The Batman Superman Movie: World's Finest (1997) Movie Script

Hang on there, Clyde!
Sorry, miss, we're closed.
Just look at what I'm selling!
You'll plotz!
Good work, Harley girl.
Now, what would be a suitable trade
for our joke in the box?
For some reason,
this just speaks to me.
What do you think, Harl?
It's you, puddin'!
Awfully nice
doing business with you.
What a pleasant fellow.
It's weird. All this junk and the Joker
only takes one lousy statue.
Especially since we've heard on the streets
he's desperate for cash these days.
Things are never what they seem
with the Joker.
I guess the night
brings out all the wackos.
It was made of jade,
worth maybe one hundred grand.
I'd like a closer look.
Hey, he can't leave
a crime scene with evidence.
You want to stop him?
Be my guest!
According to this, the Laughing Dragon
has own reputation.
Ever since it was carved in China,
nearly thirty years ago... has passed to several owners,
all of them died prematurely.
And I can tell you why.
This so called jade is admitting
low level radiation.
Alfred, isn't Bruce Wayne about due
for a trip to Metropolis?
Yes but do you think
this is a appropriate time?
I'd say the timing
couldn't be better.
Ladies and gentlemen of the press,...
...if you stay calm, you may
actually live to write about this.
Is the president secured?
Copy. We've already informed him...
...about changing flight plans.
Let's make an example of this hero.
A very tragic example,
I'm afraid, Miss...?
Lane? Lois Lane?
The one Superman always saves?
Afraid, so.
Thanks for strapping me in.
Happy I can help out, Mr. President.
I hope I didn't shake you
and the others up too bad.
I had to say,
I've got used to it.
Um, Superman?
Um, how can I put this:
I was just thinking... might be nice
to see each other...
...when I wasn't, I don't know,
falling out a window or something.
Not that I'm not grateful for all the times
you've helped me, you understand.
- I understand.
- You do?
- It's the First National Bank.
- You better go. People might...
...get hurt.
"I understand, Lois."
"Really, you do?
Yep, you're a complete moron."
"Why thank you, Superman,
I think I'm a total loser, too." Jeez.
"A grateful president
with stocks heartfelt thanks...
" Metropolis' favourite son,
Favourite son of a...
Start the car.
I'm coming down.
Right away, Lex.
The office, now.
Swell, Mr. L.
Mr. L.? Mercy?
Oh, yeah. She had a little accident.
All right, missy.
I don't know what your game is
but I promise you,...'ll pay dearly for this!
You're dead!
Do you hear me?
Blah, blah, blah.
Whoa, momma,
check out the cute hitchhiker!
Lexy, you old kid.
Do I have a deal for you.
Rich Corinthian leather.
What do you want?
I sense we are kindred spirits,
you and I.
Oh, there are differences,
to be sure... like hair.
But underneath it all, we are both
entreprenuers, men of vision.
We see an opportunity, we grab it.
Am I right?
But in the past few weeks,
I've had run a bad luck.
Bad luck that it wears a cape.
Thanks to that miserable
pointy ear rodent Batman...
...all my operations in Gotham City
had been shut down.
But you too, have an over-growned
bully in long underwear...
...which brings me
to my little proposition.
I'm listening.
Pay me one billion dollars,
and I'll kill Superman!
What makes you think
you can kill Superman...
...when you can't even handle
a mere mortal in a Halloween costume?
There's nothing mere
about that mortal!
Besides, I have read up
on your fly boy.
I know his weakness.
See? Solid Kryptonite.
You know, I can't be connected
to this anyway.
Oh, you'll be Mr. Clean, I promise.
I hear Wayne's deal with the Lexcorp
could run into the billions.
- He is a high roller.
- I hear, he's nothing but Gotham trash.
Rich, spoiled and...
...absolutely gorgeous!
Mr. Wayne!
- What brings you to Metropolis?
- How long will you stay?
Quick, is my hair straight?
Excuse me.
Aren't you the famous Lois Lane?
Me? Famous? Well, hardly.
I mean... This is Clark Kent.
Mr. Wayne.
I've read all about your adventure
on Air Force One.
You are quite a news maker.
No more than you.
Which brings up the question,
why you are in town?
Mr. Wayne, your car.
Maybe we can discuss it
over dinner, if you are available.
Totally. I... I mean, I think so.
I'll have to check my... Ok, yes.
Great. I'll pick you up at eight.
More to figure, a guy named Weasel,
can cook this good?
Ceasar Carlini, my old pal!
Why I haven't seen you since...
Wait, I've never seen you, have I?
You need to get out more.
- Who is this clown?
- Not clown. Joker.
I'm in town on business
and I need a place to hang my hat.
Try a motel night.
But it will be so much cosier
at your place, like a sleepover.
Are you nuts? Kill him!
Can I play too?
Carlini, all that spicy food.
You look a little gassy.
No! Stop!
Holly guacamole.
Looks like you need a new leader.
I nominate me.
I'm sec in the nomination.
All apposed?
They found him like this
at the city dump.
- The lights are on, but nobody is home.
- But we know who did it.
He is telling us right now.
As you can see, WayneLex T-7
contrives the most difficult terrain...
...never losing sight of
it's ultimate target.
14,8 seconds.
- Congratulations.
- This is your project too, you know.
Well, I'm proud of the work
both our teams have done.
These robots are gonna revolutionize
unman space travel.
Actually, they're maybe useful
closer to Earth.
The Joint Chief has showned
tremendous interest.
It doesn't take much imagination
to invasion these robots on the battlefield.
Except I won't allowed.
- What?
- I don't like guns.
Well, Bruce, I think
I have something to say about this.
Not according to our deal.
All technological applications
need my approval first.
Blame it on me, Lex.
Tell your pals at the Pentagon
I just don't have the magination.
So he just appears
when there is trouble?
No special signal?
He's not like your Batman,
thank goodness.
Then how do you contact him?
Committing a felony helps.
Listen, you seem awfully
interested in Superman.
Do you want me to fix you two up?
No, I'm sorry. It's just that
I was hoping to get away from...
...the subject of the "Man of Steel"
for one night.
I've been a little too consumed
with him lately.
Maybe we could change subjects.
- No more men in tights.
- Deal.
So just keep your ears open.
Let me know if you hear
any buzz about The Joker.
Sure thing, Mr. Kent.
Eh, but, eh, which one?
There's lots of jokers around here.
Hey, sweetheart!
What are you, dead? Come around!
What's going on?
Who is he?
It's been a long time, Binko.
I heard your boss Carlini
has been replaced.
We need to talk!
Get him!
Where's the Joker?
Who knows?
Makin' ha-ha with Harley Quinn.
I don't know! Honest! I never
went back after he muscled him!
I don't want nothing to do
with that clown.
That's enough.
I think you got your answer.
I heard you were crazy,
but I didn't think you were stupid.
Bruce Wayne?
- You peeked.
- I won't let vigilantism in my town.
You'll be rid of me,
as soon as I find the Joker.
That may not be soon enough.
It doesn't take much, does it?
The Joker has twenty pounds more
where this came from.
I thought you might want to know.
Hi. I just wanted to let you know
I'll be in late tomorrow.
I'm having breakfast with Bruce.
Isn't that special?
Do I detect a note of disapproval?
You were the one
who compared him to garbage.
Well, I was wrong.
He's very thoughtful
and much deeper...
...than the gossip mongers
would let you believe.
You'd be surprised.
Would I know?
I'll let you go,
so you count sheep...
...or whatever you
Kansas boys dream about.
"...the Senator declined comment."
And not a moment too soon.
Bruce! When did you...?
About three paragraphs ago.
I didn't want to distract you.
Ready to due the town?
Give me a minute to see the Chief.
Then I'm all yours.
Clark, keep an eye
on Bruce, will you?
I'll be right back.
Actually Lois...
Don't be intimidated.
Regale him with mad cab tales
of the nightlife in Smallville.
She never stops, doesn't she?
Not that I've noticed.
Any luck find the comedian?
Three nights, and not
so much as a green hair.
Of course, you have been dividing
your time between work and Lois.
Is that a problem?
Let's just say I'm concerned.
Your reputation is... dubious.
In and out of costume.
Don't worry.
I'm taking Lois quite seriously.
Besides, it seems to me,
you had your chance.
So, Mr. Wayne,
ready to sweet me of my feet?
Be seein' you.
This city is gorgeous at night.
Is it? I wasn't looking at the city.
Lois, about Clark Kent.
Are you and he... I mean...
No, Bruce. Your only competition
flew away some time ago.
My, you do live dangerously.
Don't you realize you're moving in
on Superman's main squeeze?
And then I said...
Take your hands of her, you...
See that he's street pizza!
In this town, some flying fool
could have caught him!
Well, aren't we tenacious?
Catch you next time, Brucie.
Swell. Now, Gotham
sending us their wackos.
Don't worry, Mr. Wayne.
The S.I.U. will get her back safe and sound.
Thank you, inspector.
You realize, she's just a bait.
- I'll be careful.
- Careful won't cut it out.
- With Joker, expect the unexpected.
- Maybe you should remember that.
Think of it, Miss Lane.
This rock is more precious than gold.
One tinny chip will go for thousands
on the collectors market...
...after it kills your fly boy.
- You sick, demented, murdering freak!
- How rude!
Half for now and half for later.
You've got a front-row seat
for the story of the century, my dear.
The death of Superman.
S.I.U., Turpin.
Leave the screen, "turnip".
I wanna talk to the boy in blue.
If you got something
to say clown, say it to...
I'm here, Joker.
What have you done with Lois Lane?
She's right here, Superman,
and she'd love to see you.
Want to know where "here" is?
Don't blink.
Got the pictures, Supie?
Come alone.
No cops or little Lois dies laughing.
Wait! What picture?
What did he mean?
More powerful than a locomotive...
and just about as subtle.
I'm flattered,
you put on your Sunday best.
Where is she, Joker?
Forget about Lois.
Fix your eyes on this!
Now, I'll asking once more.
I don't understand.
I had it all planned so perfectly.
Oh, wait. That's is!
Silly me. I forgot the acid.
What's the matter, Supie?
No steam left in the old locomotive?
I hope you're taking notes.
Not now.
But puddin',
Batman has headed your way!
Get out.
Pardon my haste exit.
We have a pest control problem.
Feel free to expire any time.
I'll be back in a moment.
Two of the prize of one!
I love it.
And the best part is,
you're all going out with a smile.
Have a happy ending!
Hydrochloric Acid.
It will take a week
to eat through the wall.
No, wait.
Snap out of it, Kent,
or Joker gets the last laugh.
Keep your heads down!
- They're loose.
- That's not fair.
It's over, Joker.
It hasn't begun, Supie!
He's gotta be kidding.
- They're grenades!
- Expect the unexpected.
Thank you. I couldn't
have saved Lois without your help.
I'm aware of that.
Bruce! Bruce Wayne.
He was with me when Joker...
- Is he all right? Do you know?
- He is fine. Just fine.
I wish to assure all of Metropolis that
this explosion was not nuclear...
...and presents no danger
to the community.
Now, if you excuse me.
And what about the Joker,
Mr. Luthor?
You didn't answer the question.
What about Joker?
You heard the man.
What could have possessed me
to trust that clown?
Hello, Mr. J. I'm Batman!
Eat me! Eat me! Eat me!
I know, you are trying
to cheer me up, Harley.
But you see, anytime I lost
a billion dollar deal... really kills my appetite!
Honestly, Lex, don't you think
I feel bad enough already?
You maniac! You idiot!
How dare you use one of
my laboratories for your...
Put him down, baldy!
Here's for that punch in the face!
Can't we discuss this
like gentlemen?
Oh, listen to
Little Miss Can't-Take-A-Joke!
Thank you.
Have a seat, please.
You owe me an explanation.
The lab was a perfect setup.
How did I know
old bat brat would show up?
He followed you to Metropolis?
Oh, right. Like it's my fault.
Look, I still got half of the kryptonite.
I can still finish the job.
But if I have to cook
with two men in tights...
...the prize goes up.
If you can't handle some mental case
in a fright mask, our deal is off.
Mercy, let's go!
Keep in mind,
this is your last chance.
- How you doin', slugger?
- A-okay, Mr. J.!
Hey, Smallville!
Come in. What's up?
I see you are holding up
after last night.
I've been...
I didn't realize you had company.
You might at least
tell me why you stopped by.
I have been nosing around.
I think I may know why the Joker
is suddenly after Superman.
Well, don't keep us in suspense.
I think he is in chorus with
your boyfriend's business partner.
With Lex? Are you sure?
I can't prove it, yet.
I suppose I could ask him.
What? Who?
What do you want?
Information. Regarding
a mutual of Queens.
What are you talking about?
I don't know any...
You know exactly who I mean.
Where is he?
What kind of deal
have you made with him?
I don't... I...
- Mr. Luthor, are you alright?
- Who is in there?
- Open up!
- He is in trouble.
- The door is locked.
- I don't have the keys.
Think about it. I'll be back.
Allright, break it.
- Mr. Luthor?
- Get out!
Contact the clown immediately.
It appears we'll have to deal
with his friend after all.
A transfer?
Just to the Planet's
Gotham City bureaux.
Is this mean you and Bruce...
We haven't made it formal
commitment or anything but...
...yeah, it's that serious.
Hey, chin up, Smallville.
With me out of the picture,
you might get a shot a stardom.
Lois! Clark!
I just got the word
cruise ship SS Atlantis...
...has sending a distress call
200 miles off-shore.
Exactly. Call the Coast Guard to confirm
and cruise line for a statement.
You're not out of here yet, Lane.
What the devil is he up to now?
A change of attire, sir?
How fast can we get to Hobbs Bay?
If I maybe required
when you're home, sir?
- What's the problem, captain?
- What do you mean?
- You send out a distress call, didn't you?
- Not on my authorization.
There is the culprit.
It's broadcasting an electronic beacon.
If one of my crews is responsible
for this prank, they...
What is it? What's happening?
Whoever sent that distress signal...
...just provided the distress.
Copy-bat! Copy-bat!
Suffering from
propulsion envy, Batboy?
Think of it's a welcome wagon Bats...
...welcoming you
to the nearest mortuary.
Oh, this could be a fair fight after all!
And who wants to see that?
Evening, Miss Lane.
Where is Mr. Kent?
Probably have asking some corn.
- Mrs. Lane?
- Yeah, I'm still here.
Superman is towing the ship to harbour?
Can you find out how close he is?
Yeah, I'll hold.
Let me guess.
You're the only one here.
Is there something I should know?
- How do I contact Superman?
- He's out at sea!
Never around when you need him.
Stay here. I'm the one it's after.
So when were you going to tell me?
The honeymoon?
Stay back.
Did I miss anything?
Reports to get the target acqusition
negative, Mr. Luthor. Sorry.
He survived.
He lasted long enough
to Superman to save him.
- Then, they have the robot.
- I know.
- But, Lex, they'll trace it back to you...
- I know!
Call the clown.
I need one last meeting.
- How could you have lied to me like that?
- Now, I never actually said I wasn't Batman.
You want to know
what really galls me?
I mean, besides the fact that
the new man in my life is really two men?
It's that I'm sitting on
the hottest story of the year...
..."Batman Unmasked!" and there's
not a blessed thing I can do about it!
- Then you really do love me.
- I'll get some iodine for that scrape.
Burning, stinging iodine.
- I see, she is taking it well.
- It's ironic, you know.
She likes Bruce Wayne
and she likes Superman.
It's the other two guys
she's not crazy about.
Too bad we can't mix-and-match.
I'm not used to be rescued.
I owe you one.
That robot tonight, it came
from Lexcorp. I can prove it.
That's why I'm here. I figured you might
wanna help me, bring Luthor in.
A partnership? You're joking!
Actually I'm having trouble finding Luthor
and I thought you might have some ideas.
I might. She's not gonna like this,
me leaving so soon for another fight.
Tell me about it.
That cut on your shoulder
look pretty nasty, Bruce.
I know a good doctor who...
Oh, no.
Has to be done.
I don't suppose a stern lecture on
unnecessary risk-taking is going to sway you.
I didn't think so.
Just be... careful.
Look at all the toys!
Santa has been good to you, Lex.
Joker, we got serious problems.
A flying wing!
Twenty times bigger than Batman's.
- And knowing you, a hundred times lethal!
- Joker!
Did you bring
the rest of the cryptonite?
Right here, cromedome.
What's the plan?
Pay back.
What's so funny?
Don't you get it, Harl?
We've been set up to take the fall.
He can't do that.
Oh, no? How is this sound?
When I've heard that one of my robots
had been commandeer to kill Batman...
...I personally came here to investigate
and much to my surprise, I found to you two.
It'll be your words against puddin's.
I... I mean, Mr. J's.
Somehow poodle, I don't think
we're gonna get the chance to say much.
You... You mean,
he's gonna kill us?
No, she is.
I'm horde violence.
Now, this is funny, Mr. J...
...except we never gonna collect
our billion bucks now.
True, but I see
a delightful consolation prize.
Nothing like a nice big smile.
- All done.
- I love the personalize all my stuff.
Very amusing. So how much is it
going to cost me to get out of this?
I'm not a material guy, Lexy.
No, what I want now
is for you to know...
...what it feels like
to lose everything you have.
Everything you've ever build,
like I lost everything to old Bat-boy.
We have incoming.
Bats and fly boy!
I'll be right in. B-bye.
See anything?
Luthor's been lining all his buildings
with lead. Blocks my X-ray vision.
Well, there's always
the direct approach.
You're learning.
A little distraction would be useful
right now, wouldn't you say, Lexy?
I think your toys
can handle this by themselves.
Besides, I hate to spoil
my new paint job.
Now, let see here.
- I couldn't have done it better myself.
- Helps if you're prepared.
- Where is Luthor?
- Joker took him in the Lex Wing.
He said, he'd make him lose
everything he ever build.
Luthor has build half of Metropolis.
Go after the Joker.
I shouldn't be long.
How is it feel, Lexy boy?
Everything with your name on it,
is going to be ravage.
Batman! It's always Batman!
What you got in the way of
air-to-air missiles, Lex?
- You're asking "me" for help?
- If I go down, you go down.
It's a red switch.
Which red...?
Oh, the heck with it!
Lead lined door.
I have to thank, Luthor.
Who is flying this thing?
Do something for God sake!
Inny, miny, miney, moo.
It's gonna blow!
I'll get Quinn, you take Luthor.
- Puddin'!
- At this point, he probably is.
Hello, this is Angela Chen.
Though the search
for the Joker's body continues...
...the Coast Guard reports,
it's extremely unlikely...
...that Gotham's most notorious
criminal survive the crash.
In related news,
billionaire Lex Luthor...
...was again rigorously
grilled by the D.A.'s office...
...over his allege connection
to the Joker's rampage.
His statements have been questioned
both by local law officials...
...and industrialist Bruce Wayne who
announced the immediate termination...
...of his partnership with Lexcorp.
And add a later note...
...Joker accomplice Harley Quinn,
was returned to Arkham Asylum...
...for another
round of rehabilitation.
I want a lawyer! I want a doctor!
I want a cheese sandwich!
Now that's funny!
I still wish you change
your mind about Gotham.
I adore you, Bruce, but now there is
a lot about you I don't know...
...and I'm not sure I wanna know.
I understand.
Take care of yourself.
Come to make sure I'm leaving?
Actually, I thought
we worked pretty well together.
Not that I wanna make
a regular event.
She's all yours now,
if you can handle that.
But you'd better be good to her...
because I know where you live.