Splitting Adam (2015) Movie Script
1
Ever feel
like you're being pulled
in a million different
directions?
Oh!
Uh, sorry!
My bad!
- Uh!
- Sorry, ma'am.
Like there's not enough time to
get through
all the things you have to do.
You start cutting corners just
to make it through the day.
My dog walking business
isn't exactly dog walking.
Oh, this is gonna hurt!
Oooah!
Ugh!
Some days I feel
like a punching bag.
Hashtag butt kicked by sister.
Others a babysitter
and ballet partner
for my little sister Gillian.
Ah!
Ah! Uh!
Lawn polo, sport of the future!
Whoo!
Two inches, pal, two inches!
Sometimes, I'm just a doofus
with a pair of scissors
and a lot of grass to cut.
She's my little mini-me.
Ooh!
I'd loved to dream
of something better,
but who has time to dream?
Uh.
If you wanna impress
Lori Collins, why study CPR?
You should be learning
mouth to mouth.
Girls like Lori
only have eyes for hero types.
People who save lives.
Right, like lifeguards.
Help me study.
I gotta pass the test this year.
Your pulse is racing.
This CPR really works.
Now take a deep breath
and hold it.
Okay.
Oh.
Wow, you're really into this.
Ugh!
All you can do is breathe
and hope an easier life
is somewhere out there.
Yeah, this is pee patrol.
Got our eyes
on a foreign object.
Uh, copy that, number
two, let's get that thing out
of the pool as soon as possible.
We're going in, over.
Look at the size of that thing.
What are they
feeding these kids?
Floater alert! Floater alert!
Better hurry, dweebs, it looks
like it might need
mouth to mouth.
Go back to the kiddie pool.
Ignore him, guys, he hasn't
had his protein shake yet.
Uh, she's gone, you can
stop sucking in your stomach.
I think she smiled at me.
She laughed at you.
Yeah.
Look, you're only
my best bro and all,
but you can't compete
with the Vances of the world.
That guy is confident, cool,
plays a mean guitar,
drives a wicked car
and he's a lifeguard.
And maybe next time you decide
to work at a place solely
because the girl you're not
so secretly in love with
works there, you'll actually
read the job description.
Go on.
This is ridiculous.
It's only one!
It's not gonna bite.
Dude, you didn't
even go in the water.
Yeah, but I saw it, too.
I saw it.
For the ninth consecutive
month dating back three summers,
please join me in giving
a great big Crash 'N Splash
round of applause
to lifeguard of the month,
and my homeboy, Vance Handsome!
Mwah.
Ugh, ugh, ugh.
Denied, sorry, bro,
that one didn't make it.
I gotta go.
What a freak.
Forget boy Baywatch.
He might be
lifeguard of the month,
but you've got
a glass half full this set.
You got a sweet ride, a snazzy
job, added with a cool best bro.
What?
My sweet ride has fleas.
I fish poo for money.
And my best bro is you.
Your uncle has landed.
Uncle Mitch?
Nephew, huge me!
Mm.
Okay.
Uh.
Ta-da!
I made your frown disappear.
Master Sheldon,
nephew's faithful companion.
My frown is all good.
Okay.
Gentlemen,
I need you assistance.
Whoa.
Ta-da!
What is that?
Obviously it's a tanning bed.
Frankenstein's tanning bed.
It's an industry thing.
All the magicians
rock the tan in Vegas.
Have you seen Copperfield?
Dude like sweats the vitamin D.
He really puts
the copper in Copperfield.
Right?
Anyway, I picked up this baby
at a sweet storage auction
out in Burlington.
Once I figure out
how to turn it on,
I'm gonna baste
in my own juices.
You're uncle's weird.
Uh-huh.
Now, for my next trick,
I'm gonna make this miracle
of not-so-modern tanology
go from this van
to that garage
without even laying a finger
on it.
- What?
- Now.
Uh, gift cards?
For your efforts,
kind gentlemen.
Chop, chop.
Yeah, there's a 99.9% chance
there's nothing on these.
I'll take those odds.
Listen to your Uncle Mitch.
He's the one in charge.
Adam, don't forget about
Gillian's dance recital.
Oh, and don't
forget about karate class.
Bye, guys, have a magical time.
We will, thanks.
See you in one week.
- Love you!
- Bye.
They'll be okay, right?
Yeah, what could go wrong?
Your brother's a magician.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Wah!
Okay, who wants to see me
pull a rabbit out of my pants?
I'm out.
You're in?
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Gotta get back.
Ow.
Ow, dude, stay on your side.
I can't win if I do that.
I have to say, running power
through the treehouse
was the best idea since
glow-in-the-dark toilet paper.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna put a
signal booster on the SAT router
so we can stream HD
to the 42-inch wireless.
Yeah.
This is gonna be great.
Adam's got
no parents for a week.
Uh!
Oh, come on,
Gillian, are you serious?
Ew.
I'm in the zone.
I ain't got time to wipe.
Where is Gillian, by the way?
She asked me
to play hide and seek with her
like two hours ago.
What?
Two hours ago?
What can I say,
she's good at hiding.
Like pro level.
But you didn't
even look for her.
Strategy, Baker, I wait 'em out.
What, do I got
something on my face?
Gillian!
It's probably best to
stick together, you know?
No, no, no, we'll take the
basement, you take the garage.
All right.
Gillian?
It's your old pal Sheldon.
Look, I'm really sorry
I didn't look for you.
No hard feelings, right?
Gillian!
Hello?
If you're down here,
I just want you to know
it was all Sheldon's idea.
Ah!
Gillian, this is
Uncle Mitch's tanning bed.
I don't think you should be...
Ah!
Surprise!
Uh, uh, uh?
What?
That is not cool.
I'm telling mom.
Hashtag.
What?
What does that even mean?
Gillian, where's Adam?
Getting a tan.
What is that?
Guys, I gotta get out of here.
Open it, open it.
It won't open.
It's like a safe.
What?
Guys, okay... okay, so now
it's glowing and spinning.
Why is it doing that?
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh?
What does uh-oh mean?
Just open it up!
He looks even paler than usual.
Okay.
The party's over.
You guys gotta go.
Uh.
Uh!
Do you know
we talk in our sleep?
Uh, aaahh!
Uh!
Oh.
Uh.
Uh. Oh.
Ah!
Oh!
Cranky.
What is it?
What's wrong?
Oh, just a scream.
Yes, I thought I saw a... clown
underneath my... my bed.
A clown!
A... where?
I hate clowns!
Uh, it was just a bad dream.
Video games after midnight
not a good idea.
Promise to behave?
Uh.
Oh, those are from last week.
Oh, so I smelled.
Who are you?
What do you mean?
I'm you.
All right.
Ah!
Oh.
Am I that bad?
Uh, Sheldon... dude.
This should be
very cooling on the eyes.
And now the cucumbers.
There you go.
Hashtag treat yourself.
I can't watch this.
You do know it's not me, right?
Ah!
What are you?
An evil twin?
A doppelganger?
What have you done
with our wingman?
Guys, guys, it's me, okay?
That's not me.
Well, it is, kind of.
It's like... it's like a clone.
Like a clone thing, you know?
Clones?
Like brothers from
the same brother?
This just doesn't happen.
What?
Did he just appear
out of thin air?
No.
Here it is.
No, no, no.
I saw it!
I'm next!
There isn't gonna be a next!
Ugh!
Hey!
I said there isn't
gonna be a next.
You do realize that was the
cord to the treadmill, right?
Yeah, I do.
Whatever.
Dude, this is the most awesomest
thing that ever happened to us.
If you can't see how
amazed balls this is...
Okay, fine, it's amazed
balls, but we have to play it
safe.
You guys have to agree that we
won't go anywhere near it
until we decide exactly
what to do with it.
Mm-hmm.
All right, good.
'Cause right now
we got bigger problems.
You already
look ten years younger.
Okay, Gillian's
in her own world,
so she probably won't notice.
But nothing
gets past Uncle Mitch.
He may not be
a very good magician,
but he's a master
of observation.
You have got
to stop working so hard.
What the...
Here comes the boom.
Did you make me
chocolate chip pancakes
with smiley faces on them?
Your favorite, right?
Sherlock Holmes
is definitely on the case.
Uh!
Greatest nephew ever!
Okay.
But I mean
what if he's dangerous?
How do we know that thing's
not a complete psycho?
Uh, it's smiley-face
chocolate chip pancakes, dude.
That's like scientific proof.
What a beautiful day.
It's strange.
He's an exact replica of you,
but you don't have
anything in common.
He's responsible, organized
and makes a mean pancake.
It's as if the machine
is somehow overcompensating
for those personality bits
you're missing.
Baker!
Ah!
Do I or do I not pay you
good money to mow my lawn?
Well, see, now
that you mentioned it...
Look at it!
It's four inches!
Four inches!
My hair isn't four inches.
You measure your hair?
If it's not done by the time
I get back from doing Pilates,
I'll find someone else
to do the job for ya.
Capiche?
Okay.
Gesundheit.
Hey!
There's a lot of
other Adams out there.
Uh, other Adams?
I don't really know
anything about.
Just get it done.
Okay.
Come on, baby.
Remind me why you cut
Tony Pepperoni's lawn again?
Because my allowance
is like five bucks a week.
Besides, Mr. Galatte's
my best customer.
He's your only customer.
Exactly.
That's why I can't
lose my only customer.
And I can't miss
the morning staff meeting
at Crash 'N Splash.
If only you can be
at two places at once.
Huh, huh?
Yeah, if only.
Uh.
Oh.
Hi, everybody.
No one can hear you,
because you're not holding
the kickboard.
Can everyone hear me now?
Yes.
As you all know, attendance
at Crash 'N Splash
is way down this year.
Huh?
Which means our annual
Splash-apalooza fundraiser
is top priority.
This place needs our help.
Now Vance and his crazy popular
band, Vance Vance Revolution,
have generously offered
to headline the event.
We love you, Vance!
But there's still
a lot of work to be done.
So if anyone
has any time to spare,
I'm looking for volunteers
with fresh ideas
to join me
on the planning committee.
Anyone?
Dude, did you forget to use
deo this morning?
Huh, huh?
Oh, thank you, Adam.
Huh?
You're welcome.
Seriously, Baker?
What fresh ideas
could you possib...
You can barely
keep your shorts on.
Need I remind everyone
of last summer's lifeguard test,
the filter incident?
Oh, no!
Hi, ladies.
Or does this have
something to do with the time
I caught you secretly snapping
phone pics of Lori
while she was teaching
basic rescue?
They were for
the newsletter, okay?
I swear.
Okay.
I don't know what
you're so upset about.
With you on the planning
committee,
Lori will have no excuse
not to notice you.
Yeah, I'm not sure
that's such a good thing.
Besides, where exactly
am I supposed to find
the extra time to...
What is that?
Oh, my gosh.
He's supposed to be
watching Number Two?
Are you kidding me?
What is this?
Something Number Two whipped up.
It's a low-fat mango-licous
pineapple, banana smoothie.
A taste of tropical paradise.
Mwah.
What?
Care for one?
Ah, okay, is this
what you got me doing all day?
Being your man servant?
Just the one of you.
The one of me?
He hasn't tried starting
a fire yet, has he?
Oooh, uh-oh.
Ah, it burns!
What have you done?
It wasn't me.
It was him.
Okay, don't be mad, but
I crunched the numbers.
And in order for us to expand
our lawn business,
we're gonna need
a full-time employee.
Unfortunately, mistakes
were made, lessons learned.
And to make a long story
short, a copy of a copy...
He isn't so bright.
Huh?
Oh, man, he's rocking a unibrow.
On the upside,
he's easy to train
and extremely hard working.
Ugh!
Hey, Winston!
Huh?
What'd I say?
What'd I say... about
sniffing people?
No.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, Winston.
Down, boy.
There you go.
You named him?
We can't all be called Adam.
Ah!
Strangling yourself
may be counterproductive.
Also, way less profitable.
Whoa.
Whoa, that's like...
Half the block.
It was Number Two's idea
to have them pay for membership.
Adam, maybe we shouldn't
overlook the possibilities
this opportunity presents.
Mm.
Whoa!
Man, if Lori
doesn't like one of me,
then why she's gonna
like another?
Just more of me not to like.
Because it wouldn't be you.
When you made your first clone,
you were all worried about
Gillian, doubting yourself,
wishing you were
more responsible.
And who came out
of the gizmo that night?
Mr. Dependable, that's who.
Uh.
All you have to do this time
is focus on
what girls want most in a guy.
What do girls
want most in a guy?
Oh! I know.
A good listener.
Someone they can just talk to
about their deepest needs
and innermost feelings.
Uh, no.
What they want is
a guy who can party.
Everybody knows that.
When did you become
an expert on girls?
The closest you've been
to a date
is the fruit and nut section
of the grocery store.
I remember that,
do you remember that?
Fine. Who cares?
We'll make both.
Two heads are better than one,
right?
I guess.
Uh!
Ow!
Just clear your mind
and concentrate.
Good boy, here you go.
Go in.
I'm going, I'm going.
And may the best you win.
Hm.
Ah.
It's supposed to go out
with that one.
And then disappears
Oh, caught it!
Sometimes...
Ah, party boy in the house.
Check me out.
Mm.
Oh, yah.
Uh, sweet hat, yo.
Too much party, too much party.
Sssh.
Oh, man,
laser lights, laser lights.
Come on, let's go.
Danny, come on, come on.
Sssh, ssh, ssh.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go, let's go.
Winston, here boy.
Just drop it.
Come on.
What light
through yonder window breaks?
Ah!
The sound and smell,
love doth quake.
Uh,.
Ah.
Sparks!
And that, my dear niece,
is a Mongolian soap trick.
I know, impressive.
It smells in here.
Hey.
You know, once you get past
the grunting,
he's actually kind of sweet.
Dude, he's got
rug burns on his knuckles.
Gnarly, bro.
It's a teddy bear.
Uh, ah!
Om, om, om.
Huh?
Yo, party dawg!
What do we do?
I don't know.
Why are we whispering?
Uh, who is it?
Pizza guy.
Free breadsticks, yo!
Winston.
I gotta go back to night school.
Mom was right.
Gentlemen, our objective...
make Adam awesome.
We need to turn this drab,
dull, dweeby chunk of human...
Huh, I'm right here, dude.
into this.
We'll take
a multi-pronged approach,
focusing on career advancement.
Party ability.
Right on.
Rock star, love of popularity.
Which of course leads to...
Romance.
Yeah, excellent.
Oh.
First up, impress Lori Collins.
Intel I got at the kiddie pool
yesterday
confirmed that Lori
will be chaperoning
her baby brother's b-day
at the mall this morning.
Meaning, operation party boy
is officially a go.
Winston, you're
on Gillian detail.
Wait, wait, wait, Winston?
He can barely stand upright
and you want him watching
my little sister?
We need Number Two
at Crash 'N Splash.
He's got a plan to get you
off the pee patrol.
I mean, what about sensitive me?
He can do it.
Oh, hey.
That's a big negative.
Your uncle has
an important gig downtown.
Love and support, remember?
That's Sensitive's thing.
What about me?
You're backing Adam at the mall
in case party boy
parties too hard.
I always do.
Any other questions?
You okay, buddy?
Mah, mah, mah, mah.
Uh, yeah.
When doesn't this plan
blow up in our faces?
Party coming through?
Yeah!
Whoo!
Hold those hands.
Come on, kids, this way.
Stay with me.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Where'd he get that?
I'm guessing from them.
Security!
Keep going, and call for backup!
Have party, will travel!
Whoo!
Dude with the lampshade,
stand down!
And pli.
And lift.
Lift.
Lift.
Uh!
Whee! Nailed it!
Sorry, I'll get that later.
Nephew, thanks
for tagging along.
Boy, your hair grows fast.
Anyway, thought if you saw me
in action
it might help you understand
the magic that is Mitch.
Uncle Mitch, the only person
who needs to understand you...
is you.
How is this my life?
Oh, there, there.
It's not that bad.
Not that bad?
I had to pay them
to let me work this place.
Oh.
I was supposed to be
one of the greats.
But I can't keep up with all
these upstart magic yahoos
with their tight leather pants,
the cool tattoos,
their awesome tans.
I've tried to mix things up.
I even got a nose ring
last fall.
Worst infection of my life.
Maybe that's your problem.
You're not them.
You're you.
You're Magic Mitch,
and that's pretty magical.
Excuse me, young man, is this
where we get our bingo cards?
Sorry, ma'am, there's no bingo
today...
just magic.
Oh!
What he say?
They canceled bingo again.
What?
There's no bingo today.
Get the coins out of your ears.
Uh!
Wow, tough crowd.
This place is way too clean.
Someone's been in here.
Security breach!
Baker!
I've been going
through the books, Ed.
Why aren't you on pee patrol?
Because then I couldn't be
figuring out a way
to save Crash 'N Splash
from running out of money
and shutting down for good.
Phew!
And how exactly are you gonna
save the park from closing down?
It won't be easy, but I found
some profit-maximizing shortcuts
to boost revenue.
We're still gonna need
Splash-apalooza to be
a huge success, but if you do
exactly what I say, Ed...
this park will have
a fighting chance.
You had me
at profit-maximizing shortcuts.
There it is!
No, he's not a lampshade.
He's wearing a lampshade.
Right.
Now where did he go?
I shouldn't even be here today.
There's fliers to be made
and tickets to be printed.
And Vance has this crazy
list of demands for his band.
Party.
Oh.
So what you're saying is
I should just stop worrying
and just go with the flow?
What I'm sayin' is
you need to party it up.
Oh, cake!
Oh, yeah, yeah.
This is so much fun
and way less stressful.
I know, right?
Oh, yeah, baby!
That's what I'm talking about!
Whoo!
Dude knows how to party.
Plan B then?
"I like to smash people's faces
into really expensive cakes."
You have some nerve being
anywhere remotely near me.
And since when did
you get a ponytail?
Oh, it's a clip-on.
I like what it says about me.
But that's not why I'm here.
I've come to apologize.
Wait, no, no.
Excuse me, random stranger.
Oh.
Would you mind turning that up?
Oh, sure.
Love in the dark
A little but I'm hoping
it might kick start
Thank you.
Circle!
Shotgun
Uh?
For you.
It's great, it's great.
All right, well...
All I need's
a little love in my life
All I need's
a little love in the dark
A little but I'm hoping
it might kick start
Me and my broken heart
Okay, you win.
Apology accepted.
What do you do for an encore?
I was hoping to discuss
a little Splash-apalooza
over a nice, organic
root bear perhaps?
I can't.
I have a co-captain's
lunch meeting with Vance.
Oh. How tragic.
Perhaps another time then.
Danny, initiate
Operation Mustache.
I got a 10-14 in Tower 3,
need back-up immediately.
Copy, kid.
Uh!
Hey!
Who did that?
Him!
Yo, what's up, Vance?
Come and get me!
You in the lampshade, stop!
Oh, yeah, rock and roll.
Out of the way, coming through.
Ahh!
Lifeguard!
- Lifeguard!
- Hey!
Lifeguard.
I got you, Baker!
Bring it, Vance!
Can't hide from me.
Touch down!
Ah!
I got you now.
Whoa.
Baker.
Smell you later.
Oh, when I get my hands on you.
Uh!
Later, dudes!
Come on, boys!
Huh?
Vance can't dance,
you are clear for lunch.
I hope you don't mind,
but I gave Phil a sweet tip
to whip us up something special.
What is it?
It's one part chicken nuggets,
two parts fish and chips
and two parts real cheese.
I call it, son of tuna melt.
Oh.
Try it.
Adam, this is really lovely...
Shush, my melancholy mermaid.
But there comes a time
in every man's life
where their own mortality
must be thrown to the wind.
Like the seeds of indifference
blown asunder by the lips
of a hungry goldfish.
I have absolutely no idea
what I'm talking about.
Neither does she,
but I think it's working.
And if I should be swept up
in a hurricane of jealously,
let it rip me limp by limp
until my beating heart
is all that remains.
Defiant in its own conviction
for a breeze only for...
Vance.
Huh?
I gotta go.
I got you, Baker!
Vance... are you okay?
We should probably
get you to first aid.
I'll go with you.
I don't feel so good.
Uh.
She's never
gonna talk to me again.
If there's any consolation,
she doesn't
really talk to you now.
Keep that chin up, kid,
we're gonna change that.
Now let's get out of here.
Let's go.
Oh, a little bit of this,
oh, a little of that.
Uh, uh, uh!
Guys, I've been thinking.
Maybe what we're doing
isn't right.
I feel like such a liar.
And Lori deserves better.
Whoa, dude, I know
we've had a few bumps,
but you can't just give up.
Uh, ouch!
I'm giving in to expectations.
What about Splash-apalooza?
You're a two-person
planning committee?
I... I don't know.
I'll tell her something came up.
Hey, you're home.
Oh!
Ah, guys, it's her, it's Lori.
It's Lori.
Hide!
Duck and cover, dudes!
Run!
Whoo, be cool.
In a lot of countries,
slamming the door
in someone's face would
actually be considered rude.
Is this one of 'em?
Sssh.
Here, here, come in, come in.
Me casa you casa.
Stupid.
You don't
have to pretend anymore.
I know your secret.
You do?
It's not what it looks like.
I wanted to tell you,
but it's hard to explain.
I admit I was
a little surprised at first.
But it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
It isn't?
I just never took you
for a poet before.
You left it at the snack bar.
Ah.
Don't be mad, but I kind of
flipped through it.
And?
Coming down!
It's okay, I'm a professional.
You haven't seen a small set of
silver keys, by any chance,
have you?
Come and get it, Uncle Mitch.
I'm on it.
Here we go, all right.
Thank you.
Wait.
Here I am,
rocking like a hurricane
Stupid bicycle.
Lori!
Why is Vince here?
Oh, we've got this
senior lifeguard barbeque thing.
I told him to pick me up here.
I didn't know
Adam Baker had a house.
Lifeguards.
Yeah.
Can't be late, I better run.
Let's go!
Hi, guys.
Nail you later, loser!
I'm not a loser, I'm a magician!
It's a respected profession.
Don't sweat it, bro.
You can't compete with that.
He's a senior lifeguard.
With a car.
And a band.
And amazing hair.
Wait, wait, that's it.
Why didn't I think
of this before?
Guys, the only way to fight
perfect is with perfect.
Ready or not, here I come.
Oh, it's totally going down.
Wish I could see it
with my own two eyes,
but nature called
and I must answer.
Hi.
You're in my seat.
Oh, yeah?
Who's gonna move me?
Ah!
Help!
That's my save.
I got you.
Everyone back,
give him some room.
Adam?
Thank you.
That was bodacious.
And that's how it's done, Vance.
Urh!
Mind if I borrow some of this?
Come here you little twerp.
Baker?
Great work, homeboy.
You, sir, are in the chair.
What? This is my shift.
Not anymore.
Vance, you're on break.
It's time to give
the new talent a shot.
He hasn't even tested.
Pfew, tested?
Did you see
what he did over there?
That's real life, son.
The kid's got the stuff,
now give him the chair.
- But Mr...
- That's an order.
You do realize
I must destroy you now?
Bring it.
Wow, I'm awesome!
And I'm dead meat.
Vance! Vance!
Wait up!
Vance!
Wait up!
We need to talk.
Vance?
Vance, we need to go over
the set list for the fundraiser.
Why should I help Mattis?
I'm like
lifeguard of the century,
and he's gonna take
some rookie's side over mine.
Vance, you're overreacting.
Am I?
I just got dethroned
by Captain Pee Patrol.
Need a lift?
Huh?
Thanks for the ride.
No problem.
What's going on with you, Adam?
Every time I see you you seem
like a different person.
Maybe you just don't
know me well enough... yet.
We should do something
to fix that.
Well, we do
need to talk Splash-apalooza.
Seven o'clock then?
Sounds...
Perfect.
Guys.
We're bringing him in too soon.
He's not ready.
What?
What'd you mean?
I'm totally ready.
Look, I even got
my lucky socks, see?
Ugh, oh!
Lori's not just some girl.
We can't risk it.
Maybe you have a point.
We're running out of first
impressions, and I'm not sure
we want our best player
on the bench for this one.
No.
Man, you're right.
I can't sit across
from someone like Lori
and act suave and sophisticated.
I can't
even figure out my socks.
I'm just gonna call
the whole thing off.
Whoa, whoa, no way.
I'm not standing up, Lori.
Just trust me, I got this...
'cause we'll be
right there with you.
I feel kind of underdressed.
I thought we were just meeting
to talk about the fundraiser.
Uh, uh, you know,
fundraiser talk makes me hungry.
I have to get in there and
save this or she's gonna walk.
You can't just barge in,
she'll know you're a fake Adam.
Just wait.
He's supposed to tag out
any second now.
So I made two fliers.
Mm.
Um, which one
do you like better?
I like, um,
colors, font, pretty.
Excuse me,
I need to use the bathroom.
Dude, what are you doing?
You got like zero game.
Dude, I told you to trust me.
Give me the jacket.
No, no.
Give me your jacket.
What?
Oooo.
Great,
now look what you've done.
Forget it, I've got this.
He doesn't got it.
Um...
what happened in the bathroom?
There was crazy
toilet suction in there.
You wanna get out of here?
Yeah.
Okay.
I've got something to tell you.
You know that guy you saw today?
The cool, confident one who
swooped in and saved the day?
Well, it's not really me.
Not even close.
I mean, that was like a fluke.
Truth is, I'm not
even that good of a swimmer.
I failed the lifeguard test
three years in a row.
Oh, yeah, the filter incident.
Well, maybe I can help you.
Show you a few tricks of the
trade, one lifeguard to another.
So where are you taking me?
To a place I know you'll love.
Come on.
Where are they going?
This isn't the plan.
Where's he going?
I know you like this place.
Let's go.
Wow!
Don't you get enough
working here all day?
I love it here.
I mean, I used to make my
parents bring me here
once a week all summer.
I can still feel the road rash
from all hours
I spent on the Plank Plunge.
I know it's weird.
It's not weird at all.
Actually, I'd come here
on summer vacation
and see the lifeguards
and think,
"wow, they get to come here
every day."
There's not a better job
in the world.
And... I can't even think about
what would happen if...
this fundraiser
wasn't a success.
It will be.
Okay, but for right now,
let's not think about that.
Let's just have some fun.
Ha!
You won?
How'd you win?
Holy.
Do you want this?
This is a disaster.
Lori doesn't wanna play skeeball
and go on the tilt-a-whirl.
She's a sophisticated girl.
Dude, chillax.
It's going great.
Great?
But this is my date,
and he's embarrassing us.
Want this?
Whoo-hoo.
Uh!
Ah!
Baker residence,
may I ask who's calling?
Sweetheart, it's mom.
Wow!
Who it is?
You know darn well who this is.
Quite goofing around.
Ugh.
Don't you ugh me.
My minutes are running out.
Adam speaking.
I know who's speaking.
What's going on over there?
Oh, dear mother, oh...
You sound weird.
You must detect
the joy in my voice,
but rest assured there's nothing
to worry about here.
Everything here is just...
No!
blessed and wonderful.
Okay.
What's going on over there?
Go for Baker.
Adam Baker,
you put your Uncle M...
Down.
Put it down.
Who's that?
Wrong number.
Like the legend
of the Phoenix
Come on.
All ends with beginnings
Yeah, I know.
What keeps
the planets spinning
The force
from the beginning
Look
We've come too far
Make sure it's two inches.
To give up
Yard work party!
So let's raise the bar
Whee!
This is so fun!
Whee!
Are you seeing this?
She's up all night
for good fun
I'm up all night
to get lucky
This way, puppy party.
Ride canine coming through!
Oh.
Aw, aw, look at my
beautiful Penny Pants.
Look at how beautiful you are.
We've come too far
To give up who we are
Ah!
Ah, ah, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Uh!
Ah!
Ugh!
Ow!
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I don't know what happened.
Nice shades.
Uh.
Yeah, I don't know, I was
just trying out a new look.
Yeah, my look.
Are you supposed to dropping
off Gillian at soccer practice?
It's already done,
so I thought I'd swing by
the park and do lunch with Lori.
No!
I mean, she's busy today.
Tonight's the fundraiser,
and she has to go over
some last-minute things
with Vance.
Ugh!
Oh, oh, oh, wait,
Handsome and Lori together?
Ah, he's trying to get
in between me and Lori.
Lori and you?
I mean, uh... we.
Okay, well, we only
have a few hours
until the Splash-apalooza.
There's a lot to do.
And, plus, Uncle Mitch told me
that I have to help him
with this birthday party thing.
Okay, I guess I'll just
round up the boys
and take care of Handsome
once and for all.
No, just leave it alone.
That's an order.
Whatever you say, boss.
Pfllt.
Baker.
There you are, Baker.
Perfect timing.
You can say that.
I need to speak
to the Splash-apalooza
planning committee.
Where's the other half?
Yeah, she's not coming.
And if you want to talk to Lori,
you're gonna
have to go through me first.
Give me a break, Baker.
I'm finished with you.
Done-so.
And the only thing I want
for you to do is walk
right over to Mr. Mattis' office
and turn in your whistle.
And why would I do that?
Because if you don't,
you'll have to explain
to Lori and everyone else why
Vance Vance Revolution
isn't playing Splash-apalooza
tonight.
What's so funny?
You obviously don't realize
who you're dealing with, Vance.
Oh, yeah?
Tell me, who exactly is that?
All of us.
Or everyone.
Oh, hey!
Uh!
You.
We're everywhere.
Party! Party!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, Vance!
Ah!
This is my park now, Handsome.
And you're gonna
stay away from it.
Because we'll be watching
everything and everywhere.
Got it?
Ah!
Bye.
What's going on?
Where's Adam numbero uno?
What, are you his mother?
No, I'm his best friend.
Oh, yeah, really?
Best friend?
Then why did he
put me in charge?
Where is Handsome going?
He had better
get back here pronto.
He has a show to play tonight.
Oh, yeah, he's not
gonna be coming back ever.
What do you mean? Why?
He told me he was gonna work
for Water Planet.
That conniving traitor.
Yo know how life or death
this fundraiser is.
How could you let this happen?
I don't know.
I mean... by not caring.
Uh, Mr. Mattis,
you'll have to forgive Adam.
He's not quite himself today.
Yeah?
Well, he's got three hours
to find me another headliner
or he's fired.
What? You can't fire me.
I'm your accountant.
Okay, then you're fired.
What?
He's fired.
And if you don't find me
another headliner, you're next.
Boom!
See, I told you
cleaning can be fun.
And disgusting at the same time.
Ugh!
Mm.
Alakazoo!
We love you, Mitch!
That was great, Uncle Mitch.
I know, right?
No better feeling than showing
someone that the impossible
is indeed possible,
What you said last
week was a game changer.
I said that?
I sa... I said that... I said it.
I wasted all that time
trying to be
like every other magician
out there.
But what makes me different,
makes me happy is...
you know, like we said.
Oh.
What did we say?
What did we...
- Being...
- Being...
- ...the best...
- The best...
- ...magic...
- Magician.
- ...Magic Mitch...
- ...Magic Mitch...
- ...I can.
- ...I can.
Being the best magician
I can be.
Yes, I said it.
Right.
Truth. Honesty.
Being the real you.
That's where the magic is.
Otherwise, what's the point?
Hey, what's that?
Oh, yeah, it's just a rash.
I mean, probably from all that
chlorine in those pools.
You should probably
get that checked out... not yet.
This show ain't over.
We still gotta make
that grandma reappear.
Mm-hmm.
Pretty rabbit.
Uh, I'll be right back.
I think I turned
the grandma into a rabbit.
Vance won't be giving us
any problems from here on out.
Right now, Vance is
the very least of our problems.
Finally!
Where have you been?
Uh, magic show, long story.
You remember
my Uncle Magic Mitch?
Straight jacket?
This is some venue.
Whoa, yeah.
Where's Vance?
Shouldn't he be setting up?
That's what I've
been calling about.
There is no Vance.
He just freaked out,
I don't know why.
No, he's probably just taking
selfies and then liking them.
No, I mean, he's gone,
melted down,
as in not coming back... ever.
Perfect.
Far from it.
If we don't find someone
to take Vance's place,
there's not gonna be
a Splash-apalooza.
And if there's
no Splash-apalooza,
there's not gonna be
a water park next summer.
Mattis was so mad,
he fired Sheldon.
Oh my gosh, no way, no.
Why, Sheldon?
He loves that job.
We need something big.
Something amazing.
Something...
Yeah!
Oh...
Magical.
Does he do something
other than sparkle?
You bet he does.
I think.
This is gonna be great.
I have so many ideas.
Come on, come on, come on,
let's do this.
Oh, yeah!
It's magic hour!
Let's go!
Yes, yes, yes,
let's go, Uncle Mitch.
What?
Looks like it's been hit by...
A clone-ado.
Uh, I mean,
like a... like a cyclone.
What?
Hold on.
Huh?
Ow! What the...
Adam, are you okay in there?
Yeah, it's just
some stomach issues.
You've gotta stop eating
those son of tuna melts.
Brutal.
I tried to stop him,
but he was too perfect.
Plus his hair's breathtaking.
I was mesmerized.
He's mad.
You need to protect Lori.
You do not want to go in there.
I'm telling you, there's
some serious toilet suction.
Should I be worried?
Uh, no, no.
It's just... uh, mice.
Big mice.
We should go.
Adam!
What's going on?
Well just... stay here,
the llama will protect you.
Help!
I need a little help here, dude.
Party foul.
He over-powdered me.
Perfect?
Totally.
Oh, oh, Adam, Adam.
Where is he?
He took off
after I showed him the video.
Adam, you need to see this.
Adam, are you coming back?
Hang on, I'll be back.
I'll be right in.
And I thought
my house was messy.
Yum, gummy bear.
Ha-ha!
Lori!
Hey!
I have to get you out of here.
Adam, there was a hand.
Oh, a hand?
Oh, those mice must be evolving.
We have to hurry.
Look, Adam!
What up?
It's Lori.
Hey.
Oh, no, it's okay,
it's okay, they won't hurt you.
They're... they're with me.
They're... well...
Nice to meet your acquaintance.
They're my clones.
Clones?
But that's not real,
except in sci-fi movies.
I know it's hard to believe,
but there was this machine.
And my schedule was like crazy...
Oh, wait, you mean
you did this yourself?
No, it was
an accident... at first.
But instead you lied
and then let them run around
pretending to be you?
You!
You smashed cake in my face.
And you, you read me poetry
and then gave me food poisoning.
And you, you just need to do
everyone a favor
and get that thing waxed!
And you.
You made a fool of me.
All this time, like... like
I was some game to you.
And to think, I
thought you were different.
Lori, wait.
I know I've been an idiot.
I was scared.
Scared I wouldn't
say the right thing
or, you know, be cool enough.
Thanks to you, you showed me
that the real Adam
might not be so bad after all.
If you just give me
one more chance,
I promise I'll never pretend to
be someone I'm not ever again.
I just... I... I really wanted
to im... to impress you.
Adam!
Uh!
I gotcha, I gotcha.
Hurry, let's get him
to the couch.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I think so.
I don't know what's going on.
It's the machine, Adam.
That's what
I've been trying to tell you.
Here.
It's been 67 hours since
the last duplicate was created.
Each copy has manifested
different traits.
Exhibit one.
Exhibit two.
Each clone exhibits
a shared sense of feeling.
Even shared pain.
No way!
Ah!
Scientific research, don't
you think, boys and girls?
That's not the part.
Here.
Mysterious side effects
have surfaced.
The headaches,
the sweating and dizziness.
And now a rash.
Oh, nasty.
If my analysis is correct,
complete bodily disintegration
will occur just eight hours
after the initial onset
of these symptoms.
Further, each of my copies
will suffer the same fate
shortly after my own expiration.
The only way to stop the cycle
is with the duplex ignitor.
Inserting the duplex ignitor in
reverse position creates
a protonic window through which
each clone can be sent
back into the initial subject.
To do this, each clone must
travel into the machine
at a high speed, at no less
than 37 miles per hour.
That's good.
We should do that.
This is our only hope.
Professor Loin signing off
possibly for the last time.
Van's packed,
let's get this show...
Uncle Mitch.
road.
I can explain.
Nephew, what have you done?
Busted.
This is brilliant.
What?
We can use them in the show.
Yeah,
we can rage the magic show!
We're gonna magic history.
What?
No, no, no, no, Uncle Mitch,
it's too dangerous.
We have to get them back
in the tanning bed thing.
Or the cloning machine
thing... I don't know.
Tanning bed?
Uh, that might be a problem.
What?
What happened?
It was like this when I came in.
I thought Gillian had practiced
her karate on it or something.
We'll fix it.
We'll make a plan.
He can't get away with this.
You're not alone, Adam.
There's just one problem.
The duplex ignitor is gone.
St importantly,
we get the duplex ignitor back.
And Uncle Mitch, you can still
save the park with a great show.
Oh.
Yes!
All right, guys,
we're all gonna be needed
for the trick here.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Wait.
I can't do the show without her.
She's my good luck charm.
Now why the slide?
Because the professor said
that all the clones
are gonna need to be traveling
at least 37 miles an hour
to breech the energy field's
outer shell.
Yeah.
That'... that's it, yeah.
And before we take
the plunge, we're gonna need
the duplex ignitor,
which of course Perfect has.
How do we know
he'll even show up?
I know.
I can text him
to meet me at the show.
It should work.
He took my phone
a long time ago.
He'll know it's a trick.
It doesn't matter.
Lori's his... well,
also our... weakness.
It's too dangerous.
Look at what he did
to the machine.
He's... he's unpredictable.
You're in trouble, Adam.
And I wanna help.
It's just part
of my lifeguard nature.
And what about the Clone 2000?
Even if we get the duplex
ignitor from Perfect,
it's not gonna do us
any good in this shape.
Danny?
Sheldon? You came, too!
I figured you weren't
talking to me since...
I kind of got you fired.
None of that matters right now.
You're in trouble,
and we're your wing men.
Plus, we helped
create this mess, too.
Word to that.
So... you think
you can fix it?
Uh, yeah.
But it's gonna take
a lot of duct tape...
and technical genius, of course.
All right, we gotta go.
The show starts
in a couple of hours.
We'll load the machine
into the van.
You guys gotta get it
running during the show.
Show time, whoo-hoo!
Oh, my goodness gracious,
that was awesome sauce, Todd.
Thank you.
Let's give it up for the guy
who stacked a bunch of cups.
Uncle Mitch, why are you hiding?
Listen to 'em.
They think they're gonna see
some young rock star.
But you're like
hashtag greatest magician ever.
Just pretend like you're doing
the trick only for me,
just like we practiced.
You're right.
We've got magic to make.
Oh, um... due
to unforeseen circumstances
that were neither unforeseen
nor circumstantial,
the role of
Vance Vance Revolution
in tonight's performance will be
played by a great performer.
Vance! Vance!
Vance! Vance!
Straight off
his one-week stint
at the Beachwood Retirement
Home, please put your hands
together for the one,
the only...
Magic Mitch!
I heat up,
I can't cool down
You got me spinnin'
'round and 'round
'Round and 'round
and 'round it goes
Where it stops nobody knows
Every time
you call my name
I heat up
like a burnin' flame
Burnin' flame
full of desire
Kiss me baby,
let the fire get higher
Abra-abra-cadabra
I want to reach out
and grab ya
Abra-abra-cadabra
Abracadabra
You make me hot,
you make me sigh
You make me laugh
With the touch
of a velvet glove
Abra-abra-cadabra
I want to reach out
and grab ya
Number one party!
Yeah, let's get the party
started!
Five!
Yes!
Magic Mitch!
I gotta go, excuse me.
Okay.
We did it! We did it!
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Every dollar counts.
What do I have to do to get
you back here next summer?
Lots of money.
Lori!
There you are.
Uncle Mitch did it.
You guys were amazing.
Mattis is going nuts.
You've changed already.
Yeah, I gotta
get you out of here.
What? Why?
I'll explain on the way.
Adam, where are we going?
What about our plan?
There's been a change in plans.
Ah!
Oh, there's the man of the hour.
Amazing job, Baker.
It looks like you
really did save the park.
Thanks.
Have you seen Lori?
Uh, she was just with you.
You were walking
towards the exit.
What?
Oh, Baker... Baker,
come on, how'd you do it?
Huh, it was mirrors, right?
It had to be mirrors.
Clones.
Clones?
That's funny.
Boy, if that was possible, huh?
Do me a favor, make that out
to Ms. Penny Pants, will ya?
Gillian, Gillian, Gillian.
You have to kick me.
Okay, sure.
Ah!
Oh!
Oooh!
Baker, what's the matter
with you?
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh, that was seriously low.
He just wants to get rid of me.
Adam doesn't deserve you,
Lori, you belong with me.
No!
You don't know
what you're doing.
Yes, I do.
What?
No, no.
Oh.
Ah.
Guys, he's here.
And Lori's leading him
to the top of the slide.
Be careful, Adam.
Guys, we're out of time.
We gotta get that thing
working now.
Uh.
Copy that.
Oh.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Adam Baker...
all by his lonesome.
You think you pulled off
your little magic act?
Vance, I don't
have time for this.
This is my park, Baker.
You think I'm gonna let you
and your gang of robo Adams
scare me away?
Hear me?
How are we doing down there?
We're not ready.
She's gotta stall him.
You gotta stall him.
Ah!
You disappoint me, Lori.
Adam thinks if he can get rid
of me and the rest of us,
then you'll finally
settle for him.
I wouldn't be settling.
The real Adam's great
just the way he is.
Yeah, you didn't think that
until we brought him
to your attention.
I guess I needed
to open my eyes.
Uh.
Give me that.
Adam!
Help!
Lori, hang on!
Wait a minute.
That's the guy
I should be fighting.
Yeah, exactly.
Come on, we have to save her.
I can't hold on!
Ah!
Here, just give me that ignitor
and I'll pull you
right up, okay?
No way!
You choose
the wrong Adam once, Lori.
Don't do it again,
just give me the ignitor.
Come on.
I'm gonna fall!
I can't... I can't hold on!
Come on, let's go, let's go!
Yeah, right.
That's, uh,
really high up there.
Maybe you should
take this one, bro.
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got a... I got
a thing about heights.
It's embarrassing but... nobody's
perfect after all, right?
Go 'em, Baker!
You got this, man!
This is all you!
Here you go!
Two more flights!
Come on, just give me your hand.
Okay, you're gonna
be there all day
if you don't give me your hand.
All right, that's it!
There you go, that's it!
If you don't give me your hand...
Ow!
I'm not going back.
This should be my life,
not yours.
It is your life.
We're a team.
Adam!
Just go, I got this.
Got it!
Nice catch!
Now fire it up.
Hurry!
You're on, Adam!
Ah!
What?
How'd you do that?
Yah!
Ah!
- Ah!
- Ah!
Why'd I do that?
On guard, geek.
We're good to go.
It's working,
and it hasn't exploded... yet.
Come on, Adam!
I know you can do this!
Uh, you're holding me back.
I don't wanna fight you.
Good. Just give up.
Ugh!
There.
Ah!
Hold on!
Hold on, I got you!
What are you doing?
I would've never saved you.
Yeah, I know.
What?
No...!
It worked!
Sorry.
Nobody's perfect.
Oh, no, you gotta be kidding.
Uh!
Adam, give me your hand.
Pull!
Ha-ha, way to go, Bakers!
Nice save!
Uh, okay.
Okay.
That's a... ribs breaking.
Ribs breaking.
That's too tight.
Thanks, bud.
Good boy.
Okay, that was hard.
I thank you guys all enough
for all you've done for me.
Seriously.
Not for you, for us.
Well... I guess this is it.
Just promise me you read
a book every once in a while...
in between comics.
This is for you.
And write some poetry.
Trust me.
See ya.
That's not what that is.
Never mind.
Thanks.
Huh?
Ooh.
Ah!
Hug it out, brah.
Thanks for teaching me
how to have fun, man.
Word to that, A Prime.
Word to that.
Ah!
Whoo!
I'm gonna go.
All right.
Keep it real, brah!
Gotta split!
Whoo!
I think I'm gonna miss you
most of all.
I'm not going anywhere, Adam.
We'll be right here
whenever you need us.
Separately, we're pretty good.
But together, we totally rock.
Just try not to forget
we're there, all right?
Never.
Look on the bright side.
They didn't go very far.
And... I'm still here.
I mean, I feel
different... better.
They showed me there was more
to Adam Baker than I even knew.
Adam, there is one more thing
I really have to know.
I was right.
Some things really
can be perfect.
No, no, no!
That was not a dream!
No, that wasn't a dream.
What?
No.
No, no, you cannot
do this to me.
It was real, I felt it.
Hi, kids!
Hey, guys, we're home.
Adam, where are ya?
It's neat.
Too neat.
How can something be too neat?
I'm a mother, trust me.
There you are.
Hey.
Hey?
That's it?
Well, have you ever had
something
so amazingly great happen
that... you kinda thought
that it might not
have actually happened?
When we had you, sweetie.
Mwah.
Oh, your Uncle Mitch
is in the driveway.
He wants to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
Oh!
Hey, Uncle Mitch,
where are you going?
Vegas, baby.
A video of the show went viral.
Hashtag Magic Mitch
is trending through the roof!
I got my magic mojo back
thanks to you.
Or should I say
thanks to all of you.
Well you're
a pretty awesome uncle.
Thanks for saving my butt
back there
before mom and dad came home.
No problem.
And cleaned up that mess.
That's some real magic.
I'm gonna miss you.
I promised your boss that I'd be
back for an encore appearance
every summer.
Whoa!
Oh, I got something for you.
Whoa!
For your safe keeping.
Whoa.
If it were to get
into the wrong hands...
nah, I don't wanna think
about that.
I've got the actual
tanning bed in my van.
Gotta keep this puppy
bronzed after all.
Well, don't
worry, I'll keep it safe.
Thanks, Uncle Mitch.
All right.
Farewell, nephew.
Stay magical.
All right.
I thought you were
at work today.
Mattis was so thrilled
with the fundraiser,
he gave me the day off.
Oh, and they had to put
a new plaque on the trophy
with your name
over one of Vance's.
I bet he loved that.
I think it was his idea,
actually.
Oh, and Sheldon
got his job back.
No way, that's awesome.
I was thinking
about hitting the park.
You got time?
I've always got time for you.
And so what do you
wanna hit first?
Uh, it's your
turn to hit Plank Plunge.
I think I've spent
enough time over there.
Yeah, me, too.
How 'bout the kiddie pool?
Ew!
Hey, sweetie, did you miss us?
Hi, daddy.
Hashtag sisters.
Ha!
Honey, where are you?
There's a llama in the backyard.
How many are there?
Ever feel
like you're being pulled
in a million different
directions?
Oh!
Uh, sorry!
My bad!
- Uh!
- Sorry, ma'am.
Like there's not enough time to
get through
all the things you have to do.
You start cutting corners just
to make it through the day.
My dog walking business
isn't exactly dog walking.
Oh, this is gonna hurt!
Oooah!
Ugh!
Some days I feel
like a punching bag.
Hashtag butt kicked by sister.
Others a babysitter
and ballet partner
for my little sister Gillian.
Ah!
Ah! Uh!
Lawn polo, sport of the future!
Whoo!
Two inches, pal, two inches!
Sometimes, I'm just a doofus
with a pair of scissors
and a lot of grass to cut.
She's my little mini-me.
Ooh!
I'd loved to dream
of something better,
but who has time to dream?
Uh.
If you wanna impress
Lori Collins, why study CPR?
You should be learning
mouth to mouth.
Girls like Lori
only have eyes for hero types.
People who save lives.
Right, like lifeguards.
Help me study.
I gotta pass the test this year.
Your pulse is racing.
This CPR really works.
Now take a deep breath
and hold it.
Okay.
Oh.
Wow, you're really into this.
Ugh!
All you can do is breathe
and hope an easier life
is somewhere out there.
Yeah, this is pee patrol.
Got our eyes
on a foreign object.
Uh, copy that, number
two, let's get that thing out
of the pool as soon as possible.
We're going in, over.
Look at the size of that thing.
What are they
feeding these kids?
Floater alert! Floater alert!
Better hurry, dweebs, it looks
like it might need
mouth to mouth.
Go back to the kiddie pool.
Ignore him, guys, he hasn't
had his protein shake yet.
Uh, she's gone, you can
stop sucking in your stomach.
I think she smiled at me.
She laughed at you.
Yeah.
Look, you're only
my best bro and all,
but you can't compete
with the Vances of the world.
That guy is confident, cool,
plays a mean guitar,
drives a wicked car
and he's a lifeguard.
And maybe next time you decide
to work at a place solely
because the girl you're not
so secretly in love with
works there, you'll actually
read the job description.
Go on.
This is ridiculous.
It's only one!
It's not gonna bite.
Dude, you didn't
even go in the water.
Yeah, but I saw it, too.
I saw it.
For the ninth consecutive
month dating back three summers,
please join me in giving
a great big Crash 'N Splash
round of applause
to lifeguard of the month,
and my homeboy, Vance Handsome!
Mwah.
Ugh, ugh, ugh.
Denied, sorry, bro,
that one didn't make it.
I gotta go.
What a freak.
Forget boy Baywatch.
He might be
lifeguard of the month,
but you've got
a glass half full this set.
You got a sweet ride, a snazzy
job, added with a cool best bro.
What?
My sweet ride has fleas.
I fish poo for money.
And my best bro is you.
Your uncle has landed.
Uncle Mitch?
Nephew, huge me!
Mm.
Okay.
Uh.
Ta-da!
I made your frown disappear.
Master Sheldon,
nephew's faithful companion.
My frown is all good.
Okay.
Gentlemen,
I need you assistance.
Whoa.
Ta-da!
What is that?
Obviously it's a tanning bed.
Frankenstein's tanning bed.
It's an industry thing.
All the magicians
rock the tan in Vegas.
Have you seen Copperfield?
Dude like sweats the vitamin D.
He really puts
the copper in Copperfield.
Right?
Anyway, I picked up this baby
at a sweet storage auction
out in Burlington.
Once I figure out
how to turn it on,
I'm gonna baste
in my own juices.
You're uncle's weird.
Uh-huh.
Now, for my next trick,
I'm gonna make this miracle
of not-so-modern tanology
go from this van
to that garage
without even laying a finger
on it.
- What?
- Now.
Uh, gift cards?
For your efforts,
kind gentlemen.
Chop, chop.
Yeah, there's a 99.9% chance
there's nothing on these.
I'll take those odds.
Listen to your Uncle Mitch.
He's the one in charge.
Adam, don't forget about
Gillian's dance recital.
Oh, and don't
forget about karate class.
Bye, guys, have a magical time.
We will, thanks.
See you in one week.
- Love you!
- Bye.
They'll be okay, right?
Yeah, what could go wrong?
Your brother's a magician.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Wah!
Okay, who wants to see me
pull a rabbit out of my pants?
I'm out.
You're in?
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Gotta get back.
Ow.
Ow, dude, stay on your side.
I can't win if I do that.
I have to say, running power
through the treehouse
was the best idea since
glow-in-the-dark toilet paper.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna put a
signal booster on the SAT router
so we can stream HD
to the 42-inch wireless.
Yeah.
This is gonna be great.
Adam's got
no parents for a week.
Uh!
Oh, come on,
Gillian, are you serious?
Ew.
I'm in the zone.
I ain't got time to wipe.
Where is Gillian, by the way?
She asked me
to play hide and seek with her
like two hours ago.
What?
Two hours ago?
What can I say,
she's good at hiding.
Like pro level.
But you didn't
even look for her.
Strategy, Baker, I wait 'em out.
What, do I got
something on my face?
Gillian!
It's probably best to
stick together, you know?
No, no, no, we'll take the
basement, you take the garage.
All right.
Gillian?
It's your old pal Sheldon.
Look, I'm really sorry
I didn't look for you.
No hard feelings, right?
Gillian!
Hello?
If you're down here,
I just want you to know
it was all Sheldon's idea.
Ah!
Gillian, this is
Uncle Mitch's tanning bed.
I don't think you should be...
Ah!
Surprise!
Uh, uh, uh?
What?
That is not cool.
I'm telling mom.
Hashtag.
What?
What does that even mean?
Gillian, where's Adam?
Getting a tan.
What is that?
Guys, I gotta get out of here.
Open it, open it.
It won't open.
It's like a safe.
What?
Guys, okay... okay, so now
it's glowing and spinning.
Why is it doing that?
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh?
What does uh-oh mean?
Just open it up!
He looks even paler than usual.
Okay.
The party's over.
You guys gotta go.
Uh.
Uh!
Do you know
we talk in our sleep?
Uh, aaahh!
Uh!
Oh.
Uh.
Uh. Oh.
Ah!
Oh!
Cranky.
What is it?
What's wrong?
Oh, just a scream.
Yes, I thought I saw a... clown
underneath my... my bed.
A clown!
A... where?
I hate clowns!
Uh, it was just a bad dream.
Video games after midnight
not a good idea.
Promise to behave?
Uh.
Oh, those are from last week.
Oh, so I smelled.
Who are you?
What do you mean?
I'm you.
All right.
Ah!
Oh.
Am I that bad?
Uh, Sheldon... dude.
This should be
very cooling on the eyes.
And now the cucumbers.
There you go.
Hashtag treat yourself.
I can't watch this.
You do know it's not me, right?
Ah!
What are you?
An evil twin?
A doppelganger?
What have you done
with our wingman?
Guys, guys, it's me, okay?
That's not me.
Well, it is, kind of.
It's like... it's like a clone.
Like a clone thing, you know?
Clones?
Like brothers from
the same brother?
This just doesn't happen.
What?
Did he just appear
out of thin air?
No.
Here it is.
No, no, no.
I saw it!
I'm next!
There isn't gonna be a next!
Ugh!
Hey!
I said there isn't
gonna be a next.
You do realize that was the
cord to the treadmill, right?
Yeah, I do.
Whatever.
Dude, this is the most awesomest
thing that ever happened to us.
If you can't see how
amazed balls this is...
Okay, fine, it's amazed
balls, but we have to play it
safe.
You guys have to agree that we
won't go anywhere near it
until we decide exactly
what to do with it.
Mm-hmm.
All right, good.
'Cause right now
we got bigger problems.
You already
look ten years younger.
Okay, Gillian's
in her own world,
so she probably won't notice.
But nothing
gets past Uncle Mitch.
He may not be
a very good magician,
but he's a master
of observation.
You have got
to stop working so hard.
What the...
Here comes the boom.
Did you make me
chocolate chip pancakes
with smiley faces on them?
Your favorite, right?
Sherlock Holmes
is definitely on the case.
Uh!
Greatest nephew ever!
Okay.
But I mean
what if he's dangerous?
How do we know that thing's
not a complete psycho?
Uh, it's smiley-face
chocolate chip pancakes, dude.
That's like scientific proof.
What a beautiful day.
It's strange.
He's an exact replica of you,
but you don't have
anything in common.
He's responsible, organized
and makes a mean pancake.
It's as if the machine
is somehow overcompensating
for those personality bits
you're missing.
Baker!
Ah!
Do I or do I not pay you
good money to mow my lawn?
Well, see, now
that you mentioned it...
Look at it!
It's four inches!
Four inches!
My hair isn't four inches.
You measure your hair?
If it's not done by the time
I get back from doing Pilates,
I'll find someone else
to do the job for ya.
Capiche?
Okay.
Gesundheit.
Hey!
There's a lot of
other Adams out there.
Uh, other Adams?
I don't really know
anything about.
Just get it done.
Okay.
Come on, baby.
Remind me why you cut
Tony Pepperoni's lawn again?
Because my allowance
is like five bucks a week.
Besides, Mr. Galatte's
my best customer.
He's your only customer.
Exactly.
That's why I can't
lose my only customer.
And I can't miss
the morning staff meeting
at Crash 'N Splash.
If only you can be
at two places at once.
Huh, huh?
Yeah, if only.
Uh.
Oh.
Hi, everybody.
No one can hear you,
because you're not holding
the kickboard.
Can everyone hear me now?
Yes.
As you all know, attendance
at Crash 'N Splash
is way down this year.
Huh?
Which means our annual
Splash-apalooza fundraiser
is top priority.
This place needs our help.
Now Vance and his crazy popular
band, Vance Vance Revolution,
have generously offered
to headline the event.
We love you, Vance!
But there's still
a lot of work to be done.
So if anyone
has any time to spare,
I'm looking for volunteers
with fresh ideas
to join me
on the planning committee.
Anyone?
Dude, did you forget to use
deo this morning?
Huh, huh?
Oh, thank you, Adam.
Huh?
You're welcome.
Seriously, Baker?
What fresh ideas
could you possib...
You can barely
keep your shorts on.
Need I remind everyone
of last summer's lifeguard test,
the filter incident?
Oh, no!
Hi, ladies.
Or does this have
something to do with the time
I caught you secretly snapping
phone pics of Lori
while she was teaching
basic rescue?
They were for
the newsletter, okay?
I swear.
Okay.
I don't know what
you're so upset about.
With you on the planning
committee,
Lori will have no excuse
not to notice you.
Yeah, I'm not sure
that's such a good thing.
Besides, where exactly
am I supposed to find
the extra time to...
What is that?
Oh, my gosh.
He's supposed to be
watching Number Two?
Are you kidding me?
What is this?
Something Number Two whipped up.
It's a low-fat mango-licous
pineapple, banana smoothie.
A taste of tropical paradise.
Mwah.
What?
Care for one?
Ah, okay, is this
what you got me doing all day?
Being your man servant?
Just the one of you.
The one of me?
He hasn't tried starting
a fire yet, has he?
Oooh, uh-oh.
Ah, it burns!
What have you done?
It wasn't me.
It was him.
Okay, don't be mad, but
I crunched the numbers.
And in order for us to expand
our lawn business,
we're gonna need
a full-time employee.
Unfortunately, mistakes
were made, lessons learned.
And to make a long story
short, a copy of a copy...
He isn't so bright.
Huh?
Oh, man, he's rocking a unibrow.
On the upside,
he's easy to train
and extremely hard working.
Ugh!
Hey, Winston!
Huh?
What'd I say?
What'd I say... about
sniffing people?
No.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, Winston.
Down, boy.
There you go.
You named him?
We can't all be called Adam.
Ah!
Strangling yourself
may be counterproductive.
Also, way less profitable.
Whoa.
Whoa, that's like...
Half the block.
It was Number Two's idea
to have them pay for membership.
Adam, maybe we shouldn't
overlook the possibilities
this opportunity presents.
Mm.
Whoa!
Man, if Lori
doesn't like one of me,
then why she's gonna
like another?
Just more of me not to like.
Because it wouldn't be you.
When you made your first clone,
you were all worried about
Gillian, doubting yourself,
wishing you were
more responsible.
And who came out
of the gizmo that night?
Mr. Dependable, that's who.
Uh.
All you have to do this time
is focus on
what girls want most in a guy.
What do girls
want most in a guy?
Oh! I know.
A good listener.
Someone they can just talk to
about their deepest needs
and innermost feelings.
Uh, no.
What they want is
a guy who can party.
Everybody knows that.
When did you become
an expert on girls?
The closest you've been
to a date
is the fruit and nut section
of the grocery store.
I remember that,
do you remember that?
Fine. Who cares?
We'll make both.
Two heads are better than one,
right?
I guess.
Uh!
Ow!
Just clear your mind
and concentrate.
Good boy, here you go.
Go in.
I'm going, I'm going.
And may the best you win.
Hm.
Ah.
It's supposed to go out
with that one.
And then disappears
Oh, caught it!
Sometimes...
Ah, party boy in the house.
Check me out.
Mm.
Oh, yah.
Uh, sweet hat, yo.
Too much party, too much party.
Sssh.
Oh, man,
laser lights, laser lights.
Come on, let's go.
Danny, come on, come on.
Sssh, ssh, ssh.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go, let's go.
Winston, here boy.
Just drop it.
Come on.
What light
through yonder window breaks?
Ah!
The sound and smell,
love doth quake.
Uh,.
Ah.
Sparks!
And that, my dear niece,
is a Mongolian soap trick.
I know, impressive.
It smells in here.
Hey.
You know, once you get past
the grunting,
he's actually kind of sweet.
Dude, he's got
rug burns on his knuckles.
Gnarly, bro.
It's a teddy bear.
Uh, ah!
Om, om, om.
Huh?
Yo, party dawg!
What do we do?
I don't know.
Why are we whispering?
Uh, who is it?
Pizza guy.
Free breadsticks, yo!
Winston.
I gotta go back to night school.
Mom was right.
Gentlemen, our objective...
make Adam awesome.
We need to turn this drab,
dull, dweeby chunk of human...
Huh, I'm right here, dude.
into this.
We'll take
a multi-pronged approach,
focusing on career advancement.
Party ability.
Right on.
Rock star, love of popularity.
Which of course leads to...
Romance.
Yeah, excellent.
Oh.
First up, impress Lori Collins.
Intel I got at the kiddie pool
yesterday
confirmed that Lori
will be chaperoning
her baby brother's b-day
at the mall this morning.
Meaning, operation party boy
is officially a go.
Winston, you're
on Gillian detail.
Wait, wait, wait, Winston?
He can barely stand upright
and you want him watching
my little sister?
We need Number Two
at Crash 'N Splash.
He's got a plan to get you
off the pee patrol.
I mean, what about sensitive me?
He can do it.
Oh, hey.
That's a big negative.
Your uncle has
an important gig downtown.
Love and support, remember?
That's Sensitive's thing.
What about me?
You're backing Adam at the mall
in case party boy
parties too hard.
I always do.
Any other questions?
You okay, buddy?
Mah, mah, mah, mah.
Uh, yeah.
When doesn't this plan
blow up in our faces?
Party coming through?
Yeah!
Whoo!
Hold those hands.
Come on, kids, this way.
Stay with me.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Where'd he get that?
I'm guessing from them.
Security!
Keep going, and call for backup!
Have party, will travel!
Whoo!
Dude with the lampshade,
stand down!
And pli.
And lift.
Lift.
Lift.
Uh!
Whee! Nailed it!
Sorry, I'll get that later.
Nephew, thanks
for tagging along.
Boy, your hair grows fast.
Anyway, thought if you saw me
in action
it might help you understand
the magic that is Mitch.
Uncle Mitch, the only person
who needs to understand you...
is you.
How is this my life?
Oh, there, there.
It's not that bad.
Not that bad?
I had to pay them
to let me work this place.
Oh.
I was supposed to be
one of the greats.
But I can't keep up with all
these upstart magic yahoos
with their tight leather pants,
the cool tattoos,
their awesome tans.
I've tried to mix things up.
I even got a nose ring
last fall.
Worst infection of my life.
Maybe that's your problem.
You're not them.
You're you.
You're Magic Mitch,
and that's pretty magical.
Excuse me, young man, is this
where we get our bingo cards?
Sorry, ma'am, there's no bingo
today...
just magic.
Oh!
What he say?
They canceled bingo again.
What?
There's no bingo today.
Get the coins out of your ears.
Uh!
Wow, tough crowd.
This place is way too clean.
Someone's been in here.
Security breach!
Baker!
I've been going
through the books, Ed.
Why aren't you on pee patrol?
Because then I couldn't be
figuring out a way
to save Crash 'N Splash
from running out of money
and shutting down for good.
Phew!
And how exactly are you gonna
save the park from closing down?
It won't be easy, but I found
some profit-maximizing shortcuts
to boost revenue.
We're still gonna need
Splash-apalooza to be
a huge success, but if you do
exactly what I say, Ed...
this park will have
a fighting chance.
You had me
at profit-maximizing shortcuts.
There it is!
No, he's not a lampshade.
He's wearing a lampshade.
Right.
Now where did he go?
I shouldn't even be here today.
There's fliers to be made
and tickets to be printed.
And Vance has this crazy
list of demands for his band.
Party.
Oh.
So what you're saying is
I should just stop worrying
and just go with the flow?
What I'm sayin' is
you need to party it up.
Oh, cake!
Oh, yeah, yeah.
This is so much fun
and way less stressful.
I know, right?
Oh, yeah, baby!
That's what I'm talking about!
Whoo!
Dude knows how to party.
Plan B then?
"I like to smash people's faces
into really expensive cakes."
You have some nerve being
anywhere remotely near me.
And since when did
you get a ponytail?
Oh, it's a clip-on.
I like what it says about me.
But that's not why I'm here.
I've come to apologize.
Wait, no, no.
Excuse me, random stranger.
Oh.
Would you mind turning that up?
Oh, sure.
Love in the dark
A little but I'm hoping
it might kick start
Thank you.
Circle!
Shotgun
Uh?
For you.
It's great, it's great.
All right, well...
All I need's
a little love in my life
All I need's
a little love in the dark
A little but I'm hoping
it might kick start
Me and my broken heart
Okay, you win.
Apology accepted.
What do you do for an encore?
I was hoping to discuss
a little Splash-apalooza
over a nice, organic
root bear perhaps?
I can't.
I have a co-captain's
lunch meeting with Vance.
Oh. How tragic.
Perhaps another time then.
Danny, initiate
Operation Mustache.
I got a 10-14 in Tower 3,
need back-up immediately.
Copy, kid.
Uh!
Hey!
Who did that?
Him!
Yo, what's up, Vance?
Come and get me!
You in the lampshade, stop!
Oh, yeah, rock and roll.
Out of the way, coming through.
Ahh!
Lifeguard!
- Lifeguard!
- Hey!
Lifeguard.
I got you, Baker!
Bring it, Vance!
Can't hide from me.
Touch down!
Ah!
I got you now.
Whoa.
Baker.
Smell you later.
Oh, when I get my hands on you.
Uh!
Later, dudes!
Come on, boys!
Huh?
Vance can't dance,
you are clear for lunch.
I hope you don't mind,
but I gave Phil a sweet tip
to whip us up something special.
What is it?
It's one part chicken nuggets,
two parts fish and chips
and two parts real cheese.
I call it, son of tuna melt.
Oh.
Try it.
Adam, this is really lovely...
Shush, my melancholy mermaid.
But there comes a time
in every man's life
where their own mortality
must be thrown to the wind.
Like the seeds of indifference
blown asunder by the lips
of a hungry goldfish.
I have absolutely no idea
what I'm talking about.
Neither does she,
but I think it's working.
And if I should be swept up
in a hurricane of jealously,
let it rip me limp by limp
until my beating heart
is all that remains.
Defiant in its own conviction
for a breeze only for...
Vance.
Huh?
I gotta go.
I got you, Baker!
Vance... are you okay?
We should probably
get you to first aid.
I'll go with you.
I don't feel so good.
Uh.
She's never
gonna talk to me again.
If there's any consolation,
she doesn't
really talk to you now.
Keep that chin up, kid,
we're gonna change that.
Now let's get out of here.
Let's go.
Oh, a little bit of this,
oh, a little of that.
Uh, uh, uh!
Guys, I've been thinking.
Maybe what we're doing
isn't right.
I feel like such a liar.
And Lori deserves better.
Whoa, dude, I know
we've had a few bumps,
but you can't just give up.
Uh, ouch!
I'm giving in to expectations.
What about Splash-apalooza?
You're a two-person
planning committee?
I... I don't know.
I'll tell her something came up.
Hey, you're home.
Oh!
Ah, guys, it's her, it's Lori.
It's Lori.
Hide!
Duck and cover, dudes!
Run!
Whoo, be cool.
In a lot of countries,
slamming the door
in someone's face would
actually be considered rude.
Is this one of 'em?
Sssh.
Here, here, come in, come in.
Me casa you casa.
Stupid.
You don't
have to pretend anymore.
I know your secret.
You do?
It's not what it looks like.
I wanted to tell you,
but it's hard to explain.
I admit I was
a little surprised at first.
But it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
It isn't?
I just never took you
for a poet before.
You left it at the snack bar.
Ah.
Don't be mad, but I kind of
flipped through it.
And?
Coming down!
It's okay, I'm a professional.
You haven't seen a small set of
silver keys, by any chance,
have you?
Come and get it, Uncle Mitch.
I'm on it.
Here we go, all right.
Thank you.
Wait.
Here I am,
rocking like a hurricane
Stupid bicycle.
Lori!
Why is Vince here?
Oh, we've got this
senior lifeguard barbeque thing.
I told him to pick me up here.
I didn't know
Adam Baker had a house.
Lifeguards.
Yeah.
Can't be late, I better run.
Let's go!
Hi, guys.
Nail you later, loser!
I'm not a loser, I'm a magician!
It's a respected profession.
Don't sweat it, bro.
You can't compete with that.
He's a senior lifeguard.
With a car.
And a band.
And amazing hair.
Wait, wait, that's it.
Why didn't I think
of this before?
Guys, the only way to fight
perfect is with perfect.
Ready or not, here I come.
Oh, it's totally going down.
Wish I could see it
with my own two eyes,
but nature called
and I must answer.
Hi.
You're in my seat.
Oh, yeah?
Who's gonna move me?
Ah!
Help!
That's my save.
I got you.
Everyone back,
give him some room.
Adam?
Thank you.
That was bodacious.
And that's how it's done, Vance.
Urh!
Mind if I borrow some of this?
Come here you little twerp.
Baker?
Great work, homeboy.
You, sir, are in the chair.
What? This is my shift.
Not anymore.
Vance, you're on break.
It's time to give
the new talent a shot.
He hasn't even tested.
Pfew, tested?
Did you see
what he did over there?
That's real life, son.
The kid's got the stuff,
now give him the chair.
- But Mr...
- That's an order.
You do realize
I must destroy you now?
Bring it.
Wow, I'm awesome!
And I'm dead meat.
Vance! Vance!
Wait up!
Vance!
Wait up!
We need to talk.
Vance?
Vance, we need to go over
the set list for the fundraiser.
Why should I help Mattis?
I'm like
lifeguard of the century,
and he's gonna take
some rookie's side over mine.
Vance, you're overreacting.
Am I?
I just got dethroned
by Captain Pee Patrol.
Need a lift?
Huh?
Thanks for the ride.
No problem.
What's going on with you, Adam?
Every time I see you you seem
like a different person.
Maybe you just don't
know me well enough... yet.
We should do something
to fix that.
Well, we do
need to talk Splash-apalooza.
Seven o'clock then?
Sounds...
Perfect.
Guys.
We're bringing him in too soon.
He's not ready.
What?
What'd you mean?
I'm totally ready.
Look, I even got
my lucky socks, see?
Ugh, oh!
Lori's not just some girl.
We can't risk it.
Maybe you have a point.
We're running out of first
impressions, and I'm not sure
we want our best player
on the bench for this one.
No.
Man, you're right.
I can't sit across
from someone like Lori
and act suave and sophisticated.
I can't
even figure out my socks.
I'm just gonna call
the whole thing off.
Whoa, whoa, no way.
I'm not standing up, Lori.
Just trust me, I got this...
'cause we'll be
right there with you.
I feel kind of underdressed.
I thought we were just meeting
to talk about the fundraiser.
Uh, uh, you know,
fundraiser talk makes me hungry.
I have to get in there and
save this or she's gonna walk.
You can't just barge in,
she'll know you're a fake Adam.
Just wait.
He's supposed to tag out
any second now.
So I made two fliers.
Mm.
Um, which one
do you like better?
I like, um,
colors, font, pretty.
Excuse me,
I need to use the bathroom.
Dude, what are you doing?
You got like zero game.
Dude, I told you to trust me.
Give me the jacket.
No, no.
Give me your jacket.
What?
Oooo.
Great,
now look what you've done.
Forget it, I've got this.
He doesn't got it.
Um...
what happened in the bathroom?
There was crazy
toilet suction in there.
You wanna get out of here?
Yeah.
Okay.
I've got something to tell you.
You know that guy you saw today?
The cool, confident one who
swooped in and saved the day?
Well, it's not really me.
Not even close.
I mean, that was like a fluke.
Truth is, I'm not
even that good of a swimmer.
I failed the lifeguard test
three years in a row.
Oh, yeah, the filter incident.
Well, maybe I can help you.
Show you a few tricks of the
trade, one lifeguard to another.
So where are you taking me?
To a place I know you'll love.
Come on.
Where are they going?
This isn't the plan.
Where's he going?
I know you like this place.
Let's go.
Wow!
Don't you get enough
working here all day?
I love it here.
I mean, I used to make my
parents bring me here
once a week all summer.
I can still feel the road rash
from all hours
I spent on the Plank Plunge.
I know it's weird.
It's not weird at all.
Actually, I'd come here
on summer vacation
and see the lifeguards
and think,
"wow, they get to come here
every day."
There's not a better job
in the world.
And... I can't even think about
what would happen if...
this fundraiser
wasn't a success.
It will be.
Okay, but for right now,
let's not think about that.
Let's just have some fun.
Ha!
You won?
How'd you win?
Holy.
Do you want this?
This is a disaster.
Lori doesn't wanna play skeeball
and go on the tilt-a-whirl.
She's a sophisticated girl.
Dude, chillax.
It's going great.
Great?
But this is my date,
and he's embarrassing us.
Want this?
Whoo-hoo.
Uh!
Ah!
Baker residence,
may I ask who's calling?
Sweetheart, it's mom.
Wow!
Who it is?
You know darn well who this is.
Quite goofing around.
Ugh.
Don't you ugh me.
My minutes are running out.
Adam speaking.
I know who's speaking.
What's going on over there?
Oh, dear mother, oh...
You sound weird.
You must detect
the joy in my voice,
but rest assured there's nothing
to worry about here.
Everything here is just...
No!
blessed and wonderful.
Okay.
What's going on over there?
Go for Baker.
Adam Baker,
you put your Uncle M...
Down.
Put it down.
Who's that?
Wrong number.
Like the legend
of the Phoenix
Come on.
All ends with beginnings
Yeah, I know.
What keeps
the planets spinning
The force
from the beginning
Look
We've come too far
Make sure it's two inches.
To give up
Yard work party!
So let's raise the bar
Whee!
This is so fun!
Whee!
Are you seeing this?
She's up all night
for good fun
I'm up all night
to get lucky
This way, puppy party.
Ride canine coming through!
Oh.
Aw, aw, look at my
beautiful Penny Pants.
Look at how beautiful you are.
We've come too far
To give up who we are
Ah!
Ah, ah, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Uh!
Ah!
Ugh!
Ow!
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I don't know what happened.
Nice shades.
Uh.
Yeah, I don't know, I was
just trying out a new look.
Yeah, my look.
Are you supposed to dropping
off Gillian at soccer practice?
It's already done,
so I thought I'd swing by
the park and do lunch with Lori.
No!
I mean, she's busy today.
Tonight's the fundraiser,
and she has to go over
some last-minute things
with Vance.
Ugh!
Oh, oh, oh, wait,
Handsome and Lori together?
Ah, he's trying to get
in between me and Lori.
Lori and you?
I mean, uh... we.
Okay, well, we only
have a few hours
until the Splash-apalooza.
There's a lot to do.
And, plus, Uncle Mitch told me
that I have to help him
with this birthday party thing.
Okay, I guess I'll just
round up the boys
and take care of Handsome
once and for all.
No, just leave it alone.
That's an order.
Whatever you say, boss.
Pfllt.
Baker.
There you are, Baker.
Perfect timing.
You can say that.
I need to speak
to the Splash-apalooza
planning committee.
Where's the other half?
Yeah, she's not coming.
And if you want to talk to Lori,
you're gonna
have to go through me first.
Give me a break, Baker.
I'm finished with you.
Done-so.
And the only thing I want
for you to do is walk
right over to Mr. Mattis' office
and turn in your whistle.
And why would I do that?
Because if you don't,
you'll have to explain
to Lori and everyone else why
Vance Vance Revolution
isn't playing Splash-apalooza
tonight.
What's so funny?
You obviously don't realize
who you're dealing with, Vance.
Oh, yeah?
Tell me, who exactly is that?
All of us.
Or everyone.
Oh, hey!
Uh!
You.
We're everywhere.
Party! Party!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, Vance!
Ah!
This is my park now, Handsome.
And you're gonna
stay away from it.
Because we'll be watching
everything and everywhere.
Got it?
Ah!
Bye.
What's going on?
Where's Adam numbero uno?
What, are you his mother?
No, I'm his best friend.
Oh, yeah, really?
Best friend?
Then why did he
put me in charge?
Where is Handsome going?
He had better
get back here pronto.
He has a show to play tonight.
Oh, yeah, he's not
gonna be coming back ever.
What do you mean? Why?
He told me he was gonna work
for Water Planet.
That conniving traitor.
Yo know how life or death
this fundraiser is.
How could you let this happen?
I don't know.
I mean... by not caring.
Uh, Mr. Mattis,
you'll have to forgive Adam.
He's not quite himself today.
Yeah?
Well, he's got three hours
to find me another headliner
or he's fired.
What? You can't fire me.
I'm your accountant.
Okay, then you're fired.
What?
He's fired.
And if you don't find me
another headliner, you're next.
Boom!
See, I told you
cleaning can be fun.
And disgusting at the same time.
Ugh!
Mm.
Alakazoo!
We love you, Mitch!
That was great, Uncle Mitch.
I know, right?
No better feeling than showing
someone that the impossible
is indeed possible,
What you said last
week was a game changer.
I said that?
I sa... I said that... I said it.
I wasted all that time
trying to be
like every other magician
out there.
But what makes me different,
makes me happy is...
you know, like we said.
Oh.
What did we say?
What did we...
- Being...
- Being...
- ...the best...
- The best...
- ...magic...
- Magician.
- ...Magic Mitch...
- ...Magic Mitch...
- ...I can.
- ...I can.
Being the best magician
I can be.
Yes, I said it.
Right.
Truth. Honesty.
Being the real you.
That's where the magic is.
Otherwise, what's the point?
Hey, what's that?
Oh, yeah, it's just a rash.
I mean, probably from all that
chlorine in those pools.
You should probably
get that checked out... not yet.
This show ain't over.
We still gotta make
that grandma reappear.
Mm-hmm.
Pretty rabbit.
Uh, I'll be right back.
I think I turned
the grandma into a rabbit.
Vance won't be giving us
any problems from here on out.
Right now, Vance is
the very least of our problems.
Finally!
Where have you been?
Uh, magic show, long story.
You remember
my Uncle Magic Mitch?
Straight jacket?
This is some venue.
Whoa, yeah.
Where's Vance?
Shouldn't he be setting up?
That's what I've
been calling about.
There is no Vance.
He just freaked out,
I don't know why.
No, he's probably just taking
selfies and then liking them.
No, I mean, he's gone,
melted down,
as in not coming back... ever.
Perfect.
Far from it.
If we don't find someone
to take Vance's place,
there's not gonna be
a Splash-apalooza.
And if there's
no Splash-apalooza,
there's not gonna be
a water park next summer.
Mattis was so mad,
he fired Sheldon.
Oh my gosh, no way, no.
Why, Sheldon?
He loves that job.
We need something big.
Something amazing.
Something...
Yeah!
Oh...
Magical.
Does he do something
other than sparkle?
You bet he does.
I think.
This is gonna be great.
I have so many ideas.
Come on, come on, come on,
let's do this.
Oh, yeah!
It's magic hour!
Let's go!
Yes, yes, yes,
let's go, Uncle Mitch.
What?
Looks like it's been hit by...
A clone-ado.
Uh, I mean,
like a... like a cyclone.
What?
Hold on.
Huh?
Ow! What the...
Adam, are you okay in there?
Yeah, it's just
some stomach issues.
You've gotta stop eating
those son of tuna melts.
Brutal.
I tried to stop him,
but he was too perfect.
Plus his hair's breathtaking.
I was mesmerized.
He's mad.
You need to protect Lori.
You do not want to go in there.
I'm telling you, there's
some serious toilet suction.
Should I be worried?
Uh, no, no.
It's just... uh, mice.
Big mice.
We should go.
Adam!
What's going on?
Well just... stay here,
the llama will protect you.
Help!
I need a little help here, dude.
Party foul.
He over-powdered me.
Perfect?
Totally.
Oh, oh, Adam, Adam.
Where is he?
He took off
after I showed him the video.
Adam, you need to see this.
Adam, are you coming back?
Hang on, I'll be back.
I'll be right in.
And I thought
my house was messy.
Yum, gummy bear.
Ha-ha!
Lori!
Hey!
I have to get you out of here.
Adam, there was a hand.
Oh, a hand?
Oh, those mice must be evolving.
We have to hurry.
Look, Adam!
What up?
It's Lori.
Hey.
Oh, no, it's okay,
it's okay, they won't hurt you.
They're... they're with me.
They're... well...
Nice to meet your acquaintance.
They're my clones.
Clones?
But that's not real,
except in sci-fi movies.
I know it's hard to believe,
but there was this machine.
And my schedule was like crazy...
Oh, wait, you mean
you did this yourself?
No, it was
an accident... at first.
But instead you lied
and then let them run around
pretending to be you?
You!
You smashed cake in my face.
And you, you read me poetry
and then gave me food poisoning.
And you, you just need to do
everyone a favor
and get that thing waxed!
And you.
You made a fool of me.
All this time, like... like
I was some game to you.
And to think, I
thought you were different.
Lori, wait.
I know I've been an idiot.
I was scared.
Scared I wouldn't
say the right thing
or, you know, be cool enough.
Thanks to you, you showed me
that the real Adam
might not be so bad after all.
If you just give me
one more chance,
I promise I'll never pretend to
be someone I'm not ever again.
I just... I... I really wanted
to im... to impress you.
Adam!
Uh!
I gotcha, I gotcha.
Hurry, let's get him
to the couch.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I think so.
I don't know what's going on.
It's the machine, Adam.
That's what
I've been trying to tell you.
Here.
It's been 67 hours since
the last duplicate was created.
Each copy has manifested
different traits.
Exhibit one.
Exhibit two.
Each clone exhibits
a shared sense of feeling.
Even shared pain.
No way!
Ah!
Scientific research, don't
you think, boys and girls?
That's not the part.
Here.
Mysterious side effects
have surfaced.
The headaches,
the sweating and dizziness.
And now a rash.
Oh, nasty.
If my analysis is correct,
complete bodily disintegration
will occur just eight hours
after the initial onset
of these symptoms.
Further, each of my copies
will suffer the same fate
shortly after my own expiration.
The only way to stop the cycle
is with the duplex ignitor.
Inserting the duplex ignitor in
reverse position creates
a protonic window through which
each clone can be sent
back into the initial subject.
To do this, each clone must
travel into the machine
at a high speed, at no less
than 37 miles per hour.
That's good.
We should do that.
This is our only hope.
Professor Loin signing off
possibly for the last time.
Van's packed,
let's get this show...
Uncle Mitch.
road.
I can explain.
Nephew, what have you done?
Busted.
This is brilliant.
What?
We can use them in the show.
Yeah,
we can rage the magic show!
We're gonna magic history.
What?
No, no, no, no, Uncle Mitch,
it's too dangerous.
We have to get them back
in the tanning bed thing.
Or the cloning machine
thing... I don't know.
Tanning bed?
Uh, that might be a problem.
What?
What happened?
It was like this when I came in.
I thought Gillian had practiced
her karate on it or something.
We'll fix it.
We'll make a plan.
He can't get away with this.
You're not alone, Adam.
There's just one problem.
The duplex ignitor is gone.
St importantly,
we get the duplex ignitor back.
And Uncle Mitch, you can still
save the park with a great show.
Oh.
Yes!
All right, guys,
we're all gonna be needed
for the trick here.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Wait.
I can't do the show without her.
She's my good luck charm.
Now why the slide?
Because the professor said
that all the clones
are gonna need to be traveling
at least 37 miles an hour
to breech the energy field's
outer shell.
Yeah.
That'... that's it, yeah.
And before we take
the plunge, we're gonna need
the duplex ignitor,
which of course Perfect has.
How do we know
he'll even show up?
I know.
I can text him
to meet me at the show.
It should work.
He took my phone
a long time ago.
He'll know it's a trick.
It doesn't matter.
Lori's his... well,
also our... weakness.
It's too dangerous.
Look at what he did
to the machine.
He's... he's unpredictable.
You're in trouble, Adam.
And I wanna help.
It's just part
of my lifeguard nature.
And what about the Clone 2000?
Even if we get the duplex
ignitor from Perfect,
it's not gonna do us
any good in this shape.
Danny?
Sheldon? You came, too!
I figured you weren't
talking to me since...
I kind of got you fired.
None of that matters right now.
You're in trouble,
and we're your wing men.
Plus, we helped
create this mess, too.
Word to that.
So... you think
you can fix it?
Uh, yeah.
But it's gonna take
a lot of duct tape...
and technical genius, of course.
All right, we gotta go.
The show starts
in a couple of hours.
We'll load the machine
into the van.
You guys gotta get it
running during the show.
Show time, whoo-hoo!
Oh, my goodness gracious,
that was awesome sauce, Todd.
Thank you.
Let's give it up for the guy
who stacked a bunch of cups.
Uncle Mitch, why are you hiding?
Listen to 'em.
They think they're gonna see
some young rock star.
But you're like
hashtag greatest magician ever.
Just pretend like you're doing
the trick only for me,
just like we practiced.
You're right.
We've got magic to make.
Oh, um... due
to unforeseen circumstances
that were neither unforeseen
nor circumstantial,
the role of
Vance Vance Revolution
in tonight's performance will be
played by a great performer.
Vance! Vance!
Vance! Vance!
Straight off
his one-week stint
at the Beachwood Retirement
Home, please put your hands
together for the one,
the only...
Magic Mitch!
I heat up,
I can't cool down
You got me spinnin'
'round and 'round
'Round and 'round
and 'round it goes
Where it stops nobody knows
Every time
you call my name
I heat up
like a burnin' flame
Burnin' flame
full of desire
Kiss me baby,
let the fire get higher
Abra-abra-cadabra
I want to reach out
and grab ya
Abra-abra-cadabra
Abracadabra
You make me hot,
you make me sigh
You make me laugh
With the touch
of a velvet glove
Abra-abra-cadabra
I want to reach out
and grab ya
Number one party!
Yeah, let's get the party
started!
Five!
Yes!
Magic Mitch!
I gotta go, excuse me.
Okay.
We did it! We did it!
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Every dollar counts.
What do I have to do to get
you back here next summer?
Lots of money.
Lori!
There you are.
Uncle Mitch did it.
You guys were amazing.
Mattis is going nuts.
You've changed already.
Yeah, I gotta
get you out of here.
What? Why?
I'll explain on the way.
Adam, where are we going?
What about our plan?
There's been a change in plans.
Ah!
Oh, there's the man of the hour.
Amazing job, Baker.
It looks like you
really did save the park.
Thanks.
Have you seen Lori?
Uh, she was just with you.
You were walking
towards the exit.
What?
Oh, Baker... Baker,
come on, how'd you do it?
Huh, it was mirrors, right?
It had to be mirrors.
Clones.
Clones?
That's funny.
Boy, if that was possible, huh?
Do me a favor, make that out
to Ms. Penny Pants, will ya?
Gillian, Gillian, Gillian.
You have to kick me.
Okay, sure.
Ah!
Oh!
Oooh!
Baker, what's the matter
with you?
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh, that was seriously low.
He just wants to get rid of me.
Adam doesn't deserve you,
Lori, you belong with me.
No!
You don't know
what you're doing.
Yes, I do.
What?
No, no.
Oh.
Ah.
Guys, he's here.
And Lori's leading him
to the top of the slide.
Be careful, Adam.
Guys, we're out of time.
We gotta get that thing
working now.
Uh.
Copy that.
Oh.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Adam Baker...
all by his lonesome.
You think you pulled off
your little magic act?
Vance, I don't
have time for this.
This is my park, Baker.
You think I'm gonna let you
and your gang of robo Adams
scare me away?
Hear me?
How are we doing down there?
We're not ready.
She's gotta stall him.
You gotta stall him.
Ah!
You disappoint me, Lori.
Adam thinks if he can get rid
of me and the rest of us,
then you'll finally
settle for him.
I wouldn't be settling.
The real Adam's great
just the way he is.
Yeah, you didn't think that
until we brought him
to your attention.
I guess I needed
to open my eyes.
Uh.
Give me that.
Adam!
Help!
Lori, hang on!
Wait a minute.
That's the guy
I should be fighting.
Yeah, exactly.
Come on, we have to save her.
I can't hold on!
Ah!
Here, just give me that ignitor
and I'll pull you
right up, okay?
No way!
You choose
the wrong Adam once, Lori.
Don't do it again,
just give me the ignitor.
Come on.
I'm gonna fall!
I can't... I can't hold on!
Come on, let's go, let's go!
Yeah, right.
That's, uh,
really high up there.
Maybe you should
take this one, bro.
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got a... I got
a thing about heights.
It's embarrassing but... nobody's
perfect after all, right?
Go 'em, Baker!
You got this, man!
This is all you!
Here you go!
Two more flights!
Come on, just give me your hand.
Okay, you're gonna
be there all day
if you don't give me your hand.
All right, that's it!
There you go, that's it!
If you don't give me your hand...
Ow!
I'm not going back.
This should be my life,
not yours.
It is your life.
We're a team.
Adam!
Just go, I got this.
Got it!
Nice catch!
Now fire it up.
Hurry!
You're on, Adam!
Ah!
What?
How'd you do that?
Yah!
Ah!
- Ah!
- Ah!
Why'd I do that?
On guard, geek.
We're good to go.
It's working,
and it hasn't exploded... yet.
Come on, Adam!
I know you can do this!
Uh, you're holding me back.
I don't wanna fight you.
Good. Just give up.
Ugh!
There.
Ah!
Hold on!
Hold on, I got you!
What are you doing?
I would've never saved you.
Yeah, I know.
What?
No...!
It worked!
Sorry.
Nobody's perfect.
Oh, no, you gotta be kidding.
Uh!
Adam, give me your hand.
Pull!
Ha-ha, way to go, Bakers!
Nice save!
Uh, okay.
Okay.
That's a... ribs breaking.
Ribs breaking.
That's too tight.
Thanks, bud.
Good boy.
Okay, that was hard.
I thank you guys all enough
for all you've done for me.
Seriously.
Not for you, for us.
Well... I guess this is it.
Just promise me you read
a book every once in a while...
in between comics.
This is for you.
And write some poetry.
Trust me.
See ya.
That's not what that is.
Never mind.
Thanks.
Huh?
Ooh.
Ah!
Hug it out, brah.
Thanks for teaching me
how to have fun, man.
Word to that, A Prime.
Word to that.
Ah!
Whoo!
I'm gonna go.
All right.
Keep it real, brah!
Gotta split!
Whoo!
I think I'm gonna miss you
most of all.
I'm not going anywhere, Adam.
We'll be right here
whenever you need us.
Separately, we're pretty good.
But together, we totally rock.
Just try not to forget
we're there, all right?
Never.
Look on the bright side.
They didn't go very far.
And... I'm still here.
I mean, I feel
different... better.
They showed me there was more
to Adam Baker than I even knew.
Adam, there is one more thing
I really have to know.
I was right.
Some things really
can be perfect.
No, no, no!
That was not a dream!
No, that wasn't a dream.
What?
No.
No, no, you cannot
do this to me.
It was real, I felt it.
Hi, kids!
Hey, guys, we're home.
Adam, where are ya?
It's neat.
Too neat.
How can something be too neat?
I'm a mother, trust me.
There you are.
Hey.
Hey?
That's it?
Well, have you ever had
something
so amazingly great happen
that... you kinda thought
that it might not
have actually happened?
When we had you, sweetie.
Mwah.
Oh, your Uncle Mitch
is in the driveway.
He wants to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
Oh!
Hey, Uncle Mitch,
where are you going?
Vegas, baby.
A video of the show went viral.
Hashtag Magic Mitch
is trending through the roof!
I got my magic mojo back
thanks to you.
Or should I say
thanks to all of you.
Well you're
a pretty awesome uncle.
Thanks for saving my butt
back there
before mom and dad came home.
No problem.
And cleaned up that mess.
That's some real magic.
I'm gonna miss you.
I promised your boss that I'd be
back for an encore appearance
every summer.
Whoa!
Oh, I got something for you.
Whoa!
For your safe keeping.
Whoa.
If it were to get
into the wrong hands...
nah, I don't wanna think
about that.
I've got the actual
tanning bed in my van.
Gotta keep this puppy
bronzed after all.
Well, don't
worry, I'll keep it safe.
Thanks, Uncle Mitch.
All right.
Farewell, nephew.
Stay magical.
All right.
I thought you were
at work today.
Mattis was so thrilled
with the fundraiser,
he gave me the day off.
Oh, and they had to put
a new plaque on the trophy
with your name
over one of Vance's.
I bet he loved that.
I think it was his idea,
actually.
Oh, and Sheldon
got his job back.
No way, that's awesome.
I was thinking
about hitting the park.
You got time?
I've always got time for you.
And so what do you
wanna hit first?
Uh, it's your
turn to hit Plank Plunge.
I think I've spent
enough time over there.
Yeah, me, too.
How 'bout the kiddie pool?
Ew!
Hey, sweetie, did you miss us?
Hi, daddy.
Hashtag sisters.
Ha!
Honey, where are you?
There's a llama in the backyard.
How many are there?