Taxi 5 (2018) Movie Script

And... Just in time!
Thank you for choosing
Hamid's Taxi.
We hope the trip was better for you
than it was for us.
Anyway, you're welcome and
we hope to see you soon.
That's not my goat.
- My phone.
- Excuse me.
They're calling me. Who's this?
Hello, how are you?
Hello, uncle?
- Who's this?
-Eddy, your nephew.
And what is it that He wants?
Give me the taxi, otherwise I'm...
Sorry, I'm losing you.
- You don't understand.
It's very important.
What a shame, I'm entering a tunnel.
And this phone is broken.
It's not working!
So it was you drawing pee-pees
on my car? Hey!
I swear if I see you again...
Whoever draws pee-pees on my taxi,
will have to deal with me.
You're looking at 5 years here.
I'd take the deal if I were you.
- I'm not taking anything, I'm innocent.
- You'll tell that to the commissioner.
Mind if I take a shortcut?
Go ahead, I'm crashing my balls here.
If you say so.
Would you mind some music?
Leave me alone.
Let's go!
- Oh.
- Tell me you're not the...
you have to buckle up!
But I can't!
What are you gonna do to me?
What do you mean?
No, stop!
Hold on to something.
What are you doing?
Oh no, I took the wrong turn.
OK, stop, it was me!
It was me!
Slow down!
It won't accelerate!
Watch out!
I'll tell you everything!
It's Jimnez.
- Tell me more.
- Look at the road!
- That's all I know!
- No hands.
- Knee!
- Use hands!
Do you want his adress?
Paradise Hotel in Saint-Denis.
Room 312!
How are you holding up?
Don't do that!
Oh, yes.
Look, one hand!
The delivery
is scheduled for Saturday!
At what time?
15 hours!
That's it!
Smile for the camera.
Oh, shit.
Guess who made the
cover of Keuf Mag.
Fascinating guy.
If that doesn't speed up my transfer
to RAID, then I don't know what will.
Sit down.
Marot, I spend a fortune
on replacing your tyres.
And it's just the tyres.
But there are bigger problems.
I'm all ears.
Does "Christelle Bucherot" ring a bell?
Christelle... I knew many...
The one you spent
last night with.
Christelle, of course!
How is she? I didn't get to...
Shut up.
What's the prefect's name?
Mr prefect...
It's Mr prefect...
- Jean-Bertrand...
- Bucherot.
There you go, Bucherot.
That's a funny coincidence,
it's the same name.
Maybe there's a family link
or maybe... marriage?
It's his wife.
That's it,
she didn't mention it.
Thanks to your service records,
you will not be terminated
but you will be transfered
- Not to RAID, I imagine?
- Oh, no.
Local police.
In Marsseille.
In the south?
I don't like it, it's far from Paris...
Marot, it's final.
You can go.
You don't have a heart.
Everything set-up?
It is.
I present to you.
- Your new family.
- Oh, yes?
Your killer team!
Subdued, first,
you see the guy sitting over there
the bearded, bizzare one, that's Mnard.
Makes the atmosphere, he's impeccable.
Very nice, open,
all that.
Unbearable when he's bored, though.
And he is bored a lot.
General alert! Intervention!
Have you been to a shisha bar?
And the dwarf,
is that regulatory?
Out of respect,
we don't say "the dwarf".
Oh, ok.
We say "a petite person".
So the dwarf's name is Michel.
He loves miniature stuff,
models, maquettes.
He does not mind
being called Michel?
He used to be Abdelrrahmane,
but since his conversion to
Christianity, it's Michel.
- Oh yeah?
- Really. He found his faith.
Since then, we feast on
all religious holidays.
At Christmas, he wants
cribs everywhere.
- It's difficult.
- Amen.
And he gets very excited
when he sees nuns.
Is he radicalized?
It's exhausting. The other one,
with his perverted head,
that's Regis.
There's more laughter with him.
Don't look in his eyes.
Why not?
- Please!
- Ah?
Rgis loves spying
he used to spy on his wife
but she left him.
- I'm not surprised.
- Don't look at him, please!
Since then, he bacame our
logistics specialist.
Well, are there any women in
the brigade?
I was getting there.
Attention queen.
There, on the right.
Hurts my eyes.
Sandrine, our brigade's hottie.
Be careful, man-eater.
Elected Miss Police Municipal Region PACA
2013, 2014, 2015.
Oh, what a piece.
- Yes, a piece.
- Heavy one, we have a laugh.
- Very heavy.
- Look at this.
And what about vehicles?
- Do you like cars?
- Yes.
Then you'll like it here.
You're hungry.
Unit 14, nothing's happening
here, we're gonna go to the beach.
Do you know you're missing a door?
Yes, she's passed the inspection,
people don't notice.
Do you take me for an idiot?
- No, It's alright.
- You're gonna get yourself arrested.
And me. I'm upsidedown.
Can't get arrested today!
Did you see the match?
- You didn't see the match?
- No. My girlfriend's calling.
Excuse me.
How are you, my teddy bear?
I have a client.
My dad's not here, will you come
to give me a hug?
- Hot.
- Yes, but I can't.
I have to go see Rene
and talk about the match.
You saw him yesterday.
Yes... No... Yes.
-Go see your friends,
they'll lift your spirit.
What? What spirit?
Eddy, I love you,
but this is not working.
I need a man.
- What?
-A guy who'll make me dream.
Make you dream?
Who took you to see Marseille-Lorient?
That shit of a match!
We didn't sit next to each other.
But it was free!
I want
a man
who has plans, ambitions.
I have plans.
My gluten-free chicha project is underway
Everything will be great.
You don't understand.
I'll try your language:
I don't want a sub.
I want a striker who knows how to play
in front, and behind.
Who can score a goal on me.
Is that clear?
I have Brazillian origins
on my father's side.
Brazillian? Bullshit.
I will put out that fire of yours.
If you don't, I will call
the fire department,
but not to buy a calendar.
You're sick!
It's okay,
- I'm in control.
- What?
You control nothing.
You're crazy! Crazy!
We will make
a great team.
Don't try too hard,
I must focus on RAID
so I won't be staying in Marseille
for long.
You think?
Bus lane!
I'll do it.
I'll go.
Finish the sandwich.
Local police!
Stop the car.
What's he doing?
Stop the car!
He's going to
arrest me if I do.
Is he gonna run me over?
Son of a bitch!
You imbecile! You hit a cop!
He stood on the road!
My petite cat, are you okay?
No! Why me?!
I'm okay, I'm okay.
I'm okay.
They won't stop just because you
yell "Police".
I'm gonna get them.
I will catch them.
You don't have to come,
you'll slow me down.
Fasten your seatbelt!
I'm so excited!
Are you coming?
I'll stay here, in case
he comes back.
Let's go!
For once it wasn't me.
- He looks angry like he wants more.
- You surprise me.
- You're mad!
- It's 2018,
they throw themselves in front of cars
to stop us! Is that normal?
What an idiot!
- Excuse me?
- I'm not feeling good.
Let me concentrate,
She's not accelerating.
Wait. Help me.
They're on two wheels.
You must put some counterbalance.
- Okay.
- Let's go! Let's go!
I don't want to!
- Like that.
- No!
Come on.
We'll flip.
- The car is on its' side!
- Who the hell is that?
Make counterbalance.
One, two, three.
Come on, stay in your corner.
There they are.
- I'm sick.
- What do you mean.
I'm going to throw up!
Do not vomit in my car.
- I'm going to throw up.
- You want to puke?
It's raining behind us.
Oh no!
I'm not fine...
- Are you okay?
- This is too much.
- Are you better?
- Rigole, you're an idiot.
He did it on purpose.
I'm not feeling good.
Oh no!
Not here.
I have heart problems.
I'm not feeling good.
- I'm gonna vomit.
- Don't.
Still there?
Let's see how well you know Marseille.
Look ahead!
Enjoy your bath!
They have cakes!
Go, pull yourself up.
Push Sylvain!
Push my ass!
You're a bit late.
Welcome to Marseille.
Ho ho ho!
What are you doing,
local police?
Who are you?
You're in our district.
- He doesn't know Marseille.
- Let go.
We know who you are,
Mr Super Cop from Paris.
you're in Marseille now, you take
care of your bussiness and only that.
- It's okay.
- I'll kill him!
- Calm down.
- I'm telling you.
- We won't bother you anymore.
- No.
- It's okay!
- How's my little cat?
- I told him.
- What do you mean it's okay?
- Are you okay?
- Sandrine!
It's okay, I'll surprise you.
Oh no, my bag! God, really?
Is anyone there? Oh, fuck!
Come on.
I'm at the gate, surprise!
I'll open it.
No, do not open.
Ah, here it is! What a great... Great day.
Do you want to dream?
You got it.
Can we put Beethoven on?
We will not put a movie
about dogs on.
It sucks. We'll manage
- with music.
- OK.
I feel like
I'm being watched.
It's my father.
He had it painted
- by a great artist.
- Okay.
And the statue?
It's dad.
Beautiful, huh?
Es, yes... It is massive.
Let's do this.
- There!
- Move!
I'm not a firefighter.
- Put it out.
- Oh.
No, it's perfumes.
Save my father's painting!
I'm trying.
It's hot.
Untie me! Right now!
Watch out!
The chandelier will fall!
Eddy, untie me!
the fuck is going on in here?
It's not what you think.
Your father
has the voice of that
"it's only a game" EA Sports guy.
You look better in real life.
General alert!
Oh this feels so good.
It's been so long.
I feel so good!
Out of the retirement home
and married to the force,
all in 50 minutes!
What I need now is the terrain.
Right, Bichon?
- Yes.
- The terrain.
Attention, times are more than serious.
We have a severe problem.
More serious than the Boches
more serious than the Santa Claus,
more serious than the Chows,
and more serious than the Belgians.
It's much more serious.
What is it?
Black people.
I know.
The muslims.
- Gypsies.
- No!
My God...
The ri-ri... The ri-ri...
The rillettes.
That's a contravention.
- No.
- Yes.
Don't play games with me.
Don't exaggerate.
The guidos!
- Now you understand?
- Ah.
Yes! It's a gang of robbers,
they did five jewelry
stores in one month.
They struck again this morning.
Bichon, the device.
We have
5 days to catch them before
Marseille becomes the centre of the world
thanks to the diamond
exhibition at MUCEM
I tutti Chianti!
Don't make fools out of yourselves.
Start poking around and
looking for eyewitnesses
who heard something.
Did you get it?
One more thing,
our statistics are not very good,
We can't let the national police
get them before us. For the Mumu
of Marseille.
Did I make myself clear?
I called
the operation "Vaffanculo".
Sir Do you speak Italian?
No, why?
- You must change the name.
- Yes.
No, I like this one.
I will find...
One second...
Vaffanculo... Ah!
Found it.
I name this operation,
the oparation...
Sir, Mr. Mayor,
we're not equipped well enough.
There are too few of us.
Charles Martel was all alone
when he faced the Arabs,
he was alone!
We're not worse.
And we have a super cop.
Where is the super cop?
- I'm here, Mr. Mayor.
- Quentin!
- Sylvain.
- Miro?
Marot, but okay..
Come here Montez.
Ah yes?
Marin will be
the chief.
He will use his experience to serve
Marseille, right Marteau?
Yes, but I'm only passing
through here,
because I intend to join RAID.
If you want to get out of here,
we'll have to nail this mission.
Ah yes?
Eh yes.
synchronize your watches.
What time is it?
- 14 hours 12.
12 hours 05.
Good evening.
- Ah.
- I see you made yourself
at home.
The faster we catch the Italians,
the faster I'll go home.
I understand. Yes...
Did you find anything?
A Ferrari with a turning point
nothing can match.
And a huge engine.
Ferrari California, 458...
It'll be hard to catch it with a Dacia.
You think?
I'm sure it would have been different
with Daniel and Emilien.
With whom?
- Daniel and milien.
- Who's that?
You haven't heard about
Daniel and Emilien?
No, sorry.
They're famous even in Paris.
Uh... The Mercedes gang.
You know.
You mean the roberries
- in late 90's?
- Yes.
Daniel and Emilien arrested them.
Same with the... Ah! You know...
The Japanese. Same story.
and then the Santas and the Belgians.
Daniel and Emilien.
Emilien was a great cop.
I was there!
I had trouble following them.
Well, then.
And Daniel. Daniel, what a driver.
In his
beautiful, white taxi.
We didn't even see him when he drove by.
He had a fake number plate
that came out
with a press of a button.
And then,
the taxi rose from the ground.
Like a transformer.
New number plate...
Let's go Olympique!
It was THE taxi! When he put the
pedal to the metal...
- Huh?
- I get it.
You don't understand.
He burned all our radars.
They'd fall down
as he passed.
He raced a TGV.
He flew from the sky.
You know how?
A plane.
The were parachuted from a
military plane
by Daniel's father-in-law.
And in the air,
the taxi would just float.
I swear! I'm telling you.
The taxi had wings.
- Wings.
- No.
I swear
on Gfim.
I'm sorry.
Where is this taxi?
Emillian is no longer a policeman
and Daniel lives in Miami,
so I don't know.
Maybe we should ask Daniel's nephew.
He has a nephew,
from the marriage,
he's a little weird.
Right now, I'm only
interested in the Taxi.
Well, yeah. We must find the taxi.
And with this taxi,
I'll catch the Italians.
Italians, Scots, everybody.
And it's really true?
- The taxi?
- Yes.
But I think that "Daniel and Emilien"
is old fashioned.
It's like Starsky and Hutch,
Ball and Bill, Olive and Tom.
We're done with that.
Because now it's going to be.
- Marot and Tresor.
- Sounds good.
I wouldn't have though of it myself.
But I usually work alone.
You're not alone anymore.
I'm here for you.
You're here for me, huh?
Thank you for being there for me.
You're welcome.
- It would have been hard without you.
- That's obvious.
And now there are two of us.
- Yes.
- We're stronger.
Nothing can stop us.
Nothing at all.
- What can stop us?
- Nothing!
It's nothing, really.
I'll be back on my feet by tomorrow.
We'll start investigating.
- Yes.
- Alain and Sylvain,
like 2 fingers of a hand.
Eh, yes.
Get some rest.
It hurts.
How are you?
We know who ran you over.
It's Daniel's nephew.
OK, do you have
- his name?
A homonym.
- Yeah.
- Do they live at the same adress?
That'd be pretty cool.
You're so supid,
it's the same person!
I like it when you talk dirty.
Go away.
See you.
Stop, please.
It's armored.
- No, it's wood...
- Chief,
I'll do it.
Mother of God.
- Police.
- You stupid cops,
you could knock, it was open.
It burns.
It stings!
why did you do that?
He was agressive.
Ouch! It burns!
It stings!
Sir, I'm sorry.
Refusing to comply, speeding,
I'll skip intentionally
trying to kill a policeman.
I'm not feeling good.
Neither do I.
- I'm burning down.
- Ah?
And my girlfriend dumped me.
It's okay, you'll
get some rest at Les Baumettes.
I have a deal.
You find the taxi for me
and I'll forget everything.
Not bad, is it?
Yes... But I can't.
The taxi,
we sent it to... a village.
- A village?
- It had 200,000 on the counter,
we sent it to my uncle.
Can I offer you a deal too?
While we're on the subject.
If we find what you're looking for,
we could team up.
Like in Bad Boys, you'll be
Will Smith and I'll be Martin Lawrence.
- We will not team up, no.
- No?
- No.
- Pity.
I could find these Italians.
I know everyone here,
I could help you.
I drive an Uber.
But apparently, you don't need help.
I mean no disrespect, but
your team, isn't it a
little... COTOREP?
Not at all.
Not at all?
They're dynamic.
And nothing gets away from them.
- They are...
- Yes?
Good morning, chief.
- Mnard.
- Thanks to that photo
from Sandrine,
I was able to draw an identikit.
Eddy Maklouf.
The worst Uber driver
in Marseille.
Good morning.
Nothing gets away from me.
Let's go!
I'm okay, let's go.
We'll catch him!
Get the guns and nunchakus.
Go with me!
What's that?
Madamme Minister! Long time no see!
Oh, oh!
I'm sorry I'm late.
Now, let's take a picture!
Why are we laughing,
I have a speech to give.
As you all know,
our main concern
is ecology!
So I'm proud to present
the ultimate weapon
in our fight against
dogs' excrement.
The KK
you idiots!
This mess is no longer acceptable,
we will clean
Marseillians... Marseille.
Using the KK 2000.
This vehicle is capabable of sucking in
35,000 dog poops per day,
and per night!
Everything gets
crushed, compacted
and finished...
It's wonderful.
Excuse me, how do you
empty it?
It's simple,
we press and puff!
Get kleenex
for Madamme Minister!
Don't move because...
It oozes.
Honey, it's me.
Why won't you call me back.
I've called so many times.
It's your bear,
please call me back.
I'm worried about...
I'm worried, what...
My phone's ringing, maybe it's you.
What, Hamid?
Yes, we're getting the car.
- What's the number of the container?
- 668.
-And I want Laughing Cow.
It's this one.
How am I supposed to add
laughing cow for you now.
-And Honey Pops.
Yes, I sent you Honey Pops,
the real ones.
-I didn't get them.
Well, it's coming down,
I have to go.
I can sent you a Vitale
card too if you want, bye.
He's drunk.
The famous taxi.
- So it was all true?
- Yeah.
You take me for a liar.
My uncle, he's a legend.
What's this pedal for?
That's the brake...
- Wipe the windshield already.
- Okay.
- These are turn signals.
- I know.
Here we go.
Are you sure you can drive it?
You know who I am?
I'm Eddy Maklouf, nephew
of Daniel, a living legend.
Driving's in the genes, so yes,
I can drive it.
- Let's go!
- No "let's go", okay?
You... I'm going to pretend
I didn't hear that from you.
OK, here we go.
I love this sound.
Hang on, it's got a kick.
You chocked it.
Yes, you did!
- It's the centrifugal force propelling us.
- Have the genes skipped a generation?
You're stressing me out,
I can't concentrate.
Do you have a licence?
Driver's licence.
Yes, I have my automatic licence.
- What licence?
- What?
My automatic licence.
- Oh, okay.
- Here.
It's manual, I don't know
how to drive manual.
What's the pedal on the left for?
- Yes.
- You don't know how to drive.
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
Mr Mayor? -It's Gibert.
The calzone is coming out
of the oven.
I repeat.
The calzone is coming
out of the oven.
I'm sorry, but you're
not being clear enough.
The guidos are attacking.
General alert! 518 rue de Paradis,
is that clear?
Avanti Tonio!
It smells like a trap.
-With Gibert on the spot,
it smells like a trap?
Follow your orders!
I just don't know this car.
Let me do 2 or 3 rounds and
I'll get used to it.
I'm not a driving instructor.
Just 2 or 3 slaloms.
Do we have any music?
Yes, there's this CD.
Let's go!
General alert!
Oh! Ohlala!
It's always the same.
How stupid are you!
We're wasting time.
The remaining two,
you and you,
hurry up!
- Don't you want to rest?
- No.
The sea air would do you good.
The Paris air will do me good.
You're right.
Oh yes, it will!
The airport,
- quickly.
- Yes.
Tchiki tchikita, tchiki tchikita.
Elle a le regard qui tue, Tchikita.
Cheveux longs comme Nikita.
Si elle me quitte pas.
Je la quitte pas, Tchikita
Elle a le regard qui tue.
Tchikita, cheveux longs comme Nikita.
Excuse me...
Leave me alone!
Don't you see you're interrupting me?
I was in the middle of the song,
why won't you let me finish?
I was in the spirit:
These words,
they're full of inspiration, and pain.
I'm sorry.
- It's sad.
- I didn't think so.
Good thing you're not the
thinker here,
that'd be a disaster.
Just listen, don't comment.
Even THAT was too much.
We're on a mission.
I don't want to hear about
the fly and the dragonfly
that engulfed it.
Let's stay focused.
Go, point at him
and bring back the Hummer.
Don't you trust me?
You're scared.
Have I ever put you in trouble?
Have I ever?
I just spent two months in prison.
- You came out with pecs and an album.
- Yeah.
Apart from that?
Apart from that, the villa,
there were 12 pitbulls there,
they bit me in the ass.
That's okay. It happens.
Do you trust me?
- Do you trust me?
- No.
Do you trust me?
Then go point at him
and bring me the 4X4.
Go ahead, man.
Not now, brother, not...
Everyone is in the camp,
the sheep are well guarded.
Get out you old woman, get out now!
I'll shoot the tyre,
I'll smoke you out.
Is he a friend of yours?
No, I think he wants to jack the car.
Yes! I'll play dirty with him!
They wouldn't blow anyway.
It's a fucking robbery!
Hands up!
Put the jewels in.
Don't move, asshole!
- Are you okay?
- Yes, yes.
- One question.
- What?
What unit are you from?
Cops don't drive
like this.
This is not
the right way!
I don't do anything
but follow the police.
It's okay.
Tell him.
We're arriving.
We're ready.
As soon as they get out
with the loot, we'll hit them
and then, it'll be over.
The Fallen Woman.
Hurry up! Give me the money!
They're wriggling.
And here we go.
It hurts!
I'll die if
you break now.
How many are there?
There's a 50 kmph limit.
Stay calm,
it'll go faster.
I'm calm.
- Ouhl!
- Where are all the cars coming from?
We're slower
on straights.
Then take a left.
- Where?
- Here!
Take a right.
We're gonna kill
Don't worry
I got it.
- Leavem me alone!
- Sorry.
I'll handle it.
Eddy's coming, get off the road.
It's the oldest district
of Marseille.
Well, you don't care.
My God.
That's ugly.
A yellow Ferrari is at the Old Port,
are you interested?
Thank you.
at the Old Port - Where?
There, take the small road.
We don't have enough time.
What are you doing?
It's a shortcut.
Over there?
Hang in there.
- That's not good.
- It's over.
Oh, stop!
We'll crash!
Ciao, ciao!
Oh, we're okay.
We had them.
We're gonna be scapegoats.
You dramatize everything,
everyone will have forgotten by tomorrow.
Yeah, okay.
- Yes, I was there.
- Yeah.
Every time, there is something happening.
The minister, an accident on the Prado,
A pileup. Do they have a mole
in national police?
What are we going to do?
Tune-up the taxi.
I'm not getting humiliatied again.
I know the best garage
in the whole Marseille.
Oh yeah?
Have confidence.
Let's go.
Michel, warm up,
you're getting subbed on!
It's here?
- Seriously?
- It's family.
Your sister?
- Were you adopted or what?
- No, why?
You're not similiar.
If YOU drove it,
Uncle will kill you.
- She only cares about the car.
- She knows what she wants.
But... Whatever...
You could
tune it up and I could
invite you for a ride.
That may work in Paris,
but it doesn't work here in Marseille.
You'll have to be more original
to have a drink with me.
I'll take care of it.
It'll be faster tomorrow.
- Do you like dolphins?
- Yeah.
Me too...
It's players who play
not the coach!
If my employees don't do
what I want
they're out.
She doesn't answer me anymore.
I don't know what emoji I should send her.
Either that emoji like
"it doesn't matter", you know?
The one who's like that.
Or the angry emoji.
The one with the mouth.
"You left me".
Too bad there isn't an
Algerian emoji,
something like that.
You'd have the same one
for girls blow-drying.
What do you think?
Are you asking me?
You've been talking about
her for 2 hours.
Im going crazy, Rene!
- Are you?
- Give me some ice cubes.
2 minutes, I'll come.
Sylvain, this is Baba,
my best friend.
Or so I though.
Are you serious?
It's your turn,
I can't do this anymore. Good luck.
Bye Baba, thanks.
Thanks, brother.
You're repelling all your friends.
Is this the Uber headquarters?
It's my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend.
I wanted to see her,
but she has a show.
She's too beautiful for me.
Usually women I meet are crazy.
- Seems like it. Does your sister often...
- And then, for once,
I meet a pretty, intelligent woman,
who's interested in me and what do I do?
I go to Rene to talk about a stupid match.
That is stupid.
- Your sister...
- That's stupid?
That's how you're going to cheer me up?
It's an expression.
So is your sister coming...
And what about the Italians?
We must find them.
Any suggestions?
The only Italian I know is Rachid.
Were his mother and father, or...
Is he Italian?
His parents came on a ship from Italy
but he's not Italian, he's...
- Okay.
- But here, he's Italian.
Over there, he's from here.
I don't know if you...
Yes, it's...
- Rachid, he's not Italian.
- No.
He has an Italian jersey,
Del Piero's, but...
- Senorita.
- Rachid.
He's great.
How many times have I told you
not to call me Rachid?
What do you see on the tables?
Lamb, stew?
No, it's pizza!
My name is Ricardo, damn it.
- Who's this?
- Huh?
- Who's this?
- Ra... Ricardo, this is my friend Sylvain,
- he's a cop.
- Oh!
She told everyone she was of age,
it wasn't just me.
- No, no, it's not about that.
- She's 40 years old.
That's not it, hush.
No, no.
OK, I get it, I get it.
Got it.
- I know why you're here.
- No.
Yes, I know, I know.
Come with me.
It's not about that.
Place your bets.
Break the bank.
We didn't come here for that.
14. Unbelievable.
- Then what for?
- Not for that.
Oh, fuck...
Here you go.
I don't have to tell you
that this is my collection?
That's crazy, it's Iraq in here.
Tell me what you know
about the Italians.
What Italians are you talking about?
Eddy, put that down, now!
OK, sorry.
The robbers,
have you seen them?
It'll backfire on me,
so I saw nobody.
Can I shoot?
Don't touch that!
- It's not a toy!
- OK!
- What if I were to invite cops here?
- Oh!
- Have you seen them?
- They came to eat.
No, the Italians did not come
to your restaurant to eat.
You sold them weapons? Am I right?
Yes. No. A little.
Which ones?
Small... passive,
harmless weapons.
Really, very, very, harmless.
Oh no, here, here, here.
What's happening?
What's behind?
- Where?
- Behind the wall.
Do you see that? My neighbour,
behind my house... I've never seen this.
It's for the restaurant.
- Right.
- Yes!
We need herbs,
they're all aromatic.
Rosemary, thyme, chives.
And a little...
I only make salads!
- So the guidos left with weapons? Where to?
- No, no, I delivered them.
- Where?
- To The End Of The World.
A circuit in Vauvenargues.
We got them. They're not robbers
they're drivers.
So what?
I know the drivers.
Can he leave my weed where he found it?
- That's for everyone.
- Its mine.
- No.
- Put it back.
- It was misplaced.
- Give me my basil back.
I don't feel good,
Call your sister.
- Now?
- Yes, now!
I'm the taxi guy.
What did you give me?
No, sorry.
She hung up?
- That's her.
- I remember now.
- What?
- Call her again.
It's Sylvain,
from local police.
I am on a circuit. I must give
two Italians a lesson.
OK. Go to set-up,
and put it in race mode.
No, don't go to any race set-up.
No, no.
Everything's fine.
Increase pressure to 1.3 bars
and adjust braking distribution,
65 in the front, 35 in the back
and press the pedal.
That's good.
It's better.
We make a great team.
- No.
I'll call you back.
Don't feel obligated.
She's harsh.
Are you ready?
Let's go!
Stop, please!
It's good!
Italian cars are fragile,
if you keep drive like that
you will break them!
You're not allowed here.
What do you want?
That trick with the tram,
it pissed me off.
I just wanted to train,
I didn't know you were here.
Makes me wonder: The red one is pretty,
but does she have the
engine from a Fiat 500?
That's his wife's.
- Ah, yes.
- You need something powerful, haircut.
You're arrogant.
But you're a good driver.
I'm having a party tomorrow.
If you want to make money, come.
I'll introduce you to the right people.
I don't know if I'd fit there.
Taxi drivers are
great racing drivers.
They get a destination from a client
and race to it.
He can't come.
There you go.
Why can't I come? Why?
I'm going!
You work all the time.
And you never do.
It happens. For you,
What am I supposed to do with them?
Put them in a vase.
Thank you.
Usually, it's considered nice.
I had a surprise ready, but...
You don't seem to like me.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
I didn't say that.
Explain this to me, because I'm a good
driver, but you're not like other models.
You're like a prototype and
I don't have your technical documentation.
These lights come on,
but I don't know what they're for.
There's no reaction so maybe
there's no more wiper fluid left.
I got it. Are you finished?
I'll get ready.
So this technique works?
Don't get too excited!
There you go!
Are you sure about this?
I don't like surprises.
This one...
you'll never forget this one.
- Ready?
- Well, yeah.
What's your crazy idea?
Have you ever swam with dolphins?
- Are you okay?
- What was that?
What was that?
This is not the one with dolphins.
We'll go to the other pool.
Not with me.
It's just water!
Are you afraid of a fish?
I'm not joking, stay down!
I did some investigating
and found out that the
villa at 6 rue des Oliviers
belongs to a Mrs. Bonassoli.
I'm not sure
if she knows what that means...
Yes. The villa was rented
by Antonio di Biase,
or Toni Dog,
a great Italian driver from the 2000s.
But he's less of a racing driver now
and more of a member of.
Neapolitan mafia.
The other one.
That's Rocco di Biase.
With the long neck... Steven Seagal?
No, more of a JCVD
don't you think?
Known for excessive violence
and aggravated robberies.
There you go.
Did you draw these?
They're beautiful.
Thank you. I had pictures,
but decided to make
identikits, they look better.
Good job, Mnard.
I have more...
I have to go to this party.
Any volounteers?
Anyone else?
Okay, you can come but you will
stand in a corner.
- what about you?
- You want him,
and not your partner?
You're not right.
I can't, I have basketball.
I'm sorry?
Basketball, we play Paris.
And you?
I have lots of drawings to finish
and I have that hand outline project.
And I use Sandrine
to draw,
scetch, as they say.
We're gonna need a few days off.
Euh... Latbi, can you get
- us some earpieces.
- Yes.
Let's go!
I got you good!
The joke of the day!
You look so funny!
We're stuck!
Well done.
It's really stuck!
Mnard, you piss me off!
Can you hear me?
I'm a dwarf, I'm not deaf.
- I mean the earpiece.
- Yes.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
- A "sofa"?
- No, thank you.
Not even a leather bag?
- Why are you here?
- I warned you I'd go.
What's this?
I'm Donnie Brasco.
We're undercover. Hello?
- Hey, champion!
- Yes, we're undercover.
Are you with us?
Guy George, we must focus
- on the mission.
- Yes, sorry.
The mission:
We must split and look for evidence.
You're right.
- There you go.
- We'll make 2 teams of 2,
you, me and...
Where is he?
- We'll make 2 teams of one.
- No.
2 teams?
2 teams of one person, how?
Are you scared?
I'm not scared,
but the guidos look sturdy.
Would your uncle act like this?
Oh, yes, there, it hurts
you're not like him, doesn't it?
It's true. Listen.
I swear on my mother,
I won't come back without evidence.
- I like this energy.
- That's good.
Let's go.
- Are you receiveing?
- I'm in position..
My name's Michel.
- Nice to meet you, Cynthia.
- Likewise.
Do you know Carthagne?
It's beautiful.
Just like you.
Mother of God.
Here you are. Come with me, let's go.
- Leave me alone.
- I'm sorry?
Leave me alone.
Eh, sorry,
but we're not here to have fun.
I told you to leave me alone!
We can just talk normally.
I'm not deaf.
Forgive me. Where was I?
- The beach, the children...
- Hello? Where are you?
In an office, I found evidence.
I'll call you back.
Did you hide in the trash
to get here?
Me? No, I'm doing something
but it's secret.
Still working on your lactose-free shishas?
Again, it's gluten-free chichas.
And it's a very ambitious project,
Wait a second.
You won't tell anyone, right?
I'm undercover.
I work for the police.
Funny thing.
I met a guy,
we formed a team.
The funny thing is,
for a moment,
I thought you had changed.
Where is it?
What now?
That was my girlfriend.
She's with some guys,
and they're handsome.
The evidence, hurry up.
Look, see?
See that?
This wouldn't be their next job,
would it?
- Good eye.
- Yes.
That's their next target.
Yes, it's certainly their next target.
They're coming.
- What?
- Hush.
Ok, so...
Do it like me, be flexible.
I can't.
- Your ass.
- It's too high.
Move, you're too fat.
Not there.
So where?
Find something.
Turn on the video chat.
Good evening.
Good evening.
How are we doing?
It's in position.
It's ready.
You have been very helpful.
It's the biggest
diamond in the world.
No room for an error.
You can trust us.
Arrival time?
11 hours, in a helicopter,
from Geneva, on the same day.
We'll take care of the police.
What about payment?
Don't worry, you'll get it
within 24 hours after the operation.
Ah! There you go.
T's a pleasure working
with you.
That's all anyone could want.
Yes, yes...
- Get up.
- Good evening, how are you?
- What are you doing here?
- Playing hide and seek
with my friend... Sylvain!
We lost!
You founds us, congratulations!
There, well...
Come down.
We lost. Maybe they're nice?
I'm fine, I'm fine.
It's okay.
Ciao, driver.
You wanted to introduce me to people?
Well, here I am.
Oh, me too.
Rocco, make him talk.
He... You can kill him.
What do you mean?
Kill him?
We can start over.
When you're with me.
What do you feel?
Will you tell me.
Even if I won't tell you.
I can tell that it was love.
At first sight.
If I love you.
You're not so clever now, are you.
What were you looking for?
I won't say anything.
I'm not a police officer, he is.
He was looking for evidence because
he know you're going to steal the...
Shut up.
I'm talking to the gentleman.
He found out about the diamond.
- Shut up...
- Stop. He'd hurt me.
- Bravo.
- No problem, you're welcome.
- Good job.
- Thank you.
Can I go?
You're going to struggle.
Is that it?
To you everyday
Michel, if you can hear me
we're on the first floor,
3rd door in the hallway.
This moron wants to kill us.
Well then.
Be right back.
For you,
I have something special.
Thank you.
That's nice.
And for you,
since you're so clever,
I have a small gift.
He's nice.
Listen, we'll jump out the window.
We'll ruin our outfits.
Are you a complete idiot
or are you playing?
You are a complete idiot.
If we stay here, we'll die.
At 3, we jump out the window.
Do you understand?
- Are you ready?
- Yes!
At three.
Let's do this, one, two...
Oh no!
Mine is unbreakable.
I can't jump.
- It's really fascinating how stupid you are.
Jump through mine!
You don't get it.
Yes, I get it.
Is that all... Eddy!
It won't break.
Go through mine.
Come on!
They're coming.
- Here we go.
- He left through there.
- Fuck!
- The window broke.
it's a very nice reception.
Is the meat halal?
I understand,
he broke the galss,
I didn't want to do that.
It wasn't worth it. Ah!
And who might that be?
Thanks WHO?
Thanks, Michel.
There you go.
This is the Cassiope,
the latest target of our Italians.
We must prepare for anything.
This is too big.
We can't do it.
You need real cops.
Let them stay at home.
We won't tell these bastards anything.
Listen, when I arrived here,
I didn't know what awaited me.
I thought you hated me
so I hated you too.
But if I can change,
and you can change,
then everyone
Isn't that from Rocky 4?
Yes. Shut up.
- No, no!
- Don't look him in the eyes!
Put the gun down...
Like that.
It's all because he's happy.
Chill out.
Well, there. Here we go.
Squirrel is approaching.
Secure the area, everyone to their posts.
-These moles are here.
- Stop. We're colleagues, so...
- Yes.
We can't - No.
It's not professional.
Are you okay, friend?
You're shaking.
I'm not shaking.
I'm not shaking.
- I'm not shaking.
- Mnard,
are you receiving?
Affirmative, Tango, Charlie, over.
- I love you.
- That's typical.
- I'm in position.
Mr. Prefect, hello.
I'm the one who organized
the whole operation.
I mobilized our best brigades.
The jewel's coming from Geneva,
in a helicopter. It'll land here.
On that circle.
Everything's set to work like
a jukebox should, quietly.
Squirrel's at Mucem.
Here we go.
-Helicopter in sight.
I think I'm going to fuck her.
That shouldn't be here.
What is that?
It look like a "brone".
Yeah, it's a "brone".
A "brone"?
That's what I said, a "brone".
We have a problem.
Where did it come from.
Land here.
You're interrupting me.
- What?
- Good morning, Mr. Mayor.
You have one minute
to order the pilot
to follow our drone.
Ah! What?
You're making an ass out of yourself
with these stupid jokes.
If you believe
you can impress me, put your finger
on my knee.
Then we'll blow it up.
They're bluffing.
They're not bluffing.
Military weapons were stolen this
- To all units.
- Relax.
Oh no.
What was that?
Mr. pilot,
follow the drone if you want to live.
No! What's happening?
The helicopter's taking off.
What are we going to do?
I'm not okay with this.
- Where is that one going?
- Stop him!
Michel, he's yours.
OK, got it.
Let's go!
Fuck yeah.
Hello, Baba?
Change of plans:
Clear the road.
We're following
a helicopter.
Ok, I got it.
Ok, thanks.
Guys, block access
to the boulevard,
the taxi must have an empty field.
Stop, 2 minutes.
It'll be done.
- Yeah?
- What's happening?
The helicopter's being tailed
by the taxi.
The taxi? I'll take care of it.
Karim, I'm getting a headache.
It's not me, it's him!
- It's fast.
- Here we go!
Let's go.
Go away.
Where did the dwarf come from?
What are you doing?
I'll make you fly
you son of a bitch!
Hit him in the face.
They're faster.
We'll see about that.
There they are.
Don't worry, it's okay.
What is he doing?
Where is that damn dwarf?
Watch out!
- Take this.
- Get him out of there!
There you go! He's broken
his toy bike.
- That car's really powerful.
- I know.
How fast are you going?
Don't look. We'll be fine.
We're going to die.
I know
that you're here!
You're not a cop,
cops don't drive like that.
Come on!
There's a truck there.
Sylvain, please don't do this.
We'll make it.
We almost got crushed by a truck!
But we didn't.
Have you stopped them?
We'll improvising but we'll get them.
Impact in 10 seconds.
What's that?
It's big.
I love you!
- What is this?
- What is that?
It's like a boar.
Don't touch it.
She's my girlfriend.
What do you want?
It's under protection,
don't touch its' pistil.
Shut up and clear it.
- I'm screwed.
- Fucking shit!
I'm gonna burst.
My gas is coming back out.
Stop with that.
It't not my fault.
They'll shoot at us.
They're shooting at us!
- I can see it.
- With real bullets!
Call me Regis.
What? If you want. Regis!
Don't call me Regis. Call Regis
for me, the policeman.
The sadist?
- Here!
- OK.
-Yes, I'm following you.
And the helicopter?
-It's heading to a yacht
3 kilometres from you.
- They're blocked by the sea.
- Let's just go.
Thanks, Rgis.
They're going to shoot.
-Can you hear me?
- Yes.
They're not landing it!
They'll shoot it down!
The suitcase.
Call your sister.
I'm with your brother,
we're in trouble, - Okay.
I have an Aventador stuck on my tail.
I need to lose it
we have 3 seconds.
On the right side of the handbrake,
you have a single use turbo boost.
I don't believe you.
- No.
- Hang in there.
Oh no! No! No!
Come on.
We're sorry to bother you.
We just need to recover one thing.
No! No!
- She's dead!
- Not now.
- She is dead! Dead!
- Go handcuff them.
Not them,
- Eddy!
- What?
Them, there.
Come on.
It's not that bad.
She's dead!
She's not dead,
the front's a bit messed up,
but it's not...
The'll fix it in a good
bodyshop. It's gonna be fine.
Ah! It's pissing me off!
-What is it ?
- Mr. Mayor?
-Martin, what's up?
We got the diamond back. We did it.
-I'm listening to music.
Can you hear me?
-I hear nothing.
Eddy - Yeah?
Be right back.
Mission complete.
It'll be complete when
we catch the guidos.
Don't worry, they're over there,
they're waiting for us.
Hey, guidos! This is for Zizou
in 2006, this is our revenge!
Hey, can you swim?
In a pool, not in the sea.
- What's touching me?
- A fin!
A fin!
Stop it!
Hands on the wheel,
don't move.
One minute.
You're a good driver.
Lieutenant Marot.
Based on the rights I'm granted
by articules 71, 72 and 74
on crime and speeding,
I will personally confiscate
this vehicle.
Be nice.
We'll meet again.
We're not gonna hear
your big mouth again
for a while.
- You got something...
- Yes, I know.
- On your face.
- What am I going to tell uncle Hamid?
And my sister?
I'll take care of her.
I broke the car,
so I assume it should be me.
I'll take care of it.
Secure the perimeter.
Ok. Well, I guess I can secure it.
good news, I'm fine,
bad news, the taxi...
Yes, I saw it on TV.
-What can you tell us
about the arrest?
-I was an undercover cop,
like Donnie Brasco
or Jason Bourne.
But I was not alone,
I'd like to use this occasion
to make a dedication
to my friend Sylvain.
We make a great team.
I hope we can work together again.
Let go of the microphone.
We're like Bad Boys.
-We're... -I'm Martin Lawrence
-Proud. -You're Will Smith.
Thank you.
For your confidence.
-Beautiful binomial.
we have the opportunity...
-and Samia,
lt;S your brother. -Fuck!
JI'm proud of you.
I'm here thanks to my sister.
And the love of my life,
her name is Sandy.
-You're starting to piss me off.
-Sandy, I love you.
Your teddy bear will always
be there to make you dream.
Marry me!
-Let go of the microphone.
I love you!
-Thank you..
-You are the love of my life.
My teddy bear.
-Sylvain, be my witness.
-Here, thank you, thank you...
The taxi, she's dead.
The taxi's dead.
-I hate this fucking job!
From the Vosges.
With a man who...
should go away now.
Can someone get him
out of the shot?
Sorry for the taxi.
It had its' day of glory.
And it had a beautiful ending.
I have a surprise.
Are you happy
to be going back north?
I'd love to stay
but there is nothing holding me here...
Like a hot girl that
I like a lot,
who I share a passion with.
A girl who taught me that the most
beautiful things are worth fighting for.
Oh l l!
This, really, we're done...
You thought you'd get me like that?
- This is not nice.
- Sorry,
but you've completely
changed your voice.
- I was being thorough and sincere.
- I saw!
- Wasn't that romantic?
- Of course it was!
But that would be too easy.
- Too easy?
- Yes!
Given how difficult it is
to kiss you
I can't even imagine what it
takes to sleep with you.
You have to earn it.
- Do you want to kiss me?
- Yes.
Then down you go.
I'll hurt myself
it's like 20 metres.
It's just water.
- Whenever you're ready.
- Come on.
Maybe we could jump together?
No, you go first.
- Are you sure it's safe?
- Yes.
Flat on your ass!
That's the most enjoyable way!
With all your weight at once.
- Come.
- No, thanks, it's cold.
- What?
- I don't feel like it.
Come on.
Stop the music!
Mr. Mayor!
The sash, sorry, sorry.
Citizens, citizens,
I am proud to award our local police
who managed to unmask
rogue policemen.
Bichon, medals!
Oh l l!
- Music!
- Congratulations!
From the mayor.
Thank you.
The city thanks you.
Marseille thanks you.
Thank you.
We thank you.
I love you!
I fucking love you!
I'm proud of you.
How's your lady?
Look what I'm going to propose with.
- Did you steal it?
- No.
- Yes, from the Italian.
- No.
And even if I did,
I stole a stolen ring.
It evens out.
So, what is
your destination?
Where are you going?
I have to be at the
airport in 25 minutes.
25 minutes? It's too far.
No, 25 minutes,
it's impossible.
I have a place
with four spare bedrooms,
wanna come?