Terror Train (1980) Movie Script
Happy New Year!
Sigma, Phi, Omega, hey!|Sigma, Phi, Omega, hey!
Sigma, Phi, Omega, hey!|Sigma, Phi, Omega, heeeeeeey!
Hey, there she is now.
Will you tell me what|she sees in you, please?
Can you figure this one out, Ed?
I mean, now, this guy's got some luck.
Women are strange, Doctor.
Very strange. Right, Ed. Sensitive.
He's probably very sensitive. Chicks|go for the sensitive fellows, you know.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't|mind going in your place.
Yeah, you would,|wouldn't you, you devil?
You want him to fill in|for ya? Huh? Offensive.
This is true love, old|man. Touch, Jackson.
Look, Alana's nice. Confused, but nice.
Hey, there she goes.
Now, what do you say, huh? Huh?
You trust me? Okay. We're|gonna take good care of you.
Come on. Let's go.
Don't worry.
What are you laughing at? Come on!
You're gonna love it. Give me that.|You're gonna need both your hands free.
You're gonna be wearing that beanie|all year if you don't get laid tonight.
Laid, sir? Me, sir?
Okay. Bare tit. See what you can do.
Sorry. After you get laid.
Still wearing your beanie I see, huh?
Well, happy New Year anyway,|buddy. Hey, same to you, Doc.
Is that real? Is the pope Catholic?
I don't know what you're gonna|do when we get to med school.
I'm losing my nerve. I|don't even know this guy.
Mitchy! You look adorable!
I feel like an idiot.|You can't chicken out now.
Why am I doing this? Because you're|the best bait we got around here, honey.
Come on. It'll be fun. Fun?
Oh, my God. Look at this place!
I know.
Who is that? I don't know.
Some friend of Doc's.|Anyway, you know what to do.
Okay? Yeah, but I don't like it.
Go get her, tiger. Come|on, Kenny. Go for it.!
Go on.! Mitchy.!
Don't be afraid, Kenny.
Hey, what are you doing? Mitchy!
Now, look, you really|want her, right? Mm-hmm.
Okay. Go ahead.
We'll be down here if|you need us. All right?
Alana? Hello, Kenny.
Don't be shy. This is my first time too.
Kiss me, Kenny.
Kiss me.
Kiss me.
Yes, it's the opportunity|of a lifetime, my boy!
One more. Hold it. Now!
Ready? Yes!
There you go.
A train!
Well, you wouldn't let me buy you a|graduation present, so I got you this instead.
I love you.
Has anyone seen my girlfriend?|She's the one with the big caboose!
You gonna let him get|away with this? No way!
Hey! Now, this is what I call a party!
L-I'd like to propose|a toast. Ridiculous!
That's not toast, my good man. Shut up!
It's a real honor hosting with you guys.
I mean that. Hey, same here.
My last big college party.|But it's gonna be the best!
Hey! To four really great years.
Oh, yeah! Really.
Let's get the goodies. Come on.|I'll see you later on the train.
Oh, thanks. Are you|guys medical students?
Well, premed. Here's your date, Ed.
Listen, thank you very much. Would you|like a joint? Yeah, I wouldn't mind one.
Go ahead, help yourself. Oh, my God.
Thank you very much, boys. You're|really a lot of fun. Hey, Doc, give me.
Lot of fun. Come on. Let's|get this thing into gear.
All right!
Hey, Donnelly. Take a look at this.
My goodness gracious!
Happy New Year!
Goodies for everybody!
Mr. Conductor! Yeah?
Did you say "all aboard"?|That's ridiculous!
They can't be bored.|I haven't even started.
Hey, Fred, forget it.
She's not your type.|Think of the children!
Come on, baby. Open your eyes.
Come on. Look at me. Just|my luck. She's a lesbian.
Wait a sec. I've got an idea. Let's play|charades, and my word will be "orgy."
Wait, wait, wait! I|think she sprung a leak.
Either that, or she's hissing me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Here, let me give you a hand with that.
Thanks a lot.
You the slicker of this|outfit? I try to be.
Extraordinaire! Hey, fella!
Did you make my date disappear?
Come on. Let's check this train|out. No, I've gotta find Pet...
before I forget what she looks like.
You may have some weather, but the|fella who came through at 6... 00...
said the track was clear.
Try and see they don't tear it apart.
With a party like that, I'm always|afraid some kid's gonna hurt himself.
Maggie, I wish to hell they'd|put a radio on that train.
What if one of those kids|got drunk and fell off?
I've been talkin' on that for two years.
Belknap always puts the kibosh on it.
He says, "We ain't Amtrak.
We'rejust a little|old excursion train. "
He oughta be here tonight.
Be like ridin'herd on a flea circus.
Are you sure you won't|go with us, Maggie?
With a bunch like|that? Not on your life.
All right. I'll see you tomorrow.
So long. So long.
You folks ready for|the time of your life?
You won't be disappointed, I promise.
All aboard!
Hey, look at Ed!
Fantastic!
Fabulous blood! Hey, did|you see Ed? Pretty good, eh?
Way to go, Eduardo!
I don't know. I think|the bar car's up this way.
Anybody home?
Hi. Is this the sink?
Yeah. Looks like a bedpan.
I think it is.|Congratulations, by the way.
Thank you. And lots of luck, for sure.
Hiya, Mitchy. Hi. How's it goin'?
My roommate's graduating early too.
Maybe then Mitchy and|I can room together.
You're gonna stick me with that?
What's wrong? Bunnies|are cute. Oh, thanks.
Hey, come on. You know I have to work before|school starts. It's gonna be real expensive.
Shit. You'll get a|scholarship. You always do.
Well, I don't have one yet.|Marry Mo and you won't need one.
Have you been talkin' to him again?
Come on. I am gonna miss you. Yeah?
Yeah. Aw, shoot. You're|my only girlfriend.
You know that? You're my|best friend. You know that?
I am gonna miss you like crazy.
Oh! Oh, no.
I'm just an easy cry, that's all.
I can't let Doc see me like this.
Where's the girls' room on|this boat anyway? Hey, you.
Hmm? We're always gonna be friends.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah.
Hi, Prez. Hey, Pet, how you doin'?
Have you guys seen Eddie around? Ed?
Check the car back|there. It's open. Okay.
She still runnin' hot on you? Nope.
Cooled down the grade.
She's really beautiful, that old engine.
They don't make 'em like that anymore.
Thank God for little favors.
You're gonna see a train on the cover|of Time magazine one of these days...
and I'm gonna be in|that cab in the picture.
And I'll be up in the Concorde,|and you'll be on welfare.
You're diggin'your own grave|with that shovel career-wise.
What's the price of gas right now?
Pretty soon, the only way you'll|get that beer can someplace...
is you load it on a flatcar.
Guess who'll be driving the train?
You can cook, you can take|a shower, you can watch TV...
and, by God, you can hang|a left if you feel like it.
That poor, deluded boy.
It's a rotten crowd. Listen to 'em.
Well, it beats a|six-year-old's birthday party.
I have to have it quiet|when I do my illusions.
You know, it pays better too.
Hey, I thought you said you'd|played frat parties before.
They're not gonna|watch. Oh, they'll watch.
Go out and do some close-up magic.
Warm 'em up. I'm not ready.
Okay, here we go!|Stimulation for the nation.
Hey, host lounge for seniors only.!
Get out.! What do you think|this is? Come on. Seniors only.
We are gonna be remembered|forever for this one.
Happy Hog Night, children. Hog Night?
Hog Night! That's right. That's|what they used to call it.
Big bonfire, and all the|pledges had to get laid.
It's true. They had to abolish|it. Something happened one year...
and they had to kick a whole bunch of guys|out of school. Well, almost kicked out.
Christ, did we do that?
You're the guys? Oh, no, it wasn't us.
It must've been somebody else.
Look, it was supposed to be a simple joke,|and it sort of got out of control one year.
Just forget about it. You|wanna know what really happened?
Yeah! Will you just drop it?
We were freshmen. It's|Christmas vacation.
I got a job at the medical|center, practically a janitor.
So I go into this lab one|night. It's unlocked...
and there's this lady there... poor|soul... who'd just fallen apart.
Yeah, literally.
Now, I promised these dorks I was gonna|come up with something truly special.
Yeah, really special.|Put a kid in the hospital.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I|ruin your punch line?
You tell them. You were there, remember?
Hey, Alana.
Sucks to you.
Hey, come on. It's New|Year's! Let's be happy!
Why don't you let these poor children|go? Okay, children, run along.
Another time. Leave the women|here. Thank you very much.
Thanks for the booze,|sir. Yeah, thanks. Booze?
Well, that was actually nice of you.
Now, what are we gonna drink?|What are we gonna drink?
-What are we gonna drink|-What are we gonna drink
-What are we gonna drink Champagne!
Absolutely there's a future in it.
People gotta come back to rail.
I'll bet you read a|lot of science fiction.
Hey, Shovels, you know what we call him?
Winnebago.
How is the R.V. Business these days?
How the hell do you think it is?
I wouldn't be here if I wasn't|up to my hind end in inventory.
But I'll move 'em sooner or later.
Should've got out 10|years ago, not five.
Now, think on this. When's the last|time somebody built a shopping mall...
next to a train station?
Think about that.
Jesus!
Oh! It's you!
You about scared the pants right off me.
You are bad, Eduardo.
What's this? Oh, that thing.
Not only is that gross, but|I know who gave it to you.
Mm-hmm. Somebody else|is looking for you-hoo.
Mm-hmm.
You wanna know who she is?
Uh-huh. Well...
a cute little thing.
Now, tell me, what's her|name? Pet... that's it.
Are you stoned?
Surprise!
Get lost.!
Ow! That hurts!
How you doin', Eduardo?
Jesus!
Hey, Ed, that number at the station...
with the sword, better|than Doc could have done.
Super fantastic, man.
Hey, Ed, want a drink?
Shh!
I've got the good stuff, Ed.
Hey, where do they keep the glasses?
Ah, here they are. Now|we're talkin' Whoops.!
Easy, Jackson. Here we|go, Eduardo. How's this?
Hey, hey, hey! Take it easy,|man. What are you doin'?
Oh, my God! No! No, no!
Very classy. You like this, huh?
You know, I've always wanted my own|toy train, but this is ridiculous.
You know, you're very imaginative,|buster. I have my moments.
I know. Hey, Mitch, I may|have to marry him after all.
Marry me.
It was my idea. Aw, Doc.
I cannot tell a lie. I'm sorry, buddy.
It got stuck in my throat. I|thought you said it was your idea.
Look, I know I suggested|letting her think otherwise.
That's real generous of you. Thank you.
So you're the one who's|paying for all this. Oh, no.
Mo's the one with the bread.|I've got all the ideas.
For instance, guess what I put|in the stuff I gave those dorks?
You asshole!
You can't have a good time|without hurting somebody, can you?
Is that why you told|me it was your idea?
'Cause I said I'd never go to|another one ofhis fucking parties?
Alana, you're always|walking out on my parties.
But this time, you can't.
I'll get you for this one, Doc.
I mean it this time.
Now, look, this was a good idea, right?
Right? Yeah.
So what the hell does it|matter... It matters a lot!
I'm sorry.
I know.
I just can't wait for the other|surprises he's got planned.
Whoopee cushions, exploding cigars.
Oh, Jesus.
What? Somebody broke a|bottle in there... already.
I told you it was gonna be another|one of these stupid parties.
Come on! Give it a chance, will ya?
Hey, Carne, what about those|smart alecks in the back?
Shouldn't we take a look-see?
Nah. I'd be a wet blanket if|I walked through there now.
They can cool down by themselves.
Good evening.
Admit it. You're impressed.
Okay, I'm impressed.
Mo... Good evening,|ladies. Welcome aboard.
Hello. How are you?|So where are the guys?
Weren't they with you?|No, I didn't see 'em.
Jackson was there for a|while, but he must've...
Look, he's doing magic. A magician.|What a great idea. Come on.
I wanna get some peanuts. Thank you.
There's a ton of|peanuts. They're not hot.
"They're not hot." Excuse me?
Uh, could I borrow that|coin you have there?
Yeah.
Watch this.
If I take your cigarette and|hold it up to your quarter...
it'll seem to be sticking to it...
just like that.
And if we keep turning|it, it'll look like...
The cigarette's penetrating|the quarter, just like that.
Could you, um, take this lighter here...
and, uh, light it up?|It'll give you cancer.
It's for effect. It's okay.
Okay.
You may have relatives|in ze old country.
This is the best part of all.
If we take the cigarette|and start to remove it...
the quarter will seem|to, um, seal itself up.
Whoo! That's great!
That's great. That's fantastic.
Thank you. Have you|ever seen a quarter...
that, um, allows a|cigarette to go through it?
No. Well, there's no such thing.
Now what about my peanuts?|I've got that taken care of.
Come over here.
Smart aleck.!
Uh, pick a card. Any|card. It don't matter.
Come on. L-I gotta go.|Show's about to start.
Uh-huh. You gonna be part of it,|Carne? Ain't you gonna pick one?
Free Will Baptist. We never touch 'em.
I use 'em all the time in my work.
Helps break the ice for my customers.
This always happens to me. Always.
Aw, come on, Pet. You're always|looking for that kind of guy, right?
I mean, what you have|to say is, "Fuck 'em."
Listen, ifJackson shows|up, tell him I went home.
Me too. Ed was on the platform.|I bet the shit missed the train.
Hey, remember me?
Alana, come on.
I said I was sorry, and I meant it.
It was stupid to let you think|it was my... It's not that.
Well, would you mind telling|me why you're so upset?
You let him set you up again.|Mo, you're worth 10 of him.
Just because you belong to|the same stupid fraternity...
Hey, hey, I happen to|like this fraternity, okay?
You don't get it. You have no|idea what I'm trying to tell you.
Oh, yes, I do.
I understand, Alana.
You have just never forgiven him for|setting you up with Kenny in the frat house.
You've always gotta|be Little Miss Perfect.
Look, I'm not gonna sit here and listen|to you cover for him all night, all right?
Alana, please.!
I know Doc can be a jerk sometimes.
I'm not stupid.
Doc's my friend. You|don't need an enemy, then.
Very funny. Did you think|of that one all by yourself?
Excuse me.
You pulled what?
I didn't know there was a muscle there.
Oh, excuse me, sir. Okay.
Uh, just a minute there. Yeah?
Got a little trick I'd|like to show you. Oh, great.
Okay. Now, think on a card.
Oh, now, don't tell me. You got it?
You got to concentrate on the deck...
because it's the power of the|thought that makes it rise to the top.
Let me show you how to do that.
Five.
Four.
Three. There it is.
Now, what... what was your card?
Jack of hearts. Not only has it|risen to the top of the deck...
but now, it has become|the jack of spades.
Nice one, sir.
Just a gag. Kind of clever, wasn't it?
I'm gonna wet my pants|if I don't stop laughing.
Emergency! Emergency room, right here.
Locked. Oh!
There's another one down at|the end of the car here. Thanks.
We'll just, uh, sit this|one out. I can't wait.
Now, you tell the good doctor|just what's troubling you.
Come here.
My, that was pretty.
Very well done. You know how he does it?
Yeah. How?
We're sworn to secrecy.
Hey.!
Where is everybody?|Watching the magician.
Where the hell areJackson|and Ed? I don't know.
Hey, wait a minute. We|didn't hire a magician.
Well, maybe somebody else had|a good idea for a change, hmm?
I wanna see what he does.
Isn't she adorable?
She still mad?
Yeah, she's still mad.
She'll get over it.
You know, Doc...
I'm not so sure this time.
Well, if she dumps you,|you've always got me, you know.
I mean it.
Whoo!
Let's get out of here.
Excuse me.
Watch your toes, Mitchy.
Uh, what's with the snit sisters?
Wait a minute. Excuse me.
One of my girlfriends thinks her|boyfriend was left back at the platform...
before we left. Oh, I don't think|so, not if he came with you all.
The platform was clear.
You know...
they might've... they|might've switched disguises.
You know, it'd be hard to|tell. You talking about Ed?
Yeah. He's here. I saw him.
He's in the Groucho costume. He's here?
Yeah.
I'm sorry. False alarm. It's all right.
Hey, guys.
You should've seen that|magician. He was fantastic.
Poof! Just like that,|the woman was gone.
Think he knows how to make one come?
I hate magic. It's just tricks.|Come on. You love tricks.
I love jokes. You're just pissed|off'cause you can't figure it out.
These girls look faint.
Can we do anything to revive them?
I don't know. Maybe|some kind of injection?
You girls better come back to|the consulting room with us.
We may have to do an exploratory.
Yeah, you sure you guys have had|any experience? Experience? Us?
Oh, come on. Tell 'em,|Doc. We got experience.
Mo and I worked in an emergency|gynecological ward last summer.
Really? Yeah, that's|right. Doc won an award.
Best Pap smear in a|supporting role. Come on.
Let's go get some champagne.
Uh, I wanna stay here, okay?
Enjoy yourselves. Thank you.
Let's dance. What about the men?
The men can obviously|take care of themselves.
I feel sick. This little|lady cannot hold her liquor.
But there's something else I can hold.
Anyway, when in doubt,|cut it out, right?
Or cut it off. Hey, hey, come on.
Not in there. Not again!
Anyway, we look in the jar, and|there's the tattoo around the nipple.
Oh, stop! Uh-oh. This|one looks serious, Doc.
I agree. Get her in here.|Aw, shit, it's still locked.
Uh-oh. Look who's here. Oh, hi. Hi.
Medical problem. You think it's serious?
Smells like an alcohol problem to me.
We know you can handle it, Captain.
Come on. Get out of here.
Anybody in there?
Speak up if you're in there.|Otherwise, I'm gonna use the passkey.
All right, I'm coming in.
My God.
If you wanna talk, we can|go back to my compartment.
It's quiet there. Probably|very private too...
with red lights and satin sheets.
Mood music. Yeah, I had the|pledges install a hot tub.
It's very nice. Mmm!
Seriously. If you wanna|talk, I'm around, okay?
You really have a hot tub? Oh, geez.
You all right?
You got somethin' to put in this?
Are you sick?
There's a boy dead back there.|He's in the sleeper toilet.
He must have... I don't|know what happened.
L-I just don't know.
No doubt in your mind?
Oh, he's dead, all right.
I never saw anybody so dead as that.
I gotta sit down, Charlie, for a minute.
Will you watch that|car while I call Walter?
Of course.
Uh, nobody knows, so...
don't say nothin'. Sure.
Hi, guys.
Oh, where have you been all my life?
Just this once.
Well, I can say we crossed the line.
Oh, we can back into town, sure we can.
But that'll green that|switch and that freight...
and we'll be backing up a hell of a lot|slower than he'll be coming towards us.
I guess the closest way|out is straight ahead.
Is all hell breaking|loose back there or what?
Just an accident.
Let's put on a little speed.
Can you believe that guy?
Yeah, but do you know what|he asked me to do? Oh, hi.
Could I get in there? I'm|sorry. It's out of order.
Would you try the other side,|please? Thank you very much. Okay.
Did you look? No, sir.
Sorry to put this on you, Charlie.
What?
What the hell? There|was blood there before.
I could've sworn it.
Something's happened.
Some kind of practical joke.
Dead drunk. That's what he is.
|Whoops-a-daisy.!
Damn kids.
All right, up. Come on. Up we go.
Whoops! Bad choo-choo.
Oh, wow. D-Jack!
Do you know how gross that|looks when you're stoned?
Were you in here all this time?
Were you sick? He gets, you know, sick.
I guess so.
Well, look, folks, he's|a-walkin' and a-talkin'.
Weighs a ton. At least that's|what his girlfriend says.
I mean, you know what I mean.
Oh, he'll be all right.|I'll take care of him.
Easy does it, right, Jack?
That's a boy.
Damn medical students.
Oh, no. No, no. So, are|you breaking up with Alana?
Only for the weekend. But I thought|you two were getting married.
We are. Hey. Whoa.
Hey, guys, a little booze.|A little booze. Thank you.
A toast to us.
Hey, there's Jackson. The old yearbook.
Let me see. Hey, look at Mo.
I look like an idiot.|Well, you still do.
Thanks a lot, old|buddy. That's the Prez.
Who's that?
That's just Kenny Hampson.
He couldn't handle it.
Say, sweetheart, let's take a walk.
Hey, Doc, where are you goin'?|Doc, don't leave me alone...
Hi. Hey, Ed, is that you down there?
Boo!
D-Jack, you can make it.
Up! I mean, if you've never|tried an upper berth before...
Scoot!
You old faker.
Jackson's with another girl. I know it.
You and Mitchy, you know,|you have an understanding.
But this is a first for us.
Could be a first for us too.
Right?
Like, uh...
you and I have never really|gotten to know each other...
and, uh, could be our last chance.
Right, D-Jack?
Think, uh, you could|manage without the flipper?
Ooh.
Well, uh, you know what they say:
Cold hands, warm heart.
I don't wanna get involved|in any controversy...
on the situation in the Middle East...
but as senior senator from my state, I|think I can speak for my constituents...
indeed all Americans,|when I say, "Fuck 'em!"
You know, there are certain|phrases in American history...
that have caught the fancy|of the American people.
The phrase that's always caught my|fancy or aroused me as it were is...
"Let's bomb them suckers|into the Stone Age."
You know, it wouldn't be like Vietnam.
They don't have no jungle to|hide under. Just sand and rock.
To my way of thinkin', if|the United States Cavalry...
can take care of|Paiutes and Comanches...
a B-52 ought to do just fine|with those camel jockeys.
Of course, this is strictly off the|record, you understand. Yeah, sure.
Of course, you're all aware|of my campaign platform...
which is a return to the gold standard,|euthanasia for all welfare recipients...
and six NFL franchises, each with its|own stadium, for the state of Louisiana.
And our campaign slogan... Let them|eat brownies. What's that, ma'am?
I liked your show. I remember you.
Do you believe in magic?
I'll have to convince you.
Do you do this for all your fans?|This is my first time, Alana.
After the next show.
Alana?
Mo's waiting for you.
He said to tell you|he's sorry, and so am I.
You seen Mitchy? I|thought she was with you.
I must have missed her.
Anyway, go talk to the guy.
He doesn't wanna argue.
Thanks.
Mo? What?
Here, Mo.
Thank you. Do you know they|drink out of these things?
Why don't you come join|me, Mo? No, I'll stay here.
Come on. Does that mean I|have to come to you? Mm-hmm.
Hey, you wanna dance?|No, I'll just watch.
Come on. No, no, that's okay.
You wanna watch, eh?|What do you wanna see?
Oh, let's dance. No,|I don't wanna dance.
Come on. No, that's okay.
Does that mean you wanna do something|else? No, no, no! I'll dance.
Oh, you're so cute. Hey,|hey, no. Come on. Stop it.
Will you let go of my pants? Uh-oh.
You're...
What happened to that blood?
And how the hell did|he bust that mirror?
With a hammer?
Shuffled. Laid on the floor. There.
Not only will I find the card that was selected|and signed by our skeptical friend here...
but, uh, I'm gonna do it...
without looking.
That's third-grade stuff. Really?
Oh, he's getting violent.|That's pretty sharp.
What's he got?
My God.
Are you okay?
Do you know whose this is?
Yeah, it's Mitchy's. Michelle, my|girlfriend. I'll take it. Thank you.
Don't.
What's going on? Will|you go with me, please?
Where'd you find this?|Let's go, miss, please.
Come on.
I'm not letting you out.
Will you at least put your|clothes on, please? No.
But we're missing the|magic show. Boring.
No, no, not boring. Fun.|Fun, fun, fun. Boring.
Mitchy? Mo? Oh, my God. It's Alana.
I know he's in there. Doc told me so.
Doc? Mitchy?
That fuckin' bastard! I have an office.
It's in the car up ahead.|Now come on. Come on. Mo?
Sit down and stay put.
Mitchy? Mitchy?
Miss, sit down. Now just wait a|minute. Has something happened to her?
She didn't fall off the|train, did she? No, ma'am.
Now listen to me, honey.
She's dead.
I don't believe you.|I don't believe you!
Hey, anyone can do that!
Well, rather than argue with you...
I'm going to prove that you're right.
Have you seen Alana? No.
Bullshit, you haven't!|I wanna talk to you.
Hey, relax. Watch the show.
I didn't get caught, okay?
You made a mistake.
It can't be Mitchy.
She's my goddamned best|friend. Please, please.
Oh, God. Mitchy!
Oh, no.
We're gonna try a|little mental telepathy.
First, you're gonna cover me|with a cloth so I can't see you.
Then hold up as many fingers|as you want behind my head.
Then hold up as many fingers|as you want behind my head.
Hey, you seen Mitchy? On my|command, pull away the cloth...
and I'll be holding up the exact same|number of fingers. She's around somewhere.
Okay, cover me up.
Hey, why don't you stay under there.!
Can anybody make him disappear?
Shall we begin?
Good. Now hold your fingers up.
Are you sure that's the number you want?
Then take hold of the cloth. Ready?
Wake me when it's|over.! One, two, three.
Go.
Seven.
Who did that to her?
Probably some kid messed up on dope.
Alcohol.
I know these people.|They wouldn't do that.
No, of course not.
Probably some nut just|climbed on the train.
I saw her half an hour|ago with a fella...
fallin' down...
drunk.
SweetJesus.
At the end of my last show, I, uh...
dematerialized my assistant.
Well, for my next show, I'm|gonna need to have her back.
So, watch.
Wake up, buddy. It's over. Thank you.
Hey. Thank you.
Oh, that's a good|one. That's a good one.
You're great. Thank you.
Get up. Come on, Mo. Come on.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Mo?
Mo?
Mo?
Mo, get up. Mo, wake up. Help!
Wake up. Help!
Help me, please!
Get up!
Help! Please! Nice gag, Doc.
Help me.
Please!
Somebody, help me! He's|bleeding, you bastards!
Help.!
Doc? Help him.
Put him down. Put him down.|Mo? Mo? What's wrong with him?
Get back. Mo?
Come on. I need this|from you now. Come on, Mo.
Alana, come look at his chest.
He's bleeding. Could be his heart.
It's not his fucking heart! Come on!
Come on, Mo. Come on. Get back.
Give him some air. I'm|a doctor, goddamn it.
Mo. Oh, no! No!
Oh, come on, Mo.
Come on, buddy.
Come on. Come on. What is going on?
Get 'em out of here! Mo.
Move it!
Get 'em all down there|together and close that bar.
Where's Mitchy? Where is she?
She's dead.
Mitchy's dead.
What are you talking about?
She's dead. Mitchy!
Mitchy! Mitchy!
I'm getting out of here.
Brace yourself. We're gonna lock up.
Walter.
My God, what's the matter with|Walter? He should have hit the brakes.
Emergency!
We're gonna derail!|Ease off on the brakes!
Brakes, now.
Stop, damn you. Stop.
What the hell happened here?
I don't know.
He must have got 'em both.
Don't go back through|that train without this.
Watch your step there. Stay|together. Don't go too far.
Come on. Keep on moving,|everybody. Come on.
Get yourselves a couple of fire axes|and search every damn inch of these cars.
He could be anywhere. And|he's lethal, so stick together.
And don't try to be heroes.
If you just think you hear somethin',|you come hollerin' for help.
Okay, chief.
Keep moving. Watch your step, please.
Hey, careful there. Stay together.
Christ, the lights are gone.
Everybody, take off your masks.
I wanna know who's who.|Tell us what's going on.
I will. Right now, I'm telling you...
to stay with your dates,|stick by your friends.
Elaine? Dominic?
Look out!
It's one of them little mothers.
Hey, asshole. Jackson?
Jackson? If this turns out to|be another one of your stunts...
Hey, you there, let go ofhim.
Herbie Green? Okay?
Dan Irwin?
I want the rest of those masks|off now. Hurry along there.
How come it's just all my best friends in the|fucking world? What do we all have in common?
Jackson. You and me|and Mitchy and the guys?
Doc, we hurt him.
What are you talking about? Kenny|Hampson. Your stunt with the corpse.
Nobody'd do that for a goddamn prank.
It wasn't just a|prank. Doc, he was sick.
I went to the hospital just afterwards.
They wouldn't let me see him.
They said he'd killed somebody before.
And they said it might have been|an accident, but he killed somebody.
Shit.
And we're next, aren't we?
Come on. No.
Come on! Come on! I am.!
I'm trying to save your|life, for Christ's sake.
Get going. Here goes nothing.
Now listen to me.
I don't wanna get back on that train.
Nobody does.
But we have no choice. Nobody|can make it if we stay up here.
Couldn't find a thing.
Come on. We can't get on that train.
There are no roads up here. Now,|we'll put you all in one car.
With the killer!
Bullshit. We can walk.
You'll die.
At this temperature, you'll die.
What do you think you're|doing? He could be in here.
Lock, damn you.
Fuckin' animal.
He can't do this to me.
If you can keep your head while all about|you are losing theirs and blaming it on you.
We are gonna die|unless we get some help!
But I don't know who to trust anymore.
I don't even trust you.
You're so slow.
Presto "chango." The same little|shit. Good old Kenny Hampson.
I knew I never liked magic.
The magician?
We'll sit tight and when the train|stops, we'll play a trick on old Kenny.
The train is stopped. Then they better|start it up again 'cause it's gonna...
He's back there with all of|our friends! Let's hope so, huh?
I don't believe you.
He's gonna kill everybody!|We've gotta tell them!
I'm not movin'.
Every man for himself.
Alana, don't.
Don't! Let go of me!
Doc! Doc!
Please. Doc!
Doc!
Doc!
Hey, you there.!
Go back outside, miss.
Please?
Oh, shit.
No! No!
Help!
Mitchy.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
It's a joke. A goddamn practical joke.
We're the brothers of Sigma Phi|Omega, right? Brothers, remember?
That means we're gonna stick together.|We're gonna look out for each other.
We're gonna protect each other. Now get|on the train. Have you seen the conductor?
Anybody seen the conductor?
I know who it is. What?
Where's the conductor?|Back there. Come on.
God, it was cold out|there. My feet are numb.
I told you to stay in the car.
Well, they made me get off. I|mean, they had to search here.
Oh, I'm sorry. Is something missing?
Geez, I was scared out there.
I couldn't find you, and I'm thinking this|wacko's gonna jump out at me any minute.
Hey, I should have used one of these.
Yeah, this would have|done. What do you think?
Let's go back, Alana.|They'll be coming back. Doc?
It's okay. I'm with the prez. Damn it.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Well, whatever. Have you|ever shoveled any coal?
No. He's on the train.
Why isn't she lying down|somewhere? The magician!
Magician? I'll show you. Come on.
Doc's got the picture.
Doc, open up.
Open up in there, please.
Doc?
Doc? I just left him in there.
Keep her outside.
Don't go in there, miss.
Doc.!
You move out real quiet, darlin'.
Hey, what's going on?
We got the coffee maker workin', miss.
Come on.
Where is he? He's right back there.
Come on.
Ken?
They made coffee out here.|I'll bring you in a cup, okay?
What's going on, for Christ|sake? What's happening, huh?
This is only for your own safety.
I guess nobody's been in this|one for a couple of years.
You'll be able to get|some rest, yes, sir.
It's a little dusty in|here, but it's clean.
Come on in.
I hope you don't mind no|sheets and no pillowcases. No.
I'll get you some, though. No, please.
Okay, okay, don't worry.|I won't leave this car.
I'm gonna be right outside that door.
Come on now. Let us go, you guys.
Out of my fucking way.
Let me through! What did you say, boy?
Say that again. Let us through|or we'll break the door down.
Shut up, all of you.
I said, move off, sir.
He killed a couple of ours.
You aim to kill him?
Give me the ax.
Before you go...
you take a look at the bodies|of some of your friends.
Is it worth that, son?
Well, is it worth it?
I'll check it out myself.
Hey, Ken.
Come on out here. I wanna talk to you.
Gotta turn the heat off back there.|You wanna come up to the lounge?
Gonna turn the lights off too.
No.
No. No.
Stop!
Kenny.
Kenny!
Kenny, please.
What happened?
He killed Mo.
Clear out! Get out of the way, you guys.
Back up! Come on. Back up, damn it.
Get out of the way. Come on!
Clear the way back there.
We'll be there in about 15 minutes.|Would you like a cup of coffee?
No, thanks.
Hi. Listen, why don't|you come on back now.
It's mellowed out and, well,|this place gives me the creeps.
Okay.
Why don't you come back and join the...
Join us. Come on.
There's the light.
Lord, that's beautiful.
Go back and start the report,|Charlie. I'll bring her on in.
Okay.
Got it? I got her.
Okay.
What the hell?
Hey, Alana.
Carne!
Oh, thank God. Charlie.
The magician's dead.
Jesus, I don't know who it is anymore.
No.
It was you.
Kenny, I'm sorry.
I never told you, I'm so sorry.
You haven't changed.
I saw your picture in the yearbook.
I never knew you liked magic.
I watched you tonight. You liked him.
No.
Kenny, you're better than he is.|I'm sure you're better than he is.
I am.
He didn't know how to|cut a woman into pieces.
You don't have to do this.
You don't have to do this.
Kiss me, Alana.
Kiss me, Kenny. Kiss me.
Kiss me.
Kiss me.
Sigma, Phi, Omega, hey!|Sigma, Phi, Omega, hey!
Sigma, Phi, Omega, hey!|Sigma, Phi, Omega, heeeeeeey!
Hey, there she is now.
Will you tell me what|she sees in you, please?
Can you figure this one out, Ed?
I mean, now, this guy's got some luck.
Women are strange, Doctor.
Very strange. Right, Ed. Sensitive.
He's probably very sensitive. Chicks|go for the sensitive fellows, you know.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't|mind going in your place.
Yeah, you would,|wouldn't you, you devil?
You want him to fill in|for ya? Huh? Offensive.
This is true love, old|man. Touch, Jackson.
Look, Alana's nice. Confused, but nice.
Hey, there she goes.
Now, what do you say, huh? Huh?
You trust me? Okay. We're|gonna take good care of you.
Come on. Let's go.
Don't worry.
What are you laughing at? Come on!
You're gonna love it. Give me that.|You're gonna need both your hands free.
You're gonna be wearing that beanie|all year if you don't get laid tonight.
Laid, sir? Me, sir?
Okay. Bare tit. See what you can do.
Sorry. After you get laid.
Still wearing your beanie I see, huh?
Well, happy New Year anyway,|buddy. Hey, same to you, Doc.
Is that real? Is the pope Catholic?
I don't know what you're gonna|do when we get to med school.
I'm losing my nerve. I|don't even know this guy.
Mitchy! You look adorable!
I feel like an idiot.|You can't chicken out now.
Why am I doing this? Because you're|the best bait we got around here, honey.
Come on. It'll be fun. Fun?
Oh, my God. Look at this place!
I know.
Who is that? I don't know.
Some friend of Doc's.|Anyway, you know what to do.
Okay? Yeah, but I don't like it.
Go get her, tiger. Come|on, Kenny. Go for it.!
Go on.! Mitchy.!
Don't be afraid, Kenny.
Hey, what are you doing? Mitchy!
Now, look, you really|want her, right? Mm-hmm.
Okay. Go ahead.
We'll be down here if|you need us. All right?
Alana? Hello, Kenny.
Don't be shy. This is my first time too.
Kiss me, Kenny.
Kiss me.
Kiss me.
Yes, it's the opportunity|of a lifetime, my boy!
One more. Hold it. Now!
Ready? Yes!
There you go.
A train!
Well, you wouldn't let me buy you a|graduation present, so I got you this instead.
I love you.
Has anyone seen my girlfriend?|She's the one with the big caboose!
You gonna let him get|away with this? No way!
Hey! Now, this is what I call a party!
L-I'd like to propose|a toast. Ridiculous!
That's not toast, my good man. Shut up!
It's a real honor hosting with you guys.
I mean that. Hey, same here.
My last big college party.|But it's gonna be the best!
Hey! To four really great years.
Oh, yeah! Really.
Let's get the goodies. Come on.|I'll see you later on the train.
Oh, thanks. Are you|guys medical students?
Well, premed. Here's your date, Ed.
Listen, thank you very much. Would you|like a joint? Yeah, I wouldn't mind one.
Go ahead, help yourself. Oh, my God.
Thank you very much, boys. You're|really a lot of fun. Hey, Doc, give me.
Lot of fun. Come on. Let's|get this thing into gear.
All right!
Hey, Donnelly. Take a look at this.
My goodness gracious!
Happy New Year!
Goodies for everybody!
Mr. Conductor! Yeah?
Did you say "all aboard"?|That's ridiculous!
They can't be bored.|I haven't even started.
Hey, Fred, forget it.
She's not your type.|Think of the children!
Come on, baby. Open your eyes.
Come on. Look at me. Just|my luck. She's a lesbian.
Wait a sec. I've got an idea. Let's play|charades, and my word will be "orgy."
Wait, wait, wait! I|think she sprung a leak.
Either that, or she's hissing me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Here, let me give you a hand with that.
Thanks a lot.
You the slicker of this|outfit? I try to be.
Extraordinaire! Hey, fella!
Did you make my date disappear?
Come on. Let's check this train|out. No, I've gotta find Pet...
before I forget what she looks like.
You may have some weather, but the|fella who came through at 6... 00...
said the track was clear.
Try and see they don't tear it apart.
With a party like that, I'm always|afraid some kid's gonna hurt himself.
Maggie, I wish to hell they'd|put a radio on that train.
What if one of those kids|got drunk and fell off?
I've been talkin' on that for two years.
Belknap always puts the kibosh on it.
He says, "We ain't Amtrak.
We'rejust a little|old excursion train. "
He oughta be here tonight.
Be like ridin'herd on a flea circus.
Are you sure you won't|go with us, Maggie?
With a bunch like|that? Not on your life.
All right. I'll see you tomorrow.
So long. So long.
You folks ready for|the time of your life?
You won't be disappointed, I promise.
All aboard!
Hey, look at Ed!
Fantastic!
Fabulous blood! Hey, did|you see Ed? Pretty good, eh?
Way to go, Eduardo!
I don't know. I think|the bar car's up this way.
Anybody home?
Hi. Is this the sink?
Yeah. Looks like a bedpan.
I think it is.|Congratulations, by the way.
Thank you. And lots of luck, for sure.
Hiya, Mitchy. Hi. How's it goin'?
My roommate's graduating early too.
Maybe then Mitchy and|I can room together.
You're gonna stick me with that?
What's wrong? Bunnies|are cute. Oh, thanks.
Hey, come on. You know I have to work before|school starts. It's gonna be real expensive.
Shit. You'll get a|scholarship. You always do.
Well, I don't have one yet.|Marry Mo and you won't need one.
Have you been talkin' to him again?
Come on. I am gonna miss you. Yeah?
Yeah. Aw, shoot. You're|my only girlfriend.
You know that? You're my|best friend. You know that?
I am gonna miss you like crazy.
Oh! Oh, no.
I'm just an easy cry, that's all.
I can't let Doc see me like this.
Where's the girls' room on|this boat anyway? Hey, you.
Hmm? We're always gonna be friends.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah.
Hi, Prez. Hey, Pet, how you doin'?
Have you guys seen Eddie around? Ed?
Check the car back|there. It's open. Okay.
She still runnin' hot on you? Nope.
Cooled down the grade.
She's really beautiful, that old engine.
They don't make 'em like that anymore.
Thank God for little favors.
You're gonna see a train on the cover|of Time magazine one of these days...
and I'm gonna be in|that cab in the picture.
And I'll be up in the Concorde,|and you'll be on welfare.
You're diggin'your own grave|with that shovel career-wise.
What's the price of gas right now?
Pretty soon, the only way you'll|get that beer can someplace...
is you load it on a flatcar.
Guess who'll be driving the train?
You can cook, you can take|a shower, you can watch TV...
and, by God, you can hang|a left if you feel like it.
That poor, deluded boy.
It's a rotten crowd. Listen to 'em.
Well, it beats a|six-year-old's birthday party.
I have to have it quiet|when I do my illusions.
You know, it pays better too.
Hey, I thought you said you'd|played frat parties before.
They're not gonna|watch. Oh, they'll watch.
Go out and do some close-up magic.
Warm 'em up. I'm not ready.
Okay, here we go!|Stimulation for the nation.
Hey, host lounge for seniors only.!
Get out.! What do you think|this is? Come on. Seniors only.
We are gonna be remembered|forever for this one.
Happy Hog Night, children. Hog Night?
Hog Night! That's right. That's|what they used to call it.
Big bonfire, and all the|pledges had to get laid.
It's true. They had to abolish|it. Something happened one year...
and they had to kick a whole bunch of guys|out of school. Well, almost kicked out.
Christ, did we do that?
You're the guys? Oh, no, it wasn't us.
It must've been somebody else.
Look, it was supposed to be a simple joke,|and it sort of got out of control one year.
Just forget about it. You|wanna know what really happened?
Yeah! Will you just drop it?
We were freshmen. It's|Christmas vacation.
I got a job at the medical|center, practically a janitor.
So I go into this lab one|night. It's unlocked...
and there's this lady there... poor|soul... who'd just fallen apart.
Yeah, literally.
Now, I promised these dorks I was gonna|come up with something truly special.
Yeah, really special.|Put a kid in the hospital.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I|ruin your punch line?
You tell them. You were there, remember?
Hey, Alana.
Sucks to you.
Hey, come on. It's New|Year's! Let's be happy!
Why don't you let these poor children|go? Okay, children, run along.
Another time. Leave the women|here. Thank you very much.
Thanks for the booze,|sir. Yeah, thanks. Booze?
Well, that was actually nice of you.
Now, what are we gonna drink?|What are we gonna drink?
-What are we gonna drink|-What are we gonna drink
-What are we gonna drink Champagne!
Absolutely there's a future in it.
People gotta come back to rail.
I'll bet you read a|lot of science fiction.
Hey, Shovels, you know what we call him?
Winnebago.
How is the R.V. Business these days?
How the hell do you think it is?
I wouldn't be here if I wasn't|up to my hind end in inventory.
But I'll move 'em sooner or later.
Should've got out 10|years ago, not five.
Now, think on this. When's the last|time somebody built a shopping mall...
next to a train station?
Think about that.
Jesus!
Oh! It's you!
You about scared the pants right off me.
You are bad, Eduardo.
What's this? Oh, that thing.
Not only is that gross, but|I know who gave it to you.
Mm-hmm. Somebody else|is looking for you-hoo.
Mm-hmm.
You wanna know who she is?
Uh-huh. Well...
a cute little thing.
Now, tell me, what's her|name? Pet... that's it.
Are you stoned?
Surprise!
Get lost.!
Ow! That hurts!
How you doin', Eduardo?
Jesus!
Hey, Ed, that number at the station...
with the sword, better|than Doc could have done.
Super fantastic, man.
Hey, Ed, want a drink?
Shh!
I've got the good stuff, Ed.
Hey, where do they keep the glasses?
Ah, here they are. Now|we're talkin' Whoops.!
Easy, Jackson. Here we|go, Eduardo. How's this?
Hey, hey, hey! Take it easy,|man. What are you doin'?
Oh, my God! No! No, no!
Very classy. You like this, huh?
You know, I've always wanted my own|toy train, but this is ridiculous.
You know, you're very imaginative,|buster. I have my moments.
I know. Hey, Mitch, I may|have to marry him after all.
Marry me.
It was my idea. Aw, Doc.
I cannot tell a lie. I'm sorry, buddy.
It got stuck in my throat. I|thought you said it was your idea.
Look, I know I suggested|letting her think otherwise.
That's real generous of you. Thank you.
So you're the one who's|paying for all this. Oh, no.
Mo's the one with the bread.|I've got all the ideas.
For instance, guess what I put|in the stuff I gave those dorks?
You asshole!
You can't have a good time|without hurting somebody, can you?
Is that why you told|me it was your idea?
'Cause I said I'd never go to|another one ofhis fucking parties?
Alana, you're always|walking out on my parties.
But this time, you can't.
I'll get you for this one, Doc.
I mean it this time.
Now, look, this was a good idea, right?
Right? Yeah.
So what the hell does it|matter... It matters a lot!
I'm sorry.
I know.
I just can't wait for the other|surprises he's got planned.
Whoopee cushions, exploding cigars.
Oh, Jesus.
What? Somebody broke a|bottle in there... already.
I told you it was gonna be another|one of these stupid parties.
Come on! Give it a chance, will ya?
Hey, Carne, what about those|smart alecks in the back?
Shouldn't we take a look-see?
Nah. I'd be a wet blanket if|I walked through there now.
They can cool down by themselves.
Good evening.
Admit it. You're impressed.
Okay, I'm impressed.
Mo... Good evening,|ladies. Welcome aboard.
Hello. How are you?|So where are the guys?
Weren't they with you?|No, I didn't see 'em.
Jackson was there for a|while, but he must've...
Look, he's doing magic. A magician.|What a great idea. Come on.
I wanna get some peanuts. Thank you.
There's a ton of|peanuts. They're not hot.
"They're not hot." Excuse me?
Uh, could I borrow that|coin you have there?
Yeah.
Watch this.
If I take your cigarette and|hold it up to your quarter...
it'll seem to be sticking to it...
just like that.
And if we keep turning|it, it'll look like...
The cigarette's penetrating|the quarter, just like that.
Could you, um, take this lighter here...
and, uh, light it up?|It'll give you cancer.
It's for effect. It's okay.
Okay.
You may have relatives|in ze old country.
This is the best part of all.
If we take the cigarette|and start to remove it...
the quarter will seem|to, um, seal itself up.
Whoo! That's great!
That's great. That's fantastic.
Thank you. Have you|ever seen a quarter...
that, um, allows a|cigarette to go through it?
No. Well, there's no such thing.
Now what about my peanuts?|I've got that taken care of.
Come over here.
Smart aleck.!
Uh, pick a card. Any|card. It don't matter.
Come on. L-I gotta go.|Show's about to start.
Uh-huh. You gonna be part of it,|Carne? Ain't you gonna pick one?
Free Will Baptist. We never touch 'em.
I use 'em all the time in my work.
Helps break the ice for my customers.
This always happens to me. Always.
Aw, come on, Pet. You're always|looking for that kind of guy, right?
I mean, what you have|to say is, "Fuck 'em."
Listen, ifJackson shows|up, tell him I went home.
Me too. Ed was on the platform.|I bet the shit missed the train.
Hey, remember me?
Alana, come on.
I said I was sorry, and I meant it.
It was stupid to let you think|it was my... It's not that.
Well, would you mind telling|me why you're so upset?
You let him set you up again.|Mo, you're worth 10 of him.
Just because you belong to|the same stupid fraternity...
Hey, hey, I happen to|like this fraternity, okay?
You don't get it. You have no|idea what I'm trying to tell you.
Oh, yes, I do.
I understand, Alana.
You have just never forgiven him for|setting you up with Kenny in the frat house.
You've always gotta|be Little Miss Perfect.
Look, I'm not gonna sit here and listen|to you cover for him all night, all right?
Alana, please.!
I know Doc can be a jerk sometimes.
I'm not stupid.
Doc's my friend. You|don't need an enemy, then.
Very funny. Did you think|of that one all by yourself?
Excuse me.
You pulled what?
I didn't know there was a muscle there.
Oh, excuse me, sir. Okay.
Uh, just a minute there. Yeah?
Got a little trick I'd|like to show you. Oh, great.
Okay. Now, think on a card.
Oh, now, don't tell me. You got it?
You got to concentrate on the deck...
because it's the power of the|thought that makes it rise to the top.
Let me show you how to do that.
Five.
Four.
Three. There it is.
Now, what... what was your card?
Jack of hearts. Not only has it|risen to the top of the deck...
but now, it has become|the jack of spades.
Nice one, sir.
Just a gag. Kind of clever, wasn't it?
I'm gonna wet my pants|if I don't stop laughing.
Emergency! Emergency room, right here.
Locked. Oh!
There's another one down at|the end of the car here. Thanks.
We'll just, uh, sit this|one out. I can't wait.
Now, you tell the good doctor|just what's troubling you.
Come here.
My, that was pretty.
Very well done. You know how he does it?
Yeah. How?
We're sworn to secrecy.
Hey.!
Where is everybody?|Watching the magician.
Where the hell areJackson|and Ed? I don't know.
Hey, wait a minute. We|didn't hire a magician.
Well, maybe somebody else had|a good idea for a change, hmm?
I wanna see what he does.
Isn't she adorable?
She still mad?
Yeah, she's still mad.
She'll get over it.
You know, Doc...
I'm not so sure this time.
Well, if she dumps you,|you've always got me, you know.
I mean it.
Whoo!
Let's get out of here.
Excuse me.
Watch your toes, Mitchy.
Uh, what's with the snit sisters?
Wait a minute. Excuse me.
One of my girlfriends thinks her|boyfriend was left back at the platform...
before we left. Oh, I don't think|so, not if he came with you all.
The platform was clear.
You know...
they might've... they|might've switched disguises.
You know, it'd be hard to|tell. You talking about Ed?
Yeah. He's here. I saw him.
He's in the Groucho costume. He's here?
Yeah.
I'm sorry. False alarm. It's all right.
Hey, guys.
You should've seen that|magician. He was fantastic.
Poof! Just like that,|the woman was gone.
Think he knows how to make one come?
I hate magic. It's just tricks.|Come on. You love tricks.
I love jokes. You're just pissed|off'cause you can't figure it out.
These girls look faint.
Can we do anything to revive them?
I don't know. Maybe|some kind of injection?
You girls better come back to|the consulting room with us.
We may have to do an exploratory.
Yeah, you sure you guys have had|any experience? Experience? Us?
Oh, come on. Tell 'em,|Doc. We got experience.
Mo and I worked in an emergency|gynecological ward last summer.
Really? Yeah, that's|right. Doc won an award.
Best Pap smear in a|supporting role. Come on.
Let's go get some champagne.
Uh, I wanna stay here, okay?
Enjoy yourselves. Thank you.
Let's dance. What about the men?
The men can obviously|take care of themselves.
I feel sick. This little|lady cannot hold her liquor.
But there's something else I can hold.
Anyway, when in doubt,|cut it out, right?
Or cut it off. Hey, hey, come on.
Not in there. Not again!
Anyway, we look in the jar, and|there's the tattoo around the nipple.
Oh, stop! Uh-oh. This|one looks serious, Doc.
I agree. Get her in here.|Aw, shit, it's still locked.
Uh-oh. Look who's here. Oh, hi. Hi.
Medical problem. You think it's serious?
Smells like an alcohol problem to me.
We know you can handle it, Captain.
Come on. Get out of here.
Anybody in there?
Speak up if you're in there.|Otherwise, I'm gonna use the passkey.
All right, I'm coming in.
My God.
If you wanna talk, we can|go back to my compartment.
It's quiet there. Probably|very private too...
with red lights and satin sheets.
Mood music. Yeah, I had the|pledges install a hot tub.
It's very nice. Mmm!
Seriously. If you wanna|talk, I'm around, okay?
You really have a hot tub? Oh, geez.
You all right?
You got somethin' to put in this?
Are you sick?
There's a boy dead back there.|He's in the sleeper toilet.
He must have... I don't|know what happened.
L-I just don't know.
No doubt in your mind?
Oh, he's dead, all right.
I never saw anybody so dead as that.
I gotta sit down, Charlie, for a minute.
Will you watch that|car while I call Walter?
Of course.
Uh, nobody knows, so...
don't say nothin'. Sure.
Hi, guys.
Oh, where have you been all my life?
Just this once.
Well, I can say we crossed the line.
Oh, we can back into town, sure we can.
But that'll green that|switch and that freight...
and we'll be backing up a hell of a lot|slower than he'll be coming towards us.
I guess the closest way|out is straight ahead.
Is all hell breaking|loose back there or what?
Just an accident.
Let's put on a little speed.
Can you believe that guy?
Yeah, but do you know what|he asked me to do? Oh, hi.
Could I get in there? I'm|sorry. It's out of order.
Would you try the other side,|please? Thank you very much. Okay.
Did you look? No, sir.
Sorry to put this on you, Charlie.
What?
What the hell? There|was blood there before.
I could've sworn it.
Something's happened.
Some kind of practical joke.
Dead drunk. That's what he is.
|Whoops-a-daisy.!
Damn kids.
All right, up. Come on. Up we go.
Whoops! Bad choo-choo.
Oh, wow. D-Jack!
Do you know how gross that|looks when you're stoned?
Were you in here all this time?
Were you sick? He gets, you know, sick.
I guess so.
Well, look, folks, he's|a-walkin' and a-talkin'.
Weighs a ton. At least that's|what his girlfriend says.
I mean, you know what I mean.
Oh, he'll be all right.|I'll take care of him.
Easy does it, right, Jack?
That's a boy.
Damn medical students.
Oh, no. No, no. So, are|you breaking up with Alana?
Only for the weekend. But I thought|you two were getting married.
We are. Hey. Whoa.
Hey, guys, a little booze.|A little booze. Thank you.
A toast to us.
Hey, there's Jackson. The old yearbook.
Let me see. Hey, look at Mo.
I look like an idiot.|Well, you still do.
Thanks a lot, old|buddy. That's the Prez.
Who's that?
That's just Kenny Hampson.
He couldn't handle it.
Say, sweetheart, let's take a walk.
Hey, Doc, where are you goin'?|Doc, don't leave me alone...
Hi. Hey, Ed, is that you down there?
Boo!
D-Jack, you can make it.
Up! I mean, if you've never|tried an upper berth before...
Scoot!
You old faker.
Jackson's with another girl. I know it.
You and Mitchy, you know,|you have an understanding.
But this is a first for us.
Could be a first for us too.
Right?
Like, uh...
you and I have never really|gotten to know each other...
and, uh, could be our last chance.
Right, D-Jack?
Think, uh, you could|manage without the flipper?
Ooh.
Well, uh, you know what they say:
Cold hands, warm heart.
I don't wanna get involved|in any controversy...
on the situation in the Middle East...
but as senior senator from my state, I|think I can speak for my constituents...
indeed all Americans,|when I say, "Fuck 'em!"
You know, there are certain|phrases in American history...
that have caught the fancy|of the American people.
The phrase that's always caught my|fancy or aroused me as it were is...
"Let's bomb them suckers|into the Stone Age."
You know, it wouldn't be like Vietnam.
They don't have no jungle to|hide under. Just sand and rock.
To my way of thinkin', if|the United States Cavalry...
can take care of|Paiutes and Comanches...
a B-52 ought to do just fine|with those camel jockeys.
Of course, this is strictly off the|record, you understand. Yeah, sure.
Of course, you're all aware|of my campaign platform...
which is a return to the gold standard,|euthanasia for all welfare recipients...
and six NFL franchises, each with its|own stadium, for the state of Louisiana.
And our campaign slogan... Let them|eat brownies. What's that, ma'am?
I liked your show. I remember you.
Do you believe in magic?
I'll have to convince you.
Do you do this for all your fans?|This is my first time, Alana.
After the next show.
Alana?
Mo's waiting for you.
He said to tell you|he's sorry, and so am I.
You seen Mitchy? I|thought she was with you.
I must have missed her.
Anyway, go talk to the guy.
He doesn't wanna argue.
Thanks.
Mo? What?
Here, Mo.
Thank you. Do you know they|drink out of these things?
Why don't you come join|me, Mo? No, I'll stay here.
Come on. Does that mean I|have to come to you? Mm-hmm.
Hey, you wanna dance?|No, I'll just watch.
Come on. No, no, that's okay.
You wanna watch, eh?|What do you wanna see?
Oh, let's dance. No,|I don't wanna dance.
Come on. No, that's okay.
Does that mean you wanna do something|else? No, no, no! I'll dance.
Oh, you're so cute. Hey,|hey, no. Come on. Stop it.
Will you let go of my pants? Uh-oh.
You're...
What happened to that blood?
And how the hell did|he bust that mirror?
With a hammer?
Shuffled. Laid on the floor. There.
Not only will I find the card that was selected|and signed by our skeptical friend here...
but, uh, I'm gonna do it...
without looking.
That's third-grade stuff. Really?
Oh, he's getting violent.|That's pretty sharp.
What's he got?
My God.
Are you okay?
Do you know whose this is?
Yeah, it's Mitchy's. Michelle, my|girlfriend. I'll take it. Thank you.
Don't.
What's going on? Will|you go with me, please?
Where'd you find this?|Let's go, miss, please.
Come on.
I'm not letting you out.
Will you at least put your|clothes on, please? No.
But we're missing the|magic show. Boring.
No, no, not boring. Fun.|Fun, fun, fun. Boring.
Mitchy? Mo? Oh, my God. It's Alana.
I know he's in there. Doc told me so.
Doc? Mitchy?
That fuckin' bastard! I have an office.
It's in the car up ahead.|Now come on. Come on. Mo?
Sit down and stay put.
Mitchy? Mitchy?
Miss, sit down. Now just wait a|minute. Has something happened to her?
She didn't fall off the|train, did she? No, ma'am.
Now listen to me, honey.
She's dead.
I don't believe you.|I don't believe you!
Hey, anyone can do that!
Well, rather than argue with you...
I'm going to prove that you're right.
Have you seen Alana? No.
Bullshit, you haven't!|I wanna talk to you.
Hey, relax. Watch the show.
I didn't get caught, okay?
You made a mistake.
It can't be Mitchy.
She's my goddamned best|friend. Please, please.
Oh, God. Mitchy!
Oh, no.
We're gonna try a|little mental telepathy.
First, you're gonna cover me|with a cloth so I can't see you.
Then hold up as many fingers|as you want behind my head.
Then hold up as many fingers|as you want behind my head.
Hey, you seen Mitchy? On my|command, pull away the cloth...
and I'll be holding up the exact same|number of fingers. She's around somewhere.
Okay, cover me up.
Hey, why don't you stay under there.!
Can anybody make him disappear?
Shall we begin?
Good. Now hold your fingers up.
Are you sure that's the number you want?
Then take hold of the cloth. Ready?
Wake me when it's|over.! One, two, three.
Go.
Seven.
Who did that to her?
Probably some kid messed up on dope.
Alcohol.
I know these people.|They wouldn't do that.
No, of course not.
Probably some nut just|climbed on the train.
I saw her half an hour|ago with a fella...
fallin' down...
drunk.
SweetJesus.
At the end of my last show, I, uh...
dematerialized my assistant.
Well, for my next show, I'm|gonna need to have her back.
So, watch.
Wake up, buddy. It's over. Thank you.
Hey. Thank you.
Oh, that's a good|one. That's a good one.
You're great. Thank you.
Get up. Come on, Mo. Come on.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Mo?
Mo?
Mo?
Mo, get up. Mo, wake up. Help!
Wake up. Help!
Help me, please!
Get up!
Help! Please! Nice gag, Doc.
Help me.
Please!
Somebody, help me! He's|bleeding, you bastards!
Help.!
Doc? Help him.
Put him down. Put him down.|Mo? Mo? What's wrong with him?
Get back. Mo?
Come on. I need this|from you now. Come on, Mo.
Alana, come look at his chest.
He's bleeding. Could be his heart.
It's not his fucking heart! Come on!
Come on, Mo. Come on. Get back.
Give him some air. I'm|a doctor, goddamn it.
Mo. Oh, no! No!
Oh, come on, Mo.
Come on, buddy.
Come on. Come on. What is going on?
Get 'em out of here! Mo.
Move it!
Get 'em all down there|together and close that bar.
Where's Mitchy? Where is she?
She's dead.
Mitchy's dead.
What are you talking about?
She's dead. Mitchy!
Mitchy! Mitchy!
I'm getting out of here.
Brace yourself. We're gonna lock up.
Walter.
My God, what's the matter with|Walter? He should have hit the brakes.
Emergency!
We're gonna derail!|Ease off on the brakes!
Brakes, now.
Stop, damn you. Stop.
What the hell happened here?
I don't know.
He must have got 'em both.
Don't go back through|that train without this.
Watch your step there. Stay|together. Don't go too far.
Come on. Keep on moving,|everybody. Come on.
Get yourselves a couple of fire axes|and search every damn inch of these cars.
He could be anywhere. And|he's lethal, so stick together.
And don't try to be heroes.
If you just think you hear somethin',|you come hollerin' for help.
Okay, chief.
Keep moving. Watch your step, please.
Hey, careful there. Stay together.
Christ, the lights are gone.
Everybody, take off your masks.
I wanna know who's who.|Tell us what's going on.
I will. Right now, I'm telling you...
to stay with your dates,|stick by your friends.
Elaine? Dominic?
Look out!
It's one of them little mothers.
Hey, asshole. Jackson?
Jackson? If this turns out to|be another one of your stunts...
Hey, you there, let go ofhim.
Herbie Green? Okay?
Dan Irwin?
I want the rest of those masks|off now. Hurry along there.
How come it's just all my best friends in the|fucking world? What do we all have in common?
Jackson. You and me|and Mitchy and the guys?
Doc, we hurt him.
What are you talking about? Kenny|Hampson. Your stunt with the corpse.
Nobody'd do that for a goddamn prank.
It wasn't just a|prank. Doc, he was sick.
I went to the hospital just afterwards.
They wouldn't let me see him.
They said he'd killed somebody before.
And they said it might have been|an accident, but he killed somebody.
Shit.
And we're next, aren't we?
Come on. No.
Come on! Come on! I am.!
I'm trying to save your|life, for Christ's sake.
Get going. Here goes nothing.
Now listen to me.
I don't wanna get back on that train.
Nobody does.
But we have no choice. Nobody|can make it if we stay up here.
Couldn't find a thing.
Come on. We can't get on that train.
There are no roads up here. Now,|we'll put you all in one car.
With the killer!
Bullshit. We can walk.
You'll die.
At this temperature, you'll die.
What do you think you're|doing? He could be in here.
Lock, damn you.
Fuckin' animal.
He can't do this to me.
If you can keep your head while all about|you are losing theirs and blaming it on you.
We are gonna die|unless we get some help!
But I don't know who to trust anymore.
I don't even trust you.
You're so slow.
Presto "chango." The same little|shit. Good old Kenny Hampson.
I knew I never liked magic.
The magician?
We'll sit tight and when the train|stops, we'll play a trick on old Kenny.
The train is stopped. Then they better|start it up again 'cause it's gonna...
He's back there with all of|our friends! Let's hope so, huh?
I don't believe you.
He's gonna kill everybody!|We've gotta tell them!
I'm not movin'.
Every man for himself.
Alana, don't.
Don't! Let go of me!
Doc! Doc!
Please. Doc!
Doc!
Doc!
Hey, you there.!
Go back outside, miss.
Please?
Oh, shit.
No! No!
Help!
Mitchy.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
It's a joke. A goddamn practical joke.
We're the brothers of Sigma Phi|Omega, right? Brothers, remember?
That means we're gonna stick together.|We're gonna look out for each other.
We're gonna protect each other. Now get|on the train. Have you seen the conductor?
Anybody seen the conductor?
I know who it is. What?
Where's the conductor?|Back there. Come on.
God, it was cold out|there. My feet are numb.
I told you to stay in the car.
Well, they made me get off. I|mean, they had to search here.
Oh, I'm sorry. Is something missing?
Geez, I was scared out there.
I couldn't find you, and I'm thinking this|wacko's gonna jump out at me any minute.
Hey, I should have used one of these.
Yeah, this would have|done. What do you think?
Let's go back, Alana.|They'll be coming back. Doc?
It's okay. I'm with the prez. Damn it.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Well, whatever. Have you|ever shoveled any coal?
No. He's on the train.
Why isn't she lying down|somewhere? The magician!
Magician? I'll show you. Come on.
Doc's got the picture.
Doc, open up.
Open up in there, please.
Doc?
Doc? I just left him in there.
Keep her outside.
Don't go in there, miss.
Doc.!
You move out real quiet, darlin'.
Hey, what's going on?
We got the coffee maker workin', miss.
Come on.
Where is he? He's right back there.
Come on.
Ken?
They made coffee out here.|I'll bring you in a cup, okay?
What's going on, for Christ|sake? What's happening, huh?
This is only for your own safety.
I guess nobody's been in this|one for a couple of years.
You'll be able to get|some rest, yes, sir.
It's a little dusty in|here, but it's clean.
Come on in.
I hope you don't mind no|sheets and no pillowcases. No.
I'll get you some, though. No, please.
Okay, okay, don't worry.|I won't leave this car.
I'm gonna be right outside that door.
Come on now. Let us go, you guys.
Out of my fucking way.
Let me through! What did you say, boy?
Say that again. Let us through|or we'll break the door down.
Shut up, all of you.
I said, move off, sir.
He killed a couple of ours.
You aim to kill him?
Give me the ax.
Before you go...
you take a look at the bodies|of some of your friends.
Is it worth that, son?
Well, is it worth it?
I'll check it out myself.
Hey, Ken.
Come on out here. I wanna talk to you.
Gotta turn the heat off back there.|You wanna come up to the lounge?
Gonna turn the lights off too.
No.
No. No.
Stop!
Kenny.
Kenny!
Kenny, please.
What happened?
He killed Mo.
Clear out! Get out of the way, you guys.
Back up! Come on. Back up, damn it.
Get out of the way. Come on!
Clear the way back there.
We'll be there in about 15 minutes.|Would you like a cup of coffee?
No, thanks.
Hi. Listen, why don't|you come on back now.
It's mellowed out and, well,|this place gives me the creeps.
Okay.
Why don't you come back and join the...
Join us. Come on.
There's the light.
Lord, that's beautiful.
Go back and start the report,|Charlie. I'll bring her on in.
Okay.
Got it? I got her.
Okay.
What the hell?
Hey, Alana.
Carne!
Oh, thank God. Charlie.
The magician's dead.
Jesus, I don't know who it is anymore.
No.
It was you.
Kenny, I'm sorry.
I never told you, I'm so sorry.
You haven't changed.
I saw your picture in the yearbook.
I never knew you liked magic.
I watched you tonight. You liked him.
No.
Kenny, you're better than he is.|I'm sure you're better than he is.
I am.
He didn't know how to|cut a woman into pieces.
You don't have to do this.
You don't have to do this.
Kiss me, Alana.
Kiss me, Kenny. Kiss me.
Kiss me.
Kiss me.