St. Bernard Syndicate (2018) Movie Script
1
What's hot right now is...
- Dog breeds.
- What ?
Dog breeds.
You know, prize dogs.
- Really ?
- They go for 25,000-33,000 dollars.
You'll have to excuse me.
I need to take a leak.
Okay, but feel free to come back
for more information.
- They want St. Bernards ?
- They're nuts about them.
I'm looking for about a million
to get this off the ground.
Bruun.
I have a business opportunity for you.
The Chinese market is booming.
China. Yes.
The middle class has quadrupled.
From 200 to 800 million in ten years.
- They're swimming in money.
- Yes, everyone wants...
So I'm establishing
a dog breeding business. In China.
- Dog breeding. St. Bernards.
- Oh, I see.
Whenever they see a St. Bernard,
they totally lose it.
I call it the Panda of the West.
Investors are dying to get in on it.
They want to invest in this stuff,
and I'm fighting them off, because
what I need is the right investor.
And I'm thinking of you.
You don't have to move a muscle.
All I need is an investment.
And I know your father died.
- Yes, that's correct.
- There's bound to be an inheritance.
Yes, yes. Sure.
How much do you need ?
- No more than 2 million.
- I'll think about it.
Rasmus, what was the purpose
of Herlufsholm School ?
- Friendships.
- No ! Not even remotely !
Business connections. Herlufsholm:
"We make each other richer."
- I don't know a lot about dogs and...
- You don't need to.
I'll take care of everything.
I'm the one with the contacts.
Listen, if it's because
I bullied you in school, I apologize.
Believe me, a huge opportunity
just fell into your lap.
Give it some thought.
I'll just make a quick call.
- Yes, sure.
- Okay, yes.
- I'll make a quick call myself.
- Sure.
Hi, Mom. Uh...
Oh, nothing.
Would you order
some more Sdahl bed linen ?
- Yes.
- Grey. The shelves are empty.
- I'll get to it later.
- No, I'd like you to do it now.
- Now ?
- Yes.
- Did you have a nice weekend ?
- Yes, I did.
- I was at my old school, Herlufsholm.
- Herlufsholm ?
- Yes.
- Did you go there ?
Yes.
- But that's an elite school.
- That's right.
Okay !
No need to look so surprised,
Mohammad.
- And you've worked here ever since ?
- I've worked in other places, too.
- Yes, indeed.
- Where ?
IKEA.
So ?
You've arrived in dreamland.
Yes, uh...
It's just because I always say:
We don't sell beds, we sell dreams.
Yes, good boy.
You're such a good boy.
What's this ?
Yes... a snack.
Yummy. Good boy.
Such a good boy.
More snacks ?
Dad, if you look at page 8...
I don't know if you've gotten to it.
But you'll see that
market analysis suggest
that the interest in prestige objects
in China, such as the St. Bernard
rises by 5-8% in the middle class,
and the middle class is growing
so it's an exponential growth.
The conservative estimate is
that you'll see a return of five times
your investment over five years.
That's 500%.
It's unique.
The breeding techniques
are familiar ground to us.
- So that expertise will be put to use.
- Aha.
And if you're in as investor,
you could assist in that as well.
Aw, what's this now.
There.
Yes.
There...
So what I'm asking of you is to give me
a small loan of 335,000 dollars.
- It's all very solid.
- It looks amazing. Nice job.
And the numbers look good.
But we've been here before, Frederik.
You don't have a knack...
... for business.
There ! But you do. Right, Dollar ?
You have a knack for business.
What's this ? What's this ?
Dad, at least let me take Dollar.
For the showroom.
- Have you lost your mind ?
- Right...
- You know your way out.
- Yes. Fine.
See you, Frederik.
Well...
- This is a new office, right ?
- Uh, not really.
Rasmus, we asked you to come in,
to get the results
of the examinations we did.
Yes.
Rasmus, I don't think
you're entirely well.
- But I feel just fine.
- Yes...
Have you heard of the condition
amyotrophic lateral sclerosis ?
Uh... no ? No...
It's also called ALS.
If you know Stephen Hawking...
What he has is ALS.
I see.
So...
But how serious is it ?
- Serious.
- Serious ?
It's serious, Rasmus.
It attacks your muscles.
You lose muscle tone.
You should expect that, at some point,
you'll have difficulty walking.
Eventually, you'll be confined
to a wheelchair
with a bit of difficulty swallowing,
a bit of difficulty talking and...
Personally, I feel Stephen Hawking
has lived too long with this disease.
"Where the hell is Dollar ?"
Hi, Kaj.
I'm just calling to inform you that
there'll be some withdrawals
on my account in the next few months.
Uh... yes, that's right.
If you could remove the blocking
that would be great.
And my card wasn't stolen by
a Chinese going on a spree in China.
That's not why.
Yeah.
Exactly, I know.
I'm doing business out here,
so I'll be using every last cent.
I will.
Take care back in Denmark.
Okay, bye-bye.
ST. BERNARD SYNDICATE
Register
"Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope that your St. Bernard dog,
Comrade...
... is doing well.
Best wishes.
Mr. Jorgensen."
J-O-R...
... G-E-N...
... S-E-N.
- Sorry about this.
- So this is where you're hiding.
- I'm in the middle of something.
- Oh ? What's up ?
A job interview.
Oh ! It's good to meet you.
Finally.
Our new employee.
Hello. Rasmus. Welcome aboard.
- It's so good...
- Sorry. Please ignore him.
You're not hired yet.
This is an employment interview.
- So if you'd...
- Oh, sorry ! I'll just...
- Rasmus, can't you just...
- Where are we sitting ? Here ?
Sorry, allow me to do this in Danish.
- Can't you go somewhere else ?
- What ?
- It's just not cool to...
- I'd like to be here for the interview.
It's just for...
... drivers and secretaries.
Nothing important.
No, no, it's just so that I get to be on
the ground floor as well, you know ?
I'll just sit in.
This is our investor, Rasmus.
He will be joining the interview.
I'm sorry you weren't notified.
I wasn't either. So, I'm sorry.
- To finish...
- No problem.
We're in the middle of
dictating a letter.
"CEO, St. Bernard Syndicate."
- How old are you, Beyond ?
- I'm 22.
- 22.
- That's not old.
- Do you know St. Bernard dogs ?
- Yes. I know that dog.
Yes. It's a Swiss dog.
Yes. Big dogs.
This company sells these dogs.
We breed them.
And we sell them to wealthy clients
as a pet.
Beyond, do you... are you able
to take a dictate ?
- Yeah.
- Ready ?
"Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope that your dog, Comrade,
is doing well.
Thank you also for the orchid..."
Yes ?
"... that you sent to my mother
on her birthday last month.
Best wishes.
Frederik Jorgensen."
- And Mr....
- No. It's from me.
- The letter is from me. I'm the CEO.
- Yes, but it's also from me.
This is an exercise, Rasmus.
A middle-manager exercise.
If you could wait outside ?
We might have interviews with drivers
who only speak the local dialect.
- Okay ? Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
Frederik ?
She's hired.
This is a business,
not a whorehouse.
But we should also have fun.
- Where's...
- Stay here while I...
They get the wrong idea.
They should know who the boss is.
- Oh, so I should remain here.
- Yes, please.
Ask him who he thinks
looks like the boss.
Who do you think looks like the boss ?
- Why ?
- Very good.
He has the boss...
He looks like the boss.
Who would he say, if he just looked
at us, who was the boss ?
Which one do you think is the boss ?
To your right.
This one.
Why is that ?
Why ?
Who does he think is the boss ?
Okay, thank you.
He thought I was the boss, too.
So what's on for the rest of the day ?
The rest of the day ? I have
a commercial shoot down here.
Oh, okay.
That's kinda expensive.
We did one in Comfort Beds that was
aired on local TV. It cost a fortune.
I just need to see the budget.
I have a good deal of experience.
Wow, Dollar !
Look at that !
Oh, you want to take a picture ?
Yes, yes.
Look, Dollar !
Look !
Oh, perfect.
- Yes, yes, you can touch...
- This dog, how old ?
- Five years.
- Five ?
The first time people meet a Saint
Bernard dog, it changes their life.
I would say it changes their life.
Beautiful, cute...
I mean, like the slogan:
'Big - Royal - Cute'.
It is a game changer.
Good. Thank you so much.
Sorry, I didn't know you didn't drink.
If you can't finish it, I will.
So, as you know I come from a family
of canine breeders.
We've been doing it
for four generations in my family.
So there's a lot of know-how there.
What I want to do
with the St. Bernard Syndicate is
to make buying a dog easier.
I want to establish a closer
relationship with the customer.
You become a subscriber to services
the St. Bernard Syndicate provides.
You buy a subscription for dog food.
You buy a subscription for vaccines
for veterinarian visits.
You know, all these kinds of things
that make owning a dog
really annoying.
Yes, building up a new lifestyle.
Yes. If you build up a new lifestyle
there's money to be made.
So we need to have
a Chinese investor.
I think we would need
close to 15 million.
Maybe our model should be, not
as big, maybe four square meters ?
Yes...
I mean, it's good because when
you need investors they have to see.
Very nice.
Beauti... ooh !
Now we're talking.
I am making a breeding facility
for dogs. St. Bernard dogs.
I want a landscape
of the breeding facility which shows
the actual breeding facility
where the dogs live.
It should be so that you think:
Here is room for half a million dogs.
- So where are you from ?
- I'm from Shanghai.
- Oh ! I'm from Denmark, myself.
- Denmark...
- Denmark.
- What business are you in ?
- Everything.
- Oh. Okay.
People don't want the hassle,
they just want the great things
the companionship and all that shit.
If you just take out all the hassle
it'll make it much easier to go:
Yeah, I want a fucking dog.
I have this business presentation
coming up.
If you want to hear more about the
business, you're very welcome.
Maybe.
If you have time, it'd be great
to see you there. Really great.
It's been a pleasure
meeting you Mr. Ling.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
One more, please ?
Do you want another one ?
- Yes.
- Let's have two more.
Can you sleep at night ?
Yes, I can.
- It's hard to adjust to Chinese time.
- Well, that's just how it is.
I'm just constantly tired.
- And the bed is way too soft.
- Hello ! Good to see you.
- Oh ! Hello, girls !
- Hello.
- Oh, it's... so good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- Good morning.
- You're both so beautiful.
I just want to say, on behalf
of the St. Bernard Syndicate
that I'm very, very excited.
Welcome on board and let's get
this rocket ship up in the air.
So, Beyond, I think priority number
one is the translation of the website.
And then do a questionnaire
for market analysis.
And then contact
some old people's homes.
Like marketing people ?
I mean institutions like
old people's homes, kindergartens.
They could buy a dog and have it
there as a compassion dog.
Both in Denmark and China
it's a huge problem
that old people with dementia...
You know dementia ?
"Oh, oh, can't remember anything.
Why did I take my pills ? Did I..."
You know, people who can't remember
who they are or who their family are.
They run away.
And it's a very, very big...
... very expensive to find them.
You have to have helicopters
and sometimes they're in a ditch
or in a lake swimming around.
But if they have dogs at the home
that considerably reduces
the number of people who run away.
If you'd call the exclusive ones and
talk to them about purchasing a dog ?
Yes ?
- Jenny, social media strategy.
- Okay.
We need a presence on social media
in China, definitely. Fun facts.
Fun facts about the dog.
Then you learn something but also...
You know fun facts ? It's popular
in Europe. Newspapers do it.
- Everybody does it. It's like...
- Five things you didn't know...
Five things you didn't know
you wanted to know.
Did you know the St. Bernard dog
originated in Austria and Switzerland ?
It's a mountain dog.
Chongqing is a mountain city. Yes ?
Mountain dog in the mountain city.
That's actually a great slogan.
"A mountain dog
in the mountain city."
- ... takes dog to the children's home.
- That's what we're doing.
What's happening before and after
that ? In the beginning of the story...
Actually, this is the real beginning
of this story.
The Danish people take the puppy
to this family.
- And who are we ?
- You ?
You are the businessman
from this puppy company.
- We're playing ourselves.
- Yes.
Ready ! Action !
- Do we stop here ?
- Stop. Cut.
You're just behind him.
Not like this.
The mother,
don't hold the scarf too tight.
This... in the room...
Action !
This is a St. Bernard dog. It will
protect you for the rest of your life.
I think that was perfect.
This is a St. Bernard dog. It will
protect you for the rest of your life.
The St. Bernard Syndicate will
provide you with everything you need.
Including vaccination, registration
and dog food. Anything you want.
Just call us, and we'll be there.
Yes, yes...
- Perfect, good.
- Yes.
- You are too...
- Am I exaggerating ?
- Over-acting.
- Over-acting.
- You should be gentle.
- Gentle. Yes.
Yes, gentle is to be polite.
- But not to...
- Yeah, not...
- I wasn't.
- It was a bit much.
- He was very much...
- A little bit.
The St. Bernard Syndicate will
provide you with everything you need.
Including registration, vaccination
and dog food.
- Just call us anytime you want to.
- Cut !
- Great. Did you see me ?
- Actually, I did see some...
- Yeah ? Did you like it ?
- Yeah.
- Pretty good acting
- Especially the signing.
Oh, I was so nervous.
Like a professional ? Yeah...
When people walked over the Alps
between Germany and Switzerland...
When they got lost in the snow,
the St. Bernard monks
had these dogs and they ran
out in the snow and rescued people...
Oh, no !
Dear friends of Chongqing,
dear business leaders
and last but not least,
dear potential investors.
As CEO of the St. Bernard
Syndicate it is my great pleasure
to welcome you all
to this business presentation
marking the beginning of the
St Bernard Syndicate's entrance
into the Chinese pet market.
Demand for new exciting dog breeds
is sky-rocketing.
This is a huge emerging market
and a great investment possibility
for investors such as yourselves.
Feel free to ask me any questions
and please don't cheat yourselves.
Dollar will be walking amongst you
so if you want a picture or to smoke
a cigarette while watching the dog
I think that is the best way to see
whether or not a dog is right for you.
Sit down, have a cigarette,
look at the dog. Look it in the eyes.
Then you will be free to do that.
Watch out ! There's a dog behind you.
Take a look.
Yes !
I'll take your wife.
I'll take her.
Hello, Mr. Ling.
- Hello.
- You came. Very glad to see you.
- Nice speech. Nice...
- Thank you.
- Do you like what you see ?
- Uh... good.
- Yes.
- Good development.
It's very big. We hope to build it here.
Right now we're standing right there.
You enter through the French Gardens
and go to this model
of Amalienborg Castle in Denmark
where the King and Queen live.
I'm so sorry. So sorry.
Sorry...
I hope I didn't get any on you.
- Thank you for everything today.
- No worries. It was great seeing you.
And... you have my name card so I
hope to see you in the future as well.
Now you've seen what we're doing.
It was a pleasure. Get home safe.
- Drive carefully.
- You, too.
Hi, Mom.
Oh, nothing really. I just wanted to...
hear... You know, how you're doing.
I'm in China.
Yes, the connection is flaky.
I just wanted to...
I saw the doctor right before I left.
Uh, and I...
Oh...
Okay, I'll call back later.
No problem. Yes.
Bye.
Yes, Beyond, I'm here.
I'm standing in the cars...
Yeah, I have the key. But I can't...
None of them is opening up.
Okay, they're all unlocked.
No, every car is unlocked, I think.
Try to what ?
Try to lock ?
I can't go around checking
which one is locked, Beyond.
Why ?
Well, if you were here,
I think you would understand.
- We should've hung out in school.
- You're right. We should've.
- Too bad we didn't.
- Good thing we have China now.
Did anyone call ?
Investors or...
- No.
- Written an email or... ?
Whoa !
You hit those houses every time.
"Dad."
Yes, hello, Beyond.
This is Rasmus.
Your boss.
Yeah...
Yeah, one of your bosses, I guess.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well... yeah.
He's very busy.
Actually, he's got diarrhea.
I really need your help.
We need an investor
for the St. Bernard Syndicate.
Maybe you could set up a meeting
with me and a possible investor.
Yea... No, no, no...
No, like a businessman.
The richest man in Chongqing.
Mr. what ? Mr. Liu ?
What kind of cakes ?
Cookies ?
Yeah, yeah.
Alright. Perfect.
Love you.
Wait... no, no.
Not... uh... what ?
No, I said 'hold you'.
I don't know why I said hold you.
Yeah, it's something you say
in Denmark. You just say...
... uh, uh... hold you !
Yeah, it's kinda like take care.
Yeah !
Exactly. Yeah.
Okay.
Well, hold you !
Okay.
"Hold you."
Okay, now.
When we go into Mr. Liu's place
I would like you to tell him a joke
on my behalf.
The dog is with me, and I would like
you to tell him the following:
This is Dollar, but now we are in
China, so you can call him Renminbi.
- Okay, so I should say it now ?
- Yes. I would like to hear it.
- Like this ?
- Yes. Exactly ! That's perfect.
It's an excellent ice-breaker.
Mr. Liu.
- Is this Mr. Liu ?
- Yes.
His name is Dollar, but we're in
China so you can call him Renminbi.
Hello. Rasmus Homburg.
Nice to meet you.
Did he get the joke ?
Ah, that's good.
- Ah ! Perfect.
- Shall we open the window ?
Oh, very strong.
He can kiss him.
This is amazing.
Did he build it ?
- Yeah.
- It comes to him in his sleep ?
- It comes to your dream ?
- Yes, I think about it every day.
Yes, I think about it every day.
"I keep it in mind."
- Dumpling plate. Dumplings.
- Dumplings ? Yeah.
Let me tell you.
The status of dogs in the world
is almost of the same importance
as humans.
A dog can overthrow a government.
Dogs have great power.
Do you know why the presidents
of USA and Russia want dogs ?
- A dog is a kind of symbol.
- It's a symbol of power.
Putin needs a dog.
Without his dog
maybe he can't keep his power.
Dogs are man's closest friends.
Dogs have political power.
Shinzo Abe gave Putin an Akita.
Your boyfriend will betray you,
but a dog will never do that.
A dog is not just an animal or a pet.
It's like the soul of a man.
- It's a soul of a man ?
- Yeah.
Could you tell him that
Mr. Jorgensen would appreciate
what he is saying
about the dogs ?
And I would very much like
to introduce him to Mr. Jorgensen.
Introduce Frederik...
- Yeah, yeah...
- Because today he has diarrhea.
Because the diarrhea... He couldn't
make it today because of diarrhea.
Sorry.
Oh, sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
What the hell is going on ?
What the hell...
Yes, hello, Mr. Jorgensen.
This is...
This is your business partner,
Rasmus Homburg, calling.
I'd like to invite you to dinner
tonight. We have something to celebrate.
So pop into 34, Jaffron Bay
and I'll tell you all about
our new future together.
That's all. 34, Jaffron Bay.
Be there or be square.
- Mmm, what's this ? That's the fish.
- Yes. One of the two fish.
Okay.
I took a walk around the city today.
It's interesting in a lot of ways.
And I stopped by
some sort of amusement park.
A Chinese man named Mr. Liu
built it from his own vision.
And... yes, he loves dogs.
He loved Dollar !
- What does he do ?
- He's a baker.
I told him that you've got diarrhea
and that you couldn't come
because of your bad stomach.
You have a weak stomach.
Where did I put my beer ?
Oh ! It's over there.
- Have you tried the fish ?
- No.
What do you think, Beyond ?
Do you like this guy, Mr. Liu ?
Yeah. He seems like
he can understand Dollar very much.
- He understands Dollar ?
- Yeah. Yeah.
I would like to meet him.
I think I should meet him.
- Good work, Beyond.
- Yeah, well...
I did most of the talking, but...
- Beyond translated.
- That's the deal then.
Look in his calendar and my calendar,
and we'll set up a meeting.
That's a dildo !
Oh, it's a Danish joke.
A dildo sounds like... a deal though.
- A deal though ?
- Yes. A deal... though. Deal though.
- But it's a...
- It's because it sounds like dildo.
He finds it funny.
I don't think it's very funny.
This is my business partner,
Mr. Jorgensen. And Dollar.
Hello !
Hello.
You can smile.
Come, come ! Take a picture.
That is a little chick.
This is his father.
So, Mr. Liu is a castle builder
and has a bakery.
- First the bakery...
- First the bakery and then the castle.
- We'll sit here and wait for...
- Oh, we'll wait for Mr. Liu, yes.
Do you like it when I do this ?
Yes, you like it when I do this.
Don't you ?
You salivate a lot.
You salivate a lot.
Yes, you do.
- What the hell are you doing ?
- What ?
- What the hell are you doing ?
- I'm cuddling with Dollar.
- Leave the dog alone, Rasmus.
- But he wants to talk to me.
Can't you leave it alone ?
Just let it be.
I think he needs
to leave the dog alone.
But the dog wants to talk to me.
The first thing is to raise capital
to get a breeding facility
in order for us to start producing
the dogs here and sell them.
Building a breeding facility
is actually not very difficult.
But it's better to build, for example,
a cookie factory
but like a dog... Dollar.
Dollar is to be the theme.
Let me see if I understand correctly.
First, we promote Dollar
as a cookie dog
and then, when he has this image,
then we sell dogs
to people who want
a cookie dog for themselves ?
- Yeah.
- I'm going to explain this to Frederik.
- Frederik...
- I understand.
I totally understand.
So what is our role in this ?
- Because I'm a dog breeder.
- It's a cookie company.
So it's a cookie factory
that also sells dogs.
They can choose to buy the dog
or to buy the cookie.
We need people to let Dollar into
their hearts, so the dog sells cookies.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I don't have time for that crap.
- It's a fun idea.
Hell, no !
I have other fish to fry.
I know it's hard business, but...
So, you are not interested ?
- You sell dog food.
- I sell dog food.
Yes, but you're an interior decorator ?
Ouch, damn it.
I think that'll be great.
Some slide shows or something.
You know, I have to go.
Yeah, we have a meeting now.
See you, Jason.
Hi, girls. So, we're having a launch
party on Wednesday from 4 to 6 p.m.
I just confirmed it with Jason.
It's a new beginning
so I invited everyone !
We need to figure out a couple
of hours' worth of entertainment.
We should definitely open up the night
with me giving a speech.
- We show off Dollar.
- And balloons.
Yeah, balloons and confetti.
- You know confetti ?
- No.
You have it in a tube,
and it goes poof !
And it goes out and rains confetti.
Exactly. And then balloons.
Balloons are also nice, maybe they
can come down from the ceiling.
What is the budget for
this house show payment ?
The sky's the limit.
I think that's...
- I don't know if the sky's the limit ?
- We have to put on a good show.
- It cannot look tacky.
- Okay.
Oh ! You can tell
the story about the cat !
- Your mother's friend's cat ?
- You mean at the launch party ?
Maybe the end of the story could be
that's why you buy a dog, not a cat.
The dog doesn't jump out the window.
We have somewhere else to be.
- But everybody knows what to do ?
- That is perfect.
Yes, come on !
Come on in !
Tell them we have this hall at 4,
and they're still not ready
so we're sorry about the delay,
but we will be starting shortly.
- Where are the guests ?
- Beyond ?
Maybe you can go get some
people from the street
to see the show,
because nobody's coming.
I'll blast the confetti canon,
and then we'll get started. Okay ?
Okay, we need to go.
Just one microphone ? Okay.
Let's start. Okay.
No, no, no.
No 'Who Let the Dogs Out ?'.
Turn off the music.
- Jenny will control the music
- Okay. Jenny ?
Jenny... could you turn this music off ?
Are you ready ? Okay, let's go.
Can these...
Hey ! Get off the stage.
Get off.
We've paid for this hall now.
Get the hell off stage.
Yes.
Get off stage.
Get off stage.
Jesus.
Okay, you're ready ?
Let's go.
Confetti ?
No ?
How did you do it ?
Dear friends, families
and business partners
of the St. Bernard Syndicate.
Welcome to this joyful
and entertaining afternoon
where we celebrate this evening
with all the best
our two cultures can produce.
The monks of the St. Bernard
Monastery, over 1000 years ago
found that a special kind of dog
would protect travelers
and rescue the ones
that were lost in the snow.
That dog was a St. Bernard
and today, I have also brought one
to keep me safe on my travels.
Please say hello to Dollar.
It got me in the nuts.
Thank you for your time
and now please welcome
the Amazing
St. Bernard Syndicate Dancers !
Who is in front ?
Who is in front ?
Who is in front ?
Why did you stay behind ?
You should be here.
Please welcome the amazingly cute
St. Bernard Syndicate Dancers !
That's it ?
Beyond ? Beyond ?
Where the hell did she go ?
Give them a great, great,
big applause. Beautiful ! Beautiful !
After that performance
I think everyone
could use a cup of tea,
don't you think, Beyond ?
So please join me in welcoming
an amazing tea artist.
Amazing !
Why are you so useless...
... Frederik ?
You couldn't even do that...
Maybe you are full of shit ?
Maybe you beat your kids.
Yes ?
You slap them ?
Maybe they're not here at all.
Maybe they're at boarding school.
I'd like to make a toast for you.
Here you go.
For you Chinamen...
A toast.
A toast, I want to give you a toast.
If you would raise
your glasses with me ?
Cheers.
I came to China to make money. Yes ?
I came here even though my father
said I could not make money.
You understand ?
I made money. I made a lot of money.
Okay ?
Yeah, yeah.
If you say so.
Fuck you all.
Hello, Dad.
It's Frederik.
Yes.
What ?
Where Dollar is ?
Dad, listen... let's start over.
Shall we start over ?
I'll call you up, okay ?
Hello ?
I'll call you and say: It's Frederik,
and you say: Hello ! How are you ?
Listen...
Hello ?
It's Frederik.
No, no, no. You're supposed to say:
How are you ? Try again.
Hi, Dad, Frederik here.
Yeah, yeah...
I killed your dog.
He's dead.
It's dead. The dog is dead.
You'll never see it again. It's dead.
They ate it.
It's hanging from a hook.
They ate it, Dad. It's dead.
Nothing I could do.
- I'll make sure you...
- Stop yelling ! It's really annoying.
Whoa, how terribly mad
and disappointed you are, Dad.
Ooh, you reported me to the police ?
Do you think China is part of Interpol ?
Holy cow.
Someone made a night of it, huh ?
With alcohol and everything.
All that's missing is
a hot chick next to you.
But maybe she just left ?
Did anyone contact you ?
Investors or... ?
What do you think ?
What the hell do you think ?
Seriously ? What do you think ?
- After our roaring failure.
- I don't think it was so...
You can't be that incompetent.
Are you really so useless and dumb
that you don't know no one will give
us a million after that fiasco ?
- You think it went that bad ?
- Damn right, I do.
- I feel I did my part...
- Did your part ?
Like blasting your nuts off and running
around frantically like a moron ?
No.
What are you even doing here ?
I'm here to do business.
Get out.
See you later.
You're very pretty.
I'm so lonely here in Chongqing.
Are you lonely, too, in Chongqing ?
Sit here.
Oh.
Are you lonely, too, in Chongqing ?
Eh... I don't understand you.
Yeah.
In Denmark I sell beds,
but out here I'm a big businessman.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
I know that feeling.
Oh, cheers.
I'm going to die.
ALS it's called.
But you shouldn't worry about that.
It's nice to meet you.
Cheers.
Ouch !
If you're sitting in on this meeting,
there's no drinking. No alcohol !
What are you talking about ?
Don't drink alcohol at the meeting.
I actually rarely drink alcohol.
- Then it shouldn't be a problem !
- I'll decide when I drink...
- Can't you sit still ?
- It's the dog !
This is a St. Bernard dog. It will
protect you for the rest of your life.
- ... just call us.
- I sign there ?
Look, he is Daddy.
She is Mommy.
And this is me, Lele.
Your name is Dollar.
This is Daddy's Spring Festival gift.
And this is for Mommy.
I wanna surprise them.
Daddy, when are you coming home ?
Hey, son.
I'm coming home now.
Don't go outside.
- Mommy !
- Hey, baby.
- I'm waiting for you.
- Mommy will be home soon.
It's so late.
Do you think they're lost ?
Let's go find them.
Dollar !
This is Chongqing.
It's your home.
Let's be forever friends.
Did you like it ?
What do you want from me ?
We are looking for
a Chinese angel investor.
Somebody that can make
our company grow
and scale it to the level
we would like.
I think we would need probably close
to 15 million in investments but...
When I was a kid
my father told me
I will meet white dragon, Pai Lung,
in the future.
White dragon is king of water.
Water, in China, means
the flow of money.
And today is the day.
We have Pai Lung here.
- Me ?
- You, my friend. Pai Lung is you.
Because I'm a white dragon
or what... ?
Yes.
Oh...
Thank you very much. Uh...
I sort of feel like a dragon, too.
You know, inside.
I very much feel like a dragon.
You know,
just flying around in the air.
Watching all the citizens
of the little towns.
And, you know,
spewing fire all over them.
Sometimes go and frighten
the hell out of them.
Yes.
That's enough.
The problem is
you have too many staff.
Fire them.
Use my people.
- Well, consider them fired.
- One more thing.
Prepare 40,000 dollars
to start this business.
- Okay.
- Good. We have Pai Lung here.
Everything will be fine.
Okay. See you soon, Pai Lung.
Thank you.
See you soon.
That's pretty good. It's 14M.
You have to prepare
16 cigarettes for Mr. Ling.
- We need to buy what ?
- 16.
- 60 what ?
- Cigarettes.
- 60 ?
- Yeah, 16.
- 16 ?
- 16 boxes. Cigarettes.
- For Mr. Ling.
- What are you saying ? 16 or 60 ?
- 16.
- 16 cartons of cigarettes.
- Yeah. Like a gift.
- Yes. Perfectly fine.
Yes, we will get that.
Okay.
Yeah, consider it done. Yes.
- Was it 16 or...
- 60...
The reason that
we brought you here is that we...
- We actually got an investor.
- An investor ?
Yes. An angel investor
called Mr. Ling.
He's the founder
of The Dugong Group. It's uh...
Yeah, we have to fire you.
Both of you.
Yeah, unfortunately
we don't need your services anymore.
It's nothing personal,
but he has staff
and he thinks we should use his staff
and not pay for our own staff.
And maybe it's a good thing
because before, we were in
this professional relationship
and now we can just, you know,
go on a date. Maybe.
Instead of... Because you can't go
on a date with your boss.
But now...
No, it's nothing.
You really don't have to...
- It wouldn't be a problem now.
- But you just fired them.
- I'm trying to make this positive.
- Obviously ! But for whom ?
I just try to turn the situation
into something positive.
- I know.
- And the positive...
I'm sorry, that was
very unprofessional.
Obviously, you shouldn't go
on a date with Rasmus.
- I think... that's ridiculous.
- Unless you want to.
Okay...
I don't think it's a good idea for you
to have two. That's your second one.
Why not ? I love coconut.
- It gives you the runs.
- I never heard that before.
- No ?
- No, and I always eat it back home.
I drink it and eat it. I put shredded
coconut on my breakfast. Heard of it ?
Sure.
And coconut bits in cereal.
Rasmus, I know I seemed like
I wasn't happy about you being here.
I just wanna say that...
I'm glad you came.
- Thanks ! That's great.
- I think that...
I think it's going great
and you've really contributed.
I'm happy you think so.
I almost didn't come.
I was a bit sceptical in the beginning.
But I felt like...
I was at... the doctor's before we
left.
That's a good idea. I always do that.
Blood pressure check and that stuff.
Well, it wasn't a check-up as such.
I've had some tests done.
And uh...
I was diagnosed with ALS...
right before we left.
- What ?
- I was diagnosed with ALS.
What the hell is that ?
It's what Stephen Hawking has.
Muscular dystrophy.
I mean, the muscles... go on strike.
- Then you die.
- You should take some medication.
- Die ? What are you saying ?
- There is no medication.
That's why I did this.
I just thought...
For Christ's sake, Rasmus...
- Yes.
- But then why...
Why the hell aren't you in hospital ?
I mean... shouldn't you be in bed ?
What the hell ?
You can't just...
It's gotta be a mistake.
You lift Chinese people all the time.
No way is it muscular dystrophy.
I've had symptoms.
Out here, too.
I've felt like my tongue...
It's like it sort of
falls back in my throat
and hinders my breathing.
It feels like I'm choking.
I'm not exactly happy about it.
But...
It's fine.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I don't know what to do.
Rasmus.
Yes, hi, Kaj.
What's up ?
Yes, but I told you
there'd be withdrawals.
Okay, but how big is the overdraft ?
Yes, but I already explained to you
that I'm doing business here in China.
There'll be... Yes, Kaj, but millions
will start rolling in soon.
So you'll have to extend
my line of credit.
Hear me out, Kaj !
Kaj ! Hear me out !
You must spend money
to make money.
Right.
Well maybe I should find another bank
when the millions start pouring in, Kaj.
But for now...
No, no, Kaj.
- Quite a sight, huh ?
- Yes.
That bridge...
You see that building ?
The tall one ?
Next week it'll say
"St. Bernard Syndicate."
- Seriously ? An ad ?
- Yeah. Isn't it awesome ?
- It's the city's tallest building.
- Really ?
I need to pay for it,
so if you'd transfer the rest.
Could we borrow it
from your dad ?
- No, I seriously doubt it.
- It's just that I'm broke.
Kaj called. I have an overdraft.
My card has been blocked.
Is this a joke ?
What do you mean 'Kaj called' ?
- Yes, my financial adviser.
- Your adviser called.
- Yes, to tell me about the overdraft.
- But that can't be.
- Yes, I...
- No, no. That can't be correct.
- You said you had 3-4 million.
- No, I didn't.
- You only had 84,000 dollars ?
- A little bit more, but yes.
You fucking douche, man !
What the hell are you thinking ?
Huh ?
I'm really sorry.
- Fuck you, man !
- I'm really sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- Brush yourself off.
- My hands are all muddy.
What about Mr. Ling's cigarettes ?
That's a must.
You have to call Kaj.
Yes, I'll call Kaj
and say I need money for cigarettes.
Don't say it's for cigarettes !
Just tell Kaj you need money.
And put something up as security.
I can't imagine what...
- I have...
- Yes.
Mr. Ling, so good to see you.
- Your dragon is here.
- Hello, Mr. Ling.
Mr. Ling, we brought you cigarettes.
Don't smoke them all at once.
- Passports, please.
- That's right.
Here you go.
Remind me,
why is it you need passports ?
To register for our new company.
- Ah...
- It's just a formality.
- I get it. Government off...
- It's much like when you...
- I get it !
- Oh, okay.
Now I need Dollar.
What ?
I need Dollar. Pai Lung knows.
It's to secure our investment.
I forgot to mention it, Frederik.
He needs Dollar to...
- No, no, no, no.
- What ?
No, no. I'm sorry.
It won't happen.
- We need to put up security.
- He's not getting the dog.
- Of course he's not getting the dog.
- That old dog ? What do you mean ?
- You'll get it back !
- He's not getting the dog.
We get 14M.
Dollar is his security.
- Come on, Frederik. What's all this ?
- Shut your trap, Pai Lung.
You do realize
you're talking to a dragon, right ?
You can shove
that dragon crap right now.
- Any problem ?
- No, no, no. Not at all. It's just...
Frederik is very attached to the dog,
so he wants to say goodbye to it.
I know.
- See ? He totally gets it.
- Okay.
- Yes ? Good.
- Okay.
Of course, you can have the dog.
- You knew about this ?
- What ?
- You knew he'd take Dollar ?
- He told us.
- What's next ?
- Photo, Pai Lung.
Photo ! Alright.
When in Rome...
Or when in China.
Of course we have to take a picture.
There...
- Smile, Frederik.
- Yes.
And thumbs up.
Or do like this.
You called Mr. Ling. I cannot answer
the phone at the moment.
Leave a message.
Maybe he went on vacation.
And I'm out of money.
- Come on. Need a hand ?
- Just... !
- It's a 2-star.
- 2-star ?
- With a sea view.
- It starts at 3.
No, it starts at 1.
It's 8 bucks a night.
Hello, Mr. Ling, this is Mr. Jorgensen.
We'd really like to hear from you
so please call me back
as soon as you get this message.
Hello, Mr. Ling. This is Mr. Jorgensen.
Again.
- Mr. Ling ?
- Mr. Ling !
Mr. Ling, when you get this message,
please call back.
It's Mr. Jorgensen. Again.
We are very worried so...
... we would love to hear from you.
Please call back ASAP.
God dammit.
What the hell are you doing there ?
I needed to think.
That's a weird fucking place
to be thinking.
I called Mr. Ling again.
He didn't answer.
- Maybe he's offline.
- Do the math !
We've been royally screwed, Rasmus !
All they were interested in was
money gifts and smokes
and getting his paws on
our passports and Dollar and...
You can't know that.
He could've been in an accident...
This isn't a damn novel ! It's not a
love story you've picked up at Target !
Which gods did you consult
when you got the brilliant idea
to give a complete stranger
our money, passports and Dollar ?!
What ?
Yeah, yeah !
Yeah, I will tell Mr. Jorgensen
right away.
Yeah.
Of course, Pai Lung will be there.
Yeah, of course.
I'm the white dragon, you know ?
Alright, Mr. Ling.
Alright.
See you soon. Alright. Bye.
- That was Mr. Ling.
- What ?
It was Mr. Ling.
He called. We have a meeting.
- Oh, fucking hell.
- We're meeting with him !
- Thank God.
- In two days. He'll text the address.
- What did I tell you ?
- I don't care. We have to celebrate.
We're celebrating it with
a decent meal. I'll do the shopping.
Do you have any money ?
I'll figure it out.
Up top !
Awesome.
It's just great.
You should get that.
We'll wait.
- Oh, hello.
- Hello.
Uh, I don't have any money.
- No, I already paid for the suit.
- Okay.
- It's my suit, so... thank you.
- You're welcome.
Okay. bye.
Rasmus ! Look what just arrived.
Welcome.
I will lead you to Mr. Ling.
- Thank you.
- Ni hao.
- Are you Mr. Ling's wife ?
- Mr. Ling. Good to see you.
We're really glad you called.
It's so nice to see you two again.
I guess you must be hungry now.
- Oh !
- Yeah, I'm hungry like a dragon.
Okay, let's have dinner.
What are your names ?
- Okay, my name is Lisa.
- Nisse.
Lisa. Lisa ?
Oh, okay.
- I am Eeeh.
- Eeeh ?
- Yeah. Eeeh.
- Eeeeeh ?
- Yeah...
- Mmm... Eeh.
- Have you been to Europe, Nisse ?
- Okay. Hello.
Hello. Okay.
Oh ! I have to tell you a story.
I have to tell you a story.
It's a really funny story.
Well, it's not my story.
Jenny's mother's friend's cat. One
day, it was sitting in the window
and it went out through the window
from the 16th floor.
- 19th.
- 19th floor. That's right.
And it fell down. It fell to the ground
and smack, it died.
Splattered completely
all over the sidewalk. Like this.
The cat. Meow.
Like this.
So it's a funny story
but also a sad story
but also a lesson to be learnt
because...
- I said...
- It doesn't matter. Cheers.
- Can I tell you a scary story ?
- A scary story ?
- We'd better move a bit closer then.
- You have to.
- Very, Very scary.
- Now we're all cuddled up.
I have a friend in the secret police.
If you want someone to tell the truth
all you need is one toothbrush.
I don't understand. What would you
use a toothbrush for ?
- Is it an interrogation situation ?
- It's a kind of torture, actually.
- Okay. Toothbrush.
- What do you do ?
Put it between fingers, then spin it.
Like... thank you.
Spin it, turn it, again
and again and again !
- Oh, my God !
- It burns, okay ? It burns.
Then people will just tell you
everything you want to know.
Oh, it's torture.
- Torture in a very bad way.
- It is, my friends.
How do you know this story, Mr. Ling ?
It's very weird.
- I have too many friends.
- Ah, you have many friends.
Mr. Ling, can I ask you
a quick question ?
I would just like to know...
Is it okay if I lift one of your girls ?
- You don't have to ask !
- What ?
Be my guest !
You are Pai Lung !
- I can do anything.
- Sure.
Very nice.
Very nice.
Frederik ?
We need to talk.
Get lost, man !
None of this shit is real.
Nothing about this apartment is real.
Mr. Ling is a huge fake.
Listen to me.
Listen... Listen to me !
Rasmus, she used to be a guy.
I never had that before.
Mr. Ling ?
Mr. Ling, let me get your attention.
Where is Dollar ? Where is the money ?
I'm talking to you right now.
This is a scenery.
This is a scenery.
You want to play a game with me ?
You want to play a game ?
This is a game. I understand.
This is a nice little game.
But I want to play a game with you.
Little doggie. Little doggie.
Who took your bone ?
The little doggie took your bone ?
- You know that game ?
- Little dog, who's got your bone ?
Exactly.
That's the game we're playing.
You're not the dungeon master at all !
- This is like poker.
- Call 'em out !
Whoever loses gets the toothbrush.
It's not me.
So, it's time for
toothbrush torture now.
I wanna go again !
One more time ! This is fun. It's fun !
- Yes, it's hilarious.
- Let's have a laugh, alright ? Laugh !
Laugh, goddammit ! Stop !
Time for laughs. Laugh !
Play the game or stop this.
Play the game or stop it, Rasmus.
Don't take it out on her.
Okay, play !
Put the toothbrush on his back.
Okay, one more time. One more time,
I want to play this game.
- Okay ! Okay, you win ! You win.
- Okay. You get the torture now.
- No !
- Hold it.
- No ! I don't want this !
- Yes, you want this. Are you ready ?
- No ? You don't want to play ?
- I don't wanna play this.
Okay ! Then you have to drink.
Let's have some Baijiu, alright ?
You know Baijiu ?
It's a Chinese drink.
- Then you just drink. Alright ?
- Okay.
Okay. Let's drink.
Alright.
So, Mr. Ling, tell me, where is Dollar ?
Yeah, where is Dollar ?
Okay... where is Dollar ?
You just have to answer me, Mr. Ling.
Where is Dollar ?
Let's party, alright girls ?
Let's get this party going.
I told you he was full of shit.
Chin-chin, oops...
- You want to go ?
- Okay, I'll take this one.
Mr. Ling ?
Mr. Ling, you should go to bed now.
You'll get back problems.
Hello...
- Rasmus.
- What ?
- Rasmus.
- Yeah...
Frederik...
Argh... Frederik.
I can't move.
Ouch ! Frederik, ouch !
What the hell ? I'm awake.
- I can't move. I can't move.
- You killed him.
What ?
Do you hear me ? I can't move.
- Shut up. He's dead.
- What ?
Quiet.
Shut up. Lie still.
- That's all I can do.
- Stand up.
Listen to me, Frederik.
I can't move.
I can't move.
Frederik...
Dollar. Dollar !
Dollar ?
Dollar.
Dollar ?
Dollar...
Dollar ?
Dollar ?
Dollar !
Be quiet !
Shh, be quiet.
Be quiet, damn it !
Dollar, stop pulling !
Dollar, stop !
Credit Suisse:
Account movement:
"2,400,000 dollars
are at your disposal immediately."
ST. BERNARD SYNDICATE
Register
What's hot right now is...
- Dog breeds.
- What ?
Dog breeds.
You know, prize dogs.
- Really ?
- They go for 25,000-33,000 dollars.
You'll have to excuse me.
I need to take a leak.
Okay, but feel free to come back
for more information.
- They want St. Bernards ?
- They're nuts about them.
I'm looking for about a million
to get this off the ground.
Bruun.
I have a business opportunity for you.
The Chinese market is booming.
China. Yes.
The middle class has quadrupled.
From 200 to 800 million in ten years.
- They're swimming in money.
- Yes, everyone wants...
So I'm establishing
a dog breeding business. In China.
- Dog breeding. St. Bernards.
- Oh, I see.
Whenever they see a St. Bernard,
they totally lose it.
I call it the Panda of the West.
Investors are dying to get in on it.
They want to invest in this stuff,
and I'm fighting them off, because
what I need is the right investor.
And I'm thinking of you.
You don't have to move a muscle.
All I need is an investment.
And I know your father died.
- Yes, that's correct.
- There's bound to be an inheritance.
Yes, yes. Sure.
How much do you need ?
- No more than 2 million.
- I'll think about it.
Rasmus, what was the purpose
of Herlufsholm School ?
- Friendships.
- No ! Not even remotely !
Business connections. Herlufsholm:
"We make each other richer."
- I don't know a lot about dogs and...
- You don't need to.
I'll take care of everything.
I'm the one with the contacts.
Listen, if it's because
I bullied you in school, I apologize.
Believe me, a huge opportunity
just fell into your lap.
Give it some thought.
I'll just make a quick call.
- Yes, sure.
- Okay, yes.
- I'll make a quick call myself.
- Sure.
Hi, Mom. Uh...
Oh, nothing.
Would you order
some more Sdahl bed linen ?
- Yes.
- Grey. The shelves are empty.
- I'll get to it later.
- No, I'd like you to do it now.
- Now ?
- Yes.
- Did you have a nice weekend ?
- Yes, I did.
- I was at my old school, Herlufsholm.
- Herlufsholm ?
- Yes.
- Did you go there ?
Yes.
- But that's an elite school.
- That's right.
Okay !
No need to look so surprised,
Mohammad.
- And you've worked here ever since ?
- I've worked in other places, too.
- Yes, indeed.
- Where ?
IKEA.
So ?
You've arrived in dreamland.
Yes, uh...
It's just because I always say:
We don't sell beds, we sell dreams.
Yes, good boy.
You're such a good boy.
What's this ?
Yes... a snack.
Yummy. Good boy.
Such a good boy.
More snacks ?
Dad, if you look at page 8...
I don't know if you've gotten to it.
But you'll see that
market analysis suggest
that the interest in prestige objects
in China, such as the St. Bernard
rises by 5-8% in the middle class,
and the middle class is growing
so it's an exponential growth.
The conservative estimate is
that you'll see a return of five times
your investment over five years.
That's 500%.
It's unique.
The breeding techniques
are familiar ground to us.
- So that expertise will be put to use.
- Aha.
And if you're in as investor,
you could assist in that as well.
Aw, what's this now.
There.
Yes.
There...
So what I'm asking of you is to give me
a small loan of 335,000 dollars.
- It's all very solid.
- It looks amazing. Nice job.
And the numbers look good.
But we've been here before, Frederik.
You don't have a knack...
... for business.
There ! But you do. Right, Dollar ?
You have a knack for business.
What's this ? What's this ?
Dad, at least let me take Dollar.
For the showroom.
- Have you lost your mind ?
- Right...
- You know your way out.
- Yes. Fine.
See you, Frederik.
Well...
- This is a new office, right ?
- Uh, not really.
Rasmus, we asked you to come in,
to get the results
of the examinations we did.
Yes.
Rasmus, I don't think
you're entirely well.
- But I feel just fine.
- Yes...
Have you heard of the condition
amyotrophic lateral sclerosis ?
Uh... no ? No...
It's also called ALS.
If you know Stephen Hawking...
What he has is ALS.
I see.
So...
But how serious is it ?
- Serious.
- Serious ?
It's serious, Rasmus.
It attacks your muscles.
You lose muscle tone.
You should expect that, at some point,
you'll have difficulty walking.
Eventually, you'll be confined
to a wheelchair
with a bit of difficulty swallowing,
a bit of difficulty talking and...
Personally, I feel Stephen Hawking
has lived too long with this disease.
"Where the hell is Dollar ?"
Hi, Kaj.
I'm just calling to inform you that
there'll be some withdrawals
on my account in the next few months.
Uh... yes, that's right.
If you could remove the blocking
that would be great.
And my card wasn't stolen by
a Chinese going on a spree in China.
That's not why.
Yeah.
Exactly, I know.
I'm doing business out here,
so I'll be using every last cent.
I will.
Take care back in Denmark.
Okay, bye-bye.
ST. BERNARD SYNDICATE
Register
"Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope that your St. Bernard dog,
Comrade...
... is doing well.
Best wishes.
Mr. Jorgensen."
J-O-R...
... G-E-N...
... S-E-N.
- Sorry about this.
- So this is where you're hiding.
- I'm in the middle of something.
- Oh ? What's up ?
A job interview.
Oh ! It's good to meet you.
Finally.
Our new employee.
Hello. Rasmus. Welcome aboard.
- It's so good...
- Sorry. Please ignore him.
You're not hired yet.
This is an employment interview.
- So if you'd...
- Oh, sorry ! I'll just...
- Rasmus, can't you just...
- Where are we sitting ? Here ?
Sorry, allow me to do this in Danish.
- Can't you go somewhere else ?
- What ?
- It's just not cool to...
- I'd like to be here for the interview.
It's just for...
... drivers and secretaries.
Nothing important.
No, no, it's just so that I get to be on
the ground floor as well, you know ?
I'll just sit in.
This is our investor, Rasmus.
He will be joining the interview.
I'm sorry you weren't notified.
I wasn't either. So, I'm sorry.
- To finish...
- No problem.
We're in the middle of
dictating a letter.
"CEO, St. Bernard Syndicate."
- How old are you, Beyond ?
- I'm 22.
- 22.
- That's not old.
- Do you know St. Bernard dogs ?
- Yes. I know that dog.
Yes. It's a Swiss dog.
Yes. Big dogs.
This company sells these dogs.
We breed them.
And we sell them to wealthy clients
as a pet.
Beyond, do you... are you able
to take a dictate ?
- Yeah.
- Ready ?
"Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope that your dog, Comrade,
is doing well.
Thank you also for the orchid..."
Yes ?
"... that you sent to my mother
on her birthday last month.
Best wishes.
Frederik Jorgensen."
- And Mr....
- No. It's from me.
- The letter is from me. I'm the CEO.
- Yes, but it's also from me.
This is an exercise, Rasmus.
A middle-manager exercise.
If you could wait outside ?
We might have interviews with drivers
who only speak the local dialect.
- Okay ? Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
Frederik ?
She's hired.
This is a business,
not a whorehouse.
But we should also have fun.
- Where's...
- Stay here while I...
They get the wrong idea.
They should know who the boss is.
- Oh, so I should remain here.
- Yes, please.
Ask him who he thinks
looks like the boss.
Who do you think looks like the boss ?
- Why ?
- Very good.
He has the boss...
He looks like the boss.
Who would he say, if he just looked
at us, who was the boss ?
Which one do you think is the boss ?
To your right.
This one.
Why is that ?
Why ?
Who does he think is the boss ?
Okay, thank you.
He thought I was the boss, too.
So what's on for the rest of the day ?
The rest of the day ? I have
a commercial shoot down here.
Oh, okay.
That's kinda expensive.
We did one in Comfort Beds that was
aired on local TV. It cost a fortune.
I just need to see the budget.
I have a good deal of experience.
Wow, Dollar !
Look at that !
Oh, you want to take a picture ?
Yes, yes.
Look, Dollar !
Look !
Oh, perfect.
- Yes, yes, you can touch...
- This dog, how old ?
- Five years.
- Five ?
The first time people meet a Saint
Bernard dog, it changes their life.
I would say it changes their life.
Beautiful, cute...
I mean, like the slogan:
'Big - Royal - Cute'.
It is a game changer.
Good. Thank you so much.
Sorry, I didn't know you didn't drink.
If you can't finish it, I will.
So, as you know I come from a family
of canine breeders.
We've been doing it
for four generations in my family.
So there's a lot of know-how there.
What I want to do
with the St. Bernard Syndicate is
to make buying a dog easier.
I want to establish a closer
relationship with the customer.
You become a subscriber to services
the St. Bernard Syndicate provides.
You buy a subscription for dog food.
You buy a subscription for vaccines
for veterinarian visits.
You know, all these kinds of things
that make owning a dog
really annoying.
Yes, building up a new lifestyle.
Yes. If you build up a new lifestyle
there's money to be made.
So we need to have
a Chinese investor.
I think we would need
close to 15 million.
Maybe our model should be, not
as big, maybe four square meters ?
Yes...
I mean, it's good because when
you need investors they have to see.
Very nice.
Beauti... ooh !
Now we're talking.
I am making a breeding facility
for dogs. St. Bernard dogs.
I want a landscape
of the breeding facility which shows
the actual breeding facility
where the dogs live.
It should be so that you think:
Here is room for half a million dogs.
- So where are you from ?
- I'm from Shanghai.
- Oh ! I'm from Denmark, myself.
- Denmark...
- Denmark.
- What business are you in ?
- Everything.
- Oh. Okay.
People don't want the hassle,
they just want the great things
the companionship and all that shit.
If you just take out all the hassle
it'll make it much easier to go:
Yeah, I want a fucking dog.
I have this business presentation
coming up.
If you want to hear more about the
business, you're very welcome.
Maybe.
If you have time, it'd be great
to see you there. Really great.
It's been a pleasure
meeting you Mr. Ling.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
One more, please ?
Do you want another one ?
- Yes.
- Let's have two more.
Can you sleep at night ?
Yes, I can.
- It's hard to adjust to Chinese time.
- Well, that's just how it is.
I'm just constantly tired.
- And the bed is way too soft.
- Hello ! Good to see you.
- Oh ! Hello, girls !
- Hello.
- Oh, it's... so good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- Good morning.
- You're both so beautiful.
I just want to say, on behalf
of the St. Bernard Syndicate
that I'm very, very excited.
Welcome on board and let's get
this rocket ship up in the air.
So, Beyond, I think priority number
one is the translation of the website.
And then do a questionnaire
for market analysis.
And then contact
some old people's homes.
Like marketing people ?
I mean institutions like
old people's homes, kindergartens.
They could buy a dog and have it
there as a compassion dog.
Both in Denmark and China
it's a huge problem
that old people with dementia...
You know dementia ?
"Oh, oh, can't remember anything.
Why did I take my pills ? Did I..."
You know, people who can't remember
who they are or who their family are.
They run away.
And it's a very, very big...
... very expensive to find them.
You have to have helicopters
and sometimes they're in a ditch
or in a lake swimming around.
But if they have dogs at the home
that considerably reduces
the number of people who run away.
If you'd call the exclusive ones and
talk to them about purchasing a dog ?
Yes ?
- Jenny, social media strategy.
- Okay.
We need a presence on social media
in China, definitely. Fun facts.
Fun facts about the dog.
Then you learn something but also...
You know fun facts ? It's popular
in Europe. Newspapers do it.
- Everybody does it. It's like...
- Five things you didn't know...
Five things you didn't know
you wanted to know.
Did you know the St. Bernard dog
originated in Austria and Switzerland ?
It's a mountain dog.
Chongqing is a mountain city. Yes ?
Mountain dog in the mountain city.
That's actually a great slogan.
"A mountain dog
in the mountain city."
- ... takes dog to the children's home.
- That's what we're doing.
What's happening before and after
that ? In the beginning of the story...
Actually, this is the real beginning
of this story.
The Danish people take the puppy
to this family.
- And who are we ?
- You ?
You are the businessman
from this puppy company.
- We're playing ourselves.
- Yes.
Ready ! Action !
- Do we stop here ?
- Stop. Cut.
You're just behind him.
Not like this.
The mother,
don't hold the scarf too tight.
This... in the room...
Action !
This is a St. Bernard dog. It will
protect you for the rest of your life.
I think that was perfect.
This is a St. Bernard dog. It will
protect you for the rest of your life.
The St. Bernard Syndicate will
provide you with everything you need.
Including vaccination, registration
and dog food. Anything you want.
Just call us, and we'll be there.
Yes, yes...
- Perfect, good.
- Yes.
- You are too...
- Am I exaggerating ?
- Over-acting.
- Over-acting.
- You should be gentle.
- Gentle. Yes.
Yes, gentle is to be polite.
- But not to...
- Yeah, not...
- I wasn't.
- It was a bit much.
- He was very much...
- A little bit.
The St. Bernard Syndicate will
provide you with everything you need.
Including registration, vaccination
and dog food.
- Just call us anytime you want to.
- Cut !
- Great. Did you see me ?
- Actually, I did see some...
- Yeah ? Did you like it ?
- Yeah.
- Pretty good acting
- Especially the signing.
Oh, I was so nervous.
Like a professional ? Yeah...
When people walked over the Alps
between Germany and Switzerland...
When they got lost in the snow,
the St. Bernard monks
had these dogs and they ran
out in the snow and rescued people...
Oh, no !
Dear friends of Chongqing,
dear business leaders
and last but not least,
dear potential investors.
As CEO of the St. Bernard
Syndicate it is my great pleasure
to welcome you all
to this business presentation
marking the beginning of the
St Bernard Syndicate's entrance
into the Chinese pet market.
Demand for new exciting dog breeds
is sky-rocketing.
This is a huge emerging market
and a great investment possibility
for investors such as yourselves.
Feel free to ask me any questions
and please don't cheat yourselves.
Dollar will be walking amongst you
so if you want a picture or to smoke
a cigarette while watching the dog
I think that is the best way to see
whether or not a dog is right for you.
Sit down, have a cigarette,
look at the dog. Look it in the eyes.
Then you will be free to do that.
Watch out ! There's a dog behind you.
Take a look.
Yes !
I'll take your wife.
I'll take her.
Hello, Mr. Ling.
- Hello.
- You came. Very glad to see you.
- Nice speech. Nice...
- Thank you.
- Do you like what you see ?
- Uh... good.
- Yes.
- Good development.
It's very big. We hope to build it here.
Right now we're standing right there.
You enter through the French Gardens
and go to this model
of Amalienborg Castle in Denmark
where the King and Queen live.
I'm so sorry. So sorry.
Sorry...
I hope I didn't get any on you.
- Thank you for everything today.
- No worries. It was great seeing you.
And... you have my name card so I
hope to see you in the future as well.
Now you've seen what we're doing.
It was a pleasure. Get home safe.
- Drive carefully.
- You, too.
Hi, Mom.
Oh, nothing really. I just wanted to...
hear... You know, how you're doing.
I'm in China.
Yes, the connection is flaky.
I just wanted to...
I saw the doctor right before I left.
Uh, and I...
Oh...
Okay, I'll call back later.
No problem. Yes.
Bye.
Yes, Beyond, I'm here.
I'm standing in the cars...
Yeah, I have the key. But I can't...
None of them is opening up.
Okay, they're all unlocked.
No, every car is unlocked, I think.
Try to what ?
Try to lock ?
I can't go around checking
which one is locked, Beyond.
Why ?
Well, if you were here,
I think you would understand.
- We should've hung out in school.
- You're right. We should've.
- Too bad we didn't.
- Good thing we have China now.
Did anyone call ?
Investors or...
- No.
- Written an email or... ?
Whoa !
You hit those houses every time.
"Dad."
Yes, hello, Beyond.
This is Rasmus.
Your boss.
Yeah...
Yeah, one of your bosses, I guess.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well... yeah.
He's very busy.
Actually, he's got diarrhea.
I really need your help.
We need an investor
for the St. Bernard Syndicate.
Maybe you could set up a meeting
with me and a possible investor.
Yea... No, no, no...
No, like a businessman.
The richest man in Chongqing.
Mr. what ? Mr. Liu ?
What kind of cakes ?
Cookies ?
Yeah, yeah.
Alright. Perfect.
Love you.
Wait... no, no.
Not... uh... what ?
No, I said 'hold you'.
I don't know why I said hold you.
Yeah, it's something you say
in Denmark. You just say...
... uh, uh... hold you !
Yeah, it's kinda like take care.
Yeah !
Exactly. Yeah.
Okay.
Well, hold you !
Okay.
"Hold you."
Okay, now.
When we go into Mr. Liu's place
I would like you to tell him a joke
on my behalf.
The dog is with me, and I would like
you to tell him the following:
This is Dollar, but now we are in
China, so you can call him Renminbi.
- Okay, so I should say it now ?
- Yes. I would like to hear it.
- Like this ?
- Yes. Exactly ! That's perfect.
It's an excellent ice-breaker.
Mr. Liu.
- Is this Mr. Liu ?
- Yes.
His name is Dollar, but we're in
China so you can call him Renminbi.
Hello. Rasmus Homburg.
Nice to meet you.
Did he get the joke ?
Ah, that's good.
- Ah ! Perfect.
- Shall we open the window ?
Oh, very strong.
He can kiss him.
This is amazing.
Did he build it ?
- Yeah.
- It comes to him in his sleep ?
- It comes to your dream ?
- Yes, I think about it every day.
Yes, I think about it every day.
"I keep it in mind."
- Dumpling plate. Dumplings.
- Dumplings ? Yeah.
Let me tell you.
The status of dogs in the world
is almost of the same importance
as humans.
A dog can overthrow a government.
Dogs have great power.
Do you know why the presidents
of USA and Russia want dogs ?
- A dog is a kind of symbol.
- It's a symbol of power.
Putin needs a dog.
Without his dog
maybe he can't keep his power.
Dogs are man's closest friends.
Dogs have political power.
Shinzo Abe gave Putin an Akita.
Your boyfriend will betray you,
but a dog will never do that.
A dog is not just an animal or a pet.
It's like the soul of a man.
- It's a soul of a man ?
- Yeah.
Could you tell him that
Mr. Jorgensen would appreciate
what he is saying
about the dogs ?
And I would very much like
to introduce him to Mr. Jorgensen.
Introduce Frederik...
- Yeah, yeah...
- Because today he has diarrhea.
Because the diarrhea... He couldn't
make it today because of diarrhea.
Sorry.
Oh, sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
What the hell is going on ?
What the hell...
Yes, hello, Mr. Jorgensen.
This is...
This is your business partner,
Rasmus Homburg, calling.
I'd like to invite you to dinner
tonight. We have something to celebrate.
So pop into 34, Jaffron Bay
and I'll tell you all about
our new future together.
That's all. 34, Jaffron Bay.
Be there or be square.
- Mmm, what's this ? That's the fish.
- Yes. One of the two fish.
Okay.
I took a walk around the city today.
It's interesting in a lot of ways.
And I stopped by
some sort of amusement park.
A Chinese man named Mr. Liu
built it from his own vision.
And... yes, he loves dogs.
He loved Dollar !
- What does he do ?
- He's a baker.
I told him that you've got diarrhea
and that you couldn't come
because of your bad stomach.
You have a weak stomach.
Where did I put my beer ?
Oh ! It's over there.
- Have you tried the fish ?
- No.
What do you think, Beyond ?
Do you like this guy, Mr. Liu ?
Yeah. He seems like
he can understand Dollar very much.
- He understands Dollar ?
- Yeah. Yeah.
I would like to meet him.
I think I should meet him.
- Good work, Beyond.
- Yeah, well...
I did most of the talking, but...
- Beyond translated.
- That's the deal then.
Look in his calendar and my calendar,
and we'll set up a meeting.
That's a dildo !
Oh, it's a Danish joke.
A dildo sounds like... a deal though.
- A deal though ?
- Yes. A deal... though. Deal though.
- But it's a...
- It's because it sounds like dildo.
He finds it funny.
I don't think it's very funny.
This is my business partner,
Mr. Jorgensen. And Dollar.
Hello !
Hello.
You can smile.
Come, come ! Take a picture.
That is a little chick.
This is his father.
So, Mr. Liu is a castle builder
and has a bakery.
- First the bakery...
- First the bakery and then the castle.
- We'll sit here and wait for...
- Oh, we'll wait for Mr. Liu, yes.
Do you like it when I do this ?
Yes, you like it when I do this.
Don't you ?
You salivate a lot.
You salivate a lot.
Yes, you do.
- What the hell are you doing ?
- What ?
- What the hell are you doing ?
- I'm cuddling with Dollar.
- Leave the dog alone, Rasmus.
- But he wants to talk to me.
Can't you leave it alone ?
Just let it be.
I think he needs
to leave the dog alone.
But the dog wants to talk to me.
The first thing is to raise capital
to get a breeding facility
in order for us to start producing
the dogs here and sell them.
Building a breeding facility
is actually not very difficult.
But it's better to build, for example,
a cookie factory
but like a dog... Dollar.
Dollar is to be the theme.
Let me see if I understand correctly.
First, we promote Dollar
as a cookie dog
and then, when he has this image,
then we sell dogs
to people who want
a cookie dog for themselves ?
- Yeah.
- I'm going to explain this to Frederik.
- Frederik...
- I understand.
I totally understand.
So what is our role in this ?
- Because I'm a dog breeder.
- It's a cookie company.
So it's a cookie factory
that also sells dogs.
They can choose to buy the dog
or to buy the cookie.
We need people to let Dollar into
their hearts, so the dog sells cookies.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I don't have time for that crap.
- It's a fun idea.
Hell, no !
I have other fish to fry.
I know it's hard business, but...
So, you are not interested ?
- You sell dog food.
- I sell dog food.
Yes, but you're an interior decorator ?
Ouch, damn it.
I think that'll be great.
Some slide shows or something.
You know, I have to go.
Yeah, we have a meeting now.
See you, Jason.
Hi, girls. So, we're having a launch
party on Wednesday from 4 to 6 p.m.
I just confirmed it with Jason.
It's a new beginning
so I invited everyone !
We need to figure out a couple
of hours' worth of entertainment.
We should definitely open up the night
with me giving a speech.
- We show off Dollar.
- And balloons.
Yeah, balloons and confetti.
- You know confetti ?
- No.
You have it in a tube,
and it goes poof !
And it goes out and rains confetti.
Exactly. And then balloons.
Balloons are also nice, maybe they
can come down from the ceiling.
What is the budget for
this house show payment ?
The sky's the limit.
I think that's...
- I don't know if the sky's the limit ?
- We have to put on a good show.
- It cannot look tacky.
- Okay.
Oh ! You can tell
the story about the cat !
- Your mother's friend's cat ?
- You mean at the launch party ?
Maybe the end of the story could be
that's why you buy a dog, not a cat.
The dog doesn't jump out the window.
We have somewhere else to be.
- But everybody knows what to do ?
- That is perfect.
Yes, come on !
Come on in !
Tell them we have this hall at 4,
and they're still not ready
so we're sorry about the delay,
but we will be starting shortly.
- Where are the guests ?
- Beyond ?
Maybe you can go get some
people from the street
to see the show,
because nobody's coming.
I'll blast the confetti canon,
and then we'll get started. Okay ?
Okay, we need to go.
Just one microphone ? Okay.
Let's start. Okay.
No, no, no.
No 'Who Let the Dogs Out ?'.
Turn off the music.
- Jenny will control the music
- Okay. Jenny ?
Jenny... could you turn this music off ?
Are you ready ? Okay, let's go.
Can these...
Hey ! Get off the stage.
Get off.
We've paid for this hall now.
Get the hell off stage.
Yes.
Get off stage.
Get off stage.
Jesus.
Okay, you're ready ?
Let's go.
Confetti ?
No ?
How did you do it ?
Dear friends, families
and business partners
of the St. Bernard Syndicate.
Welcome to this joyful
and entertaining afternoon
where we celebrate this evening
with all the best
our two cultures can produce.
The monks of the St. Bernard
Monastery, over 1000 years ago
found that a special kind of dog
would protect travelers
and rescue the ones
that were lost in the snow.
That dog was a St. Bernard
and today, I have also brought one
to keep me safe on my travels.
Please say hello to Dollar.
It got me in the nuts.
Thank you for your time
and now please welcome
the Amazing
St. Bernard Syndicate Dancers !
Who is in front ?
Who is in front ?
Who is in front ?
Why did you stay behind ?
You should be here.
Please welcome the amazingly cute
St. Bernard Syndicate Dancers !
That's it ?
Beyond ? Beyond ?
Where the hell did she go ?
Give them a great, great,
big applause. Beautiful ! Beautiful !
After that performance
I think everyone
could use a cup of tea,
don't you think, Beyond ?
So please join me in welcoming
an amazing tea artist.
Amazing !
Why are you so useless...
... Frederik ?
You couldn't even do that...
Maybe you are full of shit ?
Maybe you beat your kids.
Yes ?
You slap them ?
Maybe they're not here at all.
Maybe they're at boarding school.
I'd like to make a toast for you.
Here you go.
For you Chinamen...
A toast.
A toast, I want to give you a toast.
If you would raise
your glasses with me ?
Cheers.
I came to China to make money. Yes ?
I came here even though my father
said I could not make money.
You understand ?
I made money. I made a lot of money.
Okay ?
Yeah, yeah.
If you say so.
Fuck you all.
Hello, Dad.
It's Frederik.
Yes.
What ?
Where Dollar is ?
Dad, listen... let's start over.
Shall we start over ?
I'll call you up, okay ?
Hello ?
I'll call you and say: It's Frederik,
and you say: Hello ! How are you ?
Listen...
Hello ?
It's Frederik.
No, no, no. You're supposed to say:
How are you ? Try again.
Hi, Dad, Frederik here.
Yeah, yeah...
I killed your dog.
He's dead.
It's dead. The dog is dead.
You'll never see it again. It's dead.
They ate it.
It's hanging from a hook.
They ate it, Dad. It's dead.
Nothing I could do.
- I'll make sure you...
- Stop yelling ! It's really annoying.
Whoa, how terribly mad
and disappointed you are, Dad.
Ooh, you reported me to the police ?
Do you think China is part of Interpol ?
Holy cow.
Someone made a night of it, huh ?
With alcohol and everything.
All that's missing is
a hot chick next to you.
But maybe she just left ?
Did anyone contact you ?
Investors or... ?
What do you think ?
What the hell do you think ?
Seriously ? What do you think ?
- After our roaring failure.
- I don't think it was so...
You can't be that incompetent.
Are you really so useless and dumb
that you don't know no one will give
us a million after that fiasco ?
- You think it went that bad ?
- Damn right, I do.
- I feel I did my part...
- Did your part ?
Like blasting your nuts off and running
around frantically like a moron ?
No.
What are you even doing here ?
I'm here to do business.
Get out.
See you later.
You're very pretty.
I'm so lonely here in Chongqing.
Are you lonely, too, in Chongqing ?
Sit here.
Oh.
Are you lonely, too, in Chongqing ?
Eh... I don't understand you.
Yeah.
In Denmark I sell beds,
but out here I'm a big businessman.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
I know that feeling.
Oh, cheers.
I'm going to die.
ALS it's called.
But you shouldn't worry about that.
It's nice to meet you.
Cheers.
Ouch !
If you're sitting in on this meeting,
there's no drinking. No alcohol !
What are you talking about ?
Don't drink alcohol at the meeting.
I actually rarely drink alcohol.
- Then it shouldn't be a problem !
- I'll decide when I drink...
- Can't you sit still ?
- It's the dog !
This is a St. Bernard dog. It will
protect you for the rest of your life.
- ... just call us.
- I sign there ?
Look, he is Daddy.
She is Mommy.
And this is me, Lele.
Your name is Dollar.
This is Daddy's Spring Festival gift.
And this is for Mommy.
I wanna surprise them.
Daddy, when are you coming home ?
Hey, son.
I'm coming home now.
Don't go outside.
- Mommy !
- Hey, baby.
- I'm waiting for you.
- Mommy will be home soon.
It's so late.
Do you think they're lost ?
Let's go find them.
Dollar !
This is Chongqing.
It's your home.
Let's be forever friends.
Did you like it ?
What do you want from me ?
We are looking for
a Chinese angel investor.
Somebody that can make
our company grow
and scale it to the level
we would like.
I think we would need probably close
to 15 million in investments but...
When I was a kid
my father told me
I will meet white dragon, Pai Lung,
in the future.
White dragon is king of water.
Water, in China, means
the flow of money.
And today is the day.
We have Pai Lung here.
- Me ?
- You, my friend. Pai Lung is you.
Because I'm a white dragon
or what... ?
Yes.
Oh...
Thank you very much. Uh...
I sort of feel like a dragon, too.
You know, inside.
I very much feel like a dragon.
You know,
just flying around in the air.
Watching all the citizens
of the little towns.
And, you know,
spewing fire all over them.
Sometimes go and frighten
the hell out of them.
Yes.
That's enough.
The problem is
you have too many staff.
Fire them.
Use my people.
- Well, consider them fired.
- One more thing.
Prepare 40,000 dollars
to start this business.
- Okay.
- Good. We have Pai Lung here.
Everything will be fine.
Okay. See you soon, Pai Lung.
Thank you.
See you soon.
That's pretty good. It's 14M.
You have to prepare
16 cigarettes for Mr. Ling.
- We need to buy what ?
- 16.
- 60 what ?
- Cigarettes.
- 60 ?
- Yeah, 16.
- 16 ?
- 16 boxes. Cigarettes.
- For Mr. Ling.
- What are you saying ? 16 or 60 ?
- 16.
- 16 cartons of cigarettes.
- Yeah. Like a gift.
- Yes. Perfectly fine.
Yes, we will get that.
Okay.
Yeah, consider it done. Yes.
- Was it 16 or...
- 60...
The reason that
we brought you here is that we...
- We actually got an investor.
- An investor ?
Yes. An angel investor
called Mr. Ling.
He's the founder
of The Dugong Group. It's uh...
Yeah, we have to fire you.
Both of you.
Yeah, unfortunately
we don't need your services anymore.
It's nothing personal,
but he has staff
and he thinks we should use his staff
and not pay for our own staff.
And maybe it's a good thing
because before, we were in
this professional relationship
and now we can just, you know,
go on a date. Maybe.
Instead of... Because you can't go
on a date with your boss.
But now...
No, it's nothing.
You really don't have to...
- It wouldn't be a problem now.
- But you just fired them.
- I'm trying to make this positive.
- Obviously ! But for whom ?
I just try to turn the situation
into something positive.
- I know.
- And the positive...
I'm sorry, that was
very unprofessional.
Obviously, you shouldn't go
on a date with Rasmus.
- I think... that's ridiculous.
- Unless you want to.
Okay...
I don't think it's a good idea for you
to have two. That's your second one.
Why not ? I love coconut.
- It gives you the runs.
- I never heard that before.
- No ?
- No, and I always eat it back home.
I drink it and eat it. I put shredded
coconut on my breakfast. Heard of it ?
Sure.
And coconut bits in cereal.
Rasmus, I know I seemed like
I wasn't happy about you being here.
I just wanna say that...
I'm glad you came.
- Thanks ! That's great.
- I think that...
I think it's going great
and you've really contributed.
I'm happy you think so.
I almost didn't come.
I was a bit sceptical in the beginning.
But I felt like...
I was at... the doctor's before we
left.
That's a good idea. I always do that.
Blood pressure check and that stuff.
Well, it wasn't a check-up as such.
I've had some tests done.
And uh...
I was diagnosed with ALS...
right before we left.
- What ?
- I was diagnosed with ALS.
What the hell is that ?
It's what Stephen Hawking has.
Muscular dystrophy.
I mean, the muscles... go on strike.
- Then you die.
- You should take some medication.
- Die ? What are you saying ?
- There is no medication.
That's why I did this.
I just thought...
For Christ's sake, Rasmus...
- Yes.
- But then why...
Why the hell aren't you in hospital ?
I mean... shouldn't you be in bed ?
What the hell ?
You can't just...
It's gotta be a mistake.
You lift Chinese people all the time.
No way is it muscular dystrophy.
I've had symptoms.
Out here, too.
I've felt like my tongue...
It's like it sort of
falls back in my throat
and hinders my breathing.
It feels like I'm choking.
I'm not exactly happy about it.
But...
It's fine.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I don't know what to do.
Rasmus.
Yes, hi, Kaj.
What's up ?
Yes, but I told you
there'd be withdrawals.
Okay, but how big is the overdraft ?
Yes, but I already explained to you
that I'm doing business here in China.
There'll be... Yes, Kaj, but millions
will start rolling in soon.
So you'll have to extend
my line of credit.
Hear me out, Kaj !
Kaj ! Hear me out !
You must spend money
to make money.
Right.
Well maybe I should find another bank
when the millions start pouring in, Kaj.
But for now...
No, no, Kaj.
- Quite a sight, huh ?
- Yes.
That bridge...
You see that building ?
The tall one ?
Next week it'll say
"St. Bernard Syndicate."
- Seriously ? An ad ?
- Yeah. Isn't it awesome ?
- It's the city's tallest building.
- Really ?
I need to pay for it,
so if you'd transfer the rest.
Could we borrow it
from your dad ?
- No, I seriously doubt it.
- It's just that I'm broke.
Kaj called. I have an overdraft.
My card has been blocked.
Is this a joke ?
What do you mean 'Kaj called' ?
- Yes, my financial adviser.
- Your adviser called.
- Yes, to tell me about the overdraft.
- But that can't be.
- Yes, I...
- No, no. That can't be correct.
- You said you had 3-4 million.
- No, I didn't.
- You only had 84,000 dollars ?
- A little bit more, but yes.
You fucking douche, man !
What the hell are you thinking ?
Huh ?
I'm really sorry.
- Fuck you, man !
- I'm really sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- Brush yourself off.
- My hands are all muddy.
What about Mr. Ling's cigarettes ?
That's a must.
You have to call Kaj.
Yes, I'll call Kaj
and say I need money for cigarettes.
Don't say it's for cigarettes !
Just tell Kaj you need money.
And put something up as security.
I can't imagine what...
- I have...
- Yes.
Mr. Ling, so good to see you.
- Your dragon is here.
- Hello, Mr. Ling.
Mr. Ling, we brought you cigarettes.
Don't smoke them all at once.
- Passports, please.
- That's right.
Here you go.
Remind me,
why is it you need passports ?
To register for our new company.
- Ah...
- It's just a formality.
- I get it. Government off...
- It's much like when you...
- I get it !
- Oh, okay.
Now I need Dollar.
What ?
I need Dollar. Pai Lung knows.
It's to secure our investment.
I forgot to mention it, Frederik.
He needs Dollar to...
- No, no, no, no.
- What ?
No, no. I'm sorry.
It won't happen.
- We need to put up security.
- He's not getting the dog.
- Of course he's not getting the dog.
- That old dog ? What do you mean ?
- You'll get it back !
- He's not getting the dog.
We get 14M.
Dollar is his security.
- Come on, Frederik. What's all this ?
- Shut your trap, Pai Lung.
You do realize
you're talking to a dragon, right ?
You can shove
that dragon crap right now.
- Any problem ?
- No, no, no. Not at all. It's just...
Frederik is very attached to the dog,
so he wants to say goodbye to it.
I know.
- See ? He totally gets it.
- Okay.
- Yes ? Good.
- Okay.
Of course, you can have the dog.
- You knew about this ?
- What ?
- You knew he'd take Dollar ?
- He told us.
- What's next ?
- Photo, Pai Lung.
Photo ! Alright.
When in Rome...
Or when in China.
Of course we have to take a picture.
There...
- Smile, Frederik.
- Yes.
And thumbs up.
Or do like this.
You called Mr. Ling. I cannot answer
the phone at the moment.
Leave a message.
Maybe he went on vacation.
And I'm out of money.
- Come on. Need a hand ?
- Just... !
- It's a 2-star.
- 2-star ?
- With a sea view.
- It starts at 3.
No, it starts at 1.
It's 8 bucks a night.
Hello, Mr. Ling, this is Mr. Jorgensen.
We'd really like to hear from you
so please call me back
as soon as you get this message.
Hello, Mr. Ling. This is Mr. Jorgensen.
Again.
- Mr. Ling ?
- Mr. Ling !
Mr. Ling, when you get this message,
please call back.
It's Mr. Jorgensen. Again.
We are very worried so...
... we would love to hear from you.
Please call back ASAP.
God dammit.
What the hell are you doing there ?
I needed to think.
That's a weird fucking place
to be thinking.
I called Mr. Ling again.
He didn't answer.
- Maybe he's offline.
- Do the math !
We've been royally screwed, Rasmus !
All they were interested in was
money gifts and smokes
and getting his paws on
our passports and Dollar and...
You can't know that.
He could've been in an accident...
This isn't a damn novel ! It's not a
love story you've picked up at Target !
Which gods did you consult
when you got the brilliant idea
to give a complete stranger
our money, passports and Dollar ?!
What ?
Yeah, yeah !
Yeah, I will tell Mr. Jorgensen
right away.
Yeah.
Of course, Pai Lung will be there.
Yeah, of course.
I'm the white dragon, you know ?
Alright, Mr. Ling.
Alright.
See you soon. Alright. Bye.
- That was Mr. Ling.
- What ?
It was Mr. Ling.
He called. We have a meeting.
- Oh, fucking hell.
- We're meeting with him !
- Thank God.
- In two days. He'll text the address.
- What did I tell you ?
- I don't care. We have to celebrate.
We're celebrating it with
a decent meal. I'll do the shopping.
Do you have any money ?
I'll figure it out.
Up top !
Awesome.
It's just great.
You should get that.
We'll wait.
- Oh, hello.
- Hello.
Uh, I don't have any money.
- No, I already paid for the suit.
- Okay.
- It's my suit, so... thank you.
- You're welcome.
Okay. bye.
Rasmus ! Look what just arrived.
Welcome.
I will lead you to Mr. Ling.
- Thank you.
- Ni hao.
- Are you Mr. Ling's wife ?
- Mr. Ling. Good to see you.
We're really glad you called.
It's so nice to see you two again.
I guess you must be hungry now.
- Oh !
- Yeah, I'm hungry like a dragon.
Okay, let's have dinner.
What are your names ?
- Okay, my name is Lisa.
- Nisse.
Lisa. Lisa ?
Oh, okay.
- I am Eeeh.
- Eeeh ?
- Yeah. Eeeh.
- Eeeeeh ?
- Yeah...
- Mmm... Eeh.
- Have you been to Europe, Nisse ?
- Okay. Hello.
Hello. Okay.
Oh ! I have to tell you a story.
I have to tell you a story.
It's a really funny story.
Well, it's not my story.
Jenny's mother's friend's cat. One
day, it was sitting in the window
and it went out through the window
from the 16th floor.
- 19th.
- 19th floor. That's right.
And it fell down. It fell to the ground
and smack, it died.
Splattered completely
all over the sidewalk. Like this.
The cat. Meow.
Like this.
So it's a funny story
but also a sad story
but also a lesson to be learnt
because...
- I said...
- It doesn't matter. Cheers.
- Can I tell you a scary story ?
- A scary story ?
- We'd better move a bit closer then.
- You have to.
- Very, Very scary.
- Now we're all cuddled up.
I have a friend in the secret police.
If you want someone to tell the truth
all you need is one toothbrush.
I don't understand. What would you
use a toothbrush for ?
- Is it an interrogation situation ?
- It's a kind of torture, actually.
- Okay. Toothbrush.
- What do you do ?
Put it between fingers, then spin it.
Like... thank you.
Spin it, turn it, again
and again and again !
- Oh, my God !
- It burns, okay ? It burns.
Then people will just tell you
everything you want to know.
Oh, it's torture.
- Torture in a very bad way.
- It is, my friends.
How do you know this story, Mr. Ling ?
It's very weird.
- I have too many friends.
- Ah, you have many friends.
Mr. Ling, can I ask you
a quick question ?
I would just like to know...
Is it okay if I lift one of your girls ?
- You don't have to ask !
- What ?
Be my guest !
You are Pai Lung !
- I can do anything.
- Sure.
Very nice.
Very nice.
Frederik ?
We need to talk.
Get lost, man !
None of this shit is real.
Nothing about this apartment is real.
Mr. Ling is a huge fake.
Listen to me.
Listen... Listen to me !
Rasmus, she used to be a guy.
I never had that before.
Mr. Ling ?
Mr. Ling, let me get your attention.
Where is Dollar ? Where is the money ?
I'm talking to you right now.
This is a scenery.
This is a scenery.
You want to play a game with me ?
You want to play a game ?
This is a game. I understand.
This is a nice little game.
But I want to play a game with you.
Little doggie. Little doggie.
Who took your bone ?
The little doggie took your bone ?
- You know that game ?
- Little dog, who's got your bone ?
Exactly.
That's the game we're playing.
You're not the dungeon master at all !
- This is like poker.
- Call 'em out !
Whoever loses gets the toothbrush.
It's not me.
So, it's time for
toothbrush torture now.
I wanna go again !
One more time ! This is fun. It's fun !
- Yes, it's hilarious.
- Let's have a laugh, alright ? Laugh !
Laugh, goddammit ! Stop !
Time for laughs. Laugh !
Play the game or stop this.
Play the game or stop it, Rasmus.
Don't take it out on her.
Okay, play !
Put the toothbrush on his back.
Okay, one more time. One more time,
I want to play this game.
- Okay ! Okay, you win ! You win.
- Okay. You get the torture now.
- No !
- Hold it.
- No ! I don't want this !
- Yes, you want this. Are you ready ?
- No ? You don't want to play ?
- I don't wanna play this.
Okay ! Then you have to drink.
Let's have some Baijiu, alright ?
You know Baijiu ?
It's a Chinese drink.
- Then you just drink. Alright ?
- Okay.
Okay. Let's drink.
Alright.
So, Mr. Ling, tell me, where is Dollar ?
Yeah, where is Dollar ?
Okay... where is Dollar ?
You just have to answer me, Mr. Ling.
Where is Dollar ?
Let's party, alright girls ?
Let's get this party going.
I told you he was full of shit.
Chin-chin, oops...
- You want to go ?
- Okay, I'll take this one.
Mr. Ling ?
Mr. Ling, you should go to bed now.
You'll get back problems.
Hello...
- Rasmus.
- What ?
- Rasmus.
- Yeah...
Frederik...
Argh... Frederik.
I can't move.
Ouch ! Frederik, ouch !
What the hell ? I'm awake.
- I can't move. I can't move.
- You killed him.
What ?
Do you hear me ? I can't move.
- Shut up. He's dead.
- What ?
Quiet.
Shut up. Lie still.
- That's all I can do.
- Stand up.
Listen to me, Frederik.
I can't move.
I can't move.
Frederik...
Dollar. Dollar !
Dollar ?
Dollar.
Dollar ?
Dollar...
Dollar ?
Dollar ?
Dollar !
Be quiet !
Shh, be quiet.
Be quiet, damn it !
Dollar, stop pulling !
Dollar, stop !
Credit Suisse:
Account movement:
"2,400,000 dollars
are at your disposal immediately."
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