Sumotherhood (2023) Movie Script

the ting, yeah?
Yeah, I got that still.
What you saying?
Blacked out chrome ting?
Come on.
You know man's certified
out here, fam.
Man wanna ring off the ting,
blud, you get me?
Mm... That's why
man's shotting you the big ting.
What you saying?
You got the P, yeah?
Telling you...
Let me see the
bludclart ting first, brother.
Cuz, man ain't really got time
for this, you know, fam.
You know, boydem are on
to man already.
KANE: We're moving
kinda bait as it is.
The ting's wrapped in the bag.
You want it or not?
CLINT: Give me that.
CLINT: Yo, what the fuck
is this, brother?
It's the
Motorola Lexus 2000 obviously.
A phone?
Yeah, you listed
your specifications
and us man pulled through
for you, fam. (CHUCKLES)
A rasclart phone, brother?
You said you wanted to ring off
the ting, the ting rings.
You said you wanted chrome
and black.
Rattattah, chrome and black.
You said you wanted
a silencer...
Silence. You also said
you wanted no fingerprints,
so I got you two
protective screen wipes
at no extra cost. Whoo!
(CHUCKLES) Damn, I'm so road.
And all that for 250, cuz.
Supply and demand, we do this.
Brother, are you mad? Brother,
I said a wanted a strap, bruv.
I know. It's got a strap--
Brother, a rasclart...
A gun, blud. A fucking gun.
Hey, cuz, I'm not gonna lie,
I feel mad hot in here, cuz.
Are you hot, fam?
Is this guy all right, bruv?
I feel mad high, cuz.
Like, next level high.
This Cali is loud, innit?
Uh, pat on your boy, man.
Oi, Riko...
...I beg you don't do
another mad one again, fam.
Brother, what d'you mean
"a mad one again"?
He just has certain
mental health problems, innit.
He's calm though.
Oh, my days,
that ting is me, fam!
Allow it, cuz, man!
Not now, fam!
What kind of
mental health problems?
Oi, my-size with the nice eyes.
Got a big bum and nice thighs.
What you saying, pengaliscious?
The name's Riko,
badman with the Chico's.
Roadman since birth, certified.
Are you high?
I'm higher than
a British Airways flight flying
to Dubai. I'm lean
right about now,
so I'll cut straight
to the point, innit?
Why don't you give me
your number
before I don't even want it
no more. What ya saying?
What I'm saying
is you're a fucking weirdo
and you're lucky
my man's not here yet,
'cause he'd have banged you up
by now.
What? You got a man?
Of course I got a man.
Well, that's unfortunate.
'Cause I got a sword!
What the fuck?
RIKO: Has your man got a sword?
Furthermore, where is your man?
Is he even here?
Definitely a fuckboy.
See, if I was your man
I'd be here, innit,
protecting you,
24/6 from weirdos and wallys
'cause that's what I do.
So, I'm gonna rewind
and come again.
What you telling me?
Man's a catch, I know.
But what you
actually telling me?
You're a fucking lunatic.
A little bit.
What you even on?
I was on you, innit?
But you don't seem on it.
I'm not gonna lie,
I'm kinda feelin' this,
like weird Rambo coyote vibe
he's got going on.
It's tickling my toes.
Bang! Yes, my girl knows.
She's all talking toes and that.
And I'm not gonna lie,
I'm a toe-loving kinda guy.
So, what you saying, babe?
Let me get that number?
Yeah, course.
Hold this, please.
You snooze, you lose, babe.
Are you seeing this? What is
this fucking guy doing, bro?
I think he just smoked
a little too much, man.
He does this sometimes.
He's calm though.
Fuck do you mean,
"He's calm", brother?
You got me
inna some bait highroad
while my man's
out there drawing tings
with a fucking shetty.
Then I got you, some dickhead
that don't know the difference
between a strap
and a fucking mobile phone?
You man said
you were about this life?
Who the fuck are you, bro?
Riko and Kane,
Skengville topboys in the game.
The name's Riko, click-clack.
Roadman for life. Ya get me?
What can I say?
I get a wide-on for weirdos.
Fuck, move, man.
He's nasty, you're nasty!
Fam, I don't know if you think
this is some sort of game
or something, bro.
I swear down, bro!
So, you want to pay
for the phone now
or you wanna pay in instalments?
OMAR: Is he dumb?
Well, get out
the fucking van, man.
Fucking take your phone...
I'm saying, man.
...and fucking get out of here.
Hey, cuz, you see that ting
I just drew, fam?
She was peng!
She was proper on it, innit?
Come, you're gonna get
yourself sectioned again, man.
RIKO: I'm cool, G-man.
Where we going anyway?
We're going back
to the hood, fam.
Start from the beginning
Turn my headphones up
Get it squad
Squad gang, gang
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
It ain't safe
Packs, I sold
Had them buzzing
On the road, yeah
Crack residue in the buttons
on my phone, yeah
Black leather boots
When I run into your home
BOTH: Ring, ring, pussy
It's your mummy on the phone
Niggas wanna kill me
Tell them
"Go and get your Uzi", yeah
Bari got the weapon
In the pocket of the Ksubi's
See me on the catwalk
You see me in the movies
Still you can end up dead
When you disrespect
The goonies
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
The traphouse was a shithole
With my niggas smoking
On some indo
Looking for the police
Through the window
Said I'll be a minute, yeah
Of course I was an hour, yeah
Never disturb a baker
When he's mixing up the flour
Yeah, devour these criminals
Stepping on my toes, yeah
I step into the party
I let everybody know, yeah
The heat will bang
For a legend on the roads
So, keep your hands
Off my bredrins and my clothes
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
It ain't safe for the block
Not even for the cops
It ain't safe
You've been ducking
From me, shawty
You've been ducking
From me, shawty
You've been ducking
From me, shawty
You've been ducking
From me, shawty
You've been ducking
From me, shawty
You've been ducking
From me, shawty
You've been...
Allow it, peng ting Alexa.
Stop the music, fam.
ALEXA: Sorry, fam, click-clack.
Alexa, what's on
my calendar today, fam?
ALEXA: There's nothing
on your calendar today, fam.
My friendings.
You all right, Patel?
Hey, it's Pinky Patel!
Say my dad's name,
you bitchfuckings.
Oh, come on, man.
Say it now! You imbecile
boyings muddafuckings.
Mr. Pinky Patel, innit.
(CHEERS) That's right, isn't it?
Show some respectings,
you bumbaclarting.
Shut it!
I want my bloody money,
innit, blud?
And where is that pussyclart
bloody black imbecile friend
of yours?
(CHEERS) Hey, hey, hey!
I see you didn't get the memo
and all of that, you know.
Black lives matter now,
fam, you get me?
It's proper good to see you!
Imagine, I was just about
to call you, you know. (SNIFFS)
What the fuck?
Uh, you two fucking
each other now, huh?
No, we're not gay, bro.
We just sleep together, innit.
PINKY: Hey-ey-ey-ey!
Don't tell me
your jiggy-jiggy sexy time,
you bunch of bastardings.
You thought I forgot you,
dickhead, huh? Huh?
Where is my cocaines,
you bunch of wastemanings, huh?
PUDI: Yeah, because word
on the roadings,
brothers, is that you got jacked
by the Somali gun peoples,
Dickhead? (LAUGHS)
You got robbed
by the Malis, fam?
You told me you were
proper cool with them, man.
Come on, man, me and the Malis
are cool, bruv.
We're practically family,
you get me?
I am a Mali, bruv,
they rated that. Trust me.
So, imagine this,
listen. (SNIFFS)
I must have pulled up
to the ting with the merchandise
like a badboy. You get me?
My man started screaming now.
Then I got rushed.
Fifteen Somalis screaming out,
"Warya! Warya!"
"Walahi! Walahi! Kaleh! Kaleh!
Hoosgut! Hoosgut!"
"Walahi! I'm the captain now!"
It was emotional, fam.
That's a mad ting still.
Dad! Let me fucking
fuck him hard!
Motherchode gandu
Wait, what?
PINKY: I give you one week!
And I want my 15,000 back.
If not, I'm gonna come back here
and kill the both of you.
Now, let me out of here.
Well, the door's there, bro.
I know where
the fucking door is!
You bhenchod!
I'm not fucking blind!
I'll be back, dickhead.
I'm not gonna lie, fam,
them slaps kinda hurt.
I know, man, about slapping me.
I should have slapped him back
but true say Pinky's an older,
I thought I'd allow him.
I don't want
to be disrespectful, you get me?
You gotta respect
the age of nature, fam.
The age of what?
The age of nature, fam.
I was reading about it
at my anger management class
I find the whole basis
of the idea calms me down
when I get agitated.
Man don't care
about all that, fam.
Man's got real life problems, G.
What we gonna do, bro?
How the fuck
we gonna raise 15 bags, cuz?
presents Lethal Bizzle live
at XOYO on the 2nd of March.
It's gonna be...
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking, fam?
Man's thinking Bizzle might have
to be the next victim still.
Straight robbery settings,
ya get me?
I dunno though, man.
I kinda like Bizzle, still.
Do you remember
the remix we did, blud?
Yeah, course, fam.
It's Riko and Kane
Pow! You don't know
About pain
Pow! We draw girls in the rain
Allow it, man!
Lemon and herb that shit, cuz.
My man's rich, bro.
All we need to do is just run up
in a ting rob him,
no long ting, set pace,
you get me?
His watch is worth, like,
three million or something.
Three million, fam?
Yeah, something like that,
it's-- it's Ps though.
Listen, we're back on the road.
The top boy duo are back.
Riko and Kane
rush hour settings, fam.
Are you on it or not?
Yeah, I'm on it, cuz.
If we're gonna set him up
though, we're gonna need
a strap and some more soldiers.
I'm gonna call my mandem, innit.
Bruv, call your mandem
and put down
that fucking sword, fam.
So, where's your mandem?
Don't worry, them man
will be here, fam.
What, they're
proper goons, yeah?
Course, fam. Proper reckless.
My mandem are on this ting.
Straight greez, you get me?
All right. They sound like
the type of mandem
you see me rolling with still.
Trust me when I tell you
these men are certified
on the roads, fam.
All right, all right.
So, where these man?
There they are, fam.
What the fuck is that, bruv?
They're school kids.
Have you lost
your mind or something?
Look at my man, man!
He's still
in his school uniform!
Yeah, sorry about that.
Man was just playing out,
innit and I didn't get time
to go yard and change.
Plus, my mum's kind of
vexing me for shotting
the Sky box for a score,
so it's kinda peak
at yard still.
RIKO: See?
These man are on stuff, cuz.
I told you, reckless,
you get me?
Playing out, fam?
Tell me it's a joke.
It's a joke, innit?
No, cuz.
This is perfectly real.
These man are hungry, blud.
Gully, ruthless
and only 15 years old.
Uh, nah, man ain't even 12 yet.
Astaghfirullah! Not even 12!
I will be hitting
that come Christmas, fam.
You know what,
it's way past your bedtime.
Go home, be safe, bye!
Blud, relax, man.
Them man brought
a strap for us still.
A-- A str-- A strap!
A real-life gun, yeah?
How else you think
we're gonna rob man, fam?
That's the ting still.
It's my big brother's
though, innit?
So, don't use no bullets
'cause he'll find out
and beat us all up,
especially you, fam.
What? Are you dumb, bruv?
Your brother could never try
a ting with me.
D'you know who I am, cuz?
Yeah, course I do.
My brother goes he chiefed you
a couple months ago still.
On the high road.
He goes he linked you to buy
a strap but you come
with some dead mobile.
KANE: Whatever, man!
Bun all the bullshit
and the long ting. You get me?
Let's go and yam this fool.
Don't know famalam.
PERFORMER 1: I'm Lethal da B
ALL: Pow!
If you don't know about me
ALL: Pow!
Better ask someone quickly
Yeah, cause' I'm pow!
ALL: Pow!
Yeah, I'm Lethal da B
ALL: Pow!
If you don't know about me
ALL: Pow!
Better ask someone quickly
ALL: 'Cause, pow!
Yeah, I'm pow!
ALL: Pow!
I go harder
My team's moving larger
I got big bars for ya'
Whole fam
Make your mum skank out
With ya' father
(CHEERS) I roll deeper
Stylish through the speaker
Oi! How can you say
I ain't hard
Shut up
You ain't hard either
Leave it, yeah
You must be crazy
ALL: Leave it, yeah
You ain't no bad boys
ALL: Leave it, yeah
I bring the hyper
ALL: Leave it, yeah
Said ah! What?
ALL: Leave it, yeah
Clockin' it, have it
ALL: Leave it, yeah
PERFORMER 2: English,
English girl named Fiona
African girl, Abiola
Body-ody shape like Cola
Back up, back up
And come closer
Vivi da loca...
What the hell
are you doing, fam?
You're meant to be working.
Nah, I was just--
I was just preeing
the ting, innit?
Nah, man, we're meant
to be doing a fucking move
and you're here skanking
with the gal-dem sugar.
Have you even spotted
Bizzle yet, cuz?
Yeah, obviously,
he's over there, innit?
He's looking kinda hench
though, I lie?
Fuck that, fam.
Man's got the mash, innit?
I can't even lie, cuz.
I feel to let it off
in the air right now.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
What's wrong with you, bruv?
Chill your pants, man.
Why you so hype for, bro?
Sorry, bro.
How much weed you smoke today?
Just a couple of zoots,
G. I'm cool, man.
You had your meds today, yeah?
Yeah, bro.
Oi, calm, fam.
He's in the toilet
on his Js, cuz.
We gotta move to him now!
Get the mandem, innit.
...That's a combination
Gyal with a big back's
My weakness
But when I punch man
It's grievous
They'll play back the CCTV...
I'm not gonna lie!
You man are sick!
...Ball like Lakers...
I feel sick. (RETCHES)
This is what I mean, man.
Can't we do this ourselves,
bruv? Riko and Kane.
Riko and Kane.
Let's do this, famalamo!
Fuck that, man
I don't give a F
What, you wanna get smoked?
English girl named...
Dench sausage needs to...
(GRUNTS) ...release!
Yo, Bizzle,
click-clack, it's showtime.
Hold on, cuz,
I'm pissing innit?
Oh, for real. Sorry, fam.
True say, he is pissing,
and you can't really rush a man.
What you saying?
Y-- You finished yet?
Nah, fam.
He ain't finished yet.
What's all this?
KANE: What does it
look like, fam?
This is
a click-clack robbery, cuz.
Remain silent and hush them big,
dry lips of yours
'cause I ain't scared of you!
Now, give me your... (PANTS)
What shall I ask first, fam?
His watch or his chain?
Dunno, what's worth more Ps?
What's worth more Ps, fam,
your watch or your chain?
What, is this some type
of prank or something?
This ain't no prank, rudeboy.
This is Crimewatch UK live
and direct in your face!
This is a real life move.
You man can't be serious, man.
Why's your hand all shaking for?
Nah, don't watch that, cuz.
Man's just got
a lickle arthritis, innit?
But what you saying?
Can I have your watch, please?
Fuck that!
Man want your fucking watch,
your fucking chain,
your fucking ring,
your fucking hat,
the fucking creps,
your fucking wallet!
Everything, fam!
Oyster card, library card
fucking Nectar card,
and even your boxers, blud!
Give man everything.
Anything and everything.
Man want your fucking car keys
and some weed...
(SNIFFS) ...if you got any.
Man said boxers.
Take off or get lit up,
it's that simple, fam.
It's like that, yeah?
Damn right it's like that, cuz.
Put this shit
in your lyrics, rudeboy.
You got robbed by Riko
and Kane, fam, Skengville, blud.
Yeah, that's right, cuz!
Give me them
Nectar points, cuzzy.
Yeah, tryna stall the ting,
you get me?
(LAUGHS) I should shoot
a man down for that!
What, what, what?
What you know
about Riko and Kane?
Biggest gangbangers in the game.
KANE: Man wanna talk about fame
until you get popped
for your chain.
That's right.
Any time you hear click-clack,
you know Skengville are back!
I'm talking 'bout certi gang,
badboy for life,
badboy up
in this building. (SCREAMS)
What's with the
fucking long ting, cuz?
Hurry the fuck up before I put
a bullet in your bumhole, fam.
Oh, my God! Hey, Sprinkle.
No, no, no, babe,
what you doing playing
with sexy sex toys?
It's not--
DRAG PERFORMER: If you wanted
to play with a big hard toy
then you should've just asked
'cause I got a big hard one
right here for you. (RETCHES)
You know man
was just joking, innit.
Shut up, you dickhead!
Leave it, yeah!
Serious, I can expl--
Charlie, you know
what these dickheads tried
to do to me?
CHARLIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
These pussyholes tried
to rob me, fam.
Nah, these dickheads tried
a roll-up on big Biz.
Look at you now, fam.
Your fucking peak, them boxers.
CHARLIE: Hey, where you get them
boxershorts from, rudeboy?
Swear it's got skid marks!
your legs for me, bro.
CHARLIE: Hey, hop, rudeboy!
LETHAL BIZZLE: Hop on ya leg,
bro. Hop!
Hop on your legs, fam.
LETHAL BIZZLE: Higher than that.
Higher than that.
Higher than that, bro.
LETHAL BIZZLE: Switch legs,
blud. Squat. Squat.
Squat, fam,
you got chicken legs, man.
Star jumps, cuz.
Give me some star jumps.
Put some energy into it.
Come on. That's not a star jump!
Hey, dutty wine for me as well.
Hey! Dutty wine
for me as well, man.
Together, fam. Wine.
What the fuck?
LETHAL BIZZLE: Slow wine, bro,
slow wine. Lower than that.
CHARLIE: Do what
you're told, rudeboy.
LETHAL BIZZLE: Lower than that,
fam. Lower than that, fam.
(GROANS) That's nasty!
Look at them, man! (GROANS)
you getting this, fam?
You getting this?
Oi, do me a favor, fam,
tell me who these
fucking dickheads are, blud.
Dickheads! Dickheads! Dickheads!
ALL: (CHANTING) Dickheads!
Dickheads! Dickheads!
Dickheads! Dickheads!
LETHAL BIZZLE: Trying to rob me?
You crazy, fam?
ALL: (CHANTING) Dickheads!
Dickheads! Dickheads! Dickheads!
Give some star jumps.
(LAUGHS) Hey, these man
are waste, fam.
I'm catching bare joke.
Hey, let me see, fam.
Shut up, man.
AEROL: Dickhead.
Listen, I'm sorry, mate!
I'll get your money, I promise.
I'll get your money, please,
please. Don't, don't... (GRUNTS)
AEROL: Rah...
(CHUCKLES) man got dashed
off the fourth floor, ya na!
Going down.
What's up?
Said he gonna be here
in a sec still.
Fam, what happened with my man?
That dickhead tried
to short man five bills.
Five bills, bro?
You dashed man
off the balcony for five bills?
Fam, I'll dash you
off the balcony for two.
Fucking dickhead.
This is what I'm saying, cuz,
you ain't built for this.
Nah, what d'you mean,
bro? Man is.
I wanted to chat to you still.
I think we should rob
some banks.
This ain't fucking 1990, bro.
Nah, man's got
this app, innit, like,
it can interfere
and turn off cameras--
Shut up, man.
Yeah, he's here, fam.
Man's gotta go pattern
some business.
My father will talk to you now.
Yeah. What
you saying, Krzysztof?
I'm going to need
some more of your product.
Yeah, that's cool but...
got a different batch
this time around.
Better quality.
My daughter says it's good.
SHOTTI: Thing is, yeah,
this batch is 38 on a key
and the minimum
I can bring you is three.
That's no problem.
So, I send someone next week
to drop and collect, yes?
Yeah. Next week's cool.
My grandmother used to say
"You should never steal
from yourself...
or the hand that feeds you."
(CHUCKLES) My gran
used to say...
"Steal from me
and I'll slap you silly."
Think our grans
would get on, innit?
Wagwan, fam?
Man, fuck these pricks.
Man tryna pull up
in his front room, you know.
Oi, listen up!
I want everyone out here active.
If any of the mandem see
any of my fucking opps
the De Marcos,
I don't give a shit if man
is with his fucking aunt
or fucking uncle,
you light them pricks up.
You hear me?
ALL: Course, man. Yeah!
What you saying
for this Polish man?
On the next one, bro,
man's gonna pattern that pussy.
Show man this is my hood!
This kebab is peng, blud.
I love the way
the succulent beef mixes in
with the flavorsome sauces.
So scrumptious, cuz.
Bruv, man's got
real life problems, G.
What we gonna do
about the Patels?
Oh, yeah, the Patels.
We're a laughingstock, man.
That Bizzle video's
everywhere, bruv.
I'm Just Bait, the Shadeborough,
Grime Daily, Linkup TV.
I even emailed YouTube
to take it down.
What? Allow that, cuz.
Man, I kinda like
the video still.
Man all see
a couple comments, bro,
saying I look buff and that.
I'm all getting ratings, fam.
Bruv, it was one comment
and it came from
someone called "Jimmy69."
Jimmy, fam!
That ain't a sexy look, G.
Oi, a comment's a comment, bro,
just 'cause you ain't getting
no comments, fam.
Bruv, fuck a comment, bruv.
Bruv, we're out here on stage
looking like some pussyholes.
I'm out here looking
for redemption, bruv.
Redemption. I like it.
Like Shawshank?
You know what, yeah?
Man ain't havin' it no more.
Man's gonna show the roads
what time it is.
And I ain't talking
about no quarter past three.
I'm talking about a big move.
Riko and Kane, G.
Riko and Kane,
cuz, you're right.
I say I call my mandem
and arrange another move.
Nah, fam. I ain't got time
for your CBBC mandem, blud.
This time we do something big.
Like what though, fam?
(GIGGLES) The move of all moves.
Something that's gonna
finally put us on the map
as roadman for good.
Riko and Kane, G.
Riko and Kane, G.
You sure about this, fam?
Told you, I'm sick and tired of
not being rated as a roadman.
I'm on this ting,
and after today
everyone's gonna know
about us, fam.
I'm fully on this gun ting now.
You sure about that?
The other day
you was moving shook.
You was all shaking
and that, bro.
I told you,
it was the arthritis.
But my doctor sorted
that out now.
Thank God for the NHS.
God bless the NHS.
It's time for that click-clack.
It's about to go
off in there, fam.
You Ready Steady Cook, yeah?
I dunno, man.
A bank robbery,
it's a bit hype for us, na?
Exactly! That's where
we've been going wrong, fam.
We need to be more hype.
Bare roadman do bank robberies
and now, it's our time.
Riko and Kane, bang-bang.
RIKO: Fuck it.
Bang-bang, let's do this, fam.
Oi, oi, what you lot saying?
What the fuck, man?
Uh, you know who man is, innit?
Yeah, man know who you are, fam.
Nah, nah, it's man like Ed.
Certified crackhead.
Crack... Ed... you get it?
You get it? Crack-Ed...
(RAPPING) Man beg for bread
I don't have a bed
I shit on my leg...
Just fuck off, man.
No, no, Reeks.
Bro, Reeks,
I saw your mum, innit?
What? Don't talk
about my mum, man.
CRACK ED: No, no. No, bro.
I saw your mum
in the showers, innit?
What the fuck?
No, no, in the swimming pool.
Leighton Leisure Lagoon.
I go there sometimes
to wash my ball bags, yeah.
It's only 20p. It's a bargain!
Anyway, you see your mum, yeah.
I'm watching her wash herself.
Yeah, no, no, I weren't looking.
I weren't looking.
Tell a lie, I might have looked
once but respectfully.
She's pretty,
she's got nice legs.
Strong legs.
Stop talking
about my mum!
CRACK ED: Nah, bro.
Nah, she's standing
by the locker, yeah.
She's looking all sad and that,
no P, just a bikini.
So, man like me,
I subsidized that.
I made that transaction happen.
I gave her the pound, bro.
She was so happy.
She was so perky and I'm
just thinking out loud here bro,
I'm gonna need that pound back.
Move man, you ginger shithead!
What did you say?
All right, here we go.
You call me ginger, bruv?
D'you know what? You man can say
whatever you want about me.
You can say I shit in a bush,
I shit on the highroad.
I don't wipe my bum,
but so what? Who does?
But ginger, bruv?
It's not even ginger.
It's more like strawberry blond.
Look, I'll show you my p--
What are you doing?
Allow that, bro, man!
Got like a salmon tinge.
It's cool, you don't have
to show, man!
Allow it! Give him
the pound, bro!
Here, just take the pound!
Take the pound. Fuck off, bro!
Oh, Reeks, bro.
Love for that, bro. I can feel
the ginger love in you, brother.
Oi, Kane, what you saying, yeah?
You got a pound for me, brother?
I'll sing for you,
yeah? (SNIFFS)
Your balls don't smell
Like they used to before
Chat to me and I will quarantine
your life, rudeboy!
Big man, say no more.
I'm not tryna get
my head licked off here, fellas.
I feel like I've got
a lot of potential in life
and I can see you lot
are somewhat busy
so I'm gonna bounce
by the ounce, freaks.
I love you, son, Kane.
Keep doing you, brother.
I see it, I see it all.
I see it, keep doing you,
brother. I love you fellas.
I love you.
(RAPPING) Man beg
For bread...
What you doing, fam?
What you saying, man?
I just got gassed, man.
Come, we do this, blud.
Yeah, hold on a minute.
You got your debit card?
What? What for?
Parking! I ain't trying
to get no ticket.
Blud, we're robbing a bank,
man, fuck the parking, G.
Are you dumb?
I ain't about
this PCN ticket life!
That's about 65-pound
and in the words
of Joseph Junior Adinuga,
"That's not me."
Cuz, this looks mad wet, bro.
Bruv, stop being tight, man.
I paid for the petrol
and the Frutellas
on the way down.
Frutellas are badman sweet,
you get me?
Whatever, man, I'll pay
for the parking, bro.
Can we do this, fam?
My guy!
Hello! (CACKLES)
Can't you see the sign?
It's a double yellow line
I'm sorry, sir
But you cannot park your car
Try to understand
I'm just an African
So, who d'you think you are?
Just move your car
(GASPS) Dirty Ed!
Look at this orangutan!
You are causing a tsunami
in London again!
I should have seen the sign
Now, I have to pay this fine
(GASPS) Mummy!
Fuck off!
"man don't rob banks".
That's 'cause man don't know
about the true capabilities.
Bet you didn't know I could do
that, innit, Shotti? (CHEERS)
That's a G out here!
Man like Leo.
RIKO: Everyone shut the fuck up
and get on the fucking floor!
This is what you call
a roadman special delivery
fucking bank robbery
You know what, yeah?
Everyone by the wall.
(INHALES) Everyone
by the wall now.
Did I stutter?
I said everyone shut the fuck up
and get on your fucking knees.
(SCREAMS) Oh, my God,
this is so eeky!
Please don't hurt me!
What? Eeky?
Shut your mouth,
you butters sket!
I'm not here to bum you, am I?
What you screaming for, man?
This is a fucking bank robbery,
everyone shut the fuck up
and get on the fucking floor!
Yeah, I got this, bro,
go hit that belly.
KANE: That's right,
it's a bank robbery, baby!
Give me everything you've got.
I'm talking about pounds,
10ps, 5ps
and even the brown pennies!
You want the pennies?
I'm like ASDA, baby,
every penny counts.
Now, fill up
my two JB bags, chop-chop!
Time waits for no one!
KANE: (SOFTLY) Okay, yep.
Okay, all right.
All right, so darling,
what you're gonna do is...
How do, um...
How do I put this through, man?
Slide it through, innit?
KANE: I am trying to slide it
through, darling.
Push, push and slide.
Slide it.
What d'you, I'm--
I'm-- I'm doing it.
Push and slide.
KANE: Like this?
ROWANDA: Push and slide.
KANE: Oh. Push
and slide. Uh-oh...
Okay, yeah. Take the second one,
thank you very much.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I swear I know your voice
from somewhere.
What? You better hush your gums.
You don't know me, bruv!
I swear to God...
I will shoot you!
I will put a bullet
in your brains, fam!
I know you're not talking
to me like that!
That's it. Everyone over here
like one big happy family.
Are you deaf, cuz?
I said get down on the floor.
Do your ting, innit.
But man ain't getting
on no floor.
Fam, man ain't asking like
to say if man wanted
a cup of tea or something,
man is giving orders, fam.
Like I'm a madman,
cuz, it's official.
Read about me.
I will leng it down in here.
Please don't "leng"
anything down!
Fuck me, how much longer's
this gonna take?
I got a 48 bus to catch!
This is just spectacular.
Proper spectacular robbery, cuz.
Everyone shut your mouth,
I swear down, man!
Nah, I swear I recognize your
little whiney street rat voice
from somewhere.
(IN DEEPER VOICE) I told you,
you don't know me, man.
I don't think
you're getting this.
I'm a roadman
for life. Click-clack!
Hold on a minute, fam.
Am I going mad?
Why have you got two guns
and man's only got one?
You really doing this
right now, fam?
RIKO: Yes, I'm doing
this right now.
What gives you the right to have
two guns and man's only got one?
I couldn't get you two, innit.
I could only get three so--
So, why d'you get two then?
I wanted two.
I'm the one holding
the hostages, fam.
Why d'you get two and I didn't?
Why fam, why?
Riko, you're bugging out, G.
Oh, my gosh, you just said
my name, fam.
What? No I didn't!
Yes, you did, you just said
my name, Riko.
Why would you say
your own name for?
I only said my name
'cause you said my name first.
What are you, some kind of
snitch or something?
Sounds like a snitch
to me, mate!
I'm not a snitch!
And I didn't say your name, fam.
You did, innit?
Innit? He said my name.
Question! Is this a joke?
Oh, my days!
Shut the fuck up
and count my money, bitch!
If I said your name,
it was an accident.
I'm sorry, all right?
All right, cool, bro.
What if I say
your name then, cuz?
Why would you do that for?
'Cause it might be
an accident, innit?
This is some fucking joke ting.
Kane Patrick Armand Ketende!
What the fuck?
Why would you say
my full name for?
I'm sorry, bro,
it was an accident, innit?
Oh, okay, okay,
you wanna play games, yeah?
All right. (CACKLES) Check this.
Richard Oshlam Byaseff Bulouck.
Oh, my God, fam.
Don't call me Richard,
cuz! I told you.
You know I don't like
when people call me Richard!
What you gonna do 'bout it?
What you gonna do 'bout it?
I could do a lot.
I could do a lot too.
Set pace then.
I'm setting pace, fam.
Oh, my days!
You baited up your face, fam.
You ain't wearing your bally.
You ain't wearing
your bally either, man.
(GASPS) This is all your fault!
Stop repeating me, man!
BOTH: Just shut up, man!
Rah! (CHUCKLES) Riko and Kane?
You two clowns,
course it is! (LAUGHS)
Who else would rob a bank
like this, but Riko and Kane?
(CACKLES) Idiots!
Look what you done!
Look what I done? You mean,
look what you done!
You started this by saying
my name first, fam.
Richard Oshlam Byaseff Bulouck.
Such a good boy,
always so polite and friendly.
What's happened to you?
He's that fucking weirdo
that got himself sectioned.
Oh, yeah, I read about that.
It's bipolar, all right?
And that's why I'm doing this.
To show everyone
with mental health problems
that you can do anything
you put your mind to.
Even a bank robbery.
Believe and achieve.
You can do anything.
Believe and achieve.
(CHUCKLES) That's sick.
I mean, it is very inspiring.
You man need
to hurry the fuck up.
Man has got places to go.
I know!
I'm supposed to be sitting
on face in half an hour still.
How long is this going to take?
I've left my bicycle out there
and it's not even locked.
I wouldn't leave my bike
unlocked around here, mate.
Lot of criminals about.
I don't see criminals out here.
I see young people
with no prospects,
no future and no hope.
It's not very surprising
after ten years
of a Tory government.
What the fuck is this, man?
Everyone shut your mouth!
This is a fucking bank robbery.
Do you understand?
I will start murking people
out here.
Allow it, wasteman.
On a real, I ain't got time
for this shit.
You man are a fucking joke.
You ain't going nowhere, cuz.
What, you gonna shoot me, yeah?
(SCOFFS) Do you even know
who I am, fam?
I don't give a shit if
you was fucking Hercules, fam.
You need to be waiting
over there, cuz.
Shh, shh, fam,
you need to calm yourself
before I punch you
through that fucking wall.
Oh, my gosh, do you not see
what man is holding, fam?
I don't give a shit
what you're holding,
you dumb fuck.
Trust me, you don't want it
with me.
Listen, I'm gonna
have to ask you
to sit over there,
you know, fam.
I fucking warned you.
What the fuck?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Shoot the brother!
Listen, I'll shoot you
you know, fam.
I swear I'll shoot you, cuz.
Blud, you're lucky
you're holding that strap.
But just remember,
I've seen your face, innit.
You fucked up, bruv.
I will come back
and I will catch you
and your whole fucking family.
Now, ask about me.
Are you mad? I don't give
a shit who you are.
All I'm saying is...
keep pointing that gun at me
and I will shove it up
your fucking batty crease!
What? Ain't no one shoving
nothing up my bumbum-hole, cuz.
I'll smash your head
through that fucking window.
You should allow it, fam.
Fuck that! Man's a badman
out here, G.
Yeah? Think you're
a badman, yeah?
Go on then, shoot me.
Listen, they don't call me
"Bipolar Boy"
for nothing, you know.
I'm a fuckin' madman, G!
Now, sit the fuck down before
I disable your legs, cuzzy!
Yeah? Is that right, yeah?
Fucking shoot me then!
Shoot the pagan! Pap-pap!
Goldeneye ting!
Seriously, you should
allow it, fam.
I'll shoot you, cuz.
Fucking shoot me!
What do I do, fam? What do I do?
Shoot him!
I'll shoot you, fam.
LEO: Fucking shoot me!
KANE: Riko, shoot!
Come on! Do it!
Fucking shoot me! (GRUNTS)
KANE: Shoot him.
Yo, fam, are you all right?
I-- I was just joking, man.
The-- The gun ain't
even loaded, cuz.
What the fuck did you do, fam?
You fucking killed him.
Nah, man. We were just chatting
and I-- I dunno what--
I think he's just having
a nap or something.
He looks dead to me, cuz.
Um... So, that's attempted
armed robbery and murder,
so just so you know
you're looking at 30 years plus,
for the both of you,
so... (SCOFFS)
Now wait, hold on.
Fam, you know
who that is, innit?
That's Leo Da Marco
from Skengville, fam.
I can't believe
you just duppied him like that.
You're fucking sick, fam.
Wait, what? That's Leo Da Marco?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, cuz.
You're on that madman smoke,
innit? No long ting.
Man just run up in there
backed off the bally,
robbed the dance!
Killed off Leo!
You're on some
fucking Rambo shit, G!
Nah, you're fucking nang!
What was your man's names again?
Riko and Kane, G.
What the fuck, man?
Stop telling everyone our names!
Nah, man, it's cool, G.
Man does fulltime road too.
I was actually gonna rob
this place as well,
but you know.
Bruv, this ain't no fucking
meet and greet, G.
All right, listen.
Come, we kick man.
Boydem are gonna be here
any minute. We need to go.
Wait, after all that you lot
don't even want the money now?
Riko and Kane.
Gang, gang.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ian, Bill.
Excuse me...
can you not do that?
You need a hand with that, love?
Fucking tosser.
Think she needs a big,
wide one up her arse.
Lighten her load a little.
Do you see
who that dark fella was?
Ian... Bill.
(SCREAMS) Willy Wanker William!
It's just William, okay?
No "Willy," no "Wanker,"
just William.
Okay, "No Willy William."
I'll make another complaint,
you know. I will. I will do it!
All right, ackee breath!
Very sensitive,
you lot, ain't ya? Eh?
Always complaining
about something.
Ian, I'm gonna go inside
and do the camera checks.
No need, Bill.
I checked them already.
They went down at 12:42.
They're still struggling
to get them back on.
An outside interference,
it seems.
I must go now.
There are crimes taking place
and as always,
I must solve them.
Excuse me, thank you.
I smell fishy fanny here, Billy.
What, mate?
I may not be an expert
on these things
but I bet my left arse cheek
on this having something
to do with Shotti!
I'm telling ya, mate,
if we want to start winning
all we've gotta do is catch
the pricks who did this.
If we solve this,
they've gotta start giving us
guns or at least
some new tasers.
(EXHALES) Do you think feds
are gonna catch man, fam?
I don't wanna go jail.
I can't go jail.
Thirty-five years, nah, man.
Man's all small and all that.
It'll be peak for me
in the showers, bro.
I'll get raped.
Probably, fam.
But it's cool.
You're a roadman, innit?
Top gully badman, you get me?
All roadmen have
to go prison sometime, fam.
Tupac, 50 Cent, Gigs,
Nelson Mandela.
It'll make you more certi
on the roads, ya get me?
PINKY: Where the bumbaclartings
are you fuckboys, huh?
You bloody fuck-fucks!
Don't fuck me, I fuck you!
Oh, this is peak, man.
Man ain't got no P.
We got Bombay Patel
on our backs.
The robbery went wrong.
Man all killed Leo by accident.
Man's looking at jail.
I feel to cry, fam. Real talk.
I should've worn
my woolly hat, innit?
(CHOMPS) It's kinda cold.
Yeah, I guess so.
Guns and pork
Guns and pork, listen
Guns and pork
Guns and pork, hard
Guns and pork
Guns and pork, listen
Guns and pork
Guns and pork, hard
Hey, come on!
Come on.
Run that, run that.
Growing pains,
you'll be all right.
The circle of life and that.
But you're nearly 40!
SHAD: Oi, shut up!
What you man saying?
What you man telling me?
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
I beg you don't rob
my creps again, fam.
Nah, it's cool, man. Man heard
about what you man done still.
Ah, no, that video on Linkup,
that was just a little joke ting
that we tried out, innit?
Nah, man's talking about
you man murking Leo, fam.
No, that was just an acc--
What you saying?
You man not on this ting, yeah?
It weren't even like that.
You know what man
are calling you on the roads?
Man are calling you
Rambo Riko, fam.
Rambo Riko?
How did you do it, G?
Big man, I'm hearing
my man can't die, fam.
I'm hearing 28 lives, some
black magic obia settings, fam.
On the real, fam,
how'd you kill him?
See, that's the thing,
we didn't actually--
What my boy's trying to say
is of course we murked him, fam.
Fuck a obia ting, fam.
I am Mr. Obia. Mr. Black Magic.
I done anyone's dance,
you get me?
Hold on, you didn't even do--
All right, easy, easy, easy.
Man don't talk too much.
You get me?
Oi! You the man?
All right, run that photo.
Your phone. Let's go, let's go!
All right, line up, line up!
There you go,
let me get the limelight,
let me get the main ting,
there we go.
You man in the shot, yeah?
You man in the shot, yeah?
Nice, nice, nice.
Aye, on three, "Riko," fam.
BOTH: Riko!
Let me see that, fam.
Oh, my God, yeah, this is hard.
Hey, what price plan you
on, fam?
SHAD: All right, listen!
You man roll safe, you know.
Man hear Leo's brother's looking
for you man still.
Yeah, boy, when he finds out
he's gonna go mental.
His brother's a fruitcake.
Who's Leo's brother though, fam?
Who's on the greeze?
Who's got da Ps?
BOTH: Tyreese.
Zoop-zoop, 2-1, fam.
In your face, cuz!
In your face, fam!
Man was just distracted, innit?
About zoop-zoop!
Give me the fucking control pad,
rudeboy. (EXHALES)
See that goal?
Standard procedures.
Next hype, two all!
What you saying now, huh?
Exactly! You fucking speng!
This is my game, G. My game.
You all right, Tamara?
Yeah, I'm cool.
Don't be talking to no boys,
lickle sketbag donkey head.
Fucking mongoose!
Oi, why the fuck
you asking my sister
if she's all right for, fam?
You trying to move to her, blud?
You trying to press her
out, blud?
Trying to chirps her up, cuz?
Is that what you trying to do?
You must want man to confiscate
your legs, rudeboy.
Sorry, T-man, didn't mean
no disrespect, fam.
I was just...
Damn fucking right.
Standard procedures
about, "Are you all right?"
What, you wanna end up
like my guy, with a black eye?
Rah, that all rhymes and that.
Man's so intelligent out here.
How do I do this?
Anyway, fuck about again,
you get a straight Chinese burn
to the throat. (EXCLAIMS)
Rah, you're such a weirdo.
Your mum's a fucking weirdo
and blatantly sucks dick
at the back of the 253 bus.
(GRUNTS) So, go suck
your mum, you butters sket!
That's your sister, bro,
that's your mum too.
Step-sister, dickhead!
I don't care. I don't care, fam.
I don't care about anyone.
That's how naughty-walty I am.
Yo, T... You got a sec?
Man needs to chat to you still.
It's about your brother, fam.
Something's happened.
What you talking about, blud?
What you mean
something's happened?
Fam! What the fuck happened?
You're making man
get butterflies
in my belly-tummy, man.
Man's hearing
he's in hospital, blud.
I think someone run up
on him, fam.
Word on the road is
some brother called Riko did it.
Who the fuck
is fucking Wiko? Oi, Jay.
Does he work with Shotti?
Is he one of Shotti's boys?
I-- I dunno, bro.
Try move to my brother here.
My bloodline!
My brother, you know.
Rah, what happened?
Slapanory Time!
Shut your gums, rudeboy!
Man's speaking out here.
Don't insult
man's superior intellect.
As a sideman, you only speak
when you're spoken to.
You fucking coleslaw-face.
Man's gonna fuck
this Wiko yute inside out.
Wiko and his family
and his mandem.
Man's gonna fuck
his fucking neighbors, blud.
Try touch my boy, you know?
This Wiko pussy boy
must think he's Captain Planet.
Well, he's not.
I'm Captain Planet.
Captain Planet, he's a hero
He's gonna take pollution
Down to zero
And you know what? I know say
it's got something to do
with that pussyhole, Shotti.
Fucking dickhead!
About touch my bro.
Right, I want all you mans
to hit the woads
and find this Wiko yute.
I wanna know where he resides,
where he sleeps,
where he buys his weed.
What color socks he wears,
what size they are.
I wanna know everything!
Every thing!
This is big fucking wars
on the woadside, fam!
I'm sure his brother
will understand though
it was an accident, right?
Bruv, fuck all of that, man.
The roads think
we killed Leo, bro.
Man's got to run
with that narrative, bruv.
Man's been waiting
for this moment my whole life.
It's like we've finally
been verified as bad boys, cuz.
You can't fuck this up, man.
I'm begging you, bruv.
You gotta be more gassed.
You're a killer now.
He-Man ting.
By the power of Grayskull,
you are "Murder Man Reeks."
"Murder Man Reeks?"
I fucking like it, fam.
It gets my bipolar popping,
cuz, I can't even lie.
What about Rambo Riko?
My guy was saying it earlier.
'Cause I do think of myself
a bit, you know,
a bit Ramboish, cuz.
(CHUCKLES) I like that!
I like that.
RIKO: Rambo Riko!
KANE: Rambo Riko, whoa!
Rambo Riko up in here!
GOON: You man Riko
and Kane, yeah?
Yeah, that's right, bro.
BOTH: Riko and Kane.
That's Riko.
That's Kane.
BOTH: Riko and Kane.
Get in the car, fam.
Shotti wants to see you.
BOTH: Shotti?
Man don't talk, man rob
Run up in the trap like boss
Weh di money
Deh food affi nyam
Yuh, tek weh
Yuh arm pon deh 'chete
Before it get chop
Bumbaclat ya a eediat
Ya a eediat
Don't bother try run, yuh
Man don't talk, man rob
Run up in the trap like boss
Weh di money deh food...
So, you man are Riko
and Kane, yeah?
Yeah, bro. Riko and Kane.
Riko and Kane.
KANE: That's Riko.
That's Kane.
BOTH: Riko and Kane.
(LAUGHS) Riko...
So, Dwayne tells me
you're the guy that killed Leo.
Um... Yeah, that's right, bro.
So, how you kill him?
Do you know
what it was, my guy?
Man's robbing a bank, innit,
and you got my man
whatever his name is.
He's all up on the wall trying
to flex all sexy and that
like he's on some catalogue ting
and I'm trying
to tell my guy, innit
"Get down
on your fucking knees!"
But he's not listening
and because of a certain someone
man's only got one gun
but it's cool,
so I back out the ting, yeah,
and he starts saying
that he's gonna punch me
through the fucking wall
and shove a strap up
my bumbum-hole!
And I said, "Nah, cuz,
are you mad?"
"No one's shoving no strap
up my batty crease!"
And then, yeah.
And then what?
Then man dropped him.
No long ting. You get me?
If man comes in our way,
we take 'em out.
Riko and Kane. Bang, bang.
All day, midday.
Man said, "All day, midday".
I love that.
Come on, fam, we does this.
I'm not gonna lie, we do, fam.
Wh... Where you man from? Cah...
Man ain't really heard
of you man before.
Skengville estate, cuz.
Originally from Goonbred though.
Same way roadman
since birth. Ya get me?
Click-clack! HM pizzle.
Bang, bang everywhere gang.
We do this, cuz.
These man are mad,
you know. (CHUCKLES)
But I like mad. You get me?
See? I told you I
could find these man.
Shut up, Dwayne.
Go and bag the food
with the youngers.
It's just like banter,
we have a little...
So, what you saying, mandem?
Let man put you on, innit?
Come run with me. M Gang ting.
Money and murder, cuz.
(CHEERS) Gs! Murkers are us!
Yeah, murkers are us, G.
I swear I see you man on
that Linkup video ting though.
What? You got
the wrong people, fam.
You get me? We don't do
no Linkup videos.
We keep things mystic out here.
That's right, Mystic FM, G.
(CHUCKLES) About Linkup videos.
Nah, he definitely looked
like you man.
No, they weren't us, all right?
Hey, Shotti, wagwan
for your boy, cuz?
We need some
goddamn respect out here.
We are some trained killers.
I am an African giant
and I will burn
a boy out here, cuz.
I furthermore shoot him, cuz.
Hasn't reached that level.
Rambo Riko, shoot him!
What, now?
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I'm saying, cuz.
Rambo Riko up in here.
I'll shoot him again you know,
fam. Shall I shoot him again?
Chill, chill, chill!
'Cause you know I would, innit?
(GROANS, SCREAMS) You shoot me!
My God will not forgive you,
you demonic bastard! You...
No, no, no... (CHUCKLES)
Fuck that, you man
are gonna fuck up my sofa.
Sorry, Shotti, man. Man's got
mental health issues, innit.
Mental health awareness
and all that,
so I thought I'd let you know.
You get me?
So, what you saying?
You man wanna jump
on the wave, yeah?
Man will put bread
in your pockets, fam.
I just need them young Gs
that are on it.
I need them madman shooters,
you get me?
Course, fam.
Yeah, man's fully on that, G.
That's what I'm talking about.
(LAUGHS) Oi, hear what.
You man smoke weed, yeah?
Oh, yeah, bro,
man definitely does, cuz.
Oi, Dwayne. Get my man
a loud pack, yeah? (CHUCKLES)
Hold this, yeah.
This is my chain.
Ain't nobody fucking with you
when you got this
round your neck. You hear me?
DWAYNE: Oh, he looks sick,
fam. Here.
Proper Cali, cuz.
Gelato ting, peng.
I need you man do
a quick little run for me, yeah?
Lose this bag,
or what's meant
to come back to me...
and you ain't gonna have no neck
to put no chain on, fam.
You get me?
(LAUGHS) Dwayne,
anything they need, yeah?
And take the Porsche.
And someone come clean
this place up
before my mum walks in!
Come, we hit the roads, mandem.
It's Riko and Kane, fam
We're in the game, fam
You know our names, fam!
We bring the pain, fam!
You know our names, fam
I'm telling you, Billy,
those two
are the contract killers.
BILL: Are you sure
about that, Ian?
I mean, they don't look like
your usual contract killer type.
They're fucking
black boys, ain't they?
They behave... all,
you know... black!
BILL: That one's
not even black though!
IAN: He is. All right,
his skin isn't.
But I'm tellin' ya.
He's got that look, ain't he?
BILL: What look?
IAN: I dunno!
All that urban malarky.
That "wagwan famalam,
innit" look.
All that cocoa butter goes
to their heads, don't it?
BILL: I don't get it, mate.
What the fuck goes on
in that head of yours?
Why have you always
gotta talk like this?
I... I... I...
I don't want to talk about it,
all right?
So, what now then?
We wait, follow them
and gather as much information
as we can
and then we pounce
like a fucking puma.
Money, house, paper, gas
Look down 'pon mi shoe
A alligator
Get up and move
Ah weh mi live
Skyscraper, if yuh no like mi
Yuh must be a hater Mad
Anyting dem
Wah mi do dem haffi pay for
Fi count my money
Gon' need calculator
Get up and move
Any weh mi step undertaker
911 dem haffi calla operator
Get up an move, dash weh dat
Money tie up inna bank
But a nuff cash wi stack
Get up and move
Money haffi flip
Acrobat Cyaan step
'Pon mi 'cah mi a nuh doormat
Mad Man a dead over mi body
And mi pretty features
Tell mi seh him 'av a girl
Mi tell him, "Delete dat"
Anyweh yuh deh mi
Deh mi eva ready wid di gang
Dutchavelli with the semi
Dus ik weet niet wat je denkt
Wat je denkt...
The very first time
That I saw your brown eyes
Your lips said hello
And I said hi
I knew right then
You were the one
MIKE: Hello.
(SCOFFS) What?
MIKE: Calm down,
let me have a word--
MIKE: Chill, chill, chill.
What you doing, bruv?
Hey, what you doing, fam?
Who the fuck are you, fam?
Don't worry about who I am.
Leave the pretty girl alone,
TAMARA: Look, it's fine.
No, it's not fine.
Man's moving like
he's Harvey Weinstein out here.
Harvey Weinstein, what?
You know who the fuck
you're talking to?
Do you know who the fuck I am?
It's man like Melvin.
Man ought to punch you
in your face.
I put your lights out quicker
Than switch
Cause I'm sick
Of your face in shit
Uh... Allow it, man! (EXHALES)
Lacking progress
No direction, no connection
You should know better
You should know pressure
Hi, my name's Riko.
I hope you don't mind me saying
but you are beautiful.
Yeah, lights out
Hold on.
Lights out, lights out
All I see is lies
I don't wanna hear you
MIKE'S GOON 3: Wait, wait--
We don't hear no more
Stay over there
We don't want you over here
Stay over there
We don't want you...
We don't want you over here
Stay over there
KANE: Riko! Riko!
Lights out, lights out
Lights out
Lights out
That's right!
Riko and Kane up in this bitch!
Man like a black GI Joe!
I didn't even get your name,
you know.
It's Tamara.
KANE: Are you taking the mickey,
Are you really tryna draw
a ting right now?
This ain't a ting, fam.
This is Tamara.
You man, come.
We gotta kick. Come, man.
We need to kick, fam.
Take care, Tamara, yeah?
I hope you have
a lovely evening.
TYREESE: Broski.
Look at you.
Face all dry and that.
We was just about to take over,
Do the mazzer on Shotti.
Conquer the world.
From London to New York,
you said.
Now look at you.
Some fucking couch potato.
Wake up, man! I need you, man.
I can't do this without you,
It was me and you. It was us,
Bromo gang, remember?
Big bro, lickle bro!
Big bro, lickle bro!
Hey, fam, I don't think--
Don't fucking touch me, man!
Fucking mongoose!
Man has done
a little wibbly-wobbly
one there still.
Man was on a Lion King vibe,
Mufasa ting, you know them ones.
But fuck all of that.
This ain't no fucking
Disney Plus ting, fam.
Man needs to get
on my Scarface ting.
Hunt done that cockroach, Wiko.
Who does he think he is, bro?
Touch my bro, ya na? My bro!
No one touches my bro but me!
Will you keep it down, please?
There's some
seriously ill people
in here, trying to rest.
Shut your mouth, you butters
horse-face donkey sket.
I'll dash you out
the fucking window, you clown.
Hey, fuck her, man.
I would, fam.
Can't we just circle the block
and find this Riko, innit?
So, where the fuck
is this Wiko, huh?
Has anyone got
any credentials on him?
Try touch my family, ya na!
Nah, this guy must be
some kinda madman.
Uh, Blud, I think I'm in love.
Riko and Tamara it's all got
that Romeo and Juliet vibe.
I lie, fam?
Tamara, fam?
Blud, that's Leo's stepsister.
Don't lie. She was peng though.
I lie, fam.
Didn't you hear him, bruv?
That's Leo's sister, bruv.
Don't be ringing her, you know.
Yeah, he actually said
stepsister, fam.
But yeah, I hear ya.
Did you smell her hair
though, cuz?
I smelt it when I was standing
close to her.
It all smelt
like wild strawberries.
Man said wild strawberries.
You're fucking sick.
Man's trying to draw down
a dead man's sister
while smacking up bare man.
Rambo Riko! (CHUCKLES)
I can't lie though.
I've never seen nothing like it.
Maybe WrestleMania
but never in real life.
Bad man ting, G.
Come on, fam,
that's how we roll, G.
Badder man for any badder man.
I dunno what happened.
I just saw red
and went all bipolar.
You got bipolar, fam?
Yeah, bro.
(SNICKERS) That's sick.
I want some
of that bipolar shit too, fam.
No, cuz, you don't.
Trust me. It's dead.
It's fucking long.
Certain times
I feel like a madman.
Certain times
you are a madman, fam.
Nothing wrong with being
a little bit mad though, cuz.
No, you don't understand.
Man have to take meds
every day and shit.
It's fucking dead,
and sometimes...
I dunno, I...
I just feel kind of lost,
if I'm being honest.
I feel your pain, bro.
Man's autistic, innit?
Is it?
Yeah, man, so...
man say if you ever need
to talk, innit.
Men should be able to talk
about they problems more.
What the fuck, fam?
Man's got Jesus and Gandhi
in the fucking whip.
Bruv, fuck all this NHS
special needs talk, bruv.
Come and get the bag
give it to Shotti and park off,
blud. I'm fuckin' hungry.
Where's the bag, fam?
What bag, fam?
The bag, cuz.
What do you mean,
"The bag, cuz"?
No, no, I swear I gave
it to you--
No, you had the bag, fam.
I had the bag and I said,
"Kane, hold this."
Bruv, I don't remember
you saying that, fam.
I definitely did though, cuz.
I 'member giving it to you
like this, I was like this, cuz.
How the fuck did you lose
the bag, man?
Look for it, blud.
No, it's not here, cuz.
We're gonna have to go back.
We're gonna have to go back,
Blud, man can't lose the bag.
We definitely have to go back.
It's Robocop time, baby!
You might see me
In the black Mustang, yeah
No gang
Go faster, man, faster!
Or see me in the Maybach
Laid back, With a thick ting
Put your foot down, Billy!
Can't fuckin' see 'em.
You might see me with Sabi
In a Masi' and she got
A big batty
Too flashy, too flashy
Ride more back seat
Than a black cabby
Might see me in a black Audi
Just 'llow me, yeah
With my gang, full rowdy
Beg you gimme space
Where are you two
pussyclartings? Huh?
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom
In a way vroom
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom
Bruv, where's Dwayne?
Ain't nobody got time for that!
Kane! (COUGHS)
(SNIFFS) Shit,
I can smell petrol,
bro, come on!
Bruv, I can't get out!
Don't worry, I've got you, bro.
Foot's stuck, help. (COUGHS)
Help me.
Riko... (GRUNTS)
Come on.
Oh, for fuck's sake. Split up!
Come here, you little shit!
Yo You don't want trouble
COVID flow
Man ah buss man's bubble
These two hands
Teach man about struggle
This beard don't respect man
With stubble
Told you before
Somebody's in trouble
Arms out
Man's not come here to cuddle
Rolling pass if I see
A team huddle
Drive through man
Like it's Blackwall tunnel
American cats are like
"Rah, he's dope," yeah
Podcast man are like "Nah
He's goat"
One man said I swing
Like Ali Ali?
Nobody's had me on the ropes
I'm cold
Don't care about TV shows
New guy, black Tommy
Before you saw a ghost
I ain't Wiley
But if I wild at a show
Or do something risky
And disappear from the soc'
It's not a trend
When I at these man
God, you better come
And drag these man
Oh, shit!
Hey! Come here!
I don't need no one
To back me, fam, Rush who?
Better come and clap me, fam
Corona spread
When I catch each man
It's jabs in the throat
When I vaccine man
Forward slash P
Money on Twitch
Don't be fooled 'cause I game
And shit
Mention my son
Are you taking the piss?
Fuck me!
After the last
Time man got nicked
Fuck off!
Come on, you two, get after him!
Back up, came through big
Like a 20 team
Man's got smoke
For an offside trapper
What the fuck, man?
I'm a confident lacker
I'm a Puma boy
Nike owe me two tops
Don't make me put on
Invincible swagger
I had a ting putting
In work
Left wing politics means
I've gotta Saka
No one ain't giving me passa
Peak for a man when I ask
"What's the matter?"
Toe-punt man's head back
To his gaffer
If we start the party
You're going home mashup
Nice little doggie!
Nice little doggie!
You all right up there, mate?
Yeah. Just walkin' my dog,
Who the fuck
do you think you are?
Usain Bolt?
Yeah, bro, you dickhead.
All right, shit-face?
You ain't so clever now, are ya?
How long am I gonna be in here,
How long am I gonna be in here?
Fuck's sake! (GROANS)
I feel really hot in here!
Should've took my meds today,
I swear I'm buggin' out.
Fuck's sake.
How long am I gonna be in here?
Come on!
I knew I should've took...
I knew I shoulda took
my meds today!
Freezin' in here!
I feel really hot in here!
I shoulda took my meds today,
Fuck's sake!
I'm buggin' out, man.
Kane! (GROANS)
Kane, man! Kane, you sleepin'?
I don't fuckin' feel right.
Yo, boss!
Can man get a cigarette,
or a zoot or suttin'?
I won't tell you again.
Shut the fuck up!
So, how do you know Shotti,
What the fuck is that?
Some kind of potty you shit in?
Yeah, I know him still.
I must have fitted a kitchen
for him once a few years back.
Yeah, nice guy.
Why didn't you stop the car?
Car? What car?
I weren't drivin' no car.
I was just walkin' my dog,
To be honest,
I can't even drive.
Well, I did once, cause Kane got
waved on some X high, X vodka
I had to drive him home
but it was
just the one time still,
I promise.
Is this Shotti's chain?
No, that's my one, innit?
Like he's got one
and I've got one.
So, like one each, innit?
What does "MGANG" stand for?
The "M" stands for motivation,
meditation and music.
I must say, I've been getting
into a lot of yoga
recently still. (INHALES)
(EXHALES) Woosa.
Wagwan with
all these questions, man?
Movin' like it's Mastermind
or something?
Has Riko had his phone call yet?
'Cause you know
when Riko has his phone call
we're out of here, you get me?
Man's got dat top boy
Jewish solicitor. Whoo!
And when he's finished
with you and you,
I'm expecting
a full-blown apology letter.
Ya get me? And that's some
Mary had a curry goat, brother.
Hello, Tamara.
Yeah, who's this?
RIKO: It's me, Riko.
I thought I'd just call
and say hello.
It was really nice meeting you.
I wish I coulda stayed
and spoke to you.
TAMARA: That was crazy
what happened.
I've never seen
anything like it.
Yeah, that was
a bit of a mad one.
It's just my stepdad used
to try and hit my mum, innit,
so I'm totally against
that shit.
When I saw that guy
troubling you like that
I dunno, it just...
It just brought out
bad memories.
That guy
was one of my brother's friends
and I actually fucking hate him,
so thank you.
Oh, yeah, your brother...
That's why I wanted to call,
It was... It was me,
I was at the bank
and I killed your brother Leo,
I did... I didn't mean to...
it just happened all so quick.
You didn't kill him.
RIKO: No, I did.
I dunno how. I think
I've just got this power,
I felt it from young.
My brother had a heart attack.
Mm. He's had the condition
ever since he was a kid.
But he's awake now.
Wait, what?
Leo had a heart attack?
So, it wasn't my fault?
No, it wasn't your fault, Riko.
Is that Riko?
Yeah. Oh. Hold on.
He wants to talk to you.
I want to thank you, my brother.
You saved my life, bro.
I've seen the light.
Thank you, my brother. (COUGHS)
TAMARA: Look, Riko, I gotta go.
I gotta call
my other stepbrother
and let him know
and also, to tell him
that it wasn't your fault.
Oh, yeah. Yeah,
if you could tell him
that'd be decent still.
TAMARA: I will, Riko.
Well, look, I better go.
Be safe
and I'll talk to you later.
All right. Bye, beautiful.
That was Leo's sister.
She said Leo had a heart attack.
That means I didn't kill him!
Is that right, sunshine?
Well, you just wait right there
and I'm gonna go check that out.
Gimme that fuckin' phone.
Come here!
Allow it, I ain't done nuffin!
It was just a zoot, bro.
"Just a zoot," he says.
If my calculations are correct
the last time I checked
cannabis was still
an illegal substance.
Please, bro, come on, man.
I'm sorry, innit?
Justice must be served!
Now get in the car.
I am not going to ask you again.
I told you, get in the car!
Oi, is that Wiko, fam?
Fam, I don't think that's him.
You just ran over a fed.
So, what though? Is he Wiko?
Uh, I... I don't think so.
How do you know, fam?
Do you know
what Wiko looks like?
Uh... Nah.
So, what the fuck are you doing
coming out the car telling me
that this ain't Wiko, hm?
How do you know
that information?
How do you know
if this is Wiko or not?
He could all be a fed. Oi!
What the fuck
are you lookin' at? Huh?
Are you Wiko?
Hey, Wiko!
He's gone mad, fam.
He's lost it.
you fuckin' lickle pussy boy!
Where are you? Huh?
Where are you, little shitbag?
You can wun but you can't hide!
Oh, my days!
It's the Murkle Man!
Who is it?
It's the Murkleman
Never gonna flex
Like Urkel man
Come to your ends
And circle man
Murkle Man!
It's the murkle guy
Never gonna flex
Like Urkel guy
Come to your ends
And circle guy
All for the green and purple
It's the Murkle Man!
Cuz, your timing is impeccable,
Proper superhero tings.
It's the Murkle Man. Seckle!
I need your help, fam.
Please tell me you know
who this Wiko is.
I need to know who he is
and where he was at.
Please, tell me you know
this information, fam?
You might have to circle still.
I see Riko, fam,
he was all chillin' in Faces.
What? Faces?
Yeah, fam.
And he was all chillin'
with your sister.
I'm not gonna lie, fam,
she was looking kinda neckle!
Can you shut the fuck up?
I'm tryna watch Gogglebox!
Suck your mum!
It's the Murkle Man
Never gonna flex
Like Urkel man
Come to your ends
And circle man
All for the green and purple
What the fuck? My sister, blud?
Wiko is tryna chirps
and press my sister, blud?
This dickhead must think
that he's me, fam!
You fucking lickle pussyhole!
I'm coming for you!
Fam, your sister just rang man
and said that Leo's cool, bro.
He woke up, fam.
He's alive and that.
Bruv, your brother's cool.
He's all saying he wants
to talk to you.
Cuz, I know I've got
a huge brain and all that
but all this information
is too much
for my head top, fam.
Come like some Christmas special
of Emmerdale Farm, fam!
Too much is going on
to rasclart!
Little bro.
I thought I'd lost you, big bro.
Never, family. Never.
LEO: T...
I gotta chat to you, innit?
All the badness
and wickedness we do...
all the lengin' and drillin'
we've done... (CHUCKLES)
it's gotta stop, my bro.
It's all wrong.
We gotta stop
with all this madness.
Man has seen the light, G.
He came to me, into my heart!
What the fuck
are you talkin' about, bro?
Trust me, bro...
I've seen the light.
I've been awoken.
What light?
What the fuck
are you talkin' about, bro?
It was probably this light, fam.
What the fuck is this? (INHALES)
What the fuck
have you been inhaling, bro?
Oi, Tamara,
what the fuck is wrong with him?
Nothing, he's fine.
Even the doctor said he's fine.
Oi, and what the fuck are you
doing sleeping with the enemeny!
What? What are you
talking about?
(GRUNTS) Tryna fuck
that Wiko yute, yeah?
I'm hearing you was all lipsin'
him up and conversating wiv him.
Oi, big up Riko, cuz.
A proper shepherd.
I weren't lipsin' him.
I just met him.
And he's cool,
we were just chattin'.
Fucking hoebag!
Imbeciles everywhere.
What you sayin' then, bro?
Do you want man to keep looking
for Riko, yeah?
Duh! Of course, fam.
What, are you dyslexic
or something?
He tried touch my brother
and now look at him.
He's all gay and that!
Nah, fam.
I'm gonna touch him up
super violate ting.
He ain't even
gonna see man comin'.
You're free to go, mate.
What? I'm allowed to go, yeah?
Yes, mate.
Just sign this
and you're a free man.
You got a pen at all?
That's a nice pen, man.
Yeah, you can keep it.
You know, look.
You like flashy things,
don't ya?
Eh? Look at that. Look at that.
Look at that. (GIGGLES)
Souvenir, go on.
Sick. Safe, fam.
IAN: Yeah, come on, Bill,
let's go.
Man try and lock me up
like some cage animal.
This ain't Twelve Years
a Slave, cuzzy.
This is Sumotherhood.
Oh, fam...
Pinky's been blowin' up
man's phone.
He's onto man differently.
Silly Billy wanna test moi.
Fuck that! Man's certi.
One call to the connect and bam!
Man buss case.
Oh, no.
Man didn't even call
Uncle Bernstein, you know.
I called Tamara still.
She said
I didn't kill her brother, fam.
He's alive
and it was an accident.
That means I can fall in love
with Tamara after all.
I lie, fam.
You used your phone call
to call Tamara, blud?
Are you fucking crazy, cuz?
Are you not listening, fam?
I told her what happened
and she's cool with it, bro.
You a proper idiot, cuz.
Come we go link Shotti, man.
Let's explain all this.
Where the fuck you man been?
Oh, cuz, man got into
a lickle madness, innit?
Us man went to the club,
Dwayne spoke to security,
us man went inside.
Then man see bare tings there,
Then I see my man, innit,
bussed him the P.
He gave man the food,
was like "Rah,
that's a lot of food."
Took that, then us man
was dussing out
then I see the pengest ting,
bro, like she was proper peng.
Fuck are you talking about,
Are you fucking high or suttin'?
Oh, nah, nah. Man only had
two draw today still.
I'm just saying
the ting was peng, bro.
Then man got
into a little passa.
Us man were kicking out
and then boydem
were onto us, innit?
Where the fuck is my food?
Uh, Shotti, cuz--
Shut your mouth, Dwayne.
I'mma deal with you separate.
Ask you again, fam.
Where the fuck is my food?
The food, see...
See, I gave it to Kane, yeah,
but now he's saying--
What? Don't even try it, fam!
So, you tryna take man
for some dickhead, innit?
Oi, take off my chain.
I don't want to get his blood
on it when I shoot him.
Take that off, man.
Come on, bro, man.
So what? You wanna rob me
of my food, yeah?
Nah, nah,
it weren't even like that, fam.
Say nuttin'.
You man are somethin' else.
Man was just about to shoot
all three of you on the spot
and man's hearing
that you smacked up Melvin
and his boys in Faces, yeah?
(LAUGHS) You a bunch
of lucky yutes.
Oi, fuck the package.
Man smacked up Melvin!
I've had beef with
that dickhead for years.
So, wha... wha...
what did you do to him?
Uh, cuz, man just went
all bipolar with it, innit?
First, I sparked him
in the face, then I bottled him,
then I picked up a chair,
then man did a elbow drop.
Man said "elbow drop"!
Ay, bruv, that's what we do,
You get me? Anytime, anywhere.
Unlimited usage. You get me?
A'ight, but, uh, Shotti...
Uh... When do we get paid,
man owes 15 bags to
a certain someone, you get me?
Don't be talking to me
about no P, fam.
About you owe
a certain man 15 bags.
Blud, you owe me
20 fuckin' bags, blud.
That's how much you lost.
But don't worry.
Man's gonna put that loss aside
for the time being.
Man can pattern that.
Don't watch that.
Man will make you run that back
in favors.
I all got a favor now still.
Man's gotta go Docklands,
and rob some Polish donnies.
But this time,
I'm gonna come with you
and see your murder game
for myself.
You get me? (LAUGHS)
Nah, man's kinda tired,
you know.
It's just man
ain't really slept yet, innit.
Man ain't askin'
for a favor, cuz.
Man's tellin' you,
that's the favor.
You understand?
Bro, say no more.
'Cause man don't even like
Polish people, you get me?
Remember my man Falaski
and that, yeah?
Bruv, he all fucked up
my mum's flooring, man.
I remember that, bruv.
Fuck all that!
You lot go downstairs
and wait, innit?
Get tooled up.
Man's gonna ride out
in a sec still.
Oi, you man, I left my phone.
I'll meet man downstairs, yeah?
Tamara, you all right, darlin'?
I didn't know
if you was gonna call.
I was actually calling
to see what you were doing now.
I was thinking...
maybe if you ain't busy,
we could link up or something?
What, now? Um...
Well, I'm just
about to go Docklands.
TAMARA: Docklands?
I just gotta sort suttin' out.
Okay, cool.
When you get there,
send me your location
and I'll come and see you.
Yeah, no, definitely.
I'll send you location
as soon as I get there.
007 ting.
Okay, cool. See you later.
Yeah. Yeah, see you in a bit.
Well done, you lickle sketbag.
You're a dead man...
What you doing in here?
You're meant to wait outside
and be lookout.
Fuckin' dickhead.
Oh, I see...
Hey, what you man sayin'?
You ready, yeah?
KANE: Come on, man.
Man was born ready, G.
What, they here now, yeah?
'Cause I'll gun a man down now,
you know.
No long ting.
Dun know. Click-clack.
Yo, fam. Polish mandem are here,
you know.
You man get the ting ready,
You man work for Krzysztof,
Yes, my friend.
So, what you saying, broskis?
You got some money for me, yeah?
You got the drugs?
Of course, man.
Always got drugs.
BOTH: It's Riko and Kane.
That's Riko.
That's Kane.
BOTH: Riko and Kane.
We bring the pain.
Yo, Reeks, get the bag, fam.
Give man the bag, cuz.
Oh, I told you that pen
was a little beauty!
Built-in mic, GPRS
and it's got a torch!
I feel like James fucking Bond
out here! (LAUGHS)
Ian, I think you're taking
all this a bit too far.
It's getting pretty serious
in there.
We should call it in
and wait for backup.
Nah, fuck that, Billy! Let's go!
Who the fuck are you two?
We are da Polish people.
No, we are the Polish people.
No, we are da Polish people!
Yes, we are the Polish people.
So, who the fuck sent you?
Poldolski sent us,
What the fuck is going
on here, fam?
What you sayin', famalam?
Everyone drop your weapons.
The fuck are you doing here?
Shut up!
Man ain't even talking to you.
Bet you weren't expecting me,
were ya?
See? Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
You men underestimate
the power of planning.
Proper preparation
prevents poor performance.
Man's a fucking professional
out here.
Oi! Don't be tryna move, fam.
You best keep that dry crusty
peanut head of yours still
before man start putting holes
in man. Ya get me?
And that goes
for any of you Mongolians
tryna play Commando.
I'm the Bruce Willis out here.
This is my movie!
Now, who the fuck is Wiko?
Are you Wiko, fam?
I said, are you Wiko, fam?
You know what?
You just missed him, innit.
He just popped to the shops.
You want anything?
You tryna take man for
some fucking Lenny Henry, blud?
Open your mouth! Say "ah."
Now, I'm gonna ask you again.
Are you Wiko, fam?
I'm Riko, fam.
Don't piss me off, fam.
Careful, bro,
you don't want it with Riko.
Shut up!
Fuck sake, man.
I had you covered, bruv.
The shop story was working.
All you had to do was--
Shut up, you neek.
So, you're Wiko, yeah?
This weird-looking hairy yute?
So, you're the dickhead
that touched my brother, yeah?
Bro, I know--
I swear, blud
say something, anything,
anything and I will blow
your head bareback, fam.
What you saying now, huh?
Where's all
that energy now, fam?
Where's that energy now?
That's what I was trying
to tell you--
Oh, my days, you fucking cowpat!
What did I say?
I said say anything!
You know what? Credit's done.
It's game over!
Any last words, blud?
Listen, bro--
Enough of
your bad breath lyrics, fam.
Stop! Don't shoot him, Theodore!
SHOTTI: Theodore?
Who the fuck is Theodore?
What the fuck is going on here?
The fuck are you doing here?
I told you to wait in the car!
Riko didn't even do anything,
it was just a stupid argument.
You better shut
your fuckin mouth,
you fucking whore,
or I swear to Allahu Akbar!
Bro, that's what
I've been tryna tell you, man.
I didn't mean
to hurt your brother, cuz.
It was just an accident.
I didn't even
touch him. (EXHALES)
I promise you, I'm not a killer.
SHOTTI: What the fuck?
So, you're telling me
you didn't kill Leo?
No, I thought I killed him
but then--
Ah-ha! So, you did try kill
my brother?
Nah, I thought I did
but I didn't mean to
and then Tamara was like
"Leo's cool and I was chatting
to him" and he's like "Yeah,
we're blessed, bro."
What? So, Leo ain't dead?
No, he's alive.
I wasn't sure
how to tell you still.
What, and you was talking
to him?
Hold up. What the fuck is this?
Who the fuck are you man?
I'm Kane, that's Riko--
Shut the fuck up!
Shut the fuck up!
MIKE: Hold up!
Back up, back up, back up.
I got beef
with these pussyholes too.
Wagwan, bro.
What the fuck happened
to you, fam?
Oh, minor, bro.
Couple cracked ribs,
broke both my arms
above the elbow,
broke a collarbone,
broke both my legs.
It's minor though,
I can still bang out,
you get me?
This pussyhole
caught me off-guard.
Right, that's gas, man.
We had you out good
and proper. Light work.
What? Hey, fuck this skinny
tall Tinie Tempah wannabe.
Shoot him in the pum-pum.
Hey, no more interruptions
for you, man.
It's personal time.
The fuck is that noise, rah?
Yeah, what is that?
Swear that's coming
from you, fam.
Nah, nah, it's nothing.
It's just something I got
from the police station, innit?
Man's a fucking fed, fam!
He's all recording, man!
What the fuck?
You man are feds now, yeah?
What? I got beat up by a fed?
What? No,
course man ain't a fed.
I'm not a fed, darling.
Don't chat to my sister, blud!
What? After everything
we've been through, fam,
you went to cooperate
with the feds?
Are you trying to set me up too?
Nah, it's not even
like that, bro.
I can't believe it, fam.
Man all sleep together, fam.
Okay, I haven't got time
for all this. Deal's off.
Whoa! How you gonna be
pointing a gun at me, man?
It's me! Allow that, bro!
Yo, hold up, blud.
Nah, I feel violated, blud.
How could you do
this to man, fam?
Man could have
snitched together, cuz.
RIKO: I'm not a snitch
and I'm not working
with the feds
and stop pointing
that fucking gun at me, man.
Real talk,
it's making me bug out, G.
Don't tell me what to do, bro.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I don't like how everyone's
just picking up guns
like it's some Woolworths
free for all pick-n-mix.
How'd you like it then,
fam, huh?
It's like that, yeah?
It's not like that, bro.
The pen weren't even mine.
He gave it to me!
My man over there!
Tell 'em to get back.
Back 'em off, Brillo pad!
Back 'em off. Go on, now!
That's right.
Mr. Cow Foot and Butterbeans.
What? Fuck that.
Wagwan to dem
Wagwan to dem
We are gon tek it to dem...
An na to dem
An na to dem
We are gon tek it to dem
We are gon tek it to dem
Wagwan to dem
Wagwan to dem
We are gon tek it to dem
Wagwan to dem
Wagwan to dem
Shotta fire to dem
Pow, pow, shotta fire to dem
Lightning and thunder...
We left em dead, sir
I woulda beg fa
Shots fired!
Assistance required!
Help me, I'm gonna die!
Come on! Fucking come on!
Pow, pow, pow! You dickhead!
Take that, Leroy!
Pussyhole! Pussyhole, blud!
Do your research about me!
Ya black bastard!
Yippee ki yay!
Pow! Pow! Pow!
Hey, Tyreese, is that you, fam?
I beg you help me, bro.
Man's in a hurry, innit?
You got my deets,
innit? DM me! (SHRIEKS)
Tyreese, no!
Oh, Tyreese...
Come on, Billy!
Where are ya?
You're missing all the fun!
We are gon tek it to dem
We are gon tek it to dem
On a wa to dem
On a wa to dem
Shotta fire to dem
Shotta fire to dem
(both breathe heavily)
How you gonna dark me
like that, man?
We're supposed to be brothers!
How you set me up like that?
I didn't even do nothing, cuz.
I'd never dark you
like that, fam.
Come on, bro. BFF, fam.
Best friends forever.
What? Allow that, that's moist,
cuz. Ugh, man!
You ready, fam?
I'm ready, fam.
We are gon tek it to dem
Oh, blud, I've been shot.
Can everyone stop getting shot?
I'm gonna die. I can feel it.
Tell Tamara I love her, cuz
and tell her not to go out
with anyone else if I die.
KANE: Shit.
Please don't die, fam.
still owe Pinky 15 bags, cuz!
Come on, get up.
You're gonna be fine
but we gotta go right now.
KANE: Come on, fam.
Go, fam, go!
Where you going, fam?
I told you them Riko and Kane,
them man are wavy, boy.
You don't listen, fam.
Shut up!
Where is the love? We ask
for more love in the world!
Fucking pagans!
Fuck your gang.
Man's got a new gang now.
Riko and Kane.
That's family.
My guy!
Oh, you man.
We gotta kick.
Boydem will be here any second.
No one open fire
unless authorized by me.
Is that clear?
Give me that.
(EXHALES) Is that menthol?
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, you scumbag.
IAN: Whoo-hoo!
Look at you now! (INHALES)
Answer me back!
Ya can't, ya dead.
Look at you now, you're dead!
You're dead! (LAUGHS)
What the fuck
have you done, Ian?
M... Ma'am...
Me and Billy here
have unfolded the case
of a situation of events
where guns, and drugs, and money
was being used by criminals!
Bad guys, black guys,
Polish guys.
Decepticons, ma'am. Baddies.
Has he been smoking
the evidence again, Billy?
No, ma'am. I don't think
he has this time.
I have just spent
the last two weeks
having interviews and meetings
at head office
to clear the Met's name
because you...
think it's okay
to taser innocent black men.
Oh, yeah, ma'am--
Don't you wave
that fucking thing at me!
You clown.
Do you know,
I've had 18 complaints
regarding you
and your "unorthodox"
and xenophobic methods
of police work?
And yesterday...
a complaint about
inappropriate sexual misconduct
with an ambulance worker! Again!
And now this!
She's chatting shit, ma'am.
I didn't even touch her.
All I did was...
What, that's all you did?
Yeah, ma'am, just that!
(LAUGHS) What? Just that?
What's wrong with that?
She must be a snowflake!
But I tell you what,
when I was starting out,
you never knew
who was gonna slap your backside
from one minute to the next.
And it was
character building, right?
Fucking wrong,
you ridiculous prick.
She's an ambulance driver.
She sees horrific things
all day long and you think...
she needs to indulge
your inappropriate schoolboy
little dick behavior.
Your time's up here.
You know, we see your type
every day at work...
hear about you on the news.
Our mothers, sisters,
daughters, friends...
they encounter you
on a daily basis
but that ends now.
What were you thinking?
Are you on crack?
I'm taking your badge.
You're fired.
But... but, ma'am!
Go and get your shit and go!
Nobody likes you, Ian,
you're a wanker.
M... Me bollocks! (GRUNTS)
Here's Pudi! Oh, shit.
"Fifteen bags, bossman."
"Riko and Kane." (SCOFFS)
They paid me in fucking rupees!
Clever little fuckings.
Where the fuck
are you two hidings, huh?
I need all dat
I need big bags only
Ain't no money where y'all at
Yo, everybody walk down on me
Everybody crawl back
Yo, I need all dat, yeah
I need all dat
KANE: You already know
from London to LA, baby!
RIKO: Fam, stop doing that, man.
Sorry, man. I'm only
gonna do this four more times!
Not gonna lie...
feels like I'm in a Disney film
or something.
Like I'm Aladdin
and you're my Princess Jasmine.
It's crazy. It feels like...
I dunno, like this is the part
of the film
where the hero gets the girl.
Like this is that moment.
The moment
when they finally kiss
and nothing can stop it,
d'you know what I mean?
Selfie guy!
Take the picture for me.
Hey, Kane, Kane, Kane.
That's it, that's it.
And gang!
I'mma go get it
I'mma go get it
Tell me why you can't
Get out my business
This ain't no game
Nah this is not no scrimmage
I'mma do everything just
To say I did it
Say I did it, say I did it
I'mma go get it
I'mma go get it
Tell me why you can't get
Out my business
This ain't no game nah
This is not no scrimmage
I'mma do everything just
To say I did it
Say I did it say I did it
Say I done it, say I won it
Know I'm always gon keep it
A hundred
Never fronting
Let's run away
With the way we running
New fit stunning
Everybody says stuff
But it don't mean nothing
We don't listen
To all that
That's the not way
That we coming
Yeah we don't listen
to all that we gon keep vibing
Just get loose and stop
With all of the trying
We gon keep striving
I am never lying
You just gotta do you
You ain't gotta hide it
Hide it nah
Yeah that's not the way
That we coming yeah
Yeah you know I did it
This is no discussion yeah
You know I wake up do
It all again
No instruction yeah
Your time I take up
Then I ball again
When I'm running yeah
And then I jump man
We back again
Got your brain tied up
We take no break we go all in
Like the game's tied up
Cuz you know
That's what I do
Hit the right gap
Like a runnin' back
Because I won't
Ever lose like
I'mma go get it
I'mma go get it
Tell me why
You can't get out my business
This ain't no game nah
This is not no scrimmage
I'mma do everything
Just to say I did it
Say I did it
Say I did it uh
I'mma go get it
I'mma go get it
Tell me why
You can't get out my business
This ain't no game nah
This is not no scrimmage
I'mma do everything just
To say I did it
Say I did it
Came to the game
I was young and fresh
And ever so naive
Got a chance and I took that
And I share boy so on it
From a YP
On a TV screen from 12 chosen
But at the same time why me?
Sittin' in my hostel
Smokin' weed
Eating chicken and chips
And Chinese
Feeling depressed
And I think too much
But that's what happens
I'm a Pisces
Fighting demons daily
I hate it
But I'm wavy
Like the high seas
They say I've been a victim
But all the bullshit
I've been through
That won't define me
I got called out
Reacted badly
I got banned from the IG
But I let it all slide
'Cause at the same time
I can't believe Paramount
Signed me
I'm tryna aim for the stars
Can't sit around, I gotta
Be ready when my flight leaves
What's going on, my G?
I'm gonna save more money
You will find me
I'm in the ends
Couple goons right beside me
I don't give a shit
About whoever don't like me
I'm past that
I feel happy
I'm standing strong
Got my laugh back
I'm from the hood
On the rolled out tarmac
Yeah, I been doing this ting
From far back
And now I got investors
Putting their money
Where their mouth is
Aim to make P
Then half that
Yeah, I was online
Just losing my mind
Yeah, that's what you call
A TV car crash
It's a par, fam
All I wanna do
Is just live my life
But I get so caught up
At times
Impossible ladder
That I must climb
But I'm just smiling
Like I'm fine
And I'm just real
Not tellin' no lies
But I've been moving
Like I'm blind
I feel lost but still I try
Even though
I'm low somehow I fly
All I wanna do
Is start again
I was traumatized
By the age of ten
Though I'm surrounded
By good friends
Life gets hard
When you can't pay rent
So I'm just here
Tryna use my head
Can't take back all the words
I've said
I don't wanna snap
Like a broken leg
So I'm tryna stay calm
And breathe instead
It's the next thing
Yeah man I'm on set
I'm a big boy actor
But at the same time
I'm directing
Writing films for a living
Me and Mikey went
And got the sequel penned in
Still I gotta navigate through
This bullshit
And there's no sign
Of it ending
I was told down and out
Gotta spend the last ten years
But I gotta make my P now
Step it up
But the real life
Still tempting
Yeah I'm trying
To stay focused and be calm
I ain't even online venting
Been away, got my head right
And I can't lie
My mind's gone through
So much mending
No Insta
Still on Twitter though
Fourteen years
And my name's still trending
On a comeback
Yeah, manna been praying
For my downfall
Wish bare hate
But I still rise above that
Thought I was all washed up
But impossible rise
From the dead I just done that
I'm trying to make changes
But I'm still blazing
Council tenant
I'm a scumbag
I'm in the hood just bunning
My zoot with a gooz
Stay away from the gunman
Got to love that
I show love to the man
And get love back
Can't sit around waiting
Fuck that
Just grab my... say that
I'm a BAFTA award winner
Trump that
Ain't begging no fen
No bun that
The fake scarpered quick
Watch 'em run back
My mind's untapped
Man are on a movement ting
Can't sit around waiting
I'm not like them man yet
I see mandem hating
But I ain't even got
To watch face
Let them man stare
Just creating vibes whole time
For the fake ting
I wanna make that clear
I know life is a movie
And I'm still flying high, man
I float in the air
Float in the air
Float in the air...
Watch face
Let them man stare
Let man stare
Let man stare, let man
Like them man there
Gangsta rizz about his vibez!
What you saying now, cuzzy?
KANE: What you saying, boy?
KANE: What you saying, fam?
RIKO: What you saying?
What you saying, fam?
I was just jumping.
I was just jumping.
I was just jumping!
KANE: Click-clack.