Suing the Devil (2011) Movie Script
~ Suing the Devil (2011) ~
My name is Luke O'Brien.
I work as a salesman by day.
At night, I attend the
Billy Simon's night law school
in Sydney, Australia.
It's been my goal in life
to become a lawyer,
until.
Some tragedies have caused me
to question my own existence.
I wonder why the good Lord lets
Satan get away with so much.
This has been the
worst year of my life.
And today the country was rocked
by yet another mass murder.
This time a gunman killed 15 people
at the hospital before taking his own life.
That's unacceptable.
No, that's ridiculous.
How does an account disappear?
Well some human garbage
has stolen my money and you...
Well what kind of idiots
do you have working there?
Luke! Please don't!
Babe.
Babe, babe are you okay?
I'm sorry.
In other news, gas prices
are still rising
and oil companies
offer no apologies.
God,
are you following
any of this?
My mother was killed
by a drunk driver, Gwen,
the same drunk driver
is now free on the streets,
with all the other filth out there
including the ones who stole our money.
You know, if I could just have
Satan right here, right now,
I'd crush him to bits.
And that same filth
that murdered my Mother!
I'm off to the law library.
Everyone needs compassion,
love that's never failing.
Let mercy fall on me.
Don't tell me I left
the bullets at home!
And then, something happened.
Of all things, a Bible fell out
of the glove compartment.
Had my back slid so far from God
that I was willing to kill a man?
Why couldn't I forgive him?
Why?
How did I get to
what I've become?
A man who hated people.
Instead of loving
my neighbor.
Who am I?
As I drove home, I realized
what a spiritual battle we all face.
Satan comes at you like a roaring lion,
brothers and sisters,
don't forget that!
The greatest lie he ever invented was
to convince you that he doesn't exist.
And I believe in the devil.
That's when it hit me.
Every problem
in the world today
is somehow related
to this evil being.
It's all lies and deception.
And because of this snake
the world continues
spiraling downward.
And it dawned on me
that I'd do something rash.
If the world was going to hell,
I may as well take some demons out!
It was on this day that
I decided to expose Satan.
Yes, you heard me right.
Expose Satan!
And I can show the tactics
of the Devil better than anybody!
Luke O'Brien vs. Satan?
That's right.
Satan?
Yeah, that's right.
Is there a last name?
I didn't exactly have Satan's address
to send him a copy of the lawsuit,
but I did make it all the way
to a court hearing with a judge.
Luke O'Brien vs. Satan?
Yes, your honor.
You're suing Satan?
Crazy!
Order!
Yes, your honor.
You're aware that you're in the
international court of human rights.
Your honor, Satan have violated
every human right known to man!
- Are you seeing a shrink?
- No.
- Taking any medication?
- Yes.
No, I used to.
Mr. O'Brien, you are wasting the
court's time with this frivolous lawsuit.
Your honor, I can prove that
Satan is a viable defendant.
Under Dogar vs. Marlboro,
and section 10-3 of the
international civil liberties suit...
Right, I understand.
And of course Satan has failed
to respond to this notice.
I'd like to submit a default
judgment upon him.
And how do you expect
to serve that notice?
Well, I listed it in
the newspaper actually.
You might want to try hell
next time, just a tip.
I knew she was going
to dismiss the case.
I just wanted to vent
my frustration with Satan!
So what she said next
took me completely by surprise.
You're going to have to give the
defendant, in this case Satan, notice.
Find a process server,
I'll give you 30 more days.
But your honor, I can't!
Well, I won't allow a default
unless the defendant has been served!
Next case!
- What's this?
- This is a lawsuit against Satan.
- What is this, a joke?
- No, it's not.
If he works here, I want you
to give that to him.
We have 70 lawyers who
work here, take your pick.
Go for it.
Hey bud,
what makes you think Satan
even works here, huh?
You just give that to him
if you see him, alright?
Hey, I run a respectable
business here, okay?
Yeah, we've got strippers, drunks
and gamblers, but you know what?
I don't permit smoking
inside, okay?
Are you guys Satan worshipers?
Just in case, can you give this
to Satan if you see him around?
Thanks.
I see you've served notice
of process at a law film,
strip club, overseas investment
firm and an oil company.
Why stop there?
Did you try serving
a used car yard?
If Satan's anywhere,
it's probably there.
Yeah, I didn't think
of that one, your honor.
I'd like to file a default judgment
against Satan.
Default judgment?
Yes, your honor. I want
the record to show...
that Satan has judgment
against him for 8 trillion dollars.
I'm going to dismiss this case
on a technicality
and because you're nuts.
And then the most
unimaginable thing happened.
I'm also going to
penalize you because...
Because why?
I'm here, your honor.
Ever get that strange feeling
that a hoax might be real after all?
And who are you?
- Satan, your honor.
- Oh, your honor.
Nice try.
So you two are
in this together, right?
I'm here to answer the
summonsed, your honor.
And I wade the lack
of process from Mr. Luke O'Brien.
What is this?
That's great,
you almost had me there.
Oh, made my day!
Am I punked?
Where are the cameras?
I'm afraid it's quite serious,
your honor.
Well I don't find it
very amusing.
Neither do I.
Can you prove you're Satan?
Can you prove I'm not?
What is going on here?
Oh my goodness, it's
so hot in here! Bailiff!
Bailiff? Why is the heat up?
What do you think?
Oh, my goodness! Bailiff!
What have you done
to the heat? Check it!
So, suppose you are
who you say you are,
do you realize the extent
of what you're saying?
The earth is mine.
And I will defend myself.
Do you have legal representation?
Do I have legal representation?
I know what you're thinking,
so don't say it.
Was this man
really the devil?
Well, I must say you've got
a lot of guts boy. Suing me?
I mean, do you really know
what you're letting yourself in for?
You're not really Satan,
are you?
Oh, and you're not Lukey Dukey,
are you, idiot?
Look, you better have a bunch of good lawyers
because I'm going to take you down.
You're a little pipsqueak.
Do you know how insignificant you are?
I mean, with one...
I could send you off into the abyss
in a little red corvette.
Hey, I've got God on my side, okay?
And He created you.
Ugh, got a card?
- I don't have one.
- No card?
Well, here's mine.
Call me, anytime.
Hey, don't smoke it.
I'll see you in court, baby.
Oh yeah, nice
magic trick, dude!
I needed someone to help me.
Someone I could trust.
There was only
one person I knew.
Get lost.
Come on, Mel! That's
no way to talk to a friend.
Friends don't ask friends
to sue Satan.
I really need your help
on this one, please.
Luke, I just passed the bar.
I'm not about to sue Satan
as my first case.
Find another idiot.
Mel!
The judge actually set
a trial date for next week,
which stunned everyone
in the courtroom, including me.
After that, I got hit with
a million interview requests,
which of course
I reluctantly turned down.
Honey, I'm home!
Call him a nutcase, but
Luke O'Brien is suing the Devil.
The judge was about
to throw out the case
until another man entered in claiming
that he himself was, in fact, the Devil.
Talk about another weird day
here at the Sydney courthouse.
You sure you want to
go through with this?
Yeah, of course.
The Devil's responsible for
the mess this whole world's in.
You said it yourself.
Yeah, but I didn't tell you
to go out there and sue him!
Why are you doing this, Luke?
Because the devil exists
and I have to expose him.
I have to expose him.
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
I'd like to thank you for coming here on such
short notice for such a monumental event.
Now, without further a due,
I'd like to introduce to you my client,
who prefers that
you call him "Prince".
Here you are,
your dream team.
The best trial lawyers
from around the world...
are here in Sydney
for this trial.
Great.
Well, here you are sir,
your dream team.
The best, the brightest, the smartest
trial lawyers from all over the world.
And the most expensive.
Mr. Ice, Oxford, IQ 214.
He helped defeat a bill that was
trying to find a cure for cancer.
I'm not quite sure about
the cancer thing, I mean...
when people are dying of cancer they
usually think more about God, no?
Well, don't get too paranoid
there, Prince, because...
God gets his fair share
of cursing too, huh?
They curse God!
Well, that's a very smart answer.
Okay, I like you!
Miss Black, Yale law.
The youngest and best
litigator in New York.
67 wins, 0 losses.
She helped defeat
the electric car in court.
Her clients, big oil.
What would you say if I gave you
100 million dollars
and asked in return
for your soul?
100 million for my soul?
What's the catch?
Thank you.
Good answer!
- I like this team.
- Pleasure to meet you, Prince.
Mr. Think Tank, Harvard law.
- Think Tank.
- How do you do, sir?
Helped defeat the
passenger bill of rights.
His clients are
all the major airlines.
Airlines?
Oh, I hate airlines.
Well, what I do love, though,
I love to see people in those
huge long lines, don't you?
Waiting for security,
taking their stupid shoes off.
I love to see that!
And they added baggage fees.
That was my initiative.
Really? I love greed.
- Welcome to the team.
- Thank you, sir.
Good.
Ah, Ms. Shy.
Sydney University.
Don't let the name fool you.
She is a shark in court.
I hear you're not happy
with your remuneration.
I only work for top dollar.
Well, as you should.
And what is top dollar to you?
10 million, cash out.
Oh...
You sure she's Ms. Shy?
Sith, please!
Don't you want to be involved
in taking down Satan?
Putting that way, no I don't.
No one else is
helping me out on this.
Besides, I mean, think of
all the publicity!
You'll be in every newspaper.
You'll have so many
clients from this,
you wont even know
where to begin.
Seriously, I really, really need
your help on this one, please.
Luke, what if that guy really is Satan,
have you thought about that?
Mr. Innocent. You're going
to love him. Columbia law.
Represents all the casinos
in Vegas.
Vegas!
Put it there, my friend.
That is my hometown.
All those gamblers, those idiots,
what nitwits they are.
I love it when the dealer
has 16 and turns over a 5!
All those idiot faces!
I love it!
They look so disappointed!
I helped defeat a stupid lawsuit against
the casinos for second hand smoke.
They claim that 1 hour in a casino
equals 3 months of passive smoking.
Oh yeah, and so what happened?
Just like my last poker game,
I won, of course!
So I'm going to crush Luke O'Brien.
That will give me so much joy.
You're doing this for the Lord.
Seriously. And you're going
to take a stand in your life!
- Thank you so much
- Yeah.
So, Mr. In-Yo-Face,
from Stanford Law.
Oh! Stanford Law.
Very good!
I know this sounds
very egotistical, sir, but...
I am the greatest, so
don't worry about a thing.
Good. Isn't that what
Muhammad Ali said?
- Professor Fields, NYU.
- Hi Prof!
It's a stupid lawsuit sir,
and we're going to win.
Alright. Stupid, win. That sounds
good to me. Thank you.
And last but not least,
Ms. Scarlett.
She represents
the tobacco industry.
Then no more need be said!
Quick question. Hands up
all those who believe in God.
Alright.
Hands up those who like God.
Like, like, like?
No one.
Well, I think our nemesis
Luke O'Brien is in your shoes.
He doesn't like God either!
Only he doesn't know it yet.
Alright, now, as you all know, this trial
is being shown around the world.
I don't have to tell you,
my client never loses.
Ever.
So what do we know
about this Luke O'Brien?
You don't need to worry
about Luke O'Brien, he's done.
Well, let's not underestimate him.
We're not. That's why
you're closing him.
And so the first day
of the trial arrived.
The jury was selected by a random
computer process under some new law.
Now, it was a mad house.
Here we are outside the
International Court of Human Rights,
where Luke O'Brien
is about to arrive.
Look! Here he is!
Here he is!
Luke! Luke! Luke!
Serious question for you, Luke.
Are you a moron?
No.
- Luke, you can't be taking this case seriously.
- Well, of course I'm taking it seriously.
Do you honestly believe
that that's the devil?
The devil is alive
and he's well.
Luke, Luke, so why are you
suing the devil?
He ruined my life,
he ruined this world!
And he has to pay for it.
- Do you really think you have a chance?
- Yes.
In my heart I believe I do.
Satan, Satan, do you have
anything to say?
I always have
something to say.
- Are you really Satan?
- Oh yes, how about a little dance with Satan?
Do you expect the public
to actually buy you're Satan?
Well do you expect the public
to buy that you are...
$12000 in debt
on your credit cards?
- How did you know that?
- Yeah, start paying them off.
If you're really Satan,
then prove it.
Okay, watch this.
All I'd like to say is:
The world is full of losers.
How many people are going
to sue me and blame me
because they can't
get their act together?
Okay? They're losers!
Mr. Luke O'Brien,
are you listening?
Satan, just want to say
that I'm a huge fan,
I adore you, I worship you!
- I love Kiss.
- What?
Kiss! Kiss!
I hate Kiss.
I'm a Tom Jones man.
It's being built as trial of the century,
being seen by audiences around the world.
Welcome everyone to
"You Decide The verdict".
I'm Barry Polk.
Joining me today are...
Tony "The Hip" Anzaldo,
and Jasmine Williams,
welcome both.
Tony, why don't we
start with you?
Do you think that this guy Luke O'Brien
has any chance against Satan?
No.
Well said.
Jasmine?
I think the world is pulling
for Luke O'Brien,
and we all hope
that he prevails.
I don't.
Let's go to Mark Engstrom,
who's observing this all the way from...
Tony, you'll like this.
London, England.
Mark?
Barry, everyone in the UK.
Is fascinated by this case.
And the big question on everyone's
mind is whether this really is Satan.
Mark, excuse me a moment,
we're going to go right back now,
as the trial is just
getting back underway.
All rise!
You may be seated.
Court is now in session.
Are you sure you want to
go through with this?
- No.
- This jury was selected by a random...
Yes.
Okay.
Since neither party
chose to settle,
we will go to trial.
And I want a speedy trial,
understood?
You've already turned our court
into a media circus.
Plaintiff, your opening statement.
- Plaintiff!
- Yes, your honor.
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,
I feel a little inadequate,
after all...
I am suing the devil himself.
However,
it's very important that you remember
the whole world is at stake here.
And that being over there is the
cause of all the world's suffering.
Your honor, objection!
My client isn't a being,
he's a fallen angel.
Right. Continue, Mr. O'Brien.
I will prove, with a
preponderance of evidence,
that he has caused all the
problems and pain of this world.
And the verdict should be
rendered against him,
for 8 trillion dollars.
Order!
Order!
Order!
Satan! Satan! Satan!
Order!
Order!
Okay, counsel, for the defense,
your opening statement.
The audacity,
the sheer audacity...
to make you poor people
leave your jobs
for this hair brain lawsuit,
- it's unbelievable!
- Objection!
Sustained. Counsel, please
refrain from personal attacks.
I'm sorry, your honor.
Assuming, for argument's sake,
that my client in fact is Satan,
we will prove that this man
is no way responsible
for this man's problems
in society.
And it's a disturbing and
reprehensible thing
for him to sue my client
who's done him no wrong.
I'm done, let the trial begin!
Plaintiff, your first witness.
Pastor Matthews,
- Is Satan real?
- Oh yes, he is.
The Bible taken literally
tells us that.
Satan is mentioned by name
in 47 Bible verses,
- as the devil...
- Objection, your honor.
The Bible is not admissible
as evidence in this courtroom.
Your honor,
the Bible has been the most reliable source
of history than other ever produced.
Let him have it,
it's fiction anyway.
Continue, Pastor.
Come on, be magnanimous.
Let him have it, we're going to win.
Satan, when he was tempting Jesus,
appealed to 3 things.
A lust of the flesh,
the lust of the eyes,
and the boastful
pride of man.
And what is his mission?
He opposes everything
that is good,
and he seeks to destroy
the work of Jesus Christ.
There you have it.
Destroy the work
of Jesus Christ.
I have no further questions,
your honor.
What is this, Pastor?
It's an apple.
And what if I was to tell you
that this was the very apple
that Eve took a bite from
in the garden of Eden?
- Would you believe me?
- No.
- Why?
- Because the apple Eve ate...
would be full of worms by now.
Brilliant deduction.
And so our client over there is guilty
of destroying this man's life because...
Because the scripture says the devil is
a roaring lion seeking who he may devour.
Sounds pretty guilty to me.
And yet this apple is not
from the Garden of Eden.
I understand your question,
of course it's not.
Of course.
No further questions,
your honor.
Wow, already high drama
on the first day of this...
international trial live
from Sydney, Australia.
For those of you joining us
from around the world, welcome.
Tony, comments?
Satan's law is obviously
having a field day here, I mean,
this Luke guy, my heart goes out
to him, he's just out of league,
and if he's not careful they are
going to have him for their lunch.
Jasmine?
What we need to remember here
is that humanity is at stake.
This is clearly good vs. evil.
Jasmine, just lighten it up a bit,
okay?
Satan's the one
being sued, right?
I mean, Satan's the one
being drug by this moron
hithering on and yanked around,
jailed for courts and everything.
Come on now,
have some empathy.
We'll be right back after this.
Your honor, I'd like to call John Door
of Windmile Gas to the stand.
Objection, your honor! What is
relevance of this witness, may I ask?
Think man, think!
Oil company, Satan, evil!
- You're John Door of Windmile Gas?
- Yes, I am.
- Why are the Petro prices so high, sir?
- Are they high?
I hadn't noticed.
You hadn't noticed? What,
is stupid your middle name?
Your honor!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Counsel, will you refrain from
personal attacks, am I clear?
Yes, your honor.
I'm sorry, it slipped out.
Your honor, I want it
noted on the record
that that vicious unwarned
remark was not only unchristian,
but it was vile and wicked.
- So noted.
- Thank you.
Continue.
What you and every
other loser should do
is make more money
and stop complaining.
Why don't you just lower
the price of gas?
Because of money. We have
to make a profit like everyone else.
Your honor, what is the relevance
of this questioning?
Overruled. Continue.
Money, it's a vicious cycle.
Your company raises the price
of oil by a few cents
and then it says it's not
a monopoly.
And then they take out some clever little ad
that says they're a green company
and they're not making
any money.
And this year alone you made
50 billion dollars!
Money and greed,
don't you think?
Objection! Argumentative!
- Compound!
- Ambiguous!
What is the purpose, Mr. O'Brien,
of this questioning?
The purpose? To show
that the love of money
is indeed the root
of all evil.
- Objection again!
- Sustained.
Counsel, will you refrain from personal
attacks, do you understand me?
Yes, your honor, sorry.
Mr. Door, do you believe in God?
No.
Thank you.
Let's take a quick recess.
Wow!
Well, Tony, it appears that Luke O'Brien has
made a remarkable comeback this afternoon.
I'm baffled by this guy, one moment
he's an idiot, the next, a genius.
That's right. Now, I've just been
informed that we've been joined by
20 more countries broadcasting
this event live around the world.
They include Pakistan,
Hungary, Chile, Bolivia, Iraq,
and Jasmine if you can
believe it or not, North Korea.
Yeah, what this tells me, Barry, is
that there's a lot at stake in this trial,
and my prayers are
with Luke O'Brien.
And he'll need
a lot of prayer.
We'll be right back
after this station break.
That was a dirty,...
cheap, rotten trick, O'Brien,
and you know it.
My client has nothing to do
with the oil industry.
Well maybe you're in denial, Murry,
but your client is Satan!
- That ever cross your mind?
- Oh, you're so done!
By the time I'm through with you,
you won't even be allowed
to take the bar exam in Antarctica.
- Mint?
- No, thank you.
What just happened?
Everything's okay,
I just told him off.
- Oh, you told him off.
- Yes.
Well, I get a sense
that we're losing.
Look, don't worry!
Don't you ever tell me
not to worry!
Now you better bring him down
in the next round, or else!
You haven't seen
my bad side!
All rise!
Your honor, the defense calls
Luke O'Brien to the stand.
- Why are they calling you now?
- I have no idea.
- Take him out.
- Yes, sir.
Simple question, Mr. O'Brien.
Do you believe in God?
Yes, I do.
Do you believe in Satan?
But of course.
Really?
I hold in my hand an affidavit.
When your mother died,
a nurse heard you say,
"God how could you
let this happen to me?"
Did you say this?
How's that?
It's not great,
it's a little better.
You're so self-satisfied,
aren't you?
I want this little pipsqueak
destroyed.
Did you say this,
Mr. O'Brien?
Yes, I did.
You said, "God, how could you
let this happen to me?"
I emphasize the word you.
You were blaming God,
not Satan then, right?
Order!
Order! I will not have that
disturbance in my court, thank you.
No further questions,
your honor.
Order!
Order!
Order!
If I hear that noise again you will be
out of this court, do you understand me?
Thank you.
Whoa! It looks like the jury is starting
to favor Satan amazingly enough.
I don't know how he can just sit there
and take it from Satan's lawyers.
Why would Satan bother
to defend himself?
Listen meat face, maybe he had
some free time. Who knows?
I know when someones real and not.
That guy is real. It's really Satan.
Don't ever call me
meat face again.
What have I got myself
into here?
That lawyer today, you know,
he was right.
About what?
I did blame God...
for my mother's death.
You don't need to beat
yourself up about this,
there's so many people
that question God in their life.
Yeah, but he had me there.
God could have easily
prevented her from dying,
but he didn't.
Your honor, I call Satan
to the witness stand.
Do you swear to tell the truth the whole
truth and nothing but the truth?
But this doesn't apply to me!
Are you saying for religious reasons
you don't want to take the oath?
I'm not religious.
Do you admit you're Satan?
I admit nothing, I see nothing,
I hear nothing.
Do you admit that you're the
evil being that stalked Eve?
Objection, assuming facts
not in evidence.
It hasn't been established
that Satan is evil.
- Also leading the witness, your honor!
- It's also irrelevant, your honor.
How does overruled sound?
Now sit down all of you.
I did not stalk Eve, alright?
Actually she came to me.
Just like you come to me, Luke,
over and over again.
I'm sorry, I've never
come to you!
I thought the scriptures
made it perfectly clear.
"He who loves this world
is an enemy of God.' '"
And I guess all those times
that you work so hard
to buy those stupid video games
instead of praying to God.
Oh come on!
Call a spade a spade,
you've come to me
many times.
I want to talk about that night
in October, at the hospital.
The night my mother
was hit by a drunk driver.
- I don't remember.
- Just before she died
- I know you were there.
- I don't remember.
You don't remember? You don't
remember too much, do you?
Well, I don't go around
thinking negative thoughts.
Or insignificant ones.
Insignificant?
- My mother was not insignificant.
- Oh, I know what this is about.
This is about the fact that
your mother died
before you could tell her
how much you loved her.
That's not true.
Oh, the guilt you must
have felt being bad son.
And what about that time you ripped her
Bible up and threw it in the trash, huh?
Oh yeah, good going boy,
you really showed her and God.
You stop, I'm telling you!
- Aw Lukey!
- You stop talking about my mother!
She must have brought you up so well
and she died so young, Lukey boy.
- Security!
- I'll kill you!
- Security!
- Don't talk about my mother!
I didn't mention
your mother!
I mean, look at this guy,
your honor, look at him!
I mean, is that Christian like?
Does that look like
a Christian to you?
- Mr. O'Brien!
- I'll kill you!
Don't you talk about
my mother!
- Order!
- Get off!
- Order!
- I didn't mention his mother!
- Mr. O'Brien!
- That's no Christian!
- That man's barbarian!
- Mr. O'Brien!
You lose it again in my court
and I'll have you held in contempt!
Get off me, get off me!
- Understood?
- Yes, your honor.
I apologize, I'm terribly sorry.
- That's alright.
- My mother was a saint.
Alright, apology taken.
My mother was a saint!
I'm sure she was.
But it's not my fault, is it?
I mean, I'm not to blame.
Think Luke, think.
No further questions for now.
- Let's all take a quick recess.
- Hey Lukey boy, Lukey!
A quick recess!
Remember, it's about
winning the jury, okay?
It's like a bad dream or something,
I can't get out of.
Well, well, well, what
do you guys make of this?
Well, if you want my opinion,
Barry, that guy...
is one burrito short
of a combo plate.
Yes, but did Satan convince the jury that
he's not responsible for Mr. O'Brien's mother.
Of course! The wimp is
blaming everybody but himself,
it's pathetic, it's pitiful,
look at that!
Jasmine, thoughts?
What is this love affair with Satan?
We're talking about Lucifer here,
the monster that brought down
all of humanity,
and you're waxing on about Satan
having a field day, what is this?
Alright guys, let's try to have some
civility here, let's maintain order.
First of all,
that's not Satan.
You know how I know that?
I've seen Satan.
Here, you've seen Satan?
Alright guys, excuse me.
Could we just...
I think the audience would like
to stick to the legal issues.
Bottom line, Barry, Luke's in over
his head and he's no match for Satan!
Good, now what have we got?
- Now the gloves are coming off, my friend...
- That's what I want to hear.
That's what I want to hear.
I want you to go low, low, low.
I want this boy destroyed.
- He's gone.
- Yeah, good.
He is sweet but...
Sending some emails huh?
Oh, spam.
I love...
Do you love spam too?
Okay, court is back in session.
Counsel, proceed.
Counsel?
Plaintiff calls Satan
to the stand.
In the Bible,
in the book of Job,
you attack Job both physically
and spiritually. Why is that?
Finally, in this courtroom,
an intelligent question.
The short answer is...
because I wanted to test him.
And he passed your test?
Yes, I know it's hard to believe,
but yes, he passed.
So doesn't that prove you're responsible
for at least one person's suffering?
Perhaps.
So why couldn't you be responsible
for the rest of the world's suffering too?
Your honor, objection!
Leading the witness!
Overruled. Witness will
answer the question.
Look, I'm not omnipresent.
I can't be in two places at
the same time, only God can.
God could stop me anytime,
but he doesn't.
Really he's the one you should be
asking these questions to.
Oh, and by the way, what does that
tell you about the big guy upstairs?
If he can stop evil
and doesn't,
what does that tell you
about him?
Well, I guess it tells me that
he's given everyone a free will.
Objection, she can't answer
questions from the witness!
Sustained. Please keep
your opinions to yourself.
Of course, your honor.
Any further questions?
No.
Bailiff!
Bailiff, do something!
Stay calm everyone please,
how did it get, what?
Bailiff, get it out of the court!
- What's your next move?
- Hey guys,
just a bit of time out, okay?
I just have to use the bathroom.
Alright.
Are you waiting?
Give it a few minutes.
Bad oysters.
Why are you here
defending yourself?
Why are you suing me?
Well, I didn't think
you'd show, did I?
You didn't think I'd show?
What kind of a gutless thing is that to say?
So why did you show?
I'm here to defend my honor.
Your honor?
You're a snake!
You be careful, O'Brien, I could
sue you for liable and slander.
Truth is the defense
against slander.
Oh yeah, of course, I forgot
you know the law, don't you?
Alright. Yep, you can
call me a snake.
Actually, I think snakes are pretty cool.
Ever eaten one?
You know, what I can't figure out
is why did you turn against God.
You were a worshipped leader,
you're a good looking angel,
and you throw it all away.
Listen, I don't like
to dwell on the past,
but if you're looking
for the short answer,
I thought that I...
could be God.
Big mistake.
Why aren't you afraid?
Afraid? Afraid of what?
Well, I am the guy who sent
Jesus Christ to be crucified.
- Think about that.
- Ah, think again!
See, Jesus willingly
went to the cross
and that was the biggest
mistake of your life, pal.
Do you remember the
Garden of Gethsemane?
All the disciples were asleep,
he had no one to turn to.
He still went through with it!
I mean, it's unbelievable!
Yeah, what a great guy.
That's why I owe him big.
Listen you chomp, chomp,
you're going to lose this case,
you're going to be the laughing
stalk of the word! I mean...
little kids are going
to point at you and go,
"isn't that the moron
who tried to sue Satan?"
Listen, don't talk to that little
punk without me present.
Do not. Please.
- Is everything under control, Mr. Banks?
- Of course it is.
Remember, we don't lose ever.
Good. Don't ever
say lose to me!
Have a nice day.
Am I right in saying that...
you dropped out of school because
you couldn't stand the pressure?
Yes.
And that was Satan's fault?
No, that was mine.
- It was yours.
- Yeah.
And presently you're
studying at Billy's...
Counsel, please keep
your hands off the witness.
Your honor, I'm sorry, he just
reminds me of my son.
That's...
So how does Billy's College of
night law compare with other colleges?
How would I know?
Well, I went to Harvard law school,
how does it compare with that?
Objection!
You're objecting to
your own counsel?
Your honor, I'd like to rebuke
my own counsel if I may.
Please, come here!
How dare you ridicule that man
in front of everybody?
- I was just trying to point out...
- Who cares if you're from Harvard?
Big deal! Nobody cares, listen to me now,
because I'm the boss, not you.
We're here representing that man
over there. This is not your show.
So you know what?
Get out!
- What?
- You're fired!
Your honor, excuse me for
my outburst, I am truly sorry.
If it pleases the court I would like
to replace counsel with co-counsel.
- The lovely Ms. Scarlett.
- Substitution granted.
- Thank you.
- Continue with the questioning, please.
Nice trick.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
We're losing the case Luke.
Do you realize that?
Yeah, I noticed.
I can't believe the jury
is on Satan's side!
Gosh, I'm going to go down as
the worst lawyer in the history of law.
Luke, he's deceiving the jury.
Yeah, he sure is.
I know that,
he even tricked me.
What am I suppose to do?
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- Are you ready to do this the Lord's way?
- The Lord's way?
That's what I think I've been doing, I'm
suing the devil in case you haven't noticed.
For who's gain?
Yours or his?
Honey, it's a little more complicated
than that, you wouldn't understand.
You know, guys, it's funny,
because most people
are in a spiritual battle
every single day of their life
and they just go about their busy lives never
fulfilling what God really intended for them.
Meaning?
Meaning that Satan doesn't care
about those who are too busy for God,
he only cares about those
who are too busy for Satan.
- Good morning.
- Are you at the witness stand today?
I would just like to say,
my statement is this:
This trial has been made out
to be a trial of good vs. evil.
Now I have nothing personal
against Mr. Luke O'Brien,
he's a misguided
Bible thumper, that's all.
Anyway, we'll have a
good contest, thank you.
Mr. Satan, sir, can you tell us
what hell is like?
Oh yes, it's very warm there.
Why, do you want to come and see?
If you're Satan,
than prove it.
What happened to him?
Hey blind man,
you really think
the end is near?
I believe Jesus is
coming back soon, yes.
- And why is that?
- I may be blind, but I can see.
The book of Luke says,
"Watch out so you are not deceived,"
for many will come in my name
claiming I am he,
- Yeah, yeah, thank you.
- The time is near.
Then he said to them, the nation will rise
against nation, kingdom against kingdom,
there will be great earthquakes,
famine and diseases in various places.' '
Oh, I truly believe that
we are the last generation.
Congratulations sir, it's looking
like a slam dunk to me.
Oh really, a slam dunk?
- Is something wrong?
- No, no.
Do you remember seeing
that blind guy outside?
- Blind guy?
- Yeah, I wonder where he went.
Look, we've got
this jury locked.
The way this case is done
if we don't screw it up, okay?
- Oh, we've got them locked, huh?
- Locked.
You know,
I think we're going to have
to alter course.
All rise!
Can you explain evil to me?
Did you hear my question?
Yes.
Well?
Evil is good.
Did you just say
that evil is good?
You still don't get it,
do you?
There wouldn't be good
without evil
and conversely, there wouldn't be
evil without good.
Well, then Ezekiel...
- Ezekiel?
- Yeah.
- Oh one of my favorites.
- Oh yeah.
He says a nice one about you.
So what?
So what? So you thought
you were God,
and that was a little bit silly,
wasn't it?
What kind of a question is that,
your honor?
Your honor!
- Who is Jesus Christ to you?
- I'm sorry?
I said, who is Jesus Christ?
Your honor, what's that
got to do with anything?
Objection, your honor, come on!
- Where are we going with this?
- Overruled. Proceed.
Your honor, please...
Will you sit your jack
in the box face down!
Got it?
Thank you, counsel.
Who is Jesus Christ?
Witness will answer
the question.
Yes, your honor.
Jesus Christ.
Fine.
He was a good teacher,
that's it, nothing more!
He was a good teacher? I don't
recall him saying anything like that.
Alright, he said he was God.
- I'm sorry, what's he said?
- Big deal!
You heard me.
He said that he was what? Could you repeat
that again for the jury and the court?
Did you get that?
I am not repeating it, if you've got
wax in your ears clean them out.
But the biggest mistake you made
was crucifying him, isn't that right?
You'd better watch
your mouth, boy.
You thought you had it all
figured out, didn't you?
You watch your mouth, boy.
Look around you.
What do you see?
Is that right? Why don't you look around?
What do you see?
Who are you?
I am a believer
in Jesus Christ
and a lover of God, and
that's all I have to be.
Excuse me, Mr. O'Brien,
any further questions?
Wow, wow! So here we go, another turn
of events. What do you make of this?
What we're seeing I don't think
we'll witness again in our lifetime.
What just happened?
Dropping loser!
Alright, gloves are off.
From now on, hardball.
Where did that come from?
I don't know.
It's like...
Hold on a second.
Hey.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
I just got a headache.
Don't worry.
Quiet in the courts, all rise.
Court is in session.
You may be seated.
Mr. O'Brien, have you
ever done Internet porn?
- Yes.
- How many times?
I don't know.
Mr. O'Brien, did you or
did you not use the "F" word
when somebody cut you off
on the freeway last week?
Objection! This is hearsay,
your honor!
Where did you find
this information?
- Did you use...
- Yes! Yes I did.
- Look, this guy cut me off...
- Yes or no, Mr. O'Brien?
Yes.
- How's that for low blows?
- Not low enough.
How low should we go?
Go as low as hell.
Mr. O'Brian,
do you know what
audacious means, Mr O'Brian?
Yes.
Don't you find it audacious to waste
the time of these precious jurors
with your frivolous lawsuit?
No.
How can you sit there with
that smug look on your face
and have no shame?
Objection he's...
scolding the witness!
Scolding the witness? What does that mean?
I've never even heard of that objection.
Did you also learn that at
Billy Simon's night law school?
And did you use a racist
remark last week?
Yes.
- What did you say?
- I don't remember.
And when did you become
a Christian again?
Listen, I accepted Jesus Christ
into my heart 7 years ago.
7 years!
And still using profanity
and making racist remarks.
No further questions.
Mr. O'Brien, what other racist
things have you said?
- Are you a racist?
- Are you a member of the KKK?
What kind of person are you?
You call yourself a Christian?
Excuse me.
How does it feel to be
on the losing side?
Is it true you're filing
for divorce?
Have you ever been
so down.
You had no had nowhere else
to go but up?
Dear Lord God,
I realize I blamed
everyone but myself.
I even blamed Satan,
but I couldn't see my own faults,
my own flesh.
Forgive me, Lord.
Forgive me!
Because of all the people
on this Earth,
I am truly the biggest
hypocrite
and the worst sinner.
Give me another chance
to do the right thing the right way,
your way, your will.
I want to win this case.
Barry, most of the legal experts
pretty much agree that this case is over.
Luke O'Brien lost the jury
and lost the case.
Amazing, so his past
came back to haunt him.
Yes, it did.
Alright, let's go to Mark,
live in London.
Mark, what is the consensus
of the people there in England?
Barry, most people I've spoken to, all agree
that Luke O'Brien is a hypocrite.
He's suing the devil
when he should be suing himself.
God anointed
Jesus of Nazareth
with the Holy Spirit and power,
and he went around doing good
and healing all who were
under the power of the devil,
what is...
- What does that mean to you?
- Wow, you're amazing,
you just spout this stuff
all day long, don't you?
What does it mean to me?
Absolutely zip, zilch, zippo.
The thief he cometh but for
to steal to kill and to destroy.
I'll tell you what, though. I wish
I had the power to make you disappear.
You are boring me to death!
And Jesus was referring to you,
so I question...
how many people
have you killed?
Alright, alright.
Let's do the totally here.
According to the Bible,
I killed 10 people.
Job's family, that's it!
But how many people has
God killed in the flood?
Some estimates over
100 million people!
- Why can't you just be truthful?
- You want the truth?
You can't handle the truth!
Order!
I can handle the truth.
You know, Jesus said,
"I cometh so they might have
an abundance of life."
He also said,
"I am the good shepherd,
and the good shepherd
giveth his life for the sheep."
Would you give your life for
a human being as Jesus did?
Certainly not.
Humans are trash.
I'm just the trash collector.
- Well put, Satan.
- Your honor, I don't think we can keep...
Sit down!
Why do you get so upset when
I mention the name Jesus Christ?
Why don't you ask me
something fun? Like death?
Ask me about death, come on!
How many people do you think are going to hell?
I don't know.
You keep score, tell me.
Over 2 billion people, according
to the book of Revelations.
- What do you say about that?
- That man is wicked,
God is just, and you're
partially to blame.
Oh yeah, you ever been
to hell, boy?
Not a fun place.
That's too bad, huh?
Because that's
where you're going!
Order!
Let's recess for 15 minutes.
- That was amazing.
- Yeah.
What's next?
- We're going to need some more witnesses.
- Right.
Okay.
Pastor Pringle,
is it all God's fault?
Well, not his fault.
He is the original
creator of everything.
However He gave us
our free will
so that we become
free to choose.
That's all.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- Pastor Pringle, isn't it?
- Right.
So let me get this correct. You're
saying that God allows this freewill
for every man to chose
between Satan and God.
- Right.
- So if I was to walk up to Mr. O'Brien right now
and punch him in the face,
would that be my own free will?
- Right.
- Alright.
So it's not Satan's fault then, if
we're to follow this line of reasoning.
Well, Satan comes to kill,
steal and destroy.
And it's clear from scripture he's
behind all the world's problems.
However we become responsible in our
foreign state when we yield a temptation.
Thank you.
Pastor Philips,
could you prove to me in 30 seconds
or less that God exists?
- Objection!
- Overruled.
The witness can answer.
Prove in 30 seconds that God exists?
I can do that in one sentence.
Something cannot come out
of nothing, it's impossible.
There you have it, something cannot
come out of nothing. How true?
We can explain where life began,
we can explain where thoughts began,
but we cannot prove
a moral conscious.
This is what truly
perplexes scientists
and also proves
the existence of God.
- And what is Satan's mission?
- Oh, I think that's plain in scripture.
He's come to steal,
to kill, and destroy.
You can't put a price
on the damage he's done,
but humans are responsible
for their own souls.
- Is there a hell?
- Yes indeed.
And everyday people have the opportunity
to go to either heaven or hell.
Thank you.
Alright guys, this thing keeps going back
like an Olympic ping pong match.
Tony, who's winning?
It's really hard to say,
it really is,
but it was brilliant on his part bringing all
these distinguished men up to the stand.
I would say O'Brien
is winning at this point,
and seems to be able to carry it
all the way through.
Me too! The jury is going
with O'Brien all the way!
- I'm a little concerned, sir.
- A little?
Gentlemen, we are losing this case. I think
we need a serious change of counsel...
Who do you think
you're talking to?
You think you're it, don't you? Because
you went to Stanford law school, huh?
And you work at a top firm?
Yeah, you don't know jack, boy.
And that goes for you too!
Listen, you better win this case,
I'm telling you.
I'm going to make my priority
to come after you night and day
in this world and in hell, you got it?
Now get out of here! Get out!
Don't you ever get tired
of being the bully?
You know, I really don't understand
you and your wife, I mean,
you're either super crazy or super stupid
to want to go up against me.
I have no fear of you anymore.
Yeah, you may be more powerful
on this earth than me,
but Jesus is infinitely
more powerful than you.
You're banging the
Bible again, huh?
Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe you should
ask God to cure Gwen's brain cancer then.
- What?
- Oh!
Didn't she tell you?
Oh yeah.
Oh, that's a shame.
No, she's got brain cancer.
She's only got 5 months to live.
- You're lying.
- Oh yeah. I'm lying.
I know, well, I'm Satan, I mean,
Satan always lies, don't he?
I tell you what, why don't you
ask her yourself, huh?
Everyone needs compassion,
love that's never failing.
- Gwen, I've got to ask you something.
- What?
And you've got to be
honest with me, alright?
Are you sick, honey?
Are you dying of cancer?
You just had so much
on your plate.
You know what, I want you
to do this trial, okay?
I want you to win it!
Do you hear me?
I want you to win it!
I love you.
Oh babe,
I love you so much.
All rise!
You may be seated.
Counsel, do you have
something to say?
Your honor, we ask the court
to give us a continuance
and suspend this trial
immediately!
Order!
Counsel, on what grounds?
Your honor, this man
is not Satan.
Order!
Counsel, do you realize
what you're saying?
The fact that he has admitted
he's Satan is unequivocal.
Your honor, according to
international rules section 666,
the trial can't continue if there's
any question of true identity.
Section 666, I have
never heard of it.
It's in your rule book,
page 341.
666, there it is.
Counsel for the plaintiff,
any comment?
Your honor, it has been
established that he is Satan.
No, it has not been
established, your honor.
Especially in light of new
revelations about our client.
Oh! Let's break!
Counsel, I want to see all of you
in my chambers now.
This is preposterous!
I could have you
disbarred for this!
Your honor, we've just been alerted to the fact
that our client is not who he says he is.
- He's not Satan!
- What are you saying?
He's insane, we represented him
to the best of our ability
and he fooled us.
Oh, he fooled you,
he fooled you!
Aren't you supposed to be
the top law firm in the world?
- Was he fooling about paying as well?
- Your honor, he is not insane.
I'll be the judge of that,
thank you.
We ask that the entire case
be dismissed on lack of person.
- And under international rule 393...
- Oh, don't you tell me the rules!
This case will continue, but I will
allow proof of identity to be granted.
You have to prove that
that man in there is really Satan.
- Your honor, that just not...
- Oh, stop it,
- and get back into court all of you!
- Thank you, your honor.
Good luck with that.
For what it's worth,
you stood up for
what you believe in
and you took all
that public humiliation.
You never caved in.
I really, really respect that.
Thanks, I just...
I wish there was someway
to prove that this guy is the devil.
I know.
You okay?
- I'm good.
- Thank you.
- How are you?
- I'm okay, how are you?
I'm good.
I really thought I had
this guy, you know?
He's just too smart.
You're dealing with a force
that's beyond your comprehension.
Luke, God is still in control.
Yeah, it just feels kind of...
Say that again.
God is in control, Luke.
God is in control!
- Remember that.
- I love you.
I love you.
Alright.
Your honor, plaintiffs would like
to call Satan back to the witness stand.
Hi.
Hi.
Why did you tell the court
and this jury that you were Satan?
Actually, if my memory
serves me correctly,
I don't think I ever said I was Satan.
You're the one who said it
You answered every question
as if you were Satan.
Yeah, well, somebody's got to defend him,
may as well have been me, right?
Order!
What do you do for a living?
I sell used cars,
and new ones, yeah.
Come see me, I'll give you
a special rate.
Really?
Anyone else too,
special rate.
How about that, folks?
That's really cute.
This is all just one big joke
for you, isn't it?
Well, come on, we all had
a few laughs, right? I mean,
I had my 15 minutes,
you had yours,
we both went home happy
and entertained, right?
I mean, that's why you sued
Satan in the first place, right?
No.
You're a rational person,
are you not?
Yes. A re you?
You wouldn't do anything out of the
ordinary in this courtroom, would you?
There's nothing ordinary
in this courtroom.
Order!
- Sorry, your honor.
- What I mean is...
now that you've revealed that
you're really a used car salesmen,
Right, right.
You wouldn't wig out or
anything crazy, would you?
- I don't think so.
- No, you wouldn't do anything strange
- in front of this jury, would you?
- Certainly not, no.
No, after all, now you claim
that you're not Satan.
Alright, listen. We had
our fun, right? Now...
- Now you just hold on a minute, pal.
- Whoa, don't...
- What is... No, no, no.
- Oh, I got your attention now, haven't I?
- Well, I've got something special in here for you.
- I'm sure you do.
- James, chapter 4, verse 7.
- Oh, no.
Submit yourselves
then to God,
resist the devil and
he will flee from you.
Come near to God and
He will come near to you.
Wash your hands,
you sinners,
and purify your hearts,
you devil minded people.
Have you finished?
Oh, no. No.
And by the power and the truth
of these scriptures,
and in the name of Jesus Christ,
get thee behind me, Satan!
I'm sorry?
I said,
get thee behind me, Satan!
In the name of Jesus Christ!
Excuse me, Satan, get back
into the witness stand.
- Sorry.
- That was unusual.
I was... I'm just nauseated,
your honor.
Do you do that all the time?
I bet you get a lot
of laughs, huh?
You couldn't really be Satan,
after all, the Bible clearly states that,
if you resist the devil,
he will flee from you.
- But that doesn't apply to you, does it?
- No.
I... I'm used...
Get thee behind me Satan!!!
Hey, I've got a proposition
for you, buddy.
Come on, Lukey Dukey.
How about it?
I give you everything in this life
you could possibly want.
Riches, a beautiful estate,
horses, huh?
What will it cost me?
My soul?
Oh yes, just your soul,
it's nothing. Your soul...
Oh, you can take that offer
and shove it up your...
Order!
Get back into the
witness stand, sir!
Well, that was very irrational.
In fact, you look pretty
stupid to me now.
What do you think
about that?
Can you please get back
into the witness stand?
Will you shut up?
I haven't finished yet, shut up!
Shut your mouth!
And you, what are you
looking at, huh?
Something funny?
I know all about you.
I know all your secrets, yeah.
- You're gamblers, you're sex addicts...
- Will the witness...
- Shut up!
- Mr. defendant...
- Shut up!
- Will you take the witness stand...
- Sit down!
- Where you are asked to.
- Take your...
- SHUT UP!
I know all about you,
all of you.
I'm watching you.
You want to know the truth?
The real, honest,
gut level truth?
I take sheer delight...
in creating havoc
in the world.
Pitting rich against the poor,
race against race,
country against country,
man against man,
but, most especially,
man against God.
God, oh yeah.
God, God. Yeah, God.
Do you know
what God invented?
I mean, come on, most of you
are too stupid to figure it out.
God created the oceans
and the stars,
he created compassion,
mercy and...
stupid things like love.
He created good health,
raindrops,
and the scent of jasmine.
Do you know what I created, huh?
Do you?
I created noise,
and like the dumb idiots you are,
you worshipped it!
Humans loved the noise
I created!
Car alarms, motorcycles,
leaf blowers,
night clubs, gangster rap,
techno music,
everything that creates noise
I invented.
And you know what?
Noise drowns out
any thoughts of God.
What's the matter?
Don't you love the music of hell?
Let me let you in
on a little secret.
I invented customer service.
Automated answering,
you're looking at it.
Unjust notice?
It's from me.
A huge unjust bill,
that's from me.
A parking ticket?
I own all the utility companies, all the
gas companies and all the parking meters.
Who do you think gives you the parking
tickets, anyway? I do it to rile you,
because I hate
your stinking guts!
You humans, you're pathetic.
You know, I can tempt you
with a candy bar
and you'll sell out Jesus Christ
in a millisecond.
I mean...
people are being massacred in Rwanda,
and you yawn.
People starving in Haiti,
and you put a buck
into the collection plate.
Losers!
What a bunch of losers!
War!
Do you know most wars
are started because of land?
Can you believe that?
Land issues, yeah!
And yet, 75% of all land
isn't occupied,
even in the United States!
Oh yeah, I know,
I started wars,
but it takes nitwits like you
to finish what I started!
I need people who care about
really dumb political issues.
Left wing vs. Right wing,
it's all a distraction,
don't you get it?
You know, you people,
you believe in God like
I believe in the tooth fairy.
Oh, by the way,
I love how I'm portrayed
in the media.
That little cartoon guy
with the pitchfork
and the horns
and the tail.
You humans, you're so stupid.
You're like a bunch of little
hamsters running on a wheel.
You know, everyday
there's people that die,
and guess what?
They're in just two places,
and they're not really dead.
They're either alive in heaven
or alive in hell.
You pick.
Do you know what
my ultimate goal is?
It's to take all you nitwits
to hell with me!
Yeah, well, as the world's coming
to an end, huh? Better be quick!
I suppose you're wondering
why I do what I do.
It's very easy, really.
It's because I hate
your stinking guts!
I hate every single
one of you!
Have a nice day.
Your honor,
we ask the court to please disregard
the complete statement of our client.
He made it under complete
duress from opposing counsel
and under civil
procedure code 598.91,
he cannot be tried
in this court.
The state of our client's
mental health, he's crazy.
Because I do not want
this case appealed,
the testimony will be stricken
from the record.
Oh, your honor, I...
And I am to instruct all of you
in the following.
You will not take
into consideration
any of what the defendant
blurted out.
Only what you have
heard and seen
and witnessed from the facts
and testimonies of the witnesses.
Am I clear?
Counsel for the defense, closing?
Distinguished members
of the jury,
let's take a moment
and think about...
what type of man it would take
to sue someone for 8 trillion dollars.
Self centered,
and egotistical,
an attention seeking man who simply
cannot move on from his own past.
Now as charismatic
as my client can seem,
as much as he wants to play this up
in the courtroom, he is mentally ill.
He is demented,
he needs help,
he needs pity,
not a lawsuit.
And he is no where closer
to being connected to all the evil,
to being Satan himself
than this apple to being the
very one that Eve took a bite from
in the Garden of Eden.
So I'm asking you
to make an opinion today,
and just as any sane,
logical individual would do,
they'll find my client...
not guilty.
And now Mr. O'Brien, closing?
Mr. O'Brien?
Satan has brought up
my past.
And he's right.
I've done some
horrendous things.
I've said some
horrible cruel things.
And I ask the forgiveness
of those I have hurt.
Everyday...
there is a war within me.
I know what I should do.
Sometimes I don't do that.
I know what I shouldn't do.
Sometimes I do that instead.
But that's the battle of choosing
between good and evil.
Between God and Satan.
Everyday it's a struggle
to live a life that
honors Jesus Christ.
But when you give your life
over to Jesus,
well, you're a new person.
Satan's mission is to destroy
the work of God.
We, humans,
are the work of God.
We make mistakes,
and He forgives us.
Let's not allow Satan
to take that away from us.
Make him pay...
for his attempts at
destroying our lives.
Punish him for his hate.
And cherish God
for his love
and his forgiveness.
See, the greatest trick
the Devil ever pulled
was convincing the world
he didn't exist.
But that illusion
is no more.
Thank you.
All rise!
Do you have a verdict?
Yes, your honor.
The jury finds in favor
of the plaintiff
for 8 trillion dollars.
Order!
Order!
And Satan, you can go
straight to hell!
Tasheila Jones,
Channel 2 News,
and we're outside here,
the verdict's just been announced!
How do you feel
about the verdict?
It's a fantastic result!
Luke fought for what he wanted
and he won, he got it!
What do you want,
you little pipsqueak?
Can I have your autograph?
Are you kidding me?
Get a life!
Order!
Order!
Oh, you're up now!
It's been a long night.
- What?
- How did you get in here, sir?
I don't know, I've been
sleeping here all night, I think.
Yes. Well, I didn't want
to wake, you, but...
you were saying,
"get behind me, Satan.' '"
Get b...
Oh, I must have been dreaming!
Yes, well, don't study too hard.
Girls! Girls, it's a new day,
it's a new day!
Gwen?
- Gwen?
- Luke?
- Where were you?
- Babe, are you sick?
No. I'm not sick! Where were you,
you didn't even call me last night!
I'm sorry, honey, I'm sorry.
Look, I went to the library
- and I fell asleep.
- The library?
I fell asleep, I had a dream
and you were sick and I didn't...
and you didn't tell me
in the dream,
- and then you had cancer and then...
- Cancer?
- Are you sick? Are you telling me the truth?
- No, I am okay, but...
you know, I thought you were going
to kill the guy that killed your mom!
Babe, no. No, no, you got
to hear me out, I had this...
dream, there was the devil,
was in it and I beat him
and I sued him in court
and I won.
I found the peace, Hun.
I found my peace, I found God.
God, I found him!
And you know what? I'm going to
forgive him. I'm going to forgive him!
It's a new day.
It's a new day.
And so I start the first day
of my new life.
A life that will obey the Lord
and shun the enemy.
It feels wonderful.
Thank you, God.
You want to be big, Luke?
You're not a loser.
You want to make
lots of money, Luke?
You are not a loser.
You're not a loser,
are you?
Think about Gwen!
You have no authority
over me, Satan.
You got that?
Who are you?
I am a believer
in Jesus Christ.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
So take me as You find me,
all my fears and failures.
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow
everything I believe in.
Now I surrender.
I surrender.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
My name is Luke O'Brien.
I work as a salesman by day.
At night, I attend the
Billy Simon's night law school
in Sydney, Australia.
It's been my goal in life
to become a lawyer,
until.
Some tragedies have caused me
to question my own existence.
I wonder why the good Lord lets
Satan get away with so much.
This has been the
worst year of my life.
And today the country was rocked
by yet another mass murder.
This time a gunman killed 15 people
at the hospital before taking his own life.
That's unacceptable.
No, that's ridiculous.
How does an account disappear?
Well some human garbage
has stolen my money and you...
Well what kind of idiots
do you have working there?
Luke! Please don't!
Babe.
Babe, babe are you okay?
I'm sorry.
In other news, gas prices
are still rising
and oil companies
offer no apologies.
God,
are you following
any of this?
My mother was killed
by a drunk driver, Gwen,
the same drunk driver
is now free on the streets,
with all the other filth out there
including the ones who stole our money.
You know, if I could just have
Satan right here, right now,
I'd crush him to bits.
And that same filth
that murdered my Mother!
I'm off to the law library.
Everyone needs compassion,
love that's never failing.
Let mercy fall on me.
Don't tell me I left
the bullets at home!
And then, something happened.
Of all things, a Bible fell out
of the glove compartment.
Had my back slid so far from God
that I was willing to kill a man?
Why couldn't I forgive him?
Why?
How did I get to
what I've become?
A man who hated people.
Instead of loving
my neighbor.
Who am I?
As I drove home, I realized
what a spiritual battle we all face.
Satan comes at you like a roaring lion,
brothers and sisters,
don't forget that!
The greatest lie he ever invented was
to convince you that he doesn't exist.
And I believe in the devil.
That's when it hit me.
Every problem
in the world today
is somehow related
to this evil being.
It's all lies and deception.
And because of this snake
the world continues
spiraling downward.
And it dawned on me
that I'd do something rash.
If the world was going to hell,
I may as well take some demons out!
It was on this day that
I decided to expose Satan.
Yes, you heard me right.
Expose Satan!
And I can show the tactics
of the Devil better than anybody!
Luke O'Brien vs. Satan?
That's right.
Satan?
Yeah, that's right.
Is there a last name?
I didn't exactly have Satan's address
to send him a copy of the lawsuit,
but I did make it all the way
to a court hearing with a judge.
Luke O'Brien vs. Satan?
Yes, your honor.
You're suing Satan?
Crazy!
Order!
Yes, your honor.
You're aware that you're in the
international court of human rights.
Your honor, Satan have violated
every human right known to man!
- Are you seeing a shrink?
- No.
- Taking any medication?
- Yes.
No, I used to.
Mr. O'Brien, you are wasting the
court's time with this frivolous lawsuit.
Your honor, I can prove that
Satan is a viable defendant.
Under Dogar vs. Marlboro,
and section 10-3 of the
international civil liberties suit...
Right, I understand.
And of course Satan has failed
to respond to this notice.
I'd like to submit a default
judgment upon him.
And how do you expect
to serve that notice?
Well, I listed it in
the newspaper actually.
You might want to try hell
next time, just a tip.
I knew she was going
to dismiss the case.
I just wanted to vent
my frustration with Satan!
So what she said next
took me completely by surprise.
You're going to have to give the
defendant, in this case Satan, notice.
Find a process server,
I'll give you 30 more days.
But your honor, I can't!
Well, I won't allow a default
unless the defendant has been served!
Next case!
- What's this?
- This is a lawsuit against Satan.
- What is this, a joke?
- No, it's not.
If he works here, I want you
to give that to him.
We have 70 lawyers who
work here, take your pick.
Go for it.
Hey bud,
what makes you think Satan
even works here, huh?
You just give that to him
if you see him, alright?
Hey, I run a respectable
business here, okay?
Yeah, we've got strippers, drunks
and gamblers, but you know what?
I don't permit smoking
inside, okay?
Are you guys Satan worshipers?
Just in case, can you give this
to Satan if you see him around?
Thanks.
I see you've served notice
of process at a law film,
strip club, overseas investment
firm and an oil company.
Why stop there?
Did you try serving
a used car yard?
If Satan's anywhere,
it's probably there.
Yeah, I didn't think
of that one, your honor.
I'd like to file a default judgment
against Satan.
Default judgment?
Yes, your honor. I want
the record to show...
that Satan has judgment
against him for 8 trillion dollars.
I'm going to dismiss this case
on a technicality
and because you're nuts.
And then the most
unimaginable thing happened.
I'm also going to
penalize you because...
Because why?
I'm here, your honor.
Ever get that strange feeling
that a hoax might be real after all?
And who are you?
- Satan, your honor.
- Oh, your honor.
Nice try.
So you two are
in this together, right?
I'm here to answer the
summonsed, your honor.
And I wade the lack
of process from Mr. Luke O'Brien.
What is this?
That's great,
you almost had me there.
Oh, made my day!
Am I punked?
Where are the cameras?
I'm afraid it's quite serious,
your honor.
Well I don't find it
very amusing.
Neither do I.
Can you prove you're Satan?
Can you prove I'm not?
What is going on here?
Oh my goodness, it's
so hot in here! Bailiff!
Bailiff? Why is the heat up?
What do you think?
Oh, my goodness! Bailiff!
What have you done
to the heat? Check it!
So, suppose you are
who you say you are,
do you realize the extent
of what you're saying?
The earth is mine.
And I will defend myself.
Do you have legal representation?
Do I have legal representation?
I know what you're thinking,
so don't say it.
Was this man
really the devil?
Well, I must say you've got
a lot of guts boy. Suing me?
I mean, do you really know
what you're letting yourself in for?
You're not really Satan,
are you?
Oh, and you're not Lukey Dukey,
are you, idiot?
Look, you better have a bunch of good lawyers
because I'm going to take you down.
You're a little pipsqueak.
Do you know how insignificant you are?
I mean, with one...
I could send you off into the abyss
in a little red corvette.
Hey, I've got God on my side, okay?
And He created you.
Ugh, got a card?
- I don't have one.
- No card?
Well, here's mine.
Call me, anytime.
Hey, don't smoke it.
I'll see you in court, baby.
Oh yeah, nice
magic trick, dude!
I needed someone to help me.
Someone I could trust.
There was only
one person I knew.
Get lost.
Come on, Mel! That's
no way to talk to a friend.
Friends don't ask friends
to sue Satan.
I really need your help
on this one, please.
Luke, I just passed the bar.
I'm not about to sue Satan
as my first case.
Find another idiot.
Mel!
The judge actually set
a trial date for next week,
which stunned everyone
in the courtroom, including me.
After that, I got hit with
a million interview requests,
which of course
I reluctantly turned down.
Honey, I'm home!
Call him a nutcase, but
Luke O'Brien is suing the Devil.
The judge was about
to throw out the case
until another man entered in claiming
that he himself was, in fact, the Devil.
Talk about another weird day
here at the Sydney courthouse.
You sure you want to
go through with this?
Yeah, of course.
The Devil's responsible for
the mess this whole world's in.
You said it yourself.
Yeah, but I didn't tell you
to go out there and sue him!
Why are you doing this, Luke?
Because the devil exists
and I have to expose him.
I have to expose him.
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
I'd like to thank you for coming here on such
short notice for such a monumental event.
Now, without further a due,
I'd like to introduce to you my client,
who prefers that
you call him "Prince".
Here you are,
your dream team.
The best trial lawyers
from around the world...
are here in Sydney
for this trial.
Great.
Well, here you are sir,
your dream team.
The best, the brightest, the smartest
trial lawyers from all over the world.
And the most expensive.
Mr. Ice, Oxford, IQ 214.
He helped defeat a bill that was
trying to find a cure for cancer.
I'm not quite sure about
the cancer thing, I mean...
when people are dying of cancer they
usually think more about God, no?
Well, don't get too paranoid
there, Prince, because...
God gets his fair share
of cursing too, huh?
They curse God!
Well, that's a very smart answer.
Okay, I like you!
Miss Black, Yale law.
The youngest and best
litigator in New York.
67 wins, 0 losses.
She helped defeat
the electric car in court.
Her clients, big oil.
What would you say if I gave you
100 million dollars
and asked in return
for your soul?
100 million for my soul?
What's the catch?
Thank you.
Good answer!
- I like this team.
- Pleasure to meet you, Prince.
Mr. Think Tank, Harvard law.
- Think Tank.
- How do you do, sir?
Helped defeat the
passenger bill of rights.
His clients are
all the major airlines.
Airlines?
Oh, I hate airlines.
Well, what I do love, though,
I love to see people in those
huge long lines, don't you?
Waiting for security,
taking their stupid shoes off.
I love to see that!
And they added baggage fees.
That was my initiative.
Really? I love greed.
- Welcome to the team.
- Thank you, sir.
Good.
Ah, Ms. Shy.
Sydney University.
Don't let the name fool you.
She is a shark in court.
I hear you're not happy
with your remuneration.
I only work for top dollar.
Well, as you should.
And what is top dollar to you?
10 million, cash out.
Oh...
You sure she's Ms. Shy?
Sith, please!
Don't you want to be involved
in taking down Satan?
Putting that way, no I don't.
No one else is
helping me out on this.
Besides, I mean, think of
all the publicity!
You'll be in every newspaper.
You'll have so many
clients from this,
you wont even know
where to begin.
Seriously, I really, really need
your help on this one, please.
Luke, what if that guy really is Satan,
have you thought about that?
Mr. Innocent. You're going
to love him. Columbia law.
Represents all the casinos
in Vegas.
Vegas!
Put it there, my friend.
That is my hometown.
All those gamblers, those idiots,
what nitwits they are.
I love it when the dealer
has 16 and turns over a 5!
All those idiot faces!
I love it!
They look so disappointed!
I helped defeat a stupid lawsuit against
the casinos for second hand smoke.
They claim that 1 hour in a casino
equals 3 months of passive smoking.
Oh yeah, and so what happened?
Just like my last poker game,
I won, of course!
So I'm going to crush Luke O'Brien.
That will give me so much joy.
You're doing this for the Lord.
Seriously. And you're going
to take a stand in your life!
- Thank you so much
- Yeah.
So, Mr. In-Yo-Face,
from Stanford Law.
Oh! Stanford Law.
Very good!
I know this sounds
very egotistical, sir, but...
I am the greatest, so
don't worry about a thing.
Good. Isn't that what
Muhammad Ali said?
- Professor Fields, NYU.
- Hi Prof!
It's a stupid lawsuit sir,
and we're going to win.
Alright. Stupid, win. That sounds
good to me. Thank you.
And last but not least,
Ms. Scarlett.
She represents
the tobacco industry.
Then no more need be said!
Quick question. Hands up
all those who believe in God.
Alright.
Hands up those who like God.
Like, like, like?
No one.
Well, I think our nemesis
Luke O'Brien is in your shoes.
He doesn't like God either!
Only he doesn't know it yet.
Alright, now, as you all know, this trial
is being shown around the world.
I don't have to tell you,
my client never loses.
Ever.
So what do we know
about this Luke O'Brien?
You don't need to worry
about Luke O'Brien, he's done.
Well, let's not underestimate him.
We're not. That's why
you're closing him.
And so the first day
of the trial arrived.
The jury was selected by a random
computer process under some new law.
Now, it was a mad house.
Here we are outside the
International Court of Human Rights,
where Luke O'Brien
is about to arrive.
Look! Here he is!
Here he is!
Luke! Luke! Luke!
Serious question for you, Luke.
Are you a moron?
No.
- Luke, you can't be taking this case seriously.
- Well, of course I'm taking it seriously.
Do you honestly believe
that that's the devil?
The devil is alive
and he's well.
Luke, Luke, so why are you
suing the devil?
He ruined my life,
he ruined this world!
And he has to pay for it.
- Do you really think you have a chance?
- Yes.
In my heart I believe I do.
Satan, Satan, do you have
anything to say?
I always have
something to say.
- Are you really Satan?
- Oh yes, how about a little dance with Satan?
Do you expect the public
to actually buy you're Satan?
Well do you expect the public
to buy that you are...
$12000 in debt
on your credit cards?
- How did you know that?
- Yeah, start paying them off.
If you're really Satan,
then prove it.
Okay, watch this.
All I'd like to say is:
The world is full of losers.
How many people are going
to sue me and blame me
because they can't
get their act together?
Okay? They're losers!
Mr. Luke O'Brien,
are you listening?
Satan, just want to say
that I'm a huge fan,
I adore you, I worship you!
- I love Kiss.
- What?
Kiss! Kiss!
I hate Kiss.
I'm a Tom Jones man.
It's being built as trial of the century,
being seen by audiences around the world.
Welcome everyone to
"You Decide The verdict".
I'm Barry Polk.
Joining me today are...
Tony "The Hip" Anzaldo,
and Jasmine Williams,
welcome both.
Tony, why don't we
start with you?
Do you think that this guy Luke O'Brien
has any chance against Satan?
No.
Well said.
Jasmine?
I think the world is pulling
for Luke O'Brien,
and we all hope
that he prevails.
I don't.
Let's go to Mark Engstrom,
who's observing this all the way from...
Tony, you'll like this.
London, England.
Mark?
Barry, everyone in the UK.
Is fascinated by this case.
And the big question on everyone's
mind is whether this really is Satan.
Mark, excuse me a moment,
we're going to go right back now,
as the trial is just
getting back underway.
All rise!
You may be seated.
Court is now in session.
Are you sure you want to
go through with this?
- No.
- This jury was selected by a random...
Yes.
Okay.
Since neither party
chose to settle,
we will go to trial.
And I want a speedy trial,
understood?
You've already turned our court
into a media circus.
Plaintiff, your opening statement.
- Plaintiff!
- Yes, your honor.
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,
I feel a little inadequate,
after all...
I am suing the devil himself.
However,
it's very important that you remember
the whole world is at stake here.
And that being over there is the
cause of all the world's suffering.
Your honor, objection!
My client isn't a being,
he's a fallen angel.
Right. Continue, Mr. O'Brien.
I will prove, with a
preponderance of evidence,
that he has caused all the
problems and pain of this world.
And the verdict should be
rendered against him,
for 8 trillion dollars.
Order!
Order!
Order!
Satan! Satan! Satan!
Order!
Order!
Okay, counsel, for the defense,
your opening statement.
The audacity,
the sheer audacity...
to make you poor people
leave your jobs
for this hair brain lawsuit,
- it's unbelievable!
- Objection!
Sustained. Counsel, please
refrain from personal attacks.
I'm sorry, your honor.
Assuming, for argument's sake,
that my client in fact is Satan,
we will prove that this man
is no way responsible
for this man's problems
in society.
And it's a disturbing and
reprehensible thing
for him to sue my client
who's done him no wrong.
I'm done, let the trial begin!
Plaintiff, your first witness.
Pastor Matthews,
- Is Satan real?
- Oh yes, he is.
The Bible taken literally
tells us that.
Satan is mentioned by name
in 47 Bible verses,
- as the devil...
- Objection, your honor.
The Bible is not admissible
as evidence in this courtroom.
Your honor,
the Bible has been the most reliable source
of history than other ever produced.
Let him have it,
it's fiction anyway.
Continue, Pastor.
Come on, be magnanimous.
Let him have it, we're going to win.
Satan, when he was tempting Jesus,
appealed to 3 things.
A lust of the flesh,
the lust of the eyes,
and the boastful
pride of man.
And what is his mission?
He opposes everything
that is good,
and he seeks to destroy
the work of Jesus Christ.
There you have it.
Destroy the work
of Jesus Christ.
I have no further questions,
your honor.
What is this, Pastor?
It's an apple.
And what if I was to tell you
that this was the very apple
that Eve took a bite from
in the garden of Eden?
- Would you believe me?
- No.
- Why?
- Because the apple Eve ate...
would be full of worms by now.
Brilliant deduction.
And so our client over there is guilty
of destroying this man's life because...
Because the scripture says the devil is
a roaring lion seeking who he may devour.
Sounds pretty guilty to me.
And yet this apple is not
from the Garden of Eden.
I understand your question,
of course it's not.
Of course.
No further questions,
your honor.
Wow, already high drama
on the first day of this...
international trial live
from Sydney, Australia.
For those of you joining us
from around the world, welcome.
Tony, comments?
Satan's law is obviously
having a field day here, I mean,
this Luke guy, my heart goes out
to him, he's just out of league,
and if he's not careful they are
going to have him for their lunch.
Jasmine?
What we need to remember here
is that humanity is at stake.
This is clearly good vs. evil.
Jasmine, just lighten it up a bit,
okay?
Satan's the one
being sued, right?
I mean, Satan's the one
being drug by this moron
hithering on and yanked around,
jailed for courts and everything.
Come on now,
have some empathy.
We'll be right back after this.
Your honor, I'd like to call John Door
of Windmile Gas to the stand.
Objection, your honor! What is
relevance of this witness, may I ask?
Think man, think!
Oil company, Satan, evil!
- You're John Door of Windmile Gas?
- Yes, I am.
- Why are the Petro prices so high, sir?
- Are they high?
I hadn't noticed.
You hadn't noticed? What,
is stupid your middle name?
Your honor!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Counsel, will you refrain from
personal attacks, am I clear?
Yes, your honor.
I'm sorry, it slipped out.
Your honor, I want it
noted on the record
that that vicious unwarned
remark was not only unchristian,
but it was vile and wicked.
- So noted.
- Thank you.
Continue.
What you and every
other loser should do
is make more money
and stop complaining.
Why don't you just lower
the price of gas?
Because of money. We have
to make a profit like everyone else.
Your honor, what is the relevance
of this questioning?
Overruled. Continue.
Money, it's a vicious cycle.
Your company raises the price
of oil by a few cents
and then it says it's not
a monopoly.
And then they take out some clever little ad
that says they're a green company
and they're not making
any money.
And this year alone you made
50 billion dollars!
Money and greed,
don't you think?
Objection! Argumentative!
- Compound!
- Ambiguous!
What is the purpose, Mr. O'Brien,
of this questioning?
The purpose? To show
that the love of money
is indeed the root
of all evil.
- Objection again!
- Sustained.
Counsel, will you refrain from personal
attacks, do you understand me?
Yes, your honor, sorry.
Mr. Door, do you believe in God?
No.
Thank you.
Let's take a quick recess.
Wow!
Well, Tony, it appears that Luke O'Brien has
made a remarkable comeback this afternoon.
I'm baffled by this guy, one moment
he's an idiot, the next, a genius.
That's right. Now, I've just been
informed that we've been joined by
20 more countries broadcasting
this event live around the world.
They include Pakistan,
Hungary, Chile, Bolivia, Iraq,
and Jasmine if you can
believe it or not, North Korea.
Yeah, what this tells me, Barry, is
that there's a lot at stake in this trial,
and my prayers are
with Luke O'Brien.
And he'll need
a lot of prayer.
We'll be right back
after this station break.
That was a dirty,...
cheap, rotten trick, O'Brien,
and you know it.
My client has nothing to do
with the oil industry.
Well maybe you're in denial, Murry,
but your client is Satan!
- That ever cross your mind?
- Oh, you're so done!
By the time I'm through with you,
you won't even be allowed
to take the bar exam in Antarctica.
- Mint?
- No, thank you.
What just happened?
Everything's okay,
I just told him off.
- Oh, you told him off.
- Yes.
Well, I get a sense
that we're losing.
Look, don't worry!
Don't you ever tell me
not to worry!
Now you better bring him down
in the next round, or else!
You haven't seen
my bad side!
All rise!
Your honor, the defense calls
Luke O'Brien to the stand.
- Why are they calling you now?
- I have no idea.
- Take him out.
- Yes, sir.
Simple question, Mr. O'Brien.
Do you believe in God?
Yes, I do.
Do you believe in Satan?
But of course.
Really?
I hold in my hand an affidavit.
When your mother died,
a nurse heard you say,
"God how could you
let this happen to me?"
Did you say this?
How's that?
It's not great,
it's a little better.
You're so self-satisfied,
aren't you?
I want this little pipsqueak
destroyed.
Did you say this,
Mr. O'Brien?
Yes, I did.
You said, "God, how could you
let this happen to me?"
I emphasize the word you.
You were blaming God,
not Satan then, right?
Order!
Order! I will not have that
disturbance in my court, thank you.
No further questions,
your honor.
Order!
Order!
Order!
If I hear that noise again you will be
out of this court, do you understand me?
Thank you.
Whoa! It looks like the jury is starting
to favor Satan amazingly enough.
I don't know how he can just sit there
and take it from Satan's lawyers.
Why would Satan bother
to defend himself?
Listen meat face, maybe he had
some free time. Who knows?
I know when someones real and not.
That guy is real. It's really Satan.
Don't ever call me
meat face again.
What have I got myself
into here?
That lawyer today, you know,
he was right.
About what?
I did blame God...
for my mother's death.
You don't need to beat
yourself up about this,
there's so many people
that question God in their life.
Yeah, but he had me there.
God could have easily
prevented her from dying,
but he didn't.
Your honor, I call Satan
to the witness stand.
Do you swear to tell the truth the whole
truth and nothing but the truth?
But this doesn't apply to me!
Are you saying for religious reasons
you don't want to take the oath?
I'm not religious.
Do you admit you're Satan?
I admit nothing, I see nothing,
I hear nothing.
Do you admit that you're the
evil being that stalked Eve?
Objection, assuming facts
not in evidence.
It hasn't been established
that Satan is evil.
- Also leading the witness, your honor!
- It's also irrelevant, your honor.
How does overruled sound?
Now sit down all of you.
I did not stalk Eve, alright?
Actually she came to me.
Just like you come to me, Luke,
over and over again.
I'm sorry, I've never
come to you!
I thought the scriptures
made it perfectly clear.
"He who loves this world
is an enemy of God.' '"
And I guess all those times
that you work so hard
to buy those stupid video games
instead of praying to God.
Oh come on!
Call a spade a spade,
you've come to me
many times.
I want to talk about that night
in October, at the hospital.
The night my mother
was hit by a drunk driver.
- I don't remember.
- Just before she died
- I know you were there.
- I don't remember.
You don't remember? You don't
remember too much, do you?
Well, I don't go around
thinking negative thoughts.
Or insignificant ones.
Insignificant?
- My mother was not insignificant.
- Oh, I know what this is about.
This is about the fact that
your mother died
before you could tell her
how much you loved her.
That's not true.
Oh, the guilt you must
have felt being bad son.
And what about that time you ripped her
Bible up and threw it in the trash, huh?
Oh yeah, good going boy,
you really showed her and God.
You stop, I'm telling you!
- Aw Lukey!
- You stop talking about my mother!
She must have brought you up so well
and she died so young, Lukey boy.
- Security!
- I'll kill you!
- Security!
- Don't talk about my mother!
I didn't mention
your mother!
I mean, look at this guy,
your honor, look at him!
I mean, is that Christian like?
Does that look like
a Christian to you?
- Mr. O'Brien!
- I'll kill you!
Don't you talk about
my mother!
- Order!
- Get off!
- Order!
- I didn't mention his mother!
- Mr. O'Brien!
- That's no Christian!
- That man's barbarian!
- Mr. O'Brien!
You lose it again in my court
and I'll have you held in contempt!
Get off me, get off me!
- Understood?
- Yes, your honor.
I apologize, I'm terribly sorry.
- That's alright.
- My mother was a saint.
Alright, apology taken.
My mother was a saint!
I'm sure she was.
But it's not my fault, is it?
I mean, I'm not to blame.
Think Luke, think.
No further questions for now.
- Let's all take a quick recess.
- Hey Lukey boy, Lukey!
A quick recess!
Remember, it's about
winning the jury, okay?
It's like a bad dream or something,
I can't get out of.
Well, well, well, what
do you guys make of this?
Well, if you want my opinion,
Barry, that guy...
is one burrito short
of a combo plate.
Yes, but did Satan convince the jury that
he's not responsible for Mr. O'Brien's mother.
Of course! The wimp is
blaming everybody but himself,
it's pathetic, it's pitiful,
look at that!
Jasmine, thoughts?
What is this love affair with Satan?
We're talking about Lucifer here,
the monster that brought down
all of humanity,
and you're waxing on about Satan
having a field day, what is this?
Alright guys, let's try to have some
civility here, let's maintain order.
First of all,
that's not Satan.
You know how I know that?
I've seen Satan.
Here, you've seen Satan?
Alright guys, excuse me.
Could we just...
I think the audience would like
to stick to the legal issues.
Bottom line, Barry, Luke's in over
his head and he's no match for Satan!
Good, now what have we got?
- Now the gloves are coming off, my friend...
- That's what I want to hear.
That's what I want to hear.
I want you to go low, low, low.
I want this boy destroyed.
- He's gone.
- Yeah, good.
He is sweet but...
Sending some emails huh?
Oh, spam.
I love...
Do you love spam too?
Okay, court is back in session.
Counsel, proceed.
Counsel?
Plaintiff calls Satan
to the stand.
In the Bible,
in the book of Job,
you attack Job both physically
and spiritually. Why is that?
Finally, in this courtroom,
an intelligent question.
The short answer is...
because I wanted to test him.
And he passed your test?
Yes, I know it's hard to believe,
but yes, he passed.
So doesn't that prove you're responsible
for at least one person's suffering?
Perhaps.
So why couldn't you be responsible
for the rest of the world's suffering too?
Your honor, objection!
Leading the witness!
Overruled. Witness will
answer the question.
Look, I'm not omnipresent.
I can't be in two places at
the same time, only God can.
God could stop me anytime,
but he doesn't.
Really he's the one you should be
asking these questions to.
Oh, and by the way, what does that
tell you about the big guy upstairs?
If he can stop evil
and doesn't,
what does that tell you
about him?
Well, I guess it tells me that
he's given everyone a free will.
Objection, she can't answer
questions from the witness!
Sustained. Please keep
your opinions to yourself.
Of course, your honor.
Any further questions?
No.
Bailiff!
Bailiff, do something!
Stay calm everyone please,
how did it get, what?
Bailiff, get it out of the court!
- What's your next move?
- Hey guys,
just a bit of time out, okay?
I just have to use the bathroom.
Alright.
Are you waiting?
Give it a few minutes.
Bad oysters.
Why are you here
defending yourself?
Why are you suing me?
Well, I didn't think
you'd show, did I?
You didn't think I'd show?
What kind of a gutless thing is that to say?
So why did you show?
I'm here to defend my honor.
Your honor?
You're a snake!
You be careful, O'Brien, I could
sue you for liable and slander.
Truth is the defense
against slander.
Oh yeah, of course, I forgot
you know the law, don't you?
Alright. Yep, you can
call me a snake.
Actually, I think snakes are pretty cool.
Ever eaten one?
You know, what I can't figure out
is why did you turn against God.
You were a worshipped leader,
you're a good looking angel,
and you throw it all away.
Listen, I don't like
to dwell on the past,
but if you're looking
for the short answer,
I thought that I...
could be God.
Big mistake.
Why aren't you afraid?
Afraid? Afraid of what?
Well, I am the guy who sent
Jesus Christ to be crucified.
- Think about that.
- Ah, think again!
See, Jesus willingly
went to the cross
and that was the biggest
mistake of your life, pal.
Do you remember the
Garden of Gethsemane?
All the disciples were asleep,
he had no one to turn to.
He still went through with it!
I mean, it's unbelievable!
Yeah, what a great guy.
That's why I owe him big.
Listen you chomp, chomp,
you're going to lose this case,
you're going to be the laughing
stalk of the word! I mean...
little kids are going
to point at you and go,
"isn't that the moron
who tried to sue Satan?"
Listen, don't talk to that little
punk without me present.
Do not. Please.
- Is everything under control, Mr. Banks?
- Of course it is.
Remember, we don't lose ever.
Good. Don't ever
say lose to me!
Have a nice day.
Am I right in saying that...
you dropped out of school because
you couldn't stand the pressure?
Yes.
And that was Satan's fault?
No, that was mine.
- It was yours.
- Yeah.
And presently you're
studying at Billy's...
Counsel, please keep
your hands off the witness.
Your honor, I'm sorry, he just
reminds me of my son.
That's...
So how does Billy's College of
night law compare with other colleges?
How would I know?
Well, I went to Harvard law school,
how does it compare with that?
Objection!
You're objecting to
your own counsel?
Your honor, I'd like to rebuke
my own counsel if I may.
Please, come here!
How dare you ridicule that man
in front of everybody?
- I was just trying to point out...
- Who cares if you're from Harvard?
Big deal! Nobody cares, listen to me now,
because I'm the boss, not you.
We're here representing that man
over there. This is not your show.
So you know what?
Get out!
- What?
- You're fired!
Your honor, excuse me for
my outburst, I am truly sorry.
If it pleases the court I would like
to replace counsel with co-counsel.
- The lovely Ms. Scarlett.
- Substitution granted.
- Thank you.
- Continue with the questioning, please.
Nice trick.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
We're losing the case Luke.
Do you realize that?
Yeah, I noticed.
I can't believe the jury
is on Satan's side!
Gosh, I'm going to go down as
the worst lawyer in the history of law.
Luke, he's deceiving the jury.
Yeah, he sure is.
I know that,
he even tricked me.
What am I suppose to do?
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- Are you ready to do this the Lord's way?
- The Lord's way?
That's what I think I've been doing, I'm
suing the devil in case you haven't noticed.
For who's gain?
Yours or his?
Honey, it's a little more complicated
than that, you wouldn't understand.
You know, guys, it's funny,
because most people
are in a spiritual battle
every single day of their life
and they just go about their busy lives never
fulfilling what God really intended for them.
Meaning?
Meaning that Satan doesn't care
about those who are too busy for God,
he only cares about those
who are too busy for Satan.
- Good morning.
- Are you at the witness stand today?
I would just like to say,
my statement is this:
This trial has been made out
to be a trial of good vs. evil.
Now I have nothing personal
against Mr. Luke O'Brien,
he's a misguided
Bible thumper, that's all.
Anyway, we'll have a
good contest, thank you.
Mr. Satan, sir, can you tell us
what hell is like?
Oh yes, it's very warm there.
Why, do you want to come and see?
If you're Satan,
than prove it.
What happened to him?
Hey blind man,
you really think
the end is near?
I believe Jesus is
coming back soon, yes.
- And why is that?
- I may be blind, but I can see.
The book of Luke says,
"Watch out so you are not deceived,"
for many will come in my name
claiming I am he,
- Yeah, yeah, thank you.
- The time is near.
Then he said to them, the nation will rise
against nation, kingdom against kingdom,
there will be great earthquakes,
famine and diseases in various places.' '
Oh, I truly believe that
we are the last generation.
Congratulations sir, it's looking
like a slam dunk to me.
Oh really, a slam dunk?
- Is something wrong?
- No, no.
Do you remember seeing
that blind guy outside?
- Blind guy?
- Yeah, I wonder where he went.
Look, we've got
this jury locked.
The way this case is done
if we don't screw it up, okay?
- Oh, we've got them locked, huh?
- Locked.
You know,
I think we're going to have
to alter course.
All rise!
Can you explain evil to me?
Did you hear my question?
Yes.
Well?
Evil is good.
Did you just say
that evil is good?
You still don't get it,
do you?
There wouldn't be good
without evil
and conversely, there wouldn't be
evil without good.
Well, then Ezekiel...
- Ezekiel?
- Yeah.
- Oh one of my favorites.
- Oh yeah.
He says a nice one about you.
So what?
So what? So you thought
you were God,
and that was a little bit silly,
wasn't it?
What kind of a question is that,
your honor?
Your honor!
- Who is Jesus Christ to you?
- I'm sorry?
I said, who is Jesus Christ?
Your honor, what's that
got to do with anything?
Objection, your honor, come on!
- Where are we going with this?
- Overruled. Proceed.
Your honor, please...
Will you sit your jack
in the box face down!
Got it?
Thank you, counsel.
Who is Jesus Christ?
Witness will answer
the question.
Yes, your honor.
Jesus Christ.
Fine.
He was a good teacher,
that's it, nothing more!
He was a good teacher? I don't
recall him saying anything like that.
Alright, he said he was God.
- I'm sorry, what's he said?
- Big deal!
You heard me.
He said that he was what? Could you repeat
that again for the jury and the court?
Did you get that?
I am not repeating it, if you've got
wax in your ears clean them out.
But the biggest mistake you made
was crucifying him, isn't that right?
You'd better watch
your mouth, boy.
You thought you had it all
figured out, didn't you?
You watch your mouth, boy.
Look around you.
What do you see?
Is that right? Why don't you look around?
What do you see?
Who are you?
I am a believer
in Jesus Christ
and a lover of God, and
that's all I have to be.
Excuse me, Mr. O'Brien,
any further questions?
Wow, wow! So here we go, another turn
of events. What do you make of this?
What we're seeing I don't think
we'll witness again in our lifetime.
What just happened?
Dropping loser!
Alright, gloves are off.
From now on, hardball.
Where did that come from?
I don't know.
It's like...
Hold on a second.
Hey.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
I just got a headache.
Don't worry.
Quiet in the courts, all rise.
Court is in session.
You may be seated.
Mr. O'Brien, have you
ever done Internet porn?
- Yes.
- How many times?
I don't know.
Mr. O'Brien, did you or
did you not use the "F" word
when somebody cut you off
on the freeway last week?
Objection! This is hearsay,
your honor!
Where did you find
this information?
- Did you use...
- Yes! Yes I did.
- Look, this guy cut me off...
- Yes or no, Mr. O'Brien?
Yes.
- How's that for low blows?
- Not low enough.
How low should we go?
Go as low as hell.
Mr. O'Brian,
do you know what
audacious means, Mr O'Brian?
Yes.
Don't you find it audacious to waste
the time of these precious jurors
with your frivolous lawsuit?
No.
How can you sit there with
that smug look on your face
and have no shame?
Objection he's...
scolding the witness!
Scolding the witness? What does that mean?
I've never even heard of that objection.
Did you also learn that at
Billy Simon's night law school?
And did you use a racist
remark last week?
Yes.
- What did you say?
- I don't remember.
And when did you become
a Christian again?
Listen, I accepted Jesus Christ
into my heart 7 years ago.
7 years!
And still using profanity
and making racist remarks.
No further questions.
Mr. O'Brien, what other racist
things have you said?
- Are you a racist?
- Are you a member of the KKK?
What kind of person are you?
You call yourself a Christian?
Excuse me.
How does it feel to be
on the losing side?
Is it true you're filing
for divorce?
Have you ever been
so down.
You had no had nowhere else
to go but up?
Dear Lord God,
I realize I blamed
everyone but myself.
I even blamed Satan,
but I couldn't see my own faults,
my own flesh.
Forgive me, Lord.
Forgive me!
Because of all the people
on this Earth,
I am truly the biggest
hypocrite
and the worst sinner.
Give me another chance
to do the right thing the right way,
your way, your will.
I want to win this case.
Barry, most of the legal experts
pretty much agree that this case is over.
Luke O'Brien lost the jury
and lost the case.
Amazing, so his past
came back to haunt him.
Yes, it did.
Alright, let's go to Mark,
live in London.
Mark, what is the consensus
of the people there in England?
Barry, most people I've spoken to, all agree
that Luke O'Brien is a hypocrite.
He's suing the devil
when he should be suing himself.
God anointed
Jesus of Nazareth
with the Holy Spirit and power,
and he went around doing good
and healing all who were
under the power of the devil,
what is...
- What does that mean to you?
- Wow, you're amazing,
you just spout this stuff
all day long, don't you?
What does it mean to me?
Absolutely zip, zilch, zippo.
The thief he cometh but for
to steal to kill and to destroy.
I'll tell you what, though. I wish
I had the power to make you disappear.
You are boring me to death!
And Jesus was referring to you,
so I question...
how many people
have you killed?
Alright, alright.
Let's do the totally here.
According to the Bible,
I killed 10 people.
Job's family, that's it!
But how many people has
God killed in the flood?
Some estimates over
100 million people!
- Why can't you just be truthful?
- You want the truth?
You can't handle the truth!
Order!
I can handle the truth.
You know, Jesus said,
"I cometh so they might have
an abundance of life."
He also said,
"I am the good shepherd,
and the good shepherd
giveth his life for the sheep."
Would you give your life for
a human being as Jesus did?
Certainly not.
Humans are trash.
I'm just the trash collector.
- Well put, Satan.
- Your honor, I don't think we can keep...
Sit down!
Why do you get so upset when
I mention the name Jesus Christ?
Why don't you ask me
something fun? Like death?
Ask me about death, come on!
How many people do you think are going to hell?
I don't know.
You keep score, tell me.
Over 2 billion people, according
to the book of Revelations.
- What do you say about that?
- That man is wicked,
God is just, and you're
partially to blame.
Oh yeah, you ever been
to hell, boy?
Not a fun place.
That's too bad, huh?
Because that's
where you're going!
Order!
Let's recess for 15 minutes.
- That was amazing.
- Yeah.
What's next?
- We're going to need some more witnesses.
- Right.
Okay.
Pastor Pringle,
is it all God's fault?
Well, not his fault.
He is the original
creator of everything.
However He gave us
our free will
so that we become
free to choose.
That's all.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- Pastor Pringle, isn't it?
- Right.
So let me get this correct. You're
saying that God allows this freewill
for every man to chose
between Satan and God.
- Right.
- So if I was to walk up to Mr. O'Brien right now
and punch him in the face,
would that be my own free will?
- Right.
- Alright.
So it's not Satan's fault then, if
we're to follow this line of reasoning.
Well, Satan comes to kill,
steal and destroy.
And it's clear from scripture he's
behind all the world's problems.
However we become responsible in our
foreign state when we yield a temptation.
Thank you.
Pastor Philips,
could you prove to me in 30 seconds
or less that God exists?
- Objection!
- Overruled.
The witness can answer.
Prove in 30 seconds that God exists?
I can do that in one sentence.
Something cannot come out
of nothing, it's impossible.
There you have it, something cannot
come out of nothing. How true?
We can explain where life began,
we can explain where thoughts began,
but we cannot prove
a moral conscious.
This is what truly
perplexes scientists
and also proves
the existence of God.
- And what is Satan's mission?
- Oh, I think that's plain in scripture.
He's come to steal,
to kill, and destroy.
You can't put a price
on the damage he's done,
but humans are responsible
for their own souls.
- Is there a hell?
- Yes indeed.
And everyday people have the opportunity
to go to either heaven or hell.
Thank you.
Alright guys, this thing keeps going back
like an Olympic ping pong match.
Tony, who's winning?
It's really hard to say,
it really is,
but it was brilliant on his part bringing all
these distinguished men up to the stand.
I would say O'Brien
is winning at this point,
and seems to be able to carry it
all the way through.
Me too! The jury is going
with O'Brien all the way!
- I'm a little concerned, sir.
- A little?
Gentlemen, we are losing this case. I think
we need a serious change of counsel...
Who do you think
you're talking to?
You think you're it, don't you? Because
you went to Stanford law school, huh?
And you work at a top firm?
Yeah, you don't know jack, boy.
And that goes for you too!
Listen, you better win this case,
I'm telling you.
I'm going to make my priority
to come after you night and day
in this world and in hell, you got it?
Now get out of here! Get out!
Don't you ever get tired
of being the bully?
You know, I really don't understand
you and your wife, I mean,
you're either super crazy or super stupid
to want to go up against me.
I have no fear of you anymore.
Yeah, you may be more powerful
on this earth than me,
but Jesus is infinitely
more powerful than you.
You're banging the
Bible again, huh?
Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe you should
ask God to cure Gwen's brain cancer then.
- What?
- Oh!
Didn't she tell you?
Oh yeah.
Oh, that's a shame.
No, she's got brain cancer.
She's only got 5 months to live.
- You're lying.
- Oh yeah. I'm lying.
I know, well, I'm Satan, I mean,
Satan always lies, don't he?
I tell you what, why don't you
ask her yourself, huh?
Everyone needs compassion,
love that's never failing.
- Gwen, I've got to ask you something.
- What?
And you've got to be
honest with me, alright?
Are you sick, honey?
Are you dying of cancer?
You just had so much
on your plate.
You know what, I want you
to do this trial, okay?
I want you to win it!
Do you hear me?
I want you to win it!
I love you.
Oh babe,
I love you so much.
All rise!
You may be seated.
Counsel, do you have
something to say?
Your honor, we ask the court
to give us a continuance
and suspend this trial
immediately!
Order!
Counsel, on what grounds?
Your honor, this man
is not Satan.
Order!
Counsel, do you realize
what you're saying?
The fact that he has admitted
he's Satan is unequivocal.
Your honor, according to
international rules section 666,
the trial can't continue if there's
any question of true identity.
Section 666, I have
never heard of it.
It's in your rule book,
page 341.
666, there it is.
Counsel for the plaintiff,
any comment?
Your honor, it has been
established that he is Satan.
No, it has not been
established, your honor.
Especially in light of new
revelations about our client.
Oh! Let's break!
Counsel, I want to see all of you
in my chambers now.
This is preposterous!
I could have you
disbarred for this!
Your honor, we've just been alerted to the fact
that our client is not who he says he is.
- He's not Satan!
- What are you saying?
He's insane, we represented him
to the best of our ability
and he fooled us.
Oh, he fooled you,
he fooled you!
Aren't you supposed to be
the top law firm in the world?
- Was he fooling about paying as well?
- Your honor, he is not insane.
I'll be the judge of that,
thank you.
We ask that the entire case
be dismissed on lack of person.
- And under international rule 393...
- Oh, don't you tell me the rules!
This case will continue, but I will
allow proof of identity to be granted.
You have to prove that
that man in there is really Satan.
- Your honor, that just not...
- Oh, stop it,
- and get back into court all of you!
- Thank you, your honor.
Good luck with that.
For what it's worth,
you stood up for
what you believe in
and you took all
that public humiliation.
You never caved in.
I really, really respect that.
Thanks, I just...
I wish there was someway
to prove that this guy is the devil.
I know.
You okay?
- I'm good.
- Thank you.
- How are you?
- I'm okay, how are you?
I'm good.
I really thought I had
this guy, you know?
He's just too smart.
You're dealing with a force
that's beyond your comprehension.
Luke, God is still in control.
Yeah, it just feels kind of...
Say that again.
God is in control, Luke.
God is in control!
- Remember that.
- I love you.
I love you.
Alright.
Your honor, plaintiffs would like
to call Satan back to the witness stand.
Hi.
Hi.
Why did you tell the court
and this jury that you were Satan?
Actually, if my memory
serves me correctly,
I don't think I ever said I was Satan.
You're the one who said it
You answered every question
as if you were Satan.
Yeah, well, somebody's got to defend him,
may as well have been me, right?
Order!
What do you do for a living?
I sell used cars,
and new ones, yeah.
Come see me, I'll give you
a special rate.
Really?
Anyone else too,
special rate.
How about that, folks?
That's really cute.
This is all just one big joke
for you, isn't it?
Well, come on, we all had
a few laughs, right? I mean,
I had my 15 minutes,
you had yours,
we both went home happy
and entertained, right?
I mean, that's why you sued
Satan in the first place, right?
No.
You're a rational person,
are you not?
Yes. A re you?
You wouldn't do anything out of the
ordinary in this courtroom, would you?
There's nothing ordinary
in this courtroom.
Order!
- Sorry, your honor.
- What I mean is...
now that you've revealed that
you're really a used car salesmen,
Right, right.
You wouldn't wig out or
anything crazy, would you?
- I don't think so.
- No, you wouldn't do anything strange
- in front of this jury, would you?
- Certainly not, no.
No, after all, now you claim
that you're not Satan.
Alright, listen. We had
our fun, right? Now...
- Now you just hold on a minute, pal.
- Whoa, don't...
- What is... No, no, no.
- Oh, I got your attention now, haven't I?
- Well, I've got something special in here for you.
- I'm sure you do.
- James, chapter 4, verse 7.
- Oh, no.
Submit yourselves
then to God,
resist the devil and
he will flee from you.
Come near to God and
He will come near to you.
Wash your hands,
you sinners,
and purify your hearts,
you devil minded people.
Have you finished?
Oh, no. No.
And by the power and the truth
of these scriptures,
and in the name of Jesus Christ,
get thee behind me, Satan!
I'm sorry?
I said,
get thee behind me, Satan!
In the name of Jesus Christ!
Excuse me, Satan, get back
into the witness stand.
- Sorry.
- That was unusual.
I was... I'm just nauseated,
your honor.
Do you do that all the time?
I bet you get a lot
of laughs, huh?
You couldn't really be Satan,
after all, the Bible clearly states that,
if you resist the devil,
he will flee from you.
- But that doesn't apply to you, does it?
- No.
I... I'm used...
Get thee behind me Satan!!!
Hey, I've got a proposition
for you, buddy.
Come on, Lukey Dukey.
How about it?
I give you everything in this life
you could possibly want.
Riches, a beautiful estate,
horses, huh?
What will it cost me?
My soul?
Oh yes, just your soul,
it's nothing. Your soul...
Oh, you can take that offer
and shove it up your...
Order!
Get back into the
witness stand, sir!
Well, that was very irrational.
In fact, you look pretty
stupid to me now.
What do you think
about that?
Can you please get back
into the witness stand?
Will you shut up?
I haven't finished yet, shut up!
Shut your mouth!
And you, what are you
looking at, huh?
Something funny?
I know all about you.
I know all your secrets, yeah.
- You're gamblers, you're sex addicts...
- Will the witness...
- Shut up!
- Mr. defendant...
- Shut up!
- Will you take the witness stand...
- Sit down!
- Where you are asked to.
- Take your...
- SHUT UP!
I know all about you,
all of you.
I'm watching you.
You want to know the truth?
The real, honest,
gut level truth?
I take sheer delight...
in creating havoc
in the world.
Pitting rich against the poor,
race against race,
country against country,
man against man,
but, most especially,
man against God.
God, oh yeah.
God, God. Yeah, God.
Do you know
what God invented?
I mean, come on, most of you
are too stupid to figure it out.
God created the oceans
and the stars,
he created compassion,
mercy and...
stupid things like love.
He created good health,
raindrops,
and the scent of jasmine.
Do you know what I created, huh?
Do you?
I created noise,
and like the dumb idiots you are,
you worshipped it!
Humans loved the noise
I created!
Car alarms, motorcycles,
leaf blowers,
night clubs, gangster rap,
techno music,
everything that creates noise
I invented.
And you know what?
Noise drowns out
any thoughts of God.
What's the matter?
Don't you love the music of hell?
Let me let you in
on a little secret.
I invented customer service.
Automated answering,
you're looking at it.
Unjust notice?
It's from me.
A huge unjust bill,
that's from me.
A parking ticket?
I own all the utility companies, all the
gas companies and all the parking meters.
Who do you think gives you the parking
tickets, anyway? I do it to rile you,
because I hate
your stinking guts!
You humans, you're pathetic.
You know, I can tempt you
with a candy bar
and you'll sell out Jesus Christ
in a millisecond.
I mean...
people are being massacred in Rwanda,
and you yawn.
People starving in Haiti,
and you put a buck
into the collection plate.
Losers!
What a bunch of losers!
War!
Do you know most wars
are started because of land?
Can you believe that?
Land issues, yeah!
And yet, 75% of all land
isn't occupied,
even in the United States!
Oh yeah, I know,
I started wars,
but it takes nitwits like you
to finish what I started!
I need people who care about
really dumb political issues.
Left wing vs. Right wing,
it's all a distraction,
don't you get it?
You know, you people,
you believe in God like
I believe in the tooth fairy.
Oh, by the way,
I love how I'm portrayed
in the media.
That little cartoon guy
with the pitchfork
and the horns
and the tail.
You humans, you're so stupid.
You're like a bunch of little
hamsters running on a wheel.
You know, everyday
there's people that die,
and guess what?
They're in just two places,
and they're not really dead.
They're either alive in heaven
or alive in hell.
You pick.
Do you know what
my ultimate goal is?
It's to take all you nitwits
to hell with me!
Yeah, well, as the world's coming
to an end, huh? Better be quick!
I suppose you're wondering
why I do what I do.
It's very easy, really.
It's because I hate
your stinking guts!
I hate every single
one of you!
Have a nice day.
Your honor,
we ask the court to please disregard
the complete statement of our client.
He made it under complete
duress from opposing counsel
and under civil
procedure code 598.91,
he cannot be tried
in this court.
The state of our client's
mental health, he's crazy.
Because I do not want
this case appealed,
the testimony will be stricken
from the record.
Oh, your honor, I...
And I am to instruct all of you
in the following.
You will not take
into consideration
any of what the defendant
blurted out.
Only what you have
heard and seen
and witnessed from the facts
and testimonies of the witnesses.
Am I clear?
Counsel for the defense, closing?
Distinguished members
of the jury,
let's take a moment
and think about...
what type of man it would take
to sue someone for 8 trillion dollars.
Self centered,
and egotistical,
an attention seeking man who simply
cannot move on from his own past.
Now as charismatic
as my client can seem,
as much as he wants to play this up
in the courtroom, he is mentally ill.
He is demented,
he needs help,
he needs pity,
not a lawsuit.
And he is no where closer
to being connected to all the evil,
to being Satan himself
than this apple to being the
very one that Eve took a bite from
in the Garden of Eden.
So I'm asking you
to make an opinion today,
and just as any sane,
logical individual would do,
they'll find my client...
not guilty.
And now Mr. O'Brien, closing?
Mr. O'Brien?
Satan has brought up
my past.
And he's right.
I've done some
horrendous things.
I've said some
horrible cruel things.
And I ask the forgiveness
of those I have hurt.
Everyday...
there is a war within me.
I know what I should do.
Sometimes I don't do that.
I know what I shouldn't do.
Sometimes I do that instead.
But that's the battle of choosing
between good and evil.
Between God and Satan.
Everyday it's a struggle
to live a life that
honors Jesus Christ.
But when you give your life
over to Jesus,
well, you're a new person.
Satan's mission is to destroy
the work of God.
We, humans,
are the work of God.
We make mistakes,
and He forgives us.
Let's not allow Satan
to take that away from us.
Make him pay...
for his attempts at
destroying our lives.
Punish him for his hate.
And cherish God
for his love
and his forgiveness.
See, the greatest trick
the Devil ever pulled
was convincing the world
he didn't exist.
But that illusion
is no more.
Thank you.
All rise!
Do you have a verdict?
Yes, your honor.
The jury finds in favor
of the plaintiff
for 8 trillion dollars.
Order!
Order!
And Satan, you can go
straight to hell!
Tasheila Jones,
Channel 2 News,
and we're outside here,
the verdict's just been announced!
How do you feel
about the verdict?
It's a fantastic result!
Luke fought for what he wanted
and he won, he got it!
What do you want,
you little pipsqueak?
Can I have your autograph?
Are you kidding me?
Get a life!
Order!
Order!
Oh, you're up now!
It's been a long night.
- What?
- How did you get in here, sir?
I don't know, I've been
sleeping here all night, I think.
Yes. Well, I didn't want
to wake, you, but...
you were saying,
"get behind me, Satan.' '"
Get b...
Oh, I must have been dreaming!
Yes, well, don't study too hard.
Girls! Girls, it's a new day,
it's a new day!
Gwen?
- Gwen?
- Luke?
- Where were you?
- Babe, are you sick?
No. I'm not sick! Where were you,
you didn't even call me last night!
I'm sorry, honey, I'm sorry.
Look, I went to the library
- and I fell asleep.
- The library?
I fell asleep, I had a dream
and you were sick and I didn't...
and you didn't tell me
in the dream,
- and then you had cancer and then...
- Cancer?
- Are you sick? Are you telling me the truth?
- No, I am okay, but...
you know, I thought you were going
to kill the guy that killed your mom!
Babe, no. No, no, you got
to hear me out, I had this...
dream, there was the devil,
was in it and I beat him
and I sued him in court
and I won.
I found the peace, Hun.
I found my peace, I found God.
God, I found him!
And you know what? I'm going to
forgive him. I'm going to forgive him!
It's a new day.
It's a new day.
And so I start the first day
of my new life.
A life that will obey the Lord
and shun the enemy.
It feels wonderful.
Thank you, God.
You want to be big, Luke?
You're not a loser.
You want to make
lots of money, Luke?
You are not a loser.
You're not a loser,
are you?
Think about Gwen!
You have no authority
over me, Satan.
You got that?
Who are you?
I am a believer
in Jesus Christ.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
So take me as You find me,
all my fears and failures.
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow
everything I believe in.
Now I surrender.
I surrender.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Saviour, He can
move the mountains.
My God is Mighty to save.
He is Mighty to save.
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and
conquered the grave.
Jesus conquered the grave.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.
We're singing for the glory
of the risen King,
Jesus.
Shine your light and
let the whole world see.