Swashbuckler (1976) Movie Script

I think he's a pirate.
I think they've got a black one.
Send two more bunches,
not too ripe, before Sunday.
Me pleasure,
Mr. Culverwell.
Did Mr. Durant like them?
I sent him yesterday.
- Would I be back today if not?
- Thank you, sir.
Thank you and Lord Durant.
- What they doin' there?
- Stringin' up another pirate.
Get your bleeding foot
out of my ear.
Give us a hand here!
Get them slops out of here.
Put on that line.
Hold still.
- Corporal, the orders!
- Sir. Yes, sir.
No, Corporal, read it.
Read it!
Oh. Yes, sir.
''I, James Durant,
''in my capacity as acting Governor
and acting Lord High Justice,
do hereby decree that
at dawn on the morrow--''
- We're a bit tardy, sir.
- Never mind.
- Get to the gist of it
before we're obsolete.
- Yes, sir.
"That the malefactor,
one Nick Debrett,
"will be hanged
from the neck until dead.
"And he shall be left
to hang until carrions...
"shall reduce his body
to bones.
"For the moral benefit
to the people...
"by their witnessing
the execution...
"and rotting of the body,
the people thereby deriving...
-"...a useful lesson in duty and obedience,"
"and a strong admonition
to repentance...
"from the heavy hand of justice
so near their streets.
"Signed James Durant,
acting Governor...
and acting
Lord High Justice."
Very good, Corporal.
Let us proceed!
I find no prayer
for a pirate, Major.
I stayed up all night
but the closest I could find
was something by Peter... for fishermen.
That should do nicely.
Please, carry on.
Has he lived
a religious life, sir?
No matter.
He shall die a religious death.
''I shall cast my net
out into the sea.
The fish caught in that net
are the fish of the Lord--''
Fine. Now if
the chaplain is finished.
Y-Yes, sir.
Check the trapdoor, Corporal.
- Now.
- Yes, sir.
The hood, sir.
The man's a pirate, not a prince.
Let the drums sound!
All right.
Cinch up, Polonski!
There's work to be done.
- Sir?
- Not another word, Corporal.
- But, sir!
- Corporal!
Not one more word.
- That'll teach you, Durant!
Blow 'em to hell!
That a lads!
- What ship is that?
- The Blarney Cock, Willard.
Pretty as a picture she is too.
Beg pardon, sir.
Tell Lord Durant I'll
send him the very best.
Return their fire!
Return their fire!
That a way, lads.
Let's give 'em one more,
for Nick Debrett!
- Why don't they fire?
- The guns were for ornamentation, sir.
It was to be a hanging,
not a firing squad.
Fire four!
Fire three!
Sweet Jesus!
- Clear the port tops'l.
- Lower the mast!
There's two men!
Fire on them.
Somebody fire on them!
Soldier, stay and fight!
Where's your heart, man?
Steady as she goes,
my friend.
Steady as she goes!
Now you got it.
What the devil?
Thank you, Ned.
Lift sail!
Give 'em one more, boys.
Fire at will.
I'll see you hang,
Ned Lynch!
And by my own hand!
I think it will have to be
by a very long rope!
You there, stand!
There's been a problem
at the hanging.
Major Folly has allowed
the pirate prisoner to escape.
That stupid, stupid
blundering fool!
I entrust him with a simple execution,
and this is how he shows his thanks.
By losing the prisoner
He was taken right off
the gallows...
from under Major Folly's nose
by the crew of the Blarney Cock,
and, of course,
Captain Ned Lynch.
Of course it would be
Ned Lynch.
Damn his common soul!
If I ever see him,
he will die.
Stop the carriage
at the entrance. Take out the prisoner.
It's Sir James Barnet,
the Lord Chief Justice, in chains, sir.
The former
Lord Chief Justice.
Have him taken
to the gymnasium.
Am I to stand here
all day, Lord Durant?
Sir James,
how good of you to come.
You will excuse me,
I trust,
if I continue with my practice
while we speak.
I have so little time
for the pleasures in life.
You'll understand,
I'm sure.
I trust you've not
suffered discomfort, Sir James.
Is that why you had me
brought here in chains?
To inquire as to whether
they are a proper fit?
I never really thought
of myself as a cruel man,
only a clever one.
But not clever enough
to deceive the people of Kingston.
The people, Durant!
Not your lackeys and hired assassins.
En garde.
You must understand, Sir James,
that you are merely a pawn.
A rebellious one, to be sure,
but a pawn all the same.
And I must remove you
from the playing board.
To rape the people.
That's a harsh description.
I think of it as payment due.
- Payment for what?
- For the years I've suffered
on these filthy islands.
For the hours I've had to
endure such insufferable...
righteous bores
such as yourself, Sir James!
All that is insufferable,
Lord Durant, is you.
My only failure has been
in not being able to expose you...
and the wickedness you represent.
Hear this, sir.
As sure as I stand before you now...
others will come,
and you shall not succeed, but die,
and men
shall dance on your grave.
You are in no position
to make threats, Sir James.
Unlock these chains
and I'll do far more than that!
You will do nothing
but what I direct you to do.
I grow weary of this debate
and tired of the sight of you.
My final words are thus:
All your lands and property
are forfeit to the crown.
Your dear wife and daughter
can find a new home...
in whatever slum
appeals to them.
And you, Sir James,
shall be removed at once
to the fortress.
There to serve a sentence for
a length of time that suits my pleasure.
Fine. Over to
the second wagon, please.
Second wagon.
You men,
bring horses from the stables.
Put that in the third wagon.
Handle that carefully!
Careful with
Sir James' headboard.
Lord Durant's headboard.
Careful, private, careful.
This is no picnic.
Keep your men moving there.
Straighten your belt.
Stand up straight, young man.
Guards, attention!
Madam, I will have
to examine your bags.
- You will do nothing of the kind.
- I have my orders.
Damn your orders.
Lady Barnet, I apologize
for the inconvenience,
but it will be necessary
for you to do as requested.
I will cut them off
if you persist.
However, I think it is safe to assume
that Lady Barnet and her daughter...
would not attempt to deceive us...
by secreting valuable cargo
in their valises.
- Don't you think?
- Well, sir--
- You agree, do you not?
- Certainly, sir.
Right, then.
Let the women pass...
and let the coach leave
- You two take this to the first wagon.
- Not there!
- There! In my coach!
- Not there!
There, in the major's coach.
Corporal, proceed!
There was a young lady...
from Malta...
who swooned on the boat
to Gibraltar.
Though she lost her virginity
in that vicinity,
she still made her way
to the altar.
Ahh, yes.
There once was a lady
named Starkie...
who had an affair
with a darkie.
The result of her sins
was quadruplets,
not twins,
one black, one white, two khaki.
I once went to bed
with a Quaker.
In the morning,
I just couldn't wake her.
So I sauntered away
and I spent the whole day...
with a lovely young thing
from Jamaica.
There was a young girl
whose frigidity-- What?
I feel a tremblin' beneath my spine.
I think it's a coach.
Two horses--
No, four horses,
one black, one white,
and two khaki.
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
There was a young girl
whose frigidity--
That's right, go on.
Approached cataleptic
Till he gave her a drink
which she quickly would sink--
In a state of
complacent liquidity.
Hurry it up, Nick!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
There once was
a young major named Folly.
Hey yup!
You know, that's not
a very good book, Major Folly.
Actually, there's another work
on the same subject...
done by Mollet and Van der Veer.
It's far more comprehensive.
I swore to you once,
and I'll swear to you again,
Captain Lynch!
I will see you hang.
I think your man's upset, Nick.
So it seems, Captain.
What a shame.
I'm beginning to doubt
he'd accept my apology.
Which apology is that?
For leavin' my hanging
in such a hurry...
that I didn't have time to thank him
for his hospitality.
Well now, Nick,
all a man can do
is live an honorable life.
Be kind to women, to animals,
and to treat his fellow man
as he wishes to be treated himself.
- So be it.
- Thank you, Nick.
Good luck, Major Folly.
Better days ahead.
Come on, help me in.
Come on, Polonski.
Get your Polish backside in there.
A major's life
is not an easy one!
Isn't that
Sir James Barnet's coach?
Have a orange, milady!
- We're here, Mother.
- It's Sir James' family.
Leave 'em alone.
They've problems enough tonight.
Lady, please.
Thank you.
Isn't it nice?
Isn't it lovely?
It does not please milady?
- Leave us alone.
- Indeed I will, after I've been paid.
It's far too much
for a rat hole like this.
Watch your tongue, milady.
Unlike you, I am
where I choose to be.
Father will be free.
And Durant will pay.
I promise.
I'll get for you a golden ring
Oh, yes, oh
I promised you
my little thing
A hundred years ago
Mate, lend a hand?
Not those, my angels.
Here. Bookends.
Fill the empty space between with books.
Better than your body jewels.
What good is a decorated neck
when an empty head is perched on top?
Better an empty head
than an empty bed.
All right, lads,
quiet now. Quiet.
Listen to your captain.
Division of the spoils...
eight bells.
All right, girls.
I hold you responsible, Mr. Moonbeam.
Aye, Captain.
Look at the brooch
he picked up.
Girls, here's something
for you.
Nobody gave me nothin' like that.
All right, lads.
Sleep well.
I plead with you, Lord Durant,
to give me one last chance.
One final opportunity
to redeem myself in your noble eyes.
As God as my witness,
I shall not fail you again.
First the pirate prisoner,
then the Barnet fortune...
which I entrusted to you.
Whatever shall I do with you,
Major Folly?
Take off your coat, Major.
And the vest.
- Beg your pardon?
- The vest!
And the shirt as well.
You may sit down, Major.
At ease, Major.
You may begin.
Suffering becomes
all mankind.
But it finds its most perfect expression
in the faces of the young.
At present it is only
a game, young Major.
But next time, who knows how serious
the consequences might be?
Dagon! Time enough.
Remove the wax.
Where have you been,
my very large friend?
I've been abroad, Little Nick.
Island hopping.
Following the wind, free like a bird...
and pinching a plump behind
everywhere I could find one.
And you, Little Nick.
The tales I'm told.
A scoundrel.
Nick Debrett, a brigand.
All true, my friend,
and much worse.
And that gentleman whose nose
I came so close to removing?
Red Ned Lynch.
- Cudjo Quarrel.
- It's an honor, Captain Lynch.
Well, Mr. Cudjo,
how'd you come to know my friend?
Little Nick and I
shared many a length of chain.
When the day came that we finally
grew tired of each other's company,
there was only one thing
for us to do.
We blew our separate ways
like free men will.
It's good to be
on the same tack again.
Breezes tend to blow that way,
old friend.
Cudjo, it's always a pleasure
to know a friend of a friend.
Give me a kiss.
Ned, I've missed you!
- He didn't miss you.
- Oh, well.
You remember me?
She's clean, huh?
Where did you get this?
Let go of it.
It's mine. It's mine!
Tell me.
Where did you get this?
- Where did you get it?
- As a matter of fact, I gave it to her.
Where did you get it?
Where does Ned Lynch get anything?
- Six to four on Lynch's whore.
- And three to one on the little whore.
That's not a whore.
That's Sir James' daughter.
One man's daughter is another man's
whore. I'll take your bet.
Captain, I think
she just earned it.
I didn't earn it.
I own it!
''To my loving daughter
Jane, from her father.''
Your father's
Sir James Barnet?
Sir James' daughter!
Thank you, ma'am.
There he is!
Seize him!
Get her!
Get the murdering wench!
Watch out, Ned!
Stop 'im!
Oh, God!
Oh, my God!
- Can't a man have some peace?
- Only in heaven, sir.
Heads up, lads!
Come on, girl.
Too far to jump.
Can't get you up on the roof.
Wanna walk the plank?
Come on, Miss Barnet.
It's easy.
Take my wrist, girl.
Come on.
Don't crowd me, girl.
Make room for me!
Come on, Nick!
- What kept you?
- Come on, you crazy fool.
Well, not a second to lose,
as they say.
Hey! No!
- It works. You're next.
- Not me, mate.
All right.
Then both at once!
- Here they come.
Come on!
After them!
Somebody stop them!
Throw her in.
Excuse me, sir.
- Hey yup! Hey!
- Thief! Come back with me wagon!
After them!
Get the horses!
Come on, get up!
See what they've done?
They've stolen me wagon!
Bring back me bananas!
Nick, mustn't forget
to pay for the damage!
Thank you for
your aid, madam.
- I fought for my life, not yours.
- I thank you anyway.
Ned, company!
We'll take a shortcut then.
Hey yup! Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
Hey yup!
- Ask the lady if she can swim.
- What?
Ask the lady if she can S-W-I-M.
- Why?
- Because--
You're a madman.
Yes, dear.
But a live one, at least.
Fancy the lass?
That I do.
No wonder.
A lovely creature she is.
I'd give a pretty penny
to spend an hour with that.
- Would you now?
- Aye, that I would.
A pretty penny.
The question is, would you be
willing to give your life for it?
How long have you
been sitting there?
A very long time.
You move quietly.
- Yes, girl, I do.
- It's natural among thieves.
Beg your pardon, ma'am.
I'm not a thief.
I'm a pirate, and proud
to be called one.
- Will you give back what
you stole from my family?
- No.
Then, sir,
you are a thief.
As you please.
Am I your prisoner?
Do you feel like
you're my prisoner?
- Am I able to leave?
- I wasn't aware you'd requested it.
If that is your request, you can be
put ashore in the morning if you wish.
I do.
Consider it done.
I hope you enjoy yourself
in the company of soldiers.
What do you mean?
You fought against the king's army...
in the company of pirates.
You stuck a dagger
into one poor lad.
In the eyes of the law,
you're as much a criminal as I am.
- I fought to defend myself!
- Don't make your excuses to me, girl.
Make them to Lord Durant.
Good day to you, girl.
My Johnny's gone
What shall I do
Johnny's gone
To high low
My Johnny's gone
- She eat?
- Refused.
She's stubborn then.
You fancy her,
don't you, Ned?
A woman's place
is between the sheets.
I suspect there's more
to this wench than that.
How long have we sailed
together, Nick?
Six years.
You gave me your trust.
I gave you this ship
to call your home.
We've sailed this ocean,
done as we've pleased.
Nobody's ever dared
to stand up to us more than once.
Don't you trust me now?
With my life. But it isn't my life
that worries me, only yours.
That girl is trouble, Ned.
A pirate in love
is like a fish out of water.
Both are where
they shouldn't be,
but only the fish
has sense enough to know it.
Well... anyways,
she leaves in the mornin'.
Here's the freedom
you wanted, girl.
Enjoy it while you can.
Little girl!
Wouldn't be right if I were
to leave you defenseless.
Do I notice
a certain hostility, girl?
Would you like
to run me through, perhaps?
I would indeed, you thief.
You think the lady's about
to paint a picture, Captain?
A spirited one.
Lesson number one:
Never get provoked, girl.
All right, girl.
Lesson number two: Never fight fair
when fighting for your life.
Lesson number three, girl:
Never raise the sword to me again
unless you're prepared to die for it.
Thank you for the lesson...
Captain Lynch. Aye.
Miss Barnet?
Keep that sword.
You may have need of it.
Thank God you're here.
It's even worse
than you think.
How could it be?
Durant is fleeing
tomorrow night.
He's taking his plunder from the
custom's house and sailing for England.
Oh, good riddance.
He has given orders...
for all political prisoners
to be executed before he leaves.
I pleaded with him
to spare your father.
It only made him smile
to see me grovel for Sir James Barnet.
- There is one chance.
- What?
You must appeal
to your friend Ned Lynch.
Friend? Ha.
The man is
a malicious, arrogant--
He is our only hope
to save your father.
He wouldn't do it.
Not for me.
There is little that he wouldn't
do for money or a pretty woman.
I can't ask him.
Cousin, you have no choice.
Go to him.
I don't trust him.
Then you must never
let him out of sight.
Lay your head
Upon your Savior's breast
I love you
But Jesus loves you best
Bid you good night
Good night
Good night
Yes, I bid you good night
Good night
Good night
Hey, lay down
Brother Pinder
Lay down
and take your rest
Lay your head
upon your Savior's breast
Whiskey is the life of man
Always was
since the world began
Who the devil--
Who the devil do you think you are,
walking in on a person's privacy?
This is an old friend.
I think she has come for another
fencing lesson. Is that right, girl?
- A fencing lesson?
- Have a drink.
I want your help.
Help for what?
Some kind of charity?
- It is paid, Captain Lynch.
- Paid?
- Yes.
- The reward's to be reaped
in heaven no doubt?
The reward's to be collected
on the night.
- Are you interested or not?
Yes. But how exactly are they
to be collected on the night?
I must speak to you alone,
Captain Lynch.
I beg your pardon?
Just who in the name of the Almighty
do you think you are?
Do you think you can dance your way
into somebody's bedroom...
and insult them just like that?
Just like that?
You tart!
- I'll show you what's for!
- Listen. She's a young girl!
She doesn't know nothing about all this.
Calm yourself. Alice!
Come here now.
I'm gonna put my hand
over your ears...
so you can't hear
what she's gonna say.
All right, girl,
what's the work?
Kill Durant.
The pay is 10,000 doubloons.
10,000 doubloons.
Everything Durant has stolen,
his entire fortune,
is about to be placed
on a ship to England.
And he will be at the custom's house
to see it done.
- When?
- Tomorrow night.
10,000 doubloons,
Captain Lynch.
- Are you trying to make a fool of me?
- No need to do that.
I'll be your hostage.
Have you ever seen
a wild goose
Sailing on the ocean
Take it easy now, Harry.
We won't move until dark.
Thank you, sir.
- Prunes, Captain?
- No, thank you, Mr. Polonski.
What do you want?
I was thinking, girl,
it's very easy to get off a ship
without your clothes on,
but it's not so easy
to get back on again.
Open the customs house for Lord Durant.
Silence, gentlemen, or death.
Squad, halt.
This I envision
in the dining salon.
All London will be jealous.
Some trinkets from the marketplace.
This from an old blind Gypsy beggar
who told the most amazing tale.
- Surprise! Emeralds.
Captain Devonshire-Bayne
at your service, milord.
Yes, of course.
Milord Durant,
it is an honor...
to be entrusted with your possessions
on this voyage to England.
It will be worth your while,
I shall look after your treasure
as if it were my own.
How reassuring.
Providing, of course,
you remember it is not your own.
Well, naturally, milord.
May I?
- You may.
- Thank you, sir.
- What was that?
- What, sir?
- That sound. What was it?
I didn't hear anything, sir.
But I'm rather deaf in my right ear.
Never mind. Let us load
my cargo aboard your ship.
Oh, yes, indeed.
Thank you, sir.
- Something is amiss in the loft.
Indeed, milord. I think
something is amiss in the loft.
I shall have to investigate.
Let us investigate!
You three, search upstairs.
There's no need to trouble yourself,
my dear Lord Durant.
I have a nose for trouble,
Rats, milord.
A species of very large rodents.
Really, Captain?
Durant, I'll kill you!
I'll kill her!
I should've known you,
Aye, milord.
Your nose for trouble.
My blade is restless, Lynch.
We've got them licked.
We can't quit now!
You made a vow, Captain Lynch.
Kill Durant, or be responsible
for the murder of all your men.
Captain, we fight to win,
not to surrender.
The girl is right, Ned.
Listen to her.
[ Durant ] A gentleman knows when to
use his sword and when to lay it down.
Have you forgotten, Lynch,
that was what you once were?
I'm not a gentleman.
I'm an Irishman.
Kill him!
Now, Lynch!
I want your answer now!
Tell him, Ned!
Oh, my God.
And the others, Mr. Lynch?
Lay down your swords, lads.
All right.
What do we do now?
You! Your sword.
Lower it,
you big black ape!
In a pig's eye, you swine!
Stop him! Stop him!
Stop them!
You're mad, girl.
Another day, milord.
Stop him!
Good luck, lads!
Durant will kill them all.
There's nobody to stop him now.
We're pirates, Ned,
not revolutionaries.
Revolutionaries, pirates.
We're men.
- Are them Ned Lynch's people?
- Aye.
Won't be nobody free before long.
More necks for the noose
and bodies for the rack.
God help the poor sods.
- Who have they got?
- Freemen off Ned Lynch's ship.
Oh, my God!
- That's Sir James' daughter.
- Ye, looks to be.
God help them.
Stand aside
for the king's army.
I see no king's army.
Monkeys, perhaps.
- Buffoons, possibly.
Toads, yes.
But an army?
No. It could not possibly be.
Stand aside or lose your head.
Fair warning has been given.
- I see you've been up to mischief.
- And not out of it yet.
- You've come to an old friend for help.
- Aye.
What do you need?
Knives, tumblers,
acrobats, wenches, men.
- When?
- Tonight.
The people are on your side,
little Nick.
How many?
More than the Lord Durant
will ever want to count.
How's the little woman?
- Still alive, curse my luck.
- Your friends are back.
They'll break me yet.
You needn't keep
encouraging them, you know.
What else am I to do up here
night after night?
Besides, I get more pleasure
out of them than I get at home.
All right, jump!
We've come to make war,
not love!
- What?
The lock. Push. Push.
All right, bring him down.
Somebody's coming.
- Jane!
- Father!
Well, you can
do anything you like, love.
Yes, my darling.
Who goes there?
'Tis I, Willard Culverwell.
Is this a proper manner
for a soldier to stand guard?
Lord Durant will demand to know
who's responsible for this outrage.
Beg pardon, sir.
Open these gates so I
may speak with Major Folly.
I'm certain he will have
a few choice words to say.
Open the gates! Open the gates
for Lord Durant's secretary.
- The gate! Open the back gate!
- Yes. Right away, sir.
Good luck, sir!
Prisoners, we are free!
Let's leave this place now!
- Have you seen Polonski?
- No!
What's that?
Lockin' pins in place.
Poor Polonski.
He really was a very nice man.
Hey, Moonbeam!
I thought that lady pirates
were all a mean bunch.
Those chains will break
no more bodies, mate.
Just one thing more
to be dealt with.
What is the meaning
of this outrage?
- The fortress, milord. The fortress.
- Yes?
Invaded, sir.
We have been invaded!
By whom?
Speak up!
Buccaneers, milord.
Pirates! Cutthroats!
Red Ned Lynch and his men.
And by the people, milord.
The people, themselves.
A rebellion! God help us all.
I fear the end is near.
We must have time
to plan a counterattack.
Are you listening, Major?
Yes, sir! There is no time
for a counterattack, sir.
- They're on their way here.
- Then you must stop them!
- Stop them?
- It is your duty, Major.
Yes, sir!
Pleasure to see you again, Major.
No, sir. Oh, no.
It would be a major blunder,
Major Folly.
- I have my duty, sir.
- You also have your life.
And the choice to keep it.
That's all your own.
To keep it without honor, sir,
is to lose it anyway.
En garde!
Have you ever heard,
Major Folly,
that the first law of life
is self-preservation?
Thank you, Captain Lynch.
But as for myself,
I believe there comes a time
in a man's life...
when defeat can be
a greater triumph than victory!
Well, amen, Major.
Mr. Polonski.
Good evening,
Captain Lynch.
Good evening,
milord Durant.
He's mine.
Let the bitch try and take me.
- You degenerate.
- Slut!
- Murderer!
- Filth!
I serve one master,
and his name is Darkness.
No, girl.
You all right, milord?
Your blows have a certain crude force,
but they lack any real style.
Do they, sir?
Nick, give me your cutlass.
Mr. Moonbeam.
Now, milord, that blade,
you know, is very sharp.
Unlike your wit!
- You fool!
- No, milord, I'm no fool.
I'm an Irishman!
Good night, gentlemen.
Draw the curtains.
The farce is ended!