Tad the Lost Explorer and the Emerald Tablet (2022) Movie Script

Hey, look at this, Jeff.
There's something wrong
with this symbol.
Doesn't fit the rest of the wall.
Stop right there!
Where were you?
Guys, I found a major clue.
This could lead to...
You're here to help, not to play
at being an archaeologist.
Clean the brushes.
Wow. That was awesome, guys.
And put out that torch.
You're gonna burn the place down.
Use a flashlight.
It's the 21st century.
Guys, I think it could be important.
Okay, let me see.
- Can you read it?
- Please.
"Find the true path and its detours.
Trust the stranger.
He is the wisdom."
Well, typical Mayan wordiness.
Doesn't mean anything.
Guys, I got it!
I think I know what to do.
Yeah, I told you. Clean the brushes.
What? No. I think
we just need to press here.
Who's gonna tell his girlfriend?
What the...
Jeff, don't touch! Jeff!
No... no!
Would you please stop?
What's this doing in Mexico?
An Egyptian sarcophagus?
Jeff, run! Jump!
Come on, buddy, come on! Hurry!
Jeff, stay right there!
No, no, no, stay there, Jeff!
No, don't! Stop! Stop!
Oh, no!
Sara! You won't believe
what I found down...
What on Earth happened down there?
How did you fall down an abyss?
Are you okay?
Totally. It wasn't
that big of a deal.
No problem. I can fix it.
You idiot! You're completely useless!
It'll take us days
to open up another cave.
Okay, I'm sorry.
If you'd just let me...
No! I won't just let you, Stones.
How can I put it? In Sumerian?
In Etruscan?
This team is formed of the world's
most prestigious archaeologists.
And the brightest ones.
And the coolest ones.
And that's not you.
Right, okay. It's just that
down there, there's actually no tr...
Look, it was an accident.
We were one step away from
finding the treasure of King Pakal.
Don't defend him.
Look, I'm sorry,
but there's no treasure down there.
Just an Egyptian sarcophagus?
How you managed to convince us
to bring along this amateur
incapable of telling Egyptian
symbology apart from Pre-Columbian!
He hasn't even finished
his degree. At his age!
Yeah, all right.
But I've had adventures
no one could teach you
in a classroom.
Oh. What adventures, pray tell?
Please, do enlighten us.
Well, I...
You're a danger to archaeology.
- You're out!
- What?
And don't forget to take that dog
and your demented parrot with you.
What has Belzoni ever done to you?
He eats my fajitas!
Tad, don't let them get to you.
If they knew I found Paititi
and the collar of King Midas...
I know, but we both agreed.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
It's too dangerous
and best to keep it a secret.
Chin up, Tad.
You and I know what we discovered.
I promise you
there was a sarcophagus down there.
I believe you.
But this is their expedition.
I'll go back to Chicago with you.
No, I feel guilty enough already.
This is too important
to the university
for you to bail on the team.
I-I-I just wanted to be a part of it.
Don't worry, Tad.
Your time will come.
Sooner or later,
everyone will realize
just how great
an archaeologist you are.
Tad, I feel I should
go back with you.
Are you sure you want me to stay?
Sure, sure. I mean, please stay.
I'm totally fine.
See you in Chicago.
I have something
that may interest you.
I know.
It's been found.
Home sweet home.
Jeff, come here!
Jeff, come back! Come back here!
No! Give me that right now! Jeff!
Oh. Yeah. Hello, Mrs. Wolfstrom.
The tenants are very concerned
about the goings on
- in your apartment.
- No.
Every night there are shouts, thuds,
and it stinks to death in there!
Stinks to... What?
And the number of odd parcels
that keep arriving.
- Admit it, you're a smuggler!
- Okay. Yes. All right.
- I'm gonna call the police.
- I got you. Yeah, all right.
- The FBI. The CIA.
- Good night, Mrs. Wolfstrom.
- You're the worst tenant
- Bye!
in this building.
- I can't wait for you to go!
- Jeff?
What the...
Buddy! You're back at last!
Okay, all right.
It's good to see you, too.
You're back. Come on, come on.
Let me just get dressed.
I thought of a thousand things
that we could do together.
Go see an NBA game,
see a Lizzo concert
try a Six Guys burger.
How did you know all this?
Thanks to the world's
most incredible invention:
The Internet!
Quick, quick, record me
and I'll put it on Instazam.
You're on Instazam?
And I got six followers!
But how did you pay for all of this?
With the other
most incredible invention:
The magic plastic.
I gave you that for emergencies.
You spent all my savings
on useless stuff!
You think this is useless?
Delivery! I'll leave it by the door.
Now what have you ordered?
At last! My jet ski!
That's it! No more card for you.
I'm sorry.
But I've been locked up in here
for two months all by myself.
When you came back from Paititi
we agreed you wouldn't
set foot outside.
Well, I came to have
adventures with you
not to count all the cockroaches
living in your kitchen
for all eternity.
There's 13, by the way.
Well, we'll talk
about it later, okay?
I'm not in the mood right now.
What's the matter, buddy?
Tell old Uncle Mummy.
I got fired from the dig.
But you're the best archaeologist
in the world!
You found me!
Right. I found you.
Which is the umpteenth thing
I can't tell those guys.
Go, go, go!
- Pull! Pull!
- Look out! Don't damage it!
Keep on coming.
Come on. Over here, lookin' good.
That's freaking awesome!
Careful! Slow it down.
- Look at that.
- I can't believe it.
Egyptian symbology.
Archaic Period, Fourth Dynasty.
4,000 years of antiquity.
These marks suggest that...
Tad was right.
Don't even mention that name.
The only thing he achieved
was to set everything back.
I've never seen
hieroglyphics like these before.
It's a very ancient dialect.
It says...
"Chaos. Destruction. Liposuction."
Oh, no, it says,
"Curses, many curses."
It's too soon to draw conclusions.
We'll take it to Chicago,
take a proper look.
Hey, this is a bullseye, guys!
Brush for dust and sand.
Not to be confused
with the brush for sand and dust.
Or with the brush for cleaning bones.
Nor, of course, with the brush
for cleaning rocks.
Or the makeup brush.
That's an immediate fail.
And just look at these!
The other 75 types of brushes.
You can clean anything
you want with 'em!
Are we boring you, Mr. Stones?
No, no, Professor. I...
I am happy to hear it.
Patience is an archaeologist's
number-two tool.
So, what's number one?
The brush!
Hello, Mr. Stones.
Do you see that car
parked in front of you?
Sorry, who is this?
All in good time.
I know what you discovered in Mexico.
Get in the car. I'm about to propose
the adventure of your life.
Sorry, but... But where are we going?
Well, at least tell me who we're...
Hello, Mr. Stones!
Welcome! I am Professor Victoria Moon
investigator of the occult.
You have a terrible aura.
Let me clean it up for you.
Let you what?
There. All clean now.
Wait, you're Victoria Moon
from Mystery TV?
24 hours a day of
unexplained phenomena
astral projection
and unsolved mysteries.
Two hundred years later
and the enigma remains
in the spiritual world.
Tonight, in Chatting with Celebrities
we'll ask van Gogh
where he hid his ear!
And remember
the world you see is just
a fragment of the world that exists.
That was very interesting.
Don't worry. I know I have a poor
reputation among archaeologists.
They ignore the fact that
this world is full of phenomena
that go beyond all reason.
Take a look at this.
It looks like a battle in Egypt.
It's the great battle
of the Pharaoh Cheops
against his sorcerer,
Hermes Trismegistus.
Legend has it that Hermes created
an object with the power of the gods
which controlled magic:
The Emerald Tablet.
Thanks to its power
the kingdom of Cheops achieved
heights of splendor
never before seen.
Tired of the pharaoh
never acknowledging his merits
Hermes decided to harness
the power of the tablet
to overthrow him.
He created an enchantment to unleash
the beasts of the underworld
against Cheops's armies.
But the pharaoh discovered the plan
and he hid the tablet so that no one
would ever be able to use it again.
The legend spread
throughout the world.
All the great conquerors of history
searched high and low for it
hungry for its power.
Alexander the Great,
Caesar, Attila the Hun.
But only one found it:
Napoleon Bonaparte.
But such was the tablet's power
that he could not control it.
Filled with fear, and to stop it
from falling into enemies' hands
Napoleon ordered
to return the tablet to its hideout
and erase all trace
of its whereabouts.
But his archaeologist,
Dominique Vivant Denon
left behind an engraving
that leads to the tablet.
An engraving? So where is it?
Nobody knows.
But I bet all my chakras
it's in his old office
- in the Louvre.
- The Louvre?
Dominique was
the museum's first director
but his office disappeared
during the first renovations
of the building.
How do you know all this?
I have found a lot of information
here in his personal diary
but there is also a lot
I can't make head or tail of.
I'd abandoned all hope
of finding the tablet
until your little adventure
in Mexico.
How did you know that...
And what does all this
have to do with the tablet?
It's a fragment of the tablet.
It started shining three days ago.
When I found the sarcophagus.
Coincidence? I think not.
That sarcophagus contains
the remains of Hermes, the sorcerer.
Inside, there must be clues
that lead to the tablet!
I need you to persuade your team
to work with us.
Yeah, well, it's not exactly my team.
I know you have a good relationship
with Dr. Sara Lavrof.
- Yeah, but...
- Tell her
that the sarcophagus can be opened
with the guardian's pendant
that thing your dog gobbled up!
How did you know about that?
Trust me, when they see
you know how to open it
they'll have no choice
but to listen to us.
Mummy, you're not gonna believe
what I just...
Look out, Princess!
Yeah, I'm gonna save you.
There's too many of them.
No! You're not my father.
No! I'm your mother! Who am I?
Sara, hi! I got totally sidetracked.
Tad, turn on a TV. Hurry!
TV. Got it. Yeah.
Where have you been?
I've been calling you for hours.
I'm so sorry. You are gonna flip out
when you hear what...
Okay, the TV's on.
This just in.
An international team
of archaeologists
has located
an Egyptian sarcophagus in
hold onto your hats, Mexico.
A few hours ago,
they landed back in Chicago
and were mobbed by the press
- about this exciting discovery.
- Come on, Princess, let's jump
- on the moon.
- Mummy, please!
When my team and I found
the sarcophagus, we were blown away.
Nobody could ever have imagined
something like this.
Nobody? It was me who found it!
Talk about posers.
Giorgio Tsoukalos,
Ghost International.
For years, Victoria Moon
has been positing
that the world's pyramids
are linked by occult forces.
What are your thoughts on this?
Freaktoria Moon?
Sure, we called her
but her crystal ball
couldn't get a signal.
Sara, where's the sarcophagus?
In the faculty.
They're giving a press conference
as soon as they can open it,
but they've been unable to do it yet.
Okay, guys, bring it into position.
But I know how to do it!
Sara, that sarcophagus is the key
to finding the Emerald Tablet.
The Emerald Tablet?
How do you know about that?
Yeah, well, it was Professor Moon.
But listen, she's offered to help.
Victoria Moon got in touch with you?
Don't listen to anything
that woman has to say.
Why not? Do you know her?
We went to school together.
We were friends until she got weird.
Okay, that's fine.
Dr. Lavrof!
Tad, I have to go.
I'll see you tomorrow.
We'll talk about it then.
Sara, Sara... No, wait! Sara!
It's not fair!
Well, of course not.
Victoria Moon is no freak.
Thanks to her, I learned
how to trap spirits in jars.
Finally I've made a discovery
for the whole world to see
and I'm out of the picture again!
I have to do something.
It's okay, Tad.
Someday you'll be able
to show everybody
just how awesome you really are.
Right. And it's gonna be tonight.
That's what I'm talking about!
Tad and Mummy on the case.
Hey, there you go!
You're about to open the sarcophagus.
Way to go, buddy!
I think he should be part
of our team. What do you think?
Sure. Come on!
That's... That's...
the scrawniest mummy
I've ever seen in my life.
Who dares to call me scrawny?
Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean it!
I shall devour your soul
if you do not give kiss, Tad.
Kiss? What? How do you know my
Gotcha! You should've seen your face!
What are you doing here?
I came back from Paititi
for adventures with my bestie,
not to stay home looking after Jeff.
You brought Jeff?
Of course. No way I was leaving him
at home with Belzoni.
Okay, fine, you can stay.
But don't touch anything.
Okay, let's see.
This is perfect
for my hieroglyph translator app.
Oh, poor thing. So trapped in there.
I know just how you feel, bro.
Okay, so, this is either
a recipe for a cake
or a threat of a curse?
Mummy, let's not touch
anything, just in case.
I'm sorry, you were saying?
What have you done?
What happened? Are you guys okay?
What just happened? That was intense.
I'm all good, don't worry.
Your face!
My face? What happened to my face?
Your legs!
What is happening to me?
My legs! I can't control them!
Mummy, stop!
What part of
"I can't control my legs"
do you not understand?
Mummy, stop!
Just try to get ahold of yourself!
I'm trying!
Look out!
Stop it, I said!
Mummy, stop!
I can't!
Mummy! The sarcophagus!
Will you just
get out of the way, Tad!
Are you okay?
Oh. What just happened?
Come on, we have to get out of here.
Oh, wait, my backpack!
There's no time. Let's go!
How are we gonna get out of this one?
It's Jeff, but with Belzoni's body.
I'm gonna call you Jeffzoni.
Maybe Beljeff is better.
You have destroyed the faculty,
you look like Dracula
and to top it all off, you're cursed!
Dracula? Awesome.
The curse...
The curse, it had to have come
from the Emerald Tablet! That's it!
We have to find it.
If I find it, I'll be the hero
and they'll understand
it was all just one big accident.
That-a-boy! So, what's the plan?
We have to go to Paris.
Paris? W-W-We're going to Paris?
Victoria said that Dominique's office
was in the Louvre.
He had to have left
some kind of clue about the tablet.
If we could just get in
to do some research, it'll...
Got it! Dominique Vivant Denon.
Born January 4th, 1747.
What? No. We need to know
where his office was, you know
the sketch Victoria showed me.
Bingo! Found the sketch.
Dominique's office.
So can we go to Paris now?
- There's just one problem.
- What?
I'm broke. You've spent all my money.
How are we gonna pay for the tickets?
Tad, Tad, Tad,
don't be so materialistic.
We don't need money to travel.
Oh, ow! Gah!
Get your foot out of my face!
It's not my foot. It's my chicken.
You brought your rubber chicken?
He's got a name, okay? It's Chicken.
He might come in handy.
Did you just bite me?
I was just testing the Dracula thing.
- Holy cow!
- My goodness!
Who could have done
something like this?
I speak 50 languages
and I still can't find the words
to describe this havoc!
And I was cleaning
the brush for cleaning dust
with the brush for cleaning brushes
when all of a sudden... Boom!
Don't worry,
we'll find out who did this.
H.Q., this is Agent Ramirez. Check
the security tape for me, would you?
The only thing I need to check here
is my cholesterol.
Sorry. Who are you?
CIA Special Agent Sam Pickle.
I'm in charge of this operation.
And you?
Guadalupe Ramirez,
Mexican Intelligence Service.
And I am in charge of this.
Wait, this is a bowling club card.
So what? You don't like bowling?
Hate everything American, is that it?
Mexico's America, too.
Yeah, right, and Chile, too. Come on.
Hey, that's my badge! Give it back!
You have your own.
Negative. It fell in the toilet.
Your bosses gave me authority here.
Give me the badge and...
Just as I suspected!
We're dealing with an eight-year-old.
Dear goodness.
Excuse me.
Do you know who this belongs to?
I absolutely do.
Hey, Tangerine, get in the car.
You! What happened to Tad?
I know where he is. Hurry!
And don't call me Tangerine.
I knew it. This is all your fault.
I wasn't expecting Tad
to open the sarcophagus.
I just encouraged him
to persuade you.
Where is Tad?
Take me to your leader.
Agent Pickle, check this out.
This account was created
from the apartment of that Tad guy.
Hey, wassup, Mummy fans?
We are going on an expedition
to the Louvre Museum.
See you later, alligator.
He's wearing a costume so we don't
identify him. Professionals!
Tad's in Paris?
He's looking for the Emerald Tablet.
We could look for it, too,
like the old days.
Sara and Victoria,
investigators of history!
That was before you swapped
archaeology for spirits and ghosts.
Sara, I know we have
different views of the world, but...
That's enough, Victoria.
You, stop the car!
Sara, wait. Where are you going?
To look for Tad.
I'm going to Paris.
So, the Louvre, huh?
Ramirez, pack your bags.
We're going to Rome!
Paris, that's what I said.
Come on, cheer up, buddy.
We'll be in croissant country
in no time.
You're not nervous,
are ya? 'Cause I am.
- Oh, no.
- What? Are you transforming again?
Worse. Nerves make me gassy.
Cool. So you can buy
mummies online now?
You can get anything online now.
Like this cup.
It stirs the caf au lait by itself.
I couldn't stand that anymore!
I can't believe it! We're in Paris!
It's beautiful.
Okay, come on. No time to lose.
The office should be
underneath the Egyptian wing.
Hold your horses.
We're in the Louvre, okay?
Now what do people do
when they go to the Louvre?
Oh, boy. That look!
Is it happy? Sad? Happy?
Okay, fine, you've seen it now.
Lend me your phone.
Come on, where are you?
Where are you?
There's got to be some trace
of an old office here somewhere.
Tad? It's been three minutes
without my phone.
Now give it back to me.
I think I'm getting the shakes.
Come on, help me.
We have to move this statue.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Sure I am. I wish we had Wi-Fi.
No, I mean the pulley.
We can use it to access the entrance.
But we'd have to take
some precise measurements
to calculate
the force of the lever and...
There's no time for that, my friend!
Let's... do it... faster!
No, Mummy, stop!
Now that's what I call teamwork.
You had to break it!
An ornamental pedestal!
Well, it's open, right?
It's pitch black in here.
I'm gonna trip over my own feet.
Wait. There's something here.
Yes, yes, yes!
This is it! Dominique's office!
The engraving
has to be here somewhere.
This place is huge!
Not like your apartment,
where I'm clean out of box space.
Help me look. Come on.
I'm really good at that.
The mummy from this sarcophagus
must've been a real high roller!
I'm gonna take a selfie.
That should get me a million likes.
There's a mummy, and it's alive!
- That's impossible!
- Stop it!
I swear it was there.
It opened its eyes
and it shouted, "I'm gonna kill you!"
Okay, it didn't shout that.
But it was right there!
Silence, mortals!
Bow down before your pharaoh
Queen of the 18th Dynasty
adviser to Queen Nefertiti,
aunt to Tutankhamun!
I am Ra Amon Ah!
What? No... no. Ra Amon Ah.
Wait. Let me do it again.
Your pharaoh, 18th Dynasty,
aunt to Tutankhamun
Ra Amon Ah!
She just said Ramona, right?
Sure did. Ramona.
No, no! It's got pauses in it.
Wait, you're dead.
Absolutely. I'm a mummy.
Don't make me laugh.
But sure I am!
I'm an Incan mummy from Paititi.
Even my name is Mummy. Enchant.
Mummies are only Egyptian.
You're just a stack of rotting bones
and rancid bandages.
Thanks. I get that a lot.
What are you doing here?
And how come you're alive?
Five centuries ago, a goat herder
who was passing through my tomb
choked on a date kernel
and inadvertently uttered a spell
that brought me back to life.
Years later, a French archaeologist
discovered me
and he left me locked up in here
for my own safety, he said.
I feel you, sister.
This guy had me shut in
for more than two months!
200 years for me.
- You win.
- Hang on.
What French archaeologist?
Was it Dominique?
Yes, but I'm sorry to tell you,
he died centuries ago.
Yeah, we're looking for an engraving
he left hidden here.
You couldn't lend us a hand,
could you?
Lend you a hand?
What part of "pharaoh"
did you not understand?
God Horus, forgive me, my lord.
I am not worthy
of your magnificent presence.
This is indeed Horus himself.
Oh. What's that you say, Horus?
He orders you to help us.
Y-You must do everything we say.
He's nothing but a flying mutt.
My soldiers would have given you
50 lashes for that little charade.
How I do miss them.
Lash yourselves, then.
I'm so sorry.
It's just that my friends
are under a bit of a curse.
- If you could just help me.
- Forget it.
It's my bath time in rat's milk.
I would prefer donkey bile,
but one must make sacrifices.
Please. Without the engraving, we're
never gonna find the Emerald Tablet.
The Emerald Tablet.
Are you an archaeologist?
Tad Stones, this is the police!
Don't move!
Hey, I'm running this operation.
Tad Stones, this is the police!
Don't move!
Are you an archaeologist, yes or no?
He's the best archaeologist
in the world! He found me.
Wait there!
Here! Dominique built
a way out. Hurry!
Great! Quick, let's go.
Hold on a minute.
I'm not going without my tub.
- What?
- Stones!
Okay, everyone in the tub!
Okay, plebeians,
now take me out of here.
Quick, don't let him escape!
Better hurry, darling.
He's mine.
He's mine!
He's mine!
He's not mine.
They're escaping down the river
in a motorized bathtub?
We need backup.
I think we've lost them.
You mean them?
Put your foot down, Tad!
I'm too young for prison.
Nobody's going to prison.
Could you please look ahead, plebs?
Stop that tub immediately!
Watch out!
An historic moment
in the final stage.
At last, a Frenchman is set to win
the Tour after nearly 40 years!
Come on, Jean Paul!
The Tour is yours! The Tour is yours!
No! But no! No!
Who's this guy?
My Tour! My Tour!
It is an honor to reinaugurate this
symbol of Paris and France herself.
At last!
I think we lost them.
Well, well, Mr. Stones,
we meet again.
No, not that guy again!
Throwing down the gauntlet, are we?
Driver, step on it.
We can't get by them.
We have to turn back.
Don't worry, Ramirez,
he'll turn first.
What? Are you loco?
We're gonna crash!
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Exactly what I'm doing.
I've never been
more sure of anything.
Good job, Pickle.
I've got him exactly
where I wanted him.
Oh, crap! Imbecile! You have ruined
the opportunity of my life!
I think he likes us!
To the devil, accursed tourists!
Sorry. Maybe next year.
Did I say I miss my soldiers?
Wait, what about the tablet?
We have to find it.
Don't worry. I know how to get it.
I'll help you if you do me a favor.
Sure, anything.
You're an archaeologist.
Well, make me famous.
Make sure my name goes down
in all the history books.
Exhibit me in a museum
and I'll take you to the tablet.
Welcome to the team, buddy!
Let's be clear about this, darling.
I am a pharaoh
and you are my paltry servants.
Perfect! Dominique found a map
that leads to the tablet.
A map? Cool!
It's not that easy.
To reveal that map we need a key
that's hidden
in the Cataracts of the Nile.
Egypt. With the police
all over our trail...
At least they don't know
where we're headed, right?
We've got the element of surprise
on our side.
You heard it here first, Mummy fans!
Next stop, Cataracts of the Nile.
Let me introduce my team.
We'll give you all the deets
of the trip real soon, everybody.
And uploaded!
It's exhausting always having to
put on a happy face for the Stories.
What have you done?
I'm just feeding the Instazammers.
A new follower. Agent Ramirez.
Mexican! I'm gonna follow her back.
They'll be waiting for us now!
Oh, my selfies!
The curse turns him into an Ammyt?
Head of a crocodile,
body of a leopard
backside of a hippo.
A typical underworld creature.
No! Mummy, wait! Stop, stop, stop!
Yep, it's an Ammyt.
Be careful, they bite.
He can't hear you. He's an Ammyt now.
So-So what do we do?
Ammyts like to be entertained.
But careful,
don't put your head into his mouth.
Why would I want
to put my head into his mouth?
Well, it's not what you want.
It's what he wants!
Ammyts love playing with heads.
Come on, darling. He's coming.
But-But-But how do I...
how do I entertain an Ammyt?
Just do anything.
So, entertain him? Entertain him?
Dancing... Dancing is entertaining.
What the...
Oh, yeah!
What are you...
He's gonna eat me.
He's gonna eat me. He's gonna eat me!
Where's the chicken?
Where's the little chickie?
That's my boy.
Oh, good boy.
Monsters of the underworld.
They're just like puppies.
He's turning back into Mummy.
Well, at least most of him.
What... What just happened?
I don't usually meddle
in such plebeian matters
but these curses get permanent
if you don't cure them soon.
You should get a move
on finding that tablet.
Tad Stones strikes again.
First Chicago, now Paris.
French police have joined the hunt
for the dangerous criminal
known as Tad Stones.
Vampires, zombies, extraterrestrials.
Do they live among us?
Some people just want
to see the world burn.
Pickle, you should see this.
I want to nab that Stones so bad
and use the death touch on him.
Listen, they're headed for
the Cataracts of the Nile.
- We should notify...
- The death touch, Ramirez.
It's the first thing
they teach you at the CIA.
A little pinch direct
to a vital organ
and the enemy drops unconscious.
Would you listen to me?
And you can't eat in here.
Oh, really?
This is humiliating!
A pharaoh traveling
with such commoners.
So exciting! We're going
to the land of the mummies.
I'm gonna feel right at home.
For the fifth time,
you are not a mummy!
With a tail like that, you look
more like a crocodile of the Nile.
Come on, Tad,
what were you looking for here?
This symbol...
It's the seal of Hermes.
What are you doing here?
I wasn't gonna leave
my best friend alone in this.
Napoleon ordered all traces
of the tablet be destroyed
but Dominique kept an engraving
and I'm sure
it's here in this office.
Why is Tad looking for the tablet?
The sarcophagus he opened
was protected by a curse.
He needs the tablet to break it.
Tad's cursed?
If we follow the tablet,
we'll find him.
I just want to help you.
A location in the desert. In Egypt.
That's it! The tablet is there!
That's where Tad is heading!
He didn't find this clue.
He found this office.
I'm sure he must have discovered
another way of getting there.
I think we're gonna need some help
with these hieroglyphics.
I think you know who to call.
Guys, we're going to Egypt!
And for your information,
Incas also have mummies.
Well, I guess
you are not one of them.
Please, don't start again.
I'm sorry
but this stuck-up old broad
is making me nervous.
And when I get nervous, I... Oh, no.
- I...
- No. No. No!
Please fasten your seatbelts.
We're experiencing some turbulence.
You know...
I've been thinking about it and
I can't bring to mind
any Pharaoh Ramona.
That's because it's Ra Amon Ah.
And nobody remembers me because
I only reigned for three days.
Why? What happened?
Well, you know
your typical jealous cousin
who puts a scorpion in your bed
so he can steal your throne.
And nobody wrote your name
in the history books?
Nothing but a line in one of
those interminable lists of pharaohs.
I was destined to be
the greatest pharaoh of all time
but I ended up doomed to oblivion.
I know how you feel.
What would you know, plebeian?
Get ready. We're getting close now.
OMG. That's lit!
So where's the key buried?
The key isn't buried.
It's in the cave
behind the waterfall.
Don't worry, buddy.
We'll find it in no time.
No, you stay here, okay?
You've done enough already.
Life is such a drag
without your cell phone.
Well, Sara, Freaktoria
according to the symbols,
this is the place.
We did it, Tangerine.
Are you sure this is a key?
Tad Stones! Don't move!
Come on.
Look, this has been
a big misunderstanding. I'm innocent.
We know. Don't worry. Come with us
and we'll clear everything up.
He's taking the bait.
That crook is gonna rot in jail.
Your megaphone is still on.
What? What do you mean,
my megaphone is... Mother of...
Open fire!
- Take cover!
- Let's go!
No... no! Stop, don't shoot!
Hold your fire!
We just want to detain him.
Tad, come out
and I promise you a fair trial.
Fair, my backside!
He destroyed the Mona Lisa.
What did you do to the Mona Lisa?
I fixed it.
All that ambiguity was unbearable.
You destroyed the most important
piece of art in history?
I'm sick of this!
This is all your fault.
If you had just stayed at home,
none of this would have happened.
But we're a team.
We're not a team!
You're only here because I have
to break that curse and cure you.
If it wasn't for you
I'd be on a real expedition
looking for the tablet.
You're just a burden!
There, now you've done it.
Now what's going on?
What the...
No, no, not now!
Yes, now!
He's our ticket out of here. Hurry!
What the hell was that?
It's an alien. The flying kind.
No one has discovered alien life.
That's what they want you to think.
How do you stop this thing?
It's not an elephant.
You can't stop it.
Come on, guys,
let's hit these babies.
I'm not sure about this.
There's no sign of Tad here.
The fragment shines like
never before. It has to be here.
Tangerine, I can feel it!
Sorry, wrong chakra.
We're losing altitude!
I don't get it. Why didn't Sara tell
us Victoria was on the expedition?
Because we wouldn't be here.
She's completely nuts.
If we find the tablet,
let's keep it away from her
or she'll invoke some freak spirit
to kick our butts.
Victoria found the clue
that brought us here.
You should show a bit more respect.
Sara, you know we would do anything
for a decent discovery
but we don't trust her.
This is gonna be a waste of time.
I know I'm right. The tablet
is in there, right, Tangerine?
We'll know when we see
what's behind that rock.
So where's the tablet?
As I said, it's all a waste of time.
No, I don't understand it.
It's the place that Dominique said.
There must be something here.
That's what happens
when you listen to someone
who thinks she can have coffee
and a chat with Christopher Columbus.
Perfect. Thanks for nothing!
No... no. This can't be right.
No, no! Slower!
We're gonna crash!
Hold on!
I am never flying again.
Everyone okay?
I've had better days.
But also worse ones.
All of them with you.
Where's Mummy?
Mummy. Mummy, are you okay?
What happened?
My legs! My beautiful dancer's legs!
Don't worry, Beljeff.
You'll get your body back soon.
Come on, Mummy, there's no time to...
I'm leaving! Enough!
I don't want to be
a "burden" on anyone!
No! I'm gonna look
for the tablet myself!
Wait, wait! Hold on!
I didn't mean
what I said before. Really. I...
Hey, hey, where do you think
you're going? We had a deal.
Look, darling, I don't think you can
hold up your end of the bargain.
No, no! You can't
leave us stranded here.
We-We don't even know
how to use this.
As Osiris said to Horus,
"If you see me, don't say hi".
Do it for Mummy. Please.
We're near.
How is that possible?
They're all here together.
That's where the prism
will reveal the map.
The monster brought us
where we have to use the prism?
This can't be a coincidence.
So I'm a monster now.
No, not "Shh!"
The tablet wants
to be found, darling.
It will manipulate anyone
to do just that.
I need to enter that cave.
Oh, really?
And how do you intend to do that?
Those guys hate you.
They hate you, too?
How many lashes are you owed?
They're gonna call the cops
the minute they lay eyes on you.
Will you just listen?
We need to distract them
to get in that cave.
I've got an idea.
But we'll have to work as a team.
So we're a team now.
Well, I can't. I'm not feeling good.
I have a cough.
You do get to go in disguise.
Go on.
And count me out.
That's not for me, darling.
Those guys are the most prestigious
archaeologists in the world.
How do you think they'll react when
they set eyes on the lost pharaoh?
Go on.
The most important thing:
No matter what happens,
don't let anyone see you move.
Come on, come on!
There's got to be something
we're missing.
Okay, guys, we're leaving.
I am gonna make sure that
the whole world knows you're a fraud.
Guys, did anyone order pizza?
Hello, hello, friends!
How are you all?
I am a desert bedbug.
I have been wandering many miles,
accompanied only by my parrot.
My dog.
You're archaeologists.
What an unexpected coincidence.
Perhaps you may be interested
in my great find.
The Queen of the 18th Dynasty
adviser to Queen Nefertiti,
aunt to Tutankhamun
Ra Amon Ah!
No, no, no.
Ramona only to her closest friends.
It is Ra Amon Ah.
It's got pauses in it.
What do we have here?
Looks like the seal
of the 18th Dynasty, right, guys?
- Yeah, sure.
- Mind-blowing!
And look at those ornaments!
Sara, what are you doing here?
I've been looking
across half the world for you.
Are you okay?
Did the curse infect you?
No, it's not me, Sara,
but the curse hit Mummy and Beljeff.
- Beljeff?
- That's a long story.
But look, Sara, with this prism
we'll be able to find...
The Emerald Tablet!
It's a key!
Sara, the map!
There's the Emerald Tablet!
In the Great Pyramid?
Underneath it.
Cheops built it to cover it.
The pyramid isn't a tomb,
it's a slab.
Tad, this is an amazing discovery.
It's your discovery.
You're right. This is my discovery.
And if you take
this jewel of the Nile
I will gladly throw in a light saber.
What's up, guys?
But what are you do...
What are you doing here,
stranger who I do not know at all?
Anyone here looking
for the Emerald Tablet?
You've got some nerve
showing up here, buddy!
- Call the cops.
- Yeah.
No... no, guys, guys!
- Wait!
- How do you call the cops here?
Is it 911?
What? No, that's in the US!
Guys, I found the map.
The tablet is real!
But-But what are you doing?
Hey, who on earth are you?
What's that? Gross!
Hey, show some respect,
you little brat.
Hey, who you calling a brat?
Got it. Hello, police?
We have Tad, the terrorist.
I'm a cursed 500-year-old mummy,
so respect your elders.
Stop it!
Tad's telling the truth.
Get in and see for yourselves.
- It's true.
- The map.
Can we get it now? Something's wrong.
Let's move, guys.
We need to get the tablet.
You're not going anywhere, Stones!
You're still a danger to archaeology.
The police are on their way.
But we need to cure my friend.
I'm afraid this is the end
of the journey for all of you.
Your friend will be the first being
of the new world that I shall rule
once I have the Emerald Tablet.
Okay, that's it, Freaktoria.
I shall fill the cities with spirits,
fantastical creatures, spells.
And then all of you
shall be the freaks.
It's not her, Sara.
The tablet has possessed her!
- What?
- The piece on the diary.
Nobody will ever laugh
at Victoria Moon!
Don't let them escape!
No, no, no!
Help me!
What I wouldn't give
for some scarab beetle hummus.
Ensure they don't get away.
Come on, help me!
Come on, guys. Brushes, quick!
Brush for dust. Brush for sand.
Brush for rocks.
Enough with the brushes!
Just move the rocks!
- Okay, okay!
- He's so bossy.
Hurry, we're nearly there.
Don't move, Tad.
It's dark, oh, it's so dark...
Please be careful with him.
Well, well, the gang are all here.
This is a big mistake. You have...
Robbing mummies
from the Egyptian government, huh?
Checkmate, Mr. Stones.
Or should I say Alien Stones?
Please, just listen to me.
You thought you'd get away with it
but you forgot
my superior intelligence.
And an anonymous phone call
from this guy that tipped you off.
That, too.
That was us!
Listen, there's a crazy lady
that's gonna cause
the end of the world as we know it!
Silence! Or I'll give you all
the death touch.
Take that mummy
to the museum in Athens.
- Cairo.
- Well, that's what I said.
And the rest, lock them all up!
Including that guy in the disguise.
Not this one. He looks nice.
Okay, let's get moving!
They can't arrest us now, Sara.
Don't do anything now, Tad.
Not until we get to explain all this.
Mummy doesn't have
that much time left.
You have to release us!
The end of the world is nigh!
- Mummy! Let him go!
- Hey! Get back over here! Hey!
Mummy, I'm gonna save you,
you hear me?
I'm gonna save you!
Please, I have to save my friend.
What is it, darling? Haven't you
ever seen a living mummy before?
You're Ra Amon Ah.
Queen of the 18th Dynasty.
I can't breathe.
- My head.
- Tad, are you okay?
Yeah. What about Mummy?
He's getting worse and worse.
Let's move.
We have to get out of here and
find the tablet before it's too late.
Go without me.
I'm not just a danger to archaeology,
I'm a danger to everyone around me.
That's not true.
If I hadn't got obsessed with showing
what a great archaeologist I am
we wouldn't even be in this mess.
I'm only good
for getting people in trouble.
It's better I stay locked up in here.
the best
in the world.
You found me.
please forgive me.
Tad, I already did.
Not for that.
For this.
Come on, we have to turn back!
She's actually gonna invoke
a monster to kick our butts!
This sounds very weird. I think
we should interrogate them, Pickle.
They're trying to twist
your mind, Ramirez.
Don't buy all that.
What the...
Hold on, Mummy!
Quick, Tad!
Get in! There's no time!
They're going to give me my very
own room in the museum at Cairo.
What? You can't leave us now.
I've been waiting 3,000 years
for this moment.
You know how much this means.
Quickly! You have to cure Mummy.
Remember, don't let
anyone see you move.
Best of luck, Ra Amon Ah.
"Freaktoria is nuts.
She's nothing but a freak."
Well, this freak
is gonna teach them a lesson.
They're gonna give me
the respect I deserve.
Ramona said
the tablet wants to be found.
It's using Victoria
to come back to life.
Where did she go?
There. Look!
Yes. Yes!
Fight it, Victoria!
The tablet has got inside you.
I will not let you take it from me!
No... no, wait!
It's mine!
- We did it.
- Let's move on.
I feel my stomach's
all tangled up with my lungs.
That's not good, right?
We should nearly be there
by now, Mummy.
This doesn't seem too...
How are we gonna find the tablet?
It's there.
I see a bright light.
Game over. Look after Antonio for me.
Hold on, buddy.
Tad, there. The altar.
Finally, Mummy.
It-it-it's not here!
Looking for something?
This tablet was last used
4,000 years ago.
Today, at long last,
it's free once more.
That's very cool.
Come forth into the light,
beings from the underworld!
Please, we need to cure our friend.
He's not your friend anymore.
Complete your transformation!
- Mummy!
- Finish them!
Buddy. Buddy! It's me, Tad,
your favorite archaeologist!
He's out of control! What do we do?
We can't help him without the tablet.
Come to me,
monsters of the underworld.
What's up, plebeians?
Here, doggy, look what I've got!
Come here, big guy.
No, not me! The chicken!
Quick, Ramona, run!
She's not gonna make it.
Help me, Sara!
- Victoria.
- What... What happened?
Beljeff, no!
Easy now, boy. Easy.
Now he's gonna eat me! Now he's
gonna eat me! Now he's gonna...
Yes, we're just coming in now.
It's just that Tad
took two hours getting ready.
Sorry, I... I thought
it was black tie.
Relax. Today is your day,
and you should just enjoy it.
Hey, who's this fine gentleman?
Come on, don't be silly.
Is Sara here yet?
Come on, we're up.
- Let's start by giving
- See you out there, buddy.
a very warm welcome
to the rest of the team.
Breathe, Tad.
This time you've actually done it,
for the whole world to see.
My friends, this discovery
will change
the course of archaeology forever.
The fact that we are here today
is all down to someone
who never lost hope.
I might even say
he's the best archaeologist I know.
That is why I would like you all
to give a big round of applause
to the newest member of our team:
Dr. Tad Stones!
You did it, man.
Tad, are you okay?
where's Sara? And Ramona?
Don't worry about them now.
You're with us, buddy.
Where's Mummy?
Tad, Mummy fell into the abyss.
He's gone.
This isn't right.
This isn't right.
This isn't right.
This isn't right, this isn't right,
this isn't right, this isn't right!
But why isn't he doing anything?
The tablet poisons
your deepest desires.
It's taking hold of him.
Fight, Tad!
Get out of my head!
Hey, buddy.
Hey, friend.
Jeff, pal, you're cured!
Let's get out of here.
- We got to run, right?
- Yep.
Cool! Hey, look. Quick, quick, quick!
Somebody get a photo, come on.
This one's gonna be a huge hit
with my Instazammers.
Okay, okay, I get it.
I'll stop it now.
Sara, I... I don't know
how to apologize. I didn't...
Oh, how I miss my soldiers.
They all worshipped me
whenever I wanted.
Start getting the cuffs on!
Take me, but please leave my friends.
They haven't done anything.
Not a word, Stones.
You're under arre...
Free. You're free to go.
- What?
- What?
Your colleagues explained it all.
The sarcophagus,
the curse, the mummies.
- Where's the tablet?
- Destroyed.
Perfect. That object
was far too dangerous.
Promise me you'll never
breathe a word of this.
I promise.
No way! I'm in charge here
and that man
is an international terrorist!
Tad Stones, you are under arrest
in the name of the government of...
Death touch. Never fails.
Hey, Stones!
We still have to find
the treasure of King Pakal.
What do you say? Are you in?
Yeah, come on, buddy.
Thanks, guys,
but I've got plans with my team.
Look after them.
They're a great team.
I don't get why you didn't stay.
It was your opportunity
to be showcased in a museum.
I know, darling, it's where
a goddess like me should be.
But who wants to be locked up again?
Now I want to see the world!
Yeah! That's my Ramona.
I can't believe my eyes!
Two living mummies!
You say "mummy,"
but he's nothing but a sack of bones.
And rancid bandages, I know, I know.
But the most distinguished sack
of bones I have ever laid eyes on.
The Inca and Egyptian culture
together after thousands of years.
You should be proud of yourselves.
But the big lesson
about this adventure isn't who we are
but who we've shared it with.
And I've shared it with
my very best friend in the world!
My buddy, my colleague,
my bro, my pal, my...
Okay, okay, thanks, Mummy.
We get the idea.
I don't know what I'd do without you,
Chicken! Right, buddy?
Accursed tourists!