Stupid for You (2022) Movie Script
Stevie: Wait wait wait!
Stevie: Please tell me that we'll
never stop dancing on my bed.
Kat: You're my best friend Stevie,
that's never going to happen.
I was meant to be yours.
We were meant to be one.
Don't give up on me now.
Finish what we've begun.
You were meant to be
mine, I am all that you need.
You carved open my heart,
can't just leave me to bleed.
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
My mom won't be here to see me graduate.
She won't be here to do my makeup.
She won't be here to help me
pick out a Spring Fling outfit.
She's not here physically.
She's up here.
I was conceived in the back of a 1999 RAV4
after the final concert
Polyamorous Diatribe
ever played.
So this isn't just a fling for me.
This is a fulfillment of a
promise I made to myself,
and to the beautiful, courageous
woman who gave me this crazy life.
This is for Gertie.
My riot girl mom
who died too young.
This will be an event worthy of her
and her favourite band will play at it.
So I really need your guys help for this.
Eden: The Spring Fling plan.
(thwap!) Dani Destroyer.
Lead singer and songwriter
of Polyamorous Diatribe.
(thwap!) Sid Savage.
He was the bringer of band death
with advanced gaslighting techiques.
(thwap!) Diva.
Backup singer to Dani Destroyer
(thwap!) Lily Lightspeed. Bass player.
She bites.
(thwap!) James Rager.
He went a little loopy. Approach carefully.
The band imploded among controversy
after they finally got their hit song.
And by hit. I mean, it was played
in every single Canadian province
and possibly a club in LA.
Dani Destroyer did an epic mic drop
and hasn't been back on stage since.
(school bell rings)
Kat: I want Eden to like me for me.
Not for my personal pull
with Polyamorous Diatribe.
Eden would be a fool not to
see how awesome you are.
Oh. I'm sure. Because
there's so much to love here.
Like the way I constantly
bolt in full panic mode
from everything.
Or how I repeat the same four
sentences over and over again.
Don't talk to yourself like that.
Be kind to my friend, Kat.
You are so amazing, Kat.
You have the most expressive eyes.
Like you've been on this
planet for a thousand years.
Who couldn't love the way you hum
while you're writing music?
Or the way that you eat your
popcorn one kernel at a time.
That's a pretty specific list.
(detective theme style score)
(music fades out)
Hey Kat.
Oh. Hey Eden.
How are you? Eden: Doing good.
How you doing?
Great. Yeah, how are you?
Still good.
Eden: Handy. How's this work?
Ummm. I just used canvas
material and acrylic paint.
Eden: I mean how does
the patch kill fascists?
Right! Uh. Well, see, I used
a special Antifa acrylic, that
melts... their... lovely... eyes.
Cool. So a lovely-eyed fascist remover.
Sounds like I need one.
I know a few fascists I'd like to remove.
I could totally make you one.
No. I was joking. You
don't have to make me one.
Me too. Joking.
Unless you want to.
I was joking too. Yeah.
Well I will see you later. Gator.
(swoosh)
(Stupid For You )
I've got history covered
and I know every deet of world war two
I'm crushing civics. I'm passing math
But I'm stupid, so stupid for you
How are you?
Good
How are things?
Okay
How are you?
Still pretty good
How's it going anyway
(knock knock knock)
Dani: You sound amaze
balls comrades. Soup's on.
(mouthing amaze balls silently)
Dani: You guys sound so good.
Dani: When's Memory
Hole bringing it to the stage?
When are you guys playing live?
There's a performance lab
at school on Wednesday.
Uh. You sound great, Stevie.
Um, but I'm not ready for that.
Dani: Are you kidding me?
You are beyond ready.
You really are Kat.
You're kind of spectacular
you know?
Dani: Get your fabulous self out there.
If it's so great. Why did you stop
putting your fabulous self out there?
Yeah... you know
I went out on a bit of a sour note.
I started counting flowers on the wall.
Aw, man, I am just like a Ted
talk away from getting it all back.
Brene Brown baby. Be the gladiator.
Be the gladiator?
Yeah. Be the gladiator.
You're either the
judgmental jerk in the stands,
just observing, or you're the gladiator
swinging that thing in the ring. Right?
Dani: Yeah. Swinging that thing.
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
(one person clapping,
then a couple more claps)
(loud throat clearing)
Orwell was an SJW. Ezra pounded his ass.
The Holocaust was the first
fake news spoon fed to us in class.
Wake up you sheeple,
living life through a peephole.
Flaunting their scrolls
and their "candley boys",
waving them in my face.
Student: You lot are
worse, eating up their ploys.
Take of fence and bite me. Libtard race.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa. Okay, okay...
(loud booing) It's called
freedom of speech.
That's quite enough.
Eden! Quickly... quickly!
(clapping)
A concrete cocoon
(pounding heartbeat) built of every small
(pounding heartbeat)
hard thought I've ever had.
(heartbeat pounds while Eden's
voice becomes increasingly distorted)
Eden: This next band
I'm really excited for.
Eden: So let's give it up for Memory Hole.
(loud screeching brakes)
Stevie: We got this.
Male Audience Member: See ya!
Student: Run little snowflake.
Going to miss your
loser train to libtard town!
Eden: Let's go.
Dani: Aw babe.
Kat: I ran away like an idiot child.
You know, most of us suffer
from imposter syndrome.
We think we're fooling
everyone, even ourselves...
But it just shows, you know,
you have humility and depth.
That you question whether you're relevant.
That you question whether
or not you can even sing or...
Walk across a room.
Mommer?
What happened to me is
not going to happen to you.
It's nurture. Not nature.
I promise, I promise.
('80s style synth score)
How many reminders does one girl need?
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Loser ran away because she
heard me speaking the truth.
SJW.
Hey girl.
Love how you blew off
your gig yesterday. Ballsy.
Yeah.
No. I'm serious that was
bad ass, I'm impressed.
You should see me blow off my homework.
Even more bad ass. Eden: Mmm hmmm.
(quirky do ink)
You good?
Oh yeah, totally. Yeah.
(quirky do ink)
Later gator.
Stevie: What happened?
Kat: Eden was. Oh, crap.
Eden was being totally cool with me.
We were having this
incredible natural moment.
Then she opens her locker
and taped to the inside is my mom's face.
Noooo.
A hardcore Polyamorous Diatribe fan.
Your mom's face!? Buzzkill.
Dani: Ya gotta go. OK?
It's been really...
Fuck.
('80s style synth score)
(UFO whirring)
(punk music)
Once I had it very bad
I had it every which way
The words I heard left me feeling
blurred, a line was crossed that day
Subtext sometimes sinks
your soul a different kind of loud
Torpedoed dead in my unmade
bed, left bloodied and bowed
Well he's theoretically sentient,
he's human under that pain
Yeah he's theoretically sentient.
- Now if he only had a brain!
I kept a journal of all your
words, then read between the lines
I found the clues and they broke
the news my bloody Valentine
My Venus has eclipsed your
Mars, you're so retrograde
In space no one hears you
scream, but I don't do charades
Yeah you're theoretically sentient
you're human under that pain
Yeah you're theoretically sentient
Now if you only had a brain-ain-ain
I held your hand you dropped my heart
It shattered on the floor
A brittle pumping useless
thing, our walking wounded war
Your every secret in a vault,
while mine was on display
You strip-mined my soul for
fun, now watch me blast away
(UFO whirring)
Dani's Date: See, when a film is excellent
I'll always see it at least twice, because
well, you missed so much the first time
and you're caught up in the story.
Well, if there is a story, right?
Yeah. Well, in this film you
may or may not notice the use
of over saturated colours
and the almost cloyingly
rich soundscape.
But there's a very real reason for this
hyper-saturated, almost
claustrophobic atmosphere.
You see the choices that he made
Yeah. You know, I actually listened
to the exact same Filmspotting podcast.
Do like the word cloying.
Cloying. Cloying...
I wanna see your eyes.
Um...
Some people might
think that's a bit controlling.
Well I'm not a control freak.
Okay.
You've been talking to my ex-wife?
Riiiight.
This line huh? Lady choose!
People get rude when they're in
public. Anyway, like I was saying...
Way to roofie yourself.
(Dani: Really. I'm sad for you.
That's just not sustainable.)
(Dani: It's the blow.)
(Dani: It's the blow of emotional journeys)
(Dani: 10 minutes of bliss)
(Dani: That ends in red eyes
and paranoia. Dumpster fire!)
(Dani: 10 minutes of bliss.)
(Dani: That still burns
low and optimistic!)
(Kat: I feel fierce when
you say candley boy)
(Kat: We all know what
happened. Never forget.)
(Kat: I'm tapping six million reasons...)
Kat. Hey, come on we're
going to be late for class.
I'm really happy you
signed up for the Fling Force.
Me too.
I've been thinking about
the Spring Fling for years.
Kind of nerdy, right?
I just think it should
be so much cooler than
canned music and puffy dresses.
It should be more like you.
(quirky do ink)
You have 30 seconds or less.
Eden can you please
stop disturbing the students
who would like to learn?
Kat is not a truant like you.
I think Kat's exactly like me.
(quirky do ink)
Whatevs. You do you.
I'll see you after class, Kat.
Male Customer: I am going
to write a Google review
and I'm going to tell
everyone that you are a rude.
Fffffemale!
Don't forget uppity.
Customer: "Don't forget uppity."
Don't forget uppity.
Have a nice day. Sir.
Customer: Okayyyy. (Door slams)
Magnus: I like your style.
You do?
Dani: You do.
Hey Lily. This is my technician.
Uh lunkhead who spilled
bourbon on his keyboard.
You can call me Magnus.
I like lunkhead.
Give the girl your digits already dude.
Is that cool?
Cause I would love to give you my digits.
Dani: You mean your phone number, right?
Cause your fingers would be creepy.
I mean you can give me
the finger, or you know.
Finger me. Like a perp, like finger me...
Finger me. Fuck. Finger me like a perp!!
That could totally be arranged.
I think I'd like to give you my number.
Please.
Dani: Thanks. Um. I'll just recycle
this $4,000 computer and, ah..
You have a finger licking... good... day.
I can't believe I said that.
You disgust me.
Dani: Shut up.
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Katnip. I was waiting for you.
Oh. You were? Awesome sauce.
Just listening to some
of my favourite music.
Thinking about you. Us.
What were you listening to?
Just some playlists.
Oh. My mom has a lot of mixed tapes.
They're like playlists for oldsters.
Your mom sounds cool.
No. Not really.
No?
Um. You know, just a regular old mom.
Makes me smoothies.
Talks about death a lot, standard mom.
Sounds awesome.
Oh. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.
Thinking?
Your mom...
Ah.
It's okay, Kat. I know
other people have moms.
Even right wing terrorists?
My funny, mysterious beauty.
Come listen with me.
(Orange by Moscow Apartment )
I threw my mirror out my window
To make your portrait on the street
You didn't like it too much
But you said that I was sweeeeeeet
I am sweeeeeeeeeeee
Uh. I uh, have a thing!
What, later byyyyye.
(quirky do ink)
You're like the runaway bride.
It was the most perfect of moments.
A romantic fantasy?
Exactly.
We were leaning in, about to
kiss, looking into each other's eyes.
She called me an... nothing.
An endearment?
Yes. An endearment.
You're so adorable, it's ridiculous.
She was literally touching my button.
(Throw Me A Rope )
If you can see through the grey
if you can grasp my
transgressions some way
If a lie of omission won't
change your decision
If the truth I've been
hiding won't be seen as lyin'
If there's nothing
that can erase this day
Throw me a rope
I can feel the love you give is dope
And I'll share every piece of my soul
If we can just let
this small infraction go
Throw, throw me a rope
Let me climb to your
side like a fairy tale bride
Who has nothing left to hide
Please Eden throw, throw me a rope
I can feel the love you give is dope
Forgive this transgression
and take me to heaven
That's somewhere that I'm ready to go
That's somewhere that I'm ready to go
Somewhere that I'm ready to go
That's somewhere that I'm ready to go
(music fades out)
Magnus: Is the father still in the picture?
Dani: Uh. No. No, not in the picture. Um...
It's not a second date story.
I mean. It's nothing horrible.
We didn't escape from a
religious cult or anything. But...
Two more?
Yes.
Por Favor.
Dani: By the way, I don't drink at all
anymore. Well, you know, not that much.
Magnus: Me neither. I
don't usually drink tequila.
So, you know, it's not much
of a story, really. It's just, uh...
So I was with this really
jealous, controlling guy.
And um, like, he would unplug
my mic when we were doing gigs.
And he would like park outside
my house. Like a fucking detective.
And he would like break into my
phone and tell me I sucked at life.
And that, um, you know,
I dressed like a whore.
Like that's bad. Right?
Fuck. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Anyway, uh, you know, we
broke up for like the 20th time
and I thought I'm going
to fucking prove him right.
So I just like hooked up with this
random, tall, handsome stranger.
And um, and I, I, you
know, from another country
and it was like never to be seen again.
I mean. I didn't take his
number or give him mine.
He had this really even features like...
Yeah. Those guys all kinda
look the same don't they?
And. Um, anyway.
He was from like... Finland or
Austria! Or Germany! Or Mars!
Actually, it was the best
thing that ever happened to me.
It was an accident. Uh,
accidental insemination,
but the best thing that
ever happened to me.
Did I say...?
You certainly did.
Best thing that ever happened
to me. I have the fabulous Ms. Kat.
And um, I'm a blessed mess.
Kat: Mommer meme alert.
Dani: I finally met like a
really cool non-toxic guy.
I mean this time it
feels, it feels pretty good.
I, I just feel like...
Ah you know, what is love really? Right?
It's like we make each other
laugh. Our egos are in sync.
My pain body and his pain
body are stepping down.
Stevie: I think love...
Love is fully being able to
be yourself around someone.
Love...
It's wanting that person to be happy.
To get what they want.
Even if what they want...
Isn't what you want.
(school bell rings)
Kat: So... do you ever
make it to class on time?
You mean like Stevie?
No. Well. I mean. I guess so.
What's it with you two?
You like BFF's or something?
Yeah, she's really lovable
when you get to know her.
Like a puppy...
Til it jumps all over you
and gets hair all over your black sweater.
Pees on your carpet.
I'm sorry.
I'm just really, really bummed today.
It's Gertie's birthday.
At least it would be.
Oh. Um I'm so sorry.
It's kind of stupid but
every year I buy her favorite cupcake
and light a singular candle on it.
That is so not stupid.
That's really beautiful.
Would you want to light the Gertie cupcake
with me this year?
Of course.
Great. I'll pick you up at six!
Oh, uh, you mean tonight?
Well, it's her birthday.
I'm so honored that you would share
such a personal and
beautiful moment with me.
But I actually had promised Stevie
that we'd sing and cook tonight.
It's our third day of every month ritual.
Priorities. I get it.
I'm sorry.
Of course I'll light the
Gertie cupcake with you.
I'm sure Stevie will understand.
(acoustic guitar strumming)
(knock on door)
Yo. Door's open!
Hey!
I know I'm a bit early.
But I'm really stoked
to write a song.
Yeah dude, stoked is always good.
Meter's running as of now.
Magnus: I've really got to throw this down
Magnus: While it's still in my head.
Sid: Whoa, new guitar?
Magnus: Yeah. Couldn't resist.
Hard to part with the Les Paul?
Magnus: Nah. I kept them both.
So. New guitar... new song.
I guess I understand your inspiration.
Not quite. It's sweet,
but it's just a guitar.
I met this cool as shit lady.
There's something about her.
Ah. Dude's in love, huh?
I think I might be. It's crazy, I guess.
It's been like a minute,
as the kids would say.
Kids stopped saying that about an hour ago.
(guitar strumming)
Have any of you made contact
with anyone connected
to Polyamorous Diatribe?
Um. I was doing some research
on nineties punk bands
that still gig in Toronto.
I found one called Buckets of Sludge
that's, uh, interesting.
Thanks Kat. I appreciate
the effort. I really do.
I hate to bring this up again...
But my late mom.
My sweet, righteous Gertie.
She wanted me to see
Polyamorous Diatribe live.
It was her dying wish.
('80s style synth score)
(plays underneath scene)
Eden: This is where my mom
saw Polyamorous Diatribe
Eden: Play their final concert
Eden: The night I was
created. The perfect storm.
Eden: She said it was the
most beautifully tragic thing
Eden: She's ever seen.
Happy birthday Gertie.
I love you.
I brought someone very
special with me tonight.
I want you to meet my girlfriend, Kat.
Hey, Gertie.
I have my hot date. Now
all I need is my perfect ball.
('80s style synth score)
Was I hearing something
heavenly from Earth to me?
Your voice teased with
heft talking sweet things?
Are those eyes flashing insight
To the core of me. Is it really for me?
Or am I conjuring,
conjuring, conjuring...
Us...
(knock on door)
Milady, we need to talk.
Stevie: (laughs) Okay.
I am so sorry I missed dinner tonight.
Oh my gawd, you look
incredible Elder Price.
Stevie: Hello. I have a loaf for you
Stevie: Sorry. Hello!
I couldn't eat a thing tonight.
I'm just.. I need to spill.
I've been thinking about what you said.
Love is giving them what they
want. Even if it's not what you want.
Real love... is selfless.
Yes... Real love.
I have been an idiot...
Kat: But I'm going to
listen to my best friend,
and to my heart.
Okay.
I am going to get Polyamorous
Diatribe back together!
She called me her girlfriend!
Girlfriend?
But I can't get the band back
together without my bestie...
You'll help right?
Of course.
(upbeat music)
Kat: Gonna bring you
back to your glory days
Stevie: Gonna bring you back
They'll all scream your name
Stevie: You'll still be the drummer
but that's probably OK...
Sorry! Meant to put that another way!
The Big Bring Back. Oh-eh-oh-eh
The Big Bring Back
It's not like you haven't thought
it now show them you still got it
Oh-eh-oh-eh. The Big Bring Back
Gonna time machine some magic
now get you back for one more bow
Oh-eh-oh-eh. The Big Bring Back
People put their limits
squarely upon you
Once you hit the big four-oh
supposedly you're through
We get that you're
covering basic daily costs
There's a chance your fans
miss you and they feel your loss
The Big Bring Back. Oh-eh-oh-eh
The Big Bring Back. Oh-eh-oh-eh
Dani: Hey Sid
The Big Bring Back. Oh-eh-oh-eh
The Big Bring Back
(music stops)
Kat: You sure you're ok with this?
Dani: Yes sir. Comrade.
Kat: Not haunted by the ghost of gigs past?
No way.
I am feeling good and,
uh, yeah, you know what?
You'll realize as you get
older the less effs you give.
And how about the ghost of boyfriends past?
You don't have to worry
about that. I'm serious.
Sid is just a failed artist.
Sad, insecure, controlling, baby man.
He has no effect on me anymore.
He's yesterday's boiled cabbage.
I'm not reheating that hot mess. No way.
Promise?
I totally promise. Babe.
Look. I'm a serial monogamist.
I'm totally besotted with Magnus.
Dani: Sid's not going to affect me.
Or my performance. Or
anything. You have my word.
Kat: Thank you.
Come here.
Dani: Yes. You are enough.
('80s style synth score)
(phone ringing)
Hey.
Heyyyy. I have some
weird and interesting news.
We're exhuming my band to
play my daughter's prom thingy.
Are you kidding?
No.
That is righteous.
Uh, am I allowed to Google.
Polyamorous Diatribe now
and watch old videos of you?
Oh God no, no, please wait for me.
I mean. I respect that you
respect my privacy clauses
but oh my gosh.
You set the pace babe.
Always down for a little mystery.
That's why you're awesome.
Dani: Hey, did you pick your
film for our double bill yet?
Magnus: Eternal Sunshine
of the Spotless Mind.
What? That's my pick!
No way.
Yeah way, that's my pick.
Hey, how about Harry met Sally?
Uh. Yeah.
Yeah?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
Dani: Oh yes, oh God yes!
Magnus: Oh yeah. Oh God.
[Dani and Magnus together]
Yeah. Oh yes. Yeah!! Yes!!
Dani: YES!! YES!!! Ooooh! OOOOOH!!
Magnus: Give it to me!! Come on!! Oh ya.
I'll have what she's having.
Bye.
Byeeee.
('80s style synth score)
(plays underneath scene)
Kat: Thank for motivating me
and helping me make this happen.
I couldn't have a better
best friend in the world.
Just go tell her already.
Stevie: Go. You've got this.
Okay... here I go...
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
(acoustic guitar strumming)
Man it's so crazy.
Yeah?
I finally get to see my
girlfriend perform with her band.
She's a singer of this nineties punk band
that's getting back together.
Polyamorous Diatribe, heard of 'em?
Magnus: Aw it's nuts. For
her daughter's prom thing.
Magnus: Even more nuts.
Nuts!
Yeah.
Anyway I've got to jam
on my lady's tune here.
I want to surprise her with it tonight.
Magnus (singing): Picture this
Sorry bro. Stop!
Your song's not right.
It feels generic.
Like it doesn't matter
who it was written about.
Like it could have been
written about anyone.
Before it was great and now it's generic?
Look. Don't take of fence but, uh.
You know...
It's just dating a musician
is a little more complicated.
It's okay to tease a woman
like that about her quirks.
But if she's an artsy chick.
She's going to want to
think that you really see her.
And that you love all
her dysfunctional crap.
Along with the uh, you know, the good crap.
Yeah, I do love her
quirks. But I don't see any
dysfunctional crap.
If you say so.
May I see your beautiful baby here?
Sid: Just for a minute.
Sid: I'm just going to noodle
around a little bit and show
you some examples of how
we can freshen this thing up.
Some depth.
You're addictive as hillbilly heroin
And baby it's safe to
say just as dangerous
You're all the bright
lights in the world, sugar
You're a billboard blocking the sun
And all those men you been
through they mean nothing to you
You just throw the bones
on the fire when you're done
You're addictive as hillbilly heroin
You're a billboard blocking the sun
Nice ax. Bro.
Thanks for letting me take her for a spin.
Just one thing about singers.
When you date a singer.
They always have groupies.
(New Girl ) I'm a new girl now
I should show it off
I should walk myself
Around the block
Got a pocket knife
And a table cloth
I'm a new girl now
I should show it off
I should show it off
And I'm walking like a movie
And I can't sleep when you're with me
And it's getting hot inside the kitchen
'Cause I left the oven on
(music fades out)
Hey Stevie.
Hey.
Hey Stevie.
Aren't you going to be late for something?
Yeah. Sorry.
I'm going to be late for choir practice.
Kat: Oh. Okay. Well see you around.
Focus riot girl. We have a fling to plan.
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Dani: I have to hide this from Kat.
Magnus: Is she a pothead?
Oh my gawd no. No, disciplinarian.
Thank you.
Oh and...
I'm looking forward to
that song you owe me.
Well yeah, just remember that
it's my first time playing
in front of anyone.
So if you've got anything stronger
hiding in that hiding place of yours.
Maybe an eight ball?
I actually don't know what an eight
ball is. But I hear that celebs love'em.
Dani: Don't be nervous.
Dani: I'm already down to be your groupie.
('80s style synth score)
('80s style synth score)
Dani: Dani Destroyer here to...
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
(Thin Skinned )
Kat: If I'm thin
skinned is it such a sin?
Kat: Should I let you in?
Oh baby I've already let you in
Dani: I've put down my
shield climbed out of the trench
I've signed the peace
treaty I have no defence
I'm thin skinned
Yeah I'm thin skinned
Your history's ugly when
seen through his eyes
I know when it's
twisted I know what's a lie
And I'm thin skinned
yeah I'm thin skinned
I'm thin skinned is it such a sin?
Oh babe should I let you in
Stevie: I'm thin skinned
Stevie: If I'm thin skinned
If I'm thin skinned is it
such a sin to be thin skinned
If I'm thin skinned is it such a sin?
Oh babe should I let you in?
I've already let you in
cause I'm thin skinned
Kat: A sensitivity lobotomy
Would feel so sweet
Slide the needle in my heart
that would sweep me off my feet
Cause I'm thin skinned
Yeah I'm thin skinned
Kat: If I'm thin skinned
should I let you in?
Oh baby I've already let you in
(music ends)
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Right. But that's the offer they
agreed to. In writing I might add.
Ugh. Are these gluten-free?
Stevie: Are you talking to me?
Sorry. No. There's a whiff
of wheat in that fellow.
Well why don't you call me back
when you put your big boy
pants on and you've dealt with it.
Sorry. My big boy pants?
Yeah. I seriously need you to do your job.
Eden: I need to deliver that java.
Eden: But it was nice seeing you.
Oh, you didn't put sugar
in that did you, sweetheart?
No. Um, gotta jet.
These skates aren't going
to lace up themselves.
Eden's Mom: Let's go.
Eden's Mom: Not so tight. Jesus.
(electric guitar strumming)
Sid: She's not showing up.
Whipping girl. Whipping girl,
I wanna be your whipping girl.
Whipping girl. Whipping girl,
whipping girl, whipping girl.
(door slam upstairs)
I wanna be your whipping girl.
(bang into door)
(door knob rattling)
I'm not sure if I'm a sexy
robot or a small skyscraper.
I remember when you could
actually pull that look off.
Definitely sexy robot.
Definitely pulling it off.
Hey.
Hey.
Lily: You're late.
Let's get right into this eh?
We need at least two sets.
Cymbal. Check.
(door closes)
Nice place.
Just a regular sweet crib.
Catnip. I've been such a jerk.
I forgot how intense it is
to be around my entourage.
Not nice at all.
Sweetest princess in all the land.
Please let me make it up to you?
Please.
A brutal pumping useless
thing our walking wounded war
Your every secret in a vault
while mine was on display
You strip-mined my soul for
fun. Now watch me blast away
Pretty pretty kitty...
Uh... do you want to see something special?
I thought you'd never ask.
Polyamorous Diatribe
is rehearsing right now.
What? Oh my God. Oh my
God take me there please?
Please. Please. Please, please. Let's go.
('80s style synth score)
('80s style synth score)
(door closes upstairs)
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Talk about breaking the
ice. That was hot. Hot, hot.
What?
Thank you for taking
me there. Seriously. I'm...
I'm totally, totally in love.
Sweet dreams. My beauty.
Um.
This is... This is intoxicating, but uh...
But, you have a man friend.
No. It's not, it's not that.
Come on Dani. I know you do. It's okay.
I like being on the other
side of the equation better.
What?
I get hot Dani and he gets hot mess Dani.
Relax! You don't have
to pretend to be indignant.
I am indignant.
Come on Dani, I know you have
a boyfriend and I'm cool with it.
Dani: What?
Picture this. Picture this.
What the fuck are you doing?
No way. He didn't sing your song?
Dani: What?
Sid: Couldn't take it could
he? Poor little rich boy.
You know Magnus?
Screw you. Get out of the fucking way.
(door opens and closes)
Have a good time?
Baby.
Don't baby me.
You're the one who's acting infantile.
I assure you I'm not falling for Sid again.
Oh. So. You're going to
tailor the lie to what I saw?
Excuse me?
I thought that you
were totally into Magnus.
It was a momentary lapse.
You are weak and a liar.
Who are you?
Who are you?!
I'm a human being!
Don't manipulate me.
This is about you and Sid. And you
looking me in the eyes and lying about it.
It was a mistake.
You know I had my first kiss tonight.
Uh, but instead of telling
you about it, you ruined it.
Like you ruin everything.
Sweetheart. That's amazing.
Amazing!? Nothing is okay. Nothing!
I'm not going to change the
world with my stupid songs
anymore than you did.
You have to believe that the
world will change. You have to.
What a joke. You can't
even change yourself.
Sweetie...
(door slam)
Stevie: Hey!
Stevie: What happened?
She is such a liar!
Oh my. I... I'm so sorry.
I. I wanted to tell you.
But I didn't know how.
What? You knew?
I ran into them. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
You knew that my mom and
Sid were back at it. You knew.
No!
You convinced me that it
would be okay and you knew.
I didn't know that. I didn't. I'm sorry.
Quit saying sorry, Stevie.
It doesn't mean anything.
(Halfway by Moscow Apartment )
(spray paint can is shaken. Then sprays)
Eden: Just put the Deluxe
Destroyer on the counter.
And this time it better have extra sauce.
Sorry, extra sauce?
Eden: Ugh. How did you get in here?
I know you lied to Kat.
That's your treat. Now run along.
You lied to her. That was your
mom at the rink. I know it was.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.
Either way she's dead to me
and you don't want to be
added to that list, do you?
You're a liar. You don't love
Kat. You don't even know her.
I'll get to know parts
of Kat you never will.
If you hurt Kat, I'll hurt you.
I'll expose the truth to everybody.
Okay crazy. Good luck with that one.
Try me.
You're not my type.
Expose me you'll hurt
your precious little Kat
more than you'll ever hurt me.
You don't want to ruin her
Spring Fling now do you?
Screw you Eden!
(door slams)
(Orange by Moscow Apartment ) (fades in)
I didn't like the colour orange
as it creeps cross my floor
At midnight
But now it takes on a new
shape as my face goes night day
In the headlights
I work in time in crooked lines
You flipped the script
but I'm not off book yet
I guess that's what I get
It's movie night
The lights are too good to be true
And I just might
Break my camera finding you
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true. And I just might
(trumpet solo)
There's a hole in my ceiling
and you point down at me
Every time I go feeling
you get a hold of me
I threw my mirror out the window
To make your portrait on the street
You didn't like it too much
but you said that I was
Sweeeeeeeeeeet
I am sweeeeeet
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true. And I just might
Break my camera finding you
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true And I just might
I didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
Didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
Didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
(song fades out)
I. I am so sorry.
Stevie: I wish that-.
It's okay. I hate that you
kept that from me but,
I know you were just trying to protect me.
And I must say, you
look perfect, Grace Kelly.
No, you look perfect. Ziggy Stardust.
We look perfect.
Don't you think?
Where's your date, Stevie?
Flying solo, I guess. All
the angels were taken.
('80's style synth score)
(plays underneath scene)
It's beautiful.
All for you.
Hey, um, why'd you ask
Stevie who her date was?
Eden: She just looks so pretty.
I was wondering who that would be for.
Well, maybe she just likes
looking beautiful for herself.
Beautiful huh?
Well, you're her best friend.
Who does she have a crush on?
It's not a trick question.
Uh... when do the doors open?
About 15 minutes.
Okay. Uh, I'm just gonna go for...
Eden: I got us in early
so we could be alone.
I'll be back. Don't worry.
(music fades out)
She's not showing up.
She does this to us every freaking time.
(empty beer cans) Owww! Faaawwwk!
Really?
This is my daughter's school.
Can we be fucking humans for a second?
If you think I'm doing this straight...
Where's Diva?
I haven't seen her. Dani:
Where the fuck is Diva?
Rager?
Dani: No one's seen Diva?
Oh my gawd. I can't believe
this is history repeating itself
a fucking
You know what? I'm just
like-I'm so sick of this shit.
Relax! Dani: What the fuck??
Is wrong with you?
('80s style synth score)
I cannot believe I'm about
to announce this band.
This is all because of
someone very special to me.
Bless your big, sexy heart Kitty Kat.
I now introduce...
Polyamorous Diatribe!!
(crowd cheers)
(crowd cheers) Whooo-hooo!!
Hello Ashdale Heights!
We are Polyamorous Diatribe
and we are now a power thruple.
All right.
(Theoretically
Sentient ) (guitar riff)
Once I had it very bad.
I had it every which way
The words I heard left me feeling
blurred, a line was crossed that day
Subtext sometimes sinks your
soul. A different kind of loud
Torpedoed dead in my unmade
bed. Left bloodied and bowed
Well he's theoretically sentient.
He's human under that pain
Yeah he's theoretically sentient.
Now if he only had a brain!
I kept a journal of all your
words then read between the lines
I found the clues and they broke
the news, my bloody Valentine
I can't believe this is actually happening.
My Venus has eclipsed your
Mars. You're so retrograde
In space no one hears you
scream, but I don't do charades
Yeah you're theoretically sentient,
you're human under that pain
Yeah you're theoretically
sentient, now if you only had a brain
I held your hand you dropped my heart
It shattered on the floor
A brutal pumping useless thing
Our walking wounded war
Your every secret in a vault
while mine was on display
You strip-mined my soul for
fun, now watch me blast away
(crowd roars with approval)
(crowd goes silent)
(feedback from guitar) (crowd is silent)
Male Audience Member: Go home.
(crowd booing)
Eden: It's fine, please calm
down, I'm gonna fix this.
It's going to be ok.
It's not going to be ok!
(crowd is silent)
We got this.
We don't got this.
Not we. We.
We are Memory Hole.
And this is "Six Million Reasons".
(guitar starts)
I feel fierce when you say candley boy
We all know what happened never forget
Reducing history to a mystery
Even in your silence you aid and abet
I'm tapping six million reasons
to stomp on your li-i-i-i-ies
Six million reasons
for six million li-i-i-i-ies
(magical music)
(sword unsheathing)
(guitar strumming)
I'd bash every fasch
If it meant you would be my match
Though I'd do it anyway hey hey!
Hey future wife with
you I'd share my life
By Karl Marx's grace
in a fully automated
Luxury gay commune in space
Commune in space commune in space
Commune in space commune in space
Commune in spaaaaaace!
Crowd: Memory Hole! Memory
Hole! Memory Hole! Memory Hole!
You did such a good job.
Eden's Mom: Edith, sweetie.
I told you to leave. Leave. Get out.
Get out. Get out of here now!
Eden: Oh gawd!!
Dani: Hon?
Hey. Dani: Hi
I'm sorry I was so hard
on you. You're only human.
Theoretically. Just theoretically.
You were amazing.
You were amazing. I'm so proud of you.
I'm so, so fucking proud.
Thank you.
Love you baby. Kat: Love you too.
('80s style synth score)
Stevie: What are you doing?
Stevie: Dragging me
into Eden's stupid limo...
Kat: I will never take
you for granted again.
('80s style synth score)
I am so stupid for you.
('80s style synth score)
('80s style synth score)
I'm so stupid for you too.
('80s style synth score)
Stevie: What about Eden?
Kat: Meh.
It's movie night
The lights are too good to be true
And I just might
Break my camera finding you
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true. And I just might
(trumpet solo)
There's a hole in my ceiling
and you point down at me
Every time I go feeling
you get a hold of me
I threw my mirror out the window
To make your portrait on the street
You didn't like it too much
but you said that I was
Sweeeeeeeeeeet
I am sweeeeeet
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true. And I just might
Break my camera finding you
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true And I just might
I didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
Didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
Didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
(song fades out)
I've got history covered
and I know every deet of world war two
I'm crushing civics. I'm passing math
But I'm stupid, so stupid for you
How are you?
Good
How are things?
Okay
How are you?
Still pretty good
How's it going anywayyyy?
But I'm so stupid
So very stupid
So stupid for you
I'm so stupid
Oh so stupid
So stupid for you
Someday I wanna win a Nobel
And tell the fascists to go to hell
Ultimately ring your bell
And charm you with a savvy spell
How are you?
Great
How are things?
Okay
How are you?
Still pretty good
How's it going anywayyyy?
But I'm so stupid
So very stupid
So stupid for you
I'm so stupid
Oh so stupid
So stupid for you
At three I thought my life would be
All about paleontology
But too soon at the age of four
I thought those fossilized
finds would be a snore
At five I thought I'd try for more
Hey I was never beat on any score!
Now I finally understand
If you and I were holding hands
My nervousness might go away
If you liked me the very same way
You'd be shaking
You'd be shaking
You'd be totally shaking
But I'm so stupid
Oh so stupid
So hopelessly stupid for you
Yeah, I'm so stupid
Or is it stupid?
Or maybe it's not stupid at all
No
No
No
So stupid for you
So stupid for you
(song fades out)
Stevie: Please tell me that we'll
never stop dancing on my bed.
Kat: You're my best friend Stevie,
that's never going to happen.
I was meant to be yours.
We were meant to be one.
Don't give up on me now.
Finish what we've begun.
You were meant to be
mine, I am all that you need.
You carved open my heart,
can't just leave me to bleed.
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
My mom won't be here to see me graduate.
She won't be here to do my makeup.
She won't be here to help me
pick out a Spring Fling outfit.
She's not here physically.
She's up here.
I was conceived in the back of a 1999 RAV4
after the final concert
Polyamorous Diatribe
ever played.
So this isn't just a fling for me.
This is a fulfillment of a
promise I made to myself,
and to the beautiful, courageous
woman who gave me this crazy life.
This is for Gertie.
My riot girl mom
who died too young.
This will be an event worthy of her
and her favourite band will play at it.
So I really need your guys help for this.
Eden: The Spring Fling plan.
(thwap!) Dani Destroyer.
Lead singer and songwriter
of Polyamorous Diatribe.
(thwap!) Sid Savage.
He was the bringer of band death
with advanced gaslighting techiques.
(thwap!) Diva.
Backup singer to Dani Destroyer
(thwap!) Lily Lightspeed. Bass player.
She bites.
(thwap!) James Rager.
He went a little loopy. Approach carefully.
The band imploded among controversy
after they finally got their hit song.
And by hit. I mean, it was played
in every single Canadian province
and possibly a club in LA.
Dani Destroyer did an epic mic drop
and hasn't been back on stage since.
(school bell rings)
Kat: I want Eden to like me for me.
Not for my personal pull
with Polyamorous Diatribe.
Eden would be a fool not to
see how awesome you are.
Oh. I'm sure. Because
there's so much to love here.
Like the way I constantly
bolt in full panic mode
from everything.
Or how I repeat the same four
sentences over and over again.
Don't talk to yourself like that.
Be kind to my friend, Kat.
You are so amazing, Kat.
You have the most expressive eyes.
Like you've been on this
planet for a thousand years.
Who couldn't love the way you hum
while you're writing music?
Or the way that you eat your
popcorn one kernel at a time.
That's a pretty specific list.
(detective theme style score)
(music fades out)
Hey Kat.
Oh. Hey Eden.
How are you? Eden: Doing good.
How you doing?
Great. Yeah, how are you?
Still good.
Eden: Handy. How's this work?
Ummm. I just used canvas
material and acrylic paint.
Eden: I mean how does
the patch kill fascists?
Right! Uh. Well, see, I used
a special Antifa acrylic, that
melts... their... lovely... eyes.
Cool. So a lovely-eyed fascist remover.
Sounds like I need one.
I know a few fascists I'd like to remove.
I could totally make you one.
No. I was joking. You
don't have to make me one.
Me too. Joking.
Unless you want to.
I was joking too. Yeah.
Well I will see you later. Gator.
(swoosh)
(Stupid For You )
I've got history covered
and I know every deet of world war two
I'm crushing civics. I'm passing math
But I'm stupid, so stupid for you
How are you?
Good
How are things?
Okay
How are you?
Still pretty good
How's it going anyway
(knock knock knock)
Dani: You sound amaze
balls comrades. Soup's on.
(mouthing amaze balls silently)
Dani: You guys sound so good.
Dani: When's Memory
Hole bringing it to the stage?
When are you guys playing live?
There's a performance lab
at school on Wednesday.
Uh. You sound great, Stevie.
Um, but I'm not ready for that.
Dani: Are you kidding me?
You are beyond ready.
You really are Kat.
You're kind of spectacular
you know?
Dani: Get your fabulous self out there.
If it's so great. Why did you stop
putting your fabulous self out there?
Yeah... you know
I went out on a bit of a sour note.
I started counting flowers on the wall.
Aw, man, I am just like a Ted
talk away from getting it all back.
Brene Brown baby. Be the gladiator.
Be the gladiator?
Yeah. Be the gladiator.
You're either the
judgmental jerk in the stands,
just observing, or you're the gladiator
swinging that thing in the ring. Right?
Dani: Yeah. Swinging that thing.
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
(one person clapping,
then a couple more claps)
(loud throat clearing)
Orwell was an SJW. Ezra pounded his ass.
The Holocaust was the first
fake news spoon fed to us in class.
Wake up you sheeple,
living life through a peephole.
Flaunting their scrolls
and their "candley boys",
waving them in my face.
Student: You lot are
worse, eating up their ploys.
Take of fence and bite me. Libtard race.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa. Okay, okay...
(loud booing) It's called
freedom of speech.
That's quite enough.
Eden! Quickly... quickly!
(clapping)
A concrete cocoon
(pounding heartbeat) built of every small
(pounding heartbeat)
hard thought I've ever had.
(heartbeat pounds while Eden's
voice becomes increasingly distorted)
Eden: This next band
I'm really excited for.
Eden: So let's give it up for Memory Hole.
(loud screeching brakes)
Stevie: We got this.
Male Audience Member: See ya!
Student: Run little snowflake.
Going to miss your
loser train to libtard town!
Eden: Let's go.
Dani: Aw babe.
Kat: I ran away like an idiot child.
You know, most of us suffer
from imposter syndrome.
We think we're fooling
everyone, even ourselves...
But it just shows, you know,
you have humility and depth.
That you question whether you're relevant.
That you question whether
or not you can even sing or...
Walk across a room.
Mommer?
What happened to me is
not going to happen to you.
It's nurture. Not nature.
I promise, I promise.
('80s style synth score)
How many reminders does one girl need?
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Loser ran away because she
heard me speaking the truth.
SJW.
Hey girl.
Love how you blew off
your gig yesterday. Ballsy.
Yeah.
No. I'm serious that was
bad ass, I'm impressed.
You should see me blow off my homework.
Even more bad ass. Eden: Mmm hmmm.
(quirky do ink)
You good?
Oh yeah, totally. Yeah.
(quirky do ink)
Later gator.
Stevie: What happened?
Kat: Eden was. Oh, crap.
Eden was being totally cool with me.
We were having this
incredible natural moment.
Then she opens her locker
and taped to the inside is my mom's face.
Noooo.
A hardcore Polyamorous Diatribe fan.
Your mom's face!? Buzzkill.
Dani: Ya gotta go. OK?
It's been really...
Fuck.
('80s style synth score)
(UFO whirring)
(punk music)
Once I had it very bad
I had it every which way
The words I heard left me feeling
blurred, a line was crossed that day
Subtext sometimes sinks
your soul a different kind of loud
Torpedoed dead in my unmade
bed, left bloodied and bowed
Well he's theoretically sentient,
he's human under that pain
Yeah he's theoretically sentient.
- Now if he only had a brain!
I kept a journal of all your
words, then read between the lines
I found the clues and they broke
the news my bloody Valentine
My Venus has eclipsed your
Mars, you're so retrograde
In space no one hears you
scream, but I don't do charades
Yeah you're theoretically sentient
you're human under that pain
Yeah you're theoretically sentient
Now if you only had a brain-ain-ain
I held your hand you dropped my heart
It shattered on the floor
A brittle pumping useless
thing, our walking wounded war
Your every secret in a vault,
while mine was on display
You strip-mined my soul for
fun, now watch me blast away
(UFO whirring)
Dani's Date: See, when a film is excellent
I'll always see it at least twice, because
well, you missed so much the first time
and you're caught up in the story.
Well, if there is a story, right?
Yeah. Well, in this film you
may or may not notice the use
of over saturated colours
and the almost cloyingly
rich soundscape.
But there's a very real reason for this
hyper-saturated, almost
claustrophobic atmosphere.
You see the choices that he made
Yeah. You know, I actually listened
to the exact same Filmspotting podcast.
Do like the word cloying.
Cloying. Cloying...
I wanna see your eyes.
Um...
Some people might
think that's a bit controlling.
Well I'm not a control freak.
Okay.
You've been talking to my ex-wife?
Riiiight.
This line huh? Lady choose!
People get rude when they're in
public. Anyway, like I was saying...
Way to roofie yourself.
(Dani: Really. I'm sad for you.
That's just not sustainable.)
(Dani: It's the blow.)
(Dani: It's the blow of emotional journeys)
(Dani: 10 minutes of bliss)
(Dani: That ends in red eyes
and paranoia. Dumpster fire!)
(Dani: 10 minutes of bliss.)
(Dani: That still burns
low and optimistic!)
(Kat: I feel fierce when
you say candley boy)
(Kat: We all know what
happened. Never forget.)
(Kat: I'm tapping six million reasons...)
Kat. Hey, come on we're
going to be late for class.
I'm really happy you
signed up for the Fling Force.
Me too.
I've been thinking about
the Spring Fling for years.
Kind of nerdy, right?
I just think it should
be so much cooler than
canned music and puffy dresses.
It should be more like you.
(quirky do ink)
You have 30 seconds or less.
Eden can you please
stop disturbing the students
who would like to learn?
Kat is not a truant like you.
I think Kat's exactly like me.
(quirky do ink)
Whatevs. You do you.
I'll see you after class, Kat.
Male Customer: I am going
to write a Google review
and I'm going to tell
everyone that you are a rude.
Fffffemale!
Don't forget uppity.
Customer: "Don't forget uppity."
Don't forget uppity.
Have a nice day. Sir.
Customer: Okayyyy. (Door slams)
Magnus: I like your style.
You do?
Dani: You do.
Hey Lily. This is my technician.
Uh lunkhead who spilled
bourbon on his keyboard.
You can call me Magnus.
I like lunkhead.
Give the girl your digits already dude.
Is that cool?
Cause I would love to give you my digits.
Dani: You mean your phone number, right?
Cause your fingers would be creepy.
I mean you can give me
the finger, or you know.
Finger me. Like a perp, like finger me...
Finger me. Fuck. Finger me like a perp!!
That could totally be arranged.
I think I'd like to give you my number.
Please.
Dani: Thanks. Um. I'll just recycle
this $4,000 computer and, ah..
You have a finger licking... good... day.
I can't believe I said that.
You disgust me.
Dani: Shut up.
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Katnip. I was waiting for you.
Oh. You were? Awesome sauce.
Just listening to some
of my favourite music.
Thinking about you. Us.
What were you listening to?
Just some playlists.
Oh. My mom has a lot of mixed tapes.
They're like playlists for oldsters.
Your mom sounds cool.
No. Not really.
No?
Um. You know, just a regular old mom.
Makes me smoothies.
Talks about death a lot, standard mom.
Sounds awesome.
Oh. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.
Thinking?
Your mom...
Ah.
It's okay, Kat. I know
other people have moms.
Even right wing terrorists?
My funny, mysterious beauty.
Come listen with me.
(Orange by Moscow Apartment )
I threw my mirror out my window
To make your portrait on the street
You didn't like it too much
But you said that I was sweeeeeeet
I am sweeeeeeeeeeee
Uh. I uh, have a thing!
What, later byyyyye.
(quirky do ink)
You're like the runaway bride.
It was the most perfect of moments.
A romantic fantasy?
Exactly.
We were leaning in, about to
kiss, looking into each other's eyes.
She called me an... nothing.
An endearment?
Yes. An endearment.
You're so adorable, it's ridiculous.
She was literally touching my button.
(Throw Me A Rope )
If you can see through the grey
if you can grasp my
transgressions some way
If a lie of omission won't
change your decision
If the truth I've been
hiding won't be seen as lyin'
If there's nothing
that can erase this day
Throw me a rope
I can feel the love you give is dope
And I'll share every piece of my soul
If we can just let
this small infraction go
Throw, throw me a rope
Let me climb to your
side like a fairy tale bride
Who has nothing left to hide
Please Eden throw, throw me a rope
I can feel the love you give is dope
Forgive this transgression
and take me to heaven
That's somewhere that I'm ready to go
That's somewhere that I'm ready to go
Somewhere that I'm ready to go
That's somewhere that I'm ready to go
(music fades out)
Magnus: Is the father still in the picture?
Dani: Uh. No. No, not in the picture. Um...
It's not a second date story.
I mean. It's nothing horrible.
We didn't escape from a
religious cult or anything. But...
Two more?
Yes.
Por Favor.
Dani: By the way, I don't drink at all
anymore. Well, you know, not that much.
Magnus: Me neither. I
don't usually drink tequila.
So, you know, it's not much
of a story, really. It's just, uh...
So I was with this really
jealous, controlling guy.
And um, like, he would unplug
my mic when we were doing gigs.
And he would like park outside
my house. Like a fucking detective.
And he would like break into my
phone and tell me I sucked at life.
And that, um, you know,
I dressed like a whore.
Like that's bad. Right?
Fuck. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Anyway, uh, you know, we
broke up for like the 20th time
and I thought I'm going
to fucking prove him right.
So I just like hooked up with this
random, tall, handsome stranger.
And um, and I, I, you
know, from another country
and it was like never to be seen again.
I mean. I didn't take his
number or give him mine.
He had this really even features like...
Yeah. Those guys all kinda
look the same don't they?
And. Um, anyway.
He was from like... Finland or
Austria! Or Germany! Or Mars!
Actually, it was the best
thing that ever happened to me.
It was an accident. Uh,
accidental insemination,
but the best thing that
ever happened to me.
Did I say...?
You certainly did.
Best thing that ever happened
to me. I have the fabulous Ms. Kat.
And um, I'm a blessed mess.
Kat: Mommer meme alert.
Dani: I finally met like a
really cool non-toxic guy.
I mean this time it
feels, it feels pretty good.
I, I just feel like...
Ah you know, what is love really? Right?
It's like we make each other
laugh. Our egos are in sync.
My pain body and his pain
body are stepping down.
Stevie: I think love...
Love is fully being able to
be yourself around someone.
Love...
It's wanting that person to be happy.
To get what they want.
Even if what they want...
Isn't what you want.
(school bell rings)
Kat: So... do you ever
make it to class on time?
You mean like Stevie?
No. Well. I mean. I guess so.
What's it with you two?
You like BFF's or something?
Yeah, she's really lovable
when you get to know her.
Like a puppy...
Til it jumps all over you
and gets hair all over your black sweater.
Pees on your carpet.
I'm sorry.
I'm just really, really bummed today.
It's Gertie's birthday.
At least it would be.
Oh. Um I'm so sorry.
It's kind of stupid but
every year I buy her favorite cupcake
and light a singular candle on it.
That is so not stupid.
That's really beautiful.
Would you want to light the Gertie cupcake
with me this year?
Of course.
Great. I'll pick you up at six!
Oh, uh, you mean tonight?
Well, it's her birthday.
I'm so honored that you would share
such a personal and
beautiful moment with me.
But I actually had promised Stevie
that we'd sing and cook tonight.
It's our third day of every month ritual.
Priorities. I get it.
I'm sorry.
Of course I'll light the
Gertie cupcake with you.
I'm sure Stevie will understand.
(acoustic guitar strumming)
(knock on door)
Yo. Door's open!
Hey!
I know I'm a bit early.
But I'm really stoked
to write a song.
Yeah dude, stoked is always good.
Meter's running as of now.
Magnus: I've really got to throw this down
Magnus: While it's still in my head.
Sid: Whoa, new guitar?
Magnus: Yeah. Couldn't resist.
Hard to part with the Les Paul?
Magnus: Nah. I kept them both.
So. New guitar... new song.
I guess I understand your inspiration.
Not quite. It's sweet,
but it's just a guitar.
I met this cool as shit lady.
There's something about her.
Ah. Dude's in love, huh?
I think I might be. It's crazy, I guess.
It's been like a minute,
as the kids would say.
Kids stopped saying that about an hour ago.
(guitar strumming)
Have any of you made contact
with anyone connected
to Polyamorous Diatribe?
Um. I was doing some research
on nineties punk bands
that still gig in Toronto.
I found one called Buckets of Sludge
that's, uh, interesting.
Thanks Kat. I appreciate
the effort. I really do.
I hate to bring this up again...
But my late mom.
My sweet, righteous Gertie.
She wanted me to see
Polyamorous Diatribe live.
It was her dying wish.
('80s style synth score)
(plays underneath scene)
Eden: This is where my mom
saw Polyamorous Diatribe
Eden: Play their final concert
Eden: The night I was
created. The perfect storm.
Eden: She said it was the
most beautifully tragic thing
Eden: She's ever seen.
Happy birthday Gertie.
I love you.
I brought someone very
special with me tonight.
I want you to meet my girlfriend, Kat.
Hey, Gertie.
I have my hot date. Now
all I need is my perfect ball.
('80s style synth score)
Was I hearing something
heavenly from Earth to me?
Your voice teased with
heft talking sweet things?
Are those eyes flashing insight
To the core of me. Is it really for me?
Or am I conjuring,
conjuring, conjuring...
Us...
(knock on door)
Milady, we need to talk.
Stevie: (laughs) Okay.
I am so sorry I missed dinner tonight.
Oh my gawd, you look
incredible Elder Price.
Stevie: Hello. I have a loaf for you
Stevie: Sorry. Hello!
I couldn't eat a thing tonight.
I'm just.. I need to spill.
I've been thinking about what you said.
Love is giving them what they
want. Even if it's not what you want.
Real love... is selfless.
Yes... Real love.
I have been an idiot...
Kat: But I'm going to
listen to my best friend,
and to my heart.
Okay.
I am going to get Polyamorous
Diatribe back together!
She called me her girlfriend!
Girlfriend?
But I can't get the band back
together without my bestie...
You'll help right?
Of course.
(upbeat music)
Kat: Gonna bring you
back to your glory days
Stevie: Gonna bring you back
They'll all scream your name
Stevie: You'll still be the drummer
but that's probably OK...
Sorry! Meant to put that another way!
The Big Bring Back. Oh-eh-oh-eh
The Big Bring Back
It's not like you haven't thought
it now show them you still got it
Oh-eh-oh-eh. The Big Bring Back
Gonna time machine some magic
now get you back for one more bow
Oh-eh-oh-eh. The Big Bring Back
People put their limits
squarely upon you
Once you hit the big four-oh
supposedly you're through
We get that you're
covering basic daily costs
There's a chance your fans
miss you and they feel your loss
The Big Bring Back. Oh-eh-oh-eh
The Big Bring Back. Oh-eh-oh-eh
Dani: Hey Sid
The Big Bring Back. Oh-eh-oh-eh
The Big Bring Back
(music stops)
Kat: You sure you're ok with this?
Dani: Yes sir. Comrade.
Kat: Not haunted by the ghost of gigs past?
No way.
I am feeling good and,
uh, yeah, you know what?
You'll realize as you get
older the less effs you give.
And how about the ghost of boyfriends past?
You don't have to worry
about that. I'm serious.
Sid is just a failed artist.
Sad, insecure, controlling, baby man.
He has no effect on me anymore.
He's yesterday's boiled cabbage.
I'm not reheating that hot mess. No way.
Promise?
I totally promise. Babe.
Look. I'm a serial monogamist.
I'm totally besotted with Magnus.
Dani: Sid's not going to affect me.
Or my performance. Or
anything. You have my word.
Kat: Thank you.
Come here.
Dani: Yes. You are enough.
('80s style synth score)
(phone ringing)
Hey.
Heyyyy. I have some
weird and interesting news.
We're exhuming my band to
play my daughter's prom thingy.
Are you kidding?
No.
That is righteous.
Uh, am I allowed to Google.
Polyamorous Diatribe now
and watch old videos of you?
Oh God no, no, please wait for me.
I mean. I respect that you
respect my privacy clauses
but oh my gosh.
You set the pace babe.
Always down for a little mystery.
That's why you're awesome.
Dani: Hey, did you pick your
film for our double bill yet?
Magnus: Eternal Sunshine
of the Spotless Mind.
What? That's my pick!
No way.
Yeah way, that's my pick.
Hey, how about Harry met Sally?
Uh. Yeah.
Yeah?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
Dani: Oh yes, oh God yes!
Magnus: Oh yeah. Oh God.
[Dani and Magnus together]
Yeah. Oh yes. Yeah!! Yes!!
Dani: YES!! YES!!! Ooooh! OOOOOH!!
Magnus: Give it to me!! Come on!! Oh ya.
I'll have what she's having.
Bye.
Byeeee.
('80s style synth score)
(plays underneath scene)
Kat: Thank for motivating me
and helping me make this happen.
I couldn't have a better
best friend in the world.
Just go tell her already.
Stevie: Go. You've got this.
Okay... here I go...
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
(acoustic guitar strumming)
Man it's so crazy.
Yeah?
I finally get to see my
girlfriend perform with her band.
She's a singer of this nineties punk band
that's getting back together.
Polyamorous Diatribe, heard of 'em?
Magnus: Aw it's nuts. For
her daughter's prom thing.
Magnus: Even more nuts.
Nuts!
Yeah.
Anyway I've got to jam
on my lady's tune here.
I want to surprise her with it tonight.
Magnus (singing): Picture this
Sorry bro. Stop!
Your song's not right.
It feels generic.
Like it doesn't matter
who it was written about.
Like it could have been
written about anyone.
Before it was great and now it's generic?
Look. Don't take of fence but, uh.
You know...
It's just dating a musician
is a little more complicated.
It's okay to tease a woman
like that about her quirks.
But if she's an artsy chick.
She's going to want to
think that you really see her.
And that you love all
her dysfunctional crap.
Along with the uh, you know, the good crap.
Yeah, I do love her
quirks. But I don't see any
dysfunctional crap.
If you say so.
May I see your beautiful baby here?
Sid: Just for a minute.
Sid: I'm just going to noodle
around a little bit and show
you some examples of how
we can freshen this thing up.
Some depth.
You're addictive as hillbilly heroin
And baby it's safe to
say just as dangerous
You're all the bright
lights in the world, sugar
You're a billboard blocking the sun
And all those men you been
through they mean nothing to you
You just throw the bones
on the fire when you're done
You're addictive as hillbilly heroin
You're a billboard blocking the sun
Nice ax. Bro.
Thanks for letting me take her for a spin.
Just one thing about singers.
When you date a singer.
They always have groupies.
(New Girl ) I'm a new girl now
I should show it off
I should walk myself
Around the block
Got a pocket knife
And a table cloth
I'm a new girl now
I should show it off
I should show it off
And I'm walking like a movie
And I can't sleep when you're with me
And it's getting hot inside the kitchen
'Cause I left the oven on
(music fades out)
Hey Stevie.
Hey.
Hey Stevie.
Aren't you going to be late for something?
Yeah. Sorry.
I'm going to be late for choir practice.
Kat: Oh. Okay. Well see you around.
Focus riot girl. We have a fling to plan.
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Dani: I have to hide this from Kat.
Magnus: Is she a pothead?
Oh my gawd no. No, disciplinarian.
Thank you.
Oh and...
I'm looking forward to
that song you owe me.
Well yeah, just remember that
it's my first time playing
in front of anyone.
So if you've got anything stronger
hiding in that hiding place of yours.
Maybe an eight ball?
I actually don't know what an eight
ball is. But I hear that celebs love'em.
Dani: Don't be nervous.
Dani: I'm already down to be your groupie.
('80s style synth score)
('80s style synth score)
Dani: Dani Destroyer here to...
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
(Thin Skinned )
Kat: If I'm thin
skinned is it such a sin?
Kat: Should I let you in?
Oh baby I've already let you in
Dani: I've put down my
shield climbed out of the trench
I've signed the peace
treaty I have no defence
I'm thin skinned
Yeah I'm thin skinned
Your history's ugly when
seen through his eyes
I know when it's
twisted I know what's a lie
And I'm thin skinned
yeah I'm thin skinned
I'm thin skinned is it such a sin?
Oh babe should I let you in
Stevie: I'm thin skinned
Stevie: If I'm thin skinned
If I'm thin skinned is it
such a sin to be thin skinned
If I'm thin skinned is it such a sin?
Oh babe should I let you in?
I've already let you in
cause I'm thin skinned
Kat: A sensitivity lobotomy
Would feel so sweet
Slide the needle in my heart
that would sweep me off my feet
Cause I'm thin skinned
Yeah I'm thin skinned
Kat: If I'm thin skinned
should I let you in?
Oh baby I've already let you in
(music ends)
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Right. But that's the offer they
agreed to. In writing I might add.
Ugh. Are these gluten-free?
Stevie: Are you talking to me?
Sorry. No. There's a whiff
of wheat in that fellow.
Well why don't you call me back
when you put your big boy
pants on and you've dealt with it.
Sorry. My big boy pants?
Yeah. I seriously need you to do your job.
Eden: I need to deliver that java.
Eden: But it was nice seeing you.
Oh, you didn't put sugar
in that did you, sweetheart?
No. Um, gotta jet.
These skates aren't going
to lace up themselves.
Eden's Mom: Let's go.
Eden's Mom: Not so tight. Jesus.
(electric guitar strumming)
Sid: She's not showing up.
Whipping girl. Whipping girl,
I wanna be your whipping girl.
Whipping girl. Whipping girl,
whipping girl, whipping girl.
(door slam upstairs)
I wanna be your whipping girl.
(bang into door)
(door knob rattling)
I'm not sure if I'm a sexy
robot or a small skyscraper.
I remember when you could
actually pull that look off.
Definitely sexy robot.
Definitely pulling it off.
Hey.
Hey.
Lily: You're late.
Let's get right into this eh?
We need at least two sets.
Cymbal. Check.
(door closes)
Nice place.
Just a regular sweet crib.
Catnip. I've been such a jerk.
I forgot how intense it is
to be around my entourage.
Not nice at all.
Sweetest princess in all the land.
Please let me make it up to you?
Please.
A brutal pumping useless
thing our walking wounded war
Your every secret in a vault
while mine was on display
You strip-mined my soul for
fun. Now watch me blast away
Pretty pretty kitty...
Uh... do you want to see something special?
I thought you'd never ask.
Polyamorous Diatribe
is rehearsing right now.
What? Oh my God. Oh my
God take me there please?
Please. Please. Please, please. Let's go.
('80s style synth score)
('80s style synth score)
(door closes upstairs)
('80s style synth score)
(music fades out)
Talk about breaking the
ice. That was hot. Hot, hot.
What?
Thank you for taking
me there. Seriously. I'm...
I'm totally, totally in love.
Sweet dreams. My beauty.
Um.
This is... This is intoxicating, but uh...
But, you have a man friend.
No. It's not, it's not that.
Come on Dani. I know you do. It's okay.
I like being on the other
side of the equation better.
What?
I get hot Dani and he gets hot mess Dani.
Relax! You don't have
to pretend to be indignant.
I am indignant.
Come on Dani, I know you have
a boyfriend and I'm cool with it.
Dani: What?
Picture this. Picture this.
What the fuck are you doing?
No way. He didn't sing your song?
Dani: What?
Sid: Couldn't take it could
he? Poor little rich boy.
You know Magnus?
Screw you. Get out of the fucking way.
(door opens and closes)
Have a good time?
Baby.
Don't baby me.
You're the one who's acting infantile.
I assure you I'm not falling for Sid again.
Oh. So. You're going to
tailor the lie to what I saw?
Excuse me?
I thought that you
were totally into Magnus.
It was a momentary lapse.
You are weak and a liar.
Who are you?
Who are you?!
I'm a human being!
Don't manipulate me.
This is about you and Sid. And you
looking me in the eyes and lying about it.
It was a mistake.
You know I had my first kiss tonight.
Uh, but instead of telling
you about it, you ruined it.
Like you ruin everything.
Sweetheart. That's amazing.
Amazing!? Nothing is okay. Nothing!
I'm not going to change the
world with my stupid songs
anymore than you did.
You have to believe that the
world will change. You have to.
What a joke. You can't
even change yourself.
Sweetie...
(door slam)
Stevie: Hey!
Stevie: What happened?
She is such a liar!
Oh my. I... I'm so sorry.
I. I wanted to tell you.
But I didn't know how.
What? You knew?
I ran into them. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
You knew that my mom and
Sid were back at it. You knew.
No!
You convinced me that it
would be okay and you knew.
I didn't know that. I didn't. I'm sorry.
Quit saying sorry, Stevie.
It doesn't mean anything.
(Halfway by Moscow Apartment )
(spray paint can is shaken. Then sprays)
Eden: Just put the Deluxe
Destroyer on the counter.
And this time it better have extra sauce.
Sorry, extra sauce?
Eden: Ugh. How did you get in here?
I know you lied to Kat.
That's your treat. Now run along.
You lied to her. That was your
mom at the rink. I know it was.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.
Either way she's dead to me
and you don't want to be
added to that list, do you?
You're a liar. You don't love
Kat. You don't even know her.
I'll get to know parts
of Kat you never will.
If you hurt Kat, I'll hurt you.
I'll expose the truth to everybody.
Okay crazy. Good luck with that one.
Try me.
You're not my type.
Expose me you'll hurt
your precious little Kat
more than you'll ever hurt me.
You don't want to ruin her
Spring Fling now do you?
Screw you Eden!
(door slams)
(Orange by Moscow Apartment ) (fades in)
I didn't like the colour orange
as it creeps cross my floor
At midnight
But now it takes on a new
shape as my face goes night day
In the headlights
I work in time in crooked lines
You flipped the script
but I'm not off book yet
I guess that's what I get
It's movie night
The lights are too good to be true
And I just might
Break my camera finding you
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true. And I just might
(trumpet solo)
There's a hole in my ceiling
and you point down at me
Every time I go feeling
you get a hold of me
I threw my mirror out the window
To make your portrait on the street
You didn't like it too much
but you said that I was
Sweeeeeeeeeeet
I am sweeeeeet
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true. And I just might
Break my camera finding you
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true And I just might
I didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
Didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
Didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
(song fades out)
I. I am so sorry.
Stevie: I wish that-.
It's okay. I hate that you
kept that from me but,
I know you were just trying to protect me.
And I must say, you
look perfect, Grace Kelly.
No, you look perfect. Ziggy Stardust.
We look perfect.
Don't you think?
Where's your date, Stevie?
Flying solo, I guess. All
the angels were taken.
('80's style synth score)
(plays underneath scene)
It's beautiful.
All for you.
Hey, um, why'd you ask
Stevie who her date was?
Eden: She just looks so pretty.
I was wondering who that would be for.
Well, maybe she just likes
looking beautiful for herself.
Beautiful huh?
Well, you're her best friend.
Who does she have a crush on?
It's not a trick question.
Uh... when do the doors open?
About 15 minutes.
Okay. Uh, I'm just gonna go for...
Eden: I got us in early
so we could be alone.
I'll be back. Don't worry.
(music fades out)
She's not showing up.
She does this to us every freaking time.
(empty beer cans) Owww! Faaawwwk!
Really?
This is my daughter's school.
Can we be fucking humans for a second?
If you think I'm doing this straight...
Where's Diva?
I haven't seen her. Dani:
Where the fuck is Diva?
Rager?
Dani: No one's seen Diva?
Oh my gawd. I can't believe
this is history repeating itself
a fucking
You know what? I'm just
like-I'm so sick of this shit.
Relax! Dani: What the fuck??
Is wrong with you?
('80s style synth score)
I cannot believe I'm about
to announce this band.
This is all because of
someone very special to me.
Bless your big, sexy heart Kitty Kat.
I now introduce...
Polyamorous Diatribe!!
(crowd cheers)
(crowd cheers) Whooo-hooo!!
Hello Ashdale Heights!
We are Polyamorous Diatribe
and we are now a power thruple.
All right.
(Theoretically
Sentient ) (guitar riff)
Once I had it very bad.
I had it every which way
The words I heard left me feeling
blurred, a line was crossed that day
Subtext sometimes sinks your
soul. A different kind of loud
Torpedoed dead in my unmade
bed. Left bloodied and bowed
Well he's theoretically sentient.
He's human under that pain
Yeah he's theoretically sentient.
Now if he only had a brain!
I kept a journal of all your
words then read between the lines
I found the clues and they broke
the news, my bloody Valentine
I can't believe this is actually happening.
My Venus has eclipsed your
Mars. You're so retrograde
In space no one hears you
scream, but I don't do charades
Yeah you're theoretically sentient,
you're human under that pain
Yeah you're theoretically
sentient, now if you only had a brain
I held your hand you dropped my heart
It shattered on the floor
A brutal pumping useless thing
Our walking wounded war
Your every secret in a vault
while mine was on display
You strip-mined my soul for
fun, now watch me blast away
(crowd roars with approval)
(crowd goes silent)
(feedback from guitar) (crowd is silent)
Male Audience Member: Go home.
(crowd booing)
Eden: It's fine, please calm
down, I'm gonna fix this.
It's going to be ok.
It's not going to be ok!
(crowd is silent)
We got this.
We don't got this.
Not we. We.
We are Memory Hole.
And this is "Six Million Reasons".
(guitar starts)
I feel fierce when you say candley boy
We all know what happened never forget
Reducing history to a mystery
Even in your silence you aid and abet
I'm tapping six million reasons
to stomp on your li-i-i-i-ies
Six million reasons
for six million li-i-i-i-ies
(magical music)
(sword unsheathing)
(guitar strumming)
I'd bash every fasch
If it meant you would be my match
Though I'd do it anyway hey hey!
Hey future wife with
you I'd share my life
By Karl Marx's grace
in a fully automated
Luxury gay commune in space
Commune in space commune in space
Commune in space commune in space
Commune in spaaaaaace!
Crowd: Memory Hole! Memory
Hole! Memory Hole! Memory Hole!
You did such a good job.
Eden's Mom: Edith, sweetie.
I told you to leave. Leave. Get out.
Get out. Get out of here now!
Eden: Oh gawd!!
Dani: Hon?
Hey. Dani: Hi
I'm sorry I was so hard
on you. You're only human.
Theoretically. Just theoretically.
You were amazing.
You were amazing. I'm so proud of you.
I'm so, so fucking proud.
Thank you.
Love you baby. Kat: Love you too.
('80s style synth score)
Stevie: What are you doing?
Stevie: Dragging me
into Eden's stupid limo...
Kat: I will never take
you for granted again.
('80s style synth score)
I am so stupid for you.
('80s style synth score)
('80s style synth score)
I'm so stupid for you too.
('80s style synth score)
Stevie: What about Eden?
Kat: Meh.
It's movie night
The lights are too good to be true
And I just might
Break my camera finding you
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true. And I just might
(trumpet solo)
There's a hole in my ceiling
and you point down at me
Every time I go feeling
you get a hold of me
I threw my mirror out the window
To make your portrait on the street
You didn't like it too much
but you said that I was
Sweeeeeeeeeeet
I am sweeeeeet
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true. And I just might
Break my camera finding you
It's movie night
The lights are too good
to be true And I just might
I didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
Didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
Didn't like, didn't like,
didn't like the colour orange
(song fades out)
I've got history covered
and I know every deet of world war two
I'm crushing civics. I'm passing math
But I'm stupid, so stupid for you
How are you?
Good
How are things?
Okay
How are you?
Still pretty good
How's it going anywayyyy?
But I'm so stupid
So very stupid
So stupid for you
I'm so stupid
Oh so stupid
So stupid for you
Someday I wanna win a Nobel
And tell the fascists to go to hell
Ultimately ring your bell
And charm you with a savvy spell
How are you?
Great
How are things?
Okay
How are you?
Still pretty good
How's it going anywayyyy?
But I'm so stupid
So very stupid
So stupid for you
I'm so stupid
Oh so stupid
So stupid for you
At three I thought my life would be
All about paleontology
But too soon at the age of four
I thought those fossilized
finds would be a snore
At five I thought I'd try for more
Hey I was never beat on any score!
Now I finally understand
If you and I were holding hands
My nervousness might go away
If you liked me the very same way
You'd be shaking
You'd be shaking
You'd be totally shaking
But I'm so stupid
Oh so stupid
So hopelessly stupid for you
Yeah, I'm so stupid
Or is it stupid?
Or maybe it's not stupid at all
No
No
No
So stupid for you
So stupid for you
(song fades out)