The Ambulance (1990) Movie Script

This is the story
of what can happen to a guy
for talking to a strange
woman on the street.
- Always complaining.
- Spiderman is a piece of cake.
- Come on.
- He's not that strong and tough, I don't know...
Look, there she is.
I knew I'd see her again.
- Where do you wanna go for lunch?
- I don't care.
Thai food?
Hey man, can't you see her?
She's great, right there.
- No, where?
- Right there on the corner by the jewelry store.
- She has dark hair, dark eyes.
- How can you tell all that from here?
I got good eyes.
I don't know which one you mean.
We're never gonna get a table, Josh.
Okay, you go ahead.
I'll catch up.
I gotta meet her this time.
Excuse me, I'm with U.S. Census Bureau
and I must ask you a question.
Are you married or in love?
And I need to be left alone.
- Go away.
- That's direct.
You know, I knew you'd be
direct the first time I saw you.
"Which was when?" you might ask.
Well, every day at lunch time
I always see you out here
and I always try to catch
up with you to say hello.
- Oh, hello.
- Hi, how ya doin'?
- Fine, thanks.
- And every day I always lose you in the crowd.
Well, give me a 30 second headstart,
you can lose me again.
Look out, look out.
Now, you almost got run over.
I did not. I'm perfectly capable
of crossing the street all by myself.
Face it, I just saved your life,
and, therefore, I'm responsible for your life,
at least until after lunch. So, grab an arm.
I have met creepier guys than you.
I just can't recall when.
I knew you'd be charming.
You can call me Joshua.
- Why am I being so mean to you, huh?
- What, you're not like this with everybody you meet?
I know what it is. You're mad because
I didn't get you anything for your birthday, right?
- No.
- Right?
I know, I know.
What's happenin'? How ya doin'?
Hey man, here.
It's a nice Sony Walkman.
I'll take it.
- I don't want any of this stuff.
- I'll take it, here ya go.
Sure ya do!
These guys, hold this,
have gotta work for a living.
Look, if it weren't for these guys we'd have to go
into stores to buy things and pay taxes, right?
Okay, give me this hand.
- You're only slightly demented.
- Only slightly.
- Look how nice that looks, see?
- Oh, lovely.
Yeah, look, I appreciate your generosity,
but I'm not interested in
dating, you or anybody else.
You are totally antisocial,
which is encouraging.
No competition.
- You wouldn't like me if ya got to know me.
- I'll take my own risks, thanks.
If you'll excuse me,
I have a doctor's appointment.
- Yeah? Is something wrong with you?
- No, there's nothing wrong me.
- It's none of your...
- Aw, come on, tell me. What'd ya catch?
I'm just kidding. Look, it's always nice
to have somebody to go to the doctor's with,
somebody out there in
the waiting room...
- ...waiting.
- Thanks, I appreciate it.
Listen, will you just take all
this stuff back, all right?
Aw, that's okay. Don't you worry
about it. It's unbreakable, just like me.
- Spare some change, boss?
- How 'bout some merchandise?
How 'bout tomorrow? I'll meet you right in front
of your building, wherever that it is.
- Please, please, all of a sudden I'm very dizzy.
- Well, you really are sick, aren't you?
- I'll be all right.
- What's wrong?
I just wish everybody
would leave me alone.
What's the matter with you?
What do I do? Oh, oh god!
Okay, don't worry, I'm right here
and I will not leave you.
She's down,
so send in the ambulance.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
I'm sorry to put you through this.
It's my pleasure.
Just let me get my coat off.
Somebody call an ambulance, okay?
- Okay, mister, right away.
- Okay, pick your head up.
Okay, pick your head back.
There ya go.
Looks like you picked
up on the wrong girl.
- See how fast you got attached to me?
- What did she have to drink?
Guess I better cut out
those three martini lunches.
Especially without me.
- You better not let me out of your sight, Josh.
- That's a really good idea.
I've got you, I've got you.
I'll stay with you.
Don't worry about a thing.
Hey, guys, she's right here.
We were just walking and she collapsed.
I've felt strange all day.
I'm on the way to the doctor.
I'm diabetic.
- What hospital are you taking her to?
- St. Francis.
Ok, St. Francis.
- I don't even know your name.
- Cheryl.
Cheryl, what's your last name?
- What?
- What?
- I can't hear you.
- Baryshnkikov.
I'm off work at six o'clock.
I'll be down then to see you, okay?
Hey, Stanley, mind if I knock off early?
I got a girl in the hospital.
- The hospital?
- Yup.
Personally, I like mine healthy,
but, you know, go ahead.
To each his own.
This is a nice touch, Josh.
Hi, how ya doin'?
There was a young lady brought in here
today about one, 1:15 this afternoon.
She collapsed near 57th and 5th Avenue.
- Her name, please?
- Uh, her name is Cheryl.
Everything is stored in the
computer under last names.
She's about medium height.
She has beautiful eyes, dark hair.
I heard her tell the ambulance attendant
that she was diabetic if that's any help.
Do you mind?
No, sorry.
That's not help at all.
I've been here since 10 o'clock this morning
and nobody came in like that.
And this is the only
St. Francis hospital?
They never woulda brought her here
if she got hurt on 57th and 5th.
Wait, I didn't say she got hurt.
I said she collapsed.
Don't give me an attitude.
They would've taken her
to Roosevelt Hospital.
Here, take this there and bother them, hm?
Thank you very much.
- Excuse me, I can't read this.
- Try harder. And don't forget your roses.
They're for you.
We've only had one Jane Doe in here today
and she's a woman nearly 60.
- Now, what relation are you to her?
- A friend.
Not a very close one if you
don't even know her last name.
Doctor, why am I tied down?
Don't you get upset, all right?
Don't struggle because you'll like it here.
Why won't they let me make a phone call?
Oh, we will let you make a phone call.
Let you call your roommate.
And I want you to say to your roomate
exactly what I tell you to.
This isn't a regular hospital.
We can do things in here they can't do
in any other hospital.
We can cure diabetes.
That's not possible.
We take sections from
the pancreas of a pig
and then I put a membrane over it
that I especially developed for that.
We take that and we
implant in into your body
and you will never have
to use insulin again.
Stop it! Stop it!
I'm sorry, but I just like to touch human skin
through a surgical glove, that's all.
- You upset all the others.
- I need help in here.
- There are others?
- Yes, there are many others.
But I promise you I'll do surgery
on you before any of them.
You just have to wait a
day or two, that's all.
Gonna kill me, aren't you?
Why, yes, eventually I will,
but I promise you,
you're gonna be in perfect health
before you die.
Isn't that nice?
- Comic books? You make up comic books?
- Well, somebody has to do it.
I used to love the old joke books years ago,
especially the classic comics.
- Got me through high school.
- Yeah.
But the stuff today, just
too bizarre, too weird.
The kids are whacked out of their fuckin' minds.
Comic books scare me nowadays.
Well, you must scare easily.
I mean, for a cop.
Let me tell you something
I haven't confided in
many people who walk in here. Sit.
- I had a nervous breakdown once.
- Really?
That's right.
After 14 years on the force,
it just came up on me without any warning at all.
Well, I know police are under a lot of
pressure with a high suicide rate.
I said nervous breakdown.
- I've never had one.
- No?
You look like a very driven young man.
You having any career problems?
Well, if I don't finish
11 panels by Friday, I will.
This is her, Lieutenant.
I know her, yeah.
Veronica, in Archie.
She looks like Veronica.
No, she doesn't.
Veronica's got bangs.
Maybe you just made her up.
Now, why would I wanna do that?
Come to think of it, there's a cop
over in homicide division
looks like Jughead.
Now, he gets all pissed
off when I tell him that.
Lieutenant, do you think that
we will be able to find her?
- Sit.
- Yes, sir.
What exactly do you think happened?
The ambulance picked her up.
Where'd they put her?
I don't know.
- Maybe they lost her.
- Lost her?
Maybe they stopped at a
red light and she fell out.
It's not likely, Lieutenant.
You take it from me, she'll turn up.
One thing about women, they always turn up.
Next time she does, ask her
what her goddamn name is.
- Lieutenant, may I draw you the ambulance?
- Any way I can stop you?
What do you want?
Don't forget you got a four
o'clock dental appointment.
How the hell do you know?
You been going through my desk again?
Why is it every time I have a cavity,
you know it before I do?
I don't know what you're talkin' about.
Your car insurance payment is due today.
Get the hell out of my office!
- You're supposed to be drawing a picture.
- That's what I'm doing.
Like I said,
- she still looks like Veronica to me.
- Thanks.
And this looks like
one hell of an old ambulance.
- What'd I do wrong?
- You weren't particularly convincing.
Oh, thanks.
And you're not very observant.
Not a good witness at all.
Why is it so important
for everybody to discredit me?
You always hassle girls on the street?
I know it sounds really terrible, yeah?
But I just had to do it.
She must've made some big impression
for you to go to so much trouble.
So, you look a little bit more together
than most of the lunatics that walk in here.
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
Most of them are being pursued by aliens,
but then, I don't know, maybe you think
that aliens were driving that ambulance.
Oh, yeah.
- What'd they look like, the drivers?
- Well, you know, people in uniform.
All you see is the uniform.
Thanks a lot.
You know, you make me wonder...
Why would an attractive woman,
not unlike yourself, wanna be a cop?
Well, growing up in the city,
always feeling like a potential victim,
then all of a sudden you've got a badge
and a gun and a pair of handcuffs
and you don't feel so much like a victim anymore.
- Ever shoot anybody?
- No, but I'm always hopeful.
What do you mean you can't give out that kind
of information? What kind of hospital is this?
No, forget it!
No, forget it,
I'll find her myself.
Yeah, thanks for nothing.
Lose something, Josh?
- Her.
- Wow, that's some loss.
Yeah, she's actually a lot
better looking than this.
Yeah, I'm sure she is,
but I wanna ask you something, Josh.
Are you planning to do
any work this morning?
Eh, what's the use, Stan?
Every female character I draw
ends up looking like her.
Yeah, I've noticed that. In fact,
I think it's something we oughta talk about,
but not here. Come on,
let's talk over here, Josh.
Your drawings have been
all looking pretty much alike.
You know, Josh, when I gave
you that Dr. Strong script to do,
I thought you'd realize
what an opportunity it was.
- I do, Stan.
- I know...
but I don't wanna see you blow it
on account of a girl.
- Stan, have I ever let you down?
- No.
Nights, weekends, whatever you needed.
Look, I traded in my whole goddamn life
for this comic strip.
Look, you've gotta work out your own problems
on your own time, okay?
You do what you have to do
and I'll do what I have to do.
Have you seen this woman?
Have you seen this woman?
Have you seen this lady?
Have you seen this woman?
- Do you know her?
- Yes, she's my roommate.
- You know her?
- Would you care to join us?
Why are you walkin' all
over 5th Avenue with that?
- You been sneakin' looks at me, haven't ya?
- I'd like an answer.
She hasn't been to work in a couple of days
and you're worried, right?
Well, you seem really well informed.
Thank you.
Can I have a pina colada?
Bring her a pina colada.
She's a diabetic, isn't she?
She usually didn't tell people
that, especially strangers.
Well, she trusts me, why can't you?
Thank you.
I shouldn't even be drinking these.
Well, that was the coincidence
that made friends out of us, okay?
I'm diabetic myself, big deal.
And then one day I go into
the refrigerator in the office
and there's her insulin
right next to mine.
Could someone have actually gotten to it
and put something in it?
Who'd do something stupid like that?
I don't know, somebody
who wanted to make her sick,
to have an excuse to call an ambulance.
- Look, don't try to scare me.
- I'm not tryin' to scare you.
Okay, she's probably already home.
- Yeah, she probably is.
- Yeah, she is.
There's a phone right there.
Why don't you give her a call?
Okay, I will, fine.
Here's a quarter.
Oh, I really think you're gonna need it
a lot more than I do.
It's me. I'm sorry
to make a problem for you
but I'm in trouble. Gotta see you
after 8:30 at the carriage stable
where I work weekends. Don't call the police.
It'll only make it worse for me.
- Was it her? It was her, wasn't it? Tell me.
- No.
- It was a message from her, wasn't it?
- Shit.
Why am I gonna do this alone?
If you wanna come along, fine.
It's just you and me and no cops, okay?
Okay, no cops.
Where are you takin' me?
- Well, we're here.
- We're where?
This is where she works weekends.
She makes great tips.
It seems to me a shrimp cocktail and a prime rib
entitle me to at least know her last name.
Why don't you just wait here
and if she wants to see you, I'll wave.
Where is everybody?
Did you close early tonight?
- Josh! Josh!
- Okay, I'm out here. I'll get you out.
Just calm yourself down.
What did you say your name was?
Joshua, Joshua Baker.
All right, listen, Joshua. The local
street gangs break into that stable
three or four times a month and let the horses out
and it's murder roundin' up at night.
Officer, kids did not put a whole in that
goddamn door, okay?
- Oh really? Well, who do you think did, then?
- Look, a woman was kidnapped tonight, okay?
- A woman kidnapped?
- No, no. I didn't say that.
Look, can you contact Lieutenant Spencer
at 33rd precinct, okay? Tell him what happened.
- Tell him it was Josh's ambulance, okay?
- A what?
Forget it. I'll call him myself from home.
Come on, Spencer. Call me,
ring my phone, I will answer it.
Return my call, it's cool.
Zzz, do your job, Spencer, come on.
Come on. Come on.
We'll find ya, honey. We will.
It's me, Patty, open the door.
I'm sick.
I'm sick. I'm sick.
- Jesus, you look horrible.
- Patty, there's somethin' inside of me
trying to tear its wait out.
I gotta throw up.
Hey, you took me out
once to a lousy concert.
You never called me again,
and now you wanna throw
up in my apartment.
Okay, okay, you have
got to go to a hospital.
No, no, no, no, no.
What's the matter with you?
- Don't call them!
- You could be dying.
You mustn't call. You mustn't call.
Oh god, don't call 'em.
What's the racket?
Don't call 'em, Patty.
Patty, hang up.
Listen, somebody drank poison.
Were you outside? They won't...
Louis, he's having a convulsion.
Don't let him swallow his tongue!
You guys screamin' in the hall.
What's the matter with you?
You need some help.
Hide me, hide me, hide me.
Whoa, you guys got here quick.
No, no, no. I'm not coming.
No, no, no, no.
Don't fight them, Josh.
They're tryin' to help you.
They're gonna kill me!
They're gonna kill me, Patty.
Patty, Patty, take a good look at these guys.
Remember their faces. You can be a witness, Patty.
Remember their faces.
Patty, don't forget anything.
Don't worry, I'll come to the hospital.
Get a straight jacket.
Well, seems the breakdown I predicted
didn't take long to happen.
Lieutenant, you're here. You're one of 'em.
Yeah, sure, you wouldn't listen.
You're covering for them, right?
That's why you're here.
Absolutely, Josh, we're all in on it.
It's a conspiracy.
Entire hospital staff and the
New York Police Department.
We're all out to get ya.
I got it. This is a hospital, right?
Right. And you are a real white gorilla.
You are a real nurse.
You're a real cop.
I'm a mistake.
Right? Right.
Lieutenant, Lieutenant, those two goons?
Same two goons.
- You were picked up by emergency unit 53.
- No, no.
You were brought to
the Chambers General Hospital.
You been outta your mind
for the last three and a half hours.
- Now sit down before ya fall down.
- I remember. I broke stuff, right?
Don't worry about it.
It'll be on your bill.
- Hope you got medical insurance.
- Oh sure, lots of it from where I work.
Where I used to work.
I hope they cover psychiatric
because you're gonna be away for a long time.
Lieutenant, all right, all right.
I was wrong about the hospital.
Okay, but I was right about those two goons.
It was the same two guys.
The same two guys?
That's what you're claiming?
Guys, come in here.
Okay, hot shot. These two men?
I don't know, Lieutenant.
I thought it was the same two guys.
I don't mind a few kicks,
but to throw up all over
the inside of our ambulance?
Who do you think has to clean that up?
- Look man, I'm really sorry.
- Aw, forget it. I hope you feel better.
Nice guys.
We tried pumpin' his stomach,
but there wasn't much left.
- Hey look, I know I was poisoned, okay?
- Maybe ya did it to yourself
to get attention.
I talked to that stewardess in your building.
- Patty.
- She said you're kind of a loner.
- Yeah, don't go out much, not many friends.
- She didn't say anything like that, Lieutenant.
A lot of people think
you're odd, Joshua.
At least that's what they tell us.
"Strange young fella, not quite normal."
How's he look to you?
Why do I always have to get
the strange ones on my floor?
Okay, fine. So, don't believe me, fine.
Let me go home.
That wouldn't be safe.
Somebody's tryin' to kill you.
Maybe you're tryin' to kill you.
- You have to be held for observation.
- Remember that pervert
you brought in wounded last month?
He reminds me of him.
Why don't you move him to Bellevue tonight?
Get him off my floor.
Is she right, Joshua?
Did you do somethin' to that girl yourself?
You one of those
psychopaths who kills girls
then goes to the police to tell stories?
- Oh yeah, sure.
I killed Cheryl, and her roommate, too.
Yeah, and guess what? There's no ambulance.
- Look after him.
- Oh sure, now he's my problem, great.
Be tender.
You know, you certainly are attractive.
Listen, mister, I don't want
any trouble outta you tonight.
Otherwise I'm gonna give you somethin'
that'll put you under for 24 hours.
You'll wake up with the worst
fuckin' headache you ever had.
Oh god, Florence Nightmare.
I've been called that before.
Now, I'm looking forward to
a nice, peaceful evening.
So, if ya need anything, don't
let me find out about it.
You won't know I'm alive.
What a charmer.
They're tryin'to kill me, too.
Who? Son of a bitch doctors
and that horrible Nurse Feinstein, that's who.
If I don't get out of this hospital soon
I'll be a dead duck.
Nine and a half years I
didn't go to a doctor. I felt fine.
Then I let them put their hands on me,
everyday I'm gettin' worse.
- What are you in for?
- Who the hell knows?
They say cardiac, I say indigestion.
Goddamn blackened redfish Cajun food.
Whoever heard of servin' that crap
to a non-Cajun?
Hey, but as long as I got insurance,
them son of a bitch
doctors won't let me go.
I guess we were keeping you awake, huh?
You kiddin'?
I loved every minute of it.
Boy, for once I got lucky.
- You're some roommate.
- What would you say defines "some roommate"?
A homicidal maniac for a companion?
That's a terrific story.
That's a feature that even the
Associated Press would carry.
All the nuts in this
city and I'm special?
Yeah, particularly if you did kill
that girl like that cop suggested.
- Sorry to disappoint you.
- Eh, may I?
- Be my guest.
- Yeah.
Hey, why don't ya make me
feel better and just confess?
Make you feel better?
Yeah, tell me all the grisly
little details about
where the parts of the body are buried.
I mean, after all, I'm a nice guy.
I could use the story.
To me it would mean a lot.
I mean, let's face it, kid. Look, at my age,
they're tryin' to put me out to pasture.
The reports sent down by
those son of a bitch doctors
didn't sit too well with that
New York Post city editor
who already had put me on Obituaries
hoping that one day soon
I would write my own.
Are you tryin' to tell me
that you're a newspaper reporter?
The best!
I could give ya a headline,
but they'd never print it.
- Well, try me, try me.
- Okay.
- An ambulance.
- Ambulance.
It picks up New Yorkers
and they're never seen or heard from again.
A vehicle of mercy that's really
a murder machine.
I like the one about the homicidal slashing
much better. That always sells papers.
Look, why don't we stick to that.
Okay, fuck you, and get off of my bed.
Fuck you? My grandfather, he says fuck you.
I didn't say I didn't wanna hear.
I said I'd rather hear
something in the first person like,
"I killed a top New York model."
Now that's a feature story.
- But hey, look. Who am I to be picky?
- What's your name anyway?
- Elias, Elias Zacharai.
- Elias Zacharai?
Yeah, it's a long name,
but it looks impressive on the by-line.
I bet.
- What are you doin' outta bed?
- My Jane Fonda workout.
How many patients have you
killed today, Nurse Feinstein?
You'll never know.
Did you pee?
I'm 73 years old, I've peed enough.
- Get into bed.
- Okay, and don't join me.
- What are you doin'?
- You'll need this to sleep tonight.
Your roommate talks too much.
Worse than that, I snore.
Goddamn Cajun food.
I'm going on my break now.
They're all yours.
Hi, I have a court order here to transport one of
your patients back to locked wing at Bellevue.
What took ya so long?
Where's your papers?
Oh, your night supervisor
on the main floor has everything.
You're a pretty girl to be hangin'
around all these sick people.
I like feeling needed.
My patients adore me.
I bet.
They must still be on break. That's all they do
in administration is take breaks
while I'm stuck up here with the sickos.
I need a cup of coffee.
You want one?
Oh, I'd love a cup.
You know, I hate hospitals.
I keep on thinkin' I'm gonna catch something.
- I like your choice of jewelry.
- This is just a medical ID tag.
I know, I've seen 'em before.
You know, you look perfectly healthy to me.
I'm awake and I'm still snoring.
It's not me.
Oh god, it's him.
- Hey, hey, what's goin' on here?
- We're moving him to another room.
What for?
What's wrong with this room?
What the hell's goin' on here?
Hey. Wait a minute.
What the hell's goin' on here?
What the hell is goin' on here?
Huh? Hey! Hey, what are you guys doin' to him?
I'm talkin' to you guys.
Hey, be quiet.
This is a hospital, all right?
Don't tell me it's a hospital.
What are you talkin' about?
- What's the matter with you?
- No, don't.
Don't? I did. Go ahead, sue me.
I smell smoke.
Everybody out, fire! Fire!
No, look, leave him. Take her, all right?
We can use her. Let's go.
Go to hell!
Her you can have. Take her.
Who needs her anyway?
It's all right, it's all right.
What is goin' on?
Sorry, I can't lift ya back onto the bed.
I got an old hernia from 20 years ago.
I can do this. What are you doin'
pushin' me around on a gurney?
- They're tryin' to get you.
- They tried to get me?
Anyhow, they wanted to operate on a hernia
and I said to hell with it,
I can live with it,
and I did without surgeries.
Screw them.
Elias, make sense when you talk to me.
Who tried to get me?
- Get in the bed. Get in the bed.
- What?
Shh, they're coming.
Have you seen nurse Feinstein?
She's missing from her station.
- Hey, what are ya wakin' us up for?
- What are you wakin' us up for?
Yeah, can't ya keep
track of your own staff?
She wouldn't have left her station, not her.
Well, maybe she went down
to see about the fire?
There is no fire.
You been outta the room?
- How come the IV's out of his arm?
- Hey, maybe he yanked it out
in the middle of the night. What,
am I supposed to be in charge of him all of a sudden?
You put a homicidal nut in the room with me
and I'm supposed to look after him?
You think you're gettin' a new needle,
you're crazy.
If you think I'm not good with this,
you oughta see how I am with an enema bag tomorrow.
I bet you have a delicate touch.
The two of ya shut up and go back to sleep,
or I'm gonna put a pillow over your face,
and I'll put a pillow over your face.
Oh, thank you very much. Hey, I don't think
you're gonna find that terrific Nurse Feinstein.
I think right now she's
out screwing some intern.
She wouldn't have left the
building without her insulin.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Did you say insulin?
Not that it's any of your business,
but she's a diabetic.
Those male nurses give me the creeps.
Elias, they took her because she's diabetic.
Maybe they took her because they thought
she'd be a good witness, reliable.
It's only unreliables
like you and me they leave behind.
You know, I must be on drugs.
I'm beginning to like you.
Oh, thank you. Just what I needed,
a compliment from a junkie.
Thanks a lot. Of course ya like me,
I just saved your life.
- You got a point.
- Yeah.
- Now maybe I'll save your ass.
- What?
- They change shifts around here about 4 a.m.
- So?
You and me, we'll sneak into
the other wing of the building
and then we'll vacate this morgue forever.
- Cool.
What am I gonna do about clothes?
- Clothes?
- Yeah.
- All right, that's no problem. I'll go shopping.
- Shopping?
Yeah, the guy across the hall
checked in in a nice suit.
I think it was a 38 long.
Be a perfect fit for you.
That's my size.
Poor woman.
Aw, Dad, we knew it was coming.
We knew it was coming.
- How she suffered. The woman was so...
- We knew it was coming, Dad.
- Yeah, but why did she have to go before me?
- Aw come on, come on. We have to go...
41 years she cooked for me.
She cleaned for me.
- We have to go on living.
- She made love to me.
- I shoulda married her.
- That's enough. Here, come on.
We shoulda told somebody about Nurse Feinstein.
Don't worry, I'll tell the whole city tomorrow
what happened in the papers.
Driver, take us to the New York Post.
South Street by the river.
For once those damn computers at the newspaper
are gonna come in handy.
How's that?
They'll tell us exactly how many diabetics
are missing in the metropolitan area.
Will your editor
really print this story, though?
Hey, come on, don't ya have any faith in me?
Haven't I done okay by you so far?
Okay, here.
Here, keep the change.
Eh, they lock up after 9 o'clock.
Too many vandals around here.
Okay, what do we do?
Come on, we'll go to the employees entrance.
- Hey, Elias.
- What?
That's it! That's the ambulance.
What's it doin' here?
What do you think it's doing here?
It's probably waiting for us.
Waitin' for us and I been waitin' for them.
This is my story.
I'm gonna go get it right now.
- Hey, Elias, take it easy.
- Hey, come on, butt out, will ya?
- Elias.
- Come on! Let's go.
I gotta get this story.
Take it easy. These two enormous goons in white.
They gotta be right around here, okay?
Let's check it out.
- There nobody in there.
- There's nobody here.
- They're around here someplace.
- So they're close, yeah.
Look, hey, you think you can get that crazy
detective lieutenant of yours to come down here?
Probably not.
- Look, there's a phone booth right on the corner. Ok?
- Yeah.
Take a stab at it. I'll hang around here.
I'll get a picture of this damn thing.
- No, no, Elias, we're stickin' together, okay?
- Here ya are, I got my camera with me.
Hey, does that old thing still work?
You kiddin'? Like a charm.
This is one of the great cameras of all times.
- Hey, get outta the picture.
- All right.
I don't want you.
I want the ambulance.
What the hell is this?
- Come on. Let's make the phone call.
- It was workin'.
I once sneaked a picture
of Louis Lefty Buckholder
stuffed in the electric chair with this thing.
- Great, let's go, let's go.
- What the hell happened here?
- Oh, I got no money. You got a quarter?
- Yeah, here.
- This story is costin' me money.
- Yeah, right.
- You got the number?
- Hey, I've only called it 25 times, okay?
Okay, it's ringin', it's ringin'.
Hello, I have got to speak
to Lieutenant Spencer.
Yeah, he's lookin' for me.
My name is Joshua Baker. Right.
- Yeah, they're finding him, they're finding him.
- Yeah? Okay.
Hello, hello, Spencer? Well, you sound
a million miles away. Where are you?
They patched ya into my car.
I been lookin' for you.
- You shouldn't have ducked out of that hospital.
- Oh, so now I'm important to you, right?
- Right, now I'm important to him.
- What for, what?
And there's a nurse missing.
Where the hell are you?
What? Spencer. Spencer, you're breakin' up.
- Good. It's working.
- What's all the static? Hello?
Hey, kid, it works, the camera works.
How soon can you get to the New York Post?
I'm near the East Side Drive. I can be there
in 6 minutes, so stay put. Don't go anywhere.
The ambulance is here.
Call for backup, lots of it, all right?
I don't need back up to bring you in.
Spencer, I'm not talkin' about me, all right?
Oh, for cryin' out loud.
How fortunate.
We were just upstairs lookin' for you.
Yeah, and we been lookin'
for the nurse.
I see you've changed uniforms
since you've been in the hospital, huh?
Your roommate must be
around here somewhere, huh?
Where is he?
You kiddin'? Where do I come off makin'
things easy for you guys?
- Come on, gimme the camera.
- The camera?
What? Hey, you don't want pictures,
you don't get pictures.
Who wants to look at you
ugly son of a bitches anyway?
Hey, the warranty is up on this thing anyway.
It's an old piece of junk.
Where are you going?
Hey, I used to swim in this river when I was a kid.
Hey, you guys wanna follow me in?
Come on! Come on, the four of us.
We can go skinny dipping, huh?
I'm yours.
No, for once in your life, do something
somebody else suggests, okay? Don't come alone.
Look, sonny, don't tell me
how to do my business.
No, no. No.
No, Elias.
You son of a bitch.
Well, what do ya know.
Step to the rear of the vehicle.
We have a patient
suffering from cardiac arrest.
I wanna see him.
Open the door.
Glad to see ya. Maybe you can give us
a police escort to the hospital.
Glad to see you, too.
Step out here where I can see ya.
Right over here.
All right,
slide the gurney out.
You could be costing this man his life.
One hell of an old ambulance.
Stand where I can see your hands.
Cover the vehicle.
Sir? It's the police. Sir?
Hurry up, let's get outta here.
- Yeah?
- It's Officer Malloy.
- What do you want?
- Open the door, Josh.
What are you doing here?
You left about a dozen calls
for Lieutenant Spencer.
- So?
- So, I'm takin' his messages.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Does he know about that?
- He called in sick with the flu.
- Yeah?
- So, I went over to his apartment.
- Yeah?
He lives by himself,
I was worried about him.
- Nobody was home.
- Yeah?
So, I went back to the office
and I looked through his messages.
I went with a girl like you once.
She used to read my mail.
One of the messages said,
"Why didn't you show up last night?"
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means he still thinks I'm out of my goddamn mind.
What do you think?
This stuff over here, it's yours isn't it?
Your work.
Now, out of all the art in here,
how did you know that was mine, huh?
- It's a little bit off.
- Off? Off what?
- A little twisted.
- Twisted?
Yeah. Make up the words, too,
the bubbles?
No words, just pictures.
I got somethin' for you.
Okay, check this out.
Direct from one hour photo.
- That ambulance again.
- That ambulance again.
Too bad you can't make out
the license number.
Well, it was taken by an old man
with an old camera. What do you want?
Who was the old man?
- Mr. Elias.
- Who's Mr. Elias?
He's a buddy of mine
who was tryin' to help me out.
Another missing person?
How did you know that?
- Everyone you meet disappears.
- That don't wash.
Even Spencer.
- I told ya, Spencer ignored me.
- Well, maybe he didn't.
- So report him missing. What are you waiting for?
- No, I can't do that.
Why not?
- Spencer's had a few lapses lately.
- Lapses?
I can't get him in trouble.
Why are you calling Spencer all the time?
I was calling Spencer to tell him
that Cheryl, her roommate, and the nurse...
- Are all diabetic.
- So, what does that have to do with ambulances?
Okay, anybody can buy
a secondhand ambulance,
spruce it up, put on a couple of white jackets,
and cruise around New York City picking up what?
- Where's the phone?
- It's over here.
Hey, you know I'm on to somethin', don't ya?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay, you have to dial 9 to get out,
and wait for a dial tone, and then you dial.
I'm gonna check on the ambulance first.
Yeah, this is Lieutenant Spencer's office
at the 33rd Precinct,
I'd like to get a rundown
on registration of ambulances,
models '65 through '75, Cadillacs,
red and white jobbies, custom,
but they may have been repainted.
Could've been used in a possible homicide.
- Hey, thanks for helpin' me out.
- Yeah, well, sayin' thanks is cheap.
- Well, I could buy you a present.
- That would be a bribe.
- Thanks anyway.
- Don't do that again.
- Why?
- Because you're thinking of Cheryl.
Close your eyes and you'll be kissing her.
That's cold.
What makes you so suspicious
of everybody anyway, huh?
My police training,
so keep your distance.
Oh yeah, that's right,
and you still wanna shoot somebody.
You I'd only wound.
Thanks. In that outfit,
where do you keep your gun?
- Uh, yeah. Hold on, I gotta write it down.
- Here.
Five west, yeah?
We got a lot of work to do.
Check it out.
Goddamn it.
This fuckin' place isn't safe.
Here, 5 bucks. A dollar a minute.
I need it for 5 minutes.
- 33rd Precinct, Lieutenant Spencer.
- Hello, beautiful,
I'm at your fourth junkyard and looks like
they picked up some of the accessories here.
They even dug up a bill.
Sold to J.R. Rothstein,
32 Tompkins Street, Manhattan.
Probably a phony address, but I'll check it.
And don't call me beautiful. I hate that.
By the way, Lieutenant Spencer
still hasn't shown up.
Chief of Detectives is beginning to think
he shot himself again.
Shot himself? Again?
Yeah, you don't know how depressed cops
get over guys like you.
Okay, I'll meet you at the precinct in an hour.
I don't wanna miss this total fucking vindication.
Today is your lucky day, Joshua.
Oh fuck, for Christ's sake.
What a shitty time to get mugged.
Aw, you guys wanna use the phone?
I'll be off as soon as I call a cab.
Taxis? You scared to take the subway?
- Well, I got a roll of tokens.
- Don't you think it's safe?
- You look like you've been in a few fights before.
- I got run over.
Yeah? You're gonna get run over
much worse this time.
Want some spare change?
- You wanted to know all about us, now you will.
- No.
Hey guys, how ya doin'?
Long time no see.
- Where ya been?
- Come on, you guys.
I gave you money when you
were down and out, right?
Never fought back too hard. I apologize
for ever fighting back at all, okay?
- But these guys, they're gonna kill me.
- You gonna kill him?
- Run along, asshole.
- Hey guys, you know what's in that ambulance?
Drugs. They got morphine, they got heroin,
they got plenty of clean needles.
You guys will never have
to share your needles again.
- Go for it.
- Why don't we have a little look, huh?
Go away.
Hey, this is your turf, man. You gonna let him
talk to you like that, this big Samoan?
Kick his ass, man.
- What, you a pussy?
- Hey!
Why don't we just take a
little look for ourself, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
Go look, they got everything in there.
Yeah, hit him! Hit him low.
Hit him with that thing.
Hit him! Hit him back! Hit him.
You faggot. You faggots!
You fight like stewardesses!
Goddamn, I could beat all your asses.
Vint. Who the hell is Vint?
I wonder who's Vint?
All right, I think I just killed myself.
I killed myself!
Oh my god! Come on. Oh my god!
Gotta get the fuck outta here.
He's headed for the pump house.
- Hey, hey! Where's the phone?
- What?
Call the police.
What are you doin' here?
You gotta... I can't hear what you're sayin'.
- You gotta get out.
- You gotta call. Listen to me.
- Call the police
- No, you can get hurt here.
- No, you have to call the police for me.
- Get out.
Hey, hey, hey.
This is a city reservoir,
you can't, you gotta get away.
Go back to the vehicle.
- Got him.
- Oh, God.
He's cut up pretty bad.
Maybe, maybe not.
Okay, mister,
what do you know about this?
Take it easy, take it easy.
I'm Detective McClosky.
- Take it easy, okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
We just nailed the guy
that committed this homicide
running out the park,
- They're over there.
- with a knife in his hand.
He's a big Cuban guy.
Be quiet, the police are up there.
Look, you're gonna help us.
Goddamn it, you're gonna nail him for me.
Come on, answer the man.
- You saw him, right?
- They're over there.
You're gonna be my witness, okay?
Nobody's gonna hurt you now.
- Forget this.
- What do you mean forget this?
A murder there, and you want me
to forget it about it?
Hey, what are you doin' down there?
The stiff's up here!
Bring it around!
- They're over there.
- Can't hurt ya!
They're over, you gotta get 'em.
You gotta get 'em! They're over there!
We got it, damn it!
Hey, McClosky, I don't know anything
about your dead woman in the park, okay?
- I was just trying to get away from them.
- "Them"? Who's "them"?
- Didn't anybody call Lieutenant Spencer's office?
- How come you're always asking the questions?
- I tried Spencer. He's out sick.
- He's not out sick, okay?
He's missing.
I don't know Spencer well,
but I think he's some kind of nut.
He didn't kill himself.
Hey, who said anything
about him being dead?
- Hello, Officer.
- What happened to you?
Now, this lady can explain everything.
- Officer Malloy, 33rd Precinct.
- Excuse me, Officer, I'm in an interrogation.
- Yes, I know this guy.
- Hey, Sandy, I was actually in the ambulance.
- Wait.
- They had me inside and I got out.
- Wait, this is the ambulance that he drew.
- That's it, that's mine. I drew that.
- Where's your photo?
- I lost it.
What does this ambulance have to do
with the corpse we found up in the park?
Not a damn thing, stupid.
Stay outta this.
We'll talk about it later.
Hey, Sandy, I know one of the kidnappers
is named either Vinny or Vint.
Will you let me talk to him?
How did you find out his name?
I knocked over a bag of their stuff, some of the stuff
spilled out, and there was this...
Joshua... Slow down.
Okay, there was this dark blue jacket
with these gold buttons and this monogram
over the left pocket, yeah.
It was on top of the left pocket.
- Yes.
- And it said V-I-N-T.
- You're pretty close to this guy, aren't you?
- What's that supposed to mean?
What it means is I got a potential
murder witness here and you're off your beat.
So, if you don't disappear I'm gonna
be forced to call your precinct captain
and see if he knows what you're up to.
Will you look at this computer printout?
11 diabetics, all on missing persons reports
in the last 2 weeks.
Look at this.
Now I know where
I've seen your face before.
Jughead, you look exactly like Jughead.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Hey, McClosky, do somethin' about this.
I heard this Jughead
bullshit since grade school.
I'm sick of it. So, if you don't want
your teeth rammed down your throat...
- Take it easy, you guys.
- He's startin' it.
This is not my case.
On what authority are
you getting into this?
Look, just let me have him for a minute
and then he's all yours.
He's already mine.
- Go ahead, but be snappy.
- Thanks. Excuse us.
Excuse us.
- You said V-I-N-T?
- That's all I could see.
Sandy, I know that was
only part of the name.
Okay, I'm gonna check it
against used car dealership
purchases and changes of registration.
- Cool.
- Have we gotten any word from Spencer?
- No, not a word about him.
Sandy, doun't touch that.
- Okay, out.
- Okay, you sit tight.
- What are you gonna do with him?
- I'm gonna hold him for the lineup.
You see, I think he saw the Cuban who did
the killing and I know he's gonna admit it.
- You, go chase ambulances.
- Thanks for your cooperation.
Hey, Sandy, thanks.
Hey, be careful.
Okay, let's start at the beginning.
What were you doing in the park?
- Gimme a couple of minutes with this clown.
- Hey, McClosky, I admit it.
I am no good at faces, but this guy...
He looks exactly like Jughead.
I'll take care of him.
They're blue.
- You have amazing powers of recovery.
- I'll be all right.
I'll get out of this and I'll
write the the whole goddamn story.
You know what I'll say about you, Doctor?
That you're a fucking nut.
I'm not alone in my madness, though.
I distribute patients to more than a dozen
private research facilities
all across the Eastern seaboard.
You mean sell? You mean this
is a moneymaking proposition?
Yes, of course it is.
You see, experiments with laboratory animals
are very often inconclusive,
so sooner or later
we have to turn to human subjects.
And those who survive my implant surgery,
they'll be sent out for further testing.
Until they die, right? Well, what are you
keepin' me alive for? I'm no diabetic.
I know you're no diabetic,
but you're my bargaining chip.
- The young man likes you.
- Everybody likes me.
Maybe he can be convinced to tell the police
that he made it all up.
It was just one of his comic book ideas.
You mean he's got you scared shitless.
Don't you ever do that again.
Why? I'm not gonna ask for a
second opinion, believe me.
I'm very interested to see how an old man like you
can tolerate pain without dying.
You are crazy, aren't ya?
And ya know it.
What are you gonna do here?
- Keep talking.
- Hey listen, you son of a bitch.
Just a few seconds before this reaches
your central nervous system.
Oh, yeah...
Most of you doctors
drop dead on the golf course.
The only time the public is safe
is when you're out of the operating room
playing golf.
They're blue.
Antique cars.
Oh, oh shit.
It's not a person,
a place.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
I found another
Another lover
Someone to take your place
Someone to take your place
I found another
Another lover
To fill that empty space
- Yes, all right.
- Hello, good evening, yes.
You're part of me
There's no time to waste
It feels so good
You feel my body
Keep on feelin' me
Searchin' for emotion
I'm spinning
And I can't stop it
Searchin' for emotion
Please don't stop, baby,
until we reach the top
I feel love's energy
inside of me eternally
And I can't, can't deny the fact
That if you went away, baby
I'd want you back
Baby, you're holdin' me
There's no time to waste
It feels so good
You feel my body
Keep on feelin' me
Searchin' for emotion
Then call me back.
I'm spinnin'
And I can't stop this
Searchin' for emotion
Do you mind?
Please don't stop, baby
And don't you leave me...
- McClosky here, who's this?
- McClosky, listen, this is Officer Malloy.
- Oh, it's you again. What's that goddamn music?
- I'm at 22 Varick Street, the Vintage Club.
I think I'm in trouble.
Let's not get overdramatic now, Officer.
Sure, I hear ya fine.
Hey, Baker,
- You must have some way with the girls.
- Oh yeah.
She's all the way down at Varick Street
and she's found your ambulance.
- Here, let me talk to her.
- Sorry, she hung up.
What is wrong with you? If she found
the ambulance, she's in trouble.
Shall we go down and witness the lineup?
Okay, wait a minute.
Guys, I gotta come clean.
The lineup is a waste of the
police department's time.
- You wanna know what I really saw? I'm ready to talk.
- It's about time.
The person that stabbed that girl
in Central Park was not your Cuban suspect,
not even close.
It was two guys, ambulance attendants,
and they got away in an ambulance.
I saw those two guys.
You're not bullshittin' us, are you?
McClosky, they tried to kill me.
I was scared to death,
but now I've got the NYPD on my side,
I'm not scared of nothin'.
I will identify both those guys
and the ambulance.
Why the hell didn't you tell us
all this before?
I was just about to, but this man
hit me on the back of my head,
which forced me to adopt an attitude
of civil disobedience.
I formally apologize. I'll write it down.
I'll put it in writing for you.
- 22 Varick Street.
- Just what I was about to say, 22 Varick Street.
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
I'll wait for my lover to confess, baby
Come on, you'll want my love
I'll give you all of it
Baby, I will
Tell me
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to Vintage, New York's hottest,
newest nightclub.
My name is Tim Bird "The Birdman" from Hot 97
and we have a very special guest with us tonight,
Cynthia from Chicago.
Give her a nice round of applause.
Stick around. We have the bikini contest at midnight
and prizes to give away. Hang in with us.
Hey, baby.
I got everything you need right here.
- How 'bout coming back to my place?
- No.
She's with me, man.
No, I think she wants to come to my place
for a real good time.
I said she's with me.
- I'm with him.
- Have a real good time.
- Thanks a lot.
- You got it. Come on, let's dance.
No, thanks.
- Come on, just one dance.
- Okay, but I'm waiting for somebody.
We'll make him jealous.
What's the matter?
Is something wrong?
Uh, yeah, I might be in some trouble.
Okay. What kind of trouble?
Maybe I can help.
No, I don't think so.
- You got a strong lead.
- I took lessons.
Where are we goin'?
Oh, upstairs. I just wanna
get to know you a little better.
- What's up there?
- Oh, VIP rooms, privacy, you know.
No, thanks.
- Come on.
- There's my friend.
There's nobody there, nobody's comin'.
All right, lady, take it easy.
- Hey, no customers allowed in here. Get outta here.
- I'm not a customer.
- So, you don't like me selection of music.
- Turn on the P.A.
I'm a police officer.
I need help.
- I am not bullshitting.
- Shit!
What did you do?
- You just shut up.
- Okay, all right.
Stay back.
Don't screw with me, guys.
Josh! Look out!
Sandy, jump!
Get him!
The goddamdn thing's bulletproof!
What the hell happened here
to start this riot?
- Somebody fired off a few shots.
- Who?
- Me.
- Yeah, did ya hit anybody?
Well, wasn't that smart,
firin' off a gun in a crowded club?
You can kiss your badge goodbye.
- Kiss her badge goodbye?
- And they tried to get me upstairs in this elevator.
Close off the area, the tunnels,
the bridges, everything!
- Hey, you won't find it. You will not find it.
- We gotta get up here for Cheryl, remember?
- Hey, what's wrong with you?
- Nothin'.
Help me.
Somebody help me.
Police officers.
Come out where we can see ya.
Do ya see her?
- Help me.
- No, not yet. It's okay.
- Help me.
- What do we do?
Take it easy.
Take it easy, take it easy.
McClosky here.
Yeah, I'm at 22 Varick Street,
second floor.
Listen, I got a whole bunch of people
lined up on blood bottles and things like that.
I need doctors up here.
You okay?
Nice job, Officer.
Also, I'm gonna need the meat wagon.
Focus your eyes.
Can you see me?
Okay, just listen to my voice.
Do you recognize me?
- Yes.
- I have been lookin' all over this city for you.
I brought the police.
We're going home.
- They were gonna sell me like an animal.
- Nobody's gonna sell you now.
Nobody is gonna hurt you.
They were gonna implant something in my spleen
and if my body rejected it I'd die.
- Were they all doctors?
- I don't know.
Some of them sounded more like salesmen.
- You won't let them get away with this, will you?
- They're all gone now.
- Thanks. What did you say your name was?
- Joshua, Joshua Baker.
- You don't remember me, do you?
- Sure, sure I do.
- You've really been searching for me?
- All over New York City.
- I nearly got myself killed a couple of times.
- Why?
Well, I guess I just got it in my head
I had to save you.
- Would ya do me a favor?
- Name it, anything.
Would you call Robbie for me
and tell him what happened?
- Robbie?
- My boyfriend.
We weren't getting along very well,
but since I've been here
I've had time to think.
- Call Robbie.
- Robbie, my boyfriend.
Naturally. Sure.
- Sure.
- Thanks.
- What's his last name?
- Powers.
- Will you call him?
- Sure.
Listen, I can't remember his number,
but he's listed, okay?
Robbie Powers, East 74th.
Right now just close your eyes and relax
and we'll call Robbie.
How ya doin'?
You wanna use the telephone
to call Robbie?
I don't need a phone.
Hey, Robbie Powers!
Your girlfriend wants ya!
I mean, fuck him.
I need some sleep.
- Well, would ya mind if I called Robbie?
- Be my guest.
I can kill her without makin' a sound.
Now, the both of you are
gonna walk me out, now.
I thought you were a real cop.
- Oh shit!
- No, piss.
- That was dirty. Hey, Elias!
- Hey, look who's here.
- Yeah!
- Yeah, hi.
- It's good to see you.
- Okay, cut the romance.
- Hey, no talkin' to reporters, right?
- Nobody.
Remember, I get the exclusive.
- Exclusive.
- This could mean a Pulitzer Prize.
- It should.
Hi, Mr. Zacharai, I'm Sandy.
- How ya feelin'?
- Elias.
Eh, how am I feelin'?
Hey, never mind how I feel.
Just get me to a typewriter, will ya please?
- Maybe after you rest up.
- Nothin' doin'.
First I write, then I rest,
and then if I die during the night,
so what?
- Hey, McClosky! I'm armed and dangerous.
- Hey, listen.
Hey, guys, he's not a cop.
Who did that?
- Me.
- He did.
With this.
Where have I seen that face before?
- This is goin' in style.
- Well, ya deserve it.
- Have a drink, watch some TV.
- To Elias Zacharai.
- Elias.
- Elias.
You know, I gotta be honest
with you, I'm a little scared.
- Why?
- Well,
To go home and to spend the night
in my apartment alone, that's...
I could stand guard outside your door.
- Would that make ya sleep better?
- Yes, that's good.
But, what if, this a what if,
what if someone came through the window?
Well, you wouldn't even know
they were there.
I could sit by the bed
and hold your hand.
I like that,
but what if someone were on the other side
of the bed, or under the bed.
- Oh my god.
- Or even between the sheets.
Well, do you think you should
be a little bit closer?
I could get between the sheets with you.
See? That window right in the middle
with the air conditioner stickin' out.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Right?
- Okay, that's my apartment.
- Thanks.
Okay, after you.
Hey, thanks for the ride.
Nice guy.
- What a day, huh?
- Yeah.
- What?
- You're not gonna believe this.
- What?
- I lost my keys.
- I believe it.
- Yeah.
I mighta lost 'em when those kids
beat me up in that junkyard.
Oh, goddamn it!
Come on, you bastard!
You want me, come and get me!
I'm right here.
Come on, kill me, you son of
a goddamn bitches, come on.
You will die. I could have cured
thousands of people
if it hadn't been for you
with your comic book brain!
You had to wreck it all!
- I wanna die, goddamn you. Come on.
- So die!
Oh shit!
Mister, take it easy. Take it easy.
We got an ambulance coming.
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
One, two, three, go.
You do this often, guys?
- Share an ambulance?
- Wow.
- Wow, you are a wreck.
- You're a mess.
You are beautiful.
And that's what can happen to ya
for talking to a strange
woman on the street.