.
So, does it mean we're trapped?
If you can climb down,
I think there's a way through.
How tight is the space?
It's tight.
Look at me.
We can do this.
But...
Just give me a minute.
(water dripping)
(lighter clicks)
(suspenseful music)
(threatening music)
Let's go.
Let's go. We should go now.
(gasping)
Ah!
(threatening music intensifies)
(lighter clicks)
Ah!
(lighter sparks)
(dramatic music)
(lighter clicks)
Clara: You're a mother.
Go away.
(water splashing)
(suspenseful music)
(Finca gasping)
(gasping)
(wading)
(uplifting music)
Shit. I thought it'd be closer.
Alright, hold on.
David, just think about
what it would look like
if you and me
are the only two survivors.
Please, we have
to wait for them!
You can. I'm not.
Clara: I've seen the caves!
And I know how you got planning
permission to build on them!
-Caves?
-Yeah...
Well, how did we get planning
permission to build above caves?
-The caves were made safe.
-How?
We followed
the architect's advice.
The spiders came from the caves,
deep below ground,
harming no one.
You filled their home
with concrete, forcing them out.
And your signature is on
the receipt for that cement.
Bullshit. Show me.
Oh, oh no.
Did your letter get wet?
It's ruined it, hasn't it?
Oh, what a pity.
You see, what we actually
have here
is called force majeure, which
is an unforeseen natural act.
And guess what? That absolves me
of all responsibility.
Sorry!
I've got copies of everything.
I'll help you.
Rachel. What are you doing?
I've been helping you for years.
Hiding your mistakes.
Covering up your fuckups.
Yeah, it's your job!
Well, you're a disgusting
human being
and I despise you.
You cannot talk to me like that.
You're an Infinity
Dream employee.
Well, do you want to shove
this up your arse?
Or shall I do it for you?
Alright, very good.
Ow!
Right, I've had enough of this.
You're not gonna make it!
Watch me!
The tides are too strong!
For you, because you're weak!
In fact, your whole, your whole
generation is weak!
You're weak, lazy,
self-obsessed!
In fact, you are...
you're so, so self-obsessed,
you literally think that work
is photographing your food
and sharing every magnificent
bubble-headed thought
that comes into your head!
You're not, you know what?
You're not Gen Z.
You're genpanzee!
You're pathetic!
See ya!
Fuck off!
My generation is trying
to find their way
because your generation
fucked up everything.
And now nature's biting you
in the arse
and you don't like it!
Yeah, yeah.
Nothing's biting me!
Spiders can't swim!
Ooh!
(dramatic music)
Uh!
(screaming)
(screaming)
Rachel, help!
No! Aaargh!
(screaming)
No!
Rachel!
Aargh!
Well, I wasn't expecting that.
No.
I mean, that captain fella,
he said there were sharks.
(messages pinging)
I got signal!
Me too.
I'll call Captain Brunner
and let him know where we are.
(phone ringing)
(dog barking)
How the hell
is that dog still alive?
No, how the hell
is he still alive?
I'm alright!
I'm alright!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's okay, it's okay.
They're just...
riding along, you know,
having the occasional nibble,
but I'm alright.
They're just really
beautiful animals.
(hissing)q
(hissing)
No!
That's not very
respectful to nature.
Aargh! Aargh! Die!
(hissing)
(hissing)
She's killing my friends.
How are you not dead?
Well, aside from being
an absolute legend
with an amazing capacity
for drugs, I'd say...
(toad croaks)
The venom of the cane toad
protects you
from the poison of the spiders.
(toad croaks)
Either that
or I'm a really lucky git.
(suspenseful music)
(toad croaks)
Did you lick a cane toad
with my dad by any chance?
Oh yeah. The old guy,
the actor fella
with the really shitty bar?
I must say, he was...
Really partial to a lick.
(panting)
Dad?
Dad?!
Dad?
Dad!!
Dad?!
Dad?!
(uplifting music)
(gentle music)
(evocative music)
My darling Clara.
I hope you are reading this
as a woman
and that you're happy
in your life.
I hope you can bring yourself
to forgive me
for taking you away
from this beautiful island.
We tried to make
the marriage work,
but your dad cared so much
about saving the planet,
there wasn't much time
for anything else.
I know that sounds a bit
heartless, but it's the truth.
Life stopped being fun,
and life should never
not be fun.
Curtis: To die, to sleep.
No more, and by a sleep
to say we end the heartache
and the thousand natural shocks
that flesh is heir to.
'Tis a consummation
devoutly to be wished.
To die, to sleep.
Dad?
To sleep...
perchance to dream.
Aye, there's the rub.
For in that sleep of death,
what dreams may come
when we have shuffled off
this mortal coil,
must give us pause...
Dad!
(Curtis laughs heartily)
Oh...
Mum left you.
Why didn't you tell me?
Nothing worse
than a man seeking pity.
Apart from a bad actor
playing a man seeking pity.
I love you, Dad.
In that case...
I love me too.
I'm not quite sure
why I'm alive.
The cane toad!
(laughing)
Well, this seems like a good
moment for Shakespeare.
Go on then.
Doubt thou the stars are fire.
Doubt that the sun doth move.
Doubt truth to be a liar.
But never doubt I love.
(uplifting music intensifies)
We've seen days
Where there was not
a cloud in sight
When things just seemed
to go our way
Now it seems
That trouble's
easier to find
We've forgotten how to play
Those other days were easier
Got carried away
On wings our dreams
had shown to us
All of the memories
we share
They're here to stay
And no one can
take that away from us
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Do I want to go back in time
Would you go back in time
Do I want to go back in time
Would you go back in time
Those other days were easier
Got carried away
On wings our dreams
had shown to us
All of the memories
we share
They're here to stay
And no one can
take that away from us
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Those other days were easier
Got carried away
On wings our dreams
had shown to us
All of the memories
we share
They're here to stay
And no one can take
that away from us
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh, ooh, ooh
Do I want to go back in time
Would you go back in time