The Butcher, the Chef, and the Swordsman (2010) Movie Script
[CROWD CHEERING]
[YELLING]
MAN:
I win!
You lost again. Hand over that rooster!
No! No! I live for this rooster.
I knew this old guy was a cheat.
Can't we just give him a break?
Let's cripple him
and toss him on the street!
[CROWD YELLING
AND OLD MAN WHIMPERING]
[KNIFE THUDS]
I'm dead!
I'm looking for Fat Tang.
[GRUNTS]
[HISSING]
[YAWNS]
[GRUNTING]
Hm?
Who is it?
Ghost!
[GASPS]
MAN 1:
Don't let him escape!
MAN 2:
Catch him!
[CROWD YELLING]
[ALL GROAN]
[GRUNTING]
[YAWNS]
[MUSICIANS PLAYING FOLK MUSIC]
Who are you?
MAN:
Duke Shou T'ing Hou.
[PIG SQUEALING]
A pig!
[YELLS]
Out of the way! I'm the butcher!
[LAUGHING]
[CROWD YELLING]
Is it dead?
[LAUGHING]
You killed my pig...
...so pay for its meat!
Pay up!
DESIRE
CHOPPER:
Five...
...ten...
...25...
...30...
...80...
...100. This hundred will get me in.
Just get in.
One hundred?
Where are you going, little 100?
[CHUCKLES]
I got you, you little 100.
[CHOPPER GRUNTS]
[CHOPPER LAUGHING]
With this 100...
...Madam Mei and I'll be together at last.
SIX MONTHS EARLIER
[SNEEZES]
[CHOPPER SNEEZES]
Wind!
Blow out my lantern if you dare!
[WHIMPERS]
[HORSE NEIGHING]
Huh?
[SCREAMING]
[GROANING]
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTS]
[CHOPPER GRUNTING]
[GASPS]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[CHOPPER SNIFFS]
[CHUCKLING]
CHOPPER:
Who is that? Who's there?
[YELLING]
-Chunge, you idiot! Get lost!
-Ha-ha-ha!
[SINGING]
You say get lost, I say go eat
Let's go eat.
To hell with that!
Pick those up.
-Hey, Chopper.
-Huh?
-New clothes?
-Heh, heh, heh.
[SINGING]
Chopper's got new clothes
Getting married today?
[GIGGLES]
[CHUNGE SCREAMS THEN LAUGHS]
Where does the lucky lady live?
-The House of a Thousand Flowers.
-A thousand flowers--
The House of a Thousand Flowers?
Chopper, you can't go there.
-Why not?
-That place ain't for people like us.
Let me pass. Move!
-No way!
-Move!
-Don't go!
-Move!
You can't go!
Unless it's over my dead body!
[CHOPPER YELLS
AND CHUNGE SCREAMS]
WOMAN:
You were rich when you arrived...
... but now you leave a penniless wretch.
The lady has a price,
but so does your health.
An early death, an early reincarnation.
If, in your next life,
you return as a woman...
...come here to find me.
And earn your money back
under my roof.
Everyone was born with a purpose.
I'll have my chance.
[WOMEN GASP]
[CHOPPER GRUNTING]
Hey, isn't that the butcher?
I'm looking for Ma....
Looking for your ma? She's at home.
I'm looking for Madam Mei.
[LAUGHING]
-Who?
-I'm looking for Madam Mei.
I'm looking for--
I'm looking--
I'm--
I know Madam Mei will cost a fortune.
But I have money, lots of money!
Your hard-earned butchering scraps...
...aren't even enough to greet her.
Go find a woman who loves pork.
You'll make a great couple.
Get lost!
[SINGING]
You say get lost, I say go eat
Is a butcher's money not real money?
I want to see Madam Mei!
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[SCREAMS]
[CHUCKLING]
Madam has been waiting for you, sir.
Please go upstairs.
The money is all mine.
[FLUTE PLAYING]
[PIG GRUNTING]
Madam Mei!
[SCREAMING]
Shh.
Madam Mei!
Don't move.
Hold still.
[WHIMPERS]
Is this the House of a Thousand Flowers?
Where is Madam Mei?
You don't remember anything?
There was a big bearded man.
[GRUNTS]
You....
[GRUNTS THEN SCREAMS]
[GROANING]
[GRUNTING]
[WHIMPERING]
Got it?
Big Beard!
I'm gonna chop him into pieces!
Chopper!
I must kill Big Beard!
No, you dare not.
-What do you mean?
-Going over there is suicide.
You only know how to butcher pigs.
You have no swordsmanship.
What do you mean, swordsmanship?
Like:
[GRUNTING]
Huh?
[GRUNTING]
Oh.
To hell with swordsmanship!
[CHOPPER GRUNTING]
CHUNGE:
Chopper!
Die in peace.
I'll handle your funeral.
Boss, he's not worth it.
Please spare him.
[SCREAMING]
Chopper, just hold on a little longer.
His swordsmanship is good.
It'll be over in the blink of an eye.
The wound on your neck
won't be bigger than a bowl.
Let's have a meal in your next life.
[FLUTE PLAYING]
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
Boss, Madam Mei won't want to see this.
Won't killing him
just dirty your precious sword?
You. Strip.
[GASPS]
Not your clothes. His.
[WHIMPERING]
I only kill people, not pigs.
[WHIMPERING]
[SOBS]
[LAUGHING]
[SCREAMS]
[SINGING] Have you eaten? Not yet?
Go home and eat
Just go eat
Have you eaten? Not yet?
Go home and eat
Just go eat
[SINGING]
This is not your place
Go wherever it suits you
Don't lose face
For the sake of your parents
You see me, but you don't call out
Can't you find your direction?
Do you still remember me?
Do you still remember
What your name is?
I despise you and you're doomed
Your life is over
Just leave, never come back
Never let me see your face again
Get lost
ALL: Get out of my sight
You've got three seconds
Just get out of my face
Or I will punch you out
And you'll never forget what I just said
[THUNDER CRASHING]
Madam Mei!
You'll never see me again!
[SOBBING]
CHUNGE:
Chopper!
Don't!
[SCREAMING]
Why did you push me down?
CHUNGE:
Chopper. I'm scared of heights.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
CHOPPER:
Chunge! Chunge!
Chopper.
Chopper. I'm here.
CHOPPER:
My head is stuck!
[CHOPPER & CHUNGE GRUNTING]
CHUNGE:
Wow, what a sharp cleaver!
CHOPPER:
Be careful. Pull!
Cleaver! Cleaver!
What do you want this cleaver for?
Kill-- To kill Big Beard.
MUTE:
This cleaver is not for killing people.
CHOPPER:
Give me that cleaver.
MUTE:
You want it?
First, let me tell you its story.
VENGEANCE
Scum! At least he's still alive.
The venom has made him mute.
Be grateful.
Master has saved your life.
MAN 1 :
Oh no, another useless burden.
LITTLE MELON:
Master, this beggar may be young...
... but he has suffered a lot.
Now he's a mute. Please let him go.
MAN 2:
How about I let you go?
Bring the accounts book.
MANAGER:
Burglary. He should pay for his crime.
Twenty porcelain plates...
... 13 bowls, three wine vats,
eight clay pots...
...one snake, two hens,
a rope of garlic, 580 pepper kernels.
His sentence,
five months as a kitchen servant.
[GRUNTING]
Do you want to be a chef
or a street performer?
[GASPS]
[GRUNTS]
[THWACK]
MANAGER:
Wait!
It's still edible.
Don't waste good food.
Stop laughing.
A bunch of useless idiots!
Only worth scolding.
I'm yelling because I want to help you.
So that you don't ruin South Beauty.
[SIGHS]
You're always making me worry
about you.
And you, brat.
What are you looking at? Get lost!
[GRUNTS]
CHENG:
Troublemaker!
Don't worry. I've got your back.
LITTLE MELON:
Mute. Close the door!
Sir, we're closed.
MAN:
Let's go!
Are they here to arrest somebody?
Maybe you were seen two days ago
stealing from the blind fortune teller.
No way!
A ghost must have reported you...
...for sleeping with his widow.
Honorable guests, welcome.
We serve steamed bear's paws,
steamed deer's tails...
... roasted duck, roasted spring chicken,
roasted--
You don't like those dishes?
Also red meatballs, white meatballs,
fried meatballs...
...egg meatballs, three flavor meatballs,
four delights--
Shut up!
Which one of you is Big Eight Chef?
BIG EIGHT CHEF:
I am.
Royal butler,
His Excellency Eunuch Liu...
...will arrive here on August 15th.
He only eats the best food...
...and he wishes
to try your famous Eight Courses.
This is a great honor for you.
Even think of running...
...and you'll all be killed.
The danger of being
such a famous restaurant is...
...that you attract the likes
of the brutal Eunuch Liu.
Many chefs have died by his hand...
...for serving food not to his liking.
I fear South Beauty is surely doomed.
I must quickly find a successor...
...so that if I am killed...
...the secret of the Eight Courses
won't be lost.
[GASPING]
Brother Cheng,
have you seen my spatula?
-What?
-I said, where's my spatula?
I don't know,
but I do know that your wok is on fire.
[LITTLE MELON SCREAMS]
Oh, no! It's filled with oil!
[LITTLE MELON SCREAMING]
[SOBBING]
Who did this?
[SOBS]
Time's up!
Bring your dishes!
Apprentice Cheng.
Dish name, "A Beauty's Sweetness."
BIG EIGHT CHEF:
The pumpkin is completely tasteless.
[HISSES]
Apprentice Wu.
Dish name, "Very Very Fragrant."
BIG EIGHT CHEF:
The plate's not even clean.
How can you hope to be a chef?
Go, go, go!
Apprentice Little Melon.
Dish name,
"A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup."
Melon, what did you name your soup?
It's "A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup."
What a stupid name.
WU:
"A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup"?
He is such an idiot.
Half a turnip, two tablespoons of tofu...
...three taels of wolf berries...
...ten apricots, some slices of oak...
...and eggplant.
Shrimp soup with no shrimp?
No shrimp?
Make it again.
[SNIFFLING]
[GROANS]
Master, have mercy.
I admit that I didn't make this soup.
Please don't kick me out.
Who made it?
[SOBBING]
No fainting. Don't pass out! Get up!
Speak.
What are you doing, Mute?
Are you crazy?
Master, don't blame the mute,
it's my fault.
When I was preparing my soup,
all my shrimp died.
I had no way to prepare the soup...
...so I asked the mute for help.
How could the soup taste so terrible?
Please give me another chance.
What did he say?
He said it's his fault
and he should bear the responsibility.
No, it should be mine,
it has nothing to do with the mute.
Little Melon begs your pardon, Master.
Kneel down!
You idiots are like the lost tadpoles
who are searching for their mother...
... but end up following a turtle!
Why are we wasting our time on this?
Master, they should
both be thrown out on the street!
Out on the streets begging for food.
Nonsense.
[BIG EIGHT CHEF MUTTERING]
"A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup."
It's truly "A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup"!
LITTLE MELON:
It must be the elder brother's doing.
Damn them!
And now we're left fixing the outhouse.
I must have revenge!
Revenge!
Twist a knife in their hearts?
I'll sharpen the blade.
KNIFE
HEARGRIN AND BEAR lMaybe you can bear it, but I can't!
Hiding my spatula!
Murdering my shrimp!
Stealing my money!
Putting chili in my underwear!
You set me up!
I'll strike you dead!
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[LITTLE MELON WHISTLING]
[MEN SNORING AND GRUNTING]
LITTLE MELON:
The soup was delicious...
...yet we're still sent to the outhouse.
When are we going to get our chance?
When will I learn the Eight Courses?
Don't you know,
Master's Eight Courses are amazing.
Nobody has ever figured out
how Master does it.
Especially the eighth course,
"The Eight Immortals Cross the Sea."
Even those who've spied on him...
...don't know how it's done.
[SNIFFS]
Off to the outhouse again? Diarrhea?
What is it?
MAN 1 :
Get off me!
LITTLE MELON:
What's wrong?
Fire!
Fire! Get up!
[ALL YELLING]
MAN 2:
Master!
MAN 3:
What shall we do?
Master is still inside!
LITTLE MELON:
Master is burning inside!
MAN 4:
Master!
MAN 5:
What?
Understood? Quick!
Mute, put this on!
Hurry up!
Mute, go save the Master!
MANAGER:
You bunch of good-for-nothing idiots!
Standing there slack-jawed...
... not even trying to rescue anyone.
Utterly useless!
I officially take the Mute as my pupil...
...to learn my culinary arts.
MANAGER:
Kneel.
Chop.
Be pragmatic...
...as a cook and as a man.
WU:
Master is taking out his knife.
He's beginning to chop!
He's chopping. Chop! Chop! Chop!
He's finished chopping.
LITTLE MELON: What's it like?
WU: Looks like he didn't chop a thing.
Master must be too old.
I guess he has nothing left to teach.
[WATER SPLASHES]
Now you know the first 7 courses.
Is everything clear?
Now I shall pass on
the secret of the eighth course.
"The Eight Immortals Cross the Sea."
This course
must be made in the blink of an eye.
You must prepare the fish for cooking...
...while it's still alive.
Even when it's served up...
...it doesn't yet realize it has died.
It's still swimming in the soup.
It tastes magnificent.
Everyone thinks that the secret...
...is my fast and precise slicing.
Many have tried to learn my secret...
... but, still, I'm the only who can do it.
Do you know why?
This amazing black iron cleaver...
... is the real secret to this dish.
ONE MONTH LATER
I have passed all my skills on to you.
Now I can die without regret.
The poison is colorless and tasteless.
It seems you are a master of toxins.
Sorry for my disloyalty.
You could tell it was poisoned...
...so why did you still eat it?
The dish tastes really good.
You have learned well.
Tell me, who are you?
I've come here for revenge.
I had no choice.
My father was also a chef.
Fifteen years ago,
he cooked for Eunuch Liu.
[BELL RINGS]
[CHILDREN CHEERING AND LAUGHING]
[ALARM WAlLING]
[BABY GIGGLES]
Over the years...
...I have planned many ways
to avenge him.
[COUGHING]
But then I heard about
the secret of your cleaver.
The evil eunuch is fond of fine cuisine.
So I knew he would eventually come
to South Beauty.
[LAUGHING]
I never imagined...
...that vengeance could make one
go crazy.
[COUGHING]
But if you want to kill Eunuch Liu...
...you won't be able to use poison.
As I prepare Master's...
..."The Eight Immortals Cross the Sea"...
...I will tempt the eunuch
to move in for a closer look.
And then you'll be close enough
to use the cleaver?
Yes.
Only one of us
can have the chance to cook for him...
...so I must die.
For 15 years...
...I've suffered so much humiliation...
...waiting for this chance for revenge.
Please forgive me, Master.
My boy, you want to use this cleaver
for revenge...
...but this cleaver is not for killing.
Would you like to hear its story?
GREED
[SCREAMS]
I'm dead!
Who is Fat Tang?
[GRUNTS]
MAN 1 :
Murderer!
Who is Fat Tang?
I don't know! I really don't know!
[BONES CRACKING]
Sir, I am known to the world as--
[SCREAMS]
MAN 2:
I am!
I am Fat Tang!
[FAT TANG SOBBING]
Oh, my lord, go easy on me, please.
Fat Tang, the greatest sword smith...
... now lives in a poor village...
... nailing horseshoes for a living.
FAT TANG:
Huh.
The greatest.
What a hollow title.
I've made enough swords in my life.
All I desire now
is to pass my final days in peace...
...with the odd cockfight to bet on...
...some alcohol to drink...
...and to hide from the world's problems.
Well said.
Would you still be unmoved
if you saw this?
You, wandering swordsman.
Where did you get this scrap iron?
Scrap iron?
Where else in the world...
...can you find a piece of iron...
...as great as this?
What iron could be so great?
It's that....
It really is that iron.
I never thought
that with one foot in the grave...
... I'd see it again.
NARRATOR:
Many long years ago...
...the region was soaked in blood...
...as swordsmen fought each other...
...for the title of Greatest Swordsman.
Old Dugu sought to end the violence
and bring peace.
He won the battles of Qilian,
Dongting, Zhongyuan...
...and other countless duels...
...defeating many legendary masters.
After each duel...
...he gathered their powerful weapons...
...putting an end to the pointless battles.
Old Dugu had Fat Tang...
...melt all the weapons...
...into a lump of powerful black iron.
Then Old Dugu took the iron
and retreated into the shadows.
When he died...
...the black iron was buried with him...
...in his secret tomb.
This is Old Dugu's black iron.
Where did you get it?
Naturally, I dug it up from his grave.
[FAT TANG LAUGHS]
Is Old Dugu's grave...
...as easily located as my shop?
[LAUGHING]
No one but his son could locate it.
You? Are you--?
I am Dugu's son, Dugu Cheng.
[THUNDER CRASHING]
Blasphemy.
You desecrated your own father's grave?
Don't make me laugh.
Isn't my father also your father?
[SWORD RASPS]
[THUD]
FAT TANG:
You....
For this piece of black iron...
...you dug up
your father's resting place?
What you've done is too--
[WHIMPERING]
You're too greedy.
Fate will catch up with you eventually.
You're right about me.
I am greedy.
But I have Old Dugu's blood
running through my veins.
My fate is to be the Greatest Swordsman.
Old Dugu!
Why did you leave this iron behind?
Why didn't you let me
pour the molten iron away?
[CHUCKLES]
Master, you've got a point.
You know how to melt this iron...
...so surely you can forge it
into a sword.
No!
This black iron
is cursed with a murderous spirit.
Your father wanted the killing to stop.
That's why he hid it.
And I swore...
...to never forge weapons again.
Swordsmith Fat Tang is already dead.
[CHICKEN CLUCKING]
We fight no more.
[CHICKEN SQUAWKS]
[FAT TANG GASPS]
[GROANS]
[THUD]
DUGU CHENG:
Don't faint.
I'll chop off one of your legs
and then see how you feel.
Fine! Fine!
[SOBBING]
My precious Iron Head...
...you didn't deserve to die like this.
DUGU CHENG:
I will only ask once.
Will you make me a sword or not?
[GASPS]
[LAUGHING]
I will!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[FAT TANG WHIMPERS]
Today, I become
the Greatest Swordsman.
I'll spare your life as a witness.
[GROANS]
Dugu Cheng, for this piece of iron...
...you've slaughtered so many.
Even your own brother!
You even dug up your father's grave!
Your greed is beyond belief.
You lack all morality.
DUGU CHENG:
You say I'm greedy?
So then what brought you here?
To avenge my father!
-To avenge my wife!
-To avenge my sister!
To avenge my master's sister!
To save this country...
...from an evil swordsman!
To uphold the peace!
I want the black iron.
[GRUNTS]
DUGU CHENG:
You want the black iron.
Let's see if it agrees.
You've already forged it into a sword?
The greatest sword.
[YELLING]
[GRUNTS]
[GASPS]
[BOTH YELL]
What is this sword?
[GRUNTING]
[MAN YELLS]
[SWORD RASPS]
[THUD]
A great sword.
[GROANS THEN CHUCKLES]
I've got to move.
BOY:
Uncle Blacksmith...
... I want to forge a sword.
Silly child, why do you need a sword?
Huh?
If I had a sword, no one would bully me.
I'll give you this rooster instead.
Please, I'm begging you.
Get up.
[FAT TANG CHUCKLING]
What do you want to be
when you grow up?
I want to be a swordsman...
...someone respected.
Silly child...
...a swordsman's blade
only brings sorrow.
Listen to me...
...only a chef's blade can bring joy.
I'll forge you a cleaver...
...that brings happiness.
Let's go!
Let me see....
Right! There it is.
This will be perfect.
Without a doubt...
...it's the very best iron.
FAT TANG:
It's great to be a chef.
In the future,
you can open your own restaurant...
...and people will come from all over...
...to eat your delicious food.
Isn't that better
than being a swordsman?
Child, take this cleaver.
It will bring you happiness.
MAN 1 :
Elder brother, why'd you have to die?
He picked the right time to keel over!
No, no!
[ALL SCREAMING AND SOBBING]
MAN 2:
Oh, Master!
If there's no one to cook tomorrow...
...then there's no need for any of you.
Kill them. Kill them all.
Mercy!
I have an 80-year-old wife...
...and an unmarried mother!
Please, I'm only a customer here.
I don't know any of them.
There is someone!
There's someone who can cook.
[LITTLE MELON GASPING]
SERVANT:
Your Excellency--
[SNEEZES]
LIU:
No problem...
...just be careful in your next life.
SERVANT:
Dear Lord, have mercy!
Go!
By the Royal Eunuch's order, start!
Dish name?
"Green Hills in a Single Color."
South Beauty presents...
..."Green Hills in a Single Color."
Your Grace, please.
Second course.
"Yin and Yang Divided Into Two."
AIDE:
South Beauty's second course.
Your Grace, please.
Third course.
MANAGER:
"Three Ounces of Love."
Fourth course.
"Four Seas, One Home."
Fifth course.
-"Snowflakes in May."
AIDE: Sixth course.
MANAGER:
"Beauty of the Six Southern Dynasties."
Seventh.
MANAGER:
"The Crescent Moon Among Seven Stars."
LIU:
Mmm.
Mama.
AIDE: His Excellency
is very pleased with these dishes.
The chef may prepare the final course.
Prepare the eighth course.
Your Excellency, for the eighth course,
"The Eight Immortals Cross the Sea"...
-... I humbly suggest you watch very closely.
-Accepted!
Please move
His Excellency's chair closer.
Movement complete!
[YELLING]
[CHUCKLES]
Now start preparing the eighth course.
Hey, hurry up.
AIDE:
Want to die?
No! The mute suggested that
to appreciate the eighth course...
... His Excellency
should come even closer.
Even closer?
This chef has some plot.
Take him outside and kill him!
Have mercy!
We only make the suggestion...
...because of the dish's secret.
LIU:
Wait, the dish's secret?
Let's hear it.
Your Excellency...
...the secret of this course...
...lies in the chef's carving skills.
He must de-scale, gut...
...and cook the fish
before it knows it's dead.
The fish even keeps swimming
afterwards.
Your Excellency, the mastery involved...
... is not just in the taste of the soup.
[CHUCKLING]
Interesting.
Allow.
AIDE: Your Excellency,
as your humble servant, l--
LIU:
Move me.
[LIU FARTS]
Take me to the bathroom.
AIDE:
Your Excellency, congratulations.
Excellent digestion, Your Excellency!
This chef looks...
...quite handsome.
[CHUCKLING]
They always said there's more to you,
and they're right.
No wonder the Big Eight Chef
wanted to adopt you.
He always wanted his own son.
I've always known you had potential...
...with courage and a bright outlook.
South Beauty will prosper.
Let's immediately open another branch!
[LIU GRUNTING]
Remove my outer clothing.
MAN 1 : The Royal Eunuch
has fallen into the cesspit!
AIDE: An army trains for 1,000 days
to fight one battle.
Today is that day.
We must rescue His Excellency!
Your Excellency,
you have to float to the surface!
MAN 2:
Don't open your mouth!
Don't eat anything!
Your Excellency, grab my spear!
LIU:
Idiot! Why did you use the sharp end?
When I get up there, you're all dead!
[LIU GROANING]
[LIU GRUNTS]
MAN 3:
The Royal Eunuch has passed away!
BIG EIGHT CHEF:
My boy...
...you want to use the cleaver
for revenge...
...but it's not for killing.
MUTE: The Royal Eunuch
would've died anyways.
I didn't kill him, but he still died.
Master still died.
If I didn't kill Master...
...the Royal Eunuch
still would have died.
If I didn't kill Master,
he still would have died.
CHUNGE:
Chopper.
Chopper.
Why did you steal
that crazy man's cleaver?
[SCREAMS]
I want to kill Big Beard...
...and save Madam Mei!
Off to fight again. What about dinner?
[WOMEN Chronicling AND CHATTERING]
[YELLS]
Where is Big Beard?
Where is Big Beard?
I'll carve pig head tattoos...
...on every inch of his body!
Boss, go home and butcher pigs.
-Stop coming over here.
-Okay.
Is acting like an idiot your hobby?
Look at that crappy kitchen cleaver.
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
Crappy kitchen cleaver?
I'll show you!
[YELLS]
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[SCREAMS]
You want to die?
[SCREAMS]
[CLEAVER RASPS AND HORSE NEIGHS]
[SCREAMING]
[SNIFFLES]
REPLAY OF THE ACCIDEN[CHUNGE WHIMPERING]
He's not dead!
[CHUNGE SCREAMS]
Run!
[BIG BEARD GROANS]
[YELLS]
[BIG BEARD & CHOPPER YELL]
[SCREAMING]
[BIG BEARD & CHOPPER YELL]
[GROANING]
[WHIMPERING]
[BIG BEARD & CHOPPER YELLING]
[GASPS]
[SCREAMING]
[WHIMPERING]
[LAUGHING]
[CHATTERING]
[GASPS]
CHOPPER:
If Madam Mei...
...could stay with me every day...
...and we chopped meat together,
wouldn't it be perfect?
Yes.
[GRUNTING]
A toast to our hero.
Madam Mei admires your bravery.
Is that really you, Madam Mei?
Before...
... I only saw you in my dreams!
Why don't you go dance
with your cleaver...
...while Madam Mei plays her flute?
No!
-I'd rather write a poem for Madam Mei.
-Sounds great.
But I don't know how to write.
Yes, a cleaver dance!
[FLUTE PLAYING]
[WOOD CREAKING]
[CHUCKLING]
How come Madam Mei isn't smiling?
She never smiles.
But deep inside,
she is filled with happiness.
Rubbish!
I know that expression.
When my dad died...
...my mom had that look. Not happy.
Then when was she happy again?
When my mom remarried,
she was happy.
So I will make Madam Mei happy!
I will marry her!
Decorate the whole courtyard
with peach blossoms!
CHUNGE:
Chopper.
Big Beard.
Chopper turned into Big Beard.
[LAUGHING]
I appreciate the care you've given me.
I asked a troupe to perform a play
that expresses my true feelings.
I hope you will like it.
[CHUCKLING]
Okay.
[MUSICIANS PLAYING FOLK MUSIC]
[LAUGHS]
[SNEEZES]
Stupid butcher!
This is interesting.
What's even more interesting...
... is how similar it is to our situation.
Right.
[LAUGHING]
[BOTH GROANING]
[LAUGHING]
[SNEEZES]
[SCREAMS]
Ah.
My love...
...do you still love me?
[lN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
I've never...
...forgotten you.
[BLOWS NOSE]
[LAUGHING]
ACTOR 1 [lN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]:
Please go upstairs, sir.
He's coming. He's going to kill you.
You've got to leave.
No. Let's flee together!
Go now!
I want to take you far away from here.
Leave, hurry!
To faraway places.
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTING]
ACTOR 2:
Oh, my beauty.
[LAUGHING]
Come here!
Beast!
I'll kill you!
[FLUTE PLAYING]
[LAUGHING]
CHOPPER:
Stop! Stop!
What is this crap?
Why am I in it?
Are you playing me?
Yes, he's playing you.
And him?
He's playing Big Beard.
CHOPPER:
And him?
He's playing me.
And him? Who is he?
MAN:
He....
He's playing me.
How? How can this be you?
MADAM MEl: Everyone knows
that I love peach blossoms.
But nobody knows why.
We've been in love since childhood.
The peach blossoms and the flute's song
formed our oath.
FLUTIST:
Five years ago...
... Mei was abducted...
...and sold to this place.
I traveled all over looking for her...
... until one year ago...
...when I finally found her.
MADAM MEl:
We wanted to run away...
...but we were prevented from doing so.
We needed to get rid of Big Beard.
Then you appeared again.
Where is Big Beard?
Get out of here! Go!
I hope our paths cross again.
Madam Mei.
Can we have lunch together?
Chopper, you are a good person.
This is wonderful!
The lovers finally reunited.
It's a happy ending after all.
It's so touching.
I wish you a long, happy life together.
Have a son soon.
Have a safe journey...
...and keep in touch.
THE END
We'll miss you.
No!
This is not the same as my dream!
[YELLS]
I don't want to be a good person!
I want Madam Mei!
You can't take Madam Mei from me!
[CHOPPER GASPS]
Do you see what's in my hand?
Cleaver.
How did you get a cleaver?
It's yours.
-What about the one in my hand?
-It's fake.
Liar! How can you say mine is fake?
Because I was the one who switched it.
[YELLING]
[SCREAMS]
CHOPPER:
Give me back my cleaver!
[YELLS]
[GRUNTING]
CHOPPER VS. THE FLUTIS[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTING]
[CHOPPER YELLS THEN GASPS]
This cleaver....
Actually, I never switched the cleaver.
You had the real cleaver all along.
[CHOPPER GROANING]
But you threw it away.
REAL CLEAVER
FAKE CLEAVER
You....
You can't even tell true from fake.
You don't deserve such a great cleaver!
Give me back the cleaver!
[GASPS]
[GROANS]
This is wonderful!
The lovers finally reunited.
It's a happy ending after all.
I wish you a long, happy life together.
Have a son soon.
Have a safe journey...
...and keep in touch!
WOMAN 1:
Madam Mei, keep in touch!
WOMAN 2:
Remember to come back and visit us!
[SCREAMS]
[CHOPPER SOBBING]
[COUGHING]
[YELLING]
MAN:
I win!
You lost again. Hand over that rooster!
No! No! I live for this rooster.
I knew this old guy was a cheat.
Can't we just give him a break?
Let's cripple him
and toss him on the street!
[CROWD YELLING
AND OLD MAN WHIMPERING]
[KNIFE THUDS]
I'm dead!
I'm looking for Fat Tang.
[GRUNTS]
[HISSING]
[YAWNS]
[GRUNTING]
Hm?
Who is it?
Ghost!
[GASPS]
MAN 1:
Don't let him escape!
MAN 2:
Catch him!
[CROWD YELLING]
[ALL GROAN]
[GRUNTING]
[YAWNS]
[MUSICIANS PLAYING FOLK MUSIC]
Who are you?
MAN:
Duke Shou T'ing Hou.
[PIG SQUEALING]
A pig!
[YELLS]
Out of the way! I'm the butcher!
[LAUGHING]
[CROWD YELLING]
Is it dead?
[LAUGHING]
You killed my pig...
...so pay for its meat!
Pay up!
DESIRE
CHOPPER:
Five...
...ten...
...25...
...30...
...80...
...100. This hundred will get me in.
Just get in.
One hundred?
Where are you going, little 100?
[CHUCKLES]
I got you, you little 100.
[CHOPPER GRUNTS]
[CHOPPER LAUGHING]
With this 100...
...Madam Mei and I'll be together at last.
SIX MONTHS EARLIER
[SNEEZES]
[CHOPPER SNEEZES]
Wind!
Blow out my lantern if you dare!
[WHIMPERS]
[HORSE NEIGHING]
Huh?
[SCREAMING]
[GROANING]
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTS]
[CHOPPER GRUNTING]
[GASPS]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[CHOPPER SNIFFS]
[CHUCKLING]
CHOPPER:
Who is that? Who's there?
[YELLING]
-Chunge, you idiot! Get lost!
-Ha-ha-ha!
[SINGING]
You say get lost, I say go eat
Let's go eat.
To hell with that!
Pick those up.
-Hey, Chopper.
-Huh?
-New clothes?
-Heh, heh, heh.
[SINGING]
Chopper's got new clothes
Getting married today?
[GIGGLES]
[CHUNGE SCREAMS THEN LAUGHS]
Where does the lucky lady live?
-The House of a Thousand Flowers.
-A thousand flowers--
The House of a Thousand Flowers?
Chopper, you can't go there.
-Why not?
-That place ain't for people like us.
Let me pass. Move!
-No way!
-Move!
-Don't go!
-Move!
You can't go!
Unless it's over my dead body!
[CHOPPER YELLS
AND CHUNGE SCREAMS]
WOMAN:
You were rich when you arrived...
... but now you leave a penniless wretch.
The lady has a price,
but so does your health.
An early death, an early reincarnation.
If, in your next life,
you return as a woman...
...come here to find me.
And earn your money back
under my roof.
Everyone was born with a purpose.
I'll have my chance.
[WOMEN GASP]
[CHOPPER GRUNTING]
Hey, isn't that the butcher?
I'm looking for Ma....
Looking for your ma? She's at home.
I'm looking for Madam Mei.
[LAUGHING]
-Who?
-I'm looking for Madam Mei.
I'm looking for--
I'm looking--
I'm--
I know Madam Mei will cost a fortune.
But I have money, lots of money!
Your hard-earned butchering scraps...
...aren't even enough to greet her.
Go find a woman who loves pork.
You'll make a great couple.
Get lost!
[SINGING]
You say get lost, I say go eat
Is a butcher's money not real money?
I want to see Madam Mei!
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[SCREAMS]
[CHUCKLING]
Madam has been waiting for you, sir.
Please go upstairs.
The money is all mine.
[FLUTE PLAYING]
[PIG GRUNTING]
Madam Mei!
[SCREAMING]
Shh.
Madam Mei!
Don't move.
Hold still.
[WHIMPERS]
Is this the House of a Thousand Flowers?
Where is Madam Mei?
You don't remember anything?
There was a big bearded man.
[GRUNTS]
You....
[GRUNTS THEN SCREAMS]
[GROANING]
[GRUNTING]
[WHIMPERING]
Got it?
Big Beard!
I'm gonna chop him into pieces!
Chopper!
I must kill Big Beard!
No, you dare not.
-What do you mean?
-Going over there is suicide.
You only know how to butcher pigs.
You have no swordsmanship.
What do you mean, swordsmanship?
Like:
[GRUNTING]
Huh?
[GRUNTING]
Oh.
To hell with swordsmanship!
[CHOPPER GRUNTING]
CHUNGE:
Chopper!
Die in peace.
I'll handle your funeral.
Boss, he's not worth it.
Please spare him.
[SCREAMING]
Chopper, just hold on a little longer.
His swordsmanship is good.
It'll be over in the blink of an eye.
The wound on your neck
won't be bigger than a bowl.
Let's have a meal in your next life.
[FLUTE PLAYING]
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
Boss, Madam Mei won't want to see this.
Won't killing him
just dirty your precious sword?
You. Strip.
[GASPS]
Not your clothes. His.
[WHIMPERING]
I only kill people, not pigs.
[WHIMPERING]
[SOBS]
[LAUGHING]
[SCREAMS]
[SINGING] Have you eaten? Not yet?
Go home and eat
Just go eat
Have you eaten? Not yet?
Go home and eat
Just go eat
[SINGING]
This is not your place
Go wherever it suits you
Don't lose face
For the sake of your parents
You see me, but you don't call out
Can't you find your direction?
Do you still remember me?
Do you still remember
What your name is?
I despise you and you're doomed
Your life is over
Just leave, never come back
Never let me see your face again
Get lost
ALL: Get out of my sight
You've got three seconds
Just get out of my face
Or I will punch you out
And you'll never forget what I just said
[THUNDER CRASHING]
Madam Mei!
You'll never see me again!
[SOBBING]
CHUNGE:
Chopper!
Don't!
[SCREAMING]
Why did you push me down?
CHUNGE:
Chopper. I'm scared of heights.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
CHOPPER:
Chunge! Chunge!
Chopper.
Chopper. I'm here.
CHOPPER:
My head is stuck!
[CHOPPER & CHUNGE GRUNTING]
CHUNGE:
Wow, what a sharp cleaver!
CHOPPER:
Be careful. Pull!
Cleaver! Cleaver!
What do you want this cleaver for?
Kill-- To kill Big Beard.
MUTE:
This cleaver is not for killing people.
CHOPPER:
Give me that cleaver.
MUTE:
You want it?
First, let me tell you its story.
VENGEANCE
Scum! At least he's still alive.
The venom has made him mute.
Be grateful.
Master has saved your life.
MAN 1 :
Oh no, another useless burden.
LITTLE MELON:
Master, this beggar may be young...
... but he has suffered a lot.
Now he's a mute. Please let him go.
MAN 2:
How about I let you go?
Bring the accounts book.
MANAGER:
Burglary. He should pay for his crime.
Twenty porcelain plates...
... 13 bowls, three wine vats,
eight clay pots...
...one snake, two hens,
a rope of garlic, 580 pepper kernels.
His sentence,
five months as a kitchen servant.
[GRUNTING]
Do you want to be a chef
or a street performer?
[GASPS]
[GRUNTS]
[THWACK]
MANAGER:
Wait!
It's still edible.
Don't waste good food.
Stop laughing.
A bunch of useless idiots!
Only worth scolding.
I'm yelling because I want to help you.
So that you don't ruin South Beauty.
[SIGHS]
You're always making me worry
about you.
And you, brat.
What are you looking at? Get lost!
[GRUNTS]
CHENG:
Troublemaker!
Don't worry. I've got your back.
LITTLE MELON:
Mute. Close the door!
Sir, we're closed.
MAN:
Let's go!
Are they here to arrest somebody?
Maybe you were seen two days ago
stealing from the blind fortune teller.
No way!
A ghost must have reported you...
...for sleeping with his widow.
Honorable guests, welcome.
We serve steamed bear's paws,
steamed deer's tails...
... roasted duck, roasted spring chicken,
roasted--
You don't like those dishes?
Also red meatballs, white meatballs,
fried meatballs...
...egg meatballs, three flavor meatballs,
four delights--
Shut up!
Which one of you is Big Eight Chef?
BIG EIGHT CHEF:
I am.
Royal butler,
His Excellency Eunuch Liu...
...will arrive here on August 15th.
He only eats the best food...
...and he wishes
to try your famous Eight Courses.
This is a great honor for you.
Even think of running...
...and you'll all be killed.
The danger of being
such a famous restaurant is...
...that you attract the likes
of the brutal Eunuch Liu.
Many chefs have died by his hand...
...for serving food not to his liking.
I fear South Beauty is surely doomed.
I must quickly find a successor...
...so that if I am killed...
...the secret of the Eight Courses
won't be lost.
[GASPING]
Brother Cheng,
have you seen my spatula?
-What?
-I said, where's my spatula?
I don't know,
but I do know that your wok is on fire.
[LITTLE MELON SCREAMS]
Oh, no! It's filled with oil!
[LITTLE MELON SCREAMING]
[SOBBING]
Who did this?
[SOBS]
Time's up!
Bring your dishes!
Apprentice Cheng.
Dish name, "A Beauty's Sweetness."
BIG EIGHT CHEF:
The pumpkin is completely tasteless.
[HISSES]
Apprentice Wu.
Dish name, "Very Very Fragrant."
BIG EIGHT CHEF:
The plate's not even clean.
How can you hope to be a chef?
Go, go, go!
Apprentice Little Melon.
Dish name,
"A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup."
Melon, what did you name your soup?
It's "A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup."
What a stupid name.
WU:
"A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup"?
He is such an idiot.
Half a turnip, two tablespoons of tofu...
...three taels of wolf berries...
...ten apricots, some slices of oak...
...and eggplant.
Shrimp soup with no shrimp?
No shrimp?
Make it again.
[SNIFFLING]
[GROANS]
Master, have mercy.
I admit that I didn't make this soup.
Please don't kick me out.
Who made it?
[SOBBING]
No fainting. Don't pass out! Get up!
Speak.
What are you doing, Mute?
Are you crazy?
Master, don't blame the mute,
it's my fault.
When I was preparing my soup,
all my shrimp died.
I had no way to prepare the soup...
...so I asked the mute for help.
How could the soup taste so terrible?
Please give me another chance.
What did he say?
He said it's his fault
and he should bear the responsibility.
No, it should be mine,
it has nothing to do with the mute.
Little Melon begs your pardon, Master.
Kneel down!
You idiots are like the lost tadpoles
who are searching for their mother...
... but end up following a turtle!
Why are we wasting our time on this?
Master, they should
both be thrown out on the street!
Out on the streets begging for food.
Nonsense.
[BIG EIGHT CHEF MUTTERING]
"A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup."
It's truly "A Good Bowl of Shrimp Soup"!
LITTLE MELON:
It must be the elder brother's doing.
Damn them!
And now we're left fixing the outhouse.
I must have revenge!
Revenge!
Twist a knife in their hearts?
I'll sharpen the blade.
KNIFE
HEARGRIN AND BEAR lMaybe you can bear it, but I can't!
Hiding my spatula!
Murdering my shrimp!
Stealing my money!
Putting chili in my underwear!
You set me up!
I'll strike you dead!
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[LITTLE MELON WHISTLING]
[MEN SNORING AND GRUNTING]
LITTLE MELON:
The soup was delicious...
...yet we're still sent to the outhouse.
When are we going to get our chance?
When will I learn the Eight Courses?
Don't you know,
Master's Eight Courses are amazing.
Nobody has ever figured out
how Master does it.
Especially the eighth course,
"The Eight Immortals Cross the Sea."
Even those who've spied on him...
...don't know how it's done.
[SNIFFS]
Off to the outhouse again? Diarrhea?
What is it?
MAN 1 :
Get off me!
LITTLE MELON:
What's wrong?
Fire!
Fire! Get up!
[ALL YELLING]
MAN 2:
Master!
MAN 3:
What shall we do?
Master is still inside!
LITTLE MELON:
Master is burning inside!
MAN 4:
Master!
MAN 5:
What?
Understood? Quick!
Mute, put this on!
Hurry up!
Mute, go save the Master!
MANAGER:
You bunch of good-for-nothing idiots!
Standing there slack-jawed...
... not even trying to rescue anyone.
Utterly useless!
I officially take the Mute as my pupil...
...to learn my culinary arts.
MANAGER:
Kneel.
Chop.
Be pragmatic...
...as a cook and as a man.
WU:
Master is taking out his knife.
He's beginning to chop!
He's chopping. Chop! Chop! Chop!
He's finished chopping.
LITTLE MELON: What's it like?
WU: Looks like he didn't chop a thing.
Master must be too old.
I guess he has nothing left to teach.
[WATER SPLASHES]
Now you know the first 7 courses.
Is everything clear?
Now I shall pass on
the secret of the eighth course.
"The Eight Immortals Cross the Sea."
This course
must be made in the blink of an eye.
You must prepare the fish for cooking...
...while it's still alive.
Even when it's served up...
...it doesn't yet realize it has died.
It's still swimming in the soup.
It tastes magnificent.
Everyone thinks that the secret...
...is my fast and precise slicing.
Many have tried to learn my secret...
... but, still, I'm the only who can do it.
Do you know why?
This amazing black iron cleaver...
... is the real secret to this dish.
ONE MONTH LATER
I have passed all my skills on to you.
Now I can die without regret.
The poison is colorless and tasteless.
It seems you are a master of toxins.
Sorry for my disloyalty.
You could tell it was poisoned...
...so why did you still eat it?
The dish tastes really good.
You have learned well.
Tell me, who are you?
I've come here for revenge.
I had no choice.
My father was also a chef.
Fifteen years ago,
he cooked for Eunuch Liu.
[BELL RINGS]
[CHILDREN CHEERING AND LAUGHING]
[ALARM WAlLING]
[BABY GIGGLES]
Over the years...
...I have planned many ways
to avenge him.
[COUGHING]
But then I heard about
the secret of your cleaver.
The evil eunuch is fond of fine cuisine.
So I knew he would eventually come
to South Beauty.
[LAUGHING]
I never imagined...
...that vengeance could make one
go crazy.
[COUGHING]
But if you want to kill Eunuch Liu...
...you won't be able to use poison.
As I prepare Master's...
..."The Eight Immortals Cross the Sea"...
...I will tempt the eunuch
to move in for a closer look.
And then you'll be close enough
to use the cleaver?
Yes.
Only one of us
can have the chance to cook for him...
...so I must die.
For 15 years...
...I've suffered so much humiliation...
...waiting for this chance for revenge.
Please forgive me, Master.
My boy, you want to use this cleaver
for revenge...
...but this cleaver is not for killing.
Would you like to hear its story?
GREED
[SCREAMS]
I'm dead!
Who is Fat Tang?
[GRUNTS]
MAN 1 :
Murderer!
Who is Fat Tang?
I don't know! I really don't know!
[BONES CRACKING]
Sir, I am known to the world as--
[SCREAMS]
MAN 2:
I am!
I am Fat Tang!
[FAT TANG SOBBING]
Oh, my lord, go easy on me, please.
Fat Tang, the greatest sword smith...
... now lives in a poor village...
... nailing horseshoes for a living.
FAT TANG:
Huh.
The greatest.
What a hollow title.
I've made enough swords in my life.
All I desire now
is to pass my final days in peace...
...with the odd cockfight to bet on...
...some alcohol to drink...
...and to hide from the world's problems.
Well said.
Would you still be unmoved
if you saw this?
You, wandering swordsman.
Where did you get this scrap iron?
Scrap iron?
Where else in the world...
...can you find a piece of iron...
...as great as this?
What iron could be so great?
It's that....
It really is that iron.
I never thought
that with one foot in the grave...
... I'd see it again.
NARRATOR:
Many long years ago...
...the region was soaked in blood...
...as swordsmen fought each other...
...for the title of Greatest Swordsman.
Old Dugu sought to end the violence
and bring peace.
He won the battles of Qilian,
Dongting, Zhongyuan...
...and other countless duels...
...defeating many legendary masters.
After each duel...
...he gathered their powerful weapons...
...putting an end to the pointless battles.
Old Dugu had Fat Tang...
...melt all the weapons...
...into a lump of powerful black iron.
Then Old Dugu took the iron
and retreated into the shadows.
When he died...
...the black iron was buried with him...
...in his secret tomb.
This is Old Dugu's black iron.
Where did you get it?
Naturally, I dug it up from his grave.
[FAT TANG LAUGHS]
Is Old Dugu's grave...
...as easily located as my shop?
[LAUGHING]
No one but his son could locate it.
You? Are you--?
I am Dugu's son, Dugu Cheng.
[THUNDER CRASHING]
Blasphemy.
You desecrated your own father's grave?
Don't make me laugh.
Isn't my father also your father?
[SWORD RASPS]
[THUD]
FAT TANG:
You....
For this piece of black iron...
...you dug up
your father's resting place?
What you've done is too--
[WHIMPERING]
You're too greedy.
Fate will catch up with you eventually.
You're right about me.
I am greedy.
But I have Old Dugu's blood
running through my veins.
My fate is to be the Greatest Swordsman.
Old Dugu!
Why did you leave this iron behind?
Why didn't you let me
pour the molten iron away?
[CHUCKLES]
Master, you've got a point.
You know how to melt this iron...
...so surely you can forge it
into a sword.
No!
This black iron
is cursed with a murderous spirit.
Your father wanted the killing to stop.
That's why he hid it.
And I swore...
...to never forge weapons again.
Swordsmith Fat Tang is already dead.
[CHICKEN CLUCKING]
We fight no more.
[CHICKEN SQUAWKS]
[FAT TANG GASPS]
[GROANS]
[THUD]
DUGU CHENG:
Don't faint.
I'll chop off one of your legs
and then see how you feel.
Fine! Fine!
[SOBBING]
My precious Iron Head...
...you didn't deserve to die like this.
DUGU CHENG:
I will only ask once.
Will you make me a sword or not?
[GASPS]
[LAUGHING]
I will!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[FAT TANG WHIMPERS]
Today, I become
the Greatest Swordsman.
I'll spare your life as a witness.
[GROANS]
Dugu Cheng, for this piece of iron...
...you've slaughtered so many.
Even your own brother!
You even dug up your father's grave!
Your greed is beyond belief.
You lack all morality.
DUGU CHENG:
You say I'm greedy?
So then what brought you here?
To avenge my father!
-To avenge my wife!
-To avenge my sister!
To avenge my master's sister!
To save this country...
...from an evil swordsman!
To uphold the peace!
I want the black iron.
[GRUNTS]
DUGU CHENG:
You want the black iron.
Let's see if it agrees.
You've already forged it into a sword?
The greatest sword.
[YELLING]
[GRUNTS]
[GASPS]
[BOTH YELL]
What is this sword?
[GRUNTING]
[MAN YELLS]
[SWORD RASPS]
[THUD]
A great sword.
[GROANS THEN CHUCKLES]
I've got to move.
BOY:
Uncle Blacksmith...
... I want to forge a sword.
Silly child, why do you need a sword?
Huh?
If I had a sword, no one would bully me.
I'll give you this rooster instead.
Please, I'm begging you.
Get up.
[FAT TANG CHUCKLING]
What do you want to be
when you grow up?
I want to be a swordsman...
...someone respected.
Silly child...
...a swordsman's blade
only brings sorrow.
Listen to me...
...only a chef's blade can bring joy.
I'll forge you a cleaver...
...that brings happiness.
Let's go!
Let me see....
Right! There it is.
This will be perfect.
Without a doubt...
...it's the very best iron.
FAT TANG:
It's great to be a chef.
In the future,
you can open your own restaurant...
...and people will come from all over...
...to eat your delicious food.
Isn't that better
than being a swordsman?
Child, take this cleaver.
It will bring you happiness.
MAN 1 :
Elder brother, why'd you have to die?
He picked the right time to keel over!
No, no!
[ALL SCREAMING AND SOBBING]
MAN 2:
Oh, Master!
If there's no one to cook tomorrow...
...then there's no need for any of you.
Kill them. Kill them all.
Mercy!
I have an 80-year-old wife...
...and an unmarried mother!
Please, I'm only a customer here.
I don't know any of them.
There is someone!
There's someone who can cook.
[LITTLE MELON GASPING]
SERVANT:
Your Excellency--
[SNEEZES]
LIU:
No problem...
...just be careful in your next life.
SERVANT:
Dear Lord, have mercy!
Go!
By the Royal Eunuch's order, start!
Dish name?
"Green Hills in a Single Color."
South Beauty presents...
..."Green Hills in a Single Color."
Your Grace, please.
Second course.
"Yin and Yang Divided Into Two."
AIDE:
South Beauty's second course.
Your Grace, please.
Third course.
MANAGER:
"Three Ounces of Love."
Fourth course.
"Four Seas, One Home."
Fifth course.
-"Snowflakes in May."
AIDE: Sixth course.
MANAGER:
"Beauty of the Six Southern Dynasties."
Seventh.
MANAGER:
"The Crescent Moon Among Seven Stars."
LIU:
Mmm.
Mama.
AIDE: His Excellency
is very pleased with these dishes.
The chef may prepare the final course.
Prepare the eighth course.
Your Excellency, for the eighth course,
"The Eight Immortals Cross the Sea"...
-... I humbly suggest you watch very closely.
-Accepted!
Please move
His Excellency's chair closer.
Movement complete!
[YELLING]
[CHUCKLES]
Now start preparing the eighth course.
Hey, hurry up.
AIDE:
Want to die?
No! The mute suggested that
to appreciate the eighth course...
... His Excellency
should come even closer.
Even closer?
This chef has some plot.
Take him outside and kill him!
Have mercy!
We only make the suggestion...
...because of the dish's secret.
LIU:
Wait, the dish's secret?
Let's hear it.
Your Excellency...
...the secret of this course...
...lies in the chef's carving skills.
He must de-scale, gut...
...and cook the fish
before it knows it's dead.
The fish even keeps swimming
afterwards.
Your Excellency, the mastery involved...
... is not just in the taste of the soup.
[CHUCKLING]
Interesting.
Allow.
AIDE: Your Excellency,
as your humble servant, l--
LIU:
Move me.
[LIU FARTS]
Take me to the bathroom.
AIDE:
Your Excellency, congratulations.
Excellent digestion, Your Excellency!
This chef looks...
...quite handsome.
[CHUCKLING]
They always said there's more to you,
and they're right.
No wonder the Big Eight Chef
wanted to adopt you.
He always wanted his own son.
I've always known you had potential...
...with courage and a bright outlook.
South Beauty will prosper.
Let's immediately open another branch!
[LIU GRUNTING]
Remove my outer clothing.
MAN 1 : The Royal Eunuch
has fallen into the cesspit!
AIDE: An army trains for 1,000 days
to fight one battle.
Today is that day.
We must rescue His Excellency!
Your Excellency,
you have to float to the surface!
MAN 2:
Don't open your mouth!
Don't eat anything!
Your Excellency, grab my spear!
LIU:
Idiot! Why did you use the sharp end?
When I get up there, you're all dead!
[LIU GROANING]
[LIU GRUNTS]
MAN 3:
The Royal Eunuch has passed away!
BIG EIGHT CHEF:
My boy...
...you want to use the cleaver
for revenge...
...but it's not for killing.
MUTE: The Royal Eunuch
would've died anyways.
I didn't kill him, but he still died.
Master still died.
If I didn't kill Master...
...the Royal Eunuch
still would have died.
If I didn't kill Master,
he still would have died.
CHUNGE:
Chopper.
Chopper.
Why did you steal
that crazy man's cleaver?
[SCREAMS]
I want to kill Big Beard...
...and save Madam Mei!
Off to fight again. What about dinner?
[WOMEN Chronicling AND CHATTERING]
[YELLS]
Where is Big Beard?
Where is Big Beard?
I'll carve pig head tattoos...
...on every inch of his body!
Boss, go home and butcher pigs.
-Stop coming over here.
-Okay.
Is acting like an idiot your hobby?
Look at that crappy kitchen cleaver.
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
Crappy kitchen cleaver?
I'll show you!
[YELLS]
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[SCREAMS]
You want to die?
[SCREAMS]
[CLEAVER RASPS AND HORSE NEIGHS]
[SCREAMING]
[SNIFFLES]
REPLAY OF THE ACCIDEN[CHUNGE WHIMPERING]
He's not dead!
[CHUNGE SCREAMS]
Run!
[BIG BEARD GROANS]
[YELLS]
[BIG BEARD & CHOPPER YELL]
[SCREAMING]
[BIG BEARD & CHOPPER YELL]
[GROANING]
[WHIMPERING]
[BIG BEARD & CHOPPER YELLING]
[GASPS]
[SCREAMING]
[WHIMPERING]
[LAUGHING]
[CHATTERING]
[GASPS]
CHOPPER:
If Madam Mei...
...could stay with me every day...
...and we chopped meat together,
wouldn't it be perfect?
Yes.
[GRUNTING]
A toast to our hero.
Madam Mei admires your bravery.
Is that really you, Madam Mei?
Before...
... I only saw you in my dreams!
Why don't you go dance
with your cleaver...
...while Madam Mei plays her flute?
No!
-I'd rather write a poem for Madam Mei.
-Sounds great.
But I don't know how to write.
Yes, a cleaver dance!
[FLUTE PLAYING]
[WOOD CREAKING]
[CHUCKLING]
How come Madam Mei isn't smiling?
She never smiles.
But deep inside,
she is filled with happiness.
Rubbish!
I know that expression.
When my dad died...
...my mom had that look. Not happy.
Then when was she happy again?
When my mom remarried,
she was happy.
So I will make Madam Mei happy!
I will marry her!
Decorate the whole courtyard
with peach blossoms!
CHUNGE:
Chopper.
Big Beard.
Chopper turned into Big Beard.
[LAUGHING]
I appreciate the care you've given me.
I asked a troupe to perform a play
that expresses my true feelings.
I hope you will like it.
[CHUCKLING]
Okay.
[MUSICIANS PLAYING FOLK MUSIC]
[LAUGHS]
[SNEEZES]
Stupid butcher!
This is interesting.
What's even more interesting...
... is how similar it is to our situation.
Right.
[LAUGHING]
[BOTH GROANING]
[LAUGHING]
[SNEEZES]
[SCREAMS]
Ah.
My love...
...do you still love me?
[lN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
I've never...
...forgotten you.
[BLOWS NOSE]
[LAUGHING]
ACTOR 1 [lN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]:
Please go upstairs, sir.
He's coming. He's going to kill you.
You've got to leave.
No. Let's flee together!
Go now!
I want to take you far away from here.
Leave, hurry!
To faraway places.
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTING]
ACTOR 2:
Oh, my beauty.
[LAUGHING]
Come here!
Beast!
I'll kill you!
[FLUTE PLAYING]
[LAUGHING]
CHOPPER:
Stop! Stop!
What is this crap?
Why am I in it?
Are you playing me?
Yes, he's playing you.
And him?
He's playing Big Beard.
CHOPPER:
And him?
He's playing me.
And him? Who is he?
MAN:
He....
He's playing me.
How? How can this be you?
MADAM MEl: Everyone knows
that I love peach blossoms.
But nobody knows why.
We've been in love since childhood.
The peach blossoms and the flute's song
formed our oath.
FLUTIST:
Five years ago...
... Mei was abducted...
...and sold to this place.
I traveled all over looking for her...
... until one year ago...
...when I finally found her.
MADAM MEl:
We wanted to run away...
...but we were prevented from doing so.
We needed to get rid of Big Beard.
Then you appeared again.
Where is Big Beard?
Get out of here! Go!
I hope our paths cross again.
Madam Mei.
Can we have lunch together?
Chopper, you are a good person.
This is wonderful!
The lovers finally reunited.
It's a happy ending after all.
It's so touching.
I wish you a long, happy life together.
Have a son soon.
Have a safe journey...
...and keep in touch.
THE END
We'll miss you.
No!
This is not the same as my dream!
[YELLS]
I don't want to be a good person!
I want Madam Mei!
You can't take Madam Mei from me!
[CHOPPER GASPS]
Do you see what's in my hand?
Cleaver.
How did you get a cleaver?
It's yours.
-What about the one in my hand?
-It's fake.
Liar! How can you say mine is fake?
Because I was the one who switched it.
[YELLING]
[SCREAMS]
CHOPPER:
Give me back my cleaver!
[YELLS]
[GRUNTING]
CHOPPER VS. THE FLUTIS[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTING]
[CHOPPER YELLS THEN GASPS]
This cleaver....
Actually, I never switched the cleaver.
You had the real cleaver all along.
[CHOPPER GROANING]
But you threw it away.
REAL CLEAVER
FAKE CLEAVER
You....
You can't even tell true from fake.
You don't deserve such a great cleaver!
Give me back the cleaver!
[GASPS]
[GROANS]
This is wonderful!
The lovers finally reunited.
It's a happy ending after all.
I wish you a long, happy life together.
Have a son soon.
Have a safe journey...
...and keep in touch!
WOMAN 1:
Madam Mei, keep in touch!
WOMAN 2:
Remember to come back and visit us!
[SCREAMS]
[CHOPPER SOBBING]
[COUGHING]