Texas Death Trippin' (2019) Movie Script

Welcome to the Texas death trippin
movie. I'm stoner Jesus and we should get
this out of the way now.
You are all going to hell.
Seriously, this step is pretty messed up.
Enjoy the movie.
Hope Texas can handle all this.
High-fructose corn syrup.
- You are leaving your breakfast.
- I have no time need to meet Muppet.
What's up motherfucker!
- Heeey.
- Great, how are you doing?
What's up?
I gotta go?
Are you ready?
Greatest trippin in Houston to ever grace
the beautiful state of fucking Texas.
Lets get it.
I can't stand him.
I mean I hate everyone,
but he's the worst.
Fuck Sid you gotta
be kidding me.
It's... don't tell me it's...
Hello my brother?
Captain my captain.
How is the swing gentlemen?
And why are you two
another tight pot somewhere?
So check it out,
I pulled up the big score.
It's an ass. Nice.
Wait, let me see.
Yeah that's a naked booty.
Yep and it's attached
to my trip date.
She asked our
fucking Internet
and cosplay sensation.
Has over a million followers.
Oh wow.
An online model so rare
so lucky you are.
I'm gonna be knee-deep
in vagina hole while
you're pulling on
your joystick bud.
What's up?
Left up here.
GPS says we are close.
All right.
Don't worry bud, things get bad.
- I'll let you blow me.
- Thanks you're the best.
Welcome to the love van.
Your chariot awaits.
You guys look like you just played Rock
Paper Scissors to see who gets to seduces me.
- Don't just stare at it.
- Okay.
Oh, I hope you guys don't mind. I told
my girl Teresa. She can come along?
What's up bitches.
May I say,
- I got damn dream another in person.
- Yeah Randy. Yeah yeah.
Actually it's Andy.
Do you guys want
to smoke a joint?
Dude, she said.
Texas woo-ow.
Fuck it.
So Sheena, like Joe average
that follows you
gets to see your ass
on the daily, right.
Does that mean your
premium followers
get to see your butt-hole? And how
exactly does that work? Excuse you.
Wow this dude is trippin.
I'm sorry hot chicks,
I'm just curious.
And I get really horny
when I get stoned.
- We all do.
- Oh my god.
Me too. Hashtag oh my God.
- Oh my God.
- Holy shit Andy has a double burner.
This rules.
Oh my god.
Who is driving?
So basically, my lnstagram blew up about
a year ago and, then I got into modeling.
And that's all I do full-time now.
Don't worry I'm good.
Looks like your joint knocks
you on your ass a little bit.
Did you doze off? Andy,
are you all right?
Are you kidding me right now
baby model.
Are you okay, Andy?
Are you ready to party or what?
I got something to the festival.
Look at that.
What we do.
Your homie is a fun guy.
Most people get the ship's
from shrimps. Just saying.
Goddamn it, told you never talk
to that scumbag again.
Rodriguez trash cooter.
Damn straight betrayal.
I heard he got
this girl pregnant at my old school.
He's cool. It just come back.
So the Muppet comes
to me for some candy.
Yeah. I figured you knew
where to score
some shrooms. Shut the fuck up
pretty boy.
Hear that? That's the sound
of adventure.
This will definitely make
the trip trippier.
- You want a bump for the roll?
- No thanks.
Malkey. No no dear. Today you are here.
Glad you are alive!
What's going on here?
Trying to wrap up something kinki..
It looks kind of yam.
- All right, Kelly, I'm supervising drug point.
- Drugs? You mean like typods.
Are you serious?
- Wow, you are such a good story teller.
- Yes
Don't be filling up on processed
bullshit now guys. We are going to the first
spot that's close so we can camp for the night.
Now, I'm making my famous bowl chilly.
Where the fuck are we?
A small town called... Dark Marsh.
40 miles outside of Galveston.
On your way to Houston.
Google Maps ain't got shit on that.
You know who's the creep
a pocketbook.
These are fucking drugs.
Who the fuck are you?
God! Don't you understand.
Let me out of this.
Let me go the fuck out of here.
Who the fuck are you?
Do you know me motherfucker?
Your fucking freak show.
What the fuck.
You fucking pussy,
if I get the fucking out
of this damn ties, I'll beat you
with that fucking hammer.
Fuck. I just want to be a little...
Look down, what the fuck
are you looking at.
You are my favourite.
Come on, get me up.
Running out of fucking time.
Where the hell are you
going sweethearts?
Fucking about time
you let me out.
Fucking let me out of here.
We are fucking short of time.
Come on. Come on.
Shut the fuck up!
Quite! Damn it.
Shut the fuck up.
Well boy there's a
handful out there.
I wouldn't have marked it for you.
It's a really nice blunt treat.
Go get it. Go get somebody ass.
I got it here. We are under
good control.
It's a really good time.
Oh yeah.
What the fuck was that
all about dude?
That creep was right.
There have been a
bunch of missing people
in this area.
Not even that creepy
dirty old Buchan is
gonna stop us from going to the best
stoner rock festival to ever grace the
state of Texas.
Hey guys, I got a video
call from Wayne.
Hey Wayne,
What's up cool dudes.
God damn this blue berry..
What's up?
So you fuckers ready for the stoner
festival or what bro? Check me out.
Am already Burning man. Dude it's like
freakin Coachella over here. Do you have
light in my bong Bro?
Tomorrow can't come with enough.
Sorry brothers got to
put on the stunner shades man. I can't
see my haters bro. Actually I'm just
trying to hide how stoned I am.
I got a job interview in like an hour.
But dude it's gonna be fucking
sick bro trust me right lump it.
Okay, first of all,
where the fuck are you guys? Why does
this look so creepy as shit? This looks
like what attack Bundy's murders. Like
somebody what do you guys do together?
Are you guys like out
camping and shit?
What is this some
sort of Medicine
retreat filming fellas?
Yeah. We just found a cool
place to stop and have some
beers and then make my
famous chilly for the night.
Yeah. It's a couple of towns
outside of the festival. I think.
Sorry guys, taking a piss but
that's fucking weird bro.
You know, shit I can dig it dude.
I can do it and you know
what dude,
fuck you Sidwell chili astray bud.
Oh my God.
Am pissing myself, shit.
Aah shit. Guys, don't get you
fucked up tonight, okay.
We got a long day tomorrow bro.
And listen, I'll see you stony bronies
tomorrow around noon. I'm gonna
be that five Buster sure food posted.
Listen, you know there is
bass player Deanna.
I heard he can roll a joint in five
seconds one hand dude.
Dude I totally said that earlier.
Actually Andy you said
and I quote,
"I've heard he could roll a
joint in under five seconds."
After I said Buffalo bud Buster
would be playing.
Like Dino in the rest of the band
aren't Buffalo bud buster.
Like buffalo bud Buster is like, a giant
human buffalo hybrid that just calls
himself that.
Has a band and can roll
joints really fast. Poser.
Okay, I'll see you guys tomorrow.
I gotta go piss.
Oh, he hang up.
How could you say that.
You feel like this is really
the right one here.
All right guys.
Chilly is getting ready soon.
What the fuck is that?
What the fuck.
It's a fucking Sasquatch.
What the fuck is that!
Duke, you gotta see this.
Whats up dude.
A Sasquatch.
Fucking Sasquatch
See it.
You're fucking high.
Get the fucking out of here.
I'm telling you I see a Sasquatch
You want a beer?
Did you see that?
You are crazy.
Did you know if you stare at your
partners other I will give you a high five.
It will be perfect everytime.
Everyone needs a high five.
Oh babe, I'm so glad that we
finally got away from the city.
Yes, so much needed show time.
Yeah. But I'm sorry that I banged your
roommate. I was drunk and you were...
Consider that back in the city.
We can't deal with it.
Police are with her name.
Yeah. Good luck getting
that deposit back.
We need to focus on us.
So far I haven't banged any
of your friend yet. Wait what?
Do hear that?
Is a party?
Maybe we should check it out.
What, so you could bang them up?
I'm here with you now Jack.
Oh, yeah. What a treat.
Are you okay right now?
Are you really going right now?
Worst part about camping is?
The outdoors is so fucking great.
Why do they always want
to be in my house?
Am prettty partial on ravioli
Wayne was right.
Hello Andy, you have any
of this chili bro?
We're turning it up.
No thanks.
It will upset my stomach.
It's like he is like.
I'm gonna think of every time
I eat beans.
Every time I make my favorite sports
show every laughing bomb.
Oh baby.
Fuck that there. Well, I'm gonna
call the car ambulance.
Though this is childish bro.
I appreciate you.
This stupid motherfuckers.
Hey Girl.
Well, like did you... Mama
I do not know that.
Family really wants to
sandwich. Who sets the fire.
Thanks bro.
Beefy tasty stuffed pasta pillows.
That's right, we are talking about
canned ravioli fruit of the gods
nature's, tasty treats plucked
from the heavens to your plate.
A dream.
It's come true.
I almost felt it coming.
Sorry that was my,
my drizzle.
I wanted to engulf me.
I have been waiting for this.
So good I can hardly take it.
It's so good yes.
Who made this person?
Who made this me Parking?
Just wonderful lady, that's Tara.
Let's just lift it all,
never runs out.
That giant gone to heaven.
I don't believe that stuff.
What is wrong with me?
Oh, it's a pillow.
Thought my skin was
getting too dry.
Everything is about textual.
That was such a nausea.
That was the worst day of my life.
That boy is damp canned ravioli.
I don't like it.
Running around with his little friends
eat that trash full of preservatives, garbage.
Take it to the top,
take it to the top.
Take it all. Do it, yeah.
Yeah. Take it to the top.
Come on, come on.
Do it, do it,
do it, do it. Yeaah.
What's that about?
Teresa, truth to dare?
Lets bring some firewood man.
So you play?
Well, I don't so much as play.
I'm more or less feeling it inside my being.
Wow, that's really deep.
You have no idea.
So Teresa, what's your
favorite bitch substitute?
A... tree.
And that Andy's female
if you can see.
Before that...
That guy is booty dog.
Oh shit. What about Teresa,
I left that
bitch alone with Sidwell.
Hey get off her man.
I was just kidding.
No he isn't gay at all.
That's not what I heard.
It's fact watching a guy fucking
another girl, that is gay.
So you're telling me that a
chick fuck another chick.
Where is the dick? It is more
hetero than boy on girl porn.
Listen, if I'm going to see a dick,
I'd rather be attached to another hot chick
and stuff, not an ugly dude.
That's not you.
Yeah. That make sense.
Oh my God. Holy shit.
Jesus! Get out of here.
Dude, you think you could
save that guy.
Don't fucking leave me dude.
Come on man.
I'm sorry.
Not cool.
Who is fucking this guy?
I can't believe you let
that fuck kill me.
I didn't know there was nothing
I could do Sid.
You know how fucking hard it is to pull
pong out of my brain. Fucking hurts.
17 different Italian
herbs and spices.
You know,
all wrapped up in that nice
pasta satchel.
It's like a beefy pillow.
It's the fruit of the gods.
You know what else,
it's in a can.
It will last literally forever.
And it's delicious.
You're disgusting.
Heavens delectable rain drops,
sent from Mount Olympus itself.
Remember that is...
Nod to him, you wouldn't know.
You felt, what was I supposed to do.
We would have both been killed.
It's no secret you don't like me bro.
Leave me out there to die.
some really
fucking uncho pussy shit bro.
There is my fucking face over
my face you fucker.
No, you're not getting
away that easy.
Not this time.
Come on Andy.
You know I will chop...
You asshole.
Are you okay?
Bitch, oh my god. What the fuck
did you do? Did you murder them?
I didn't do it. You have a knife in your hand,
so who else did it? I didn't do it.
Who else did it?
Somebody else.
Get away from me you psycho.
Look at me.
Oh, fuck.
Somebody help me.
Help me somebody open the door.
Help me help me.
You have to help me. Let me you use
you phone please. Calm down.
You know I'm dirty but
you're real cute.
Call the police my friends
have been murdered.
There's nothing sweetheart
calm down.
Tonight tragedy has shook small-town
Dark Marsh. Official state they have
recovered several bodies of millenials
scattered throughout the woods.
In unrelated news a man says
he had seen a sasquatch.
Dude where are you fuckers at?
Merlin's about to go on right now. Dude,
I've been waiting for them all day man.
Some Chicks was freakin
streak naked right now bro.
Dude so sick.
Later dude later bitches.
Hope everyone's ready for
this weekend's stoner festival.
I heard Dino from Buffalo Buster
will be there. I'm Skid Sizemore and
that's the news. Goodnight and
sleep well Texas.