Stop and Go (2021) Movie Script

Yeah, because
there's, there's...
- Ooh.
- Jamie, baby.
- Blake, baby.
- You're 30.
- I'm a woman now.
- You look so old.
- It's sad.
- Just yesterday,
- you were in your prime.
- Right?
And today, you're
even hotter, like.
What are people supposed
to do with all of this?
People can't handle that.
- I think they'll die.
- Rapid fire.
What are you most excited for?
It's your 30th year.
- 31st.
- Shut up.
- Go.
- Oh, we're going to Rome.
And Coachella.
I got an expensive
gym membership.
You're gonna get ripped.
- I want an eight pack.
- Get one on the front
and the back.
We're going
to Disneyland with Nana.
- That's gonna be really-
- Blake!
- Hi.
- How was your, uh,
- Tinder date with Scott?
- Oh, you know about Scott.
Oh, she was asking
where you were earlier.
How do you know his name?
- I just met him today.
- I love details.
- Ooh, mm, mm.
- Ooh!
- Um, it was okay, thanks.
- Of course it was.
You smell so good.
- So how was it really?
- It was six hours long
and we made out in a bounce
house, I might be in love.
She was like really
close to my face, right?
- Yeah, no she was.
- Happy Birthday,
- Jamie.
- Ooh, thank you, Sarah!
Whoa, I thought you were
gonna kiss me just then,
and I was like, wait,
what is happening?
- Okay, I'll, like, right, let's kiss.
- Okay.
- Oh.
- I'm kidding.
- No, you're okay.
- Unless you want to.
- Oh, yeah, maybe later.
- Later, okay.
- Aw!
- No, not really, though, oh.
30th year, keep going.
Um, my fourth graders
finally love me.
Class pets for the win.
We're gonna have some
really fun parties.
And your March Madness
bracket is a thing of beauty.
- Tom Hanks is healthy.
- That's always a plus.
I'm buying stock, I'm
thinking airlines and hotels.
Woo, grown up, I like it.
I've just got a good
feeling about everything.
Oh no, I don't want
everyone to sing.
Come on, I know you.
Everybody, yell happy
birthday on three.
- One, two, three!
- Happy birthday!
We now
have over 51,000
cases of COVID-19 in
the United States, as cited
by Johns Hopkins University.
There are more than 500
people who have died.
While there have been
more than 470,000 cases
confirmed worldwide,
those numbers will
probably be much higher
by the time you
actually hear this
as cases are skyrocketing
- so quickly now.
- The Center for Disease
Control says it's too
soon to tell exactly
when the pandemic will end.
In fact, back in
February, I heard
this could be a
recurring illness that
- mutates every year.
- Given the degree and the
efficiency of transmissibility
of this virus, that
- we might have a cycle.
- Now the pandemic
has definitely begun to
snowball in the United States,
there's a sense that
the worldwide epidemic will be
- centered on the United States.
- It is shattering, just
the rates that this has
overwhelmingly changed
- our lives.
- Now a vaccine is unlikely
for probably 12 to 18 months.
And it's just beginning.
The World Health Organization
said the pandemic won't
peak for at least a few
more months. The death
toll could even re-
Hey, sorry.
- Still no flour?
- Nope,
everything was gone
but the produce.
There was a guy in
line with a cart
literally full of cucumbers.
He just looked at
me and was like,
"I guess I'll make
some pickles."
- That's haunting.
- It was.
- You hear from Scott?
- No,
I seriously met him at the
worst moment in human history.
Mm, best Tinder date of your
life, novel Coronavirus.
Hey, your makeup came.
Ooh! Have you reached
out to him at all?
I sent him a text last week,
kinda tryna sum up
all this weirdness,
but he didn't even respond.
Man, they forgot my Boy Brow.
I'm really proud of you
for continuing to try.
You know, it's bare minimum.
It makes me feel
like a real boy.
- I respect that.
- You are a real boy.
- You're a real boy, Harry.
- So what'd you say to him?
Mm, I sent him that GIF,
you know, the one of
the muppet that's like,
and the camera zooms in
on his face.
That's it? Did you
send a text with it?
Well, I feel like the
GIF says it all, you know?
Hey, funny GIF, and
I care about you,
but not a weird amount 'cause
we only hung out one time.
Also, isn't this crazy?
Maybe we should stay in contact
in case someday we can touch
mouths again, but no pressure.
Have a great summer, stay cool.
Do you like me?
You don't have to say. Asterisk.
Down at the bottom of
the page, footnote,
because I kinda like you.
Whoops. Uh oh.
- Blake.
- It's better without words.
Okay, he's probably just
stressed about COVID.
Plus, I feel guilty for even
thinking about guys right now,
- people are dying.
- Yeah, I know.
I feel guilty for being
mad about my Boy Brow.
One more?
- Ah.
- At least we have company.
I think I'm over feeding them.
Yeah, that fat sweaty
one is not looking good.
Man, a month ago,
these mice made me a god
among my fourth graders.
Now, I'm just a grown-ass
single woman with pet mice.
Hey, you can
pull off pet mice.
You could pull off an ant farm,
that's how fabulous you are.
You're my whole
world now, little mice.
- Whoa, Jamie.
- What?
It's from Nana's nursing home.
"This letter is to alert you
that on March 23rd, 2020,
we learned that one or
more of our residents
- developed COVID-19."
- One or more?
And this was like a week ago.
We gotta check
our mail more often.
You have reached
- the voicemail of
- Nana's still not picking up.
- 503.
- Try again.
I'll try the nursing home.
Help us.
Um, uh, hello,
is, is this Willowbrook
Senior Care?
Is this the police?
- Are you coming?
- Listen,
our grandmother is a resident
- at your facility and-
- Maybe not anymore,
she's probably a
resident in heaven above.
I'm sorry, who
are we talking to?
- My name's Dora.
- Could you just,
could you just tell us,
does our Nana have COVID?
It is bad, honey, I
have never seen such carnage.
Can we speak
to whoever's in charge?
in charge now.
Dora, go lay down.
I'm so sorry, this
is Nurse Ackerman.
We just wanna know
if our grandma's safe,
uh, we got this letter
saying that you have COVID-19
- in your facility.
- Mm hm,
we've had a serious outbreak.
What's your grandmother's name?
- Paulina Jerikovic.
- Okay, let me check.
Okay, from what we know, she's
not exhibited any symptoms,
but, seriously, we
don't have enough gowns,
we don't have
enough face shields.
We've been trying to get
hold of the governor,
so if you can take care of
your grandmother at home,
that'd be much safer
than her being here.
Uh, we live in Albuquerque,
but our sister Erin
checked her in and she's
local in Washington.
Whatever you need to
do, the sooner the better.
Dora, where'd you get that
phone? Stop calling people.
Oh my gosh, um.
Are you calling them back?
No, I'm calling Erin.
I haven't talked
to her since COVID started.
Oh my gosh, Jamie,
it's been so long.
- How are you, sister?
- Uh, weird.
Blake's with me,
we're, we're both weird.
Oh my gosh, why?
- Well, the pandemic.
- People dying.
- Oh, yeah.
- You know?
It's so sad, my
girlfriend just had a baby
and they made her wear a mask.
Can you believe they
made her do that?
I mean, Jefferson's
birth was hard enough,
do you remember how hard
Jefferson's birth was?
Erin, Nana's nursing
home had a COVID outbreak
and we wanted to know if
you were gonna get her?
I'm not gonna abandon
the woman who raised us.
I was gonna bring her
back to our house.
Okay, we just wanted to know.
Um, when are you going?
'Cause she needs to
get out like right now.
Well, I can't get
there till Thursday
because we're on a cruise,
which has been such a nice
break from everything.
You know, everything
was just starting
to feel so heavy.
- Hey there, bumble bee.
- Hi.
Oh, hey, Jamie.
Hey, you've really thinned up.
- Thanks, Doug.
- I'm sorry,
- you're on a cruise?
- Yes.
- The tickets were so cheap.
- Because it's a death trap.
No, everyone's
being super careful
and they're soap in almost
all of the bathrooms.
So are you guys dating anyone?
- Okay, we gotta go, Erin.
- Erin, the finger food buffet
- just opened.
- Ooh, I gotta go too.
Still no
answer from Nana.
Google Maps says we can
get there in 20 hours,
if we leave right now,
we'll get there by
tomorrow afternoon.
Perfect, that
gives us a full day
before Erin gets back and
murders her with negligence.
- What?
- I don't want her to die.
She won't, we
just gotta focus.
Ooh, you smell like ham.
We should make some
ground rules to be safe.
- Our safety is her safety.
- Exactly.
We leave the car as
little as possible.
We only stop for
gas or to sleep.
No interacting with strangers.
- Don't touch your face!
- Ugh!
And the most
important rule of all...
you can't fall in love with me.
- Too late.
- Aw.
Okay, I think
we've got enough food
that we won't have
to go to any stores.
I'm packing biodegradable
wipes so we can just go
- on the side of the road.
- Whoa.
- Whoa, what are you doing?
- I'm taking the mice.
I don't want 'em to
starve while we're gone.
You can't bring those
mice. Nana hates mice.
Oh, I forgot that she
Poked that dead dog
and it ripped open and dozens
of bloody mice ran out.
Ugh, okay.
I could probably leave 'em
with one of my students,
Jacob Harper's like
obsessed with them.
Is that the kid
- who keeps texting you?
- Constantly.
Mostly it's about the mice,
but sometimes it's
like, "How are you?"
Or "You're a strong woman."
- He's nine?
- Yep.
- How'd he get your number?
- From a bathroom stall.
But, really,
how'd he get number?
- I have no idea.
- Okay.
Hey, Mrs. Harper, hope
you're, um, healthy.
- Who's this?
- It's Jamie,
Miss Jerikovic, uh,
Jacob's teacher.
- Hi, Jamie.
- Oh, it's Miss Jerikovic.
put your shirt back on.
So I'm going on
this emergency trip,
uh, it's only for three days,
but I need someone to watch
over Bert and Ernie for me,
they're the pet mice from class.
- Ugh, really?
- We'll do it, Miss Jerikovic,
we'll take them!
don't put my phone in
your mouth like that,
I have to put this
phone back on my face,
how do you think that
makes mommy feel?
No, I don't know,
Miss Jerikovic,
I, I'm sorry, it's just, I'm,
one more thing on my plate
right now, it's not ideal.
I know, and I can
totally find someone else,
it's just I know that Jacob
really likes these mice.
I love the
mice! I love the mice!
- I love the mice!
- Ugh, I know you love mice.
The wooden spoons don't
go in our pants, Jacob.
They go in the cow-print
jar by the stove,
and sauces and stews.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
come back here, stop that.
Look at me, how many spoons
do you have down there?
How long are you gone for?
Miss Jerikovic, you said you're
only gone for three days?
- Oh, yes, yeah.
- And we'll basically
have to do nothing, right?
They just sit it in the cage?
Yep, you just
feed 'em once a day,
and then, you know, make
sure they're still breathing.
- Okay, fine, we'll take them.
- Yeah!
Jacob, stay inside!
Hey, thanks, Mrs. Harper.
No, problem.
Oh, you know, you,
you really shouldn't-
Yep, you know, they're,
you're fine, okay.
Just maybe not in the holes
- as much.
- Oh, mm hm.
- Okay.
- Uh-huh.
I really haven't
been outside for like weeks.
- Yeah, it's creepy.
- Let's just fill up
and get outta here.
All right, if I'm not
back in 10 seconds,
- leave.
- Godspeed.
I'm just trying not to
think about how many people
- have touched that pump.
- Uh, I don't wanna make
things worse, but also,
don't think about that guy
over there.
Oh! Is he staring at us?
I mean, I think he's smiling.
He's wearing a mask,
he can't be creepy, right?
Yeah, 'cause creepy
guys never wear masks.
- Yes?
- I need a glove.
Uh, no gloves, I used the
last one's getting groceries,
but I brought some
sandwich baggies.
They're snack size.
Oh, I hate this,
- I hate this.
- You're doing so well,
- okay, don't touch anything!
- Hm.
I have an itch.
I'll blow on it.
No, it's on my butt.
It's in the hole.
I guess I should
get back out there.
- I believe in you.
- Trash bag.
- Don't touch, don't touch that.
- Okay.
Ugh! Nngh!
Don't kick the car!
- I touched the pump!
- It's okay.
- It's okay.
- Ah, I'm sweating.
You don't know what
was on that pump,
it coulda been disinfectant.
It didn't need to be phlegm,
or pee, or liquid poo.
I didn't even think
about liquid poo!
You can't get Coronavirus
from liquid poo.
- You don't know that!
- I think it's hot enough,
it would've killed
all the germs.
- It's not boiling.
- It feels like it.
- It's not.
- You can't get it
- from in-body stuff.
- We do not know that yet,
- they have not done enough
- I read an article,
- studies yet.
- I think Fauci
- got some in poo hypothesis.
- They're trying to come up
with a vaccine, they're not
studying people's poo yet.
I'm sure proctologists are
in the room where it happens.
Ah, I don't even wanna
discuss this anymore.
Here, look, I'll
play something.
I got something nice.
Here we go.
- What is this?
- It's whale sounds.
I thought it would be soothing.
It's kinda nice, you just-
[loud whale moaning
Be honest,
- these are just fart sounds.
- No, these are whale noises.
- Those are farts.
- It's from a nature,
- nature website.
- Farts are natural.
That's a fart.
That's a fart!
Uh, uh, okay, let's go.
Gettin' your core workout in?
La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la
- It's Nana.
- Oh, finally.
- Nana!
- Is that my Babycake
- and my Jaybird?
- Nana, oh my gosh,
- are you okay?
- Oh, I'm just fine
I'm not allowed
to leave my room.
- Good. Definitely don't.
- Do not leave your room.
But I'm getting pretty bored.
Maybe, maybe take
up cross-stitching.
No, that's for old people.
- I love cross-stitching.
- Well, we talked
with one of your nurses
and they said that it would
be safer for you to be
- somewhere else right now.
- Erin was planning
- to get you on Thursday.
- No!
I mean, I love Erin.
- It's okay if you don't.
- No, no.
I mean, I, I love Erin so much,
I don't have to convince myself.
- We know that.
- One time she took me
out for the day, and
she left me in a hot car
- for two hours.
- Oh my gosh!
I still love her.
And I mean, I'm not saying
that I'll die if I
go home with Erin,
but even if I do
die... it's not murder.
- No, you don't-
- Although, Erin
doesn't have to come pick me up,
my car is just
sitting in her garage,
- I can drive myself.
- But your feet
can't push the pedals
because of your arthritis.
Oh, I got pretty good
at using a mop handle.
- It's not that hard.
- Nana, listen,
we're driving right now
to come and get you.
We're gonna bring you
back to Albuquerque.
Ah, thank you, I am so
glad you are on your way.
Well, I wasn't gonna
tell you this before,
but I think there's
only one nurse here.
- In the whole place?
- And sometimes,
I can hear her crying
in the supply closet,
begging Jesus to take the
old people instead of her.
So, yeah, it will be nice
to come home with you.
- Yup, good plan.
- Okay, we'll see you soon,
all right, we'll
be there tomorrow.
I love you, girls,
and, and I love Erin too.
Don't tell her I told
you about the hot car.
- We won't.
- Okay.
- All right, love you.
- Okay, love you.
- We'll see you soon.
- Hurry.
- What is happening?
- She's fine,
she's in her room.
'Cause recycled
air's not a thing.
What are we doing?
Hey, we're already doing
the only thing we can do.
You're right.
These really
do make me feel better.
I know.
Wish I was by your side
Guess I got to let go
Gonna do for me what's
Nobody would bathe
We gotta save the whales now
Have you ever met Miss Lindy
She's the gal with
bright red hair
Operation, radio
Please don't turn away
I'm running out
of small talk
Oh, ee, sa
I love that little girl
with the bright red hair
Spud's strong hand
grabbed Jenny's wispy arm.
"Why don't you meet
me down at the docks
later tonight, baby?"
Jenny was scared, this
was the baddest guy
in the whole school after all,
but she fired back anyway.
"Uh, guess what,
no, thanks, Spud!"
Spud's eyes narrowed
as he retorted,
"I said, I'll meet
you at the docks."
Jenny gulped big time.
Then all of a sudden,
Jamal Anders strode in,
holding his trusty pet lizard.
"Hey, why don't you
leave her alone, Spud!"
"Hey, Jamal," Jenny said.
And Jamal's lizard kind
of nodded its head,
as if to say, "Sup."
Jenny was so grateful for that.
- Man, this book is terrible.
- Chapter Four.
- It's really bad.
- Spud let go of
Jenny's arm and turned to Jamal.
"If you're so tough,
maybe you should fight me
at the docks later
tonight, Jamal!
If you can handle it!"
What is it with Spud
- and these docks?
- Chapter Five.
"Also you're both invited
to my birthday party.
It's at the docks on Thursday
- at six."
- I'm just wondering
if Jenny and this
lizard are gonna bang.
- It's inevitable.
- There's definite heat.
There's chemistry.
What you doin' on your phone?
Oh, you know, just
important feminist work.
Ooh, are
those biceps real?
Mm hm, 100% grass-fed!
Zoom in, zoom in.
- Yeah, like this?
- More.
- Oh, yeah.
- More.
There it is, look
at those veins.
Mm, pixelate it,
pixelate it!
- Even more?
- Bigger!
- You're filthy!
- I need it!
- Look how pixelated that is!
- Ah, so good!
Yeah, I don't even know
where he gets these biceps
'cause he said that he
doesn't like going to gyms.
Maybe he just like lifts
pumpkins in his backyard.
He does have a garden.
- Stop. That's adorable.
- I know, it's cute.
- Right?
- Or weird.
Garden men could go either way.
- Right. Right.
- They could be like
this brawny sexpot,
- Mm.
- who's just one
- with the earth.
- Yes.
- Or you get a garden gnome.
- A garden gnome.
Who just fertilizes his
rutabagas with his own poop.
- Oh.
- Scott's no gnome.
- He's no gnome.
- No, he's cool.
- Ooh, is he a reader?
- Yep, he likes books.
- Okay.
- He's a bookman.
- So he's literate.
- Mm hm.
- That's a good sign.
- He read a menu
while I was with him and I
was like, "You too?"
- He passes the test.
- That's my one rule.
I don't
wanna say he's perfect.
You can say it.
- I-
- Say it.
- I can.
- Say it.
I don't want to, I said,
- I don't wanna say it.
- Say it.
- He's, he's,
- What is he?
he's p-,
he's perfect!
Maybe you should talk to him
instead of just like
sending one random GIF,
and then just, I
don't know, giving up.
I reached out, I don't wanna
be all up in his business.
- You should-
- He's got things.
I'm not saying call him,
but you can at least
explain yourself to him.
I can't explain a
GIF I sent a week ago,
like, "Oh, I know
you didn't respond,
but remember that
text I sent last week?
It was supposed to
be funny?
- Oh my gosh.
- What?
- I just sent it again.
- What?
The muppet GIF, I sent it
again to Scott on accident.
Are you serious?
Oh my gosh.
Oh, it's Jacob, ooh, I
normally wouldn't answer,
but it might be about the mice.
- Gosh.
- Now I have to find
another GIF to try
and explain this GIF.
I don't think another
GIF, just hold on.
- I can't send him a text.
- Don't.
- It has to be a GIF.
- Don't.
It's a proportionate
- response.
- Don't.
- Take your call.
- Do not.
- Hello, Jacob?
- Um, Jamie.
Oh, it's Miss Jerikovic.
Is everything all right?
- Jacob?
- Not really.
Okay, just talk to me,
is it Bert and Ernie,
- are they all right?
- Ernie had babies?
Oh, oh my, um,
oh, Jacob, I'm so sorry.
I really thought I checked
all the right areas.
Does a mouse's look-
what does a mouse's look like?
- Are you asking him?
- My mom's really mad.
- It happened on her hands.
- Like, the birth?
She was
taking them away from me
because I was playing
with them too much,
and they all just came out.
- Oh, oh, Jacob, um,
- It got on her blazer
- and in her hair.
- tell your mom
- I'm really sorry.
- I'ma send him
the Ryan Reynolds
- face palm GIF.
- Jacob,
- who are you talking to?
- It's a good one.
- It's Jamie.
- No, it's Miss Jerikovic.
- Who?
- My teacher.
- Give me that!
- No, no, no, that's okay,
- I don't need to talk to-
- Why does my son
- have your number?
- I'm so sorry,
- he called me.
- You should not be talking
to a nine-year-old on
his personal phone.
When he texts
me, I never answer.
- You guys are texting?
- I don't answer.
I don't, you know, I didn't
even realize it was his phone,
I thought maybe it
was a family phone.
now you're shaming me
for giving my son a phone?
- Well, he's pretty young.
- He's only nine.
talking to my son,
we are already doing
you a massive favor.
You know what? You can just
put the mice back in the cage,
you don't even have
to look at them.
Just leave 'em there,
and I will fix everything
- when I come back.
- Have you ever smelled
- mouse afterbirth?
- I have not.
Well, you will.
What? I think she's gonna
get that other mouse pregnant.
- Something's happened.
- What have you done?
- I sent the GIF again.
- Blake!
I think it's like permanently
copied to my clipboard
- or something.
- It's still in the text box,
- you don't have to press send.
- I just, I was distracted,
it's not every day that
your sister gets accused
- of being a pedophile.
- She didn't say pedophile,
I don't think it's the same
- over text.
- I sent it again!
Why are you still
talking to him?
I thought I copied
the right GIF this time!
Maybe you should just
send him actual words.
I can't do that,
- I'll look like a fool.
- You already look
like a fool, oh.
- What?
- I started my period.
Was it all the
yelling? The diaphragm
- sometimes gooshes the blood.
- Yeah, I exerted myself.
I figured out what to do
- about your period.
- Yeah?
- It's all natural.
- Oh, I love that.
And I suggest that
you insert this side.
- Oh.
- This is for holding,
this is, it's a
four-pronged approach.
- Look how friendly it looks.
- Look at that,
- just mm.
- Mm.
- Yes.
- And I found a cork
in the gutter over there,
you can use that too,
- there's lots of options.
- That's great,
I'll do that right
after I'm done bleeding
- through these sticks.
- For real though,
- what did you do?
- Uh, I just grabbed
- some wipes.
- Made a pad?
No, I just stuck it in.
You stuck it in?
Yeah, that's what I do
when I don't have a tampon.
I usually get some
toilet paper and-
- You can't do that,
you can't just shove
- stuff up there.
- Yeah, you can.
No, it's like specific,
protected cotton
in the applicators, you, you,
I bet you have like flecks
of dissolved TP up there
- from like 2007.
- No, I was doing it
way before '07.
Whoa, I bet you're
gonna give birth
to just like a matted
TP baby someday.
It's been like 15 years,
I think it woulda
happened already.
What's the gestation
- for a TP baby?
- I don't know,
- 30, 40 years of TP flecks.
- Ugh,
I gotta figure out how to fix
this thing with Mrs. Harper.
What do you mean?
You can't unbirth mice.
No, I know, I, but
I can do something,
maybe not now, but later.
Like you're gonna put the
mice back in when you get back?
- Are you thinking about it?
- No.
No, you're right, you
can't unbirth mice.
Mm mm, no, sir.
What's done is done, lady.
But there's always
something you can do.
- What?
- Nana's gonna die
- if we don't leave soon.
- Man, don't joke.
I'm gonna take you on a ride
We're gonna move
through the night
Why you so salty
I'll still take a bite
- Deal breaker.
- Okay?
- He's perfect in every way.
- Mm hm.
He like, he likes all the
same music and movies as you,
and you guys connect
on everything,
- Yes?
- but
he has rotisserie
chickens for hands
and two honey-baked hams
for a butt.
- Deal-breaker or no?
- Are they cooked?
- Yes, how warm he is.
- What is, what is
the internal temperature
of this meat?
Okay, I'll say, it's like,
you know, its body warm,
- so it would cool down.
- Is it seasoned,
- like are these hams sticky?
- Yes, honey-baked.
- Oh my gosh.
- And, rotisserie chicken,
- you know, like it's got the-
- No, I couldn't.
That's a deal breaker for you?
That's a deal breaker for me.
It's not a deal
breaker for me.
I'm just saying, if he has
a great sense of humor,
he can carry it off.
He'd be like, "Hi, I'm Bob,
and I got rotisserie
chickens for hands,"
- and everyone would love him.
- I don't think-
- He'd be like
- The novelty
- Bob the chicken hand guy.
- would wear off.
You'd probably cheat
on him with someone
with a regular butt.
I would
not, I would never,
- you think I'm that vain?
- You'd miss
- those sweet cheeks.
- Sweet cheeks?
His are literally honey-baked.
I would never call ham sweet.
- It is sweet.
- It's a savory treat.
It's sweet and salty,
which all the best treats are.
he must motorboat
every woman over 70 he meets.
- Hold on.
- He can't help it.
- And there's contact?
- Like full-on,
like his cheeks have to
be kind of like smushed
- a little bit together.
- Ah.
- Ah, see, it's a deal-breaker
- Anytime
- It's a deal-breaker because
- he went to the
- grocery store.
- it's actual
sexual harassment,
- and it's like assault.
- It's like Tourette's,
- but it's,
- it's assault Tourette's.
it's assault Tourette's.
- Yeah, no, it's a
- You'd be discriminating
- deal-breaker.
- against him if
- you didn't.
- What, and it's not
a deal-breaker for you?
No, it's a
deal-breaker for me.
Okay, there, there we go.
- Deal-breaker.
- Yep?
He's perfect, he
never farts on you.
- No such man exists.
- But he sweats hot dog water.
Not a deal-breaker.
- Not a deal-breaker?
- No, it's not
a deal-breaker because if he
thought it was kind of funny,
I think it would be something
we could laugh about.
So like, I mean, if
you worked out together,
would it make you gag?
No, I mean it's hot dog water.
I like ham,
I like hot dogs.
Would it turn you on?
- Maybe after like enough
- Oh my goodness.
- Pavlovian training.
- Oh my goodness.
It's Scott!
He responded? He
wasn't freaked out
by your five muppet GIFs?
What, what is it?
Oh my gosh, um,
it says, sorry, this
is Scott's roommate.
He got COVID and
he didn't make it.
I'm, oh my gosh.
He, well, he was like
in his 30s, right?
He was 29.
I know I didn't know
him like at all,
but, man, he was really cool.
That is so sad.
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh.
I was sending him muppet
GIFs while he was dying.
- Oh my gosh, I wanna barf.
- That's bad.
I really hope he
didn't have his phone,
like maybe his.
Um, I don't understand
- this.
- What?
He just sent me a
picture of a penis.
- Wait, what?
- He just sent me a picture
- of a penis.
- Oh my gosh!
The roommate just
sent, is it Scott's?
I don't know
whose penis this is.
- It's, whose?
- I don't know.
I don't know, I don't know.
- Why would the roommate?
- It's really blurry.
It's really blurry,
it's not a good picture.
- That's a penis though.
- Is he sending it
- to everyone?
- Ew, he wouldn't
- send, like from his-
- Like a, like a
consolation, like,
oh, he's dead.
Here's something
to remember him by.
Ah, that, that
feels, that's horrible.
- That's not what this is.
- You should call him.
What if it's his penis?
- What if he's hitting on you?
- With this?
I think he's on the toilet.
- Like that's bowl,
- He,
- that's bowl.
- he sent you a toilet penis
right after he told you.
Oh, man, this is
so much to unpack.
- Maybe he thought it was funny?
- That is not funny.
- Well, yeah, I,
- I don't think it's funny.
I don't think
it's funny either.
I'm just laughing kinda
'cause I'm scared and-
- Okay, I think, I think
you need to call him.
- Uh, uh-huh.
- This is-
- I don't want to.
- Blake, he sent you
- a toilet penis.
- I'm aware!
Right after he told
you his roommate,
- Mm hm.
- who you were dating,
- We were not dating.
- is dead!
Okay, yeah, that's
what happened.
Call him, FaceTime him.
- What?
- Look him in the eyes,
make sure that he doesn't
do it to someone else.
You gotta do it.
- Do, he will not expect it.
- Okay.
He's not gonna, he's
not gonna pick it up.
- I'm doing this.
- You don't know
- Okay.
- the inside mind.
Oh, oh!
No, no, no, what?
Okay, okay, so,
- He is not dead.
- so.
- That's repulsive.
- Okay.
- Lying about dying
- Oh my gosh.
from COVID like right now?
Ugh, and also, you couldn't
think of a single better way
to just tell me
you didn't like me?
Well, we don't know that.
I mean, he did send you
a picture of his penis.
It was clearly an accident.
It was not a flattering picture.
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
I mean, clearly, like
he picked up his phone
after he told me he was dead,
- so he's an idiot.
- Yeah.
But... I feel really stupid.
You do not need
to feel stupid.
Well, it's just that I,
I liked that
giant pile of crap.
So. Hm.
Blake, baby, we're going 90.
Is that four La Croixs?
- Hard day, baby.
- Yeah.
Don't kick the car, it's not,
it's not her fault!
I'll be back.
- Nana!
- Jaybird, what's up,
- chicken butt?
- Hey, Nana.
I really miss you.
I miss you girls, too.
- How's Blake?
- Uh, she,
I mean, she's, uh,
she's not great.
Well, how are you, sweetheart?
Me? Oh, I'm fine.
- Mm hm.
- I am fine.
- Okay.
- I just,
I can't wait to see you.
It'll feel like some
part of all this isn't,
you know, just the worst.
Well, you always
land on your feet,
- sweetheart, you always do.
- What are you doing?
I can't talk
long, my battery is going.
Is that Nana?
- Nana, who is that?
- Oh, that's Fred,
he's trying to get into
my room, but he's got it.
- Got what?
- You know,
the Corona.
Give me the keys, I'll drive.
Nana, why does Fred
wanna get into your room?
'Cause this is time
of night that he...
- Nana!
- Ugh.
He finds a great deal
of comfort in his routine,
and so do I.
Oh my gosh, I think
Fred's the Raven.
- What?
- It's a thing,
you know, like the
guy in nursing homes
that goes around to all the
ladies and keeps them satisfied.
Nana, do not let Fred in!
I am so excited about
seeing you, girls,
and I'm ready to start a
whole new chapter in my life.
- I want Bruce with me.
- I thought his name was Fred?
- No, Bruce, my dog.
- Um, that seems-
- Hello, Judith.
- Fred!
Why is he calling you Judith?
They're all Judith to him.
I want you to go to your
sister's and get my dog,
I need a familiar face.
- We're familiar faces!
- Can you call a nurse?
Fred is literally
scratching at your walls.
I think all the nurses have
gone home, I mean, this place
- is like a free-for-all.
- What?
My lips may say
What is this creepy song?
- I don't know!
- Okay, okay!
I love you, bring my dog
or I'm n-
- Ugh!
- Nana! Ugh!
I think her battery died.
The nurses can't all be gone,
she might've been confused.
And now she's canoodling
with a sick Raven.
We don't know he was a Raven,
he could've been an
exclusive booty caller.
She's just so pure.
- She doesn't even say fart.
- I know, she says, oops,
- I popped my bottom.
- Popped my bottom,
- it is so much worse.
- Hello,
this is Nurse Ackerman,
how can I help you?
Nurse Ackerman, we're
so glad you're there.
So we were on the phone
with our grandma just now,
and there was a man with COVID
trying to get into her room.
Ugh, Fred, I shouldn't
be saying this,
but I hope he's the next to go.
Hold please.
This hold music
actually slaps.
- Ooh, oh, Willowbrook.
- Okay.
- Mm, mm, mm, mm.
- Yeah, okay.
- Ooh.
- What is this?
This just took it
to a whole new level.
Oh my gosh, I'm seeing stars.
- Woo!
- Ooh, hello,
- Make-A-Wish Foundation?
- Dora.
- I would like to make a wish.
- Dora, give me the phone.
Okay, we've barred Fred's door.
Hey, Jeanine, move them
to the porch, the freezer
truck's coming tonight.
Wait, I have a note
from your grandma.
- You do?
- It says, "Dolphin Testicle 89."
She said you'd understand
what that meant.
- Um.
- No.
- I don't think we do.
- We don't.
- Paula Jenkins?
- Oh, no, our grandmother's
- Paulina Jerikovic.
- Oh, she has a note here too.
It says, "If I die here,
please bury me with my dog."
- But her dog's still alive.
- That's not my problem.
Okay, well, thank you
- so much.
- Jeanine,
- is this poop or blood?
- It's poop and blood.
Could you also please
just keep that Raven away
- from our grandma?
- Don't worry,
- Raymond's dead.
- Who's Raymond?
I gotta go.
She's okay,
they're taking care of Fred,
and we are gonna
go get this dog.
You're saying it's okay,
but we really don't know if
anything is okay at all anymore.
- Shh.
- Thank you.
Oh, that calms me
so, that's so nice.
Hey, you guys, hold on,
I'm watching, I'm watching
"Bad Moms Christmas."
Put that down!
- Sorry, hi, hi.
- Hey, Erin.
We've all just been quarantined
in our rooms right now.
Does someone on
the ship have it?
Well, there's no tests
on board, so, technically,
- no one has it.
- That's,
- is, is anyone sick?
- Well, there's a lot
of people coughing, but
only a few people dying.
But, I mean, when does that
not happen on a cruise?
I ask you, hm, come on,
- motion of the ocean.
- Erin, you need
to try to get off that
cruise as soon as possible.
Uh, and waste my Groupon?
- I don't think so.
- Okay, um,
we're on our way to
go and get Nana and-
- You guys are on a
road trip without me?
Ugh, well, now I
regret this cruise.
Nana asked us
to pick up Bruce.
- Is he at your place?
- No,
but there's a
really funny story.
So this the whole cruise
thing happened so fast,
I was really stressed about
what to do with Bruce.
And so I'm at Trader
Joe's and I'm in line,
and I'm complaining to just
like anybody that would listen.
And this guy just walked
up and saved my life,
and offered to take Bruce.
So you gave Nana's dog to
a stranger during a pandemic.
Gorb is not a stranger.
He told me all
about his mom's MS.
And he is the strongest
person that I know.
- His name is Gorb?
- It's Gorb,
or Lorb, or something,
I don't know.
It was really hard to understand
everything he was saying
with the mask on, but
I have his address
because I had to
drop off the dog,
so I will send that to you.
What was that?
That's a code blue,
or red, or something,
it's been going on for hours.
Listen, I get home the
day after tomorrow,
we should totally go
to dinner or something.
aren't really open.
I'm so excited
to see you guys.
- Okay, bye.
- Wait, don't make
- any memories without me.
- Okay.
- Love you, bye.
- Bye.
I feel so bad.
I feel so bad that
she's being so stupid.
She's young, she's healthy.
If she can survive
Jefferson's childbirth,
- she can survive anything.
- So help me,
if I have to hear
one more detail
- Jefferson's childbirth.
- about her vaginal wall.
- Split from hole to hole.
- Hole to hole, baby.
Have you ever pooped
out your pee hole?
Give her
some credit though,
she's the only woman in the
world to have ever birthed
a baby, so.
- Gorb.
- Gorb, there he is.
He's actually not
too far out of the way,
he's pretty close to Erin's,
which means he's on
the way to Nana's.
We can just swing
by and get the dog.
Wait, no, no, we
don't know who Gorb is,
Erin doesn't know who Gorb is.
Are we seriously gonna go
to this stranger's house
and hope he doesn't have COVID.
And hope he didn't eat Bruce.
You know, Nana, she's
not gonna get in this car
- without her dog.
- Well, we can't
pick her up at all if
we go there and get it.
We're not gonna be stupid.
We're not gonna go inside,
we'll just knock on the door.
We'll stand back
- on the sidewalk.
- Ugh!
Scott is texting me.
Absolutely not, absolutely
- Do I wanna know?
- No.
What did he say?
He asked for
your Hulu password.
- Are you serious?
- He's clearly a douche bag.
You are so much better than him.
- Does he think I'm stupid?
- He's stupid.
And when my grandma might die
and end up in a freezer truck!?
Those nurses coulda
been ordering Otter Pops.
Okay, I need to blow
off this steam!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I don't know why
this song works for you,
but I'm glad it does.
Oh, it works every time.
Ooh, ooh.
Whoa, oh, yes.
- Oh, no.
- Mm!
- Come on.
- No.
- Come on!
- No, it's not my thing.
- Groove with me.
- No, Blake, come on.
You know you want to.
- look at that.
- Come on, Jamie,
get out here and dance with me.
- No.
- I'm Jerry Lewis,
and I want you to
play a show with me.
You know my body
doesn't move like yours.
- Ooh, okay.
- Oh, yeah!
Blake, Blake! Blake!
Is it illegal to sleep
in a parking lot?
Nothing's illegal right now.
If we sleep for
just a couple hours,
we should make it to Nana's
by tomorrow afternoon.
By today afternoon.
Stop that.
- Stop it.
- No.
No, you can't poke mine,
they're still growing, I swear.
I'm not tired,
almost dying woke me up.
You wanna listen
to the audio book?
Oh, okay.
Jamal looked
deep into Jenny's eyes
and said, "Out
here on the docks,
I don't know, you
seem different."
Jenny blushed, "It's been a
really amazing day, Jamal."
She made eye contact
with Jamal's lizard,
and they seemed to
understand each other.
Then a loud scream
echoed in the distance.
They both whirled around to
see Spud sprinting toward them.
"I can't believe you went
to the docks without me!"
Suddenly, Spud was upon them
and he punched Jamal's
lizard right in it's face.
Big mistake.
Me, me, me, me, me
Ba, lo, ke, ka, key
Me, me, me, me, me
Ba, lo, ke, ka, key
Me, me, me, me, me
Ba, lo, ke, ka, key
Me, me, me, me, me
Ba, lo, ke, ka, key
Me, me, me, me, me, me
Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha
Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha
Ooh, ooh, Jamie.
That biker thinks
that we're honking
- at him.
- What?
Oh, oh, crap, sorry.
- Ah!
- Sorry, no,
we, we weren't honking at you,
we were honking to the music.
It wasn't you, it was the-
Did he just spit
in your mouth!?
Don't, don't scream,
don't scream!
Just get off, oh my gosh!
Don't swallow, don't swallow!
I never do!
Hand sanitizer.
- You can't drink it!
- I have no choice!
- Lie back, lie back!
- Ah!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
stay there, stay there.
I think we did
all we could do.
You think you're
safe to be around Nana?
I don't know. Maybe.
We don't know if that
guy had COVID or not.
We don't know how long it
takes for symptoms to set in.
I just couldn't live with
myself if we got Nana sick.
- Or anyone.
- We'll be careful.
Everyone will be okay.
Blake? Blake?
Blake? Blake?
- Hey, baby.
- What?
You farted in your
It was like a loud
one, it woke me up.
- Sorry.
- It's okay,
I couldn't smell it.
I can't smell or taste
anything right now.
I peed on myself.
Stop that
You gotta stop.
Now that I know
what he's really like,
all his pictures look so
fake and staged to me.
- Who even took that picture?
- Right?
The caption is, just
a boy and his dog.
That dog is
probably a paid actor.
- Man, look at that.
- Paid actor!
Are you kidding me with that?
- Paid actor!
- What is that?
Who's his agent?
- My gosh.
- Sign me up.
Oh, and there's the garden,
the dumb garden, I bet
it's full of radishes!
Man, and look at this picture.
Look at that.
It's actually like a
really cool picture.
- Stupid. So cool.
- I don't know
where the burn is in that one,
- but I 100% support you.
- I don't know. I don't know.
I thought there was a burn.
You saw what
you wanted to see,
it was just confirmation bias.
Just embarrassed. How can
I trust myself ever again?
You can trust yourself.
You can trust yourself.
And women, we're great.
I love us.
Please, get on your knees
I came from the
jungle up in the trees
I got a few tricks
up in the sleeve
If you wanna touch my
Please use caution
Hey, Mrs. Harper.
Jacob, Jacob, what's wrong?
Jacob, no offense,
but stop calling.
Shh. Jacob, is
your mom around?
- Can I talk to her?
- She doesn't know
I'm calling you,
she said you're
not professional.
I am professional.
Jacob, is it Bert and Ernie?
All the mice are dead!
- Wh-what? All of them?
- Bert ate
- all the babies heads.
- Oh!
And Ernie's
head, and then I was forced
to put him down.
- What did you do?
- I put him in a paper bag...
Well, he could still be fine.
And then I dropped
my bowling ball on him!
- What?
- And now I have no one.
It's so gross in here.
- Oh my word.
- I was just so mad at Bert.
He killed his family,
why would he do that?
- Jacob, give me the phone.
- Why would he
- do that?
- We left the mice alone,
like you told us to, and
they murdered each other.
Mrs. Harper, it was a mistake,
uh, we're all going
through a lot right now.
Do you know
what my son had to see today?
A severed mouse spinal
cord! Baby mouse tendons!
And he said the Lord's Prayer
as Bert's life leaked
out of his lunch bag!
And I could not be more sorry,
but I genuinely couldn't
have done anything about it,
nature can be very
ugly sometimes.
calling Principal Belnap,
you won't have a job
by the afternoon!
- Can, can I just-
- Goodbye!
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Are you sure?
Because that was like
- really bad.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it was like...
- Bad?
- Yeah, it, it's fine.
There's a lot going on right now
and this is the only thing
we have control over.
So we can just get Nana
and the world can continue
- to eat itself.
- Yeah.
This guy might not even be home.
Well, where
else would he be?
Yep, you're right, good point.
Wait, dogs can't
get COVID, right?
Oh, hey, hey, sorry.
Um, we were just about to knock.
Uh, we're, uh, here for Gorb.
- Gorb?
- Mm hm, Gorb.
Ah, there's no Gorb here.
Um, Lorb?
- Borb?
- No.
Corb? Is that a-
- He, he's taking care
of a dog for our sister,
it's a big Bernese Mountain Dog.
- Evan?
- Yes, probably.
- Yes, that's probably it.
- Yeah, he's, he's out back.
Okay, we'll
just, we'll follow.
- Can we go that way?
- Okay.
- You comin'?
- Yep, okay, hold on.
Evan, there's
somebody here for ya.
- Really?
- Yeah, they're saying
- something about the dog.
- ...Okay.
They say they
don't have Corona,
- but I can't trust 'em.
- Good to know.
All right, I'm headed out.
- Love you, Uncle Gene.
- Love you too, baby boy.
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
- Mind your own business
- Thank you.
and let me alone,
I can hear you messing
with my stuff, and I can.
Well, hello.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, we're here for Bruce,
we're Erin's sisters.
Mm, do you guys wanna go
upstairs and sit on the couches?
- Oh.
- Uh, no, thanks.
- They're microfiber.
- No, that's okay.
Play on the tentoline?
- Sorry, play on the what?
- Tentoline,
it's a tent on a trampoline.
I like to put candy in
there sometimes and just-
- Oh, cool.
- Uh,
that's really nice of you,
but we're kind of in a rush.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hey, hey, wait, hey.
- Hey.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, Evan?
You guys want some snacks?
No, we're just here for Bruce.
Right, okay.
I don't like that.
Do you think he's single?
I spit.
- Um, we can see you.
- Hey.
- We can still see you.
- That's someone else.
It's Scott leaving
me a Marco Polo.
Are you gonna watch it?
I don't wanna deal
with it right now.
You guys sure you
don't want anything?
You want a drink?
- Got some soap wine.
- No, we're good.
- Thanks, though.
- A lotta people
have been taking alcohol and
turning it into hand sanitizer,
but I took some Dial and
fermented it into wine.
- We're, yeah.
- Well, that's,
I don't know if
that really works.
- Zip, zip, zip.
- I don't, we don't want it.
Doesn't sound
good to you guys?
- All full.
- It's still basically soap,
you can use it as hand
sanitizer too, if you want.
- Just stop.
- No, we don't.
That, I don't think that
actually gets anything clean.
- Mind your.
- You should not be licking
- your hands.
- Oh.
- That's just regular wine,
- Especially when you do that.
- right?
- Yeah, it's a red.
- Yikes.
- Okay.
Hey, where's our dog?
He's in the basement.
You didn't kill
that dog, right?
No, I wouldn't,
okay, don't freak out.
- Okay, okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Wait!
- Where's our dog?
- Dog, we just want the dog.
- Okay, okay, gentle voices.
- Give us our dog, please.
I just need 30 minutes.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing illegal.
What is going on?
And why does it reek like
Anthropology candles down there?
- It's their Volcano line.
- Hey, this isn't funny,
Evan, we're trying
to save our Nana
from a COVID infested nursing
home before she gets it.
- Do you want our Nana to die?
- No, no, I, uh.
- I've got this poodle.
- She's not senile.
Nana will notice if we
bring her a different dog.
No, no, no, Shoshana is mine.
I'm just saying, your sister
brought up her
Bernese Mountain Dog,
he's a purebred, Shoshana's
in heat right now.
- You are sick.
- No, I'm savvy.
Have you seen the animal
shelters right now?
They're cleared out.
Companion pets are
selling like hotcakes.
And bernedoodle puppies?
Forget about it!
- Are you serious?
- You'll want one.
You both will.
I'd give you one, can
we just chill out?
I'm gonna come get her myself.
- That not cool!
- No!
- Hey! No.
- No, no.
- Don't you dare spit!
- Don't you, no, don't you!
I didn't wanna have to do
that, but I need 30 minutes,
or I will lick both of you
in your nasal passages.
- No, you won't.
- Nothin'
- I haven't done before.
- Ew.
Do not disturb us.
There is this guy
His name is Evan
He's taken these dogs
for seven minutes
In heaven
Except it's really hell
Keep going, keep going.
Because we have to wait
For them to mate
And they are gonna have
Perfect little babies, yeah
I feel bad,
I feel bad laughing.
- You gonna watch it?
- No.
Blake, it's me,
your favorite person
in the world.
I don't really know
what I'm going to say,
so it's probably gonna
turn out really bad.
Um, I mostly just wanna
say I'm s- I am sorry for-
I'm not trying to like
make excuses at all,
but I am a person with
a, a lot of anxiety,
and that's when the world
isn't, you know, exploding.
Plus, you, you're so,
you're so cool.
I didn't know how to respond
to your GIF that you sent,
it was so good, I
didn't know what to,
um, say about it, and then
you sent it again.
Um, so I didn't,
so I told you I was dead.
Just pulled that
one out of the bag.
Oh, and then I was
tryna undo that.
And, um, so what hap...
Okay, so I was on the toilet
and I had told you I died,
that's where I was
kinda coming from.
Whoa, my goodness.
It's annoying how
close the camera button
is to the keyboard, you know,
and you can just easily,
you know, you're typing a text
and you can just press
the camera button.
I mean, especially if
you're a guy with big hands.
Hey, nah, you've
already seen it, so.
It's not that big.
I do have a huge hands,
I mean, they're so big,
they, they make my
penis look so small.
I do stupid things a
lot, and when I do,
I don't talk to the
person ever again
because that's just the
easiest way, just, you know?
But I would like to
keep talking to you
if you wanna be my friend still.
Okay, bye.
Oh, also, about the,
um, the Hulu password,
it was supposed to
be a joke, I was, ah.
But I recognize from
your deafening silence,
that's not where we're at.
And it was totally a joke
because I have my own,
which you're welcome to
borrow if you'd like.
Uh, the password is,
um, bethmarch4eva,
without an R.
It's messy, but he's sweet.
Ugh, I just have whiplash.
Is he the best or the worst?
He's not just a model shot,
or just a toilet
bowl penis shot.
- He's-
- He's a model shot
and a toilet bowl penis shot.
He's always gonna be a
toilet bowl penis shot up here.
He's just a person.
- Yeah.
- I get it.
You gonna call him?
No, I'm gonna
send him a pic of my penis.
- Uh, hey.
- Hey.
- Um.
- I got your Marco Polo.
Money! Oh, money!
Puppies tonight!
Puppies tonight!
You in the crowd
now, puppies tonight!
Do the
thing, Bruce, do the thing!
Ooh. Ooh.
cry, Jenny," Spud said.
Jenny couldn't help it,
she couldn't believe
what she was seeing.
Spud laid spread-eagle
on the sea-soaked dock,
blood pooling beneath
his stocky body.
He was built like a marshmallow,
that was probably what
she'd miss most about him.
"Thanks for showing us this
place," Jamal said shakily.
Just before he went
completely limp,
Spud murmured, "Docks
symbolize love."
And then he was gone.
- Spud, no!
- This book is ripping
out my heart.
Hallelujah! It happened!
It was beautiful, I
filmed the whole thing,
- I'll send it to you.
- We don't want it.
You guys want some
soap wine for the road?
- What?
- Soap wine for the road?
- Let's just go.
- Yep.
- All right.
- Proud of you, Bruce.
See you folks later.
He looks so
pleased with himself.
Ugh, I just got
another text from Jacob.
This kid is gonna put me
in jail!
- Oh, no.
- Ah, that's a big piece.
Come on, baby girl.
- You can do it.
- Come on!
You don't need that thing
that fell on the ground.
It was stupid, it
was holding you down.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
You're gonna start
Gonna start
Gonna start this car
Come on
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Start for me
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Champs Auto was closed too.
- You folks
- having car trouble?
- We're figuring it out.
- Thanks.
- We are so close.
We're only 30 minutes
away from Nana.
Not if we walk,
it's like three hours,
plus a two month walk
back to Albuquerque
with a senior citizen.
You can borrow
my Uncle Gene's car!
Uh, we probably
shouldn't get in your car.
Ah, man, we can't use any
cars. We can't take a bus,
we can't call an Uber.
There is no way for
us to get to her.
What about Nana's car?
It's at Erin's house,
there's no one there.
That's at least a little closer.
- Yeah.
- Wanna borrow
my rollerblades?
I got some more.
- Okay.
- All right!
- We're doing it!
- It's actually really nice.
- Get the- Bruce!
- Heel, Bruce.
- Bruce!
- Oh my gosh.
- Blake!
- Ah!
- We made it.
- Yeah,
we just gotta grab the car.
- Be at Nana's in 20?
- Okay.
Wow, there are a lotta
cars on Erin's street.
Is someone having a party?
- Ooh.
- Hey, the Chickorakies
are here, guys.
- Hey, you guys made it!
- What?
- You wanna get a burger?
- It's Erin's house.
- You guys want something?
- Doug, why are you home?
They docked us
early, you didn't hear?
Most of the other
passengers are on board,
but they let us off
'cause we're rich.
- Oh my gosh.
- Well, it's not personal,
we're just, we're more
valuable, wink.
So any who, all these guys
were having a good time
on the boat, we figured,
let's bring the boat here.
- Am I right guys?
- Woo!
I don't know half
of these people.
These are all
your cruise people?
Isn't that crazy?
- Ugh.
- Oh, man,
we'll just cook that
one a little longer.
Maybe give it to one
of the older people.
- Doug, where's Erin?
- She, uh,
went to get your grandma.
Where are Nana's keys?
They're just in the
glove compartment.
Hey, we'll see you guys later.
Who wants to play
some suck and blow?
C'mon Bruce!
Oh, you're heavy, okay.
- Don't touch that!
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Oh, gosh,
this is full of
after dinner mints.
They're not even wrapped!
- Woo!
- Woo!
What do we do?
- Hi!
- Hey, hey, you're in town.
Oh, did Doug ruin my surprise?
Look, I'm picking
up Nana right now,
and I thought we could just
all hang out together tonight,
- like a girls' night.
- No, no, Erin,
uh, just let us grab Nana,
we're already on our way.
Oh, stop it, I'm
like two minutes away.
- Can you go any faster?
- No, I'm flooring it,
this thing is so old.
Erin, um, I don't mean
to be rude or anything,
but I really think you
should stay away from Nana,
especially 'cause you've
been around people
- who have Coronavirus.
- We don't know that
that's what those
people died of.
A lot of the people in the pile,
looked like they had a lot
of other problems going on.
Okay, whatever, you've
been around people
who may have had Coronavirus,
either way, Nana's high risk,
I really think you need
to stay away from her!
Yeah, just let
us do it, please.
It's sweet how worried
you guys are about Nana,
but it's making you so anxious.
She's gonna be fine, this
pandemic is not a big deal,
- really.
- Have you been watching
- the news?
- They're just trying
to make us scared, I'm not
gonna live my life like that.
Thousands of people are dying!
People die in cars,
people die from the flu.
People get eaten by crocodiles.
What, they're gonna
cancel the NBA
because somebody gets
eaten by a crocodile?
Stop touching your face, Erin!
I know, it totally
makes me break out.
- She is impossible!
- I'm here.
I'll call you guys
after I get Nana.
No, Erin! Um, tell us about
Jefferson's birth story.
- Now?
- Mm hm, yeah.
Uh, you're right,
we're so anxious,
and maybe a story would help.
I don't think you've
told me about it yet.
Okay, but we need
to start with my birth
because really that's how
this whole thing begins.
So I was a high-risk birth
because I pooped so
much in the womb,
the doctor thought I
would choke on it and die.
McKenzie comes running
in and she's like,
"What's a mucus plug?"
And my water broke.
And the sad thing is
like, it was a mini dress,
so it just.
The bride was really
cool about it after.
And the doctor comes
in and he said,
"You have the
strongest vaginal wall
- I've ever seen."
- I can't.
- I can't.
- And I said.
And his feet came out,
they were just kicking.
And one of the nurses
said, "He's breech."
And in, in my mind, I just
said, "Jefferson, baby,
your breech," and it was
just kind of like everything
went sort of quiet.
And he just like scurried
right back up in there.
And he just like spun around
and came out head first.
Like we just
understood each other.
And once they like
wiped all the poop
from his beautiful little face,
they just handed me an angel.
I thought, I'm just a vessel.
But I don't know if everything
like went back together
the way that it's supposed to,
but we just like
carefully scraped it off
and put it in a jar, and
I use it as night cream.
That's her Escalade, right?
We should have her
meet us somewhere
to talk about her and
Doug's first time.
Ugh, let's have her
meet us at Denny's.
- Denny's isn't open.
- She doesn't care.
I'm gonna go get her, I'll
call you guy later, bye!
- Erin, Erin!
- No, no, no, no!
She's getting out!
She's going inside!
Take care of
Nana for me, Jamie.
No, no, no, Blake,
what are you doing?
There's always
something you can do.
No, no, no, Blake!
No, she'll infect you!
Ow, Blake!
Go, Jamie, go!
Just stay, just
stay, just stay down!
- You're on my finger!
- Erin!
- Ah.
- Stop!
- Hi.
- Stop it!
Sorry, I missed you.
Um, I'm actually right outside.
- No, just, okay, okay.
- It is really good
- to see you though.
- It's good to see you too.
- Okay, now get off of me.
- Stop struggling!
All right, let's-
- Just stay down!
- Hey!
- I love you, but stay down.
Oh, hey, Jamie.
Oh, I love your pink hair.
I mean, you're roots,
obviously, need to be done,
but I bet it was really
cute when you first did it.
What's wrong?
Nana's dead.
- Oh, Jamie.
- Don't touch her,
don't touch her.
I don't understand, we
just, we just talked to her
and she was fine.
Apparently, it
was really sudden,
um, she was fine this morning,
and, uh, then her
heart gave out.
- Oh, no.
- No, no,
she's just inside though.
We just, we got
all the way here,
we just have to go
and get her, right?
I just, having a really
hard time breathing right now.
I'm just, um,
really, really hot.
- I can't,
- Jamie?
- I can't breathe.
- Jamie, whoa, whoa.
- Jamie!
- Jamie!
- Where are you going?
- I'm too hot!
Jamie, just slow
down a minute.
- Ugh, she's going so fast!
- She is in such great shape.
Oh my gosh, we
lost her.
Dead body!
Oh, oh, don't look,
don't look at it!
It's just me.
Hey, baby, you
lost your pants.
They were too chafey.
I don't think I
can do this.
I'm sorry I can't
hug you.
Oh, that's nice, thanks.
- Ew, wear a mask!
- Come on!
Oh, calm down,
they don't even work.
Dude, I don't think
we're gonna find your pants.
- Did you bury them?
- No, I didn't bury my pants,
This way. I
have ears like a bat.
It happens in motherhood.
Boom, there they are!
Wow, you really
flung those bad boys.
I'm way impressed.
- Mrs. Harper.
- You do not need
- to answer that right now.
- Hello?
- Hi, Miss Jerikovic, Jamie.
- Yes?
Ainsley Harper, I, um,
I wanted to apologize for
being so hard on you earlier.
I went through
Jacob's phone and, um,
there are a lot of much
older women in his contacts.
- I mean, I'm not that old.
- He's been texting
the babysitter, the
widow across our street,
my gynecologist. I
just feel terrible.
Ugh, I have a lot of rage
and I usually blow off steam
by shooting guns
out of my sunroof,
but with the kids
not being in school,
I just haven't had
that me time, you know?
- Sure.
- And Jacob is just friendly,
- he's not a weirdo.
- You know, he's actually
a really nice kid, Mrs. Harper,
very emotionally in tune.
I'm not gonna call
Principal Belnap or anything.
I mean, I'm still not very happy
about the dead mice babies,
- What the hell?
- but I'm just too tired
to argue about that right now.
- Hang in there, Ainsley.
- I'm still gonna need
you to pay for my
damaged blazer though.
- It just wasn't right.
- Sure, absolutely.
Okay, thank you so much.
Hey, that's good.
No, Erin, neither of us
- is dating anyone.
- I was just asking.
There's just, there's a
pandemic happening right now,
- I mean, for some.
- so it's kinda hard.
But you don't understand,
this is my car!
I can't just have you
getting into a random car.
- Oh my gosh!
- Oh, Nana!
Jaybird, will you
please tell Nurse Ackerman
that this is my car and my dog.
- Nana!
- Oh, oh-oh, baby.
- Oh my!
- Oh.
I don't understand,
they told me you died.
Ugh, I am so sorry,
Dora has been messing
with our files,
- it's been a nightmare.
- Okay, okay,
yeah, can we just
get our Nana home?
Yes, I will go get
the release forms.
- Okay, okay.
- Babycakes!
Hi, Nana, I'm sorry,
we can't get close,
Erin and I got exposed.
- Hi, Nan.
- Hi, Erin.
- Wha...
- We did it.
- Yes, we did!
- Mm!
- Mm.
- Ah.
Oh, no, no. No, no, no.
- Hey!
- Ooh.
- Doctor, don't.
- Oh, my.
See you at home?
I'll see you in
a couple weeks.
I'll take good care of her.
Ah, oh, oh, Erin.
I love you too.
Oh, oh, no!
I can't handle this right now!
Ooh, yeah, I'm
on top tonight
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
Ooh, yeah, I'm
on top tonight
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
Oh gosh.
You're gonna love
Gonna love me
- But you can't have it all
- I'm invisible,
I'm invisible.
- Ah!
- Ah!
You're gonna love me
Gonna love me
But you can't have it all
Well, I haven't,
I haven't cut with this.
- Size four.
- I need food!
No, you don't, you've eaten.
And I know we could
be the best, baby
But I know I'm
tired of hiding
And I know I want it all
And I know I got to feel me
Feel me
Ooh, yeah
Well, where were you on
the night of the crime?
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
Ooh, yeah, I'm
on top tonight
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
Lose weight.
Feel great.
I'm gonna feel like dynamite
Ooh, yeah, I'm
on top tonight
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
Ooh, yeah, I'm
on top tonight
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
Ooh, yeah, I'm
on top tonight
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
Ooh, yeah, I'm
on top tonight
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
Ooh, yeah, I'm
on top tonight
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
Ooh, yeah, I'm
on top tonight
I'm gonna feel all right
I'm feeling like
I'm dynamite
- And I have a date tonight.
- Way to lighten up, Dr. D.
Blind date service.