Sylvio (2017) Movie Script

Five minutes Sylvio.
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
Hello, my name is Sylvio.
I'm calling in regards
to your unpaid debt.
No, I don't talk to computers.
I am not a computer.
I am a gorilla.
- Merry Christmas Sylvio.
I have a kinship with the man
Does not need to understand
I like living here alone
I've disconnected all the phones
Unplugged the neon from the wall
Lead us not into withdraws
Don't introduce me to your kin
No nice to see ya, how ya been
- Don't look at him.
Come on, hurry up.
Hold a Obispo in my heart
Oh how I need a brand new start
All the sharks out in the sea
And the lightning bolts agree
They will
have a feast next week
thanks to the Salvation Army.
Volunteers are going to be
handing out Christmas baskets
today for those in need.
Carmelo Madoloni with that story.
The harsh winds
and freezing temperatures
didn't stop volunteers from
giving baskets to those in need.
More than two dozen volunteers
packed bags with all the fixings,
even to make the perfect Christmas dinner.
It's helped me a lot.
I understand what people go through.
So it gives us a whole new
perspective for everyone.
Caitlin Meque
is a high school senior.
It was all part of a fundraiser
that they put together
to give back to their community.
Andrew Bennet is a student
and current project leader.
He's happy to give back to his community
during the holidays.
Yeah everyone's
having a good time.
We're so involved with you know,
everyone looks like it's
good to see their faces
when we get--
It's taking care of a basic need,
but it goes beyond that.
If they don't have a traditional turkey
or ham at Christmas time,
this just makes it very special.
- Cindy!
Five debts collected.
Sylvio, we need to talk.
I'm taking you off the phones.
I'm putting you on house visits.
Here's your first house.
Guy's name is Allen Reynolds.
Lay it on thick with this guy Sylvio.
I need results.
Report back to me ASAP.
Got that?
- I didn't know you were...
You're very tall.
Well come on in.
Al will meet you in a second.
Our second guest is arriving.
Taking him to the green room now.
Al took care of everything.
He has it all set up for you.
Just right in here.
Just make yourself at home.
Snacks, water, magazines?
- The deer don't necessarily
like to come out at night.
They're just as likely to
come out during the broad daylight.
Can you speak to that?
- That's exactly right.
They can pop out at any moment.
They're lurking behind bends in the road,
behind trees, anywhere.
Everyone listen real close.
I'm warning you.
Watch the road!
- Great.
Okie dokey, well thanks
for joining us Tina.
Highly recommended book here.
Go out and get a copy at
at your local book store.
Give it to a friend, a family member.
Also a great gift.
You never know, it could save your life.
Thanks for joining us Tina.
I'm terrible under stress.
Would you like an
autographed copy of my book?
It's okay.
You can use ours.
- And we're back.
We're really happy to have our next guest.
His name is Terrance
and we're really gonna
put hit to the test today.
Now we can assure you
that Terrance has not seen
any of the items that
he's about to juggle.
Isn't that right Terrance?
Excellent, let's get
right to it, shall we?
I will now remove Terrance's blindfold.
Let's get this thing off.
Let's cheer him on at home.
Okay, and let's queue
some juggling music Jerry.
I give you Terrance, the mystery juggler.
- Whoa.
- Oh, I'm Terrance.
- Alright, sorry about that folks.
We had some technical difficulties,
but we're back on the air now.
It's time for, you call, we talk,
our community call in segment of the show.
That's where we talk
about community issues,
and what's going on in your community.
Let's get right into some calls.
Who is that gorilla.
He was hilarious!
What was all that stuff he was breaking?
Hey, you gotta have him back.
- No, he won't be coming
back, I just said that.
Okay, no more calls
about the gorilla please.
We're looking for community engagement.
What's going on in your community?
Okay we have Terra and Talsen.
You're live on the air.
Oh, nevermind.
I didn't realize
you weren't taking calls
about the gorilla anymore.
I was just gonna ask if he was
gonna be on the show again.
The gorilla.
- Okay, looks like we're all out of calls.
You wanna close it up Gerald?
Thanks for tuning in.
Check back in tomorrow.
Same time, same place.
All week, every week.
The only five day a week,
afternoon show in Baltimore.
If you tuned in yesterday
you'll be familiar with our next guest.
Sylvio Bernardi, he's
a talented performer,
and today he's brought his own
original puppet show to the air.
Really neat stuff, really
looking forward to it.
So without further ado,
The Quiet Times with Herbert Herpels.
- Hey Al.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I know money's tight and I
don't wanna keep bugging you,
but none of us have gotten
our checks from last week.
- Mmhm.
Oh yeah.
I've been meaning to write you a check.
I'm sorry Maggie.
I just keep getting distracted.
Uh, yeah.
Let me just write you a check right now.
- Thank you.
Have you heard anything yet
from that new sponsor, or?
- Yeah.
- Great.
- It's looking good.
I just, I'm still talking to them
and just, need a little bit more time.
It just takes a little bit.
You know, it's a long
process and you know?
- Yeah.
- Yeah I know.
I know that you're trying.
It's just...
If we don't get paid,
none of us can do it.
It's really not--
- I know, Maggie you can just...
I'll just stop you right there,
because I know full well
that you need to get paid,
and here's the money.
- Thank you.
- I'm sorry.
I know I haven't been paying you on time,
and I'm gonna start, and
this is all gonna work out.
I just need a little bit more time okay?
- [Robotic Computer
Voice] You have reached
the answering machine of Sylvio.
Please leave a message after beep.
Hey Sylvio, it's Al.
Look, I know the Herbert
segment wasn't quite as
well received as we would've hoped but,
I've been doing a lot of thinking,
and I was wondering if maybe you and me
could work together on something.
Maybe figure out a way to take
the show in a new direction.
Hey man, watch it.
Where are you going with that hose?
Hey, this is my stuff!
What are you doing here?
There's no fire.
Hey, watch where you're going man.
Peter from Curtis Bay, you're on the air.
I just wanted
to say great show guys!
I just have a quick question.
What's the ape gonna break next?
- Two words.
- A movie.
- King Kong.
- Yeah!
When they fight they fight
And when they come
home at night they say
I love you baby
Was it too much too soon
Was it a little too late
He got the message she
left on his car in the rain
And then the words, they come to you
Drive him away
You just can't let it go
And when it all comes crashing down
What can you do
Find what you're looking for
And then the words, they'll come to you
Driving through the rain
But there'll be no one
there to say them to anyway
I love you baby
- Well, what a lot of
people don't understand
is that Sylvio is not
just some wild animal.
He's actually a really
sensitive and talented artist.
- I don't know about that.
As far as I can tell,
all he does is destroy
every darn thing he sees.
You're not serious.
The brattleboro is flooding
For every day
Brattleboro is flooding
In every way
Better find a new best friend
You better find a new best friend
Brattleboro is flooding
And so am I
They're never gonna find
your baby even if they try
You better find a new best friend
You better find a new best friend
When all the late papers come in
And when they tell me it's not my fault
When both of our lives start humming
You know I think I pay my weight in salt
Just to have her be the same again
Yeah it'll never be the same again
You're never gonna mount
that hard drive anymore
You're never gonna mount
that hard drive anymore
No worries, we've got you covered.
We've got flush mounts,
sconces, orbs, orbs, orbs,
15% off, and of course, chandeliers!
For all your lighting needs,
come on down to Charlotte's Chandeliers!
- So, that's the commercial spot
we want to air during your show,
and here is the rate we we can offer you
for the one month trial period.
- Yeah, works for us.
Oh yeah, on one condition.
Today's show is brought to you
by Charlotte's Chandeliers.
The best lights in the biz.
Shop Charlotte's and keep the light on.
Live from Clover Crest,
it's The Afternoon Show with Al Reynolds,
starring Al Reynolds.
And now ladies and gentlemen,
your host, Al Reynolds.
- Hi and welcome to The Afternoon Show.
If you're new to the show,
you've come to the right place.
We're happy to have you.
The ape will be on soon to do his thing,
but first let's check the news.
This is interesting.
The mayor of Albuquerque has...
- Open the door sir.
I can hear you inside.
I have an urgent matter
to discuss with you.
Allen, open the door.
You face tremendous consequences
if you don't respond.
Alright, the last guy
might've been a pushover,
but I assure you I won't be.
This says they can
repossess Al's property.
That's our whole show.
What are we gonna do?
Copy, be right there.
Okay well, I gotta tell Al.
Sylvio, this is really serious.
He needs to know.
Well I don't know what to do.
Maybe you could talk to your
boss again or something?
Okay, keep me posted.
- Hey man, hold up just a sec.
Dawg, break this for me!
I'm filming.
Dude, what?
I know you're that smasher gorilla dude.
Smash it!
- There's the man!
- Hey Sylvio.
I want you to meet J.J.
He is a talent agent
and he's interested in
maybe setting up some
opportunities for us.
You know, some business opportunities.
Great to finally meet you.
Big fan.
- Why don't you guys
chat it out a little bit.
See if you can come up with something.
I'm gonna head down there.
Oh boy.
I love it.
What's the ape gonna break?
It's brilliant!
You come up with that?
I bet you did.
Look, I'll cut to the chase.
I wanna represent you.
I wanna be a part of the Sylvio team.
You got potential to make a lot of money.
You ever think about branding?
You understand what I'm saying?
- Oh no, I thought you understood.
We can't do Herbert on the show anymore.
Yeah, I mean now that
we have our new sponsor
they're looking for a
certain type of show.
Unfortunately, puppet shows
aren't really the content
that they're looking for.
You know, I have to
make sure they're happy
because that's where
the money's coming from.
Look Sylvio, I'm sorry to disappoint you
but this is a new show now.
It's not like the old days
where we could just do whatever we want.
You know, we have to stick to the script.
You see what I'm saying?
Let's get you into costume.
Take the bat.
Smash the guitar, gorilla!
What's the ape gonna break?
It's Brilliant!
Did you come up with that one?
Look, Sylvio I'm
sorry to disappoint you,
but this is a new show now.
It's not like the old days
when we could just do
whatever we want you know?
We have to stick to the script.
- Tony, did you settle
the Allen Reynolds debt?
- No sir.
- Did anyone settle the
Allen Reynolds debt?
Then why is it listed under settled debts?
- I don't know,
but this guy hasn't paid.
Haven't gotten him to
even answer the door.
- Sylvio...
- Sylvio!
Come on Sylvio.
I spoke with Charlotte.
I explained the whole situation to her.
She's gonna let us air Herbert.
I'm serious, we're all set.
I was thinking we could
give Herbert his own slot,
and you could do whatever
you want with it.
No interference.
That sound good?
I'm sorry.
I don't know, maybe just
one episode or something
you could, have Herbert polishing
a chandelier or something.
But we'll figure that all out.
The main thing is, I want
you to be a part of this.
Oh my god.
What Maggie?
I'm in the middle of something.
- You have to come back,
they're taking everything.
- Hey!
Hey, what are you doing with that stuff?
This is all my equipment.
Sir, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Boom!
We can
Accomplish anything
We put our minds toward
- Hands, hands, show me your hands!
Show me your hands.
Get out of the car.
Get out of the car now!
Get out of the car.
Turn around.
Put your hands against the van.
Put your hands against the van.
Hands behind back.
You're lucky.
They're not pressing any charges.
Do you know anybody that can pick you up?
- I hate to ask this but,
well since I'm technically
not a home owner anymore,
you think I could,
maybe stay at your place
for a little while?
You sure?
J.J. what?
The show?
You wanna get the show back?
- Look, here's the deal.
You're in set back mode, okay?
But that's not a bad thing.
Alright, you're still hot.
You're still on people's radar,
but you gotta move quickly, okay?
I'd say you got a two, three month window
before people start to
forget about you, okay?
So you gotta strike while the iron's hot.
Saturation, heavy, you know what I mean?
But you gotta be willing to play ball.
Okay, let's make some money.
- You know, you are a gorilla.
You are a beast.
Give me mean.
Give me powerful.
Show me toughness.
These paper towels don't
wilt under the pressure.
They defeat the wetness.
They don't let the wetness through.
Show me impenetrable.
Alright everyone, let's reset.
Back to one if you will.
Let's bring light three in two inches.
- 35 Baker, take 12, mark.
- And, action!
- No, no come on.
We need more aggression!
You're lifeless.
Come on, are you a gorilla or a baby?
More reckless, more anger!
We need more, now get mean.
Come on, yeah, show me your teeth!
Look, this is for a cereal box.
This is big time!
Prime time, get mean!
You're a gorilla.
You're a gorilla!
- Two kings.
How do you like your eggs Sylvio?
Got it.
Sylvio, you have some really good albums.
This is a collector's item, you know that?
Sylvio, can you beat this boss?
Alright, here you go.
Sylvio and I brought you here today
because we have some big news.
We're bringing the show back.
One night only, in front
of a live studio audience,
and all we need to know from you is,
are you in?
- Cool.
- I'm in.
- Me too.
- Oh come on Maggie.
I can't do it without you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the ape gonna break
What's the ape gonna break
What's the ape gonna break
What's the ape gonna break
- Last chance dumb ass.
- Alright, you guys need to
pack up your little game here
and get out.
- You will you little punk!
He's not gonna break anything for you.
- Why, it's what he does!
- Alright, it's your last chance.
I'm gonna call the cops.
- Ooh!
- Oh my god!
- This is just atrocious.
You were right.
When he was a guest on
out show, you called it.
He's nothing but a violent beast,
and he shouldn't be
allowed on our streets.
These kids are just teenagers,
and this kid we hear
actually broke his arm in the altercation,
and it's a shame
because he's a promising
young baseball star.
This is just awful.
- Oh no!
- Don't worry mam, I've got
this crazy gorilla under control
and as for this mess,
the new round tree Triple
Quilted Paper Towel
should do the trick, guaranteed
to clean all your problems,
even the hairy ones.
Round tree
- We're live from Blue Rock Studios
where a group of protestors
have gathered in protest
of Sylvio Bernardi, the local performer.
Mam, why are you out
here today protesting?
- Well you know, I just
think that he's horrible
and violent, and it's just not a world
that I want my daughter to grow up in.
- Sir, why are you out here today.
- That stupid animal broke my arm
and now I can't pitch for three months.
- You see that guy over
there in the front row?
He's a producer at Laugh TV.
- Okay.
- He told me he might be
interested in picking up the show.
- Look, I don't think I
need to say this, but,
let's make it a big show tonight.
High energy, smooth show.
- Okay.
I got it, yeah.
- Yes!
- Five minutes Sylvio.
- Live from Blue Rock,
it's The New Afternoon Show
with Al and Sylvio.
Tonight we have an All-Star show
with some of our favorite guests,
and now ladies and gentlemen,
your host, Al Reynolds.
- Thank you, thank you,
thank you all for being here.
Welcome to The New Afternoon
Show with Al and Sylvio.
It means a lot to us that you're here.
Really excited to have you.
Great show for you tonight.
All-Star cast and crew,
and let's get right to it.
- Queue Terrance.
- I will now juggle,
these three toasters.
Let's do this.
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
What's the ape, gonna break?
- It's very important as
you live through this world.
To know when, and when
not your light's on.
So that you can be best doing what you do,
because this light will guide you.
It'll inform who you are,
and when you're doing
what's right for you.
As you live and grow, you'll
find out what that light is.
This is Sylvio speaking.
Thanks for watching,
and thanks to my friends for
helping me tell my story.
I just want to say, I am
not a violent gorilla.
As far as I'm concerned,
all of the plants,
all of the animals, everything
on this big beautiful planet
can live together in peace.
Thank you and good night.
There are people I am sure
That take comfort in the words
That what happens to
you when it's time to die
And you have heard the pearly gates
And instructions of the faith
Seen directions to the palace in the sky
But sleeping on a beach
Oh heaven is in reach
The whales are in
the deep singing softly
So in visiting a town
Or just hanging around
Take it down
Do whatever you do godly
There are people I am sure
Who seek constantly a cure
This happens all the
days I do my dancing
When you could come with me
I'm as happy as can be
And a little notoriety could help me
Well I go sleeping on a beach
Oh heaven is in reach
The whales are in
the deep singing softly
So in visiting a town
Or just hanging around
Take it down
Do whatever it is you do godly
I take it down