That Darn Cat! (1965) Movie Script

[Slurping and chewing]
While the city sleeps
Every night he creeps
Just surveyin' his domain
He roams around
like he owns the town
He's the king
He makes that plain
He knows every trick
Doesn't miss a lick
When it comes to keepin' fat
Some city slicker
No one is quicker
That darn cat
Every nook and cranny
And garbage can he inspects
So thoroughly
When he's on his rounds
Nothin's out of bounds
To his curiosity
He can smile and purr
At a pretty her
Till she don't know
where she's at
Nose like a Geiger
Oh, what a tiger is
That darn cat
He's a sly old codger
An artful dodger
A scrounger unsurpassed
A ball of fire
A nine-live wire
Who just can't be outclassed
Yeah, this midnight rover
He lives in clover
It's an art he's got down pat
Never was a greater
Smooth operator than that
That darn cat
- That darn cat
- [meows]
That darn cat
That darn cat
That darn cat
Hey, what do you say, fella?
Hey, you're taking my food, huh?
- What kept you?
- The lousy buses.
- Where'd you leave the car?
- Outside of Fresno, Route 99.
All right. Okay. They found it.
- The scan came in on the radio.
- What'd I tell you?
The fuzz'll fall for the whole deal,
hook, line and sinker.
Maybe. We've got
the federal fuzz on us this time.
So what? Who cares?
Wait till they pick up them hot 20s
I've been dropping off
all the way up the valley.
They're gonna lose their minds.
Look at us,
livin' in this solid pad,
a block and a half away
from where we pulled the job.
What about them headlines?
We're big news.
Front page,
every one of them...
- Shut up, will you?
- Shut up? Sure.
"Two bank robbers
stage daring, daylight holdup."
Hey, how about that, huh?
"Daring... daring."
"Two armed men
wearing Halloween masks
robbed the North Valley bank
early today...
- I gotta look.
...seizing a teller,
Miss Margaret Miller,
to shield their getaway."
Wow. Does this turn you on, huh?
Two hundred and fifty
thousand dollars.
- Iggy.
- Wow.
Iggy, we don't get 250,000
like the papers say.
We get 160 grand.
A hundred and six...
- Are you tryin' to snow me?
- Get your hands off me, meatball.
Get 'em off.
Don't you do that again.
A hundred and sixty.
How come the papers
don't say that?
- Do you believe the papers or me?
- What do I know?
I've been out risking my neck,
laying phony leads.
You've been in here,
sitting on the glue.
Well, why don't you ask
Miss America there?
She's the money lady.
Hey, it was a quarter million,
wasn't it?
Two hundred grand?
One lousy hundred sixty...
[man] Don't do it, lggy.
What I want to know is,
how come it don't bother you, huh?
Two of you wouldn't
have cooked this up?
Oh, come on, lggy.
You're more of a drag than she is.
All right,
what are we gonna do about her?
[Man] To tell you the truth,
she's been a pretty good girl.
No hysteriaville, no gas.
No struggling.
She's got consideration
for other people.
I say we ought to
turn her off right now.
Is that another one
of your big ideas?
You see this?
Everyone in town is gonna be lookin'
at our girl's picture.
They dig her now,
all those helpful little citizens.
And that one little old man,
Eyewitness Charlie, with 20l20 vision.
Who always happens
to be looking out a window
when you're dragging out a body.
- [Lggy] What's the action then?
- We cool it, cool it, all of us.
- Cool it.
- Mother, I'm gonna take this gag off.
You got any ideas about noise?
All right. That's good...
...because I've got sensitive ears,
and when someone yells,
I do things.
Things like make me hate myself
in the morning.
Now, Mother, here's the picture.
We hole up here a few days.
We're stuck with you.
Now, we don't want you getting sick
or scared or finking out.
That's no good.
Not for us. Not for you.
[Stammering] What are you
gonna do with me?
Well, first you've got
to believe one thing.
One killing, more or less,
won't make any difference.
We've got nothin' to lose.
Anybody we knock off from here on in,
is just a little more gravy, see?
- I understand.
- That's solid, Moms.
Come on.
Let's make with the cookin'.
Iggy brought groceries. Come on.
We got steaks, we got salmon.
What's it gonna be?
Steak. I'll have mine rare.
Make mine well.
I can't stand the sight of blood.
Some desperate character
I got for a partner, huh?
[Door rattling]
All right, fleabag,
get out of here.
- Let him stay a while, Dan.
- What for?
- I like cats.
- You like cats?
Yeah. I ever tell you about
Acey-Deucy, my old cat?
- No, and you ain't going to.
- As long as he was alive, I was lucky.
- He was a real friend.
- You're breaking my heart.
Come on, I want to talk to you.
Don't stand there flapping your ears.
Make with the cooking.
I like the cat.
Don't forget, I'm watching you.
I don't trust that dame.
I don't trust her.
I don't want you to trust her.
The thing is,
she might play along
if we con her into thinking
we might turn her loose.
- You wouldn't, would you?
- Are you out of your mind?
[Indistinct murmuring]
[Dan] Nah, you're kidding.
[Lggy] What's holding you up?
Move it, will you?
I think my watch stopped.
What do I care?
What's with the watch?
- I wanted to time the steaks.
- That's a clock, ain't it?
Move it, will you?
What do you think you're doing?
Not that way, Dan,
somebody will hear.
[Stammering] He wanted to go out.
I... I didn't make a break.
I... I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't.
Because I got friends.
Ten little lead-nosed friends in here.
And they all run faster
than you do, Moms.
[Stammering] I know.
Now, let's get one thing straight.
Don't touch that door again.
Not that door,
or any window in there.
- You got that straight?
- Got it?
- Yes.
- You just used up all your luck, lady.
Now, don't try me again.
How about Thursday night
at the drive-in?
- What's playing?
- Night of the Surter.
- What was that we saw tonight?
- Surter Beach Party.
- And the night before last?
- Son of Surt and Sinbad the Surter.
- Double feature.
- Canoe...
Do you ever get a spooky feeling
that we keep seeing
the same movie over and over?
And all they do
is change the titles a little?
Yeah, it's terrific stuff, isn't it?
Couldn't we, just once,
see a nice quiet movie,
where boy meets girl,
they have problems
which aren't weird, they fall in love,
and live happily ever after?
Why would you want
to see unhealthy stuff like that?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe once
I'd like to go to a movie
where I don't get seasick.
I'll make you a deal.
You go with me Thursday night,
next time I'll take you to one of those
happily ever after clambakes. Deal?
- I guess.
- Where's the thing playing?
Oh, who knows? Maybe they don't
make movies like that anymore.
Well, sure.
You wanna know why?
Because people don't want to
be depressed by all that slop.
Ha! That Henderson boy went
right into the house with her.
[Shouting] Right into the house.
She and the Henderson boy,
the two of them.
Why shouldn't he go
in the house?
He's been hanging around
since he was old enough to wave bye-bye.
they happen to represent
two separate and distinct
members of the opposite sex.
- Alone, in that house.
- You tell them, kid.
With their parents all over Europe,
someone's got to keep an eye
on those girls.
by authority of
the Federal Communications Commission,
and the grace of
a kindly Providence,
which gave me the power of
not having to listen to people,
I am now going off the air.
Don't you dare take that thing off!
I haven't finished talking.
Good night, old woman.
I can't hear what you're sayin',
but whatever it is,
I disagree with you 100 percent.
[Canoe] You're out of peanut butter.
How come there aren't any olives?
- [Girl] Put them on the shopping list.
- Okay.
- Hi, DC.
- [Meowing]
You know, Patti,
sometimes you worry me.
You don't eat enough
to keep a bird alive.
Canoe. This is just a wild idea,
but has it ever occurred to you
there's more to life
than surfing and eating?
- Like what?
- Forget it.
I just realized
I was talking to myself.
- Hey, your folks are in Venice.
- I know.
Your father got indigestion
from a clam sauce, but feels better now.
Bills, bills, bills.
Look at this, nothing but bills.
Surf news should be
comin' up about now.
You listen. I'm gonna straighten up
and go off to bed.
- Okay.
- Hi, DC.
Watch the crumbs, will you, fellas?
Pass the word. Watch the crumbs.
[TV announcer]
According to authorities,
the desperados and their victim
may have traveled north
in an effort to escape this area.
- Their car was discovered on...
- That's Miss Miller.
...outside of Fresno.
- Who?
Miss Miller, the Christmas Club window
at the bank.
- I've known her for years.
- Oh, yeah, so have I.
She goes to our Laundromat.
Kind of creepy, isn't it?
All this happening in your
own neighborhood, to people you know.
Want me to stick around
until your sister comes home?
- You know, the protecting bit.
- No, thanks.
All right.
[TV] And now, surters,
here's the word for tomorrow.
This is your Weather Gremmie with
the beach news for the a.m.
Goleta to Zuma,
sea conditions light to moderate.
Malibu, moderate in the early morning,
with some real heavies expected.
Hey, Pat, surf's up tomorrow at Malibu.
You want to go?
Yeah, sure.
Good night. [kisses]
Good night. [kisses]
That's all for tonight, surters.
The word is "go."
See you at the beach.
Mmm. Come on, here. Come on.
That's a good boy.
Good one.
Wow. 11:15?
Man, I gotta get some sleep.
[Motor rewing loudly]
[Tires screeching]
- I thought we'd almost had it there.
- Sorry, one of Patti's friends.
Oh. [chuckling]
- Is it a date, then?
- Mm-hm.
You won't regret it, I'm sure.
Mother is an extremely fine cook.
- I'm sure she is, Gregory.
- Mother cooks the best duck.
And as for the duck,
did I tell you it was a Gadwall?
No, I don't believe you did.
I, uh, stood all day
in a duck blind to get it.
In the pouring rain.
I almost got pneumonia.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No. It's all right. It was worth it.
Well worth it.
It's a beautiful creature.
Perfectly beautiful. Superb eating.
Mother... Mother prepares duck
in the classic, old-fashioned way.
She hangs it out
on the screen porch
for 48 hours before cooking.
It makes all the difference
in the world.
- All the difference in the world.
- [Girl] I, um...
I'm looking forward
to meeting your mother.
I've heard so much about her.
I know you two are gonna be
the very best of friends.
And now, uh...
- Good night.
- Good night.
- I'll see you in the morning.
- Mm-hm.
- Same time as usual?
- Hmm.
- [Barking]
- Quiet, Blitzy.
Good night,
my little beauties. [cooing]
Okay, where's the duck?
- I beg your pardon.
- I want my duck!
Your duck?
If you please.
I'm sorry,
I really don't know...
[growling] Where is that sneaky,
miserable guttersnipe?
- He's got my duck.
- What duck?
Don't you dare pretend with me.
- I saw him come in here with it.
- You saw who come in?
Patricia Randall,
I have had all I can take.
That rotten cat of yours,
he molests my prize albino fantails,
crawls all over my car every time
I wash it with his muddy paws.
He digs up Mother's bulbs.
He's driven my dog to the brink
of a nervous breakdown.
You mean DC?
Well, I'm sorry,
but actually, he isn't my cat.
He isn't anybody's cat.
What are you talking about?
He lives here, doesn't he?
Of course, but don't you see?
You don't own someone like DC.
He's family.
[Sighing] Oh,
but what am I gonna do?
Shoot. I spent all day
in a duck blind.
Humph! Pouring rain.
And I get one duck.
One single Gadwall.
And that flea-raddled fiend
had to go and steal it.
I know you're upset,
but be honest. It was dark, wasn't it?
It could have been that nasty cat
from across the street.
The one who does everything
that DC gets blamed for.
- [Meowing]
- Now, do you think...
Oh, DC, how could you?
Hold this.
DC, give that to me this instant.
I want you to know
I'm very, very disappointed in you.
Oh, Gregory, I am sorry.
I can't think what
could have come over him.
Bad, bad cat. Ah!
"Bad, bad cat"?
You're a menace
to the whole neighborhood.
Mark you, if I had my way,
the authorities would
do away with you.
Now, wait a minute, Gregory.
DC's a cat.
He can't help his instincts.
He's a hunter, just like you are,
only he's not stupid enough
to sit out in the pouring rain all day.
Just let me make myself quite clear.
You better keep him locked up at night.
The next time I find him at our place,
I'll give him a pantsful of buckshot.
Nine times, if necessary.
I know.
I don't care for him much, either.
But he does have a point,
don't you think?
Was that Gregory
I heard down there?
- Correct.
- He sounded angry.
Yeah, I believe he was.
- What goes on around here, anyway?
- Nothing, nothing at all.
DC just happened to take a duck
off Gregory's back porch.
- "Happened" to take a duck?
- Yes.
Gregory came stamping and banging
over here to find it.
Furious. Made a perfect fool of himself.
I don't think he's a stable person.
- There goes my duck dinner.
- Your what?
He invited me to his house for dinner.
His mother was gonna fix the duck.
Fix the...
Ingrid, don't you see?
You're walking into a trap.
For goodness sakes, Gregory drives me
to work in the morning.
At night he picks me up
and he takes me home.
If he wants to go
to all that trouble,
the least I can do
is be courteous if he asks me to dinner.
How can you be so blind?
It began with
the old car pool routine, right?
Why shouldn't it? His law office
happens to be next door to where I work.
But the point is, there used to be
five people in that car,
then Gregory traded in his sedan
for a two-seater sports car.
And Mr. Burke,
Miss Patters and Miss Mosely
were ruthlessly squeezed out
to find other transportation, correct?
- Now, listen...
- Creeping matrimony, that's what it is.
The car pool, the duck dinner,
a movie here and there.
Inky, you're taking the gas
and you don't even know it.
Thank you, dear,
I'm sure you mean well,
but I think I can handle
the Gregory situation
in my own bumbling way.
I'm sorry, but I suppose at your age,
when that important person
hasn't come into your life,
- well...
- Well, what?
Well, I suppose a tinge,
just the faintest tinge, of desperation,
begins to blow your judgment.
Good night.
I can assure you, there is no tinge
of desperation in my outlook.
- And my vision is exceptionally clear.
- Good.
Which, I might add,
brings us to your friends.
- My friends?
- Yes, dear.
The one we've been tripping over
all these years.
Canoe? That's very unfair.
Canoe is...
well, he's just defenseless.
He's very sweet and young, and...
...needs help.
- I certainly agree he needs something.
Doesn't he do anything
but mope around in shorts
- and eat us out of house and home?
- Just shows how little you know him.
- Canoe has plenty of ambition.
- What?
To be the first 50-year-old surfer
at Santa Monica?
If you ask me, he's...
What's the matter?
DC's wearing a wristwatch.
Well, what will that dear, sweet,
innocent cat be bringing home next?
The Hope Diamond, I imagine.
- Where do you suppose he got it?
- I don't know.
Probably some child slipped it on,
or some teenager put it on for a joke.
Good night. Check with lost and found
in the morning.
[Patti] Ingrid?
Look. Someone started to scratch
something on the casing.
See? "H-E,"
and that looks like part of an L.
I'll bet somebody was trying to write
"help" and they were interrupted.
Somebody's in trouble.
What cooks in that wild
little head of yours now?
Somebody's in trouble.
I feel it in my bones.
You bet. Now get out and let me
go to sleep. I'm a working girl.
Don't you think
we ought to do something?
Good night.
Come on, DC, give.
Someone does need help, don't they?
I know you could find a way to tell me
if you really wanted to.
A smart cat like you.
You can be such a rat sometimes.
Don't say anything,
just point me towards the coffee.
What's wrong with you?
I didn't close my eyes once last night.
Oh, I've got huge dark circles
under my eyes.
- And me so young.
- What's bothering you?
I just couldn't stop thinking
about this watch.
Especially that pitiful
cry for help on the back.
Oh, you're not going to start that,
so help me...
You know, I thought
and thought and thought,
and I think I finally know the answer.
The watch belongs to her.
- The kidnapped woman?
- Yeah.
Come off it. How far out can you get?
Does it have a name?
- [Honking]
- No, but it's exactly the sort of watch
a woman like that would wear:
Feminine, yet...
bank tellerish, if you see what I mean.
Patti, you are absolutely impossible.
Have a nice day at the office, Inky.
You've got that terrible
I know what's going on
in your little mind,
- and I forbid it.
- What do you mean?
You're not going to overdramatize this,
like you do everything else.
I absolutely forbid you to get
the police stirred up
with another of your hallucinations
about people in trouble.
You're not to go near
the police with that watch.
- Certainly.
- Bye.
- [Gregory] Good morning, Ingrid.
- Good morning.
Naturally, I wouldn't go to the police.
This is a job for the FBI.
May I help you?
- Yes, I'd like to see a, uh...
- We call them agents here.
- Yes, I'd like to see an agent.
- May I ask what about?
I have information
about one of your crimes.
- Thank you. Would you wait over there?
- Yes.
- These are for you, Mr. Hart.
- Thank you.
- I'm back at 11:00.
- Yes, sir.
- Morning, Hart.
- Good morning, Mr. Kelso.
- Hi, Vicky, anything for me?
- No, sir.
[Kelso] If Mr. Paul calls about
the bank records, put him through.
See you around.
- Is he an agent?
- Yes, he is.
- Nice face, hasn't he?
- Why, yes.
Yes, Mr. Ellender?
The messenger hasn't arrived yet.
I can put a tracer on it.
We haven't heard
from Denver all morning.
I'll connect you with Agent Morrow.
He's got the reports on that case.
[Phone ringing]
[Clearing throat]
Well, we've got 22 Howards
in Los Angeles County.
Better start right at the top.
Mr. Kelso, I have something to report
on one of your cases.
It's a family cat.
He's called DC.
That means "Darn Cat."
Daddy named him,
he called him something worse,
Mother won't let us use that.
Excuse me.
First, what is your name?
Patricia Randall,
808 Pendelton Avenue.
Uh-huh, and what is
this information you have, Miss Randall?
It's DC, our cat.
He likes to prowl around at night,
as cats do. Nothing wrong with that.
And he likes people, as a general rule,
if they're nice and give him food.
He goes back.
I think he has a regular route
to pick out food,
sort of like a milkman in reverse.
- And this relates to one of our cases?
- Yes. Yes, it does.
Last night
DC was out roaming around,
and stole a duck from Mr. Benson
down the street.
Ah, Miss, um, Randall...
I'm afraid that
that's a police matter.
You see, our jurisdiction is limited
to certain fields of investigation.
At the present time,
duck stealing is not one of them.
How about bank robbery
and kidnapping?
Maybe I'd better hear
the rest of your story.
Thank you.
Well, last night DC came home
wearing a wristwatch.
- Wearing a wristwatch?
- Yes.
- Instead of his collar.
- Oh.
And I couldn't help thinking what
I would do if I were poor Miss Miller,
held prisoner by two hoodlums,
- and a stray cat came wandering in.
- Mm-hm.
Don't you see? I'd try to put
something of mine on the cat as a clue.
Like a wristwatch, maybe even
try to scratch something on it.
Do you have this wristwatch?
Mr. Kelso, I knew you'd understand.
That's why I selected you personally.
You see, of course, on the back,
where she started to scratch
the word "help,"
- and was interrupted.
- Uh-huh.
And that squiggle could be an "L."
Well, that doesn't quite
spell "help," does it?
She was wearing a wristwatch
at the time of her abduction.
We have only a superficial description.
- This may or may not be the watch.
- But wouldn't it be enough to start on?
I wonder if you could wait here
for just a few moments?
Of course. My entire day
is at your disposal.
Thank you, Miss Randall.
- It's a goofy idea.
- That's what I thought too, sir.
- The only thing is, I like it.
- You do, sir?
I don't like this paper chase
someone's leading us on.
Those 20-dollar bills from the bank
we've been picking up
- at convenient towns up the valley.
- They went in another direction?
Or stayed here in the city.
This watch lead ties in with that.
- How's your workload, Kelso?
- Me, sir?
Uh, well, I'm going over
old bank records on Johnny the Cooch.
- We're ready to trip him up.
- The Cooch can wait.
Kidnapping takes priority.
I want you to set up surveillance
and tail this cat.
- Tail the cat?
- He may take us to the criminals.
That's all.
Actually, I don't have
any experience in tailing cats.
For that matter, who does?
Sorry, sir. You wish me to set up
a surveillance on this informant,
exactly as if we thought of him
as a person?
Unless, of course, it works out better
to think of him as a cat.
Sir, I think it's only fair to tell you,
I don't get on well with cats.
There's a kind of an antagonism
between us.
- Is that so?
- Yes, and I have a slight allergy.
Allergy? I know the medical records
of every man in this office.
Have you been keeping
something from me?
It's a very small allergy, sir.
- Hardly worth mentioning.
- Don't.
Stay in touch. I'm available
on this case 24 hours a day.
Yes, sir.
Sir, it's just that every time
I'm around c...
C... [loud sneeze]
Gesundheit, and good luck.
Thank you, sir.
Yes, a lot of people
are gonna be sorry
for the things they said about DC.
[Laughing] Wait till they find out
he's working with the FBI.
I don't think we should expose
your cat's relationship with us
at this time.
I'd like to remain
as inconspicuous as possible.
You don't want everyone in the
neighborhood to know who you are?
Exactly. People tend
to become overstimulated
when they discover an FBI man
in the neighborhood.
It interferes with the quiet,
orderly process of investigation.
- Hmm.
- Especially kidnap cases.
See, this places the life
of the kidnap victim
into additional jeopardy.
We've gotta not
generate too much heat?
The kidnappers'll chicken out,
kill Miss Miller,
dispose of the remains
and take off?
Uh, that's one way to put it, yes.
You go first.
Remember, everything
quiet, calm, inconspicuous.
Quiet, calm, inconspicuous.
That brazen creature.
Right in broad daylight!
What are you cackling about now?
A strange man just went
into the house with Patti.
- So what?
- He was carrying a bag.
Don't get yourself up
in a sweat, old woman.
- It's probably the plumber.
- It was not the plumber!
- This man was nicely dressed.
- That's the way plumbers dress now.
The prices they charge these days,
I'm surprised he wasn't
wearing a tuxedo.
[Kelso] Do you have any friends?
People who are in and out all the time?
I'm afraid so.
Father always complained
we were running a rehabilitation center
for punch-drunk juveniles.
Uh-huh. I'd prefer a room
on the second floor, actually.
To reduce the chance of somebody
coming in and finding me at work.
- This your room?
- Ingrid's. My sister.
- Oh. Would she mind?
- No, not at all.
- She'd be only too happy to help.
- Good.
That's the side door
from the kitchen?
Yes, that's the exit DC uses when
he goes out for an evening on the town.
Uh-huh. Tonight, we'll set up
our communications unit in here.
Whatever you like.
All right. And now, I suppose
I'd better meet the c... c...
- [sneezes]
- Bless you. What did you say?
[Rapid breathing]
I said I...
...suppose I...
...better meet the...
- Oh.
Ah, DC. He's probably goofing around
under the bed or something.
That's his favorite spot.
- Ah, your sins have caught up with you.
- [Meowing]
This is your FBI.
Well. [chuckle] This is the...
...informant, as we say
down at the office.
Hear that, DC?
You're the informant now.
Nice little kitty cat.
Good, good kitty cat.
- Is he friendly?
- Mm-hm.
He almost got me that time.
He's all right.
Don't make any sudden moves
because it tends
to set off his reflexes or something.
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
Doesn't seem to like me, does he?
I guess that's a bad sign,
the kind of people
- that animals don't like?
- It doesn't mean a thing.
DC and Daddy loathe one another,
and Daddy's
the Lamb of the Year.
Say, I wonder if you would excuse me
for just one minute. I think we better
get this show on the road.
- What are you going to do?
- I have some work to do with DC
before we start our surveillance.
Photos and so on.
- Oh, for the papers, you mean?
- No, for our own people to study.
See, there's finger... pawprints,
plaster impressions...
...samples of his fur...
Bless you.
You're catching a terrible cold.
DC, pull yourself together.
You want me to get you something?
No, no. I'm fine. It's just
a slight allergy I have around c... c...
- Around, uh...
- Oh.
Wonder if you'd put him on the bed
and let me get a picture of him?
- There you go.
- Could you get him to stand up?
- I'll get a full-figure shot.
- Oh, yes.
There we go.
Come on, DC, cooperate.
Come on, DC, you're working
for the FBI now. There.
Uh, that's not any good.
We can't see him properly.
Wait a minute.
Here's what he likes.
Where'd he go?
- Back under the bed.
- [Hissing]
I should've taken the pawprints first.
You're right.
He's not about to come out.
Can't we just get ahold of him there
and drag him out?
Sure, if you want to lose a hand.
The Bureau has spent $19,800
of the taxpayers' money
training me for emergencies.
They expect something for their cash.
I have no intention of being
intimidated by this c... c...
- Well, you are a very brave man.
- Thank you.
All right, when I count three,
we'll both grab him at the same time.
- But move fast.
- Let's go.
- You ready?
- Let's go. Yeah.
- [Yowling]
- One, two, three.
[Yowling, snarling]
Oh, DC. You're bleeding.
No, it's nothing.
Probably just an artery.
Say, would you get him
down for me, please?
You're not going ahead with this?
I'm afraid you underestimate me.
We shall proceed
with the pawprinting.
All right.
Come on now, DC,
don't be difficult.
- What's that?
- It's ink.
Ink? Can't we do that
in the bathroom?
Ingrid will murder me
if we get ink on the rug.
Oh, sure. Let's go.
- [Meowing]
- Don't make such a fuss, DC.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Sorry about the washing.
Girl's bathroom, you know.
- It's okay.
- DC!
- Come on.
- Good old kitty cat.
- Nice, nice kitty cat.
- [Hissing]
[Whispering] Spread this out over there.
Let's see. I guess I'll put the pawprint
in the space for the thumb.
Oh, hurry.
I can't hold him any longer.
Oh, all right.
Here we go, now.
Just relax there.
Take it easy, there, now.
It won't hurt a bit.
- [Growling]
- [Knocking]
Oh, Canoe.
- Can I what?
- No, he's a friend of mine.
- I promised to go to the beach.
- That's not so good.
Is he one of the kids
that hangs around?
Yes, and he has kitchen privileges,
and he's as easy to get rid of...
Try to get rid of him.
It's important.
- What do I say?
- Anything. Just keep him away.
All right.
Hurry back,
for the love of heaven.
- [Knocking]
- [Meowing]
Okay, tiger,
it's either you or me.
- Patti?
- [Weakly] Yes?
What kind of a get-up is that
to go surfing in?
Want the crowd
to think you're an eccentric?
Please go on without me.
I don't think I can make it today.
Well, Patti, are you all right?
I've never seen you like this before.
- Can I help?
- It's all right.
I just feel terribly, terribly weak.
[Straining] If you're so weak,
how come I can't get through the door?
Please go, Canoe.
I can't bear you
to see me looking like this.
- [Loud scream]
- [Meowing]
- What was that?
- [Meowing]
- What was what?
- That bloodcurdling scream.
- [Crashing]
- Canoe, will you please go?
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
I was butting in on a murder.
- Oh, don't be silly.
- [Crashing]
You know how DC hates water.
He's having a bath.
By himself?
All right. If you won't go to the beach,
I'll make myself a sandwich.
Kitchen privileges
are temporarily withdrawn.
He's gone.
Pawprints everywhere!
Yeah, except on the card.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Aha. The best pawprint I ever made.
The first point I wish to make
is that time is not on our side.
The word is move,
and move swiftly.
We're gonna follow an informant whose
information may or may not be reliable.
However, he could lead us
to the Miller kidnappers.
Okay, here's the physical.
Name of the informant: DC Randall.
Nationality: Siamese.
Sex: Male.
Eyes: Blue.
Weight: 17 pounds.
- Seventeen pounds?
- Exactly.
Hair, or in this case, fur:
Black streaked with tan and white.
- You did say "fur"?
- Correct.
- You want us to follow a cat?
- That's the assignment.
How do you follow a cat?
They go through fences and culverts.
They climb trees and phone poles.
Wither he goest, you will go.
- You have a question, Graham?
- I've got an old dog
who's a lot better
at tracking cats than I am.
We don't have time for comments.
I'd like to remind you,
a woman's life is involved here.
- Sorry.
- Okay.
Now, tonight you'll take up
your initial positions
in the area surrounding
the Randall house, here.
When the informant leaves,
it'll be our job to contain him loosely,
within a moving, fluid perimeter.
It's important he doesn't
become aware of us
as this might alter
his regular nocturnal behavior.
Hold it.
Who do you think you're kidding?
- What do you mean?
- You think I don't know
- what's going on upstairs?
- You do?
I didn't come in from Stupidsville
on last night's bus.
- You've got a woman in that apartment.
- Hold it. What does that mean?
Don't double-talk me.
I've got ears, haven't I?
Uh, it's Dan's mother.
She come in unexpected, sudden-like.
We didn't know. That's all.
I don't care if it's Pocahontas.
You got three people living there,
and that'll cost you another 20 dollars.
- I'll bring it right down.
- Don't bother.
I'll come up and get it.
I like to know my tenants.
- Can't. She's sick.
- What's wrong with her?
- Nothing catching, is it?
- It's her nervous system.
It's all fouled up.
She can't stand visitors.
- We gotta leave, gotta get out of here.
- What for?
The old battle-ax knows
we got a dame up here.
She heard her talking.
I told her it was your mother.
Why didn't you tell her
it was the TV?
I told you a million times, the TV.
- I gotta talk to you. Private.
- Why private?
- We got no secrets from Moms.
- Come on, will you? Please.
All right, all right.
Go in the kitchen
and get a glass of water.
And stand by the sink,
where I can see you.
Okay, fill me in.
Well, I found a place.
I got a big bin I spotted
in an alley two blocks away.
Back of a store,
where they dump trash.
Not so good. It's too close.
Anyway, I don't like bodies.
They always turn up at the wrong times.
We gotta unload her. The lady downstairs
is gonna start nosing around.
[Dan] I say we got it made,
just as long as we sit tight.
- [Lggy] I say we make a move.
- [Dan] We sweat it out right here.
Listen, Dan...
...anything else I play it your way,
- Just one condition.
- Who says you make conditions?
- Just one.
- Such as?
She goes.
All right. But not until later.
And not in the trash bin.
See if you can't lose the car somewhere,
get her out of the city.
[Kelso] You sure your sister
won't mind us using her room?
No, not a bit. I told you,
she'd be happy to help.
Spires, this is Control.
Do you read me?
Sweet and clear. You reading me?
Affirmative. Excuse me.
What's your exact position?
In the alley, about 30 feet
from the Randall back gate.
You're the only one who can see
the informant when he hits the alley.
Let me know which way he turns.
Cahill, what's your field of vision?
West of Whittier,
east of the bend in Wetherby Drive.
- Stand by. About three minutes to go.
- You're young to be doing this work.
- I mean, it's terribly responsible.
- I'm really not that...
...not that young.
Kelly, are you settled in?
Affirmative. South side of Maple,
50 feet from the junction with Wetherby.
Got it.
You're very athletic looking.
Do you surf?
Uh, no, not anymore.
My legs always looked ridiculous
in those shorts.
Besides, I was scared to death
half the time.
I don't believe that.
Look at the brave, wonderful things
you FBI people do in your job.
Maybe we could
chat some other time, huh?
As you very properly pointed out today,
a woman's life may depend on what we do.
I'm sorry.
Do you want me to leave?
Maybe that would be best, yes.
Oh, all right.
I only thought if DC happened to wake up
and find a strange man in the bedroom...
I just don't know
how he's gonna take it.
Uh, you've got a point there.
- Graham, are you settled in?
- Opposite the west end of the alley.
If the informant goes west,
you've got him.
If he goes the other way, stand by.
I'll give you a new position.
- Who's the square red one?
- The informant.
- The informant?
- Yeah.
Oh, DC. Oh.
Say, are you sure he
always goes out at 9:00?
Oh, yes.
Unless, of course,
it's one of his contrary nights.
All agents now stand by.
- For goodness sake, act casual.
- What?
Don't let him suspect
anything's going on.
Oh, oh.
Nice kitty cat.
[Kelso] Good old kitty cat.
[Chuckling] You can save the hypocrisy.
- He knows you don't like him.
- Oh.
You're all tensed up.
He's getting the idea something's wrong.
Can't you act casual?
Well, certainly nice weather
we're having, isn't it?
And there's a bit of a wind
coming up from the east.
[Whispering] That's terrible.
Can't you do any better?
- Well...
- And be careful what you say.
He can't understand
what I'm saying, can he?
Not everything, of course.
He's just a cat.
But mostly everything.
I told you before,
let my stuff alone.
And come on
in the house, snoopy.
- I thought he's supposed to go out.
- Shh.
Spires, he's on his way.
I have the informant in sight.
He's turning west on the alley,
toward Whittier Drive.
Graham, he's coming your way.
Can you pick him up?
I've got him.
He's in the backyard of the
next-to-last house on Maple.
I'm going to investigate.
Spires and Cahill,
the informant is moving north.
Stand by for new positions.
He's looking up
at the side windows of the house.
- Who lives here?
- The Hendersons.
- They moved in last winter.
- Forget it. He's moving to the street.
Kelly, next-to-last house on Maple,
informant coming through.
I make him, Control.
He's on Maple Street,
bearing toward the business area.
All right, Kelly,
leave the car and follow on foot.
Spires, move to the junction
of Whittier and College.
[Agent] The informant is approaching
the junction of Whittier and State.
Okay, Graham,
move to Seventh and State.
Junction Seventh and State.
The informant has now
turned west onto State Street.
Cahill, move to Eighth Street,
about a half block south of Main.
The informant is moving down the alley
leading from State Street to Main.
The informant is stopped on Main Street
in front of a delicatessen.
That's Mr. Bartel's delicatessen.
DC always hangs around there and
it drives Mr. Bartel out of his mind.
Get out of here.
Informant's moving, crossing
to the south side of the street.
Stay put for a minute, Kelly.
Graham, move to Seventh and Main.
Cahill, had a visual
on the informant yet?
Have him, Control.
He's approaching my position.
Informant passed my position, proceeding
toward the middle of the block.
Informant has gone into the side yard
of an apartment building.
Stick with him.
- Does DC know anybody on Eighth?
- Who knows?
He's still in the yard. He's interested
in something on the second floor.
[Whistles] Let's start
pulling in our perimeter.
Kelly, move down Eighth to the building.
Cahill, stay with the informant.
Graham, cut through the backyards
and come behind the apartment.
- DC won't be hurt?
- I have to ask you to be quiet.
Spires, start your car and move towards
the location with your lights off.
Back away from that window.
Why don't you let her stick her head out
the window and yell for help, meathead!
What'd I do?
Hold everything.
Informant's on the move again.
He's proceeding north on Eighth Street
the way he came in.
Oh, no.
Cahill, stay with the informant.
Others return to positions.
I thought we had something there.
I love DC, but he can
drive you up the wall sometimes.
We didn't expect to find
what we were after on the first pop.
Good, DC makes a scene
all over town.
- He must have dozens of stops.
- Dozens?
- [Cahill] Informant's crossing Main.
- Stay with him.
Maybe I shouldn't have said that,
but I don't want to see you tense.
- It can't be good for you.
- Excuse me, but I do not get tense.
We are trying not to be emotional.
Alert, yes. Tense, no.
Oh, I am relieved.
Ingrid, when you come
to dinner at the house,
would you mind wearing
something in yellow?
Gregory, I look yuck in yellow.
Do make an effort, dear.
It's Mother's favorite color.
Control, I'm getting hot.
- The informant is suspicious.
- Try and stay with him to the alley.
- Graham's coming in down there.
- Okay.
Control, the informant
has broken off contact.
I've lost him.
All agents,
abandon present positions.
Converge on the alley running
from Wetherby to Maple...
- Say!
- Hi.
- Shh!
- What do you mean, "shh"?
- What's going on here?
- Quiet, please.
- Report to me when you reach it.
- How dare you tell me to be quiet?
- What's this man doing here?
- I want you to meet Mr. Kelso,
from the Federal Bureau
of Investigations.
Please stop chattering,
or leave the room.
Listen, mister, where do you get off
telling me to leave my room?
I really have to ask you to be quiet,
and that goes for...
Hi, there.
Cahill, what happened to you?
- What's going on here?
- Ingrid, be still.
It's a matter of life and death.
I'll explain it to you later.
You'll get Tom Swift
and his electric scoreboard out of here,
- or I'll call the police.
- Don't call the police about the FBI.
- They won't come.
- Approach the alley from the east.
- Rendezvous with Cahill.
- I don't know about that.
That makes everything official.
Control, we've reached the rendezvous.
All negative.
[Agent] Okay.
There he is.
- [Cahill] I've got him.
- Graham, Kelly, stay behind.
Cahill, Spires, circle ahead.
We can't lose him again.
There he goes.
I'm not going to have hysterics.
I am going to ask everyone nicely
to please leave my room.
- If you'll come out to the hallway...
- I'm not going in the hall.
- Graham, where are you?
- Not sure. I doubled back so much.
Never mind.
Keep the informant in sight.
There he is, moving along a tree branch
toward a light frame house.
[Agent] Control, I see him too.
There's a door on the balcony.
He's trying to work it open.
- There are people in the room.
- How many?
It's hard to tell,
I just see shadows.
They're probably armed.
Wait for Graham and the others.
I'm moving around to the front,
Kelly's behind me.
- They're closing in.
- Closing in what?
Spires and I can go in
by the balcony.
There won't be any shooting?
DC's in the middle of everything.
I hope not.
We'll try to surprise them.
Oh, man.
- Front door is unlocked.
- Good, use the stairs.
Cahill, Spires,
are you in position?
Go on in.
- What's the idea?
- The cat came in here.
Are you guys out of your mind?
There's no...
[wheezing, sneezing]
What's the matt... Oh!
Oh, you poor darling.
Frightened to death.
That... [sneezing] cat!
- Oh, good morning, Mr. Benson.
- Good morning, Mrs. MacDougall.
I hope Ingrid
is feeling better this morning.
- Better? Is something wrong?
- Well, I figured she was sick.
She had the doctor over last night.
Or leastwise,
I assume he was the doctor.
Who else would be up there,
in her room?
Mrs. MacDougall,
exactly what time was this?
Look at the old buzzard.
I can imagine what she's telling him.
"Of course it's none of my business,
but there were men in Ingrid's room."
You won't tell him they're FBI people?
No one must know.
What am I supposed to say? The Kiwanis
Club is having fall maneuvers here?
You're a love. I know you won't
give everything away.
Remember, Miss Miller's life
hangs in the balance.
So does my car pool.
My reputation won't be worth
a plug nickel unless you get them out.
We've got to think
of Miss Miller and cooperate.
Of course, but the FBI has
gotten along all these years
without using my room
as a base of operation.
I want Mr. Whoever-He-ls,
and his ham radio or whatever-that-is,
out of my room by the time I get home,
or I'll become very difficult.
- Is that clear?
- Yes, quite.
- Have a nice day.
- Good morning, Ingrid.
- How do you feel this morning?
- Be careful, Gregory.
Be extremely careful what you say.
I haven't had my coffee,
and I'm in no mood
for stupid, irresponsible remarks.
- [Knocking]
- Come in.
- Kelso.
- Yes, sir.
I was just looking at your report.
It probably sounds peculiar on paper.
If I might amplify...
Only thing missing is Chester Conklin
and the Max Sennett Bathing Girls.
That's very good.
- However, we did learn something.
- Oh?
There are too many men on the detail.
The informant, that is,
the cat, became suspicious.
I felt that we were crowding him
a little too much.
That's about
the same conclusion I reached.
- I've assigned the men to other work.
- I won't need them.
As a matter of fact, I'm about to
forget this whole cat angle.
You can go back to work
on Johnny the Cooch.
As you know, I never wanted to
be involved in this cat thing.
However, I would like to try
one more time by myself.
How, single-handed and at night,
are you gonna follow this animal?
- I'll use a small transmitter.
- A trans...
- You wanna bug the cat?
- That's right.
Okay, one more night.
One. No more.
- Thank you, sir.
- And don't try to be a hero.
- If you turn up anything, bring us in.
- Absolutely, sir.
- I sure appreciate your help.
- It's all right.
Our parents are away,
so I can use their room.
Don't worry about your reputation.
When it's over, we can explain
- what the men were doing in your room.
- Thanks.
Then we'll restore your image
as a nice, quiet, respectful girl,
- who wouldn't get involved with men.
- Oh, please, dear.
I don't mind being respectable,
but I don't want to be a cold potato.
I don't think there's danger of that,
do you, Mr. Kelso?
- No, I hardly think so.
- Thanks.
The collar's ready.
- Shall I slip it on the informant?
- Oh, yes, please.
You'd never guess, would you?
That's the bug.
- Bug?
- Microphone.
And look, here's
a miniature transmitting set.
Sweet, isn't it?
Wherever DC goes, Mr. Kelso can hear
everything around him.
Conversation, music,
footsteps, anything.
But suppose DC simply
shakes him off his trail?
He did last night, didn't he?
Lmpossible. That's where
the direction finder goes to work.
- Hey, be careful with that thing.
- Absolutely.
DC has a built-in beeper in his collar,
which sends out signals.
And the signals are picked up on this.
Just by turning it, Mr. Kelso can tell
by that needle exactly where DC is.
- Oh, come on, Patti.
- I'll prove it to you.
Look, I'll borrow the spare collar
and hide you somewhere in the house,
- and we'll get Mr. Kelso to find you.
- Don't be ridiculous.
I've got things to do,
and I'm sure...
Don't you want to see
how they spend your tax money?
You don't want him
to think you're stuffy.
I couldn't care less
whether he thinks I'm stuffy or not.
Go in there, it'll be fun.
Here's the collar.
- Hey, this lock sticks.
- No, it works like a charm.
- Okay, Ingrid's all ready.
- Good.
- Ready for what?
- [Knocking]
Oh, Canoe.
- I promised I'd go to the drive-in.
- It's almost 9:00.
- Can you get rid of him?
- Yes, I'll do the Camille bit again.
- Is he liable to keep hanging around?
- Possible.
- He's sweet, but flypaper.
- Hey, keep your date with him.
Get him out of the neighborhood.
This is my last chance.
I can't risk gumming it up.
I wanted to help.
This will help me.
Now, please...
And, uh, hurry.
- All right.
- [Knocking]
- I'm ready. Let's go.
- What's your hurry?
- I was gonna make a sandwich.
- Are you out of your mind?
Do you want to miss
Night of the Surter,
starring Git Gladsby,
"King of the Roaring Surf"?
- I thought they made you seasick.
- Of course.
Don't they everybody?
Mr. Kelso,
if you don't mind...
...let's get going.
- It's not 9:00 yet.
Say that again.
[Lngrid] Let's get going.
Now, wait a minute.
Let's just try and pull ourselves
together here a minute.
[Lngrid] Patti, you little wretch.
Let me out of here.
- [Pounding] Patti! Let me out of here!
- I'll get you out.
- Patti's gone to the movies.
- Gone to the movies!
Something seems to be stuck here.
Well, open it.
There's no air.
- I'm suffocating!
- I'll go get a screwdriver.
[Lngrid] I'm suffocating!
Let me out of here!
I'm sorry, but the cat's going out.
I've got to follow it.
[Lngrid] Don't you dare follow that cat!
Get me out of here.
There's no air!
I'll be back just as soon as I can.
Probably just an hour or two.
Lie down on the floor.
There's usually more air there.
I'm gonna scream.
Worst thing you can do.
Uses up all the air.
I distinctly heard a woman scream.
Right, and if you don't keep away
from that door, you'll hear another.
Okay, push.
I'd have that latch fixed,
especially if you go in there a lot.
Excuse me, I've gotta run.
I just hope I haven't lost the cat.
Go ahead and follow that cat.
When you find him, do me a favor.
The both of you,
just please stay there.
[Loud rewing]
Thank you, sir.
Turn off your lights, please.
Good evening, sir.
Enjoy the show.
Hey! You can't drive in
without a car.
Come on.
Lost something, mister?
Your car, perhaps?
- What's that in your hand?
- It's a litter meter.
Measures litter
in public places.
- What business is it of yours?
- Health inspector.
Boy, this place is a mess. Look at that.
Pushes the needle off the scale.
I'll bet you got a lot of mice.
Sir, a mouse is no more permitted here
than a man without a car.
Then how do you account
for all these cats?
There goes another one.
- Inspector, where's your badge?
- [Honking]
[Canoe] All I can say is,
there's something weird going on.
[Patti] What do you mean, "weird"?
Well, like whose car is parked
outside your house all the time?
Will you please stop grilling me
and watch the screen?
[Patti] Look at that one.
Isn't he something?
That's another thing. How come
you're interested in surfing pictures?
I thought they made you seasick.
If you ask me,
you're the one who's weird lately.
You always used to be so sweet.
I don't know what's happening.
I'm all churned up inside.
Tell you what.
Why don't you go to the snack stand
and get yourself a pizza
to settle your stomach.
I don't feel like a pizza.
For Pete's sake,
stop grumbling and watch the movie!
Oh, all these
surfing pictures look alike.
- DC!
- Hmm?
Oh, DC, what are you doing here?
- You should be out prowling.
- What are you getting hysterical about?
- If he wants to stay, let him stay.
- I will not.
You know what you're supposed to do.
Now get with it.
Make the scene.
Take off.
Does my smoking bother you?
[Patti] I love the smell of tobacco,
it's the fumes from the matches.
- Can't you keep it lit?
- All right, forget it.
I'm sorry. I guess neither of us
are in a very good mood tonight.
You can say that again.
Why don't we just settle down
and watch this fascinating movie?
[Many cars honking]
It's DC.
What on earth's he doing there?
[Honking continues]
What are you... Don't do that.
You'll disturb him.
- What do you think he's doing?
- I'm sorry.
- You're not gonna upset that cat.
- Get that cat down.
Burton, you stay right here.
Burton, keep your paws off of that cat.
[Honking continues]
Excuse me.
Well, that was a fun picture.
- Take me home now, Canoe.
- Home?
Haven't you seen
enough of this thing?
I thought you liked it.
It isn't halfway through.
Oh, please, Canoe.
You know, sometimes you're not
the easiest person to get along with.
[Birds cooing]
That, uh, car's still here, I see.
Don't start that again.
Good night, and thank you for the movie.
- I suppose I'm not coming in, huh?
- Correct, and good night.
I warn you,
sometime you're gonna push me too far.
I demand to know
what's going on here.
Oh, don't be such a drag.
Go home.
Well, you don't have to go away mad.
[Door slamming]
All right, let's go back
to beddy-by.
Who, may I ask,
put that table there?
I haven't the faintest idea.
- Which way did he go?
- [Gasping]
Don't answer the door.
Someone's shooting someone outside.
I know it's DC. They've shot him
and are bringing back his lifeless body.
- [Screaming]
- DC's all right. They missed him.
- You're lying. He's hurt.
- Hold it down. I gotta call in.
I had a feeling
he'd blow this case open.
- The robbers are in this neighborhood?
- I don't want to jump to conclusions,
but we stirred up a hornet's nest.
Kelso requesting Control. Emergency.
- [Sneezing]
- [Knocking]
Oh, DC, there you are.
Did they hurt you?
However did you find them?
I was trailing DC through a yard
down the street,
and he roused up some pigeons,
and person unknown
ripped off a shotgun blast at us.
- Main Control, go ahead.
- Agent Kelso here, sir.
- I have something worth looking into.
- That wasn't robbers.
That was your nasty Gregory.
Shooting at DC.
- Who's Gregory?
- He lives down the street.
- He keeps pigeons.
- Go ahead, Kelso.
- Oh, boy.
- Kelso!
The situation I was just talking about,
it just checked out.
[Loud pounding]
Step aside, please.
Where is he?
Where do you think you're going?
To shoot DC?
I didn't shoot your rotten little beast,
but I should have.
- Is anything wrong?
- There most certainly is.
You're not going upstairs
to murder DC in cold blood.
I am not after your moronic cat.
I'm after the man
that was following him.
Yes, a prowler behaving
in a very peculiar manner.
- Why don't we all go talk about it?
- Ingrid!
I am going to go through
every inch of this house
- and make sure he didn't sneak in here.
- I've got to break communications.
- I hardly think that's necessary.
- Nevertheless,
I am going up.
[Gregory] After all, there's just
you two girls here,
and I would never forgive myself
if I woke up
and found one of you had been murdered.
You've got nerve,
bursting into my room.
[Gregory] Now, Ingrid,
I want you to believe
that my paramount thought
is for your safety.
[Patti] We're perfectly safe.
There's no prowler here.
[Gregory] I am not a man
for half-measures.
I shall not be content until I have
searched every inch of this house.
Gregory Benson, I will not have you
tramping around my room this way.
And put down that ridiculous thing
before you shoot somebody.
Let me assure you, I am familiar
with the handling of this firearm.
[Lngrid] I'm warning you,
if you don't get out this instant,
this very instant...
[Gregory] I have no intention
of leaving...
Excuse me. The wiring
seems okay, Miss Randall.
- Wiring?
- Yes, but don't hesitate to call.
- No, thank you.
- Just a minute. Now you just wait!
I hope you don't think I am goof enough
to believe that ridiculous story
about you being in that closet
to fix that wiring.
- If I may...
- Because...
...if you think I think that,
you have another think coming.
Miss Randall, I'm afraid we'll have to
take him into our confidence.
You will take me into nothing.
- I want nothing to do with you.
- I'm certain when you hear...
I have borne witness to all the
circumstances I care for one evening.
How come he knows your name?
Is he one of the men
Mrs. MacDougall was talking about?
I couldn't say.
Who do you think he is?
I shudder to think.
I really do.
I can say, it does open up
a fascinating area for conjecture.
Oh, don't be such
a complete floop, Gregory.
This is all perfectly easy to explain.
Don't say another word,
or I'll slap your face.
- We're explaining nothing to him.
- Well.
I hope you realize that Mother is
going to take this all very badly.
- Doesn't she usually?
- Ingrid.
There's no reason for you
to cast a slur upon my mother.
At least she, after all,
is an innocent party.
Yeah. Good night.
Oh, and just one more thing.
I suggest you find yourself
another car pool.
Well, goodbye, Gregory.
Oh, Inky, I'm sorry.
It was all my fault.
It's all for the best, I suppose.
Um, well, goodbye and thanks very much
for your cooperation.
- Goodbye?
- I've been assigned to a new lead.
I've got orders
to wrap up the operation here.
Well, my boss thinks we're not getting
anywhere with our cat surveillance.
I haven't come up
with a shred of evidence
to connect the cat with the criminals.
But what about Miss Miller's watch?
The office just completed their report
on all the jewelers
and watch repair people in this area.
Nothing turned up to indicate
it belonged to Miller.
But it does.
You know it does.
I don't know. It's a theory and
without evidence, we can't waste time.
Oh, I think that's horrible.
What about Miss Miller? Hmm?
You're gonna abandon her
to the mercy of those criminals?
That's enough. Patti tends
to overdramatize things.
What's worse, she has this diabolical
knack of getting everybody involved.
No, it was a good idea, in a way.
We had to be sure.
So long, Patti.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- Excuse me.
- Sorry. Goodbye, now.
I don't know what you must think of me.
Every time we met, I lost my temper.
That's all right.
We meet all kinds.
That wasn't what I meant to say.
- I, um...
- It's okay.
- So long, now.
- Bye.
That fellow has a most attractive way
of putting his foot in his mouth.
- What'd you say his name was?
- Zeke Kelso.
Hmm. Well, no matter.
Let's go to bed.
Tomorrow, if you don't mind,
let's get the house back to normal.
Whatever you say.
More evidence.
That's what they want, is it?
Hey! Get out of it.
- No! No, no, no, no!
- Why?
I wouldn't hear of it,
absolutely not.
And besides,
it's none of my business.
- That's all.
- Of course it's your business.
That's ridiculous.
We can and we must save Miss Miller.
- No, I'm no hero.
- Oh.
Look at me.
Do I look like Elliot Ness?
- No.
- That's the thing. I'm not a hero.
I wanna tell you, not only will I not
get mixed up in this thing,
I'm extremely disinterested
in the whole thing.
Don't get excited.
Just do me a favor. Leave...
Please leave me alone.
- I'm very busy.
- Just listen to me for a moment.
I know you very well,
and I know you're a sweet man,
and you would never forgive yourself
if something terrible happened,
and it could.
I can just see the headlines.
"Mr. Hofstedder.
He Could Have Saved Her."
Would it say that?
Of course, it would.
Wait a minute, don't get excited.
You don't have to do a thing,
just back me up if I get in trouble.
- Who are you calling?
- It's all right, just the FBI.
Oh, the FB... The FBI?
Well, sir, I just hated
to give up on this cat angle.
Zeke, you know as well as I do,
we haven't an iota of evidence
- to connect Miller with that watch.
- [Buzzing]
- Yes?
- Emergency call for Agent Kelso.
Put it through.
Agent Kelso speaking.
[With accent]
This is Daphne Hofstedder speaking
of Hofstedder's Jewelry Store,
1833 West Mapleton Avenue.
Yes, may I help you?
I heard you were
looking for information
concerning a certain watch.
- Yes, we are.
- Well, a couple of weeks ago,
a woman came into the shop
to buy a band for her watch.
Uh, what was the name? Oh.
- A Miss Margaret Miller.
- Margaret Miller?
Would you describe this band
that you sold to Miss Miller?
Uh... expandable.
Uh... it was gold-plated.
Rather inferior, not expensive.
- And the watch?
- Seventeen jewels,
rather rectangular-shaped,
with raised filigree...
things on the face.
Rectangular with raised filigree.
May I ask why you haven't
come forward earlier with this?
Well, I was away...
on my holiday... Mexico, on a bus.
Will you be in town?
Yes, I will be here anytime you want
to talk to me... on the phone.
Thank you very much
for your cooperation.
That's it, the tie-up.
- Can I move?
- Just a moment.
- Miss Hargrave?
- Yes, sir?
Would you get me Mr. Hofstedder
at 1833 West Mapleton, please?
- He's a jeweler.
- Yes, sir.
- I don't buy that just yet.
- Yes, sir.
I want to cross-check.
Let me see that watch again.
- Yes?
- Mr. Hofstedder on the line, sir.
Thank you.
How do you do?
I'm speaking for Mr. Kelso
at 626-0025.
Did you place a call
to this number moments ago?
[Whispering] It's the FBI.
Mr. Hofstedder?
Yes. That was us.
My niece,
from Mexico, you know.
Oh, the wristband. She...
She sold it.
She's from Mexico.
No, I'm Mr. Hofstedder.
My niece sold it.
Thank you very much.
I appreciate the cooperation.
We won't forget you. Goodbye.
Okay, that's it. Let's go.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
You are a darling. Thank you.
I wonder what they meant when
they said they wouldn't forget me.
- [Knocking]
- It's me, lggy.
- Found a spot. Found a spot.
- Cool it.
Go into the kitchen.
We got business.
Don't kill me.
I won't give you away.
Now, take it easy.
This has nothin' to do with you.
Now, into the kitchen, okay?
Don't let him do it, Dan.
You're not a murderer.
You're not like he is.
Hey, wow.
Listen to the con woman.
I... I don't want to die.
Who said anything about killing?
Come on, into the kitchen.
Come on.
[Lggy and Dan talking]
How do I know
you won't botch it?
This ain't amateur night.
You happen to be talking to a pro.
Nice try. Another minute,
you'd have had the fire department.
What did I tell you?
You can't trust anybody.
Sorry, Moms,
you can see how it is.
We can't afford
to have you around no longer.
Come on.
[Coughing] Wait.
What goes on
in that pea brain of yours?
I forgot about the loot. Forgot, forgot.
- Who is it?
- It's the landlady, Mrs. Tabin.
Go away, we're busy.
Is that smoke smell
coming out of there?
No, it ain't, now beat it.
[Tabin] You open that door!
I've got my pass key.
I'm coming in.
What's the idea?
You can't keep me out of here.
City ordinance four, section 16.
We weren't trying to keep you out,
just straightening up a bit.
- Don't like you to see it crumbed up.
- That smoke smell is coming from here.
Those rotten cigars lggy smokes.
Kinda turn your stomach, don't they?
- Okay, where's the woman?
- Who?
Your old lady. She's sick, ain't she?
I brought her soup.
Now, that's very kind of you.
- Mmm. Smells good.
- Vegetable.
She's in the bedroom.
Too sick to see anyone.
- She's in rough shape, really bad.
- [Under breath] Shut up.
I can't tell you how much
we appreciate you coming.
Never mind the snow job. There are
three people living in this apartment,
and that'll cost you...
Twenty bucks!
That makes us even.
Goodbye, and don't worry about Mother.
She ain't gonna be with us long.
- You can say that again.
- That don't mean you get the 20 back.
Of course not, Mrs. Tabin.
Good night and sleep well.
You're going to bed as usual
right after the news?
Just hold the noise down up here.
My sister come for a visit
and she don't sleep good.
- Your sister is staying here?
- Right, from Corona.
She's the prison matron out there.
Lucky I got that 20 back, right?
What if that hot serial number
turned up in a drug or grocery store?
Forty thousand pads in this city.
And you gotta pick one
on top of a human radar station!
She's got a sister
that can't sleep nights,
because she's a head roach
at the state birdhouse. Nice?
Now we got two of them
flapping their ears,
waiting for us
to do something stupid.
Control, Agent Graham in.
Our unit in position.
Graham, you will monitor
Agent Kelso's movements.
But initiate no action until
you get the word from me. Clear?
[Graham] Affirmative.
Be prepared for the possibility
of strong armed resistance.
All units, now stand by.
I've got a funny feeling
about DC going out tonight.
Poor thing. Alone and helpless
in the middle of all this.
Pull yourself together. That cat's
as helpless as the U.S. Marine Corps.
[Phone ringing]
- Hello?
- Hi, Patti.
- Hi, Canoe.
- You feel all right?
- Fine.
- Whatcha been doing today?
Oh, uh, nothing much.
Funny thing, I happened to be driving
by the house a little while ago,
and you know, that same blue car
is still parked out in front.
Well, um, [clears throat] is it
all right if I come over for a while?
No, not tonight. I, uh...
Oh, I've got this ghastly headache.
You just said you felt fine
a minute ago.
- Well, I meant fine,
- [chiming]
Considering the condition I'm in.
Can't you ever understand?
Would you mind cutting that short?
Who was...
Who was that talking?
Ingrid. Yes, it was Ingrid.
She always has this real deep voice when
she first comes out of the shower.
Thanks a lot, dear.
Okay. You just get yourself
a good night's sleep,
and I'll see you tomorrow.
Good night, Canoe.
Okay, dream girl,
if that's the way you want to play it.
[Whispering] How about a push
to get him started?
I'm afraid not, Mr. Newton.
See, that's the trouble.
None of you really understand cats.
Now, if someone was to go along tonight,
someone whom he trusts...
No, Miss Randall.
But supposing DC loses you again?
He's really diabolically clever.
[Kelso] Look.
- Don't you think I...
- [lngrid] No!
[Bird tweeting]
He's on the back porch
listening to a bird.
How I let myself
be talked into this...
I thought Mr. Kelso said you were
going to give up the cat theory.
We were, but a new lead
came up today to support it.
Mr. Hofstedder rang Mr. Kelso
about the watch,
or rather, his niece did. She...
How did you know about Hofstedder?
Well, um, his store is only
a few blocks away from here,
and we're very good friends.
I mean, his niece and I
are good friends.
Did Agent Kelso mention it to you?
- [Kelso] He's starting to move.
- Easy, Zeke. Easy does it.
Well, as long
as you won't be needing me...
- Where are you going?
- None of your business.
I'm happy to get you
out of the house,
- but what do you think you're doing?
- There's something fishy next door,
and I won't close my eyes to it
like you do.
I won't be an ostrich
and bury my head in the sand.
Why don't you try it?
It might improve your appearance.
I know my duty.
Good luck, old woman.
I always say, if you got a duty,
you ought to do it.
Get me the police.
I want to report a prowler.
Yeah, he's dressed
like an old woman.
Running around looking in windows.
No telling what he's up to.
Yeah, and tell your men
to be careful.
He's dangerous.
That's the 402, all right.
- [Screams]
- All right, relax, buddy.
- Just take it nice and easy.
- [Screaming]
Never mind the hokey scream.
We know who you are.
- Careful, this guy might be dangerous.
- Guy?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't want to tell you
how to run your business,
but if I was on a job,
I wouldn't wear women's clothes.
You don't have the face for it.
Now, come on.
[Motor rewing]
Control, I've lost visual contact
with the informant.
- You make him on the scope?
- I have a faint signal.
He's headed towards the pike.
[Kelso] On a line 100 feet north
of this position.
Okay. Report as soon
as you pick up your visual.
Yes, sir.
Oh, it's unloading time
It's unloading time
It's unloading time
Oh, it's unloading time
Unloading time
Unloading time
- [knocking]
- Iggy.
Hey. Know what I got?
You ready for this?
I got a laundry truck,
filled with old bags of laundry.
- She's in the bedroom. Make it quick.
- Will I. Will I!
- [Meowing]
- What'd you bring that thing in for?
Hey, fella,
where did you come from, huh?
You just wait here one minute.
I got a little business to do,
then I'll give you milk.
- [Meowing on radio]
- [Dan] Get rid of that cat,
and go in and finish her off.
[Lggy] Think it's best to do
the job here or in the truck?
[Dan] Here, we don't have
to fight her down the stairs.
This is it, Control.
132 Eighth Street.
Okay, we got it.
All units, move in.
Kelso, hold off till we get there.
- [Meowing over radio]
- I can't wait, sir.
I've got a situation here
that's breaking wide open.
Iggy, get this thing
off of me, will you?
- Get it off!
- It's just my old buddy.
Your old buddy.
Get him out of here.
What's the matter?
- Hey, look.
- Shh.
- You stupe, the cat's bugged.
- [Knocking]
Hello, there. I thought you could help.
I seem to have lost a cat.
Oh, yes, I was wondering
who that cat belonged to.
- Come right in.
- Thank you.
You know, till you have
a pet of your own, you really...
- Ah, there it is.
- [Meowing]
- I hope he hasn't bothered you.
- No, not at all.
I guess you've been
missing your old daddy, hmm?
- He likes to play games.
- Doesn't seem to like you very much.
Actually, it's my wife's cat.
Yes, to be very honest with you,
we barely tolerate each other.
- [Dan] You live in this building?
- [Kelso] Near the front.
- Funny, I haven't seen you.
- Funny.
I work nights.
Engineer at the aircraft plant.
Interesting thing about that cat,
had a thing on its collar.
I could be wrong, but it looked
like a miniature radio transmitter.
I tell you, he is a character.
Always saying to my wife,
"What's he gonna drag home next?"
[Dan] You know something, mister?
I don't think that's your cat.
And I don't think you're an engineer
at the aircraft plant.
And I don't think you have a little wife
who lives upstairs near the front.
- Iggy.
- [Meowing]
Oh, there you are, lambie pie.
And you found him!
Oh, my sweet darling.
We've been so worried about you,
haven't we, dearest?
Yes, we certainly have.
I'd rather handle it now, dear.
You run back upstairs.
- Not at all. I want to help.
- Aren't you young to be married?
Why not? We were in love.
L'amour toujours, you understand.
Too bad lambie pie
didn't buy you a wedding ring.
She's always losing things.
- I found your cat. You run along.
- Why don't we all go?
No need to impose
on these nice gentlemen anymore.
- Come on.
- [Dan] One minute.
Now who's kidding who, huh?
Dear, would you let go
of my arm, please?
Lggy, get the money together.
We're cutting out.
- What about the old broad?
- Change of plans. Forget her.
We'll take Miss Nosy here instead.
- And I'll take care of you, copper.
- You'd be advised to leave her out.
- You're telling me what to do?
- That's right.
- Please be careful.
- Now, sweetness, I wouldn't hurt you.
I don't care about you,
but DC's getting frightened,
and he always behaves
so badly when... Get him, DC!
Hold it.
What are you doing?
No, no, that's my money.
Go away.
Let me go. Ow!
My money, my money.
- Oh, no.
- [Meowing]
[Lggy] That darn cat.
[Patti] Is that too much?
If DC wasn't bad enough before,
there'll be no living with him now.
Look at this one.
He's not a bit afraid.
He has a nice jawline,
and this picture makes it look as though
- he had a double chin.
- Who?
Zeke. Can you imagine
the girl that marries him?
Mrs. Zeke Kelso.
It sounds like something that got caught
in a clothes dryer.
Wow. Would you like to see how
your gentleman friend spends his nights?
Canoe! [laughing]
The poor darling.
How do you suppose he did that?
- I don't know. I'll get it.
- [Honking]
What in the world was he doing
caught in a garage door?
I haven't the faintest idea.
- Good morning.
- Gregory, I'm surprised to see you.
Good morning, Patricia.
Ah, how is our little celebrity
this morning?
- Bad cat.
- Quick little rascal, isn't he?
I may not be home for dinner.
I'll phone you later.
- Fine, have a nice time.
- I knew all the time, of course,
that nothing was wrong. I felt happy
to see in the morning papers
that my faith in you was justified.
Mother said I should hurry over here
as though nothing had happened.
She forgives you
for all the anxiety you've caused her.
Thank you, Gregory.
- Thanks, old man.
- I believe you two have met.
Mr. Kelso, Mr. Benson.
Mr. Kelso is in law enforcement.
- Mr. Benson is a duck hunter.
- Really?
I hope you have a license for it.
So long, now.
Goodbye, Gregory.
Regards to your mother.
- Sorry, Mr. Benson.
- Hi, Canoe.
I, uh, wondered
who that car belonged to.
Ingrid's new car pool.
- Great, isn't he?
- Yeah.
Uh, Patti, I don't know
how to say this.
- I'm kind of ashamed.
- Canoe.
Whatever happens, you must never
be afraid to look me in the eye.
Oh, that's not it.
I got a stiff neck last night.
How did you
get stuck in that door?
Well, that's just it.
It happened when...
Well, that guy there...
- Well, I was following you.
- Following me?
- Why?
- Well... and that guy,
and you wouldn't let me in the house.
Well, what was I
supposed to think?
Canoe, don't tell me
you were jealous.
And you didn't think
of your stomach, not once?
- How do you feel now?
- Like, miserable.
You do?
Why, that's marvelous.
You're really beginning to mature.
Tell you what,
let's go into the kitchen,
and you can make a big weird sandwich,
and you can tell me all about it.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You might as well wait for me.
It'll save time.
I'm going into the house
to murder someone.
Oh, Wilmer, don't try to hide.
Come out and take your medicine
like a man.
Now, our cat's been paid
every accolade
And he's earned all his acclaim
In a blaze of glory
He ends our story
In the feline Hall of Fame
But the way life goes
In a year, who knows
From the family he begat
You may wind up with one of
May be the son of
That darn cat