The Canterbury Tales (1972) Movie Script

The window that once glowed with light
is now darkened.
A sign that my beloved
is unwell.
Her sister comes to the window
and tells me:
"Your beloved is dead
and buried".
She always complained
that she slept alone.
Now she sleeps
in the arms of Death.
After you, please.
No, Mr. Chaucer, after you, please.
It was nothing, sir.
Nothing? You hurt me badly!
You have a nose like a bludgeon.
I was joking. I hope
I did not offend you.
With jests and jokes
many truths can be told.
Im so skilled in the art of weaving,
I can beat all those
bitches in Ypres and Ghent.
In all modesty I can say...
there's nobody better than me,
especially for quests in church.
And if any woman should try
to get the better of me
Ill make her cry and wish
she'd never been born.
I'll eat her alive!
Three times I went to Jerusalem.
Then Rome, San Jacopo di
Compostela and Cologne.
Im no spring chicken,
but I know how to have fun
and how to make people laugh.
Between you and me,
I also know a few love potions.
Because, my darlings,
I know all the old dances.
Good folks, here are pardons
brought for you straight from Rome.
A piece of the Virgin's veil,
a scrap of Saint Peter's sail,
from when he used to sail,
before Christ taught him
to walk on water.
Radix malorum est cupiditas.
Cupidity is the root of all evil.
Don't be miserly. Come, buy.
Nowhere in the Gospels does
it say we should remain virgins.
What were the genitals made for?
Not to lie there sleeping.
And don't tell me they
were made just for peeing.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Quiet, your attention.
Please, be quiet.
Folks, please...
Gentle folks, truly I welcome you,
from the bottom of my heart.
Because in all these years
I have never seen a finer company.
You take the path to Canterbury.
God be with you and the holy
blessed martyrs will reward you.
But still, as experience is my teacher,
I know that in such a long journey
you may become dreadfully bored.
Therefore accept my friendly advice.
To shorten the way,
each of you will tell a tale
on the road to Canterbury.
I shall be the judge and your guide.
I'll accompany you at my own expense,
until you reach Canterbury.
Does everybody agree?
I have decided to be a married man.
No other life is as worthy.
I am convinced
that marriage is paradise.
When a man is old and grey, he
should take a beautiful young wife,
to make an heir,
and live a life of joy and pleasure.
Everyone agrees on this.
Some disagree, of whom
Theophrastus was one,
but who gives a damn
if he enjoyed telling lies?
Make arrangements for
my marriage immediately.
I don't want to wait.
But, dear friends, in no way
I want an old wife.
Because I think
one wants old fish and young flesh.
I'll have no woman of thirty.
That doesn't suit me.
A woman whom went to school
is like half a scholar.
and I don't like them.
What pretty figures, pretty faces.
By God, what pretty neighbours.
The only problem is choosing.
Hey, why not?
No... better not...
Not bad...
Hey brothers, come quickly!
You don't need to search any
longer on foot and horseback.
I have made my decision
and will not reverse it.
I have found my mate,
the solid foundation of my happiness.
I have chosen Maggio.
Come on, brothers.
Make a marriage contract.
Publish the announcement.
My heart needs peace.
My brother, in my heart
I find a deep pity thought
that I must harm her tonight.
I am afraid she will not be able
to bear my assaults.
God doesn't allow that I will
restrain my power.
I wish these guests were gone.
Stop eating, let the dancing begin.
Okay, Father, that's enough.
Hurry up, Father.
Father, hurry.
Go away, all of you!
I must invade you now, my spouse...
and make you suffer
before the pleasure starts.
But remember,
that no craftsman in the world
can do his work well and quickly.
But it doesn't matter
how long our play takes.
We have all the time we want.
Yes, my bride, we have
the law of God and mankind on our side.
I am ready!
I did it!
I want to rest, it is almost day.
I am a little tired. That was
the second time, you know.
You'll see, my Columbine,
how beautiful this garden is.
I doubt that the author of
"Romance della Rosa"
could describe the beauty
of this garden.
Now summer has come again,
and only in this garden
I will do my duty as a husband.
No one but I can enter this garden.
No one holds the key, no one
but myself alone, understand?
I carry it with me always.
Maggio, little wife, lie beside me.
Somebody help me!
I am blind, you imbeciles!
Maggio, help me, I am blind!
Maggio, where are you?
Ah, there you are.
Where are you going?
From now on I'll hold on to you.
I can't see you, but
I'll never let you go.
Everyone get out!
I don't want anybody!
Leave me alone with Maggio!
Get out, all of you!
Lead me to my garden, my lovely garden.
My garden, I shall never see it again.
This is what happens to the poor Gennaio.
But as compensation,
the moment his wife
is about to dishonour him,
I shall give him back his sight,
to see her betrayal.
You can if you wish, but if you do,
I shall give her the power of words.
Don't be angry, I give in.
But I gave my word.
And kings must keep their word.
And you know I am a queen.
I have to keep my word as well.
And you, my dear, must
not be angry with me.
Are we there, my love?
Come now, lie on the
grass, my sweet little wife.
Body sweeter than
wine, divine eyes.
Ay, my belly!
I would love to eat those lovely
blackberries up on the tree.
Sweet, fruitful wife, there is
no boy here to climb the tree
and I am old and blind.
Never mind, come over here.
Careful, my dear.
Don't hurt yourself.
Yes, that's it. Very good.
I'd give my blood to help you.
Are the blackberries ripe?
Eat, my child, eat as you like.
My eyes... I can see!
What are you doing, slut?
You can see!
It's a miracle!
I'm so happy.
I saw you! Making love with a man!
I saw it with my own eyes,
up in the tree.
You are confused.
After being blind,
it's not possible to see clearly.
Jealousy made you see phantoms.
Husband, your sight is restored.
Let's thank God for this miracle.
Yes, little wife, let's forget everything.
And may the Lord forgive me
for thinking bad of you.
You are even more beautiful than
I remembered, my sweet Maggio.
Listen... one minute...
Virgin Mary...
Behind the market, in the fish alley...
No, not the old market, the new one.
At the bottom of the fish alley.
I have found two.
My friend, for your wife's sake
I'll erase you from our Black Book.
Relax, don't look so afraid.
This time you'll be fine.
I am your friend and want to help you.
How much did we say?
Three, four hundred... everything.
Don't denounce me for my sin
of lust, for the love of God!
You swear by Christ you don't have
any coin to give me?
It's the truth, my lord, I swear.
My friend, I do this for your sake.
But I am a poor man, have mercy on me.
Ask the judge for mercy.
You'll be fried, my friend.
Fritters... fritters...
Just a minute, we're coming!
Excellent, my friend, you've
done yourself much honour.
I have new tasks for you.
Good morning, sir. Nice to meet you.
Welcome. Are you going far away?
No, nearby, to collect
a debt for my boss.
Are you a debt collector? So am I.
But I'm a stranger.
I don't know anybody here.
Shall we be friends and brothers?
Why not? On my word of honour.
Give me your hand.
Let's swear to be brothers
until the day we die.
I swear.
Brother, where is your district,
if some day I would need you?
Far away, behind the mountains.
I hope that soon you
will visit me up there.
Okay brother, as we are
both rent collectors,
teach me a trick or two
to earn more money.
Forget conscience or sin, speak
frankly, as brother to brother.
My wages are small and
I have to manage somehow.
So I live by extortion and blackmail.
So do I. Without them
I could not survive.
I know neither pity nor conscience.
We are made to be together.
Tell me, brother, what is your name?
Brother, do you really want to know?
I am the Devil and I dwell in hell.
I ride to earn a living, just as you do.
You cheat without scruples, just as I do.
I will keep you good company
until you will abandon me.
Even if you're the Devil,
I'll keep our sworn promise.
We're both out for profit.
We could share what we make.
I take my part, you take yours.
That is, you take all
that men want to give you.
Perfect, agreed. You'll take
your part while I will take
everything that men want to give me.
Here lives an old woman who'd rather
break her neck than part with a penny.
I want twelve pence from her,
under threat of summoning her to court.
She's not guilty
of the smallest of sins.
Watch how we do things, since you
are new in this. And learn.
God bless you, gentlemen.
What can I do for you?
I have an order. On penalty
of excommunication
you must appear before
the archdeacon tomorrow
and inform the court about certain things.
I am sure you know what I mean.
Give me twelve pence, and I'll
see that you're acquitted.
Where will I find twelve
pence, in the name of Holy Mary?
In all my life I've never had,
even seen twelve pence.
Have pity for the poor old.
Pay up, or I'll take your pitcher.
You owe me the fine I paid for you
when you first cuckolded your husband.
Liar! I've never been
summoned to court in my life.
And I've never been wicked with my body.
I hope the devil will take
your body and my pitcher too.
Dear madame, mother...
Did you really seriously mean
the words you just spoke?
Yes, the Devil take him alive, and
the pitcher, unless he repents.
No, you old witch, have no hope.
I won't repent for what I take
from you, no matter what happens.
Brother, don't take it wrong.
This pitcher and your
body are mine by right.
This very night you
will come with me to hell.
There you'll learn more from our secrets
than a Master of Theology.
Get out, asshole!
You've finished here!
Don't show your face here again!
Stop there!
I'll get you, rotten little thief!
You got the sack? You are
a disgrace to your family.
I'm sure your mother had
you by an Italian, not me.
Go to bed at once! No dinner for you!
Eat, my son. Don't let
your father see you.
Be a good boy.
Find another job tomorrow.
Promise me, in the name of God.
Master, do you have a job for me?
I do need a boy. I'll try you out.
Shine the eggs.
Shine, shine. And be careful.
Hey! What have you done?
It's nothing, Master.
It's a miracle. Let me see.
What a pity.
What an omelette.
- I must go out for a moment.
- Okay, Master.
You stay here and work.
Serve the customers well.
Why not come and play with us?
Can I join your game?
Scoundrel! You're sacked!
Better cast forth the rotten
apple before it rots all the rest.
You're right.
Perkin, come and meet my good wife.
She's a whore.
Perkin, dirty faggot!
I declare you under arrest.
You will be imprisoned in London,
pending your trial.
Geoffrey Chaucer!
Yes, my wife.
Robin, come here!
Alison, if I can't have you now,
my passion for you will kill me.
Love me, or I swear I'll die.
Let go of me, Nicolas.
Let go or I'll scream.
Keep your hands off me.
Alison, my dear love.
I want not only your body.
I am in love with you with all my soul.
I'll be your servant, your
slave, if you love me a little.
In that case, if you swear it...
I swear!
Then I will give you my love.
But when?
My husband is jealous. Guard
your secret well, or I'll be dead.
Then do as I tell you. Bring me
a basket with food for three days.
I'll be locked in my room.
Then, do just as I tell you.
And don't worry.
A student wouldn't be worth much
if he couldn't outwit a carpenter.
Once more!
Eggs, meat, vegetables, fruit...
Enough food for three days.
Bend which is rigid.
For everlasting joy.
Time to go, Martin.
Am I handsome?
Oh, Alison, my love.
Master Gervase, always working, eh?
When I was your age I liked to give
"incense" to all the parish wives too.
Alison, do you hear Absalon
singing under our window?
Yes, Giovanni. I hear every single note.
It's that valse sacristan
and thinks only of decking
himself out and eyeing females?
That's him exactly.
They say he minds his words
and is squeamish about farting.
Go sleep. You must be tired
after your journey to Osney.
Listen to Absalon,
chirping like a nightingale.
You're sure you haven't
seen our student all day?
Yes, sure. I have sent Jill too,
but there was no answer.
Robin, let's go and see.
Help us, Saint Frithuswith.
She's made of stone.
By Saint Thomas, I feel
sorry for our dear Nicolas.
I will go inside
and gently shake him
out of his meditations.
May I come in?
What's the matter? Look
down and think of our Lord.
I'll make the sign of the cross to
protect you from elves and spirits.
Jesus Christ and Saint Benedict,
protect this house.
The whole world will vanish soon.
By my astrology I have found out
that on next Monday
a fierce rain will fall,
double of Noah's flood.
Within an hour mankind will be drowned.
My poor wife. Oh God. Will
my poor Alison drown too?
Is there no remedy?
Yes, there is.
Follow my advice and I promise
I will save her, you and I.
We don't have time.
Go and get a trough or a tub immediately.
We need one for each of us.
They must be big enough to float.
And we need food for one day.
The rain will stop and retire
at 9 o'clock the next morning.
Send away your servants Robin and Jill.
When you've found tubs, hang
them high to the roof, out of sight.
Put an axe in each, so we can cut
the ropes when the water comes.
Then we will float like lords, safe and
sound, as did Noah and his wife.
You and your wife must keep well apart.
Woe for any man who
commits carnal sin in this night.
Go to work now, and God be with you.
Quickly, let's go on board.
That's enough now. Quiet!
Absalon, come here. Listen.
The carpenter hasn't been seen all day.
Maybe he went to London.
Your girl is alone in her bed.
Yes? Then I'll run there.
Let's go.
- Get your smock off.
- No, I want to see you.
You first. I want to see it.
You lucky devil, Absalon.
Alison, it's me, Absalon.
What are you doing, my honey?
Alison, my sweet flower, beautiful bird.
Wake up, say something.
It's Absalon.
He's tried to win me with many gifts.
Sweet wine, hydromel,
beer brewed with spices.
Cultivated fruits,
hot wafers from the stove.
And as I'm a city girl, money too.
My love, I feel a love so great,
I'm fluttering like a turtle dove.
You fool! Better go away, because I
love another man better than you.
I know... True love
is always unfortunate.
If I cannot hope for
more, give me just a kiss.
If I do, will you go?
Certainly, my love.
Then lick your lips, I'm coming.
Be quiet, you'll die laughing.
Quick, so the neighbours don't see.
I am a gentleman now.
After this I would like more.
What have you done,
Alison? You'll pay for it!
- Master Gervase.
- What is it, Absalon?
Which beautiful girl has got you outside?
Lend me that poker from the
fire, I'll bring it back at once.
Take it. But why do you want it?
I'll tell you tomorrow.
Alison, it's me again,
your Absalon, my love.
What do you want?
I've brought you a golden ring,
my mother gave me. It's beautiful.
It's yours for another kiss.
It's my turn now.
Leave it to me.
Alison, where are you?
Just one more kiss.
Speak, sweetheart,
so I know where you are.
Water, for the love of God! Water!
My God, it's Noah's flood!
Come on, husband, come on!
You know what women are like.
We need to talk,
because we are capricious.
The less you give it,
the more we want it.
Are you finished?
Nothing "sssh". I'm not here
for your wish and desire.
Mary, get some water for your master.
What a lovely arse!
What is it?
Ah, dear neighbour.
This is Mr. Gianozzo, my new
boarder, a student at Oxford.
- Nice to meet you.
- The pleasure is all mine.
I think I have seen you
somewhere before.
Who knows where?
What a fine, young stud.
But me too. All my husbands have told me
I have the best little pussy
of the whole city of Bath.
But you are married,
if I'm not mistaken.
Without bragging, you will never find me
without plans for weddings and so. Never.
And if you really want to know...
I think that mouse has
only one hole to hide.
If you want...
I could go with him to a
procession tomorrow.
Oh, my sweet husband, beloved husband!
Why are you leaving me?
Never again... Never again.
I came here to speak to you.
Then speak.
You have bewitched me,
no need to deny it.
I dreamt of you all night.
You tried to kill me
as I lay down on my back
and my bed was covered in blood.
You have bewitched me.
So, you'll have to marry me.
Marry? But I'm too young.
You see, my husband is dying
and those who know such things
agree it's a propitious dream.
Because blood...
means gold.
Lisotta, my hat.
How do I look?
Gianozzo, will you take
this woman here present
as your wedded wife by the
sacred rite of our Mother Church?
Alice, do you take
this man here present
as your wedded husband by the
sacred rite of our Mother Church?
And this is for the peeing of my dearly,
beloved fifth husband.
I hope I won't regret giving
you all the lands and rents
left me by four husbands before you.
In this book is everything.
And what is that "everything"...
for Saint Iodoca's sake?
It tells of Simplicius Gallus,
who left his wife for all time,
because once he caught her
looking outside.
And Eva, with her perversity,
has led men to misery,
and Christ to the Cross.
Xhanthippe now...
Xhanthippe poured a
piss-pot over Socrates' head...
and the saintly man wiped
his head and quietly said:
"Before the thunder stops,
the rain will fall."
I hate people who dare
tell me my faults,
like you think you can do!
You piece of shit! Swine!
You killed me so you
could enjoy in peace...
all my land and my money.
But I forgive you, and before I die...
Come here, give me one more kiss.
God, curse me for what I've done.
Forgive me. I beg you, my dear.
Yes, I forgive you.
My nose! My nose!
Rector, I do regret this illness
that keeps me in
bed like a newborn baby.
What grieves me more,
they take advantage.
Simone the miller steals
100 times more flour than before.
Sir Rector!
As our manciple is dying,
or looks as if he's about to,
why not let us go and watch
the miller grind our corn?
Good, you'd like to take on this task.
We bet the miller won't steal
not even one kilo of corn,
not by trickery nor force.
Okay, then go, gentle students.
Perhaps it is the best solution.
May the good Lord protect you.
Bend which is cold.
Heat up which is rigid.
For everlasting joy.
How lovely to go around
with nothing to do.
Why always be locked in school?
See how huge the world is.
You'd like a good screw now, Gianni?
We're worse than monks,
arses tight and dicks hard.
Freedom! Freedom!
Simone, how is it going?
How are you, your pretty
daughter and your wife?
Not bad at all, I see.
What a lovely surprise, two
students instead of the manciple.
What brings you here?
Our manciple is dying.
So we've come to grind our corn.
What will you do while I grind it?
I'll stand by the funnel
to see the corn go in.
By the blood of my father,
I never saw the wheel work.
You do that and I'll go below
and watch the flour fall.
Because I'm a bad miller too, like Gianni.
Okay, guys. Get your sack
off the horse and bring it here.
- Who takes the bag?
- Give it to me.
Milling is a great job, eh, guys?
Make yourself at home, get to work.
Boss, start the sails,
we're ready. Come on!
They think they can't be tricked.
They are naive.
I'll give them bran instead of
flour, for all their philosophy.
Students are not always more intelligent.
The more they think they're
clever, the more I'll rob them.
There you are, guys, done in a trice.
Amusing... the funnel.
Interesting... the working of the trough.
The horse has escaped.
The horse of our Rector.
Which way did he go?
Your horse went to the
mares, fast as the wind.
He can't escape us both.
Why didn't you put him in the stall?
Get their bag and we'll fill
half of it with bran.
See them run, they are
like playing children.
Turmine, where are you?
Leave the mares alone!
You're as tired and wet as
two animals out in the rain.
We've caught the horse, but we beg for
your hospitality, for the love of God.
For the love of God and our money.
Of course. My house is small,
but share my humble home.
Still, you students can always make
something big from something small.
Have a drink with your
old friend the miller.
In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Ghost.
Are you asleep, Gianni?
Did you ever hear music like this?
Listen, what a concert.
The miller is snoring like a horse.
You could stick a tail in his arse.
Who wants to sleep tonight?
I'll be damned if I
don't hump that girl.
I'm entitled to compensation
for the grain that's been stolen from us.
Mind the miller doesn't wake
up, or we'll be damned.
He's no more worth than a flea.
You go ahead with his daughter,
while I stay here
like a sack of potatoes?
They'll say I was a sissy or a fool.
Feel this!
What about me?
I'm dying for a pee, I'm bursting.
Dammit, the cradle.
Where is the cradle?
I nearly got in the wrong bed.
My husband, it's long since you did
anything like this. What's happening?
Shut up, get on with it.
Molly, my love, sweet, little pussy.
Very well, husband, very well.
Farewell, Molly. It's dawn
and I cannot stay,
but I'll always be your student.
Farewell, my love. But before you go,
I must tell you one thing.
When you leave the mill,
just behind the door,
you'll find a cake,
made with your stolen flour.
God keep you safe.
Hey, Gianni. Wake up.
Listen how it went.
I've screwed the miller's daughter
three times while you laid here afraid.
You filthy devil, you traitor!
I'll murder you!
Bye-bye, my love. Bye.
Gianni, it's baked with our flour.
Bend which is rigid.
Heat up which is cold.
For everlasting joy.
Why don't you cut it off?
Come here.
A second time.
Just a second, wait.
- What is it?
Tell me you are my queen.
I am your queen.
My sweet love, my little
pigeon, my sweet little flower.
Saint Paul said:
"God shall destroy the food in the stomach
and the stomach for the food."
Cook, make me two eggs.
Take that, women sent by the
Devil to light the fires of lust.
Fuel for your whores.
Why don't you piss wine?
You'll pay for your drunken
sin in eternal hell-fire.
Wine is a lecherous thing.
Drunkenness is the root
of misfortune, you drunks.
Your face is putrid, your breath
is rancid and your embrace foul.
Why aren't you all like Samson?
Samson never touched
a drop of wine, read the Bible.
Rufo, go and piss on your whore's head.
I've preached against gluttony,
now I warn you about gambling.
Gambling is the father
of lies and trickery,
the father of blasphemy against Christ.
A prince who gambles
loses the respect to reign.
Understand that, you ignorants!
Who's dead?
- You, go outside
and ask what happened and his name.
I don't need to ask.
He was a good friend of yours.
He was killed this night,
sitting dead drunk on a bench.
A thief called Death
stabbed his heart with a lance.
He left without a word.
That's all I know.
It's like this.
This Death, is he so dangerous?
I'll go anywhere to find him.
We three are brothers,
we'll avenge our friend Rufo.
- We are blood brothers!
- Yes, blood brothers!
Get your knives out!
We must find the man
who killed our friend.
God be with you, gentlemen.
Who are you and why are you
dressed like a monk?
Why do you look so old?
Although I have travelled
the world, even to India,
I have never found anyone
who would change his youth
for my old age.
So, poor and wretched,
I walk the world like this,
and knock the ground with my staff,
I knock the lap of my mother and say:
"Dear mother, let me in. When
will my bones finally rest?
Mother, I would give everything
for a shroud to cover me."
But she will not grant that mercy.
You guys, don't harm an old man,
so you would not be harmed when old.
Let me go and God will be
with you on your path.
I have to go my way.
No! You'll not get off so easily.
You just talked of this traitor, Death.
You are his spy, tell us where he is.
And if not, you will pay for it.
You are with him to kill the young.
Okay. If you want to find
what you are looking for,
turn after that path, down there.
What you want to find,
I have left in the forest,
under a tree.
See that oak? That's
where you must look.
May God be with you...
and make you better too.
From now on we can live as rich men.
But we can't take it during
daylight, we will look like thieves.
One of us go and buy bread and wine.
The other two will guard the treasure.
We will take it away, when it's dark.
Dick is the youngest.
Master Apothecary, I need
poison to kill rats and a polecat.
They are eating all my chickens.
What a disaster.
I have a poison so strong,
that anyone who takes but a speck,
will die within a few minutes.
You! Give me bread and
three bottles of wine.
Hurry, run!
Hurry up, bastard!
Hey, I'm in a hurry. Come on!
Listen very well to what
I will tell you, Johnny.
We are sworn brothers.
We are two against one.
When he is here, you go to him
and embrace him friendly.
I will take my knife,
while you hold him tight.
We kill him and split
the treasure between us.
Here's the wine!
About time, too.
Dick, my true love,
I always said you
were my best friend.
What a lovely arse you have.
Now let's eat and drink,
then we will bury him.
In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Ghost.
What a delicious cake.
Isn't it, dear Thomaso?
May God reward you.
On this seat I've had many
gifts and many good meals.
I have heard, dear Thomaso, that you've
given things to other monks, too.
That's why you are ill.
Because you're unfaithful.
You gave a bag of wheat to that convent.
And chickens and geese to another.
No, Thomaso! This is all useless.
What's the value of a farthing, cut
into pieces? It's neither warm nor cold.
I can give only what I have,
nothing else, isn't it?
You always tell me I'm
your brother and you love me.
Yes, of course!
Now I'm dying, I'll give something
to your convent too.
The most precious thing I have.
But on the condition to share it
equally with all other monks.
Well then, go down with
your hand along my back
and search in the bed,
right under my arse,
and you will find something
I have hidden secretly.
Where? Where?
Under my arse. Exactly under my arse.
Is your hand there? Well then...
What is it?
- You must come with me.
- Where?
We are going to pay a visit to hell.
They have decided like this.
No more questions.
My God...
Close your eyes.
Keep them tight shut.
One, two, three.
Hey, Satan!
Lift your tail, show where
you keep monks in hell.
In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Ghost.
Major revision of translation
and timings: SmallBrother