The Amazing Bulk (2012) Movie Script
[Exciting dramatic music]
[Fanfare presentation music]
[Feature presentation music]
[Unsettling music]
[Thunder sounds]
[Ominous music]
[Cat meowing]
- Damn.
- Need a light?
- Yeah.
[Exclaims]
- Why don't you suck
on this instead?
Come on... don't act like
you never done it before.
[Screaming]
[Gunshot]
[Roaring]
[Gunshot]
[Screaming]
[Stomping]
[Intense music]
[Sirens]
- Hey Lisa, take a look at this.
What do you make of it?
- [Lisa] Looks like blood.
Or something.
I don't know.
- I never saw
purple blood before.
- Yeah, well this
whole crime scene
is one big mystery,
now ain't it?
- Did the examiners find
any other possessions?
- Just this.
It was lying next to
the suspected mugger.
Definitely wasn't his.
Probably robbed it off some
poor fool earlier tonight.
- Henry Howard.
Who the hell is this?
- Beats me.
But I bet we're gonna
find out soon enough.
[Unsettling music]
[Siren]
[Dramatic sounds]
- Four years of my life I've
spent on this damned experiment
and I have nothing
to show for it.
- Sure nothing has come of this?
Earth to Hank...
Please come in.
- I'm sorry, did
you say something?
- The world could
explode around you
and you would not have
a clue, whatsoever.
- Look I just can't understand
why the serum
keeps turning blue.
- Did you try it on Billy?
- Every time the
serum turns blue,
nothing ever happens to the rat.
- So it's about the color then?
- Well, I can't say for sure.
I don't have the
appropriate data
to corroborate the research.
Look four years
and nothing solid!
- There you go again assuming
that nothing good
has come of this.
- Just give me one good outcome.
- Let's see.
How about Hannah?
The girl with the
great personality,
and great assets, to match.
- Well... obviously, but
you know what I mean.
- She's the best thing
that's happened to you
these past four
years, my friend.
- Yeah well,
outside these walls
she's the best thing to
happen to me, period.
- You need to keep your
head out of your ass
long enough to ask
that girl to marry you.
- You're actually gonna ask her?
- I decided I'd take the
traditional approach
and ask her father first.
- You think the General is
gonna give her away freely?
- I don't know what he's
gonna say, I just hope he
keeps our professional
relationship out of it.
But look, our time
here is running out.
I mean, General Darwin has been
more than gracious
with our setbacks.
I'm not sure he will be
for very much longer.
- He should understand it
can't happen overnight.
This is harder than
rocket science.
- Look, I'm not a fool, I knew
this would be complicated.
I mean, a serum to
enhance the human body...
heightening the immune system,
increasing speed and strength.
I mean, do you realize how
long a human would live,
if we could prefect this serum?
- I'm well aware of the positive
contributions this would make.
It just takes time.
We're dabbling in
God's backyard.
- Damn it, I'm sick of failure!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
[Fizzling]
Same as the 235 before it.
- Maybe Billy 237 will be lucky.
Well, there's a
sight for sore eyes.
- Hi, Sam.
- Darling why
didn't you call me?
- Well, what kind of surprise
would that have been
if you knew that I was coming?
- [Hank] I'm happy to see you.
- Stressful day?
- Brutal.
[Whispering]
Another rat.
- [Hannah]
Oh no, I'm sorry.
Billy 234 or 235?
- 236.
- Oh.
Hey... come on
it's not even noon
and already you're
in a bad mood.
Sam, I'm taking him to lunch.
I'll bring him back soon.
- [Sam] Take your time.
Means Gill and
I get to goof off.
- Look,
I'm sorry about earlier uh...
I'm just upset about all
these failed experiments.
- No shop-talk...
this is our time.
- Deal.
[Cheerful music]
[Laughing]
- [Hannah] Bet you
can't catch me.
[Laughing]
You okay?
- Yeah.
- Oh... I am really looking
forward to dinner tonight.
- Well, I haven't seen
your father in a while,
so it'll be good to catch up.
- Oh, he's anxious to hear how
all your research is going.
- You said no shop talk.
- So I did.
Okay,
that's enough... I promise.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Penny for your thoughts?
- Um...
- Remember when we spoke
of having children?
- Of course, when we're married.
- Right.
[Sighs]
You do still want
children, don't you?
- [Laughing] Are you trying
to tell me something?
- I'm not pregnant.
- Oh.
- Wow... that look clearly tells
me that you aren't ready.
- No, no that's not it, at all.
I do want children.
- I know... the experiment.
Seems we can't get away
from shop-talk, doesn't it?
- Look, the time...
will be right, okay?
I promise you that, you'll
have a dozen children.
- [Laughing] A dozen, okay.
And do you plan on
carrying all of them?
We just can't have
rats for pets, okay?
[Laughing]
- Look, I promise
I'm gonna make you
the happiest woman in the world.
Just don't give up on me.
- I promise.
- Did you think I was kidding?
How was lunch?
- Well... we took a
walk through the park.
- And?
- And she brought up
having children again.
- What'd you say this time?
- Well, I told her the truth.
I think I might
be finally ready.
- That's great, now
all you have to do
is get approval of
marriage, from the father.
- I plan on asking him
tonight before dinner.
- Should we try it again?
Maybe if you give
him some good news,
it will soften the blow.
- Greetings, Billy number 237.
- Lucky 237.
[Suspenseful music]
- Maybe pink is our color.
- Well, keep your
fingers crossed.
[Rat squeaking]
[Fizzling]
Shhh!
- Don't, don't!
Count backwards from 10.
Just don't lose it, man.
- No more failures!
- 10...
- Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
- Five.
- Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
- Take this.
- Thank you.
- Maybe Billy 238
will be the lucky one.
[Tense music]
- Good evening sir,
General Darwin.
I would love to
marry your daughter.
Wait... no that's too quick.
Um...
[Clearing throat]
General Darwin, sir,
I would be honored...
if you would allow me your
daughter's hand in marriage.
Well, that's a little better.
[Classical music]
[Exclaiming]
Don't you look stunning.
Wow, that's not how
you greet the mailman...
- Have you seen my mailman?
It would take blackmail
for me to kiss that frog.
- [Hank] Well,
these are for you.
- Aww, thank you,
they're beautiful.
I'm gonna go put
these in some water.
- That's okay, I need
to talk to your father.
- [Hannah] About what?
- Huh?
- The experiment?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, there's
some new data,
I want to tell him about.
- Shall we go inside?
[Laughing]
[Classical music]
- I hate dust!
I don't want it
building up in my home.
- Hi, Daddy.
- You'll let dust build up,
and before you know it,
you've got an army
of dust-bunnies
plotting to take over.
Beautiful flowers.
Where did you get
those from, our garden?
- No Daddy, Hank brought them.
I'm gonna put them
in some water.
I'll be back in a shake.
- General Darwin, sir, I need to
speak to you about
something, it's very...
- Making progress on
the experiment, are we?
- Actually, no, it's not
about the experiment.
It's about the...
- Wait.
Don't speak.
There could be spies listening.
Let's go somewhere
private, follow me.
- Right, sir.
And I'll have Scotty beam
us up to the Enterprise.
- Want a drink?
- No thanks.
- I need results, Hank.
Stop stalling.
- [Hank] Like I said, sir,
the experiment's going fine.
I'd like to talk about Hannah.
- What about her?
- Well, I...
- Spit it out!
- I wanna marry her.
- You knock up my little girl?
Is that it, huh?
- Of course not.
- Then why?
What's the reason, piss-ant?
- I love her, okay?
That's why, I love her.
- Not a bad answer.
That's no surprise though,
you being a scientist and all.
- [Hank] So do I
have your blessing?
- You think I want a
deadbeat son-in-law?
Negative!
The government will stop
funding this project,
unless you start showing
some god damned results!
And until I see
some, I sure as hell
ain't gonna let you marry
my daughter, got it?
- Oh, so this is where
you two have been hiding.
- And I'm leaving.
- What, we haven't
even had dinner yet.
- Look, I'll
explain later, okay?
Unless your father
wants to do the honors.
[Ominous music]
[Humming]
- Oh...
- Oh, pookie bear,
where have you been?
I get so lonely waiting for you.
- What have you been warned of?
- What?
- This table has
been in my family...
for hundreds and
hundreds of years.
How many times
have I told you...
not to keep your
cosmetics on it?
Move all of your goop,
your paint, schnell!
- But bumble-bee, I'm bored.
- You should know that
does not work on me.
- Oh, that's right, I forgot.
There's nothing
going on downstairs.
[Dog panting]
- You know better than
to start with that!
- Oh, pookie, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to
hurt your feelings.
- And how many times
must I tell you...
not to gyrate in
front of the guards?
You know that's a
big no-no, with me.
- Oops.
[Laughing]
- Is there something amusing?
Hmm, well?
- No, Dr. Can't-Love.
I mean Kantlove, sir!
- Oh, Dummkopf!
- Ah... so you like to
make funny gestures...
when I'm not looking, do you?
- I don't know what
you're talking about, sir.
[Dog barking]
[Ominous music]
- Stan told me all about it.
- So, you gonna choose the
dog's word over me, sir?
[Electric zapping]
[Laughter]
- Did we get the
ransom money yet?
- Oh, yes.
It was transferred into the
Swiss account, moments ago.
- Oh, shopping
spree in Paris, yay!
Wait, does this mean...
- Yes!
- [Lolita] Oh, pookie,
can we do it now?
Please, don't hold out on me.
I need it, give it to me.
- Would you like something, big?
- [Lolita] Yes.
- Would you like
something, hard?
- [Laughing]
Yes, yes!
[Classical music]
- Perfect selection.
I'm ready.
- Then why don't you push
the button, mein liebchen?
- Oh, I don't know if I can!
I want to, oh I want to.
- Then push the button,
and get what you want.
[Laughing]
[Classical music]
[Squealing]
- Oh, there is
nothing like that.
- Ah, I am so glad
you enjoyed it.
Mock my genius, will they?
Institute of German
Scientists, bah!
Laugh at Werner Von
Kantlove, will they?
I'll show them.
Now, I have all their money.
And they have nothing!
[Laughing]
- Oh pookie, make love
to me, like you used to.
- Oh, no you silly woman,
you know I can't
do that anymore.
However, I have a
solution to my problem...
that I am working on.
- Oh, then blow up
another one for me?
- No...
- Please?
- Oh, well... alright.
[Classical music]
[Missiles whistling]
[Classical music]
[Fireworks popping]
[Classical music]
- [Laughing] I feel
like a kid again.
- Listen, Hannah, um...
there's something I've
been meaning to ask you.
- What is it?
- Well...
Will you...
- Oh my god, Hank,
a roller coaster!
Come on, we gotta go!
[Laughing] Come on!
Oh my god, I'm so scared.
- Yeah, something
tells me I'm gonna
regret eating that chili-dog.
[Hannah laughing]
- What were you
gonna ask me before?
- Not now, I'll ask you later.
- Okay.
- Okay, here we go.
[Screaming]
[Laughing]
- [Hank] Whoa!
[Hannah laughing]
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa.
Whoa!
Hannah, I've been waiting to
ask you something all night.
- Oh yeah, what is it?
- Well, I know we've
been through a lot,
over the past four years and...
- Yes?
- Well...
- Hank, look out!
- You move a muscle,
and you and the girl die.
- Hank, do what he says.
- Yeah, Hank.
Do what the little
lady says, huh?
- Look, there's
money in my wallet.
Just take it and leave.
- Oh, how lucky that I
ran into you tonight.
Nice earrings, sweet-thing.
Why don't you give them to me,
before I rip them off your ears!
- Give it to him.
Okay, look you got
what you wanted.
Now leave, won't you?
- Oh, Hank, now I
don't think you're
in any position to
tell me what to do.
Let's see what
else you got, huh?
Well, what do we have here?
[Grunting]
- [Hannah] Hank!
Just leave us alone!
Hank, Hank are you hurt?
- Yea, nothing's broken,
I'll be alright.
- [Hannah] Okay.
- Look, I'm sorry, alright?
- Are you crazy?
Why would you pull
a stunt like that?
What was in your pocket,
that was worth
risking your life for?
- Look it was a
flash drive with some
documents on the
experiment, okay?
It was top secret stuff.
I mean, if it fell
into the wrong hands,
there's no telling
what could happen.
- A flash drive?
Well, I doubt the mugger
would find that very useful.
I'd be surprised if the
creep could actually read.
- Look, I overreacted,
it was stupid, I know.
- Yeah, you just...
I'm glad you didn't
get yourself killed.
- Yea.
Look, I'll call you
tomorrow alright?
- Sure, whenever you get up.
I know you might want to sleep
in, after what happened tonight.
- No, sleep can wait.
I've got to put in
some hours at the lab.
- What?
Babe, you gotta get some rest.
Your health is more important
than this stupid experiment.
- Your father told
me the government
was threatening to stop
funding the experiment.
If I don't show them
results, it's over.
- So that's why you've
been so moody lately?
- Look, it means a great
deal to me and your father.
Why can't you see that?
- Fine, you know what?
Go to the lab.
Do whatever you want.
I'm out of here.
- Hannah, wait.
[Suspenseful music]
The General wants results?
Results I shall give him.
Purple, that's unusual.
Maybe it could work.
Ugh, another failure.
Wait a minute.
[Fizzling]
Oh my god, it worked!
I can't believe it
actually worked!
But it's just not enough.
It's just not enough,
I mean two years ago,
maybe even a year ago but...
I need bigger results,
I need them fast.
Well, here goes nothing.
[Intense music]
[Heartbeat]
[Dramatic music]
[Groaning]
[Groaning]
[Roaring]
[Ominous music]
- Damn.
- Need a light?
- Yeah.
- Why don't you suck
on this instead?
[Groaning]
Come on, don't act like
you never done it before.
[Screaming]
[Gunshot]
[Roaring]
[Roaring]
[Gunshot]
- Ain't so tough without
your gun are you buddy?
[Sirens]
I gotta get out of here.
Where's the ring, you bastard?
Here it is.
[Stomping]
[Ominous organ music]
- [Kantlove] Well, well, well...
What do we have here?
Tell me... where did you
two... gentlemen... find this?
[Both talking]
- Well you see we were taking
care of business downtown.
- Please, please,
gentlemen... one at a time.
- We were in the city, dealing,
and we ran into an
old chum of yours.
Scully.
- Ah, Scully.
It seems to me, Scully owes
me a good deal of green.
- Yes, sir, and then...
- Hey, I wasn't done
telling the story.
- Hey, that's no fair.
You never let me get a word in
edge-wise no more.
What's up with that?
- Tough!
- Why you piece of
disease-ridden, flea-bitten...
- That will do, gentlemen.
Please continue.
- We were in the city.
We met up with Scully.
I told him he's got a debt,
and he's gotta pay now.
And then I asked him
how he'd like to go
swimming in the river,
with cement slippers.
- No you didn't, I said that.
- Fine, whatever.
You said it, are you happy?
- Yeah, yeah,
matter of fact I am.
- So Scully got scared, forked
over the ring, end of story.
- Yes, I think my Lolita
will like this very much.
It will make a
wonderful gift for her.
There's just one more thing.
- Yes, boss?
- What was it you said
again, about taking a swim?
- Actually, I said that.
- I like how that sounded.
- Oh, thank you there
Can't-Love, sir.
I mean, Kantlove.
- I liked it very much.
I liked it so much...
I was thinking
maybe the two of you
would like to go for a swim.
So,
get your swimming trunks on...
because you are both
going for a little swim.
[Laughing]
[Knocking at door]
- That was a wild dream.
- [Garton] Hello,
anybody in there?
- Hold on, I'm coming.
Oh, for Christ's sakes
this better be Ed
McMahon with a fat check.
[Knocking at door]
- [Garton] Hey, what's
going on in there?
Is everything alright?
I said, is everything alright?
- Who is it?
- [Garton] Well, it
ain't Ed McMahon.
It's the police.
Now, will you open
while I'm still old?
- What's wrong?
- [Garton] Open
the door, will you?
- [Lisa] Is this Henry?
We found your wallet
and came to return it.
- Okay, hold on a second.
[Coughing]
So what do you want anyway?
- Sorry, did we wake you?
- Yeah, it's alright,
I overslept anyway.
- When were you born?
- He's just kidding around.
Give him his wallet back, jeez.
- Well, I thank you
for delivering this.
Thought I'd never see it again.
Where'd you find it?
- A better question
is, how'd you lose it?
- Actually I was
mugged last night.
- I see.
- Yeah, I was with
my girlfriend and uh...
we were at the
amusement park.
Then we caught
the subway and a...
guy popped out of nowhere
and robbed us at gunpoint.
- Were either of you hurt?
- No, actually we weren't.
I had my wallet taken and
my girlfriend's jewelry.
That's about it.
- Did you file a
report or anything?
- Well no, I mean, it was late.
We were tired, so I didn't
really get a chance.
- I see.
- So where'd you find it?
- [Garton] There was a
double homicide last night...
near the Plaza Theater.
Prostitute and a criminal were
found dead in an alleyway.
Guess which one had your wallet.
[Coughing]
- Um...
You alright kid?
Something wrong?
- No I'm fine, I'm just a
little weirded out, that's all.
I mean, a guy robs me
at gunpoint last night and...
kills a girl and
dies, all in one night.
It's just a bit odd
to me, that's all.
- Well, you've been through
enough for the last 24 hours.
You don't need us
hassling you, I'm sure.
- Well, I'd like to
personally thank you
for bringing my wallet,
I really appreciate it.
- [Lisa] Don't
mention it, take care.
- See you around, kid.
- Bye.
- Okay, what gives?
You haven't said a word since
we talked to that
Henry Howard guy.
- Whatever do you
mean, my darling?
- Don't play coy
with me, Garton.
You've got the
look on your face.
- Yeah, what look are
you talking about?
- The look, when you know
something that I don't.
- Oh, yeah, that look.
I believe I do know the one.
- Spill the beans, will you?
Or I'll be forced to
resort to violence.
- I think our Henry
murdered the mugger.
- What?
You're kidding.
That sweet man?
He doesn't look capable of
cheating on his income taxes.
- There are two pieces
of evidence, my dear.
- Okay, I'm listening.
- How come our sweet
and innocent Henry
knew that the mugger
killed the prostitute?
- Okay, what else?
- Spit it out, will you?
- I didn't get this
from the peanut butter
and jelly sandwich I
had for lunch today.
What's that old saying?
Oh yeah, that's right.
The criminal always returns
to the scene of the crime.
- Old saying is right, and
you should remember it too.
I mean, you coined the
phrase, didn't you?
Or did you forget?
Oh, I guess that other
old saying is true.
The mind is the
first thing to go.
- Hey Tuttle, are we
gonna trade insults...
or go bust this cretin?
- For once, I agree with you.
I'll call for backup.
[Ominous music]
[Gasping]
[Screaming]
[Gunshot]
- Whoa, whoa, wait.
It's not what it looks like.
- Like I said, they
always come back
to the scene of the crime.
- We're gonna have to take
you down to the station.
- I don't think
that'd be a good idea.
You don't wanna do that.
[Groaning]
[Screaming]
[Groaning]
[Roaring]
- What the hell is that?
- [Ray] Well it ain't
Barney the purple dinosaur!
- [Lisa] Good thing
I called for backup.
- Backup?
You're gonna need an army
to take down that monster!
[Roaring]
[Gunshots]
[Exciting music]
[Explosion]
- Damn.
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Horn honking]
[Tires squealing]
- [Cameraman] You gotta
move in a little closer.
I need a better shot.
- Closer, you gotta
be out of your mind!
I don't know what the hell
that thing is down there,
and I sure as hell
don't want to find out!
- [Cameraman] I'm telling
you, you need to get closer.
I don't have a shot.
This could be our big ticket
to bigger, better things.
You know what I'm saying?
- Okay, I'll get
a little closer.
Just a little though.
- [Cameraman] Alright,
you're not gonna regret this.
I'm telling you, this
could be our biggest shot.
You know what I'm saying?
A big payoff!
[Laughing]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Explosion]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Crashing]
[Gunshots]
[Sirens]
[Gunshots]
[Tires squealing]
[Gunshots]
- Look out!
[Screaming]
Lisa!
[Stomping]
- [Pilot] You were right!
We're gonna make history
with this footage.
- Oh man, come on get in there!
Get closer in there.
This is gonna be the big,
ultimate death-scene.
You know what I'm saying?
- I'm not too sure about this.
We're close enough
already, aren't we?
- No, come on get closer!
You gotta get in there!
This is the thing,
I'm telling you.
It's gonna be a
big event for us.
I can see the headlines, now.
It's gonna read "Super pilot,
"and amazingly charming
cameraman captures it all".
Get in there!
- Alright, I like
the sound of that!
Allow me to zoom
in on the action.
[Screaming]
[Explosion]
[Somber music]
- Freeze!
You son of a bitch!
[Clicking]
Now for plan B.
[Crowd murmuring]
[Doors cranking]
[Slamming]
- [Hank] I've lost track
of time in this prison.
Ten days could have
passed, or ten years.
I can't tell the difference.
What have I done?
What have I become?
What kind of hideous creature
have I unleashed
onto this world?
It's all my fault...
it's all my fault.
I have no one else
to blame but myself.
Why did I have to be so foolish,
and inject myself
with the serum?
If it ever fell into
the wrong hands,
there's no telling
what could happen.
[Doors cranking]
[Slamming]
I'm sorry about your partner.
I didn't mean to kill
her, or anybody else.
It was an accident.
- [Garton] An accident?
An accident is wetting your bed.
What you did is called murder.
And the only just penalty,
in my personal
courtroom, is death!
- It was an accident... an
experiment gone crazy.
- [Garton] I don't
know what you are,
sick son of a bitch...
but you're gonna pay
for what you did.
I'm gonna make sure
you rot in hell, freak!
What are you gonna
do now, tough guy?
Say goodnight.
- Darwin, what are
you doing here?
- What's up, doc?
[Laughing]
- What's going on?
- Don't worry about
that now, Henry.
Just go back to sleep.
- No wait, you don't understand.
The serum it... turned
me into a monster.
- Affirmative... you
finally achieved
the results we were looking for.
- I destroyed the city and
killed innocent people,
and that's the result
that you wanted?
- [Darwin] You're going to
go under intense evaluation.
We wanna know everything
about your condition.
- What, to cure me, or
turn me into guinea pig?
Answer me, god damn it!
- Do me a favor and make
the sandman pay him a visit.
- Right away, sir.
- Quick, give him the injection,
before he fully transforms!
Step aside!
[Groaning]
You almost had me
there, soldier.
But I was too fast for you.
Sweet dreams, you
purple pile of cow dung.
[Thunder]
[Dog barking]
- [Lolita] Oh, pookie,
it is so beautiful.
This reminds me of
our wedding day,
when I became Mrs. Kantlove.
- [Kantlove] Ouch!
- More like Can't-Dance.
- What was that?
- Nothing, nothing my dear.
- Hey, I've got an idea.
Why don't we blow something up?
- My dear, you have
just read my mind.
- I can't read, silly.
You know that.
- I have reached an
important decision.
- What is it?
- I have decided...
not to blow up...
any more historical
monuments or buildings.
- But why?
- I'm going to up the ante.
- I don't understand.
- I'm going to send up...
a Saturn-five rocket...
and blow up the moon!
- You really could do that?
- It'll be a cake-walk.
- Don't you mean moon-walk?
- Zoom zoom, to the moon!
[Laughing]
[Classical music]
[Rocket blasting]
[Mechanical whirring]
[Rocket blasting]
- [Darwin] Sunshine, cadet.
- What the hell do you want now?
Is it time for my lobotomy?
- Negative, it's time for
something more important.
- Yeah, like what?
- [Darwin] You finally gave
me the results I was after.
You developed a serum
to enhance a human...
to make him more than
human, superhuman!
Good job.
- Well, if you're here
to give me an award,
do me a favor and shove it
where the sun don't shine.
- As I was saying, you
gave us the results.
And it was necessary
for us to study you.
No one expected you to inject
yourself with the serum!
That was idiotic of you!
- Yeah, I agree.
As much as I hate to, I
agree with you on that.
Look, I did it for Hannah.
I just wanted to prove
I was successful...
and have your
blessing to marry her.
- I understand, that's
why I grant you permission
to take my daughter's
hand in marriage.
- It's too late.
I'm a monster.
I can't conform to society...
cause I know what it's like.
I know what triggers the beast
inside of me, it's the rage.
But I'm sure you
already knew that,
with all the tests
you've given me.
- [Darwin] It is the rage
that triggers it off.
But during the tests,
we found an antidote.
- Then where is it?
Give it to me already.
- Before we administer
the antidote,
there's something you
must do for your country.
- What are you driving at?
- You're the only hope
mankind has of surviving.
So it'd be wise to get serious!
- Yeah, you sound so sincere.
Yeah, like you're
telling the truth.
That honesty doesn't fit you.
But you know what,
I'm a nice guy.
So I'm willing to hear you out.
- There is a madman by
the name doctor Kantlove.
He's sending off missiles...
blowing up monuments
around the world.
It's all over the news.
We believe he is sending
a rocket to the moon,
and plans to blow it up.
We need you to become
super-human and destroy it.
- Me, how?
- We discovered
where his base is.
But we can't drop a bomb.
His radar would pick us
up and he'd get us first.
So we're sending you there
alone, to eliminate him.
- I'm not sure I can
take another human life.
- You can kill
innocent people...
but you can't kill the enemy?
- Look, I didn't kill anybody!
It's not my fault!
[Groaning]
Hannah!
Hannah, wait!
- [Darwin] So do you
accept the mission?
Are you ready to save the world?
- Screw the world.
The world can die
and I wouldn't mind.
Look, I'm doing this for
two people, me and Hannah.
And we will be together,
if it means me turning into this
hideous beast once
more, then I'm willing.
- Now here's the game-plan.
You better pay close attention.
We don't have enough
clothes in your size.
[Dramatic music]
- We're almost at
the checkpoint.
Any closer and Kantlove will
pick me up on the radar.
You know what to do right?
- Yeah, I'm all set.
- Good luck, Hank.
- Thanks.
- Okay, get ready to drop!
[Thunder]
- Just a few more miles to
Kantlove's hidden castle.
I'm already one step closer to
spending my life with Hannah.
[Classical music]
- No more Honeymooner
reruns for me.
The time is now.
Oh!
[Monkey chirping]
One of these days...
one of these days!
[Peaceful music]
[Ominous music]
- Okay, it's time to get angry.
[Groaning]
This isn't happening.
Okay, it's time for
the secret weapon.
[Ominous music]
[Screaming]
[Stomping]
- Did you hear that?
- Where's it coming from?
[Dramatic music]
- What the heck?
I'll have to use my
secret weapon, Rover!
[Suspenseful music]
Where are my personal guards?
Ah, that's right...
I killed them both!
[Suspenseful music]
[Screaming]
This is worse than the time
the flying saucer broke down.
And that little green
alien came to the door,
asking to use the phone.
[Funk music]
- Who turned out the lights?
Bumble bee... where are you?
I think I've gone blind.
Is that you, baby?
That's where you've been
spending your free time...
at the gym.
Mmm... my oh my.
You've grown since the
last time we played.
This is historic, I've
got to see for myself.
[Roaring]
- What have you
done to your face?
I love it!
[Uneasy music]
- Mother always said my temper
would be the death of me.
The last time I
heard her say it...
was when I had a
rocket delivered...
at her house for Mother's Day.
[Laughing]
[Dramatic music]
- What, what do you want!
Please, please spare my life!
I am a mad scientist!
I am doctor Can't-Love.
I mean, doctor Kantlove.
What is it you want?
What is it, a girl
you want, hmm?
Maybe I can help you.
You remember Frankenstein?
It was me who fixed
him up with the bride.
No, please, no!
- Come in.
[Static]
Come in! Do you read me?
Look, I've eliminated
Kantlove and his men.
Now come and pick
me up, will you?
[Airplane zooming]
Holy...
[Bomb whistling]
[Explosion]
What's going on?
Fighter jets are shooting at me.
Call them off!
They must have me
confused with the enemy.
- [Darwin] I'm afraid I wasn't
telling the truth, Henry.
There is no antidote.
- What do you mean?
- [Darwin] No cure
that will bring you
back to your former self.
You see, the government stopped
funding my project
two years ago.
So I looked elsewhere
for funding.
Doctor Kantlove was
more than willing,
to dole out any amount of cash.
He wanted the serum, he said,
as a cure for his E.D.
He gave more than I
could ever imagine.
Now that you created the serum,
and proved it successful,
I no longer needed his backing.
So I had no choice other
than to eliminate him.
The government will probably
give me an award for this.
For creating an army of
super-human soldiers.
- You're crazy, you know that?
You're sick!
- And now I shall eliminate you.
- You bastard!
[Bomb whistling]
[Explosion]
Holy!
[Dramatic music]
[Mooing]
[Whinnying]
[Gunshot]
[Explosion]
[Explosion]
[Planes zooming]
[Kids yelling]
[Gunshot]
[Explosion]
[Gunshots]
[Explosion]
[Honking horn]
[Ringing bell]
[Explosion]
[Helicopter whirring]
[Sonar pinging]
[Train whistle]
[Explosion]
[Helicopter whirring]
[Gunshot]
[Marching music]
[Gunshot]
[Explosion]
[Explosion]
- [Darwin] Drop the bomb.
- Affirmative.
[Explosion]
Mission accomplished.
- Good job, soldier.
[Dog barking]
Cupcake...
What's wrong?
How did you get in here?
- What happened?
Did something happen to Hank?
- Honey... Hank knew he
was risking his life
when he agreed to this mission.
He stopped Kantlove.
But I'm afraid... he got himself
killed in the process.
He was a brave man.
Never forget that.
- No.
No!
No!
No!
No!
[Dramatic music]
Hank?
Hank, you're alive!
[Cheerful music]
I thought I lost you.
- Look, Hannah,
there's something
I've been wanting to
tell you for a long time.
Hannah, will you marry me?
- Yes, oh god yes.
Of course I'll marry you.
Oh!
Oh my god!
We have to tell Daddy.
- No, no, he can't
know I'm here.
- What... what do you mean?
[Ominous music]
What's wrong?
- Look, I know you're
not gonna believe me,
but your dad tried to kill me.
He thinks that he
succeeded in that.
- My father?
No... he would... he would never
do such a thing.
How could you say that?
- Look I'm sorry,
but it's the truth,
whether you believe me or not.
- That's insane!
- [Darwin] You, it can't be!
You're dead!
- Daddy!
[Groaning]
- [Darwin] I'm gonna kill you,
once and for all!
- Daddy, get off of him!
- [Hank] Not before
I kill you, old man!
- What are you doing?
No!
[Somber music]
Hi Hank... it's me.
Sorry, I'm not really good
at talking to headstones.
God, I miss you, Hank.
You have no idea...
what I'd give to see your
face just one more time.
To talk with you and...
and touch...
that face.
All you ever wanted
was for the two of us
to just be together... forever.
And now you're gone.
And my father's gone.
And... I'm alone.
I need to say goodbye to you.
That's why I came here.
I really do love you, Hank.
Goodbye.
- Hey... huh.
I hope you're in hell!
Sitting on Satan's pitchfork.
You unholy jerk.
Hey.
You want a drink?
What, you don't like liquor?
Well...
Drink this!
[Fly unzipping, water flowing]
[Rumbling]
[Bonking]
[Classical music]
[Fanfare presentation music]
[Feature presentation music]
[Unsettling music]
[Thunder sounds]
[Ominous music]
[Cat meowing]
- Damn.
- Need a light?
- Yeah.
[Exclaims]
- Why don't you suck
on this instead?
Come on... don't act like
you never done it before.
[Screaming]
[Gunshot]
[Roaring]
[Gunshot]
[Screaming]
[Stomping]
[Intense music]
[Sirens]
- Hey Lisa, take a look at this.
What do you make of it?
- [Lisa] Looks like blood.
Or something.
I don't know.
- I never saw
purple blood before.
- Yeah, well this
whole crime scene
is one big mystery,
now ain't it?
- Did the examiners find
any other possessions?
- Just this.
It was lying next to
the suspected mugger.
Definitely wasn't his.
Probably robbed it off some
poor fool earlier tonight.
- Henry Howard.
Who the hell is this?
- Beats me.
But I bet we're gonna
find out soon enough.
[Unsettling music]
[Siren]
[Dramatic sounds]
- Four years of my life I've
spent on this damned experiment
and I have nothing
to show for it.
- Sure nothing has come of this?
Earth to Hank...
Please come in.
- I'm sorry, did
you say something?
- The world could
explode around you
and you would not have
a clue, whatsoever.
- Look I just can't understand
why the serum
keeps turning blue.
- Did you try it on Billy?
- Every time the
serum turns blue,
nothing ever happens to the rat.
- So it's about the color then?
- Well, I can't say for sure.
I don't have the
appropriate data
to corroborate the research.
Look four years
and nothing solid!
- There you go again assuming
that nothing good
has come of this.
- Just give me one good outcome.
- Let's see.
How about Hannah?
The girl with the
great personality,
and great assets, to match.
- Well... obviously, but
you know what I mean.
- She's the best thing
that's happened to you
these past four
years, my friend.
- Yeah well,
outside these walls
she's the best thing to
happen to me, period.
- You need to keep your
head out of your ass
long enough to ask
that girl to marry you.
- You're actually gonna ask her?
- I decided I'd take the
traditional approach
and ask her father first.
- You think the General is
gonna give her away freely?
- I don't know what he's
gonna say, I just hope he
keeps our professional
relationship out of it.
But look, our time
here is running out.
I mean, General Darwin has been
more than gracious
with our setbacks.
I'm not sure he will be
for very much longer.
- He should understand it
can't happen overnight.
This is harder than
rocket science.
- Look, I'm not a fool, I knew
this would be complicated.
I mean, a serum to
enhance the human body...
heightening the immune system,
increasing speed and strength.
I mean, do you realize how
long a human would live,
if we could prefect this serum?
- I'm well aware of the positive
contributions this would make.
It just takes time.
We're dabbling in
God's backyard.
- Damn it, I'm sick of failure!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
[Fizzling]
Same as the 235 before it.
- Maybe Billy 237 will be lucky.
Well, there's a
sight for sore eyes.
- Hi, Sam.
- Darling why
didn't you call me?
- Well, what kind of surprise
would that have been
if you knew that I was coming?
- [Hank] I'm happy to see you.
- Stressful day?
- Brutal.
[Whispering]
Another rat.
- [Hannah]
Oh no, I'm sorry.
Billy 234 or 235?
- 236.
- Oh.
Hey... come on
it's not even noon
and already you're
in a bad mood.
Sam, I'm taking him to lunch.
I'll bring him back soon.
- [Sam] Take your time.
Means Gill and
I get to goof off.
- Look,
I'm sorry about earlier uh...
I'm just upset about all
these failed experiments.
- No shop-talk...
this is our time.
- Deal.
[Cheerful music]
[Laughing]
- [Hannah] Bet you
can't catch me.
[Laughing]
You okay?
- Yeah.
- Oh... I am really looking
forward to dinner tonight.
- Well, I haven't seen
your father in a while,
so it'll be good to catch up.
- Oh, he's anxious to hear how
all your research is going.
- You said no shop talk.
- So I did.
Okay,
that's enough... I promise.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Penny for your thoughts?
- Um...
- Remember when we spoke
of having children?
- Of course, when we're married.
- Right.
[Sighs]
You do still want
children, don't you?
- [Laughing] Are you trying
to tell me something?
- I'm not pregnant.
- Oh.
- Wow... that look clearly tells
me that you aren't ready.
- No, no that's not it, at all.
I do want children.
- I know... the experiment.
Seems we can't get away
from shop-talk, doesn't it?
- Look, the time...
will be right, okay?
I promise you that, you'll
have a dozen children.
- [Laughing] A dozen, okay.
And do you plan on
carrying all of them?
We just can't have
rats for pets, okay?
[Laughing]
- Look, I promise
I'm gonna make you
the happiest woman in the world.
Just don't give up on me.
- I promise.
- Did you think I was kidding?
How was lunch?
- Well... we took a
walk through the park.
- And?
- And she brought up
having children again.
- What'd you say this time?
- Well, I told her the truth.
I think I might
be finally ready.
- That's great, now
all you have to do
is get approval of
marriage, from the father.
- I plan on asking him
tonight before dinner.
- Should we try it again?
Maybe if you give
him some good news,
it will soften the blow.
- Greetings, Billy number 237.
- Lucky 237.
[Suspenseful music]
- Maybe pink is our color.
- Well, keep your
fingers crossed.
[Rat squeaking]
[Fizzling]
Shhh!
- Don't, don't!
Count backwards from 10.
Just don't lose it, man.
- No more failures!
- 10...
- Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
- Five.
- Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
- Take this.
- Thank you.
- Maybe Billy 238
will be the lucky one.
[Tense music]
- Good evening sir,
General Darwin.
I would love to
marry your daughter.
Wait... no that's too quick.
Um...
[Clearing throat]
General Darwin, sir,
I would be honored...
if you would allow me your
daughter's hand in marriage.
Well, that's a little better.
[Classical music]
[Exclaiming]
Don't you look stunning.
Wow, that's not how
you greet the mailman...
- Have you seen my mailman?
It would take blackmail
for me to kiss that frog.
- [Hank] Well,
these are for you.
- Aww, thank you,
they're beautiful.
I'm gonna go put
these in some water.
- That's okay, I need
to talk to your father.
- [Hannah] About what?
- Huh?
- The experiment?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, there's
some new data,
I want to tell him about.
- Shall we go inside?
[Laughing]
[Classical music]
- I hate dust!
I don't want it
building up in my home.
- Hi, Daddy.
- You'll let dust build up,
and before you know it,
you've got an army
of dust-bunnies
plotting to take over.
Beautiful flowers.
Where did you get
those from, our garden?
- No Daddy, Hank brought them.
I'm gonna put them
in some water.
I'll be back in a shake.
- General Darwin, sir, I need to
speak to you about
something, it's very...
- Making progress on
the experiment, are we?
- Actually, no, it's not
about the experiment.
It's about the...
- Wait.
Don't speak.
There could be spies listening.
Let's go somewhere
private, follow me.
- Right, sir.
And I'll have Scotty beam
us up to the Enterprise.
- Want a drink?
- No thanks.
- I need results, Hank.
Stop stalling.
- [Hank] Like I said, sir,
the experiment's going fine.
I'd like to talk about Hannah.
- What about her?
- Well, I...
- Spit it out!
- I wanna marry her.
- You knock up my little girl?
Is that it, huh?
- Of course not.
- Then why?
What's the reason, piss-ant?
- I love her, okay?
That's why, I love her.
- Not a bad answer.
That's no surprise though,
you being a scientist and all.
- [Hank] So do I
have your blessing?
- You think I want a
deadbeat son-in-law?
Negative!
The government will stop
funding this project,
unless you start showing
some god damned results!
And until I see
some, I sure as hell
ain't gonna let you marry
my daughter, got it?
- Oh, so this is where
you two have been hiding.
- And I'm leaving.
- What, we haven't
even had dinner yet.
- Look, I'll
explain later, okay?
Unless your father
wants to do the honors.
[Ominous music]
[Humming]
- Oh...
- Oh, pookie bear,
where have you been?
I get so lonely waiting for you.
- What have you been warned of?
- What?
- This table has
been in my family...
for hundreds and
hundreds of years.
How many times
have I told you...
not to keep your
cosmetics on it?
Move all of your goop,
your paint, schnell!
- But bumble-bee, I'm bored.
- You should know that
does not work on me.
- Oh, that's right, I forgot.
There's nothing
going on downstairs.
[Dog panting]
- You know better than
to start with that!
- Oh, pookie, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to
hurt your feelings.
- And how many times
must I tell you...
not to gyrate in
front of the guards?
You know that's a
big no-no, with me.
- Oops.
[Laughing]
- Is there something amusing?
Hmm, well?
- No, Dr. Can't-Love.
I mean Kantlove, sir!
- Oh, Dummkopf!
- Ah... so you like to
make funny gestures...
when I'm not looking, do you?
- I don't know what
you're talking about, sir.
[Dog barking]
[Ominous music]
- Stan told me all about it.
- So, you gonna choose the
dog's word over me, sir?
[Electric zapping]
[Laughter]
- Did we get the
ransom money yet?
- Oh, yes.
It was transferred into the
Swiss account, moments ago.
- Oh, shopping
spree in Paris, yay!
Wait, does this mean...
- Yes!
- [Lolita] Oh, pookie,
can we do it now?
Please, don't hold out on me.
I need it, give it to me.
- Would you like something, big?
- [Lolita] Yes.
- Would you like
something, hard?
- [Laughing]
Yes, yes!
[Classical music]
- Perfect selection.
I'm ready.
- Then why don't you push
the button, mein liebchen?
- Oh, I don't know if I can!
I want to, oh I want to.
- Then push the button,
and get what you want.
[Laughing]
[Classical music]
[Squealing]
- Oh, there is
nothing like that.
- Ah, I am so glad
you enjoyed it.
Mock my genius, will they?
Institute of German
Scientists, bah!
Laugh at Werner Von
Kantlove, will they?
I'll show them.
Now, I have all their money.
And they have nothing!
[Laughing]
- Oh pookie, make love
to me, like you used to.
- Oh, no you silly woman,
you know I can't
do that anymore.
However, I have a
solution to my problem...
that I am working on.
- Oh, then blow up
another one for me?
- No...
- Please?
- Oh, well... alright.
[Classical music]
[Missiles whistling]
[Classical music]
[Fireworks popping]
[Classical music]
- [Laughing] I feel
like a kid again.
- Listen, Hannah, um...
there's something I've
been meaning to ask you.
- What is it?
- Well...
Will you...
- Oh my god, Hank,
a roller coaster!
Come on, we gotta go!
[Laughing] Come on!
Oh my god, I'm so scared.
- Yeah, something
tells me I'm gonna
regret eating that chili-dog.
[Hannah laughing]
- What were you
gonna ask me before?
- Not now, I'll ask you later.
- Okay.
- Okay, here we go.
[Screaming]
[Laughing]
- [Hank] Whoa!
[Hannah laughing]
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa.
Whoa!
Hannah, I've been waiting to
ask you something all night.
- Oh yeah, what is it?
- Well, I know we've
been through a lot,
over the past four years and...
- Yes?
- Well...
- Hank, look out!
- You move a muscle,
and you and the girl die.
- Hank, do what he says.
- Yeah, Hank.
Do what the little
lady says, huh?
- Look, there's
money in my wallet.
Just take it and leave.
- Oh, how lucky that I
ran into you tonight.
Nice earrings, sweet-thing.
Why don't you give them to me,
before I rip them off your ears!
- Give it to him.
Okay, look you got
what you wanted.
Now leave, won't you?
- Oh, Hank, now I
don't think you're
in any position to
tell me what to do.
Let's see what
else you got, huh?
Well, what do we have here?
[Grunting]
- [Hannah] Hank!
Just leave us alone!
Hank, Hank are you hurt?
- Yea, nothing's broken,
I'll be alright.
- [Hannah] Okay.
- Look, I'm sorry, alright?
- Are you crazy?
Why would you pull
a stunt like that?
What was in your pocket,
that was worth
risking your life for?
- Look it was a
flash drive with some
documents on the
experiment, okay?
It was top secret stuff.
I mean, if it fell
into the wrong hands,
there's no telling
what could happen.
- A flash drive?
Well, I doubt the mugger
would find that very useful.
I'd be surprised if the
creep could actually read.
- Look, I overreacted,
it was stupid, I know.
- Yeah, you just...
I'm glad you didn't
get yourself killed.
- Yea.
Look, I'll call you
tomorrow alright?
- Sure, whenever you get up.
I know you might want to sleep
in, after what happened tonight.
- No, sleep can wait.
I've got to put in
some hours at the lab.
- What?
Babe, you gotta get some rest.
Your health is more important
than this stupid experiment.
- Your father told
me the government
was threatening to stop
funding the experiment.
If I don't show them
results, it's over.
- So that's why you've
been so moody lately?
- Look, it means a great
deal to me and your father.
Why can't you see that?
- Fine, you know what?
Go to the lab.
Do whatever you want.
I'm out of here.
- Hannah, wait.
[Suspenseful music]
The General wants results?
Results I shall give him.
Purple, that's unusual.
Maybe it could work.
Ugh, another failure.
Wait a minute.
[Fizzling]
Oh my god, it worked!
I can't believe it
actually worked!
But it's just not enough.
It's just not enough,
I mean two years ago,
maybe even a year ago but...
I need bigger results,
I need them fast.
Well, here goes nothing.
[Intense music]
[Heartbeat]
[Dramatic music]
[Groaning]
[Groaning]
[Roaring]
[Ominous music]
- Damn.
- Need a light?
- Yeah.
- Why don't you suck
on this instead?
[Groaning]
Come on, don't act like
you never done it before.
[Screaming]
[Gunshot]
[Roaring]
[Roaring]
[Gunshot]
- Ain't so tough without
your gun are you buddy?
[Sirens]
I gotta get out of here.
Where's the ring, you bastard?
Here it is.
[Stomping]
[Ominous organ music]
- [Kantlove] Well, well, well...
What do we have here?
Tell me... where did you
two... gentlemen... find this?
[Both talking]
- Well you see we were taking
care of business downtown.
- Please, please,
gentlemen... one at a time.
- We were in the city, dealing,
and we ran into an
old chum of yours.
Scully.
- Ah, Scully.
It seems to me, Scully owes
me a good deal of green.
- Yes, sir, and then...
- Hey, I wasn't done
telling the story.
- Hey, that's no fair.
You never let me get a word in
edge-wise no more.
What's up with that?
- Tough!
- Why you piece of
disease-ridden, flea-bitten...
- That will do, gentlemen.
Please continue.
- We were in the city.
We met up with Scully.
I told him he's got a debt,
and he's gotta pay now.
And then I asked him
how he'd like to go
swimming in the river,
with cement slippers.
- No you didn't, I said that.
- Fine, whatever.
You said it, are you happy?
- Yeah, yeah,
matter of fact I am.
- So Scully got scared, forked
over the ring, end of story.
- Yes, I think my Lolita
will like this very much.
It will make a
wonderful gift for her.
There's just one more thing.
- Yes, boss?
- What was it you said
again, about taking a swim?
- Actually, I said that.
- I like how that sounded.
- Oh, thank you there
Can't-Love, sir.
I mean, Kantlove.
- I liked it very much.
I liked it so much...
I was thinking
maybe the two of you
would like to go for a swim.
So,
get your swimming trunks on...
because you are both
going for a little swim.
[Laughing]
[Knocking at door]
- That was a wild dream.
- [Garton] Hello,
anybody in there?
- Hold on, I'm coming.
Oh, for Christ's sakes
this better be Ed
McMahon with a fat check.
[Knocking at door]
- [Garton] Hey, what's
going on in there?
Is everything alright?
I said, is everything alright?
- Who is it?
- [Garton] Well, it
ain't Ed McMahon.
It's the police.
Now, will you open
while I'm still old?
- What's wrong?
- [Garton] Open
the door, will you?
- [Lisa] Is this Henry?
We found your wallet
and came to return it.
- Okay, hold on a second.
[Coughing]
So what do you want anyway?
- Sorry, did we wake you?
- Yeah, it's alright,
I overslept anyway.
- When were you born?
- He's just kidding around.
Give him his wallet back, jeez.
- Well, I thank you
for delivering this.
Thought I'd never see it again.
Where'd you find it?
- A better question
is, how'd you lose it?
- Actually I was
mugged last night.
- I see.
- Yeah, I was with
my girlfriend and uh...
we were at the
amusement park.
Then we caught
the subway and a...
guy popped out of nowhere
and robbed us at gunpoint.
- Were either of you hurt?
- No, actually we weren't.
I had my wallet taken and
my girlfriend's jewelry.
That's about it.
- Did you file a
report or anything?
- Well no, I mean, it was late.
We were tired, so I didn't
really get a chance.
- I see.
- So where'd you find it?
- [Garton] There was a
double homicide last night...
near the Plaza Theater.
Prostitute and a criminal were
found dead in an alleyway.
Guess which one had your wallet.
[Coughing]
- Um...
You alright kid?
Something wrong?
- No I'm fine, I'm just a
little weirded out, that's all.
I mean, a guy robs me
at gunpoint last night and...
kills a girl and
dies, all in one night.
It's just a bit odd
to me, that's all.
- Well, you've been through
enough for the last 24 hours.
You don't need us
hassling you, I'm sure.
- Well, I'd like to
personally thank you
for bringing my wallet,
I really appreciate it.
- [Lisa] Don't
mention it, take care.
- See you around, kid.
- Bye.
- Okay, what gives?
You haven't said a word since
we talked to that
Henry Howard guy.
- Whatever do you
mean, my darling?
- Don't play coy
with me, Garton.
You've got the
look on your face.
- Yeah, what look are
you talking about?
- The look, when you know
something that I don't.
- Oh, yeah, that look.
I believe I do know the one.
- Spill the beans, will you?
Or I'll be forced to
resort to violence.
- I think our Henry
murdered the mugger.
- What?
You're kidding.
That sweet man?
He doesn't look capable of
cheating on his income taxes.
- There are two pieces
of evidence, my dear.
- Okay, I'm listening.
- How come our sweet
and innocent Henry
knew that the mugger
killed the prostitute?
- Okay, what else?
- Spit it out, will you?
- I didn't get this
from the peanut butter
and jelly sandwich I
had for lunch today.
What's that old saying?
Oh yeah, that's right.
The criminal always returns
to the scene of the crime.
- Old saying is right, and
you should remember it too.
I mean, you coined the
phrase, didn't you?
Or did you forget?
Oh, I guess that other
old saying is true.
The mind is the
first thing to go.
- Hey Tuttle, are we
gonna trade insults...
or go bust this cretin?
- For once, I agree with you.
I'll call for backup.
[Ominous music]
[Gasping]
[Screaming]
[Gunshot]
- Whoa, whoa, wait.
It's not what it looks like.
- Like I said, they
always come back
to the scene of the crime.
- We're gonna have to take
you down to the station.
- I don't think
that'd be a good idea.
You don't wanna do that.
[Groaning]
[Screaming]
[Groaning]
[Roaring]
- What the hell is that?
- [Ray] Well it ain't
Barney the purple dinosaur!
- [Lisa] Good thing
I called for backup.
- Backup?
You're gonna need an army
to take down that monster!
[Roaring]
[Gunshots]
[Exciting music]
[Explosion]
- Damn.
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Horn honking]
[Tires squealing]
- [Cameraman] You gotta
move in a little closer.
I need a better shot.
- Closer, you gotta
be out of your mind!
I don't know what the hell
that thing is down there,
and I sure as hell
don't want to find out!
- [Cameraman] I'm telling
you, you need to get closer.
I don't have a shot.
This could be our big ticket
to bigger, better things.
You know what I'm saying?
- Okay, I'll get
a little closer.
Just a little though.
- [Cameraman] Alright,
you're not gonna regret this.
I'm telling you, this
could be our biggest shot.
You know what I'm saying?
A big payoff!
[Laughing]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Explosion]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Crashing]
[Gunshots]
[Sirens]
[Gunshots]
[Tires squealing]
[Gunshots]
- Look out!
[Screaming]
Lisa!
[Stomping]
- [Pilot] You were right!
We're gonna make history
with this footage.
- Oh man, come on get in there!
Get closer in there.
This is gonna be the big,
ultimate death-scene.
You know what I'm saying?
- I'm not too sure about this.
We're close enough
already, aren't we?
- No, come on get closer!
You gotta get in there!
This is the thing,
I'm telling you.
It's gonna be a
big event for us.
I can see the headlines, now.
It's gonna read "Super pilot,
"and amazingly charming
cameraman captures it all".
Get in there!
- Alright, I like
the sound of that!
Allow me to zoom
in on the action.
[Screaming]
[Explosion]
[Somber music]
- Freeze!
You son of a bitch!
[Clicking]
Now for plan B.
[Crowd murmuring]
[Doors cranking]
[Slamming]
- [Hank] I've lost track
of time in this prison.
Ten days could have
passed, or ten years.
I can't tell the difference.
What have I done?
What have I become?
What kind of hideous creature
have I unleashed
onto this world?
It's all my fault...
it's all my fault.
I have no one else
to blame but myself.
Why did I have to be so foolish,
and inject myself
with the serum?
If it ever fell into
the wrong hands,
there's no telling
what could happen.
[Doors cranking]
[Slamming]
I'm sorry about your partner.
I didn't mean to kill
her, or anybody else.
It was an accident.
- [Garton] An accident?
An accident is wetting your bed.
What you did is called murder.
And the only just penalty,
in my personal
courtroom, is death!
- It was an accident... an
experiment gone crazy.
- [Garton] I don't
know what you are,
sick son of a bitch...
but you're gonna pay
for what you did.
I'm gonna make sure
you rot in hell, freak!
What are you gonna
do now, tough guy?
Say goodnight.
- Darwin, what are
you doing here?
- What's up, doc?
[Laughing]
- What's going on?
- Don't worry about
that now, Henry.
Just go back to sleep.
- No wait, you don't understand.
The serum it... turned
me into a monster.
- Affirmative... you
finally achieved
the results we were looking for.
- I destroyed the city and
killed innocent people,
and that's the result
that you wanted?
- [Darwin] You're going to
go under intense evaluation.
We wanna know everything
about your condition.
- What, to cure me, or
turn me into guinea pig?
Answer me, god damn it!
- Do me a favor and make
the sandman pay him a visit.
- Right away, sir.
- Quick, give him the injection,
before he fully transforms!
Step aside!
[Groaning]
You almost had me
there, soldier.
But I was too fast for you.
Sweet dreams, you
purple pile of cow dung.
[Thunder]
[Dog barking]
- [Lolita] Oh, pookie,
it is so beautiful.
This reminds me of
our wedding day,
when I became Mrs. Kantlove.
- [Kantlove] Ouch!
- More like Can't-Dance.
- What was that?
- Nothing, nothing my dear.
- Hey, I've got an idea.
Why don't we blow something up?
- My dear, you have
just read my mind.
- I can't read, silly.
You know that.
- I have reached an
important decision.
- What is it?
- I have decided...
not to blow up...
any more historical
monuments or buildings.
- But why?
- I'm going to up the ante.
- I don't understand.
- I'm going to send up...
a Saturn-five rocket...
and blow up the moon!
- You really could do that?
- It'll be a cake-walk.
- Don't you mean moon-walk?
- Zoom zoom, to the moon!
[Laughing]
[Classical music]
[Rocket blasting]
[Mechanical whirring]
[Rocket blasting]
- [Darwin] Sunshine, cadet.
- What the hell do you want now?
Is it time for my lobotomy?
- Negative, it's time for
something more important.
- Yeah, like what?
- [Darwin] You finally gave
me the results I was after.
You developed a serum
to enhance a human...
to make him more than
human, superhuman!
Good job.
- Well, if you're here
to give me an award,
do me a favor and shove it
where the sun don't shine.
- As I was saying, you
gave us the results.
And it was necessary
for us to study you.
No one expected you to inject
yourself with the serum!
That was idiotic of you!
- Yeah, I agree.
As much as I hate to, I
agree with you on that.
Look, I did it for Hannah.
I just wanted to prove
I was successful...
and have your
blessing to marry her.
- I understand, that's
why I grant you permission
to take my daughter's
hand in marriage.
- It's too late.
I'm a monster.
I can't conform to society...
cause I know what it's like.
I know what triggers the beast
inside of me, it's the rage.
But I'm sure you
already knew that,
with all the tests
you've given me.
- [Darwin] It is the rage
that triggers it off.
But during the tests,
we found an antidote.
- Then where is it?
Give it to me already.
- Before we administer
the antidote,
there's something you
must do for your country.
- What are you driving at?
- You're the only hope
mankind has of surviving.
So it'd be wise to get serious!
- Yeah, you sound so sincere.
Yeah, like you're
telling the truth.
That honesty doesn't fit you.
But you know what,
I'm a nice guy.
So I'm willing to hear you out.
- There is a madman by
the name doctor Kantlove.
He's sending off missiles...
blowing up monuments
around the world.
It's all over the news.
We believe he is sending
a rocket to the moon,
and plans to blow it up.
We need you to become
super-human and destroy it.
- Me, how?
- We discovered
where his base is.
But we can't drop a bomb.
His radar would pick us
up and he'd get us first.
So we're sending you there
alone, to eliminate him.
- I'm not sure I can
take another human life.
- You can kill
innocent people...
but you can't kill the enemy?
- Look, I didn't kill anybody!
It's not my fault!
[Groaning]
Hannah!
Hannah, wait!
- [Darwin] So do you
accept the mission?
Are you ready to save the world?
- Screw the world.
The world can die
and I wouldn't mind.
Look, I'm doing this for
two people, me and Hannah.
And we will be together,
if it means me turning into this
hideous beast once
more, then I'm willing.
- Now here's the game-plan.
You better pay close attention.
We don't have enough
clothes in your size.
[Dramatic music]
- We're almost at
the checkpoint.
Any closer and Kantlove will
pick me up on the radar.
You know what to do right?
- Yeah, I'm all set.
- Good luck, Hank.
- Thanks.
- Okay, get ready to drop!
[Thunder]
- Just a few more miles to
Kantlove's hidden castle.
I'm already one step closer to
spending my life with Hannah.
[Classical music]
- No more Honeymooner
reruns for me.
The time is now.
Oh!
[Monkey chirping]
One of these days...
one of these days!
[Peaceful music]
[Ominous music]
- Okay, it's time to get angry.
[Groaning]
This isn't happening.
Okay, it's time for
the secret weapon.
[Ominous music]
[Screaming]
[Stomping]
- Did you hear that?
- Where's it coming from?
[Dramatic music]
- What the heck?
I'll have to use my
secret weapon, Rover!
[Suspenseful music]
Where are my personal guards?
Ah, that's right...
I killed them both!
[Suspenseful music]
[Screaming]
This is worse than the time
the flying saucer broke down.
And that little green
alien came to the door,
asking to use the phone.
[Funk music]
- Who turned out the lights?
Bumble bee... where are you?
I think I've gone blind.
Is that you, baby?
That's where you've been
spending your free time...
at the gym.
Mmm... my oh my.
You've grown since the
last time we played.
This is historic, I've
got to see for myself.
[Roaring]
- What have you
done to your face?
I love it!
[Uneasy music]
- Mother always said my temper
would be the death of me.
The last time I
heard her say it...
was when I had a
rocket delivered...
at her house for Mother's Day.
[Laughing]
[Dramatic music]
- What, what do you want!
Please, please spare my life!
I am a mad scientist!
I am doctor Can't-Love.
I mean, doctor Kantlove.
What is it you want?
What is it, a girl
you want, hmm?
Maybe I can help you.
You remember Frankenstein?
It was me who fixed
him up with the bride.
No, please, no!
- Come in.
[Static]
Come in! Do you read me?
Look, I've eliminated
Kantlove and his men.
Now come and pick
me up, will you?
[Airplane zooming]
Holy...
[Bomb whistling]
[Explosion]
What's going on?
Fighter jets are shooting at me.
Call them off!
They must have me
confused with the enemy.
- [Darwin] I'm afraid I wasn't
telling the truth, Henry.
There is no antidote.
- What do you mean?
- [Darwin] No cure
that will bring you
back to your former self.
You see, the government stopped
funding my project
two years ago.
So I looked elsewhere
for funding.
Doctor Kantlove was
more than willing,
to dole out any amount of cash.
He wanted the serum, he said,
as a cure for his E.D.
He gave more than I
could ever imagine.
Now that you created the serum,
and proved it successful,
I no longer needed his backing.
So I had no choice other
than to eliminate him.
The government will probably
give me an award for this.
For creating an army of
super-human soldiers.
- You're crazy, you know that?
You're sick!
- And now I shall eliminate you.
- You bastard!
[Bomb whistling]
[Explosion]
Holy!
[Dramatic music]
[Mooing]
[Whinnying]
[Gunshot]
[Explosion]
[Explosion]
[Planes zooming]
[Kids yelling]
[Gunshot]
[Explosion]
[Gunshots]
[Explosion]
[Honking horn]
[Ringing bell]
[Explosion]
[Helicopter whirring]
[Sonar pinging]
[Train whistle]
[Explosion]
[Helicopter whirring]
[Gunshot]
[Marching music]
[Gunshot]
[Explosion]
[Explosion]
- [Darwin] Drop the bomb.
- Affirmative.
[Explosion]
Mission accomplished.
- Good job, soldier.
[Dog barking]
Cupcake...
What's wrong?
How did you get in here?
- What happened?
Did something happen to Hank?
- Honey... Hank knew he
was risking his life
when he agreed to this mission.
He stopped Kantlove.
But I'm afraid... he got himself
killed in the process.
He was a brave man.
Never forget that.
- No.
No!
No!
No!
No!
[Dramatic music]
Hank?
Hank, you're alive!
[Cheerful music]
I thought I lost you.
- Look, Hannah,
there's something
I've been wanting to
tell you for a long time.
Hannah, will you marry me?
- Yes, oh god yes.
Of course I'll marry you.
Oh!
Oh my god!
We have to tell Daddy.
- No, no, he can't
know I'm here.
- What... what do you mean?
[Ominous music]
What's wrong?
- Look, I know you're
not gonna believe me,
but your dad tried to kill me.
He thinks that he
succeeded in that.
- My father?
No... he would... he would never
do such a thing.
How could you say that?
- Look I'm sorry,
but it's the truth,
whether you believe me or not.
- That's insane!
- [Darwin] You, it can't be!
You're dead!
- Daddy!
[Groaning]
- [Darwin] I'm gonna kill you,
once and for all!
- Daddy, get off of him!
- [Hank] Not before
I kill you, old man!
- What are you doing?
No!
[Somber music]
Hi Hank... it's me.
Sorry, I'm not really good
at talking to headstones.
God, I miss you, Hank.
You have no idea...
what I'd give to see your
face just one more time.
To talk with you and...
and touch...
that face.
All you ever wanted
was for the two of us
to just be together... forever.
And now you're gone.
And my father's gone.
And... I'm alone.
I need to say goodbye to you.
That's why I came here.
I really do love you, Hank.
Goodbye.
- Hey... huh.
I hope you're in hell!
Sitting on Satan's pitchfork.
You unholy jerk.
Hey.
You want a drink?
What, you don't like liquor?
Well...
Drink this!
[Fly unzipping, water flowing]
[Rumbling]
[Bonking]
[Classical music]