Suck It Up (2017) Movie Script
1
I never know
how to answer that question.
Uh, let me think. I...
I'm always on time.
I'm... I'm very organized
with my life like that.
I'm...
I plan well.
I'm a planner.
I'm also very flexible, though.
Flexible. And, um...
I think that
my greatest strength, though,
is that I anticipate
future problems
and I prepare for them.
Oh, my god.
I am-- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
Mmm-- I thought
i turned it off.
You can take that.
No...
It's okay, um...
Where were we?
You have one new voice message.
Faye.
Argene will be here
for the second interviews.
Are you free for the 29th?
Really? I mean-- yes.
Yes. I will be here.
Thank you.
Hi, sweetie, it's Dina.
I'm sorry I'm calling, but...
It's Ronnie.
She's getting worse.
Her drinking's out of control,
and today she had an accident
with the lawn mower.
I don't know if you can
make the drive, but...
We don't know how to help her.
She stood still,
he spun around,
he took a spill,
she fell down.
--It's open.
In the kitchen.
Faye! Hi!
How was the drive?
You made good time.
Yeah. No traffic.
You just get off work?
-No.
-I just can't
get enough of this uniform.
Uh,
that was on the porch,
I did not make it.
Thank god for that.
Ronnie's gonna be
really glad to see you.
I know it's been hard to
keep in touch. You being away.
But best friends
forever, right?
Where is our little angel?
Follow the bread crumbs.
When Dina said you had
an accident with
the lawn mower,
I figured you'd
pissed yourself...
While lawn mowing.
What are
you doing here?
Besides just stealing
my undies, perv.
Dina's worried about you.
She thinks you've become
a danger to yourself, but...
Now that I've seen you,
I've no idea
what she's talking about.
Wanna hear something funny?
This was his shirt.
I know. I gave it to him.
That creed concert
was our first date.
How the fuck was
there a second date?
I like creed.
Well, no wonder he dumped you.
Wanna hear something
even funnier?
I would like to hear something
that's actually funny.
These are his pants.
What is in these?
They're like paint pants.
It's no wonder
he got ball cancer.
This is nice.
Kind of like old times.
So faye, hon,
Ronnie told me you got a job.
A blow job.
Not yet. I just passed
the first interview.
But I wouldn't be
a real teacher yet, just...
Just an art docent.
Mmm.
An art docent.
It's, uh...
It's like
a teacher's assistant.
A job's a job.
Just adopt her already.
Where is it?
Um, Vancouver.
That's far.
Yeah, it is.
Well, your parents
must be really proud, faye.
Yeah, they might be proud
if they remembered
that they were parents.
Veronica.
I'm sorry. I'm drunk.
We're gonna have to
make you a name tag.
Have some water, Ronnie.
- Can you eat?
- Mm-hmm.
Ms. dunaway.
Smells great.
Don't swallow it.
Spit it out.
Spit it out.
Good morning, sunshine.
Mmm. What's happening?
What do you mean?
Are we in the mustang?
Why are we in Garrett's car?
Are we in a car?
Did you kidnap me?
Okay, that's a tad dramatic.
We are going to invermere.
No, no, faye, no.
Pull over, please.
No, don't worry.
I packed your night things.
- Pull over.
-We're all set.
Pull the fuck over, faye!
Turn around.
No.
Fine.
Okay, what are you
gonna do? Walk home?
What is the big deal?
Invermere is cool.
Invermere is not cool.
Invermere is boring
and fucking quiet.
And that's not even
the goddamn point
because you abducted me!
We are going on vacation.
It's gonna be fun.
Like old times.
Faye, my brother
just fucking died.
I'm well aware of that, Ronnie.
And he didn't just die.
He died two months ago.
Oh, give me a fucking break.
We are going
to a summer cottage.
It's not a rehab facility.
I don't need a rehab facility.
Your dinner table
on which you vomited
would beg to differ.
Fuck you!
I'll be in the car.
I'm not going to be pleasant.
I would never
ask you to change.
Hi, it's faye Baxter.
I was-- I was in yesterday.
I'm so sorry. This is--
this is really unlike me,
but I'm not gonna be able
to come in on the 29th.
This opportunity is really...
Hey, honey.
Hop in the pussy wagon.
Okay, okay.
--Sorry, what was that?
Skype? Yes, Skype--
Skype would be perfect.
Thank you. Uh--
I really appreciate it, Helen.
Thank you so much.
- Hey, look what you've done.
- Hey, ladies.
Oh, hey, you got
any more of those?
Maybe.
Can we get a couple?
Can we see your jugs?
--Do not do it, Ronnie.
He wants to see my jugs.
How about one jug?
Then you get one beer.
--Ta-da!
Oh, yeah!
- Deal's a deal.
Come on. Yes!
Ronnie!
Okay, did you want one?
Oi! Oi, boys!
Yeah!
Pleasure doing
business with you!
Great, perfect.
Now they're probably just
gonna follow us and stalk us.
Yeah,
that's not likely.
But I like that you think
that my tits are that powerful.
I wish my tits
were that powerful.
You guys move the hide-a-key?
You don't know?
You do know.
You're just not gonna tell me.
Yes!
It's not even noon.
You're gonna drink that?
- Mmm!
-You're drinking just...
Are you gonna
narrate the whole trip
or just the arrival portion?
What do you
wanna do today?
I just bought
these amazing beads,
so we could
make friendship bracelets...
Good one.
Come on, Ronnie.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, lets go to town.
I'm out of weed.
Maybe this could be
an opportunity for you.
For what?
To stay out of weed.
Where are the keys? I'll drive.
No.
We can bike.
There's only one bike.
We can ride it together.
Lesbian.
Oh! What's this?
"The fun schedule."
We're not just gonna sit
around the cabin all day, so...
I planned some stuff.
Snack break.
You know how you get
when your blood sugar drops.
Okay, well,
we gotta get to the market
or else it's gonna close.
Then we'll have to go tomorrow
- and we're gonna miss this.
Blacksmithy lesson.
Hey,
we should go to the pharmacy.
Why?
Uh, I don't know.
We could get some...
No, I stocked up
before we left.
No, just--
Ronnie!
Ronnie! What!
Ronnie.
Alex! Hi!
Hi.
I thought that I would see you.
I had a premonition.
Yeah?
I-- I got your message.
I'm sorry that
i didn't call you back.
Um...
Alex, this is faye.
Faye.
- Nice to meet you.
- You too.
You're tall.
Thank you.
So, you guys want anything?
Candy?
No, no, you know, we're
actually kind of on a mission,
so we should hit it.
- Okay. Candy.
Quick. Quickly.
Yes!
So, what kind of mission
are you guys on?
Ronnie wants ganja.
Where are you headed?
Uh... you know shamus
from the launderette?
Oh, he can't help you.
Oh...
I don't know.
I used to give him hand jobs.
No, I mean he's dry.
He got busted.
Oh, my god, like jail?
No, uh,
just by his mom.
Why don't you guys
come by my place tonight?
I've got a guy.
Oh... uh... no.
I don't think we can.
-Uh, tomorrow?
-Uh, yeah... maybe, maybe,
but so sorry,
we're kind of on a schedule.
So...
We'll be in touch.
Uh... take it easy, Alex.
--It's fine, it's fine.
- Nice meeting you.
- -So nice.
Thank you.
"We'll be in touch"?
I didn't know
how to deal with that, man,
she's the weirdest.
You can't even wait
until we get home?
Nah, I don't have
to wait till I get home.
Can't re-grow
your liver, Ronnie.
Hey, why don't we focus
on you for a little while?
You know what can regrow?
Your hymen.
No, it can't.
Can it?
Who was the last guy
you fucked?
If you say Garrett,
I'm gonna poop.
Okay,
it wasn't Garrett.
How many
have there been since Garrett?
- One
-one.
What was his name?
David.
What color
were his pubes?
I think they were like...
Calico...
Okay.
I haven't slept with anyone.
Good.
That settles it.
Operation get faye laid
starts right now.
Put it on the fun schedule.
Okay, it's not like
i can't get laid.
I wanna play, too.
Operation get Ronnie laid...
Also, starts now.
Uh, it's always
operation get Ronnie laid.
Land ho!
I'm not vaccinated for this.
Well, now...
I knew there was a reason
i skipped work today.
Girls, you got a band-aid.
No, but I could use
some disinfectant.
What do you need
a band-aid for?
Well, it's just
for all these cuts. Pow!
Can I buy you a drink?
- No, thank you.
- Absolutely.
Bobby?
Gonna need a couple
of brews for these angels
on my tab.
Oh, my god, you have a tab?
-I sure do.
-That's so cool.
-You like that?
-Yeah!
You know you ought
to come back on Sundays.
We do a little
mud wrestling thing and...
You know,
if you get dirty,
you drink for free.
- Shit! What a deal!
-Mmm.
Sign me up.
Well, I will. What's your name?
Ronnie.
Ronnie, the wrestler.
I like that.
They call me Dale.
You wanna dance?
I'd love to dance.
And how about you, red?
No, thank you, dandruff.
Whoa... this is
protein powder, I think.
Can we just go?
Hey, we're gonna
need a couple of shots.
Tequila!
- Ready. One, two, three.
- -Okay.
Ugh...
Mmm.
I like the pink ones.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Go, red,
you've come to life.
Cheers to that.
Yeah!
No, no.
Where are you going?
Red, come back.
She'll be all right.
Come here, you.
She stood still,
he spun around,
he took a spill,
and she fell down.
She stood still,
and he spun around,
he took a spill,
and she fell down.
She stood still,
and he spun around,
he took a spill,
and she fell down.
She stood still,
and he spun around,
he took a spill,
and she fell down.
- Ronnie...
- Whoa...
We're kind of
busy in here.
--Get off, please.
No, I have a mission.
You heard.
She has a mission.
Okay, let's abort mission.
- No...
- -Seriously.
No, can't do, soldier.
I have a duty...
To my vagina.
- She has a duty, red.
What about her duty?
Red, red, the future
of all mankind depends on it.
Are you seriously
just gonna leave me like this?
Husband!
- Hey!
-Hi.
No Ronnie this morning?
She's still sleeping.
- You know Ronnie.
I don't know her
that well, actually.
I only met them last summer.
Oh, you knew Garrett?
Mm-hmm.
Right on.
Hey, what are you
doing tonight? I think, um...
I think Ronnie and i
might kill each other
if we don't spend some time
with some other people.
I was gonna barbecue
around 7:00.
You should come.
Uh, Ronnie
can give you directions.
Cool.
Guess I'll see you
tonight then.
Did you want some candy?
Yes, yes, I did.
You're up.
Ready for vision boards?
No!
Very funny.
You ever made
a vision board before?
Hmm. Of course not.
That would actually
require thought
about the future.
Why does it say,
"Alex, bbq" on there?
Oh, I ran into her downtown.
She invited us over.
Well, maybe
we can just tell her
we're on the master cleanse
or something.
She'll understand.
What else
are we gonna do tonight?
White house.
We'll hit
the white house again.
As appealing
as that sounds,
I think I'm gonna go to Alex's.
Are you guys like...
Not-friends?
Friendly.
How do you know her again?
Ah! She's like one of Garrett's
random friends
from summers here.
I...
I just don't wanna go.
Okay.
You don't have to.
So, you're just gonna go
over there all by yourself?
Yeah.
Like, you don't even know her.
Not as well
as you know, say, Dale.
But, uh, I think I'll survive.
They're here.
Hello, ladies.
Uh, Ronnie, faye, this is
my roommate, granville.
You can call me "granny."
Who likes beer?
Grab a bunch.
We'll be in the garden.
Uh... bathroom?
Just around the corner.
Uh, just make sure you hold
the flusher down
for three Mississippi's
she doesn't know about you.
Okay.
Faye... she can't
know about you.
Okay.
Alex, this is super important.
She can't know about you.
Ronnie...
It's okay.
Okay, okay.
Do you like space?
- Yeah.
It's okay if
you're not that into it.
Not that into it.
Get out of my house.
No, I'm kidding. That's a joke.
Please stay.
Hmm.
So, you're an artist?
Uh...
Yeah, space enthusiast,
really.
Made a ton of these.
Got a bunch in my bedroom
if you want to...
Uh... or...
People are waiting outside,
too.
So...
Uh, nice to meet you.
Uh, I'll get the chips.
- What do you got?
-Beer.
Uh, granny, I promised them
some of your kush.
Oh, shit, Kenny
cleaned me out this morning.
- Fuck...
- -Aren't those marijuana plants?
Yeah. But they're not
ready for harvest yet.
Did you ever, uh,
see one up close?
I'll show you.
Oh, no, that's cool.
I see them all the time.
Please, after you.
It's pollen.
It's my kryptonite.
They're pretty, huh?
Very pretty.
What's that?
Oh,
that is my pump for Insulin.
I'm diabetic.
Ta-da!
You have diabetes and asthma?
Yes, I do.
Basically superman.
Yo, hookers. We got a plan b.
Uh-oh...
What is it?
Alex said she can take us
to the bowling alley
to meet some guys
on the weekend.
Ooh! Can you score
some weed there?
Yeah, bro, we can score
some weed there.
--That shamus?
Gonna get that
famous-shamus-stank-weed.
Better than nothing, I guess.
Granville's kind of a cutie.
He's not.
Come on. You were creaming
your Jean shorts for that guy.
Asthmatic, diabetic...
Space cowboy granville.
Shut up.
- Why?
-Come on. You're not even
gonna get in once?
No. I don't
want swimmer's itch.
You're not gonna get it again.
Oh, my god.
It's not like chicken pox.
It's itchy for, like, a week.
Boo-hoo!
We've all had chlamydia.
Mmm.
Life is so hard.
Ronnie! The sun!
Oh, my god. The sun,
the water. Jesus, faye.
Live a little.
Yeah, I'm trying to live a lot,
which is why
I'm avoiding a sunburn.
What's the point, dude?
You're probably gonna
get melanoma anyways.
Okay, not to get
all Oprah on you,
but I don't love that
you're putting that out
into the universe.
It's not like Garrett
microwaved his balls.
That was genetic.
He was always gonna get it.
Well, maybe you're always
gonna get skin cancer.
So, might as well
enjoy a little pigment
while you're young.
Ooh! Live like you're
gonna die tomorrow.
How original.
Spit it out.
What?
I'm not ashamed of my behavior.
Okay, Ronnie.
You're being judgy.
I didn't say anything.
Well, you're being judgy
without saying anything.
So, either speak your mind
or shut the fuck up.
Okay. I think you're being
reckless and irresponsible.
I'm just having fun.
Dale's truck could not
have been fun.
You wouldn't recognize fun
if it was sucking
on your puffy nips.
I have fun.
Prove it.
Prove you're
not using drunken sex
as a coping mechanism.
I was slutty
before Garrett died.
It's who I am.
It's my fucking right.
Garrett
would be so proud.
Why would I wanna
make Garrett proud?
He was a fucking pussy.
And I didn't take his advice
when he was alive,
I'm not gonna start now.
I cannot believe you're
talking about him like this.
Oh, my god. It's insane
you're defending him.
Girls, these are the guys.
Oh, I see we're just
in time for the gang-bang.
These odds
can only help you.
Does anyone want a beer?
Yeah, a beer would be divine.
Why, yes,
a beer would be divine.
Are you gonna be
like this all night?
-Hey, buddy.
-Hey, shamus.
It's been a while.
Welcome to my bowling alley.
Hey, Zach, why don't you get
these ladies some shoes?
10 and a half, men's.
I'm 7. Clean.
What's this?
This right here
is my calling.
Practice makes perfect.
It's permanent.
Well, the boys help out
with that. Don't you, guys?
Go ahead. Show her.
Oh...
I passed out
with my shoes on.
Aww... sweet lisp.
Ronnie!
It's okay. Faye used to have
a stutter.
She did this stutter poem
to get rid of it.
You should teach him
the stutter poem.
Cut it out.
So, uh, Alex tells me
you guys are looking
for some of that farm-to-table
devil's lettuce.
You've come to the right place.
I don't know.
Word on the street
is your mama busted you.
Yeah, she might have
busted me, but, uh...
She didn't bust
my man Tommy over here.
Hook 'em up.
Now this stuff here...
It's my very own strain.
We call it
"the walk of shamus."
Mmm. Is it really
such a good idea
to have it out there
just Willy-nilly?
Chill, faye.
I'm chill. Thank you.
It's cool.
Shamus runs the place.
There's no one here to bust us.
Oh, she doen't smoke.
All right! Let's bowl.
So, those are called "quasars."
Or quasi-stellar objects.
Well, basically,
they're like stars.
Except not quite,
hence the name.
"Quasi."
Because they're
brighter than stars.
So they can be brighter
than entire galaxies.
What's so magnificent
about them is that
they're powered
by the stuff that gets
sucked into black holes.
I mean, "suck" is
the wrong word. Fall.
Fall. Fall is better.
So, like, mass falls
into a black hole, dies,
and then its energy
gets converted
into the brilliant light
of the quasi-stellar object.
I mean, how cool is that?
You know, the darkest, most...
Mysterious thing
in the universe,
this hole of death,
feeds the brightest
and most beautiful.
You really like space, huh?
I also like puns.
Oh, all right.
Let's hear a pun.
Oh, i-- I can't
just tell you a pun.
Why not?
My-my-my puns
don't work that way.
'Cause they're unemployed.
One might say
they're "pun-employed."
--That's stupid.
Do you want to get out of here?
Yes, absolutely.
--Oh...
Two down.
What about our ride?
Don't worry, ladies.
I'll take you home.
Let's go downstairs.
Ah!
- Sorry.
-It's okay. It's all right.
You okay?
I just have to pee.
Hmm...
Hey? Hey, good-lookin',
we're here.
Hi!
--Oh!
Oh, hey-- you-you okay?
You good?
Hey, what-- what happened here?
Mmm.
Some times life gets ya.
But do you know what they say?
They say that if you
have two black eyes,
the universe is
telling you to take a nap.
But if it's just one of them,
- then it's a wink.
Hey, what are you waiting for?
Look, I'm gonna take off.
What?
Look, my grandma
died last year.
It's super hard, I get it.
- Yeah, I bet that was hard.
Unlike your dick.
I'm gonna go.
Ha-ha! Hey,
you need an invitation?
You a vampire?
Cross the threshold, vampire!
Dross-- no, "cross."
Cross the threshold!
Drink some water.
Drink water...
Drink water,
drink fucking water...
Fucking penicillin
in that water.
I'm alive.
You okay?
Let's get you to bed.
Oh!
Can you do it horizontally?
Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you.
You know who
doesn't have a pulse?
Who?
Shamus.
And he's vampire because
you have to invite him in.
Inside. For him to come in.
Did you invite him in?
Yeah, but it's
opposite day for vampires.
Oh...
Best...
Friend.
Oh...
Sorry. I'm still here.
I mean, I'm not sorry
I'm still here.
I'm glad, uh...
But... yeah.
How are you feeling?
Less than fresh.
Sorry I fell asleep last night.
That's okay.
I really wanted to, uh...
You know,
it's probably for the best.
Really.
Okay. Well...
Uh... I'll see you around.
Yup.
Hey! All right!
No, no, no. We didn't, uh...
Bro code. I get it.
Call me faye.
And thank you...
For this opportunity.
A position at
east cliff academy is...
The opportunity of a lifetime.
You have... no idea how much
this opportunity means to me.
Yes, you do,
i guess I just have to
deal with it.
- Dina?
- -Hi, hon.
I'm making eggplant parm.
Hi!
Is Ronnie awake?
She ate the donut
that I brought her
and said she had plans
and took off.
She seems...
The same.
How's Roger?
He joined a gym.
I wasn't sure how this
would be for him, but...
That's a step, a big one.
Ronnie could use some exercise.
I'm sorry. I'm trying.
Oh, faye, it's not your fault.
You know, Roger and i
asked you to help with her,
but if it's too hard...
Wha-- what do you mean,
"too hard"?
Just that everything
with Garrett was a lot,
especially for you.
I am not fragile.
I never said you were fragile.
I can handle things, okay?
I wanted to be there
for Garrett
and he sent me away, okay?
Okay.
How long are you staying?
I have work in the morning.
You might wanna beat traffic.
I finally got to cleaning out
Garrett's room.
Found these.
That's why I'm here.
Ronnie booked it so fast,
i didn't have
a chance to tell her.
There's one for each of you.
From Garrett.
Roger and I thought that...
You two could use a guardian.
Garrett loved it here.
What's this?
Dandelion root tea.
Ugh!
Can we turn it
into hot toddies?
How are you doing?
How come?
I mean, I know the obvious,
but do you know specifically
what's the worst part?
Mmm...
He's not here.
Yeah.
He's not here.
When was the last time
you had a massage?
I don't know.
I think you have
stagnant energy.
Ugh!
Lie down.
Don't
flatter yourself.
Did you ever massage Garrett?
Yeah.
Good.
He was so uptight.
"Don't do that."
"Don't say that."
"Don't wear that
in public, Ronnie."
One time he caught me
and our tennis coach
in the ball room.
We were just making out,
but he came in and...
Kneed him in the groin,
and then
hoisted me
over his shoulder and
carried me all the way home.
Probably could have
gotten free, but I didn't.
Why?
Because of Garrett?
He's not here. He's dead.
You don't have to be dead
to be not here.
Hey.
Mmm.
No, that's all right.
It's okay.
Wait-- wait.
What--
faye,
you all right?
Yeah...
- Are you okay?
-Yeah, um...
Uh-huh.
You know, we don't
have to do this.
Sh...
She-- stood still...
And he--
he spun around...
He took a spill and--
--she--
fell down.
She stood--
still,
and he spun around--
she took a spill...
And he fell down.
Sh--
they stayed apart,
they wouldn't dare
admit they were
the perfect pair.
Hey?
Did you wanna come back to bed?
You know
the raven twist rhymes?
Mm-hmm.
My mom used to read them
to me when I had bad dreams.
You share so easily.
Nothing embarrassing
about comfort.
Did you know
Ronnie's brother died?
Garrett, yeah.
Yeah, I met him a few times.
He was my boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend.
He broke up with me a year ago.
When he found out he was sick?
When he found out he was dying.
Their mom...
Died of cancer
when they were little and...
Garrett...
Remembered watching it
destroy their dad.
So...
He didn't want me to see it.
His dying.
Or at least that's what
he told me.
Like I couldn't
handle it or something.
Could you?
I went on my first date
in a year on April fool's day.
This guy from
my psychology class.
Billy. Billy dejario.
Yeah, he told me my hair
was like sunshine, so...
I got a Margarita with him.
It was going well.
You know? It was going
surprisingly well.
And at a certain point he...
Got up, I think,
to get a second round
or something, and...
I...
Noticed that I'd missed
a call from Garrett.
Fuck!
Fuck!
A year of nothing...
No contact. Crickets.
And then...
I'm on my first fucking date
and now you call?
What? To--
like...
Summon me? What for? What?
So you can...
It's, uh...
Say goodbye?
"I'm sorry"?
No.
I already said goodbye, and...
Your apology is nothing.
Now you know how it feels.
The silence.
And I never called him back.
He died three days later.
Talk about "the silence,"
you know?
And I guess that's something
that I have to live with.
And...
You know,
the lesson is like, always
tell your loved ones you
love them when you
have the chance.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But...
I gotta say...
I'm living with it, and...
It makes me really happy
to know that one
of the last things he did
was call me
and I didn't answer.
Faye!
Got any snacks?
--Mmm...
Faye, are you home?
You giving me
the silent treatment
because I shirked
your fun schedule?
Ah!
Hi, guys.
Hey, what did Dina bring us?
We're so hungry.
Eggplant parmesan.
Ugh!
Where have you been?
Oh, I ran into these guys.
Yeah, we, uh, bought a 24-pack,
finished it in 48 minutes.
Fucking destroyed!
Yeah, and then I invited people
for the Canada day party.
--People?
All the people
in all the land.
Yo, why isn't it working?
Batman.
Hey, do you want some lemonade?
Shamus made it.
It's really fresh.
Yeah, sure.
Mmm.
What?
Does anything
taste a little bit...
Odd about that lemonade?
Maybe, like...
Something special.
What is it?
Ronnie, what is in this?
Weed?
- Mdma.
Ronnie, I have my Skype
interview in half an hour.
- Oh, shit!
Why would you do that?
Well, uh, I didn't know that
your Skype interview was today.
Well, when in doubt,
don't fucking drug me!
Faye!
Faye, maybe we could help.
Hi, faye.
I'm Sarah Martin.
I'm Dean of edge cliff academy.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Dean Martin.
Is that-- is that
what you go by? Dean Martin?
Faye?
Excuse me? Faye?
Uh... okay...
We're just gonna...
Um, tell them
it was bad service.
We can't jut tell them
it was bad service.
Th-th-they're not idiots.
It's-it's-it's gonna be fine.
No! It's not gonna be fine.
Do you really think that?
Or do you just
always play dumb?
Because not all
of us are content
living at home
and mowing lawns.
Some of us are going places.
And I'm going places.
I need to go places.
I-- I needed that job, Ronnie.
Phew!
Fuck!
Absolutely.
Okay.
I completely understand.
Thank you.
Thank you. Yeah.
Great. Have a--
what'd they say?
If I go to Vancouver,
they might give me
another chance, but...
No promises.
That's great.
That's really great.
I'm gonna take
the first bus back.
Bus doesn't run on weekends.
So Monday then.
Faye?
Don't eat
the party snacks.
I'm not.
Damn it!
Is that Dale?
Why is Dale here?
I don't know.
I didn't invite him.
Who just shows up uninvited?
Yo, red. You got a hose?
What is the raft for?
There you go.
Grab her hair for leverage.
Grab her hair for leverage.
There you go!
That's what Dale taught you.
Gotta roll her over.
Get her in the deep end.
Get her down in
the ground down there.
Bring 'em out.
Okay. It's food.
It's made out of eggs.
Scrambled eggs.
No...
It's like, uh,
you bake it in the oven.
Uh... it's like a frittata
but with crust.
Uh, there's
a little bit of ham,
some spinach, and nice feta.
Come on.
- Time's up.
I must pee.
It was quiche. Quiche!
Quiche? What's quiche?
Is that like a breakfast pie?
-Oh, hey.
-Hi.
You wanna flip that one?
There's another
57 seconds left.
- Oh, timer, okay.
I think it's burnt.
Oh...
Damn it!
How'd you know that?
Because I'm a man.
Sometimes I feel like I need
to remind people of that.
My lady.
Lookin' pretty good
in that hat. It's hot.
This hat.
Any hat.
I nailed it!
Hey.
Sorry, I came in
to use the bathroom.
It's right there.
I know.
How did you
meet Garrett... again?
He was a candy monster.
Just like you.
I know.
We had a thing.
A thing?
Nothing serious.
You're crying.
Do you know who I was to him?
I don't think I do.
I can't...
I can't imagine
how you're feeling right now.
Kind of looks like you can.
No...
That's all yours.
Hola, senorita.
I'm making you margs...
Whoa, you're fast.
Okay, it's kind of gross,
but I like where you're going.
Hey, hey, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Fuck off!
Fuck you!
One of Garrett's
random friends?
Random friend.
Alex is not random, Ronnie.
She's fucking grieving.
-I know. I know.
-Yeah.
I know you know.
That's why you were
being so weird.
Well, faye, he asked me
not to tell you.
So, what was I supposed to do?
Just throw him under the bus?
Didn't you think that
that might help me?
That it might help me
to know that.
No, no, of course
you didn't because...
You don't think
about other people.
We all bend over
backwards to help you,
but it would never cross
your mind to help any of us.
Oh... oh! I don't ask anybody
to help me, okay?
I don't need your help.
Yeah, well, that's great
because
you'd be on top.
Oh! Okay.
Whoa, whoa... you okay?
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa...
Don't touch me!
- Hey!
-Like old times.
Uh... what's different
from an hour ago?
I don't want to,
and you don't even know
what you're doing, okay?
Oh, i-- I know what I'm doing.
You don't, okay?
Screw you, shamu!
- Ow!
- -Oh, shit!
- Are you okay?
- -Fuck!
Whoa! Occupied.
- You okay?
- -Don't.
Pardon?
Don't zip it up.
Are you concuss--
Jesus!
Ah!
Fuck it.
Damn it...
Okay, I got it,
i got it...
Okay, okay. Wait, wait,
Ronnie, Ronnie...
Ronnie, I just don't think
it's gonna happen, okay?
What? You got
like penile dysfunction?
No. It's just not fucking
indestructible either.
- You and me, me and her.
Me and her.
The bathroom
is for bathroom activities.
--Is that you, red?
There's always room
for one more.
--Please...
Fantastic.
Faye, this is not
exactly what it looks like.
Ronnie...
This is for me from Garrett.
Who opened this?
Did you open it?
I can explain.
You can explain that Garrett
left me a fucking letter
and you opened it?
Yes.
Okay.
Ronnie, wait.
How could you
do something like that?
I didn't think
you could handle it.
Oh, my god, you have no idea
-what I can fucking handle.
-I'm sorry!
I earned that letter.
I know!
You were
a fucking tourist!
So, tell me!
Tell me what I missed.
That is all I want.
How do you
remember him, faye, huh?
How do you remember him?
Do you remember him fucking
picking you up from the beach
when you busted your knee?
Do you remember him,
i don't know,
asking you out to homecoming?
Do you remember him
taking your fucking virginity?
Good for you, faye,
those are pretty pictures.
Me, oh, gosh, I remember...
Collar bones, and, and...
The sound of him
crying at night, and...
And mixing bowls
full of vomit and...
And, and how
he took up prayer, okay?
He kicked you out
for a reason, faye.
And I do not pity you.
I am so fucking jealous of you.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
Okay. I should be
ashamed of myself?
Jesus fucking Christ.
Quit your pity party.
You had the chance
to talk to him.
And you didn't pick up.
What?
Yeah, I know.
And you know what else I know?
He didn't call you.
-What?
-Yeah.
I called you.
Why would you do that?
Because...
I thought that you would come.
I, like, really needed
you to come.
But, guess Garrett was right.
You couldn't handle it.
And he knew that.
Even at the end.
He didn't want you there!
Should we stop them?
I think they need this.
--Ooh!
Yo, what do you
wanna watch?
Twins?
Twins.
Hey, Ronnie?
Mm-hmm.
I couldn't open mine, so...
That's why I opened yours.
What's it say?
Ugh!
What a shithead!
It's the same.
Yeah, our names are different.
Do you think...
That these are the only words
he knew how to spell?
Probably.
"Anything you wanna say
before you die, Garrett?"
"You know what?
Let's just make it
a group text."
Yeah...
He wasn't really a wordy guy.
Guess nobody's perfect.
Yeah.
Not even close.
He like...
Could never really understand
people with accents.
Yeah, he was
a really bad tipper.
Oh, yeah. Low, low.
Embarrassingly bad.
He wasn't nice to old people.
Nope.
Mm-mmm.
He would never dance with me.
It's a crime.
He was ridiculous.
Sometimes he would come
into my room just to fart.
- Yes.
You do, too.
Ew! I do not.
Something
you have in common.
Every holiday, I got a gift
certificate from autozone.
Me too.
- What a jerk!
Man!
One time he hit a cat
and kept driving.
Oh, my god.
Yeah, that one's dark.
I'll keep it to myself.
Yeah.
Oh, he breast fed until he
was about four years old.
-What?
-Yup!
He only stopped
because I popped up.
Ew!
He cut me out of his life.
Yeah.
Well, he cut you out of mine.
Twins?
Do I have a choice?
Nope.
Mmm...
Thank you.
Garrett.
A portion of Garrett.
That's not all of him.
The rest of him
is back in calgary.
Dina scooped out
part of his ashes
and put it in this jar?
Like a snack.
These are her pickling jars.
I didn't
really think about it.
Portion of Garrett.
You sure about this?
Well, that's
one way to do it.
Ronnie!
I'm back! Let's hit it.
Granville brought it.
What is it? Uranus?
It's a quasi-stellar object.
Hey, Garrett.
I know I'm not
supposed to sit here, but...
The way I see it,
if you're really up there,
you can just make sure that
i don't crash and kill us.
This totally works, right?
And if you're not...
Well, you're not the boss
of me, you butt-face.
I can take care of myself.
I never know
how to answer that question.
Uh, let me think. I...
I'm always on time.
I'm... I'm very organized
with my life like that.
I'm...
I plan well.
I'm a planner.
I'm also very flexible, though.
Flexible. And, um...
I think that
my greatest strength, though,
is that I anticipate
future problems
and I prepare for them.
Oh, my god.
I am-- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
Mmm-- I thought
i turned it off.
You can take that.
No...
It's okay, um...
Where were we?
You have one new voice message.
Faye.
Argene will be here
for the second interviews.
Are you free for the 29th?
Really? I mean-- yes.
Yes. I will be here.
Thank you.
Hi, sweetie, it's Dina.
I'm sorry I'm calling, but...
It's Ronnie.
She's getting worse.
Her drinking's out of control,
and today she had an accident
with the lawn mower.
I don't know if you can
make the drive, but...
We don't know how to help her.
She stood still,
he spun around,
he took a spill,
she fell down.
--It's open.
In the kitchen.
Faye! Hi!
How was the drive?
You made good time.
Yeah. No traffic.
You just get off work?
-No.
-I just can't
get enough of this uniform.
Uh,
that was on the porch,
I did not make it.
Thank god for that.
Ronnie's gonna be
really glad to see you.
I know it's been hard to
keep in touch. You being away.
But best friends
forever, right?
Where is our little angel?
Follow the bread crumbs.
When Dina said you had
an accident with
the lawn mower,
I figured you'd
pissed yourself...
While lawn mowing.
What are
you doing here?
Besides just stealing
my undies, perv.
Dina's worried about you.
She thinks you've become
a danger to yourself, but...
Now that I've seen you,
I've no idea
what she's talking about.
Wanna hear something funny?
This was his shirt.
I know. I gave it to him.
That creed concert
was our first date.
How the fuck was
there a second date?
I like creed.
Well, no wonder he dumped you.
Wanna hear something
even funnier?
I would like to hear something
that's actually funny.
These are his pants.
What is in these?
They're like paint pants.
It's no wonder
he got ball cancer.
This is nice.
Kind of like old times.
So faye, hon,
Ronnie told me you got a job.
A blow job.
Not yet. I just passed
the first interview.
But I wouldn't be
a real teacher yet, just...
Just an art docent.
Mmm.
An art docent.
It's, uh...
It's like
a teacher's assistant.
A job's a job.
Just adopt her already.
Where is it?
Um, Vancouver.
That's far.
Yeah, it is.
Well, your parents
must be really proud, faye.
Yeah, they might be proud
if they remembered
that they were parents.
Veronica.
I'm sorry. I'm drunk.
We're gonna have to
make you a name tag.
Have some water, Ronnie.
- Can you eat?
- Mm-hmm.
Ms. dunaway.
Smells great.
Don't swallow it.
Spit it out.
Spit it out.
Good morning, sunshine.
Mmm. What's happening?
What do you mean?
Are we in the mustang?
Why are we in Garrett's car?
Are we in a car?
Did you kidnap me?
Okay, that's a tad dramatic.
We are going to invermere.
No, no, faye, no.
Pull over, please.
No, don't worry.
I packed your night things.
- Pull over.
-We're all set.
Pull the fuck over, faye!
Turn around.
No.
Fine.
Okay, what are you
gonna do? Walk home?
What is the big deal?
Invermere is cool.
Invermere is not cool.
Invermere is boring
and fucking quiet.
And that's not even
the goddamn point
because you abducted me!
We are going on vacation.
It's gonna be fun.
Like old times.
Faye, my brother
just fucking died.
I'm well aware of that, Ronnie.
And he didn't just die.
He died two months ago.
Oh, give me a fucking break.
We are going
to a summer cottage.
It's not a rehab facility.
I don't need a rehab facility.
Your dinner table
on which you vomited
would beg to differ.
Fuck you!
I'll be in the car.
I'm not going to be pleasant.
I would never
ask you to change.
Hi, it's faye Baxter.
I was-- I was in yesterday.
I'm so sorry. This is--
this is really unlike me,
but I'm not gonna be able
to come in on the 29th.
This opportunity is really...
Hey, honey.
Hop in the pussy wagon.
Okay, okay.
--Sorry, what was that?
Skype? Yes, Skype--
Skype would be perfect.
Thank you. Uh--
I really appreciate it, Helen.
Thank you so much.
- Hey, look what you've done.
- Hey, ladies.
Oh, hey, you got
any more of those?
Maybe.
Can we get a couple?
Can we see your jugs?
--Do not do it, Ronnie.
He wants to see my jugs.
How about one jug?
Then you get one beer.
--Ta-da!
Oh, yeah!
- Deal's a deal.
Come on. Yes!
Ronnie!
Okay, did you want one?
Oi! Oi, boys!
Yeah!
Pleasure doing
business with you!
Great, perfect.
Now they're probably just
gonna follow us and stalk us.
Yeah,
that's not likely.
But I like that you think
that my tits are that powerful.
I wish my tits
were that powerful.
You guys move the hide-a-key?
You don't know?
You do know.
You're just not gonna tell me.
Yes!
It's not even noon.
You're gonna drink that?
- Mmm!
-You're drinking just...
Are you gonna
narrate the whole trip
or just the arrival portion?
What do you
wanna do today?
I just bought
these amazing beads,
so we could
make friendship bracelets...
Good one.
Come on, Ronnie.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, lets go to town.
I'm out of weed.
Maybe this could be
an opportunity for you.
For what?
To stay out of weed.
Where are the keys? I'll drive.
No.
We can bike.
There's only one bike.
We can ride it together.
Lesbian.
Oh! What's this?
"The fun schedule."
We're not just gonna sit
around the cabin all day, so...
I planned some stuff.
Snack break.
You know how you get
when your blood sugar drops.
Okay, well,
we gotta get to the market
or else it's gonna close.
Then we'll have to go tomorrow
- and we're gonna miss this.
Blacksmithy lesson.
Hey,
we should go to the pharmacy.
Why?
Uh, I don't know.
We could get some...
No, I stocked up
before we left.
No, just--
Ronnie!
Ronnie! What!
Ronnie.
Alex! Hi!
Hi.
I thought that I would see you.
I had a premonition.
Yeah?
I-- I got your message.
I'm sorry that
i didn't call you back.
Um...
Alex, this is faye.
Faye.
- Nice to meet you.
- You too.
You're tall.
Thank you.
So, you guys want anything?
Candy?
No, no, you know, we're
actually kind of on a mission,
so we should hit it.
- Okay. Candy.
Quick. Quickly.
Yes!
So, what kind of mission
are you guys on?
Ronnie wants ganja.
Where are you headed?
Uh... you know shamus
from the launderette?
Oh, he can't help you.
Oh...
I don't know.
I used to give him hand jobs.
No, I mean he's dry.
He got busted.
Oh, my god, like jail?
No, uh,
just by his mom.
Why don't you guys
come by my place tonight?
I've got a guy.
Oh... uh... no.
I don't think we can.
-Uh, tomorrow?
-Uh, yeah... maybe, maybe,
but so sorry,
we're kind of on a schedule.
So...
We'll be in touch.
Uh... take it easy, Alex.
--It's fine, it's fine.
- Nice meeting you.
- -So nice.
Thank you.
"We'll be in touch"?
I didn't know
how to deal with that, man,
she's the weirdest.
You can't even wait
until we get home?
Nah, I don't have
to wait till I get home.
Can't re-grow
your liver, Ronnie.
Hey, why don't we focus
on you for a little while?
You know what can regrow?
Your hymen.
No, it can't.
Can it?
Who was the last guy
you fucked?
If you say Garrett,
I'm gonna poop.
Okay,
it wasn't Garrett.
How many
have there been since Garrett?
- One
-one.
What was his name?
David.
What color
were his pubes?
I think they were like...
Calico...
Okay.
I haven't slept with anyone.
Good.
That settles it.
Operation get faye laid
starts right now.
Put it on the fun schedule.
Okay, it's not like
i can't get laid.
I wanna play, too.
Operation get Ronnie laid...
Also, starts now.
Uh, it's always
operation get Ronnie laid.
Land ho!
I'm not vaccinated for this.
Well, now...
I knew there was a reason
i skipped work today.
Girls, you got a band-aid.
No, but I could use
some disinfectant.
What do you need
a band-aid for?
Well, it's just
for all these cuts. Pow!
Can I buy you a drink?
- No, thank you.
- Absolutely.
Bobby?
Gonna need a couple
of brews for these angels
on my tab.
Oh, my god, you have a tab?
-I sure do.
-That's so cool.
-You like that?
-Yeah!
You know you ought
to come back on Sundays.
We do a little
mud wrestling thing and...
You know,
if you get dirty,
you drink for free.
- Shit! What a deal!
-Mmm.
Sign me up.
Well, I will. What's your name?
Ronnie.
Ronnie, the wrestler.
I like that.
They call me Dale.
You wanna dance?
I'd love to dance.
And how about you, red?
No, thank you, dandruff.
Whoa... this is
protein powder, I think.
Can we just go?
Hey, we're gonna
need a couple of shots.
Tequila!
- Ready. One, two, three.
- -Okay.
Ugh...
Mmm.
I like the pink ones.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Go, red,
you've come to life.
Cheers to that.
Yeah!
No, no.
Where are you going?
Red, come back.
She'll be all right.
Come here, you.
She stood still,
he spun around,
he took a spill,
and she fell down.
She stood still,
and he spun around,
he took a spill,
and she fell down.
She stood still,
and he spun around,
he took a spill,
and she fell down.
She stood still,
and he spun around,
he took a spill,
and she fell down.
- Ronnie...
- Whoa...
We're kind of
busy in here.
--Get off, please.
No, I have a mission.
You heard.
She has a mission.
Okay, let's abort mission.
- No...
- -Seriously.
No, can't do, soldier.
I have a duty...
To my vagina.
- She has a duty, red.
What about her duty?
Red, red, the future
of all mankind depends on it.
Are you seriously
just gonna leave me like this?
Husband!
- Hey!
-Hi.
No Ronnie this morning?
She's still sleeping.
- You know Ronnie.
I don't know her
that well, actually.
I only met them last summer.
Oh, you knew Garrett?
Mm-hmm.
Right on.
Hey, what are you
doing tonight? I think, um...
I think Ronnie and i
might kill each other
if we don't spend some time
with some other people.
I was gonna barbecue
around 7:00.
You should come.
Uh, Ronnie
can give you directions.
Cool.
Guess I'll see you
tonight then.
Did you want some candy?
Yes, yes, I did.
You're up.
Ready for vision boards?
No!
Very funny.
You ever made
a vision board before?
Hmm. Of course not.
That would actually
require thought
about the future.
Why does it say,
"Alex, bbq" on there?
Oh, I ran into her downtown.
She invited us over.
Well, maybe
we can just tell her
we're on the master cleanse
or something.
She'll understand.
What else
are we gonna do tonight?
White house.
We'll hit
the white house again.
As appealing
as that sounds,
I think I'm gonna go to Alex's.
Are you guys like...
Not-friends?
Friendly.
How do you know her again?
Ah! She's like one of Garrett's
random friends
from summers here.
I...
I just don't wanna go.
Okay.
You don't have to.
So, you're just gonna go
over there all by yourself?
Yeah.
Like, you don't even know her.
Not as well
as you know, say, Dale.
But, uh, I think I'll survive.
They're here.
Hello, ladies.
Uh, Ronnie, faye, this is
my roommate, granville.
You can call me "granny."
Who likes beer?
Grab a bunch.
We'll be in the garden.
Uh... bathroom?
Just around the corner.
Uh, just make sure you hold
the flusher down
for three Mississippi's
she doesn't know about you.
Okay.
Faye... she can't
know about you.
Okay.
Alex, this is super important.
She can't know about you.
Ronnie...
It's okay.
Okay, okay.
Do you like space?
- Yeah.
It's okay if
you're not that into it.
Not that into it.
Get out of my house.
No, I'm kidding. That's a joke.
Please stay.
Hmm.
So, you're an artist?
Uh...
Yeah, space enthusiast,
really.
Made a ton of these.
Got a bunch in my bedroom
if you want to...
Uh... or...
People are waiting outside,
too.
So...
Uh, nice to meet you.
Uh, I'll get the chips.
- What do you got?
-Beer.
Uh, granny, I promised them
some of your kush.
Oh, shit, Kenny
cleaned me out this morning.
- Fuck...
- -Aren't those marijuana plants?
Yeah. But they're not
ready for harvest yet.
Did you ever, uh,
see one up close?
I'll show you.
Oh, no, that's cool.
I see them all the time.
Please, after you.
It's pollen.
It's my kryptonite.
They're pretty, huh?
Very pretty.
What's that?
Oh,
that is my pump for Insulin.
I'm diabetic.
Ta-da!
You have diabetes and asthma?
Yes, I do.
Basically superman.
Yo, hookers. We got a plan b.
Uh-oh...
What is it?
Alex said she can take us
to the bowling alley
to meet some guys
on the weekend.
Ooh! Can you score
some weed there?
Yeah, bro, we can score
some weed there.
--That shamus?
Gonna get that
famous-shamus-stank-weed.
Better than nothing, I guess.
Granville's kind of a cutie.
He's not.
Come on. You were creaming
your Jean shorts for that guy.
Asthmatic, diabetic...
Space cowboy granville.
Shut up.
- Why?
-Come on. You're not even
gonna get in once?
No. I don't
want swimmer's itch.
You're not gonna get it again.
Oh, my god.
It's not like chicken pox.
It's itchy for, like, a week.
Boo-hoo!
We've all had chlamydia.
Mmm.
Life is so hard.
Ronnie! The sun!
Oh, my god. The sun,
the water. Jesus, faye.
Live a little.
Yeah, I'm trying to live a lot,
which is why
I'm avoiding a sunburn.
What's the point, dude?
You're probably gonna
get melanoma anyways.
Okay, not to get
all Oprah on you,
but I don't love that
you're putting that out
into the universe.
It's not like Garrett
microwaved his balls.
That was genetic.
He was always gonna get it.
Well, maybe you're always
gonna get skin cancer.
So, might as well
enjoy a little pigment
while you're young.
Ooh! Live like you're
gonna die tomorrow.
How original.
Spit it out.
What?
I'm not ashamed of my behavior.
Okay, Ronnie.
You're being judgy.
I didn't say anything.
Well, you're being judgy
without saying anything.
So, either speak your mind
or shut the fuck up.
Okay. I think you're being
reckless and irresponsible.
I'm just having fun.
Dale's truck could not
have been fun.
You wouldn't recognize fun
if it was sucking
on your puffy nips.
I have fun.
Prove it.
Prove you're
not using drunken sex
as a coping mechanism.
I was slutty
before Garrett died.
It's who I am.
It's my fucking right.
Garrett
would be so proud.
Why would I wanna
make Garrett proud?
He was a fucking pussy.
And I didn't take his advice
when he was alive,
I'm not gonna start now.
I cannot believe you're
talking about him like this.
Oh, my god. It's insane
you're defending him.
Girls, these are the guys.
Oh, I see we're just
in time for the gang-bang.
These odds
can only help you.
Does anyone want a beer?
Yeah, a beer would be divine.
Why, yes,
a beer would be divine.
Are you gonna be
like this all night?
-Hey, buddy.
-Hey, shamus.
It's been a while.
Welcome to my bowling alley.
Hey, Zach, why don't you get
these ladies some shoes?
10 and a half, men's.
I'm 7. Clean.
What's this?
This right here
is my calling.
Practice makes perfect.
It's permanent.
Well, the boys help out
with that. Don't you, guys?
Go ahead. Show her.
Oh...
I passed out
with my shoes on.
Aww... sweet lisp.
Ronnie!
It's okay. Faye used to have
a stutter.
She did this stutter poem
to get rid of it.
You should teach him
the stutter poem.
Cut it out.
So, uh, Alex tells me
you guys are looking
for some of that farm-to-table
devil's lettuce.
You've come to the right place.
I don't know.
Word on the street
is your mama busted you.
Yeah, she might have
busted me, but, uh...
She didn't bust
my man Tommy over here.
Hook 'em up.
Now this stuff here...
It's my very own strain.
We call it
"the walk of shamus."
Mmm. Is it really
such a good idea
to have it out there
just Willy-nilly?
Chill, faye.
I'm chill. Thank you.
It's cool.
Shamus runs the place.
There's no one here to bust us.
Oh, she doen't smoke.
All right! Let's bowl.
So, those are called "quasars."
Or quasi-stellar objects.
Well, basically,
they're like stars.
Except not quite,
hence the name.
"Quasi."
Because they're
brighter than stars.
So they can be brighter
than entire galaxies.
What's so magnificent
about them is that
they're powered
by the stuff that gets
sucked into black holes.
I mean, "suck" is
the wrong word. Fall.
Fall. Fall is better.
So, like, mass falls
into a black hole, dies,
and then its energy
gets converted
into the brilliant light
of the quasi-stellar object.
I mean, how cool is that?
You know, the darkest, most...
Mysterious thing
in the universe,
this hole of death,
feeds the brightest
and most beautiful.
You really like space, huh?
I also like puns.
Oh, all right.
Let's hear a pun.
Oh, i-- I can't
just tell you a pun.
Why not?
My-my-my puns
don't work that way.
'Cause they're unemployed.
One might say
they're "pun-employed."
--That's stupid.
Do you want to get out of here?
Yes, absolutely.
--Oh...
Two down.
What about our ride?
Don't worry, ladies.
I'll take you home.
Let's go downstairs.
Ah!
- Sorry.
-It's okay. It's all right.
You okay?
I just have to pee.
Hmm...
Hey? Hey, good-lookin',
we're here.
Hi!
--Oh!
Oh, hey-- you-you okay?
You good?
Hey, what-- what happened here?
Mmm.
Some times life gets ya.
But do you know what they say?
They say that if you
have two black eyes,
the universe is
telling you to take a nap.
But if it's just one of them,
- then it's a wink.
Hey, what are you waiting for?
Look, I'm gonna take off.
What?
Look, my grandma
died last year.
It's super hard, I get it.
- Yeah, I bet that was hard.
Unlike your dick.
I'm gonna go.
Ha-ha! Hey,
you need an invitation?
You a vampire?
Cross the threshold, vampire!
Dross-- no, "cross."
Cross the threshold!
Drink some water.
Drink water...
Drink water,
drink fucking water...
Fucking penicillin
in that water.
I'm alive.
You okay?
Let's get you to bed.
Oh!
Can you do it horizontally?
Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you.
You know who
doesn't have a pulse?
Who?
Shamus.
And he's vampire because
you have to invite him in.
Inside. For him to come in.
Did you invite him in?
Yeah, but it's
opposite day for vampires.
Oh...
Best...
Friend.
Oh...
Sorry. I'm still here.
I mean, I'm not sorry
I'm still here.
I'm glad, uh...
But... yeah.
How are you feeling?
Less than fresh.
Sorry I fell asleep last night.
That's okay.
I really wanted to, uh...
You know,
it's probably for the best.
Really.
Okay. Well...
Uh... I'll see you around.
Yup.
Hey! All right!
No, no, no. We didn't, uh...
Bro code. I get it.
Call me faye.
And thank you...
For this opportunity.
A position at
east cliff academy is...
The opportunity of a lifetime.
You have... no idea how much
this opportunity means to me.
Yes, you do,
i guess I just have to
deal with it.
- Dina?
- -Hi, hon.
I'm making eggplant parm.
Hi!
Is Ronnie awake?
She ate the donut
that I brought her
and said she had plans
and took off.
She seems...
The same.
How's Roger?
He joined a gym.
I wasn't sure how this
would be for him, but...
That's a step, a big one.
Ronnie could use some exercise.
I'm sorry. I'm trying.
Oh, faye, it's not your fault.
You know, Roger and i
asked you to help with her,
but if it's too hard...
Wha-- what do you mean,
"too hard"?
Just that everything
with Garrett was a lot,
especially for you.
I am not fragile.
I never said you were fragile.
I can handle things, okay?
I wanted to be there
for Garrett
and he sent me away, okay?
Okay.
How long are you staying?
I have work in the morning.
You might wanna beat traffic.
I finally got to cleaning out
Garrett's room.
Found these.
That's why I'm here.
Ronnie booked it so fast,
i didn't have
a chance to tell her.
There's one for each of you.
From Garrett.
Roger and I thought that...
You two could use a guardian.
Garrett loved it here.
What's this?
Dandelion root tea.
Ugh!
Can we turn it
into hot toddies?
How are you doing?
How come?
I mean, I know the obvious,
but do you know specifically
what's the worst part?
Mmm...
He's not here.
Yeah.
He's not here.
When was the last time
you had a massage?
I don't know.
I think you have
stagnant energy.
Ugh!
Lie down.
Don't
flatter yourself.
Did you ever massage Garrett?
Yeah.
Good.
He was so uptight.
"Don't do that."
"Don't say that."
"Don't wear that
in public, Ronnie."
One time he caught me
and our tennis coach
in the ball room.
We were just making out,
but he came in and...
Kneed him in the groin,
and then
hoisted me
over his shoulder and
carried me all the way home.
Probably could have
gotten free, but I didn't.
Why?
Because of Garrett?
He's not here. He's dead.
You don't have to be dead
to be not here.
Hey.
Mmm.
No, that's all right.
It's okay.
Wait-- wait.
What--
faye,
you all right?
Yeah...
- Are you okay?
-Yeah, um...
Uh-huh.
You know, we don't
have to do this.
Sh...
She-- stood still...
And he--
he spun around...
He took a spill and--
--she--
fell down.
She stood--
still,
and he spun around--
she took a spill...
And he fell down.
Sh--
they stayed apart,
they wouldn't dare
admit they were
the perfect pair.
Hey?
Did you wanna come back to bed?
You know
the raven twist rhymes?
Mm-hmm.
My mom used to read them
to me when I had bad dreams.
You share so easily.
Nothing embarrassing
about comfort.
Did you know
Ronnie's brother died?
Garrett, yeah.
Yeah, I met him a few times.
He was my boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend.
He broke up with me a year ago.
When he found out he was sick?
When he found out he was dying.
Their mom...
Died of cancer
when they were little and...
Garrett...
Remembered watching it
destroy their dad.
So...
He didn't want me to see it.
His dying.
Or at least that's what
he told me.
Like I couldn't
handle it or something.
Could you?
I went on my first date
in a year on April fool's day.
This guy from
my psychology class.
Billy. Billy dejario.
Yeah, he told me my hair
was like sunshine, so...
I got a Margarita with him.
It was going well.
You know? It was going
surprisingly well.
And at a certain point he...
Got up, I think,
to get a second round
or something, and...
I...
Noticed that I'd missed
a call from Garrett.
Fuck!
Fuck!
A year of nothing...
No contact. Crickets.
And then...
I'm on my first fucking date
and now you call?
What? To--
like...
Summon me? What for? What?
So you can...
It's, uh...
Say goodbye?
"I'm sorry"?
No.
I already said goodbye, and...
Your apology is nothing.
Now you know how it feels.
The silence.
And I never called him back.
He died three days later.
Talk about "the silence,"
you know?
And I guess that's something
that I have to live with.
And...
You know,
the lesson is like, always
tell your loved ones you
love them when you
have the chance.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But...
I gotta say...
I'm living with it, and...
It makes me really happy
to know that one
of the last things he did
was call me
and I didn't answer.
Faye!
Got any snacks?
--Mmm...
Faye, are you home?
You giving me
the silent treatment
because I shirked
your fun schedule?
Ah!
Hi, guys.
Hey, what did Dina bring us?
We're so hungry.
Eggplant parmesan.
Ugh!
Where have you been?
Oh, I ran into these guys.
Yeah, we, uh, bought a 24-pack,
finished it in 48 minutes.
Fucking destroyed!
Yeah, and then I invited people
for the Canada day party.
--People?
All the people
in all the land.
Yo, why isn't it working?
Batman.
Hey, do you want some lemonade?
Shamus made it.
It's really fresh.
Yeah, sure.
Mmm.
What?
Does anything
taste a little bit...
Odd about that lemonade?
Maybe, like...
Something special.
What is it?
Ronnie, what is in this?
Weed?
- Mdma.
Ronnie, I have my Skype
interview in half an hour.
- Oh, shit!
Why would you do that?
Well, uh, I didn't know that
your Skype interview was today.
Well, when in doubt,
don't fucking drug me!
Faye!
Faye, maybe we could help.
Hi, faye.
I'm Sarah Martin.
I'm Dean of edge cliff academy.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Dean Martin.
Is that-- is that
what you go by? Dean Martin?
Faye?
Excuse me? Faye?
Uh... okay...
We're just gonna...
Um, tell them
it was bad service.
We can't jut tell them
it was bad service.
Th-th-they're not idiots.
It's-it's-it's gonna be fine.
No! It's not gonna be fine.
Do you really think that?
Or do you just
always play dumb?
Because not all
of us are content
living at home
and mowing lawns.
Some of us are going places.
And I'm going places.
I need to go places.
I-- I needed that job, Ronnie.
Phew!
Fuck!
Absolutely.
Okay.
I completely understand.
Thank you.
Thank you. Yeah.
Great. Have a--
what'd they say?
If I go to Vancouver,
they might give me
another chance, but...
No promises.
That's great.
That's really great.
I'm gonna take
the first bus back.
Bus doesn't run on weekends.
So Monday then.
Faye?
Don't eat
the party snacks.
I'm not.
Damn it!
Is that Dale?
Why is Dale here?
I don't know.
I didn't invite him.
Who just shows up uninvited?
Yo, red. You got a hose?
What is the raft for?
There you go.
Grab her hair for leverage.
Grab her hair for leverage.
There you go!
That's what Dale taught you.
Gotta roll her over.
Get her in the deep end.
Get her down in
the ground down there.
Bring 'em out.
Okay. It's food.
It's made out of eggs.
Scrambled eggs.
No...
It's like, uh,
you bake it in the oven.
Uh... it's like a frittata
but with crust.
Uh, there's
a little bit of ham,
some spinach, and nice feta.
Come on.
- Time's up.
I must pee.
It was quiche. Quiche!
Quiche? What's quiche?
Is that like a breakfast pie?
-Oh, hey.
-Hi.
You wanna flip that one?
There's another
57 seconds left.
- Oh, timer, okay.
I think it's burnt.
Oh...
Damn it!
How'd you know that?
Because I'm a man.
Sometimes I feel like I need
to remind people of that.
My lady.
Lookin' pretty good
in that hat. It's hot.
This hat.
Any hat.
I nailed it!
Hey.
Sorry, I came in
to use the bathroom.
It's right there.
I know.
How did you
meet Garrett... again?
He was a candy monster.
Just like you.
I know.
We had a thing.
A thing?
Nothing serious.
You're crying.
Do you know who I was to him?
I don't think I do.
I can't...
I can't imagine
how you're feeling right now.
Kind of looks like you can.
No...
That's all yours.
Hola, senorita.
I'm making you margs...
Whoa, you're fast.
Okay, it's kind of gross,
but I like where you're going.
Hey, hey, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Fuck off!
Fuck you!
One of Garrett's
random friends?
Random friend.
Alex is not random, Ronnie.
She's fucking grieving.
-I know. I know.
-Yeah.
I know you know.
That's why you were
being so weird.
Well, faye, he asked me
not to tell you.
So, what was I supposed to do?
Just throw him under the bus?
Didn't you think that
that might help me?
That it might help me
to know that.
No, no, of course
you didn't because...
You don't think
about other people.
We all bend over
backwards to help you,
but it would never cross
your mind to help any of us.
Oh... oh! I don't ask anybody
to help me, okay?
I don't need your help.
Yeah, well, that's great
because
you'd be on top.
Oh! Okay.
Whoa, whoa... you okay?
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa...
Don't touch me!
- Hey!
-Like old times.
Uh... what's different
from an hour ago?
I don't want to,
and you don't even know
what you're doing, okay?
Oh, i-- I know what I'm doing.
You don't, okay?
Screw you, shamu!
- Ow!
- -Oh, shit!
- Are you okay?
- -Fuck!
Whoa! Occupied.
- You okay?
- -Don't.
Pardon?
Don't zip it up.
Are you concuss--
Jesus!
Ah!
Fuck it.
Damn it...
Okay, I got it,
i got it...
Okay, okay. Wait, wait,
Ronnie, Ronnie...
Ronnie, I just don't think
it's gonna happen, okay?
What? You got
like penile dysfunction?
No. It's just not fucking
indestructible either.
- You and me, me and her.
Me and her.
The bathroom
is for bathroom activities.
--Is that you, red?
There's always room
for one more.
--Please...
Fantastic.
Faye, this is not
exactly what it looks like.
Ronnie...
This is for me from Garrett.
Who opened this?
Did you open it?
I can explain.
You can explain that Garrett
left me a fucking letter
and you opened it?
Yes.
Okay.
Ronnie, wait.
How could you
do something like that?
I didn't think
you could handle it.
Oh, my god, you have no idea
-what I can fucking handle.
-I'm sorry!
I earned that letter.
I know!
You were
a fucking tourist!
So, tell me!
Tell me what I missed.
That is all I want.
How do you
remember him, faye, huh?
How do you remember him?
Do you remember him fucking
picking you up from the beach
when you busted your knee?
Do you remember him,
i don't know,
asking you out to homecoming?
Do you remember him
taking your fucking virginity?
Good for you, faye,
those are pretty pictures.
Me, oh, gosh, I remember...
Collar bones, and, and...
The sound of him
crying at night, and...
And mixing bowls
full of vomit and...
And, and how
he took up prayer, okay?
He kicked you out
for a reason, faye.
And I do not pity you.
I am so fucking jealous of you.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
Okay. I should be
ashamed of myself?
Jesus fucking Christ.
Quit your pity party.
You had the chance
to talk to him.
And you didn't pick up.
What?
Yeah, I know.
And you know what else I know?
He didn't call you.
-What?
-Yeah.
I called you.
Why would you do that?
Because...
I thought that you would come.
I, like, really needed
you to come.
But, guess Garrett was right.
You couldn't handle it.
And he knew that.
Even at the end.
He didn't want you there!
Should we stop them?
I think they need this.
--Ooh!
Yo, what do you
wanna watch?
Twins?
Twins.
Hey, Ronnie?
Mm-hmm.
I couldn't open mine, so...
That's why I opened yours.
What's it say?
Ugh!
What a shithead!
It's the same.
Yeah, our names are different.
Do you think...
That these are the only words
he knew how to spell?
Probably.
"Anything you wanna say
before you die, Garrett?"
"You know what?
Let's just make it
a group text."
Yeah...
He wasn't really a wordy guy.
Guess nobody's perfect.
Yeah.
Not even close.
He like...
Could never really understand
people with accents.
Yeah, he was
a really bad tipper.
Oh, yeah. Low, low.
Embarrassingly bad.
He wasn't nice to old people.
Nope.
Mm-mmm.
He would never dance with me.
It's a crime.
He was ridiculous.
Sometimes he would come
into my room just to fart.
- Yes.
You do, too.
Ew! I do not.
Something
you have in common.
Every holiday, I got a gift
certificate from autozone.
Me too.
- What a jerk!
Man!
One time he hit a cat
and kept driving.
Oh, my god.
Yeah, that one's dark.
I'll keep it to myself.
Yeah.
Oh, he breast fed until he
was about four years old.
-What?
-Yup!
He only stopped
because I popped up.
Ew!
He cut me out of his life.
Yeah.
Well, he cut you out of mine.
Twins?
Do I have a choice?
Nope.
Mmm...
Thank you.
Garrett.
A portion of Garrett.
That's not all of him.
The rest of him
is back in calgary.
Dina scooped out
part of his ashes
and put it in this jar?
Like a snack.
These are her pickling jars.
I didn't
really think about it.
Portion of Garrett.
You sure about this?
Well, that's
one way to do it.
Ronnie!
I'm back! Let's hit it.
Granville brought it.
What is it? Uranus?
It's a quasi-stellar object.
Hey, Garrett.
I know I'm not
supposed to sit here, but...
The way I see it,
if you're really up there,
you can just make sure that
i don't crash and kill us.
This totally works, right?
And if you're not...
Well, you're not the boss
of me, you butt-face.
I can take care of myself.