Tell Momma Not to Worry (2022) Movie Script

1
[wind whistling]
[pigeon fluttering]
[calm music]
[upbeat music]
[Jonas] Sure we're good
to, uh, walk through here?
[Elliot] Yeah, man,
I do it all the time.
You got your mask?
[Jonas] What do you call this,
Mr. Camp Counselor?
[Elliot] Uh, I don't know
what you call it in LA.
But where I'm from,
that's not a mask.
[Jonas] We're from the same...
[scoffs] Low-key, is it, uh,
White Claw o'clock already, or?
[Elliot] I mean,
did you pack any beers
or did you just pack
your beloved seltzers?
[Jonas] I packed your, uh,
old man beer, whatever it is.
-Lagunitas.
-[Elliot] Yeah.
You know
they're local, right?
[Jonas, mocking] Uh, you know
they're local, right?
[Elliot] Well,
when we send off Mom,
I thought
it'd be a good idea to
do a little cheers,
you know?
[Jonas] Bet. Bet.
That'd be pretty lit, honestly.
[Elliot sighs] I'mma
take a piss real quick.
You cool?
Be right back.
[Jonas] Do your thing.
Perfect timing.
Let's see. Let's see.
The lighting is, uh...
not ideal.
Nobody cares
about the quality anyway.
They just want to see
the hair.
It looks bright and tight.
We doin' it, we doin' it, Jonas.
Let's go.
Hey, guys,
it's your boy, Jonas.
Jonas with the Mostest
coming at you
from my old hometown
of Sonoma, California,
or as I like
to call it, Slownoma.
You know, we out here,
it's twenty-twenty... one.
We out here doing new things,
but also doing old things.
Coming back to hometowns,
vintage visits.
We doing it right,
and we doing it tight.
You know how it works.
But sadly...
I'm here
on some not so great news.
You see, my mother...
[sighs]
...my mother
has passed on.
But luckily,
because of DTF Eyewear,
I got these new shades
to hide the tears.
But this is a very
tender moment for me,
for my family.
So we're gonna
go up to a lake
and we're gonna
spread her ashes.
Spread her ashes.
Spread-- spread her ashes.
Is it spread or scatter?
Spread-- spread her ash--
Scatter her ashes.
-We're gonna scatter her ashes.
-[Elliot] Yo. Hey.
[Jonas] That's what
we're gonna do.
We're gonna
spread her ashes
and you're gonna
bring the drama, Jonas.
You're gonna
bring it this time,
because you need to
melt hearts.
You need to
make tears fall.
You're gonna
do this right,
and you're gonna
do this tight,
because you're Jonas.
You are Jonas
with the Mostest.
You got this.
Okay, let's do this.
[Jonas clears throat]
Hey, guys,
it's your boy, Jonas.
Jonas with the Mostest
out here.
[Elliot] I got to say, man,
if you're gonna keep doing
these, like,
Instagram videos and TikTak--
-[Jonas] TikTok.
-[Elliot] videos-- What?
-[Jonas] It's TikTok.
-[Elliot] Yeah, whatever.
I'm just saying, man,
like, maybe you should add
some production value
to it, you know?
Like, flip the camera
horizontal instead of vertical.
Or you ever seen the beginning
of Double Indemnity
when he confesses
at the-- at the very top?
Like, if you did
something like that,
I'd watch that
for sure.
[Jonas] El, you're gonna have to
help me out a little bit.
-[Elliot] Hmm.
-What's Double indemnity?
Is it like a web series,
game show?
Like, Double Jeopardy
or something?
You've never seen
Double Indemnity?
Mr. Hollywood's never seen
Double Indemnity?
-Who's in it?
-Oh, man.
Fred McMurray,
Barbara Stanwick.
Oh, man,
but Edward G. Robinson,
he steals the show,
I'm serious.
Ellie, I think
you're making up
all of those names.
-[Elliot sighs]
-[Jonas] Is it old?
[Elliot] No, man,
it's a classic.
Well, yeah, it's old,
but I even have the criterion,
it's remastered.
Cool, cool, cool,
but, like,
you didn't really
answer my question.
Like, how old are we talking?
Like '80s old?
Is that what you think old is?
The '80s?
[Jonas sighs]
Ellie, when was it made?
I don't know.
Well, 1942, actually.
Wait.
No, 1944, that's it.
Do you ever watch
anything that's not made
before Mom and Dad
were born?
I mean, right now
I'm on a strict regimen
of black and white movies.
You know, like,
pre-Second World War.
Cringe.
We're gonna,
you know, cut to the right.
-Yeah.
-[Elliot] Huh?
[Jonas] Like, not--
we're gonna go this way.
[Elliot] This way?
[Jonas] Ellie,
I don't know if I can do it.
-[Elliot] It's faster this way.
-[Jonas] No, I know, but--
[Elliot] If you--
if you go slow, it's harder.
-[Jonas pants] Okay.
-[Elliot] You used to be able--
[Jonas] I know,
I'm behind you.
-[keyboard clicking]
-[cellphone chimes]
[Jonas sighs]
Jeez.
[Elliot] Uh-oh, I heard a sigh
and a cell phone.
-[Jonas] It was me.
-He's on the phone.
-[Jonas] Yep.
-What is it, Stacey?
No, it's not her.
What, is she mad 'cause
all the reality show girls
want a little piece
of Jonas with the Mostest?
[Jonas chuckles]
No, you know,
she's part of the game, too,
so she gets it.
It's not--
it's not anything like that.
[Elliot] Wait.
She's--
she's an influencer, too?
[Jonas chuckles]
No, she's a makeup artist.
[Elliot] Oh, okay,
so there's hope for her.
[Jonas laughs mockingly]
Where's your queen, huh?
[Elliot] You know me, man,
I'm busy, uh,
holding down the fort.
-[Jonas] Oh, the fort. Mm.
-[Elliot laughs]
You know, you should
get a vacation from this fort.
No, really.
You should go down to, like,
Rosa or the Bay or something.
I'm sure that
those Oakland hipster bars
or the patios
are probably open.
You can find--
find some girl
that's just as delusional
as you are.
[Elliot] Okay.
[Jonas] You guys can--
can, uh, get a projector
and watch, uh,
I don't know,
18th Century French
i-- infomercials or something.
Get all weird with it.
[laughs]
[Elliot] Yeah, well,
that does sound nice.
[Jonas] Yeah.
[Elliot] As long as I'm not
stuck on my phone
all day, man,
I think I'm gonna be okay.
[Jonas] That's the thing,
though, man,
is everything in LA
is through Instagram.
-Like, literally everything.
-[Elliot] Uh-huh.
[Jonas] So, casting directors,
they go, like, a--
they do a #LAModels
or #SurferGuys or something,
and then they--
they DM people like me
to be the next big thing.
Be the next big thing,
you know?
Yeah, people like you?
Yes, LA people like me.
You can give me
the whole spiel
of "That phone
is sucking your soul out"
or whatever, but--
And the more I post,
the more I stack.
It's that simple.
And yeah,
I was waiting for a call,
but-- I was waiting
for a call from, um, Duncan.
Remember the producer
I was telling you about? The--
[Elliot] Why are you talking
to someone named Duncan?
[Jonas]
What's wrong with Duncan?
[Elliot] You can't trust
anybody named Duncan, Jonas.
-Come on.
-[Jonas] Whatever, man.
He's actually
a good guy.
He's really important
in the industry and stuff.
And he's been looking
at my stuff,
saying I have potential
and everything,
trying to pass
my reel along.
Maybe I can be a real actor,
you know?
None of this...
I don't know, foo-foo,
teeny bopper bullshit anymore.
[Elliot] I mean, do you even
like what you're doing?
You know, this,
like, reality show,
Instagram streaming stuff?
-[Jonas] Yeah, I mean--
-I mean...
you should take, like, an
acting class or something, man.
You know,
like an improv class.
Something that you can
really hone your craft, dude--
[Jonas]
They're expensive, man.
And this may not be
the most glamorous thing,
but it-- but it pays.
[Elliot] Yeah, but money
doesn't buy happiness.
[Jonas] Buys
a fortune cookie, though.
[Elliot] Yeah, but the fortune
cookie's complimentary.
[Jonas] Yeah,
but you gotta buy the meal
to get the fortune cookie.
-[Elliot] No.
-[Jonas] Right?
[Elliot]
I'm not gonna give in.
[Jonas] Anyway, I'm just making
my road to riches, man.
On my way to happiness.
Let's go.
[Elliot] Jonas.
[Jonas] Oh.
Damn.
[exhales]
I forgot about this view.
[chuckles]
I thought-- out--
out of the corner of my eye,
I thought you had, like,
a flip phone or something.
[laughs]
You already lost, baby bro?
It's Dad's compass.
Mom gave it to me.
She gave it to Dad
a few Christmases back.
You were there, though.
You know,
when he got lost in Yosemite.
Yeah. Yeah.
Can I see that?
I remember thinking
that if Dad could beat
Half Dome like that,
you know,
going off to the side
and sleeping-- sleeping
on the fly or whatever, that...
I don't know, beating cancer
would be a breeze.
It wasn't cancer.
[scoffs] Ellie, I think
I would know how our dad died.
It was leukemia, Jonas.
It's the same thing.
Are you ser--
It's not the same thing.
I mean, come on,
I mean, you should remember.
You were at that funeral.
Ellie, I don't want to--
I don't want to
do this all day, okay?
There wasn't a global pandemic
when Dad died.
All right.
-I guess that was a bit harsh.
-Yeah.
But I don't know, man.
Food for thought.
Maybe next time
you're at a Zoom funeral,
you don't black out your screen
the whole time.
Because, you know,
people want to see you.
Even if it is over Zoom.
Zoom funeral. [laughs]
Damn.
That is so 2020.
Goddamn 'rona.
It is what it is, man.
And we're here now,
so, let's just...
let's enjoy it.
You know, being out here,
you could see why Mom loved it.
Trails, scenery, everything.
Yeah.
Let's give it to her
one last time, yeah?
[calm music]
[birds chirping]
Where's your mask?
Hey, uh,
let me get that for you.
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
-Oh! Thank you, thank you.
-There you are.
Yeah, I just love
the smell of lemons, you know.
[sighs]
You know what I mean,
right?
I mean, not really.
Oh. Ooh. Ooh. [chuckles]
You two are actually the first
people I've met all day.
Yeah.
That's a-- that's a lemon.
[Paloma]
Yeah, quite right, right?
-Some o' that.
-So, are you two local?
Uh, yeah, I mean, we're-- we're
from here originally,
but now I live
in West Hollywood, so...
Interesting.
I mean, I thought Hollywood
was fascinating enough
without the distinct
directions involved.
Yeah.
[Paloma]
So what are your names?
Uh, I'm Jonas with--
I'm Jonas.
And, uh, this here is Ellie.
Uh, Elliot, you can, uh--
you can call me Elliot.
[chuckles] Jonas and Elliot.
Such nice names.
Uh, thank you.
-What's your name?
-Where are my manners?
I'm Paloma,
which means pigeon in Spanish,
-so you won't forget.
-[Elliot chuckles softly]
Don't think
we'll forget that one.
Especially Ellie here.
[laughs]
Um.
-Uh, why pigeon?
-[Paloma] Uh, what do you mean?
Well, like,
don't, uh, pigeon and dove,
like, essentially mean
the same thing?
[Jonas belches]
[Paloma] Uh, in a way.
I mean, it all depends
on the connotation.
They do get various press.
Um, I guess I just
always associated more
with pigeons than doves.
Um, but maybe
I can reincarnate as a dove
in my next lifetime
for a change.
Uh...
Well,
this has been really cool.
Um, you know, I think
we should be heading out--
Well, hold on. What-- what--
Uh, what brings you up here?
You're just, uh,
you're just picking lemons?
[Paloma] Uh, it's kind of silly.
I'm just wandering around.
But not all those
who wander are lost, right?
-[Elliot chuckles]
-So, what are you up to?
Jut going on a hike.
Actually, just spreading
our Mom's ashes.
-Oh, Jesus.
-[Elliot] Sorry.
Yeah.
[Paloma] Um, my brother
just passed away recently, too.
Really?
I'm-- I'm so sorry.
[Paloma] I mean,
that's actually why I'm here.
You know, he went
to University of Berkeley
and when I was a child,
we came to visit him,
and he took my parents
wine tasting
and showed us
this place.
So, this trip
is really for him.
That's, like,
a typical wine tasting.
That's really sweet.
Um, where's home for you?
[Paloma]
Um, originally, Spain.
But now,
when I'm not flying around,
I would say
Singapore is home.
Singapore?
-[Jonas laughs] Holy shit.
-Wait, what?
You-- you're fa--
you're familiar with Singapore?
I lo-- I love "phuh"-- "phuh."
It's pho-- pho?
Hey, um, since you two are
local, I do have a favor.
You know, uh, I was-- I was--
I was trying to revisit
some of my childhood places,
um, and I lied a little
back then,
uh, so-- it's more like
a fib, so...
And now I'm a little lost.
You know, it's been some time.
Um, so I was wondering
if you two can--
-We'll-- help you? Yeah.
-Yeah.
Well, I mean,
I know this-- this whole area
like it's my backyard.
I mean, definitely,
I-- I know it really well.
We-- we've got some important
stuff to do, though.
-Yeah, but Jonas--
-It was really nice meeting--
No, no,
we can help our friend.
Right, Paloma?
Yeah, I appreciate that.
[soft bluegrass music]
Yeah.
[Paloma chuckles]
[Paloma] So,
I remember this grand tree,
-all by it's lonesome.
-Yeah, I know the one.
It's on the other side
of the vineyard.
Are you sure
it's the same tree?
-Yeah, I'm sure.
-Okay.
Wait, we should all
race down the vineyard.
It will be so exciting.
It's like Jules and Jim.
-I'll be Jules.
-[Elliot] Wait, wait.
You, uh--
you know Truffaut?
Yeah, of course.
"If I'm lying, may my mother..."
"...keel over
at this very moment."
-Shoot the piano player.
-Yeah. Talking about brothers.
You know, one of my favorite
ones is The Soft Skin.
I think it's so good.
That ending when the woman
comes into the restaurant
and blows her husband away?
-Oh, it's ruthless.
-Yeah, I know.
You know, uh, another one,
it's kind of one of his--
Yo, yo, can we, uh,
can we-- Hey!
Can we, uh,
move on, I guess?
-Yeah, let's do it.
-Okay, okay.
Racers,
let's get on our marks.
Hey, maybe
you don't have to go
to those hipster bars
after all, Ellie.
-Okay.
-No, no, no, put the bag on.
-Come on.
-Well-- okay.
You can't win with a bag?
-Okay.
-All right.
-Are we ready?
-Yeah, let's do it.
All right.
Three, two--
Are you serious?
-I haven't said one!
-He went ahead.
[Jonas laughs]
I'll leave
this bitter world behind
Angel on my shoulder,
I got the devil on my mind
[Jonas spits]
[Jonas] We want Jonas!
We want Jonas! We want Jonas!
[Elliot] You know
you cheated, right?
[Jonas] Yeah, I cheated.
Cheated at being the best.
[Jonas panting]
Hoo.
[Elliot] Oh, my God.
[Jonas] God.
[Paloma] It's funny.
Not funny like "haha,"
but you know what people say.
My brother and I,
we made a pact.
Remember
we spit-shook on it.
It was before COVID.
Before times.
We promised each other
we would travel
around the world
and live life
to the fullest.
And to always
keep each other close,
even if we are far away.
And it's somehow just now,
a few months
after he passed away,
that it's settling in.
My mother and father
are still around,
but it's not the same.
No one to be spiritually
defenseless with,
or to share
fears and secrets,
or to even ask
outlandish questions
without fear of judgment.
Just tough love
and tender advice.
You are a good tree.
Goodbye.
I just have one last spot
I want to visit
and I will be satisfied.
[Elliot] Uh, yeah, no, no, no,
of course.
What? Where?
[Paloma] It's like
a body of water.
I remember it being
rather large.
[Elliot] Yeah, yeah, I know
what you're talking about.
I mean, we're kinda
heading that way.
You just want to join us?
-[Paloma] Oh, really?
-You know, it might be...
it might be that pond
that's, like, right over there.
I mean, it's, like, decent size
'cause you were, like,
a shrimpy-ass kid at the time.
That might have been--
Yeah, I-- I'm pretty sure
it's Mom's lake.
No, no, like, the one--
that's, like, the one
that's, like,
literally right over there.
[Paloma] So the last time
I came with my brother,
we buried,
like, a time capsule.
And I was hoping
to retrieve it today.
-A time capsule?
-You got to be shitting me.
Like, I don't wanna
be here all day,
trying to suss out
some buried treasure.
Do you have, like,
a map or something
in that fanny pack, Pigeon?
I remember it was off the shore
of a body of water.
Oh.
Was there a pier,
or-- or cattails?
That I didn't remember,
but it felt
much larger than this.
That's what she said.
[chuckles]
I'm gonna take
a phone call.
Duncan.
It's, um, it's Jonas.
Um, I know you're at those
meetings probably right now.
You're probably talking to
people, you know, this and that
and, uh, I just want to see
if maybe you were able
to put my name out there.
Like, uh, show them my reel
that I gave you.
I-- I also want to make sure
that link worked, um,
and let them know--
let them know-- I know
I have, like, a lot of
reality stuff on there,
but let them know
I can do anything, man.
I can do comedy,
drama, horror.
I don't know, anything.
Uh, uh, I'm down for whatever.
Um, yeah, I hope
to hear from you soon.
Hopefully after today,
you're probably gonna be tired,
but, like, you know, feel free
to call me tomorrow, man.
Do-- do whatever.
Uh, uh, so this is Jonas.
Jonas with the Mostest.
You know, like,
uh, that thing, uh...
Yeah, man.
Uh, let me know.
Jonas out. [chuckles]
[ducks quacking]
Yo, you know
what time it is?
It's your boy, Jonas.
Jonas with the Mostest.
Here coming at you
from Sonoma, California,
with my DTF shades. Ah!
Again? I mean, it's just...
[Jonas] Coming at you
with the "Hey, guys!"
What?
Uh, nothing, you just...
you gotta let him
do his thing
and let it get him-- let it--
let him just get it out
of his system, and then--
you know what?
I'm here to help you,
so let's just look. [laughs]
Actually, I'm not sensing
any mystical energy
that a young Paloma would
bury her time capsule here.
I think we ought to take
a look at your mother's site.
Yeah, no,
that's-- that sounds great.
Yeah, once he's done
doing that,
then we'll get started.
Here. [grunts]
What's that?
Oh, this is just an old--
kind of an old--
-No, that.
-[Elliot] Oh, this?
You're looking at this.
This is, uh,
my dad's compass.
That's quite heavy
for a compass.
I thought
they were usually lighter.
Yeah, well,
I think my mom wanted
to get my dad something
that was kind of bulky and big
so he wouldn't lose it
so easily.
You know, he used to get--
he used to get lost sometimes.
That's smart.
Me, I have a horrible sense
of direction.
Oh, that's all right.
I mean, I know
where my mom's lake is,
and it's-- it's definitely
no Mediterranean,
but it's a pretty good lake.
Mediterranean.
I wish I can take a dip
in that glorious sea again.
Good thing
I didn't bury it there.
We'd never have found it.
Well, we're gonna find it,
and if not today,
then we can look tomorrow
or the next day.
I'm free
the next couple of days,
so it really doesn't matter.
-We can--
-I can't. I fly home tonight.
You-- you--
you fly home tonight?
[Paloma] Yeah.
Oh.
[Paloma] It's not like that.
It's for work.
Oh.
For work.
Okay, that makes sense.
Uh, what do you do
for work?
Oh, you can take a guess.
You want me to--
you want me to guess?
-[Paloma] Mm-hmm.
-[Elliot] Oh, okay, um...
Well,
you say you're a pigeon,
and you also say
you fly around a lot, so...
-I'm gonna say pilot.
-[Paloma laughs]
Close, but I don't have
that much control.
Okay, control.
Um, flight attendant?
Singaporean Air.
That's cool.
Yeah, I just hand out
the free crackers.
I never travel
with the same crew,
so no sense
of companionship.
Not like what
you and your brother have.
[Jonas speaking
in distance]
Yeah, well, you don't really
know us that well, Paloma.
But still, I wish--
I wish you could at least
hang out a little bit more
before your flight, you know.
I mean, you could come back
and hang out at our place
for a little bit,
or-- or I mean, my place.
It-- it used to be our place,
but it's my place now.
Some confusion
over whose place it is?
No, no, I--
there's no confusion.
It's just that-- it's Jonas
and I's childhood home,
you know,
it was my mom and dad's,
and Jonas and I were raised
there our whole lives,
through and through,
straight up and down.
But...
you know, just don't say
anything to Jonas
about me saying that
it was my house and not his,
'cause, you know,
it's a little complicated.
Okay. So you've never moved,
huh? Your only home?
No.
Oh, wow.
Can't tell you how many times
I've moved in my day.
Yeah.
But I guess
it's not a bad place
to grow up
or settle down.
At least I know somebody
who lives here now.
[Elliot chuckles]
Yeah, you got me there
for sure.
[Jonas] ...down there,
but, you know,
we out here,
we doing the thing.
Anyway, just want to say
that I'm so stoked
to get back on set,
thanks to DTF Eyewear.
Stay tuned
and stay gorgeous.
[sighs]
[whispers] Stupid.
[cellphone ringing]
Hey, hey, hey, Dun--
Hey, babe.
Look, I was-- [scoffs]
I was dead ass
texting you as you called.
You interrupted, so...
Stacey.
Babe, it--
it's not that simple, okay?
These-- these things-- you know,
these things take time.
You got to finesse
the situation.
I'm doing everything right.
Uh, you know, I-- I gotta go
do the ashes and shit,
and then after that--
Babe, I promise,
the house is gonna be
on the market,
and the money's gonna be
in our pockets, okay?
All right?
So, just trust me. Okay?
Okay.
[sighs]
[melancholic music]
[Paloma] Can I see
your home from here?
[Elliot] Uh, not really.
It's kinda on the other side
of that hill right there,
you know,
at the end of that street.
[Paloma] Uh-huh.
I mean, it's pretty,
at least from here.
The whole town, too.
Yeah, I guess it used to be
a lot prettier, though.
You know,
our house used to have,
you know,
this nice little quaint street
with these little,
like, countryside cottages.
But then all these
yuppies came in
and, you know, want to build
big, big mansions.
Hey, Jonas, you know that, uh,
that pathway you used to love?
You know, the one with the
blackberries and the llamas?
The one where we used to do
our lemonade stands?
Yeah, yeah,
I love that path.
Yeah, you loved it.
But it's not here anymore.
Some rich family
comes in
and they want to, you know,
fence it off for themselves.
You know, they want to fence
off the creek and the hill.
Everyone wants Sonoma
for their own little
bubble-- bubble getaway.
Elliot,
it's a free world, man.
I mean, people should be able
to get what they want, right?
Like, especially if they got
that cheddar, you know?
I mean, you know you're talking
about our neighborhood, right?
I mean,
that's where we grew up.
It's not my neighborhood.
Not anymore, anyway.
Still,
it's a nice time to grow up.
Yeah, I mean,
sure, Sonoma has its--
its perks and stuff,
but I don't know, it's like
a-- a lukewarm bathtub.
It's nice, and you feel cozy
for a little bit,
but then you start to shrivel
and you know
you got to get out.
Quite a simile, Jonas.
Thank you.
It's like, uh...
Singapore is an island, yeah?
No, it's a--
it's a peninsula.
[Paloma]
But if it's not an island,
it might as well be.
because other than
school and work,
there's not much to do.
Except for the food, though.
[laughs]
I do love the food.
Yeah, sounds exactly
like Sonoma,
except for,
you know, the food.
But instead of, you know,
being surrounded by ocean,
it's surrounded by grapes.
Every-- every-- every path
leads to a dead end.
That's a vineyard.
It's like this--
this hella claustrophobic, uh,
island life,
but without any of the tropical
perks that you have,
uh, just the cabernet.
[Paloma laughs] I don't get it.
How can it be an island?
I mean, isn't San Francisco
just right there?
And-- and Oakland, Berkeley?
The whole Bay area?
Pigeon, pigeon.
Spread your wings.
Fly around.
Look, there's grapes
in every direction.
Even-- even, uh, uh, Napa,
which is, like, right there.
And I don't-- I don't know
why you'd want to go to Napa.
They have an In-N-Out,
which is dope,
but it's-- it's--
it's 15 minutes away,
but it feels
world's apart.
And they don't even let
nicotine in there,
but that's, like--
that's-- that's their thing.
But-- okay.
If Survivor
had a season in Sonoma,
then everybody would vote
themselves off the island.
They wouldn't get past
the first episode.
And I knew-- I knew
that I didn't want to...
grow old and die here
a nobody.
Well, I mean,
what do you think
about Mom and Dad?
What, you think
they're just nobodies,
'cause they weren't on
the cover of People Magazine?
No, Ellie,
that's not what I'm saying.
I mean, they had
a family around them, man,
and a community and people
that cared about them
until the very end.
-Okay?
-Cool.
I know. If you want
to rank their-- their level
of Sonoma fame, go ahead.
They were pretty cool,
they had a good life,
but they had excitement
in the '70s and the '80s
and then
they settled down here.
That's what
I've been trying to say,
is that you especially
need a vacation.
You need to
get out of here.
Get out of-- get out of the--
the grapes, man.
Shit. Go to Singapore.
Take a break.
You think I don't-- you think
I don't want to do that?
You don't think
I want to get out of here, man?
But, you know,
I've been busy,
you know,
taking care of our dead mom.
I don't know
if you remember that.
I mean,
if you want to come over here
and trade places with me,
that's--
you can totally do that.
I got out of the tub.
And once you get out,
you can't go back in.
That's it. 100%.
Just, like,
this entitlement, all right?
I don't know
where it comes from, you know?
I mean, let's not forget
that you're-- you're kind of
just doing a reality show
that's going to be
on a little girl's iPad.
-A dating show?
-Yeah, yeah.
-I mean--
-Jonas, really?
Yeah, he's gonna be,
like, The Bachelor
or something, you know?
Yeah. Like, I don't know.
Tell her, Jonas.
I mean, I don't even know
what it is.
No, I want to watch it.
Where can I see it?
-I'll send you--
-Oh, you want to see it?
That's-- that's
a great question, you know.
My mom used to ask
the same thing.
She'd always ask,
"Hey, Elliot,
when's Jonas' show
going to be out?
Elliot,
have you talked to Jonas?
Did-- did Jonas text
you back yet?
I haven't heard from Jonas."
There were audio issues.
That's-- [sighs]
You guys don't get it,
there were...
audio issues.
That's-- that's the thing.
They were the--
the mic wasn't working
in the confessional room,
so that we have to
do reshoots.
But it's gonna come out.
I'll send you a link
or something when it's out.
-[Elliot] It's bullshit, man.
-Don't call--
That just sounds like bullshit,
man, I'm-- I'm sorry.
Ellie, at least I got out.
You didn't.
Okay?
I knew that I was meant
for great things.
I knew...
that I...
that I was gonna do
something with my life.
And Sonoma
wasn't gonna help me
give the things
that I have to offer the world.
I don't know, Jonas,
but what makes you so sure
that what you have to offer
is what they want?
Wow.
Literally wow, Pigeon. Wow.
No, no, no, you've shown
your true colors now, huh?
No, I'm just saying,
i-- it sounds like
you're blaming Sonoma
for your success
or lack thereof it.
And it just feels like
maybe in five years,
you're going to sing the same
sad song about Los Angeles.
Careful, Jonas.
-Don't hatch an egg.
-I'm not.
Look, I don't want to be rude,
but you don't get it, okay?
You don't understand
this town.
I'm trying
to understand it,
because I feel like
if you can't be a big fish
in a small town,
ha-- it's only harder
to be a big fish
in a bigger town.
Like, as big
as the Mediterranean.
Oh, you're right. You're right.
You don't understand it.
Neither of you
understand it, okay?
LA is the capital
of entertainment.
A place where
I can actually thrive, okay?
Can actually do
something with their lives.
Not like Sonoma, where
the only thing that matters
is when-- when your grapes
turn into wine or whatever.
I mean,
you don't really know
what was going on here
nowadays, man.
You know, like,
you weren't here for the fires.
And you weren't here
for quarantine.
I mean, I kind of think
what's going on in Sonoma
is kind of like
what you've been missing.
Weren't you the one
that just a second ago
was complaining
about all these yuppies
moving and wanting to
enjoy their life, huh?
-It's--
-Exactly. No.
It's different, it's different
because there's--
-How is that different?
-No one's perfect, Jonas.
There's ebbs and flows.
No one's perfect.
Ebbs and flows.
Look, you-- all you do
is defend this life.
This Slownoma life.
You-- but you wear it
as a shield to protect yourself
so that nobody
can see the real you.
I don't care.
A lion doesn't have to
tell you it's a lion.
100%. That's it.
This is a comfortable life.
This is the example.
I can see it right now.
Right there. You see that?
That's Broadway.
And Broadway,
they named it that,
because every big city
has a Broadway.
But it's just a farce here,
because this isn't a big city.
It's just pretending.
But, hey, that-- that Plaza's
got some attractions, right?
You know, you have 4th of July,
and you got, uh, uh, Ellie here,
uh, his home away from home,
Pizza Shack.
Where he's at all day,
every day.
But hey, you guys got
farmers markets, right?
That's pretty cool.
You guys can, uh,
use the farmers markets,
which happen once a week,
to remember what day it is,
because you guys are stuck
in this ghost town.
Or you can go
to Boyes Hot Springs.
[scoffs]
A tourist trap.
But they do have,
right next to it,
the best Mexican food
you'll ever have.
Which is not bad.
I mean, I've been in LA
for a long time
and I-- I still haven't had
a burrito that good.
But everything
is on this stretch of road
that they--
that they had the balls
to call a highway
for some reason,
it doesn't make any sense
because it's just a road.
A lot of people,
you know,
for fun,
to get away from it all,
they bring a keg up
and they have
a big kegger and...
bring it into the mountains.
And maybe-- maybe that keg
will roll over on them,
or they'll fall off
the-- the cliff,
or they'll get eaten
by a mountain lion or something
and they'll die.
And then they'll end up
in Sonoma Cemetery
and be here eternally.
Stuck.
Which is no different
than anybody else here.
And Pigeon, if you are looking
so hard for a time capsule,
you don't have to look
any further because that's it.
[Paloma] He left home
when he was a child.
Early on,
he grew tired outside.
And his parents
talked and talked.
He just left
like a dark goodbye.
He became a wanderer
and his plan was this.
To leave the solitude
that pampered him
and to join those
whose days are drowned in sound.
To approach someone,
one us with the sea.
["One Dimensional"
by Adam Spry playing]
Nothing that happens
all we ever do is lie around
Tell me slow
Tell me slow now
Tell me slow
You don't know
But it's okay
cause we're one-dimensional
All I do
is sit around with you
Waiting for answers
With the fear
of moving blues
Gotta lose
the fear to move
Gotta lose
the fear to move
Oh, look at this, Jonas.
-Jonas, you see this?
-[Jonas] Yeah.
[Elliot] Come on.
You remember this guy?
-From camp?
-Yeah.
You don't remember
this from camp?
No, not really.
-What?
-That was, like, 20 years ago.
20 years ago? Come on.
How could you forget this?
-I don't know.
-It's like a platform.
That's kind of
like a stage, right?
Yeah.
-Yeah.
-[both laughing]
-There you go.
-Yeah.
[both laughing]
Hey, wait,
remember when Mom,
uh, took us to a Springsteen
concert when we were younger?
Oh, yeah,
are you kidding me?
That was, like,
the best night of my life.
That was incredible.
Oh, I-- I remember we were,
like--
like, she got us seats
right behind the stage,
and she was nervous.
We were all nervous.
'Cause, like, yeah, Springsteen
was faced behind us.
And-- But he would turn around
every once in a while
-and be like--
-[Elliot yells] Hey.
He'd point right at us.
Remember?
He pointed at us,
like, six times.
And that guy right behind us
got so jelly.
Yeah, it was wild.
Remember he put
his head in the water
and ate the sponge
and everything?
-That was crazy.
-It was amazing.
-Yeah.
-Wait, this is--
I remember this now,
this is where
we would line up, right?
And one at a time,
he would come up
and-- and, uh, do that thing.
What's that thing?
Oh, you're talking about
the trust fall?
-[Jonas] Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.
[Jonas] Do you guys
want to do it right now?
-No. What are you doing?
-[Jonas] What do you mean?
Okay, what happens
is I'm going to go back.
No, no,
we're not going to--
Please don't do it.
-[Jonas] Ready? Three.
-Jonas, no, no, no.
I'm going to fall.
I trust you guys.
-[Jonas] Three. Two.
-Jonas. Please, no. No.
-No one's gonna catch you, man.
-No, not now. Not right now.
[Jonas] Wow.
Good to know.
Good to know
I can't trust on you guys.
-[Jonas sighs]
-But how, uh--
You remember
this classic, right?
You remember this one?
-What is it?
-One, two, three.
Hey, hey, Bo Diddley Bop
Hey, hey
Okay, okay.
We'll start over. Let's get it,
let's get it. Ready?
You know it, you remember it.
Okay.
-Let's do it, let's do it.
-One, two, three.
Hey, hey, Bo Diddley Bop
Hey, hey, Bo Diddley Bop
I got to get back
to my block
I got to get back
to my block
With the pizza box
in my hand
With the pizza box
in my hand
I'm gonna be the pizza man
Ellie is the pizza man
Pizza man,
pizza man
Pizza man, pizza man
I'm gonna be the pizza man
I'm gonna be the pizza man
Now it's your turn.
Take it away. All right?
Don't-- Paloma,
you'll get in there, too, okay?
Hey, hey, Bo Diddley Bop
Hey, hey, Bo Diddley Bop
-[phone ringing]
-Hey, hey, Bo Diddley Bop
Hey, hey, Bo Diddley Bop
I'm gonna be the pizza man
I'm gonna be the pizza man
I-- I-- I got to-- I got to--
I got to take this, sorry.
I'm gonna be the pizza man
Yeah,
that's not a problem.
[Jonas]
You're collecting those?
[Paloma] Yeah,
I was thinking
of making
some bonsai trees, you know.
You can almost make a bonsai
out of anything.
Even avocado pits.
[Jonas laughs]
Avocado bonsai?
-[Paloma] Mm-hmm.
-[Jonas] LOL.
[Paloma] It only takes,
like, four to six weeks
to germinate, it's all.
[Jonas] Huh.
And, you know,
before I left Singapore,
uh, I saw some roots
coming out of the crack
of the avocado pit
I planted,
so I can't wait to go back
and see how that's growing.
You know, Sonoma
really has a lot of potential.
You guys are so lucky
to be from here.
Uh, I don't know
about all that.
I mean, yeah, we have,
like, good hikes and stuff,
but you guys have pretty cool
hikes in, uh, Singapore, right?
Uh, it's only 1% forest,
so not really.
-You say 1%?
-Mm-hmm.
Cringe.
You-- you didn't really
mean that right there
when you said Sonoma being
like a lukewarm bathtub, right?
I totally meant that, 100%.
You're into someone
who's thinking of staying.
-You're not serious, are you?
-No, considering.
-[Paloma chuckles]
-[Jonas sighs]
All right.
I mean, if you want to
clip your little wings
and coop up here,
that's on you.
But, I mean, you didn't grow
up here, so I, um-- I get it.
But what about Elliot?
-Ellie?
-Mm-hmm.
[sighs] Boy,
if your wings are clipped,
then that guy's are, uh--
I don't know,
I shouldn't say anything.
Say what?
I-- I love him.
He's-- he's my baby brother.
I just--
I mean, he's been working
at the same Pizza Shack
uh, since high school,
he just goes in
day in and day out,
over and over again,
and I-- I--
That's unutilized potential.
Pizza Shack?
Like the Pizza Man?
Yes,
just like the Pizza Man.
I think-- think he must have
read into that song too hard,
-Hmm.
-But he's just--
I don't know,
if he doesn't leave soon,
they're going to put
"Pizza Man"
on his tombstone, and--
and he's too smart
for that, you know?
He's-- he's the smartest
dumbass that I know.
And he has more heart
than everybody combined.
I-- I--
-Do you ever tell him that?
-No.
Like, I-- I can't,
'cause you...
you can't fix somebody
who feels like they have to
solve everything all the time.
Like, who said anything
about fixing?
[Jonas sighs]
[Elliot] No, that's perfect.
I, uh, I really appreciate it.
So, Miss Barnes, uh,
has the address,
and she'll just
get in touch with you, okay?
-[Jonas] No-- no way.
-[Elliot] All right.
-Have a good one. Goodbye.
-[Jonas] Are you kidding me?
This is so sick.
This is it.
This is lit.
This is, uh-- [laughs]
I'm-- I'm speechless.
This is so serene.
This is perfect
for a video, man.
Ellie, Ellie,
take a video of me
real quick, okay?
Just take that,
and make-- make sure
it's vertical, though,
'cause, like,
-you know how it goes.
-Yeah, I don't think so, man.
No, 'cause, like, horizontal
doesn't work on Instagram.
So just let me do one of these,
like, "Hey, guys."
[Elliot] Jonas,
I'm not filming you.
[Jonas chuckles]
Why?
I just don't want to
contribute.
You know, this
isn't gonna be any different
from any of your last videos.
And, I don't know,
suddenly, Sonoma's lit for you?
Like, all day
you've been trashing it.
Now it's amazing?
Is that how fake
TikTok is?
I guess you guys just do
whatever the next trend is,
right?
Ellie, do--
Do you think
you're better than me?
No, I--
I don't think I'm--
No, I don't think
I'm better than you.
I just don't want to
contribute, that's it.
You can,
but you won't.
And that's the thing,
it's the same thing
with-- with-- with
the trust fall and now this.
It's, like,
won't even just
help me out a tiny bit.
Yeah, but you won't come
to Mom's funeral.
I should have expected this.
I-- I'm just asking you
to do something for me
that takes ten seconds.
I was just trying
to have fun, man.
What, you're going to
shrug your shoulders?
Just stop being a bitch
and take the video, all right?
Paloma, can you help me
real quick?
-It will only take a second.
-No, no, no, no.
-Please don't drag her down--
-What is your problem, man?
Why can't you just help me,
your brother, with one thing?
No, no, my problem is,
is just that not everything's
meant to be shared, Jonas.
Like, you think
I didn't hear you earlier today
before we even started
this hike?
I mean, I just want to
do this send-off.
And not on my phone
the whole time.
Not on your phone, okay?
-Please, just respect that.
-Wasn't that you
just a second ago
making phone calls and shit?
You know, that-- that was pretty
sus if you ask me, right?
That's different,
'cause it's business, okay?
So is this.
No, the business
that you're talking about
is just self-indulgent.
It's like
narcissistic behavior, okay?
It's toxic.
It's TikToxic.
This is how
I make money, okay?
This is a real,
true business.
How do you think
I got this jacket?
-This is endorsements.
-Yeah.
I hope they gave you
a receipt.
Why would they give me
a receipt?
Like the sunglasses I have.
If I do one more post,
these are going to pay
for themselves.
It's... [chuckles]
...it's that simple.
You're-- you're profiting
off of Mom's send-off?
-Are you serious?
-No. I--
What would Mom think?
Look, Mom would have been
cool with it, okay?
She always supported me,
unlike...
unlike some people
in the family.
[Elliot] Okay, you-- listen,
Mom would've supported you
if you had a tattoo of Nixon
on your face, Jonas.
I mean, if we were
at that Bruce Springsteen
concert today, man,
I-- I-- I could see you now,
you'd have a selfie stick.
You'd be filming yourself
at a concert.
You know,
if you film everything,
not everything's sacred, man,
I'm just saying that.
You know, like,
be here now, like Ram Dass?
I have no idea
what you're talking about, okay?
You just say these names
all the time.
You're being so serious
about something
that's just
supposed to be fun.
The Internet is fun--
It's all fun and games, man,
until you bring Mom into it.
And what about her?
It's okay to share Mom's death
with a complete stranger,
but I can't share her death
with my fans,
the people that care about me?
-That follow me?
-[Elliot] Oh, come on, man.
When we literally have
a complete stranger right there?
-What-- what about her?
-Look, man.
It's-- it's different
with Paloma, okay?
Like, meeting her,
that was an accident.
A happy accident.
Unlike you, man,
everything you do
it's self-- self-brought-on,
it's premeditated.
[chuckles] Premeditated.
I mean, you remember
what Mom said?
I-- I'm sure
I'm about to find out.
"No sympathy
for the self-inflicted wounds."
It's funny, 'cause I-- I--
I do remember that.
[chuckles]
I remember, that was...
that was, uh, right after you
got your first hangover, right?
When you were, uh,
on your hands and knees
in front of the toilet,
and you were puking all day,
and you were like, "Oh, God.
Oh, please.
Oh, I'm so sick.
Poor me. Poor me."
You know, you should
actually film that.
Like, that would be a good
sketch for TikTok or whatever.
You could be a real influencer
in a second, man.
[Elliot] Yeah,
I'd rather do anything else
but do what you do.
As long as I still have
my pride intact.
Yeah, there's a lot of
pride in pizza.
You know, sometimes when
I'm watching these videos, man,
I don't even recognize you,
you know,
it's like, in your eyes.
You know,
it's like someone different.
It's--
it's not my brother.
You just don't get it.
Truly, I mean,
you-- you don't understand
what it's like in LA.
I dial myself.
Like, everybody,
everybody has that little dial,
and, you know,
they fit themselves
to the situation they're in,
I-- you do, too.
When you're at work
at the Pizza Shack,
you're not the same person
that you are here, right?
Am I wrong?
So I dial myself
to "Jonas with the Mostest,"
and then, you know,
when I'm here,
I'm dialing myself to--
to fit this situation
so that I can have fun
with my baby bro,
which is what I thought
this day was going to be.
You know,
we could send Mom off right.
[sighs] Figure out
the affairs with the house,
and-- and I just don't know
what the big deal is,
and why you take
this shit so hard.
I ju-- I just care about you.
That-- that's all this is.
Well,
despite what you think...
the video of Mom today
is doing really well.
It kind of blew up.
[Elliot] I bet you can't go
the rest of the day
without being on your phone.
[Jonas] Want to
make it interesting?
Wh-- what?
You want to put money on it?
-Yes, do a bet, come on.
-Okay, $20.
-[scoffs]
-All right.
-Deal. Bet. [chuckles]
$50.
Paloma.
Paloma?
[birds chirping]
[Elliot] Paloma.
Hey, Paloma, hey.
You don't know
where you're going.
That may be true,
but I'm just
through with you two.
What? What?
What are you talking about?
My brother was killed
in a car accident.
Like, hit and run,
just like that.
You know what I would give
to be with him again?
Here or anywhere,
for that matter.
This trip was supposed to be
for him and only him.
But here I am with you two,
and what do you do?
You just keep barking
and fighting with each other.
You-- you have a chance
to bond as brothers,
to send off your mother
the way she wished.
But-- but instead,
this is turning
into some, like,
deranged competition.
I don't even know
what to call it.
Love?
Do you call this love?
I just can't take it anymore.
I'm just going to go
find my time capsule by myself.
Thank you, uh,
wherever
this body of water may be.
[soft instrumental playing]
We did it, Mom.
We made it.
One way or another,
we made it in one piece.
You know, I know I'm going to
forget something 'cause...
I just always
forget something.
But whatever
I'm going to say,
I'm sure it was already said
at the funeral,
so I'm just going to say it.
I'm really happy
I could do this for you.
And we could send you off
right here
at your lake, you know?
Together.
I miss you, Mom.
And I love you.
I love you a lot.
[Elliot exhales]
Goodbye.
[Jonas sniffles]
[Jonas chuckles] Um...
Hi, Mom. [chuckles]
I'm here.
And I don't really know
what to say.
[clears throat] Um...
You were the best mom
that anyone
could've hoped for.
And you were always
there for me.
[sniffs] And I wasn't always
there for you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry
I wasn't a better son.
I'm sorry...
I wasn't around more often.
And, um, I don't know,
I just want you to know
that you...
[sniffles and sighs]
...you were always--
always in my thoughts,
and-- and you were
in my heart.
You know, being a biggest fan
works both ways, right?
Yeah.
[sniffling]
You, uh...
you have...
my whole heart.
And I know--
I know you're around.
I know you're here.
I know
you're here with me.
And you're here with Ellie,
and you--
you brought us back together
again for this.
And I'm-- I'm so thankful.
[sniffs and sighs]
I love you...
so much, and thank you
for-- for everything.
-[kiss smacks]
-[Jonas chuckles]
[sobbing quietly]
[clears throat]
[exhales sharply]
[sighs]
[Jonas sighs]
[both] One, two, three.
[Jonas chuckles] Yeah!
[both screaming
in excitement]
-[Jonas] Mom!
-[both screaming in excitement]
[Jonas] Love you, Mom.
[Elliot] Love you.
[Jonas] Duncan, my man.
What's up?
Did you, uh,
did you have a good time
at those meetings? [chuckles]
So, yeah, that's why
I-- I called, actually.
I wanted to, um--
Duncan, uh-- [chuckles]
Uh... [clears throat]
[Jonas screaming] Fuck!
[Elliot] What's up?
Jonas. What's up?
You good? You good?
Jonas, what's going on, man?
Talk to me.
[groans, sighs]
Hey guys, it's me, uh,
Jonas with the Mostest,
your, uh-- your boy.
I'm, uh,
still out in Slownoma.
Look at this.
It's a really nice lake.
Very cool, just spread
my mom's ashes into it.
Or scattered,
I'm not really sure
of the difference.
[chuckles]
There's, uh, ducks in there,
there's plants,
there's everything
you could want from a lake.
So, there's that.
Very cool. Hype.
Whatever, lit.
Not sure how much longer
I'm gonna stay here.
Almost back to LA,
just gonna sell this house,
and I'm on my way back,
so see you then, cool.
-Jonas out.
-Yo, yo, yo, hey, hey, hey.
-What are you doing?
-[Jonas] What?
Just let's--
let's just take a second, man.
Take a se-- no, no, no,
get out of my way, okay?
No, no,
what are you talking about?
What is this?
What do you mean?
You're talking
about selling the house
for the whole world to hear,
don't do that.
No, that's money
that's going to waste.
Yuppies are going to buy it up,
and I could use
-that money right now, okay?
-No, no, hey.
That's-- that's not
gonna happen.
Mom gave me the house,
Jonas.
-Oh, she gave you the house?
-I have-- I haven't told you--
Oh, she gave you the house?
Ellie,
that's not how it works.
I'm the older brother.
I get the house, all right?
-Conversation over.
-No, no, no. Hey. Sorry, Fredo.
That's not the way
Mom wanted it, all right?
I was there to the end.
I was there at the funeral.
I was also there with the--
with the lawyer and the will.
And don't forget,
I was here for that,
All right? That.
-I'm pretty sure--
-Mom's dying-- No.
Mom's dying wish.
That's the only reason
why you're here, right?
If I wouldn't have
called you,
you wouldn't have been
here, right?
It's law of nature,
baby bro.
I'm the oldest one.
I get the house.
Now, can we be done
here now?
Oh, yeah, where'd you get
your law degree?
-Where'd you get it?
-Stop pushing.
Instagram?
Is that where
you learned everything?
Is this really you, Jonas,
with this jacket?
Or is this just
some arrogant dream
that you made up
in your mind, man?
Like, "Like and subscribe
and abandon Mom."
-I said it, you abandoned her.
-I didn't.
I didn't abandon Mom.
Well, she talked
about you every day.
Every day.
You have no idea
what it was like
with the Alzheimer's, man,
you have--
She was so far gone, man.
She started
mistaking me for you.
You know what that's like?
She'd look at me
and call me Jonas.
You talk about getting off
this island of grapes, man,
and you act like
it's so easy.
And you act like
I never tried.
I tried, man.
I put down a deposit,
I quit the Pizza Shack,
and I was ready
to move to Oakland.
I had a nice spot lined up
right by Lake Merit, man.
You would have loved it.
You know,
Mom wasn't doing great, but...
she was--
she was hanging in there.
So I got
a stay-at-home nurse,
this nice lady named Irene.
But then COVID hit.
So Irene was out,
and the Pizza Shack
asked me back,
and they offered me the GM job,
and then Mom got worse.
And you know
how the story goes.
But where were you?
Where-- where were you?
You're my brother.
You were nowhere
to be found.
You were just
on some D-level reality show,
talking to 20-year-old girls,
trying to ask
which sorry soul
-will date you next.
-I wasn't--
I wasn't doing
the dating thing.
A dating show.
[clears throat] I wasn't--
I wasn't even on camera.
What?
Then what--
then what's all this talk,
Jonas?
What-- then what-- what is this?
I, um...
I was on this, like,
little web series thing.
This little show that I did,
so, yes, I did do something.
[clears throat]
I got followers from it
and-- and a free lunch,
and I-- I-- I guess,
that was pretty cool.
It was Chipotle,
but, you know.
[clears throat]
And then, that guy Duncan,
you know, hits me up,
and he's talking about, like,
how I could have
my own show,
and this time,
I would be The Bachelor.
You know, this time,
I was gonna be the star,
and, like, the girls
were gonna want to, like,
you know, have a date
with me or whatever.
And I was so excited.
And I was going around
telling everybody,
uh, you know,
posting about it online.
I was hitting up,
like, producers and stuff
to try and get clout
and everything, but...
I don't know, apparently,
you're not supposed to do that.
I got in trouble,
I had to take
the post down, and...
Uh, eventually, they went
with a different influencer, uh,
a real influencer, whatever--
whatever that means.
And...
I needed money.
So I-- I asked and asked
and I begged
until they finally gave me
a position on set.
And I-- I ended up being a PA,
which is, like,
I don't know if you know,
it's, like,
bottom of the totem pole.
You're like the-- the
bitch ass production assistant,
16-hour days,
driving these girls
back and forth
from the airport.
I was ripping
labels off of water bottles.
Uh, I had to lock down sets,
which took hours,
and I never got
even a thank you for it.
[sighs] I don't know,
it's just...
belittling.
But, you know, I, uh...
I was on set, right?
I can tell people back home
I was on set.
And eventually,
the show shut down,
unemployment burned out,
so I needed to find a job.
And, uh, you know,
like Biggie said,
"UPS is hiring,"
so-- so I did that.
[clears throat]
I did that.
Wait, you worked at--
you work at UPS?
You got the brown shorts
and the--
and the socks
and everything?
[Jonas chuckling]
Why does everybody ask that?
No, I didn't do that,
I was-- I was--
I was doing the conveyor belts.
You know, taking boxes
on and off, and on and off.
[sighs] Basically,
what I'm trying to say, Ellie,
is that I'm broke.
The only way I pay rent
is by bumming off my girlfriend.
And I don't know how much longer
that's gonna last.
I mean, if you want money,
you can just ask me.
-That's not a problem.
-No, don't, Ellie.
Don't do that, okay?
You're my baby brother.
And I thought--
you know, I thought that
I was gonna have
this opportunity.
I thought Duncan
was gonna help me out,
but that-- but that check
is straight bounced.
[sighs]
And I'm sitting in LA, broke,
while these influencers
are, like, shaking their ass
in front of a ring light,
and doing the--
the flossing thing
or whatever's trending
for ten seconds,
and then boom,
rent is paid
for their-- their mansion
in Calabasas.
"Uh, who wants Postmates?
I'm buying." [chuckles]
So that's what you want?
You want, like,
that influencer life?
No, I mean,
not-- not exactly, no.
Then what
do you want, man?
'Cause, you know,
everyone's extraordinary,
you know?
Not everyone knows it.
Some more than others,
you know,
-but everyone is.
-[Jonas chuckles]
I mean, that's all there really
is to it, man, that's life.
[Jonas laughing]
-What?
-That's rich, Ellie.
This Hallmark card supposed
to make me feel better?
Well, man, excuse me
for trying to help.
We spend a lot of time
doing things
we don't want to do.
You know?
And to be honest, man,
no one cares about
what anybody
is even doing anymore.
Everyone's too busy.
I mean, UPS has benefits.
It has a career path.
And you could act on the side,
so don't give me that.
You could act on the side,
and work at UPS.
I-- I know they do that
in Hollywood, man.
-You've gotta hustle.
-It's not what I want.
-It's not what I want.
-Then what is it for?
I want dignity!
Okay?
I-- I want to feel...
[clears throat]
...pride in what I do.
Okay, I want--
I want to make Mom proud
of what I do for once.
And all this...
taking boxes off
of conveyor belts,
and-- and-- and taking
coffee orders from some kid
who doesn't know
the difference
between a peach and a plum--
and that-- that's a true story,
man-- that's-- that's not it.
That's not what I want.
What about the road to riches
that you talk--
We ain't talking about
the road to riches.
I'm talking about...
what you were saying, man,
about that-- that money buys,
you know, that road, you know,
like the fortune cookie.
Like-- like
you were saying, man.
I-- That's not any of this.
I feel like a failure.
-You're not a failure, Jonas.
-I am.
No, I am, and I-- I'm--
I had
these big dreams, man.
I had these big,
Tinseltown Hollywood dreams.
I was gonna be in--
I was gonna win an Oscar,
and I was going to be--
all-- my-- my name in lights,
and all the cheesy shit.
And I've been out there
for five years...
and I don't-- I--
I haven't amounted to jack shit.
No, for real,
I-- I haven't done any of it.
I'm just a PA,
and that's like
a glorified janitor.
I let Mom down.
-No, you didn't, man.
-Yes, I did.
-You didn't let--
-I did. I did.
I told her I was gonna
buy her a lake house,
or-- and I was gonna
put her in-- in my movies,
and then I was gonna
take her to the Oscars with me,
which is so...
dumb,
thinking about it now.
That's why
I didn't go to the funeral.
I was like, what--
what if little cousin Shay
were to ask me
a question about it?
Or, like, you know,
ask me how I'm doing out there,
what--
what's going on there?
I don't know
how to bring up answers
or, like,
bring up excuses quick enough.
I didn't take
improv or whatever.
So I blacked out
my screen and--
I don't want anybody
to see that I had
this little shithole apartment
in Hollywood.
Just, like,
this closet size,
embarrassing piece of shit.
No one cares
about your apartment.
-Yes, they do.
-No, you think that.
You think that,
but we don't, man.
We just want to see you.
I want to see you.
I don't care
if it's over Zoom or anything.
I just--
we just want to see you.
I know you want to see me,
and I wanted to be there,
but there was
a global pandemic.
So what do you want me
to tell you?
There were the most deaths
in COVID history that day.
Just like today, Jonas,
and just like tomorrow, man,
it's a pandemic.
You're always shoving shit
in my face, okay, man?
Just be on my side
for once.
Oh, how can I be on your side
if you can't be on Mom's?
What do you call
all of this?
I call this
"bootleg charity," Jonas.
It's-- You're pathetic.
I'm not pathetic.
I'm not pathetic.
I was being cautious, okay?
And I don't expect you
to understand that,
'cause you're in your safe
little bubble
where there's,
like, ten people.
So nobody's going to
get COVID.
But I was in a hot zone
where they're telling us
every day
that if you're around elders,
they could get sick.
-Didn't wanna do that to Mom...
-[Elliot] Oh, come on.
Don't even try
to blame COVID.
...or do that to anybody else
in the family.
[Elliot] You haven't been home
since Dad died.
I guess you did mean every word
you said out there, huh?
You don't deserve Mom.
You don't deserve
to show your face.
And I guess now,
you don't deserve the house.
[Jonas exhales sharply]
Wow.
I don't deserve the house.
How humbling.
[imitates retching, chuckles]
I'm gonna
get that house, Ellie.
Whether you like it or not,
the house is gonna be mine.
[Elliot] Yeah,
over my dead body, Jonas.
I have a realtor,
and I'm fixing the place up,
and we're gonna get
someone in there,
and I'm gonna make some money,
and I'm gonna get out of here,
and I'm gonna
go to Oakland, all right?
Wow, you have a realtor.
Yeah, I bet you don't even know
what a realtor does.
You better start
telling that realtor
that we're going to sell it,
'cause I need that that money
so I can make a movie,
and get-- get out--
I won't have to answer to Duncan
or anybody else, okay?
-[Elliot] "Jonas."
-What?
"Jonas," that's all I hear,
it's just "Jonas."
Is that
all you ever think about?
It's just you
and your LA life?
Is that all
-that ever goes around?
-Oh, God.
You just love
shoving LA in my face.
Remember, I-- I--
I asked you to come out
and crash with me.
And you were too scared,
too shook to-- to--
to come out to see me,
to see your brother.
But you made up
all these little excuses.
That's pathetic.
I don't have to
put up with this.
-All right?
-I don't care.
[Elliot] I don't, man.
You know what? Here.
It's a lawyer. Call her.
Ask her any question you want.
It's not my problem.
She can answer
all your questions.
I'm done with you.
[Jonas sniffling]
[sniffling]
You're not going to believe
this, but I do love you.
When we were kids, man,
I-- I remember
seeing you in that show,
The Taming of the Shrew,
and I remember thinking, "Yeah.
He'll go far,
you know, you got talent."
If you just tried
to be real for once,
organic,
maybe you wouldn't look
for admiration in everything.
Yeah.
Says the guy who does nothing
but watch old movies
every damn day, right?
[Elliot] Says
"Jonas with the Mostest."
Not referring
to brain cells there, right?
You didn't get out of Sonoma,
you ran away.
You're a walking contradiction.
Every time you visited,
I saw you slowly dwindle away.
The outfits,
they got more extravagant.
The excuses, second nature.
Only showing your face
when you get paid, right?
You're nothing
but a hack, Jonas.
A worthless hack.
Mom used to
always say to me,
"The hardest thing in life
is accepting
the choices of others."
And I guess-- I guess...
I just got to listen to Mom,
and I got to let go.
[sighs] Wow.
High and mighty are we?
Elliot, the prodigal son.
[Elliot] Do you even know
what you're saying?
Do you?
You just--
I'm done here. I'm done.
Hey, uh, before you go,
why don't you check
in that urn real quick?
See if there's any
of Mom's ashes left,
so maybe
you can curl up next to her
and cry
like the good old days.
Yeah, why do you think
that is, Jonas?
You ever wonder why I fell
into that role, huh?
Why?
I was up with her
all night
the night you got
your stomach pumped
after homecoming,
you remember?
And then the following weekend
you didn't come home.
And so, Mom, you know,
she just loved you
unconditionally,
no matter what.
So, yeah,
I fell into that role.
Or I cuddle up with her,
watch West Wing, Gilmore Girls,
and I kayaked with her
on this lake.
'Cause I was a good son.
I was a good son.
And you can't take pride
in yourself,
if you can't take pride
in your own blood.
It's that simple.
There's actually
a funny story about that.
Let me tell you,
baby bro.
It was, uh...
a long time ago now.
I-- I was six, so,
you must have been, like, four.
I don't know
if you remember this,
but, uh, Mom had just finished
making this apple pie.
And it was just sitting there,
getting cold.
And, uh,
Mom and Dad got into
one of their shouting matches,
which they always did and...
you and I were sitting
on those two stools.
Remember the ones
on the counter?
And, uh,
Mom was crying...
and you were crying.
And I was thinking that...
Dad was mean.
And Mom was weak.
And that image
is still stuck in my brain.
There was that cold apple pie
just sitting there.
[sighs] That's when I knew
I wanted to do something.
Do something else.
Make something in my life.
So, what,
you decided at age six
that you weren't gonna be
a part of our family anymore?
You said it, man,
not me.
It's kind of funny
that you keep bringing up pride
and stuff like that.
You have that compass around
your-- around your waist.
Attached to the hip
with another man's trash.
Oh, you didn't know?
I didn't want to
say anything,
but I guess...
I guess
now is the right time.
That compass
that you hold so dearly...
it's nothing but a scam.
I was with Mom
when she, uh,
when she found
that piece of shit.
[chuckling]
Yeah, yeah. Right, uh...
Oh, you probably thought
that was, like...
something important,
I don't know,
some sentimental gift
to our family.
No, it's not.
It's just something Mom found
on the side of the road.
I was with her when--
we were on a walk,
and it was just sitting
on the side of the road,
like roadkill.
She cleaned it up,
and she put it in a stocking
for Christmas.
It was just supposed to be
like a little, like,
"Ha, ha, ha, ha,"
you know.
Don't get stuck
on Half Dome again.
You remember what happened
last time.
And that was it.
That's all
it was supposed to be.
And I remember Dad...
was in the kitchen,
after we were done
unwrapping presents and stuff,
and he-- he was making
Bloody Marys.
And e handed it to me
and he said...
"Real men know
where they're going.
So pawn this off
for some gas money."
And I just threw it
in the closet,
like a piece of junk.
And I-- I'd forgotten about it
until I saw it today.
I-- I was trying
not to laugh.
'Cause, like,
you were walking around,
wearing it all proud
and stuff.
So cringy.
Wearing it like
some dipshit badge of honor,
like you're in Cub Scouts
or something.
You're going on
about your little fairy tale,
about how you're gonna
go to Oakland,
and have
this hipster cool life,
watch old movies,
and do all this Ellie stuff,
art stuff,
when you have--
when you've barely
been outside the 707, man.
I mean, do you know
how hard it is
not to laugh in your face?
All day, you just keep
saying these things,
and I-- I-- I just--
It's embarrassing.
You should be embarrassed.
[laughing] And I just know
that this is--
this is what it is for you.
COVID was a blessing.
I mean, COVID must have been
actually a blessing for you.
You-- you can sit here,
and-- and do the same thing
day in and day out,
and when anybody asks,
you could just say, like,
"Oh, you know,
trying to stay safe."
When really,
this is all you have.
[chuckles]
That's your sad little life.
[laughing]
I-- I'll tell you what, okay.
Because I'm being nice,
and I feel, you know,
sympathetic, empathetic,
you probably know
the difference.
[clears throat]
Because I'm feeling nice,
I'm gonna let you rent
the house for me, okay?
And so, I make
some money off you,
and then you just live
your sad, sad little life
in Slownoma,
doing the same thing,
day in and day out.
Sad little Ellie life.
How's that?
Is that good for you, bud?
Ellie.
Ellie.
Who's the hack now, huh?
You little twerp,
think you're so funny.
-[both groaning]
-[Elliot] What are you doing?
[Jonas]
You think you're so funny.
-[Elliot] Hey!
-[Jonas] You little twerp.
Do you know
why I had to get out?
Because Mom and Dad always said
I needed to be like you, okay?
"9:00 to 5:00 Ellie.
Be just like Ellie."
Pretentious little Ellie
-with nothing going on.
-[Elliot groaning]
-His little life.
-Hey.
I wanted to be more, man.
I wanted fans.
-And I have fans.
-[Elliot] Jonas!
I'm Jonas with the Mostest
and I have friends.
I have followers.
I have influence.
People like me,
they don't like you.
You're just a bitch-ass twerp.
-You little--
-[Elliot] No. No. No. No.
You have nothing.
-Except for your little house...
-[Elliot] Jonas!
...that's gonna be your coffin,
you're nothing.
You're nothing, Ellie.
You're nothing.
You're nothing.
You're nothing.
You're just a hack.
-[Elliot groaning]
-Just a hack.
[Jonas panting]
[Elliot coughing]
[Elliot] Jonas!
Jonas!
No, no, no. Jonas!
Jonas!
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
[Elliot panting] Oh.
Jonas.
[pigeon fluttering]
[soft instrumental playing]
["Naamah's Song"
by Jacob Yancho playing]
If I had wings
If I had wings
Like Noah's dove
I'd fly up the river
To the woman I love
Fare-thee-well
Fare-thee-well
[music fades]