Tater Tot & Patton (2017) Movie Script
1
There you go.
There you go.
Okay. Okay.
There we go.
- Dry enough for ya?
- Oh, yeah, it's fine.
- How's Tilly?
- She's Tilly.
- Anything else for you today?
- Nah, that's it..
All right.
How ya doing, Ryan?
May I have
your attention, please?
For those passengers
traveling on Great Lakes
Airlines Flight 2951
with service to Denver,
um, currently, that aircraft has
mechanical delays in Denver...
Hello?
Uncle Erwin?
Hello?
Whoa.
- Sorry.
- Um...
Hey.
So, uh...
You, you're Andie?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You, you look, uh,
you look very different.
Could barely walk
last time I saw you.
I totally remember that.
Well, get in.
Where should I put my...
Throw it on the back.
I want my milk
And I want it now
I want my milk
And I want it now
I want my milk
My cereal and milk
I want my milk
And I want it now
I want my Jell-O
And I want it now
I want my Jell-O
And I want it now
I want my Jell-O
Green Jell-O, yellow Jell-O
I want my Jell-O
And I want it now
It's kinda flat.
Yup.
I mean,
I guess L.A. is pretty flat.
Have you ever been there...
to L.A.?
Nope.
Erwin, can we listen
to some music?
- What's that?
- Can we listen to some music?
Oh. Uh, no.
That dog there
is named Little Bastard.
Watch out for him.
He's a humper.
Mind the weeds.
A nice place.
Your Aunt Tilly
inherited this land
from your mother's father,
Spud McQuester.
She's sick, right?
Yeah, she got cancer. Come on.
Where is she?
She's at Rochester.
You mean she's not here?
No, she's not here.
Well, is she coming back?
Yeah, yeah.
She's coming back.
Why are you here?
Well, the place
don't run itself.
Come on.
Come on.
So, it's just you
and me?
Yeah, until she
gets back from the hospital.
If I were that cancer,
I'd be scared.
- Cozy.
- Yeah.
Wait, is there enough service?
Uh, oh, no. We got a track phone
that works up on the hill.
What about Wi-Fi?
No, ain't no Wi-Fi.
Well, is there any AC?
No, there's no AC.
Princess.
Hmm.
I'm kind of on a veggie kick.
Well, beans are vegetables.
You know,
I don't remember you at all.
I remember you.
You were little Tater Tot.
Four years old,
running around all naked...
with a big ol' bucket of water.
Then, you'd fill her up, and...
pour it on people
you didn't like.
You'd say "I don't like you",
and you'd pour water
all over 'em.
Did I pour it on you?
Not your Aunt Tilly.
You kept her dry.
Every year, since I was like...
one, she sent me five dollars
in a card.
- Hm.
- For Arbor Day.
Yeah, she liked trees.
So...
why are you here?
Have you ever been to rehab?
I can take this farm
any day.
Rehab's for puckered folk.
Shake it loose!
I wanna sleep.
Five minutes!
Hold the wheel.
Thank you.
All right, now.
What are we doing?
Um...
- hollowing the fence?
- Yup.
Driving the line. Why?
So the animals can't escape?
And they never do on my watch,
cause I drive the line.
You eat, you sleep, you piss...
you drive the line.
Drive the line.
Go on, open up the gate.
Come on! Quit playing!
Shit! Snake! Snake!
Fuck!
Holy shit.
You okay?
Come on!
Close the gate.
Here you go.
Beans again.
Where's the water?
Did you bring any?
I brought beer.
I'm parched.
Bet you won't be tomorrow.
Fuck!
All right.
Eat that up.
Don't you have any veggies here?
Like, from the farm?
This ain't a farm. It's a ranch.
Eat it up.
I'm not gonna eat this shit.
You gotta stay here at the table
until it's finished.
You understand?
Puppy.
Come here, puppy.
Oh, good boy.
You!
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
What the fuck are you doing,
you fucking psycho?
- What is wrong with you?
- Watch your tongue, girl!
- Fuck you!
- Hey!
- Fuck you!
- Go to your room!
- Fuck you!
- Go to your room!
Fuck you, you fucking piece
of shit asshole!
- Go to your room!
- Fuck...
you!
You're here, child.
And no matter how much you stick
in my craw,
I am the king,
I am the queen,
I'm General George S.
freaking Patton,
and I'm God.
And you are,
and will always be...
Tater Tot.
You know what?
I do remember you.
You were a drunk then,
and you're a fucking drunk now!
Oh.
Fuck.
Go away.
I'm outta here.
Take me to the airport.
Take me to the airport!
This place is a black hole.
Your call has been forwarded
to an automated
voice messaging system.
Um, Mom? It's me.
I, uh...
I just, I can't...
I don't know.
Just get me home, okay?
Can you please just get me
out of here?
I'm driving to the airport.
I need you to buy me a ticket,
so, just call me back.
Motherfucking fuck!
Fuckers!
Fuck!
What the fuck? Get out!
Get fucking out!
Motherfucker.
Right, there's cheese,
and that there's bread.
Put them together,
put them on a skillet...
grilled cheese sandwiches.
Well, get at it.
There you go, Bastard.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
How are you still alive?
How do you not know how to make
a grilled cheese sandwich?
Why don't my mom
and Tilly get along?
Land.
Your Aunt Tilly got all this.
Your ma and your Uncle Carl
only got...
only got crumbs.
And when I told Mom
that I'd rather come here
than go to rehab,
she, like, freaked out.
Her face wadded up into a ball.
And, of course,
my mom's always been a bitch.
Do you know
that we're, uh...
we are miles from the center
of North America?
They did Dances with Wolves
a couple of miles from here.
You know, your Aunt Tilly
was an extra on that shoot.
Played an Indian.
I mean, she's white,
but she's just
in the background.
She tans up pretty good.
Attack, motherfuckers!
Holy fuck!
Richie!
- What? That's shit?
- Goddammit.
Get over here, boy!
Yo, yo, yo.
My bad, boss man.
My bad, my bad.
All right, knucklehead.
That's my niece, Tater Tot.
- I warned you she'd coming.
- Bonjour.
I'm Richie.
Andie.
Wow, you got some soft-ass skin.
I use lotion.
I do, too.
Oh, god.
Take a look at this.
What's that?
Oh, you dragon slayer, you.
- It's all yours, boy.
- Hell, yeah.
I'm gonna skin this baby up,
and fry it,
and it's c'est bon pour moi.
You're doing
that Rosie's Rocks, then.
It's fucking Rosetta Stone,
crow's feet, and...
and yeah, I'm gonna sweet sing
my way through Paris.
Oh.
That was French, dude?
This is,
you just crossed the line.
She a college girl.
So many lines being crossed.
Hey!
Stuntman, you remember
how to talk to females, right?
I'm speaking with a lovely,
young prospect at the moment.
Welcome to the suck.
Hey, uh, you got cow poo
on your windshield.
Jackwagon.
There's a lot of testosterone
in this place.
Somebody likes you.
Hardcore cringe.
Did you get her number?
I know where she lives.
She can't hide.
So, what kinda partying
you kids do nowadays?
- Partying?
- When you go out,
what do you do?
I don't know. Drinking. Drugs.
No, no. The big one.
Drinking and drugs.
That ain't new.
Robotripping.
Trip a what?
No, like, sipping on the syrup.
Just cough syrup.
Cough syrup? What happens next?
I don't know.
There's a lady
following me around,
vacuuming up my words.
Like, letters of the alphabet
just falling out of my mouth.
I had a heart-to-heart
with a plastic cup.
Well, kids should drink
more beer.
Come on, girl. Come on.
- What do you got?
- Holy shit!
Hey, can I try some of that?
This ain't cough syrup.
Come on. Seriously?
All right.
No, that's way too,
you got way too much there.
Oh, I got it.
I'm fine.
Hmm.
Tastes kinda like cigarettes.
That's a big shock.
You see?
I am adapting.
Yes, you are.
I'm a regular badass,
driving the muthaflippin' line.
Oh.
I think you were right
about those
unfortunately-named bugs.
- Oh, chiggers.
- Yeah, those.
Love note?
Do you write her
all soldier-like?
"My dearest Tilly...
hope grows ever weary as
the chigger enemy looms nearer."
No, seriously.
What do you write to her about?
I just write.
I'm, you know,
writing down about you.
What a pain in the butt you are.
Fuck, yeah!
Je coupe.
Fromage.
Avec le couteau.
- Le fromage.
- Hey.
- Avec lec...
- Hey.
- Holy shit. Look at there.
- Hey.
Come on. Will you cut the shit
and get outta here already?
You're annoying us.
What?
I'm just playing.
Ha-ha-ha.
What's going on?
- Can I talk to you for a sec?
- Okay, give me that.
Yeah.
Um...
You move fast.
Can you trade that
for an iPhone?
Who's the guy?
Some asshole.
Can you?
Whatever happened to...
Little Miss "I'm enjoying
being unplugged from the world"?
You know, you could probably get
a couple head a cattle
with this thing?
Well then, keep the difference,
okay? I don't care.
Come on.
Please.
Yeah. All right.
Fine.
You got it, Tater Tot.
Past the nickname.
C'est ma plaisir.
C'est mon plaisir.
- C'est mon plaisir.
- C'est mon plaisir.
See more brassiere.
Hey!
Where were you today?
Driving the line.
Where's Little Bastard?
He was with me. He's okay.
You know, I still can't find
that can of beans.
I'm hungry for Angel Food Cake.
Why didn't you guys
ever have a kid?
Too many miscarriages.
First one was on '85,
and two after that.
In '87, and '90.
And...
and she said she was done.
I said...
"Okay.
We're done."
The last one was named "Violet."
Erwin.
Hey, Erwin.
Come on.
Erwin. I'm serious.
Why don't you go to hell?
You spoiled child.
Your parents gave you everything
you want for nothing...
and you spit it back
in their face.
Your Aunt Tilly...
will be disappointed in you.
I'm tired.
Oh.
Richie, knock it off!
I need help, I need it now!
What's happening?
Happy birthday,
America.
Tilly wants a picture
of the place all dolled up.
She loves holidays.
Like Arbor Day.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Actual fun.
It feels like a snake.
It moves. Can you do that?
See how gross that is.
Nothing, anyone. Nothing.
What's that?
Oh, god.
And the way that it goes by
In the blink of an eye
Ashes to ashes
This place is really hoppin'.
Yeah, well, just wait
'til the cowgirls come out.
- Want a beer?
- Mm.
- I'm good, thanks.
- You sure?
Mix it with some fried chicken,
you get like, uh...
- fully balanced diet.
- Hmm, yum.
Or, get some top-shelf
if you prefer.
No pressure.
I'm actually curbing
my ethanol intake.
Let me ask you something.
Stuntman says, uh,
you're a dropout.
Super smart, but...
kinda dumb.
You shouldn't have quit.
Foxy-ass brain like that
needs a home.
Thanks for the tip, college boy.
Shit. I'm...
I'm just saying that...
I'm not one that starts shit
that I know I can't finish.
Ms. Tilly used to tell me
all the time,
"Go to school. Get a degree."
But...
Shit. I made so much more bank
working in the fields
than I ever would have
finishing college
and getting
some entry level job.
I mean, driving big rigs
everywhere, and...
slick oil, that's...
That's the type of shit
college can't touch.
Of course,
you know, Erwin,
he's all about ranch life.
College is for pussies.
You know, my family is so weird.
Erwin writes her letters.
You know, like one a day.
He'll never go
visit her, though.
Yeah, but that's, that's...
That's Tilly.
That's up to her.
She's the boss.
She wears the pants.
I remember one time,
I was playing
with my rocket ship
out in the field.
You know,
just doing donuts for fun.
And she walks out there,
she saw me ruining the grass.
And she nearly flipped her shit.
She laid into me so hard,
screaming and cussing.
The very next morning,
I pulled up into her driveway,
she hops into my passenger seat
and says...
"Can you show me
how to do a donut?"
You know what?
Fuck it.
You just crossed
the fucking line.
- Oh, fuck.
- What?
Shit. What is it? What?
What? Oh, fuck.
Are you all right?
You're gonna feel
a whole lot better
in just a couple of minutes.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, god.
Erwin.
You know, your drinking
gives me hangovers.
Come on.
Up.
Come on.
Oh.
You need to go.
Okay.
Hey!
What's going on?
Ain't no fire.
Start the fire.
Okay, chill, boss. I got it.
- I'll start it. I'll start it.
- Erwin.
Good evening, Tater Tot.
Hey, why don't you let me--
- I need to start a fire, boy.
- Hey, come on, man.
Hey, why don't you take a break
from fucking my niece?
Hey!
Hey.
Why don't you go home, okay?
I got this.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
All right, fine.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Light her up.
Where's Tilly?
Light her up.
Why haven't you sent these
to her?
- Where did you get that?
- Why haven't you sent these?
- Put those back. Put those back.
- Where is she, Erwin?
- Why haven't you sent these?
- Put those back where they were.
- Why are you lying?
- Put it back!
How long?
Eighty-seven days.
Where?
Out here, she can breathe.
Who else knows?
Me.
God.
Maybe.
Folks around town...
send notes.
Just scribbles, you know.
"Sorry about your cancer."
Stuff like that.
Got a note like that
from your ma.
Erwin, you need
to tell somebody.
I need beer.
Real bad.
Can I get a moment
with my wife?
Yeah.
He gave me this ring.
It was perfect.
Then a month later,
I found him chin deep
with my best friend.
I just couldn't.
I downed a bottle of pills.
I, um...
I counted them out, and...
found out how many would take
for me to never wake up.
I doubled that.
But, um...
I'm spare change
compared to your shit.
What? What's that?
Tater, what are you doing?
- Jell-O.
- No.
Thank you, no.
We were a couple
of jackwagons last night.
Hardcore jackwagons?
Uh-huh.
I'm glad you're okay.
- Come on.
- No, no.
- Okay. Come on.
- I don't want it.
Come on!
Tater, I don't want that.
Eat me.
- Tater, stop that.
- Eat me.
- No, come on.
- And I don't want it.
The nurse said
you have to eat it.
I ain't hungry, though.
- Erwin?
- Hey, Doc, how you doing?
Good. Welcome back.
- What's going on?
- Well...
- Uh, same old, same old.
- So you regulate here.
Here's your pain control.
You still got that ring?
Well, Richie's pawning it.
Blood money.
What?
That ring.
It's gonna haunt you.
You should chuck it.
You're crazy.
You like him?
You like that boy Richie?
Future hardcore cringe.
I don't know.
The next ten are probably
all rebounds.
You should chuck that ring.
You tell.
I'll chuck.
There's no going back now
There's no going home
But now that you're stranded
Hola, chica.
Where's the ogre?
He's around.
And how you missed
Your friends
But I tell you, my comrade
You know, I almost put cow shit
in there.
Imagine, you open it up...
cow shit falls out.
Thanks.
Everything will be forgiven
And everyone will be there
You may find
Yourself feeling
Can you tell me
what that one means?
You'll have to go to France
to figure it out.
Guess I'll have to do that.
And your friends
Are so successful
Au revoir, mademoiselle.
You're bitter
And you're blue
But Jesus and his angels
Are rooting for you
Haloes in our hair
That was easy.
Come on.
You're up.
Erwin, are you ready?
Here.
It's Vera Wang. Sexy, right?
Hey, no.
Not even one.
Come on.
Today, we get 100 percent Erwin.
Are you ready?
You remember your Uncle Carl?
Kinda.
Well, he's a hardcore jackwagon.
I ain't been here in a while.
What's wrong?
Squeeze that seat forward.
Wait. What?
What are you doing?
- You sneaky bastard.
- No. Give me that.
- No!
- Give me that!
- No.
- Tater Tot!
No. Stop!
- Stop!
- Give it!
- Stop! Drop it!
- I can't do it!
Coward.
You're a coward.
Stop. No.
- Give it to me!
- No!
You... Stop!
- Give it to me.
- I will run
- down the streets...
- Give it to me!
- Stop it, woman!
- ...screaming like a banshee!
- Go back inside.
- All right!
- Go back inside. Go back inside!
- All right. All right!
- Go!
- All right! All right!
All right.
Mom?
Yeah.
Oh, my god!
Ooh, the tones
That keep your heart alive
They call
They call but no one answers
Hey.
Text me.
Bye, house!
We are alive
We just survived it
Ooh, our love
Is better than before
Come take my hand
Don't ever let it go
Don't ever let it go
Oh, um.
Here.
I don't want that.
Seriously. Please take it.
You know, just...
Call me from a hilltop sometime.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey.
Go on, get.
Get. Go on, get.
If I had wings
Like Noah's dove
I'd fly the river
To the one that I love
Fare thee well
My honey
Fare thee well
I had a man
Who was long and tall
He moved his body
Like a cannonball
Fare thee well
My honey
Fare thee well
Well, I was kicking my feet
On a downtown street
I've never been down before
When I saw a pretty thing
Coming up my way
On the opposite side
Of the road
I said, Honey, oh, honey
Where have you been
I've been waiting
So damn long
She said, I'm sorry
So sorry
But you shouldn't
Even bother
I'll be married this time
Next month
Well, ain't that
How it goes...
Put the cheese on the bread.
Put the bread in the skillet.
Grilled cheese sandwich.
Say it again.
Say it again.
- Put the cheese on the bread.
- Put the cheese on the bread.
Put the bread in the skillet.
Say the last...
say the last part.
- Say it.
- No.
Say it with me.
Grilled cheese sandwich.
That was beautiful.
There you go.
There you go.
Okay. Okay.
There we go.
- Dry enough for ya?
- Oh, yeah, it's fine.
- How's Tilly?
- She's Tilly.
- Anything else for you today?
- Nah, that's it..
All right.
How ya doing, Ryan?
May I have
your attention, please?
For those passengers
traveling on Great Lakes
Airlines Flight 2951
with service to Denver,
um, currently, that aircraft has
mechanical delays in Denver...
Hello?
Uncle Erwin?
Hello?
Whoa.
- Sorry.
- Um...
Hey.
So, uh...
You, you're Andie?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You, you look, uh,
you look very different.
Could barely walk
last time I saw you.
I totally remember that.
Well, get in.
Where should I put my...
Throw it on the back.
I want my milk
And I want it now
I want my milk
And I want it now
I want my milk
My cereal and milk
I want my milk
And I want it now
I want my Jell-O
And I want it now
I want my Jell-O
And I want it now
I want my Jell-O
Green Jell-O, yellow Jell-O
I want my Jell-O
And I want it now
It's kinda flat.
Yup.
I mean,
I guess L.A. is pretty flat.
Have you ever been there...
to L.A.?
Nope.
Erwin, can we listen
to some music?
- What's that?
- Can we listen to some music?
Oh. Uh, no.
That dog there
is named Little Bastard.
Watch out for him.
He's a humper.
Mind the weeds.
A nice place.
Your Aunt Tilly
inherited this land
from your mother's father,
Spud McQuester.
She's sick, right?
Yeah, she got cancer. Come on.
Where is she?
She's at Rochester.
You mean she's not here?
No, she's not here.
Well, is she coming back?
Yeah, yeah.
She's coming back.
Why are you here?
Well, the place
don't run itself.
Come on.
Come on.
So, it's just you
and me?
Yeah, until she
gets back from the hospital.
If I were that cancer,
I'd be scared.
- Cozy.
- Yeah.
Wait, is there enough service?
Uh, oh, no. We got a track phone
that works up on the hill.
What about Wi-Fi?
No, ain't no Wi-Fi.
Well, is there any AC?
No, there's no AC.
Princess.
Hmm.
I'm kind of on a veggie kick.
Well, beans are vegetables.
You know,
I don't remember you at all.
I remember you.
You were little Tater Tot.
Four years old,
running around all naked...
with a big ol' bucket of water.
Then, you'd fill her up, and...
pour it on people
you didn't like.
You'd say "I don't like you",
and you'd pour water
all over 'em.
Did I pour it on you?
Not your Aunt Tilly.
You kept her dry.
Every year, since I was like...
one, she sent me five dollars
in a card.
- Hm.
- For Arbor Day.
Yeah, she liked trees.
So...
why are you here?
Have you ever been to rehab?
I can take this farm
any day.
Rehab's for puckered folk.
Shake it loose!
I wanna sleep.
Five minutes!
Hold the wheel.
Thank you.
All right, now.
What are we doing?
Um...
- hollowing the fence?
- Yup.
Driving the line. Why?
So the animals can't escape?
And they never do on my watch,
cause I drive the line.
You eat, you sleep, you piss...
you drive the line.
Drive the line.
Go on, open up the gate.
Come on! Quit playing!
Shit! Snake! Snake!
Fuck!
Holy shit.
You okay?
Come on!
Close the gate.
Here you go.
Beans again.
Where's the water?
Did you bring any?
I brought beer.
I'm parched.
Bet you won't be tomorrow.
Fuck!
All right.
Eat that up.
Don't you have any veggies here?
Like, from the farm?
This ain't a farm. It's a ranch.
Eat it up.
I'm not gonna eat this shit.
You gotta stay here at the table
until it's finished.
You understand?
Puppy.
Come here, puppy.
Oh, good boy.
You!
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
What the fuck are you doing,
you fucking psycho?
- What is wrong with you?
- Watch your tongue, girl!
- Fuck you!
- Hey!
- Fuck you!
- Go to your room!
- Fuck you!
- Go to your room!
Fuck you, you fucking piece
of shit asshole!
- Go to your room!
- Fuck...
you!
You're here, child.
And no matter how much you stick
in my craw,
I am the king,
I am the queen,
I'm General George S.
freaking Patton,
and I'm God.
And you are,
and will always be...
Tater Tot.
You know what?
I do remember you.
You were a drunk then,
and you're a fucking drunk now!
Oh.
Fuck.
Go away.
I'm outta here.
Take me to the airport.
Take me to the airport!
This place is a black hole.
Your call has been forwarded
to an automated
voice messaging system.
Um, Mom? It's me.
I, uh...
I just, I can't...
I don't know.
Just get me home, okay?
Can you please just get me
out of here?
I'm driving to the airport.
I need you to buy me a ticket,
so, just call me back.
Motherfucking fuck!
Fuckers!
Fuck!
What the fuck? Get out!
Get fucking out!
Motherfucker.
Right, there's cheese,
and that there's bread.
Put them together,
put them on a skillet...
grilled cheese sandwiches.
Well, get at it.
There you go, Bastard.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
How are you still alive?
How do you not know how to make
a grilled cheese sandwich?
Why don't my mom
and Tilly get along?
Land.
Your Aunt Tilly got all this.
Your ma and your Uncle Carl
only got...
only got crumbs.
And when I told Mom
that I'd rather come here
than go to rehab,
she, like, freaked out.
Her face wadded up into a ball.
And, of course,
my mom's always been a bitch.
Do you know
that we're, uh...
we are miles from the center
of North America?
They did Dances with Wolves
a couple of miles from here.
You know, your Aunt Tilly
was an extra on that shoot.
Played an Indian.
I mean, she's white,
but she's just
in the background.
She tans up pretty good.
Attack, motherfuckers!
Holy fuck!
Richie!
- What? That's shit?
- Goddammit.
Get over here, boy!
Yo, yo, yo.
My bad, boss man.
My bad, my bad.
All right, knucklehead.
That's my niece, Tater Tot.
- I warned you she'd coming.
- Bonjour.
I'm Richie.
Andie.
Wow, you got some soft-ass skin.
I use lotion.
I do, too.
Oh, god.
Take a look at this.
What's that?
Oh, you dragon slayer, you.
- It's all yours, boy.
- Hell, yeah.
I'm gonna skin this baby up,
and fry it,
and it's c'est bon pour moi.
You're doing
that Rosie's Rocks, then.
It's fucking Rosetta Stone,
crow's feet, and...
and yeah, I'm gonna sweet sing
my way through Paris.
Oh.
That was French, dude?
This is,
you just crossed the line.
She a college girl.
So many lines being crossed.
Hey!
Stuntman, you remember
how to talk to females, right?
I'm speaking with a lovely,
young prospect at the moment.
Welcome to the suck.
Hey, uh, you got cow poo
on your windshield.
Jackwagon.
There's a lot of testosterone
in this place.
Somebody likes you.
Hardcore cringe.
Did you get her number?
I know where she lives.
She can't hide.
So, what kinda partying
you kids do nowadays?
- Partying?
- When you go out,
what do you do?
I don't know. Drinking. Drugs.
No, no. The big one.
Drinking and drugs.
That ain't new.
Robotripping.
Trip a what?
No, like, sipping on the syrup.
Just cough syrup.
Cough syrup? What happens next?
I don't know.
There's a lady
following me around,
vacuuming up my words.
Like, letters of the alphabet
just falling out of my mouth.
I had a heart-to-heart
with a plastic cup.
Well, kids should drink
more beer.
Come on, girl. Come on.
- What do you got?
- Holy shit!
Hey, can I try some of that?
This ain't cough syrup.
Come on. Seriously?
All right.
No, that's way too,
you got way too much there.
Oh, I got it.
I'm fine.
Hmm.
Tastes kinda like cigarettes.
That's a big shock.
You see?
I am adapting.
Yes, you are.
I'm a regular badass,
driving the muthaflippin' line.
Oh.
I think you were right
about those
unfortunately-named bugs.
- Oh, chiggers.
- Yeah, those.
Love note?
Do you write her
all soldier-like?
"My dearest Tilly...
hope grows ever weary as
the chigger enemy looms nearer."
No, seriously.
What do you write to her about?
I just write.
I'm, you know,
writing down about you.
What a pain in the butt you are.
Fuck, yeah!
Je coupe.
Fromage.
Avec le couteau.
- Le fromage.
- Hey.
- Avec lec...
- Hey.
- Holy shit. Look at there.
- Hey.
Come on. Will you cut the shit
and get outta here already?
You're annoying us.
What?
I'm just playing.
Ha-ha-ha.
What's going on?
- Can I talk to you for a sec?
- Okay, give me that.
Yeah.
Um...
You move fast.
Can you trade that
for an iPhone?
Who's the guy?
Some asshole.
Can you?
Whatever happened to...
Little Miss "I'm enjoying
being unplugged from the world"?
You know, you could probably get
a couple head a cattle
with this thing?
Well then, keep the difference,
okay? I don't care.
Come on.
Please.
Yeah. All right.
Fine.
You got it, Tater Tot.
Past the nickname.
C'est ma plaisir.
C'est mon plaisir.
- C'est mon plaisir.
- C'est mon plaisir.
See more brassiere.
Hey!
Where were you today?
Driving the line.
Where's Little Bastard?
He was with me. He's okay.
You know, I still can't find
that can of beans.
I'm hungry for Angel Food Cake.
Why didn't you guys
ever have a kid?
Too many miscarriages.
First one was on '85,
and two after that.
In '87, and '90.
And...
and she said she was done.
I said...
"Okay.
We're done."
The last one was named "Violet."
Erwin.
Hey, Erwin.
Come on.
Erwin. I'm serious.
Why don't you go to hell?
You spoiled child.
Your parents gave you everything
you want for nothing...
and you spit it back
in their face.
Your Aunt Tilly...
will be disappointed in you.
I'm tired.
Oh.
Richie, knock it off!
I need help, I need it now!
What's happening?
Happy birthday,
America.
Tilly wants a picture
of the place all dolled up.
She loves holidays.
Like Arbor Day.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Actual fun.
It feels like a snake.
It moves. Can you do that?
See how gross that is.
Nothing, anyone. Nothing.
What's that?
Oh, god.
And the way that it goes by
In the blink of an eye
Ashes to ashes
This place is really hoppin'.
Yeah, well, just wait
'til the cowgirls come out.
- Want a beer?
- Mm.
- I'm good, thanks.
- You sure?
Mix it with some fried chicken,
you get like, uh...
- fully balanced diet.
- Hmm, yum.
Or, get some top-shelf
if you prefer.
No pressure.
I'm actually curbing
my ethanol intake.
Let me ask you something.
Stuntman says, uh,
you're a dropout.
Super smart, but...
kinda dumb.
You shouldn't have quit.
Foxy-ass brain like that
needs a home.
Thanks for the tip, college boy.
Shit. I'm...
I'm just saying that...
I'm not one that starts shit
that I know I can't finish.
Ms. Tilly used to tell me
all the time,
"Go to school. Get a degree."
But...
Shit. I made so much more bank
working in the fields
than I ever would have
finishing college
and getting
some entry level job.
I mean, driving big rigs
everywhere, and...
slick oil, that's...
That's the type of shit
college can't touch.
Of course,
you know, Erwin,
he's all about ranch life.
College is for pussies.
You know, my family is so weird.
Erwin writes her letters.
You know, like one a day.
He'll never go
visit her, though.
Yeah, but that's, that's...
That's Tilly.
That's up to her.
She's the boss.
She wears the pants.
I remember one time,
I was playing
with my rocket ship
out in the field.
You know,
just doing donuts for fun.
And she walks out there,
she saw me ruining the grass.
And she nearly flipped her shit.
She laid into me so hard,
screaming and cussing.
The very next morning,
I pulled up into her driveway,
she hops into my passenger seat
and says...
"Can you show me
how to do a donut?"
You know what?
Fuck it.
You just crossed
the fucking line.
- Oh, fuck.
- What?
Shit. What is it? What?
What? Oh, fuck.
Are you all right?
You're gonna feel
a whole lot better
in just a couple of minutes.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, god.
Erwin.
You know, your drinking
gives me hangovers.
Come on.
Up.
Come on.
Oh.
You need to go.
Okay.
Hey!
What's going on?
Ain't no fire.
Start the fire.
Okay, chill, boss. I got it.
- I'll start it. I'll start it.
- Erwin.
Good evening, Tater Tot.
Hey, why don't you let me--
- I need to start a fire, boy.
- Hey, come on, man.
Hey, why don't you take a break
from fucking my niece?
Hey!
Hey.
Why don't you go home, okay?
I got this.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
All right, fine.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Light her up.
Where's Tilly?
Light her up.
Why haven't you sent these
to her?
- Where did you get that?
- Why haven't you sent these?
- Put those back. Put those back.
- Where is she, Erwin?
- Why haven't you sent these?
- Put those back where they were.
- Why are you lying?
- Put it back!
How long?
Eighty-seven days.
Where?
Out here, she can breathe.
Who else knows?
Me.
God.
Maybe.
Folks around town...
send notes.
Just scribbles, you know.
"Sorry about your cancer."
Stuff like that.
Got a note like that
from your ma.
Erwin, you need
to tell somebody.
I need beer.
Real bad.
Can I get a moment
with my wife?
Yeah.
He gave me this ring.
It was perfect.
Then a month later,
I found him chin deep
with my best friend.
I just couldn't.
I downed a bottle of pills.
I, um...
I counted them out, and...
found out how many would take
for me to never wake up.
I doubled that.
But, um...
I'm spare change
compared to your shit.
What? What's that?
Tater, what are you doing?
- Jell-O.
- No.
Thank you, no.
We were a couple
of jackwagons last night.
Hardcore jackwagons?
Uh-huh.
I'm glad you're okay.
- Come on.
- No, no.
- Okay. Come on.
- I don't want it.
Come on!
Tater, I don't want that.
Eat me.
- Tater, stop that.
- Eat me.
- No, come on.
- And I don't want it.
The nurse said
you have to eat it.
I ain't hungry, though.
- Erwin?
- Hey, Doc, how you doing?
Good. Welcome back.
- What's going on?
- Well...
- Uh, same old, same old.
- So you regulate here.
Here's your pain control.
You still got that ring?
Well, Richie's pawning it.
Blood money.
What?
That ring.
It's gonna haunt you.
You should chuck it.
You're crazy.
You like him?
You like that boy Richie?
Future hardcore cringe.
I don't know.
The next ten are probably
all rebounds.
You should chuck that ring.
You tell.
I'll chuck.
There's no going back now
There's no going home
But now that you're stranded
Hola, chica.
Where's the ogre?
He's around.
And how you missed
Your friends
But I tell you, my comrade
You know, I almost put cow shit
in there.
Imagine, you open it up...
cow shit falls out.
Thanks.
Everything will be forgiven
And everyone will be there
You may find
Yourself feeling
Can you tell me
what that one means?
You'll have to go to France
to figure it out.
Guess I'll have to do that.
And your friends
Are so successful
Au revoir, mademoiselle.
You're bitter
And you're blue
But Jesus and his angels
Are rooting for you
Haloes in our hair
That was easy.
Come on.
You're up.
Erwin, are you ready?
Here.
It's Vera Wang. Sexy, right?
Hey, no.
Not even one.
Come on.
Today, we get 100 percent Erwin.
Are you ready?
You remember your Uncle Carl?
Kinda.
Well, he's a hardcore jackwagon.
I ain't been here in a while.
What's wrong?
Squeeze that seat forward.
Wait. What?
What are you doing?
- You sneaky bastard.
- No. Give me that.
- No!
- Give me that!
- No.
- Tater Tot!
No. Stop!
- Stop!
- Give it!
- Stop! Drop it!
- I can't do it!
Coward.
You're a coward.
Stop. No.
- Give it to me!
- No!
You... Stop!
- Give it to me.
- I will run
- down the streets...
- Give it to me!
- Stop it, woman!
- ...screaming like a banshee!
- Go back inside.
- All right!
- Go back inside. Go back inside!
- All right. All right!
- Go!
- All right! All right!
All right.
Mom?
Yeah.
Oh, my god!
Ooh, the tones
That keep your heart alive
They call
They call but no one answers
Hey.
Text me.
Bye, house!
We are alive
We just survived it
Ooh, our love
Is better than before
Come take my hand
Don't ever let it go
Don't ever let it go
Oh, um.
Here.
I don't want that.
Seriously. Please take it.
You know, just...
Call me from a hilltop sometime.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey.
Go on, get.
Get. Go on, get.
If I had wings
Like Noah's dove
I'd fly the river
To the one that I love
Fare thee well
My honey
Fare thee well
I had a man
Who was long and tall
He moved his body
Like a cannonball
Fare thee well
My honey
Fare thee well
Well, I was kicking my feet
On a downtown street
I've never been down before
When I saw a pretty thing
Coming up my way
On the opposite side
Of the road
I said, Honey, oh, honey
Where have you been
I've been waiting
So damn long
She said, I'm sorry
So sorry
But you shouldn't
Even bother
I'll be married this time
Next month
Well, ain't that
How it goes...
Put the cheese on the bread.
Put the bread in the skillet.
Grilled cheese sandwich.
Say it again.
Say it again.
- Put the cheese on the bread.
- Put the cheese on the bread.
Put the bread in the skillet.
Say the last...
say the last part.
- Say it.
- No.
Say it with me.
Grilled cheese sandwich.
That was beautiful.