That'll Be The Day (1973) Movie Script
Hey, um...
- Have a look out the front, Dad.
- Yes.
- We don't want him to surprise us!
- No, no.
Woken up in time to meet your daddy,
have you, Jimmy?
He'll be here soon.
I'll bet he can't wait to see you.
You're the one he always asks about.
Mary! Mary, he's here!
Come on, love.
Where's your flag?
Here.
Let's go and meet him, shall we, eh?
Go on now, you run and meet your daddy.
Eh?
Run!
And here's me
thinking you'd still be a baby.
There wasn't
much to do, what with rationing.
We had some nice days out.
Went to the zoo once.
And half an ounce
of Battle Axe.
Settling in nicely,
are you then, Mr MacLaine?
Never liked the shop.
Oh, yeah, you remember Joe?
Our Lucy's boy.
Well, he never come back.
Bored him.
He sent a letter saying
he was on his way.
But he never come.
It was all too small
for him.
I bet you never thought
you'd have such a lovely boy waiting for you.
Eh?
Jim...
you know I tried to settle down again.
I was looking forward
so much to coming home.
But you've no idea.
I want you to be a good boy
for your mum and your grandad.
You'll be all right, Mary. You...
You have the shop
and your dad and Jimmy.
Look after
your mother for me, will you, son?
1914, with the outbreak
of the First World War,
we come to the end of our survey
of the syllabus for this year's exam.
Now, you all know the routine for Monday.
I hope you've got all the facts
firmly established in your minds.
Because at this stage, there's
nothing much I can do to help you.
You've got the weekend free...
for last-minute revision.
Oh, and I would like to remind you
that that old favourite,
"Outline the events leading up
to the French Revolution",
hasn't been set for two years
and so you never know.
MacLaine.
What did Britain gain
from the Treaty of Utrecht?
The Hudson's Bay territory, Gibraltar,
Menorca and Louis XIV agreed to recognise
the Hanoverian claim to the English throne.
Sir.
Oh.
Well, pay attention
and fasten that tie, will you?
I've nothing more to say to you.
It's up to you.
And so, as it's nearly four o'clock...
Coming to the coffee bar, Terry?
Well...
Did you hear what George Sherman
said he did with his sister?
No.
- What?
- Come on, I'll tell you.
Why was I born too late?
Born too late
For you to care...
Two Cokes, please.
- You're early.
- Nicked off from cricket.
- How's the band?
- Great!
Dave's got a new Gibson for his birthday.
Yeah, his old one went up in a bloody
great flash at the dance last Saturday!
Fused the whole place.
Nearly blew us all up.
Two coffees, please, love.
Oi.
Got any money for the jukebox?
Yes.
What do you want on?
You choose.
See what your taste's like.
What you gonna do next year?
I dunno.
Have to wait and see.
What about you?
I'm going as a receptionist
to County Motors.
Is that what you call it?
Are you coming?
No, I think I'll wait a bit longer.
I'll see you on Monday.
Another Coke?
Two Cokes, please.
And a shilling for two sixpences.
Thank you.
We're going to the Floral Hall
tomorrow night. Are you coming?
- What do you think, Shirl?
- Can we trust 'em?
We weren't interrupting anything,
were we?
Well... I'll be seeing you.
- Two pounds of sugar, was it, love?
- That's right, Mrs MacLaine.
Well, as I was saying,
we discussed it
and I think he realises now
that he's university material.
Oh, it's all right for a hobby, of course.
But you can't get anywhere without
proper qualifications.
None of them seem to realise that nowadays.
Oh, they're all pie-in-the-sky ideas...
Queuing all parts now,
queuing all parts.
Hey, there's Jim.
Hey! Hello.
Hello.
- Did you bring Terry?
- No, he's swotting.
- Shouldn't you be?
- No. Don't have to. I'm more clever.
More big-headed too.
Here, Jeanette! Tell Terry he should've
stayed with me last night.
That Shirley, sex mad.
And her friend's a raving nympho!
Disgusting!
How do you feel?
Okay.
- You're not nervous?
- No.
Well, this is the first big hurdle.
Oh, I wish I'd had your opportunities.
Just think...
by October you'll be at university.
That'll be nice, won't it, Dad?
Mm. They'll make him get his hair cut
when he gets there, all right!
Look, Mum, I've been thinking.
Three years at university.
That's a long time.
Oh, I don't mind making a few sacrifices.
No, I didn't mean that. I meant...
You should know you can't
argue with your mother.
King Edward's, Mr Armitage?
Thank you.
Bye.
Look, Mum, what I meant was,
if I'm fed up now,
what am I going to feel like
in three years?
It'll soon pass.
Hey, come on! Look at the time.
It's turned half past eight.
All the best then, love.
You go and show 'em.
Jeanette said she saw you
at the pictures on Saturday.
Yeah.
I've been working non-stop
since Friday night.
Water's getting lower.
Bugger me, it's gonna be a scorcher!
That's right.
It's too bloody hot to be taking exams.
Sod the Congress of Vienna!
And bloody Napoleon!
And the War of Jenkins' bloody Ear!
What are you doing, you daft bugger?
Sod it!
You've gone mad.
- Come on, I've got an extra pen.
- I've had enough of sodding school.
- Go on, you go on.
- Jim!
Tell 'em... Tell 'em
I've got Jenkins' Ear ache!
Madame de Pompadour
was, I think,
a silly old whore.
She made a pie
from Jenkins' Ear
and washed it down
with a bottle of beer!
You might at least
let your mother know where you'll be.
I don't think that's
too much to ask.
I shall have weeks of,
"Like father, like son!"
And for once,
she'll be right.
Brought your
bucket and spade, have you, Tash?
"Please, sir,
may I leave the womb?"
I might have said,
but no one would have heard.
So I gave up, ran away.
And hitched a roller-coaster ride
in search of fish and chips
and freedom!
Please, miss...
have you got a room?
Now, the rent
is two pounds ten a week.
You'll be able to manage that,
will you?
Well, in any case,
it's in advance every week.
Now, there's a lavatory two floors down
and there's a bathroom on the first floor.
If you're taking a bath,
it's two shillings.
Now, you have a lock on your door,
so if you lose anything,
it's no use coming moaning
to me.
And we have
a very nice house here,
so if you don't mind, you'll not be having
any young ladies up here to entertain.
It's really a very nice little room
you have here.
Like I say, it'll be
two pounds ten in advance.
Come on, concentrate on the job.
Never mind the girls!
There's three more deckchairs over there.
- We're not very fond of the ladies, are we?
- Oh, my God, she's at it again!
- Come on!
- Ta!
That's right, love, later.
Here...
is there anything to do here
in the evenings?
Well, it's a darn good life
and it's kinda funny
How the Lord made the bee
and the bee made the honey
And the honey bee
lookin' for a home
And they called
it a honeycomb
Then they combed the world
and they gathered all
Of the honeycomb
into one sweet ball
And the honeycomb
from a million trips
Made my baby's lips
Oh, honeycomb,
won't you be my baby?
Well, honeycomb,
be my own
Got a hank o' hair
and a piece o' bone
Made a walkin',
talkin' honeycomb
Well, honeycomb,
won't you be my baby?
Well, honeycomb,
be my own
What a darn good life
when you got a wife
Like honeycomb
Come along and be my party doll
And I'll make love to you,
to you
I'll make love to you
Hey! Give it to us!
Give it here! Give it back!
Come on!
Can I have a deckchair, young man?
Haven't you got anything to say?
How much is it?
It's all right, Mum,
you don't have to pay?
I see, dishonest now, are you?
How much is it?
I won't be here long.
I've got work to do.
I can't afford to idle my life away
at the seaside.
I got your postcard.
I don't know what you think
you're up to.
- Why didn't you...
- I don't know!
You've lost weight.
- That room you've got...
- It's all right.
Jim.
Look.
- If you came back home now...
- No.
Anything else you want?
From home, I mean.
There's my records and record player.
Yeah, I might've known.
You might need this.
I never felt more like singing the blues
Cos I never thought that I'd ever lose
Your love, dear
Why d'you leave me this way?
The moon and stars no longer shine
The dream is gone I thought was mine
There's nothing left...
Caught anything yet?
I feel ill.
Probably something you ate.
No, I'm drunk.
Don't you come too close!
I'm a madman when I'm drunk.
I see.
Where do you live, son?
Llanelli Grove.
That's handy. I'm going that way.
We can walk together.
Oi!
I broke in here, you know.
That lock on that gate's
never been too smart.
Shall we go?
Had a good night, have you?
It's my birthday.
That's nice.
Must be lonely, your job.
It can be.
Me mum gave me some money
to buy something with.
I'm a madman when I'm drunk,
you know.
She wanted me to go to university,
but I didn't...
Hey!
Mustn't it be great...
I mean, to be famous.
Not like that. Like Elvis!
It must be great.
Terry!
Get out of it!
You do that again, I'll...
Well, about time.
Well, bugger me.
This all you could afford?
I bet you're crawling with fleas.
I've been waiting weeks to here this.
Oh, I got three distinctions.
Very good.
Why did you do it?
Do what?
You know.
Oh.
I did it to see the books
float down the river.
- What did they say at school?
- Oh, they thought you'd gone mad.
You know when you didn't
come in in the afternoon,
they head went round to see your mum.
She blamed me.
You must have been daft, you know.
You can't sell deckchairs
the rest of your life.
Don't worry about me.
Something'll turn up.
It just takes time.
I might finish up being
the first British rock 'n' roll
deckchair-selling millionaire tycoon.
I am the lone
and looney man...
who lives upon the sand.
When I left home,
I thought I'd be...
the leader of the band.
Bloody hell!
Hello again,
campers! This is Radio Sunshine.
Just reminding all you super,
suntanned, sunny people
that the first sitting for dinner is now
being served in the yellow canteen.
One of the lads from the kitchens got caught
climbing over the fence from camp B last night.
Oh, tarting with the trifles.
You should see 'em. These two chicks
from Bristol or somewhere.
Right slags
and they didn't even get a sniff.
- Do you know 'em?
- Yeah.
Like I said, useless.
I wouldn't even touch 'em with yours.
That is, if you've got one.
I mean, we haven't seen much
evidence of it, have we?
Well, you know...
I mean, don't worry about it.
Just that some people are a bit
more choosy where they put it.
All I'm saying is, with all these
birds round here lusting after it,
and you're acting like a queer in a brothel.
Come on, we'll be late for work.
And now...
your very own singing idol,
Stormy Tempest!
A thousand stars in the sky
Like the stars in your eyes
They say to me...
All right, mate!
I've only got one pair of hands.
That there'll never be
No other love
Like you
For me...
Table four, okay?
Two browns and a Babycham.
Each night I count...
the stars in the skies.
Hoping that you...
are not telling me lies.
That you're with me tonight.
I'm captured by your charms.
Oh, pretty baby
Let me hold you in my arms
A thousand stars in the sky
Made me realise...
Number four.
You are the one
That I adore...
They've been coming here for years,
you know. It's the birds.
You should their chalets.
It's like Roman bloody orgies.
- No future in it though, is there?
- In what?
Him being a typhoon.
I mean, where will it get you?
Yeah. Not smart like us.
A thousand stars in the sky
Made me realise
You are the one...
Those two, down there. They'll go.
Yeah?
Yeah.
In the interest
of your fellow holidaymakers,
please, no ball games
in the chalet lines.
The mystery draw will be
at the main gate tonight
at 8:00pm.
The mystery draw will be at the main gate
tonight at 8:00pm.
The one with the big knockers is mine.
You can have the other one.
Oh, where's that shampoo?
I can't see a bloody thing here.
Tonight's their night, lucky cows!
They didn't look like much to me.
We'll have to split 'em up.
I'm not having you watching me on the job.
Oh.
What about if they don't fancy us?
That one with the big tits,
her name's Sandra.
She looks a bit like Sandra Dee,
doesn't she?
All right, smart-arse!
It's not that funny.
Ha! I mean...
Ah, it was when I was at sea,
wasn't it?
Got pissed.
Well, I wasn't
actually at sea.
I used to work on the ferries
between New Brighton and Liverpool.
One night I was out of me skull
and me mates talked me into it. Bastards!
Come on! It's not that funny.
Reminding you that
the midnight movie, "Carry On Sergeant",
is at 11:30 this evening
in the camp cinema.
I've been coming here
for five seasons, you know.
- Yeah?
- Like a holiday to me.
Well, after ten months on the bloody road
with the fair, you need a break.
What do you do on the fair?
Dodgems.
Good place for pulling the birds.
Quick tickle, see if they go, and then
round the back, get me end away.
That reminds me.
Let's go and order our slicers
for tonight.
Oh!
Ah, missed it.
- It's good practice this, you know.
- Good practice for what?
Getting things into holes.
Oh.
Hey, Sandra!
Do you want any coaching
with your grip?
It's best if you hold the end
in two hands, you know.
She's got a lovely arse,
that Sandra.
Hello again, campers.
This is Radio Sunshine,
just reminding all you suntanned,
sunny, super people
that the first sitting for dinner is now
being served in the yellow canteen.
So hurry along, all you happy,
hungry holidaymakers.
And now here's some great news
for you young ones.
Tonight's the night
for the rock 'n' roller tourists.
Your weekly jiving contest will be
held in the main ballroom...
He sounds the right spanner.
..at 10:00pm.
Great!
We'll be all right here, you know.
Fore!
All right then?
Ten o'clock tonight
in the grotty grotto.
- You and her and me and him.
- Can you both jive?
Can we jive?! Whoo!
That's right.
It's your lucky day.
All right?
Okay.
Down at the Astoria the scene was changing
Bingo and rock were
pushing out X-rated
We were the first band
to vomit in the bar
And find the distance
to the stage too far
Meanwhile, it's getting late
at ten o'clock
Rock is dead, they said
Long live rock!
Long live rock!
I need it every night
Long live rock!
Come and join the line
Rock!
Long live rock!
Oh, be it dead or alive!
People walk in sideways
pretending that they're leaving
We put on our makeup
and work out all the lead-ins
Jack is in the alley selling tickets
made in Hong Kong
Promoter's in the pay box wondering...
- Thought you said you could dance!
- It's the bloody band.
Back in the pub
the governor stops the clock
Rock is dead, they said
Long live rock!
Ah!
- What are you drinking?
- Babycham.
Oh, and a packet of crisps.
One dance and she wants the world.
Only got as far as the last eight before.
I'll go and help Mike with the drinks.
The band put me off.
Second week running,
ladies and gentlemen,
second week running
and the fourth year in succession,
the winners once again are number 25,
Derek and Deidre Heathcote.
Well done, folks.
And of course, Derek and Deidre come
from that marvellous, wonderful, fantastic,
- incredible House of...
- Windsor!
Right then, well...
It's, uh, you two in ours
and me and you in yours, all right?
Party's over at three.
Jim.
- Here's something.
- Where'd you get that?
- Give her one for me.
- Come on if you're coming!
All right, love.
You needn't try telling me.
I get the message.
- Look, what's the use of arguing?
- You must be out of your mind.
I'm not out of my mind.
I've told you before.
Goodnight, campers
See you in the morning
Goodnight, campers
We can see you yawning
You must wake up
Your sleepy head...
Bet you have a different girl
here every night.
So we'll say goodnight, campers
Don't sleep in your braces
Goodnight, campers
Soak your teeth in Jeyes's
Drown your sorrows
Bring your empties
back tomorrow
Goodnight, campers,
goodnight!
I wouldn't let anyone else, you know.
Never let anyone else do that.
Campers, there's
a baby crying in chalet Blue 26.
Blue 26, a baby crying, campers.
- So hurry along down there, Mum...
- First time.
..and stop the baby crying.
You won't tell anyone, will you?
- Goodnight then.
- Goodnight. Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight then.
I have no
intention at all of waking any babies.
Goodnight, campers!
Do you always come so quickly?
What was your bird's name?
Don't know, never asked her.
What was, uh, Sandra like?
Oh...
You know.
Not bad.
I've had better.
Here, do you want a hand?
Oh, good on yer, mate. Thanks.
Mustn't sap me strength, you know.
- Yeah. Uh, and this?
- Yeah, that's fine.
You don't play the drums, do you?
No, mouth organ. I mean, harmonica.
Why?
Well, I was just wondering.
I, uh... I think what Mr Tempest
is trying to say is that, uh...
he'd like to get rid of me.
But you can't, can you, Stormy?
Ever thought... Ever thought
of writing your own songs?
What?
I mean, instead of always doing
crumby Cliff Richard songs.
You ever thought about writing your own?
No, not really. I can't write.
Anyway, you've got to be American
to write rock 'n' roll songs nowadays.
Well, it's the words, innit?
Well...
All right, Honky-Tonk?
Thanks for the hand, son.
When first I got my end away,
I wasn't much good,
I'm ashamed to say.
But night after night,
I worked at my art,
as often as not
with a different... tart.
Practice may not
make perfect,
but it's practically
perfect fun.
What are you writing then?
A love letter.
Oh, I bet.
You make a lovely scoreboard.
They should have told me
when I came here
they were putting me in
with a sex maniac.
You haven't been able
to keep it still for a minute.
I thought I was a bastard, but you...
This fair you go to.
Yeah.
I'm off next week. I'm just pissed off
at being locked up in here.
Do you reckon there's a job there for me?
Stud farm's the best place for you.
Mmm. Any more for the merry-go-round?
When you two little lads are finished
playing whoops-a-daisy...
Just testing the cars, Jack.
Don't want any nasty accidents, do we?
Well, take your pal and go
and help Doreen on the coconuts.
Okay.
Come 'ead.
You've gotta watch him, Jim.
He can be a right twat.
I once saw him knife a big spade cos he
wouldn't get off the children's hobby horses.
Three down. A quick nibble round
the back of the tent, eh, Doreen?
- Oh, go and nibble yourself.
- Oh, Christ, common as muck.
But a heart of gold, ask any of the lads.
- Thought you might need some help.
- Look, piss off, both of you.
Jesus Christ!
All right, Gary?
It's not much admittedly,
but it's home and it's free.
You're right, it's not much.
Christ, what d'you expect?
Listen, all we're here for
is to work and sweat,
and work and fiddle.
Right, fiddle.
It's the game. Everyone knows it.
So don't you go and cock it up
for the rest of us by being honest.
It's a shilling for them
and a shilling for you.
And wear your pants
with the biggest pockets.
They know it goes on, but as long as
you're not bloody obvious, it's all right.
They turn a blind eye.
That way,
they pay us sod all
and we have to work
all the hours God sends.
The easiest way is to work it so that
you've never got the right change.
The cars are always started before
you've taken the money, anyway.
So that when you get round
to giving the change,
you have to jump on the back of the car
and stuff it into their hands
while they're busy
looking where they're going.
And for Chrissake, don't pick on
anyone in a gang or you've had it.
Don't forget, it's one for you
and one for them.
One for you and one for them.
If you get challenged,
you've got to weigh it up.
Whether you think you can
get away with it or not.
If it's half a sheet,
you usually can.
A pound only can get tricky,
but it depends on the customer.
If he's left it too late, you can always
say you've never seen him before.
I'll back you up. Then it looks
as though he's trying to do you.
It's all a matter of style.
Good money though, isn't it?
You'll like Bath.
Better class of fuck there.
I'll have to go now.
My mum will go mad.
No!
You won't tell anyone,
will you?
Been doing some gardening again,
have you?
What, that little schoolgirl?
Christ!
She was insatiable.
Well, you're no bloody Jesus!
All I'm saying is,
pick on someone you're own size.
Just piss me off sometimes you do.
Tough.
Sodding cue.
Didn't they teach you anything
in that orphanage?
Yeah, they taught me
how to look after meself.
It was great. Well, the first one was.
There was this matron, organised
a birthday party for me when I was eight.
She made a cake with icing and candles,
you know.
She was called Miss Wakefield.
She used to smell of hospitals,
but she was okay.
She used to call me Mickey Rooney,
cos I was so little.
And then she got moved somewhere else.
Makes you tough though, independent.
When I was 14, me mother came to see me.
- And I told her to piss off.
- Here, hold on.
You told me your mum
was killed in the war.
Did I? Well...
I lie a lot.
- You what?
- I gave you ten bob.
- I don't think so, chief.
- I did, didn't I?
- Bloody right!
- Oh, come on, the pair of you, piss off!
I'll tell my friend! You've had it!
This one's mine, Jimmy boy,
keep your hands off.
For you, anything!
Whoo! Hello, darlings! Here we are!
Oh, money as well!
Hey.
Where's Tweedledum?
He's working.
Should I give you some help?
You're always too late.
Six broken ribs, a collarbone done for
and 24 stitches in his side.
I can't understand why he wasn't missed,
being gone so long.
What about you then?
How do you fancy working on the whip?
I was going to move Mike but, uh...
I don't expect we'll see him for a while.
Think you can handle it?
Cos...
it can be a bit dangerous.
But the money's better.
Yeah. No sweat.
Okay.
Thanks!
Hello?
Hello, could I speak
to Terry Sutcliffe?
Hello? Terry?
It's Jim. Remember?
"Monica's Mouth Organ"
by James MacLaine.
The mouth organ tremored,
jumped a scale or two,
and quavered at the sight
of her crotchet.
With trembling vibrato,
he undid her discord
and percussion in softly,
ran a quick cantata saying,
"I'll do you no harm, Monica."
Well!
Where's the revolution, Fidel?
See those girls there?
- It's the same every night.
- Yeah?
Amazing. Whoo! You wouldn't believe it.
Yeah, it's pretty much the same at college.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, I mean, there's never
any reason to go short.
No. Well, what's the social life like?
Oh, the dances aren't bad.
Here, I tell you what, as you're off,
do you want to give it a try?
Why not?
A couple of trips on the whip,
then we'll go over to your place.
See that. Perks of the job.
So don't leave your change
inside your pants' pockets,
otherwise you're gonna lose it.
Are you gonna be all right?
See you in a minute.
That silly bugger will kill himself
one of these days.
But he's a good operator.
Yeah. Only, the best ones are dead ones.
All right?
Come and meet a couple of ladies
I've fixed us up with.
All right, so you didn't fancy yours.
I didn't fancy mine much,
but she didn't make me throw up.
Everyone here likes trad.
Oh, come on, admit it.
Rock was just a craze.
Bollocks!
They'll be playing rock years after all
of that... crap has been bombed and banned.
You're still playing your mouth organ then?
Meet two ladies I've fixed us up with.
Jim.
Suzanne and Charlotte.
We all take economic history together.
Oh, Jim and I used
to be friends at school.
What are you doing now?
He works on a fair.
What exactly do you do on the fair?
Well, I'm the chief show-off.
I mean, I pretend to be superman
on the whip
and do a death-defying routine.
I'm the bloke that everybody wishes
would fall into the machinery
and get his kidney
twisted round his ear.
No, seriously,
I'm just there to write a novel.
It's nearly finished.
It's all about life in the fairground.
It's called "Vanity Fair".
Or, "Jim The Whipper Had A Big Dipper".
Shall we, uh...?
Look... I must go.
I've just seen some people.
Goodnight, guv.
Well, you coming?
Got a room?
I've got a bike.
It's at the top.
- Is that your baby?
- Mm.
And you leave it alone?
The woman downstairs listens out
for him.
Come on.
I didn't think you'd be slow.
Fucking hell!
Well?
You must be very proud of yourself.
How you've got the nerve to come
back here after two years, I don't know.
Turning up like that
in the middle of the night.
Hymn number 376.
Selfish, that's you.
Never a thought for how
I might be getting on.
The odd postcard when you found
time to remember you had a mother.
It's not been easy, you know, what with
the shop and your grandad the way he is.
How long has he been like that?
Six months.
You've no idea what it's been like.
And you not knowing he's alive or dead.
What happened to him?
He's a lot of work, you know.
And I never had a husband
or a son to help me.
And I managed without your father
and I'll manage without you!
Terry's done well, you know.
I saw him.
He's at the university now.
A credit to his parents.
You were always cleverer than him
and you know it.
But, oh no! Not you.
If you did come back, what would you do?
And how can I be sure you wouldn't be off again
just as soon as the fancy took you.
It wouldn't be so bad
if you got your hair cut.
You could always go to night school.
Still not too late.
You know, Mum, we could really
do things with this little shop.
I've been doing things
with it for over 20 years.
Modernisation,
that's what it's all about.
Maybe if I traded the bike in
for a little van, you know,
part-exchange.
Perhaps you should've gone
to art school.
When this goes up,
we'll have 'em queuing down the road.
Perhaps you should sit down
somewhere else for a minute.
I thought it was you the other day,
outside the salon.
That's right.
We didn't know you were coming home.
Yeah, well, I wasn't.
I came with Jean.
She's Terry's girlfriend.
- You remember her?
- Maybe.
I'm not sure.
Jean's had to go, but I thought I might
stay and put in some more practice.
I'll give you a lesson.
I mean, if you like.
Right then, turn round.
That's it.
Now, left foot first.
Right.
Left.
Right.
Left.
Every night I hope and pray
A dream lover will come my way
A girl to hold in my arms
And know the magic of her charms
Cos I want
Yeah-yeah-yeah
A girl
Yeah-yeah
To call
Yeah-yeah
My own
Yeah-yeah
I want a dream lover
So I don't have to dream alone
Dream lover,
where are you?
With a love,
oh, so true
And the hand that I can hold
To feel you near
as I grow old
Cos I want
yeah-yeah-yeah
A girl
Yeah-yeah
To call
Yeah-yeah
My own
Yeah-yeah
I want a dream lover
So I don't have
to dream alone
Why did you bring me here today?
Oh, I dunno.
Grandad was busy.
I told them at the salon I'd got flu.
I never thought that was
going to get us here.
Yeah.
It's going tomorrow.
We're getting a van.
To help with the shop.
Never thought of you as a shopkeeper.
Never thought of you as a footballer.
That's it. With that, Mum,
we move into the big time.
Well.
I suppose...
it'll be very nice for taking
your grandad out for drives in.
The girls at the fair, what were they like?
You can if you want to.
Well...
bugger me!
Didn't your mum like it then?
Oh, it's nice to see you doing so well.
Liquorice or lolly-pops?
Why'd you come home?
Well, you might like to think that I'd
seen the error of my wicked ways.
Or that my pride was hurt when you made
a right prick out of me at the students' union.
Might like to think anything.
Truth is...
it was filial affection.
Oh, what?
Yeah, I was missing me mum.
Feeling very prodigal at the time.
What about Jeanette?
What about Little Richard?
My mother doesn't like you
going out with her.
- How long holiday have you got?
- A month.
That'll be nice.
Eh?
I mean, for Jean, your girlfriend.
Good-looking girl you got there.
Filling out nicely.
Well, I'd better go and make sure
the bride looks her best tomorrow.
- I wish she'd never set eyes on him.
- I'll come with you, Mum.
See you later, Jean.
Hello. Hello, Mrs Sutcliffe.
All right?
What do they want me to do?
They'll be okay by tomorrow.
- She still think Jeanette's pregnant?
- Mm-hm.
What about Terry, what does he think?
It's pathetic.
Oh!
Do you want to come for a drink
with me tonight?
- Haven't you got a stag party?
- You're joking.
Seven thirty, under the clock, all right?
I don't know.
- Uh, don't want any tea, Mum.
- No?
No. Stag night.
Won't be late.
It's all right.
You don't have to, you know.
Jeanette would go mad if she
could see me here with you.
Oh, I think she'd understand.
Why an earth are you getting married?
I don't know.
I mean...
why does anyone?
Why doesn't someone believe me?
I am not pregnant!
He's never laid a finger on me.
No, she's not.
Anyway, let's not talk about tomorrow.
Makes me nervous.
But you don't know what he's like.
He's girl mad.
He's not!
He's settled down.
Always fancied you, you know.
Strange.
To think that tonight's
my last night of freedom.
I don't mind.
It's that, it's a funny feeling.
You don't know him like I do.
It's no good telling me he's changed.
He'll never change.
It's more comfortable in the back.
None of you will give him a chance!
He's settled down!
Is this what you do with Jeanette?
Now, now.
Come on, Jean,
it is my last night of freedom.
But Jeanette's my best friend.
He's just no good.
Well, he's your best friend!
And I know him!
He's a randy sod.
Am I better than Jeanette?
Oh, shut up!
Oh!
As best man,
I'd just like to say...
that knowing Jim as I have done
for nearly 20 years now, I...
I can only say that
Jeanette is marrying a...
a good, honest, reliable bloke
and a best friend
a man could ever wish for.
To the bride and groom.
And now... now, I'd like all of you
to join me and drink a toast...
to the lovely bridesmaids.
Bridesmaids.
It's not right, you know.
Cos he's just not good enough
for her.
It should never have happened.
She was always a good girl.
I wish she'd never set eyes on him.
..Their own just yet. They'll be
living with me for a little while.
Until they get on their feet.
But with her working at the hairdresser's,
they should be able to afford
something very nice quite soon.
Where were you last night
when I came round?
Told her it was safe,
I did.
Though I didn't know for sure.
Nor stop to consider now
that it was legal...
and we two were one.
Funny to think,
we'll soon be three.
Or maybe four!
10 for the...
You'll go for the 10?
Splendid. You'll go for the 10.
And question two.
Windermere, Coniston,
Ullswater are?
Uh, Windermere,
Coniston...
Windermere and Coni...?
Oh...
- Lakes?
- Lakes!
Did you go after
the job at Elliot's?
10, Terry! 10, Terry.
Now, this makes you eligible,
Terry, for our catch mystery question.
We could do with a little less thinking
and a bit more doing from you, young man.
Will you take the mystery question,
Terry?
- Is that too tight, love?
- No, that's fine.
- Uh, 16, uh, 20!
- I'll take the mystery question.
- I'll be off to night school now.
- Uh, 25, ten shillings.
- I'll take the question.
- 25, twelve and six.
- I'll take the question.
- You'll take the question! Excellent!
Well, the mystery catch question and take
care because this is a very difficult one.
The highest, repeat, highest
mountain in Wales is called?
I'll be lookin' for you
Gonna search in the mountains
Down in the deep blue sea...
- Hello, John.
- How are you?
- What's the band like?
- Not bad.
Debonaires.
- Will you take these?
- Sure.
If you find new bait
on your fishin' hook
If you find a funny face
in your comic book
Baby, it'll be me
And I'll be lookin' for you
Oh, come on!
Gonna look in the city
Where the lights are blue
Gonna search in the forest
And in the haystacks too
If you see something
shoot now across the stars
If you see a rocketship
on its way to Mars
Baby it'll be me
And I'll be lookin' for you
Another cup of tea,
Mrs Sutcliffe?
No, thanks, I've had sufficient.
- Mr Sutcliffe?
- No, he won't either.
Come on, then.
There's a boy. Ooh!
Think I can see a look of you
in him, Mary.
Yes?
Must be quite a handful for you,
having a new baby in the house.
Oh, no, he's as good as gold.
Just like Jim was at that age.
We don't know we're born with them,
do we, Jeanette?
Now, you're going to be a good boy
for your Granny Sutcliffe, aren't you?
Were you as good as gold, then?
I hope you're not letting everybody
run around after you all the time, Jeanette.
You know, I never had a daughter of my own,
but your Jeanette is just what I would have wanted.
- Look at those eyes!
- How's the van going?
- Jeanette, can't you see Grandma Sutcliffe's?
- It's not.
Oh, that's a shame.
I told Albert we should have
bought a business, didn't I, Albert?
It's not doing as well as it should.
I always impressed on Terry
the importance of qualifications.
Terry wants to get engaged
after his finals.
So it looks as though
we're going to be relations.
Well, bugger me.
Looks as though we're going to see
quite a lot of each other.
Shall I have him now?
That will be nice, won't it?
I'll keep him a bit longer.
- You know...
- He's not too heavy?
- No.
- Terry and you...
you'll make a lovely couple.
He's probably a bit of a hand.
What was Jean on about this afternoon?
What?
Jean! This afternoon!
Oh, nothing.
Before we were married, did you ever...
you know, take her out?
Jean?
Oh, come on!
Did you, Jim?
What, Jean?
No.
Never.
I wouldn't have minded.
I just wanted to know.
Spider Murphy played
the tenor saxophone
Little Joe was blowin'
on the slide trombone
The drummer boy from Illinois
went crash, boom, bang
The whole rhythm section was
the Purple Gang
Let's rock
Everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
When number 47 said to number three
"You're the cutest jailbird
I ever did see
I sure would be delighted
with your company
Come on and
do the Jailhouse Rock with me"
Let's rock
Everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Rock me now!
- What you writing?
- Oh, it's nothing.
Let me see.
You are funny!
"At first I weaved daisy chains
around your toes.
Hung cherries from your ears.
And got you drunk on buttercup wine.
But the wine curdled...
from too much cream.
My cherry love's turned to stone
and now the chains have
turned me crazy.
Daisy."
Daisy.
"And there's no love for you.
At last I'm leaving before
the nettles get us."
I don't know what you're
on about half the time.
What's that about the nettles
getting us, anyway?
Oh, I don't know.
I suppose it's
cos I'm a bit of a prick.
Hi, MacLaine.
How you doing?
Okay!
What the hell, boys?
How's the group?
Fantastic.
Most of the boys you know left.
Well, there's only me and Stuart
that you'd know now.
We're semi-pros.
Yeah, we'll be professional as soon
as we get a decent amplifier.
We've got a recording session next week.
Yeah, London Palladium the week after.
It's good money then?
Not bad. Twenty quid
a week we got at Butlin's.
Christ!
You used to play the harmonica,
didn't you?
I saw a group last week.
One of their blokes played an harmonica.
He weren't bad.
You should've kept it up, you know.
Well, I did.
Yeah, I used to be with a band
called Stormy Tempest.
But, you know,
it wasn't going the right way, so...
Anyway, what are you doing round here?
We're playing the Floral Hall tonight.
Why don't you come down and see us?
Well, maybe I will if I get time.
Well, come on, pretty baby,
won't you walk with me?
Come on, pretty baby,
won't you talk with me?
Come on, pretty baby,
give me one more chance
Try and save our romance!
Slow down!
Baby, now you're moving way too fast
You gotta give me a little lovin'
Gimme a little lovin'
Ow! If you want our love to last!
Well, I used to walk you home,
baby, after school
Carry your books home too
But now you've got a boyfriend
with a diamond ring
Baby, what you trying to do?
Slow down
Baby, now you're moving way too fast
You gotta give me a little lovin'
Gimme a little lovin'
Oh, if you want our love to last!
All right!
Jim.
You know I tried
to settle down again.
I was really looking forward
to coming home.
Go on now,
run and meet your daddy.
And here's me
thinking you'd still be a baby.
He never liked the shop.
Bored him.
Was all too small for him.
You should never have come home.
It would have been
easier if I'd never been away.
Have you thought
where you'll go?
No.
Perhaps when I get somewhere,
you know, make something of myself,
I'll send for you and Jimmy.
No.
Look after your mother for me,
will you, son?
Jim!
He's leaving us!
Right. Sure you'll be able to handle it?
Yeah, I'll be all right.
Well, that'll be the day
when you say goodbye
That'll be the day
when you make me cry
You say you're gonna leave,
you know it's a lie, cos...
- Have a look out the front, Dad.
- Yes.
- We don't want him to surprise us!
- No, no.
Woken up in time to meet your daddy,
have you, Jimmy?
He'll be here soon.
I'll bet he can't wait to see you.
You're the one he always asks about.
Mary! Mary, he's here!
Come on, love.
Where's your flag?
Here.
Let's go and meet him, shall we, eh?
Go on now, you run and meet your daddy.
Eh?
Run!
And here's me
thinking you'd still be a baby.
There wasn't
much to do, what with rationing.
We had some nice days out.
Went to the zoo once.
And half an ounce
of Battle Axe.
Settling in nicely,
are you then, Mr MacLaine?
Never liked the shop.
Oh, yeah, you remember Joe?
Our Lucy's boy.
Well, he never come back.
Bored him.
He sent a letter saying
he was on his way.
But he never come.
It was all too small
for him.
I bet you never thought
you'd have such a lovely boy waiting for you.
Eh?
Jim...
you know I tried to settle down again.
I was looking forward
so much to coming home.
But you've no idea.
I want you to be a good boy
for your mum and your grandad.
You'll be all right, Mary. You...
You have the shop
and your dad and Jimmy.
Look after
your mother for me, will you, son?
1914, with the outbreak
of the First World War,
we come to the end of our survey
of the syllabus for this year's exam.
Now, you all know the routine for Monday.
I hope you've got all the facts
firmly established in your minds.
Because at this stage, there's
nothing much I can do to help you.
You've got the weekend free...
for last-minute revision.
Oh, and I would like to remind you
that that old favourite,
"Outline the events leading up
to the French Revolution",
hasn't been set for two years
and so you never know.
MacLaine.
What did Britain gain
from the Treaty of Utrecht?
The Hudson's Bay territory, Gibraltar,
Menorca and Louis XIV agreed to recognise
the Hanoverian claim to the English throne.
Sir.
Oh.
Well, pay attention
and fasten that tie, will you?
I've nothing more to say to you.
It's up to you.
And so, as it's nearly four o'clock...
Coming to the coffee bar, Terry?
Well...
Did you hear what George Sherman
said he did with his sister?
No.
- What?
- Come on, I'll tell you.
Why was I born too late?
Born too late
For you to care...
Two Cokes, please.
- You're early.
- Nicked off from cricket.
- How's the band?
- Great!
Dave's got a new Gibson for his birthday.
Yeah, his old one went up in a bloody
great flash at the dance last Saturday!
Fused the whole place.
Nearly blew us all up.
Two coffees, please, love.
Oi.
Got any money for the jukebox?
Yes.
What do you want on?
You choose.
See what your taste's like.
What you gonna do next year?
I dunno.
Have to wait and see.
What about you?
I'm going as a receptionist
to County Motors.
Is that what you call it?
Are you coming?
No, I think I'll wait a bit longer.
I'll see you on Monday.
Another Coke?
Two Cokes, please.
And a shilling for two sixpences.
Thank you.
We're going to the Floral Hall
tomorrow night. Are you coming?
- What do you think, Shirl?
- Can we trust 'em?
We weren't interrupting anything,
were we?
Well... I'll be seeing you.
- Two pounds of sugar, was it, love?
- That's right, Mrs MacLaine.
Well, as I was saying,
we discussed it
and I think he realises now
that he's university material.
Oh, it's all right for a hobby, of course.
But you can't get anywhere without
proper qualifications.
None of them seem to realise that nowadays.
Oh, they're all pie-in-the-sky ideas...
Queuing all parts now,
queuing all parts.
Hey, there's Jim.
Hey! Hello.
Hello.
- Did you bring Terry?
- No, he's swotting.
- Shouldn't you be?
- No. Don't have to. I'm more clever.
More big-headed too.
Here, Jeanette! Tell Terry he should've
stayed with me last night.
That Shirley, sex mad.
And her friend's a raving nympho!
Disgusting!
How do you feel?
Okay.
- You're not nervous?
- No.
Well, this is the first big hurdle.
Oh, I wish I'd had your opportunities.
Just think...
by October you'll be at university.
That'll be nice, won't it, Dad?
Mm. They'll make him get his hair cut
when he gets there, all right!
Look, Mum, I've been thinking.
Three years at university.
That's a long time.
Oh, I don't mind making a few sacrifices.
No, I didn't mean that. I meant...
You should know you can't
argue with your mother.
King Edward's, Mr Armitage?
Thank you.
Bye.
Look, Mum, what I meant was,
if I'm fed up now,
what am I going to feel like
in three years?
It'll soon pass.
Hey, come on! Look at the time.
It's turned half past eight.
All the best then, love.
You go and show 'em.
Jeanette said she saw you
at the pictures on Saturday.
Yeah.
I've been working non-stop
since Friday night.
Water's getting lower.
Bugger me, it's gonna be a scorcher!
That's right.
It's too bloody hot to be taking exams.
Sod the Congress of Vienna!
And bloody Napoleon!
And the War of Jenkins' bloody Ear!
What are you doing, you daft bugger?
Sod it!
You've gone mad.
- Come on, I've got an extra pen.
- I've had enough of sodding school.
- Go on, you go on.
- Jim!
Tell 'em... Tell 'em
I've got Jenkins' Ear ache!
Madame de Pompadour
was, I think,
a silly old whore.
She made a pie
from Jenkins' Ear
and washed it down
with a bottle of beer!
You might at least
let your mother know where you'll be.
I don't think that's
too much to ask.
I shall have weeks of,
"Like father, like son!"
And for once,
she'll be right.
Brought your
bucket and spade, have you, Tash?
"Please, sir,
may I leave the womb?"
I might have said,
but no one would have heard.
So I gave up, ran away.
And hitched a roller-coaster ride
in search of fish and chips
and freedom!
Please, miss...
have you got a room?
Now, the rent
is two pounds ten a week.
You'll be able to manage that,
will you?
Well, in any case,
it's in advance every week.
Now, there's a lavatory two floors down
and there's a bathroom on the first floor.
If you're taking a bath,
it's two shillings.
Now, you have a lock on your door,
so if you lose anything,
it's no use coming moaning
to me.
And we have
a very nice house here,
so if you don't mind, you'll not be having
any young ladies up here to entertain.
It's really a very nice little room
you have here.
Like I say, it'll be
two pounds ten in advance.
Come on, concentrate on the job.
Never mind the girls!
There's three more deckchairs over there.
- We're not very fond of the ladies, are we?
- Oh, my God, she's at it again!
- Come on!
- Ta!
That's right, love, later.
Here...
is there anything to do here
in the evenings?
Well, it's a darn good life
and it's kinda funny
How the Lord made the bee
and the bee made the honey
And the honey bee
lookin' for a home
And they called
it a honeycomb
Then they combed the world
and they gathered all
Of the honeycomb
into one sweet ball
And the honeycomb
from a million trips
Made my baby's lips
Oh, honeycomb,
won't you be my baby?
Well, honeycomb,
be my own
Got a hank o' hair
and a piece o' bone
Made a walkin',
talkin' honeycomb
Well, honeycomb,
won't you be my baby?
Well, honeycomb,
be my own
What a darn good life
when you got a wife
Like honeycomb
Come along and be my party doll
And I'll make love to you,
to you
I'll make love to you
Hey! Give it to us!
Give it here! Give it back!
Come on!
Can I have a deckchair, young man?
Haven't you got anything to say?
How much is it?
It's all right, Mum,
you don't have to pay?
I see, dishonest now, are you?
How much is it?
I won't be here long.
I've got work to do.
I can't afford to idle my life away
at the seaside.
I got your postcard.
I don't know what you think
you're up to.
- Why didn't you...
- I don't know!
You've lost weight.
- That room you've got...
- It's all right.
Jim.
Look.
- If you came back home now...
- No.
Anything else you want?
From home, I mean.
There's my records and record player.
Yeah, I might've known.
You might need this.
I never felt more like singing the blues
Cos I never thought that I'd ever lose
Your love, dear
Why d'you leave me this way?
The moon and stars no longer shine
The dream is gone I thought was mine
There's nothing left...
Caught anything yet?
I feel ill.
Probably something you ate.
No, I'm drunk.
Don't you come too close!
I'm a madman when I'm drunk.
I see.
Where do you live, son?
Llanelli Grove.
That's handy. I'm going that way.
We can walk together.
Oi!
I broke in here, you know.
That lock on that gate's
never been too smart.
Shall we go?
Had a good night, have you?
It's my birthday.
That's nice.
Must be lonely, your job.
It can be.
Me mum gave me some money
to buy something with.
I'm a madman when I'm drunk,
you know.
She wanted me to go to university,
but I didn't...
Hey!
Mustn't it be great...
I mean, to be famous.
Not like that. Like Elvis!
It must be great.
Terry!
Get out of it!
You do that again, I'll...
Well, about time.
Well, bugger me.
This all you could afford?
I bet you're crawling with fleas.
I've been waiting weeks to here this.
Oh, I got three distinctions.
Very good.
Why did you do it?
Do what?
You know.
Oh.
I did it to see the books
float down the river.
- What did they say at school?
- Oh, they thought you'd gone mad.
You know when you didn't
come in in the afternoon,
they head went round to see your mum.
She blamed me.
You must have been daft, you know.
You can't sell deckchairs
the rest of your life.
Don't worry about me.
Something'll turn up.
It just takes time.
I might finish up being
the first British rock 'n' roll
deckchair-selling millionaire tycoon.
I am the lone
and looney man...
who lives upon the sand.
When I left home,
I thought I'd be...
the leader of the band.
Bloody hell!
Hello again,
campers! This is Radio Sunshine.
Just reminding all you super,
suntanned, sunny people
that the first sitting for dinner is now
being served in the yellow canteen.
One of the lads from the kitchens got caught
climbing over the fence from camp B last night.
Oh, tarting with the trifles.
You should see 'em. These two chicks
from Bristol or somewhere.
Right slags
and they didn't even get a sniff.
- Do you know 'em?
- Yeah.
Like I said, useless.
I wouldn't even touch 'em with yours.
That is, if you've got one.
I mean, we haven't seen much
evidence of it, have we?
Well, you know...
I mean, don't worry about it.
Just that some people are a bit
more choosy where they put it.
All I'm saying is, with all these
birds round here lusting after it,
and you're acting like a queer in a brothel.
Come on, we'll be late for work.
And now...
your very own singing idol,
Stormy Tempest!
A thousand stars in the sky
Like the stars in your eyes
They say to me...
All right, mate!
I've only got one pair of hands.
That there'll never be
No other love
Like you
For me...
Table four, okay?
Two browns and a Babycham.
Each night I count...
the stars in the skies.
Hoping that you...
are not telling me lies.
That you're with me tonight.
I'm captured by your charms.
Oh, pretty baby
Let me hold you in my arms
A thousand stars in the sky
Made me realise...
Number four.
You are the one
That I adore...
They've been coming here for years,
you know. It's the birds.
You should their chalets.
It's like Roman bloody orgies.
- No future in it though, is there?
- In what?
Him being a typhoon.
I mean, where will it get you?
Yeah. Not smart like us.
A thousand stars in the sky
Made me realise
You are the one...
Those two, down there. They'll go.
Yeah?
Yeah.
In the interest
of your fellow holidaymakers,
please, no ball games
in the chalet lines.
The mystery draw will be
at the main gate tonight
at 8:00pm.
The mystery draw will be at the main gate
tonight at 8:00pm.
The one with the big knockers is mine.
You can have the other one.
Oh, where's that shampoo?
I can't see a bloody thing here.
Tonight's their night, lucky cows!
They didn't look like much to me.
We'll have to split 'em up.
I'm not having you watching me on the job.
Oh.
What about if they don't fancy us?
That one with the big tits,
her name's Sandra.
She looks a bit like Sandra Dee,
doesn't she?
All right, smart-arse!
It's not that funny.
Ha! I mean...
Ah, it was when I was at sea,
wasn't it?
Got pissed.
Well, I wasn't
actually at sea.
I used to work on the ferries
between New Brighton and Liverpool.
One night I was out of me skull
and me mates talked me into it. Bastards!
Come on! It's not that funny.
Reminding you that
the midnight movie, "Carry On Sergeant",
is at 11:30 this evening
in the camp cinema.
I've been coming here
for five seasons, you know.
- Yeah?
- Like a holiday to me.
Well, after ten months on the bloody road
with the fair, you need a break.
What do you do on the fair?
Dodgems.
Good place for pulling the birds.
Quick tickle, see if they go, and then
round the back, get me end away.
That reminds me.
Let's go and order our slicers
for tonight.
Oh!
Ah, missed it.
- It's good practice this, you know.
- Good practice for what?
Getting things into holes.
Oh.
Hey, Sandra!
Do you want any coaching
with your grip?
It's best if you hold the end
in two hands, you know.
She's got a lovely arse,
that Sandra.
Hello again, campers.
This is Radio Sunshine,
just reminding all you suntanned,
sunny, super people
that the first sitting for dinner is now
being served in the yellow canteen.
So hurry along, all you happy,
hungry holidaymakers.
And now here's some great news
for you young ones.
Tonight's the night
for the rock 'n' roller tourists.
Your weekly jiving contest will be
held in the main ballroom...
He sounds the right spanner.
..at 10:00pm.
Great!
We'll be all right here, you know.
Fore!
All right then?
Ten o'clock tonight
in the grotty grotto.
- You and her and me and him.
- Can you both jive?
Can we jive?! Whoo!
That's right.
It's your lucky day.
All right?
Okay.
Down at the Astoria the scene was changing
Bingo and rock were
pushing out X-rated
We were the first band
to vomit in the bar
And find the distance
to the stage too far
Meanwhile, it's getting late
at ten o'clock
Rock is dead, they said
Long live rock!
Long live rock!
I need it every night
Long live rock!
Come and join the line
Rock!
Long live rock!
Oh, be it dead or alive!
People walk in sideways
pretending that they're leaving
We put on our makeup
and work out all the lead-ins
Jack is in the alley selling tickets
made in Hong Kong
Promoter's in the pay box wondering...
- Thought you said you could dance!
- It's the bloody band.
Back in the pub
the governor stops the clock
Rock is dead, they said
Long live rock!
Ah!
- What are you drinking?
- Babycham.
Oh, and a packet of crisps.
One dance and she wants the world.
Only got as far as the last eight before.
I'll go and help Mike with the drinks.
The band put me off.
Second week running,
ladies and gentlemen,
second week running
and the fourth year in succession,
the winners once again are number 25,
Derek and Deidre Heathcote.
Well done, folks.
And of course, Derek and Deidre come
from that marvellous, wonderful, fantastic,
- incredible House of...
- Windsor!
Right then, well...
It's, uh, you two in ours
and me and you in yours, all right?
Party's over at three.
Jim.
- Here's something.
- Where'd you get that?
- Give her one for me.
- Come on if you're coming!
All right, love.
You needn't try telling me.
I get the message.
- Look, what's the use of arguing?
- You must be out of your mind.
I'm not out of my mind.
I've told you before.
Goodnight, campers
See you in the morning
Goodnight, campers
We can see you yawning
You must wake up
Your sleepy head...
Bet you have a different girl
here every night.
So we'll say goodnight, campers
Don't sleep in your braces
Goodnight, campers
Soak your teeth in Jeyes's
Drown your sorrows
Bring your empties
back tomorrow
Goodnight, campers,
goodnight!
I wouldn't let anyone else, you know.
Never let anyone else do that.
Campers, there's
a baby crying in chalet Blue 26.
Blue 26, a baby crying, campers.
- So hurry along down there, Mum...
- First time.
..and stop the baby crying.
You won't tell anyone, will you?
- Goodnight then.
- Goodnight. Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight then.
I have no
intention at all of waking any babies.
Goodnight, campers!
Do you always come so quickly?
What was your bird's name?
Don't know, never asked her.
What was, uh, Sandra like?
Oh...
You know.
Not bad.
I've had better.
Here, do you want a hand?
Oh, good on yer, mate. Thanks.
Mustn't sap me strength, you know.
- Yeah. Uh, and this?
- Yeah, that's fine.
You don't play the drums, do you?
No, mouth organ. I mean, harmonica.
Why?
Well, I was just wondering.
I, uh... I think what Mr Tempest
is trying to say is that, uh...
he'd like to get rid of me.
But you can't, can you, Stormy?
Ever thought... Ever thought
of writing your own songs?
What?
I mean, instead of always doing
crumby Cliff Richard songs.
You ever thought about writing your own?
No, not really. I can't write.
Anyway, you've got to be American
to write rock 'n' roll songs nowadays.
Well, it's the words, innit?
Well...
All right, Honky-Tonk?
Thanks for the hand, son.
When first I got my end away,
I wasn't much good,
I'm ashamed to say.
But night after night,
I worked at my art,
as often as not
with a different... tart.
Practice may not
make perfect,
but it's practically
perfect fun.
What are you writing then?
A love letter.
Oh, I bet.
You make a lovely scoreboard.
They should have told me
when I came here
they were putting me in
with a sex maniac.
You haven't been able
to keep it still for a minute.
I thought I was a bastard, but you...
This fair you go to.
Yeah.
I'm off next week. I'm just pissed off
at being locked up in here.
Do you reckon there's a job there for me?
Stud farm's the best place for you.
Mmm. Any more for the merry-go-round?
When you two little lads are finished
playing whoops-a-daisy...
Just testing the cars, Jack.
Don't want any nasty accidents, do we?
Well, take your pal and go
and help Doreen on the coconuts.
Okay.
Come 'ead.
You've gotta watch him, Jim.
He can be a right twat.
I once saw him knife a big spade cos he
wouldn't get off the children's hobby horses.
Three down. A quick nibble round
the back of the tent, eh, Doreen?
- Oh, go and nibble yourself.
- Oh, Christ, common as muck.
But a heart of gold, ask any of the lads.
- Thought you might need some help.
- Look, piss off, both of you.
Jesus Christ!
All right, Gary?
It's not much admittedly,
but it's home and it's free.
You're right, it's not much.
Christ, what d'you expect?
Listen, all we're here for
is to work and sweat,
and work and fiddle.
Right, fiddle.
It's the game. Everyone knows it.
So don't you go and cock it up
for the rest of us by being honest.
It's a shilling for them
and a shilling for you.
And wear your pants
with the biggest pockets.
They know it goes on, but as long as
you're not bloody obvious, it's all right.
They turn a blind eye.
That way,
they pay us sod all
and we have to work
all the hours God sends.
The easiest way is to work it so that
you've never got the right change.
The cars are always started before
you've taken the money, anyway.
So that when you get round
to giving the change,
you have to jump on the back of the car
and stuff it into their hands
while they're busy
looking where they're going.
And for Chrissake, don't pick on
anyone in a gang or you've had it.
Don't forget, it's one for you
and one for them.
One for you and one for them.
If you get challenged,
you've got to weigh it up.
Whether you think you can
get away with it or not.
If it's half a sheet,
you usually can.
A pound only can get tricky,
but it depends on the customer.
If he's left it too late, you can always
say you've never seen him before.
I'll back you up. Then it looks
as though he's trying to do you.
It's all a matter of style.
Good money though, isn't it?
You'll like Bath.
Better class of fuck there.
I'll have to go now.
My mum will go mad.
No!
You won't tell anyone,
will you?
Been doing some gardening again,
have you?
What, that little schoolgirl?
Christ!
She was insatiable.
Well, you're no bloody Jesus!
All I'm saying is,
pick on someone you're own size.
Just piss me off sometimes you do.
Tough.
Sodding cue.
Didn't they teach you anything
in that orphanage?
Yeah, they taught me
how to look after meself.
It was great. Well, the first one was.
There was this matron, organised
a birthday party for me when I was eight.
She made a cake with icing and candles,
you know.
She was called Miss Wakefield.
She used to smell of hospitals,
but she was okay.
She used to call me Mickey Rooney,
cos I was so little.
And then she got moved somewhere else.
Makes you tough though, independent.
When I was 14, me mother came to see me.
- And I told her to piss off.
- Here, hold on.
You told me your mum
was killed in the war.
Did I? Well...
I lie a lot.
- You what?
- I gave you ten bob.
- I don't think so, chief.
- I did, didn't I?
- Bloody right!
- Oh, come on, the pair of you, piss off!
I'll tell my friend! You've had it!
This one's mine, Jimmy boy,
keep your hands off.
For you, anything!
Whoo! Hello, darlings! Here we are!
Oh, money as well!
Hey.
Where's Tweedledum?
He's working.
Should I give you some help?
You're always too late.
Six broken ribs, a collarbone done for
and 24 stitches in his side.
I can't understand why he wasn't missed,
being gone so long.
What about you then?
How do you fancy working on the whip?
I was going to move Mike but, uh...
I don't expect we'll see him for a while.
Think you can handle it?
Cos...
it can be a bit dangerous.
But the money's better.
Yeah. No sweat.
Okay.
Thanks!
Hello?
Hello, could I speak
to Terry Sutcliffe?
Hello? Terry?
It's Jim. Remember?
"Monica's Mouth Organ"
by James MacLaine.
The mouth organ tremored,
jumped a scale or two,
and quavered at the sight
of her crotchet.
With trembling vibrato,
he undid her discord
and percussion in softly,
ran a quick cantata saying,
"I'll do you no harm, Monica."
Well!
Where's the revolution, Fidel?
See those girls there?
- It's the same every night.
- Yeah?
Amazing. Whoo! You wouldn't believe it.
Yeah, it's pretty much the same at college.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, I mean, there's never
any reason to go short.
No. Well, what's the social life like?
Oh, the dances aren't bad.
Here, I tell you what, as you're off,
do you want to give it a try?
Why not?
A couple of trips on the whip,
then we'll go over to your place.
See that. Perks of the job.
So don't leave your change
inside your pants' pockets,
otherwise you're gonna lose it.
Are you gonna be all right?
See you in a minute.
That silly bugger will kill himself
one of these days.
But he's a good operator.
Yeah. Only, the best ones are dead ones.
All right?
Come and meet a couple of ladies
I've fixed us up with.
All right, so you didn't fancy yours.
I didn't fancy mine much,
but she didn't make me throw up.
Everyone here likes trad.
Oh, come on, admit it.
Rock was just a craze.
Bollocks!
They'll be playing rock years after all
of that... crap has been bombed and banned.
You're still playing your mouth organ then?
Meet two ladies I've fixed us up with.
Jim.
Suzanne and Charlotte.
We all take economic history together.
Oh, Jim and I used
to be friends at school.
What are you doing now?
He works on a fair.
What exactly do you do on the fair?
Well, I'm the chief show-off.
I mean, I pretend to be superman
on the whip
and do a death-defying routine.
I'm the bloke that everybody wishes
would fall into the machinery
and get his kidney
twisted round his ear.
No, seriously,
I'm just there to write a novel.
It's nearly finished.
It's all about life in the fairground.
It's called "Vanity Fair".
Or, "Jim The Whipper Had A Big Dipper".
Shall we, uh...?
Look... I must go.
I've just seen some people.
Goodnight, guv.
Well, you coming?
Got a room?
I've got a bike.
It's at the top.
- Is that your baby?
- Mm.
And you leave it alone?
The woman downstairs listens out
for him.
Come on.
I didn't think you'd be slow.
Fucking hell!
Well?
You must be very proud of yourself.
How you've got the nerve to come
back here after two years, I don't know.
Turning up like that
in the middle of the night.
Hymn number 376.
Selfish, that's you.
Never a thought for how
I might be getting on.
The odd postcard when you found
time to remember you had a mother.
It's not been easy, you know, what with
the shop and your grandad the way he is.
How long has he been like that?
Six months.
You've no idea what it's been like.
And you not knowing he's alive or dead.
What happened to him?
He's a lot of work, you know.
And I never had a husband
or a son to help me.
And I managed without your father
and I'll manage without you!
Terry's done well, you know.
I saw him.
He's at the university now.
A credit to his parents.
You were always cleverer than him
and you know it.
But, oh no! Not you.
If you did come back, what would you do?
And how can I be sure you wouldn't be off again
just as soon as the fancy took you.
It wouldn't be so bad
if you got your hair cut.
You could always go to night school.
Still not too late.
You know, Mum, we could really
do things with this little shop.
I've been doing things
with it for over 20 years.
Modernisation,
that's what it's all about.
Maybe if I traded the bike in
for a little van, you know,
part-exchange.
Perhaps you should've gone
to art school.
When this goes up,
we'll have 'em queuing down the road.
Perhaps you should sit down
somewhere else for a minute.
I thought it was you the other day,
outside the salon.
That's right.
We didn't know you were coming home.
Yeah, well, I wasn't.
I came with Jean.
She's Terry's girlfriend.
- You remember her?
- Maybe.
I'm not sure.
Jean's had to go, but I thought I might
stay and put in some more practice.
I'll give you a lesson.
I mean, if you like.
Right then, turn round.
That's it.
Now, left foot first.
Right.
Left.
Right.
Left.
Every night I hope and pray
A dream lover will come my way
A girl to hold in my arms
And know the magic of her charms
Cos I want
Yeah-yeah-yeah
A girl
Yeah-yeah
To call
Yeah-yeah
My own
Yeah-yeah
I want a dream lover
So I don't have to dream alone
Dream lover,
where are you?
With a love,
oh, so true
And the hand that I can hold
To feel you near
as I grow old
Cos I want
yeah-yeah-yeah
A girl
Yeah-yeah
To call
Yeah-yeah
My own
Yeah-yeah
I want a dream lover
So I don't have
to dream alone
Why did you bring me here today?
Oh, I dunno.
Grandad was busy.
I told them at the salon I'd got flu.
I never thought that was
going to get us here.
Yeah.
It's going tomorrow.
We're getting a van.
To help with the shop.
Never thought of you as a shopkeeper.
Never thought of you as a footballer.
That's it. With that, Mum,
we move into the big time.
Well.
I suppose...
it'll be very nice for taking
your grandad out for drives in.
The girls at the fair, what were they like?
You can if you want to.
Well...
bugger me!
Didn't your mum like it then?
Oh, it's nice to see you doing so well.
Liquorice or lolly-pops?
Why'd you come home?
Well, you might like to think that I'd
seen the error of my wicked ways.
Or that my pride was hurt when you made
a right prick out of me at the students' union.
Might like to think anything.
Truth is...
it was filial affection.
Oh, what?
Yeah, I was missing me mum.
Feeling very prodigal at the time.
What about Jeanette?
What about Little Richard?
My mother doesn't like you
going out with her.
- How long holiday have you got?
- A month.
That'll be nice.
Eh?
I mean, for Jean, your girlfriend.
Good-looking girl you got there.
Filling out nicely.
Well, I'd better go and make sure
the bride looks her best tomorrow.
- I wish she'd never set eyes on him.
- I'll come with you, Mum.
See you later, Jean.
Hello. Hello, Mrs Sutcliffe.
All right?
What do they want me to do?
They'll be okay by tomorrow.
- She still think Jeanette's pregnant?
- Mm-hm.
What about Terry, what does he think?
It's pathetic.
Oh!
Do you want to come for a drink
with me tonight?
- Haven't you got a stag party?
- You're joking.
Seven thirty, under the clock, all right?
I don't know.
- Uh, don't want any tea, Mum.
- No?
No. Stag night.
Won't be late.
It's all right.
You don't have to, you know.
Jeanette would go mad if she
could see me here with you.
Oh, I think she'd understand.
Why an earth are you getting married?
I don't know.
I mean...
why does anyone?
Why doesn't someone believe me?
I am not pregnant!
He's never laid a finger on me.
No, she's not.
Anyway, let's not talk about tomorrow.
Makes me nervous.
But you don't know what he's like.
He's girl mad.
He's not!
He's settled down.
Always fancied you, you know.
Strange.
To think that tonight's
my last night of freedom.
I don't mind.
It's that, it's a funny feeling.
You don't know him like I do.
It's no good telling me he's changed.
He'll never change.
It's more comfortable in the back.
None of you will give him a chance!
He's settled down!
Is this what you do with Jeanette?
Now, now.
Come on, Jean,
it is my last night of freedom.
But Jeanette's my best friend.
He's just no good.
Well, he's your best friend!
And I know him!
He's a randy sod.
Am I better than Jeanette?
Oh, shut up!
Oh!
As best man,
I'd just like to say...
that knowing Jim as I have done
for nearly 20 years now, I...
I can only say that
Jeanette is marrying a...
a good, honest, reliable bloke
and a best friend
a man could ever wish for.
To the bride and groom.
And now... now, I'd like all of you
to join me and drink a toast...
to the lovely bridesmaids.
Bridesmaids.
It's not right, you know.
Cos he's just not good enough
for her.
It should never have happened.
She was always a good girl.
I wish she'd never set eyes on him.
..Their own just yet. They'll be
living with me for a little while.
Until they get on their feet.
But with her working at the hairdresser's,
they should be able to afford
something very nice quite soon.
Where were you last night
when I came round?
Told her it was safe,
I did.
Though I didn't know for sure.
Nor stop to consider now
that it was legal...
and we two were one.
Funny to think,
we'll soon be three.
Or maybe four!
10 for the...
You'll go for the 10?
Splendid. You'll go for the 10.
And question two.
Windermere, Coniston,
Ullswater are?
Uh, Windermere,
Coniston...
Windermere and Coni...?
Oh...
- Lakes?
- Lakes!
Did you go after
the job at Elliot's?
10, Terry! 10, Terry.
Now, this makes you eligible,
Terry, for our catch mystery question.
We could do with a little less thinking
and a bit more doing from you, young man.
Will you take the mystery question,
Terry?
- Is that too tight, love?
- No, that's fine.
- Uh, 16, uh, 20!
- I'll take the mystery question.
- I'll be off to night school now.
- Uh, 25, ten shillings.
- I'll take the question.
- 25, twelve and six.
- I'll take the question.
- You'll take the question! Excellent!
Well, the mystery catch question and take
care because this is a very difficult one.
The highest, repeat, highest
mountain in Wales is called?
I'll be lookin' for you
Gonna search in the mountains
Down in the deep blue sea...
- Hello, John.
- How are you?
- What's the band like?
- Not bad.
Debonaires.
- Will you take these?
- Sure.
If you find new bait
on your fishin' hook
If you find a funny face
in your comic book
Baby, it'll be me
And I'll be lookin' for you
Oh, come on!
Gonna look in the city
Where the lights are blue
Gonna search in the forest
And in the haystacks too
If you see something
shoot now across the stars
If you see a rocketship
on its way to Mars
Baby it'll be me
And I'll be lookin' for you
Another cup of tea,
Mrs Sutcliffe?
No, thanks, I've had sufficient.
- Mr Sutcliffe?
- No, he won't either.
Come on, then.
There's a boy. Ooh!
Think I can see a look of you
in him, Mary.
Yes?
Must be quite a handful for you,
having a new baby in the house.
Oh, no, he's as good as gold.
Just like Jim was at that age.
We don't know we're born with them,
do we, Jeanette?
Now, you're going to be a good boy
for your Granny Sutcliffe, aren't you?
Were you as good as gold, then?
I hope you're not letting everybody
run around after you all the time, Jeanette.
You know, I never had a daughter of my own,
but your Jeanette is just what I would have wanted.
- Look at those eyes!
- How's the van going?
- Jeanette, can't you see Grandma Sutcliffe's?
- It's not.
Oh, that's a shame.
I told Albert we should have
bought a business, didn't I, Albert?
It's not doing as well as it should.
I always impressed on Terry
the importance of qualifications.
Terry wants to get engaged
after his finals.
So it looks as though
we're going to be relations.
Well, bugger me.
Looks as though we're going to see
quite a lot of each other.
Shall I have him now?
That will be nice, won't it?
I'll keep him a bit longer.
- You know...
- He's not too heavy?
- No.
- Terry and you...
you'll make a lovely couple.
He's probably a bit of a hand.
What was Jean on about this afternoon?
What?
Jean! This afternoon!
Oh, nothing.
Before we were married, did you ever...
you know, take her out?
Jean?
Oh, come on!
Did you, Jim?
What, Jean?
No.
Never.
I wouldn't have minded.
I just wanted to know.
Spider Murphy played
the tenor saxophone
Little Joe was blowin'
on the slide trombone
The drummer boy from Illinois
went crash, boom, bang
The whole rhythm section was
the Purple Gang
Let's rock
Everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
When number 47 said to number three
"You're the cutest jailbird
I ever did see
I sure would be delighted
with your company
Come on and
do the Jailhouse Rock with me"
Let's rock
Everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Rock me now!
- What you writing?
- Oh, it's nothing.
Let me see.
You are funny!
"At first I weaved daisy chains
around your toes.
Hung cherries from your ears.
And got you drunk on buttercup wine.
But the wine curdled...
from too much cream.
My cherry love's turned to stone
and now the chains have
turned me crazy.
Daisy."
Daisy.
"And there's no love for you.
At last I'm leaving before
the nettles get us."
I don't know what you're
on about half the time.
What's that about the nettles
getting us, anyway?
Oh, I don't know.
I suppose it's
cos I'm a bit of a prick.
Hi, MacLaine.
How you doing?
Okay!
What the hell, boys?
How's the group?
Fantastic.
Most of the boys you know left.
Well, there's only me and Stuart
that you'd know now.
We're semi-pros.
Yeah, we'll be professional as soon
as we get a decent amplifier.
We've got a recording session next week.
Yeah, London Palladium the week after.
It's good money then?
Not bad. Twenty quid
a week we got at Butlin's.
Christ!
You used to play the harmonica,
didn't you?
I saw a group last week.
One of their blokes played an harmonica.
He weren't bad.
You should've kept it up, you know.
Well, I did.
Yeah, I used to be with a band
called Stormy Tempest.
But, you know,
it wasn't going the right way, so...
Anyway, what are you doing round here?
We're playing the Floral Hall tonight.
Why don't you come down and see us?
Well, maybe I will if I get time.
Well, come on, pretty baby,
won't you walk with me?
Come on, pretty baby,
won't you talk with me?
Come on, pretty baby,
give me one more chance
Try and save our romance!
Slow down!
Baby, now you're moving way too fast
You gotta give me a little lovin'
Gimme a little lovin'
Ow! If you want our love to last!
Well, I used to walk you home,
baby, after school
Carry your books home too
But now you've got a boyfriend
with a diamond ring
Baby, what you trying to do?
Slow down
Baby, now you're moving way too fast
You gotta give me a little lovin'
Gimme a little lovin'
Oh, if you want our love to last!
All right!
Jim.
You know I tried
to settle down again.
I was really looking forward
to coming home.
Go on now,
run and meet your daddy.
And here's me
thinking you'd still be a baby.
He never liked the shop.
Bored him.
Was all too small for him.
You should never have come home.
It would have been
easier if I'd never been away.
Have you thought
where you'll go?
No.
Perhaps when I get somewhere,
you know, make something of myself,
I'll send for you and Jimmy.
No.
Look after your mother for me,
will you, son?
Jim!
He's leaving us!
Right. Sure you'll be able to handle it?
Yeah, I'll be all right.
Well, that'll be the day
when you say goodbye
That'll be the day
when you make me cry
You say you're gonna leave,
you know it's a lie, cos...