Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992) Movie Script
These bad guys are always late.
- They'll be here.
When, Tony?
We've been sitting here two hours.
The meeting's been planned for weeks.
They'll be here. Be patient, alright?
Yeah, so will the Easter bunny,
and my next birthday!
And guess what...
It's about goddamn time!
Got the money?
No, food stamps.
- I don't trust this dude.
I deal in stolen merchandise.
I'm not very trustworthy.
You show up late...
and then you ask dumb questions.
- Could be a cop.
Or Elvis or the Wizard of Oz.
Do you want to deal or not?
Alright, show him the stuff.
Come on. Hurry up. I'm late.
Back off!
- Really?
Police! Stop!
Nobody listens.
Tony, get over here!
Come on!
I'm hit.
Where? I can't move my leg.
It's not your leg,
you've got glass in your ass!
First these guys show up late,
and then they ask dumb questions.
Then they shoot you in the ass.
They're pissing me off!
Beginner's luck!
Joe, she's not in.
- She's in, I know it.
Then why don't she answer?
Knows it's me. She's just watching
the phone ring and not answering.
I can feel it.
She's trying to grind me down.
You're crazy, Joe.
You're out of your tiny Jersey mind.
Hey, it's Detective Alka-Seltzer!
- Not today, okay, Ross.
Thanks, Ray. - Is it true
you used Tony's butt for cover?
Boy, there's a butt
I could use for cover.
Watch what you say about Gwen.
- About "Gwen"?
I'm sorry, Joe.
Are you and the lieutenant involved?
If I thought you were involved,
I never would have said a word.
Joe, Lieutenant wants to see you.
I think she's in a weird mood.
Lovers' tiff?
Morning!
- Sit down.
Know what I was just thinking about?
Remember Catalina? - Of course.
- Great weekend. - The best.
It was great because I was in love.
- Me too.
Remember what I said Sunday morning
when we were sitting on the terrace?
That you'd like me to nibble all...
- Not that.
I was the first man to...
The other stuff.
Oh, the feelings stuff.
Right.
Feelings and responsibilities stuff.
- Come on, Gwen.
If this is about the bust...
- I'm not talking about that fiasco.
You go out getting drunk,
while I stay up worrying!
You didn't call!
It was late.
Didnt want to wake you.
Here, hold this.
- Why?
Pretend we're talking business.
Dont want the precinct knowing.
I think they already know.
- What was I to think?
They said somebody got hit.
Then that Tony got hit
and you went to get more beer!
Honey, it's true.
I had a few drinks with the guys.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
That's funny, because Lou told me
you spent the evening on the phone.
So tell me,
who were you calling?
It sure wasn't me!
My mom.
Excuse me?
I was calling my mom.
You were calling your mom
at 2:30 in the morning.
That's the most pathetic excuse!
Tell me who she is.
She isn't anybody, she's my mom.
It doesn't really matter.
Could be your mom or a Dial-a-Bimbo.
It's over! - You don't mean that.
- I mean every word.
It's embarrassing me in my work.
You run away from responsibility.
I'll pack your... - I'm not going to
listen to this. - Where you going?
Fishing!
Get back in here!
Get back in this office, Bomowski!
That's an order.
Mom, I know you're there.
Come on!
Please God,
make her pick up.
Okay, that's it.
I've had it. I've really had it.
I'm a dead man.
This the New York flight?
- Yes, coming out right now.
Relax, kid, relax.
I think that's him. Yeah, it is.
Little Joey!
You must be Joe?
- Yes. Why?
I was a bed-wetter too.
It was so sweet!
He said, "Mommy,
my pee-pee got stuck in my zipper!"
Joey! There's my Joey!
There's my little boy.
Come here!
You've given up shaving.
- No, I shave.
Call that a shave?
- I shaved.
Did you use a lawnmower?
What girl is going to marry you,
if you don't shave!
- Hi, Tutti!
This is little Joey?
- Looks a lot different in clothes.
We've got to be getting along now,
but thanks for showing us the photos.
You looked real sexy in diapers.
Sally, if things don't work out
with the doctor, Joey's single!
I've always been a sucker
for a guy in Pampers!
What?
I can't get over you driving.
- I've been driving for 20 years!
You'll always be my little Joey.
Where were you the last few days?
At home in New Jersey. Where else?
- I must've called you 50 times.
That was you?
- Why didn't you answer?
For 5 years,
every time I'm about to visit,
you call and say it's a bad time.
This time I decided
I wouldn't answer the phone.
That's the most...
- Watch out!
Moron!
- Up yours, pal!
Sorry.
- Shall I drive? - No!
No, Mom.
I'm okay.
That was a close call, Pixie.
All cars near 4th and Main,
Please respond
to 486 South Main Street. Code 2.
What's going on? - Got a jumper
up there. Looks like he'll do it.
Did the shrink show up?
- He's on his way.
Stay here.
Where are you going?
- Up there.
It's too dangerous. Listen.
I do this all the time.
I'm not bad at it.
I want you to stay here
and let me take care of this.
Be careful!
Dont do anything foolish!
What seems to be the man's problem?
- He wants to talk to his mother.
They've been having problems.
Really?
I'll take care of this, officer.
Hey, how are you doing? Alright?
- Leave me alone. Dont touch me!
Stay back, I'm gonna do it!
- I just want to talk to you.
Dont tell me what to do!
Stay there, I'm going to do it!
- Hey you, young man!
Down here! I'm not your mother,
but I am a mother
and you could talk to me,
if that's alright. - Officer,
this is serious. - Let her talk.
What do you want?
I just want you to know
the man next to you is my son.
We've had our difficulties.
- Mom, stay out of this, okay?
Joe, wave to the crowd.
- Mom. Goddamnit!
You don't swear to your mother.
Butt out, it's my mother.
- So do what she tells you.
Start waving or I'm jumping.
Start waving!
Start waving or I'm jumping!
I'm waving. See?
Mom, hi.
By the way, Joe's still single.
How do you like that?
He's a very nice boy.
A bit rough round the edge,
but nothing the right girl couldn't
smooth out. - Secure the megaphone.
We used to fight all the time.
He was very small for his age.
I was not! I was average height!
About your height. What's the deal?
Bet she's got pictures.
- I've got pictures, wait a minute.
She's got pictures.
- Mom, get rid of the pictures!
Isn't he adorable?
I thought I had things bad.
- Not close.
I'm ready to go in now.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
- Yeah.
That guy needs help.
Lesley Carnel, Channel 8 News.
We're downtown at 4th and Main,
where a man is on a ledge,
apparently despondent
about his mother. - Make her stop!
Are we here?
Is that your house?
What?
It's very, very nice.
- What's the matter. - Nothing.
You sniffed.
No, it's nothing. Only...
Only what?
Won't get a girl if you don't clean.
I clean this house every morning.
I clean and I clean.
It's not clean.
Filled with dust. Look at this!
You could grow things on it.
What's this? There's stuff under it.
Is that the closet?
No!
- What?
I've had a few problems
since my cleaning lady left.
Maybe she's lost in there.
Pineapple chunks?
- They're your favorite!
We've got them here too.
They don't taste the same.
- It's canned, exactly the same.
My son, the gourmet? Ha, ha.
Come on up, darling.
This is the way we clean the house,
clean the house, clean the house.
This is the way we clean the house,
early in the morning...
Oh God, make her stop!
Thank you, God.
I owe you.
What's this?
Oh, Joe's gun.
Look at this, all greasy and dirty.
Let's see...
There we go.
This and this...
Some of this...
Let's see... A little of that...
That's gonna be good!
Where do they keep the bullets?
Oh, not in there.
What's this little thing here?
Oh, goodness gracious.
Yes, that's where they are.
Okay, we'll wash those too.
This is the way we wash our gun,
wash our gun, wash our gun...
This is the way we wash our gun,
early in the morning.
Going to clean that out
really well. That's fine.
Go ahead, make your bed!
What did you do to my gun?
- Nothing, I cleaned it.
You ruined it!
You took all the bluing off!
Chlorox? Great!
It's going to blow up in my hand now.
Try to do something helpful...
Nice and original.
You get barked at! Come on, Pix!
Mom, I'm sorry. It's an old gun.
I don't use it any more.
Breakfast!
- Mom!
Nothing I haven't seen before.
- Would you turn around please?
Both of you!
God.
Pixie and I thought we'd pop
into the station, see where you work.
Did you cut yourself?
No!
- Need some iodine? - No!
A Band-Aid? - No!
The station is out of the question.
Absolutely unequivocally.
We'll talk over breakfast.
- I'm serious.
What did I always tell you?
Breakfast is the most important meal.
Start on these, and I'll scramble
some eggs. - I don't like eggs.
If you don't eat them for breakfast,
they'll be waiting for you at dinner.
Bye, sweetie, have a nice day.
Oh, Joey...
You forgot your lunch!
We're not off
to a very good start, are we, Pixie?
Know what we should do?
We should get
Joey something a little special.
Let's see...
You want to get out here?
I mean, look at this place...
Ridiculous! I'm from Newark.
If you want stopping power,
this is your baby.
Charter Arms,.44, Bulldog.
No, my son's is bigger.
I got a bottle brush down the barrel.
You put a brush down the barrel?
Yeah, I wanted to clean out...
Never mind.
Okay, bigger. How about this?
That's it!
Taurus, PT,.99, long barrel.
Punch a hole through a Pontiac.
How much? - $450. - $450?
- The Bulldog is only $325.
No, I want the big one.
Dont suppose you gift-wrap? - No.
I'll take it like that.
- There's a cooling-off period.
Give me your driver's license.
I'll do the paperwork.
In 2 weeks it's yours.
- I need it today!
Sorry, that's the law.
Can I have it back?
Come on, Pixie.
Hey, lady!
You want to buy a gun today?
You got a gun for sale?
You do?
- Step into my office.
Lightweight, adjustable stock.
- No!
I want a Taurus.99 long barrel.
Your son will love this.
What'll he do with that? He carries
his gun under his jacket. - Wait!
Wait a minute. Here, here.
What about one of these?
You've seen Miami Vice.
This is a Mac 10.
All the big dealers love this gun.
I don't think that's exactly my Joey.
That's a full automatic. That means
You can cut down trees with it.
How much?
- $500.
$350.
They're there.
- Great.
Bless you.
- I'm coming down with something.
You've got allergies.
- I've got a fever.
The Santa Anna wind's very heavy.
What do you know about it!
Yeah? - Mr. Parnell, we've located
the misappropriated merchandise.
If you're certain it's ours...
then repossess it.
- Yes, sir.
Bless you. - Let's go?
- To work! - Let's go.
Do you want to sell me the gun,
or sit dreaming about $500?
Okay. Dont forget that extra clip.
Nice doing business with you.
Come on, Pixie!
He's going round the front.
Damn!
Morning!
There you go.
- Thanks.
Hangover?
Heartburn.
What did you eat for breakfast?
Juice, fruit, milk,
eggs, bacon and sausage,
hash browns,
toast, pancakes,
honey rolls,
Cocoa Puffs. There's more.
You must've been starving.
- I wasn't hungry.
My mother's visiting.
Well, when your mamma cooks,
she cooks.
Mind you...
breakfast is supposed
to be the most important meal.
Thank you, Tony.
Have a nice day.
- Hey, Joe. - Yeah?
Thank God you've arrived.
- Why?
Your mom's here.
- My mom? - Yes.
Chicken pox?
Looks very good in spots.
Told everybody it was freckles.
Mom, are you okay?
- Fine. These things happen.
What things? - She witnessed
a murder. - A murder?
Yeah, downtown.
- What were you doing downtown?
Shopping. Just relax. Have a cookie.
- Shut up!
Maybe I should get the lieutenant...
- What's going on?
Nothing.
- I'm a witness.
Who is this?
- I'll introduce you.
Ross, you better shut up, I mean it.
- This is Tutti, Joey's mom.
Joey's mom?
- That's right, Gwen.
My mom.
As you can see,
it's been a shock for her,
so I'm taking her home.
Mrs. Bomowski is one of my
principle witnesses. - Your witness?
It's my case. Your mom's happy
to stay to the end of the month.
You said what?
You are so beautiful, Gwen.
That lovely hair and that smile.
Joey, if you'd worn your retainers,
you could've had teeth like that.
Say goodbye, we're going home.
- Not so fast.
I want to interview the witness.
What are you trying to do? - To you?
- This is just ridiculous!
It's ridiculous
your mother witnessed a murder?
No, Ross sticking his head into it.
I can't transfer it to you.
- He's told her to stay in town.
She's supposed to go back Monday.
- That was before the killing.
Can't we fly her back? If she stays
past Monday, I'll kill her myself.
What's wrong with you?
She seems wonderful. Warm, caring...
Obviously crazy about you.
- Crazy is right.
She talks to total strangers
about my diaper rash!
She loves you, Joe.
- Her love is driving me nuts!
Either way, she's staying.
Joe, come on. How bad can it be?
Two, three weeks tops.
This is about us, right?
This is about revenge?
Are you suggesting
I would use my rank? - Yes!
Dont let the door hit you
on your way out, Detective.
You can call me Lieutenant.
Dont be so gloomy! Think of all
the time we'll spend together.
Dont you want to hear my plan?
I want to brush my teeth
and go to bed.
You and I can crack this case.
When we find the killer,
you'll probably be promoted.
And things will work out with Gwen.
Goodnight.
I didn't tell Ross what I really saw.
I held it all back for you.
You're joking, right, Mom?
- No, it's not a joke.
You can't fool around with homicide.
You need this to get promoted.
I don't want a promotion.
- You're only a sergeant. - I like it.
Next you'll tell me
you like where you live.
I do. Mom, I'm happy.
I don't want to get promoted.
I don't want to get married.
I like my life.
I can wear my underwear more than
once, leave the toilet seat up...
Watch what I want on TV.
Mom, I like my life!
You call this a life?
Goodnight, Mom.
Back off, back off!
I'm going in.
- He has an automatic.
Joe, are you crazy?
Mom, what are you doing here?
Mommy's got to change you.
I don't want to be changed.
I've got to change you.
- I can change you.
Stop trying to change me!
Joey, are you alright?
- I'm fine.
Sounded like you were having
a bad dream. - No, I'm fine, really.
I should tuck you in.
- Dont, Mom.
Let me tuck you in.
- I don't wanna be tucked in.
Joey, let me tuck you in.
You just snuggle down.
- I don't wanna snuggle.
You were just having a bad dream.
Remember when you were little
and I used to sing to you.
Oh, God!
- Aw, shush.
See if we can remember how that goes.
- Mom, please don't.
Lullaby and goodnight,
thy mother's delight.
With down overspread,
here's baby's wee bed.
Lullaby and goodnight,
lay thee down now and rest.
Lullaby and goodnight,
may thy slumber be best.
Goodnight, Joey.
Morning, Mom.
Better get going or we'll be late.
- I didn't want to wake you.
Better get you to the station
for your 9:30 appointment with Ross.
I'm not saying anything.
- I won't argue.
If he arrests you for withholding
evidence, that's your problem.
Suppose you don't want your present?
Present?
- Just a little something...
A present?
You don't deserve it.
- Come on, Mom. Please.
I love presents.
It's heavy.
Jesus!
Is it the wrong kind? - Wrong kind?
It's illegal. Where did you get it?
From those guys who got shot.
A machine gun off the back of a van?
In the store
they said I had to "cool off."
Why didn't you tell me?
I wanted it to be a surprise.
It is!
You're saying it was a big car?
Dont know
if I'd call it big exactly.
So it was a small car.
Difficult to say. To me it was big.
To you it might have been small.
Like a Cadillac?
- Which model?
Any model!
A few years ago...
there was a small one.
- Was it like the Cimarron?
No.
Definitely not like the Cimarron.
Let's take a break.
You're tired.
Are you eating right?
I could bring you
some lentil soup. - Be right back.
So far, so good, Pixie.
Gwen, do you have a minute?
- Sure.
Jesus! That's a full automatic.
- I know.
And your mother... Okay, Joe.
I'll trace the gun. - Thanks.
No telling what she'll come home with.
- I know.
I really appreciate it.
If you don't mind?
Try not to kill anyone with it.
- She's too little. Wouldn't hit her.
Who's the little boy by the pool?
- Joey, only 9 and all those muscles!
You can already see
he's going to have nice equipment.
Dont be embarrassed.
I'm old, but I'm still a woman.
Tell me, do you love my Joey?
I don't know.
I did love him. Maybe I still do.
He loves you.
- He never shows it.
That's Joey.
Doesnt mean he doesn't love you.
If he'd just show me how he feels!
A box of candy,
a bunch of flowers...
He never sent you flowers?
- Never. - Oh, Joe...
And me being a lieutenant
just makes things worse.
Did you see this one?
Very serious looking.
How old is he there?
just after his father died.
I went to pieces,
no good for anything for days.
Joey did everything.
He arranged the funeral,
called the family...
picked out the casket...
talked to the priest...
But he never cried.
I know Joe loved his father.
But to this day
I don't know if he ever cried.
You were talking about something.
- It was nothing.
You were both crying!
- Girl talk. You wouldn't understand.
You have a gift for starting trouble.
Dont interfere with Gwen and me.
- Well, somebody has to.
She's a lovely girl,
and you never send her flowers.
I'll get the door.
Mom, this is the point of no return!
I've had it.
I've completely had it.
I'm taking you to the apartment,
I'm going to handcuff you to a sink,
and put you on the first plane home.
Here you are. Let's go.
Ask me what I saw!
- I don't want to know.
Ask me.
- No!
Ask me what I saw.
You're an old lady from Newark.
You knit, make jam,
talk on the phone. That's it!
What did you see?
The man who sold me the gun.
The one that got away. And his van.
Really? Was he little? Big?
Big, 6' 3", 320 lbs.
He had a tattoo of a coiled snake
with "God Rides a Harley" above it.
Will you remember this?
A Chevy van, gun-metal gray, an '82.
The year with the longer wheelbase.
License plate:
JL2-661.
This is 90W2,
give me 90W90.
Go ahead, 90W2.
Could you find Tony and tell him
I need another favor. - 10-4.
Where's your boyfriend and the guns?
- What are you talking about?
I hardly know the guy.
Paulie, nothing down there.
Check the garage. - I did,
there's nothing. - Well, check there.
Is this the house?
- That's where the van's registered.
Shall I cover the back?
- We're not partners!
Okay, okay.
We're not connecting here, honey.
Keep her quiet!
Wrong house?
Help me! Help me!
Come on.
Oh gosh, no!
Okay?
- Yeah.
Joey, are you alright?
Dont jump!
Get in, sweetie!
We're gonna nail those turkeys!
Okay, Ma. Make a right!
- Okay. - That's good.
Sorry.
- It was an accident.
Jump!
Use the road!
Watch it!
Way to go, Mom!
Floor it!
They're going left.
- Slow down.
Left! Slow it down!
Be careful!
There's nothing in there.
I already looked.
What's in the file?
It's the trace on the gun, isn't it?
What does it say, Joe?
- I haven't read it.
I'm giving it to Ross.
I don't believe this.
- Believe it!
Look who it is.
Norman Bates and his mom!
Cut it out!
- You're going to tell him?
My mother lied.
She got the license plate
and I traced the address.
Shit!
- Watch your mouth.
That's rich coming from the most
pathetic cop ever in this precinct.
Is there anything else...
I should know?
- Yes, Detective.
We think you're an asshole.
Take a walk with me.
Think I'm going to take that?
She's just an old lady.
A monster, that's what she is.
And her cookies suck!
Watch what you say!
- I'm not watching anything!
If you even look at this case...
I'll throw your mom in a county can
before you can say "Golden Ager"!
- Are you threatening my mother?
You, your mom...
Your whole goddamn family.
Ross, you just made
a big mistake. - Oh, sure.
What are you doing?
Jesus Christ!
Hi.
- Hi.
You forgot to dry your hands.
- Ross needs the towels more than me.
Ross needs the towels?
- Long story. - Oh, excuse me.
I have your toothbrush.
- My toothbrush?
Yeah.
With the frog's head.
I forgot to pack it.
Thanks.
Lieutenant!
I want to file a complaint
against him and his mom...
for assault
and withholding information.
What, Ross?
Nothing, just flushing him out.
I'm gonna see you suspended.
Ross! - What?
- Get back to your desk.
Oh, Lieutenant...
- Now! Please.
It's a man thing.
I'd better get back to my desk too.
Oh, Gwen. Thanks for the brush.
The gun was part of a shipment...
that wound up downtown.
The warehouse burnt down and
the watchman was killed in the fire.
Big explosion of ammunition.
Guns destroyed,
cause of the fire never established.
Company goes broke.
Insurance pays 12 million.
Are you listening?
Like Mr. Krueger. He burnt his
luncheonette down for the insurance.
They found the silver at home.
- Same thing here.
Your gun didn't get burned.
Mama knows! When we get home,
I'm gonna make you a fresh hamburger.
She doesn't like fast food.
- It's not that. - What?
Ross' face when you said,
we think you're an asshole.
I gave it to him good.
Blew him away. - His ass was grass,
and I was the lawnmower.
You're really something, Mom.
I'm going to go up
and talk to these guys. Be right back.
We could do "good cop, bad cop"!
- I can handle it. Thanks.
Do you really want to go?
- You know I do. - Okay.
Go downstairs and sniff around.
I'll be upstairs with the big boys.
It's that cop.
Get in the side office
till he's gone. Move it!
Yeah, show the officer in.
Detective Joseph Bomuwski.
- Bomowski. - Good afternoon.
What can I do for you?
I'm investigating a warehouse fire,
a lot of weapons were destroyed.
You collected the insurance.
- Yes.
I hope there isn't any problem.
- What would say if we had evidence
that the weapons
weren't destroyed in the fire.
That we were the victim of a fraud.
You don't look like a victim,
you look more like a beneficiary.
Excuse me.
A woman out there
is claiming to be your mother. - No!
Sorry. - That's alright.
- They tried... - I'll handle this.
I say we work them over!
- Just wait outside.
It's almost under control.
- Joe...
they're being audited.
I know an audit when I see one.
Mom, later!
- It's the motive.
Gesundheit!
Lot of accusations flying around.
What do you want?
To look at the warehouse.
Any problem with that?
Do you have a warrant?
Or your mother?
- No.
But I've a good mind...
to give you
a spanking you won't forget.
Do I go to the warehouse
or do I get a warrant?
Give the detective
the address of the warehouse...
where we had that fire,
with the keys and whatever else.
Thanks for your time. Mom, let's go!
For now you can keep your pants on.
But just remember:
I'll be back!
What? Did I embarrass you?
Yeah, "I'll be back"!
I heard a cop say that.
- Terminators say that, not cops.
Get out here!
You idiots! Not only do you
let ten cases of guns get stolen
and screw up their return.
I've now got...
some cop's weird mother
threatening to spank me!
We'll take care of them. They won't
bother you. - They'd better not.
I'll get the plane tomorrow.
All you've got to do is make sure...
everyone keeps quiet for 24 hours.
Make it look like an accident.
Dont like the look of this.
It's dangerous, don't go.
It's not dangerous.
So I can go too?
- Oh no.
We're working so well together.
Right, and working well together
means looking out for each other.
What are you doing?
Answer me! What are you doing?
- What does it look like?
Looks like you're locking me in.
- Got my detective skills from you.
That's not gonna work.
Let's put that in here.
How does this thing go?
Hello, hello.
This is a police radio band.
Please identify yourself.
Tutti Bomowski, Joe's mom.
Hi, Mrs. Bomowski, this is John.
Thanks for the cookies. What's up?
I'm so embarrassed.
Somehow I managed to lock
myself in Joe's car. Is that silly?
No problem, Mrs. Bomowski.
You're going to look for a Slim Jim,
a long, thin piece of metal.
Shoot!
Jesus! - I don't want to live
in a world where my son locks me in.
Enough bullets in that gun?
- Quiet!
Because if you don't, I do.
Where did you get that?
- From your messy glove compartment.
Give it me.
- No.
Give it to me.
- No.
Mom, down!
Jump!
Is Pixie okay?
- She's okay.
Shit!
What are you going to do?
- Take the dog.
Get over there. - Where?
- Against the wall. - Okay.
Get back!
Stop! Police!
Get down!
- They're getting away!
Stop!
Or my mom will shoot!
A little high,
but not bad for a beginner.
Paulie! Start it up fast!
Turn around.
- I'm not going nowhere.
Take it easy!
- Great collar, Joe.
Think you could mess with my boy?
Gesundheit.
Dusty here.
Put it in that chair.
Alright, file this.
- I want to see a lawyer.
And a doctor.
- You're spreading germs.
Tell Ross me and my mother
cracked his case wide open.
Before you say anything...
What was that?
I'm just happy you've unlocked
those hidden feelings. - Feelings?
What do you mean? - The flowers.
I've never seen so many roses.
I don't believe it.
- What?
She's always got to interfere.
Drives me crazy! - What?
It was my mom.
You mean you didn't send the roses?
Of course I didn't.
I didn't mean it...
Mom, get your
senior citizen's butt in here!
What?
Dont say a word!
Something about Gwen?
- I want to talk to you!
No need to shout.
- This is my house.
I know this is hard for you,
but I've drawn up a list of rules.
I don't like the tone of your voice.
Rule no. 1: Never say
you don't like the tone of my voice!
Rule no. 2...
You've written a list?
- Yes, and don't interrupt.
No. 2:
Dont interfere with my love life.
She didn't like the flowers?
- They were a big hit!
things from when I was a kid!
Just a minute...
- This is non-negotiable.
safety message: No driving!
the most important meal. And 9:
The photos stay in New Jersey.
Anything else?
and treat me like a human being.
You can't treat me like this.
- Yes, I can. Think about it.
You think making me follow
these rules will improve your life?
I'm not listening.
- I'll tell you what your problem is.
Rule no. 11: Dont tell me
what my problem is. I know what it is.
An old lady with a dog.
You don't love enough. If someone
gets close, you shut them out.
Like me and Gwen.
- You see this?
She turned into Or. Ruth!
It scares you that Gwen loves you.
When you meet someone special,
you should grab hold of them.
What are you talking about?
- About waking up...
and finding you're 60 years old...
in a little apartment
all by yourself, wishing you had...
someone as special as Gwen.
She's right.
- She's really upset.
Finished?
For your information:
I didn't dump Gwen, she dumped me.
Gwen, I just...
I just called to say you're special.
Oh Christ, that's ridiculous.
I just called...
to say that you're so special.
And when you meet
someone special, you should...
grab hold.
You should grab hold of them.
Oh, come on!
Just do it right.
When you meet someone special,
you should grab hold of them. - Joe?
What are you doing here so late?
Just catching up on paperwork.
I had to pick some stuff up.
Want to catch up on paperwork, too?
Sure.
To paperwork.
Look...
I'm sorry that I hit you.
I was just
disappointed about the flowers.
I deserved to get hit.
I made a mess of everything.
I wish I'd sent you the flowers.
Really?
You're so special.
When you meet
someone as special as you,
you should grab them.
Otherwise, one morning
you'll wake up and you're 60,
living alone in a little apartment.
And you wish...
you had the chance
to love someone as special as you.
That's the sweetest thing
anyone's said to me.
My mother said it, Gwen.
Your mother? - She was right.
Jesus, it kills me.
Does this kill you?
Hey, boss. What's happening?
- There you are.
Take a look at this note.
"I regret my life of crime.
I can't live anymore. J. Parnell."
Well, what do you think?
You've been under pressure lately.
You might be overreacting.
We've got the weapons,
we're going to South America,
and claiming lots of money.
Why are you so depressed?
I'm not going to kill myself.
It's part of the plan.
They read the note, we disappear.
Then they don't come looking for us.
Good idea.
No, no. That's a great idea.
There's one for you too. You sign that
and we can get out of here.
Make sure you sign it clearly.
Let me take a look at that.
Very nice.
That hurts.
"Dear Joe. I'm sorry. I can't
help myself. I love you too much.
I've left to be
out of your way. Love, Mom. PS:
About the flowers.
I've ruined it for you and Gwen.
Maybe one day
you can forgive me. PPS:
There's a pineapple
upside-down cake in the icebox."
Damn!
Hey!
- Sorry!
Excuse me!
Wait!
- Hey, slow down.
You alright?
Mom, stop!
No, Joe,
you got to live your own life.
You were right.
I don't want you to go.
Slow down. - You were right
about grabbing onto Gwen.
I was wrong.
When I told her,
it changed everything.
It did?
- Yes. Mom, I want you to stay.
Quick, stop the cart!
Really?
You know I do.
Now tell me.
What did Gwen say when you told her?
That it's the sweetest thing
anyone ever said to her.
And then?
- That's what she said.
You didn't propose to her?
- No, but I mean it's a beginning.
It's a missed opportunity.
- Wait. Wait.
Stop right there.
- What?
You're doing it again.
- What?
Interfering. Rule no. 2.
You can't be serious about the rules?
Gate 18, fast!
Dont want her to miss her flight.
What are you doing?
Have a nice ride home.
- What are you doing?
Thank you. Joey!
Joseph A. Bomowski,
this is your mother talking.
Wait a minute!
Can't we discuss these rules?
They're non-negotiable.
- What about a little flexibility?
Flexibility? Give you an inch,
you take the entire turnpike. - Okay.
Okay what?
The rules.
You got a deal.
You got a deal.
It'll be the best weekend
we ever spent together. - Maybe not.
Stay here.
Got him! - I told you
to wait outside. - Yeah, yeah.
You promised to leave me alone.
So, I'll start tomorrow.
I give up.
Holy moley!
That's the guy who sold me the gun.
It is?
- Yeah.
More chocolate, Mitchell?
- No thanks, Mrs. Bomowski.
You, sweetie?
- No, I'm fine.
Why'd you come here?
It's not even my case.
To save my girlfriend's life.
My house ain't safe.
My brother's dead.
I got nowhere to go.
Any idea who these people are?
We stole a few cases of shooters
but there were thousands of them.
The ones supposed to have
been destroyed. We got them. - Where?
Brunswick airstrip.
Outside of Ventura. It went bankrupt.
A savings and loan took it over.
- Great. Joe and I'll check it out.
Remember when I was in school,
every week you would call my teachers
to see if I was doing good
and cutting class.
Embarrassed the hell out of me.
It wasn't you didn't trust me...
you just wanted to make sure...
I didn't get into trouble.
You finally understand.
- I do understand.
And I want you
to understand why I have to do...
this!
Whoa, bummer!
I once did this before
when Joey was 9.
He got his head caught in a railing.
The problem was his ears.
They were so big for his age.
They kept getting caught on the bars.
I got it. I did it.
I'm out! I did it!
- Yo, Mrs. B! Way to go, babe!
Sometimes I impress myself.
Could you help me off?
Where's my gun? I'm outta here.
- With your keys in the bathroom.
Thanks, babe.
Major bummer.
Sorry, Mitchell.
I need your car.
And I don't think
Joey wants you going off to Mexico.
Hold still. This won't hurt a bit.
Be back to get you, babe.
Get back.
Sergeant Bomowski. I need assistance
at Brunkswick airstrip, right away.
Let me go!
- Hurry up.
Move it. Come on.
Where's your little boy?
You won't get away with this.
My Joe will be all over you.
Get her on the plane,
so her son can't interfere.
When we get her over the ocean,
we'll see how well she can swim.
Move it! Move it!
Sit down.
Shit!
Get out there and find him.
Get off. Take her down.
Oh God!
Where are you taking me?
Shut up!
- Joey!
There you are. Drop it!
You okay?
- Why are you here?
I came to back you up.
- Get him inside!
Let her go.
Do you think
I'd be content with just killing you?
Let her go!
Or what?
It's over. Parnell, it's all over.
Get the car.
I'll tell you what's over.
Say goodbye to your little boy.
You're next. Hold it!
You know...
this is really going
to give me a great deal of pleasure.
Nobody hurts my baby.
Gee whiz. You shot him.
No shit.
Mom, you saved my life.
That's what moms are for.
I can't believe it,
but I'm sad to see you go.
Dont worry. I'll be back.
- Not too soon, I hope. Just kidding.
It's been great, Tutti.
- Such fun.
I can see why you like police work.
It's so stimulating. - Yeah.
Can I see the ring?
- Okay.
Beautiful. I couldn't have done
better if I'd picked it out myself.
I thought you did.
- Mom, that's your flight.
Well, thanks for everything.
I think that man is a criminal.
I recognize him from TV.
I don't think so. You'll be late.
- Joe, look.
He's trying to avoid the detector!
Please!
- Hey, young man!
Dont give me that innocent look.
My son is a police officer.
Draw your gun. He's getting away.
Rule no. 12: Listen to your mother!
Move!
Here. Cuffs!
Let us through. Police.
Joey, now I remember what he did.
He shot his mother!
CEDO FILM - by Lucifer
- They'll be here.
When, Tony?
We've been sitting here two hours.
The meeting's been planned for weeks.
They'll be here. Be patient, alright?
Yeah, so will the Easter bunny,
and my next birthday!
And guess what...
It's about goddamn time!
Got the money?
No, food stamps.
- I don't trust this dude.
I deal in stolen merchandise.
I'm not very trustworthy.
You show up late...
and then you ask dumb questions.
- Could be a cop.
Or Elvis or the Wizard of Oz.
Do you want to deal or not?
Alright, show him the stuff.
Come on. Hurry up. I'm late.
Back off!
- Really?
Police! Stop!
Nobody listens.
Tony, get over here!
Come on!
I'm hit.
Where? I can't move my leg.
It's not your leg,
you've got glass in your ass!
First these guys show up late,
and then they ask dumb questions.
Then they shoot you in the ass.
They're pissing me off!
Beginner's luck!
Joe, she's not in.
- She's in, I know it.
Then why don't she answer?
Knows it's me. She's just watching
the phone ring and not answering.
I can feel it.
She's trying to grind me down.
You're crazy, Joe.
You're out of your tiny Jersey mind.
Hey, it's Detective Alka-Seltzer!
- Not today, okay, Ross.
Thanks, Ray. - Is it true
you used Tony's butt for cover?
Boy, there's a butt
I could use for cover.
Watch what you say about Gwen.
- About "Gwen"?
I'm sorry, Joe.
Are you and the lieutenant involved?
If I thought you were involved,
I never would have said a word.
Joe, Lieutenant wants to see you.
I think she's in a weird mood.
Lovers' tiff?
Morning!
- Sit down.
Know what I was just thinking about?
Remember Catalina? - Of course.
- Great weekend. - The best.
It was great because I was in love.
- Me too.
Remember what I said Sunday morning
when we were sitting on the terrace?
That you'd like me to nibble all...
- Not that.
I was the first man to...
The other stuff.
Oh, the feelings stuff.
Right.
Feelings and responsibilities stuff.
- Come on, Gwen.
If this is about the bust...
- I'm not talking about that fiasco.
You go out getting drunk,
while I stay up worrying!
You didn't call!
It was late.
Didnt want to wake you.
Here, hold this.
- Why?
Pretend we're talking business.
Dont want the precinct knowing.
I think they already know.
- What was I to think?
They said somebody got hit.
Then that Tony got hit
and you went to get more beer!
Honey, it's true.
I had a few drinks with the guys.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
That's funny, because Lou told me
you spent the evening on the phone.
So tell me,
who were you calling?
It sure wasn't me!
My mom.
Excuse me?
I was calling my mom.
You were calling your mom
at 2:30 in the morning.
That's the most pathetic excuse!
Tell me who she is.
She isn't anybody, she's my mom.
It doesn't really matter.
Could be your mom or a Dial-a-Bimbo.
It's over! - You don't mean that.
- I mean every word.
It's embarrassing me in my work.
You run away from responsibility.
I'll pack your... - I'm not going to
listen to this. - Where you going?
Fishing!
Get back in here!
Get back in this office, Bomowski!
That's an order.
Mom, I know you're there.
Come on!
Please God,
make her pick up.
Okay, that's it.
I've had it. I've really had it.
I'm a dead man.
This the New York flight?
- Yes, coming out right now.
Relax, kid, relax.
I think that's him. Yeah, it is.
Little Joey!
You must be Joe?
- Yes. Why?
I was a bed-wetter too.
It was so sweet!
He said, "Mommy,
my pee-pee got stuck in my zipper!"
Joey! There's my Joey!
There's my little boy.
Come here!
You've given up shaving.
- No, I shave.
Call that a shave?
- I shaved.
Did you use a lawnmower?
What girl is going to marry you,
if you don't shave!
- Hi, Tutti!
This is little Joey?
- Looks a lot different in clothes.
We've got to be getting along now,
but thanks for showing us the photos.
You looked real sexy in diapers.
Sally, if things don't work out
with the doctor, Joey's single!
I've always been a sucker
for a guy in Pampers!
What?
I can't get over you driving.
- I've been driving for 20 years!
You'll always be my little Joey.
Where were you the last few days?
At home in New Jersey. Where else?
- I must've called you 50 times.
That was you?
- Why didn't you answer?
For 5 years,
every time I'm about to visit,
you call and say it's a bad time.
This time I decided
I wouldn't answer the phone.
That's the most...
- Watch out!
Moron!
- Up yours, pal!
Sorry.
- Shall I drive? - No!
No, Mom.
I'm okay.
That was a close call, Pixie.
All cars near 4th and Main,
Please respond
to 486 South Main Street. Code 2.
What's going on? - Got a jumper
up there. Looks like he'll do it.
Did the shrink show up?
- He's on his way.
Stay here.
Where are you going?
- Up there.
It's too dangerous. Listen.
I do this all the time.
I'm not bad at it.
I want you to stay here
and let me take care of this.
Be careful!
Dont do anything foolish!
What seems to be the man's problem?
- He wants to talk to his mother.
They've been having problems.
Really?
I'll take care of this, officer.
Hey, how are you doing? Alright?
- Leave me alone. Dont touch me!
Stay back, I'm gonna do it!
- I just want to talk to you.
Dont tell me what to do!
Stay there, I'm going to do it!
- Hey you, young man!
Down here! I'm not your mother,
but I am a mother
and you could talk to me,
if that's alright. - Officer,
this is serious. - Let her talk.
What do you want?
I just want you to know
the man next to you is my son.
We've had our difficulties.
- Mom, stay out of this, okay?
Joe, wave to the crowd.
- Mom. Goddamnit!
You don't swear to your mother.
Butt out, it's my mother.
- So do what she tells you.
Start waving or I'm jumping.
Start waving!
Start waving or I'm jumping!
I'm waving. See?
Mom, hi.
By the way, Joe's still single.
How do you like that?
He's a very nice boy.
A bit rough round the edge,
but nothing the right girl couldn't
smooth out. - Secure the megaphone.
We used to fight all the time.
He was very small for his age.
I was not! I was average height!
About your height. What's the deal?
Bet she's got pictures.
- I've got pictures, wait a minute.
She's got pictures.
- Mom, get rid of the pictures!
Isn't he adorable?
I thought I had things bad.
- Not close.
I'm ready to go in now.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
- Yeah.
That guy needs help.
Lesley Carnel, Channel 8 News.
We're downtown at 4th and Main,
where a man is on a ledge,
apparently despondent
about his mother. - Make her stop!
Are we here?
Is that your house?
What?
It's very, very nice.
- What's the matter. - Nothing.
You sniffed.
No, it's nothing. Only...
Only what?
Won't get a girl if you don't clean.
I clean this house every morning.
I clean and I clean.
It's not clean.
Filled with dust. Look at this!
You could grow things on it.
What's this? There's stuff under it.
Is that the closet?
No!
- What?
I've had a few problems
since my cleaning lady left.
Maybe she's lost in there.
Pineapple chunks?
- They're your favorite!
We've got them here too.
They don't taste the same.
- It's canned, exactly the same.
My son, the gourmet? Ha, ha.
Come on up, darling.
This is the way we clean the house,
clean the house, clean the house.
This is the way we clean the house,
early in the morning...
Oh God, make her stop!
Thank you, God.
I owe you.
What's this?
Oh, Joe's gun.
Look at this, all greasy and dirty.
Let's see...
There we go.
This and this...
Some of this...
Let's see... A little of that...
That's gonna be good!
Where do they keep the bullets?
Oh, not in there.
What's this little thing here?
Oh, goodness gracious.
Yes, that's where they are.
Okay, we'll wash those too.
This is the way we wash our gun,
wash our gun, wash our gun...
This is the way we wash our gun,
early in the morning.
Going to clean that out
really well. That's fine.
Go ahead, make your bed!
What did you do to my gun?
- Nothing, I cleaned it.
You ruined it!
You took all the bluing off!
Chlorox? Great!
It's going to blow up in my hand now.
Try to do something helpful...
Nice and original.
You get barked at! Come on, Pix!
Mom, I'm sorry. It's an old gun.
I don't use it any more.
Breakfast!
- Mom!
Nothing I haven't seen before.
- Would you turn around please?
Both of you!
God.
Pixie and I thought we'd pop
into the station, see where you work.
Did you cut yourself?
No!
- Need some iodine? - No!
A Band-Aid? - No!
The station is out of the question.
Absolutely unequivocally.
We'll talk over breakfast.
- I'm serious.
What did I always tell you?
Breakfast is the most important meal.
Start on these, and I'll scramble
some eggs. - I don't like eggs.
If you don't eat them for breakfast,
they'll be waiting for you at dinner.
Bye, sweetie, have a nice day.
Oh, Joey...
You forgot your lunch!
We're not off
to a very good start, are we, Pixie?
Know what we should do?
We should get
Joey something a little special.
Let's see...
You want to get out here?
I mean, look at this place...
Ridiculous! I'm from Newark.
If you want stopping power,
this is your baby.
Charter Arms,.44, Bulldog.
No, my son's is bigger.
I got a bottle brush down the barrel.
You put a brush down the barrel?
Yeah, I wanted to clean out...
Never mind.
Okay, bigger. How about this?
That's it!
Taurus, PT,.99, long barrel.
Punch a hole through a Pontiac.
How much? - $450. - $450?
- The Bulldog is only $325.
No, I want the big one.
Dont suppose you gift-wrap? - No.
I'll take it like that.
- There's a cooling-off period.
Give me your driver's license.
I'll do the paperwork.
In 2 weeks it's yours.
- I need it today!
Sorry, that's the law.
Can I have it back?
Come on, Pixie.
Hey, lady!
You want to buy a gun today?
You got a gun for sale?
You do?
- Step into my office.
Lightweight, adjustable stock.
- No!
I want a Taurus.99 long barrel.
Your son will love this.
What'll he do with that? He carries
his gun under his jacket. - Wait!
Wait a minute. Here, here.
What about one of these?
You've seen Miami Vice.
This is a Mac 10.
All the big dealers love this gun.
I don't think that's exactly my Joey.
That's a full automatic. That means
You can cut down trees with it.
How much?
- $500.
$350.
They're there.
- Great.
Bless you.
- I'm coming down with something.
You've got allergies.
- I've got a fever.
The Santa Anna wind's very heavy.
What do you know about it!
Yeah? - Mr. Parnell, we've located
the misappropriated merchandise.
If you're certain it's ours...
then repossess it.
- Yes, sir.
Bless you. - Let's go?
- To work! - Let's go.
Do you want to sell me the gun,
or sit dreaming about $500?
Okay. Dont forget that extra clip.
Nice doing business with you.
Come on, Pixie!
He's going round the front.
Damn!
Morning!
There you go.
- Thanks.
Hangover?
Heartburn.
What did you eat for breakfast?
Juice, fruit, milk,
eggs, bacon and sausage,
hash browns,
toast, pancakes,
honey rolls,
Cocoa Puffs. There's more.
You must've been starving.
- I wasn't hungry.
My mother's visiting.
Well, when your mamma cooks,
she cooks.
Mind you...
breakfast is supposed
to be the most important meal.
Thank you, Tony.
Have a nice day.
- Hey, Joe. - Yeah?
Thank God you've arrived.
- Why?
Your mom's here.
- My mom? - Yes.
Chicken pox?
Looks very good in spots.
Told everybody it was freckles.
Mom, are you okay?
- Fine. These things happen.
What things? - She witnessed
a murder. - A murder?
Yeah, downtown.
- What were you doing downtown?
Shopping. Just relax. Have a cookie.
- Shut up!
Maybe I should get the lieutenant...
- What's going on?
Nothing.
- I'm a witness.
Who is this?
- I'll introduce you.
Ross, you better shut up, I mean it.
- This is Tutti, Joey's mom.
Joey's mom?
- That's right, Gwen.
My mom.
As you can see,
it's been a shock for her,
so I'm taking her home.
Mrs. Bomowski is one of my
principle witnesses. - Your witness?
It's my case. Your mom's happy
to stay to the end of the month.
You said what?
You are so beautiful, Gwen.
That lovely hair and that smile.
Joey, if you'd worn your retainers,
you could've had teeth like that.
Say goodbye, we're going home.
- Not so fast.
I want to interview the witness.
What are you trying to do? - To you?
- This is just ridiculous!
It's ridiculous
your mother witnessed a murder?
No, Ross sticking his head into it.
I can't transfer it to you.
- He's told her to stay in town.
She's supposed to go back Monday.
- That was before the killing.
Can't we fly her back? If she stays
past Monday, I'll kill her myself.
What's wrong with you?
She seems wonderful. Warm, caring...
Obviously crazy about you.
- Crazy is right.
She talks to total strangers
about my diaper rash!
She loves you, Joe.
- Her love is driving me nuts!
Either way, she's staying.
Joe, come on. How bad can it be?
Two, three weeks tops.
This is about us, right?
This is about revenge?
Are you suggesting
I would use my rank? - Yes!
Dont let the door hit you
on your way out, Detective.
You can call me Lieutenant.
Dont be so gloomy! Think of all
the time we'll spend together.
Dont you want to hear my plan?
I want to brush my teeth
and go to bed.
You and I can crack this case.
When we find the killer,
you'll probably be promoted.
And things will work out with Gwen.
Goodnight.
I didn't tell Ross what I really saw.
I held it all back for you.
You're joking, right, Mom?
- No, it's not a joke.
You can't fool around with homicide.
You need this to get promoted.
I don't want a promotion.
- You're only a sergeant. - I like it.
Next you'll tell me
you like where you live.
I do. Mom, I'm happy.
I don't want to get promoted.
I don't want to get married.
I like my life.
I can wear my underwear more than
once, leave the toilet seat up...
Watch what I want on TV.
Mom, I like my life!
You call this a life?
Goodnight, Mom.
Back off, back off!
I'm going in.
- He has an automatic.
Joe, are you crazy?
Mom, what are you doing here?
Mommy's got to change you.
I don't want to be changed.
I've got to change you.
- I can change you.
Stop trying to change me!
Joey, are you alright?
- I'm fine.
Sounded like you were having
a bad dream. - No, I'm fine, really.
I should tuck you in.
- Dont, Mom.
Let me tuck you in.
- I don't wanna be tucked in.
Joey, let me tuck you in.
You just snuggle down.
- I don't wanna snuggle.
You were just having a bad dream.
Remember when you were little
and I used to sing to you.
Oh, God!
- Aw, shush.
See if we can remember how that goes.
- Mom, please don't.
Lullaby and goodnight,
thy mother's delight.
With down overspread,
here's baby's wee bed.
Lullaby and goodnight,
lay thee down now and rest.
Lullaby and goodnight,
may thy slumber be best.
Goodnight, Joey.
Morning, Mom.
Better get going or we'll be late.
- I didn't want to wake you.
Better get you to the station
for your 9:30 appointment with Ross.
I'm not saying anything.
- I won't argue.
If he arrests you for withholding
evidence, that's your problem.
Suppose you don't want your present?
Present?
- Just a little something...
A present?
You don't deserve it.
- Come on, Mom. Please.
I love presents.
It's heavy.
Jesus!
Is it the wrong kind? - Wrong kind?
It's illegal. Where did you get it?
From those guys who got shot.
A machine gun off the back of a van?
In the store
they said I had to "cool off."
Why didn't you tell me?
I wanted it to be a surprise.
It is!
You're saying it was a big car?
Dont know
if I'd call it big exactly.
So it was a small car.
Difficult to say. To me it was big.
To you it might have been small.
Like a Cadillac?
- Which model?
Any model!
A few years ago...
there was a small one.
- Was it like the Cimarron?
No.
Definitely not like the Cimarron.
Let's take a break.
You're tired.
Are you eating right?
I could bring you
some lentil soup. - Be right back.
So far, so good, Pixie.
Gwen, do you have a minute?
- Sure.
Jesus! That's a full automatic.
- I know.
And your mother... Okay, Joe.
I'll trace the gun. - Thanks.
No telling what she'll come home with.
- I know.
I really appreciate it.
If you don't mind?
Try not to kill anyone with it.
- She's too little. Wouldn't hit her.
Who's the little boy by the pool?
- Joey, only 9 and all those muscles!
You can already see
he's going to have nice equipment.
Dont be embarrassed.
I'm old, but I'm still a woman.
Tell me, do you love my Joey?
I don't know.
I did love him. Maybe I still do.
He loves you.
- He never shows it.
That's Joey.
Doesnt mean he doesn't love you.
If he'd just show me how he feels!
A box of candy,
a bunch of flowers...
He never sent you flowers?
- Never. - Oh, Joe...
And me being a lieutenant
just makes things worse.
Did you see this one?
Very serious looking.
How old is he there?
just after his father died.
I went to pieces,
no good for anything for days.
Joey did everything.
He arranged the funeral,
called the family...
picked out the casket...
talked to the priest...
But he never cried.
I know Joe loved his father.
But to this day
I don't know if he ever cried.
You were talking about something.
- It was nothing.
You were both crying!
- Girl talk. You wouldn't understand.
You have a gift for starting trouble.
Dont interfere with Gwen and me.
- Well, somebody has to.
She's a lovely girl,
and you never send her flowers.
I'll get the door.
Mom, this is the point of no return!
I've had it.
I've completely had it.
I'm taking you to the apartment,
I'm going to handcuff you to a sink,
and put you on the first plane home.
Here you are. Let's go.
Ask me what I saw!
- I don't want to know.
Ask me.
- No!
Ask me what I saw.
You're an old lady from Newark.
You knit, make jam,
talk on the phone. That's it!
What did you see?
The man who sold me the gun.
The one that got away. And his van.
Really? Was he little? Big?
Big, 6' 3", 320 lbs.
He had a tattoo of a coiled snake
with "God Rides a Harley" above it.
Will you remember this?
A Chevy van, gun-metal gray, an '82.
The year with the longer wheelbase.
License plate:
JL2-661.
This is 90W2,
give me 90W90.
Go ahead, 90W2.
Could you find Tony and tell him
I need another favor. - 10-4.
Where's your boyfriend and the guns?
- What are you talking about?
I hardly know the guy.
Paulie, nothing down there.
Check the garage. - I did,
there's nothing. - Well, check there.
Is this the house?
- That's where the van's registered.
Shall I cover the back?
- We're not partners!
Okay, okay.
We're not connecting here, honey.
Keep her quiet!
Wrong house?
Help me! Help me!
Come on.
Oh gosh, no!
Okay?
- Yeah.
Joey, are you alright?
Dont jump!
Get in, sweetie!
We're gonna nail those turkeys!
Okay, Ma. Make a right!
- Okay. - That's good.
Sorry.
- It was an accident.
Jump!
Use the road!
Watch it!
Way to go, Mom!
Floor it!
They're going left.
- Slow down.
Left! Slow it down!
Be careful!
There's nothing in there.
I already looked.
What's in the file?
It's the trace on the gun, isn't it?
What does it say, Joe?
- I haven't read it.
I'm giving it to Ross.
I don't believe this.
- Believe it!
Look who it is.
Norman Bates and his mom!
Cut it out!
- You're going to tell him?
My mother lied.
She got the license plate
and I traced the address.
Shit!
- Watch your mouth.
That's rich coming from the most
pathetic cop ever in this precinct.
Is there anything else...
I should know?
- Yes, Detective.
We think you're an asshole.
Take a walk with me.
Think I'm going to take that?
She's just an old lady.
A monster, that's what she is.
And her cookies suck!
Watch what you say!
- I'm not watching anything!
If you even look at this case...
I'll throw your mom in a county can
before you can say "Golden Ager"!
- Are you threatening my mother?
You, your mom...
Your whole goddamn family.
Ross, you just made
a big mistake. - Oh, sure.
What are you doing?
Jesus Christ!
Hi.
- Hi.
You forgot to dry your hands.
- Ross needs the towels more than me.
Ross needs the towels?
- Long story. - Oh, excuse me.
I have your toothbrush.
- My toothbrush?
Yeah.
With the frog's head.
I forgot to pack it.
Thanks.
Lieutenant!
I want to file a complaint
against him and his mom...
for assault
and withholding information.
What, Ross?
Nothing, just flushing him out.
I'm gonna see you suspended.
Ross! - What?
- Get back to your desk.
Oh, Lieutenant...
- Now! Please.
It's a man thing.
I'd better get back to my desk too.
Oh, Gwen. Thanks for the brush.
The gun was part of a shipment...
that wound up downtown.
The warehouse burnt down and
the watchman was killed in the fire.
Big explosion of ammunition.
Guns destroyed,
cause of the fire never established.
Company goes broke.
Insurance pays 12 million.
Are you listening?
Like Mr. Krueger. He burnt his
luncheonette down for the insurance.
They found the silver at home.
- Same thing here.
Your gun didn't get burned.
Mama knows! When we get home,
I'm gonna make you a fresh hamburger.
She doesn't like fast food.
- It's not that. - What?
Ross' face when you said,
we think you're an asshole.
I gave it to him good.
Blew him away. - His ass was grass,
and I was the lawnmower.
You're really something, Mom.
I'm going to go up
and talk to these guys. Be right back.
We could do "good cop, bad cop"!
- I can handle it. Thanks.
Do you really want to go?
- You know I do. - Okay.
Go downstairs and sniff around.
I'll be upstairs with the big boys.
It's that cop.
Get in the side office
till he's gone. Move it!
Yeah, show the officer in.
Detective Joseph Bomuwski.
- Bomowski. - Good afternoon.
What can I do for you?
I'm investigating a warehouse fire,
a lot of weapons were destroyed.
You collected the insurance.
- Yes.
I hope there isn't any problem.
- What would say if we had evidence
that the weapons
weren't destroyed in the fire.
That we were the victim of a fraud.
You don't look like a victim,
you look more like a beneficiary.
Excuse me.
A woman out there
is claiming to be your mother. - No!
Sorry. - That's alright.
- They tried... - I'll handle this.
I say we work them over!
- Just wait outside.
It's almost under control.
- Joe...
they're being audited.
I know an audit when I see one.
Mom, later!
- It's the motive.
Gesundheit!
Lot of accusations flying around.
What do you want?
To look at the warehouse.
Any problem with that?
Do you have a warrant?
Or your mother?
- No.
But I've a good mind...
to give you
a spanking you won't forget.
Do I go to the warehouse
or do I get a warrant?
Give the detective
the address of the warehouse...
where we had that fire,
with the keys and whatever else.
Thanks for your time. Mom, let's go!
For now you can keep your pants on.
But just remember:
I'll be back!
What? Did I embarrass you?
Yeah, "I'll be back"!
I heard a cop say that.
- Terminators say that, not cops.
Get out here!
You idiots! Not only do you
let ten cases of guns get stolen
and screw up their return.
I've now got...
some cop's weird mother
threatening to spank me!
We'll take care of them. They won't
bother you. - They'd better not.
I'll get the plane tomorrow.
All you've got to do is make sure...
everyone keeps quiet for 24 hours.
Make it look like an accident.
Dont like the look of this.
It's dangerous, don't go.
It's not dangerous.
So I can go too?
- Oh no.
We're working so well together.
Right, and working well together
means looking out for each other.
What are you doing?
Answer me! What are you doing?
- What does it look like?
Looks like you're locking me in.
- Got my detective skills from you.
That's not gonna work.
Let's put that in here.
How does this thing go?
Hello, hello.
This is a police radio band.
Please identify yourself.
Tutti Bomowski, Joe's mom.
Hi, Mrs. Bomowski, this is John.
Thanks for the cookies. What's up?
I'm so embarrassed.
Somehow I managed to lock
myself in Joe's car. Is that silly?
No problem, Mrs. Bomowski.
You're going to look for a Slim Jim,
a long, thin piece of metal.
Shoot!
Jesus! - I don't want to live
in a world where my son locks me in.
Enough bullets in that gun?
- Quiet!
Because if you don't, I do.
Where did you get that?
- From your messy glove compartment.
Give it me.
- No.
Give it to me.
- No.
Mom, down!
Jump!
Is Pixie okay?
- She's okay.
Shit!
What are you going to do?
- Take the dog.
Get over there. - Where?
- Against the wall. - Okay.
Get back!
Stop! Police!
Get down!
- They're getting away!
Stop!
Or my mom will shoot!
A little high,
but not bad for a beginner.
Paulie! Start it up fast!
Turn around.
- I'm not going nowhere.
Take it easy!
- Great collar, Joe.
Think you could mess with my boy?
Gesundheit.
Dusty here.
Put it in that chair.
Alright, file this.
- I want to see a lawyer.
And a doctor.
- You're spreading germs.
Tell Ross me and my mother
cracked his case wide open.
Before you say anything...
What was that?
I'm just happy you've unlocked
those hidden feelings. - Feelings?
What do you mean? - The flowers.
I've never seen so many roses.
I don't believe it.
- What?
She's always got to interfere.
Drives me crazy! - What?
It was my mom.
You mean you didn't send the roses?
Of course I didn't.
I didn't mean it...
Mom, get your
senior citizen's butt in here!
What?
Dont say a word!
Something about Gwen?
- I want to talk to you!
No need to shout.
- This is my house.
I know this is hard for you,
but I've drawn up a list of rules.
I don't like the tone of your voice.
Rule no. 1: Never say
you don't like the tone of my voice!
Rule no. 2...
You've written a list?
- Yes, and don't interrupt.
No. 2:
Dont interfere with my love life.
She didn't like the flowers?
- They were a big hit!
things from when I was a kid!
Just a minute...
- This is non-negotiable.
safety message: No driving!
the most important meal. And 9:
The photos stay in New Jersey.
Anything else?
and treat me like a human being.
You can't treat me like this.
- Yes, I can. Think about it.
You think making me follow
these rules will improve your life?
I'm not listening.
- I'll tell you what your problem is.
Rule no. 11: Dont tell me
what my problem is. I know what it is.
An old lady with a dog.
You don't love enough. If someone
gets close, you shut them out.
Like me and Gwen.
- You see this?
She turned into Or. Ruth!
It scares you that Gwen loves you.
When you meet someone special,
you should grab hold of them.
What are you talking about?
- About waking up...
and finding you're 60 years old...
in a little apartment
all by yourself, wishing you had...
someone as special as Gwen.
She's right.
- She's really upset.
Finished?
For your information:
I didn't dump Gwen, she dumped me.
Gwen, I just...
I just called to say you're special.
Oh Christ, that's ridiculous.
I just called...
to say that you're so special.
And when you meet
someone special, you should...
grab hold.
You should grab hold of them.
Oh, come on!
Just do it right.
When you meet someone special,
you should grab hold of them. - Joe?
What are you doing here so late?
Just catching up on paperwork.
I had to pick some stuff up.
Want to catch up on paperwork, too?
Sure.
To paperwork.
Look...
I'm sorry that I hit you.
I was just
disappointed about the flowers.
I deserved to get hit.
I made a mess of everything.
I wish I'd sent you the flowers.
Really?
You're so special.
When you meet
someone as special as you,
you should grab them.
Otherwise, one morning
you'll wake up and you're 60,
living alone in a little apartment.
And you wish...
you had the chance
to love someone as special as you.
That's the sweetest thing
anyone's said to me.
My mother said it, Gwen.
Your mother? - She was right.
Jesus, it kills me.
Does this kill you?
Hey, boss. What's happening?
- There you are.
Take a look at this note.
"I regret my life of crime.
I can't live anymore. J. Parnell."
Well, what do you think?
You've been under pressure lately.
You might be overreacting.
We've got the weapons,
we're going to South America,
and claiming lots of money.
Why are you so depressed?
I'm not going to kill myself.
It's part of the plan.
They read the note, we disappear.
Then they don't come looking for us.
Good idea.
No, no. That's a great idea.
There's one for you too. You sign that
and we can get out of here.
Make sure you sign it clearly.
Let me take a look at that.
Very nice.
That hurts.
"Dear Joe. I'm sorry. I can't
help myself. I love you too much.
I've left to be
out of your way. Love, Mom. PS:
About the flowers.
I've ruined it for you and Gwen.
Maybe one day
you can forgive me. PPS:
There's a pineapple
upside-down cake in the icebox."
Damn!
Hey!
- Sorry!
Excuse me!
Wait!
- Hey, slow down.
You alright?
Mom, stop!
No, Joe,
you got to live your own life.
You were right.
I don't want you to go.
Slow down. - You were right
about grabbing onto Gwen.
I was wrong.
When I told her,
it changed everything.
It did?
- Yes. Mom, I want you to stay.
Quick, stop the cart!
Really?
You know I do.
Now tell me.
What did Gwen say when you told her?
That it's the sweetest thing
anyone ever said to her.
And then?
- That's what she said.
You didn't propose to her?
- No, but I mean it's a beginning.
It's a missed opportunity.
- Wait. Wait.
Stop right there.
- What?
You're doing it again.
- What?
Interfering. Rule no. 2.
You can't be serious about the rules?
Gate 18, fast!
Dont want her to miss her flight.
What are you doing?
Have a nice ride home.
- What are you doing?
Thank you. Joey!
Joseph A. Bomowski,
this is your mother talking.
Wait a minute!
Can't we discuss these rules?
They're non-negotiable.
- What about a little flexibility?
Flexibility? Give you an inch,
you take the entire turnpike. - Okay.
Okay what?
The rules.
You got a deal.
You got a deal.
It'll be the best weekend
we ever spent together. - Maybe not.
Stay here.
Got him! - I told you
to wait outside. - Yeah, yeah.
You promised to leave me alone.
So, I'll start tomorrow.
I give up.
Holy moley!
That's the guy who sold me the gun.
It is?
- Yeah.
More chocolate, Mitchell?
- No thanks, Mrs. Bomowski.
You, sweetie?
- No, I'm fine.
Why'd you come here?
It's not even my case.
To save my girlfriend's life.
My house ain't safe.
My brother's dead.
I got nowhere to go.
Any idea who these people are?
We stole a few cases of shooters
but there were thousands of them.
The ones supposed to have
been destroyed. We got them. - Where?
Brunswick airstrip.
Outside of Ventura. It went bankrupt.
A savings and loan took it over.
- Great. Joe and I'll check it out.
Remember when I was in school,
every week you would call my teachers
to see if I was doing good
and cutting class.
Embarrassed the hell out of me.
It wasn't you didn't trust me...
you just wanted to make sure...
I didn't get into trouble.
You finally understand.
- I do understand.
And I want you
to understand why I have to do...
this!
Whoa, bummer!
I once did this before
when Joey was 9.
He got his head caught in a railing.
The problem was his ears.
They were so big for his age.
They kept getting caught on the bars.
I got it. I did it.
I'm out! I did it!
- Yo, Mrs. B! Way to go, babe!
Sometimes I impress myself.
Could you help me off?
Where's my gun? I'm outta here.
- With your keys in the bathroom.
Thanks, babe.
Major bummer.
Sorry, Mitchell.
I need your car.
And I don't think
Joey wants you going off to Mexico.
Hold still. This won't hurt a bit.
Be back to get you, babe.
Get back.
Sergeant Bomowski. I need assistance
at Brunkswick airstrip, right away.
Let me go!
- Hurry up.
Move it. Come on.
Where's your little boy?
You won't get away with this.
My Joe will be all over you.
Get her on the plane,
so her son can't interfere.
When we get her over the ocean,
we'll see how well she can swim.
Move it! Move it!
Sit down.
Shit!
Get out there and find him.
Get off. Take her down.
Oh God!
Where are you taking me?
Shut up!
- Joey!
There you are. Drop it!
You okay?
- Why are you here?
I came to back you up.
- Get him inside!
Let her go.
Do you think
I'd be content with just killing you?
Let her go!
Or what?
It's over. Parnell, it's all over.
Get the car.
I'll tell you what's over.
Say goodbye to your little boy.
You're next. Hold it!
You know...
this is really going
to give me a great deal of pleasure.
Nobody hurts my baby.
Gee whiz. You shot him.
No shit.
Mom, you saved my life.
That's what moms are for.
I can't believe it,
but I'm sad to see you go.
Dont worry. I'll be back.
- Not too soon, I hope. Just kidding.
It's been great, Tutti.
- Such fun.
I can see why you like police work.
It's so stimulating. - Yeah.
Can I see the ring?
- Okay.
Beautiful. I couldn't have done
better if I'd picked it out myself.
I thought you did.
- Mom, that's your flight.
Well, thanks for everything.
I think that man is a criminal.
I recognize him from TV.
I don't think so. You'll be late.
- Joe, look.
He's trying to avoid the detector!
Please!
- Hey, young man!
Dont give me that innocent look.
My son is a police officer.
Draw your gun. He's getting away.
Rule no. 12: Listen to your mother!
Move!
Here. Cuffs!
Let us through. Police.
Joey, now I remember what he did.
He shot his mother!
CEDO FILM - by Lucifer