The Addams Family 2 (2021) Movie Script

English, please.
I'm surrounded by idiots.
That girl is a lot.
I told you, Pugsley.
It's push, not pull.
Hello, everyone!
I can't believe
parents let their children
go out like this.
They're all so clean,
Oh, it's not all bad, my dear.
At least they pit the children
against each other
in a competition
that will inevitably scar
the losers forever.
The gift of Prometheus!
Step aside, kid.
I'll show you how it's done.
- What?
Ladies and gentlemen.
Come on, come on.
Wednesday is next.
Have you ever found yourself discontented
by those closest to you?
Are you irked by their inability
to heed simple requests?
Such as, "Please don't come
to my science fair."
She's talking about us.
Do you ever wish you could take
their undesirable qualities
and eliminate them forever?
It can be done.
Meet my Uncle Fester.
-That's my brother.
- Come on!
Stomach-turning, isn't it?
In stark contrast, however,
is Socrates.
Psst! Are you gonna eat that?
This led me to ponder the question,
what if personality traits
could be extracted
and implanted between creatures?
Bottoms up.
Yay! All right!
Thank you, thank you.
What happened?
Is there a single person
in the history of the world
who's made more of a breakthrough?
She's an enfant terrible.
With the focus on terrible.
Cara mia, you know
what French does to me.
And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for.
Here to present the awards at this year's.
Strange Foundation National Science Fair,
is the brilliant innovator
and the namesake
of our foundation,
Cyrus Strange.
Hello, everyone.
I'm so honored to be here.
But, well, I'm not actually there, I'm...
Well, you get it.
Welcome to this year's science fair.
I'm excited to honor this group
of brilliant minds we have before us.
Let's proceed.
And the winner is...
Good luck.
Oh. You were serious.
Everyone who participated.
-That's right.
This year,
we are embracing
a new philosophy.
Just trying makes you a winner.
But how can you be a winner
if no one is a loser?
Every single one of you is special.
He's not special.
Did you see his volcano?
What was that? Baking soda?
Is this the third grade?
It does not count!
Don't you get it?
-I get it, Wednesday.
I watched your presentation.
It was brilliant.
Yes, I'm aware of that.
I see a kindred spirit in you.
The makings of a great mind.
If you'd like to share
your research with me,
I could develop it further in my lab.
Imagine what would happen
if we combined your data
with the proper resources?
Alas, I can't share any of that.
It's a family secret.
I see.
And which family is yours?
Fire in the hole!
Pretty hot, eh, ladies?
Nice job, Romeo.
For more.
Morticia, my queen,
you inflame me.
I feel liquid magma lapping at my body.
You're on fire, dear.
Ha! So I am!
My condolences.
Great thinkers need
obstacles to function.
Yet, with every meaningless trophy,
I become more and more unremarkable.
And with every hug,
more brain cells erode.
But, like the phoenix from the ashes,
I shall rise above this setback.
Together, we shall turn heads, Socrates.
Starting with Pugsley.
-Love hurts, huh, kid?
Well, I saw you swing and miss horribly
with the ladies at the science fair.
So, I thought you should read my book!
The Fester Method: How to Woo
and Other Tips on Love.
You wrote this?
Self-published, on the Internet.
Not easy to do.
Pugsley, I've been on three first dates.
I mean, who else
has that kind of experience?
I know this, uh, goes against guy code,
but what are you doing Friday night?
Hey, you kids, come on down here.
It's dinner time.
-Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
It's dinner time,
my favorite nighttime meal!
My balls!
-uh-oh, my head!
Please, Uncle Fester,
wait for the children.
I thought we were having chicken.
Where are those two?
Pugsley may have an appetite
for destruction,
but it's never a match for his stomach.
I wouldn't wait on Pugsley.
Kid's got a lot of homework to do.
This generation.
Let's at least wait for Wednesday.
Why does nobody in this family
come in through the front door?
"Dearest Mother and Father,
I will not be attending
this evening's
ritual mastication."
I guess she's not hungry.
"It's not that I'm not hungry,
I am just choosing to spare myself
the agony of your compliments
on my performance today
and your needy attempt
to hang my award
above the fireplace."
I should go try to talk to her.
"Don't try to talk to me.
I want to be alone."
We should bring her a plate at least.
"P.S. Don't even
bring me a plate."
This is the third dinner
Wednesday has skipped this week.
Why is she avoiding us?
All I ever do is try to love
and support her.
Gomez, I think she's saying
that's the problem.
You're brilliant, cara mia.
-She's trying to tell me
that what a young girl wants
is a ton of attention from her father.
Or you could just keep being yourself.
Let her come back to us when she's ready.
But that could take forever!
I have the very solution
to the problem, cara mia.
We'll take a family road trip.
You've always wanted to see
more of this great country.
Well, it's true.
We have some of
the best dark secrets,
as countries go.
Then it's settled!
We are going on
an Addams family vacation!
Come on, kids.
Feast your eyes on the old Addams camper.
Thing's been fixing it up.
It's a hybrid.
Half car, half eyesore.
Mother, Father, this is cruel.
Even for you.
That's the spirit, Lurch.
Let's go, Wednesday.
It's time for some family bonding.
Whether you like it or not.
You see, Wednesday,
this trip will bring the Addams family
closer than ever before.
Or there will be no survivors.
Anybody home?
Mr. Addams?
Hello, good sir!
I am Gomez Addams.
And this is my wife, Morticia.
I'll get right to the point.
My name is Mustela.
I'm a lawyer
representing a couple
in Sausalito, California.
Recent evidence has come to light
that on the night of
my client's daughter's birth,
she may have been switched
with another child at the hospital.
Namely, a Wednesday Addams.
Ooh, hilarious!
All this, just to get out
of a family road trip.
How much did Wednesday pay you?
Excuse me?
Oh! Sorry, sorry,
where are my manners?
I think he's expecting a tip.
No, I'm expecting a DNA sample.
If you'll bring the child here, we can...
I never seem to have a tip.
-I do.
Great Uncle Zander left me
these tips in his will.
I knew one day they'd come in handy.
There you go, my good man.
Well played.
Very amusing indeed.
I assure you, Mr. Addams,
there's nothing amusing about this.
And this is far from over!
I can't believe he gave me the finger.
Mother, Father, who was that man?
Very funny, Wednesday.
Nice try.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Who was he?
No one for you to worry about.
No one at all, dear.
Thank you for watching the house
while we're gone, Grandma.
It's such a relief
to know it's in safe hands.
Oh, please.
Trust me, these hands
have cracked many safes.
Thing, let the vacation commence!
Let's roll!
Bye! Farewell!
Adios! Toodle-oo!
I thought they'd never leave.
Let's party!
You read my mind, chuckles.
Time to make some money.
I thought that first,
we shall pay our respects
to the immolated
in the witch-haunted city of Salem.
Then, in the great
nomadic tradition
of our ancestors,
we'll flit hither and thither
across this great nation
until we reach
our final destination.
The place on Earth
where people are happiest!
Death Valley!
We'll be gone for three weeks.
Three weeks?
You're both growing up so fast.
Soon, you'll move out,
and it'll be nice to have a memory
we could look back upon.
No matter how terrible.
Ooh, like prom night.
'Bout to go global.
I can't believe the boss
made me bring backup.
No offense, I just really don't see
what you bring to the table.
All I know is,
if we don't get that girl
and bring her back
to Sausalito,
we'll both be fired.
Oh, ugh. Mint?
You know what? Take 'em all.
'Bout to go global.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
And then it goes...
Anyway, it's not finished yet,
but it's my best rock opera yet.
I'm calling it Rocktapus.
I wrote it in the bath.
I've been taking a lot of baths recently.
You know, I think it's...
All that beautiful water!
Forget Salem!
We know how it turned out.
Change of plans.
Thing, how did this happen?
We were supposed to be in Salem.
Ah, don't be mad, brother.
Niagara Falls is
the great Wonder of the World
and kills the most tourists
with its powerful, seductive.
Fester? Fester?
Hey, Fester.
Are you feeling all right?
You're not your usual creepy self.
Not especially.
Will you take a look at this?
Does this seem off to you?
It smells okay,
but make sure to put it in the fridge.
Seafood turns very quickly.
Having fun?
I'm staring at Canada,
if that answers
your question.
I'm sorry, Wednesday.
I know how much you wanted to see
where girls your age
were burned at the stake.
What did you call them again?
Squad goals.
What do you say we do a little exploring?
Just us.
I saw a vintage store in town.
Maybe it's time for you
to try out a more mature look.
The little black dress
is a classic, Mother.
There's my little holy terror.
You know how I feel about hugs, Father.
Did you know dozens of people
tried to go over these falls
in wooden barrels?
Does anyone survive?
Some do. Some don't.
I hear it's a barrel of fun.
Pugsley, have you ever worn
a coat of live bees?
I should totes take a selfie
of this moment.
Ah! This is
the perfect opportunity
to try out the moves in my book.
The key with women
is to make a strong first impression.
You mean like a bad smell?
Well, that goes without saying.
What I mean is,
it's important
to make a big splash.
Are you with me, kid?
I just skinned my knee
falling for you.
That's so corny.
Ugh. Did you get that
from a book?
Uh-oh. Uh...
Leave this to me.
Excuse me, vacuous lemmings.
Oh, come on.
Let me begin.
Battle me, that's a sin.
Punk, you better back up.
And, yo.
I came to get down.
And jump around.
And get down!
Jump! Jump!
would you do me the honor
of becoming my wife?
Is that a maybe?
Right in the Niagara balls!
Nobody is renting barrels.
I had to buy 300 pickles
just to get these.
You go that way.
I'll look over here.
Gomez, look.
Isn't that the weaselly man
who came to the house
looking for Wednesday?
Well, I have to admit,
I admire the man's tenacity.
Wednesday, let's try
a little family trust-building exercise.
-I don't believe in exercise.
Excelsior! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
-Hey, hey, wait for me!
I wanna go in the water too!
Help! Pongo!
Guess that takes care of that.
Hey, where's Pugsley?
Well, look at this,
a tiny floating person.
Oh! There he is.
How great was that, Wednesday?
And we both survived.
Another thing we have in common.
Okay, what's going on?
Whatever do you mean?
His erratic behavior.
This last-minute family trip
to make memories.
Giving hugs.
It's torture.
And not the fun kind,
like putting leeches in Pugsley's briefs.
Anyway, I'm quite sure he's dying.
-Don't worry.
I won't tell Pugsley.
Not yet.
He'll enjoy the surprise.
But if you're afraid
to ask my permission
to take a new lover,
just know you have it.
Dropped out of school.
Mom, tell her to stop!
Please, darlings, quiet down.
I'm trying to find a signal.
Mom, help!
Gomez, have you heard
from your mother yet?
She's not answering my texts.
Oh, she's probably having an early night.
The woman is almost
102 years old, after all.
-We're here for the party!
Tickets, please!
Wow, this place is a whole mood.
Well, if you're in the mood to party,
step right this way.
This plant totes slaps!
No, darling, she snaps.
-Oh, don't worry, don't worry.
She's on a vegan diet.
In that she only eats vegans.
And who's the headliner?
Uh... Uh... The Talking Heads.
For reals?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Uh, they're right over there.
On you, ooh, ooh.
Um... I didn't pay $500
to watch a bunch of puppets.
Do you know how hard it is to decapitate
an entire barber shop quartet?
Ew! Refund, please.
Let's not be hasty.
I was just joking.
I don't want to ruin the surprise.
And... And trust me,
the headliner will make
serious headlines.
It was the dead of night.
The witching hour.
The wolf howled.
And then she heard
a scratching at the door.
She slowly opened it to reveal
a puppy!
-And around its neck
was a bow!
Mm. Gomez.
You remember
when I first told you
that one, Pugsley?
You must've been two months old.
Oh, you'd scream and scream
until you wet yourself.
Some things never change.
She's not back yet.
She said she wanted to be alone,
but how long does that take?
-There she is.
How did it go out there, Wednesday?
Did Kitty do his business?
-Come, come. Join us.
We were just telling stories
of when Pugsley was born.
He kept us up all night, howling.
Wednesday, you were the opposite.
I've never heard of a baby
being completely silent before.
-Ah, yes,
I remember the night Wednesday was born.
It was a Tuesday.
All tucked in tight
in the hospital nursery.
She was silent as a jellyfish.
Even when
all the other little babies
started bawling.
What do you mean?
Oh, I never told you this story?
Start talking.
Well, I was looking for a bathroom
because I'd eaten all
of the patients' pudding
that they left behind,
when I took a wrong turn
into the hospital nursery.
And that's when I spotted her.
I just wanted to get
a better look
at my new niece.
But a bunch of the babies started
wailing their heads off.
So, I remembered the age-old
Addams family nursery trick.
And sure enough, they all fell asleep.
And I put all the babies back
where I found them.
I think.
Pretty sure.
-Kitty needs a walk.
-Right away.
But I just walked...
Fester, you're in charge.
I wonder if I could
juggle actual children.
Wednesday, Pugsley,
bring it in, let's find out.
You never know until you try.
-And if one of you
falls on your head, well, lesson learned.
Hard to believe
women don't want
to talk to either of you.
what if what
that lawyer said is true?
These people are not going to give up.
They'll keep coming
until they take her away.
Let him come!
They shall know us by our trail of dead.
That's your answer
to everything.
I only wish
I did have the answer for it, querida.
Tish! That's it.
I may not have the answer,
but I know someone who will.
I hope so.
Whatever we do,
we can't let
Wednesday find out
she might not be our daughter.
Could it be true?
Could I have been misplaced
in my infancy?
Grown up with a delusion
that I am one person,
when in fact, I am someone
completely different.
Now this is the origin story
an innovator like me deserves.
It would make
a fascinating first chapter
in my memoir.
Can you imagine?
Come on, kids!
Up and Addams!
Thing, head south.
What we need is a little
old-fashioned Addams fun!
I got it. Oh!
There we go.
Oh, dude!
Hey, freak!
Pass it back!
I'm not a freak.
I'm a force of nature.
Some force of nature.
So weak.
Guys, you see this?
What's going on? what Is it?
'Cause nobody can handle me.
Because I'm somethin' They never seen.
I'm in love with myself.
When I'm feelin' myself.
Oh, my.
It looks like some unfortunate soul
has dropped a small fortune in the sand.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It looks like we need
to go over Chapter 3,
"How to be Repulsive
and Impress Girls."
I'll be right back.
I gotta go use the bathroom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shark! Shark!
Run for your lives!
Hyah! See?
Now that's how you attract attention.
Ah! There he is.
The man we came to see.
Ladies, what do ladies say?
We got your back".
We got your back".
We beat it till we beat it
can give it to us
'Cause you know we need it.
Good to see you, my bewhiskered cousin.
You made it.
Mm. It's in Florida
for spring break.
Ghouls Gone Wild, am I right?
He's going to join us on our trip.
Hold on.
He's coming in the camper?
We're cramped enough as it is.
And he sheds, Morticia.
Oh, Fester, he's family.
The more the hairier.
Well, if he's allowed
on the couch, then so am I!
No, no, no!
I said cut the red wire.
I can't believe Taylor Swift
wants to date me.
Make sure to close the door
when you go into outer space.
Yes, Beyonce,
I would love to share
my ham with you.
Weighed empty.
Was a bone to be chewed.
Of November came early.
In Wisconsin.
It was bigger than most.
I thought you were a leader.
You're only a deleter.
Morticia, I told you so.
There's hairballs everywhere.
Yeah, and the same to you, fuzzface.
How could you tell?
Did it ever bother you
that you were so different
from the rest of the family?
A rebellious phase?
You shaved your entire body
as a teenager?
Oh. So that's what changed.
You owned who you were.
That's the problem.
I don't know who I am.
- Get over here ASAP.
I went too far this time
and things are getting hairy!
No offense.
Let's do this!
It's that lawyer, Gomez.
He's found us again.
He wants what we have.
Well, he won't get her.
-Good, Pugsley.
Right this way.
How about a fun family travel game?
Everyone around the table.
So, what shall we play?
How about Punch Buggy?
We need to step on it.
And we'll need a place to hide.
I have just the place, querida.
Thing, turn here.
Look out!
You sure this is the right place, Pop?
Yes, son.
The Alamo.
You can sense
that many lives
were lost here.
Let us take a moment to pay our respects.
Okay. Enough respect.
Everyone in!
Look at y'all's costumes!
You guys are a little early
for the Halloween pageant.
Today, we're on the hunt
for our next
Little Miss Jalapeno Pepper.
-Wednesday Addams!
Are you in there? Hello?
Well, burn my biscuits.
This here's our little tumbleweed.
And she's a-fixin' to be the Lone Star
-of this here rodeo!
Well, in that case,
we better get you all gussied up, hon.
Father, this will not end well for you.
Gomez, what are you doing?
Just follow my lead.
Howdy. We're oil tycoons.
Oil tycoons? How can I...
We're a-fixin' to find ourselves
some fancy new Texas threads.
Will this be enough to cover it?
Yeah! Check it out!
Now just hold still, sweetie.
Make it tighter.
What's your talent?
I can read minds.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
This isn't really happening.
It is really happening.
Think of a number.
Uh, number seven.
-Uh, purple.
My worst nightmare.
Hippopotamus riding a bicycle.
What's your name?
-Wednesday, what's yours?
-I don't wanna tell you.
Hello, Peggy.
I know.
Just give me the trophy already.
I look like Uncle Sam
threw up all over me.
Very good, Pugsley.
Blend in.
If you have to interact
with any of the locals,
remember, they're more afraid
of you than you are of them.
-Oh, my word!
These are the perfect disguises.
It's like we're invisible.
We're dead, Gomez.
On my face?
In the show tonight.
Really look so good?
You think I should?
If I blew a kiss?
In the show tonight.
Ah. The only girls I see here
are perfectly normal.
Is getting nearer.
In the mirror.
Like I did a week ago.
In the show tonight.
Brava! Bravissima!
Hear, hear! Bella!
There she is!
Hey, y'all!
That man right there
is one of the top
talent agents in the world!
You rang?
Quick, Lurch.
Grab Wednesday.
Hello. Hi.
I'll find you, Wednesday Addams!
You have traumatized me
beyond all recognition.
She looks the same to me.
Who is that man?
I know he's not a talent agent.
He's the same man who came to the house.
You're far too clever for us
to pull the wool
over your eyes.
That man
-is a door-to-door salesman.
And what is he selling?
Uh... Tupperware?
Knives? Makeup.
Uh... Uh, frozen steaks.
Life insurance for cows.
Uh, they need it.
The steak industry is, oh, brutal.
If that's the way you want to play it.
I'm going to go give Pugsley a haircut.
I think he's taking a nap.
That was easy.
About the lonesome loser?
Every time.
I'm not sure Wednesday believed us.
I'm sure she would have said
something if she didn't.
If there's one thing
we can count on Wednesday for,
it's honesty.
She certainly lets me know
when I'm embarrassing her
or hovering
or being uncool.
Children are like socks in the laundry?
They need to be lost
in order to be found?
That's brilliant!
We should find a place,
lie low for a while,
and this whole thing will just blow over.
Lurch, old boy, top it off.
We have places to be.
Where's Kitty?
He needs a walk.
He's asleep.
He and It hit the catnip
pretty hard last night.
I got a hookup on the plug.
Yeah, I finally got off diapers,
so this is gonna happen.
Gotta go clean myself up.
-Pardon me.
Gomez, have you noticed changes
in Fester's body lately?
Hmm. Puberty?
A little privacy, please.
This doesn't look so grand to me.
The sheer emptiness.
Cavernous abyss of absolutely nothing.
The vertigo.
It's just us,
the captivating beauty
of the great American outdoors
and the wonderful sound of silence.
Pugsley, what do I keep saying?
Amazon Prime is not a toy.
Oh, it's for you. Huh.
Well, do you really have
to leave us so soon, cousin?
Where are you headed?
I see. Top-secret gig.
Tell that Billie Eilish
she's a little too sunny
for my taste.
But I'm still a fan.
Why didn't I get dating advice from him?
I have something for you.
A tiny coffin.
I fear I shall have trouble
getting Pugsley in here.
Open it.
Your grandmother
gave me this necklace
on my wedding day.
It has been handed down
through generations of Addams women.
It is a part of every Addams.
Just as you are.
Are you sure this belongs to me?
Of course, Wednesday.
Who else would it belong to?
Never mind.
Thanks for the trinket, Mother.
Fire in the hole!
Madison, would you do me the honor...
Now, that's grand.
What was it you were saying
about laying low, darling?
No more personal electronic
devices on this trip.
Saddle up, Addams!
You scurried fast, little weasel.
Please! Let me up!
Where's your comically large companion?
That big ape ran out on me at the Alamo.
I'll tell you everything.
-I'm listening.
Mustela, have you found the girl or...
You got the drop on him.
Mr. Strange.
Please, call me Cyrus.
Mr. Strange will suffice.
What is this all about?
It's about you, Wednesday.
My wife and I were separated
from our true daughter
on the night of her birth.
I never gave up trying to find her.
I searched and searched for years,
and then, suddenly, there I was,
standing on that stage.
Looking right at you.
In that moment,
I knew that you were my long lost child.
The physical similarities.
The brilliant scientific mind.
I did some digging.
You were born at the same hospital,
the same day as the girl we've raised.
And as if meant to be,
your name, Wednesday,
is from my favorite poem.
"Wednesday's child is..."
"Full of woe."
I was named after that poem.
I live by it.
I think we owe it to ourselves
to get to the bottom of this, Wednesday.
Why don't you come
to my home in Sausalito?
We can...
Not so fast.
I have further research to
conduct to verify your claim.
Of course.
I would expect nothing less.
By the way, what did you do
with Mr. Mustela?
I let him go.
Tish. You minx.
Let's settle this.
It's all true.
The facts before me prove
beyond a reasonable doubt
that I am not an Addams.
That means there's
only one logical choice.
Don't you agree?
Wednesday, dear.
Come along, sleepyhead.
Why, it's easier to wake the dead
than to wake you, my little...
Hi, Mom.
"Dear Addams family,
As you may have noticed,
our family dynamic
has been off-base lately.
I have been ruminating on
and questioning the reason for this,
but a new revelation has
resolved this doubt for me.
"I was the discordant note..."
"I was the discordant note
that can never resolve into harmony.
And the reason I could never
truly relate to any of you
is simple.
I am not your relative.
I have no recourse but to leave for good
and make my way toward the truth.
"Do not attempt to follow me."
Wednesday's not an Addams?
I'm the only real Addams child?
That's awesome!
Too soon, Pugsley.
Too soon.
-What does she mean,
"making her way toward the truth"?
Is this about the hospital thing
that was totally not a big deal?
This is all my fault.
If she had just felt closer to me,
maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thing! I need a Bloody Mary.
Make it a double.
He's in the shower.
Don't forget to clean
behind your knuckles.
Lurch, I can see you.
Obviously, I have failed in my duty
as your lurking advisor.
I really don't know how to answer that.
But what I do know is
that you should go back
to your family.
It's time for me to find mine.
I guess that's true.
You're not an Addams either.
How very sad that is.
Much better, Lurch.
It appears I taught you well, after all.
Like the Donner party before us,
we travel to California
to fulfil our destiny
and eat what we must along the way.
Let us conquer the Golden West
or die trying.
to Sausalito!
Thing, to Sausalito!
If we leave now, we can catch up.
Then we'll return home,
kidnap the necessary witnesses
and snuff out any remaining doubt
that Wednesday is one of us.
I love it when
your murderous
maternal instincts kick in!
We're back in the parenting business!
Come along, Addams.
Let's bring Wednesday back to her family.
Ahem. Fester, your tentacles
are hanging out.
I thought I felt a draft.
Just don't kick 'em.
They're very sensitive.
All of those do sound like great options,
but which one is the road to Sausalito?
It's all the same to me.
-Out of my way, Hightower!
Look, Lurch.
Aggressive people who use
loud noises and fast rides
to distract themselves
from their childhood trauma.
Just what we need.
The Ace of Spades.
- Hmm.
Ain't you the guy that almost
ran my bike off the road?
And you must be Miss Lurleen?
Excuse me?
Ah. It seems I have offended
two people at once.
How fortuitous.
That was an insult too!
I'm afraid you gentlemen
have made a grave error.
Lurch, show these cretins
what your cold,
dead hands are capable of.
Live without you by my side
I should've been more specific.
But then I spent so many nights.
How you did me wrong.
How to get along.
To find you here.
Upon your face.
That stupid lock.
Leave your key.
For just one second.
Welcome anymore.
To hurt me with goodbye?
I'd lay down and die?
How to love
I've got all my love to give
I will survive.
All I wanted
was a violent roadhouse melee
before hitching a ride to Sausalito.
Was that too much to ask?
That's exactly where we're headed.
It's the annual Hug-A-Biker retreat
where we deal with our childhood trauma.
I am good.
Bring it in, little lady.
I accept your offer of a ride.
But if you don't mind,
I will respectfully decline the hug.
I've been social distancing since birth.
How to love.
All my life to live.
And I'll survive.
I know how to love...
Sayonara, little lady.
It's all Jekyll, no Hyde.
I feel something, Lurch.
As though anticipation and unease
birthed some kind of
winged larvae in my stomach.
Butterflies? Hmm.
Perhaps my digestive acids
will kill them.
Wednesday! You're here!
Welcome home.
Oh. I see you brought
a plus-one.
Fine. Perfectly fine.
Right this way.
Wednesday, meet my wife.
Uh, Ingrid has a touch of laryngitis
and finds it difficult to talk
at the moment.
And this is Ophelia.
Or as we call her, our little Oaf.
The other...
Uh, Ingrid, my dear,
why don't you rest for a while
and I'll show
our little Wednesday around.
Let's go see the laboratory.
-Don't look at them.
Right this way.
Welcome to the future, Wednesday.
What do you think?
Pretty boss, huh?
You've got a lot
of projects in the works.
Ready, Wednesday?
When I did this DNA test with Ophelia
and it informed me
that she wasn't my daughter,
I was unsurprised.
Perhaps you can relate to me on that.
You see what I did there?
I did,
though I generally find puns
to be a lower form of humor.
My real passion has always been...
human behavior.
What an incredible coincidence.
Exactly my thought when I saw
your winning experiment.
Although, if you think about it,
not so coincidental.
Like father, like daughter.
Am I right?
We will find out shortly.
And when we receive
the inevitable confirmation,
I hope you'll reconsider
what you told me
at the fair.
About how your formula
was a family secret.
DNA sequencing complete.
DNA match.
Well, it's all settled.
Done and...
It's my fa... Uh...
The Addams family.
Well, let's go greet them.
You guys go ahead, I...
I'm gonna be going in, uh...
I may be some time.
-We're here
to rescue Wednesday.
Rescue me from what?
Cyrus Strange.
Pleased to meet you.
You're the man from the science fair.
The ghostly apparition.
I see you've been reanimated.
And now, you've absconded
with our daughter
and put her in this...
Wednesday, what are you wearing?
It's called a turtleneck.
Deceptive name, I know,
but it is both fashionable
and functional, M...
Um, Morticia.
- Mr. and Mrs. Addams,
it appears
that you are not
Wednesday's parents.
I am.
Enough, you knave!
Mr. Addams,
before you do anything rash,
you might want to see this.
The results conclusively prove
that I am not your daughter.
Where once I was Addams,
now I am Strange.
Zip it, Pugsley.
This can't be true.
I know this must be
quite a shock for you,
Mr. and Mrs. Addams.
Believe me,
we went through
the same thing with Ophelia.
Wednesday, we're still your family.
And that's why I'd like to honor
your contributions to my life
with a proper and respectful goodbye.
Uh, Addams family, I...
I want to say...
It appears
I'm not quite ready
to part with them.
Forgive me, Father.
I do forgive you.
Oh, no.
I meant Cyrus.
Come on, Wednesday.
You don't mean this.
Let's just go home.
We can talk about this in the camper.
I'm sorry, Mr. Addams.
I can't leave with you.
But maybe we can offer you
and Mrs. Addams shelter
for the night?
Then tomorrow we can say goodbye.
Of course, daughter.
My man will show you
to the guest quarters.
Of our house.
Something isn't right.
Of course it's not.
I've loved Wednesday her whole life.
I can't just stop because
a piece of paper says...
Wow. They really did
a lot in six hours.
Oh, Tish.
We've lost our little girl.
Like happy people.
I thought my bedroom was a mess.
This is awesome!
Hey, uh, are you hungry?
I'm always hungry.
Check it out.
When my dad's not around,
I don't use forks or spoons
or anything.
Me either!
It's a lot easier to just use your face!
Where have you been all my life?
The farm.
Wait, what did you say?
Cyrus Strange is lying.
I'm sure of it.
But how do we prove it
to Wednesday that...
Oh, querida.
It's no use.
Wednesday has gone.
And now, we must do our duty.
We shall raise the pig girl and...
Pull yourself together, Gomez.
You're an Addams.
Just as Wednesday is.
Whether it's in her blood or not.
- Mom. Pop.
You have to see this!
What happened to these people?
That's just it!
I... I don't think
they are people.
Your idiot boy is right.
They're animals
I imbued with human traits.
Pretty neat, huh?
They always revert back to
their original form, though.
So that's why you wanted Wednesday.
Her experiment did what you couldn't.
Men. Just can't come out
and ask a woman for help,
can you?
You faked that DNA test.
Blah, blah, blah, blah!
Oh, pipe down, Elvira!
That's it! Prepare to meet
Old Deuteronomy!
Oh, where are my manners?
I forgot to thank you for the tip!
I'm good! I'm so good!
So sorry about that.
Where were we?
I have a surprise for you, Father.
Yes. Yes! Of course!
But... But could it work?
You did it!
I knew funding those
science fairs would pay off.
What was that?
Uh... Nothing.
I have a surprise for you
as well, Wednesday.
They can be our first test subjects.
What have you done?
I've got all manner
of diabolical DNA in these test tubes.
You can isolate
the Addams' annoying habits
and we'll replace them
with ones you want.
But why?
I saw you trying
to delay their departure.
This way, you can keep them around.
I need my little protege to be happy
and focused on her work.
This is important stuff
we are doing, Wednesday.
If you could control people,
Imbue them
with the strength and ferocity
of any animal on earth?
Imagine who would pay for that!
The military, foreign governments,
call centers.
They'd all want unstoppable
hybrid murder machines
programmed down to the cellular level!
Imagine how rich and famous we'll become!
All thanks to your experiment!
But I only meant to show
how my Uncle Fester's
intellect could be improved.
And now you get to improve
the rest of your ex-family.
But they don't need improving.
They're fine as they are.
Except for maybe Pugsley.
But I'm the one who was
looking for change,
not them.
But this way, you'll never
have to feel different
from anyone in your family
ever again, little boo-boo.
Here you are, Wednesday.
You do the honors.
I won't!
Even though you are
biologically my father,
these people are still my family.
The Addams family.
Fine. If you can't
pull the trigger, I'll do it!
I'm disappointed in you, Wednesday.
But it appears you're just
a silly little girl
playing with science.
Turn off the machine,
Mr. Strange.
I won't ask you again.
Is little lady threatening me?
That depends.
Do you have a piano nearby?
Why would I have a piano in a laboratory?
In that case, Lurch... this cretin
what your cold,
dead hands are capable of.
You think you're the only one
with a brainless Neanderthal bodyguard?
-Kill, Pongo. Kill!
Oh, this is gonna be rich!
Eh! No! Pongo, you imbecile!
I command you, you protect me.
You're wasting your breath.
You see, Pongo and Lurch
are former cellmates
at the asylum
where Lurch was held captive
before my parents found him.
Back in Texas,
Pongo told Lurch
that he suspected
I was in danger.
-I didn't believe it then.
-Pongo, Pongo.
Bad boy, Pongo.
Bad boy.
I was wrong.
-No! No!
That's gonna leave a mark.
Stop! I had a big breakfast.
Don't make me puke up my pancakes!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Mother, Father, are you all right?
Yes, yes.
Fortunately, we escaped
with no fatal wounds.
Even Pugsley?
Even Pugsley.
Oh, well. Maybe next time.
Wait, what?
How very...
My real daughter would know
that sentimentality...
is the antithesis of science.
That's right.
I lied about the DNA...
re... re...
I really should thank you, Wednesday.
-You've uncaged me.
But your foul play
is no longer amusing to me.
So, I think I'll exterminate you.
And your entire...
Get ready to cry uncle!
Oh, yeah!
That's it! You got him!
Get him, Fester!
Ink him! Ink him, baby!
Everybody, run!
Madison, would you do me the honor...
Yes, I'll marry you.
Uncle Fester.
He's dying.
And it's all my fault.
Oh, Wednesday.
Mother, when you said this necklace
was a part of every Addams,
what did you mean?
It contains a drop of blood
from every Addams
born into the family.
Your father, Pugsley, you...
And Uncle Fester.
Your little Addams DNA cocktail here
might just save the day.
Bottoms up, Uncle Fester.
Did I win?
Yes, you did, Uncle Fester.
Oh, and, Pugsley,
it looks like Ophelia
is feeling better too.
Mother, Father, I'm sorry.
I didn't want to be an Addams.
I struggled with feeling different.
But now, I realize that being different
is the most Addams-y thing there is.
"Different" is what the extra "D"
in "Addams" stands for.
I always thought
it stood for "dismemberment."
Can you forgive me?
you are and always
will be our little ghoul.
We love you.
Thank you, Mother.
The feeling is mutual.
And, Father...
Yes, my little raven?
I have something for you.
Come on, Addams family.
Let's go home.
Mmm! And fragrant.
-Yeah! Awesome!
Now, look, look, look.
All I did was invite a few people over
and things got a little bit out of hand.
there were a few injuries,
but the EMT is here.
They're having a wonderful time.
What a lovely homecoming present.
I thought you'd never get here.
Let's light it up, hairball!
I brought it back.
Is where the party at.
These people out they seat.
To clap your hands.
And have a good time.
In the back.
The party started.
Gloves and mitt, club is lit.
One of a kind.
To the wild, wild West Coast.
Feeling like a villain.
And he's a playa, playa.
In the house.
In case you didn't know.
We love you, It!
I still don't understand
a word that guy says.
Didn't I tell you this trip
would bring the family
closer together?
You're a wonderful father, darling.
There's one thing
that's still troubling me.
Cyrus lied about being my father,
but when I tested your hair
at the Grand Canyon,
it said conclusively that you
were not my father either.
Ah, that explains it.
I suffered a little accident
with a napalm experiment a few years back
and lost my beautiful, beautiful hair.
Had it replaced with real Sasquatch fur.
I assure you, Wednesday,
I am your father.
Now and always.
I already hugged you once, Father.
That's quite enough affection
for a lifetime.
Well, Addams,
time to start planning
the next family vacation.
Maybe a trip around the world?
What do you say?
In that creepy, crawly.
But it's looking like a body.
Crazy but I'm confident.
To any name they hit me with
I think I'm all that.
They don't know how To pronounce that.
'Cause I bounce back.
My clique like a mousepad.
All down your street
I'm sayin' they're with me.
Cha cha cha.
'Cause nobody can handle me.
They never seen
I'm in love with myself.
That they can't touch me.
All down your street.
Cha cha cha.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cha cha cha.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
'Cause we know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah