Sundown (2016) Movie Script
Coming up next, I want you to give
a warm welcome to DJ phantom.
I'm really proud of you, mate.
Great set mister Oakenfold.
Thank you, man.
Let's rock this house, phantom.
That's my boy.
Come on.
- Loser! Loser!
Not now, come on.
No, no, no, no, no.
Shit.
- Logan.
- Mom, no, you can't.
I was in the middle of a mix.
Is knocking asking for too much?
Oh, I did knock,
and so did your father.
Good luck hearing anything
over that.
When are you going to stop
wasting your time
with all this DJ stuff?
Just so you know, this DJ stuff
could make me a lot of money,
if that's what
you're worried about.
Just like my Tupperware parties.
You can make
$15,000 dollars a night.
Stanford does not offer
a major in Deejaying.
Is there a reason
you're up here,
or are you just up here to crush
all my hopes and dreams?
Honey, your father wants to know
if you were anywhere
near his car.
- No.
- Was Blake?
Logan, stay away
from the Porsche
or your father will kill you.
He's funny about his car.
I'd like you
to keep your room cleaner.
- Yeah.
- And you know,
I'm noticing these nudie photos.
Is Blake putting those up?
Yeah, mom.
It's all Blake.
I used to look like that.
No. No. No. No.
Logan, my website needs
production value.
You need to lose your virginity.
We need this car.
Dude, don't touch it.
Don't touch it.
My dad will kill us.
She's not going to care
if I show up in a Porsche.
Seriously, Blake.
Fucking stop.
Seriously, dude, fucking stop.
Okay, relax.
Relax, okay? Relax.
Take it easy, all right?
Take a deep breath.
Close your eyes. Imagine
you and Lina in this car.
There's wind blowing
through her hair.
Her hand is on your gearshift.
Music is blaring
through the subwoofers.
I have been making her a mix.
Of course you have.
And you know why?
So you can play it for her
in this car tonight.
You show off
your bad-ass DJ skills.
"Wiki-wiki!"
Spin her around,
DJ all over her vagina.
A little Booty action.
No.
Logan, we have been best
friends since pre-school.
Original juice box buddies.
I know how big your penis is
through your basketball shorts.
I could sketch it
like a mug shot.
Have I ever misguided you?
This is fate.
Don't pussy out now.
Man on TV: Do you want to
regain your male power back?
We have the answer for you.
Clinically validated,
universally acclaimed
erectus supplimentus.
Call now,
1-800-erectus.
First hundred callers
get 50 percent off.
Whoo!
Lina. Stephanie.
- Both: Hey.
- What a surprise.
I didn't think
you guys were coming.
Hey, wanna smoke some weed?
How about some California gold?
- Oh, my god.
- That's just for you.
- This is awesome.
- I've got one for you, too.
Whoa, is that Logan?
Eugene, film this.
Film this, film this.
Ooh!
Dude, that's not funny.
That's not funny.
That's not funny.
Don't do that.
Dude, dude!
Mission accomplished.
Mission accomplished.
Look to your right!
Logan, where'd
you get the Porsche?
Yeah, the mission was to get
Lina to notice you
and she's looking right at you.
She wants you.
Go in there and go talk to her.
- Let's go inside.
- Go.
I'm going to do it.
Tonight's the night.
Yeah.
Watch the car, Blake.
I will not take
my eyes off of it.
- You watch the car, Blake.
- Stop talking to me.
Go talk to her.
Eugene, did you get that?
- Yes, I got it all.
- Yes!
Boys: Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink!
- Yeah!
Oh, my god.
High school parties.
I can't wait for spring break.
It's going to be so cool.
Please, to do anything
seriously fun,
we have to get out of the United
States of can't do anything.
You and ash are really going
to go to Puerto Vallarta?
Yes, and so should you.
It's gonna be so much fun.
Better boys.
Better booze. Better music.
I mean, what is this shit?
I can't even dance to it.
Lina: I know.
Let's get out of here.
Hey. What's up?
Puerto Vallarta, huh?
That's cool.
That's Mexico, right?
- Have you ever been?
- No.
Oh, my gosh.
It is so much fun.
You should totally come with us.
It's going to be epic.
- Boys: Drink, drink, drink!
- Really?
Oh, my god. This party
officially sucks.
Can we please just get
to the college party?
Oh, yes. Please!
Oh, Logan,
would you mind driving us?
Yeah. Yeah, no, that's...
Yeah, I can do that.
That's cool.
Oh, my gosh.
Thank you so much.
You're so sweet.
Gentle. Gentle. Oh!
Just throw him over, huh?
Oh, yeah. Shots! Shots!
Hey, just excuse me one second.
Blake! Blake! I told you
to watch the car.
I have not taken
my eyes off of it.
Just get them off.
I'm driving Lina
to another party.
Yes! Okay. Hold this.
Ladies, Eugene,
you guys are done.
- Just a sec.
- Super virgin coming through.
Thank you very much. Eugene, you are done.
Get out of here.
- Girl: Jeez.
- Oh, god.
I'm so sorry.
It was those shrimp tacos.
You know what?
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
We'll get another ride.
No. No, no, no, no.
This is fine.
I can clean this up...
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
- Oh, hey, Josh! Can I get a ride?
- Sure, jump in.
- Are you going to the frat party?
- Of course.
- Bye!
- Thanks anyway, Logan!
I'll get us some paper towels.
I was actually going to give her a ride...
in the Porsche.
- Let's turn it up.
Dude, if my dad wakes up,
he'll kill us.
Jesus, you're pussy.
You like saying
that word too much.
Well, that's because it takes
away the power. Pussy.
Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy,
pussy, pussy, pussy!
I just want to touch
her pussy! Pussy!
- Oh, shit. I've got to back it in.
- Pussy, pussy!
Oh, fuck.
Dude, this is so not my fault.
- What were you thinking?
- I'm sorry.
Damn right, you're sorry,
because you are grounded.
- No spring break.
- Mom, no, no, no.
Blake and I have been planning
this trip for almost a year.
Then you should
have thought about that
before you stole
your father's car.
The cruise tickets
are non-refundable.
I've been saving up
a lot of money.
We can't let that go to waste.
Well, you're right.
We're not a wasteful family.
We recycle.
Which is why...
We're going to let you
house-sit for a week.
- Huh?
- House sit?
Where are you two going?
Listen, your mom wants us
to pay you back
for those cruise tickets,
so here's what's left
after the cleaning costs
on the Porsche.
- Thanks.
- Welcome.
Your mom also thinks that
I should give you a chance
to earn back my trust,
so have a seat.
Logan, your grandfather
was a great man.
He was kind, and he was honest,
and totally trustworthy.
And those qualities
so impressed his father
that he was given
a beautiful Rolex watch.
And when he thought
that I demonstrated
those qualities of trust
and responsibility,
he gave the Rolex to me.
Problem is,
I don't think
you've demonstrated
those qualities at all.
But the Rolex
is at the jewelers.
It's being cleaned.
I'm not giving it to you.
I just want you to pick it up.
Really?
You think you can handle that?
Of course, dad. Yeah.
I can handle it.
I promise.
Now, we'll be back Sunday.
I don't want Blake coming over,
and here is a to-do list.
I want every one of these done.
Janis,
I think that's a bad idea.
Kent, we discussed this
trust exercise.
Logan gets to show us
that he can be
a responsible young man.
- I'm going to miss you.
- Okay.
- This is really happening?
- Why talk to a closed door?
- You're taking my tickets?
- Go inside and start the list.
Take care of that watch.
I can't believe they took
our cruise tickets.
Yeah, well, at least
they paid us back.
But that was our spring break.
We should be the ones frolicking
naked on deck, not your parents.
Need you to sign
right here, Logan.
Yes, sir.
Blake:
Sweet timepiece.
1962 Rolex submariner.
Total chick magnet.
Can you please tell him
that no watch
is going to get a guy
a girl? Come on.
Why do you think I do this?
Honey?
- Could you deposit this?
- Okay.
- Who's that?
- My girlfriend.
Woman: Willie, babe.
It's for you.
Excuse me, guys.
- Put it on.
- No.
Just put it on.
What can it hurt?
Fine.
I'm putting on the watch.
- You happy? Okay.
- Oh, yeah.
Lina would love that.
We should go show it to her.
Yeah, let's go all the way
down to Puerto Vallarta
to show Lina a watch.
Mexico?
Dude, that's brilliant.
That's way better than a cruise.
Puerto Vallarta
is a romantic paradise.
How many years have you been
trying to get with Lina,
and suddenly this just
falls into your lap?
Dude, we have the funds.
Lina practically
gave you the invite.
This is fate, my friend.
Fate? Remember you said that the
other night? Look what happened.
That's because fate had
something else for you in mind.
Fate had this.
Lina would look amazing
in that dusky Mexican light.
Yes! Yes. I'll book us
a package online.
- I still have that whole to-do list.
- It's a to-do list.
We'll get it done
in a couple of hours, tops.
Dude, if we don't do this,
we will regret it
for the rest of our lives.
Whoo. Hola, mamacitas!
Can I meet your parents?
I just want to
congratulate them.
- Girl: Losers.
- Oh, my god.
Logan: That's your way
to break the ice, Romeo?
Blake: Dude, girls love it when
you talk dirty. It's perfect.
Sex is not polite.
It's sloppy, it's dirty.
- Yeah, okay. You're an idiot.
- Lose the negativity.
We are on spring break.
You should take
a little lesson from me.
Logan:
Okay, that was pretty good.
Okay.
I don't know
which one to choose.
I mean, do we just
pick one random?
Hey, guys! Are you Logan and Blake?
Yeah? You are?
Yeah, we are.
Um, who are you?
The hotel sent me to pick you up
come on, come on.
Come on, come on!
You are very special guests, eh?
Special guests?
What did you do?
Got us a really bitching tour.
Come in, come in!
Come in.
Blake:
I hooked us up, baby!
Welcome to Mexico, guys!
Welcome.
Amigos, my name is Chuy.
Where can I take you?
I though you said
the hotel sent you.
No. Not really.
You needed a taxi, no?
- Chuy to the rescue.
- How did you know our names?
Because Chuy knows everything
in Puerto Vallarta.
- Fiesta Americana.
- Let's go.
How did you know our names?
I still don't understand.
This guy's a Mexican Jedi.
This is Vallarta!
Land of the beautiful beaches.
So, what brings you here,
amigos?
I'm here for material
for my website, Blakejob. Com
I want to film
some quality Booty.
What about you, guerito?
He's here for his dream girl.
Her name is Lina.
- She's all right.
- Chuy: Lina. Huh.
Watch out! Oh, shit!
- Oh!
- Look, look!
Hey! Ladies! Smile!
Hey, they're my cousins.
Yeah, your fucking cousin,
my ass.
Chuy:
So, you came to see a girl.
Logan:
Yeah. It's a special girl.
Oh! Here we have
many special girls, amigo.
- Hold on, guys.
- Whoa!
- Oh!
- Blake: Oh, shit.
We have arrived.
Okay, that would be
fifty dollars, guy.
- Fifty dollars?
- Yeah.
No way, man.
Okay, twenty, all right?
Okay, fine.
But Chuy make you deal, huh?
I drive you all week
for only $200.
- $200?
- Yeah.
No, that's too much money.
Not for you, right,
mister Rolex?
This isn't mine.
It's my dad's.
I'm just keeping it safe.
No problem, amigos.
No problem.
Just remember, you want
anything, you ask Chuy.
I get for you 24-7.
Anything at all, okay?
Anything at all.
Call me. Call me.
Blake: Look at this shit.
This is heaven.
Wow.
Blake:
What? They're everywhere.
Come on, can we at least
get our room first?
Later!
Welcome to Puerto Vallarta.
Emcee: Are you ready
for the bikini contest?
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico,
spring break!
Let me hear you make some noise!
Our next contestant, number six.
Oh, my god, look at that...
Oh, wow.
That is amazing.
Give it up for number seven.
Oh, yeah, baby. Shake it,
shake it, shake it.
Check out those curves.
Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
We've got more girls coming.
More girls coming up.
That's right, now we have
contestant number eight.
Oh, I hate my job.
Our final contestant,
all the way from Miami beach,
number nine.
Check her out!
Just smoking.
Guys, check it out.
Look up to the balcony!
- Oh, my god.
- Yes!
Boys: Take it off!
Take it off! Take it off!
Emcee: Oh, my god.
Take it off, lades!
What happens in Mexico,
stays in Mexico!
I'm home. I'm home.
Spring break, let me
hear you make some noise!
Check this out.
- Eh? Eh?
- Mmm. Mmm.
And... she's here.
And the Blakejob knows
where she's going tonight.
Can you say foam party?
Donde esta foam party?
- We don't have a room.
- What? How can that be?
- I got us a package online.
- Did you?
Watch and learn, Logan.
Watch and learn.
Excuse me.
There must have been
some kind of mistake.
This is our email confirmation.
As you can see, totally
bitchin tours doesn't exist.
I believe you've been scammed.
Can you just double-check
that for us?
I've checked twice already.
Miss, we are not going anywhere.
So unless you want
to cause a scene
of thorough unpleasantness...
God, shrimp food poisoning.
Stop it. Stop it.
I'm sorry.
One star yelp review.
I suggest you lower your voice.
Well, I suggest
that you get somebody
to show us to our room now
or I will vomit!
You can't throw us out,
we're Americans!
Americano! Americano!
- Oh, my god!
- Fuck.
- Shit!
- Ah, fuck.
"If we don't do this,
we'll regret this
for the rest of our lives."
"This is fate testing you."
How could I be
so stupid? Fuck.
We'll find another hotel, okay?
How are we going to pay for it?
Maybe we could stay with Lina.
Yeah. "Hi, Lina.
I stalked you
all the way to Mexico.
I don't have a room.
Can Blake and I
stay with you?"
What else do you want
to do, dude?
You want to sleep on the beach?
Fate.
Chuy:
Amigos, you're in luck.
Sixto find a great room for you.
Look, look!
"Washes machines."
Towels. Sauna.
Hey, prima! Hola!
My cousin Lupita.
Hey, don't touch her, okay?
Come on!
Come on, guys.
Hey, welcome to the VIP section.
Come on!
Chuy:
Hey, sorry, guys.
You sleep here,
and you rest here for...
No problem, guys, no problem.
This is my cousin.
Look, look! The bed!
Muy comfortable.
Come on, then.
All for only a hundred.
A hundred pesos?
That's cool.
No, no.
A hundred dollars.
- What? For this?
- Yeah, yeah.
You also get this, look?
Chuy wristband, eh?
All you can drink, entrance to clubs...
oh, my god.
The best deal
in Puerto Vallarta.
Chuy never lies.
Never.
The thing is,
we're really low on cash.
I know, guys.
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, guy.
I like you, so...
I give you everything for $50.
- Done.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Okay, 50, and this.
- And this what?
- Your shirt.
My shirt.
He wants my shirt.
- Give him the shirt.
- He wants my shirt.
It's a shitty shirt anyways.
Give it to him.
Okay. Okay, Chuy.
Great, great, Chuy.
Okay.
Shirt and $50, right?
Yeah, here you go.
Okay, guys!
Enjoy your stay.
Logan: Okay, so how
exactly do I get Lina
to take me back to her room?
Because she's definitely
not coming back to ours.
It starts with jager bombs,
and then it starts
with bold confidence.
Then you just
straight up tell her,
"let's go back
to your place."
- I just tell her?
- Yeah.
Tell her you're rooming with me
and I've already got plans
to take the room.
- That's good.
- That's great.
- Fantastic.
- All right.
- Whoa.
- This is the place.
Okay.
Yeah, let's do this.
Holy shit, it looks packed.
You really think
these are going to work?
We're about to find out.
Come on.
Blake:
Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Boy: Let me in.
- Boy #2: Excuse me!
Excuse me.
- Chuy?
- Yeah!
Okay, amigos.
Girl: You're going
to let them in?
Boy: Come on, man, let me in.
Chuy's my cousin.
Girl: I know Chuy, too.
He's my boyfriend!
- Now do you believe me?
- What?
- Fate!
- I can't believe it worked.
Chuy! Yes! Yes!
Blake:
Oh, my god.
Behold...
The power of the pussy!
Emcee:
Ladies and gentlemen...
We hit turbulence!
- Whoo!
- Make some noise!
- Let's go find Lina.
- Mexico!
That's Steve Aoki.
That's Steve Aoki!
One, two, three!
Aoki jump!
Whoo!
Viva Vallarta!
- Get a room!
- This is awesome! Amazing!
This is madness.
Oh, shit.
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
- Let me buy you a new one.
- Open bar. Nice watch.
Dude! I told you.
Chicks dig the watch.
We hit turbulence!
You're a rock star!
See? Fate!
Listen to the man.
You should get
some action, girl.
So many hot guys here.
Blake:
Oh, there goes the table.
- Holy...
- No!
Oh, shit, I wasn't filming that.
Go ask her to do it again.
Is she okay? Come on.
Emcee: Who's ready
for the cake face? You?
You?
I got it. Thanks.
I got it.
Hi. Come on, I got you.
- My head.
- Are you okay?
Let me go.
I gotta pee.
What? Dude.
- Yes!
- Enough with the camera.
Come on. Look away,
she's a lady. Stop...
Blake: She's not that
much of a lady anymore.
- Please, can you not...
- She'll appreciate...
Logan: Please.
Can you please not?
- Girl: You're drunk!
- Logan?
You followed me?
That's so sweet.
- Hi, "Josue."
- Okay, you gotta go.
I'm going night-night.
Bye, bye-bye.
So much for that
dusky Mexican light.
We've got to help her.
Thank you, Mexico!
I love you!
Hasta la vista!
Emcee:
Give it up for Steve Aoki.
Get ready for
the wet t-shirt contest.
Make some noise, people!
- A toast.
- What? No!
No, Lina! Okay.
Just don't do that.
Come with me.
Let's get you to bed.
- Logan?
- Yeah?
- Let me ask you something.
- Okay.
You know when someone
is the one, right?
Mm-hmm.
And you just...
You can't fight it.
You can't fight it because
you have to be with the one.
Yeah, exactly.
Then why didn't Connor
come find me?
Ah, fuck! Ow!
Ow, fuck. Ow! Fuck!
Thank you, man.
Thank you. Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Who's Connor?
I told him that I'd be here,
so why didn't he come find me?
Okay.
I'm sure he just got lost.
It's a big city.
Well, you found me.
You vomited in my mouth.
What's wrong with you?
Who does that?
What's the matter, dawg?
I thought you were
into that kinky shit.
You vomited into my mouth.
What's wrong with you?
Don't yell at me!
- You're yelling at me.
- Don't vomit in my mouth!
- I hate you. I hate you.
- Oh, god.
- She's fine. I'm...
- Why are you yelling at me?
I'm sorry. Don't cry.
Lina?
Emcee:
I've got one question...
One question only.
Are you ready to party?
This is it.
We have a bunch
of beautiful contestants
right now, ready to go.
Here we go.
Give it up for
contestant number four.
Contestant number four.
Whoa.
Oh, she can dance.
She can dance.
Look at her go.
She's amazing.
Maybe not.
I'm going to need
a cleaning deposit.
She's at the fiesta.
20?
- Oh, come...
- I need more.
Okay. Okay, Chuy.
Drunk pussy not pussy, man.
And our final contestant
from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico,
- number five!
- Yeah!
Get those jugs some water.
Oh, check it out.
Oh! I think we're going to
have a winner here,
ladies and gentlemen.
I can't hear you.
The winner of
the wet t-shirt contest
at spring break is number five!
Let me hear you make some noise!
You want a breath mint?
Yeah. Thanks.
Your girlfriend all right?
She seemed pretty drunk.
She's not my girlfriend.
I love Paul Oakenfold.
"Maybe love is not for me.
Maybe lovers dream things
that I don't dream."
It's a great song.
"Harder they came,
harder they fall."
- Got that right.
- What's that?
You know what?
It doesn't matter.
Everything matters.
- I'm Logan.
- I'm Gaby
still want to get me a drink?
Yeah.
So, where you from?
- From here.
- Really?
Your English is really good.
My boyfriend taught me.
Oh, cool. Cool.
I'm joking.
I don't have a boyfriend.
It's still early, no?
Nice. This is a great track.
It's really good.
You're really into music.
You a DJ or what?
I am...
Inside my own room.
Outside, not so much.
Well, I know the DJ here.
Go try it.
- No. No, thank you.
- Why not?
I want to hear what you can do.
I do have this one mix.
- Where?
- In a USB in my pocket,
- but it's not finished.
- Let me see it.
No, seriously.
It's not finished.
I have more work to do on it.
Why are you so scared?
Give it to me.
Come on.
Okay, DJ phantom, don't move.
You really don't have to...
Dude, this is Mona.
I'm going to make her a star!
Whoo! Yeah!
- Hi, Mona.
- I go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
- She's gonna go to the ladies' room!
- What is that?
- What did I tell you, buddy?
Paradise!
Where's Lina?
She had to go back to the hotel.
We're going to meet up later.
It's all good.
Tell me about Mona, dude.
Who is that?
She won the wet
t-shirt contest.
- I'm proud of you.
- I've been fingering her
on the dance floor all night.
- Wow.
- Yeah!
It's when you finger a butthole.
- You wanna smell?
- No. What?
You are fucking gross, dude.
I know.
It's so awesome.
You're not serious
though, right?
No, I'm dead serious.
Now you've got a little
poo on your lip.
No, the foam kept it clean.
It's fine.
Shut up. Gaby!
This is my friend Blake.
Blake, this is Gaby.
Hi, Gaby.
It's very nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Blake:
What is that?
To celebrate your club debut.
The DJ is going to
play your mix.
- Okay, fuego!
- What?
Whoo! Yeah!
- You both ready?
- Ready.
- Yes?
- Ready. I like her!
One for you, and one for you.
And, cheers, DJ phantom.
- To DJ phantom.
- DJ phantom.
Whoa!
Oh, what is that?
It is a secret...
To get your blood pumping.
Oh, it did.
Emcee:
And now, people,
we have a new mix
from a new DJ...
DJ phantom.
Blake:
That's my friend!
I know him!
That's mi amigo.
- Whoo!
- I love this song.
I love it.
Dance with me.
Ha ha!
Yeah, Logan!
DJ phantom!
Whoo!
Logan: I can't believe
they played my music.
It's... it's so cool.
You're so great.
- You're wonderful.
- Thank you so much.
- Okay.
- No?
- Shh.
- Okay.
I'm coming up.
I'm coming up.
Okay. Okay. Wait.
Tranquilo.
I don't know what that means.
- It means, relax.
- Okay. I'm gonna relax.
- Come on in.
- Nice.
- This is a nice room.
- Relax, okay?
- Okay.
- Tranquilo. It's okay.
It's just this is my first time.
Okay. Shh.
Okay. Relaxed now?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Ahh! Ow, ow, ow.
- What?
My hair, my hair, my hair.
Hold on, my hair.
Hold on. Wait.
Okay. Okay.
Logan? Logan?
Viva la Mexico.
Nice.
Huh?
What?
Where are you going, lover boy?
Jesus.
Oh, my god! It's huge.
I gotta go.
I'll call you.
Right after I get some therapy.
Good morning.
Sorry, I must have
fallen asleep.
I... where are we?
A motel.
You don't remember?
No, I do.
Yeah, the motel last night.
Last night, it was incredible.
So was your mix, DJ phantom.
Really? You liked it?
Mm-hmm.
So, can we go get breakfast?
We?
No, we...
We're not doing anything.
I have to go.
And you owe me $300.
You're messing with me, right?
No. No joke.
Now, I need to get going,
so can we do this please?
So, last night, it was just...
What, you didn't like it?
No, I did.
It was great.
Good. Then you
won't mind paying me.
Yeah.
- Shit. I don't have it.
- If you don't pay me,
I get in very big trouble, okay?
I'm going to pay you,
I swear. Just...
You better not be lying to me.
I'll be back, okay?
Just wait here.
Blake: Was it good
for you, you know?
She tickle your balls
a little bit?
She give you a little tickle?
A little pickle tickle?
Can you just get
the money, dude?
This is it, man.
After this, we are down
to our 200.
I still can't believe
she's charging me.
One way or the other, you
always gotta pay for the pussy.
- So, how was it?
- It was amazing.
She was amazing.
No, I want details.
For $300, did you get
some oral first?
Perhaps some anal?
Did Mona include anal?
As a matter of fact, yes,
but that's between
me and Mona, okay?
I didn't have to pay her.
What happened with Gaby?
- I don't remember.
- Dude, seriously.
I want details or give me
my money back.
Seriously, dude,
I don't remember.
Shut the fuck up.
Hey, mom. How's the cruise?
Janis:
It's interesting.
Never been on a naked cruise
before, young man!
Naked cruise?
Yes, butts, penises,
and boobs everywhere!
Oh, my god.
Mom, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea.
Blake booked the tickets.
Jan, you gotta use
sunscreen, Jan.
You're going to burn your Booty!
Is Blake at the house?
No, he's not at the house,
because we're out.
Hey, you and dad
aren't naked, are you?
- Not yet.
- They're naked.
Your dad wants to make sure
you got the watch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it right...
When did men start
shaving their penises?
- I got it right here.
- Are you doing that?
Um, so don't worry
about that or anything.
Enjoy your naked time.
I gotta go.
- Logan?
- Logan.
- Fuck! Fuck! Fucking fuck!
- Logan? Honey?
- Blake: Logan?
- Logan: Gaby, hey!
Sorry I took so long.
I got your money.
Gaby. Gaby, no.
Gaby. Shit.
Shit! Shit! Fuck!
Fucking god damn it.
- No.
- Logan, what is happening?
Dude, she's not here.
She's not here. Shit!
Well, sweet.
We just saved $300.
No, and neither is the watch!
What? What happened
to the watch, Logan?
What do you mean?
Where's the watch?
Shit! Shit!
What happened to the watch?
Dude, she took it.
We gotta find her.
Well, how the hell
are we going to do that?
I don't fucking know.
I can't even remember
last night.
We've got to find her.
Fuck!
Why the fuck did you
make me wear that thing?
I didn't make you.
You looked good with it.
Why did you lose it?
Thank god,
here comes the cavalry.
Chuy, man, he can save us.
Chuy, you're a beautiful
little Mexican man.
- Hey!
- I love you.
We're looking for the girl
from last night.
She stole his Rolex.
His Rolex.
- She stole my watch.
- Really?
- I need that watch.
- Okay, who?
- Her.
- Her name's Gaby.
- Beautiful girl, yeah.
- She's pretty.
- She's also a thief.
- I find her.
- What?
- I find her.
- Really?
- Yeah! Chuy knows everyone!
- See? I told you.
- Yeah, you were right. Thank you, Chuy.
But I'll need cash for expenses.
- How much?
- $50, okay?
- 50?
- Yeah.
No.
No, Chuy. Chuy, no.
- 20. 20.
- Okay, 20...
And your shirt.
Logan:
Are you sure she's in here?
Chuy:
Yeah, but it will be tricky.
The guy who owns this place
is a pendejo.
This is what I call
a strip club!
Focus.
We're here for the watch.
I'm focused.
I'm so focused.
Hey, my cousin.
Come on. El guapo!
He will take care of us.
Come on.
- My cousin.
- Hi.
These are my cousins
from the uniteds.
Sit down. Please, please.
Welcome. Sit.
She's here?
She's coming? Okay.
- Hey.
- Wait, wait.
Easy, easy.
El guapo will bring her.
Stick to the plan.
Let's move over there.
Okay.
Where's my watch?
I waited for over an hour.
I got your 300, so there.
- Where's my watch?
- I don't have it anymore.
What? Why not?
Where is it?
You need to go.
No, not until I get my watch.
- I think you need to go.
- Gaby, no.
- Seriously...
- You need to go now.
- Please.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Hands off...
The merchandise.
So what happened here?
She stole my watch.
Get him. Get him.
All of them in the back
right now!
I don't need to go to the back.
- I just need my watch.
- Shut up!
Okay, man. I'm walking.
Blake: Fuck, dude,
this is so fucked up.
Are they going to kill us, man?
I've seen this shit on the news.
Logan:
I don't know, man.
Now, what's all this about?
- A watch?
- She stole my Rolex.
Its silver with a black face.
- It's a part of my family.
It's okay.
Take it away.
That's my watch.
Jesus, that's my watch.
Okay.
This?
Yeah, that.
That's my watch.
Did you give it to him?
Are you calling me a thief?
No, sir.
The thing is,
it belonged to my dad
and his dad before that,
and it's really
important to him...
And to me.
Do I know you?
You're lucky today,
because I'm going to
give you this watch.
Yes. Yes, thank you,
thank you.
Thank you so much, seriously.
For only $5,000.
What? No, no.
I don't have $5,000.
Come on, my friend.
I'm giving you a real deal.
It has to be
worth twice than that...
"Panic."
I don't like your friend.
Okay, okay!
Okay, so this is
a limited time offer.
24 hours.
No cash, no watch.
- $5,000 in 24 hours.
- Yes.
How the fuck are we going to...
You prefer $24,000 in 5 hours?
No, no, 5,000, 24 hours.
Sounds... that's awesome.
- Good.
- I'll see you in 24 hours.
No more work for you tonight.
Get the fuck out.
Get out!
Fucking b-rate movie pimp
wanna-be.
- We gotta go to the cops.
- No cops.
He has many friends in the cops.
Great.
I gotta get
that watch back, dude.
I can't go home without it.
When I sell the Blakejob,
we'll buy Kent a new one.
Think I can buy
his trust back, too?
Chuy:
Hey! Oh.
Logan:
Why are you here, Gaby?
Come here for the rest
of my belongings?
You want my shoes?
My jeans?
You want my shirt? I've got
more stuff at the hotel.
Gaby: Listen, I'm
really, really sorry.
- I had no choice.
- Sure you did.
You chose to rob me.
I was just keeping it
for collateral,
but then Dorian saw it
and he took it.
I'm really, really sorry, okay?
I'll do anything
to help you get it back.
Who the hell is this guy,
anyways?
His real name
is Igor Kaganovich,
but everyone calls him Dorian.
Hate that pendejo.
That fucking Russian
doesn't run this town,
so Chuy help you.
We do this together
like brothers.
No charge. Together.
Okay? Okay, cousin?
Fuck yeah, Chuy.
So how do we make
five grand in 24 hours?
I know a way you could
get it in 20 minutes,
but it may offend
your delicate American ways.
Blake:
Delicate? Bro, I'm in!
What the fuck?
I can't watch this, man.
This is brutal.
I know, dude,
but it's our last chance
to get the watch back.
It's either them or you
fuck.
We haven't won once.
Don't worry.
You bet the same color
five times in a row,
next one...
Guaranteed winner!
Put it all on red.
Rojo.
This is fucked up.
Logan:
Don't be scared.
You're going to be all right.
Yeah.
Everything's going to
be all right.
We're putting it all on green.
What? You crazy?
No, no, no, no.
Put it all on red.
Dude, Chuy's right, bro.
Green is 20-1.
2-1 odds on red.
You won't win a lot,
but it's a start.
No. We're going
with Greenie.
- Are you sure?
- Do it, Chuy.
Okay.
Hey! Come on, come on!
- Get him, Greenie!
- Come on, Greenie! Come on!
Come on!
Blake:
Dude.
Come on, he's not even...
Fuck this.
Where is he going?
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
Hey, wake up, man.
Wake up. No, come on.
Wake up. This bird needs you.
Do something.
- Come on, man, seriously.
I need this.
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on, Chuy!
Time out! Time out!
Time out, time out!
Come on, come on.
- What do we do?
- Come on, come on.
Hey, take the bottle!
Take the bottle!
Drink. Drink!
- Spit! Yeah!
Yeah, come on, green!
Yeah!
Whoo! Yeah!
Come on! Whoo!
Dude, you're the cock whisperer!
Gracias! Gracias!
Go get the cab running.
I'll be there in two minutes.
- Get it ready to go.
- What? Why?
It's all good.
Go get it running.
I love you, cock whisperer!
- Come on.
- Let's get out of here.
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Oh, shit! Fuck you!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Let's go, let's go!
Drive, Chuy! Drive!
Blake:
Logan, what did you do?
Logan:
Oh, shit!
What the fuck
were you doing, dude?
I had to do the right thing.
Radio announcer:
Mi compadre, DJ phantom.
- Did he just say...
- Is it?
- - It's your mix.
- They're playing your mix.
- How?
I don't know, maybe you left
your music at the club.
My friend hosts this radio show.
- That's awesome, dude!
- Yeah, yeah, it is.
You should consider the Blakejob
for all your representation.
In fact, I think I could
do something for you.
- I can pull you in...
- We need to call Dorian.
Get my watch back.
- Hello.
- Logan: It's panic.
I've got the money.
All of it.
I want my watch back tonight.
Slow down, cowboy.
Meet me tomorrow at Punta
de Mita beach club at noon,
and don't be late.
Punta de Mita beach club.
Tomorrow at noon.
Now I feel much better.
Spray, Dimitri!
- We have arrived!
- Oh! Okay.
Every time.
Every time.
Gaby: I have to go
to the bathroom.
- Meet you by the pool?
- Okay.
Yeah, uh,
I'm pretty tired, so...
And another soldier falls
to the power of the pussy.
Stop. Nothing's going
to happen.
Wait, do you think it might?
Seriously?
That's your problem.
You're too serious.
Chuy, show me the sights, man.
- We've got some money.
- Blake, only a little bit.
Don't spend all that money.
Only a little bit.
Only a little.
Hey. Logan.
Um, about last night...
I'm really sorry.
You were drunk.
It's nothing.
No, it's not.
You've always been
really nice to me,
and I appreciate that.
So, let me know
how I can make it up to you.
I don't know.
Buy me a drink?
Well, I can't now.
I'm actually meeting Ashley.
Of course, of course.
Lina:
Yeah, all right.
How about a drink
tomorrow night, then?
I really like you, Logan.
I think you're
a super great guy,
so I have to be honest with you.
I'm in my crazy,
wild phase right now,
and I just want to
experience life, you know?
And there's just nothing
experienced about you.
So, I'm not saying...
I'm not saying no.
I'm just saying not now.
Come on! Hola.
- Who's this?
- Who's who?
Oh, Lina. Gaby...
Gaby, this is Lina.
Forget this skinny Gringita,
because I found a friend
for our threesome.
- Threesome?
- Threesome?
S. S.
She's muy caliente.
- So, come on.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Logan.
- Yeah?
Club Strana tomorrow night?
- Come on, come on.
- Sure.
Yeah, that'd be great.
Okay. Bye!
What?
See?
She's totally into you now.
I can't believe that worked.
You ready for our threesome?
I'm messing with you.
Oh.
Goodnight, Logan.
- Wait, don't go.
- What?
Afraid Lina
won't see us together?
I just like talking to you.
Logan:
My parents would kill me
if they found out I was here.
Mine would kill me if they
knew I was a stripper.
How do you keep them
from finding out?
Easy.
They're both gone.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Whoa.
What?
What happened to your parents?
My dad was a gringo tourist
who got my mom pregnant.
He was a salesman.
My mom was an English teacher.
By the time I was born,
he was gone.
Then when I was ten,
my mom died,
so my grandpa took care of me
until he got sick.
But I didn't know how
to pay the hospital bills
and Dorian saw me dancing
and offered me a loan and a job.
You are an incredible dancer.
I thought that's all
I'd be doing... dancing.
But then clients
kept asking for more
and Dorian just doesn't
take no for an answer.
I had no choice.
But then an older girl
took pity on me
and showed me a trick...
It's called rohypnol.
It's a pill that puts
clients to sleep.
You roofied me.
Wait, but why?
I never would have
tried anything.
I know that... now.
- You have to quit.
- I will. I will.
I took a second job
at the hotel,
and I'm going to
go back to school
and make my grandpa proud of me.
But first I have
to pay Dorian back
or then he'll own me forever.
At the club,
why'd you choose me?
They teach you to look
for certain things.
Logan:
Like a super expensive watch.
Gaby: S.
Logan, my real name is Jessica.
Nice to meet you, Jessica.
You, too.
It was always
a special place for me.
I never brought anyone here.
Come on! Hurry up!
I'm coming!
Blake:
Details. Details!
I want to know everything, okay?
Okay. You're out
of your fucking mind.
Come on!
Why aren't you
answering me, Logan?
We're going to get
the watch, all right?
- - Hey, look, look, look!
- Whoo!
- Blake: Look, look, look!
Look at all those girls!
- Yeah, I told you!
- Whoo!
Yeah!
I thought this was
a business meeting.
Chuy: This is how
we do business here.
Is that where we're going?
- Chuy!
- Come on!
- You're a fucking madman.
- Let's go.
Thanks, guys.
It's pussy paradise!
Hey, guys.
You look thirsty.
- Wow.
- Okay.
Can you tell us where Dorian is?
- He's up there.
- Great, thanks.
- Catch you later.
- Dude, come on.
What?
Dude, she's so into me.
- You didn't see that?
- Yeah.
- She was flush in the face.
- Sure, dude.
She was getting sweaty and shit.
Oh! No, that's...
That's Chris lake.
- Logan: Dude!
- That's Chris lake!
- What? Yeah!
- Hey!
Hey, hey.
What are you doing with my dog?
He likes me.
Can we do this?
Let's go.
Hurry.
Dude, what the...
Oh, my head.
Oh, I need a hospital.
Why are we naked?
Dude, there's makeup
all over your body.
There's makeup
all over your body.
What the fuck happened?
Where's your watch?
Logan:
Here it is. $5,000.
Dorian:
This calls for a drink!
Let's toast.
For a new beginning.
Blake: What the fuck?
Oh, fuck. Fuck.
Where are our clothes?
I'm going to throw up.
I'm going to throw up.
Blake:
Hey!
- Oh, shit.
- I think you need to close the door.
- Where is it?
- I got it. I got it.
Oh, fuck. Hello?
- Dorian: Panic!
- You fucking asshole.
What happened to new beginnings
- and all that bullshit?
- This is, my friend,
the new beginning for you
of a very long
jail sentence for you.
And take good care
of the car, huh?
It belongs to the mayor
of Puerto Vallarta.
- The mayor's car?
- The major's car?
- This is bad.
- This is the mayor's car?
Very bad!
This is the car!
Dorian:
Here comes the best part.
The car has just
been reported as stolen!
Stolen? Shit.
We're in a stolen car.
Keys.
We gotta find the keys.
Fuck the keys!
Move over, guerito!
- Move over!
- Que pasa!
Our dicks are touching!
Our dicks are touching!
Get out of here!
Chuy, drive.
Chuy, drive. Chuy, drive.
We're going to jail!
We're going to jail!
Drive!
Holy shit!
Motorcycles in action
are huge in
international markets!
How about getting ass-raped
in Mexican prison?
Oh, shit!
- Oh, shit.
- Shit!
Logan: Fuck.
- Holy shit!
- Hold on!
- Blake: Oh, my god!
- We lost one. We lost one.
We have a motorcycle on our ass.
Chuy, not now!
Drive, drive, drive, drive!
Drive! Go! Shit!
- Aah!
- Logan: Watch it!
Lose them, Chuy!
I don't want to go to jail!
This is not a street!
Wrong way!
Wrong way, Chuy!
Blake:
Whoo! This is awesome!
Logan:
Oh, shit!
There's no way out!
Watch it, watch it!
Oh, shit!
No, we can't drive there.
There's people, Chuy.
- I think that's it!
- Cover your faces!
Cover your faces! Cover!
Logan, I love you,
if we don't survive this!
- That was amazing!
- Logan: Oh, my god!
Blake:
Chuy, you're the master!
Logan:
They're behind us.
What?
You're freaking me out, man!
- What are you doing?
- Confessing my sins in case we die.
- Confess?
- Die?
Aah!
Okay. Uh, I think
I slept with a she-male.
She had a penis!
A really big penis.
Bigger than mine.
I didn't even sleep with Gaby.
She roofied me.
I'm still a virgin!
- What?
- Don't kill me!
A virgin?
I slept with a dude!
Puto madre.
Chuy, there's a gate!
Oh, shit!
Chuy, he's right behind us.
Motherfucker!
Blake:
Watch out! Watch out!
All: Yeah!
- Logan: I think we lost them!
- Blake: No cops!
Stop!
Stop, stop, stop, stop!
Logan:
We're going to jail.
- Oh, my god.
- We're going to jail.
Never.
Logan:
Shit, Chuy!
No, Chuy!
Where are we going?
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay.
Whoo! Fuck you!
Epic, bro! Whoo!
Yeah, epic,
except we have no clothes,
no money, and no fucking watch.
Dude, at least
we're not in jail.
And let's keep it that way.
- Yeah!
- Let's go!
Look, when we get back,
we'll find out
where Dorian lives,
and then wait until he's asleep
and we'll steal the watch back.
I'm being serious, dude.
Why not?
Stop. Stop helping.
You know, none of this
would have even happened
if you'd just manned up
with Lina in the first place.
What?
None of this would have
happened if I manned up?
How about none of this
would have happened
if you weren't
such a selfish douchebag?
Selfish?
Dude, I did all of this
just so you could get with Lina.
No, you did all of this
for your fucking website, man.
You've been shooting
the whole fucking time.
This trip?
Material for your website.
My dad's fucking Porsche?
Material for your
fucking website, dude!
You don't give a shit about me.
How can you say that?
Because you
fucking used me, man.
Fuck you.
Fuck me, man?
I just want to get the watch,
get home, and we're done.
Then we're done.
Chuy:
Hey! Boys!
What's up?
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Here. Here.
Come on, man.
Fuck it.
Vamanos! Vamanos!
We're supposed to be
on vacation, Logan!
Nice ass, Logan!
It's chalky white!
I'm going to enjoy the view.
Get a nice tan on my dick.
What happened?
Long story.
Blake: Hmph.
Come on, I'll tell you inside.
Keep it flowing.
Let's face it.
- He fucking outplayed us.
- No, he didn't.
You tried to play fair,
but Dorian does not play fair.
We have to stop fucking around
and take this to the next level.
- S.
How do we do that?
Come on, Sammy.
Come on!
Come on, Sammy.
Careful, Sammy.
Very good.
Very good, Sammy.
Good dog.
Good! Obedient.
Good, Sammy.
Good dog.
What? Sammy!
Sammy, where are you?
Have you seen my dog?
A little dog?
Boston terrier?
A small dog, very ugly?
Logan:
It's okay, boy.
Blake: The power of the pussy.
It never fails.
Yeah, never.
Gotta get the Chiquita
back to my cousin.
See you there.
At the club, yeah?
Come on. See you!
- See you!
- Later, dickhead!
- We have the package.
- Okay.
Sammy!
Gaby, what do you want now?
I'm busy.
What's the matter?
Lose something?
You fucking bitch.
You're going to pay for this.
If you want to see Sammy,
you bring the watch
and the cash to sky club.
- Tonight.
- Fucking bitch.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Dickhead.
Douchebag.
Are we cool?
Because I need you.
On three.
- One.
- Both: Two.
- Both: Three.
- I'm sorry.
Fuck you. You need me.
You're such an asshole.
You're such an asshole, come on.
All right, bring it in.
Bring it in.
Can you say sorry?
I love you, man.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Man, I love you so much.
I missed you.
This feels good.
Here are your towels.
- That's cool.
- Oh, yeah.
- We're cool. Right?
- We're good.
I just wanted the one, man,
but that's cool.
- Have fun.
- What do you mean?
We're not trying to have
that kind of fun.
The towels aren't...
He thinks we're going to fuck.
Aren't we going to have
make-up sex?
The dog!
First the watch.
What about the cash?
You're going home now, boy.
- It was a pleasure.
- Not so fast.
The thing, my friends,
I really fucking hate to lose.
Yeah, I thought
you'd feel that way.
- Chuy?
- Cousins!
What?
What the fuck is going on here?
What is this?
Sammy!
Sammy, come here!
Go and get him! Go!
Fucking pair of idiots.
Okay, so maybe...
Another time.
Gaby, come with me.
What are you doing?
You owe me, right?
And I will pay you,
but my way, not yours.
Ha! And how are you
fucking going to do it?
By working double shifts
in that fucking hotel
for $4.00 an hour
plus tips?
You will never
make enough money.
You will be always in my debt.
Forever.
How much does she owe you?
How much?
She owes me more money
than you can ever dream,
than you can ever imagine,
than you can ever...
$10,892.
Plus interest, my love.
Well, we got $5,000 here,
and it's close to another
thousand right there.
Too bad, my friend.
It's not enough.
You're almost there,
but yet, nothing.
So enjoy your vacation...
Alone.
Yes... alone.
I'll give you the watch.
No, no, no. You can't.
You can't.
Dude, after all
we've been through?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What's going on here?
Why are you talking,
the guy with the fucking tie?
Shut up.
You said it yourself,
the watch is worth a lot more.
- Yes.
- And you're lucky,
because I like your dog,
so I'll cut you a deal.
I'll give you this watch
- to clear Jessica's debt.
- Deal done.
After all,
you've been very lucky
that I didn't kill you.
You know why?
Your daddy will do it for me.
Hasta la vista, my friend.
Tony, let's go.
Crazy, stupid gringo.
- What did you do?
- What I had to.
Chuy?
Thank you, man.
For everything.
Nah, nah.
Nah.
- Thanks, man.
- Thank you.
Thank you, god.
You are one
bad-ass Mexican, Chuy!
And you are some crazy gueritos!
Let's go party,
you crazy Mexicans!
Chuy: Okay!
Fiesta!
Vamanos, primos!
It's just a watch, right?
- Right?
- Thank you.
Emcee:
Put your hands together!
Make some noise for Adrian Lux!
Oh, shit.
Lina.
Um, just give me a second.
Hey! I've been
looking for you.
Yeah, about that, listen.
Everything you said about me,
it's true.
I'm not crazy.
I'm not wild or experienced.
I'm in love.
I see.
But if you're looking
for wild and crazy...
Friends?
Friends.
See you on the dance floor.
Whoo!
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
Puerto Vallarta,
give it up for Adrian Lux.
He rocked the house tonight.
DJ phantom is in the house,
and he's going to
play his powerful mix
just for you guys.
No, no, I can't.
I can't hear you guys!
Are you ready?
Maybe you,
you Logan, can't,
but... hold on.
DJ phantom can.
Come.
Adrian Lux,
meet Jessica and DJ phantom,
good friends of mine.
- Good luck, man.
- Whoo! Logan!
Thank you. Great mix.
- Here.
- Lina: Logan!
It's all yours, man.
- Good luck.
- You're a rock star! Whoo!
- Shit. Shit, come on. No.
- Logan!
- Not now, come on.
Lina:
Show us what you can do!
Relax, you can do this.
Man: Okay, you've got this.
All right.
Turn that shit up!
Work it, Blake!
Work it!
Caliente!
This had been the best trip
of my life.
I can't believe
I'm leaving today.
I have to go.
- Jessica, what?
- I can't do this.
- Jessica, hey, hey, hey.
- It's too painful.
What's wrong?
What happened?
I don't know what that means.
Please don't go.
Jessica.
Jessica, come on!
No! Please!
Jessica!
What does that mean?
It's a very common story
in Vallarta, amigos.
The Mexican girl
who falls in love
with the gringo tourist.
And then hearts are broken.
Ooh! Ouch, that hurt.
Come on, I'll help you.
- Come on, stud.
- I'm gonna lift you.
Ugh. Ooh!
Light as a feather.
Like a...
Thank you.
Bring them up here.
Come on up.
Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hey, Logan. What's with the door?
I don't know.
It was working fine for me.
I'm going to check the garage.
Nice to see you, too, dad.
Hey, so, sorry about
the whole naked cruise.
- How was it?
- It started out strange,
but it turned out to be okay.
- Yay.
- So how about you?
- Did you...
- Did the whole list.
Oh, see, honey,
I knew we could trust you.
Yeah.
What's different?
You look handsome.
Everything okay?
Oh, it's nothing.
Just a little sunburn on my ass.
Kent: Logan?
Logan!
Yeah!
Yeah, I'm coming!
Oh, shit.
Hey, what's up?
Well, Logan, the car looks good.
Clean as a whistle.
Yeah, didn't touch it.
Did a good job
on your to-do list.
Mm-hmm.
Mowed the lawn,
put garbage cans back.
Noticed you're
not wearing my watch.
You didn't scratch it, did you?
No, I didn't scratch it.
Tell me you didn't
scratch my watch.
- I didn't scratch your watch.
- Thank god.
- I lost it.
- You lost it?
You lost the Rolex?
Yes, and I'm going to
do whatever I can
- to make it up to you.
- You didn't lose a Rolex.
You lost your
grandfather's Rolex.
Yeah, I know. I know.
I can't tell you
how bad it makes me feel.
I can tell you how bad
it makes me feel...
Like I can't trust you.
And you're supposed to be
running off to college.
About college...
I'd like to take a year off,
pursue my music.
Go abroad.
See things for myself
like you did.
Me?
Dad, mom told me
you took a year off
before college to travel Europe.
She said she never would
have met you if you hadn't.
And then where would you be?
Where would I be?
Logan, you didn't lose
your grandfather's watch.
- I didn't?
- No.
I lost your grandfather's Rolex.
You lost the replacement.
Wow.
I had no idea.
Feels like shit, doesn't it?
Feels like shit.
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry.
Year abroad, huh?
- Yeah.
- What's her name?
Who's name?
The girl you're in love with.
What's her name?
Jessica.
- Is she hot?
- Whew.
Thank you, Mexico.
Thank you, Puerto Vallarta.
Now, coming up is a DJ
that I've been working with.
- Please welcome phantom!
- Thank you, man.
- Nice one, buddy.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Good luck.
What are you doing here?
I finally found out
what that means.
Logan: Let's see
what Blake is up to.
- Aah!
- Oh, my god.
- Oh! What the fuck?
- Look at that ass!
This is supposed to be private!
- I don't do this to you.
Yes, you do.
Okay, fine, but I'm
going to get you back.
Don't stop.
You can continue.
- This is bullshit.
- Everything okay?
Oh, Blake was right.
Your privates are the first
thing to get toasted.
Oh, no, mom!
I'm your son.
Put that...
Put that away, no.
What happened here?
Where...
Where is my watch?
What? What?
What the fuck is this?
Fuck! Fuck!
Sir, we're looking
for Gabriella.
- $50.
- There's been a mistake.
You are not the Gabriella
we're looking...
- Oh, yeah!
- Whoa!
Who takes photos here?
Run!
- Oh, shit!
- Bring me back some weed.
Across international borders?
Stick it up your butt
or something.
Trick or treat, bitches!
How sick is this?
I'm a robot.
I'm a dance...
- stop!
Dude, are you kidding me?
- Logan: Hurry up, Princess!
- I gotta do my hair, dude!
- I think you're ready!
- Oh, you piece of...
Blake:
Oh, dude!
What are you doing jerking off
in my parent's bedroom?
Why are you walking in
without knocking?
My mom's fitness videos?
Really?
Logan: Dude, get your
dick away from me.
Dude, seriously, stop it!
Blake:
Just fucking touch it!
Logan:
Did you just fart?
Are you kidding me, dude?
One, two..
- We're done?
- Yeah, we're done.
Okay.
Pussy.
Douchebag.
Viva la Mexico?
Aah!
See you, bitch.
a warm welcome to DJ phantom.
I'm really proud of you, mate.
Great set mister Oakenfold.
Thank you, man.
Let's rock this house, phantom.
That's my boy.
Come on.
- Loser! Loser!
Not now, come on.
No, no, no, no, no.
Shit.
- Logan.
- Mom, no, you can't.
I was in the middle of a mix.
Is knocking asking for too much?
Oh, I did knock,
and so did your father.
Good luck hearing anything
over that.
When are you going to stop
wasting your time
with all this DJ stuff?
Just so you know, this DJ stuff
could make me a lot of money,
if that's what
you're worried about.
Just like my Tupperware parties.
You can make
$15,000 dollars a night.
Stanford does not offer
a major in Deejaying.
Is there a reason
you're up here,
or are you just up here to crush
all my hopes and dreams?
Honey, your father wants to know
if you were anywhere
near his car.
- No.
- Was Blake?
Logan, stay away
from the Porsche
or your father will kill you.
He's funny about his car.
I'd like you
to keep your room cleaner.
- Yeah.
- And you know,
I'm noticing these nudie photos.
Is Blake putting those up?
Yeah, mom.
It's all Blake.
I used to look like that.
No. No. No. No.
Logan, my website needs
production value.
You need to lose your virginity.
We need this car.
Dude, don't touch it.
Don't touch it.
My dad will kill us.
She's not going to care
if I show up in a Porsche.
Seriously, Blake.
Fucking stop.
Seriously, dude, fucking stop.
Okay, relax.
Relax, okay? Relax.
Take it easy, all right?
Take a deep breath.
Close your eyes. Imagine
you and Lina in this car.
There's wind blowing
through her hair.
Her hand is on your gearshift.
Music is blaring
through the subwoofers.
I have been making her a mix.
Of course you have.
And you know why?
So you can play it for her
in this car tonight.
You show off
your bad-ass DJ skills.
"Wiki-wiki!"
Spin her around,
DJ all over her vagina.
A little Booty action.
No.
Logan, we have been best
friends since pre-school.
Original juice box buddies.
I know how big your penis is
through your basketball shorts.
I could sketch it
like a mug shot.
Have I ever misguided you?
This is fate.
Don't pussy out now.
Man on TV: Do you want to
regain your male power back?
We have the answer for you.
Clinically validated,
universally acclaimed
erectus supplimentus.
Call now,
1-800-erectus.
First hundred callers
get 50 percent off.
Whoo!
Lina. Stephanie.
- Both: Hey.
- What a surprise.
I didn't think
you guys were coming.
Hey, wanna smoke some weed?
How about some California gold?
- Oh, my god.
- That's just for you.
- This is awesome.
- I've got one for you, too.
Whoa, is that Logan?
Eugene, film this.
Film this, film this.
Ooh!
Dude, that's not funny.
That's not funny.
That's not funny.
Don't do that.
Dude, dude!
Mission accomplished.
Mission accomplished.
Look to your right!
Logan, where'd
you get the Porsche?
Yeah, the mission was to get
Lina to notice you
and she's looking right at you.
She wants you.
Go in there and go talk to her.
- Let's go inside.
- Go.
I'm going to do it.
Tonight's the night.
Yeah.
Watch the car, Blake.
I will not take
my eyes off of it.
- You watch the car, Blake.
- Stop talking to me.
Go talk to her.
Eugene, did you get that?
- Yes, I got it all.
- Yes!
Boys: Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink!
- Yeah!
Oh, my god.
High school parties.
I can't wait for spring break.
It's going to be so cool.
Please, to do anything
seriously fun,
we have to get out of the United
States of can't do anything.
You and ash are really going
to go to Puerto Vallarta?
Yes, and so should you.
It's gonna be so much fun.
Better boys.
Better booze. Better music.
I mean, what is this shit?
I can't even dance to it.
Lina: I know.
Let's get out of here.
Hey. What's up?
Puerto Vallarta, huh?
That's cool.
That's Mexico, right?
- Have you ever been?
- No.
Oh, my gosh.
It is so much fun.
You should totally come with us.
It's going to be epic.
- Boys: Drink, drink, drink!
- Really?
Oh, my god. This party
officially sucks.
Can we please just get
to the college party?
Oh, yes. Please!
Oh, Logan,
would you mind driving us?
Yeah. Yeah, no, that's...
Yeah, I can do that.
That's cool.
Oh, my gosh.
Thank you so much.
You're so sweet.
Gentle. Gentle. Oh!
Just throw him over, huh?
Oh, yeah. Shots! Shots!
Hey, just excuse me one second.
Blake! Blake! I told you
to watch the car.
I have not taken
my eyes off of it.
Just get them off.
I'm driving Lina
to another party.
Yes! Okay. Hold this.
Ladies, Eugene,
you guys are done.
- Just a sec.
- Super virgin coming through.
Thank you very much. Eugene, you are done.
Get out of here.
- Girl: Jeez.
- Oh, god.
I'm so sorry.
It was those shrimp tacos.
You know what?
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
We'll get another ride.
No. No, no, no, no.
This is fine.
I can clean this up...
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
- Oh, hey, Josh! Can I get a ride?
- Sure, jump in.
- Are you going to the frat party?
- Of course.
- Bye!
- Thanks anyway, Logan!
I'll get us some paper towels.
I was actually going to give her a ride...
in the Porsche.
- Let's turn it up.
Dude, if my dad wakes up,
he'll kill us.
Jesus, you're pussy.
You like saying
that word too much.
Well, that's because it takes
away the power. Pussy.
Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy,
pussy, pussy, pussy!
I just want to touch
her pussy! Pussy!
- Oh, shit. I've got to back it in.
- Pussy, pussy!
Oh, fuck.
Dude, this is so not my fault.
- What were you thinking?
- I'm sorry.
Damn right, you're sorry,
because you are grounded.
- No spring break.
- Mom, no, no, no.
Blake and I have been planning
this trip for almost a year.
Then you should
have thought about that
before you stole
your father's car.
The cruise tickets
are non-refundable.
I've been saving up
a lot of money.
We can't let that go to waste.
Well, you're right.
We're not a wasteful family.
We recycle.
Which is why...
We're going to let you
house-sit for a week.
- Huh?
- House sit?
Where are you two going?
Listen, your mom wants us
to pay you back
for those cruise tickets,
so here's what's left
after the cleaning costs
on the Porsche.
- Thanks.
- Welcome.
Your mom also thinks that
I should give you a chance
to earn back my trust,
so have a seat.
Logan, your grandfather
was a great man.
He was kind, and he was honest,
and totally trustworthy.
And those qualities
so impressed his father
that he was given
a beautiful Rolex watch.
And when he thought
that I demonstrated
those qualities of trust
and responsibility,
he gave the Rolex to me.
Problem is,
I don't think
you've demonstrated
those qualities at all.
But the Rolex
is at the jewelers.
It's being cleaned.
I'm not giving it to you.
I just want you to pick it up.
Really?
You think you can handle that?
Of course, dad. Yeah.
I can handle it.
I promise.
Now, we'll be back Sunday.
I don't want Blake coming over,
and here is a to-do list.
I want every one of these done.
Janis,
I think that's a bad idea.
Kent, we discussed this
trust exercise.
Logan gets to show us
that he can be
a responsible young man.
- I'm going to miss you.
- Okay.
- This is really happening?
- Why talk to a closed door?
- You're taking my tickets?
- Go inside and start the list.
Take care of that watch.
I can't believe they took
our cruise tickets.
Yeah, well, at least
they paid us back.
But that was our spring break.
We should be the ones frolicking
naked on deck, not your parents.
Need you to sign
right here, Logan.
Yes, sir.
Blake:
Sweet timepiece.
1962 Rolex submariner.
Total chick magnet.
Can you please tell him
that no watch
is going to get a guy
a girl? Come on.
Why do you think I do this?
Honey?
- Could you deposit this?
- Okay.
- Who's that?
- My girlfriend.
Woman: Willie, babe.
It's for you.
Excuse me, guys.
- Put it on.
- No.
Just put it on.
What can it hurt?
Fine.
I'm putting on the watch.
- You happy? Okay.
- Oh, yeah.
Lina would love that.
We should go show it to her.
Yeah, let's go all the way
down to Puerto Vallarta
to show Lina a watch.
Mexico?
Dude, that's brilliant.
That's way better than a cruise.
Puerto Vallarta
is a romantic paradise.
How many years have you been
trying to get with Lina,
and suddenly this just
falls into your lap?
Dude, we have the funds.
Lina practically
gave you the invite.
This is fate, my friend.
Fate? Remember you said that the
other night? Look what happened.
That's because fate had
something else for you in mind.
Fate had this.
Lina would look amazing
in that dusky Mexican light.
Yes! Yes. I'll book us
a package online.
- I still have that whole to-do list.
- It's a to-do list.
We'll get it done
in a couple of hours, tops.
Dude, if we don't do this,
we will regret it
for the rest of our lives.
Whoo. Hola, mamacitas!
Can I meet your parents?
I just want to
congratulate them.
- Girl: Losers.
- Oh, my god.
Logan: That's your way
to break the ice, Romeo?
Blake: Dude, girls love it when
you talk dirty. It's perfect.
Sex is not polite.
It's sloppy, it's dirty.
- Yeah, okay. You're an idiot.
- Lose the negativity.
We are on spring break.
You should take
a little lesson from me.
Logan:
Okay, that was pretty good.
Okay.
I don't know
which one to choose.
I mean, do we just
pick one random?
Hey, guys! Are you Logan and Blake?
Yeah? You are?
Yeah, we are.
Um, who are you?
The hotel sent me to pick you up
come on, come on.
Come on, come on!
You are very special guests, eh?
Special guests?
What did you do?
Got us a really bitching tour.
Come in, come in!
Come in.
Blake:
I hooked us up, baby!
Welcome to Mexico, guys!
Welcome.
Amigos, my name is Chuy.
Where can I take you?
I though you said
the hotel sent you.
No. Not really.
You needed a taxi, no?
- Chuy to the rescue.
- How did you know our names?
Because Chuy knows everything
in Puerto Vallarta.
- Fiesta Americana.
- Let's go.
How did you know our names?
I still don't understand.
This guy's a Mexican Jedi.
This is Vallarta!
Land of the beautiful beaches.
So, what brings you here,
amigos?
I'm here for material
for my website, Blakejob. Com
I want to film
some quality Booty.
What about you, guerito?
He's here for his dream girl.
Her name is Lina.
- She's all right.
- Chuy: Lina. Huh.
Watch out! Oh, shit!
- Oh!
- Look, look!
Hey! Ladies! Smile!
Hey, they're my cousins.
Yeah, your fucking cousin,
my ass.
Chuy:
So, you came to see a girl.
Logan:
Yeah. It's a special girl.
Oh! Here we have
many special girls, amigo.
- Hold on, guys.
- Whoa!
- Oh!
- Blake: Oh, shit.
We have arrived.
Okay, that would be
fifty dollars, guy.
- Fifty dollars?
- Yeah.
No way, man.
Okay, twenty, all right?
Okay, fine.
But Chuy make you deal, huh?
I drive you all week
for only $200.
- $200?
- Yeah.
No, that's too much money.
Not for you, right,
mister Rolex?
This isn't mine.
It's my dad's.
I'm just keeping it safe.
No problem, amigos.
No problem.
Just remember, you want
anything, you ask Chuy.
I get for you 24-7.
Anything at all, okay?
Anything at all.
Call me. Call me.
Blake: Look at this shit.
This is heaven.
Wow.
Blake:
What? They're everywhere.
Come on, can we at least
get our room first?
Later!
Welcome to Puerto Vallarta.
Emcee: Are you ready
for the bikini contest?
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico,
spring break!
Let me hear you make some noise!
Our next contestant, number six.
Oh, my god, look at that...
Oh, wow.
That is amazing.
Give it up for number seven.
Oh, yeah, baby. Shake it,
shake it, shake it.
Check out those curves.
Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
We've got more girls coming.
More girls coming up.
That's right, now we have
contestant number eight.
Oh, I hate my job.
Our final contestant,
all the way from Miami beach,
number nine.
Check her out!
Just smoking.
Guys, check it out.
Look up to the balcony!
- Oh, my god.
- Yes!
Boys: Take it off!
Take it off! Take it off!
Emcee: Oh, my god.
Take it off, lades!
What happens in Mexico,
stays in Mexico!
I'm home. I'm home.
Spring break, let me
hear you make some noise!
Check this out.
- Eh? Eh?
- Mmm. Mmm.
And... she's here.
And the Blakejob knows
where she's going tonight.
Can you say foam party?
Donde esta foam party?
- We don't have a room.
- What? How can that be?
- I got us a package online.
- Did you?
Watch and learn, Logan.
Watch and learn.
Excuse me.
There must have been
some kind of mistake.
This is our email confirmation.
As you can see, totally
bitchin tours doesn't exist.
I believe you've been scammed.
Can you just double-check
that for us?
I've checked twice already.
Miss, we are not going anywhere.
So unless you want
to cause a scene
of thorough unpleasantness...
God, shrimp food poisoning.
Stop it. Stop it.
I'm sorry.
One star yelp review.
I suggest you lower your voice.
Well, I suggest
that you get somebody
to show us to our room now
or I will vomit!
You can't throw us out,
we're Americans!
Americano! Americano!
- Oh, my god!
- Fuck.
- Shit!
- Ah, fuck.
"If we don't do this,
we'll regret this
for the rest of our lives."
"This is fate testing you."
How could I be
so stupid? Fuck.
We'll find another hotel, okay?
How are we going to pay for it?
Maybe we could stay with Lina.
Yeah. "Hi, Lina.
I stalked you
all the way to Mexico.
I don't have a room.
Can Blake and I
stay with you?"
What else do you want
to do, dude?
You want to sleep on the beach?
Fate.
Chuy:
Amigos, you're in luck.
Sixto find a great room for you.
Look, look!
"Washes machines."
Towels. Sauna.
Hey, prima! Hola!
My cousin Lupita.
Hey, don't touch her, okay?
Come on!
Come on, guys.
Hey, welcome to the VIP section.
Come on!
Chuy:
Hey, sorry, guys.
You sleep here,
and you rest here for...
No problem, guys, no problem.
This is my cousin.
Look, look! The bed!
Muy comfortable.
Come on, then.
All for only a hundred.
A hundred pesos?
That's cool.
No, no.
A hundred dollars.
- What? For this?
- Yeah, yeah.
You also get this, look?
Chuy wristband, eh?
All you can drink, entrance to clubs...
oh, my god.
The best deal
in Puerto Vallarta.
Chuy never lies.
Never.
The thing is,
we're really low on cash.
I know, guys.
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, guy.
I like you, so...
I give you everything for $50.
- Done.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Okay, 50, and this.
- And this what?
- Your shirt.
My shirt.
He wants my shirt.
- Give him the shirt.
- He wants my shirt.
It's a shitty shirt anyways.
Give it to him.
Okay. Okay, Chuy.
Great, great, Chuy.
Okay.
Shirt and $50, right?
Yeah, here you go.
Okay, guys!
Enjoy your stay.
Logan: Okay, so how
exactly do I get Lina
to take me back to her room?
Because she's definitely
not coming back to ours.
It starts with jager bombs,
and then it starts
with bold confidence.
Then you just
straight up tell her,
"let's go back
to your place."
- I just tell her?
- Yeah.
Tell her you're rooming with me
and I've already got plans
to take the room.
- That's good.
- That's great.
- Fantastic.
- All right.
- Whoa.
- This is the place.
Okay.
Yeah, let's do this.
Holy shit, it looks packed.
You really think
these are going to work?
We're about to find out.
Come on.
Blake:
Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Boy: Let me in.
- Boy #2: Excuse me!
Excuse me.
- Chuy?
- Yeah!
Okay, amigos.
Girl: You're going
to let them in?
Boy: Come on, man, let me in.
Chuy's my cousin.
Girl: I know Chuy, too.
He's my boyfriend!
- Now do you believe me?
- What?
- Fate!
- I can't believe it worked.
Chuy! Yes! Yes!
Blake:
Oh, my god.
Behold...
The power of the pussy!
Emcee:
Ladies and gentlemen...
We hit turbulence!
- Whoo!
- Make some noise!
- Let's go find Lina.
- Mexico!
That's Steve Aoki.
That's Steve Aoki!
One, two, three!
Aoki jump!
Whoo!
Viva Vallarta!
- Get a room!
- This is awesome! Amazing!
This is madness.
Oh, shit.
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
- Let me buy you a new one.
- Open bar. Nice watch.
Dude! I told you.
Chicks dig the watch.
We hit turbulence!
You're a rock star!
See? Fate!
Listen to the man.
You should get
some action, girl.
So many hot guys here.
Blake:
Oh, there goes the table.
- Holy...
- No!
Oh, shit, I wasn't filming that.
Go ask her to do it again.
Is she okay? Come on.
Emcee: Who's ready
for the cake face? You?
You?
I got it. Thanks.
I got it.
Hi. Come on, I got you.
- My head.
- Are you okay?
Let me go.
I gotta pee.
What? Dude.
- Yes!
- Enough with the camera.
Come on. Look away,
she's a lady. Stop...
Blake: She's not that
much of a lady anymore.
- Please, can you not...
- She'll appreciate...
Logan: Please.
Can you please not?
- Girl: You're drunk!
- Logan?
You followed me?
That's so sweet.
- Hi, "Josue."
- Okay, you gotta go.
I'm going night-night.
Bye, bye-bye.
So much for that
dusky Mexican light.
We've got to help her.
Thank you, Mexico!
I love you!
Hasta la vista!
Emcee:
Give it up for Steve Aoki.
Get ready for
the wet t-shirt contest.
Make some noise, people!
- A toast.
- What? No!
No, Lina! Okay.
Just don't do that.
Come with me.
Let's get you to bed.
- Logan?
- Yeah?
- Let me ask you something.
- Okay.
You know when someone
is the one, right?
Mm-hmm.
And you just...
You can't fight it.
You can't fight it because
you have to be with the one.
Yeah, exactly.
Then why didn't Connor
come find me?
Ah, fuck! Ow!
Ow, fuck. Ow! Fuck!
Thank you, man.
Thank you. Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Who's Connor?
I told him that I'd be here,
so why didn't he come find me?
Okay.
I'm sure he just got lost.
It's a big city.
Well, you found me.
You vomited in my mouth.
What's wrong with you?
Who does that?
What's the matter, dawg?
I thought you were
into that kinky shit.
You vomited into my mouth.
What's wrong with you?
Don't yell at me!
- You're yelling at me.
- Don't vomit in my mouth!
- I hate you. I hate you.
- Oh, god.
- She's fine. I'm...
- Why are you yelling at me?
I'm sorry. Don't cry.
Lina?
Emcee:
I've got one question...
One question only.
Are you ready to party?
This is it.
We have a bunch
of beautiful contestants
right now, ready to go.
Here we go.
Give it up for
contestant number four.
Contestant number four.
Whoa.
Oh, she can dance.
She can dance.
Look at her go.
She's amazing.
Maybe not.
I'm going to need
a cleaning deposit.
She's at the fiesta.
20?
- Oh, come...
- I need more.
Okay. Okay, Chuy.
Drunk pussy not pussy, man.
And our final contestant
from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico,
- number five!
- Yeah!
Get those jugs some water.
Oh, check it out.
Oh! I think we're going to
have a winner here,
ladies and gentlemen.
I can't hear you.
The winner of
the wet t-shirt contest
at spring break is number five!
Let me hear you make some noise!
You want a breath mint?
Yeah. Thanks.
Your girlfriend all right?
She seemed pretty drunk.
She's not my girlfriend.
I love Paul Oakenfold.
"Maybe love is not for me.
Maybe lovers dream things
that I don't dream."
It's a great song.
"Harder they came,
harder they fall."
- Got that right.
- What's that?
You know what?
It doesn't matter.
Everything matters.
- I'm Logan.
- I'm Gaby
still want to get me a drink?
Yeah.
So, where you from?
- From here.
- Really?
Your English is really good.
My boyfriend taught me.
Oh, cool. Cool.
I'm joking.
I don't have a boyfriend.
It's still early, no?
Nice. This is a great track.
It's really good.
You're really into music.
You a DJ or what?
I am...
Inside my own room.
Outside, not so much.
Well, I know the DJ here.
Go try it.
- No. No, thank you.
- Why not?
I want to hear what you can do.
I do have this one mix.
- Where?
- In a USB in my pocket,
- but it's not finished.
- Let me see it.
No, seriously.
It's not finished.
I have more work to do on it.
Why are you so scared?
Give it to me.
Come on.
Okay, DJ phantom, don't move.
You really don't have to...
Dude, this is Mona.
I'm going to make her a star!
Whoo! Yeah!
- Hi, Mona.
- I go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
- She's gonna go to the ladies' room!
- What is that?
- What did I tell you, buddy?
Paradise!
Where's Lina?
She had to go back to the hotel.
We're going to meet up later.
It's all good.
Tell me about Mona, dude.
Who is that?
She won the wet
t-shirt contest.
- I'm proud of you.
- I've been fingering her
on the dance floor all night.
- Wow.
- Yeah!
It's when you finger a butthole.
- You wanna smell?
- No. What?
You are fucking gross, dude.
I know.
It's so awesome.
You're not serious
though, right?
No, I'm dead serious.
Now you've got a little
poo on your lip.
No, the foam kept it clean.
It's fine.
Shut up. Gaby!
This is my friend Blake.
Blake, this is Gaby.
Hi, Gaby.
It's very nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Blake:
What is that?
To celebrate your club debut.
The DJ is going to
play your mix.
- Okay, fuego!
- What?
Whoo! Yeah!
- You both ready?
- Ready.
- Yes?
- Ready. I like her!
One for you, and one for you.
And, cheers, DJ phantom.
- To DJ phantom.
- DJ phantom.
Whoa!
Oh, what is that?
It is a secret...
To get your blood pumping.
Oh, it did.
Emcee:
And now, people,
we have a new mix
from a new DJ...
DJ phantom.
Blake:
That's my friend!
I know him!
That's mi amigo.
- Whoo!
- I love this song.
I love it.
Dance with me.
Ha ha!
Yeah, Logan!
DJ phantom!
Whoo!
Logan: I can't believe
they played my music.
It's... it's so cool.
You're so great.
- You're wonderful.
- Thank you so much.
- Okay.
- No?
- Shh.
- Okay.
I'm coming up.
I'm coming up.
Okay. Okay. Wait.
Tranquilo.
I don't know what that means.
- It means, relax.
- Okay. I'm gonna relax.
- Come on in.
- Nice.
- This is a nice room.
- Relax, okay?
- Okay.
- Tranquilo. It's okay.
It's just this is my first time.
Okay. Shh.
Okay. Relaxed now?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Ahh! Ow, ow, ow.
- What?
My hair, my hair, my hair.
Hold on, my hair.
Hold on. Wait.
Okay. Okay.
Logan? Logan?
Viva la Mexico.
Nice.
Huh?
What?
Where are you going, lover boy?
Jesus.
Oh, my god! It's huge.
I gotta go.
I'll call you.
Right after I get some therapy.
Good morning.
Sorry, I must have
fallen asleep.
I... where are we?
A motel.
You don't remember?
No, I do.
Yeah, the motel last night.
Last night, it was incredible.
So was your mix, DJ phantom.
Really? You liked it?
Mm-hmm.
So, can we go get breakfast?
We?
No, we...
We're not doing anything.
I have to go.
And you owe me $300.
You're messing with me, right?
No. No joke.
Now, I need to get going,
so can we do this please?
So, last night, it was just...
What, you didn't like it?
No, I did.
It was great.
Good. Then you
won't mind paying me.
Yeah.
- Shit. I don't have it.
- If you don't pay me,
I get in very big trouble, okay?
I'm going to pay you,
I swear. Just...
You better not be lying to me.
I'll be back, okay?
Just wait here.
Blake: Was it good
for you, you know?
She tickle your balls
a little bit?
She give you a little tickle?
A little pickle tickle?
Can you just get
the money, dude?
This is it, man.
After this, we are down
to our 200.
I still can't believe
she's charging me.
One way or the other, you
always gotta pay for the pussy.
- So, how was it?
- It was amazing.
She was amazing.
No, I want details.
For $300, did you get
some oral first?
Perhaps some anal?
Did Mona include anal?
As a matter of fact, yes,
but that's between
me and Mona, okay?
I didn't have to pay her.
What happened with Gaby?
- I don't remember.
- Dude, seriously.
I want details or give me
my money back.
Seriously, dude,
I don't remember.
Shut the fuck up.
Hey, mom. How's the cruise?
Janis:
It's interesting.
Never been on a naked cruise
before, young man!
Naked cruise?
Yes, butts, penises,
and boobs everywhere!
Oh, my god.
Mom, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea.
Blake booked the tickets.
Jan, you gotta use
sunscreen, Jan.
You're going to burn your Booty!
Is Blake at the house?
No, he's not at the house,
because we're out.
Hey, you and dad
aren't naked, are you?
- Not yet.
- They're naked.
Your dad wants to make sure
you got the watch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it right...
When did men start
shaving their penises?
- I got it right here.
- Are you doing that?
Um, so don't worry
about that or anything.
Enjoy your naked time.
I gotta go.
- Logan?
- Logan.
- Fuck! Fuck! Fucking fuck!
- Logan? Honey?
- Blake: Logan?
- Logan: Gaby, hey!
Sorry I took so long.
I got your money.
Gaby. Gaby, no.
Gaby. Shit.
Shit! Shit! Fuck!
Fucking god damn it.
- No.
- Logan, what is happening?
Dude, she's not here.
She's not here. Shit!
Well, sweet.
We just saved $300.
No, and neither is the watch!
What? What happened
to the watch, Logan?
What do you mean?
Where's the watch?
Shit! Shit!
What happened to the watch?
Dude, she took it.
We gotta find her.
Well, how the hell
are we going to do that?
I don't fucking know.
I can't even remember
last night.
We've got to find her.
Fuck!
Why the fuck did you
make me wear that thing?
I didn't make you.
You looked good with it.
Why did you lose it?
Thank god,
here comes the cavalry.
Chuy, man, he can save us.
Chuy, you're a beautiful
little Mexican man.
- Hey!
- I love you.
We're looking for the girl
from last night.
She stole his Rolex.
His Rolex.
- She stole my watch.
- Really?
- I need that watch.
- Okay, who?
- Her.
- Her name's Gaby.
- Beautiful girl, yeah.
- She's pretty.
- She's also a thief.
- I find her.
- What?
- I find her.
- Really?
- Yeah! Chuy knows everyone!
- See? I told you.
- Yeah, you were right. Thank you, Chuy.
But I'll need cash for expenses.
- How much?
- $50, okay?
- 50?
- Yeah.
No.
No, Chuy. Chuy, no.
- 20. 20.
- Okay, 20...
And your shirt.
Logan:
Are you sure she's in here?
Chuy:
Yeah, but it will be tricky.
The guy who owns this place
is a pendejo.
This is what I call
a strip club!
Focus.
We're here for the watch.
I'm focused.
I'm so focused.
Hey, my cousin.
Come on. El guapo!
He will take care of us.
Come on.
- My cousin.
- Hi.
These are my cousins
from the uniteds.
Sit down. Please, please.
Welcome. Sit.
She's here?
She's coming? Okay.
- Hey.
- Wait, wait.
Easy, easy.
El guapo will bring her.
Stick to the plan.
Let's move over there.
Okay.
Where's my watch?
I waited for over an hour.
I got your 300, so there.
- Where's my watch?
- I don't have it anymore.
What? Why not?
Where is it?
You need to go.
No, not until I get my watch.
- I think you need to go.
- Gaby, no.
- Seriously...
- You need to go now.
- Please.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Hands off...
The merchandise.
So what happened here?
She stole my watch.
Get him. Get him.
All of them in the back
right now!
I don't need to go to the back.
- I just need my watch.
- Shut up!
Okay, man. I'm walking.
Blake: Fuck, dude,
this is so fucked up.
Are they going to kill us, man?
I've seen this shit on the news.
Logan:
I don't know, man.
Now, what's all this about?
- A watch?
- She stole my Rolex.
Its silver with a black face.
- It's a part of my family.
It's okay.
Take it away.
That's my watch.
Jesus, that's my watch.
Okay.
This?
Yeah, that.
That's my watch.
Did you give it to him?
Are you calling me a thief?
No, sir.
The thing is,
it belonged to my dad
and his dad before that,
and it's really
important to him...
And to me.
Do I know you?
You're lucky today,
because I'm going to
give you this watch.
Yes. Yes, thank you,
thank you.
Thank you so much, seriously.
For only $5,000.
What? No, no.
I don't have $5,000.
Come on, my friend.
I'm giving you a real deal.
It has to be
worth twice than that...
"Panic."
I don't like your friend.
Okay, okay!
Okay, so this is
a limited time offer.
24 hours.
No cash, no watch.
- $5,000 in 24 hours.
- Yes.
How the fuck are we going to...
You prefer $24,000 in 5 hours?
No, no, 5,000, 24 hours.
Sounds... that's awesome.
- Good.
- I'll see you in 24 hours.
No more work for you tonight.
Get the fuck out.
Get out!
Fucking b-rate movie pimp
wanna-be.
- We gotta go to the cops.
- No cops.
He has many friends in the cops.
Great.
I gotta get
that watch back, dude.
I can't go home without it.
When I sell the Blakejob,
we'll buy Kent a new one.
Think I can buy
his trust back, too?
Chuy:
Hey! Oh.
Logan:
Why are you here, Gaby?
Come here for the rest
of my belongings?
You want my shoes?
My jeans?
You want my shirt? I've got
more stuff at the hotel.
Gaby: Listen, I'm
really, really sorry.
- I had no choice.
- Sure you did.
You chose to rob me.
I was just keeping it
for collateral,
but then Dorian saw it
and he took it.
I'm really, really sorry, okay?
I'll do anything
to help you get it back.
Who the hell is this guy,
anyways?
His real name
is Igor Kaganovich,
but everyone calls him Dorian.
Hate that pendejo.
That fucking Russian
doesn't run this town,
so Chuy help you.
We do this together
like brothers.
No charge. Together.
Okay? Okay, cousin?
Fuck yeah, Chuy.
So how do we make
five grand in 24 hours?
I know a way you could
get it in 20 minutes,
but it may offend
your delicate American ways.
Blake:
Delicate? Bro, I'm in!
What the fuck?
I can't watch this, man.
This is brutal.
I know, dude,
but it's our last chance
to get the watch back.
It's either them or you
fuck.
We haven't won once.
Don't worry.
You bet the same color
five times in a row,
next one...
Guaranteed winner!
Put it all on red.
Rojo.
This is fucked up.
Logan:
Don't be scared.
You're going to be all right.
Yeah.
Everything's going to
be all right.
We're putting it all on green.
What? You crazy?
No, no, no, no.
Put it all on red.
Dude, Chuy's right, bro.
Green is 20-1.
2-1 odds on red.
You won't win a lot,
but it's a start.
No. We're going
with Greenie.
- Are you sure?
- Do it, Chuy.
Okay.
Hey! Come on, come on!
- Get him, Greenie!
- Come on, Greenie! Come on!
Come on!
Blake:
Dude.
Come on, he's not even...
Fuck this.
Where is he going?
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
Hey, wake up, man.
Wake up. No, come on.
Wake up. This bird needs you.
Do something.
- Come on, man, seriously.
I need this.
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on, Chuy!
Time out! Time out!
Time out, time out!
Come on, come on.
- What do we do?
- Come on, come on.
Hey, take the bottle!
Take the bottle!
Drink. Drink!
- Spit! Yeah!
Yeah, come on, green!
Yeah!
Whoo! Yeah!
Come on! Whoo!
Dude, you're the cock whisperer!
Gracias! Gracias!
Go get the cab running.
I'll be there in two minutes.
- Get it ready to go.
- What? Why?
It's all good.
Go get it running.
I love you, cock whisperer!
- Come on.
- Let's get out of here.
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Oh, shit! Fuck you!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Let's go, let's go!
Drive, Chuy! Drive!
Blake:
Logan, what did you do?
Logan:
Oh, shit!
What the fuck
were you doing, dude?
I had to do the right thing.
Radio announcer:
Mi compadre, DJ phantom.
- Did he just say...
- Is it?
- - It's your mix.
- They're playing your mix.
- How?
I don't know, maybe you left
your music at the club.
My friend hosts this radio show.
- That's awesome, dude!
- Yeah, yeah, it is.
You should consider the Blakejob
for all your representation.
In fact, I think I could
do something for you.
- I can pull you in...
- We need to call Dorian.
Get my watch back.
- Hello.
- Logan: It's panic.
I've got the money.
All of it.
I want my watch back tonight.
Slow down, cowboy.
Meet me tomorrow at Punta
de Mita beach club at noon,
and don't be late.
Punta de Mita beach club.
Tomorrow at noon.
Now I feel much better.
Spray, Dimitri!
- We have arrived!
- Oh! Okay.
Every time.
Every time.
Gaby: I have to go
to the bathroom.
- Meet you by the pool?
- Okay.
Yeah, uh,
I'm pretty tired, so...
And another soldier falls
to the power of the pussy.
Stop. Nothing's going
to happen.
Wait, do you think it might?
Seriously?
That's your problem.
You're too serious.
Chuy, show me the sights, man.
- We've got some money.
- Blake, only a little bit.
Don't spend all that money.
Only a little bit.
Only a little.
Hey. Logan.
Um, about last night...
I'm really sorry.
You were drunk.
It's nothing.
No, it's not.
You've always been
really nice to me,
and I appreciate that.
So, let me know
how I can make it up to you.
I don't know.
Buy me a drink?
Well, I can't now.
I'm actually meeting Ashley.
Of course, of course.
Lina:
Yeah, all right.
How about a drink
tomorrow night, then?
I really like you, Logan.
I think you're
a super great guy,
so I have to be honest with you.
I'm in my crazy,
wild phase right now,
and I just want to
experience life, you know?
And there's just nothing
experienced about you.
So, I'm not saying...
I'm not saying no.
I'm just saying not now.
Come on! Hola.
- Who's this?
- Who's who?
Oh, Lina. Gaby...
Gaby, this is Lina.
Forget this skinny Gringita,
because I found a friend
for our threesome.
- Threesome?
- Threesome?
S. S.
She's muy caliente.
- So, come on.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Logan.
- Yeah?
Club Strana tomorrow night?
- Come on, come on.
- Sure.
Yeah, that'd be great.
Okay. Bye!
What?
See?
She's totally into you now.
I can't believe that worked.
You ready for our threesome?
I'm messing with you.
Oh.
Goodnight, Logan.
- Wait, don't go.
- What?
Afraid Lina
won't see us together?
I just like talking to you.
Logan:
My parents would kill me
if they found out I was here.
Mine would kill me if they
knew I was a stripper.
How do you keep them
from finding out?
Easy.
They're both gone.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Whoa.
What?
What happened to your parents?
My dad was a gringo tourist
who got my mom pregnant.
He was a salesman.
My mom was an English teacher.
By the time I was born,
he was gone.
Then when I was ten,
my mom died,
so my grandpa took care of me
until he got sick.
But I didn't know how
to pay the hospital bills
and Dorian saw me dancing
and offered me a loan and a job.
You are an incredible dancer.
I thought that's all
I'd be doing... dancing.
But then clients
kept asking for more
and Dorian just doesn't
take no for an answer.
I had no choice.
But then an older girl
took pity on me
and showed me a trick...
It's called rohypnol.
It's a pill that puts
clients to sleep.
You roofied me.
Wait, but why?
I never would have
tried anything.
I know that... now.
- You have to quit.
- I will. I will.
I took a second job
at the hotel,
and I'm going to
go back to school
and make my grandpa proud of me.
But first I have
to pay Dorian back
or then he'll own me forever.
At the club,
why'd you choose me?
They teach you to look
for certain things.
Logan:
Like a super expensive watch.
Gaby: S.
Logan, my real name is Jessica.
Nice to meet you, Jessica.
You, too.
It was always
a special place for me.
I never brought anyone here.
Come on! Hurry up!
I'm coming!
Blake:
Details. Details!
I want to know everything, okay?
Okay. You're out
of your fucking mind.
Come on!
Why aren't you
answering me, Logan?
We're going to get
the watch, all right?
- - Hey, look, look, look!
- Whoo!
- Blake: Look, look, look!
Look at all those girls!
- Yeah, I told you!
- Whoo!
Yeah!
I thought this was
a business meeting.
Chuy: This is how
we do business here.
Is that where we're going?
- Chuy!
- Come on!
- You're a fucking madman.
- Let's go.
Thanks, guys.
It's pussy paradise!
Hey, guys.
You look thirsty.
- Wow.
- Okay.
Can you tell us where Dorian is?
- He's up there.
- Great, thanks.
- Catch you later.
- Dude, come on.
What?
Dude, she's so into me.
- You didn't see that?
- Yeah.
- She was flush in the face.
- Sure, dude.
She was getting sweaty and shit.
Oh! No, that's...
That's Chris lake.
- Logan: Dude!
- That's Chris lake!
- What? Yeah!
- Hey!
Hey, hey.
What are you doing with my dog?
He likes me.
Can we do this?
Let's go.
Hurry.
Dude, what the...
Oh, my head.
Oh, I need a hospital.
Why are we naked?
Dude, there's makeup
all over your body.
There's makeup
all over your body.
What the fuck happened?
Where's your watch?
Logan:
Here it is. $5,000.
Dorian:
This calls for a drink!
Let's toast.
For a new beginning.
Blake: What the fuck?
Oh, fuck. Fuck.
Where are our clothes?
I'm going to throw up.
I'm going to throw up.
Blake:
Hey!
- Oh, shit.
- I think you need to close the door.
- Where is it?
- I got it. I got it.
Oh, fuck. Hello?
- Dorian: Panic!
- You fucking asshole.
What happened to new beginnings
- and all that bullshit?
- This is, my friend,
the new beginning for you
of a very long
jail sentence for you.
And take good care
of the car, huh?
It belongs to the mayor
of Puerto Vallarta.
- The mayor's car?
- The major's car?
- This is bad.
- This is the mayor's car?
Very bad!
This is the car!
Dorian:
Here comes the best part.
The car has just
been reported as stolen!
Stolen? Shit.
We're in a stolen car.
Keys.
We gotta find the keys.
Fuck the keys!
Move over, guerito!
- Move over!
- Que pasa!
Our dicks are touching!
Our dicks are touching!
Get out of here!
Chuy, drive.
Chuy, drive. Chuy, drive.
We're going to jail!
We're going to jail!
Drive!
Holy shit!
Motorcycles in action
are huge in
international markets!
How about getting ass-raped
in Mexican prison?
Oh, shit!
- Oh, shit.
- Shit!
Logan: Fuck.
- Holy shit!
- Hold on!
- Blake: Oh, my god!
- We lost one. We lost one.
We have a motorcycle on our ass.
Chuy, not now!
Drive, drive, drive, drive!
Drive! Go! Shit!
- Aah!
- Logan: Watch it!
Lose them, Chuy!
I don't want to go to jail!
This is not a street!
Wrong way!
Wrong way, Chuy!
Blake:
Whoo! This is awesome!
Logan:
Oh, shit!
There's no way out!
Watch it, watch it!
Oh, shit!
No, we can't drive there.
There's people, Chuy.
- I think that's it!
- Cover your faces!
Cover your faces! Cover!
Logan, I love you,
if we don't survive this!
- That was amazing!
- Logan: Oh, my god!
Blake:
Chuy, you're the master!
Logan:
They're behind us.
What?
You're freaking me out, man!
- What are you doing?
- Confessing my sins in case we die.
- Confess?
- Die?
Aah!
Okay. Uh, I think
I slept with a she-male.
She had a penis!
A really big penis.
Bigger than mine.
I didn't even sleep with Gaby.
She roofied me.
I'm still a virgin!
- What?
- Don't kill me!
A virgin?
I slept with a dude!
Puto madre.
Chuy, there's a gate!
Oh, shit!
Chuy, he's right behind us.
Motherfucker!
Blake:
Watch out! Watch out!
All: Yeah!
- Logan: I think we lost them!
- Blake: No cops!
Stop!
Stop, stop, stop, stop!
Logan:
We're going to jail.
- Oh, my god.
- We're going to jail.
Never.
Logan:
Shit, Chuy!
No, Chuy!
Where are we going?
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay.
Whoo! Fuck you!
Epic, bro! Whoo!
Yeah, epic,
except we have no clothes,
no money, and no fucking watch.
Dude, at least
we're not in jail.
And let's keep it that way.
- Yeah!
- Let's go!
Look, when we get back,
we'll find out
where Dorian lives,
and then wait until he's asleep
and we'll steal the watch back.
I'm being serious, dude.
Why not?
Stop. Stop helping.
You know, none of this
would have even happened
if you'd just manned up
with Lina in the first place.
What?
None of this would have
happened if I manned up?
How about none of this
would have happened
if you weren't
such a selfish douchebag?
Selfish?
Dude, I did all of this
just so you could get with Lina.
No, you did all of this
for your fucking website, man.
You've been shooting
the whole fucking time.
This trip?
Material for your website.
My dad's fucking Porsche?
Material for your
fucking website, dude!
You don't give a shit about me.
How can you say that?
Because you
fucking used me, man.
Fuck you.
Fuck me, man?
I just want to get the watch,
get home, and we're done.
Then we're done.
Chuy:
Hey! Boys!
What's up?
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Here. Here.
Come on, man.
Fuck it.
Vamanos! Vamanos!
We're supposed to be
on vacation, Logan!
Nice ass, Logan!
It's chalky white!
I'm going to enjoy the view.
Get a nice tan on my dick.
What happened?
Long story.
Blake: Hmph.
Come on, I'll tell you inside.
Keep it flowing.
Let's face it.
- He fucking outplayed us.
- No, he didn't.
You tried to play fair,
but Dorian does not play fair.
We have to stop fucking around
and take this to the next level.
- S.
How do we do that?
Come on, Sammy.
Come on!
Come on, Sammy.
Careful, Sammy.
Very good.
Very good, Sammy.
Good dog.
Good! Obedient.
Good, Sammy.
Good dog.
What? Sammy!
Sammy, where are you?
Have you seen my dog?
A little dog?
Boston terrier?
A small dog, very ugly?
Logan:
It's okay, boy.
Blake: The power of the pussy.
It never fails.
Yeah, never.
Gotta get the Chiquita
back to my cousin.
See you there.
At the club, yeah?
Come on. See you!
- See you!
- Later, dickhead!
- We have the package.
- Okay.
Sammy!
Gaby, what do you want now?
I'm busy.
What's the matter?
Lose something?
You fucking bitch.
You're going to pay for this.
If you want to see Sammy,
you bring the watch
and the cash to sky club.
- Tonight.
- Fucking bitch.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Dickhead.
Douchebag.
Are we cool?
Because I need you.
On three.
- One.
- Both: Two.
- Both: Three.
- I'm sorry.
Fuck you. You need me.
You're such an asshole.
You're such an asshole, come on.
All right, bring it in.
Bring it in.
Can you say sorry?
I love you, man.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Man, I love you so much.
I missed you.
This feels good.
Here are your towels.
- That's cool.
- Oh, yeah.
- We're cool. Right?
- We're good.
I just wanted the one, man,
but that's cool.
- Have fun.
- What do you mean?
We're not trying to have
that kind of fun.
The towels aren't...
He thinks we're going to fuck.
Aren't we going to have
make-up sex?
The dog!
First the watch.
What about the cash?
You're going home now, boy.
- It was a pleasure.
- Not so fast.
The thing, my friends,
I really fucking hate to lose.
Yeah, I thought
you'd feel that way.
- Chuy?
- Cousins!
What?
What the fuck is going on here?
What is this?
Sammy!
Sammy, come here!
Go and get him! Go!
Fucking pair of idiots.
Okay, so maybe...
Another time.
Gaby, come with me.
What are you doing?
You owe me, right?
And I will pay you,
but my way, not yours.
Ha! And how are you
fucking going to do it?
By working double shifts
in that fucking hotel
for $4.00 an hour
plus tips?
You will never
make enough money.
You will be always in my debt.
Forever.
How much does she owe you?
How much?
She owes me more money
than you can ever dream,
than you can ever imagine,
than you can ever...
$10,892.
Plus interest, my love.
Well, we got $5,000 here,
and it's close to another
thousand right there.
Too bad, my friend.
It's not enough.
You're almost there,
but yet, nothing.
So enjoy your vacation...
Alone.
Yes... alone.
I'll give you the watch.
No, no, no. You can't.
You can't.
Dude, after all
we've been through?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What's going on here?
Why are you talking,
the guy with the fucking tie?
Shut up.
You said it yourself,
the watch is worth a lot more.
- Yes.
- And you're lucky,
because I like your dog,
so I'll cut you a deal.
I'll give you this watch
- to clear Jessica's debt.
- Deal done.
After all,
you've been very lucky
that I didn't kill you.
You know why?
Your daddy will do it for me.
Hasta la vista, my friend.
Tony, let's go.
Crazy, stupid gringo.
- What did you do?
- What I had to.
Chuy?
Thank you, man.
For everything.
Nah, nah.
Nah.
- Thanks, man.
- Thank you.
Thank you, god.
You are one
bad-ass Mexican, Chuy!
And you are some crazy gueritos!
Let's go party,
you crazy Mexicans!
Chuy: Okay!
Fiesta!
Vamanos, primos!
It's just a watch, right?
- Right?
- Thank you.
Emcee:
Put your hands together!
Make some noise for Adrian Lux!
Oh, shit.
Lina.
Um, just give me a second.
Hey! I've been
looking for you.
Yeah, about that, listen.
Everything you said about me,
it's true.
I'm not crazy.
I'm not wild or experienced.
I'm in love.
I see.
But if you're looking
for wild and crazy...
Friends?
Friends.
See you on the dance floor.
Whoo!
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
Puerto Vallarta,
give it up for Adrian Lux.
He rocked the house tonight.
DJ phantom is in the house,
and he's going to
play his powerful mix
just for you guys.
No, no, I can't.
I can't hear you guys!
Are you ready?
Maybe you,
you Logan, can't,
but... hold on.
DJ phantom can.
Come.
Adrian Lux,
meet Jessica and DJ phantom,
good friends of mine.
- Good luck, man.
- Whoo! Logan!
Thank you. Great mix.
- Here.
- Lina: Logan!
It's all yours, man.
- Good luck.
- You're a rock star! Whoo!
- Shit. Shit, come on. No.
- Logan!
- Not now, come on.
Lina:
Show us what you can do!
Relax, you can do this.
Man: Okay, you've got this.
All right.
Turn that shit up!
Work it, Blake!
Work it!
Caliente!
This had been the best trip
of my life.
I can't believe
I'm leaving today.
I have to go.
- Jessica, what?
- I can't do this.
- Jessica, hey, hey, hey.
- It's too painful.
What's wrong?
What happened?
I don't know what that means.
Please don't go.
Jessica.
Jessica, come on!
No! Please!
Jessica!
What does that mean?
It's a very common story
in Vallarta, amigos.
The Mexican girl
who falls in love
with the gringo tourist.
And then hearts are broken.
Ooh! Ouch, that hurt.
Come on, I'll help you.
- Come on, stud.
- I'm gonna lift you.
Ugh. Ooh!
Light as a feather.
Like a...
Thank you.
Bring them up here.
Come on up.
Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hey, Logan. What's with the door?
I don't know.
It was working fine for me.
I'm going to check the garage.
Nice to see you, too, dad.
Hey, so, sorry about
the whole naked cruise.
- How was it?
- It started out strange,
but it turned out to be okay.
- Yay.
- So how about you?
- Did you...
- Did the whole list.
Oh, see, honey,
I knew we could trust you.
Yeah.
What's different?
You look handsome.
Everything okay?
Oh, it's nothing.
Just a little sunburn on my ass.
Kent: Logan?
Logan!
Yeah!
Yeah, I'm coming!
Oh, shit.
Hey, what's up?
Well, Logan, the car looks good.
Clean as a whistle.
Yeah, didn't touch it.
Did a good job
on your to-do list.
Mm-hmm.
Mowed the lawn,
put garbage cans back.
Noticed you're
not wearing my watch.
You didn't scratch it, did you?
No, I didn't scratch it.
Tell me you didn't
scratch my watch.
- I didn't scratch your watch.
- Thank god.
- I lost it.
- You lost it?
You lost the Rolex?
Yes, and I'm going to
do whatever I can
- to make it up to you.
- You didn't lose a Rolex.
You lost your
grandfather's Rolex.
Yeah, I know. I know.
I can't tell you
how bad it makes me feel.
I can tell you how bad
it makes me feel...
Like I can't trust you.
And you're supposed to be
running off to college.
About college...
I'd like to take a year off,
pursue my music.
Go abroad.
See things for myself
like you did.
Me?
Dad, mom told me
you took a year off
before college to travel Europe.
She said she never would
have met you if you hadn't.
And then where would you be?
Where would I be?
Logan, you didn't lose
your grandfather's watch.
- I didn't?
- No.
I lost your grandfather's Rolex.
You lost the replacement.
Wow.
I had no idea.
Feels like shit, doesn't it?
Feels like shit.
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry.
Year abroad, huh?
- Yeah.
- What's her name?
Who's name?
The girl you're in love with.
What's her name?
Jessica.
- Is she hot?
- Whew.
Thank you, Mexico.
Thank you, Puerto Vallarta.
Now, coming up is a DJ
that I've been working with.
- Please welcome phantom!
- Thank you, man.
- Nice one, buddy.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Good luck.
What are you doing here?
I finally found out
what that means.
Logan: Let's see
what Blake is up to.
- Aah!
- Oh, my god.
- Oh! What the fuck?
- Look at that ass!
This is supposed to be private!
- I don't do this to you.
Yes, you do.
Okay, fine, but I'm
going to get you back.
Don't stop.
You can continue.
- This is bullshit.
- Everything okay?
Oh, Blake was right.
Your privates are the first
thing to get toasted.
Oh, no, mom!
I'm your son.
Put that...
Put that away, no.
What happened here?
Where...
Where is my watch?
What? What?
What the fuck is this?
Fuck! Fuck!
Sir, we're looking
for Gabriella.
- $50.
- There's been a mistake.
You are not the Gabriella
we're looking...
- Oh, yeah!
- Whoa!
Who takes photos here?
Run!
- Oh, shit!
- Bring me back some weed.
Across international borders?
Stick it up your butt
or something.
Trick or treat, bitches!
How sick is this?
I'm a robot.
I'm a dance...
- stop!
Dude, are you kidding me?
- Logan: Hurry up, Princess!
- I gotta do my hair, dude!
- I think you're ready!
- Oh, you piece of...
Blake:
Oh, dude!
What are you doing jerking off
in my parent's bedroom?
Why are you walking in
without knocking?
My mom's fitness videos?
Really?
Logan: Dude, get your
dick away from me.
Dude, seriously, stop it!
Blake:
Just fucking touch it!
Logan:
Did you just fart?
Are you kidding me, dude?
One, two..
- We're done?
- Yeah, we're done.
Okay.
Pussy.
Douchebag.
Viva la Mexico?
Aah!
See you, bitch.