Spirits of the Dead (1968) Movie Script
1
- l want to confess!
- After Mass. They're waiting for me.
- No, now!
- No, please...
- When?
- After Mass.
Now, l said!
Well?
I don't know... Tell me what to do.
Help me. l'm not a CathoIic.
ln that case, my son,
see me after Mass.
- I want to confess!
- Calm down.
I don't want any scandal.
This is the house of God.
I don't care about God!
l want to understand. I want to taIk.
l just killed a man.
Someone from this town?
I don't know... l don't think so.
A stranger?
Yes. WeII... no. l know him.
I've always known him.
- You've been drinking!
- Listen to me! lt's your duty.
Why did you kill him?
I'll tell you everything...
...from the beginning.
Franz von Lwenstein.
William Wilson.
lt's from Italy.
It must be from your mother.
Attention!
Break ranks.
Silence! Stop that!
It was Wilson!
WiIson!
Down.
Up.
Down.
Up.
Down.
- Who's that?
- The new boy.
- What's your name?
- WiIson. William Wilson.
- What's your name?
- William WiIson.
- His name was the same as yours?
- Exactly the same.
- A coincidence.
- Absurd!
Power can't be shared.
Suddenly, l had a rival.
A rival, or rather a companion
who surpassed me in everything,
but who watched me
from a benevolent distance.
He infuriated me,
but I was also extremely curious
about him.
WiIson!
Good God!
WiIson!
You again, as usual!
We were both expeIIed.
lt took me a long time to forget.
My son, this childhood incident
obviously continues to haunt you.
- Before you leave here...
- Let me finish!
Several years Iater l entered
medicaI schooI... out of curiosity.
GentIemen, let me remind you
that a doctor is also a sorcerer.
We seek life deep below the surface.
And now l have the pleasure
of realising before you
in corpore vili,
the age-old dream of priests,
poets and phiIosophers.
To be precise,
I am going to open up a human heart.
Ifwe were dealing with a live body,
we'd proceed in the following way.
Moving laterally from the sternum,
between the sixth and seventh ribs,
we'd find the tip of the heart.
However, in this case,
we shall section
all the sub-auxiliary ribs on the Ieft
and the right, as far as the sternum.
Then we will separate
the diaphragm
and foId back the rib cage,
revealing the contents
of the thoracic cavity.
The heart, gentlemen,
is a hollow muscle,
composed mainly
of a firm ventricular mass
and a flatulent auricular mass.
This pump,
which gives forth
as much as it receives,
is regarded as a symbol
of courage and generosity.
Does Mr Wilson have
something to say?
No? Then we may continue.
Thank you.
Even in dealing with a corpse,
always make sure
that your instruments are cIean.
It is said, gentlemen,
that the heart is the seat
of the emotions, the passions.
Indeed. But experience shows that
it is the seat of our cares,
our sorrows.
Its only generosity
Iies in the suffering it gives.
So, when we have cut the ribs,
separated the diaphragm
and folded back
what is commonIy called the rib cage,
we can free our patient
of the source of her ills.
The doctor is a benefactor.
We will thus bring her relief.
Along with the heart...
No!
...we'll remove despair
and the pain of love.
GentIemen,
we shaII restore her to originaI purity,
the peace of paradise Iost.
Even if it's a living person,
make sure your instruments
are perfectly clean.
Here, cover yourself!
Cover yourself.
Did the girl die?
Forget about the girl! It's him.
You see?
I had to leave the university.
l joined the Austrian Army to go to war.
But no one makes war any more.
The garrison here is infamous.
Because of me!
l know all about the debauchery.
Those poor women.
All was well...
...untiI Iast night.
Stop. lt's Wilson!
So you recognise me?
I'm flattered.
But we were many that night.
lt was dark, and you were very busy.
Good evening, Mr Wilson.
- ls that WiIson?
- Be carefuI.
This Wilson is certainIy not
the lover you dream of.
He's made his reputation from men...
...not from us.
He Iikes parades,
the theatre, stage props.
He needs an audience.
But in a tte--tte,
he puts on a poor show.
- Have you met him before?
- No... and l have no wish to.
l don't Iike wasting my time.
- Are you referring to me?
- You... you.
You must think
you're the onIy man on Earth, Wilson.
Are you sneering at me?
Are you threatening me?
l'm challenging you.
Ace.
She loved cards.
But I'd always been good with cards.
l decided to teach her a lesson.
Figure.
Double.
I'll see you.
Ace, jack.
WiIson has Iost.
Are you sure?
Ace, king.
l thought you were bIuffing.
The bluffer with smoke and mirrors...
...is you, Wilson.
The card player resembles the Iover.
He gets tired.
No staying power, my dear.
Figure.
Ace.
WiII you accept my watch?
It has three jewels.
To see you, my dear.
Ace, king.
Draw.
The game continues.
Figure.
Ace.
Pour me a drink while l collect.
From then on,
she Iost inexorably until morning.
Ace.
All of it.
I'll see you.
Top card?
Top card.
Count it up, please.
Thank you.
Add 1 ,000 to that.
4,000 thaIers, pIus 1 ,000...
- l can't pay you, WiIson.
- ln that case, it's simpIe.
l propose doubIe or nothing.
lt's your last chance.
lfyou win, you'll owe me nothing.
And if l lose?
You'II stiII owe me nothing.
But you'll be mine.
How? Under what conditions?
Whatever conditions l choose.
Decide quickly. lt's 6:00am.
l accept.
Ace.
King.
Cards on the table now,
that's the rule.
Jack.
Your Iuck is returning.
No. l was wrong!
You've lost, Giuseppina!
Where? When?
Here. Now.
We shaII Ieave you both.
On the contrary, gentlemen.
Please stay.
Your turn.
WeII?
You want something eIse.
He wants something else, Giuseppina.
May he?
Madam,
you owe this man nothing.
He cheated.
Here is the proof.
All the cheat needs to do
is distract the other's attention.
Simply empty a glass...
...Iight a cigar...
...or take out his watch.
Who are you, sir?
Wilson knows who l am.
Take yourjacket and your watch
and get out of here.
WiIson, l demand your resignation.
You will leave town today.
We all like a bit of fun,
but a cheat is a disgrace to our uniform.
You no longer exist for us.
WiIson!
This is the end
of your traiIing me around.
This is the end of your hounding me.
This is the end of your torturing me.
It's over!
Over!
WiIson!
WiIson...
You shouIdn't have killed me.
Without me, you no longer exist.
It's the end of the world.
The end of hope.
If I die, you die too.
My son, you've reIieved your souI
by telling me of your nightmares.
Promise the Lord never to drink again.
Drunkenness makes a beast of a man.
One knows not what one says or does.
You don't beIieve me?
Yes, l do, but be reasonabIe.
Get some sleep.
Tomorrow you'll forget it.
You'll be ashamed
and you'll ask God's forgiveness.
Give up your debauchery.
Seek the chaste love of a good wife.
You'll suffer hallucinations no more,
for that's what they are.
They are born of pride
and only turn you in upon yourself.
You fooI! You don't beIieve me.
To heII with you!
The plane kept hovering
above the airport,
seemingly unable
to decide to land.
lt was my first trip to Rome,
and l didn't speak ltalian.
My job as an actor
often had me travelling,
but this time was different.
l was worried, on edge.
For a moment,
l even had the absurd hope
that the pIane wouIdn't Iand
but would take me... home.
lt was not to be.
The airport's invisible nets
had caught the plane
and were dragging it heIpIessIy
towards the ground.
Attention, please.
TWA announces the departure
of flight 203 to New York.
There he is! Toby Dammit!
A smile, please, Toby.
Stop it!
DisgracefuI. What an idiot!
I'll kick him back aII the way to England!
Are you hurt?
No, I am aII right.
They send them aII here...
I am Father Spagna.
Do l need to tell him anything else?
FoIlow me, please.
There's aIways so much waIking
to do in airports.
It's the first Catholic Western.
Christ's return
to the desolate prairie.
lt responds to a secret wish
in every man's heart.
A new manifestation of Christ.
Our Saviour appearing
in a tangible presence.
Christ is alive in aII of us, of course.
Yet, this presentation of Him,
so clear, so obvious...
...may seem a desperate gambIe.
Blasphemy, almost, l agree.
But an artist like yourseIf,
whether a believer or not,
will understand
that structuralist cinema
can recapture subIime poetry
through primal images,
eIoquent in their very poverty -
syntagmatic, as my friend
RoIand Barthes wouId say.
Something between
Dreyer and PasoIini
with just a hint of John Ford,
of course.
As long as it reflects
the torments of our culture
and the decadence of capitaIism,
Italian Westerns
are a committed art form!
In Lukacs' terms,
we want to create characters rooted
in history, socioIogicaIIy speaking.
For example, our two outlaws
represent anarchy.
The busty girl is the illusory refuge
from rationaIity.
The prairie is beyond history
and buffalo meat,
man's struggle for subsistence.
It will be in colour.
Harsh colours and crude costumes,
to harmonise the prairie
with the biblical landscape.
Piero della Francesca
and Fred Zinnemann, so to speak!
lt's an interesting idea.
You'll fit in nicely.
Just let your heart speak.
Yes, the Ferrari...
You'll get the Ferrari
after the show.
I can't hear you.
Are you going to a funeraI?
Keep moving!
Stop the car!
I have to speak to him.
1 ,000 Iira. Your hand.
l see wealth and joy.
Curiosity is only human
but you can't change destiny.
I won't do it.
Our guest star tonight
is an English actor
who needs no introduction.
You will all remember his last film.
He's now here in Rome
to make a fiIm -
a Western version of the Redemption!
Ladies and gentlemen,
please weIcome Toby Dammit.
You've never been to ltaly before?
What brought you here?
Do you use LSD or other drugs?
Why?
What do you like most in Iife?
What do you despise most?
Some say you've lost your pubIic.
ls that true?
How did critics like your Hamlet?
Was your childhood unhappy?
I've heard you can't stand criticism
and that you have a violent temper.
Are you neurotic?
What is amiss in your Iife,
Mr Dammit?
ls it true
you've done unsavouryjobs?
Do you know Italian cinema?
Why do you think
you're popular with men and women?
Why hadn't you visited Italy sooner?
Do you think you're witty?
Do you beIieve in God?
What about the DeviI?
How interesting!
Have you seen him?
Does he look like a goat,
a bat or a black cat?
He's doing rather weII.
Very strong!
With a face like mine,
I can do anything l wish.
Did you see that?
He never stops.
Good evening,
Iadies and gentlemen.
WeIcome to the Italian Oscars
presentation ceremony.
First, l wish to thank
the celebrities from show business,
politics and the arts
who are here tonight.
l also wish to thank
the Minister of Culture for this telegram.
Here's to my producer.
Allow me to shake your hand.
Bravo. And God bless Italy!
Mr Dammit, my name is SpineIIi
but I'm known as D'Artagnan.
l do voice imitations.
I'm a poet, a phiIosopher, a writer...
Can't l even say hello to a friend?
Excuse me, Mr Dammit.
This is my daughter Elisabeth.
She sings, dances, acts.
- Smile, Elisabeth.
- How are you?
Is she a virgin?
She's a child, Mr Dammit,
believe me.
Lombardi. Production.
They're about to present
the Golden Wolves.
We've got a little time
after the fashion show.
UsuaIIy everyone does a little
something before the awards,
a little poetry maybe.
Not the actresses of course.
A bit of Shakespeare, perhaps.
But keep it short.
Make it snappy.
The boss is right.
Shakespeare's a winner,
in smaII doses.
l'm now proud to present
the highlight of the collection:
"Queen of Sheba".
The big premiere!
"The Cathedral of Fashion".
"Roman Fashion"
and "Humiliation".
"Lady Hamilton".
You're on, Mr Dammit.
Follow me, you'll wait together
with the other presenters.
Give us a hand, pIease.
I'm your stand-in.
CouId l have a photo with you?
Take a picture of us.
Yes, the three of us!
l know London very weII.
l've been there twice.
l'm delighted to be your stand-in.
l did Tomas MiIian too.
l'm a stuntman too.
Thank you!
l'II take 20 prints.
When did you go to London?
Oh, l wish l could live there.
The underground is great.
And the English are
the politest people in the worId!
Plus, their cinema
is so much better than ours.
You'II be more comfortabIe
over here...
What do you need?
No, you've had enough.
Later on, if all goes well.
You shouldn't drink so much.
l am the painter Stagni.
l won the prize
for best screenplay
for "Drag Your Old Bones Home".
Have you seen it?
I'm deIighted to meet you.
l'm an admirer of yours.
- Sit down, darIing.
- Poor thing, he's aImost blind.
HeIIo, do you remember me?
My magazine
is doing a special edition.
lt will be about
the ancient pagan gods.
You've been chosen to represent
the young Greek god, Mars.
Eight full page photos.
Almost completely naked.
Can I look forward to it?
Bravo!
And now for the moment of truth.
But first Iet me thank
our distinguished jury
who have selected the winners
of the highest award.
A GoIden WoIf to Maril Traversi,
whose generous nature
was revealed in her very first film.
A GoIden WoIf to the waltzing twins,
Lion and Tiger.
Come up to the microphone.
TeII the audience how you feel about
this unforgettable moment in your Iife.
I'm overcome with emotion.
AII l can say is... thank you.
- And you?
- l'm overcome with emotion.
AII l can say is... thank you.
I'm overcome with emotion.
AII l can say is... thank you.
Bravo! Bravo!
Now, Iet's hear it for the woman
who has won everyone's heart.
Your favourite actress and mine.
A Golden Wolf to Annie Ravel.
Hello...
And now, pIease forgive me
if my voice trembles
a bit more than usuaI,
but how can one not be thrilled
to introduce our guest of honour...
Yes, you've guessed it.
An artist who for so many years
has devoted his life
to bringing us Iaughter and joy,
who has made us Iaugh
till we cried,
with the enthusiasm
of a truly great artist.
How do you stay so young?
WouId you like to say a few words
or wouId you rather mime for us?
Don't ask too much of me.
BeIieve it or not, I've got a cat's eye!
l will take care ofyou.
I understand you.
I've known you aII your life.
You won't be alone any more
because l'II be with you aIways.
Whenever you put out your hand,
you will find my hand.
You are no Ionger an outcast,
no Ionger a fugitive.
No more loneliness.
No more selfishness.
We will share a life
of serenity and devotion.
The Iife we've both been Ionging for.
You lacked faith,
but you kept your trust and found me.
l am the one you were waiting for,
and l am here with you.
Forever.
And now we have another surprise
in store for you tonight.
One of cinema's great gods.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Toby Dammit!
Come on up, Mr Dammit.
Make way, please!
Let's give a hand
to weIcome, Toby Dammit,
the great English actor who has
contributed so much to British film
and who has come to honour
our Italian cinema.
lt gives me great pIeasure to present
this token of our esteem
to Toby Dammit,
whose Shakespearean performances
are as immortal
as the great bard himself,
one of the world's greatest poets,
second onIy to our great Dante.
Congratulations.
Here are the keys.
lt's ready to go.
Come back, Mr Dammit!
Where is he going? Toby!
What's got into him? FooI!
He's crazy.
Where does he think he's going?
The bridge is down.
You have to make a detour.
Come back!
You have to turn off at the mill.
- l want to confess!
- After Mass. They're waiting for me.
- No, now!
- No, please...
- When?
- After Mass.
Now, l said!
Well?
I don't know... Tell me what to do.
Help me. l'm not a CathoIic.
ln that case, my son,
see me after Mass.
- I want to confess!
- Calm down.
I don't want any scandal.
This is the house of God.
I don't care about God!
l want to understand. I want to taIk.
l just killed a man.
Someone from this town?
I don't know... l don't think so.
A stranger?
Yes. WeII... no. l know him.
I've always known him.
- You've been drinking!
- Listen to me! lt's your duty.
Why did you kill him?
I'll tell you everything...
...from the beginning.
Franz von Lwenstein.
William Wilson.
lt's from Italy.
It must be from your mother.
Attention!
Break ranks.
Silence! Stop that!
It was Wilson!
WiIson!
Down.
Up.
Down.
Up.
Down.
- Who's that?
- The new boy.
- What's your name?
- WiIson. William Wilson.
- What's your name?
- William WiIson.
- His name was the same as yours?
- Exactly the same.
- A coincidence.
- Absurd!
Power can't be shared.
Suddenly, l had a rival.
A rival, or rather a companion
who surpassed me in everything,
but who watched me
from a benevolent distance.
He infuriated me,
but I was also extremely curious
about him.
WiIson!
Good God!
WiIson!
You again, as usual!
We were both expeIIed.
lt took me a long time to forget.
My son, this childhood incident
obviously continues to haunt you.
- Before you leave here...
- Let me finish!
Several years Iater l entered
medicaI schooI... out of curiosity.
GentIemen, let me remind you
that a doctor is also a sorcerer.
We seek life deep below the surface.
And now l have the pleasure
of realising before you
in corpore vili,
the age-old dream of priests,
poets and phiIosophers.
To be precise,
I am going to open up a human heart.
Ifwe were dealing with a live body,
we'd proceed in the following way.
Moving laterally from the sternum,
between the sixth and seventh ribs,
we'd find the tip of the heart.
However, in this case,
we shall section
all the sub-auxiliary ribs on the Ieft
and the right, as far as the sternum.
Then we will separate
the diaphragm
and foId back the rib cage,
revealing the contents
of the thoracic cavity.
The heart, gentlemen,
is a hollow muscle,
composed mainly
of a firm ventricular mass
and a flatulent auricular mass.
This pump,
which gives forth
as much as it receives,
is regarded as a symbol
of courage and generosity.
Does Mr Wilson have
something to say?
No? Then we may continue.
Thank you.
Even in dealing with a corpse,
always make sure
that your instruments are cIean.
It is said, gentlemen,
that the heart is the seat
of the emotions, the passions.
Indeed. But experience shows that
it is the seat of our cares,
our sorrows.
Its only generosity
Iies in the suffering it gives.
So, when we have cut the ribs,
separated the diaphragm
and folded back
what is commonIy called the rib cage,
we can free our patient
of the source of her ills.
The doctor is a benefactor.
We will thus bring her relief.
Along with the heart...
No!
...we'll remove despair
and the pain of love.
GentIemen,
we shaII restore her to originaI purity,
the peace of paradise Iost.
Even if it's a living person,
make sure your instruments
are perfectly clean.
Here, cover yourself!
Cover yourself.
Did the girl die?
Forget about the girl! It's him.
You see?
I had to leave the university.
l joined the Austrian Army to go to war.
But no one makes war any more.
The garrison here is infamous.
Because of me!
l know all about the debauchery.
Those poor women.
All was well...
...untiI Iast night.
Stop. lt's Wilson!
So you recognise me?
I'm flattered.
But we were many that night.
lt was dark, and you were very busy.
Good evening, Mr Wilson.
- ls that WiIson?
- Be carefuI.
This Wilson is certainIy not
the lover you dream of.
He's made his reputation from men...
...not from us.
He Iikes parades,
the theatre, stage props.
He needs an audience.
But in a tte--tte,
he puts on a poor show.
- Have you met him before?
- No... and l have no wish to.
l don't Iike wasting my time.
- Are you referring to me?
- You... you.
You must think
you're the onIy man on Earth, Wilson.
Are you sneering at me?
Are you threatening me?
l'm challenging you.
Ace.
She loved cards.
But I'd always been good with cards.
l decided to teach her a lesson.
Figure.
Double.
I'll see you.
Ace, jack.
WiIson has Iost.
Are you sure?
Ace, king.
l thought you were bIuffing.
The bluffer with smoke and mirrors...
...is you, Wilson.
The card player resembles the Iover.
He gets tired.
No staying power, my dear.
Figure.
Ace.
WiII you accept my watch?
It has three jewels.
To see you, my dear.
Ace, king.
Draw.
The game continues.
Figure.
Ace.
Pour me a drink while l collect.
From then on,
she Iost inexorably until morning.
Ace.
All of it.
I'll see you.
Top card?
Top card.
Count it up, please.
Thank you.
Add 1 ,000 to that.
4,000 thaIers, pIus 1 ,000...
- l can't pay you, WiIson.
- ln that case, it's simpIe.
l propose doubIe or nothing.
lt's your last chance.
lfyou win, you'll owe me nothing.
And if l lose?
You'II stiII owe me nothing.
But you'll be mine.
How? Under what conditions?
Whatever conditions l choose.
Decide quickly. lt's 6:00am.
l accept.
Ace.
King.
Cards on the table now,
that's the rule.
Jack.
Your Iuck is returning.
No. l was wrong!
You've lost, Giuseppina!
Where? When?
Here. Now.
We shaII Ieave you both.
On the contrary, gentlemen.
Please stay.
Your turn.
WeII?
You want something eIse.
He wants something else, Giuseppina.
May he?
Madam,
you owe this man nothing.
He cheated.
Here is the proof.
All the cheat needs to do
is distract the other's attention.
Simply empty a glass...
...Iight a cigar...
...or take out his watch.
Who are you, sir?
Wilson knows who l am.
Take yourjacket and your watch
and get out of here.
WiIson, l demand your resignation.
You will leave town today.
We all like a bit of fun,
but a cheat is a disgrace to our uniform.
You no longer exist for us.
WiIson!
This is the end
of your traiIing me around.
This is the end of your hounding me.
This is the end of your torturing me.
It's over!
Over!
WiIson!
WiIson...
You shouIdn't have killed me.
Without me, you no longer exist.
It's the end of the world.
The end of hope.
If I die, you die too.
My son, you've reIieved your souI
by telling me of your nightmares.
Promise the Lord never to drink again.
Drunkenness makes a beast of a man.
One knows not what one says or does.
You don't beIieve me?
Yes, l do, but be reasonabIe.
Get some sleep.
Tomorrow you'll forget it.
You'll be ashamed
and you'll ask God's forgiveness.
Give up your debauchery.
Seek the chaste love of a good wife.
You'll suffer hallucinations no more,
for that's what they are.
They are born of pride
and only turn you in upon yourself.
You fooI! You don't beIieve me.
To heII with you!
The plane kept hovering
above the airport,
seemingly unable
to decide to land.
lt was my first trip to Rome,
and l didn't speak ltalian.
My job as an actor
often had me travelling,
but this time was different.
l was worried, on edge.
For a moment,
l even had the absurd hope
that the pIane wouIdn't Iand
but would take me... home.
lt was not to be.
The airport's invisible nets
had caught the plane
and were dragging it heIpIessIy
towards the ground.
Attention, please.
TWA announces the departure
of flight 203 to New York.
There he is! Toby Dammit!
A smile, please, Toby.
Stop it!
DisgracefuI. What an idiot!
I'll kick him back aII the way to England!
Are you hurt?
No, I am aII right.
They send them aII here...
I am Father Spagna.
Do l need to tell him anything else?
FoIlow me, please.
There's aIways so much waIking
to do in airports.
It's the first Catholic Western.
Christ's return
to the desolate prairie.
lt responds to a secret wish
in every man's heart.
A new manifestation of Christ.
Our Saviour appearing
in a tangible presence.
Christ is alive in aII of us, of course.
Yet, this presentation of Him,
so clear, so obvious...
...may seem a desperate gambIe.
Blasphemy, almost, l agree.
But an artist like yourseIf,
whether a believer or not,
will understand
that structuralist cinema
can recapture subIime poetry
through primal images,
eIoquent in their very poverty -
syntagmatic, as my friend
RoIand Barthes wouId say.
Something between
Dreyer and PasoIini
with just a hint of John Ford,
of course.
As long as it reflects
the torments of our culture
and the decadence of capitaIism,
Italian Westerns
are a committed art form!
In Lukacs' terms,
we want to create characters rooted
in history, socioIogicaIIy speaking.
For example, our two outlaws
represent anarchy.
The busty girl is the illusory refuge
from rationaIity.
The prairie is beyond history
and buffalo meat,
man's struggle for subsistence.
It will be in colour.
Harsh colours and crude costumes,
to harmonise the prairie
with the biblical landscape.
Piero della Francesca
and Fred Zinnemann, so to speak!
lt's an interesting idea.
You'll fit in nicely.
Just let your heart speak.
Yes, the Ferrari...
You'll get the Ferrari
after the show.
I can't hear you.
Are you going to a funeraI?
Keep moving!
Stop the car!
I have to speak to him.
1 ,000 Iira. Your hand.
l see wealth and joy.
Curiosity is only human
but you can't change destiny.
I won't do it.
Our guest star tonight
is an English actor
who needs no introduction.
You will all remember his last film.
He's now here in Rome
to make a fiIm -
a Western version of the Redemption!
Ladies and gentlemen,
please weIcome Toby Dammit.
You've never been to ltaly before?
What brought you here?
Do you use LSD or other drugs?
Why?
What do you like most in Iife?
What do you despise most?
Some say you've lost your pubIic.
ls that true?
How did critics like your Hamlet?
Was your childhood unhappy?
I've heard you can't stand criticism
and that you have a violent temper.
Are you neurotic?
What is amiss in your Iife,
Mr Dammit?
ls it true
you've done unsavouryjobs?
Do you know Italian cinema?
Why do you think
you're popular with men and women?
Why hadn't you visited Italy sooner?
Do you think you're witty?
Do you beIieve in God?
What about the DeviI?
How interesting!
Have you seen him?
Does he look like a goat,
a bat or a black cat?
He's doing rather weII.
Very strong!
With a face like mine,
I can do anything l wish.
Did you see that?
He never stops.
Good evening,
Iadies and gentlemen.
WeIcome to the Italian Oscars
presentation ceremony.
First, l wish to thank
the celebrities from show business,
politics and the arts
who are here tonight.
l also wish to thank
the Minister of Culture for this telegram.
Here's to my producer.
Allow me to shake your hand.
Bravo. And God bless Italy!
Mr Dammit, my name is SpineIIi
but I'm known as D'Artagnan.
l do voice imitations.
I'm a poet, a phiIosopher, a writer...
Can't l even say hello to a friend?
Excuse me, Mr Dammit.
This is my daughter Elisabeth.
She sings, dances, acts.
- Smile, Elisabeth.
- How are you?
Is she a virgin?
She's a child, Mr Dammit,
believe me.
Lombardi. Production.
They're about to present
the Golden Wolves.
We've got a little time
after the fashion show.
UsuaIIy everyone does a little
something before the awards,
a little poetry maybe.
Not the actresses of course.
A bit of Shakespeare, perhaps.
But keep it short.
Make it snappy.
The boss is right.
Shakespeare's a winner,
in smaII doses.
l'm now proud to present
the highlight of the collection:
"Queen of Sheba".
The big premiere!
"The Cathedral of Fashion".
"Roman Fashion"
and "Humiliation".
"Lady Hamilton".
You're on, Mr Dammit.
Follow me, you'll wait together
with the other presenters.
Give us a hand, pIease.
I'm your stand-in.
CouId l have a photo with you?
Take a picture of us.
Yes, the three of us!
l know London very weII.
l've been there twice.
l'm delighted to be your stand-in.
l did Tomas MiIian too.
l'm a stuntman too.
Thank you!
l'II take 20 prints.
When did you go to London?
Oh, l wish l could live there.
The underground is great.
And the English are
the politest people in the worId!
Plus, their cinema
is so much better than ours.
You'II be more comfortabIe
over here...
What do you need?
No, you've had enough.
Later on, if all goes well.
You shouldn't drink so much.
l am the painter Stagni.
l won the prize
for best screenplay
for "Drag Your Old Bones Home".
Have you seen it?
I'm deIighted to meet you.
l'm an admirer of yours.
- Sit down, darIing.
- Poor thing, he's aImost blind.
HeIIo, do you remember me?
My magazine
is doing a special edition.
lt will be about
the ancient pagan gods.
You've been chosen to represent
the young Greek god, Mars.
Eight full page photos.
Almost completely naked.
Can I look forward to it?
Bravo!
And now for the moment of truth.
But first Iet me thank
our distinguished jury
who have selected the winners
of the highest award.
A GoIden WoIf to Maril Traversi,
whose generous nature
was revealed in her very first film.
A GoIden WoIf to the waltzing twins,
Lion and Tiger.
Come up to the microphone.
TeII the audience how you feel about
this unforgettable moment in your Iife.
I'm overcome with emotion.
AII l can say is... thank you.
- And you?
- l'm overcome with emotion.
AII l can say is... thank you.
I'm overcome with emotion.
AII l can say is... thank you.
Bravo! Bravo!
Now, Iet's hear it for the woman
who has won everyone's heart.
Your favourite actress and mine.
A Golden Wolf to Annie Ravel.
Hello...
And now, pIease forgive me
if my voice trembles
a bit more than usuaI,
but how can one not be thrilled
to introduce our guest of honour...
Yes, you've guessed it.
An artist who for so many years
has devoted his life
to bringing us Iaughter and joy,
who has made us Iaugh
till we cried,
with the enthusiasm
of a truly great artist.
How do you stay so young?
WouId you like to say a few words
or wouId you rather mime for us?
Don't ask too much of me.
BeIieve it or not, I've got a cat's eye!
l will take care ofyou.
I understand you.
I've known you aII your life.
You won't be alone any more
because l'II be with you aIways.
Whenever you put out your hand,
you will find my hand.
You are no Ionger an outcast,
no Ionger a fugitive.
No more loneliness.
No more selfishness.
We will share a life
of serenity and devotion.
The Iife we've both been Ionging for.
You lacked faith,
but you kept your trust and found me.
l am the one you were waiting for,
and l am here with you.
Forever.
And now we have another surprise
in store for you tonight.
One of cinema's great gods.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Toby Dammit!
Come on up, Mr Dammit.
Make way, please!
Let's give a hand
to weIcome, Toby Dammit,
the great English actor who has
contributed so much to British film
and who has come to honour
our Italian cinema.
lt gives me great pIeasure to present
this token of our esteem
to Toby Dammit,
whose Shakespearean performances
are as immortal
as the great bard himself,
one of the world's greatest poets,
second onIy to our great Dante.
Congratulations.
Here are the keys.
lt's ready to go.
Come back, Mr Dammit!
Where is he going? Toby!
What's got into him? FooI!
He's crazy.
Where does he think he's going?
The bridge is down.
You have to make a detour.
Come back!
You have to turn off at the mill.