Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990) Movie Script

Oh, see you
in the choir
on Sunday!
Hi, Mike.
Oh, hi.
Been home long?
No. I just got back
from the store.
We're looking forward
to tonight.
Can I bring anything?
I think I have
Well, if there's
There is something.
Do you have any
champagne glasses?
I thought we'd start
with champagne.
We have some.
Do you have eight?
No. We have six.
Bring them.
Mitch and I will drink
from jelly glasses.
You're going
to such trouble.
I always go to lots of
trouble for a dinner party.
I've got to run.
See you
around 8:00. Bye.
Look at this floor.
I thought you love
chocolate chip cookies.
Where's that book
I gave you?
When I was a little girl,
this was my favorite book.
Which one was
your favorite story?
What difference
does it make?
Let me out of here! Help!
It's been so long,
I almost
can't remember them.
Help! Let me out!
What are you doing?
Just preheating
to 350.
Help! Help! There's
a crazy woman here!
She's going to cook me!
She's going
to eat me! Help!
I never could do
long division.
Let's see.
How many times
does 12 go into 75?
Oh...6 times,
3 left over.
Well, at 12 minutes
a pound,
that means you have
to be in the oven
by no later than...
But evisceration takes
at least an hour.
What's that?
It's like gutting a fish.
First you make
a long slit,
then remove everything
that isn't meat--
the heart, the lungs,
the intestines, and so forth.
Then you fill it back up
with stuffing,
sew it back together
with one of these.
Maybe I should
get started now.
Wait. There's
plenty of time.
This was
your favorite book.
Don't you want
to hear a story?
A love story?
Well, not really.
But it's a really
good one.
You'll like it
a lot.
It's about these
guys in college.
They live
in the same dorm.
And one of them's
kind of poor,
so he works his way
through school
selling things.
Be careful with that.
His name's bellingham,
and he collects antiques.
Well, one day,
bellingham got
a very special delivery.
Meanwhile, the other guys--
Andy and Lee--
they were real rich.
And they did something
very nasty to bellingham.
Lee, the most work
you've done
in four years
of college
is filling out that
application for the
penrose fellowship.
Hard work pays off,
especially when
you have a girlfriend
who can write
award-winning essays
about why I want to spend
the summer traveling Europe.
I suppose my sister's
pretty smart.
She's just not
very honest.
I don't see why
you'd risk it.
If they learn
she wrote the proposal
for you,
they'll kick you out.
Your family sends you
to Europe every summer
so I don't understand.
But this way I have
the fellowship money
to bring back
a Maserati.
Guess who was
my main competitor
for the penrose.
You know bellingham
works part-time
at the university museum.
Where Susan does
volunteer work. I know.
You better hope
he doesn't find out
she helped you screw him
out of that fellowship.
Bellingham has
the hots for Susan.
Don't worry.
We'll be fine.
Ah, Andy.
Ah, Edward.
How you doing?
You going
to introduce me
to your friend?
Uh, yeah.
This is--
Yeah. I, uh,
saw your picture
in our illustrious
college newspaper.
Oh...thank you.
It's an
odd coincidence,
us meeting,
since we're
in competition
for the penrose
Oh, wait, wait.
You said it.
Has to win, you know.
Not always
the better man.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Allow me.
Hey, thanks.
That lot 249
was a heavy mother.
You'll get your money
back tomorrow.
Oh, there's no rush.
I'll tell you what,
Just show us
what you have in there,
and my friend here
will write it off.
All right.
If lot 249 lives up
to my expectations,
it won't matter
that I was cheated
out of the penrose.
happened to me
the committee
its decision.
I was accused
of stealing
a pre-columbian zuni fetish
from the museum.
Did you?
I loathe zuni aesthetics.
But by the time
I was cleared,
the committee decided
in your favor.
Well, who was it
that accused you?
It was
an anonymous tip.
I should probably
get going.
Susan's waiting
at home for me.
Absolutely not.
You're not leaving here
until you see
what's inside lot 249.
That was the deal.
Edward, why would
you buy something
like this?
I wasn't born with a silver
trust fund in my mouth.
You--you can
actually sell this
to somebody...
For a profit?
What else
would I sell it for?
Give me a hand.
God, Andy,
it looks just like
your father.
It stinks like
rotten flowers.
Let's see
if the embalmers
did him any justice.
You're going
to unwrap it?
Why not?
All you're
looking at
is 3,000 years
of dry rot.
I'm going to be late.
I'm going to...
I'll show you out.
See you later, Andy?
4, 5, over.
6. Two more.
You're back early.
We quit after two sets.
Sounds like we lost
to Andy again.
Do you know what
your brother
is doing
right now
as we speak?
He's unwrapping
a mummy!
Edward fucking
How much did
you tell Andy?
you wrote the essay.
Well, that's okay.
He knows I do
all your papers
Oh, and then--and then,
casually mentioned
that someone dropped
an anonymous tip
about the stolen...
zuni fetish?
He's guessing.
Well, maybe,
but I think Andy
knows it was you.
Andy's my brother.
He won't do anything.
And bellingham's
a loser.
He can't do anything.
I've really got to
get ready for dinner.
Don't you want
to see his face?
No. Thank you.
He looks pissed off.
Like he's thinking.
He's not thinking
The first thing
the embalmers did
was stick a hook
up his nose,
then drag his brain out
through his nostrils.
Here's where
they cut him open
to remove his innards.
Then they stuff him
with flowers and spices.
Here, hold this open.
Come on,
hold this open.
Onions and what?
A fortune cookie.
What does it say?
I have no idea.
Do you know how
to read third kingdom
You're taking
those books back
to the library now?
They're three months
And I thought I'd
stop by to see Andy
on the way home.
You don't care about
those books or Andy.
You're going to
go see bellingham.
I give him a hard-on.
I'll talk to him,
throw him off the track.
Zuni fetish.
They use their
second timeout.
I've never
seen Johnny
so enraged by
a defensive play.
He's arguing at
the scorer's table.
They call
a technical
on Scott!
"Grow, o light.
"Come forth, o light.
"Rise, o light.
"Ascend, o light.
"O darkness, remove thyself
from before him.
"Open his eyes.
That bastard can
read that scroll.
"Open, tat.
"Open, nap.
"Open his eyes.
"O darkness, remove thyself
from before him.
"Open his eyes.
"The eater of shadows,
"the eater of souls,
"open his eyes.
"Open, tat.
"Open, nap.
Open his eyes."
Oh, jeez!
Hey, bellingham!
Hey, bellingham, come on.
The fuse box is
right outside your door.
Come on, bellingham.
It's the end
of the playoffs.
I mean, Christ.
You okay?
What the hell
are you doing here?
I just--i just
thought I'd stop by.
What's going on?
Somebody just
knocked me down.
Look, you two
just wait here.
Don't go after him!
Go after who?
A thief.
Damn fuses.
He couldn't
have taken much.
Would you like
some Brandy?
Thank you.
Did you see him?
Not really,
but he did look
a little weird.
Yes, he was very weird.
He must've been on drugs.
Got off
with my rings.
Roman stuff.
Hollow gold.
At least
he didn't get away
with lot 249.
...With me
that's the way
a heart breaks
and every man
must pay the price
that's the way
a heart breaks
you stand
before the gates
of paradise
of fire
and ice
This better be important.
Need any help, bill?
No. It's a mess,
but we got it covered.
You busy?
Guess I could
use this, huh?
I lied to the police.
I saw who did it.
I saw who
killed Lee.
He was thin...
And filthy...
And stinking.
Like rotten flowers.
Lot 249.
Very few thieves
would have the discernment
to realize
that this was
one of the museum's
most unusual pieces.
Susan Smith
stole that fetish
and planted it here.
Oh, my.
What a sensual
Take your hands off that.
Good evening,
Mr. Smith.
Dean Murray.
Andy, do you
know Dr. Carey,
the curator of
the university museum?
What's going on,
I'm a little busy
right now, Andy.
Mr. Bellingham
is packing.
He's leaving
the university.
Would have been
a nice acquisition
if the mummy
had come with it.
What happened
to the mummy?
He never did have taste.
I don't care how cheap
the psychology is.
I still hate these
stupid chrysanthemums.
I'm aware of that,
I've been trying to get
through for a half hour.
Please, somebody help me!
Damned fuses.
Oh, you're awake.
That's my master's
What are you doing?
Well, I'm going to
start a little fire
under your chair
and roast your nuts.
Because you
killed my sister
and my best friend.
That's why.
I didn't kill them.
Right. Right.
Your friend lot 249 did.
Ah. I thought
he'd be back.
The alleged
perpetrator's got
an airtight alibi.
He's been dead
for 3,000 years.
Then these should make
for excellent kindling.
Oh, Andy, you're crazy.
Ooh, damn, I think
I forgot my matches.
Grow, grow, o light.
Ascend, o light.
Rise, o light.
Come forth, o light.
O darkness, remove...
Re--shit, how does it go?
Remove thyself from them.
Open, tat. Open, nap.
Open his eyes.
Open his eyes.
I believe
in being prepared.
Batteries in case
those fuses blow again.
Need a hand up there,
fella? Huh?
I'm not going
to apologize
for what Lee and Susan
did to you.
I won't call the cops either,
because what sane person
would believe that
a 3,000-year-old mummy
really did come
back to life anyway?
But I do have another idea.
Well, that takes care
of that, doesn't it?
Would you untie me,
Yeah, of course.
As soon as you tell me
where the scroll is.
You don't need
the scroll.
It only worked
for that mummy,
which you've
totally destroyed.
The second drawer
in the desk
on the right.
It's irreplaceable.
I certainly hope so.
That scroll
would have made
my entire career.
My sister and my best friend
died because of this.
Killing me won't
bring them back.
If I let you live,
that will bring them back?
Don't worry, Andy.
You'll never
see me again.
But I'll find a way
to keep in touch.
Open, tat.
Open, nap.
Bind them both
to my service
and to the gods
of death, terror,
and revenge.
Ha ha ha!
Hey, man, what's so
fucking funny?
I was just thinking
of this guy I know.
Couldn't distinguish
a third dynasty
sacred scroll
from a piece
of post-alexandrian
pictogram porn.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Mom, I'll be home as soon
as finals are over.
Yeah, the funeral
was hard on me, too.
No, the police don't
have any leads yet.
All right?
I'll see you
next week.
sends his regards.
are so fascinating.
You told that
very well.
Thank you.
it's almost 1:00.
We've got to
get things started.
You know, if I'm
not home by 6:00,
they'll come looking.
Looking for what,
I'll tell you
another story.
Put the book away.
But it's the best
story yet.
I stopped reading twice
because I got scared.
It's about the old man
who's so rich
and lives in this
big house all by himself.
Okay. This'll be
the last story,
and you have to
make it quick.
I will. I promise.
It's about
this old man
named drogan.
Old man drogan
had this big problem,
so he hired this man
to help him...
A very
professional man.
It's already
taken care of, pal.
Mr. Halston.
You are Mr. Halston,
aren't you?
That's me.
Tell the driver
to wait.
The man says
you should wait.
For what this guy's paying,
I ain't going nowhere.
Take your time.
In here,
Mr. Halston.
In here.
I want you
to make a hit.
That is what you do,
I understand.
How did you
get my name?
A Mr. Saul loggia
told me
that you know him.
Who do you
want hit?
Your victim
is right behind you.
I ought to
kill you for that.
I don't like jokes.
I don't make jokes.
Sit down.
Sit down,
Mr. Halston,
and look in
that envelope.
There will be
another 50,000
when you
bring me proof
that the cat has
ended its time on earth.
I don't believe this.
You're hiring me
to kill a cat?
That cat has
killed three people
in this household.
That leaves me.
I need not
explain anything,
but I will.
In fact,
I feel the need
to justify myself
so you won't
think me mad.
This is
quite a mansion,
don't you think,
Mr. Halston?
Quite a mansion.
Help me up.
Over the years
I filled this place
with everything,
you could want,
you could ever want.
There used to be
four of us living here--
and Carolyn broadmoor,
the only friend
of my sister Amanda.
And Richard Gage,
a hired man
with the family
almost 20 years.
We were
a dull collection
of rich, old,
unhappy people.
The cat came.
It was Gage
who saw it first.
He tried repeatedly
to scare it away,
but every time
he drove it off,
it kept coming back.
my sister Amanda
noticed the animal.
She's the one
who took it in.
Oh, the poor
little thing.
It's starving.
Is oo hungry,
Is oo hungry?
Cats aggravate
emphysema, Carolyn.
Get rid of
the filthy thing.
Cats aggravate
my brother, Carolyn.
Don't pay
any attention.
I want it
out of here!
Either out of here
or dead!
Which is it to be?
Don't you ever
dare to hurt
this cat!
You hate cats.
You always have.
You're wrong.
I don't hate cats.
Cats hate me.
Don't you see?
We're all in danger
while this animal's here!
You'll find out!
You'll find out!
You all right?
I'll be fine.
I'll be fine.
You know who I am,
don't you?
That is, where
my money comes from?
Drogan pharmaceuticals.
One of the biggest
drug companies
in America, Mr. Halston.
And the cornerstone
of our financial success
has always been this.
compound "g."
Good old tri-dormal-g.
A combination painkiller,
and mild hallucinogen.
Remarkably helpful
to those of us fighting
the debilitating effects
of an aging heart.
It's also
remarkably expensive.
It's also remarkably
I've read
all about it, drogan.
That stuff is one step
up from street junk.
You've obviously
done very well with it.
And you've
done well yourself.
Saul loggia knows of
at least two dozen jobs
you have done for
various members of the
professional community.
All right.
We each know who it is
we're dealing with.
Tell me the rest
of the story
about that cat.
Ah, yes.
The cat
killed them.
I warned them,
but they wouldn't listen.
They found out.
They found out.
My sister
was the first to die.
It was midnight.
She was on her way
to the kitchen
to get that evil beast
some food.
We heard her scream.
What happened, Amanda?
Death by accident,
the coroner said.
But I knew.
Why didn't you get rid
of the cat then?
I tried,
Mr. Halston.
I tried.
I'll kill it!
Let me have it!
I'll kill it!
Carolyn locked
the damn thing
in her room.
She became obsessed
with the animal.
I'm going to kill it!
Do you hear me?
I'll kill it!
I'll kill, kill, kill!
My mother told me
that cats like to get babies
and old people
when they're asleep
and steal their breath.
Carolyn died
at midnight as well.
Suffocated in her bed.
The coroner said
natural causes in her case,
but again...
I knew.
What did you do then?
I told Gage to get rid
of the vile thing.
It took him
almost 24 hours
to find the cat
and capture it.
Without concern
for the time,
I sent him out to milford
to the veterinarian...
To have the beast put
away once and for all.
I phoned ahead
to the vet.
"Mr. Drogan," he said,
"it's midnight."
A week later,
the day dick Gage
was buried,
the cat came back.
No one
actually witnessed
any of these deaths.
What makes you think
this cat
had anything
to do with it?
I'm sure
it killed them.
It killed
them all.
And I'm next!
I'm afraid of it,
It skulks around
in the shadows,
watching me.
It's waiting.
It's torturing me
by waiting.
It's been sent
to punish me.
I don't get it.
That's what
it's about.
It's a synthetic,
developed in
our laboratories
in New Jersey.
Our testing
of tri-dormal-g
was confined almost
solely to cats
because of
the unique quality
of the feline
nervous system.
How many
did you eliminate?
Over four years
of testing...
5,000 cats.
5,000 of your buddies
get wasted,
and they send you back
to settle the score
with drogan here,
is that the deal,
Don't make light
of it, halston.
I warn you.
I never make light
of any matter
involving $100,000.
Then you'll
take the job?
I could do it now
if you want me to.
I could put my hands
around its neck
and snap it.
Son of a bitch!
It's not going to be
that easy, Mr. Halston.
Don't worry, drogan.
I'll kill your cat
for you.
Good. Kill it, bury it,
and bring me its tail
so I can throw it
in the fire
and watch it burn.
I'm going into the city.
That's why I made
the taxi wait.
There's food,
there's liquor,
there's everything.
you could want.
you could ever want.
Okay, cat.
It's just
you and me now.
Jesus Christ.
Crazy old fucker.
Crazy old rich fucker.
How about it,
kitty cat?
you could ever want."
Why is it rich guys always
buy the cheap stuff?
Look at this shit.
Hey, cat!
For me, it's nothing
but the best.
All the time.
you could ever want."
Hey, you little
Nobody hits me twice!
No fucking body
hits me twice!
Can't get hot.
Can't let yourself
get hot, ever.
You make mistakes
when you're hot.
What is this?
What is this shit?
Oh, no!
This is a $100 shirt.
You'll be sorry
you messed with me,
you little shit.
I got a reason
to kill you now.
you cheap bastard.
Come on, kitty cat.
Let's be friends again.
We can go over
by the fire like before.
You can sit
on my lap again,
and I'll give you
a nice boost.
This is the real stuff,
kitty cat.
Not like that cheap crap
drogan sells.
What do you say?
You're beating me, pal.
You're beating me good.
I'm trying too hard.
Hey, cat...
I've never
blown a hit yet.
It's just a matter of time.
Get away!
Get off of me!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
You're done for,
you fuck.
The rest
of your nine lives
are going in one lump sum.
I can outwait you,
you little shit.
I've never blown
a hit yet, kitty cat.
This is the end of you.
That's impossible.
Fucking impossible!
I had a dead bead
on you.
Where are you?
You son of a bitch,
I know you're in here.
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Oh! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Oh, no.
Aah. Aah. Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
My goodness,
that was a scary story.
But my favorites
were the love stories.
Uh, yeah. There's
one story in that book
that's really scary.
But it's
a love story, too.
Which one was that?
The one
that's in New York.
You still have to cook
for quite a while,
but I'd love
to hear the story.
"There's a part of New York
that's busy during the day,
"but late at night when
hardly anyone is around,
"strange things
sometimes happen.
"10 years ago,
on a cold, dreary night,
"an artist named Preston
saw something
very, very strange."
Oh, yes. Wyatt.
Preston, it's jer.
There's a guy here--
fortyish, anal retentive
type, right?
On the money.
Tell him
I've been waiting
half an hour.
He's been waiting
half an hour.
Another drambuie
on the rocks, please.
This one's on him.
Keep it.
Wyatt, I'm sorry.
I was just working
on a new piece.
Ah, come here.
Hey, jer.
Give me a holsten.
So, did you
bring me a check
or just a lot of cash?
Thanks, jer.
Judith says she hasn't
moved anything of yours
in four months.
Judith amato.
Big gallery
on west Broadway.
If it isn't
out by tomorrow,
it gets junked.
What? Wyatt, you've
got to convince her
that i--
I can't convince her
of anything.
Wyatt, you're my agent.
Well, not exactly.
Preston, your artistic
vision is just not
a marketable commodity.
Wyatt, I'm broke.
I can't live on nothing.
And I can't live
on 10% of nothing.
You're a monster.
I'm an agent.
For an agent,
being a monster
is just credentials.
I'm sorry, Preston.
Fuck you!
Jesus, what am I
supposed to do now?
Ah, Jesus.
There's Van gogh.
Degas. Rodin.
They didn't have agents.
How'd they
get so successful?
They died.
Time to put it to bed,
All right.
What about Maddox?
Let him out
in the morning.
That's probably
how I'll end up.
Oh, jeez.
You're pissed
out of your mind.
I'll take you home.
All right.
Why didn't you
do that inside?
I did. It just goes
right through.
Oh, my god!
Help me.
Help me!
Maddox, open the door!
Help! Maddox,
open the door!
Please! Aah!
Please! Please don't!
Your life in exchange
for a promise.
You got it.
If I let you go,
you must swear you'll
never say you saw me.
Never say
you heard me speak.
Never tell anyone
how I look.
Never repeat
what I've said.
A promise forever.
You got to be kidding.
Cross your heart?
I promise!
Come here.
No! Oh, god!
Shh! Shut up.
Please be quiet.
Please be quiet.
I'm not going
to hurt you.
Just be quiet,
all right?
All right?
I won't hurt you.
Let go of me!
What are you
trying to do?
Take a taxi.
You don't see
any taxis out here,
do you?
If you want one,
you can use the phone
from my place.
Look, my name
is Preston.
I live just
around the corner.
Come on.
Come on.
I thought someone
was following me
back there.
That wasn't me.
Here we are.
What are you
doing down here?
I was supposed to
meet some friends,
but I got lost.
Here you go.
So what were you doing
out this late?
I was having an argument.
My agent dumped me
Police, 16th precinct.
Anyone there?
The line's busy.
We'll try again
in a minute.
By the way...
What's your name?
Can I have something
to drink?
So where are you
from, anyway?
Sort of.
I had a boyfriend
in California.
It didn't work out,
so I left.
You're the first
real artist
I've ever met.
Tell that to my agent.
Did he do that?
I had a run-in
with a bottle of scotch.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
I'm sorry.
Say, did you try
that taxi again?
Maybe you should
wait till morning.
Good morning.
Last night was
very important to me.
It was a nightmare.
Oh, no, carola!
Not you!
It was everything else
until I ran into you.
That part was good.
It was very good.
I needed it.
I need more of it.
I do, too.
Right now.
Oh, yes.
Help me!
Oh, look...
I have to go out
for a while.
Wait for me.
Hey, that's
my friend!
That's my friend!
I want to go!
Someone cut off
his head!
Yeah. I would've
left, too.
Help me!
It's carola.
Can I come up?
I know what
you're thinking,
but the girl
I'm staying with,
her boyfriend--
I didn't ask
any questions.
I called
a friend of mine--
she's a friend
of a friend.
She owns a gallery
on Houston street.
house-ton street.
I told her how wonderful
I thought your work was,
so she'd like
to come see it.
Does she
have a name?
But I don't remember
the rest.
Victorine roget?
A friend
of a friend?
I hope you don't mind.
Victorine roget...
Owns the hottest
gallery downtown.
Of course
I don't mind!
It's what
I've always wanted.
So how does it feel
to be a huge success?
Victorine just sold
a piece to a couple
for $23,000.
You're a smash.
Excuse me.
Hey, Maddox.
Nice work.
I haven't seen you
around, pal.
Not since
the night jer died.
I'm carola.
to meet you.
Who's jer?
The bartender
at this bar--
he died.
In the alley
out back.
Come on. Let's go.
Hey, you know
something, don't you?
Just sober up, Maddox,
before someone puts
a match to your breath.
I told the cops
everything I knew,
which is
exactly nothing.
Come on.
Promise forever.
So are you sorry
you met me?
You take care of me.
Maybe just
a little bit...
I take care of you.
Will you take care
of me...And my child?
Your child?
Oh, so...
We going to make
this little bastard
To put it
another way...
Will you marry me?
Will you marry me
like this?
Oh, ho ho!
Yes, baby!
No! I'm pregnant!
Come here,
No, no, please!
Where are
the scissors...Scissors?
Oh! Ohh.
Mom, look what Wyatt
bought for me!
They took our picture
a million times.
These kids
ran me ragged.
Each has the metabolism
of a hummingbird.
Ooh, is there some party
tonight that I'm missing?
Yes. Preston and I
are celebrating
the 10th anniversary of
the night we first met.
When you thought he was
going to rape you?
Yes, darling.
It's also the night
that Wyatt here gave
your father the shaft.
I had to murder
three other agents
before you'd let me
represent him again.
And you're still
on probation,
you mercenary wretch.
Find another agent
that'll baby-sit
the spawn of hell
on a Saturday night.
Choose your weapon.
10 years.
So many things
have changed.
Changed for
the better, I hope.
The night I met you,
I almost died.
What do you mean?
Well, let's just say
it was the night
my life started
over again.
So, happy anniversary.
You know,
you saved Preston
from people like me.
She saved me
from myself.
Time to go.
Sincerity is bad
for my self-image.
Good night, Wyatt.
Good night,
Whoa, taxi!
Let's move
to the country.
We'll buy
a big house
with lots of land
for the kids.
They'd hate it
as much as you would.
Then for you.
There's nothing
you could give me
that I don't
already have.
Yes, there is.
Oh, Christ,
I hate this neighborhood.
Can't get
a cab here ever.
No one has
ever seen this.
That's what killed jer.
Then it turned on me.
I knew
I was going to die,
but it spoke. It spoke.
It told me
it wouldn't kill me
if I promised
never to tell anybody
what I'd seen.
So I never told anybody.
Then why are you
telling me?
Because you're the most
important thing
in my life.
You've brought me
10 years of happiness,
10 years of success,
10 years
of a perfect life.
I'm telling you
because I love you.
You deserve everything
I can give you,
and I've never
given you the truth
about what happened
the night we met.
What's wrong?
I'm not
making this up.
I'm telling you
the truth.
You promised
you'd never tell!
Oh, god.
You broke your promise,
you idiot!
I loved you!
Jesus, please...
Carola, stop it!
Just change back.
I can't.
What's wrong
with the kids?
Stop it!
It's too late.
You betrayed
your vow.
It can't be!
I'm so sorry.
I loved you.
And I loved you, too,
but you broke
your vow,
and that sealed
our destiny.
What the hell
was that?
I don't want to know.
My goodness,
you really did keep
the best one for last.
No. I saved the really,
really best one for now.
You should have told me
the really, really
best story before,
'cause now
it's too late.
It's the best one because
there's a happy ending,
a really happy ending.
The stories in that book
don't have happy endings.
But you got to
hear this story.
This kid,
his name's Timmy...
That's nice, dear.
And Timmy's older brother
had this paper route.
One day, when
Timmy's brother got sick,
Timmy had to go collecting.
Timmy went
to this one house,
and this lady at the door
said, "come in."
He went inside, and she
threw him into a pantry.
She made him eat cookies
to get fat
'cause she was going to
kill him and eat him!
This is your story,
and we both know
how it comes out.
But you don't. Something
really weird happens.
Oh, really?
Yeah. Uh, Timmy
had these marbles
in his pocket,
and they were
all shiny and slippery.
When he threw them
on the floor...
She didn't see
where they went...
And she slipped!
Timmy saw his chance
to escape...
If he could just
reach the keys!
Don't you just love
happy endings?