Strangers with Candy (2005) Movie Script
1
[ MUSIC ]
CAN WE CHANGE?
[ MUSIC ]
I'VE BEEN RUNNING FOR
THIRTY TWO YEARS,
IN AND OUT OF PRISON LIKE A
JUNKIE JACK- IN- THE-BOX.
CHANGE.
STRENGTH OF AN APE.
[ MUSIC ]
WHERE WAS I?
OH. UH...UH RIGHT.
CHANGE. CHANGE RISING...
FROM, OH... THIS DOESN'TURN OUT GOOD.
[ MUSIC ]
CAN WE CHANGE?
I'M JERRI BLANK,
AND THIS IS MY STORY.
STRANGLERS WITH-
CAN, UH-
GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
OH THAT'S ME!
MOMMY, I'M HOME.
NO, NO, WRONG HOUSE.
CAN I HELP YOU?
UH, WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?
UH, I THINK YOU HAVE
THE WRONG HOUSE, DEAR.
I THINK I WOULD KNOW
MY OWN HOUSE.
YEAH, THIS IS IT.
WELL, NICE TO HAVE MET YOU.
I THINK WE'VE GOT OURSELVES
A LITTLE SITUATION.
AHH!
SONS OF BITCHES!
GOD. I'M JERRI BLANK!
WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU ARE?
JERRI BLANK.
OH, MY MUGALUCKS.
WOULD YOU STAY ON THE
RUNNER PLEASE?
SO, UH MAYBE YOU WANNA
TELL ME WHO YOU ARE?
I'M SARA BLANK.
I'M MARRIED TO YOUR FATHER.
WELL, DOESN'T THAUPSET MY MOTHER?
HOW DO I PUT THIS DELICATELY?
YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD, YOUR
FATHER'S UPSTAIRS IN A COMA
AND WE HAVE A SON, DERRICK.
SO, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR COMING BY.
I WANT MY DADDY!
DADDY!
MISS. I'M SORRY, MISS.
DADDY!?
MISS, WOULD YOU PLEASE
STAY ON THE RUNNER?
DADDY!
DR. PUTNEY?
YES.
I'M JERRI BLANK.
JERRI BLANK!
I DELIVERED YOU!
I STILL HAVE THE SCARS.
BORN WITH A COMPLETE SET OF
TEETH. MEDICAL MARVEL.
DR. PUTNEY, WHAT'S
WRONG WITH MY DADDY?
YOUR FATHER HAS WHAT WE
CALL A STRESS INDUCED COMA.
YOU SEE, AFTER YOU LEFT HOME,
YOUR MOTHER DIED OF GRIEF.
MOTHER.
MAY I KEEP THESE?
OF COURSE, JERRI,
BUT I'LL KEEP THE URN,
IT'S STAINLESS STEEL.
AS I WAS SAYING,
THE STRESS OF HER DEMISE
COMBINED WITH ANQUISH
OVER YOUR DISAPPEARANCE
LED TO THIS DEATH-LIKE RIGOR
WHICH YOU SEE BEFORE YOU.
PAPPI! I'M SO SORRY
THAT I DIDN'T CALL.
AH!
WHAT WAS THAT?
MAYBE IT WAS JUST A
NERVOUS REACTION.
NO, I POKE NEEDLES IN HIM
ALL THE TIME AND I NEVER
GET A RESPONSE.
SOMEHOW YOUR MERE PRESENCE IS
BRINGING HIM BACK TO LIFE.
QUICK, EVERYONE,
OUT INTO THE HALL!
HIS SLIGHT MOVEMENDEFIES ALL MEDICAL LOGIC.
IS MY DADDY'S GONNA
BE FIXED NOW?
HARD TO SAY, JERRI.
HARD TO SAY.
THIS WOULD BE MY ADVICE.
STIMULATE HIM.
TAKE HIM BACK TO THAT MAGICAL
TIME WHEN LIFE WAS GOOD
AND PRECIOUS AND WORTH
BEING CONSCIOUS FOR,
WHEN YOU WERE STILL
HIS LITTLE GIRL.
THATS IT!
I'M HESITANT TO ASK.
I'M PICKING UP MY LIFE EXACTLY
WHERE I LEFT OFF!
I'M GONNA GO BACK TO HIGH
SCHOOL, AND BE THE GOOD GIRL
I NEVER WAS
OR HAD ANY DESIRE TO BE!
MAYBE THAT WILL HELP
SAVE MY DADDY.
WELL, THAT'S A START,
JERRI,
BUT YOU HAVE TO BE
BETTER THAN GOOD.
YOU CAN'T REVERSE 32 YEARS OF
DEPRAVITY IN A SINGLE DAY.
YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME
EFFORT INTO IT.
WE CALL IT BALANCING
THE PSYCHIC EQUATION.
WHO'S WE?
YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE
IN MY CAR POOL.
BUT THE POINT IS, YOU
HAVE BE SPECIAL, JERRI.
SPECIAL.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE HONOR ROLL,
WIN THE SPELLING BEE.
BE PROM QUEEN?
MAKE THE HONOR ROLL.
WELL, I'VE SAID ENOUGH.
THANK YOU FOR COMING,
DOCTOR.
OH. HI.
MOM, I'M HOME.
OKAY, WHO IS THAT, AND
WHY DOES HE BOTHER ME?
JERRI, THIS IS OUR SON,
DERRICK.
LET ME GIVE YOU A
LITTLE ADVICE, DERELICT.
I THINK IT WOULD BE BEHOUVY OF
YOU NOT TO CUT INTO MY MOMMY
TIME, ALRIGHT?
WE'RE- - UH- - BONDING.
MOM, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
IT'S ALL RIGHT, DARLING. GO TO
YOUR ROOM, AND LOCK THE DOOR.
SO, UH WHERE DO I
STOWS ME STUFF?
ALL RIGHT, JERRI, YOU CAN
HAVE YOUR OLD ROOM BACK,
BUT ONLY UNTIL YOUR
FATHER GETS BETTER.
OH, HERE'S YOUR MOTHER.
YOU WON'T EVEN
KNOW I'M HERE.
HEY, WHEN'S EATS?
WHAT?
I TAKE CHORIZO AND
EGGS ON A FLOUR TORTILLA.
BUT GO EASY ON THE JALAPENOS,
THOUGH, I'VE GOT A BIT OF THE
SQUIRTIES.
GOD, I'M GOING TO BED.
BED?
GOOD NIGHT, MOMMY.
[CAR HONKING]
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
WELL, HOW DO I LOOK?
WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SHIRT?
I KNEW YOU WOULD WANT TO TAKE ME
TO SCHOOL ON MY FIRST DAY,
MOMMY.
ARE YOU INSANE?
DADDY, COMA.
OK.
I'M AFRAID. WHAT IF THE KIDS
DON'T LIKE ME?
WHAT IF I DON'T FIT IN?
WHAT IF?
THE FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL IS
ALWAYS SCARY, JERRI.
ESPECIALLY THE SECOND TIME
AROUND.
JUST BE YOURSELF, AND IF THINGS
DON'T WORK OUT,
WE'LL KNOW WHERE THE PROBLEM
LIES.
MAYBE I SHOULD GO HOME AND
CHANGE.
GET OUT OF MY CAR! GET OUT.
CHECK OUT THE WIDE LOAD WHO
GOT A RIDE FROM MOMMIE.
THAT'S THE LAST TIME,
OLD LADY!
GOD, YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME!
I HATE YOU!
PICK ME UP AT 3:15. DON'BE LATE. THANKS, MUMSY.
YOU KIDDING?
GOD. MOTHERS, THEY CAN
BE SO CLINGY, RIGHT?
JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE
YOU GROW UP.
HEY, CHECK OUT THE THUMBSUCKER
GETTING A RIDE FROM HIS MOMMIE.
WHAT A CHUMP.
HEY DON'T WORRY, I'LL CHANGE
HIS DIAPERS FOR YOU.
HI, I'M JERRI. WOULD YOU
LIKE TO CARRY MY BOOKS?
ALICE, HENRY.
SO NICE TO HAVE MEMBERS OF THE
SCHOOLBOARD IN MY CHAMBERS.
CAN I FIX YOU TWO A DRINK?
THIS IS A HIGH SCHOOL, ONYX.
MY MISTAKE. WOULD YOU CARE
TO HANDLE MY PISTOL?
NO THANKS.
ALICE?
I THINK I'VE HANDLED YOUR PISTOL
ENOUGH.
SORRY, THAT WAS INSENSITIVE.
SO, AS TO WHAT DO I OWE THE
PLEASURE OF THIS SURPRISE ATTACK
VISIT?
MAY I BLITHELY ASSUME YOU'RE
HERE TO DELIVER THE REST OF OUR
DISCRETIONARY FUNDING?
LOOK, ONYX, YOU WERE REQUIRED TO
SEND US DOCUMENTATION
PROVING THAT YOUR STUDENTS HAVE
ACTUALLY ACHIEVED THE HIGH TESSCORES THAT YOU CLAIM.
WHAT, YOU DIDN'T RECEIVE MY
PACKAGE?
IRIS!
YES, PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN?
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOCUMENTS
THE SCHOOL BOARD REQUESTED?
I DON'T KNOW.
I KNOW WHAT MUST'VE HAPPENED.
I DIDN'T SEND IT.
I'M GLAD THAT'S CLEARED UP.
I'LL TAKE THAT DRINK NOW.
IF WE DON'T RECEIVE CONCRETE
PROOF BY NEXT WEEK,
YOU WILL NOT BE RECEIVING ANY
FUTURE FUNDING,
AND AS REQUIRED BY LAW WILL
RETURN ANY AND ALL MONIES THE
BOARD HAS ALREADY PROVIDED.
UNDERSTAND?
BUT ALICE, I NATURALLY ASSUMED,
THAT GIVEN OUR PAST LONG
STANDING MUTUALITY
THAT YOU WOULD PERHAPS BE MORE
GENEROUS WITH YOUR LETTING ISLIDE.
OUR DAYS OF SLIDING ARE OVER.
AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?
NO, HENRY, YOU ARE
NOT MISSING ANYTHING,
AND NEITHER AM I.
I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT,
ALICE.
ARE YOU?
LET ME ASK A QUESTION HERE.
DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH ALICE?
YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO PROVE YOUR
STUDENTS ARE ABOVE AVERAGE IN
ANY WAY.
I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW.
I'M ON THE SCHOOL BOARD.
I HAVE 3000 STUDENTS, AND
NEARLY A DOZEN TEACHERS,
SURELY ONE OF THEM MUSHAVE A DECENT BRAIN.
HEY! HEY THATS
MY CAR! HEY!
OH, I'M GOING TO JAIL.
GOD DAMMIT!
YOU LOOK LOST.
WELL...
IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN TALK TO ME,
I'M THE ART TEACHER.
I MAY BE AN AUTHORITY FIGURE,
BUT I HAVE THE MIND A CHILD.
WELL, TODAY'S MY FIRST DAY BACK
AT SCHOOL AND I'M A LITTLE
NERVOUS.
THERE'S NO REASON TO BE NERVOUS.
JUST REMEMBER THE FIRST DAY OF
SCHOOL IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY
OF YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
IF IT DOESN'T GO RIGHT,
THERE'S NO WAY TO GET IT BACK.
NO WAY...
I'M HERE TO SEE THE PRINCIPAL.
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN IS BUSY.
HAVE A SEAT.
WHAT'S SHAKIN', RED?
CARPET MATCH THE DRAPES?
I'M JERRI.
JERRI BLANK.
WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?
BOOST SOME GOODIES?
YOU CAN TELL MAMA.
I DIDN'T MAKE MY SCHOOL
FUNDRAISING QUOTA.
THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA CALL MY
PARENTS.
AHH, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
TELL YOU WHAT, USUALLY I ONLY
LOOK OUT FOR NUMERO ME,
BUT I LIKE YOU, YOU'RE SWEET,
SO I JUST MIGHT BE WILLING TO
TAKE YOU UNDER MY SPICY BUFFALO
WING, HMM BUTTER CHOP?
I'LL NEVER SLAP YOU AROUND,
UNLESS OF COURSE YOU GET OUT OF
LINE.
LISTEN, NICO, YOU'LL GET YOUR
MONEY.
ALL I NEED IS ONE MORE WEEK.
LOP MY HEAD OFF!?
GO AHEAD, WHAT DOESN'T KILL ME
MAKES ME STRONGER...OH RIGHT..
HOW ABOUT IN THE MEANTIME, COULD
I INTEREST YOU IN A BRIGHT SHINY
SCHOOL BUS?
I COULD STOCK IT FULL OF FRESH
YOUNG CHEERLEADERS.
HELLO?
HELLO.
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN?
WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
I'M JERRI BLANK, AND... WELL, I
USED TO GO TO SCHOOL HERE AND
I'D LIKE TO COME BACK.
I'M SORRY BUT ALL OF OUR
CUSTODIAL POSITIONS ARE FILLED.
WELL, I WANT TO BE A STUDENT.
WHAT?
I'M STARTING MY LIFE ALL OVER
AGAIN AND I'M PICKING UP EXACTLY
WHERE I LEFT OFF.
I DON'T THINK- WAIT, WHAT'S YOUR
IQ?
PISCES.
LISTEN, BLANK, I'VE ALREADY GOENOUGH HUNGRY RATS ON MY SINKING
SHIP.
I'VE GOT THE SCHOOL BOARD
BREATHING DOWN MY NECK
LIKE A DRUNKEN JOCK AT A RUFIE
PARTY.
SCHOOL BOARD!
WHY WOULD I DOCTOR THE BOOKS IN
ORDER TO IMPROVE THE OVERALL
TEST SCORES OF THE STUDENT BODY
JUST SO I COULD COLLECT BONUS
FUNDS FROM THE STATE,
WHICH I WILL FULLY
MISAPPROPRIATED
IN ORDER PAY OFF LARGE GAMBLING
DEBTS?
IT JUST DOESN'T ADD UP, BLANK.
INVESTIGATE ME ALL YOU WANT.
HOW DEEP YOU IN?
THEY TOOK TWO OF MY TOES!
OOH. I KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE?
YOU'VE LOST SOME TOES?
NO, I'VE TAKEN A FEW.
LISTEN, BLANK, AS FAR AS I KNOW,
OR AM WILLING TO FIND OUT,
I CAN NOT LEGALLY KEEP YOU OUOF SCHOOL.
BUT I'LL BE WATCHING YOU, BLANK.
AND IF YOU AS SO MUCH SLIP UP
ONCE AS YOU STEP OUT OF LINE,
YOU ARE ES' SCRAM E' VOUS! NOW
GET OUT!
THANKS, PRINCIPLE BLACKMAN.
I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.
OTHER THAN THAT, THERE'S
NO REASON FOR WOMEN TO
HAVE BREASTS.
THAT CONCLUDES OUR UNION REPRODUCTION.
THE IMPORTANT THING FOR
YOU KIDS TO REMEMBER- -
GODDAMNIT!
WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT.
JERRI BLANK.
OK MR. BLANK, WHY DON'T YOU TELL
US SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF.
OH...ALRIGHT. WELL,
HELLO, I'M JERRI BLANK
AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
I'M ALSO ADDICTED TO
AMPHETAMINES AS WELL
AS MAINLINE NARCOTICS.
SOME PEOPLE SAY
I HAVE A SEX ADDICTION,
BUT I THINK ALL THOSE YEARS OF
PROSTITUTION WAS JUST A MEANS
TO FEED MY RAVENOUS
HUNGER FOR HEROIN.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE
CHICKEN OR THE NUGGET.
THE POINT IS I'M ADDICTED
TO GAMBLING. THANK YOU.
OH, AND MY DADDY'S IN A COMA.
OKAY, JERRI, YOU CAN
HAVE A SEAT.
LADIES...
ALRIGHT, LET'S
GET BACK TO CLASS.
NOW, AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, THIS
IS A VERY SPECIAL TIME OF YEAR
FOR ME.
FIRST OF ALL, IT WAS ONE YEAR
AGO SINCE I HIT ROCK BOTTOM,
DISCOVERED GOD, AND REALIZED
THAT EVOLUTION IS A FARCE.
SECOND OF ALL, IT'S SCIENCE
FAIR TIME AGAIN,
WHERE YOU STUDENTS GET TO
MAKE UP SCIENCE PROJECTS,
WHICH THEN GO TO THE STATE
SCIENCE FAIR TO COMPETE AGAINSALL THE OTHER SCHOOLS IN
THE STATE- - ON SATURDAY.
WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK?
LOOK!
I GUESS I WAS SUPPOSED
TO TELL YOU A MONTH AGO
BUT MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE MORE
CONCERNED ABOUT IMMORTAL SOULS
AND KEEPING THEM FROM
THE LAKE OF FIRE!
SORRY!
NOW UNLESS BEELZEBUB HERE WANTS
TO POKE ME WITH HIS PITCHFORK
SOME MORE,
I'D LIKE TO TEACH MY CLASS. I'M
GOING TO PUT THIS SIGN UP SHEEOUT INTO THE HALL,
AND YOU CAN ALL SIGN UP FOR THIS
VERY SPECIAL EVENT OR NOT.
IT DON'T MAKE NO
NEVERMIND TO ME.
ALRIGHT, OPEN YOUR
SCIENCE BOOKS TO PAGE 15.
GALILEO'S LETTERS
TO THE CORINTHIANS.
CHAPTER 3 VERSE 16.
AND WHEN THE DEMON DID GIVE ME
THE TELESCOPE I WAS SO AFRAID,
FOR THE LIGHTS OF HEAVEN WERE
BEYOND MY KNOWING...
BUSTED!
SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE
WITH THE ENTIRE CLASS, JERRI?
DID YOU DRAW THIS?
HE GAVE IT TO ME.
MINIOKO DID YOU DRAW THIS?
OK JERRI. I GUESS YOU'RE
BOTH A LIAR AND A SNITCH.
SEE ME AFTER CLASS.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
YES, JERRI. I'VE GOMY EYE ON YOU.
AND IF YOU GIVE ME ANY EXCUSE,
I WILL BRING THE HAMMER DOWN.
DO WE GET EACH OTHER?
YOU BET.
OK, YOU CAN GO.
FAGGOT.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
WHAT DID YOU HEAR?
I'D RATHER NOT REPEAT IT.
WELL THEN, I GUESS
WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
OH DOMINIS...
HEY CHUCK.
GEOFFREY.
TRY AND GUESS WHAT I DID
WITH MY ART CLASS TODAY?
I DON'T THINK SO.
WE BROKE IN THAT NEW KILN BY
PLACING ITEMS IN IT THAT THE
MANUAL SPECIFICALLY PROHIBITS.
I CAN SEE WHY CAR BATTERY IS
NEAR THE TOP OF THE LIST.
I GET IT NOW.
GEOFFREY, I'M BUSY.
DID YOU GET MY NOTE?
YEAH, ONE OF MY
STUDENTS FOUND IT.
IT DOESN'T EVEN
LOOK LIKE ME.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I WAS DRAWING IFROM MEMORY.
LOOK, GEOFFREY I'M GLAD
YOU STOPPED BY,
I'D LIKE YOU TO LEAVE.
SORRY. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
IT'S OVER.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, CHUCK?
I NEED MORE OUT OF THIS
RELATIONSHIP THAN I'M WILLING
TO PUT IN.
AND I THINK I DESERVE BETTER.
DON'T YOU?
HEY. HEY, I KNOW THIS
IS HARD ON YOU.
IT WOULD BE HARD FOR ME
TOO IF I BROKE UP WITH ME.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOSING.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS...
I'M TAKING THIS BACK!
GEOFFREY!
WOULD YOU HANG THIS UP
IN THE HALLWAY?
I HATE YOU.
PLEASE GEOFFREY. I GEENOUGH OF THAT FROM MY WIFE.
HEY GUYS, WHAT'S UP?
SORRY WE'VE BEEN PICKIN' ON YOU.
TO MAKE IT UP, WE GOYOU A LITTLE SOMETHIN'.
YOU GUYS PUT DOG SHIIN MY LOCKER?
WHO YOU CALLIN' A DOG?
THAT'S OURS.
LET ME HELP YOU WITH YOUR BOOKS.
WHAT'S HAPPENIN DERRICK?
GET OUT OF HERE STUMP!
WHO'S THE NEW KID?
I THINK SHE'S MY SISTER
OR SOMETHING.
WELL, WE HAVE A SURPRISE
FOR YOU TOO, NEW KID.
A SURPRISE?
A SURPRISE FOR ME?
HEY. HEY, WAIT UP.
THAT WAS AMAZING.
AHH, IT WAS NOTHING.
FLIPIPINO?
INDONESIAN.
JAVA OR SUMATRA...
SUMATRA.
I SMUGGLED A LOT OF PEPPERCORNS
ACROSS THE STRAIGHTS OF SUNDA.
ROUGH SEAS.
MY NAME IS MEGAWATTI
SACARNAPUTRI.
NOT THAT MEGAWATTI SACARNAPUTRI,
IT'S A COMMON NAME.
JERRI. JERRI BLANK.
HEY, THE SCIENCE FAIR.
ARE YOU THINKING ABOUSIGNING UP?
NO, I'M THINKING ABOUT PUSSY.
SCIENCE FAIR'S FOR QUEERS.
IT'S NOT, JERRI.
IT'S REALLY SPECIAL.
SPECIAL. WHY IS THAWORD IMPORTANT TO ME?
(DR. PUTNEY) YOU HAVE TO BE
SPECIAL, JERRI.
SHHHH...
(DR. PUTNEY) DO SOMETHING
SPECIAL.
NOT NOW, BRAIN, I'M
TRYING TO THINK.
(DR. PUTNEY) ALL I'M SAYING IS
THAT WINNING THE SCIENCE FAIR
MIGHT JUST BE THAT SPECIAL
THING THAT WAKES YOUR FATHER
UP!
THAT'S IT! GIVE ME THAT PENCIL,
WE'VE GOT A SCIENCE FAIR TO WIN.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING LOOMING
AROUND MY OFFICE?
WE JUST SIGNED UP FOR
THE SCIENCE FAIR.
GET TO CLASS!
WIN THE SCIENCE FAIR... THAT'S
NOT GOING TO DO ANYBODY ANY
GOOD.
(ALICE) YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO
PROVE YOUR STUDENTS ARE ABOVE
AVERAGE IN ANY WAY.
NOT NOW BRAIN, I'M TRYING
TO THI..WAIT A SECOND.
IRIS! GET ME ROGER BEEKMAN!
I'VE GOT A SCIENCE FAIR TO WIN.
DADDY, I'M HOME!
OOOH...YUM YUM YUM.
YOU WANT MY SAUSAGE, RIGHT?
DADDY?
OOOH..NICE SHANK!
SUCCULENT.
WHO'S THIS?
OH. UH JERRI, THIS IS STEW,
OUR MEAT MAN.
MOTHER.
STEP-MOTHER, JERRI.
I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK
THAT SLITHERED OUT OF MY WOMB.
SCIENCE FAIR. IDEAS BY
JERRI BLANK.
NUMBER ONE.
EASY.
SCIENCE FAIR IDEAS...
SCIENCE FAIR IDEAS...
THE MONKEY'S HITTING THE
OTHER MONKEY WITH A VIOLIN.
THIS IS NICE. FAMILY.
YOU GOT THE MOMMY AND THE DADDY
AND THE BROTHER AND SISTER
AND...THE THIS GUY.
[GROWLING]
JUST GETTIN' A ROLL.
YOU CROSS MY CHOW ZONE AGAIN
YOUR GONNA PULL BACK A BLOODY
STUMP.
SARA?
JERRI!
MOMMY. HEY DADDY, I SIGNED UP
FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR TODAY- -
HEY. WE DON'T SPEAK WITH FOOD IN
OUR MOUTHS AT THIS TABLE.
I DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD IN MY
MOUTH.
WELL, PUT SOME IN.
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY, DERRICK?
THE COACH MADE ME THE CO-
CAPTAIN OF THE JR. VARSITY SQUATHRUST TEAM!
THAT'S FABULOUS!
WAY TO GO, FAG LICK.
JERRI, LANGUAGE.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW STUMP, THE
VARSITY SQUAT THRUST TEAM TOOK
THIRD IN ALL CONFERENCE.
AND HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU NOGAY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT,
TROLL?
WE SQUAT TOGETHER, WE SPOT EACH
OTHER ON THE WORK OUT MAT,
AND WE PLAY GRAB-ASS IN THE
SHOWERS!
HOW IS THAT GAY?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE
BRISKET?
WHO IS THIS GUY AGAIN?
JERRI! STEW IS OUR MEAT MAN AND
HE IS DESERVING OF OUR RESPECT!
I JUST WANTED TO TELL DADDY THAI SIGNED UP FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR
TODAY.
HEY JERRI.
YOUR PROJECT COULD BE ABOUFINDING THE LINK BETWEEN A LOSER
AND A FATTY.
NEXT TIME I'LL TAKE A THUMB!
THAT'S IT! GET OUT!
HE STARTED IT.
OH, MY DARLING!
RIGHT NOW!
YOUR NOT MY REAL DADDY!
YOUR NOT MY REAL DAUGHTER!
STOP IT!
GO TO YOUR ROOM!
JERRI!
JERRI!
LEAVE THE PLATE!
NOW STOP IT!
YOU LITTLE BITCH!
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, IT NEVER
MEANT MUCH TO ME TO HAVE A BABY.
BUT THEN I FOUND OUT NOBODY
WANTED TO GIVE ME ONE.
AND NOBODY DENIES ME SOMETHING I
THINK I MIGHT WANT.
CHUCK.
GEOFFREY.
EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP.
I WANT TO WIN THAT STATE SCIENCE
FAIR THIS YEAR.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
I WANT TO SHOW THAT SCHOOL BOARD
JUST WHAT FLATPOINT STUDENTS ARE
CAPABLE OF,
EVEN IF THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF
IT.
NOBLET, YOU'RE THE SCIENCE
TEACHER. WHAT'S THE PROGRESS?
PROGRESS?
GOOD.
I DON'T WANT A REPEAT OF LASYEAR'S FIASCO. WHICH REMINDS ME.
NO WOLVES.
HERE'S THE PLAN.
ROGER!
YOU GOT MY TELEGRAM!
EVERYBODY, THIS IS ROGER
BEEKMAN!
FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT IN THE
KNOW,
ROGER BEEKMAN HERE IS THE 9 TIME
STATE SCIENCE FAIR CHAMPION,
AND CURRENT COVER BOY FOR
"REGIONAL HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE
TEACHER WEEKLY,"
THE NUMBER ONE HIGH SCHOOL
SCIENCE TEACHER WEEKLY
PUBLICATION IN THIS REGION.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
DON'T MIND BOSWELL HERE. HE'S
WRITING MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
JUST TREAT HIM LIKE A PIECE OF
FURNITURE.
I DO.
DON'T WRITE THAT DOWN.
HELLO, ROGER.
WAIT, WAIT DON'T TELL ME.
TELL ME.
NO, DON'T TELL ME,
I HAVE A MNEMONIC DEVICE.
CROTCH NIBBLET.
CHUCK NOBLET.
RIGHT.
AND WE MET AT THE-
BUNSEN BURNER SEMINAR.
YES.
YES, YOU HAD THE CHEMISTRY
MISHAP. I SEE YOUR HAIR GREW
BACK.
THAT IS REAL HAIR, ISN'T IT?
IT IS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ROGER?
I CAN ANSWER THAT ONE.
ROGER HAS AGREED TO SHEPHERD A
FLATPOINT TEAM FOR THE STATE
SCIENCE FAIR!
WHAT?
BUT I'M THE SCIENCE TEACHER.
WE DON'T NEED AN OUTSIDER.
THIS IS MADNESS!
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, NOBLET?
ROGER WILL DO HIS PROJECAND YOU'LL DO YOURS AND MAY THE
BEST MAN HUMILIATE THE OTHER!
OH, NOW THAT ROGER'S IN THE MIX,
I'VE DECIDED TO DO A MINOR
RESHUFFLING OF THE STUDENTS.
YOU KNOW, SPLIT THE STUDENTS
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
THOSE ARE MY STUDENTS!
ROGER BEEKMAN'S TEAM WILL
CONSIST OF CHANG KAI CHO,
KIM LUCK, AKITO GAI PAN, HYMAN
LOENSTIEN, MOISHE EIENSTEIN,
TESLA, AND ALEXANDER GRAHAM
WANG.
OKAY, UNDER CHUCK NOBLET WE HAVE
GLEN SINKER, TERRY PITTS, DWAYNE
LOUSE, DALE DIM, JERRI BLANK
AND BILLY DOLT, PROVIDED WE HAVE
WHEELCHAIR ACCESS.
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY ADVANCED
STUDENTS.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ONYX.
LET HIM KEEP HIS HAND PICKED
TEAM. I'LL CREATE MY OWN.
CONFIDENCE! I LOVE IT!
AND BY THE WAY, ANYBODY WHO
WOULD LIKE TO VOLUNTEER AS MY
ASSISTANT,
I COULD CERTAINLY USE ONE.
AS LONG AS YOU'RE WILLING TO PUME AHEAD OF YOUR STUDENTS.
I CAN DO THAT.
THIS IS BULLSHIT.
THIS IS BULLSHIT!
OKAY, NEW DEAL.
IN ORDER TO GET MORE STUDENTS
INVOLVED IN THE SCIENCE FAIR,
I AM GOING TO TAKE THIS LIST AND
BOIL IT DOWN TO THE BEST AND THE
BRIGHTEST.
THAT SELECT GROUP WILL THEN
PRESENT ONE PROJECWHICH WILL MAKE ROGER BEEKMAN
LOOK LIKE A FOOL.
THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE MORE
STUDENTS, IT INVOLVES LESS.
HEY, LOOK AT YOU OVER THERE
ADDING AND SUBTRACTING.
WELL THIS ISN'T MATH, MISTER,
THIS IS SCIENCE! UNDERSTAND!
OKAY, YOU KOREANS AND YOU JEWS
WILL MAKE UP THE CORE OF THE
THINK TANK.
MEGAWATTI, YOU'RE THE WILD CARD.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM.
BUT I ALREADY SIGNED UP!
AND NOW YOU DIDN'T.
BUT MY DADDY'S IN A COMA!
GOOD POINT, JERRI.
GO SEE THE SCHOOL GRIEF
COUNSELOR. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO
CARE.
GO ON.
COME ON.
LET'S GO... ON YOUR FEET... COME
ON, LET'S GO.
COME ON.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
LET THE HEALING BEGIN.
OH, GEOFFREY.
I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW,
CHUCK.
LOOK, THERE'S A REALLY UGLY
RUMOR THAT I'M ABOUT TO START,
AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'VE GOIT RIGHT.
ARE YOU WORKING WITH ROGER
BEEKMAN?
PERHAPS HE VALUES THE
CONTRIBUTION AN ART TEACHER CAN
MAKE TO SCIENCE.
GEOFFREY, WHERE'S MY COCOA?
COMING ROGER!
THAT'S MY MUG.
GOTTA GO, CHUCK.
SCIENCE.
EYES TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM.
THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO
SEE BACK THERE.
EYES TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM.
[CRYING]
GEOFFREY!
NO!
ARE YOU THE GRIEF COUNSELOR?
GOD, IT NEVER ENDS.
HAVE A SEAT.
UH, I SHOULD TELL YOU UP FRONT,
EACH STUDENT GETS TEN MINUTES.
THAT LAST STUDENT TOOK FIFTEEN,
SO YOU GET... FIVE.
WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
TAKE IT UP WITH LES, HE'S THE
ONE THAT'S FRIGID. SO?
I'M JERRI BLANK, AND MY DADDY'S
IN A COMA.
YOU KNOW WHAT, JERRI? I WISH MY
DADDY WAS IN A COMA.
HE'S DEAD, JERRI, HE WAS
EXECUTED FOR WAR CRIMES.
BUT FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES WE
SAY HE WAS EATEN BY WOLVES.
ANYWAY, MY POINT IS, JERRI,
SOMEBODY HAS ALWAYS GOT IWORSE.
UM, WELL THE REASON I'M HERE IS
BECAUSE I WANT TO GET ON THE
SCIENCE FAIR TEAM,
SO I CAN FIX MY DADDY.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, JERRI, IN
ORDER TO SHORTEN OUR LITTLE
MEETING,
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE
NOTE, OKAY?
DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY?
THERE. NOW YOU'RE ON THE SCIENCE
TEAM.
UH, JERRI...
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING, RIGHT?
THAT'S MY LUNCH MONEY...
MY THEORY IS NOAH HAD THREE OF
EVERYTHING, JUST IN CASE ONE
DIED.
SEE, SCIENCE- -
GODDAMNIT!
LADIES.
OKAY, EYES TO THE BACK OF THE
ROOM.
[CRYING]
I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE TEAM!
WE'RE GONNA MAKE THE BESSCIENCE PROJECT EVER!
WHOOPEE - ON ME!
WHO'S THAT?!
OH, THAT'S JUST BRASON.
GOD, CHECK OUT THE TITTIES ON
THAT ARM.
[ MUSIC ]
SO JERRI, WHAT LOOKS GOOD?
TO YOU, A BANANA.
LET'S GO SIT OVER HERE.
WE CAN START MAPPING OUT PLANS
FOR OUR PROJECT.
GOOD IDEA, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
HEY, HOMIES, HOW ABOUT MAKING
SOME ROOM?
BEAT IT, CHUBS.
YEA, I'LL CATCH YOU IN GYM.
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE WITH A STEEL
PLATE IN THEIR HEAD GETTING
WORKED OVER WITH A PIPE.
SKETCHY.
IT'S TRADITIONAL INDONESIAN
MUSIC, JERRI.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WELL, LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU
AND ME, MEGATWATTI.
IT'S MEGAWATTY, JERRI.
GEEZ I KNOW, I'M JUST HAVING
SOME CRUEL FUN AT YOUR EXPENSE.
GEEZ, I THOUGHT YOU PEOPLES HAD
THICKER SKINS THAN THAT,
YOU KNOW, FIGHTING THEM TIGERS
IN THE JUNGLE AND ALL.
WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LIKE ME?
I GUESS THEY JUST DON'KNOW YOU YET.
HEY TAMMI!
RUSTY.
OH, HEY JERRI.
MR. NOBLET ADDED TAMMI TO THE
SCIENCE PROJECT TEAM!
OH YEAH? YOU THINK YOU GOT THE
SKILLS TO PAY THE BILLS, THERE,
COPPER TOP?
WELL, I GOT STRAIGHT A'S IN
SCIENCE LAST SEMESTER.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I RUN
A PRETTY TIGHT POSSE, ALRIGHT?
NOW IF YOU WANT TO BE
PART OF THE CREW,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FOLLOW A
FEW SIMPLE RULES, ALRIGHT?
IT'S ABOUT GETTIN' CAUGHAND NOT TELLIN',
KILLIN' AND NOT CARING,
AND DYING WITHOUT FEAR.
YOU DOWN FOR BEING UP FOR THAT?
I GUESS.
TEAM!
[ MUSIC ]
TEAM.
[ MUSIC ]
TAMMELAS, MY LIFE IS PERFECT.
WE'RE GONNA WIN THAT SCIENCE
FAIR, AND MY DADDY IS GONNA BE
JUST LIKE HE WAS BEFORE.
WITH EXPECTATIONS THIS HIGH,
WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
NOTHING JERRI, AS LONG AS YOU
DON'T LOSE YOUR FOCUS.
WELL, THEN NOTHING IS GONNA
DISTRACT ME-
MAN...LOOK AT THE WORK OUT HE'S
GIVING HIS CHILE HOLE!
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THABRASON?
HE'S ALL RIGHT.
I HEAR HE LIKES TO STEAL HOME ON
THE FIRST DATE!
HMMM...BATTER UP.
BRASON DOESN'T GO OUT WITH GIRLS
LIKE YOU AND ME.
HE GOES OUT WITH GIRLS LIKE
MONICA.
HEY, BUT I DO KNOW SOMEONE WHO
HAS A CRUSH ON YOU...
WHO?
IT'S SOMEONE YOU JUST MET.
DOES THIS PERSON GO TO THIS
SCHOOL?
UH HUH.
DOES SHE HAVE A RIPE LITTLE RUMP
THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO TAKE A
BITE OUT OF IT.
IT'S MEGAWATTI.
SHH, LET ME GUESS, LET ME GUESS.
DOES SHE HAVE A PAIR OF PERPOUTY BREASTS,
THE KIND THAT FILL YOUR MIND
WITH ALL SORTS OF STINKY
THOUGHTS?
IT'S MEGAWATTI, JERRI.
SHHH, PLEASE, I REALLY WANT TO
GET THIS ONE.
IS SHE SLIM HIPPED WITH THE
PROMISE OF FORBIDDEN TREASURES
BETWEEN THOSE MILKY WHITE
THIGHS?
MMM, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL SO
GOOD.
ALRIGHT, LADIES, LISTEN UP.
TODAY WE ARE GOING TO LEARN
ABOUT AN ATHLETIC TRADITION THATAKES PLACE IN SPAIN.
AND WE ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE
AN EXPERT WITH US.
COACH DIVERS?
BEEP BEEP LADIES.
COMING THROUGH.
WATCH IT. WATCH IT.
CAREFUL. MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.
THANK YOU.
LADIES. LAST YEAR I WAS
PRIVILEGED ENOUGH TO RUN WITH
THE BULLS IN PAMPLONA.
YOU KNOW THE INTERESTING THING
ABOUT SPAIN IS
IT'S VERY VERY DIFFICULT TO MAKE
A PERSONAL INJURY LAWSUIT STICK.
BUENO. GRACIAS.
ALRIGHT SENORITAS,
LET'S LOAD 'EM IN!
ALRIGHT, ONES, LET'S GO!
MOVE IT! INTO THE CHUTE.
LOAD EM IN.
LOAD EM IN.
COME ON, PICK UP THE PACE A
LITTLE BIT, LADIES.
GET IN THERE...
ALRIGHT...
[BULL LOWING]
HIT IT, LADIES!
PUMP THOSE KNEES!
KNEES TO THE CHEST!
GO! GO! GO!
MOVE IT!
YOU GOTTA MOVE YOUR KNEES..
PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT!
AH, HE JUST WINGED YOU, BLANK.
YOU'LL GET OVER IT.
HIT THE SHOWERS.
WELL DONE, LADIES.
AND NUMBER TWOS, LET'S GO, LET'S
GO.
PUMP THOSE KNEES. GET UM HIGH.
PUMP IT. PUMP IT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PUTTIN' A PIECE DOWN.
IT DOESN'T GO THERE, THERE'S A
GAP!
SIMMER DOWN, STEW. CLEARLY IGOES IN THE LOIN.
YOU'RE TRYING TO JAM
IT IN THE SHANK.
I DIDN'T KNOW.
LOOK AT THE BOX!
OHH.
IS THAT THE SAME PICTURE?
[DOORBELL]
IS THAT FOR YOU?
NO, NO STEW, NO.
WELL, IT SURE AS SHIT AIN'T FOR
ME, I DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE.
SARA?
YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE ANYBODY
HERE AFTER SIX, STEW.
[DOORBELL]
CAN I MAKE A SUGGESTION HERE,
STEW?
MAKE IT QUICK, I'M TRYING TO
DEAL WITH THIS DOORBELL
SITUATION.
WELL, MAYBE IT'S FOR JERRI.
WHO?
YOU KNOW...
AHHHHHH!
JERRI!
JERRI!
I'LL GET IT!
WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, JERRI?
THESE ARE MY NEW BEST FRIENDS.
WHO'S HIS FACE AND WHAT'S HER
NAME. THEY'RE GONNA HELP ME.
PACK?
YOU'RE SUCH A POOH-HOLE,
DERRICK.
YOU'RE A FAT GOBLIN.
ALRIGHT, YOU TWO.
WELL, SHE IS.
I KNOW, DERRICK. I HAVE EYES.
LOOK JERRI. I MADE US T-SHIRTS
FOR OUR SCIENCE PROJECT TEAM.
WE'RE THE FIG NEUTRONS!
HEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA. LET'S
WHERE THEM TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.
YES!
SORRY ABOUT THE SMELL.
HEY YOU GUYS WANNA
MAKE SOME CRANK CALLS?
NO, WE HAVE A LOOF WORK TO DO, JERRI.
OH RIGHT, SCIENCE.
OKAY. LIGHT HER UP.
OKAY. SO YOU GUYS
WANT TO HEAR MY IDEA?
SHOOT, I'M ALL EARS.
I WAS THINKING THAT WE COULD
MAKE A MINIATURE SUPER
CONDUCTOR.
WE COULD GET A BUNCH OF SOUP
CANS AND THEN WE COOL THEM DOWN
TO THE PROPER TEMPERATURE..
COME ON, JERRI,
YOU NEED TO FOCUS.
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
TO SAVE YOUR DADDY?
I DO, BUT COME ON, YOU GUYS.
SCIENCE IS SO BORING.
STUPID SCIENCE. WHAT DID
SCIENCE EVER DO FOR ME?
HEY, BOBO, WOULD YOU HAND
ME THE TV CLICKER AND THE
ELECTRIC SHAVER?
I'M GONNA TAKE OFF. THIS IS
POINTLESS.
DON'T BE SUCH A MEGA- SNOTTY.
WE GOT A LOT OF WORK DONE TODAY.
WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN
ANYTHING DONE YET.
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
WE'VE BEEN WORKING TOO HARD.
WE DESERVE A BREAK.
SO, WHY DON'T YOU GO FOR
A SWING IN YOUR BANANA TREE
AND TAMMIE AND I WILL
HAVE A GIRLY TALK!
I REALLY SHOULD- -
LADIES LOCK UP!
GOD, SNORESVILLE.
OKAY, LISTEN.
I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ABOUT A BOY
AND YOU TELL ME IF YOU COULD
IMAGINE KISSING HIM OR NOT.
ALRIGHT? MATT LAPPIN.
I GUESS.
OKAY. ASK ME ANY BOY!
OKAY, MEGAWATTI SUCARNAPUTRI.
NO, NO, NO, ASK ME
ABOUT ANYBODY.
ASK ME ABOUT BRASON.
HOW 'BOUT BRASON?
DAMN, I'D WOULD WORK HIS
CRANK SO HARD...
I SHOULD GET GOING.
TAMMELAS!
OH TAMMELAS, DO YOU EVER THINK
ABOUT THE CHANGES OUR BODIES ARE
MAKING?
YEAH, I GUESS,
I MEAN I'VE GOTTEN IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU KNOW, IT!
YEAH, ME TOO.
THOSE SUDDEN HOT FLASHES, GET SO
HOT YOU HAVE TO PULL THE COVERS
OFF OF YOU AT NIGHT,
YOU SNAP AT PEOPLE
FOR NO REASON.
IS THAT WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR YOU?
SORT OF, I DON'T KNOW,
NOT REALLY.
I THOUGHT SO.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, TAMMI,
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
CAN I GO NOW?
IN A WHILE.
NO.
THAT'S OKAY.
JUST CHECKING.
[ MUSIC ]
[ GIRLS LAUGHING ]
MONICA, MELISSA, MELANIE.
HI.
HI JERRI, NICE SHIRT.
I GOT IT FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR.
HMMM.
YOURS SHOULD SAY PIG NEUTRONS.
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU KIDS
FOR ACCEPTING MY INVITATION TO
BE MY SCIENCE TEAM.
THANK YOU.
WE'RE GETTING PAID, RIGHT?
IN CASH.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
WHY YOU'D WANT US.
WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUSCIENCE. WE'RE NOT QUALIFIED.
I'M GOING TO LET YOU
IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.
YOU WANNA KNOW HOW YOU
WIN A STATE SCIENCE FAIR?
ONE WORD...PIZZAZZ!
SO, WHAT'S OUR SCIENCE PROJECGONNA BE, ANYWAYS?
I DIDN'T WIN 9 STRAIGHT SCIENCE
FAIRS BY WORRYING ABOUWHAT THE SCIENCE PROJECIS GOING TO BE.
OKAY. WE COULD TAKE LEAVES AND
PUT THEM BETWEEN WAX PAPER.
WHAT WE NEED TO CONCERN
OURSELVES WITH IS POP.
POP AND SIZZLE.
JERRI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WAS JUST LOOKING AT- -
WELL, MIND YOUR BUSINESS, GEBACK TO CLASS! GO ON.
GET!
NOW, JELLINECK, I WANT YOU TO
TAKE OVER FOR ME.
I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO HIM.
LISTEN TO HIM AS IF HE'S ME.
HE'S GOING TO SHOW US WHAT HE'S
GOT COOKING...
GEOFFREY, WHY?
I LOVE YOU.
YOU HEARD ME...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?
I WAS JUST HEADING OVER
TO THE PEP RALLY.
WELL, MR. NOSEY EYES, LET'S SEE
HOW MUCH RALLYING YOU GET DONE
IN DETENTION.
GIDDY UP!
FOCUS IS THE KEY TO SAFE
DRIVING. FOCUS.
START YOUR CARS. LANCE, LIGHTS!
ACTION.
SUNNY DAY, MIDDLE OF SUMMER,
DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD.
NOT MUCH TO SEE, CLEAR DAY. DRY
CONDITIONS...
CHILD'S BALL!
FOCUS. EYES ON THE ROAD.
ALRIGHT, DOING WELL.
TAP ON THE BRAKE.
WHERE'S YOUR FIG NEUTRONS SHIRT?
FIG NEUTRON SHIRT? I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I JUST GAVE IT TO YOU, JERRI.
OHH, RIGHT, FIG SHIRT.
RIGHT.
I THREW IT AWAY.
I THOUGHT SCIENCE FAIR MEANSOMETHING TO YOU, JERRI.
I THOUGHT I MEANT SOMETHING TO
YOU.
MEGAWATTI!
BETRAYAL.
YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
LOSE FOCUS, JERRI? TRAGEDY.
WHAT'S GOING ON, GEOFFREY?
I HAVE WORK TO DO.
WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT?
JUST POACHING MY IDEAS.
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME- -
ROGER! JUST THE PERSON I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR. SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S THE UPDATE?
TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.
I THINK YOU'LL BE DULY IMPRESSED
WITH OUR EXECUTION.
DEAD SEA SALTS?
NOTHING BRINGS ME TO LIFE LIKE
DEAD SALT.
ELUCIDATE UPON YOUR ELABORATION.
GO AHEAD, ROGER. THRILL ME.
TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.
HOW ABOUT A EUCALYPTUS SPRITZ?
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
CONTINUE, ROGER.
WELL, WE ARE SORT OF
RE-IMAGINING THE, UH, NEXUS OF
THE...
WE DON'T HAVE A PROJECT YET.
WHAT!
THE SCIENCE FAIR IS IN 48 HOURS!
MY EYES!
AHHHHHHHHH!
MY EYES!
AHHH. MY EYES!
MY EYES! MY EYES!
RICK.
CHUCK.
NO, IT'S ROGER.
MAKE A NOTE OF IT.
GEOFFREY.
CHUCK.
WAS THAT ROGER BEEKMAN I JUSSAW LEAVING HERE?
HAVE THE TWO OF YOU-
WHAT, CHUCK?
COLLABORATED?
WHY SHOULD YOU CARE, CHUCK?
YOU PUSHED ME AWAY.
I WASN'T PUSHING YOU AWAY,
I WAS PULLING ME TOWARD MYSELF.
WELL, IT'S TOO LATE, CHUCK.
GEOFFREY...
AS YOU KNOW, DUE TO THE KILN
FIRE,
WE'LL BE HAVING CLASS OUT HERE
IN THE PARKING LOT.
NOW REMEMBER THE MAGIC TO ART IS
THERE ARE NO INCORRECT ANSWERS!
ANYTHING GOES.
THAT'S WRONG.
HELLO?
GEEZ, SOMEONE WOKE UP ON THE
WRONG SIDE OF THE COCONUT.
ARE YOU STILL PO'D AT ME?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. WHY DON'YOU COME TO MY HOUSE TONIGHT,
AND WORK ON THE PROJECT THERE.
WILL THAT SOOTHE YOUR SAVAGE
BREAST? HMM?
OKAY, JERRI.
SO, HAVE YOU GUYS COME UP WITH A
PROJECT YET FOR THE SCIENCE
FAIR?
NO.
I HEAR CHUCK- UH, MR. NOBLET'S
CLASS IS DOING A SUPER
CONDUCTOR.
WHY CAN'T ARE TEAM HAVE AN IDEA
LIKE THAT?
YEAH. WHY CAN'T WE?
BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HAVE IT?
OKAY, BUT WHEN I WANT TO DO
SOMETHING ORIGINAL,
YOU KNOW THE FIRST THING I DO? I
GET OUT MY TRACING PAPER.
UNDERSTAND?
I'LL SEE YOU AT REHEARSAL.
HEY, MAYBE SOMEONE FROM MR.
NOBLET'S TEAM WOULD HELP US OUT.
BUT WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?
PERHAPS THEY HAVE A WEAK LINK
THAT COULD BE EXPLOITED.
CHING CHONG...
YOUR ORDER READY, SIR.
HOT OUT TODAY.
VERY HOT OUT TODAY.
7:00.
7:00.
I'LL SET MY ALARM.
ALRIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT, MEGAWATTI.
OKAY, BYE.
SO, JERRI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TONIGHT?
NOTHING.
MONICA'S HAVING A PARTY.
WANNA BE MY DATE?
I WANT YOUR SPERMIES.
I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES.
[DOORBELL]
GOD DAMN IT!
DERRICK.
DERRICK!
WHO IS IT, HONEY?
SOMEONE TO SEE THE TOAD.
STAY ON THE RUNNER, PLEASE.
I'M SORRY.
WE'RE ALL OUT OF CANDY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DERRICK?
AREN'T YOU TRICK OR TREATING? I
MEAN YOU'RE ALL DRESSED UP IN
THAT LOSER COSTUME.
OH, HEY MEGAWATTI. SORRY, WE'RE
OUT OF CANDY!
I ALREADY DID THAT ONE, CHUNK.
I HATE YOU.
WHAT'S SHAKIN' BACON?
JERRI, I'M HERE TO WORK ON THE
PROJECT. I MADE YOU A NEW SHIRT.
AND I DREW UP SOME PLANS.
TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T I TAKE
THESE AND GIVE THEM A LOOK-
SEE RIGHT AFTER I GO ON MY DATE
WITH BRASON TO MONICA'S PARTY.
OH, MEGAWATTI, DON'T LOOK AT ME
LIKE THAT. IT'S NOTHING,
BUT ME FALLING IN LOVE WITH
SOMEONE WHO ISN'T YOU.
WE'LL ALWAYS BE THE BEST OF
ACQUAINTANCES.
NOTHING WILL EVER COME BETWEEN
ME AND BRASON!
QUICK! ACT LIKE A BANANA AND
PEEL OUT OF HERE. GO! BACK DOOR.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SCIENCE
PROJECT?
SCIENCE ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE,
BUT YOU ARE.
BRASON...
HEY, DIRK.
DERRICK...
HOW'S EVERYTHING ON THE VARSITY
SQUAT THRUSTING TEAM?
IT'S COOL...
I SAW THE FINAL THRUST YOU MADE
IN THAT MEET AGAINST MOUNVALLEY.
IT CHANGED THE WAY I THOUGHABOUT SQUATTING.
BRASON.. TAKE A HIKE, FAG BALL.
HE'S HERE TO SEE ME.
WHY DON'T YOU RELAX, WHILE I RUN
UPSTAIRS AND GET SOME GIRLY
THINGS,
YOU KNOW, RUBBERS AND SUCH.
CAN'T WE JUST GO NOW, I DON'REALLY WANT TO DRAG THIS OUT.
OH SURE, SURE, SURE.
BUT FIRST I'D LIKE YOU TO TO SAY
HELLO TO MY DADDY. OKAY?
THAT WOULD BE THE PROPER THING
TO DO.
ALL RIGHT.
HI, THERE SIR. I JUST- -
WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
THAT'S NOT MY DADDY. THAT'S MY
MOMMY'S MEAT MAN.
MY DADDY'S UPSTAIRS.
DON'T BE TOO TOUGH ON HIM,
DADDY!
I'LL BE BACK RIGHT. I'M JUSGOING TO GO FRESHEN UP MY WHAT'S
GONE SOUR.
WHAT'S GOING ON, JERRI?
OHH, MOTHER, COME, I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC..
OH GOD! WHAT IS THE REFRIGERATOR
DOING UP HERE?
LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.
ALRIGHT?
I JUST NEED SOME MOTHER/DAUGHTER
ADVICE.
WHAT IS IT, JERRI?
WELL, I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS
TONIGHT ABOUT MY DATE WITH
BRASON.
IS THIS MY KABUKI MAGIC?
DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL GET IT BACK.
KEEP IT. IT'S ALL GUMMED UP.
LISTEN. WHAT IF HE TRIES
SOMETHING?
LIKE WHAT? KISS YOU?
WELL THAT...
AND LET'S SAY I'M GIVING HIM A
RUSTY TROMBONE
AND HE TURNS AROUND AND TRIES TO
SLAP A DIRTY SANCHEZ ON ME.
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT, JERRI?
WELL A RUSTY TROMBONE IS WHEN
YOU SPREAD THE CHEEKS...
I KNOW WHAT A RUSTY TROMBONE IS,
JERRI.
I USED TO BE A STEWARDESS.
JERRI!
BRASON!
THANKS.
HOW'D YOU GET THE REFRIGERATOR
UP THE STAIRS?
HELLO, MONICA!
HEY THANKS FOR INVITING BRALES
AND ME TO YOUR PARTY.
TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, MY MOM
IS A FREAK ABOUT THE FLOORS.
MONS.
HEY!
MAKE ROOM FOR JERRI, GUYS...
MEL, MELISS, MAKE ROOM
FOR JERRI..
HMMM. EXPLODE A POP.
THEY SAY IT'S CARBOLICIOUS.
COME ON...WOW, THIS IS A REALLY
GROOVY SCENE, MONICA.
NICE.
SO JERRI, WE'RE FRIENDS RIGHT?
WELL SURE, MONICA.
I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THASCIENCE PROJECT OF YOURS.
THERE'S NOT MUCH TO SAY REALLY.
IT'S ALL UP HERE IN THE OLD
ACORN.
I GOT BLUEPRINTS AND EVERYTHING.
THEY'RE BACK IN MY BEDROOM.
SAFE KEEPING.
THE FIG NEUTRONS ARE GONNA BUSTHIS NUT OUT.
THAT'S GREAT, JERRI,
BUT I'M MORE INTERESTED IN THE
SPECIFICS OF THE SCIENCE
PROJECT.
OH, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK
ABOUT THAT...
COME ON JERRI. YOU CAN TELL US.
IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.
REALLY? UH, NO...I CAN'T TALK
ABOUT THAT..
MAYBE YOU JUST NEED
TO LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT.
ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME HIGH?
NO, JERRI, WHY WOULD
I TRY TO GET YOU HIGH?
I SHOOK THAT MONKEY OFF
MY BACK A LONG TIME AGO
AND I WILL NOT GO DOWN
THAT ROAD AGAIN.
IT LED ME TO A DARK PLACE WHERE
I WAS SLEEPING IN THE GUTTER,
AND COOKING MY BREAKFASUP IN A TEASPOON.
BY THE END, I WAS BARELY HUMAN!
LET ME SEE THAT.
OH YEA, THAT'S PANAMA RED.
YOU'VE GOT A SEED IN THERE.
GOOD LUCK.
GO AHEAD JERRI, ONE HIT'S
NOT GOING TO HURT.
COME ON, JERRI.
DON'T YOU WANT TO BE COOL?
[CHAMBER BROTHERS
"TIME HAS COME TODAY"]
OH BATS! SHOO! SHOO! GO!
I'M HIGH..I'M HIGH..
JERRI! STOP! JERRI!
JERRI, STOP!
GOD, IT ALL CAME
RUSHING BACK TO ME.
THE YEARS OF ABUSE
AND DEBASEMENT.
HOW BOUT ANOTHER HIT?
GET OUT!
BUT MONS!
GET HER OUT OF HERE!
JERRI, I THINK WE BETTER GO.
WE JUST GOT HERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE
TO DO, SO DO IT!
LET'S GO.
COME ON.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
STILL DOING UP?
IT'S 8:30, TROLL.
LISTEN, MY OLD MAN AND I
ARE HEADING UP TO MY ROOM.
SO IF YOU HEAR ANY SCREAMS,
DON'T COME A KNOCKING.
THE STAIRS COULD BE A
LITTLE RICKETY.
SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO GRAB
ON TO SOMETHING MORE FIRM.
SO JERRI-
SHHH..FEEL IT.
JERRI. I REALLY JUST WANTED
TO LOOK AT THE PLANS.
TAKE A LOOK AT THESE.
DAMN IT, JERRI.
I THOUGHT WE COULD SHARE.
I GUESS I WAS WRONG.
OH BRASON, I CARE ABOUT YOU.
WELL, PROVE IT.
WHAT ABOUT THESE?
MEOW.
NOW WE'RE TALKING.
[MAKING CAT NOISES]
OH BRASON.
LET'S GET THIS OFF.
I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. I'M
A LITTLE NERVOUS. SO GO GENTLE.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, WHY DON'T YOU
SLAP ME AROUND A LITTLE.
I'M HAVING TROUBLE
GETTING IN THE MOOD.
IT'S MOIST AS A SNACK
CAKE DOWN THERE.
I'M GONNA GET GOING.
HAD A FEW THINGS COME UP.
THE PLANS.
JESUS, JERRI, YOU DON'T LET UP!
WHAT, DO YOU THINK I JUST CAME
UP HERE TO STEAL YOUR STUPID
PLANS?
THAT REALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS.
OH, I'M SORRY, BRASON.
YOU SHOULD BE. I DON'T EVEN
WANT THESE. SO I'M GONNA GO.
I'M GONNA TAKE THESE,
JUST TO PROVE A POINT.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE THAT OUT,
YOU SEEM TO HAVE ALL THE
ANSWERS.
BRASON!
[ MUSIC ]
HOW'S THE PROJECT GOING, NOBLET?
OH. I, UH, FEEL PRETTY
CONFIDENT.
MIND IF I TAKE A LITTLE
PEEKITY BOO?
OH. NOT AT ALL.
SHOO, SHOO, SHOO.
COME ON.
HMMM, THIS LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY
LIKE ROGER BEEKMAN'S PROJECT.
WHY? WHAT ARE THEY MAKING?
A SUPERCONDUCTOR OUOF SOUP CANS.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE MAKING!
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
WELL, OBVIOUSLY HE
STOLE OUR IDEA!
I DON'T SEE HOW HE COULD HAVE
STOLE IT IF I SAW HIS FIRST.
ANYWAY, ROGER'S GOT A REAL
WINNER ON HIS HANDS,
AND WE DON'T REALLY NEED TWO
WINNERS, DO WE NOBLET?
THAT WILL JUST GUM UP THE
VICTORY. GET MY DRIFT?
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN,
PLEASE WAIT...
HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?
THEY STOLE OUR IDEA!
PERHAPS IT WAS JUST A
COINKIDINK.
MEGAWATTI, DID YOU GUARD THOSE
PLANS WITH YOUR LIFE LIKE YOU
SAID YOU WERE GONNA?
WELL, SORT OF, AND THEN I GAVE
THEM TO JERRI FOR A WHILE.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR?
EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'VE BEEN
HANGING OUT WITH BRASON, JERRI.
THEY DO?
I MEAN I HOPE YOU CAN BACK UP
THAT ACCUSATION WITH SOMETHING
OTHER THAN FACT.
COME CLEAN, JERRI.
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING,
I SUNG LIKE A CANARY?
A SQUEALER, A STOOLIE?
PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE JUST SCUM
TO BE SCRAPED FROM THE BOTTOM OF
THEIR BOOT HEEL.
I DID IT.
I JUST LET HIM TAKE AN ITTY
BITTY PEAK AT THE PLANS...
WE WERE A TEAM! HOW
COULD YOU BETRAY US?
I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING
TO HURT YOU FIGS!
YOU'RE LIKE FAMILY TO ME,
WELL, THE WHITE ONE.
YOU DARKER ONES ARE MORE LIKE
VALUED FAMILY SERVANTS.
THE POINT IS, YOU'RE THE ONLY
FRIENDS I'VE GOT IN THE WHOLE
WORLD.
MY DADDY'S IN A COMA!
IT'S TOO LATE, JERRI.
MEGS. TAMELAS.
WHEN I WAS FIRST REJECTED BY THE
PEACE CORPS, I DECIDED THERE AND
THEN I WAS GOING TO TURN- -
GEOFFREY.
ROGER.
I THINK WE NEED TO CUT AWAY A
LITTLE BIT OF THE FAT BEFORE
TOMORROW.
I HEAR YOU.
THAT MELISSA'S A LITTLE
BUMBLE-FOOTED.
I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, GEOFFREY.
I'M SORRY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM.
COME ON, BOSWELL.
I HAVE MORE TALKING TO DO. AND
THEN YOU CAN WATCH ME EAT A
SANDWICH.
BYE GUYS.
SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU.
BRASON! THEY KICKED
ME OFF THE TEAM.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR, JERRI,
FAT HIPS SINK SHIPS.
MONICA, WHY CAN'WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
IN WHAT KIND OF MAD FANTASY
WORLD WOULD SOMEONE LIKE YOU
AND SOMEONE LIKE ME
EVER BE FRIENDS?
BRASON. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE
TO FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID
TO ME.
SO LET'S JUST PUT IT BEHIND US.
NEW BEGINNINGS.
I REALLY NEED YOU TO
HOLD ME RIGHT NOW.
BRASON.
SO YEAH, LIKE, MY MUSTANG,
WHAT'S SWEET ABOUT IT IS THAT- -
OH DADDY... I WANTED
YOU TO BE SO PROUD OF ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY
EXCEPT I WISH I COULD TALK TO
YOU.
GOODBYE FOREVER, PEAPOP.
[THUNDER]
DADDY? DADDY, IS
THAT REALLY YOU?
OR ARE YOU JUST THE PRODUCOF A DRUG ADDLED, ALCOHOL
TAINTED DISEASE RIDDEN MIND?
I BETTER NOT ANSWER THAT.
WELL, THEN JUST TELL
ME IF YOU'RE AS REAL
AS SOME OF THE OTHER
THINGS IN THE ROOM,
LIKE THE DEMON WITH 100 EYES.
THAT'S A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE.
I'M AS REAL AS THE
DEMON WITH 100 EYES.
YOU ARE REAL!
WHO'S THIS GUY?
I REALLY CAN'T VOUCH FOR HIM.
CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS? HUH?
WE'VE GOT A COMA TO BE IN.
I DON'T BELONG HERE, DADDY.
NOBODY WANTS ME.
NOBODY NEEDS ME.
YOUR FRIENDS NEED YOU.
YOU CAN'T LET THEM DOWN.
YOU CAN'T LET ME'S DOWN.
MAYBE I COULD COME UP WITH AN
IDEA FOR THE PROJECT TO SAVE THE
DAY!
THAT'S A VERY GOOD START, JERRI.
THANKS, DADDY.
YOU LOOK WELL RESTED.
[ MUSIC ]
MAYBE THERE'S STILL SOME HOPE.
HOPE?
YOU FOOL. DON'T YOU KNOW DEATH
WHEN YOU SEE IT?
I'M BEING PUNISHED.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE TERRIBLE
THINGS I'VE DONE.
CURSE GOD AND DIE!
HEY FIGUROS. WHAT ARE
YOU SITTING AROUND LIKE A
BUNCH OF LOSERS FOR?
GET OUT, JERRI!
I MEAN IT!
WE'VE GOT A SCIENCE FAIR TO WIN.
AND I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
NUMBER FIRST. DIG UP A CORPSE.
NOW I KNOW WHERE ONE IS...
KILL YOU! I KILL YOU!
IT'S GO TIME, FATTY!
JERRI! MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE.
I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP.
HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH ALREADY?
IT'S LATE, JERRI,
WE'RE GONNA GO HOME.
LATE? LATE? COME ON NOW.
IN THE SLAMMER, SOME OF THE BESSTUFF WE'D GET DONE WOULD BE ANIGHT.
WE'D BE MIXIN UP THE JUNGLE
JUICE
SLAP ON THE OLD TRANSISTOR
RADIOS.
OF COURSE WE'D HAVE TO MAKE ARE
OWN BATTERIES BECAUSE THE BULLS
KEPT TAKING THE REAL ONES.
YOU COULD TOSS A COUPLE OF D
CELL BATTERIES
INTO A PILLOW CASE AND USE IT TO
SHATTER A PUERTO RICAN'S SKULL.
BRITTLE SKULLS.
OH, THE BATTERIES.
OKAY RIGHT.
SO WHAT WE'D DO IS TAKE OUR OWN
POOPERS AND WORK IT INTO A
PASTE,
AND THAT WOULD MAKE THE
ALKALOID.
THEN WE'D FOLD IN SOME TIN FOIL
FOR THE CELLS
AND FOR THE ACID, WE'D USE OUR
OWN SPIT. BATTERY.
SOUNDS LIKE A BOMB.
IT'S FINE LINE.
THAT'S IT! WE'LL MAKE A BATTERY!
AN ENERGY SOURCE MADE FROM
NON-POLLUTING RENEWABLE
MATERIAL!
WELL IT POLLUTES A LITTLE- -
DOODIES!
WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GEA PRESENTATION IN TIME.
YOU WILL WITH MY HELP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
GEOFFREY?
AREN'T YOU ON
ROGER'S BEEKMAN'S TEAM?
THAT'S YESTERDAY'S NEWS, CHUCK.
NOT REALLY, I SAW YOU WORKING
WITH HIM LIKE AN HOUR AGO.
WHAT DID HE DO?
KICK YOU OFF HIS TEAM?
LET'S JUST SAY I'M KICKING
MYSELF ON TO YOURS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY KIDS?
DO WE NEED HIS HELP?
WELL, THAT'S ALL I NEED TO HEAR.
ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE A LITTLE TIME
AND A LOTTA WORK TO DO.
MR. JELLINECK!
OKAY.
I'M OUT OF IDEAS.
PERHAPS WE CAN PRESENT THE
BATTERY USING THE TRADITIONAL
MUSIC OF MY HOMELAND, INDONESIA.
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO
DO WITH A GOD DAMN BATTERY?
NOTHING.
WELL, NOTHING IS SOMETHING I'M
USED TO WORKING WITH.
I LOVE IT!
LET'S DO IT!
[ MUSIC ]
HIDEY HO.
SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE?
WE'RE STILL LOOKING.
OUCH.
THAT'S A LONG TITLE.
I WAS NAPPING BEFORE I MADE ITO THE END.
PLEASE!
ALL I'M SAYING IS, DON'T QUIYOUR DAY JOB.
THESE ARE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.
OH HOW LONG CAN THEY USE THAEXCUSE?
SHE'S WITH ME NOW, ONYX.
ON THE BOARD OF ED.
CAN WE PLEASE KEEP THIS
EDUCATIONAL?
HMM. THE MIRACLE OF
REPRODUCTION.
MY, THAT'S FULL ON BALLING.
WOW. I'M IMPRESSED.
MOUNT VALLEY MIGHT HAVE THIS ONE
NAILED.
WELL, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?
ANOTHER SHOW STOPPING SCIENCE
FAIR PROJECT BY ROGER BEEKMAN.
THIS IS EXHILARATING.
TITILLATING.
FIRE WAS INVENTED
BY BURNING SOME WOOD
THE WATER WHEEL
IS THE WHEEL THAT COULD
WHEN YOU BOIL A LIQUID
IT GETS YOU SOME STEAM
FOSSIL FUEL DOESN'T KEEP
THE ENVIRONMENT CLEAN
SUPER CONDUCTOR
SUPER CONDUCTOR
SUPER CONDUCTOR
ROGER, I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!
I LOVED IT!
YOU'VE REDEFINED THE SCIENCE
PROJECT AS WE KNOW IT.
I LOVED THOSE CATCHY SONGS
WITH THOSE RHYMES!
AND THOSE LADIES IN THEIR
CAT SUITS AND THAT MACHINE,
WHATEVER IT DID!
OH ONYX, THAT WAS WONDERFUL.
I'M JUST WARMING UP.
YOU WHORE!
WELL, I'M GONNA JUSGO TALLY UP THE POINTS.
WELL, TALLY HO, THEN.
WAIT! WAIT!
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, NOBLET?
MY PROJECT!
WHAT ABOUT IT?
ROGER'S ALREADY GOT THIS THING
WRAPPED UP TIGHTER THAN A
TEENAGE BURRITO.
LOOK, THESE STUDENTS STAYED UP
AND PUT THIS PROJECT TOGETHER
ALL BY MYSELF.
AND I THINK I DESERVE TO HAVE
THEM SHOW YOU WHAT I'M CAPABLE
OF LETTING THEM DO.
IF I MAY INTERJECT.
I'M SURE I DON'T NEED
TO REMIND THE JUDGE,
THERE CAN BE NO NEW ENTRIES
ONCE THE TALLYING HAS BEGUN.
HENRY LOVES ALICE?
WELL I GUESS THEY'RE
STILL ELIGIBLE.
ALRIGHT. LET'S MAKE IT QUICK.
I WANT TO GET MY AWARD
AND GO HOME.
[ MUSIC ]
OH MY GOD...
[ MUSIC ]
WELL, HENRY. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
CAPABLE OF TALLYING UP THE
SCORE?
I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.
WHY DON'T I JUST DECLARE
THE VICTOR.
THE WINNER OF THE STATE
SCIENCE FAIR IS...
CHUCK NOBLET!
YES!
GUESS THAT MAKES ME HYDROGEN.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
ELEMENT NUMBER ONE.
NO CHUCK, YOU'RE A BORON.
COME BOSWELL.
NOBLET, I KNEW YOU COULD
DO IT. CONGRATULATIONS.
SO MONICA. WHO'S
FAT AND UGLY NOW?
STILL YOU, JERRI.
LET ME REPHRASE THAT...
WHO'S THE WINNER NOW?! HUH?
DADDY'S AWAKE! DADDY!
DID YOU SEE,
DID YOU SEE I WON!
I'M SORRY, JERRI.
BUT I SAW HIM MOVE.
THAT WAS ME. I WAS JUSTRYING TO PRIME THE PUMP.
I WAS HOPING TO GEA KICK START.
BUT I THOUGHT IF I WON...
I KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT, JERRI,
I TOLD YOU TO THINK IT.
FIRE! FIRE!
[SCREAMING AND MAYHEM]
[ MUSIC ]
NOO! GEOFFREY?!
GEOFFREY.
CHUCK?
CLAIRE!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
YOU WERE KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS,
LUCKILY YOUR FATHER CARRIED YOU
TO SAFETY.
WHAT?
IT SEEMS THAT THE SHOCK FROM THE
EXPLOSION ROCKED HIM OUT OF HIS
ETERNAL SLUMBER.
DADDY?
CAREFUL. CAREFUL.
HE'S RESTING.
HE WAS IN A COMA FOR
THIRTY-TWO YEARS,
HE'S GOT A LOT OF
SLEEP TO CATCH UP ON.
SO, HOW SOON BEFORE SHE'S
HEALTHY ENOUGH TO MOVE?
OH I THINK YOU'LL PROBABLY GEHER UP AND WALKING IN A COUPLE
OF DAYS.
NO, I MEAN MOVE OUT.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT SHE
HAS A QUALIFIED PHYSICIAN AT HER
SIDE AT ALL TIMES.
WELL, I'LL SAY GOODNIGHT.
HUGS?
WE HAVE CABLE, RIGHT?
YEA. DOWNSTAIRS.
IF YOU'RE PAYING FOR CABLE AND
NOT WATCHING TV YOU'RE LOSING
MONEY.
IT'S JUST SIMPLE ECONOMICS.
TAMMILAS, MEGAWATTIS,
GET IN HERE.
SWITCH...SWITCH.
THERE YOU GO.
IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE
WON THAT SCIENCE FAIR.
ACTUALLY, WE GODISQUALIFIED, JERRI.
OH WELL. AT LEAST I
LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON.
TAMMILAS. MEGAWATTI.
I'M SO SORRY FOR BETRAYING YOU.
FOR BETRAYING MY DADDY.
I SOLD YOU OUT BECAUSE I WANTED
FRIENDS THAT WERE MORE
ATTRACTIVE AND POPULAR THAN YOU.
BUT I'VE CHANGED.
NOW I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T FEEL
THE WAY I SO STRONGLY STILL DO!
TEAM?
HI. I'M JERRI BLANK AND
THAT WAS MY STORY.
NOW BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME.
CONSIDER THIS.
YOU'RE NOT SO INNOCENYOURSELF.
I'M GUESSING YOU'VE DONE SOME
PRETTY HORRIBLE THINGS.
LIKE THE TIME YOU SET THABOAT ON FIRE AND WATCHED
THOSE HAITIANS PANIC.
OH WAIT, THAT WAS ME.
THE POINT IS, YOU'RE A RACIST.
THINK ABOUT IT. I HAVEN'T.
GOOD NIGHT.
[ MUSIC ]
[ MUSIC ]
CAN WE CHANGE?
[ MUSIC ]
I'VE BEEN RUNNING FOR
THIRTY TWO YEARS,
IN AND OUT OF PRISON LIKE A
JUNKIE JACK- IN- THE-BOX.
CHANGE.
STRENGTH OF AN APE.
[ MUSIC ]
WHERE WAS I?
OH. UH...UH RIGHT.
CHANGE. CHANGE RISING...
FROM, OH... THIS DOESN'TURN OUT GOOD.
[ MUSIC ]
CAN WE CHANGE?
I'M JERRI BLANK,
AND THIS IS MY STORY.
STRANGLERS WITH-
CAN, UH-
GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
OH THAT'S ME!
MOMMY, I'M HOME.
NO, NO, WRONG HOUSE.
CAN I HELP YOU?
UH, WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?
UH, I THINK YOU HAVE
THE WRONG HOUSE, DEAR.
I THINK I WOULD KNOW
MY OWN HOUSE.
YEAH, THIS IS IT.
WELL, NICE TO HAVE MET YOU.
I THINK WE'VE GOT OURSELVES
A LITTLE SITUATION.
AHH!
SONS OF BITCHES!
GOD. I'M JERRI BLANK!
WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU ARE?
JERRI BLANK.
OH, MY MUGALUCKS.
WOULD YOU STAY ON THE
RUNNER PLEASE?
SO, UH MAYBE YOU WANNA
TELL ME WHO YOU ARE?
I'M SARA BLANK.
I'M MARRIED TO YOUR FATHER.
WELL, DOESN'T THAUPSET MY MOTHER?
HOW DO I PUT THIS DELICATELY?
YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD, YOUR
FATHER'S UPSTAIRS IN A COMA
AND WE HAVE A SON, DERRICK.
SO, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR COMING BY.
I WANT MY DADDY!
DADDY!
MISS. I'M SORRY, MISS.
DADDY!?
MISS, WOULD YOU PLEASE
STAY ON THE RUNNER?
DADDY!
DR. PUTNEY?
YES.
I'M JERRI BLANK.
JERRI BLANK!
I DELIVERED YOU!
I STILL HAVE THE SCARS.
BORN WITH A COMPLETE SET OF
TEETH. MEDICAL MARVEL.
DR. PUTNEY, WHAT'S
WRONG WITH MY DADDY?
YOUR FATHER HAS WHAT WE
CALL A STRESS INDUCED COMA.
YOU SEE, AFTER YOU LEFT HOME,
YOUR MOTHER DIED OF GRIEF.
MOTHER.
MAY I KEEP THESE?
OF COURSE, JERRI,
BUT I'LL KEEP THE URN,
IT'S STAINLESS STEEL.
AS I WAS SAYING,
THE STRESS OF HER DEMISE
COMBINED WITH ANQUISH
OVER YOUR DISAPPEARANCE
LED TO THIS DEATH-LIKE RIGOR
WHICH YOU SEE BEFORE YOU.
PAPPI! I'M SO SORRY
THAT I DIDN'T CALL.
AH!
WHAT WAS THAT?
MAYBE IT WAS JUST A
NERVOUS REACTION.
NO, I POKE NEEDLES IN HIM
ALL THE TIME AND I NEVER
GET A RESPONSE.
SOMEHOW YOUR MERE PRESENCE IS
BRINGING HIM BACK TO LIFE.
QUICK, EVERYONE,
OUT INTO THE HALL!
HIS SLIGHT MOVEMENDEFIES ALL MEDICAL LOGIC.
IS MY DADDY'S GONNA
BE FIXED NOW?
HARD TO SAY, JERRI.
HARD TO SAY.
THIS WOULD BE MY ADVICE.
STIMULATE HIM.
TAKE HIM BACK TO THAT MAGICAL
TIME WHEN LIFE WAS GOOD
AND PRECIOUS AND WORTH
BEING CONSCIOUS FOR,
WHEN YOU WERE STILL
HIS LITTLE GIRL.
THATS IT!
I'M HESITANT TO ASK.
I'M PICKING UP MY LIFE EXACTLY
WHERE I LEFT OFF!
I'M GONNA GO BACK TO HIGH
SCHOOL, AND BE THE GOOD GIRL
I NEVER WAS
OR HAD ANY DESIRE TO BE!
MAYBE THAT WILL HELP
SAVE MY DADDY.
WELL, THAT'S A START,
JERRI,
BUT YOU HAVE TO BE
BETTER THAN GOOD.
YOU CAN'T REVERSE 32 YEARS OF
DEPRAVITY IN A SINGLE DAY.
YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME
EFFORT INTO IT.
WE CALL IT BALANCING
THE PSYCHIC EQUATION.
WHO'S WE?
YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE
IN MY CAR POOL.
BUT THE POINT IS, YOU
HAVE BE SPECIAL, JERRI.
SPECIAL.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE HONOR ROLL,
WIN THE SPELLING BEE.
BE PROM QUEEN?
MAKE THE HONOR ROLL.
WELL, I'VE SAID ENOUGH.
THANK YOU FOR COMING,
DOCTOR.
OH. HI.
MOM, I'M HOME.
OKAY, WHO IS THAT, AND
WHY DOES HE BOTHER ME?
JERRI, THIS IS OUR SON,
DERRICK.
LET ME GIVE YOU A
LITTLE ADVICE, DERELICT.
I THINK IT WOULD BE BEHOUVY OF
YOU NOT TO CUT INTO MY MOMMY
TIME, ALRIGHT?
WE'RE- - UH- - BONDING.
MOM, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
IT'S ALL RIGHT, DARLING. GO TO
YOUR ROOM, AND LOCK THE DOOR.
SO, UH WHERE DO I
STOWS ME STUFF?
ALL RIGHT, JERRI, YOU CAN
HAVE YOUR OLD ROOM BACK,
BUT ONLY UNTIL YOUR
FATHER GETS BETTER.
OH, HERE'S YOUR MOTHER.
YOU WON'T EVEN
KNOW I'M HERE.
HEY, WHEN'S EATS?
WHAT?
I TAKE CHORIZO AND
EGGS ON A FLOUR TORTILLA.
BUT GO EASY ON THE JALAPENOS,
THOUGH, I'VE GOT A BIT OF THE
SQUIRTIES.
GOD, I'M GOING TO BED.
BED?
GOOD NIGHT, MOMMY.
[CAR HONKING]
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
WELL, HOW DO I LOOK?
WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SHIRT?
I KNEW YOU WOULD WANT TO TAKE ME
TO SCHOOL ON MY FIRST DAY,
MOMMY.
ARE YOU INSANE?
DADDY, COMA.
OK.
I'M AFRAID. WHAT IF THE KIDS
DON'T LIKE ME?
WHAT IF I DON'T FIT IN?
WHAT IF?
THE FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL IS
ALWAYS SCARY, JERRI.
ESPECIALLY THE SECOND TIME
AROUND.
JUST BE YOURSELF, AND IF THINGS
DON'T WORK OUT,
WE'LL KNOW WHERE THE PROBLEM
LIES.
MAYBE I SHOULD GO HOME AND
CHANGE.
GET OUT OF MY CAR! GET OUT.
CHECK OUT THE WIDE LOAD WHO
GOT A RIDE FROM MOMMIE.
THAT'S THE LAST TIME,
OLD LADY!
GOD, YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME!
I HATE YOU!
PICK ME UP AT 3:15. DON'BE LATE. THANKS, MUMSY.
YOU KIDDING?
GOD. MOTHERS, THEY CAN
BE SO CLINGY, RIGHT?
JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE
YOU GROW UP.
HEY, CHECK OUT THE THUMBSUCKER
GETTING A RIDE FROM HIS MOMMIE.
WHAT A CHUMP.
HEY DON'T WORRY, I'LL CHANGE
HIS DIAPERS FOR YOU.
HI, I'M JERRI. WOULD YOU
LIKE TO CARRY MY BOOKS?
ALICE, HENRY.
SO NICE TO HAVE MEMBERS OF THE
SCHOOLBOARD IN MY CHAMBERS.
CAN I FIX YOU TWO A DRINK?
THIS IS A HIGH SCHOOL, ONYX.
MY MISTAKE. WOULD YOU CARE
TO HANDLE MY PISTOL?
NO THANKS.
ALICE?
I THINK I'VE HANDLED YOUR PISTOL
ENOUGH.
SORRY, THAT WAS INSENSITIVE.
SO, AS TO WHAT DO I OWE THE
PLEASURE OF THIS SURPRISE ATTACK
VISIT?
MAY I BLITHELY ASSUME YOU'RE
HERE TO DELIVER THE REST OF OUR
DISCRETIONARY FUNDING?
LOOK, ONYX, YOU WERE REQUIRED TO
SEND US DOCUMENTATION
PROVING THAT YOUR STUDENTS HAVE
ACTUALLY ACHIEVED THE HIGH TESSCORES THAT YOU CLAIM.
WHAT, YOU DIDN'T RECEIVE MY
PACKAGE?
IRIS!
YES, PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN?
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOCUMENTS
THE SCHOOL BOARD REQUESTED?
I DON'T KNOW.
I KNOW WHAT MUST'VE HAPPENED.
I DIDN'T SEND IT.
I'M GLAD THAT'S CLEARED UP.
I'LL TAKE THAT DRINK NOW.
IF WE DON'T RECEIVE CONCRETE
PROOF BY NEXT WEEK,
YOU WILL NOT BE RECEIVING ANY
FUTURE FUNDING,
AND AS REQUIRED BY LAW WILL
RETURN ANY AND ALL MONIES THE
BOARD HAS ALREADY PROVIDED.
UNDERSTAND?
BUT ALICE, I NATURALLY ASSUMED,
THAT GIVEN OUR PAST LONG
STANDING MUTUALITY
THAT YOU WOULD PERHAPS BE MORE
GENEROUS WITH YOUR LETTING ISLIDE.
OUR DAYS OF SLIDING ARE OVER.
AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?
NO, HENRY, YOU ARE
NOT MISSING ANYTHING,
AND NEITHER AM I.
I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT,
ALICE.
ARE YOU?
LET ME ASK A QUESTION HERE.
DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH ALICE?
YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO PROVE YOUR
STUDENTS ARE ABOVE AVERAGE IN
ANY WAY.
I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW.
I'M ON THE SCHOOL BOARD.
I HAVE 3000 STUDENTS, AND
NEARLY A DOZEN TEACHERS,
SURELY ONE OF THEM MUSHAVE A DECENT BRAIN.
HEY! HEY THATS
MY CAR! HEY!
OH, I'M GOING TO JAIL.
GOD DAMMIT!
YOU LOOK LOST.
WELL...
IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN TALK TO ME,
I'M THE ART TEACHER.
I MAY BE AN AUTHORITY FIGURE,
BUT I HAVE THE MIND A CHILD.
WELL, TODAY'S MY FIRST DAY BACK
AT SCHOOL AND I'M A LITTLE
NERVOUS.
THERE'S NO REASON TO BE NERVOUS.
JUST REMEMBER THE FIRST DAY OF
SCHOOL IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY
OF YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
IF IT DOESN'T GO RIGHT,
THERE'S NO WAY TO GET IT BACK.
NO WAY...
I'M HERE TO SEE THE PRINCIPAL.
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN IS BUSY.
HAVE A SEAT.
WHAT'S SHAKIN', RED?
CARPET MATCH THE DRAPES?
I'M JERRI.
JERRI BLANK.
WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?
BOOST SOME GOODIES?
YOU CAN TELL MAMA.
I DIDN'T MAKE MY SCHOOL
FUNDRAISING QUOTA.
THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA CALL MY
PARENTS.
AHH, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
TELL YOU WHAT, USUALLY I ONLY
LOOK OUT FOR NUMERO ME,
BUT I LIKE YOU, YOU'RE SWEET,
SO I JUST MIGHT BE WILLING TO
TAKE YOU UNDER MY SPICY BUFFALO
WING, HMM BUTTER CHOP?
I'LL NEVER SLAP YOU AROUND,
UNLESS OF COURSE YOU GET OUT OF
LINE.
LISTEN, NICO, YOU'LL GET YOUR
MONEY.
ALL I NEED IS ONE MORE WEEK.
LOP MY HEAD OFF!?
GO AHEAD, WHAT DOESN'T KILL ME
MAKES ME STRONGER...OH RIGHT..
HOW ABOUT IN THE MEANTIME, COULD
I INTEREST YOU IN A BRIGHT SHINY
SCHOOL BUS?
I COULD STOCK IT FULL OF FRESH
YOUNG CHEERLEADERS.
HELLO?
HELLO.
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN?
WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
I'M JERRI BLANK, AND... WELL, I
USED TO GO TO SCHOOL HERE AND
I'D LIKE TO COME BACK.
I'M SORRY BUT ALL OF OUR
CUSTODIAL POSITIONS ARE FILLED.
WELL, I WANT TO BE A STUDENT.
WHAT?
I'M STARTING MY LIFE ALL OVER
AGAIN AND I'M PICKING UP EXACTLY
WHERE I LEFT OFF.
I DON'T THINK- WAIT, WHAT'S YOUR
IQ?
PISCES.
LISTEN, BLANK, I'VE ALREADY GOENOUGH HUNGRY RATS ON MY SINKING
SHIP.
I'VE GOT THE SCHOOL BOARD
BREATHING DOWN MY NECK
LIKE A DRUNKEN JOCK AT A RUFIE
PARTY.
SCHOOL BOARD!
WHY WOULD I DOCTOR THE BOOKS IN
ORDER TO IMPROVE THE OVERALL
TEST SCORES OF THE STUDENT BODY
JUST SO I COULD COLLECT BONUS
FUNDS FROM THE STATE,
WHICH I WILL FULLY
MISAPPROPRIATED
IN ORDER PAY OFF LARGE GAMBLING
DEBTS?
IT JUST DOESN'T ADD UP, BLANK.
INVESTIGATE ME ALL YOU WANT.
HOW DEEP YOU IN?
THEY TOOK TWO OF MY TOES!
OOH. I KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE?
YOU'VE LOST SOME TOES?
NO, I'VE TAKEN A FEW.
LISTEN, BLANK, AS FAR AS I KNOW,
OR AM WILLING TO FIND OUT,
I CAN NOT LEGALLY KEEP YOU OUOF SCHOOL.
BUT I'LL BE WATCHING YOU, BLANK.
AND IF YOU AS SO MUCH SLIP UP
ONCE AS YOU STEP OUT OF LINE,
YOU ARE ES' SCRAM E' VOUS! NOW
GET OUT!
THANKS, PRINCIPLE BLACKMAN.
I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.
OTHER THAN THAT, THERE'S
NO REASON FOR WOMEN TO
HAVE BREASTS.
THAT CONCLUDES OUR UNION REPRODUCTION.
THE IMPORTANT THING FOR
YOU KIDS TO REMEMBER- -
GODDAMNIT!
WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT.
JERRI BLANK.
OK MR. BLANK, WHY DON'T YOU TELL
US SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF.
OH...ALRIGHT. WELL,
HELLO, I'M JERRI BLANK
AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
I'M ALSO ADDICTED TO
AMPHETAMINES AS WELL
AS MAINLINE NARCOTICS.
SOME PEOPLE SAY
I HAVE A SEX ADDICTION,
BUT I THINK ALL THOSE YEARS OF
PROSTITUTION WAS JUST A MEANS
TO FEED MY RAVENOUS
HUNGER FOR HEROIN.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE
CHICKEN OR THE NUGGET.
THE POINT IS I'M ADDICTED
TO GAMBLING. THANK YOU.
OH, AND MY DADDY'S IN A COMA.
OKAY, JERRI, YOU CAN
HAVE A SEAT.
LADIES...
ALRIGHT, LET'S
GET BACK TO CLASS.
NOW, AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, THIS
IS A VERY SPECIAL TIME OF YEAR
FOR ME.
FIRST OF ALL, IT WAS ONE YEAR
AGO SINCE I HIT ROCK BOTTOM,
DISCOVERED GOD, AND REALIZED
THAT EVOLUTION IS A FARCE.
SECOND OF ALL, IT'S SCIENCE
FAIR TIME AGAIN,
WHERE YOU STUDENTS GET TO
MAKE UP SCIENCE PROJECTS,
WHICH THEN GO TO THE STATE
SCIENCE FAIR TO COMPETE AGAINSALL THE OTHER SCHOOLS IN
THE STATE- - ON SATURDAY.
WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK?
LOOK!
I GUESS I WAS SUPPOSED
TO TELL YOU A MONTH AGO
BUT MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE MORE
CONCERNED ABOUT IMMORTAL SOULS
AND KEEPING THEM FROM
THE LAKE OF FIRE!
SORRY!
NOW UNLESS BEELZEBUB HERE WANTS
TO POKE ME WITH HIS PITCHFORK
SOME MORE,
I'D LIKE TO TEACH MY CLASS. I'M
GOING TO PUT THIS SIGN UP SHEEOUT INTO THE HALL,
AND YOU CAN ALL SIGN UP FOR THIS
VERY SPECIAL EVENT OR NOT.
IT DON'T MAKE NO
NEVERMIND TO ME.
ALRIGHT, OPEN YOUR
SCIENCE BOOKS TO PAGE 15.
GALILEO'S LETTERS
TO THE CORINTHIANS.
CHAPTER 3 VERSE 16.
AND WHEN THE DEMON DID GIVE ME
THE TELESCOPE I WAS SO AFRAID,
FOR THE LIGHTS OF HEAVEN WERE
BEYOND MY KNOWING...
BUSTED!
SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE
WITH THE ENTIRE CLASS, JERRI?
DID YOU DRAW THIS?
HE GAVE IT TO ME.
MINIOKO DID YOU DRAW THIS?
OK JERRI. I GUESS YOU'RE
BOTH A LIAR AND A SNITCH.
SEE ME AFTER CLASS.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
YES, JERRI. I'VE GOMY EYE ON YOU.
AND IF YOU GIVE ME ANY EXCUSE,
I WILL BRING THE HAMMER DOWN.
DO WE GET EACH OTHER?
YOU BET.
OK, YOU CAN GO.
FAGGOT.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
WHAT DID YOU HEAR?
I'D RATHER NOT REPEAT IT.
WELL THEN, I GUESS
WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
OH DOMINIS...
HEY CHUCK.
GEOFFREY.
TRY AND GUESS WHAT I DID
WITH MY ART CLASS TODAY?
I DON'T THINK SO.
WE BROKE IN THAT NEW KILN BY
PLACING ITEMS IN IT THAT THE
MANUAL SPECIFICALLY PROHIBITS.
I CAN SEE WHY CAR BATTERY IS
NEAR THE TOP OF THE LIST.
I GET IT NOW.
GEOFFREY, I'M BUSY.
DID YOU GET MY NOTE?
YEAH, ONE OF MY
STUDENTS FOUND IT.
IT DOESN'T EVEN
LOOK LIKE ME.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I WAS DRAWING IFROM MEMORY.
LOOK, GEOFFREY I'M GLAD
YOU STOPPED BY,
I'D LIKE YOU TO LEAVE.
SORRY. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
IT'S OVER.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, CHUCK?
I NEED MORE OUT OF THIS
RELATIONSHIP THAN I'M WILLING
TO PUT IN.
AND I THINK I DESERVE BETTER.
DON'T YOU?
HEY. HEY, I KNOW THIS
IS HARD ON YOU.
IT WOULD BE HARD FOR ME
TOO IF I BROKE UP WITH ME.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOSING.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS...
I'M TAKING THIS BACK!
GEOFFREY!
WOULD YOU HANG THIS UP
IN THE HALLWAY?
I HATE YOU.
PLEASE GEOFFREY. I GEENOUGH OF THAT FROM MY WIFE.
HEY GUYS, WHAT'S UP?
SORRY WE'VE BEEN PICKIN' ON YOU.
TO MAKE IT UP, WE GOYOU A LITTLE SOMETHIN'.
YOU GUYS PUT DOG SHIIN MY LOCKER?
WHO YOU CALLIN' A DOG?
THAT'S OURS.
LET ME HELP YOU WITH YOUR BOOKS.
WHAT'S HAPPENIN DERRICK?
GET OUT OF HERE STUMP!
WHO'S THE NEW KID?
I THINK SHE'S MY SISTER
OR SOMETHING.
WELL, WE HAVE A SURPRISE
FOR YOU TOO, NEW KID.
A SURPRISE?
A SURPRISE FOR ME?
HEY. HEY, WAIT UP.
THAT WAS AMAZING.
AHH, IT WAS NOTHING.
FLIPIPINO?
INDONESIAN.
JAVA OR SUMATRA...
SUMATRA.
I SMUGGLED A LOT OF PEPPERCORNS
ACROSS THE STRAIGHTS OF SUNDA.
ROUGH SEAS.
MY NAME IS MEGAWATTI
SACARNAPUTRI.
NOT THAT MEGAWATTI SACARNAPUTRI,
IT'S A COMMON NAME.
JERRI. JERRI BLANK.
HEY, THE SCIENCE FAIR.
ARE YOU THINKING ABOUSIGNING UP?
NO, I'M THINKING ABOUT PUSSY.
SCIENCE FAIR'S FOR QUEERS.
IT'S NOT, JERRI.
IT'S REALLY SPECIAL.
SPECIAL. WHY IS THAWORD IMPORTANT TO ME?
(DR. PUTNEY) YOU HAVE TO BE
SPECIAL, JERRI.
SHHHH...
(DR. PUTNEY) DO SOMETHING
SPECIAL.
NOT NOW, BRAIN, I'M
TRYING TO THINK.
(DR. PUTNEY) ALL I'M SAYING IS
THAT WINNING THE SCIENCE FAIR
MIGHT JUST BE THAT SPECIAL
THING THAT WAKES YOUR FATHER
UP!
THAT'S IT! GIVE ME THAT PENCIL,
WE'VE GOT A SCIENCE FAIR TO WIN.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING LOOMING
AROUND MY OFFICE?
WE JUST SIGNED UP FOR
THE SCIENCE FAIR.
GET TO CLASS!
WIN THE SCIENCE FAIR... THAT'S
NOT GOING TO DO ANYBODY ANY
GOOD.
(ALICE) YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO
PROVE YOUR STUDENTS ARE ABOVE
AVERAGE IN ANY WAY.
NOT NOW BRAIN, I'M TRYING
TO THI..WAIT A SECOND.
IRIS! GET ME ROGER BEEKMAN!
I'VE GOT A SCIENCE FAIR TO WIN.
DADDY, I'M HOME!
OOOH...YUM YUM YUM.
YOU WANT MY SAUSAGE, RIGHT?
DADDY?
OOOH..NICE SHANK!
SUCCULENT.
WHO'S THIS?
OH. UH JERRI, THIS IS STEW,
OUR MEAT MAN.
MOTHER.
STEP-MOTHER, JERRI.
I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK
THAT SLITHERED OUT OF MY WOMB.
SCIENCE FAIR. IDEAS BY
JERRI BLANK.
NUMBER ONE.
EASY.
SCIENCE FAIR IDEAS...
SCIENCE FAIR IDEAS...
THE MONKEY'S HITTING THE
OTHER MONKEY WITH A VIOLIN.
THIS IS NICE. FAMILY.
YOU GOT THE MOMMY AND THE DADDY
AND THE BROTHER AND SISTER
AND...THE THIS GUY.
[GROWLING]
JUST GETTIN' A ROLL.
YOU CROSS MY CHOW ZONE AGAIN
YOUR GONNA PULL BACK A BLOODY
STUMP.
SARA?
JERRI!
MOMMY. HEY DADDY, I SIGNED UP
FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR TODAY- -
HEY. WE DON'T SPEAK WITH FOOD IN
OUR MOUTHS AT THIS TABLE.
I DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD IN MY
MOUTH.
WELL, PUT SOME IN.
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY, DERRICK?
THE COACH MADE ME THE CO-
CAPTAIN OF THE JR. VARSITY SQUATHRUST TEAM!
THAT'S FABULOUS!
WAY TO GO, FAG LICK.
JERRI, LANGUAGE.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW STUMP, THE
VARSITY SQUAT THRUST TEAM TOOK
THIRD IN ALL CONFERENCE.
AND HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU NOGAY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT,
TROLL?
WE SQUAT TOGETHER, WE SPOT EACH
OTHER ON THE WORK OUT MAT,
AND WE PLAY GRAB-ASS IN THE
SHOWERS!
HOW IS THAT GAY?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE
BRISKET?
WHO IS THIS GUY AGAIN?
JERRI! STEW IS OUR MEAT MAN AND
HE IS DESERVING OF OUR RESPECT!
I JUST WANTED TO TELL DADDY THAI SIGNED UP FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR
TODAY.
HEY JERRI.
YOUR PROJECT COULD BE ABOUFINDING THE LINK BETWEEN A LOSER
AND A FATTY.
NEXT TIME I'LL TAKE A THUMB!
THAT'S IT! GET OUT!
HE STARTED IT.
OH, MY DARLING!
RIGHT NOW!
YOUR NOT MY REAL DADDY!
YOUR NOT MY REAL DAUGHTER!
STOP IT!
GO TO YOUR ROOM!
JERRI!
JERRI!
LEAVE THE PLATE!
NOW STOP IT!
YOU LITTLE BITCH!
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, IT NEVER
MEANT MUCH TO ME TO HAVE A BABY.
BUT THEN I FOUND OUT NOBODY
WANTED TO GIVE ME ONE.
AND NOBODY DENIES ME SOMETHING I
THINK I MIGHT WANT.
CHUCK.
GEOFFREY.
EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP.
I WANT TO WIN THAT STATE SCIENCE
FAIR THIS YEAR.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
I WANT TO SHOW THAT SCHOOL BOARD
JUST WHAT FLATPOINT STUDENTS ARE
CAPABLE OF,
EVEN IF THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF
IT.
NOBLET, YOU'RE THE SCIENCE
TEACHER. WHAT'S THE PROGRESS?
PROGRESS?
GOOD.
I DON'T WANT A REPEAT OF LASYEAR'S FIASCO. WHICH REMINDS ME.
NO WOLVES.
HERE'S THE PLAN.
ROGER!
YOU GOT MY TELEGRAM!
EVERYBODY, THIS IS ROGER
BEEKMAN!
FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT IN THE
KNOW,
ROGER BEEKMAN HERE IS THE 9 TIME
STATE SCIENCE FAIR CHAMPION,
AND CURRENT COVER BOY FOR
"REGIONAL HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE
TEACHER WEEKLY,"
THE NUMBER ONE HIGH SCHOOL
SCIENCE TEACHER WEEKLY
PUBLICATION IN THIS REGION.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
DON'T MIND BOSWELL HERE. HE'S
WRITING MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
JUST TREAT HIM LIKE A PIECE OF
FURNITURE.
I DO.
DON'T WRITE THAT DOWN.
HELLO, ROGER.
WAIT, WAIT DON'T TELL ME.
TELL ME.
NO, DON'T TELL ME,
I HAVE A MNEMONIC DEVICE.
CROTCH NIBBLET.
CHUCK NOBLET.
RIGHT.
AND WE MET AT THE-
BUNSEN BURNER SEMINAR.
YES.
YES, YOU HAD THE CHEMISTRY
MISHAP. I SEE YOUR HAIR GREW
BACK.
THAT IS REAL HAIR, ISN'T IT?
IT IS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ROGER?
I CAN ANSWER THAT ONE.
ROGER HAS AGREED TO SHEPHERD A
FLATPOINT TEAM FOR THE STATE
SCIENCE FAIR!
WHAT?
BUT I'M THE SCIENCE TEACHER.
WE DON'T NEED AN OUTSIDER.
THIS IS MADNESS!
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, NOBLET?
ROGER WILL DO HIS PROJECAND YOU'LL DO YOURS AND MAY THE
BEST MAN HUMILIATE THE OTHER!
OH, NOW THAT ROGER'S IN THE MIX,
I'VE DECIDED TO DO A MINOR
RESHUFFLING OF THE STUDENTS.
YOU KNOW, SPLIT THE STUDENTS
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
THOSE ARE MY STUDENTS!
ROGER BEEKMAN'S TEAM WILL
CONSIST OF CHANG KAI CHO,
KIM LUCK, AKITO GAI PAN, HYMAN
LOENSTIEN, MOISHE EIENSTEIN,
TESLA, AND ALEXANDER GRAHAM
WANG.
OKAY, UNDER CHUCK NOBLET WE HAVE
GLEN SINKER, TERRY PITTS, DWAYNE
LOUSE, DALE DIM, JERRI BLANK
AND BILLY DOLT, PROVIDED WE HAVE
WHEELCHAIR ACCESS.
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY ADVANCED
STUDENTS.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ONYX.
LET HIM KEEP HIS HAND PICKED
TEAM. I'LL CREATE MY OWN.
CONFIDENCE! I LOVE IT!
AND BY THE WAY, ANYBODY WHO
WOULD LIKE TO VOLUNTEER AS MY
ASSISTANT,
I COULD CERTAINLY USE ONE.
AS LONG AS YOU'RE WILLING TO PUME AHEAD OF YOUR STUDENTS.
I CAN DO THAT.
THIS IS BULLSHIT.
THIS IS BULLSHIT!
OKAY, NEW DEAL.
IN ORDER TO GET MORE STUDENTS
INVOLVED IN THE SCIENCE FAIR,
I AM GOING TO TAKE THIS LIST AND
BOIL IT DOWN TO THE BEST AND THE
BRIGHTEST.
THAT SELECT GROUP WILL THEN
PRESENT ONE PROJECWHICH WILL MAKE ROGER BEEKMAN
LOOK LIKE A FOOL.
THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE MORE
STUDENTS, IT INVOLVES LESS.
HEY, LOOK AT YOU OVER THERE
ADDING AND SUBTRACTING.
WELL THIS ISN'T MATH, MISTER,
THIS IS SCIENCE! UNDERSTAND!
OKAY, YOU KOREANS AND YOU JEWS
WILL MAKE UP THE CORE OF THE
THINK TANK.
MEGAWATTI, YOU'RE THE WILD CARD.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM.
BUT I ALREADY SIGNED UP!
AND NOW YOU DIDN'T.
BUT MY DADDY'S IN A COMA!
GOOD POINT, JERRI.
GO SEE THE SCHOOL GRIEF
COUNSELOR. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO
CARE.
GO ON.
COME ON.
LET'S GO... ON YOUR FEET... COME
ON, LET'S GO.
COME ON.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
LET THE HEALING BEGIN.
OH, GEOFFREY.
I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW,
CHUCK.
LOOK, THERE'S A REALLY UGLY
RUMOR THAT I'M ABOUT TO START,
AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'VE GOIT RIGHT.
ARE YOU WORKING WITH ROGER
BEEKMAN?
PERHAPS HE VALUES THE
CONTRIBUTION AN ART TEACHER CAN
MAKE TO SCIENCE.
GEOFFREY, WHERE'S MY COCOA?
COMING ROGER!
THAT'S MY MUG.
GOTTA GO, CHUCK.
SCIENCE.
EYES TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM.
THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO
SEE BACK THERE.
EYES TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM.
[CRYING]
GEOFFREY!
NO!
ARE YOU THE GRIEF COUNSELOR?
GOD, IT NEVER ENDS.
HAVE A SEAT.
UH, I SHOULD TELL YOU UP FRONT,
EACH STUDENT GETS TEN MINUTES.
THAT LAST STUDENT TOOK FIFTEEN,
SO YOU GET... FIVE.
WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
TAKE IT UP WITH LES, HE'S THE
ONE THAT'S FRIGID. SO?
I'M JERRI BLANK, AND MY DADDY'S
IN A COMA.
YOU KNOW WHAT, JERRI? I WISH MY
DADDY WAS IN A COMA.
HE'S DEAD, JERRI, HE WAS
EXECUTED FOR WAR CRIMES.
BUT FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES WE
SAY HE WAS EATEN BY WOLVES.
ANYWAY, MY POINT IS, JERRI,
SOMEBODY HAS ALWAYS GOT IWORSE.
UM, WELL THE REASON I'M HERE IS
BECAUSE I WANT TO GET ON THE
SCIENCE FAIR TEAM,
SO I CAN FIX MY DADDY.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, JERRI, IN
ORDER TO SHORTEN OUR LITTLE
MEETING,
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE
NOTE, OKAY?
DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY?
THERE. NOW YOU'RE ON THE SCIENCE
TEAM.
UH, JERRI...
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING, RIGHT?
THAT'S MY LUNCH MONEY...
MY THEORY IS NOAH HAD THREE OF
EVERYTHING, JUST IN CASE ONE
DIED.
SEE, SCIENCE- -
GODDAMNIT!
LADIES.
OKAY, EYES TO THE BACK OF THE
ROOM.
[CRYING]
I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE TEAM!
WE'RE GONNA MAKE THE BESSCIENCE PROJECT EVER!
WHOOPEE - ON ME!
WHO'S THAT?!
OH, THAT'S JUST BRASON.
GOD, CHECK OUT THE TITTIES ON
THAT ARM.
[ MUSIC ]
SO JERRI, WHAT LOOKS GOOD?
TO YOU, A BANANA.
LET'S GO SIT OVER HERE.
WE CAN START MAPPING OUT PLANS
FOR OUR PROJECT.
GOOD IDEA, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
HEY, HOMIES, HOW ABOUT MAKING
SOME ROOM?
BEAT IT, CHUBS.
YEA, I'LL CATCH YOU IN GYM.
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE WITH A STEEL
PLATE IN THEIR HEAD GETTING
WORKED OVER WITH A PIPE.
SKETCHY.
IT'S TRADITIONAL INDONESIAN
MUSIC, JERRI.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WELL, LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU
AND ME, MEGATWATTI.
IT'S MEGAWATTY, JERRI.
GEEZ I KNOW, I'M JUST HAVING
SOME CRUEL FUN AT YOUR EXPENSE.
GEEZ, I THOUGHT YOU PEOPLES HAD
THICKER SKINS THAN THAT,
YOU KNOW, FIGHTING THEM TIGERS
IN THE JUNGLE AND ALL.
WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LIKE ME?
I GUESS THEY JUST DON'KNOW YOU YET.
HEY TAMMI!
RUSTY.
OH, HEY JERRI.
MR. NOBLET ADDED TAMMI TO THE
SCIENCE PROJECT TEAM!
OH YEAH? YOU THINK YOU GOT THE
SKILLS TO PAY THE BILLS, THERE,
COPPER TOP?
WELL, I GOT STRAIGHT A'S IN
SCIENCE LAST SEMESTER.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I RUN
A PRETTY TIGHT POSSE, ALRIGHT?
NOW IF YOU WANT TO BE
PART OF THE CREW,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FOLLOW A
FEW SIMPLE RULES, ALRIGHT?
IT'S ABOUT GETTIN' CAUGHAND NOT TELLIN',
KILLIN' AND NOT CARING,
AND DYING WITHOUT FEAR.
YOU DOWN FOR BEING UP FOR THAT?
I GUESS.
TEAM!
[ MUSIC ]
TEAM.
[ MUSIC ]
TAMMELAS, MY LIFE IS PERFECT.
WE'RE GONNA WIN THAT SCIENCE
FAIR, AND MY DADDY IS GONNA BE
JUST LIKE HE WAS BEFORE.
WITH EXPECTATIONS THIS HIGH,
WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
NOTHING JERRI, AS LONG AS YOU
DON'T LOSE YOUR FOCUS.
WELL, THEN NOTHING IS GONNA
DISTRACT ME-
MAN...LOOK AT THE WORK OUT HE'S
GIVING HIS CHILE HOLE!
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THABRASON?
HE'S ALL RIGHT.
I HEAR HE LIKES TO STEAL HOME ON
THE FIRST DATE!
HMMM...BATTER UP.
BRASON DOESN'T GO OUT WITH GIRLS
LIKE YOU AND ME.
HE GOES OUT WITH GIRLS LIKE
MONICA.
HEY, BUT I DO KNOW SOMEONE WHO
HAS A CRUSH ON YOU...
WHO?
IT'S SOMEONE YOU JUST MET.
DOES THIS PERSON GO TO THIS
SCHOOL?
UH HUH.
DOES SHE HAVE A RIPE LITTLE RUMP
THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO TAKE A
BITE OUT OF IT.
IT'S MEGAWATTI.
SHH, LET ME GUESS, LET ME GUESS.
DOES SHE HAVE A PAIR OF PERPOUTY BREASTS,
THE KIND THAT FILL YOUR MIND
WITH ALL SORTS OF STINKY
THOUGHTS?
IT'S MEGAWATTI, JERRI.
SHHH, PLEASE, I REALLY WANT TO
GET THIS ONE.
IS SHE SLIM HIPPED WITH THE
PROMISE OF FORBIDDEN TREASURES
BETWEEN THOSE MILKY WHITE
THIGHS?
MMM, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL SO
GOOD.
ALRIGHT, LADIES, LISTEN UP.
TODAY WE ARE GOING TO LEARN
ABOUT AN ATHLETIC TRADITION THATAKES PLACE IN SPAIN.
AND WE ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE
AN EXPERT WITH US.
COACH DIVERS?
BEEP BEEP LADIES.
COMING THROUGH.
WATCH IT. WATCH IT.
CAREFUL. MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.
THANK YOU.
LADIES. LAST YEAR I WAS
PRIVILEGED ENOUGH TO RUN WITH
THE BULLS IN PAMPLONA.
YOU KNOW THE INTERESTING THING
ABOUT SPAIN IS
IT'S VERY VERY DIFFICULT TO MAKE
A PERSONAL INJURY LAWSUIT STICK.
BUENO. GRACIAS.
ALRIGHT SENORITAS,
LET'S LOAD 'EM IN!
ALRIGHT, ONES, LET'S GO!
MOVE IT! INTO THE CHUTE.
LOAD EM IN.
LOAD EM IN.
COME ON, PICK UP THE PACE A
LITTLE BIT, LADIES.
GET IN THERE...
ALRIGHT...
[BULL LOWING]
HIT IT, LADIES!
PUMP THOSE KNEES!
KNEES TO THE CHEST!
GO! GO! GO!
MOVE IT!
YOU GOTTA MOVE YOUR KNEES..
PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT!
AH, HE JUST WINGED YOU, BLANK.
YOU'LL GET OVER IT.
HIT THE SHOWERS.
WELL DONE, LADIES.
AND NUMBER TWOS, LET'S GO, LET'S
GO.
PUMP THOSE KNEES. GET UM HIGH.
PUMP IT. PUMP IT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PUTTIN' A PIECE DOWN.
IT DOESN'T GO THERE, THERE'S A
GAP!
SIMMER DOWN, STEW. CLEARLY IGOES IN THE LOIN.
YOU'RE TRYING TO JAM
IT IN THE SHANK.
I DIDN'T KNOW.
LOOK AT THE BOX!
OHH.
IS THAT THE SAME PICTURE?
[DOORBELL]
IS THAT FOR YOU?
NO, NO STEW, NO.
WELL, IT SURE AS SHIT AIN'T FOR
ME, I DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE.
SARA?
YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE ANYBODY
HERE AFTER SIX, STEW.
[DOORBELL]
CAN I MAKE A SUGGESTION HERE,
STEW?
MAKE IT QUICK, I'M TRYING TO
DEAL WITH THIS DOORBELL
SITUATION.
WELL, MAYBE IT'S FOR JERRI.
WHO?
YOU KNOW...
AHHHHHH!
JERRI!
JERRI!
I'LL GET IT!
WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, JERRI?
THESE ARE MY NEW BEST FRIENDS.
WHO'S HIS FACE AND WHAT'S HER
NAME. THEY'RE GONNA HELP ME.
PACK?
YOU'RE SUCH A POOH-HOLE,
DERRICK.
YOU'RE A FAT GOBLIN.
ALRIGHT, YOU TWO.
WELL, SHE IS.
I KNOW, DERRICK. I HAVE EYES.
LOOK JERRI. I MADE US T-SHIRTS
FOR OUR SCIENCE PROJECT TEAM.
WE'RE THE FIG NEUTRONS!
HEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA. LET'S
WHERE THEM TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.
YES!
SORRY ABOUT THE SMELL.
HEY YOU GUYS WANNA
MAKE SOME CRANK CALLS?
NO, WE HAVE A LOOF WORK TO DO, JERRI.
OH RIGHT, SCIENCE.
OKAY. LIGHT HER UP.
OKAY. SO YOU GUYS
WANT TO HEAR MY IDEA?
SHOOT, I'M ALL EARS.
I WAS THINKING THAT WE COULD
MAKE A MINIATURE SUPER
CONDUCTOR.
WE COULD GET A BUNCH OF SOUP
CANS AND THEN WE COOL THEM DOWN
TO THE PROPER TEMPERATURE..
COME ON, JERRI,
YOU NEED TO FOCUS.
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
TO SAVE YOUR DADDY?
I DO, BUT COME ON, YOU GUYS.
SCIENCE IS SO BORING.
STUPID SCIENCE. WHAT DID
SCIENCE EVER DO FOR ME?
HEY, BOBO, WOULD YOU HAND
ME THE TV CLICKER AND THE
ELECTRIC SHAVER?
I'M GONNA TAKE OFF. THIS IS
POINTLESS.
DON'T BE SUCH A MEGA- SNOTTY.
WE GOT A LOT OF WORK DONE TODAY.
WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN
ANYTHING DONE YET.
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
WE'VE BEEN WORKING TOO HARD.
WE DESERVE A BREAK.
SO, WHY DON'T YOU GO FOR
A SWING IN YOUR BANANA TREE
AND TAMMIE AND I WILL
HAVE A GIRLY TALK!
I REALLY SHOULD- -
LADIES LOCK UP!
GOD, SNORESVILLE.
OKAY, LISTEN.
I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ABOUT A BOY
AND YOU TELL ME IF YOU COULD
IMAGINE KISSING HIM OR NOT.
ALRIGHT? MATT LAPPIN.
I GUESS.
OKAY. ASK ME ANY BOY!
OKAY, MEGAWATTI SUCARNAPUTRI.
NO, NO, NO, ASK ME
ABOUT ANYBODY.
ASK ME ABOUT BRASON.
HOW 'BOUT BRASON?
DAMN, I'D WOULD WORK HIS
CRANK SO HARD...
I SHOULD GET GOING.
TAMMELAS!
OH TAMMELAS, DO YOU EVER THINK
ABOUT THE CHANGES OUR BODIES ARE
MAKING?
YEAH, I GUESS,
I MEAN I'VE GOTTEN IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU KNOW, IT!
YEAH, ME TOO.
THOSE SUDDEN HOT FLASHES, GET SO
HOT YOU HAVE TO PULL THE COVERS
OFF OF YOU AT NIGHT,
YOU SNAP AT PEOPLE
FOR NO REASON.
IS THAT WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR YOU?
SORT OF, I DON'T KNOW,
NOT REALLY.
I THOUGHT SO.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, TAMMI,
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
CAN I GO NOW?
IN A WHILE.
NO.
THAT'S OKAY.
JUST CHECKING.
[ MUSIC ]
[ GIRLS LAUGHING ]
MONICA, MELISSA, MELANIE.
HI.
HI JERRI, NICE SHIRT.
I GOT IT FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR.
HMMM.
YOURS SHOULD SAY PIG NEUTRONS.
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU KIDS
FOR ACCEPTING MY INVITATION TO
BE MY SCIENCE TEAM.
THANK YOU.
WE'RE GETTING PAID, RIGHT?
IN CASH.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
WHY YOU'D WANT US.
WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUSCIENCE. WE'RE NOT QUALIFIED.
I'M GOING TO LET YOU
IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.
YOU WANNA KNOW HOW YOU
WIN A STATE SCIENCE FAIR?
ONE WORD...PIZZAZZ!
SO, WHAT'S OUR SCIENCE PROJECGONNA BE, ANYWAYS?
I DIDN'T WIN 9 STRAIGHT SCIENCE
FAIRS BY WORRYING ABOUWHAT THE SCIENCE PROJECIS GOING TO BE.
OKAY. WE COULD TAKE LEAVES AND
PUT THEM BETWEEN WAX PAPER.
WHAT WE NEED TO CONCERN
OURSELVES WITH IS POP.
POP AND SIZZLE.
JERRI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WAS JUST LOOKING AT- -
WELL, MIND YOUR BUSINESS, GEBACK TO CLASS! GO ON.
GET!
NOW, JELLINECK, I WANT YOU TO
TAKE OVER FOR ME.
I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO HIM.
LISTEN TO HIM AS IF HE'S ME.
HE'S GOING TO SHOW US WHAT HE'S
GOT COOKING...
GEOFFREY, WHY?
I LOVE YOU.
YOU HEARD ME...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?
I WAS JUST HEADING OVER
TO THE PEP RALLY.
WELL, MR. NOSEY EYES, LET'S SEE
HOW MUCH RALLYING YOU GET DONE
IN DETENTION.
GIDDY UP!
FOCUS IS THE KEY TO SAFE
DRIVING. FOCUS.
START YOUR CARS. LANCE, LIGHTS!
ACTION.
SUNNY DAY, MIDDLE OF SUMMER,
DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD.
NOT MUCH TO SEE, CLEAR DAY. DRY
CONDITIONS...
CHILD'S BALL!
FOCUS. EYES ON THE ROAD.
ALRIGHT, DOING WELL.
TAP ON THE BRAKE.
WHERE'S YOUR FIG NEUTRONS SHIRT?
FIG NEUTRON SHIRT? I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I JUST GAVE IT TO YOU, JERRI.
OHH, RIGHT, FIG SHIRT.
RIGHT.
I THREW IT AWAY.
I THOUGHT SCIENCE FAIR MEANSOMETHING TO YOU, JERRI.
I THOUGHT I MEANT SOMETHING TO
YOU.
MEGAWATTI!
BETRAYAL.
YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
LOSE FOCUS, JERRI? TRAGEDY.
WHAT'S GOING ON, GEOFFREY?
I HAVE WORK TO DO.
WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT?
JUST POACHING MY IDEAS.
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME- -
ROGER! JUST THE PERSON I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR. SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S THE UPDATE?
TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.
I THINK YOU'LL BE DULY IMPRESSED
WITH OUR EXECUTION.
DEAD SEA SALTS?
NOTHING BRINGS ME TO LIFE LIKE
DEAD SALT.
ELUCIDATE UPON YOUR ELABORATION.
GO AHEAD, ROGER. THRILL ME.
TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.
HOW ABOUT A EUCALYPTUS SPRITZ?
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
CONTINUE, ROGER.
WELL, WE ARE SORT OF
RE-IMAGINING THE, UH, NEXUS OF
THE...
WE DON'T HAVE A PROJECT YET.
WHAT!
THE SCIENCE FAIR IS IN 48 HOURS!
MY EYES!
AHHHHHHHHH!
MY EYES!
AHHH. MY EYES!
MY EYES! MY EYES!
RICK.
CHUCK.
NO, IT'S ROGER.
MAKE A NOTE OF IT.
GEOFFREY.
CHUCK.
WAS THAT ROGER BEEKMAN I JUSSAW LEAVING HERE?
HAVE THE TWO OF YOU-
WHAT, CHUCK?
COLLABORATED?
WHY SHOULD YOU CARE, CHUCK?
YOU PUSHED ME AWAY.
I WASN'T PUSHING YOU AWAY,
I WAS PULLING ME TOWARD MYSELF.
WELL, IT'S TOO LATE, CHUCK.
GEOFFREY...
AS YOU KNOW, DUE TO THE KILN
FIRE,
WE'LL BE HAVING CLASS OUT HERE
IN THE PARKING LOT.
NOW REMEMBER THE MAGIC TO ART IS
THERE ARE NO INCORRECT ANSWERS!
ANYTHING GOES.
THAT'S WRONG.
HELLO?
GEEZ, SOMEONE WOKE UP ON THE
WRONG SIDE OF THE COCONUT.
ARE YOU STILL PO'D AT ME?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. WHY DON'YOU COME TO MY HOUSE TONIGHT,
AND WORK ON THE PROJECT THERE.
WILL THAT SOOTHE YOUR SAVAGE
BREAST? HMM?
OKAY, JERRI.
SO, HAVE YOU GUYS COME UP WITH A
PROJECT YET FOR THE SCIENCE
FAIR?
NO.
I HEAR CHUCK- UH, MR. NOBLET'S
CLASS IS DOING A SUPER
CONDUCTOR.
WHY CAN'T ARE TEAM HAVE AN IDEA
LIKE THAT?
YEAH. WHY CAN'T WE?
BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HAVE IT?
OKAY, BUT WHEN I WANT TO DO
SOMETHING ORIGINAL,
YOU KNOW THE FIRST THING I DO? I
GET OUT MY TRACING PAPER.
UNDERSTAND?
I'LL SEE YOU AT REHEARSAL.
HEY, MAYBE SOMEONE FROM MR.
NOBLET'S TEAM WOULD HELP US OUT.
BUT WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?
PERHAPS THEY HAVE A WEAK LINK
THAT COULD BE EXPLOITED.
CHING CHONG...
YOUR ORDER READY, SIR.
HOT OUT TODAY.
VERY HOT OUT TODAY.
7:00.
7:00.
I'LL SET MY ALARM.
ALRIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT, MEGAWATTI.
OKAY, BYE.
SO, JERRI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TONIGHT?
NOTHING.
MONICA'S HAVING A PARTY.
WANNA BE MY DATE?
I WANT YOUR SPERMIES.
I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES.
[DOORBELL]
GOD DAMN IT!
DERRICK.
DERRICK!
WHO IS IT, HONEY?
SOMEONE TO SEE THE TOAD.
STAY ON THE RUNNER, PLEASE.
I'M SORRY.
WE'RE ALL OUT OF CANDY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DERRICK?
AREN'T YOU TRICK OR TREATING? I
MEAN YOU'RE ALL DRESSED UP IN
THAT LOSER COSTUME.
OH, HEY MEGAWATTI. SORRY, WE'RE
OUT OF CANDY!
I ALREADY DID THAT ONE, CHUNK.
I HATE YOU.
WHAT'S SHAKIN' BACON?
JERRI, I'M HERE TO WORK ON THE
PROJECT. I MADE YOU A NEW SHIRT.
AND I DREW UP SOME PLANS.
TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T I TAKE
THESE AND GIVE THEM A LOOK-
SEE RIGHT AFTER I GO ON MY DATE
WITH BRASON TO MONICA'S PARTY.
OH, MEGAWATTI, DON'T LOOK AT ME
LIKE THAT. IT'S NOTHING,
BUT ME FALLING IN LOVE WITH
SOMEONE WHO ISN'T YOU.
WE'LL ALWAYS BE THE BEST OF
ACQUAINTANCES.
NOTHING WILL EVER COME BETWEEN
ME AND BRASON!
QUICK! ACT LIKE A BANANA AND
PEEL OUT OF HERE. GO! BACK DOOR.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SCIENCE
PROJECT?
SCIENCE ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE,
BUT YOU ARE.
BRASON...
HEY, DIRK.
DERRICK...
HOW'S EVERYTHING ON THE VARSITY
SQUAT THRUSTING TEAM?
IT'S COOL...
I SAW THE FINAL THRUST YOU MADE
IN THAT MEET AGAINST MOUNVALLEY.
IT CHANGED THE WAY I THOUGHABOUT SQUATTING.
BRASON.. TAKE A HIKE, FAG BALL.
HE'S HERE TO SEE ME.
WHY DON'T YOU RELAX, WHILE I RUN
UPSTAIRS AND GET SOME GIRLY
THINGS,
YOU KNOW, RUBBERS AND SUCH.
CAN'T WE JUST GO NOW, I DON'REALLY WANT TO DRAG THIS OUT.
OH SURE, SURE, SURE.
BUT FIRST I'D LIKE YOU TO TO SAY
HELLO TO MY DADDY. OKAY?
THAT WOULD BE THE PROPER THING
TO DO.
ALL RIGHT.
HI, THERE SIR. I JUST- -
WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
THAT'S NOT MY DADDY. THAT'S MY
MOMMY'S MEAT MAN.
MY DADDY'S UPSTAIRS.
DON'T BE TOO TOUGH ON HIM,
DADDY!
I'LL BE BACK RIGHT. I'M JUSGOING TO GO FRESHEN UP MY WHAT'S
GONE SOUR.
WHAT'S GOING ON, JERRI?
OHH, MOTHER, COME, I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC..
OH GOD! WHAT IS THE REFRIGERATOR
DOING UP HERE?
LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.
ALRIGHT?
I JUST NEED SOME MOTHER/DAUGHTER
ADVICE.
WHAT IS IT, JERRI?
WELL, I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS
TONIGHT ABOUT MY DATE WITH
BRASON.
IS THIS MY KABUKI MAGIC?
DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL GET IT BACK.
KEEP IT. IT'S ALL GUMMED UP.
LISTEN. WHAT IF HE TRIES
SOMETHING?
LIKE WHAT? KISS YOU?
WELL THAT...
AND LET'S SAY I'M GIVING HIM A
RUSTY TROMBONE
AND HE TURNS AROUND AND TRIES TO
SLAP A DIRTY SANCHEZ ON ME.
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT, JERRI?
WELL A RUSTY TROMBONE IS WHEN
YOU SPREAD THE CHEEKS...
I KNOW WHAT A RUSTY TROMBONE IS,
JERRI.
I USED TO BE A STEWARDESS.
JERRI!
BRASON!
THANKS.
HOW'D YOU GET THE REFRIGERATOR
UP THE STAIRS?
HELLO, MONICA!
HEY THANKS FOR INVITING BRALES
AND ME TO YOUR PARTY.
TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, MY MOM
IS A FREAK ABOUT THE FLOORS.
MONS.
HEY!
MAKE ROOM FOR JERRI, GUYS...
MEL, MELISS, MAKE ROOM
FOR JERRI..
HMMM. EXPLODE A POP.
THEY SAY IT'S CARBOLICIOUS.
COME ON...WOW, THIS IS A REALLY
GROOVY SCENE, MONICA.
NICE.
SO JERRI, WE'RE FRIENDS RIGHT?
WELL SURE, MONICA.
I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THASCIENCE PROJECT OF YOURS.
THERE'S NOT MUCH TO SAY REALLY.
IT'S ALL UP HERE IN THE OLD
ACORN.
I GOT BLUEPRINTS AND EVERYTHING.
THEY'RE BACK IN MY BEDROOM.
SAFE KEEPING.
THE FIG NEUTRONS ARE GONNA BUSTHIS NUT OUT.
THAT'S GREAT, JERRI,
BUT I'M MORE INTERESTED IN THE
SPECIFICS OF THE SCIENCE
PROJECT.
OH, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK
ABOUT THAT...
COME ON JERRI. YOU CAN TELL US.
IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.
REALLY? UH, NO...I CAN'T TALK
ABOUT THAT..
MAYBE YOU JUST NEED
TO LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT.
ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME HIGH?
NO, JERRI, WHY WOULD
I TRY TO GET YOU HIGH?
I SHOOK THAT MONKEY OFF
MY BACK A LONG TIME AGO
AND I WILL NOT GO DOWN
THAT ROAD AGAIN.
IT LED ME TO A DARK PLACE WHERE
I WAS SLEEPING IN THE GUTTER,
AND COOKING MY BREAKFASUP IN A TEASPOON.
BY THE END, I WAS BARELY HUMAN!
LET ME SEE THAT.
OH YEA, THAT'S PANAMA RED.
YOU'VE GOT A SEED IN THERE.
GOOD LUCK.
GO AHEAD JERRI, ONE HIT'S
NOT GOING TO HURT.
COME ON, JERRI.
DON'T YOU WANT TO BE COOL?
[CHAMBER BROTHERS
"TIME HAS COME TODAY"]
OH BATS! SHOO! SHOO! GO!
I'M HIGH..I'M HIGH..
JERRI! STOP! JERRI!
JERRI, STOP!
GOD, IT ALL CAME
RUSHING BACK TO ME.
THE YEARS OF ABUSE
AND DEBASEMENT.
HOW BOUT ANOTHER HIT?
GET OUT!
BUT MONS!
GET HER OUT OF HERE!
JERRI, I THINK WE BETTER GO.
WE JUST GOT HERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE
TO DO, SO DO IT!
LET'S GO.
COME ON.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
STILL DOING UP?
IT'S 8:30, TROLL.
LISTEN, MY OLD MAN AND I
ARE HEADING UP TO MY ROOM.
SO IF YOU HEAR ANY SCREAMS,
DON'T COME A KNOCKING.
THE STAIRS COULD BE A
LITTLE RICKETY.
SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO GRAB
ON TO SOMETHING MORE FIRM.
SO JERRI-
SHHH..FEEL IT.
JERRI. I REALLY JUST WANTED
TO LOOK AT THE PLANS.
TAKE A LOOK AT THESE.
DAMN IT, JERRI.
I THOUGHT WE COULD SHARE.
I GUESS I WAS WRONG.
OH BRASON, I CARE ABOUT YOU.
WELL, PROVE IT.
WHAT ABOUT THESE?
MEOW.
NOW WE'RE TALKING.
[MAKING CAT NOISES]
OH BRASON.
LET'S GET THIS OFF.
I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. I'M
A LITTLE NERVOUS. SO GO GENTLE.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, WHY DON'T YOU
SLAP ME AROUND A LITTLE.
I'M HAVING TROUBLE
GETTING IN THE MOOD.
IT'S MOIST AS A SNACK
CAKE DOWN THERE.
I'M GONNA GET GOING.
HAD A FEW THINGS COME UP.
THE PLANS.
JESUS, JERRI, YOU DON'T LET UP!
WHAT, DO YOU THINK I JUST CAME
UP HERE TO STEAL YOUR STUPID
PLANS?
THAT REALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS.
OH, I'M SORRY, BRASON.
YOU SHOULD BE. I DON'T EVEN
WANT THESE. SO I'M GONNA GO.
I'M GONNA TAKE THESE,
JUST TO PROVE A POINT.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE THAT OUT,
YOU SEEM TO HAVE ALL THE
ANSWERS.
BRASON!
[ MUSIC ]
HOW'S THE PROJECT GOING, NOBLET?
OH. I, UH, FEEL PRETTY
CONFIDENT.
MIND IF I TAKE A LITTLE
PEEKITY BOO?
OH. NOT AT ALL.
SHOO, SHOO, SHOO.
COME ON.
HMMM, THIS LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY
LIKE ROGER BEEKMAN'S PROJECT.
WHY? WHAT ARE THEY MAKING?
A SUPERCONDUCTOR OUOF SOUP CANS.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE MAKING!
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
WELL, OBVIOUSLY HE
STOLE OUR IDEA!
I DON'T SEE HOW HE COULD HAVE
STOLE IT IF I SAW HIS FIRST.
ANYWAY, ROGER'S GOT A REAL
WINNER ON HIS HANDS,
AND WE DON'T REALLY NEED TWO
WINNERS, DO WE NOBLET?
THAT WILL JUST GUM UP THE
VICTORY. GET MY DRIFT?
PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN,
PLEASE WAIT...
HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?
THEY STOLE OUR IDEA!
PERHAPS IT WAS JUST A
COINKIDINK.
MEGAWATTI, DID YOU GUARD THOSE
PLANS WITH YOUR LIFE LIKE YOU
SAID YOU WERE GONNA?
WELL, SORT OF, AND THEN I GAVE
THEM TO JERRI FOR A WHILE.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR?
EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'VE BEEN
HANGING OUT WITH BRASON, JERRI.
THEY DO?
I MEAN I HOPE YOU CAN BACK UP
THAT ACCUSATION WITH SOMETHING
OTHER THAN FACT.
COME CLEAN, JERRI.
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING,
I SUNG LIKE A CANARY?
A SQUEALER, A STOOLIE?
PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE JUST SCUM
TO BE SCRAPED FROM THE BOTTOM OF
THEIR BOOT HEEL.
I DID IT.
I JUST LET HIM TAKE AN ITTY
BITTY PEAK AT THE PLANS...
WE WERE A TEAM! HOW
COULD YOU BETRAY US?
I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING
TO HURT YOU FIGS!
YOU'RE LIKE FAMILY TO ME,
WELL, THE WHITE ONE.
YOU DARKER ONES ARE MORE LIKE
VALUED FAMILY SERVANTS.
THE POINT IS, YOU'RE THE ONLY
FRIENDS I'VE GOT IN THE WHOLE
WORLD.
MY DADDY'S IN A COMA!
IT'S TOO LATE, JERRI.
MEGS. TAMELAS.
WHEN I WAS FIRST REJECTED BY THE
PEACE CORPS, I DECIDED THERE AND
THEN I WAS GOING TO TURN- -
GEOFFREY.
ROGER.
I THINK WE NEED TO CUT AWAY A
LITTLE BIT OF THE FAT BEFORE
TOMORROW.
I HEAR YOU.
THAT MELISSA'S A LITTLE
BUMBLE-FOOTED.
I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, GEOFFREY.
I'M SORRY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM.
COME ON, BOSWELL.
I HAVE MORE TALKING TO DO. AND
THEN YOU CAN WATCH ME EAT A
SANDWICH.
BYE GUYS.
SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU.
BRASON! THEY KICKED
ME OFF THE TEAM.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR, JERRI,
FAT HIPS SINK SHIPS.
MONICA, WHY CAN'WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
IN WHAT KIND OF MAD FANTASY
WORLD WOULD SOMEONE LIKE YOU
AND SOMEONE LIKE ME
EVER BE FRIENDS?
BRASON. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE
TO FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID
TO ME.
SO LET'S JUST PUT IT BEHIND US.
NEW BEGINNINGS.
I REALLY NEED YOU TO
HOLD ME RIGHT NOW.
BRASON.
SO YEAH, LIKE, MY MUSTANG,
WHAT'S SWEET ABOUT IT IS THAT- -
OH DADDY... I WANTED
YOU TO BE SO PROUD OF ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY
EXCEPT I WISH I COULD TALK TO
YOU.
GOODBYE FOREVER, PEAPOP.
[THUNDER]
DADDY? DADDY, IS
THAT REALLY YOU?
OR ARE YOU JUST THE PRODUCOF A DRUG ADDLED, ALCOHOL
TAINTED DISEASE RIDDEN MIND?
I BETTER NOT ANSWER THAT.
WELL, THEN JUST TELL
ME IF YOU'RE AS REAL
AS SOME OF THE OTHER
THINGS IN THE ROOM,
LIKE THE DEMON WITH 100 EYES.
THAT'S A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE.
I'M AS REAL AS THE
DEMON WITH 100 EYES.
YOU ARE REAL!
WHO'S THIS GUY?
I REALLY CAN'T VOUCH FOR HIM.
CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS? HUH?
WE'VE GOT A COMA TO BE IN.
I DON'T BELONG HERE, DADDY.
NOBODY WANTS ME.
NOBODY NEEDS ME.
YOUR FRIENDS NEED YOU.
YOU CAN'T LET THEM DOWN.
YOU CAN'T LET ME'S DOWN.
MAYBE I COULD COME UP WITH AN
IDEA FOR THE PROJECT TO SAVE THE
DAY!
THAT'S A VERY GOOD START, JERRI.
THANKS, DADDY.
YOU LOOK WELL RESTED.
[ MUSIC ]
MAYBE THERE'S STILL SOME HOPE.
HOPE?
YOU FOOL. DON'T YOU KNOW DEATH
WHEN YOU SEE IT?
I'M BEING PUNISHED.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE TERRIBLE
THINGS I'VE DONE.
CURSE GOD AND DIE!
HEY FIGUROS. WHAT ARE
YOU SITTING AROUND LIKE A
BUNCH OF LOSERS FOR?
GET OUT, JERRI!
I MEAN IT!
WE'VE GOT A SCIENCE FAIR TO WIN.
AND I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
NUMBER FIRST. DIG UP A CORPSE.
NOW I KNOW WHERE ONE IS...
KILL YOU! I KILL YOU!
IT'S GO TIME, FATTY!
JERRI! MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE.
I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP.
HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH ALREADY?
IT'S LATE, JERRI,
WE'RE GONNA GO HOME.
LATE? LATE? COME ON NOW.
IN THE SLAMMER, SOME OF THE BESSTUFF WE'D GET DONE WOULD BE ANIGHT.
WE'D BE MIXIN UP THE JUNGLE
JUICE
SLAP ON THE OLD TRANSISTOR
RADIOS.
OF COURSE WE'D HAVE TO MAKE ARE
OWN BATTERIES BECAUSE THE BULLS
KEPT TAKING THE REAL ONES.
YOU COULD TOSS A COUPLE OF D
CELL BATTERIES
INTO A PILLOW CASE AND USE IT TO
SHATTER A PUERTO RICAN'S SKULL.
BRITTLE SKULLS.
OH, THE BATTERIES.
OKAY RIGHT.
SO WHAT WE'D DO IS TAKE OUR OWN
POOPERS AND WORK IT INTO A
PASTE,
AND THAT WOULD MAKE THE
ALKALOID.
THEN WE'D FOLD IN SOME TIN FOIL
FOR THE CELLS
AND FOR THE ACID, WE'D USE OUR
OWN SPIT. BATTERY.
SOUNDS LIKE A BOMB.
IT'S FINE LINE.
THAT'S IT! WE'LL MAKE A BATTERY!
AN ENERGY SOURCE MADE FROM
NON-POLLUTING RENEWABLE
MATERIAL!
WELL IT POLLUTES A LITTLE- -
DOODIES!
WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GEA PRESENTATION IN TIME.
YOU WILL WITH MY HELP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
GEOFFREY?
AREN'T YOU ON
ROGER'S BEEKMAN'S TEAM?
THAT'S YESTERDAY'S NEWS, CHUCK.
NOT REALLY, I SAW YOU WORKING
WITH HIM LIKE AN HOUR AGO.
WHAT DID HE DO?
KICK YOU OFF HIS TEAM?
LET'S JUST SAY I'M KICKING
MYSELF ON TO YOURS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY KIDS?
DO WE NEED HIS HELP?
WELL, THAT'S ALL I NEED TO HEAR.
ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE A LITTLE TIME
AND A LOTTA WORK TO DO.
MR. JELLINECK!
OKAY.
I'M OUT OF IDEAS.
PERHAPS WE CAN PRESENT THE
BATTERY USING THE TRADITIONAL
MUSIC OF MY HOMELAND, INDONESIA.
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO
DO WITH A GOD DAMN BATTERY?
NOTHING.
WELL, NOTHING IS SOMETHING I'M
USED TO WORKING WITH.
I LOVE IT!
LET'S DO IT!
[ MUSIC ]
HIDEY HO.
SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE?
WE'RE STILL LOOKING.
OUCH.
THAT'S A LONG TITLE.
I WAS NAPPING BEFORE I MADE ITO THE END.
PLEASE!
ALL I'M SAYING IS, DON'T QUIYOUR DAY JOB.
THESE ARE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.
OH HOW LONG CAN THEY USE THAEXCUSE?
SHE'S WITH ME NOW, ONYX.
ON THE BOARD OF ED.
CAN WE PLEASE KEEP THIS
EDUCATIONAL?
HMM. THE MIRACLE OF
REPRODUCTION.
MY, THAT'S FULL ON BALLING.
WOW. I'M IMPRESSED.
MOUNT VALLEY MIGHT HAVE THIS ONE
NAILED.
WELL, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?
ANOTHER SHOW STOPPING SCIENCE
FAIR PROJECT BY ROGER BEEKMAN.
THIS IS EXHILARATING.
TITILLATING.
FIRE WAS INVENTED
BY BURNING SOME WOOD
THE WATER WHEEL
IS THE WHEEL THAT COULD
WHEN YOU BOIL A LIQUID
IT GETS YOU SOME STEAM
FOSSIL FUEL DOESN'T KEEP
THE ENVIRONMENT CLEAN
SUPER CONDUCTOR
SUPER CONDUCTOR
SUPER CONDUCTOR
ROGER, I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!
I LOVED IT!
YOU'VE REDEFINED THE SCIENCE
PROJECT AS WE KNOW IT.
I LOVED THOSE CATCHY SONGS
WITH THOSE RHYMES!
AND THOSE LADIES IN THEIR
CAT SUITS AND THAT MACHINE,
WHATEVER IT DID!
OH ONYX, THAT WAS WONDERFUL.
I'M JUST WARMING UP.
YOU WHORE!
WELL, I'M GONNA JUSGO TALLY UP THE POINTS.
WELL, TALLY HO, THEN.
WAIT! WAIT!
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, NOBLET?
MY PROJECT!
WHAT ABOUT IT?
ROGER'S ALREADY GOT THIS THING
WRAPPED UP TIGHTER THAN A
TEENAGE BURRITO.
LOOK, THESE STUDENTS STAYED UP
AND PUT THIS PROJECT TOGETHER
ALL BY MYSELF.
AND I THINK I DESERVE TO HAVE
THEM SHOW YOU WHAT I'M CAPABLE
OF LETTING THEM DO.
IF I MAY INTERJECT.
I'M SURE I DON'T NEED
TO REMIND THE JUDGE,
THERE CAN BE NO NEW ENTRIES
ONCE THE TALLYING HAS BEGUN.
HENRY LOVES ALICE?
WELL I GUESS THEY'RE
STILL ELIGIBLE.
ALRIGHT. LET'S MAKE IT QUICK.
I WANT TO GET MY AWARD
AND GO HOME.
[ MUSIC ]
OH MY GOD...
[ MUSIC ]
WELL, HENRY. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
CAPABLE OF TALLYING UP THE
SCORE?
I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.
WHY DON'T I JUST DECLARE
THE VICTOR.
THE WINNER OF THE STATE
SCIENCE FAIR IS...
CHUCK NOBLET!
YES!
GUESS THAT MAKES ME HYDROGEN.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
ELEMENT NUMBER ONE.
NO CHUCK, YOU'RE A BORON.
COME BOSWELL.
NOBLET, I KNEW YOU COULD
DO IT. CONGRATULATIONS.
SO MONICA. WHO'S
FAT AND UGLY NOW?
STILL YOU, JERRI.
LET ME REPHRASE THAT...
WHO'S THE WINNER NOW?! HUH?
DADDY'S AWAKE! DADDY!
DID YOU SEE,
DID YOU SEE I WON!
I'M SORRY, JERRI.
BUT I SAW HIM MOVE.
THAT WAS ME. I WAS JUSTRYING TO PRIME THE PUMP.
I WAS HOPING TO GEA KICK START.
BUT I THOUGHT IF I WON...
I KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT, JERRI,
I TOLD YOU TO THINK IT.
FIRE! FIRE!
[SCREAMING AND MAYHEM]
[ MUSIC ]
NOO! GEOFFREY?!
GEOFFREY.
CHUCK?
CLAIRE!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
YOU WERE KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS,
LUCKILY YOUR FATHER CARRIED YOU
TO SAFETY.
WHAT?
IT SEEMS THAT THE SHOCK FROM THE
EXPLOSION ROCKED HIM OUT OF HIS
ETERNAL SLUMBER.
DADDY?
CAREFUL. CAREFUL.
HE'S RESTING.
HE WAS IN A COMA FOR
THIRTY-TWO YEARS,
HE'S GOT A LOT OF
SLEEP TO CATCH UP ON.
SO, HOW SOON BEFORE SHE'S
HEALTHY ENOUGH TO MOVE?
OH I THINK YOU'LL PROBABLY GEHER UP AND WALKING IN A COUPLE
OF DAYS.
NO, I MEAN MOVE OUT.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT SHE
HAS A QUALIFIED PHYSICIAN AT HER
SIDE AT ALL TIMES.
WELL, I'LL SAY GOODNIGHT.
HUGS?
WE HAVE CABLE, RIGHT?
YEA. DOWNSTAIRS.
IF YOU'RE PAYING FOR CABLE AND
NOT WATCHING TV YOU'RE LOSING
MONEY.
IT'S JUST SIMPLE ECONOMICS.
TAMMILAS, MEGAWATTIS,
GET IN HERE.
SWITCH...SWITCH.
THERE YOU GO.
IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE
WON THAT SCIENCE FAIR.
ACTUALLY, WE GODISQUALIFIED, JERRI.
OH WELL. AT LEAST I
LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON.
TAMMILAS. MEGAWATTI.
I'M SO SORRY FOR BETRAYING YOU.
FOR BETRAYING MY DADDY.
I SOLD YOU OUT BECAUSE I WANTED
FRIENDS THAT WERE MORE
ATTRACTIVE AND POPULAR THAN YOU.
BUT I'VE CHANGED.
NOW I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T FEEL
THE WAY I SO STRONGLY STILL DO!
TEAM?
HI. I'M JERRI BLANK AND
THAT WAS MY STORY.
NOW BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME.
CONSIDER THIS.
YOU'RE NOT SO INNOCENYOURSELF.
I'M GUESSING YOU'VE DONE SOME
PRETTY HORRIBLE THINGS.
LIKE THE TIME YOU SET THABOAT ON FIRE AND WATCHED
THOSE HAITIANS PANIC.
OH WAIT, THAT WAS ME.
THE POINT IS, YOU'RE A RACIST.
THINK ABOUT IT. I HAVEN'T.
GOOD NIGHT.
[ MUSIC ]