Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993) Movie Script
Prince Kenshin,
you must turn back.
Return with us at once.
No!
Give up your weapon.
Do not harm him.
Take him prisoner.
No! You will have to
kill me first.
Take him to the castle.
Mitsu!
Beat it.
All right.
Rock 'n' roll!
Turtle tantrum.
Hold it.
Oh, Raph, come on.
What's going on, Raph?
Nothing.
Have patience, my son.
What are we doing this for?
Day after day, practicing,
killing ourselves, for what?
Oh, Raphael.
Nobody appreciates us.
Nobody sees us.
Nobody even knows
we're alive down here!
Hey, guys.
How's it going?
Hi. Fine.
Good hair day?
Brought you some stuff.
I love stuff.
Goodies!
Later.
Let's see what's in the bags.
OK, here are the keys
to my apartment...
somewhere... stop peeking!
No peeking.
I'm not peeking.
I'm spelunking for pork rinds.
Don't lose them.
God, I need this vacation.
Take us with you, April.
Come on, take us with you.
Sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, guys.
My suitcases are very full.
Oh, too bad.
Hey, I didn't forget
about you guys.
I bought a lot of fun stuff
at the flea market for you.
All right!
OK, where's Raph?
He's in another funk.
Again?
A major funk.
Maybe this'll cheer him up.
Hey, smooth.
Pretty cool, huh?
Nifty lid!
All right, this is for Mikey.
All righty.
Hey, it's a lampshade.
Let's see. What else
do we have here?
And for Leonardo,
there you go.
- And Donatello...
- Japanese swords!
This'll keep you
busy while I'm gone.
Thanks.
All right, and for Splinter...
where is he anyway?
He's doing rat stuff.
Found this...
actually, I don't
really know what it is.
Some kind of a weird
antique or something.
I think it's Japanese.
Elvis Presley in "Blue Hawaii."
You're so cute.
A super androdyne
radio with triode tubes!
Boss!
Hey, what's that, April?
Some kind of weird
Japanese antique...
egg timer.
Kenshin, I forbid you
to leave the castle.
You have disgraced me.
It is you who have
disgraced me, Father...
with your unjust war.
Walker.
Walker, you're alive.
Yes, I'd say that
was a fair assumption.
Survived a shipwreck, built
some new ones, and, well...
here I am, hungry again.
Niles!
Move along, lads.
Your sentries, I believe.
Must be a great comfort
to know...
how well-protected
you are, Lord Norinaga.
Kenshin, inside!
Now!
Children are such
a pest, aren't they?
Especially when they
side with the enemy.
Oh, dear. Damn nuisance.
I just keep birds now.
Little finches.
Shut up, Niles.
Right. I have three ships
sitting in your harbor...
Ioaded down with powder
and muskets...
absolutely guaranteed
to win your ambitious war.
Kappa.
"Open wide the gates of time."
Uh... guys?
Guys!
What's going on?
Wait a second here.
Lay low!
Cover your face!
Feels like tornado weather!
No way!
She's a man!
Kappa!
You have that effect on people,
don't you, master?
Out cold.
Wakey, wakey. Wake up.
Hey, guys, these clothes
look familiar to you?
Wake up. Wake up...
weird-looking
James Dean dude.
I think he's coming around.
Kappa!
Cappa? Cappuccino?
Nah, it makes me hyper.
What's a kappa?
Ancient Japanese demon.
Some were good,
and some were very bad.
Demons.
Hey, he speaks English!
Where's he from anyways?
Well, judging from sword,
I'd say feudal Japan.
That explains why
he speaks our language.
See, England started
trading with Japan...
All right, already.
How'd you get in April's pants?
I want to know what
happened to April.
It seems the scepter
has magic powers...
and somehow transported
them both through time.
Hold on, dudes.
If April's back in feudal Japan,
does that mean we, like...
have to ride that scepter
back through time to get her?
You have no choice, my son.
Awesome! But do you think
they had pizza back then?
Get out of town.
What's going on, Captain?
Ignorant, superstitious fools.
We was just wondering!
Them, you moronic toad!
They seem to think the woman's
some kind of witch.
She's some sort of a witch!
Shut up.
Some sort of a witch!
Would you keep quiet!
Sorry?
Look, I took Spanish
in high school.
Hey, easy.
Next time, ask me
to turn it off.
Where is my son, witch?
Hey, I really don't have
a clue, OK...
so why don't you just
drop this macho stuff?
Lord Norinaga, allow me.
The Daimyo and his court
believe that you're a witch...
who has somehow managed
to spirit away his son.
Is this true?
Yeah, it's true.
I am a witch.
See that?
I shrunk four
incredibly cool guys...
and I locked them in there.
Really?
Then go ahead, witch, shrink me.
Don't push me, Ruffles...
or I'll melt you into
a steaming puddle of puke.
She has no power.
Let me question her
about your son.
Then you can roast her,
toast her...
chop her into
tiny little pieces...
and feed her to the birds.
No. I want her to suffer.
Let's see here.
If I subtract the cosine
from the inverted integer...
then I can take the flangeler
and put that here.
That's it!
Of course!
It's equal mass displacement!
See, guys, for every one of us
that goes back...
someone from the past
will come here.
But the problem is...
that switch will only work
under one condition.
You know what that is?
Tuesdays?
Groundhog's Day?
Great.
It will only work
if the magic travelers...
each have the same weight.
Bingo. Gee, you guys do have
a good educational system, huh?
Step back, dudes.
I just brought us
some heavy artillery.
Donny!
Long time!
Leo, how's it going?
Hey, Casey, welcome back.
Hey, Raph, how'd your
brain implant go, good?
What? Funny.
Anyway, enough of this
camaraderie.
When do we get together
and bust some skulls?
Hold it there, Casey.
You're not gonna do
any head-breaking this time.
Sorry, guy.
What was that?
You want to run that
by me again?
How come?
'Cause we need somebody
to stay here with Splinter...
in case the time bandit
here decides to flip out.
If it ain't too much
of an inconvenience.
It'll be a serious honor.
It is time to go, my sons.
Donatello, we shall wait
by the scepter...
every twelve hours
as you have instructed.
Correct, Master Splinter,
but the space-time continuum...
will be out of phase
after sixty hours.
Wait a second.
Time-out.
What does all that mean
in American?
If we don't come back
in 2 1/2 days...
we're turtle soup.
Bummer.
Why don't you get
a real job, cue ball?
Hey, hey. You know what?
This is a Rolex.
It's a gold Rolex.
You want it?
Let me out of here!
If you stay with Walker,
you die.
You come with me, you live.
Lock him up, lads.
You! Up, fool, up.
Well, well, well.
What have we got here?
Give us a kiss, duckling,
while you still got your lips.
You're not the first one
to do that to me.
There you are, Mr. Whit.
You can lead your stinking
mutiny in here!
Good night, me little
tweety birds.
Come on, lads.
Goodbye, Whit!
Casey?
Yeah, you look familiar, too.
The scepter will be
in the temple...
which means you will be
replaced by four priests.
Nothing to it.
Now we must please try to hurry.
Mitsu is in great danger.
Mits-who?
Yes, Mitsu. She is
the woman who leads...
the rebellion against my father.
She is the most courageous
and beautiful woman...
Yeah, we get the picture.
Can we go now?
Enough Mitsu already.
T-minus two minutes
and counting.
Let's go, Mikey.
What?
Why are you wearing shorts?
Kenshin switched with April
and got her clothes.
Yeah, so?
So this is for whoever
comes through in my place...
so they won't arrive
bare-butt naked.
I got three more pairs.
No!
We have no time for this
scientific debate.
Yes, master.
Come on, guys, let's go.
It's time.
Kids.
The inscription says,
"Open wide the gates of time."
All right already.
Let's go!
Go with care, my sons,
and return with swiftness.
We will not fail you,
Master Splinter.
OK, guys.
Hold on now.
Here we go.
It's starting to work.
Hang on!
Make sure your tray tables...
are in their full
upright positions!
Hang on to your shells, dudes!
This is very bad.
They are not four priests.
They are my father's
honor guard.
The scepter was
not in the temple.
There must have been a battle.
I knew it.
I'm missing all the fun.
Where are the priests?
Where's the temple?
Talk about your quantum leap.
Hey, dudes, check it out!
We're in "Shogun"!
Hey, where'd we get
these clothes?
These guys are pretty serious.
How do you steer this thing?
There's no steering
wheel on mine.
You're lucky! Mine doesn't
even have a head!
Watch out for the people!
Don't these things
ever run out of gas?
I think I swallowed a frog.
Hope it wasn't an ancestor.
That was fun.
Well, at least
the time travel worked.
We're here five minutes,
and already we lost...
one brother,
the magic scepter...
Our dignity...
And no April.
Hey, where's Mikey?
Last time I saw him,
he was doing this...
Jeez, what else could happen?
Whoa, Buttermilk!
Good horsey! Good horsey!
Who turned out the lights?
I think I saw this
on "Bonanza" once.
OK, boys, who's first in line?
Come on.
Ancient wusses.
Even here, you find me.
Put down your sword, Kenshin.
They are not enemies,
only lost warriors...
like yourself.
So far this disguise
has worked...
but we're turtles,
not honor guards.
Thanks for pointing
that out, Leo.
That would explain
the large shell on my back.
Well, you don't have
to be so sarcastic.
Well, I'm sorry, Leo,
but that's my nature.
You see, Walker,
we do not need your help.
We're victorious
without your guns.
Today my honor guard carried
my own secret weapon.
Really? Well,
that's very good news.
Where are my honor guards?
Murata, find my honor guards.
Yes!
Now! Right away!
You!
Come here. Now!
I told you these outfits
would get us into trouble.
Let's go.
Blend in.
Yeah, right.
They're coming.
They're behind the wagon.
Step aside!
Where are they?
Go! Idiot!
It's very impressive, my lord.
This is very bad.
Well, they fell for it.
Shh! Keep it down, Leo.
So they've gone missing.
I mean, war does have a habit
of doing that to people.
It's time to look to the future.
You do not understand.
My honor guard carried...
a sacred family relic
to ensure victory.
Ah, yes, the golden scepter.
Well, one does hear things.
Secrets leak like
a stink from a dead pig.
You certainly can
turn a phrase, my lord.
Listen to me, Daimyo.
Guns ensure victory...
not some ancestral
good-luck charm.
You are wrong.
If the scepter's lost,
my clan is lost...
and you, Walker,
will have no one...
to trade with but yourself.
Niles!
Captain?
Bring me the woman.
Come on, guys.
Let's find the temple.
Maybe April's still in there.
Boy, Kenshin's dad
must be seriously rich.
I think I saw this place...
on "Lifestyles of the
Rich and Dangerous."
"Bring me the woman, Niles."
"Lick my boots, Niles."
"Feed my birds, Niles."
What's next,
roll over and play dead?
What are you looking at,
you ugly lump of dung?
What?
Dung, huh?
You dirty... I oughta...
Later, Popeye.
I'm going to get that guy!
You hear what he called me, Leo?
Yeah, an ugly lump of dung.
Well, that was an insult, Leo.
Not necessarily, Raph.
Did you know that
in some countries...
dung is used as a fuel source?
Thanks, Don.
Hi-o, wasabi.
Hello, mustard?
OK, so my Japanese
is a little rusty.
Suzuki, Kawasaki.
How about sayonara?
- That'll work.
- Ciao.
- Adios.
- See you later.
It's me again, Fatso-san.
Open up.
Hurry up!
Woman!
We want woman.
Move it, you sot!
He's not man enough
to do anything.
There they are...
the Three Stooges.
Larry, Curly, and Moe.
Get her down, you fat sot!
Beat it.
See you later.
Don't ruffle
me little duck's feathers.
I want her for myself.
Hurry up!
It's wet willy time, Moe.
Wet... what-um?
What a maroon!
Hey, what's up, April?
Oh, hi, April.
Yo, April.
Raph? Leo?
Boy, some vacation!
I'd fire my travel agent.
Not me.
I think it's cool.
Hey, fat boy.
Yeah, get him in there.
Hey, don't forget
to pack a lunch.
As a matter of fact, pack three.
Wow, he can actually
lift that thing.
That's impressive.
Hey, hello?
Nice clothes, April.
What? Would somebody
please tell me...
what the heck is
going on around here?
Well, relax, April.
It's just your ordinary...
time-travel-equal-mass-
displacement kind of thing.
Yeah, what he said.
So let's get out of here... now!
Be nice, brave miss!
Miss, cut me loose.
They'll hang me here.
This is my favorite part!
Come on!
Next.
I know I'm going to regret this.
Hey, come and get me. Come on!
Watch your head.
Well, come on! Hurry!
Hey, think these guys...
have ever seen
a pinball machine before?
Watch. Throw them to me.
Boing! Tilt!
Fight's over.
We're closed.
These guys are really pushy.
They don't know when to quit.
What are you doing, April?
Come on! I think
I found a way out.
Obviously not
the age of chivalry.
Come on!
Go! We're right behind you!
Not another sewer!
I'll be back.
Garbage!
Boy, do I hate spinach.
Raph?
Well...
I'm in there. Donny?
Mud wrestling is definitely
a spectator sport.
Gross.
Grosser.
April!
Here.
Help me up.
All right. I'm coming.
On my way over.
A little mud, no problem.
Help me.
Wait, wait.
I'm getting...
This was the worst rescue
I have ever had.
Help! I'm a turtle,
and I can't get up!
Thanks.
We'd better get out of here.
Look on the bright side, April.
We could've fallen into a big,
greasy, smelly pile of...
Don't even say it, Don!
Hello?
Oh, hello.
Oh, that hurts.
What a head popper!
Boy! Earth to me.
God, my neck hurts.
My spots hurt.
Even my bandanna hurts.
Hey, little one.
Hey, where am I?
Mikey!
Yo, Michaelangelo!
Hey, Mikey!
Much better.
- A leg-o-rama.
- Yeah, I'll say.
Hey! I'm allowed.
I'm on vacation.
Right.
- Absolutely.
- Absolutely.
- Schwing!
- Schwing!
Hey, Leo.
Look at this water.
I don't see anything.
Exactly!
No tires, no beer cans,
no dead fish...
just water...
clean, clear,
beautiful water.
Nature! I love it!
Makes me want to...
I don't know,
migrate or something.
Turtles don't migrate, Raph.
Birds do.
Hey, I got a beak, don't I?
- OK, turtles, let's move out.
- You bet.
Ambush!
Here comes trouble, guys.
One... and a two!
Enjoy your swim, fellas.
Miss me?
You like baseball here?
Strike one!
Strike two!
You're out of there.
I love that game.
OK. I've had enough.
Come on, Jack!
It's hammer time.
Missed!
Here, hold these.
Thank you.
Dance?
What?
No, no, no, lady.
That ain't nice.
Hey, who blew the whistle?
Hey, look!
Hey, we're friends.
We're here to find
our brother, that's all.
Hey, I don't kiss
on the first date, lady.
Raph, give it a rest, will you?
Don't be afraid.
You are just like
the other one.
Say what?
The other one?
Mikey?
- What?
- Bingo!
Most excellent!
Get down with
your turtle self.
They say your friends
are devils or demons.
Hey, pal, you got
a relative in Brooklyn?
I figure they're mercenaries
in disguise...
come to help the rebels.
Invaders from the north.
My village!
Mikey!
Find Kenshin!
Fire over their heads and burn
this place to the ground!
There's a reward for the man
who brings me the scepter!
Go!
Burn it!
Go!
Yoshi!
Gunfire?
Better cover the melon.
I got to get out of here!
Burn it to the ground!
It's one of them honor guards.
There's a reward for him.
Greetings from Her Majesty.
My heroes!
Wait!
I'm really a beautiful princess
in disguise.
Oh, swords.
Break the spell!
Give me a kiss!
A monster!
What?
Bright green!
What do you mean, a monster?
Which way did they go?
Excuse me, Niles.
Shouldn't you be trying
to scare somebody?
But there's a demon
up the road, Captain...
a wild beast
with the body of a man...
and the head
of the devil himself.
Listen to me,
you cretinous idiot...
it's nothing but a Samurai...
wearing one of his
ridiculous masks.
- But...
- Shut up!
Get on with it!
What the...
Clint Eastwood?
Hey, Butch.
Don't you know
westerns are dead?
Speaking of dead...
I'll save you, Captain.
Hi there.
You see, when I said
westerns were dead...
what I meant was, uh...
well, they're not dead.
'cause I forgot about Clint.
You look a lot like Clint,
yes, you do.
Wet willy.
Sorry, Captain!
Dudes!
Most excellent timing!
Split up!
Hold it right there, Zorro dude!
He's getting away!
Wimp!
Captain, don't leave me here!
Wait for...
Help! Grandfather, help!
- Yoshi!
- Help!
- Grandfather, help!
- Easy, easy.
Yoshi!
Grandson!
Stay right here.
I don't think I'm cut out
for this hero stuff.
Michaelangelo!
Drink some water.
What's going on?
Well, here I go!
I don't believe it!
He went in!
Mikey, no!
We've got to do something!
Kurt Russell,
eat your heart out.
I think he's going to be OK.
Are you all right?
You scared me half to death.
Scared me half to death.
I can't believe you did that!
You're a hero!
He has no life in him!
What's going on?
Give him to me.
Let me take him, please.
Keep everyone back.
Stay back, everyone.
Give the guy some room.
- Give me some room.
- Give him some room!
Everybody get back.
No, wait.
Let him try.
No! He's casting an evil spell.
No, it's not an evil spell.
He's helping.
Keep back, everyone.
I need more time.
Help him out.
Come on, Leo. You can do it.
One, two, three, four, five.
One, two, three...
That a boy, Leo.
- He did it!
- All right!
You're going to be OK, Yoshi.
Here you go.
- Outstanding, dude!
- Thanks.
I just hope these village people
won't be afraid of us anymore.
Well, it's a start.
Your men showed
lack of courage today.
They were frightened
by the demons, as were your men.
Is that so?
Walker...
Look.
Tell me...
were the demons today not men?
Real demons?
I don't know.
Old priests say once before,
demons defeated my ancestors.
Now they've come back for me.
I agree to your price.
Guns for silver and silk.
Guns for gold.
Now there are demons.
Before there were just men.
My cannons can destroy
these monsters, my lord.
You can rewrite history.
And I can rewrite you.
Clothesline!
Wipeout!
Hi-yo, Silver!
Oh, horse.
Hey, horsey!
Somebody dial 911.
Medic!
You thirsty?
My butt.
You didn't find
the scepter, did you?
Nah. It's history.
Adios, amigos.
You know, sometimes
I hate that guy.
Let's see...
Wait. Let's just
hold it here, OK?
If the scepter
wasn't in the woods...
maybe the Daimyo has it.
No. He's been
looking for it, too.
So what are we going to do?
How are we going to get home?
Wait!
Fellas, listen.
Are you sure this isn't
a dumb thing to do?
No, it's a smart thing to do.
Losing the old scepter
was a dumb thing to do.
I didn't lose it, OK?
Excuse me.
What?
I don't mean to spoil
your little party here.
This is your plan?
You don't mean... you're
not seriously suggesting...
that Donatello is
going to make...
an incredibly arcane time
travel machine, are you?
Totally bogus.
Really stupid.
Well, that's a relief.
No, that guy's going to make it.
He's good with his hands.
What?
Come on, April.
Where are you going?
To find an apartment.
I have a feeling...
we're going to be here
for a very long time.
An apartment?
Are there apartments in Japan?
What do I look like,
a real estate agent?
What about condos
and time-shares?
Take me with you.
Where? New York?
No. You wouldn't fit in.
I mean... well, actually,
you would fit in.
But you wouldn't
really fit in...
you know what I mean?
You could teach me.
No, I couldn't.
Look, Whit... l'm going back
real soon and...
I don't want to have
this conversation, OK?
Take whatever you guys
need, all right?
Hey, Ken.
Maybe you ought to try
a little decaf?
Kenshin is unhappy.
He believes they will
never get home.
It ain't exactly
a quick jaunt...
across the Brooklyn Bridge,
is it?
Hey, Ken.
You know, maybe you
ought to try...
a little herbal, Ken-man,
know what I mean?
We can't wait for your sons!
Mitsu needs me now.
The scepter.
Please!
Can you believe it?
We're not even
in the playoffs yet.
The space-time continuum...
will be out of phase
after sixty hours.
Pick up the pace, Smithy-san.
We gotta have that scepter
done by tonight.
No.
What?
You know, there is one...
O sole mio
We're talking franchises
here, bud.
All you got to do
is keep your delivery...
to under thirty minutes.
Let's see what we got here.
Pizza.
Got that, dude?
Pizza.
Frisbee. Also cool.
Who frisbeed me in the face?
I'm out of here.
Why, I ought to...
It was Mike with the thing
and the lady.
Hey, chill.
What is this,
the Geraldo Show?
You got to learn to control
that temper, guy.
Did I say that?
We're practicing
fighting the Daimyo.
Fight the Daimyo?
Hold on here.
Fighting's for grown-ups...
and that's only if you
got no other choice.
You guys are kids.
You should be out...
you should be out having fun,
flying those things.
Come on. We can do it together.
You could teach me.
Fun is for children.
And what, you're
a senior citizen?
Come on!
It'll be easy.
What did you say your name was?
Yoshi.
You and your buddies
grab those kites...
and I'll join you later.
Kids.
Yoshi! Wait up!
Hey! I think I'm getting this.
Yoshi, what do you think?
Look at that.
Lord Norinaga
accepts your price.
Guns for gold.
Tell the Daimyo
to prepare the papers.
Sorry.
I guess you want
to be alone, huh?
I was asking the gods
to protect someone.
Kenshin?
He's, like, your beau, huh?
You know him?
Sort of.
He kinda went on a cosmic cruise
and dropped in on us.
But don't worry.
He'll be back...
as soon as we leave.
I promise.
How do you know this?
Well...
it's a kappa kind of thing.
So... what's your sign?
Man!
- Hockey.
- Hockey.
I guess it's time for
a little cultural exchange...
if you know what I mean.
OK, guys.
Let's play a little hockey.
Hockey?
Take your best shot.
Come on.
Just like you saw on TV.
Remember?
Hey. Good.
All right.
OK. I can work with that.
Good.
Tomorrow, Walker,
we will use your guns.
My pleasure.
Walker.
My dungeon's very crowded.
Well, then it would
only be humane...
not to take any more
prisoners then, wouldn't it?
You'll just have to kill
everybody.
What do you hear, sensei?
Danger.
Mitsu.
What is it?
Mitsu, I bring bad news
from the castle.
It's two hours to midnight.
I sure hope this works.
Yes.
Why, this is perfect.
What if this doesn't
work, dudes?
What if we make like
a cosmic U-turn...
and end up back
in Godzilla land?
We don't have a choice,
unless you want to stay here.
Well, maybe we should.
Hold it.
Yeah, right. Now,
forget about Mitsu...
and give me the scepter
before you...
Hey! Raph!
Give me back the scepter...
Give it over here!
- Nice going.
- Butterfingers.
What next?
The Daimyo is coming
in the morning...
with Walker and guns.
Great.
Oh, God, man.
Hey, Yoshi.
You awake, buddy?
What's the matter,
little man?
What's up with those tears?
What's going on here?
Nothing.
Nothing, huh?
Well, too bad.
'Cause if something
was bothering you...
I got a little present
here to cheer you up.
It's called a yo-yo.
It's yours.
I made it for you.
I was going to give it
to you tomorrow...
but, you know, things
might get a little nuts.
I might forget.
You fight Daimyo in the morning?
OK, so tomorrow afternoon...
I'll teach you some tricks
on your yo-yo.
OK, buddy?
Tomorrow you might die.
Yeah. OK, Yoshi,
you listen to me.
Tomorrow morning,
you and your buddies...
go up into the mountains
and you play, you hear me?
No matter what happens.
I cannot let you die,
Raphael-san.
Don't worry, kid.
Nobody's going to die.
Hey, Yoshi, come on.
Where you going?
It's late already.
Get yourself to bed.
What are you doing?
Yoshi, this isn't playtime.
Your sister's going to kill me.
What do you got?
For you, Raphael-san.
You didn't have to.
I find in the woods.
Now you and the other
kappa can go home.
Now you no die.
Son of a snapper!
I found it!
Look at this.
It was here the whole time.
It was under the house.
Our little brother put it there.
Mondo surprise!
We're set.
Let me see that.
Careful, now!
Easy, guys.
- Is it the one?
- That's the one.
Look, it's the scepter.
Oh, God.
I can't believe it.
So you see, as long as we
didn't have the scepter...
we had no choice
but to stay and fight.
Right?
You mean, we were set up?
- Uncool.
- Very uncool.
Mitsu.
Is that for real?
The vibes in here
just turned bad.
Let's split.
Wait! I am the one.
Please. I am the one...
who told my grandson
to hide the scepter.
What?
I want you to fight, not Mitsu.
- Come on, guys!
- Let's go! Move it!
Evening.
Let me at him!
Mikey, stay back.
Calm down, man.
Give me the scepter,
my little green friends.
No! Kill him!
Raph, give me the scepter.
Man!
Bring Kenshin
to the castle tonight.
You'll get her back.
Come morning,
I was you, I'd be gone.
He's riding off.
Guys, we got to do something.
I apologize for this crude
interruption, Daimyo...
but perhaps this little bird
will sing for your supper.
Why have you stolen my son?
I do not have your son.
He's gone on a magic journey.
Only the scepter
can bring him back.
You are lying.
You have them both.
I have nothing.
He has the scepter.
Not as chirpy as I'd hoped.
Niles.
Come on.
Come on!
Get out!
Out!
Take her away!
Come on! Move it!
How did you capture
such a woman?
The same way you capture
any wild animal.
By setting a trap.
I don't have it.
Equal partners.
Right? I'm not
your spy anymore.
I want to see the Daimyo.
Easy with the hands.
Another little birdie
come home to roost.
Well, April's inside.
Now it's up to us.
Is this what they mean
by getting totally vertical?
Turtles... it's not just a job.
It's an adventure.
Meow, dude!
His chin's landed on my foot.
Sayonara, blubber butt.
Mitsu!
How's it hanging, babe?
Michaelangelo.
Sorry about the crack
about the bad vibes.
You got great vibes.
Quickly.
We must free the others.
Hey, Whit!
Well, well, well.
Miss O'Neil.
My partner Mr. Whit and I were
just discussing your future.
Let me tell you something
about your partner here.
He's scum.
He's the lowest scum
of the earth.
No, you know something?
He's lower than scum.
He gives scum a bad name.
Of course he does.
That's why I hired him.
Take her away.
Now, wait a minute.
I have information
about the Daimyo's son.
I think she's
telling the truth.
Really? Well, I don't
pay you to think, do I?
I pay you to lie,
cheat, and steal.
So why don't you go
down to the harbor...
and bring back the men
and their guns?
Guns?
Maybe she's up here.
Nice and light now.
Love the artwork.
Reservations for five?
Under "T" maybe?
Come on! Let's go!
Move it!
That's OK, fellas.
We'll find a table ourselves.
Little log there.
Everything looks cool up here.
Come on.
Clear on the right.
Clear on the left.
Hey, you guys.
Check it out.
- Ancient us.
- Trippy.
"The battle of the
thousand swords."
Four demons defeated
the Daimyo and his army.
Definitely family.
Looks like me, but it's
got Raph's beak.
But it was only a legend.
- Dudes, we're legends!
- Hey, cool!
I like it.
Wayne Newton.
You.
You were expecting maybe
the Addams family?
Good one.
You have come back.
Yeah, we like to drop in...
about every three
or four centuries.
Yeah, and it looks like
you're having a rough day...
so give us the scepter back
and we'll get out of here.
You have disgraced my ancestor,
but you will not disgrace me.
I'm willing to die.
Kill them.
We will both die, but only
one of us with honor.
Are we out of the loop here
or what?
Chill, dude!
You OK?
Mikey, watch out!
Oh, he who dings
the shell must pay!
Your turn!
One, two, three, and kick!
Good night!
Bases loaded.
Home run!
Leapfrog!
Triple play!
Hello.
Good-bye.
All right, good job, turtles.
Yes!
Leo, high foot!
All right. Let's
rock 'n' roll, dudes.
More logs.
Hey, mac!
Take the rest of the day off.
I'll open the dungeon.
You guys go that way.
We must open the gate.
No problemo.
Scuds!
One, two, three, four.
You're free, guys.
Let's go!
I love this stuff!
I get such a kick
out of this job!
Hold it, bucko!
Big mistake, dude.
Go ahead.
Finish me.
There. Short enough for you?
Kappa.
Hello?
Who's trapped inside?
Lord Norinaga.
Name rings a bell.
Turtles one.
Daimyo zip.
Look!
It's April.
Well, if it ain't
the phantom of the opera.
Love to stay and chat, but...
places to go... people to kill.
Come on, lads!
Move it. Move it!
Out of the way!
Oh, no. Guns!
There goes the neighborhood.
Wait!
Thank you, Mr. Whit.
Yeah, Whit.
You make a great servant.
I'm real impressed.
My God!
Who's your tailor?
We're naked.
You OK, April?
Sorry, guys.
We really don't have time...
for any of these
social pleasantries...
I'm afraid.
Shoot them.
Right.
Don't move a finger!
What did you say?
I said, shoot them.
That wasn't part of
the deal, Walker.
Well, if you feel like that...
you'd better join them,
hadn't you?
- Niles!
- Right.
Hey, come on.
Shoot him, too.
With pleasure!
Weasel!
Ready...
Gee, if we die here
in the past...
does that mean that we don't
get born in the future?
Hey, Tinkerbell,
why don't you shoot us?
Leo, wait...
I'm sorry.
Are you addressing me?
Shoot us yourself,
unless you're too scared.
I get it!
He knows he can't kill us.
We're demons.
We are demons!
Your bullets will
just bounce back...
and kill all you guys instead.
Right. What he said.
Capisce?
Would you like the pleasure
of the first shot, Captain?
Go ahead, punk.
Make my day.
If it's going to make you all
feel better...
I've got a good idea.
Where's he going?
Out. Out of the way.
What's he doing?
This doesn't bode well.
Nice bluff, Mr. Leader.
Major bummer.
We're toast.
Try this on for size.
This could hurt.
Hoo, boy, do I love
being a turtle!
Yes. That's very clever.
Oh, yes. Very clever.
Missed me!
Guess what time it is?
Willy, willy, willy!
Willy, willy!
Take a hike, pal.
Let's get Walker!
Hey, guys!
Oh, look. Don King.
Smells like a geek
ran through here.
My little guys.
I almost forgot you.
Come on.
Where'd he go?
There he goes.
Out the window.
Over there!
Let's go!
Come on, Mikey.
We'll go out front
and cut him off.
Come on, guys!
Hurry, Raph.
Right behind you, Leo.
He's up there, Donny. Come on.
All right. Let's go.
This is so good for your calves.
Stop right there!
Or you're a goner, dude.
Totally.
What kind of demons are you?
We're turtles, friend.
Of the teenage mutant
ninja variety, sleazeball!
Check it out!
This, I believe, is what
you've been searching for.
Go fetch.
Wait! There goes
our ride home!
Do you really think
I'd make it that easy...
you nasty little reptiles?
I got it!
I got it!
I call!
Oh, not again!
Mikey, get it!
Go, Mike, go!
Nice catch. I got you!
We got it.
Bungee jumping without a bungee.
That could be dangerous.
You got that.
Hey, guys.
We have an egg timer to catch.
Let's move it.
Buckle up, dudes.
It's time to go home.
Hey, guys.
I'm not going back.
- What?
- What did you say?
I said I'm staying here.
I'm not going back with you.
Michaelangelo, come on.
You can't be serious.
He's serious.
Hey, wait a minute.
You are going back to New York.
Been there, done that.
Michaelangelo, it's our home.
Sure. Your home's
a nice apartment.
My home's a sewer.
I been thinking
the same thing, Leo.
People appreciate us here.
We don't have to
live like moles.
Hey, whoa.
No way!
We're all going back.
Tell him, Leo.
Actually...
Hey, not to sound
selfish or anything...
but what the heck.
Why not?
I do not want to stay here.
Me, neither.
Do you think I could
possibly live...
without a single microchip?
Somebody's activated
the scepter.
We got to go now!
Kenshin, no!
We wait four hundred years,
and this Casey is still late.
I will wait no longer.
Kenshin, you cannot go
without the others.
It would be cowardly.
Come on. Both of you.
Yeah. Come on.
Got to get back.
Time to go.
Come on, you party animals.
I know. Yeah.
OK. Come on.
Get it together.
I just wanted
to give you guys...
a nice peek at the future,
all right?
Bet you guys feel lucky
to be going back, right?
Very lucky.
We're going back.
Not!
This could really
screw up history.
All right. OK.
Enough is enough.
OK? Let's go.
Come on.
Guys, you cannot split up.
You're brothers.
Remember?
Yeah. I guess.
Raphael-san.
Hey, Yoshi.
Yoshi wants to say good-bye.
But we're not going back.
Me and Raph are
going to be staying.
No!
Kenshin must return.
You promised.
Yeah, but...
Our two families must be united,
or the wars will start again.
But I thought...
I want to stay here with you.
You will always
be here with me...
Michaelangelo.
Uh-oh, guys.
It's picking up speed.
Come on!
There was traffic, man.
Benkei, no! Wait. No!
I been thinking.
We have to go back.
It's our destiny.
I mean, if we stay here...
we interfere with their lives,
and that would be selfish.
Exactly.
Our lives are in New York.
Right, guys?
It's "Star Trek" time, guys.
Hey, Yoshi man.
Raphael-san.
Yo, Yoshi.
I will never forget you,
Raphael-san.
I won't forget you, either,
little man.
And remember, watch that temper.
Hey, all right!
No, no, no.
I'll put this on layaway
for you, OK?
All right?
Give you an excuse...
to come back, Zen Meister, OK?
All right.
Benkei!
You got a bus to catch.
Come on. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Good.
It's OK, man.
Go ahead.
It'll be all right.
Benkei!
See you later.
Later.
Come on, Mikey!
If you ever get to New York...
Yeah, later, Mikey!
OK. Destiny... what a drag! Bye.
Mikey! Hurry!
I'm coming!
Come on, Mikey!
Come on!
Mikey!
Guys, we made it back
to the den.
Michaelangelo?
Mikey?
- Get that guy!
- He's got the scepter!
- No!
- Get him!
Grab him!
Oh, boy.
You made it back!
We thought we lost you
forever, Mikey.
Thought you were a goner!
- I'm glad you're OK.
- Hi, guys.
Michaelangelo.
Father.
Kenshin.
Hockey.
Hockey.
Kenshin!
Michaelangelo?
Yes, Master Splinter?
Something deeply
troubles you, my son.
Growing up.
I don't think
I'll ever laugh again.
Yo, dude!
Yo, dude!
Just like Elvis
in "Blue Hawaii."
I saw it on cable.
Oh, boy.
Hey, Mikey!
Gone.
you must turn back.
Return with us at once.
No!
Give up your weapon.
Do not harm him.
Take him prisoner.
No! You will have to
kill me first.
Take him to the castle.
Mitsu!
Beat it.
All right.
Rock 'n' roll!
Turtle tantrum.
Hold it.
Oh, Raph, come on.
What's going on, Raph?
Nothing.
Have patience, my son.
What are we doing this for?
Day after day, practicing,
killing ourselves, for what?
Oh, Raphael.
Nobody appreciates us.
Nobody sees us.
Nobody even knows
we're alive down here!
Hey, guys.
How's it going?
Hi. Fine.
Good hair day?
Brought you some stuff.
I love stuff.
Goodies!
Later.
Let's see what's in the bags.
OK, here are the keys
to my apartment...
somewhere... stop peeking!
No peeking.
I'm not peeking.
I'm spelunking for pork rinds.
Don't lose them.
God, I need this vacation.
Take us with you, April.
Come on, take us with you.
Sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, guys.
My suitcases are very full.
Oh, too bad.
Hey, I didn't forget
about you guys.
I bought a lot of fun stuff
at the flea market for you.
All right!
OK, where's Raph?
He's in another funk.
Again?
A major funk.
Maybe this'll cheer him up.
Hey, smooth.
Pretty cool, huh?
Nifty lid!
All right, this is for Mikey.
All righty.
Hey, it's a lampshade.
Let's see. What else
do we have here?
And for Leonardo,
there you go.
- And Donatello...
- Japanese swords!
This'll keep you
busy while I'm gone.
Thanks.
All right, and for Splinter...
where is he anyway?
He's doing rat stuff.
Found this...
actually, I don't
really know what it is.
Some kind of a weird
antique or something.
I think it's Japanese.
Elvis Presley in "Blue Hawaii."
You're so cute.
A super androdyne
radio with triode tubes!
Boss!
Hey, what's that, April?
Some kind of weird
Japanese antique...
egg timer.
Kenshin, I forbid you
to leave the castle.
You have disgraced me.
It is you who have
disgraced me, Father...
with your unjust war.
Walker.
Walker, you're alive.
Yes, I'd say that
was a fair assumption.
Survived a shipwreck, built
some new ones, and, well...
here I am, hungry again.
Niles!
Move along, lads.
Your sentries, I believe.
Must be a great comfort
to know...
how well-protected
you are, Lord Norinaga.
Kenshin, inside!
Now!
Children are such
a pest, aren't they?
Especially when they
side with the enemy.
Oh, dear. Damn nuisance.
I just keep birds now.
Little finches.
Shut up, Niles.
Right. I have three ships
sitting in your harbor...
Ioaded down with powder
and muskets...
absolutely guaranteed
to win your ambitious war.
Kappa.
"Open wide the gates of time."
Uh... guys?
Guys!
What's going on?
Wait a second here.
Lay low!
Cover your face!
Feels like tornado weather!
No way!
She's a man!
Kappa!
You have that effect on people,
don't you, master?
Out cold.
Wakey, wakey. Wake up.
Hey, guys, these clothes
look familiar to you?
Wake up. Wake up...
weird-looking
James Dean dude.
I think he's coming around.
Kappa!
Cappa? Cappuccino?
Nah, it makes me hyper.
What's a kappa?
Ancient Japanese demon.
Some were good,
and some were very bad.
Demons.
Hey, he speaks English!
Where's he from anyways?
Well, judging from sword,
I'd say feudal Japan.
That explains why
he speaks our language.
See, England started
trading with Japan...
All right, already.
How'd you get in April's pants?
I want to know what
happened to April.
It seems the scepter
has magic powers...
and somehow transported
them both through time.
Hold on, dudes.
If April's back in feudal Japan,
does that mean we, like...
have to ride that scepter
back through time to get her?
You have no choice, my son.
Awesome! But do you think
they had pizza back then?
Get out of town.
What's going on, Captain?
Ignorant, superstitious fools.
We was just wondering!
Them, you moronic toad!
They seem to think the woman's
some kind of witch.
She's some sort of a witch!
Shut up.
Some sort of a witch!
Would you keep quiet!
Sorry?
Look, I took Spanish
in high school.
Hey, easy.
Next time, ask me
to turn it off.
Where is my son, witch?
Hey, I really don't have
a clue, OK...
so why don't you just
drop this macho stuff?
Lord Norinaga, allow me.
The Daimyo and his court
believe that you're a witch...
who has somehow managed
to spirit away his son.
Is this true?
Yeah, it's true.
I am a witch.
See that?
I shrunk four
incredibly cool guys...
and I locked them in there.
Really?
Then go ahead, witch, shrink me.
Don't push me, Ruffles...
or I'll melt you into
a steaming puddle of puke.
She has no power.
Let me question her
about your son.
Then you can roast her,
toast her...
chop her into
tiny little pieces...
and feed her to the birds.
No. I want her to suffer.
Let's see here.
If I subtract the cosine
from the inverted integer...
then I can take the flangeler
and put that here.
That's it!
Of course!
It's equal mass displacement!
See, guys, for every one of us
that goes back...
someone from the past
will come here.
But the problem is...
that switch will only work
under one condition.
You know what that is?
Tuesdays?
Groundhog's Day?
Great.
It will only work
if the magic travelers...
each have the same weight.
Bingo. Gee, you guys do have
a good educational system, huh?
Step back, dudes.
I just brought us
some heavy artillery.
Donny!
Long time!
Leo, how's it going?
Hey, Casey, welcome back.
Hey, Raph, how'd your
brain implant go, good?
What? Funny.
Anyway, enough of this
camaraderie.
When do we get together
and bust some skulls?
Hold it there, Casey.
You're not gonna do
any head-breaking this time.
Sorry, guy.
What was that?
You want to run that
by me again?
How come?
'Cause we need somebody
to stay here with Splinter...
in case the time bandit
here decides to flip out.
If it ain't too much
of an inconvenience.
It'll be a serious honor.
It is time to go, my sons.
Donatello, we shall wait
by the scepter...
every twelve hours
as you have instructed.
Correct, Master Splinter,
but the space-time continuum...
will be out of phase
after sixty hours.
Wait a second.
Time-out.
What does all that mean
in American?
If we don't come back
in 2 1/2 days...
we're turtle soup.
Bummer.
Why don't you get
a real job, cue ball?
Hey, hey. You know what?
This is a Rolex.
It's a gold Rolex.
You want it?
Let me out of here!
If you stay with Walker,
you die.
You come with me, you live.
Lock him up, lads.
You! Up, fool, up.
Well, well, well.
What have we got here?
Give us a kiss, duckling,
while you still got your lips.
You're not the first one
to do that to me.
There you are, Mr. Whit.
You can lead your stinking
mutiny in here!
Good night, me little
tweety birds.
Come on, lads.
Goodbye, Whit!
Casey?
Yeah, you look familiar, too.
The scepter will be
in the temple...
which means you will be
replaced by four priests.
Nothing to it.
Now we must please try to hurry.
Mitsu is in great danger.
Mits-who?
Yes, Mitsu. She is
the woman who leads...
the rebellion against my father.
She is the most courageous
and beautiful woman...
Yeah, we get the picture.
Can we go now?
Enough Mitsu already.
T-minus two minutes
and counting.
Let's go, Mikey.
What?
Why are you wearing shorts?
Kenshin switched with April
and got her clothes.
Yeah, so?
So this is for whoever
comes through in my place...
so they won't arrive
bare-butt naked.
I got three more pairs.
No!
We have no time for this
scientific debate.
Yes, master.
Come on, guys, let's go.
It's time.
Kids.
The inscription says,
"Open wide the gates of time."
All right already.
Let's go!
Go with care, my sons,
and return with swiftness.
We will not fail you,
Master Splinter.
OK, guys.
Hold on now.
Here we go.
It's starting to work.
Hang on!
Make sure your tray tables...
are in their full
upright positions!
Hang on to your shells, dudes!
This is very bad.
They are not four priests.
They are my father's
honor guard.
The scepter was
not in the temple.
There must have been a battle.
I knew it.
I'm missing all the fun.
Where are the priests?
Where's the temple?
Talk about your quantum leap.
Hey, dudes, check it out!
We're in "Shogun"!
Hey, where'd we get
these clothes?
These guys are pretty serious.
How do you steer this thing?
There's no steering
wheel on mine.
You're lucky! Mine doesn't
even have a head!
Watch out for the people!
Don't these things
ever run out of gas?
I think I swallowed a frog.
Hope it wasn't an ancestor.
That was fun.
Well, at least
the time travel worked.
We're here five minutes,
and already we lost...
one brother,
the magic scepter...
Our dignity...
And no April.
Hey, where's Mikey?
Last time I saw him,
he was doing this...
Jeez, what else could happen?
Whoa, Buttermilk!
Good horsey! Good horsey!
Who turned out the lights?
I think I saw this
on "Bonanza" once.
OK, boys, who's first in line?
Come on.
Ancient wusses.
Even here, you find me.
Put down your sword, Kenshin.
They are not enemies,
only lost warriors...
like yourself.
So far this disguise
has worked...
but we're turtles,
not honor guards.
Thanks for pointing
that out, Leo.
That would explain
the large shell on my back.
Well, you don't have
to be so sarcastic.
Well, I'm sorry, Leo,
but that's my nature.
You see, Walker,
we do not need your help.
We're victorious
without your guns.
Today my honor guard carried
my own secret weapon.
Really? Well,
that's very good news.
Where are my honor guards?
Murata, find my honor guards.
Yes!
Now! Right away!
You!
Come here. Now!
I told you these outfits
would get us into trouble.
Let's go.
Blend in.
Yeah, right.
They're coming.
They're behind the wagon.
Step aside!
Where are they?
Go! Idiot!
It's very impressive, my lord.
This is very bad.
Well, they fell for it.
Shh! Keep it down, Leo.
So they've gone missing.
I mean, war does have a habit
of doing that to people.
It's time to look to the future.
You do not understand.
My honor guard carried...
a sacred family relic
to ensure victory.
Ah, yes, the golden scepter.
Well, one does hear things.
Secrets leak like
a stink from a dead pig.
You certainly can
turn a phrase, my lord.
Listen to me, Daimyo.
Guns ensure victory...
not some ancestral
good-luck charm.
You are wrong.
If the scepter's lost,
my clan is lost...
and you, Walker,
will have no one...
to trade with but yourself.
Niles!
Captain?
Bring me the woman.
Come on, guys.
Let's find the temple.
Maybe April's still in there.
Boy, Kenshin's dad
must be seriously rich.
I think I saw this place...
on "Lifestyles of the
Rich and Dangerous."
"Bring me the woman, Niles."
"Lick my boots, Niles."
"Feed my birds, Niles."
What's next,
roll over and play dead?
What are you looking at,
you ugly lump of dung?
What?
Dung, huh?
You dirty... I oughta...
Later, Popeye.
I'm going to get that guy!
You hear what he called me, Leo?
Yeah, an ugly lump of dung.
Well, that was an insult, Leo.
Not necessarily, Raph.
Did you know that
in some countries...
dung is used as a fuel source?
Thanks, Don.
Hi-o, wasabi.
Hello, mustard?
OK, so my Japanese
is a little rusty.
Suzuki, Kawasaki.
How about sayonara?
- That'll work.
- Ciao.
- Adios.
- See you later.
It's me again, Fatso-san.
Open up.
Hurry up!
Woman!
We want woman.
Move it, you sot!
He's not man enough
to do anything.
There they are...
the Three Stooges.
Larry, Curly, and Moe.
Get her down, you fat sot!
Beat it.
See you later.
Don't ruffle
me little duck's feathers.
I want her for myself.
Hurry up!
It's wet willy time, Moe.
Wet... what-um?
What a maroon!
Hey, what's up, April?
Oh, hi, April.
Yo, April.
Raph? Leo?
Boy, some vacation!
I'd fire my travel agent.
Not me.
I think it's cool.
Hey, fat boy.
Yeah, get him in there.
Hey, don't forget
to pack a lunch.
As a matter of fact, pack three.
Wow, he can actually
lift that thing.
That's impressive.
Hey, hello?
Nice clothes, April.
What? Would somebody
please tell me...
what the heck is
going on around here?
Well, relax, April.
It's just your ordinary...
time-travel-equal-mass-
displacement kind of thing.
Yeah, what he said.
So let's get out of here... now!
Be nice, brave miss!
Miss, cut me loose.
They'll hang me here.
This is my favorite part!
Come on!
Next.
I know I'm going to regret this.
Hey, come and get me. Come on!
Watch your head.
Well, come on! Hurry!
Hey, think these guys...
have ever seen
a pinball machine before?
Watch. Throw them to me.
Boing! Tilt!
Fight's over.
We're closed.
These guys are really pushy.
They don't know when to quit.
What are you doing, April?
Come on! I think
I found a way out.
Obviously not
the age of chivalry.
Come on!
Go! We're right behind you!
Not another sewer!
I'll be back.
Garbage!
Boy, do I hate spinach.
Raph?
Well...
I'm in there. Donny?
Mud wrestling is definitely
a spectator sport.
Gross.
Grosser.
April!
Here.
Help me up.
All right. I'm coming.
On my way over.
A little mud, no problem.
Help me.
Wait, wait.
I'm getting...
This was the worst rescue
I have ever had.
Help! I'm a turtle,
and I can't get up!
Thanks.
We'd better get out of here.
Look on the bright side, April.
We could've fallen into a big,
greasy, smelly pile of...
Don't even say it, Don!
Hello?
Oh, hello.
Oh, that hurts.
What a head popper!
Boy! Earth to me.
God, my neck hurts.
My spots hurt.
Even my bandanna hurts.
Hey, little one.
Hey, where am I?
Mikey!
Yo, Michaelangelo!
Hey, Mikey!
Much better.
- A leg-o-rama.
- Yeah, I'll say.
Hey! I'm allowed.
I'm on vacation.
Right.
- Absolutely.
- Absolutely.
- Schwing!
- Schwing!
Hey, Leo.
Look at this water.
I don't see anything.
Exactly!
No tires, no beer cans,
no dead fish...
just water...
clean, clear,
beautiful water.
Nature! I love it!
Makes me want to...
I don't know,
migrate or something.
Turtles don't migrate, Raph.
Birds do.
Hey, I got a beak, don't I?
- OK, turtles, let's move out.
- You bet.
Ambush!
Here comes trouble, guys.
One... and a two!
Enjoy your swim, fellas.
Miss me?
You like baseball here?
Strike one!
Strike two!
You're out of there.
I love that game.
OK. I've had enough.
Come on, Jack!
It's hammer time.
Missed!
Here, hold these.
Thank you.
Dance?
What?
No, no, no, lady.
That ain't nice.
Hey, who blew the whistle?
Hey, look!
Hey, we're friends.
We're here to find
our brother, that's all.
Hey, I don't kiss
on the first date, lady.
Raph, give it a rest, will you?
Don't be afraid.
You are just like
the other one.
Say what?
The other one?
Mikey?
- What?
- Bingo!
Most excellent!
Get down with
your turtle self.
They say your friends
are devils or demons.
Hey, pal, you got
a relative in Brooklyn?
I figure they're mercenaries
in disguise...
come to help the rebels.
Invaders from the north.
My village!
Mikey!
Find Kenshin!
Fire over their heads and burn
this place to the ground!
There's a reward for the man
who brings me the scepter!
Go!
Burn it!
Go!
Yoshi!
Gunfire?
Better cover the melon.
I got to get out of here!
Burn it to the ground!
It's one of them honor guards.
There's a reward for him.
Greetings from Her Majesty.
My heroes!
Wait!
I'm really a beautiful princess
in disguise.
Oh, swords.
Break the spell!
Give me a kiss!
A monster!
What?
Bright green!
What do you mean, a monster?
Which way did they go?
Excuse me, Niles.
Shouldn't you be trying
to scare somebody?
But there's a demon
up the road, Captain...
a wild beast
with the body of a man...
and the head
of the devil himself.
Listen to me,
you cretinous idiot...
it's nothing but a Samurai...
wearing one of his
ridiculous masks.
- But...
- Shut up!
Get on with it!
What the...
Clint Eastwood?
Hey, Butch.
Don't you know
westerns are dead?
Speaking of dead...
I'll save you, Captain.
Hi there.
You see, when I said
westerns were dead...
what I meant was, uh...
well, they're not dead.
'cause I forgot about Clint.
You look a lot like Clint,
yes, you do.
Wet willy.
Sorry, Captain!
Dudes!
Most excellent timing!
Split up!
Hold it right there, Zorro dude!
He's getting away!
Wimp!
Captain, don't leave me here!
Wait for...
Help! Grandfather, help!
- Yoshi!
- Help!
- Grandfather, help!
- Easy, easy.
Yoshi!
Grandson!
Stay right here.
I don't think I'm cut out
for this hero stuff.
Michaelangelo!
Drink some water.
What's going on?
Well, here I go!
I don't believe it!
He went in!
Mikey, no!
We've got to do something!
Kurt Russell,
eat your heart out.
I think he's going to be OK.
Are you all right?
You scared me half to death.
Scared me half to death.
I can't believe you did that!
You're a hero!
He has no life in him!
What's going on?
Give him to me.
Let me take him, please.
Keep everyone back.
Stay back, everyone.
Give the guy some room.
- Give me some room.
- Give him some room!
Everybody get back.
No, wait.
Let him try.
No! He's casting an evil spell.
No, it's not an evil spell.
He's helping.
Keep back, everyone.
I need more time.
Help him out.
Come on, Leo. You can do it.
One, two, three, four, five.
One, two, three...
That a boy, Leo.
- He did it!
- All right!
You're going to be OK, Yoshi.
Here you go.
- Outstanding, dude!
- Thanks.
I just hope these village people
won't be afraid of us anymore.
Well, it's a start.
Your men showed
lack of courage today.
They were frightened
by the demons, as were your men.
Is that so?
Walker...
Look.
Tell me...
were the demons today not men?
Real demons?
I don't know.
Old priests say once before,
demons defeated my ancestors.
Now they've come back for me.
I agree to your price.
Guns for silver and silk.
Guns for gold.
Now there are demons.
Before there were just men.
My cannons can destroy
these monsters, my lord.
You can rewrite history.
And I can rewrite you.
Clothesline!
Wipeout!
Hi-yo, Silver!
Oh, horse.
Hey, horsey!
Somebody dial 911.
Medic!
You thirsty?
My butt.
You didn't find
the scepter, did you?
Nah. It's history.
Adios, amigos.
You know, sometimes
I hate that guy.
Let's see...
Wait. Let's just
hold it here, OK?
If the scepter
wasn't in the woods...
maybe the Daimyo has it.
No. He's been
looking for it, too.
So what are we going to do?
How are we going to get home?
Wait!
Fellas, listen.
Are you sure this isn't
a dumb thing to do?
No, it's a smart thing to do.
Losing the old scepter
was a dumb thing to do.
I didn't lose it, OK?
Excuse me.
What?
I don't mean to spoil
your little party here.
This is your plan?
You don't mean... you're
not seriously suggesting...
that Donatello is
going to make...
an incredibly arcane time
travel machine, are you?
Totally bogus.
Really stupid.
Well, that's a relief.
No, that guy's going to make it.
He's good with his hands.
What?
Come on, April.
Where are you going?
To find an apartment.
I have a feeling...
we're going to be here
for a very long time.
An apartment?
Are there apartments in Japan?
What do I look like,
a real estate agent?
What about condos
and time-shares?
Take me with you.
Where? New York?
No. You wouldn't fit in.
I mean... well, actually,
you would fit in.
But you wouldn't
really fit in...
you know what I mean?
You could teach me.
No, I couldn't.
Look, Whit... l'm going back
real soon and...
I don't want to have
this conversation, OK?
Take whatever you guys
need, all right?
Hey, Ken.
Maybe you ought to try
a little decaf?
Kenshin is unhappy.
He believes they will
never get home.
It ain't exactly
a quick jaunt...
across the Brooklyn Bridge,
is it?
Hey, Ken.
You know, maybe you
ought to try...
a little herbal, Ken-man,
know what I mean?
We can't wait for your sons!
Mitsu needs me now.
The scepter.
Please!
Can you believe it?
We're not even
in the playoffs yet.
The space-time continuum...
will be out of phase
after sixty hours.
Pick up the pace, Smithy-san.
We gotta have that scepter
done by tonight.
No.
What?
You know, there is one...
O sole mio
We're talking franchises
here, bud.
All you got to do
is keep your delivery...
to under thirty minutes.
Let's see what we got here.
Pizza.
Got that, dude?
Pizza.
Frisbee. Also cool.
Who frisbeed me in the face?
I'm out of here.
Why, I ought to...
It was Mike with the thing
and the lady.
Hey, chill.
What is this,
the Geraldo Show?
You got to learn to control
that temper, guy.
Did I say that?
We're practicing
fighting the Daimyo.
Fight the Daimyo?
Hold on here.
Fighting's for grown-ups...
and that's only if you
got no other choice.
You guys are kids.
You should be out...
you should be out having fun,
flying those things.
Come on. We can do it together.
You could teach me.
Fun is for children.
And what, you're
a senior citizen?
Come on!
It'll be easy.
What did you say your name was?
Yoshi.
You and your buddies
grab those kites...
and I'll join you later.
Kids.
Yoshi! Wait up!
Hey! I think I'm getting this.
Yoshi, what do you think?
Look at that.
Lord Norinaga
accepts your price.
Guns for gold.
Tell the Daimyo
to prepare the papers.
Sorry.
I guess you want
to be alone, huh?
I was asking the gods
to protect someone.
Kenshin?
He's, like, your beau, huh?
You know him?
Sort of.
He kinda went on a cosmic cruise
and dropped in on us.
But don't worry.
He'll be back...
as soon as we leave.
I promise.
How do you know this?
Well...
it's a kappa kind of thing.
So... what's your sign?
Man!
- Hockey.
- Hockey.
I guess it's time for
a little cultural exchange...
if you know what I mean.
OK, guys.
Let's play a little hockey.
Hockey?
Take your best shot.
Come on.
Just like you saw on TV.
Remember?
Hey. Good.
All right.
OK. I can work with that.
Good.
Tomorrow, Walker,
we will use your guns.
My pleasure.
Walker.
My dungeon's very crowded.
Well, then it would
only be humane...
not to take any more
prisoners then, wouldn't it?
You'll just have to kill
everybody.
What do you hear, sensei?
Danger.
Mitsu.
What is it?
Mitsu, I bring bad news
from the castle.
It's two hours to midnight.
I sure hope this works.
Yes.
Why, this is perfect.
What if this doesn't
work, dudes?
What if we make like
a cosmic U-turn...
and end up back
in Godzilla land?
We don't have a choice,
unless you want to stay here.
Well, maybe we should.
Hold it.
Yeah, right. Now,
forget about Mitsu...
and give me the scepter
before you...
Hey! Raph!
Give me back the scepter...
Give it over here!
- Nice going.
- Butterfingers.
What next?
The Daimyo is coming
in the morning...
with Walker and guns.
Great.
Oh, God, man.
Hey, Yoshi.
You awake, buddy?
What's the matter,
little man?
What's up with those tears?
What's going on here?
Nothing.
Nothing, huh?
Well, too bad.
'Cause if something
was bothering you...
I got a little present
here to cheer you up.
It's called a yo-yo.
It's yours.
I made it for you.
I was going to give it
to you tomorrow...
but, you know, things
might get a little nuts.
I might forget.
You fight Daimyo in the morning?
OK, so tomorrow afternoon...
I'll teach you some tricks
on your yo-yo.
OK, buddy?
Tomorrow you might die.
Yeah. OK, Yoshi,
you listen to me.
Tomorrow morning,
you and your buddies...
go up into the mountains
and you play, you hear me?
No matter what happens.
I cannot let you die,
Raphael-san.
Don't worry, kid.
Nobody's going to die.
Hey, Yoshi, come on.
Where you going?
It's late already.
Get yourself to bed.
What are you doing?
Yoshi, this isn't playtime.
Your sister's going to kill me.
What do you got?
For you, Raphael-san.
You didn't have to.
I find in the woods.
Now you and the other
kappa can go home.
Now you no die.
Son of a snapper!
I found it!
Look at this.
It was here the whole time.
It was under the house.
Our little brother put it there.
Mondo surprise!
We're set.
Let me see that.
Careful, now!
Easy, guys.
- Is it the one?
- That's the one.
Look, it's the scepter.
Oh, God.
I can't believe it.
So you see, as long as we
didn't have the scepter...
we had no choice
but to stay and fight.
Right?
You mean, we were set up?
- Uncool.
- Very uncool.
Mitsu.
Is that for real?
The vibes in here
just turned bad.
Let's split.
Wait! I am the one.
Please. I am the one...
who told my grandson
to hide the scepter.
What?
I want you to fight, not Mitsu.
- Come on, guys!
- Let's go! Move it!
Evening.
Let me at him!
Mikey, stay back.
Calm down, man.
Give me the scepter,
my little green friends.
No! Kill him!
Raph, give me the scepter.
Man!
Bring Kenshin
to the castle tonight.
You'll get her back.
Come morning,
I was you, I'd be gone.
He's riding off.
Guys, we got to do something.
I apologize for this crude
interruption, Daimyo...
but perhaps this little bird
will sing for your supper.
Why have you stolen my son?
I do not have your son.
He's gone on a magic journey.
Only the scepter
can bring him back.
You are lying.
You have them both.
I have nothing.
He has the scepter.
Not as chirpy as I'd hoped.
Niles.
Come on.
Come on!
Get out!
Out!
Take her away!
Come on! Move it!
How did you capture
such a woman?
The same way you capture
any wild animal.
By setting a trap.
I don't have it.
Equal partners.
Right? I'm not
your spy anymore.
I want to see the Daimyo.
Easy with the hands.
Another little birdie
come home to roost.
Well, April's inside.
Now it's up to us.
Is this what they mean
by getting totally vertical?
Turtles... it's not just a job.
It's an adventure.
Meow, dude!
His chin's landed on my foot.
Sayonara, blubber butt.
Mitsu!
How's it hanging, babe?
Michaelangelo.
Sorry about the crack
about the bad vibes.
You got great vibes.
Quickly.
We must free the others.
Hey, Whit!
Well, well, well.
Miss O'Neil.
My partner Mr. Whit and I were
just discussing your future.
Let me tell you something
about your partner here.
He's scum.
He's the lowest scum
of the earth.
No, you know something?
He's lower than scum.
He gives scum a bad name.
Of course he does.
That's why I hired him.
Take her away.
Now, wait a minute.
I have information
about the Daimyo's son.
I think she's
telling the truth.
Really? Well, I don't
pay you to think, do I?
I pay you to lie,
cheat, and steal.
So why don't you go
down to the harbor...
and bring back the men
and their guns?
Guns?
Maybe she's up here.
Nice and light now.
Love the artwork.
Reservations for five?
Under "T" maybe?
Come on! Let's go!
Move it!
That's OK, fellas.
We'll find a table ourselves.
Little log there.
Everything looks cool up here.
Come on.
Clear on the right.
Clear on the left.
Hey, you guys.
Check it out.
- Ancient us.
- Trippy.
"The battle of the
thousand swords."
Four demons defeated
the Daimyo and his army.
Definitely family.
Looks like me, but it's
got Raph's beak.
But it was only a legend.
- Dudes, we're legends!
- Hey, cool!
I like it.
Wayne Newton.
You.
You were expecting maybe
the Addams family?
Good one.
You have come back.
Yeah, we like to drop in...
about every three
or four centuries.
Yeah, and it looks like
you're having a rough day...
so give us the scepter back
and we'll get out of here.
You have disgraced my ancestor,
but you will not disgrace me.
I'm willing to die.
Kill them.
We will both die, but only
one of us with honor.
Are we out of the loop here
or what?
Chill, dude!
You OK?
Mikey, watch out!
Oh, he who dings
the shell must pay!
Your turn!
One, two, three, and kick!
Good night!
Bases loaded.
Home run!
Leapfrog!
Triple play!
Hello.
Good-bye.
All right, good job, turtles.
Yes!
Leo, high foot!
All right. Let's
rock 'n' roll, dudes.
More logs.
Hey, mac!
Take the rest of the day off.
I'll open the dungeon.
You guys go that way.
We must open the gate.
No problemo.
Scuds!
One, two, three, four.
You're free, guys.
Let's go!
I love this stuff!
I get such a kick
out of this job!
Hold it, bucko!
Big mistake, dude.
Go ahead.
Finish me.
There. Short enough for you?
Kappa.
Hello?
Who's trapped inside?
Lord Norinaga.
Name rings a bell.
Turtles one.
Daimyo zip.
Look!
It's April.
Well, if it ain't
the phantom of the opera.
Love to stay and chat, but...
places to go... people to kill.
Come on, lads!
Move it. Move it!
Out of the way!
Oh, no. Guns!
There goes the neighborhood.
Wait!
Thank you, Mr. Whit.
Yeah, Whit.
You make a great servant.
I'm real impressed.
My God!
Who's your tailor?
We're naked.
You OK, April?
Sorry, guys.
We really don't have time...
for any of these
social pleasantries...
I'm afraid.
Shoot them.
Right.
Don't move a finger!
What did you say?
I said, shoot them.
That wasn't part of
the deal, Walker.
Well, if you feel like that...
you'd better join them,
hadn't you?
- Niles!
- Right.
Hey, come on.
Shoot him, too.
With pleasure!
Weasel!
Ready...
Gee, if we die here
in the past...
does that mean that we don't
get born in the future?
Hey, Tinkerbell,
why don't you shoot us?
Leo, wait...
I'm sorry.
Are you addressing me?
Shoot us yourself,
unless you're too scared.
I get it!
He knows he can't kill us.
We're demons.
We are demons!
Your bullets will
just bounce back...
and kill all you guys instead.
Right. What he said.
Capisce?
Would you like the pleasure
of the first shot, Captain?
Go ahead, punk.
Make my day.
If it's going to make you all
feel better...
I've got a good idea.
Where's he going?
Out. Out of the way.
What's he doing?
This doesn't bode well.
Nice bluff, Mr. Leader.
Major bummer.
We're toast.
Try this on for size.
This could hurt.
Hoo, boy, do I love
being a turtle!
Yes. That's very clever.
Oh, yes. Very clever.
Missed me!
Guess what time it is?
Willy, willy, willy!
Willy, willy!
Take a hike, pal.
Let's get Walker!
Hey, guys!
Oh, look. Don King.
Smells like a geek
ran through here.
My little guys.
I almost forgot you.
Come on.
Where'd he go?
There he goes.
Out the window.
Over there!
Let's go!
Come on, Mikey.
We'll go out front
and cut him off.
Come on, guys!
Hurry, Raph.
Right behind you, Leo.
He's up there, Donny. Come on.
All right. Let's go.
This is so good for your calves.
Stop right there!
Or you're a goner, dude.
Totally.
What kind of demons are you?
We're turtles, friend.
Of the teenage mutant
ninja variety, sleazeball!
Check it out!
This, I believe, is what
you've been searching for.
Go fetch.
Wait! There goes
our ride home!
Do you really think
I'd make it that easy...
you nasty little reptiles?
I got it!
I got it!
I call!
Oh, not again!
Mikey, get it!
Go, Mike, go!
Nice catch. I got you!
We got it.
Bungee jumping without a bungee.
That could be dangerous.
You got that.
Hey, guys.
We have an egg timer to catch.
Let's move it.
Buckle up, dudes.
It's time to go home.
Hey, guys.
I'm not going back.
- What?
- What did you say?
I said I'm staying here.
I'm not going back with you.
Michaelangelo, come on.
You can't be serious.
He's serious.
Hey, wait a minute.
You are going back to New York.
Been there, done that.
Michaelangelo, it's our home.
Sure. Your home's
a nice apartment.
My home's a sewer.
I been thinking
the same thing, Leo.
People appreciate us here.
We don't have to
live like moles.
Hey, whoa.
No way!
We're all going back.
Tell him, Leo.
Actually...
Hey, not to sound
selfish or anything...
but what the heck.
Why not?
I do not want to stay here.
Me, neither.
Do you think I could
possibly live...
without a single microchip?
Somebody's activated
the scepter.
We got to go now!
Kenshin, no!
We wait four hundred years,
and this Casey is still late.
I will wait no longer.
Kenshin, you cannot go
without the others.
It would be cowardly.
Come on. Both of you.
Yeah. Come on.
Got to get back.
Time to go.
Come on, you party animals.
I know. Yeah.
OK. Come on.
Get it together.
I just wanted
to give you guys...
a nice peek at the future,
all right?
Bet you guys feel lucky
to be going back, right?
Very lucky.
We're going back.
Not!
This could really
screw up history.
All right. OK.
Enough is enough.
OK? Let's go.
Come on.
Guys, you cannot split up.
You're brothers.
Remember?
Yeah. I guess.
Raphael-san.
Hey, Yoshi.
Yoshi wants to say good-bye.
But we're not going back.
Me and Raph are
going to be staying.
No!
Kenshin must return.
You promised.
Yeah, but...
Our two families must be united,
or the wars will start again.
But I thought...
I want to stay here with you.
You will always
be here with me...
Michaelangelo.
Uh-oh, guys.
It's picking up speed.
Come on!
There was traffic, man.
Benkei, no! Wait. No!
I been thinking.
We have to go back.
It's our destiny.
I mean, if we stay here...
we interfere with their lives,
and that would be selfish.
Exactly.
Our lives are in New York.
Right, guys?
It's "Star Trek" time, guys.
Hey, Yoshi man.
Raphael-san.
Yo, Yoshi.
I will never forget you,
Raphael-san.
I won't forget you, either,
little man.
And remember, watch that temper.
Hey, all right!
No, no, no.
I'll put this on layaway
for you, OK?
All right?
Give you an excuse...
to come back, Zen Meister, OK?
All right.
Benkei!
You got a bus to catch.
Come on. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Good.
It's OK, man.
Go ahead.
It'll be all right.
Benkei!
See you later.
Later.
Come on, Mikey!
If you ever get to New York...
Yeah, later, Mikey!
OK. Destiny... what a drag! Bye.
Mikey! Hurry!
I'm coming!
Come on, Mikey!
Come on!
Mikey!
Guys, we made it back
to the den.
Michaelangelo?
Mikey?
- Get that guy!
- He's got the scepter!
- No!
- Get him!
Grab him!
Oh, boy.
You made it back!
We thought we lost you
forever, Mikey.
Thought you were a goner!
- I'm glad you're OK.
- Hi, guys.
Michaelangelo.
Father.
Kenshin.
Hockey.
Hockey.
Kenshin!
Michaelangelo?
Yes, Master Splinter?
Something deeply
troubles you, my son.
Growing up.
I don't think
I'll ever laugh again.
Yo, dude!
Yo, dude!
Just like Elvis
in "Blue Hawaii."
I saw it on cable.
Oh, boy.
Hey, Mikey!
Gone.