The Barefoot Emperor (2019) Movie Script
1
THE KING OF BELGIANS EMBARKS
ON A STATE VISIT TO ISTAMBUL
WHERE HE LEARNS ABOU THE COLLAPSE OF HIS KINGDOM.
Their declaration of independence
is entitled 'We are fed up'.
Fed up? What fed up?
The Walloons feel patronized,
humiliated,
downtrodden and misunderstood
by the Flemish.
They're sick of it.
We must go home immediately.
A SOLAR STORM DISRUPT ALL AIR TRAVEL
AND LAUNCHES THE KING ON AN ODYSSEY
ACROSS THE BALKANS INCOGNITO.
Cheers!
RECOVERED FROM AN ALBANIAN JAIL,
THE KING IS ESCORTED TO SARAJEVO
WHERE THE BELGIAN MILITARY WANTS
TO ESCORT HIM HOME.
Ludovic, what to you
is freedom?
What does it mean?
Louise?
-We're not moving at all.
-Maybe it's a religious holiday?
Yes, Ludovic Moreau here.
We're blocked by the crowds.
Sire, the Belgian convoy is just
on the other side of the bridge.
The colonel proposes we join
them by foot.
Hold on, isn't it June 28th today?
Could it be a commemoration
of Franz Ferdinand's assassination?
Did you know the assassin used
a Belgian gun?
I'm raising my arm. Do you see me?
Do you see me?
I want His Majesty out of here
as soon as possible.
Yes, we're escorted by two Albanians.
Two Albanians.
The Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria
and Duchess Sophie
met their fate here in Sarajevo
when a young man stepped forward.
All that was needed was one spark.
His name was Gavrilo Princip.
He believed in freedom
from Austro-Hungarian rule.
His bullets would sweep the world
into a vortex of flames and ash.
-Sire?
-My God!
-Sire?
-What happened?
Call an ambulance!
The King is down!
Carlos, is he breathing?
Sire?
THE BAREFOOT EMPEROR
Sire?
Sire?
It's me, Carlos.
I'm here with Louise and Ludovic.
Angels.
We're not angels, Sire.
So I'm not in heaven?
Sire.
You're not in heaven. You're in Croatia.
Attention, please.
This is a reminder for Mr. Che Guevara.
Your aroma therapy
will start at 9:30 a.m.
Where am I?
You're in a sanatorium, Sire.
On an island, Sire.
Island?
You've been asleep
for three days, Sire.
And...
What happened?
Sire, in Sarajevo the Belgian sniper
thought you were in danger.
He wanted to shoot
the Serbian assassin.
But it wasn't the Serbian assassin,
it was a Bosnian actor.
He was holding the gun, the fake gun.
I tried to explain it to the Colonel,
but the Colonel was francophone,
the sniper was Flemish
and they didn't understand each other.
When I spoke of the 'pistolet',
I mean.
-Pistolet?
-I'm sorry.
You were accidentally shot in the ear
by a Belgian sniper.
Then the Albanians escorting us
killed Gravilo.
-Gavrilo.
-I mean, the Bosnian actor.
He died?
Yes, his name was Bakir.
He was part of a local theatre troupe.
This year it fell to him,
because no one wants to play Gravilo.
-Gavrilo.
-Gavrilo.
Every year they draw straws.
So the Serbs are furious,
the Russians are furious.
The Bosnians are furious, naturally.
It's a mess.
-Good morning!
-Good morning...
I'm Dr. Kroll,
the director of this Kurort.
And I am your host.
Mild concussion.
Brain scan doesn't show any damage.
All you need is rest.
And maybe your balance
is a little bit off.
In that case we have a wheelchair.
I must get home.
No stress.
I will personally create for you
a special diet.
Light meals. Well-chewed. Liquids.
And deep breathing.
-I must speak with the Palace.
-Sire, there is no connection here.
No internet, no cell phone,
we are offline, we're unplugged.
The only way to fix body and soul.
But I need a phone.
-Of course, Mr. Brezhnev.
-Brezhnev?
This island was
Tito's summer residence.
And you are sleeping
in Leonid Brezhnev's bed.
Here everyone uses
the name of their room, Sire.
You see, your privacy is my priority.
And I'm the only one who knows
the true identity of my guests.
Then you do know I am a King.
Of course.
And I will get you contact to Brussels.
Quick, quick. Morning exercises.
Sire, give my respects to the Queen.
And don't worry about Dino,
he is deaf like a stone.
Attention, please.
Temperatures will reach
36 degrees today.
Another wonderful blue-sky day
here at Kurort Kroll.
I feel like eating a hotdog.
I feel like going in the water.
-Shall we do that now?
-No, we follow Dr. Kroll's instructions.
I don't like that Kroll.
We don't care what you think, Carlos.
I don't want to hide information
from the King.
You will say nothing to the King.
We let him recover and we stay calm.
Yes, Carlos, just like Ludovic showed us
back there. Isn't that right, Ludovic?
Seeing him in bed like that
I got emotional, that's all.
Yeah, just like the rest of us.
Damn it!
This is really a sport for idiots.
Attention, please.
This is a reminder for Mr. Mobutu.
Your fish pedicure
has been rescheduled for 11 a.m.
Mr. Richard Burton, your medication
is ready for pick-up at cockpit 3.
I wonder what the Queen
will tell him.
She'll definitely want to protect him.
-I propose we tell him the truth.
-I'll speak with the Queen first.
No more kingdom, no more Queen.
Carlos!
Attention, please.
Today's lunch special
is nettle soup with bread balls.
Thank you.
I devote my 60 seconds of spotlight
to tell you about an emergency.
Something very serious
and very dangerous
is cooking here on the island.
You see,
the llama thinks it's a zebra.
I've been watching them
for some time now.
That llama has got it into his pointy
pinhead that he can screw a zebra.
Well, what do we get with that?
A mongrel.
That's what we get.
Genetic mixing is short-sighted
for the human race.
Hard science.
Of course,
I know the value of tolerance.
It has its function.
But you know, I've seen a lot
of things during my long life.
And with no doubt, the llama...
...the llama must go.
Please, remember to chew.
Mr. Arafat?
Embarrassing.
Pertinent.
Next is Ms. Lollobrigida.
I need air.
Attention, please.
Ms. Fabiola and Ms. Juliana, your social
media detox evaluations are ready.
Please visit Dr. Kroll.
-Ludovic?
-Sire?
My pen.
And my notebook with my speech
of reconciliation.
There is work to be done.
Sire, there is no hurry.
This business can wait.
This business?
I have to save my kingdom, Ludovic.
Yes, but Dr. Kroll specified
that you must rest.
Just let him write.
-Ludovic, my pen and my notebook.
-Of course, Sire.
I must quickly impart some
common sense to the Belgians.
Maybe I need to mention Sarajevo.
Sarajevo, Sire?
What if that bullet had
really taken me out?
Could I have been a spark
and written history?
-Yes, but Sarajevo was only theatre.
-Oh, really?
I mean...
What matters is that you are here.
Here?
Really?
If we continue that way,
we'll reach the sea.
Isn't it better that way?
It's more shady there.
-Hot, isn't it?
-Yes, and I'm thirsty.
Was that an elephant?
He's delirious.
-You think so?
-I don't know.
And?
There's the coast.
There.
Did you hear it too now?
That was an elephant.
Lady Liz.
-As in Elizabeth Taylor.
-Hello, nice to meet you.
Frank's feeling a bit blue today.
It's all the hostility in the air.
-Frank?
-The llama.
He was a present to Tito from Che.
Sadly, his mother died
when he was very little.
The zebras took pity on him
and they took him into their herd.
That's why he thinks he's a zebra.
He's simply forgotten that he's a llama.
Silly thing.
I'm Ms. Gandhi.
She was quite a figure.
She brought two elephants,
baby ones, to the island.
-So there are elephants on the island?
-Oh, one's still alive.
I'm Arafat.
And this is Castro over here.
He's not very fond of his room.
How long have you been on the island,
Lady Liz?
We don't experience time
the way others do.
But for the sake of conversation,
we've been here
more than twenty years now.
-So you must like it here?
-We do.
We only have to deal with
humanity in very small doses.
Where are you all from?
Excuse me, but we're not supposed
to discuss our origins here.
We're from Belgium.
Such a pity about the collapse
of your country.
Your Wallonians certainly triggered
some havoc across Europe.
All it took was that one little domino
to fall.
Please, we don't need to trouble
Mr. Brezhnev with this now.
Trouble bubble.
It's our bloody business,
and it's all topsy-turvy.
Can someone please tell me
what's going on?
Since that incident in Sarajevo,
Europe is in crisis, Sire.
What kind of crisis?
The European Parliament
has been dissolved.
The Commission is barely operating
and the Council of Europe is paralyzed.
That's all we know. We found out
just before reaching the island.
-And why did I not know this?
-Our instructions were very clear, Sire.
-What instructions?
-The instructions to await instructions.
Ludovic, I want the whole truth.
My pen.
Where is my pen?
-Stay seated, Sire.
-I'm not a dog, Ludovic.
Where are you from, Lady Liz?
We're from Poland.
You are not alone here?
Of course not, Agata is here.
Agata?
My twin sister.
I see.
You do?
We're so glad to hear that.
We sensed you might.
When we were little,
Agata and I lived in a camp.
Our parents were teachers
and considered intelligentsia
and so we ended up in a camp.
But you know what I remember most
about the camp?
I remember the flowers.
They would raise their pretty heads
over the fence every spring.
And just... wave.
The flowers. It's funny.
New Year's music?
No, high tea time.
Do you think that woman
could be dangerous?
-Dangerous?
-Why do you say that?
She's lost her marbles, no?
The only sweet thing around.
Attention please,
this is a level three message.
Ladies and gentlemen,
important news has reached us.
The European Parliament has
been shut down. Officially.
Fortunately,
there is no reason to worry.
A new Europe is about to be born.
Nova Europa.
The time has come for Europe
to reinvent herself,
like a snake that throws off
its old nasty skin.
Brussels has choked us long enough
with rules, regulations, limitations.
No more.
No more.
We want a Europe of nation states,
we want a Europe
that respects national identity.
We want a Europe that is free.
Free to celebrate the past,
free to navigate the future,
free to control the human flow.
Shut up, Duce.
We have the great honour of hosting
here on my beautiful island
the public announcement of
the founding of Nova Europa.
A delegation is underway.
They are escorting the future Emperor.
Yes, the future Emperor of Europe.
The Emperor himself
will address the world
here, live on TV.
Europa will rise, my friends.
We will rise.
-You really have to admire him.
-Tito, Sire?
He brought unity.
He even got elephants as gifts.
-Carlos?
-Sire?
-Prepare our suitcases.
-Certainly, Sire.
-Louise?
-Yes, Sire?
-Bring me the phone.
-Certainly, Sire.
-And Ludovic?
-Yes, Sire.
Prepare our departure.
Sire, if you allow me, I don't think
it's the right time to leave.
'We want a Europe of nation states.'
And what about our nation, Ludovic?
Yes, of course. But here you
are safe and in good care.
Let's at least wait for the arrival
of this emperor.
Emperor, emperor.
What emperor?
Obviously a new wind is blowing
over Europe, Sire.
And here we could be
at the heart of change.
I wonder who this
new emperor could be.
Definitely a nitwit.
Who else would want to play main
marionette in this dreadful puppet show?
And?
I tried, but it's impossible
to get access to a phone.
-Ludovic?
-I filed a request for our departure.
Lady Liz, do you know
a way off the island?
All comings and goings are
in the troll's control.
Beware of his eyes and his ears.
Oh, and beware of Tito's eye.
It's a leftover surveillance system.
A present from Brezhnev.
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention please.
I think it's time to introduce to you
some of our most important guests.
We have Mr. Ceausescu,
the composer
of our new European anthem.
And we have Mr. Nehru,
the designer of our new flag.
And those maestros,
and their assistants
and myself,
we are Conclave 9.
And I am
Commissar 9.
We will rise, we will rise.
But there is a lot of work to do,
my friends.
A lot of work.
-'Bring a stallion to set.' Stallion?
-Stallion.
A stallion is a horse, Ludovic,
a large male.
Alright, I got it.
But I don't know a thing about horses.
Mussolini had one called Frou-Frou.
-And what do you have?
-'Make bows and arrows'.
-And you?
-'Polish Tito's car'.
Is there a car on the island?
I haven't seen any car.
-Is there a car on the island?
-Yes, one.
-And what's your task?
-'Pick rose petals'.
Sire?
-I'm an extra.
-Extra what?
Extra means a walk-on.
Carlos, we have to get out of here
as soon as possible.
Louise, investigate the situation.
-Ludovic?
-Sire?
While you look for your horse,
find my pen.
Good evening!
Good evening, Ms. Gandhi!
Sleepless?
Yes. A little.
Come in.
So you are the King's press girl.
That's not what my business card says.
Propagandist?
You could say that.
So, have a look.
Which one do you like?
Too square.
Too frivolous.
Too dark.
And this flag is too airline...
And which one do you prefer?
You need to captivate people.
That one.
And why?
It's so potent.
Very potent.
Let me show you something.
Visitors centres.
Malta.
Macedonia.
Kosovo.
Luxembourg.
Visitors centres?
To control the human flow.
Masterminded by Dr. Ilse von Stroheim.
We insiders call her 'Mama Wakolux'.
Wallonia?
Wallonia?
They didn't have enough money
to support their own country.
But they got a lot of money
from Vienna.
Tell Dino to fix my diesel.
Well, you'll need good PR.
Absolutely fundamental.
Think of the press as a great keyboard
on which the government can play.
Well-spoken.
By Joseph Goebbels.
Good night, Dr. Kroll.
Attention, please.
All staff members are required
to line up in service area B4.
So, is this the new Europe?
Women wash and clean while the men
play cowboy in the woods?
What is it exactly that you do
for your King?
Do you know who he is?
We only had to check
our stamp collection.
I'm the palace press attach.
I'm supposed to manage his image.
-Is it manageable?
-No.
The press loves torturing him.
They call him 'Nicolas the Silent'.
It's not fair.
I discovered recently he's actually
very thoughtful. And he has integrity.
We can see that.
Mr. Arafat, please deliver your bows
and arrows to the reception desk.
-A warning to all guests.
-Thank you.
Please do not disturb the elephant.
She's in a very bad mood today.
Poor boy.
Dr. Kroll found him here, hiding on
the island after the Balkan wars.
He never managed to get him
over his shell shock.
Can I ask you what's your real name?
Elizabeth.
But I was called Lady Liz even
before we were upgraded
to Elizabeth Taylor's bedroom.
-Agata likes the name.
-Agata?
-My twin sister.
-Your twin?
She's beside me.
Shall we fill her up?
What?
Left tail fin.
Press the button.
-Are you sure?
-Open it.
Poland! Hungary!
First row.
Excuse me?
Why am I holding the sign of a country
that doesn't exist anymore?
Shit!
Ceausescu, fix it!
France,
put yourself behind Germany.
Mr. Burton, I heard Frank the llama
was removed from his zebra family.
Excellent. Imagine that our new emperor
would witness a degenerate scene.
Who is that new emperor anyway?
Noble blood, no doubt.
What if he's a gay Muslim
with Sudanese origin?
Is this your idea of humour?
I'm never funny.
Holland!
Put yourself between
Bosnia and Serbia!
No, no.
That's not such a good idea.
Holland, go back to your
original position, thank you.
Where should we put the Brits?
This is all so difficult.
Flanders. Wallonia. Ready.
Why not alphabetical?
Alphabetical?
Albania?
You must be joking.
Let's just do this.
All from the north behind Flanders.
Quick, quick, go, go!
Everyone from the south goes
behind Wallonia.
Attention please.
Mr. Brezhnev, you have a telephone call.
You may receive
it on the south terrace.
Sorry.
My poor Nicolas,
are you feeling better?
Yes, I'm feeling better.
Thank you, Ursula.
My dear Nicolas, I have some
overwhelming news to share with you.
Yes, go ahead.
My dear, the emperor of our future
Europe is you, my love.
-What?
-Isn't this extraordinary?
-But...
-We will reign again, Nicolas.
Why me?
Because we're competent.
Because you're the favoured candidate.
I don't understand.
Why didn't anyone consult me?
Everything happened so fast.
Who is behind all this?
Don't worry, Nicolas. Fine people
devoted to protecting our Europe.
Impossible!
Don't be naive, Nicolas. And don't tell
anyone. Absolute discretion is crucial.
Okay.
-And my dear Nicolas...
-Yes?
Be dignified and please
don't talk too much.
-We will find our momentum together.
-Yes.
-Alright?
-Yes.
Yes?
-Sire, it's me, Ludovic.
-Come in.
Sire...
I found your pen.
Excellent, Ludovic.
-I found... hot while... stallion.
-Excuse me?
Are you alright?
Careful now. Careful.
It's okay, no problem.
It's okay.
Just lie down.
It's okay.
Lie down. Slowly.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
The ostriches.
-I'm sorry.
-No problem.
I'm sorry.
-Breathe deeply, Ludovic.
-Yes.
In...
Breathe. And out.
In...
Sire?
What happened?
Too much sun, I think.
-It's Carlos.
-Carlos?
-Lady Liz went to feed Koki.
-Koki?
Tito's parrot.
I don't know how to explain it to you.
But you have to come immediately.
-Carlos?
-Sire, finally.
-I'm glad to see you.
-What happened?
I looked for a boat or ship,
but I couldn't find any on the island.
And as the mainland didn't seem so far,
I just started to swim.
Swim?
But the current was very strong
and I felt exhausted.
I almost drowned because the current
was pulling me out to the open sea.
And just as I thought it was all over,
they arrived.
-They passed by with a submarine.
-A submarine?
-A submarine?
-Yes.
-Here? On the island?
-Yes.
Carlos.
There's a submarine.
-Hello, nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
Hello, I'm Kamaljit Singh.
Nice to meet you.
Lady Liz.
Kamaljit and Bhupindar
are expert cheesemakers.
They saved Parmesan cheese.
-Parmesan?
-Yes.
And then Italy kicked them out.
-'Cause I have a paper problem in Italy.
-Paper problem? I understand.
Then their cheese factory
in Kolkata flooded
and now they're heading back
to Italy.
-We are climate refugees.
-Climate refugees?
And they have space for us, so we're
very welcome to come with them.
Of course, let's go.
No, no, no. Wait. Sorry.
Everybody, hold on.
I have to say something.
We cannot leave the island.
Why?
The Emperor
is me.
What?
You, Sire?
Emperor of what?
Europe.
Our new Europe.
But nobody here on the island knows yet
and nobody must know.
The troll summons.
What do we do with the Sikhs, Sire?
We offer your saviours food
and shelter.
Of course we do.
Let's go.
Thank you very much for saving
my friend, Carlos.
Thank you.
Attention please.
Tonight's dinner is llama barbecue.
Llama is very healthy, low-cholesterol.
Enjoy llama.
Gentlemen,
to the dawn of our Abendland.
Cheers.
Duce.
The new Emperor, who could it be?
I'm sure he's blond and blue-eyed,
you know, like from the north.
Could it be a prince
from Scandinavia?
With blue eyes?
No, no, he should be a bon vivant.
From the south, you know.
Somebody charismatic, warm,
you know.
Could it be
an Italian hot-blooded count?
Duce mio.
Not for you.
Kroll.
Good evening,
this is Dr. Ilse von Stroheim!
Good evening, Ms. von Stroheim!
What an honour!
-Is everything ready on the island?
-Absolutely.
Now you should also know
who the emperor is.
Of course.
The emperor
is the former Belgian King.
We arrive tomorrow morning
and will take over from there.
Of course. We have prepared everything
and are waiting.
-I can hardly wait to finally meet you.
-Goodbye, Commissar.
Gentlemen,
the new emperor
is already here.
And it's Mr. Brezhnev,
the King of the Belgians.
Mr. Brezhnev?
He has sub-zero charisma.
-You have a beautiful voice, Gurjot.
-Thank you.
What would you like to do
when you're big?
Businessman.
-What kind of business?
-Medical.
-Like a doctor?
-Yes.
And you, what do you want, Nicolas?
-Me?
-Yes.
I would like to make sandwiches
more often.
I never made a sandwich before.
And...
I'd like to climb a tree.
And...
And I'd like to laugh more often.
He says,
'God is there to make you laugh when you
cry and to make you cry when you laugh.'
I know that you don't trust
Nova Europa, Carlos.
I just spent an entire day
in a bird cage.
And if I were to ask you to stay?
What are you going to do?
First I'll go to Ikea to buy
a new mattress.
You can join me if you wish.
We could eat hot dogs
on the parking.
I can only visit Ikea
when it burns down.
Emperor.
Your Majesty,
I finally can congratulate you.
I had to pretend not to know,
of course.
Of course.
Is there anything, I mean anything
at all, I can do for you?
Actually,
room service would be appreciated.
Dr. Ilse von Stroheim,
it's a pleasure to meet you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please meet Dr. Ilse von Stroheim,
architect of Nova Europa.
My fellow Europeans,
you all are very eager to meet
your new Emperor, of course.
For security reasons, we've not been
able to disclose his identity to you.
Until now.
He is already here.
He is among us.
-Agata?
-A silent hero.
A fallen man who will rise again.
I'm very proud to introduce you
to Nicolas the First,
Emperor of Europe,
formerly known as Nicolas the Third,
King of the Belgians.
Congratulations!
Your Majesty.
It's such a pleasure,
Nicolas.
Photo.
How shameful, Doctor!
Shit!
Attention all guests here
at Kurort Kroll!
Nova Europa thanks you
for your cooperation.
You are the pioneers of our new Europe.
We will rise.
You scared the hell out of us
when you were shot down in Sarajevo.
I have it all on camera.
It's bigger than fiction.
I mean hell, you were shot down a King
and you wake up an Emperor.
That wacko mama and her Wiener
schnitzels are creeping me out.
-But can you tell me what's going on?
-It's a dj vu.
It's a terrifying dj vu.
But believe me, there's nothing
'nova' in Nova Europa.
-But who is behind all this?
-The United Black Shirts of Europe.
Any alternatives?
I think we're stuck between the devil
and the deep blue sea.
For the ceremony.
Am I to contribute anything
to the speech?
Nothing at all.
-Sire?
-Ludovic.
If you wish you and I could examine
the protocol aspects of this new...
...constellation.
To better understand how to react
in varied diplomatic situations.
They already have a very clear idea
about all this, Ludovic.
You should stand here.
Near the main stage.
After all,
you're the architect of it all.
The spotlight is for puppets
and politicians.
For people like me there are
the history books.
See here?
-Louise?
-Yes, Sire.
-The pronunciation, please.
-Of course, Sire.
My fellow Europeans...
How is Lady Liz?
She is in shock.
I, Nicolas the First,
Emperor of Europe...
She's completely devastated.
...vow to defend our identity,
values and freedom.
She absolutely doesn't want
to see her.
Her twin.
I wish to speak with the King.
Of course.
Alone.
Out, everybody out.
Why me?
Your pedigree,
your availability
and your very cooperative queen.
This is the Imperial ring.
It belonged to Augustus.
Fortunately,
Benito hid it in a safe place.
You will put it on your finger,
just before your speech.
For all the world to see.
Then it will be official.
You will be Nicolas the First,
Emperor of Nova Europa.
Nicolas the Silent will be history.
And my kingdom?
Your kingdom.
Your kingdom was an aberration.
A geopolitical aberration,
a historical aberration.
It has expired.
-But your centres, they...
-No! Semantics, Nicolas.
Semantics.
All cinemas, parking lots,
motorways,
they have entrances
and they have exits.
That way things function
in an orderly manner.
Wallonia will simply be the exit
from Nova Europa
through which individuals who
are undesirable will be expelled.
Or... would you like me to say
'checked out through the gift shop'?
-But that sounds more like...
-No!
We cannot consider migrants
as a problem anymore.
Migrants are a product, a commodity,
which can be very lucrative.
If well-managed, of course.
Like garbage.
Garbage?
Garbage used to be
a colossal problem,
until it turned
into a business opportunity.
-May I ask where you come from?
-Bielefeld.
-Originally?
-Bielefeld.
Put your arm up, like this.
All the blood will drain down.
Don't move.
I will get some lubricant.
Yes?
Don't move.
Attention please,
all extras are required to come
to the fort for final instructions.
I'm off to Italy.
I always wanted to see Venice.
And I'm so sick of Croatian cheese.
Are you coming?
Whose play are you in anyway,
Nicolas?
Ours.
A reminder to all extras.
We are going live on television.
Do not look into the television cameras.
Do not chat.
Do not smile.
The whole world will be watching.
Take your starting positions.
We are on-air in 10, 9, 8...
We will rise
This is Europa
With haste and daring
The beat of our drum
This is Europa
We rekindle the fire
Barricade the flood
Cherish our liberty
We rekindle the fire
Barricade the flood
Purity of blood
Memory of our ancestors
Glory and might
We will honour with fire
We will rise
My fellow Europeans.
I, Nicolas the First,
Emperor of Europe,
vow to defend our identity,
our values
and our freedom.
Otto, your guys look like idiots,
tell the cameras to stop shooting.
Stop!
Shut up!
Shut up!
THIS FILM WAS SHO ON THE BRIJUNI ISLANDS, CROATIA.
BETWEEN 1953 AND 1979,
BRIJUNI WAS THE SUMMER RESIDENCE
OF MARSHAL JOSIP BROZ TITO,
PRESIDENT OF YUGOSLAVIA.
TITO HOSTED HUNDREDS
OF PUBLIC FIGURES HERE,
INCLUDING MONARCHS, PRESIDENTS
AND MOVIE STARS.
THE KING OF BELGIANS EMBARKS
ON A STATE VISIT TO ISTAMBUL
WHERE HE LEARNS ABOU THE COLLAPSE OF HIS KINGDOM.
Their declaration of independence
is entitled 'We are fed up'.
Fed up? What fed up?
The Walloons feel patronized,
humiliated,
downtrodden and misunderstood
by the Flemish.
They're sick of it.
We must go home immediately.
A SOLAR STORM DISRUPT ALL AIR TRAVEL
AND LAUNCHES THE KING ON AN ODYSSEY
ACROSS THE BALKANS INCOGNITO.
Cheers!
RECOVERED FROM AN ALBANIAN JAIL,
THE KING IS ESCORTED TO SARAJEVO
WHERE THE BELGIAN MILITARY WANTS
TO ESCORT HIM HOME.
Ludovic, what to you
is freedom?
What does it mean?
Louise?
-We're not moving at all.
-Maybe it's a religious holiday?
Yes, Ludovic Moreau here.
We're blocked by the crowds.
Sire, the Belgian convoy is just
on the other side of the bridge.
The colonel proposes we join
them by foot.
Hold on, isn't it June 28th today?
Could it be a commemoration
of Franz Ferdinand's assassination?
Did you know the assassin used
a Belgian gun?
I'm raising my arm. Do you see me?
Do you see me?
I want His Majesty out of here
as soon as possible.
Yes, we're escorted by two Albanians.
Two Albanians.
The Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria
and Duchess Sophie
met their fate here in Sarajevo
when a young man stepped forward.
All that was needed was one spark.
His name was Gavrilo Princip.
He believed in freedom
from Austro-Hungarian rule.
His bullets would sweep the world
into a vortex of flames and ash.
-Sire?
-My God!
-Sire?
-What happened?
Call an ambulance!
The King is down!
Carlos, is he breathing?
Sire?
THE BAREFOOT EMPEROR
Sire?
Sire?
It's me, Carlos.
I'm here with Louise and Ludovic.
Angels.
We're not angels, Sire.
So I'm not in heaven?
Sire.
You're not in heaven. You're in Croatia.
Attention, please.
This is a reminder for Mr. Che Guevara.
Your aroma therapy
will start at 9:30 a.m.
Where am I?
You're in a sanatorium, Sire.
On an island, Sire.
Island?
You've been asleep
for three days, Sire.
And...
What happened?
Sire, in Sarajevo the Belgian sniper
thought you were in danger.
He wanted to shoot
the Serbian assassin.
But it wasn't the Serbian assassin,
it was a Bosnian actor.
He was holding the gun, the fake gun.
I tried to explain it to the Colonel,
but the Colonel was francophone,
the sniper was Flemish
and they didn't understand each other.
When I spoke of the 'pistolet',
I mean.
-Pistolet?
-I'm sorry.
You were accidentally shot in the ear
by a Belgian sniper.
Then the Albanians escorting us
killed Gravilo.
-Gavrilo.
-I mean, the Bosnian actor.
He died?
Yes, his name was Bakir.
He was part of a local theatre troupe.
This year it fell to him,
because no one wants to play Gravilo.
-Gavrilo.
-Gavrilo.
Every year they draw straws.
So the Serbs are furious,
the Russians are furious.
The Bosnians are furious, naturally.
It's a mess.
-Good morning!
-Good morning...
I'm Dr. Kroll,
the director of this Kurort.
And I am your host.
Mild concussion.
Brain scan doesn't show any damage.
All you need is rest.
And maybe your balance
is a little bit off.
In that case we have a wheelchair.
I must get home.
No stress.
I will personally create for you
a special diet.
Light meals. Well-chewed. Liquids.
And deep breathing.
-I must speak with the Palace.
-Sire, there is no connection here.
No internet, no cell phone,
we are offline, we're unplugged.
The only way to fix body and soul.
But I need a phone.
-Of course, Mr. Brezhnev.
-Brezhnev?
This island was
Tito's summer residence.
And you are sleeping
in Leonid Brezhnev's bed.
Here everyone uses
the name of their room, Sire.
You see, your privacy is my priority.
And I'm the only one who knows
the true identity of my guests.
Then you do know I am a King.
Of course.
And I will get you contact to Brussels.
Quick, quick. Morning exercises.
Sire, give my respects to the Queen.
And don't worry about Dino,
he is deaf like a stone.
Attention, please.
Temperatures will reach
36 degrees today.
Another wonderful blue-sky day
here at Kurort Kroll.
I feel like eating a hotdog.
I feel like going in the water.
-Shall we do that now?
-No, we follow Dr. Kroll's instructions.
I don't like that Kroll.
We don't care what you think, Carlos.
I don't want to hide information
from the King.
You will say nothing to the King.
We let him recover and we stay calm.
Yes, Carlos, just like Ludovic showed us
back there. Isn't that right, Ludovic?
Seeing him in bed like that
I got emotional, that's all.
Yeah, just like the rest of us.
Damn it!
This is really a sport for idiots.
Attention, please.
This is a reminder for Mr. Mobutu.
Your fish pedicure
has been rescheduled for 11 a.m.
Mr. Richard Burton, your medication
is ready for pick-up at cockpit 3.
I wonder what the Queen
will tell him.
She'll definitely want to protect him.
-I propose we tell him the truth.
-I'll speak with the Queen first.
No more kingdom, no more Queen.
Carlos!
Attention, please.
Today's lunch special
is nettle soup with bread balls.
Thank you.
I devote my 60 seconds of spotlight
to tell you about an emergency.
Something very serious
and very dangerous
is cooking here on the island.
You see,
the llama thinks it's a zebra.
I've been watching them
for some time now.
That llama has got it into his pointy
pinhead that he can screw a zebra.
Well, what do we get with that?
A mongrel.
That's what we get.
Genetic mixing is short-sighted
for the human race.
Hard science.
Of course,
I know the value of tolerance.
It has its function.
But you know, I've seen a lot
of things during my long life.
And with no doubt, the llama...
...the llama must go.
Please, remember to chew.
Mr. Arafat?
Embarrassing.
Pertinent.
Next is Ms. Lollobrigida.
I need air.
Attention, please.
Ms. Fabiola and Ms. Juliana, your social
media detox evaluations are ready.
Please visit Dr. Kroll.
-Ludovic?
-Sire?
My pen.
And my notebook with my speech
of reconciliation.
There is work to be done.
Sire, there is no hurry.
This business can wait.
This business?
I have to save my kingdom, Ludovic.
Yes, but Dr. Kroll specified
that you must rest.
Just let him write.
-Ludovic, my pen and my notebook.
-Of course, Sire.
I must quickly impart some
common sense to the Belgians.
Maybe I need to mention Sarajevo.
Sarajevo, Sire?
What if that bullet had
really taken me out?
Could I have been a spark
and written history?
-Yes, but Sarajevo was only theatre.
-Oh, really?
I mean...
What matters is that you are here.
Here?
Really?
If we continue that way,
we'll reach the sea.
Isn't it better that way?
It's more shady there.
-Hot, isn't it?
-Yes, and I'm thirsty.
Was that an elephant?
He's delirious.
-You think so?
-I don't know.
And?
There's the coast.
There.
Did you hear it too now?
That was an elephant.
Lady Liz.
-As in Elizabeth Taylor.
-Hello, nice to meet you.
Frank's feeling a bit blue today.
It's all the hostility in the air.
-Frank?
-The llama.
He was a present to Tito from Che.
Sadly, his mother died
when he was very little.
The zebras took pity on him
and they took him into their herd.
That's why he thinks he's a zebra.
He's simply forgotten that he's a llama.
Silly thing.
I'm Ms. Gandhi.
She was quite a figure.
She brought two elephants,
baby ones, to the island.
-So there are elephants on the island?
-Oh, one's still alive.
I'm Arafat.
And this is Castro over here.
He's not very fond of his room.
How long have you been on the island,
Lady Liz?
We don't experience time
the way others do.
But for the sake of conversation,
we've been here
more than twenty years now.
-So you must like it here?
-We do.
We only have to deal with
humanity in very small doses.
Where are you all from?
Excuse me, but we're not supposed
to discuss our origins here.
We're from Belgium.
Such a pity about the collapse
of your country.
Your Wallonians certainly triggered
some havoc across Europe.
All it took was that one little domino
to fall.
Please, we don't need to trouble
Mr. Brezhnev with this now.
Trouble bubble.
It's our bloody business,
and it's all topsy-turvy.
Can someone please tell me
what's going on?
Since that incident in Sarajevo,
Europe is in crisis, Sire.
What kind of crisis?
The European Parliament
has been dissolved.
The Commission is barely operating
and the Council of Europe is paralyzed.
That's all we know. We found out
just before reaching the island.
-And why did I not know this?
-Our instructions were very clear, Sire.
-What instructions?
-The instructions to await instructions.
Ludovic, I want the whole truth.
My pen.
Where is my pen?
-Stay seated, Sire.
-I'm not a dog, Ludovic.
Where are you from, Lady Liz?
We're from Poland.
You are not alone here?
Of course not, Agata is here.
Agata?
My twin sister.
I see.
You do?
We're so glad to hear that.
We sensed you might.
When we were little,
Agata and I lived in a camp.
Our parents were teachers
and considered intelligentsia
and so we ended up in a camp.
But you know what I remember most
about the camp?
I remember the flowers.
They would raise their pretty heads
over the fence every spring.
And just... wave.
The flowers. It's funny.
New Year's music?
No, high tea time.
Do you think that woman
could be dangerous?
-Dangerous?
-Why do you say that?
She's lost her marbles, no?
The only sweet thing around.
Attention please,
this is a level three message.
Ladies and gentlemen,
important news has reached us.
The European Parliament has
been shut down. Officially.
Fortunately,
there is no reason to worry.
A new Europe is about to be born.
Nova Europa.
The time has come for Europe
to reinvent herself,
like a snake that throws off
its old nasty skin.
Brussels has choked us long enough
with rules, regulations, limitations.
No more.
No more.
We want a Europe of nation states,
we want a Europe
that respects national identity.
We want a Europe that is free.
Free to celebrate the past,
free to navigate the future,
free to control the human flow.
Shut up, Duce.
We have the great honour of hosting
here on my beautiful island
the public announcement of
the founding of Nova Europa.
A delegation is underway.
They are escorting the future Emperor.
Yes, the future Emperor of Europe.
The Emperor himself
will address the world
here, live on TV.
Europa will rise, my friends.
We will rise.
-You really have to admire him.
-Tito, Sire?
He brought unity.
He even got elephants as gifts.
-Carlos?
-Sire?
-Prepare our suitcases.
-Certainly, Sire.
-Louise?
-Yes, Sire?
-Bring me the phone.
-Certainly, Sire.
-And Ludovic?
-Yes, Sire.
Prepare our departure.
Sire, if you allow me, I don't think
it's the right time to leave.
'We want a Europe of nation states.'
And what about our nation, Ludovic?
Yes, of course. But here you
are safe and in good care.
Let's at least wait for the arrival
of this emperor.
Emperor, emperor.
What emperor?
Obviously a new wind is blowing
over Europe, Sire.
And here we could be
at the heart of change.
I wonder who this
new emperor could be.
Definitely a nitwit.
Who else would want to play main
marionette in this dreadful puppet show?
And?
I tried, but it's impossible
to get access to a phone.
-Ludovic?
-I filed a request for our departure.
Lady Liz, do you know
a way off the island?
All comings and goings are
in the troll's control.
Beware of his eyes and his ears.
Oh, and beware of Tito's eye.
It's a leftover surveillance system.
A present from Brezhnev.
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention please.
I think it's time to introduce to you
some of our most important guests.
We have Mr. Ceausescu,
the composer
of our new European anthem.
And we have Mr. Nehru,
the designer of our new flag.
And those maestros,
and their assistants
and myself,
we are Conclave 9.
And I am
Commissar 9.
We will rise, we will rise.
But there is a lot of work to do,
my friends.
A lot of work.
-'Bring a stallion to set.' Stallion?
-Stallion.
A stallion is a horse, Ludovic,
a large male.
Alright, I got it.
But I don't know a thing about horses.
Mussolini had one called Frou-Frou.
-And what do you have?
-'Make bows and arrows'.
-And you?
-'Polish Tito's car'.
Is there a car on the island?
I haven't seen any car.
-Is there a car on the island?
-Yes, one.
-And what's your task?
-'Pick rose petals'.
Sire?
-I'm an extra.
-Extra what?
Extra means a walk-on.
Carlos, we have to get out of here
as soon as possible.
Louise, investigate the situation.
-Ludovic?
-Sire?
While you look for your horse,
find my pen.
Good evening!
Good evening, Ms. Gandhi!
Sleepless?
Yes. A little.
Come in.
So you are the King's press girl.
That's not what my business card says.
Propagandist?
You could say that.
So, have a look.
Which one do you like?
Too square.
Too frivolous.
Too dark.
And this flag is too airline...
And which one do you prefer?
You need to captivate people.
That one.
And why?
It's so potent.
Very potent.
Let me show you something.
Visitors centres.
Malta.
Macedonia.
Kosovo.
Luxembourg.
Visitors centres?
To control the human flow.
Masterminded by Dr. Ilse von Stroheim.
We insiders call her 'Mama Wakolux'.
Wallonia?
Wallonia?
They didn't have enough money
to support their own country.
But they got a lot of money
from Vienna.
Tell Dino to fix my diesel.
Well, you'll need good PR.
Absolutely fundamental.
Think of the press as a great keyboard
on which the government can play.
Well-spoken.
By Joseph Goebbels.
Good night, Dr. Kroll.
Attention, please.
All staff members are required
to line up in service area B4.
So, is this the new Europe?
Women wash and clean while the men
play cowboy in the woods?
What is it exactly that you do
for your King?
Do you know who he is?
We only had to check
our stamp collection.
I'm the palace press attach.
I'm supposed to manage his image.
-Is it manageable?
-No.
The press loves torturing him.
They call him 'Nicolas the Silent'.
It's not fair.
I discovered recently he's actually
very thoughtful. And he has integrity.
We can see that.
Mr. Arafat, please deliver your bows
and arrows to the reception desk.
-A warning to all guests.
-Thank you.
Please do not disturb the elephant.
She's in a very bad mood today.
Poor boy.
Dr. Kroll found him here, hiding on
the island after the Balkan wars.
He never managed to get him
over his shell shock.
Can I ask you what's your real name?
Elizabeth.
But I was called Lady Liz even
before we were upgraded
to Elizabeth Taylor's bedroom.
-Agata likes the name.
-Agata?
-My twin sister.
-Your twin?
She's beside me.
Shall we fill her up?
What?
Left tail fin.
Press the button.
-Are you sure?
-Open it.
Poland! Hungary!
First row.
Excuse me?
Why am I holding the sign of a country
that doesn't exist anymore?
Shit!
Ceausescu, fix it!
France,
put yourself behind Germany.
Mr. Burton, I heard Frank the llama
was removed from his zebra family.
Excellent. Imagine that our new emperor
would witness a degenerate scene.
Who is that new emperor anyway?
Noble blood, no doubt.
What if he's a gay Muslim
with Sudanese origin?
Is this your idea of humour?
I'm never funny.
Holland!
Put yourself between
Bosnia and Serbia!
No, no.
That's not such a good idea.
Holland, go back to your
original position, thank you.
Where should we put the Brits?
This is all so difficult.
Flanders. Wallonia. Ready.
Why not alphabetical?
Alphabetical?
Albania?
You must be joking.
Let's just do this.
All from the north behind Flanders.
Quick, quick, go, go!
Everyone from the south goes
behind Wallonia.
Attention please.
Mr. Brezhnev, you have a telephone call.
You may receive
it on the south terrace.
Sorry.
My poor Nicolas,
are you feeling better?
Yes, I'm feeling better.
Thank you, Ursula.
My dear Nicolas, I have some
overwhelming news to share with you.
Yes, go ahead.
My dear, the emperor of our future
Europe is you, my love.
-What?
-Isn't this extraordinary?
-But...
-We will reign again, Nicolas.
Why me?
Because we're competent.
Because you're the favoured candidate.
I don't understand.
Why didn't anyone consult me?
Everything happened so fast.
Who is behind all this?
Don't worry, Nicolas. Fine people
devoted to protecting our Europe.
Impossible!
Don't be naive, Nicolas. And don't tell
anyone. Absolute discretion is crucial.
Okay.
-And my dear Nicolas...
-Yes?
Be dignified and please
don't talk too much.
-We will find our momentum together.
-Yes.
-Alright?
-Yes.
Yes?
-Sire, it's me, Ludovic.
-Come in.
Sire...
I found your pen.
Excellent, Ludovic.
-I found... hot while... stallion.
-Excuse me?
Are you alright?
Careful now. Careful.
It's okay, no problem.
It's okay.
Just lie down.
It's okay.
Lie down. Slowly.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
The ostriches.
-I'm sorry.
-No problem.
I'm sorry.
-Breathe deeply, Ludovic.
-Yes.
In...
Breathe. And out.
In...
Sire?
What happened?
Too much sun, I think.
-It's Carlos.
-Carlos?
-Lady Liz went to feed Koki.
-Koki?
Tito's parrot.
I don't know how to explain it to you.
But you have to come immediately.
-Carlos?
-Sire, finally.
-I'm glad to see you.
-What happened?
I looked for a boat or ship,
but I couldn't find any on the island.
And as the mainland didn't seem so far,
I just started to swim.
Swim?
But the current was very strong
and I felt exhausted.
I almost drowned because the current
was pulling me out to the open sea.
And just as I thought it was all over,
they arrived.
-They passed by with a submarine.
-A submarine?
-A submarine?
-Yes.
-Here? On the island?
-Yes.
Carlos.
There's a submarine.
-Hello, nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
Hello, I'm Kamaljit Singh.
Nice to meet you.
Lady Liz.
Kamaljit and Bhupindar
are expert cheesemakers.
They saved Parmesan cheese.
-Parmesan?
-Yes.
And then Italy kicked them out.
-'Cause I have a paper problem in Italy.
-Paper problem? I understand.
Then their cheese factory
in Kolkata flooded
and now they're heading back
to Italy.
-We are climate refugees.
-Climate refugees?
And they have space for us, so we're
very welcome to come with them.
Of course, let's go.
No, no, no. Wait. Sorry.
Everybody, hold on.
I have to say something.
We cannot leave the island.
Why?
The Emperor
is me.
What?
You, Sire?
Emperor of what?
Europe.
Our new Europe.
But nobody here on the island knows yet
and nobody must know.
The troll summons.
What do we do with the Sikhs, Sire?
We offer your saviours food
and shelter.
Of course we do.
Let's go.
Thank you very much for saving
my friend, Carlos.
Thank you.
Attention please.
Tonight's dinner is llama barbecue.
Llama is very healthy, low-cholesterol.
Enjoy llama.
Gentlemen,
to the dawn of our Abendland.
Cheers.
Duce.
The new Emperor, who could it be?
I'm sure he's blond and blue-eyed,
you know, like from the north.
Could it be a prince
from Scandinavia?
With blue eyes?
No, no, he should be a bon vivant.
From the south, you know.
Somebody charismatic, warm,
you know.
Could it be
an Italian hot-blooded count?
Duce mio.
Not for you.
Kroll.
Good evening,
this is Dr. Ilse von Stroheim!
Good evening, Ms. von Stroheim!
What an honour!
-Is everything ready on the island?
-Absolutely.
Now you should also know
who the emperor is.
Of course.
The emperor
is the former Belgian King.
We arrive tomorrow morning
and will take over from there.
Of course. We have prepared everything
and are waiting.
-I can hardly wait to finally meet you.
-Goodbye, Commissar.
Gentlemen,
the new emperor
is already here.
And it's Mr. Brezhnev,
the King of the Belgians.
Mr. Brezhnev?
He has sub-zero charisma.
-You have a beautiful voice, Gurjot.
-Thank you.
What would you like to do
when you're big?
Businessman.
-What kind of business?
-Medical.
-Like a doctor?
-Yes.
And you, what do you want, Nicolas?
-Me?
-Yes.
I would like to make sandwiches
more often.
I never made a sandwich before.
And...
I'd like to climb a tree.
And...
And I'd like to laugh more often.
He says,
'God is there to make you laugh when you
cry and to make you cry when you laugh.'
I know that you don't trust
Nova Europa, Carlos.
I just spent an entire day
in a bird cage.
And if I were to ask you to stay?
What are you going to do?
First I'll go to Ikea to buy
a new mattress.
You can join me if you wish.
We could eat hot dogs
on the parking.
I can only visit Ikea
when it burns down.
Emperor.
Your Majesty,
I finally can congratulate you.
I had to pretend not to know,
of course.
Of course.
Is there anything, I mean anything
at all, I can do for you?
Actually,
room service would be appreciated.
Dr. Ilse von Stroheim,
it's a pleasure to meet you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please meet Dr. Ilse von Stroheim,
architect of Nova Europa.
My fellow Europeans,
you all are very eager to meet
your new Emperor, of course.
For security reasons, we've not been
able to disclose his identity to you.
Until now.
He is already here.
He is among us.
-Agata?
-A silent hero.
A fallen man who will rise again.
I'm very proud to introduce you
to Nicolas the First,
Emperor of Europe,
formerly known as Nicolas the Third,
King of the Belgians.
Congratulations!
Your Majesty.
It's such a pleasure,
Nicolas.
Photo.
How shameful, Doctor!
Shit!
Attention all guests here
at Kurort Kroll!
Nova Europa thanks you
for your cooperation.
You are the pioneers of our new Europe.
We will rise.
You scared the hell out of us
when you were shot down in Sarajevo.
I have it all on camera.
It's bigger than fiction.
I mean hell, you were shot down a King
and you wake up an Emperor.
That wacko mama and her Wiener
schnitzels are creeping me out.
-But can you tell me what's going on?
-It's a dj vu.
It's a terrifying dj vu.
But believe me, there's nothing
'nova' in Nova Europa.
-But who is behind all this?
-The United Black Shirts of Europe.
Any alternatives?
I think we're stuck between the devil
and the deep blue sea.
For the ceremony.
Am I to contribute anything
to the speech?
Nothing at all.
-Sire?
-Ludovic.
If you wish you and I could examine
the protocol aspects of this new...
...constellation.
To better understand how to react
in varied diplomatic situations.
They already have a very clear idea
about all this, Ludovic.
You should stand here.
Near the main stage.
After all,
you're the architect of it all.
The spotlight is for puppets
and politicians.
For people like me there are
the history books.
See here?
-Louise?
-Yes, Sire.
-The pronunciation, please.
-Of course, Sire.
My fellow Europeans...
How is Lady Liz?
She is in shock.
I, Nicolas the First,
Emperor of Europe...
She's completely devastated.
...vow to defend our identity,
values and freedom.
She absolutely doesn't want
to see her.
Her twin.
I wish to speak with the King.
Of course.
Alone.
Out, everybody out.
Why me?
Your pedigree,
your availability
and your very cooperative queen.
This is the Imperial ring.
It belonged to Augustus.
Fortunately,
Benito hid it in a safe place.
You will put it on your finger,
just before your speech.
For all the world to see.
Then it will be official.
You will be Nicolas the First,
Emperor of Nova Europa.
Nicolas the Silent will be history.
And my kingdom?
Your kingdom.
Your kingdom was an aberration.
A geopolitical aberration,
a historical aberration.
It has expired.
-But your centres, they...
-No! Semantics, Nicolas.
Semantics.
All cinemas, parking lots,
motorways,
they have entrances
and they have exits.
That way things function
in an orderly manner.
Wallonia will simply be the exit
from Nova Europa
through which individuals who
are undesirable will be expelled.
Or... would you like me to say
'checked out through the gift shop'?
-But that sounds more like...
-No!
We cannot consider migrants
as a problem anymore.
Migrants are a product, a commodity,
which can be very lucrative.
If well-managed, of course.
Like garbage.
Garbage?
Garbage used to be
a colossal problem,
until it turned
into a business opportunity.
-May I ask where you come from?
-Bielefeld.
-Originally?
-Bielefeld.
Put your arm up, like this.
All the blood will drain down.
Don't move.
I will get some lubricant.
Yes?
Don't move.
Attention please,
all extras are required to come
to the fort for final instructions.
I'm off to Italy.
I always wanted to see Venice.
And I'm so sick of Croatian cheese.
Are you coming?
Whose play are you in anyway,
Nicolas?
Ours.
A reminder to all extras.
We are going live on television.
Do not look into the television cameras.
Do not chat.
Do not smile.
The whole world will be watching.
Take your starting positions.
We are on-air in 10, 9, 8...
We will rise
This is Europa
With haste and daring
The beat of our drum
This is Europa
We rekindle the fire
Barricade the flood
Cherish our liberty
We rekindle the fire
Barricade the flood
Purity of blood
Memory of our ancestors
Glory and might
We will honour with fire
We will rise
My fellow Europeans.
I, Nicolas the First,
Emperor of Europe,
vow to defend our identity,
our values
and our freedom.
Otto, your guys look like idiots,
tell the cameras to stop shooting.
Stop!
Shut up!
Shut up!
THIS FILM WAS SHO ON THE BRIJUNI ISLANDS, CROATIA.
BETWEEN 1953 AND 1979,
BRIJUNI WAS THE SUMMER RESIDENCE
OF MARSHAL JOSIP BROZ TITO,
PRESIDENT OF YUGOSLAVIA.
TITO HOSTED HUNDREDS
OF PUBLIC FIGURES HERE,
INCLUDING MONARCHS, PRESIDENTS
AND MOVIE STARS.