The Cherokee Kid (1996) Movie Script
The Wild West created
many amazing legends,
Geronimo, Wyatt Earp, Nat Love,
all of them deadly but none deadlier
than this man... The Cherokee Kid.
So, you're The Undertaker.
Now it s your turn to die.
Goodnight, kid.
Sweet dreams.
-God, is he dead?
-He's graveyard dead.
You'd like to double this reward. I
have some very interesting railroad.
I bury my dead before any business
transpires, Mr. Bloomington.
I have here some
deeds that I have...
You deaf? A brave man has died,
he deserves a proper eulogy.
How long do you think it's going
to finish "eulogizing" this...
How long would it take to eulogize a
great man like Montezuma,
or Thomas Jefferson or Robin Hood?
How long?
We'll bury this man
at noon tomorrow.
Noon, tomorrow.
So many people here from far
and wide because a man has died.
-But who exactly was this man?
-You know who he was!
You and I raised him! You tell 'em!
You tell 'em who he was!
-I will, mother. I'll tell 'em.
-You tell 'em what a good boy he was!
Elizabeth, there are others here who
would like to get a word in edgewise.
That's right! I, Juan
Nepomucano Cortina,
hero of the Mexican people,
would like to speak.
For it is I who taught the Cherokee Kid
everything he knows.
That's why he's laid
up in that box now.
The Cherokee Kid was
the most noble,
most courageous human being
the world has ever known.
Let us begin at the beginning.
Before he became known
as The Cherokee Kid,
The Cherokee Kid was just a kid.
His name was Isaiah Turner.
He had a big brother named Jedediah.
The railroad men forced the people
to sell the land for pennies
When the boy's father stood up
to them, they killed him like a dog.
The very next day,
Jedediah took his revenge,
he sneaked into the railroad camp and
shot the man who took his father's life.
Jed! Now, don't you mistake
stupidity for courage!
That night, Mama gave to the boys
their father's favorite hat.
When the bad men came, Mama and
Jedediah put their plan into action.
Of course, they put young Isaiah
in the wood box.
I'll be damned if I'm gonna let
you lynch my baby!
I will kill him myself
before I let you at him!
-No, mama! No!
- Come on, baby. Let it go!
No, baby. I didn't shoot Jed. We was
pretendin' so that Jed could get away.
-You okay, Mr. Bloomington?
-You can't stand in the way of progress.
Go! Get him!
I got him!
Like the terrified antelope, the kid
was running and running night and day.
Guided only by his still
developing sense of direction,
he wandered aimlessly
not knowing where to go.
Till one day, the hand of fate guided
him into the lap of good fortune,
Reverend and Mrs. Peel having
no children of their own,
believed young Isaiah
to be a gift from God.
Got you, Bloomington!
I got you, too Bonner!
Reverend, tell him what the good book
say. Tell him what it say about killin'.
Son, the Bible sayeth,
"Thou shalt not kill!"
The Bible say, "Eye for an eye."
So, I'm gonna shoot him in the eye!
Then, 18 years later, the Kid had grown
into a strong sure-footed young man.
And still he clung to his
childhood dreams.
Bonner, Bloomington,
you're both dead.
-Isaiah!
-Comin' ma!
One day in town, the Kid stumbled
across the face of the man
he hated
with every breath he took.
Bloomington was now
the Mayor of El Paso,
he was coming
to Pinedale to speak.
Isaiah vowed to go there
and silence him forever.
Just one sandwich, ma?
Reverend, you tell him that if he gets
hungry, he can just come on home.
I'll tell him, mother.
Tell him we know that this is all about
Bloomington. Tell him.
Son, violence is not the answer.
Ma, Pa, I can't thank you enough for
taking me in when I lost my family.
But I got to go out and find out who I
am. I love ya, and I'm gonna miss ya.
Pa.
-Ma, can I ask you somethin'?
-Yes, baby.
Since I been little, when you talk to me
you talk to him and I be standin' here.
You tell him that he is gonna go
and get himself killed!
Come on, Ole Lightenin'.
Pa, I'm gonna be goin'.
Bye!
Okay. I'm okay,
Pa. Lightening.
I'm just gonna walk him, Pa,
cause he kinda touchy right now.
"Vengeance is mine," said the Lord!
Killin' is a sin!
And Pinedale's the other way!
I know! That way!
One sandwich. He be back here before
sundown, if he ever can find this place.
Oh, Charles. He took that rusty
gun off the mantle!
Thus, began his magnificent quest,
to find the town called Pinedale
and to find the despicable excuse
for a man who had killed his family.
Oh, man. Where am I?
When he exhausted his supply
of sandwiches,
he feasted on natural foods
and wild game.
Anybody home?
Just lookin' for some food.
Just me and you, turkey.
And one of us got to die!
Let me go, you dirty low-down,
scraggly two-legged cockroach!
What kind of crook knocks over
a whore house anyway?
Why don't you go out
and hit a bank like a real man!?!
Come on, give me some
lovin' you cheap whore!
Cheap? I ain't never done it
for free in my life!
I ain't never paid for it.
Come on!
Come on, you lie down here.
Get off a me!
Why don't you shut that stinkin' mouth
before the bats come flyin' out?
-Shut up!
-You payin' for this.
I know you got the money,
and you payin' for this! Get offa me!
What?
-Hi.
-You dead, boy.
-I think he's dead.
-I killed a man... with a turkey.
-They gonna send me to jail.
-I've been saved by a colored boy!
A sweet, kind, brave, extremely
good-lookin' very light complected...
Honey breath!
Ma'am, you are truly a lovely
and invitin' woman
and all the womanly
parts a man would want,
it's just that I ain't never been
with a woman before,
and I had some turkey before and I'd
rather have some of that bird, Ma'am.
What's that say on
his belt?
His name, Jake Carver.
Can't you read?
Of course I can! I just can't
read English. I's French.
Again, good fortune
smiled on our hero.
Yeah, I killed Jake Carver. You got
somethin' to say about that?
He took refuge for the night
in a charming little cottage
where a nice Christian girl prepared for
him a delicious home-cooked meal.
Gobble-gobble.
All night long he dreamed
of left over turkey sandwiches.
But in the morning, the girl
and the bird had flown the coop.
She took the turkey!
Bloomington will be in Pinedale today.
Isaiah had to get there by hook or crook
-How ya doin' gentlemen?
-Morning.
How-dee-do?
Who the hell are you?
-I'm Jake Carver.
-Jake Carver?
Yes, I am.
Damn! Well, it sure hell is
a small world ain't it, boys?
See, now we're Jake Carver's gang!
-Hey, Jake, I'm your cousin!
-I'm your cousin, too!
I ain't your cousin,
so I guess that makes me your aunt.
Wait a minute.
Now, now let me explain.
Jim-Bob, Jake's out back.
Dead as a skunk. No sign of the girl.
You all don't think I killed him did ya?
I grew up with Jake.
That whore killed him! I always told
Jake that these whores will kill him.
Yopu know he was always chasin'
women. From the time he was young
always tryin' to look the other girl's
petticoats. I'd say, "Jake, stop."
There was petticoats and corsets,
he wouldn't listen to me
and we'd be runnin' off playin' tag
and hide-and-go seek.
But Jake didn't like
them kinda games.
and he'd take our arms behind our back
and he'd twist 'em, till we screamed!
And then he had this floorboard,
from his mammy's house
and he would take it and whoop us
upside the head!
He'd take whiskey from his daddy, pour
it down my throat till I wet myself.
That's our Jake!
It's a shame Jake's gone now cause
he had a big job for us to do.
-What kinda job?
-He didn't tell you?
-No, he didn't tell me about no job.
-This was the biggest job...
That's why he brought me out here.
We was gonna rob a bank.
-Where?
-In Pinedale.
-Pinedale?
-Yeah.
Lotta money there, too. But, look
like it's gonna stay in that bank now.
Jake's gone, I'll bury him before
them animals tear him up.
Ain't nothin' worse than seein' a man's
body lay there and rot
you walk up on it, and you think it's
like a dead dog, but it's a person,
you see this big head there and it
scares ya, and the horses get spooked.
-Nice meetin' ya.
-Alright. I'll bet.
You goin' the wrong way. Pinedale's
almost ten miles north a here.
I figured I'd just...
But then again it would be right
to honor Jake by robbin' that bank.
-You told me Pinedale was that way.
-Just get.
Now, here's the new plan. We go in
the bank and you go up to the teller
and tell her you're robbin' the bank,
and then rob the bank.
You been thinkin' about this for awhile.
We aughta take a couple more minutes.
Maybe we'll just go on in then.
-Hi! Can I help you?
-Hi, how ya doin'?
-I'm fine, thank you.
-That is a right smart tie!
-Thank you. I bought it in St. Louie.
-St. Louie?
-My grandmom is buried there.
-It's a dangerous place.
-She was bit by a rabid rabbit.
-A rabbit rabbit?
-A, a rabbit with rabbies.
-A rabbit with rabies?
I thought you were talking about
identical twin rabbits.
-No, just one rabbit with rabies.
-I'm sorry. How can I help you?
I was thinkin' about...
Maybe you wanna open a new account
if you do today, you get great gifts.
For example, if you give us
25 dollars you get this.
-It's a cake of Grandpa's pine tar soap.
-This the one with witch hazel?
-Will open up your pores.
-It smells so fresh.
It's guaranteed to leave
you "refreshingly clean."
-Can I ask my friends that need it?
-Of course.
-You're a very nice man.
-Thank you. You, too.
-Billy Bob, if...
-It's Jim Bob with a G.
I'm sorry, all them Bob's throw me off.
I can't get the Bob's right.
-It's Jim Bob, with a G.
-I wanna show ya somethin'.
If we give him 25 dollars to start an
account, we'll get free pine tar soap.
As much as we're on the road together,
this could kill the stinkies.
I don't take a bath.
You just go over there, rob the bank.
I'm just thinkin'
about how you smell.
They don't like the soap.
If they give us one hundred dollars
to deposit, they get a gingham apron.
-Hush my mouth! And I cook.
-You do?
-Yes, I can cook rabbit.
-That's good. I hope it's not rabid.
-You a funny man.
-You know what we do with it?
We hand embroider your name
right across the front.
-My name's Isaiah.
-It's beautiful.
-It's Biblical.
-God bless you.
-That was my grandmother's name.
-Isaiah?
Yeah, it's a man's name but she was
very mannish and she wore pants.
We'll put the name right here
just like it says "Teller" for me.
-That's your name?
-No, that's my job.
You go tell 'em
about the gingham apron.
You are not gonna believe this.
They have these gingham aprons.
We put 100 dollars in, we put our money
together, wha'ch you want to tell him?
Just tell 'em we're
here to rob the bank!
You don't have to spit
on me.
These gentlemen are here
to rob the bank!
I forgot to tell you, if you give us
three hundred dollars to deposit,
you get this nice big gun.
The kid knew that Bloomington
was close by, he could smell him.
Unfortunately, Frank Bonner had
already sniffed out the kid.
Alright, where is he? Mr. Bloomington
would like to meet the man
who shot Jake Carver and took his
whole gang out single-handed.
Well, there's the brave
gentleman, Mr. Bonner.
You done good, boy. Saved us
a whole heap of embarrassment.
Here's your reward.
Don't spend it all in one place!
-What's the matter, son?
-I ain't your son.
I don't know about that. I done me
a whole lot a colored whores in my day.
I might be your daddy.
What is that, boy?
You, you actually might be dangerous if
you had yourself a real gun.
What a fool.
Somebody kill that sonovabitch!
Then the kid heard the voice that
had been haunting his nightmares
since he was ten years old.
I'm sorry, but nobody. I mean nobody
can stand in the way of progress!
And friends, progress is steamin'
your way on the American railroad.
Now, you gonna climb on board,
or you gonna get left behind?
I'm the man who brought the railroads
to Ft. Worth, and Abilene.
But I have a greater plan.
I wanna bring the railroad
through Pinedale to El Paso,
up to Denver, on up to San Francisco!
I have been asked to consider running
for Governor of this great state.
Now, if I do, when elected
I promise to make available
all the land that I've invested
in to the Southland railroad.
I'm inviting all of you...
To give up your land so this man's
pockets could get fatter!
Young man, I'm the one that's supposed
to be shootin' his mouth off up here.
My mother tried to shoot
your mouth off,
that's where you got that scar on your
forehead. I'm gonna kill ya.
Give the word! Let's go!
Gotta go guys!
Mr. Bonner.
I hate to ad insult to injury,
but I need your help.
Now think back a number of years. The
night I almost got my head blown off.
Now, you pursued a dangerous
criminal into the woods.
Yes, sir. I tracked him down like
a dog and I shot him twice.
That negro that shot you in the ass,
he seems to be same said criminal.
He knew all about that night.
You are a lyin' sonovabitch,
just like that whorin' mother of yours.
There's a fugitive in question who has
wounded this law-abiding citizen.
I am hereby offering a one thousand
dollar reward for his carcass.
But you better move fast boys
because Mr. Bonner's job is on the line.
And once he gets the lead
out of his ass...
He's gonna be movin' fast as hell.
Let's go down to Ellie-May's
and have a little cake, shall we?
The kid knew he had to lay
low for a little bit,
so he sought refuge
with a man of the mountains.
A noble savage who lived
alone in the wilderness.
A gentle man, modest. A man
who always heeded nature's call.
Pee break.
The ole pissin' trick.
It always works.
Because of the Kid's gift of gab,
and the mountain man's loneliness,
a strange friendship began.
-What's your name?
-My name's Otter Bob.
-Not "thee" Otter Bob?
-I'm Otter Bob.
When I read about you, they said
you be a big tall man, big strong man,
like the way you look now. It's hard
to believe that you're really here.
Let me ask you somethin'.
How big do you think a otter is?
-I ain't never seen one.
-About like that.
Now, if a buffalo was behind
me right now, bam!
I could kill 'em,
cause they're big as a house.
Goddamn Bill Coty,
that arrogant sonovabitch!
Sure, Buffalo Bill's got a better
ring to it than Otter Bob,
but I killed 1,000 otters in two days.
He never killed a thousand buffalo.
-You know Buffalo Bill?
-Yeah, I know him.
Nice. I always read books about all the
mountain men and the gunslingers.
-I always wanted to be a mountain man.
-Wait a minute.
-You read?
-Yeah, I read.
My mama taught me and
my brother Jedediah to read.
-That's why I was in your wagon...
-I didn't ask you that.
I asked you if you could read.
I got this here book.
I been carryin' it around with me for
about a year now and I really like it.
-You wanna look at it?
-That's one of them dirty books.
-It's not a dirty book.
-Yes, it is.
It's not a dirty book! Maybe you could
teach me enough to read that.
Where I could just take it
and go off and be by myself
and read and not bother
anybody or anything.
-FiFi and Lola luxuriate in the bathtub.
-Is that one FiFi, with the dark hair?
-Yeah.
-I knew it!
-FiFi's wild!
-Go on, read some more.
I tell you what.
You take me to El Paso, Texas,
and by the time we get there, you'll be
able to read this book all by yourself.
I'm goin' to Idaho. We'll talk about
it in the mornin', alright?
Do you mind if I take one of them
furs and use it as a blanket?
-One of my furs?
-One that you're not usin'.
-I'm usin' them all.
-You can't use all of 'em.
I use 'em all.
Look, you want a skin?
That's a bowie knife.
Jim gave it to me, long time ago.
You take that, go on out there and kill
a critter, make a blanky out of him.
Mornin'.
Maybe it's a good mornin' for you.
I had to sleep on the ground.
-Wha'cha eatin'?
-Your blanket.
What kinda mountain man would kill
a little defenseless bunny?
You need to be huntin' bear, mountain
lion, somethin' that got a chance...
Want a leg?
I was thinkin' about what we were
talkin' about last night.
Idaho's very close to El Paso,
so you can ride along with me,
but you gotta teach me to read.
It's a deal, but you gotta
teach me somethin' too.
-Like?
-How to be a mountain man.
How to use a knife and hunt,
shoot a gun,
tomahawk, make a fire with rocks,
make coffee, skin a bear,
make some pants out of it,
make my own blanket,
make a hat with some fur around it,
track, disappear
and know which plants not to touch so I
don't stick myself and bleed to death...
Over the next several months,
the wise and wily mountain man
handed down the secrets of survival
to his fervent pupil,
much the way Moses handed
down the stone tablets.
The kid learned rapidly, nature to him
became... second nature.
And the wilderness
became his home.
I think you got the
last one.
You stupid fish!
You makin' me mad now.
What's that? This fish said,
"Hey, you are really stupid."
Good!
Good... You can kill a cup.
Thanks, Bob.
-Where'd you get that hat?
-It's my daddy's hat.
-That's a Cherokee feather.
-He was half Cherokee.
And your daddy was in many,
many battles... and won 'em all!
-And you know how I know that?
-You see all that on that feather?
Yeah. Those little marks here,
they're called coos.
Each coo is a battle that your daddy
won. Your daddy was a great warrior.
That he was.
Looks like we're gettin' close.
Okay, I got three bob cats here,
that's five dollars a piece.
I got six otters and that's four
dollars a piece, right?
Four a piece.
And I got one mountain lion,
ten dollars a piece.
-You got a mountain lion?
-That's right.
You good! You good!
And one coyote.
Three dollars, right?
Well, since it's you,
I'll give you three dollars for it.
Okay, what does that mean there,
how much is that all?
-Let's see, that's six times four...
-That's a lot, ain't it?
...carry that two and...
Bob, you a rich man.
I owe you twenty-six
dollars.
No sir. That's not 26 dollars.
That's 52 dollars.
-No, it's twenty-six.
-No, sir. That's 52 dollars.
Come on, Bob. Who you
gonna believe? Me or... him?
Well, seein' that the young
man's like a son to me,
and you you're a lyin',
cheatin', sonovabitch.
Come on, Bob. I'm just doin' business.
I've been fair.
I'm gonna believe him!
He's been doin' it for five years.
Get 52 dollars and get that
pig-sticker outta here.
-You killed him!
-I hope I did.
Take a bottle of whiskey for every
year that sonovabitch cheated me.
-That'd be five bottles.
-So now we stealin' and killin'?
Yeah.
-What the hell?
-No, this ain't what it look like.
He was cheatin' on...
Wait a minute, Bob, wait! Stop, Bob!
Wait! Bob, slow down!
Will you brighten up a little bit.
There's nobody gonna find us here.
I ain't worried about nobody botherin'
us, I'm wonderin' why you trusted me.
Well, if a man can't trust his own best
friend, who can he trust?
-Now, you my best friend, too, Bob.
-Yeah.
-Awe, I ain't never had a drink, Bob.
-Well, it's about time, then, huh?
-Wanna help me eat this lizard?
-It'll take the stink off that lizard.
Yes, sir. You're gonna love
that lizard after this.
This is nasty. This'll grow toenails on
a dead man! I'll have some more.
This lizard reminds me of
how I killed my first bear.
You didn't kill no bear.
You put it on a stick like we had it,
and you put it over the fire
and they'll come sneakin' up,
Then you jump on their back cause
they don't know what's happenin'
cause they get crazy about that lizard
and you got 'em around their neck.
-You was on his back?
-You're chokin' him!
-You was on his back?
-Yes.
And I was chokin' him
his eyeballs just went...
I mean, they just popped right out like
that, so I took out my knife and went...
Beneath this old tree and I took my
knife and I went and slit his throat.
That's when I became
a mountain man.
You're not a mountain man until you
killed a bear with your bare hands.
If you can remember what I taught you,
then you will be a great bear hunter.
I'm gonna go get a bear.
I have told you everything that I know
how to do it, so I want you to do...
Isaiah!
Son, I was just jokin'!
I didn't kill him just with my hands!
I had a gun!
Here ya go. Come here, bear.
Come. I got a nice lizard.
Thought you'd sneak
up on me. Here, bear...
Here I come. I got a
nice little lizard for ya.
I got ya! You got me! I got you.
He's small, but he's mean.
Come on over here and
have a drink, mountain man.
I'm a mountain man.
So you're tellin' me that he's
hangin' out with an old timer.
And you ain't gonna find 'em.
Otter Bob's sly as a fox.
He's the best mountain man
in Texas.
He's the best mountain man.
I'm the best tracker in Texas.
You okay, Bob?
Bob, it's empty. I already told you it's
empty. You finished it all two days ago.
Bob, just sit down.
Billy, I told you not to catch
that hawk! Shut up, ma!
-There's nobody out there.
-Shut up! I'll kill ya you sonova...
-Bob, put the gun down.
-I'm a mountain man. I'll kill ya!
-Put the gun down!
-Don't move.
-Snake! Don't move!
-It's nothin'.
-I got it, don't move.
-What snake?
-Right there.
-I see it! Don't shoot it! Let me get it
Twig snake, I didn't see it at first.
Right under 'neath my foot, right..
It's gone. It's okay now.
You saved my life. Just give me the gun.
Totally unaware that Frank Bonner
was thundering toward them,
the kid and Otter Bob slept
like little babies that night.
-Good mornin', Bob.
-Snake.
-Bob, you're just hallucinatin'.
-Between your legs.
-You're just confused.
-He's a big one!
That's my "pet" snake.
He's my friend.
-Gotta do it.
-Bob, no. Bob!
-Thank you.
-I feel pretty good about it myself.
Mighty good sippin' whiskey.
Well, there's plenty more where
that came from, old timer.
We've been trackin' him for three
months. Tell me where that nigger is.
"Nigger." I always thought that was an
ugly word. Almost as ugly as you are.
Don't you ever sass
me, old man.
Sorry.
I'm gettin' sassy in my old age.
If I could have one more drink,
I believe I could give ya exactly
the place where he's at.
Can I look at that picture one
more time?
Go!
Damn!
Another day.
-Bob! You alright? Bob?
-No, I been shot.
If you're gonna put me on a horse,
you put me on the whiskey horse.
Okay? Put me on the hiskey horse.
The one with the keg.
Come here,
let me say my last words.
Now don't interrupt me, you shut up,
now okay? These are my last words.
I stopped most of the bleedin',
you gonna be alright.
Most important words I'm gonna say
in my life, I wanna...
Bob.
-Bob!
-What? Oh, no.
Now the last words they'll
remember me by...
The last thing they're gonna
remember me ever sayin' is, "What?"
Bob. Come on.
I know you don't want to go
to heaven sober...
So here's one for the road.
And so as dear old Otter Bob was
winging his way to the great beyond,
the Kid renewed his noble quest.
It was then, one fortuitous day, that
the saints in heaven lead our hero
to the nobelist of most proud
and good looking caballero
ever to lead the Mexican
people into battle.
You think I am
afraid of you?
I spit on you.
I am tired of you!
Get away!
You're too close!
I had a better conversation
with that tumbleweed!
I spit on you!
That's my hat!
You aught to go home to your papa
and get a whipping for having no brain!
Buenos dias.
This mud should heal your face. Three
or four days, you'll be good as new.
You have saved the life
of a great Mexican patriot,
Juan Nepomuceno Cortina.
The man who time and again
outsmarted the Texas Rangers.
That's good. Now, try and relax.
Cortina, the man who fearlessly
occupied the city of Bronsville.
-You wanna relax.
-Cortina!
The man who vowed to
sacrifice his own happiness...
-Cortina!
-Si, Senor!
If you don't stop, this medicine ain't
gonna work and you're gonna die!
I am a proud and noble descendent
of Aztec and Spanish priests!
Priests who taught the world how to
torture a man! He went straight to hell!
Why you think I'm here, in this hideout
with all the trees so no one can see me?
I'm in a little trouble with the law and
just don't want them to find me!
I knew it. The first time I look
in your eyes I knew.
-You are a fellow freedom fighter, no?
-No!
-Liberacion, no?
-No.
-But you understand my passion, no?
-No!
-You're the quiet warrior.
-No, I am not quiet. I'm tired.
I am tired, too, Senor...
Tired of the gringos stealing
the Mexican lands,
with the Mexican names
from the Mexican people!
San Antonio, Amarillo, El Paso,
Corpus Christi!
-Corpus Christi is Latin, you say.
-I say nothing!
Oh, no, it's okay! Did you ever think
Mexico is Latin to me?
Yoo-hoo, Senor!
What is your name, Senor?
-Bob.
-Bob?
-It is a small but fine name, Senor Bop.
-Bob.
-Bop.
-Bob!
Bob. Bob. Oh, Bob.
Claro Como no Bob, that is different.
You realize, Senor Bob,
you have saved the life of the hero
of the Mexican people, Juan...
-I got that part.
-Okay.
As a man of honor, I must now repay
that enormous debt.
Tell ya what, you go to sleep,
we call it even.
No! I, Juan Nepomuceno Cortina,
hereby vow to follow
and protect Senor Bob,
until such time as I in turn can
save the life of Senor Bob!
-Did you say, "follow me?"
-Follow!
No! You will not follow me anywhere!
Do you understand me?
And so, recognizing the greatness
each of us possessed,
my friend and I were inseparable
from that day on.
Together, side-by-side, we road
bravely toward the most wicked
and Godless town
in all the American West,
the very gateway to hell itself,
El Paso, Mexico!
-What can I get you?
-Give me a whiskey.
Permisso, Senor, I want to try to play
some cards with these cowboys.
Okay.
-What is this!?! That ain't whiskey!
-That's El Paso's best, sir.
That'll be a dollar, partner.
I'm not your partner, and I'm not
gonna give you a dollar for this drink.
I'll settle for twenty-five cents.
Sample, if you will, the wonders of this
amazing new scientific invention!
The brushing instrument for human
teeth and dental plates!
It expunges odor!
Eliminates decay!
Eradicates bleeding gums
and mouth pain!
All the rage in London, Paris,
New York and Cairo!
And yours my friends, for only 25 cents.
That's right. 25 cents! Any takers?
-I gotta have one of those.
-Help yourself.
Excuse me, 25 cents.
Hey, ladies, please!
Hey, give me one!
Okay, one more.
My name...
That's a mighty fine
brushin' instrument, ma'am.
-You, too, cowpoke!
-Lookey who's caught in my little trap.
Party's over there, kid.
Nice and easy.
We got our own little social place
for you, son.
You ain't gonna need
that brush.
You mighty quiet. If you wasn't
breathin', I'd think you was dead.
The name's Isaiah Turner.
I'll be dog-gone.
You're Nat Love, ain't ya?
Mr. Love, it is a privilege to share
the same jail cell wit'cha, sir!
I read all your books. I used to read it
to the kids at the church where I taught
You the baddest gunslinger that
ever lived. Is all that stuff true?
Did you really coral ten men by yourself
at the Rattlesnake Canyon?
-Been in a lotta canyons.
-You robbed a bank with just a knife.
That's what they say.
You're the man to teach me
what I need to know.
I been huntin' some men down, I
need to work on my gunslingin' skills.
Sit back. Enjoy the day.
Ain't got time to teach ya nothin'.
They're gonna hang
me tomorrow.
You about to be hung
and you sittin' there
like you goin'
to the barber to get a hair cut.
If a man can't go out in the blaze of
glory, he can at least go with dignity.
I don't feel like goin'!
-Mornin', Mr. Bloomington!
-Morning, Sheriff.
Looks like you've earned
yourself a name, huh?
"The Whorehouse Kid,"
by God that's a quaint little moniker.
And look at you.
All famous and fancy and legit now.
You've become quite a little irritant
to me, son. But, as Mayor of this...
Talkin' like butter won't melt
in your mouth.
As Mayor of this fair city, I've come to
tell you that you'll get a fair trial.
-'Cept for, I know what you really are.
-And a fair hanging.
-A thief and a murderer!
-Goddamnit!
I'm gonna kill ya, Bloomington.
You are going to get yours
tomorrow... Boy.
And I can't wait to see them slip
that noose around your neck
and that look of pure terror
come over your face
just like your mama
had that night that I shot her.
I'm gonna come back from my grave,
and I'm gonna kill ya.
If my brother, Jedediah, was here,
he'd be comin' through that door
and he'd break us outta here!
-Jedediah. Turner?
-You know him?
-Your brother?
-Yeah.
He's a good man.
Hell of a gun fighter.
Had a classic showdown with another
gun. Called himself, "The Undertaker."
Jedediah took him, didn't he? Jedediah,
I know he's a great gunslinger, now!
He always was good!
They say it was close. One for the
books. But your brother lost.
Jedediah dead?
He killed my brother.
You tell me where I find this dog called
The Undertaker. Cause I'll kill him!
No, first I'm gonna kill Bloomington,
then I'm gonna kill Bonner,
and then I'm gonna put a bullet in the
head of this man called The Undertaker.
That's a whole heap a folks to kill for
a man who ain't got no gun, can't shoot,
and is presently incarcerated.
Well, I'm gonna shoot
him dead.
-Bob!
-Cortina! Hey!
Cortina! Help!
-They're gonna hang me!
-Wonderful!
I was hoping. So, I'm saving your life.
We'll be even, I owe you...
You got it!
Come on, Nat. Wake up!
Oxes! Yah!
Come on!
This is my friend, Nat Love.
Good to meet you, Nat Love. Here's
your horse, here's your gun. Even.
It was good riding with you, Bob.
I got to go save the Mexican people.
-You saved my life again!
-I did not!
-He jumped out the window!
-He was killing me!
Every time I turn around, you save my
life! You make me go absolutely crazy.
-Nat, I'm goin' with you!
-No! The hell you are! I'm ridin' alone!
Nat! That's my horse, Nat!
I gotta go with you.
-What?
-I'm goin' with you!
Go, getup. Go! Getup!
Go! Help me! Getup!
Pursued by twenty Texas Rangers,
with a pack of slavering bloodhounds
nipping at our heals, we rode together,
escortin' Senor Love
to his secret hideaway...
Senor Love!
Passe, Senor!
I'm not playin'with you!
-I thought you was dead, boy!
-How ya doin'?
Yeah, well. They almost stretched my
aeck for real this time, boys.
Hey, don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
It is I, Juan Nepomuceno Cortina,
I sprang you from the coscel back there.
Where's the kid?
The kid he keeps falling
off the back of my horse.
It's a little problem we are working on.
Don't you do it!
What part of, "Stop! I've fallen down.
Will you wait for me?" do you not get?
Stop it! All night he was riding like
the wind. I had to catch up with him.
-You left me back there in the dirt!
-I did not want to leave Senor Love!
Senor Love, gentlemen! Allow me
to introduce my fearless compadre,
Senor "Isaiah..." Bob Turner!
I thought I told you not
to follow me!
I know, but I had to. I need your help.
Plus, you stole my horse.
Help. I ain't got time to be helpin'
you! Now, go on, get on outta here!
Oh, come on, Nat.
I saved your life!
That's right! You owe your life to this
man! You must protect this man!
You must give him shelter until
such time as you can save his life.
Shut up!
You can hold up for a couple a days. As
long as that fellah keeps his trap shut.
Keep your mouth shut.
Don't you be mad at me cause you
can't stay on the horse!
I can stay on the horse if you can ride
the horse with that big sombrero!
-Who are you?
-Isaiah. Who are they?
Special people. Got a whole lot
a special people around here.
Sister. Let me give you a hand.
You look like a man.
You smell like a man, too.
Dig in, boys.
My name is Isaiah Turner. I say this
is a really nice hideout you got here.
How ya doin'?
I haven't met most...
Okay, you guys are pretty hungry.
I'm new at gun-slingin',
so any kinda tips or pointers I'd
be willin' to take into consideration.
Use a damn fork, Graham.
Just a buncha noise.
He can't hit nothin'.
-Darn it!
-Try again!
Wrong method, Bob.
No quick draw!
We either gonna have to kill that kid
or teach him how to shoot!
We don't get shot at this much
when we're robbin' banks!
Shoot this.
-Alright. Put it down on the rock.
-No. Shoot it outta my hand.
-Oh, come on, Nat.
-Shoot it.
If you hit me,
I'm gonna kill ya.
Nat, this ain't funny.
Come on.
Shoot it.
Every time you shoot
at someone, plan on dyin'.
Alright.
That's how I wanna ride!
You need to be confident, Bob. The
problem is getting up on to the horse.
-Yeah, that's hard.
-Yes.
Let's try it again.
Put the foot in the stirrup.
No fightin' in the bank.
This hand gets the reins, you don't have
the reins, you have no control.
You're at the horn. You ready?
Cheer up, okay.
-I like when you don't holler at me.
-I'm so sorry I hollered at you.
One-two-three, up!
-Looks pretty good, don't it?
-You look good, yeah.
-Get off that horse.
-I just got on it.
He jealous.
You know, ridin' a horse is a lot
like bein' with a woman.
Just so I understand
this correctly.
What part a ridin' a horse
is like bein' with a woman, exactly?
-Nat, the green whore's a virgin!
-Am not! Hey, I'm not a virgin!
The boy ain't never had no
sugar-dumplin!
Don't clap for me. If you knew how
many I'd been with, you all be prayin'!
I was underneath your little
nunnery thing!
The boy ain't nothin' but a cherry!
That's what he is!
I been with so many women,
I can't remember all their names.
It's alright.
Mary got the medicine for ya.
I don't need your help.
Come on, Mary ain't gonna hurt ya!
Just give ya a little ridin' lesson.
Get away from me!
I'm ridin' with him.
Go ahead, Mary!
Show 'em! Show him!
Mary knows how to fix
the troubles you got.
Good luck, Bob!
Nat!
She ain't got no drawers!
He's a bronco rider!
I'd say the boy is fixed.
He's been practicing.
I tell her, "Maria, drink this tequila."
Take off your clothes, you will see
God! I will bring him to you.
Now, boss, now come on,
why did you call us here?
The kid needs a name.
Well, how about,
"Dusty Butt!"
He's still wet behind the ears,
let's call him "Runt Boy."
No, honey.
Ain't nothin' runty about that boy!
Now, I broke him.
I say I should name him.
-How's about "Happy?"
-It's about Pride.
A man's gotta have a name
that he can be proud of.
What are you proud of son?
My daddy. Now, he died for fightin'
somethin' he believed in.
-And he was half Cherokee.
-The Cherokee Kid.
-Now, I got it! Buffalo Red.
-Buffalo Bop.
-It's not Bop.
-His name is not Bob.
Cherokee Kid.
The Cherokee Kid.
Alright! Now, now, that's a name. That's
a good one, now. The Cherokee Kid.
-Do I look like a gunslinger?
-You look like The Cherokee Kid.
I been meanin' to ask ya,
where did this shirt come from?
It's Billy's.
He's not with us anymore.
-Where we headed, Nat?
-The Reserve Bank in Pecos.
It's Bloomington's biggest bank.
Easy target.
Let's move it!
Can't be correct.
No, those are the charges and
the amount. I want that amount!
Could I please have some
money for the poor?
Sorry, sister.
-Pretty please. It's for charity.
-No can do.
How 'bout if I show ya
a little of this!
Anybody move,
I'll blow ya straight to hell!
Pay attention.
Let's move it, ladies!
We just been robbed by a bunch
of gun-totin' nuns! And that man!
That was fun!
You're the quickest dog-gone
study I've ever seen.
You're the best teacher
I've ever had.
You got places to go
and people to kill.
-We'll meet up again sometime.
-Thanks, Nat. I ain't gonna forget you.
That was the last time I saw
Senor Nat Love.
But he is a man of such character,
such barring,
such cojcmes he will
live within my bosom, forever.
The Kid knew if Bloomington
was elected Governor,
he would control everything,
the money, the land, the people.
Plus, it would be a whole
lot harder to kill him.
So, he took the excellent
advice of yours truly
and set out to make Bloomington
crazy enough to come to him.
He realized robbing his banks would
be a nice way to get his attention,
and to humiliate him
in the eyes of the public.
Excuse me, we're taking
a photograph here!
-Yeah? We're robbin' a bank here.
-Take the picture!
Give me all your money, por favor.
Okay... one minute.
Mr. Kid? The Cherokee Kid?
-Hi! We're old friends.
-What are you doin' here?
-I got a promoted then transferred.
-I got a new job, too. I rob banks.
-You got the apron!
-The gingham apron.
It's got the hand embroidery.
It has those floral patterns.
Here, wait, wait, wait...
Don't forget your money.
-Thanks for your patronage.
-Give my gun.
Or robberyage.
Cherokee steals from rich
and gives to poor!
Idiot!
Bloomington was fed up!
He sent for the most cold-blooded
slinger in all the west.
The Undertaker and twenty other
snarling jackals.
My only recourse was to turn to you,
gentlemen.
Professionals to get the job done.
Now, this bag of gold coins...
Go to the first man to deliver the Kid's
indispensable body parts to me.
Along with some identifiable portion
of his anatomy. His head will do.
He's mine.
-Not unless I get to him first.
-Whoa, friend.
Word of advice.
I hear Cherokee's pretty tricky.
You right handed or South Paw?
South Paw, why?
Guess he better start practices
with his right. Like I said, he's mine.
There's a challenge for you,
gentlemen. Go get him!
Mr. Undertaker.
You certainly are a...
I could do this.
I got gold for any man
that can get him.
I don't need no gold.
Well, go get him then, for free.
Excuse me, ma'am. Would you consider
sellin' us some fresh horses?
We don't cotton to your kind
around here.
My kind?
My kind's your kind.
My kind don't go around knockin' over
banks and robbin' little old ladies,
so just turn around and get!
God Almighty! It's The Cherokee Kid!
Abigail, that's The Cherokee Kid!
-Ma?
-What?
It's The Cherokee Kid!
You climb on off that horse and rest
yourself there, Mr. Cherokee.
Abigail, set a table.
We got famous company for dinner!
Where I'm from, ma'am, when your Pa
asks you to do somethin', you hop to.
-Abigail, hop to!
-Go on, baby.
Thank ya, ma'am.
Like I said, I'm in a jail cell,
waitin' to be hung the next mornin',
till my compadre here breaks
the walls down to get me outta there.
So, I'm shootin' on our way out.
Bullets are flyin' everywhere.
I reckon then, Cherokee, that's why they
upped your reward to 5,000 dollars.
Tell us about that bank you cracked
open with that cannonball.
No-no! I wanna hear how you robbed
Texas Ranger payroll!
-The Texas Rangers.
-The Ranger payroll?
Now, that is an interesting story.
But, the Pinedale Bank...
That was the most frightening.
You got the bank guards
on one side.
You got that bloodthirsty,
no good Jake Carver Gang...
Abby!
Five thousand goes a long way to help
us keep our land!
Talk to me, Bob!
What!?! Why you got me tied up?
And why did you hit me on the head?
We ain't no fools!
We know you come to rob us!
Rob ya? Why would I wanna rob poor
people? You ain't got nothin' to take!
I'm lookin' for Bloomington!
He's workin' for the man who's tryin'
to steal our land! Perfect!
Workin' for him!?! I'm huntin' that man
down! He killed my ma and my pa!
You lie like a pig in mud.
You think I'm lyin'. Then go out
there and look at my horse.
And get some of them Bloomington
bank bags I been robbin'. Take 'em!
We don't want your stinkin' money!
We don't?
You ain't got enough money to give him,
no way. He don't want your money.
He wants your land!
Ma, Cherokee may be right.
I mean, the man is everywhere!
He's got his hands in the bank,
the railroad, government!
Abigail, I don't think we can
rightly fight that man.
-I can.
-We can't afford you!
Well, since I was gonna kill him anyway,
I'll do it for free.
You just shut up your face! Don't you
go fillin' my Ma and Pa's head
with your head fabrications
and your falsehoods...
Let me tell you somethin'...
Let me tell you somethin'. Next time you
tie a man up, use a proper knot.
You know, for a pretty woman
you got a ugly attitude.
Thanks for your hospitality, but I
got to be goin'. I'll be back... Abby.
I am thanking you also, and I assure
you that I respect your strange manners
I would like to return someday,
to try to understand you!
-What'd he say?
-Goodbye?
I think she likes me.
Where the heck is my rifle?
-Abby! No, wait! Please!
-Abby, that's company, girl!
Abigail, I ain't never seen
you miss before.
It's dark.
That's him right there.
I'm lookin' for Cyrus Bloomington.
It's a coincidence, Cherokee.
Undertaker's out lookin' for you.
Is that so?
Best watch your back. The Undertaker's
notthe only blood sucker gunnin' for you
Bloomington's gold's put a bee in a lot
of nasty goodfernothin' bonnets.
I'll keep that in mind.
And if your ass had eyeballs,
you'd be lookin' at the nastiest one!
I don't have no quarrel with you,
unless you want one.
Now, y'all tell this "Undertaker" I want
a rendezvous with him tomorrow,
high noon on main street.
You got that?
Yeah.
What the hell is a "rendezvous?"
That day, as Bloomington's blood thirsty
vultures descended upon Larabee,
the Kid went back to the one lady-bird
who had caught his eye.
What do you want?
Ain't you had enough?
I figure a woman shoot at me four times,
I need to see her again.
I don't wanna be seen with you,
so just move on, mister.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
I must be makin' your husband jealous.
-I don't have a husband.
-Say that again.
I said, "I don't have a husband."
I'm shocked Ms. Abby that some man
wouldn't wanna be hit by you
with a fryin' pan on a daily basis.
And I'm shocked, that for a man who
might be meetin' his maker tomorrow,
you actin' awfully chipper.
I'm not the man who's gonna be
meetin' his maker tomorrow.
-Are you sure?
-I'm sure.
I'm gonna say a prayer for you
anyway-whether you like it or not!
Well, I appreciate that,
Ms. Abby.
See ya later... Cherokee Kid.
Yesterday,
when the Kid rode into town,
he was as ready
as I ever saw him!
He was ready!
He was the most...
The best...
He was the best man I ever known.
Bloomington wants him
in the ground right now.
You don't touch that coffin.
We'll carry it out ourselves.
Alright.
This seems like the proper place
to end this story.
-We don't care to hear your side.
-No, but you'll! So, shut up and listen!
Yesterday morning when I first saw
the Kid, I could tell he was rattled...
So, you're The Undertaker.
I just wanna look in the eyes of the man
that shot my brother before I kill him.
Cherokee feather.
I'm gonna take that after I kill you.
Word of advice...
Don't mistake stupidity for courage.
Now it's your turn to die.
Sweet dreams.
Sweet dreams! Which is what I always
told my little brother at night.
I told ya I'd come back
from my grave to kill ya!
I knew it!
Where the heck is my rifle?
Bob, I'm so happy to see you!
I knew it!
I'm goin' after
Bloomington!
Cortina, do you have a moment?
This fur's heavy!
Bob! I'll be back!
I got you, Bob!
Cortina! Jed, cover me!
-Take it easy. You okay?
-No... I've been better, Bob.
For a man so good
with words,
that was the sorriest eulogy
I've ever heard in my life.
Now that I am dying, I hope you do
better for me.
Please. You're too
conceded to die.
No matter what happens, little brother.
It's been the happiest day of my life.
-Me, too. Let's finish it.
-Come on.
We'll be right back.
Let's do it!
-Where the hell's Bloomington?
-That coward is tryin' to get away.
Bloomington!
Just stop what you're
doin', Bloomington.
Not so tough by yourself, are you?
Now, you're not gonna shoot a man in
the back, are ya?
Wouldn't bother me none. Remember,
you killed my mama.
Yeah, but that was because
when I was really young and foolish.
I'm really sorry about that,
I was workin' for the railroad then
and now the railroad
is workin' for me.
What if we could become partners,
maybe and...
Hell, I've got more money than
you could ever steal.
I'll be Governor next year, more than
likely. Well, what do you say?
You know what?
You're a pathetic old man.
You're not even worth
a bullet.
That was for my mama.
Bacca sholea.
We lost a good friend.
My teacher, like a father to me.
Gonna miss ya, Nat.
So, Jed. When did you start callin'
yourself The Undertaker?
I got in some trouble a while back,
little brother, and had to disappear.
Just like mama taught me,
I killed myself off,
buried myself and named
my newself The Undertaker.
I almost got buried back there.
You almost hit me.
-You almost shot my ear off.
-It's a good thing I drew first.
-You? Who drew first?
-You gettin' deaf? I drew first.
-Did not.
-Did so.
-No, you did not.
-Yes, I did.
-Where you goin'?
-Did not.
I figure I'd go out West. Get a chance
to know my brother better.
Besides, there's some
more wrongs got to be right.
You avenged your parents death, you
even found your long-lost brother...
Isaiah, you don't have to be
The Cherokee Kid no more!
I know I don't have to be,
but I kinda like bein' The Cherokee Kid.
Besides, I'm good at it.
I like bein' a gunslinger.
I best be goin'.
-Okay! Asta las vistas, compadre.
-And where do you think you're goin'?
-I'm going!
-Didn't I just save your life?
Bob!
Okay.
Take care, Ms. Abby.
Woman, what is wrong
with you?
You ain't ridin' off into no damn sunset
without me!
Come on, then!
You better keep up!
Bob! It's this way!
I know!
The sun got in my eyes!
many amazing legends,
Geronimo, Wyatt Earp, Nat Love,
all of them deadly but none deadlier
than this man... The Cherokee Kid.
So, you're The Undertaker.
Now it s your turn to die.
Goodnight, kid.
Sweet dreams.
-God, is he dead?
-He's graveyard dead.
You'd like to double this reward. I
have some very interesting railroad.
I bury my dead before any business
transpires, Mr. Bloomington.
I have here some
deeds that I have...
You deaf? A brave man has died,
he deserves a proper eulogy.
How long do you think it's going
to finish "eulogizing" this...
How long would it take to eulogize a
great man like Montezuma,
or Thomas Jefferson or Robin Hood?
How long?
We'll bury this man
at noon tomorrow.
Noon, tomorrow.
So many people here from far
and wide because a man has died.
-But who exactly was this man?
-You know who he was!
You and I raised him! You tell 'em!
You tell 'em who he was!
-I will, mother. I'll tell 'em.
-You tell 'em what a good boy he was!
Elizabeth, there are others here who
would like to get a word in edgewise.
That's right! I, Juan
Nepomucano Cortina,
hero of the Mexican people,
would like to speak.
For it is I who taught the Cherokee Kid
everything he knows.
That's why he's laid
up in that box now.
The Cherokee Kid was
the most noble,
most courageous human being
the world has ever known.
Let us begin at the beginning.
Before he became known
as The Cherokee Kid,
The Cherokee Kid was just a kid.
His name was Isaiah Turner.
He had a big brother named Jedediah.
The railroad men forced the people
to sell the land for pennies
When the boy's father stood up
to them, they killed him like a dog.
The very next day,
Jedediah took his revenge,
he sneaked into the railroad camp and
shot the man who took his father's life.
Jed! Now, don't you mistake
stupidity for courage!
That night, Mama gave to the boys
their father's favorite hat.
When the bad men came, Mama and
Jedediah put their plan into action.
Of course, they put young Isaiah
in the wood box.
I'll be damned if I'm gonna let
you lynch my baby!
I will kill him myself
before I let you at him!
-No, mama! No!
- Come on, baby. Let it go!
No, baby. I didn't shoot Jed. We was
pretendin' so that Jed could get away.
-You okay, Mr. Bloomington?
-You can't stand in the way of progress.
Go! Get him!
I got him!
Like the terrified antelope, the kid
was running and running night and day.
Guided only by his still
developing sense of direction,
he wandered aimlessly
not knowing where to go.
Till one day, the hand of fate guided
him into the lap of good fortune,
Reverend and Mrs. Peel having
no children of their own,
believed young Isaiah
to be a gift from God.
Got you, Bloomington!
I got you, too Bonner!
Reverend, tell him what the good book
say. Tell him what it say about killin'.
Son, the Bible sayeth,
"Thou shalt not kill!"
The Bible say, "Eye for an eye."
So, I'm gonna shoot him in the eye!
Then, 18 years later, the Kid had grown
into a strong sure-footed young man.
And still he clung to his
childhood dreams.
Bonner, Bloomington,
you're both dead.
-Isaiah!
-Comin' ma!
One day in town, the Kid stumbled
across the face of the man
he hated
with every breath he took.
Bloomington was now
the Mayor of El Paso,
he was coming
to Pinedale to speak.
Isaiah vowed to go there
and silence him forever.
Just one sandwich, ma?
Reverend, you tell him that if he gets
hungry, he can just come on home.
I'll tell him, mother.
Tell him we know that this is all about
Bloomington. Tell him.
Son, violence is not the answer.
Ma, Pa, I can't thank you enough for
taking me in when I lost my family.
But I got to go out and find out who I
am. I love ya, and I'm gonna miss ya.
Pa.
-Ma, can I ask you somethin'?
-Yes, baby.
Since I been little, when you talk to me
you talk to him and I be standin' here.
You tell him that he is gonna go
and get himself killed!
Come on, Ole Lightenin'.
Pa, I'm gonna be goin'.
Bye!
Okay. I'm okay,
Pa. Lightening.
I'm just gonna walk him, Pa,
cause he kinda touchy right now.
"Vengeance is mine," said the Lord!
Killin' is a sin!
And Pinedale's the other way!
I know! That way!
One sandwich. He be back here before
sundown, if he ever can find this place.
Oh, Charles. He took that rusty
gun off the mantle!
Thus, began his magnificent quest,
to find the town called Pinedale
and to find the despicable excuse
for a man who had killed his family.
Oh, man. Where am I?
When he exhausted his supply
of sandwiches,
he feasted on natural foods
and wild game.
Anybody home?
Just lookin' for some food.
Just me and you, turkey.
And one of us got to die!
Let me go, you dirty low-down,
scraggly two-legged cockroach!
What kind of crook knocks over
a whore house anyway?
Why don't you go out
and hit a bank like a real man!?!
Come on, give me some
lovin' you cheap whore!
Cheap? I ain't never done it
for free in my life!
I ain't never paid for it.
Come on!
Come on, you lie down here.
Get off a me!
Why don't you shut that stinkin' mouth
before the bats come flyin' out?
-Shut up!
-You payin' for this.
I know you got the money,
and you payin' for this! Get offa me!
What?
-Hi.
-You dead, boy.
-I think he's dead.
-I killed a man... with a turkey.
-They gonna send me to jail.
-I've been saved by a colored boy!
A sweet, kind, brave, extremely
good-lookin' very light complected...
Honey breath!
Ma'am, you are truly a lovely
and invitin' woman
and all the womanly
parts a man would want,
it's just that I ain't never been
with a woman before,
and I had some turkey before and I'd
rather have some of that bird, Ma'am.
What's that say on
his belt?
His name, Jake Carver.
Can't you read?
Of course I can! I just can't
read English. I's French.
Again, good fortune
smiled on our hero.
Yeah, I killed Jake Carver. You got
somethin' to say about that?
He took refuge for the night
in a charming little cottage
where a nice Christian girl prepared for
him a delicious home-cooked meal.
Gobble-gobble.
All night long he dreamed
of left over turkey sandwiches.
But in the morning, the girl
and the bird had flown the coop.
She took the turkey!
Bloomington will be in Pinedale today.
Isaiah had to get there by hook or crook
-How ya doin' gentlemen?
-Morning.
How-dee-do?
Who the hell are you?
-I'm Jake Carver.
-Jake Carver?
Yes, I am.
Damn! Well, it sure hell is
a small world ain't it, boys?
See, now we're Jake Carver's gang!
-Hey, Jake, I'm your cousin!
-I'm your cousin, too!
I ain't your cousin,
so I guess that makes me your aunt.
Wait a minute.
Now, now let me explain.
Jim-Bob, Jake's out back.
Dead as a skunk. No sign of the girl.
You all don't think I killed him did ya?
I grew up with Jake.
That whore killed him! I always told
Jake that these whores will kill him.
Yopu know he was always chasin'
women. From the time he was young
always tryin' to look the other girl's
petticoats. I'd say, "Jake, stop."
There was petticoats and corsets,
he wouldn't listen to me
and we'd be runnin' off playin' tag
and hide-and-go seek.
But Jake didn't like
them kinda games.
and he'd take our arms behind our back
and he'd twist 'em, till we screamed!
And then he had this floorboard,
from his mammy's house
and he would take it and whoop us
upside the head!
He'd take whiskey from his daddy, pour
it down my throat till I wet myself.
That's our Jake!
It's a shame Jake's gone now cause
he had a big job for us to do.
-What kinda job?
-He didn't tell you?
-No, he didn't tell me about no job.
-This was the biggest job...
That's why he brought me out here.
We was gonna rob a bank.
-Where?
-In Pinedale.
-Pinedale?
-Yeah.
Lotta money there, too. But, look
like it's gonna stay in that bank now.
Jake's gone, I'll bury him before
them animals tear him up.
Ain't nothin' worse than seein' a man's
body lay there and rot
you walk up on it, and you think it's
like a dead dog, but it's a person,
you see this big head there and it
scares ya, and the horses get spooked.
-Nice meetin' ya.
-Alright. I'll bet.
You goin' the wrong way. Pinedale's
almost ten miles north a here.
I figured I'd just...
But then again it would be right
to honor Jake by robbin' that bank.
-You told me Pinedale was that way.
-Just get.
Now, here's the new plan. We go in
the bank and you go up to the teller
and tell her you're robbin' the bank,
and then rob the bank.
You been thinkin' about this for awhile.
We aughta take a couple more minutes.
Maybe we'll just go on in then.
-Hi! Can I help you?
-Hi, how ya doin'?
-I'm fine, thank you.
-That is a right smart tie!
-Thank you. I bought it in St. Louie.
-St. Louie?
-My grandmom is buried there.
-It's a dangerous place.
-She was bit by a rabid rabbit.
-A rabbit rabbit?
-A, a rabbit with rabbies.
-A rabbit with rabies?
I thought you were talking about
identical twin rabbits.
-No, just one rabbit with rabies.
-I'm sorry. How can I help you?
I was thinkin' about...
Maybe you wanna open a new account
if you do today, you get great gifts.
For example, if you give us
25 dollars you get this.
-It's a cake of Grandpa's pine tar soap.
-This the one with witch hazel?
-Will open up your pores.
-It smells so fresh.
It's guaranteed to leave
you "refreshingly clean."
-Can I ask my friends that need it?
-Of course.
-You're a very nice man.
-Thank you. You, too.
-Billy Bob, if...
-It's Jim Bob with a G.
I'm sorry, all them Bob's throw me off.
I can't get the Bob's right.
-It's Jim Bob, with a G.
-I wanna show ya somethin'.
If we give him 25 dollars to start an
account, we'll get free pine tar soap.
As much as we're on the road together,
this could kill the stinkies.
I don't take a bath.
You just go over there, rob the bank.
I'm just thinkin'
about how you smell.
They don't like the soap.
If they give us one hundred dollars
to deposit, they get a gingham apron.
-Hush my mouth! And I cook.
-You do?
-Yes, I can cook rabbit.
-That's good. I hope it's not rabid.
-You a funny man.
-You know what we do with it?
We hand embroider your name
right across the front.
-My name's Isaiah.
-It's beautiful.
-It's Biblical.
-God bless you.
-That was my grandmother's name.
-Isaiah?
Yeah, it's a man's name but she was
very mannish and she wore pants.
We'll put the name right here
just like it says "Teller" for me.
-That's your name?
-No, that's my job.
You go tell 'em
about the gingham apron.
You are not gonna believe this.
They have these gingham aprons.
We put 100 dollars in, we put our money
together, wha'ch you want to tell him?
Just tell 'em we're
here to rob the bank!
You don't have to spit
on me.
These gentlemen are here
to rob the bank!
I forgot to tell you, if you give us
three hundred dollars to deposit,
you get this nice big gun.
The kid knew that Bloomington
was close by, he could smell him.
Unfortunately, Frank Bonner had
already sniffed out the kid.
Alright, where is he? Mr. Bloomington
would like to meet the man
who shot Jake Carver and took his
whole gang out single-handed.
Well, there's the brave
gentleman, Mr. Bonner.
You done good, boy. Saved us
a whole heap of embarrassment.
Here's your reward.
Don't spend it all in one place!
-What's the matter, son?
-I ain't your son.
I don't know about that. I done me
a whole lot a colored whores in my day.
I might be your daddy.
What is that, boy?
You, you actually might be dangerous if
you had yourself a real gun.
What a fool.
Somebody kill that sonovabitch!
Then the kid heard the voice that
had been haunting his nightmares
since he was ten years old.
I'm sorry, but nobody. I mean nobody
can stand in the way of progress!
And friends, progress is steamin'
your way on the American railroad.
Now, you gonna climb on board,
or you gonna get left behind?
I'm the man who brought the railroads
to Ft. Worth, and Abilene.
But I have a greater plan.
I wanna bring the railroad
through Pinedale to El Paso,
up to Denver, on up to San Francisco!
I have been asked to consider running
for Governor of this great state.
Now, if I do, when elected
I promise to make available
all the land that I've invested
in to the Southland railroad.
I'm inviting all of you...
To give up your land so this man's
pockets could get fatter!
Young man, I'm the one that's supposed
to be shootin' his mouth off up here.
My mother tried to shoot
your mouth off,
that's where you got that scar on your
forehead. I'm gonna kill ya.
Give the word! Let's go!
Gotta go guys!
Mr. Bonner.
I hate to ad insult to injury,
but I need your help.
Now think back a number of years. The
night I almost got my head blown off.
Now, you pursued a dangerous
criminal into the woods.
Yes, sir. I tracked him down like
a dog and I shot him twice.
That negro that shot you in the ass,
he seems to be same said criminal.
He knew all about that night.
You are a lyin' sonovabitch,
just like that whorin' mother of yours.
There's a fugitive in question who has
wounded this law-abiding citizen.
I am hereby offering a one thousand
dollar reward for his carcass.
But you better move fast boys
because Mr. Bonner's job is on the line.
And once he gets the lead
out of his ass...
He's gonna be movin' fast as hell.
Let's go down to Ellie-May's
and have a little cake, shall we?
The kid knew he had to lay
low for a little bit,
so he sought refuge
with a man of the mountains.
A noble savage who lived
alone in the wilderness.
A gentle man, modest. A man
who always heeded nature's call.
Pee break.
The ole pissin' trick.
It always works.
Because of the Kid's gift of gab,
and the mountain man's loneliness,
a strange friendship began.
-What's your name?
-My name's Otter Bob.
-Not "thee" Otter Bob?
-I'm Otter Bob.
When I read about you, they said
you be a big tall man, big strong man,
like the way you look now. It's hard
to believe that you're really here.
Let me ask you somethin'.
How big do you think a otter is?
-I ain't never seen one.
-About like that.
Now, if a buffalo was behind
me right now, bam!
I could kill 'em,
cause they're big as a house.
Goddamn Bill Coty,
that arrogant sonovabitch!
Sure, Buffalo Bill's got a better
ring to it than Otter Bob,
but I killed 1,000 otters in two days.
He never killed a thousand buffalo.
-You know Buffalo Bill?
-Yeah, I know him.
Nice. I always read books about all the
mountain men and the gunslingers.
-I always wanted to be a mountain man.
-Wait a minute.
-You read?
-Yeah, I read.
My mama taught me and
my brother Jedediah to read.
-That's why I was in your wagon...
-I didn't ask you that.
I asked you if you could read.
I got this here book.
I been carryin' it around with me for
about a year now and I really like it.
-You wanna look at it?
-That's one of them dirty books.
-It's not a dirty book.
-Yes, it is.
It's not a dirty book! Maybe you could
teach me enough to read that.
Where I could just take it
and go off and be by myself
and read and not bother
anybody or anything.
-FiFi and Lola luxuriate in the bathtub.
-Is that one FiFi, with the dark hair?
-Yeah.
-I knew it!
-FiFi's wild!
-Go on, read some more.
I tell you what.
You take me to El Paso, Texas,
and by the time we get there, you'll be
able to read this book all by yourself.
I'm goin' to Idaho. We'll talk about
it in the mornin', alright?
Do you mind if I take one of them
furs and use it as a blanket?
-One of my furs?
-One that you're not usin'.
-I'm usin' them all.
-You can't use all of 'em.
I use 'em all.
Look, you want a skin?
That's a bowie knife.
Jim gave it to me, long time ago.
You take that, go on out there and kill
a critter, make a blanky out of him.
Mornin'.
Maybe it's a good mornin' for you.
I had to sleep on the ground.
-Wha'cha eatin'?
-Your blanket.
What kinda mountain man would kill
a little defenseless bunny?
You need to be huntin' bear, mountain
lion, somethin' that got a chance...
Want a leg?
I was thinkin' about what we were
talkin' about last night.
Idaho's very close to El Paso,
so you can ride along with me,
but you gotta teach me to read.
It's a deal, but you gotta
teach me somethin' too.
-Like?
-How to be a mountain man.
How to use a knife and hunt,
shoot a gun,
tomahawk, make a fire with rocks,
make coffee, skin a bear,
make some pants out of it,
make my own blanket,
make a hat with some fur around it,
track, disappear
and know which plants not to touch so I
don't stick myself and bleed to death...
Over the next several months,
the wise and wily mountain man
handed down the secrets of survival
to his fervent pupil,
much the way Moses handed
down the stone tablets.
The kid learned rapidly, nature to him
became... second nature.
And the wilderness
became his home.
I think you got the
last one.
You stupid fish!
You makin' me mad now.
What's that? This fish said,
"Hey, you are really stupid."
Good!
Good... You can kill a cup.
Thanks, Bob.
-Where'd you get that hat?
-It's my daddy's hat.
-That's a Cherokee feather.
-He was half Cherokee.
And your daddy was in many,
many battles... and won 'em all!
-And you know how I know that?
-You see all that on that feather?
Yeah. Those little marks here,
they're called coos.
Each coo is a battle that your daddy
won. Your daddy was a great warrior.
That he was.
Looks like we're gettin' close.
Okay, I got three bob cats here,
that's five dollars a piece.
I got six otters and that's four
dollars a piece, right?
Four a piece.
And I got one mountain lion,
ten dollars a piece.
-You got a mountain lion?
-That's right.
You good! You good!
And one coyote.
Three dollars, right?
Well, since it's you,
I'll give you three dollars for it.
Okay, what does that mean there,
how much is that all?
-Let's see, that's six times four...
-That's a lot, ain't it?
...carry that two and...
Bob, you a rich man.
I owe you twenty-six
dollars.
No sir. That's not 26 dollars.
That's 52 dollars.
-No, it's twenty-six.
-No, sir. That's 52 dollars.
Come on, Bob. Who you
gonna believe? Me or... him?
Well, seein' that the young
man's like a son to me,
and you you're a lyin',
cheatin', sonovabitch.
Come on, Bob. I'm just doin' business.
I've been fair.
I'm gonna believe him!
He's been doin' it for five years.
Get 52 dollars and get that
pig-sticker outta here.
-You killed him!
-I hope I did.
Take a bottle of whiskey for every
year that sonovabitch cheated me.
-That'd be five bottles.
-So now we stealin' and killin'?
Yeah.
-What the hell?
-No, this ain't what it look like.
He was cheatin' on...
Wait a minute, Bob, wait! Stop, Bob!
Wait! Bob, slow down!
Will you brighten up a little bit.
There's nobody gonna find us here.
I ain't worried about nobody botherin'
us, I'm wonderin' why you trusted me.
Well, if a man can't trust his own best
friend, who can he trust?
-Now, you my best friend, too, Bob.
-Yeah.
-Awe, I ain't never had a drink, Bob.
-Well, it's about time, then, huh?
-Wanna help me eat this lizard?
-It'll take the stink off that lizard.
Yes, sir. You're gonna love
that lizard after this.
This is nasty. This'll grow toenails on
a dead man! I'll have some more.
This lizard reminds me of
how I killed my first bear.
You didn't kill no bear.
You put it on a stick like we had it,
and you put it over the fire
and they'll come sneakin' up,
Then you jump on their back cause
they don't know what's happenin'
cause they get crazy about that lizard
and you got 'em around their neck.
-You was on his back?
-You're chokin' him!
-You was on his back?
-Yes.
And I was chokin' him
his eyeballs just went...
I mean, they just popped right out like
that, so I took out my knife and went...
Beneath this old tree and I took my
knife and I went and slit his throat.
That's when I became
a mountain man.
You're not a mountain man until you
killed a bear with your bare hands.
If you can remember what I taught you,
then you will be a great bear hunter.
I'm gonna go get a bear.
I have told you everything that I know
how to do it, so I want you to do...
Isaiah!
Son, I was just jokin'!
I didn't kill him just with my hands!
I had a gun!
Here ya go. Come here, bear.
Come. I got a nice lizard.
Thought you'd sneak
up on me. Here, bear...
Here I come. I got a
nice little lizard for ya.
I got ya! You got me! I got you.
He's small, but he's mean.
Come on over here and
have a drink, mountain man.
I'm a mountain man.
So you're tellin' me that he's
hangin' out with an old timer.
And you ain't gonna find 'em.
Otter Bob's sly as a fox.
He's the best mountain man
in Texas.
He's the best mountain man.
I'm the best tracker in Texas.
You okay, Bob?
Bob, it's empty. I already told you it's
empty. You finished it all two days ago.
Bob, just sit down.
Billy, I told you not to catch
that hawk! Shut up, ma!
-There's nobody out there.
-Shut up! I'll kill ya you sonova...
-Bob, put the gun down.
-I'm a mountain man. I'll kill ya!
-Put the gun down!
-Don't move.
-Snake! Don't move!
-It's nothin'.
-I got it, don't move.
-What snake?
-Right there.
-I see it! Don't shoot it! Let me get it
Twig snake, I didn't see it at first.
Right under 'neath my foot, right..
It's gone. It's okay now.
You saved my life. Just give me the gun.
Totally unaware that Frank Bonner
was thundering toward them,
the kid and Otter Bob slept
like little babies that night.
-Good mornin', Bob.
-Snake.
-Bob, you're just hallucinatin'.
-Between your legs.
-You're just confused.
-He's a big one!
That's my "pet" snake.
He's my friend.
-Gotta do it.
-Bob, no. Bob!
-Thank you.
-I feel pretty good about it myself.
Mighty good sippin' whiskey.
Well, there's plenty more where
that came from, old timer.
We've been trackin' him for three
months. Tell me where that nigger is.
"Nigger." I always thought that was an
ugly word. Almost as ugly as you are.
Don't you ever sass
me, old man.
Sorry.
I'm gettin' sassy in my old age.
If I could have one more drink,
I believe I could give ya exactly
the place where he's at.
Can I look at that picture one
more time?
Go!
Damn!
Another day.
-Bob! You alright? Bob?
-No, I been shot.
If you're gonna put me on a horse,
you put me on the whiskey horse.
Okay? Put me on the hiskey horse.
The one with the keg.
Come here,
let me say my last words.
Now don't interrupt me, you shut up,
now okay? These are my last words.
I stopped most of the bleedin',
you gonna be alright.
Most important words I'm gonna say
in my life, I wanna...
Bob.
-Bob!
-What? Oh, no.
Now the last words they'll
remember me by...
The last thing they're gonna
remember me ever sayin' is, "What?"
Bob. Come on.
I know you don't want to go
to heaven sober...
So here's one for the road.
And so as dear old Otter Bob was
winging his way to the great beyond,
the Kid renewed his noble quest.
It was then, one fortuitous day, that
the saints in heaven lead our hero
to the nobelist of most proud
and good looking caballero
ever to lead the Mexican
people into battle.
You think I am
afraid of you?
I spit on you.
I am tired of you!
Get away!
You're too close!
I had a better conversation
with that tumbleweed!
I spit on you!
That's my hat!
You aught to go home to your papa
and get a whipping for having no brain!
Buenos dias.
This mud should heal your face. Three
or four days, you'll be good as new.
You have saved the life
of a great Mexican patriot,
Juan Nepomuceno Cortina.
The man who time and again
outsmarted the Texas Rangers.
That's good. Now, try and relax.
Cortina, the man who fearlessly
occupied the city of Bronsville.
-You wanna relax.
-Cortina!
The man who vowed to
sacrifice his own happiness...
-Cortina!
-Si, Senor!
If you don't stop, this medicine ain't
gonna work and you're gonna die!
I am a proud and noble descendent
of Aztec and Spanish priests!
Priests who taught the world how to
torture a man! He went straight to hell!
Why you think I'm here, in this hideout
with all the trees so no one can see me?
I'm in a little trouble with the law and
just don't want them to find me!
I knew it. The first time I look
in your eyes I knew.
-You are a fellow freedom fighter, no?
-No!
-Liberacion, no?
-No.
-But you understand my passion, no?
-No!
-You're the quiet warrior.
-No, I am not quiet. I'm tired.
I am tired, too, Senor...
Tired of the gringos stealing
the Mexican lands,
with the Mexican names
from the Mexican people!
San Antonio, Amarillo, El Paso,
Corpus Christi!
-Corpus Christi is Latin, you say.
-I say nothing!
Oh, no, it's okay! Did you ever think
Mexico is Latin to me?
Yoo-hoo, Senor!
What is your name, Senor?
-Bob.
-Bob?
-It is a small but fine name, Senor Bop.
-Bob.
-Bop.
-Bob!
Bob. Bob. Oh, Bob.
Claro Como no Bob, that is different.
You realize, Senor Bob,
you have saved the life of the hero
of the Mexican people, Juan...
-I got that part.
-Okay.
As a man of honor, I must now repay
that enormous debt.
Tell ya what, you go to sleep,
we call it even.
No! I, Juan Nepomuceno Cortina,
hereby vow to follow
and protect Senor Bob,
until such time as I in turn can
save the life of Senor Bob!
-Did you say, "follow me?"
-Follow!
No! You will not follow me anywhere!
Do you understand me?
And so, recognizing the greatness
each of us possessed,
my friend and I were inseparable
from that day on.
Together, side-by-side, we road
bravely toward the most wicked
and Godless town
in all the American West,
the very gateway to hell itself,
El Paso, Mexico!
-What can I get you?
-Give me a whiskey.
Permisso, Senor, I want to try to play
some cards with these cowboys.
Okay.
-What is this!?! That ain't whiskey!
-That's El Paso's best, sir.
That'll be a dollar, partner.
I'm not your partner, and I'm not
gonna give you a dollar for this drink.
I'll settle for twenty-five cents.
Sample, if you will, the wonders of this
amazing new scientific invention!
The brushing instrument for human
teeth and dental plates!
It expunges odor!
Eliminates decay!
Eradicates bleeding gums
and mouth pain!
All the rage in London, Paris,
New York and Cairo!
And yours my friends, for only 25 cents.
That's right. 25 cents! Any takers?
-I gotta have one of those.
-Help yourself.
Excuse me, 25 cents.
Hey, ladies, please!
Hey, give me one!
Okay, one more.
My name...
That's a mighty fine
brushin' instrument, ma'am.
-You, too, cowpoke!
-Lookey who's caught in my little trap.
Party's over there, kid.
Nice and easy.
We got our own little social place
for you, son.
You ain't gonna need
that brush.
You mighty quiet. If you wasn't
breathin', I'd think you was dead.
The name's Isaiah Turner.
I'll be dog-gone.
You're Nat Love, ain't ya?
Mr. Love, it is a privilege to share
the same jail cell wit'cha, sir!
I read all your books. I used to read it
to the kids at the church where I taught
You the baddest gunslinger that
ever lived. Is all that stuff true?
Did you really coral ten men by yourself
at the Rattlesnake Canyon?
-Been in a lotta canyons.
-You robbed a bank with just a knife.
That's what they say.
You're the man to teach me
what I need to know.
I been huntin' some men down, I
need to work on my gunslingin' skills.
Sit back. Enjoy the day.
Ain't got time to teach ya nothin'.
They're gonna hang
me tomorrow.
You about to be hung
and you sittin' there
like you goin'
to the barber to get a hair cut.
If a man can't go out in the blaze of
glory, he can at least go with dignity.
I don't feel like goin'!
-Mornin', Mr. Bloomington!
-Morning, Sheriff.
Looks like you've earned
yourself a name, huh?
"The Whorehouse Kid,"
by God that's a quaint little moniker.
And look at you.
All famous and fancy and legit now.
You've become quite a little irritant
to me, son. But, as Mayor of this...
Talkin' like butter won't melt
in your mouth.
As Mayor of this fair city, I've come to
tell you that you'll get a fair trial.
-'Cept for, I know what you really are.
-And a fair hanging.
-A thief and a murderer!
-Goddamnit!
I'm gonna kill ya, Bloomington.
You are going to get yours
tomorrow... Boy.
And I can't wait to see them slip
that noose around your neck
and that look of pure terror
come over your face
just like your mama
had that night that I shot her.
I'm gonna come back from my grave,
and I'm gonna kill ya.
If my brother, Jedediah, was here,
he'd be comin' through that door
and he'd break us outta here!
-Jedediah. Turner?
-You know him?
-Your brother?
-Yeah.
He's a good man.
Hell of a gun fighter.
Had a classic showdown with another
gun. Called himself, "The Undertaker."
Jedediah took him, didn't he? Jedediah,
I know he's a great gunslinger, now!
He always was good!
They say it was close. One for the
books. But your brother lost.
Jedediah dead?
He killed my brother.
You tell me where I find this dog called
The Undertaker. Cause I'll kill him!
No, first I'm gonna kill Bloomington,
then I'm gonna kill Bonner,
and then I'm gonna put a bullet in the
head of this man called The Undertaker.
That's a whole heap a folks to kill for
a man who ain't got no gun, can't shoot,
and is presently incarcerated.
Well, I'm gonna shoot
him dead.
-Bob!
-Cortina! Hey!
Cortina! Help!
-They're gonna hang me!
-Wonderful!
I was hoping. So, I'm saving your life.
We'll be even, I owe you...
You got it!
Come on, Nat. Wake up!
Oxes! Yah!
Come on!
This is my friend, Nat Love.
Good to meet you, Nat Love. Here's
your horse, here's your gun. Even.
It was good riding with you, Bob.
I got to go save the Mexican people.
-You saved my life again!
-I did not!
-He jumped out the window!
-He was killing me!
Every time I turn around, you save my
life! You make me go absolutely crazy.
-Nat, I'm goin' with you!
-No! The hell you are! I'm ridin' alone!
Nat! That's my horse, Nat!
I gotta go with you.
-What?
-I'm goin' with you!
Go, getup. Go! Getup!
Go! Help me! Getup!
Pursued by twenty Texas Rangers,
with a pack of slavering bloodhounds
nipping at our heals, we rode together,
escortin' Senor Love
to his secret hideaway...
Senor Love!
Passe, Senor!
I'm not playin'with you!
-I thought you was dead, boy!
-How ya doin'?
Yeah, well. They almost stretched my
aeck for real this time, boys.
Hey, don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
It is I, Juan Nepomuceno Cortina,
I sprang you from the coscel back there.
Where's the kid?
The kid he keeps falling
off the back of my horse.
It's a little problem we are working on.
Don't you do it!
What part of, "Stop! I've fallen down.
Will you wait for me?" do you not get?
Stop it! All night he was riding like
the wind. I had to catch up with him.
-You left me back there in the dirt!
-I did not want to leave Senor Love!
Senor Love, gentlemen! Allow me
to introduce my fearless compadre,
Senor "Isaiah..." Bob Turner!
I thought I told you not
to follow me!
I know, but I had to. I need your help.
Plus, you stole my horse.
Help. I ain't got time to be helpin'
you! Now, go on, get on outta here!
Oh, come on, Nat.
I saved your life!
That's right! You owe your life to this
man! You must protect this man!
You must give him shelter until
such time as you can save his life.
Shut up!
You can hold up for a couple a days. As
long as that fellah keeps his trap shut.
Keep your mouth shut.
Don't you be mad at me cause you
can't stay on the horse!
I can stay on the horse if you can ride
the horse with that big sombrero!
-Who are you?
-Isaiah. Who are they?
Special people. Got a whole lot
a special people around here.
Sister. Let me give you a hand.
You look like a man.
You smell like a man, too.
Dig in, boys.
My name is Isaiah Turner. I say this
is a really nice hideout you got here.
How ya doin'?
I haven't met most...
Okay, you guys are pretty hungry.
I'm new at gun-slingin',
so any kinda tips or pointers I'd
be willin' to take into consideration.
Use a damn fork, Graham.
Just a buncha noise.
He can't hit nothin'.
-Darn it!
-Try again!
Wrong method, Bob.
No quick draw!
We either gonna have to kill that kid
or teach him how to shoot!
We don't get shot at this much
when we're robbin' banks!
Shoot this.
-Alright. Put it down on the rock.
-No. Shoot it outta my hand.
-Oh, come on, Nat.
-Shoot it.
If you hit me,
I'm gonna kill ya.
Nat, this ain't funny.
Come on.
Shoot it.
Every time you shoot
at someone, plan on dyin'.
Alright.
That's how I wanna ride!
You need to be confident, Bob. The
problem is getting up on to the horse.
-Yeah, that's hard.
-Yes.
Let's try it again.
Put the foot in the stirrup.
No fightin' in the bank.
This hand gets the reins, you don't have
the reins, you have no control.
You're at the horn. You ready?
Cheer up, okay.
-I like when you don't holler at me.
-I'm so sorry I hollered at you.
One-two-three, up!
-Looks pretty good, don't it?
-You look good, yeah.
-Get off that horse.
-I just got on it.
He jealous.
You know, ridin' a horse is a lot
like bein' with a woman.
Just so I understand
this correctly.
What part a ridin' a horse
is like bein' with a woman, exactly?
-Nat, the green whore's a virgin!
-Am not! Hey, I'm not a virgin!
The boy ain't never had no
sugar-dumplin!
Don't clap for me. If you knew how
many I'd been with, you all be prayin'!
I was underneath your little
nunnery thing!
The boy ain't nothin' but a cherry!
That's what he is!
I been with so many women,
I can't remember all their names.
It's alright.
Mary got the medicine for ya.
I don't need your help.
Come on, Mary ain't gonna hurt ya!
Just give ya a little ridin' lesson.
Get away from me!
I'm ridin' with him.
Go ahead, Mary!
Show 'em! Show him!
Mary knows how to fix
the troubles you got.
Good luck, Bob!
Nat!
She ain't got no drawers!
He's a bronco rider!
I'd say the boy is fixed.
He's been practicing.
I tell her, "Maria, drink this tequila."
Take off your clothes, you will see
God! I will bring him to you.
Now, boss, now come on,
why did you call us here?
The kid needs a name.
Well, how about,
"Dusty Butt!"
He's still wet behind the ears,
let's call him "Runt Boy."
No, honey.
Ain't nothin' runty about that boy!
Now, I broke him.
I say I should name him.
-How's about "Happy?"
-It's about Pride.
A man's gotta have a name
that he can be proud of.
What are you proud of son?
My daddy. Now, he died for fightin'
somethin' he believed in.
-And he was half Cherokee.
-The Cherokee Kid.
-Now, I got it! Buffalo Red.
-Buffalo Bop.
-It's not Bop.
-His name is not Bob.
Cherokee Kid.
The Cherokee Kid.
Alright! Now, now, that's a name. That's
a good one, now. The Cherokee Kid.
-Do I look like a gunslinger?
-You look like The Cherokee Kid.
I been meanin' to ask ya,
where did this shirt come from?
It's Billy's.
He's not with us anymore.
-Where we headed, Nat?
-The Reserve Bank in Pecos.
It's Bloomington's biggest bank.
Easy target.
Let's move it!
Can't be correct.
No, those are the charges and
the amount. I want that amount!
Could I please have some
money for the poor?
Sorry, sister.
-Pretty please. It's for charity.
-No can do.
How 'bout if I show ya
a little of this!
Anybody move,
I'll blow ya straight to hell!
Pay attention.
Let's move it, ladies!
We just been robbed by a bunch
of gun-totin' nuns! And that man!
That was fun!
You're the quickest dog-gone
study I've ever seen.
You're the best teacher
I've ever had.
You got places to go
and people to kill.
-We'll meet up again sometime.
-Thanks, Nat. I ain't gonna forget you.
That was the last time I saw
Senor Nat Love.
But he is a man of such character,
such barring,
such cojcmes he will
live within my bosom, forever.
The Kid knew if Bloomington
was elected Governor,
he would control everything,
the money, the land, the people.
Plus, it would be a whole
lot harder to kill him.
So, he took the excellent
advice of yours truly
and set out to make Bloomington
crazy enough to come to him.
He realized robbing his banks would
be a nice way to get his attention,
and to humiliate him
in the eyes of the public.
Excuse me, we're taking
a photograph here!
-Yeah? We're robbin' a bank here.
-Take the picture!
Give me all your money, por favor.
Okay... one minute.
Mr. Kid? The Cherokee Kid?
-Hi! We're old friends.
-What are you doin' here?
-I got a promoted then transferred.
-I got a new job, too. I rob banks.
-You got the apron!
-The gingham apron.
It's got the hand embroidery.
It has those floral patterns.
Here, wait, wait, wait...
Don't forget your money.
-Thanks for your patronage.
-Give my gun.
Or robberyage.
Cherokee steals from rich
and gives to poor!
Idiot!
Bloomington was fed up!
He sent for the most cold-blooded
slinger in all the west.
The Undertaker and twenty other
snarling jackals.
My only recourse was to turn to you,
gentlemen.
Professionals to get the job done.
Now, this bag of gold coins...
Go to the first man to deliver the Kid's
indispensable body parts to me.
Along with some identifiable portion
of his anatomy. His head will do.
He's mine.
-Not unless I get to him first.
-Whoa, friend.
Word of advice.
I hear Cherokee's pretty tricky.
You right handed or South Paw?
South Paw, why?
Guess he better start practices
with his right. Like I said, he's mine.
There's a challenge for you,
gentlemen. Go get him!
Mr. Undertaker.
You certainly are a...
I could do this.
I got gold for any man
that can get him.
I don't need no gold.
Well, go get him then, for free.
Excuse me, ma'am. Would you consider
sellin' us some fresh horses?
We don't cotton to your kind
around here.
My kind?
My kind's your kind.
My kind don't go around knockin' over
banks and robbin' little old ladies,
so just turn around and get!
God Almighty! It's The Cherokee Kid!
Abigail, that's The Cherokee Kid!
-Ma?
-What?
It's The Cherokee Kid!
You climb on off that horse and rest
yourself there, Mr. Cherokee.
Abigail, set a table.
We got famous company for dinner!
Where I'm from, ma'am, when your Pa
asks you to do somethin', you hop to.
-Abigail, hop to!
-Go on, baby.
Thank ya, ma'am.
Like I said, I'm in a jail cell,
waitin' to be hung the next mornin',
till my compadre here breaks
the walls down to get me outta there.
So, I'm shootin' on our way out.
Bullets are flyin' everywhere.
I reckon then, Cherokee, that's why they
upped your reward to 5,000 dollars.
Tell us about that bank you cracked
open with that cannonball.
No-no! I wanna hear how you robbed
Texas Ranger payroll!
-The Texas Rangers.
-The Ranger payroll?
Now, that is an interesting story.
But, the Pinedale Bank...
That was the most frightening.
You got the bank guards
on one side.
You got that bloodthirsty,
no good Jake Carver Gang...
Abby!
Five thousand goes a long way to help
us keep our land!
Talk to me, Bob!
What!?! Why you got me tied up?
And why did you hit me on the head?
We ain't no fools!
We know you come to rob us!
Rob ya? Why would I wanna rob poor
people? You ain't got nothin' to take!
I'm lookin' for Bloomington!
He's workin' for the man who's tryin'
to steal our land! Perfect!
Workin' for him!?! I'm huntin' that man
down! He killed my ma and my pa!
You lie like a pig in mud.
You think I'm lyin'. Then go out
there and look at my horse.
And get some of them Bloomington
bank bags I been robbin'. Take 'em!
We don't want your stinkin' money!
We don't?
You ain't got enough money to give him,
no way. He don't want your money.
He wants your land!
Ma, Cherokee may be right.
I mean, the man is everywhere!
He's got his hands in the bank,
the railroad, government!
Abigail, I don't think we can
rightly fight that man.
-I can.
-We can't afford you!
Well, since I was gonna kill him anyway,
I'll do it for free.
You just shut up your face! Don't you
go fillin' my Ma and Pa's head
with your head fabrications
and your falsehoods...
Let me tell you somethin'...
Let me tell you somethin'. Next time you
tie a man up, use a proper knot.
You know, for a pretty woman
you got a ugly attitude.
Thanks for your hospitality, but I
got to be goin'. I'll be back... Abby.
I am thanking you also, and I assure
you that I respect your strange manners
I would like to return someday,
to try to understand you!
-What'd he say?
-Goodbye?
I think she likes me.
Where the heck is my rifle?
-Abby! No, wait! Please!
-Abby, that's company, girl!
Abigail, I ain't never seen
you miss before.
It's dark.
That's him right there.
I'm lookin' for Cyrus Bloomington.
It's a coincidence, Cherokee.
Undertaker's out lookin' for you.
Is that so?
Best watch your back. The Undertaker's
notthe only blood sucker gunnin' for you
Bloomington's gold's put a bee in a lot
of nasty goodfernothin' bonnets.
I'll keep that in mind.
And if your ass had eyeballs,
you'd be lookin' at the nastiest one!
I don't have no quarrel with you,
unless you want one.
Now, y'all tell this "Undertaker" I want
a rendezvous with him tomorrow,
high noon on main street.
You got that?
Yeah.
What the hell is a "rendezvous?"
That day, as Bloomington's blood thirsty
vultures descended upon Larabee,
the Kid went back to the one lady-bird
who had caught his eye.
What do you want?
Ain't you had enough?
I figure a woman shoot at me four times,
I need to see her again.
I don't wanna be seen with you,
so just move on, mister.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
I must be makin' your husband jealous.
-I don't have a husband.
-Say that again.
I said, "I don't have a husband."
I'm shocked Ms. Abby that some man
wouldn't wanna be hit by you
with a fryin' pan on a daily basis.
And I'm shocked, that for a man who
might be meetin' his maker tomorrow,
you actin' awfully chipper.
I'm not the man who's gonna be
meetin' his maker tomorrow.
-Are you sure?
-I'm sure.
I'm gonna say a prayer for you
anyway-whether you like it or not!
Well, I appreciate that,
Ms. Abby.
See ya later... Cherokee Kid.
Yesterday,
when the Kid rode into town,
he was as ready
as I ever saw him!
He was ready!
He was the most...
The best...
He was the best man I ever known.
Bloomington wants him
in the ground right now.
You don't touch that coffin.
We'll carry it out ourselves.
Alright.
This seems like the proper place
to end this story.
-We don't care to hear your side.
-No, but you'll! So, shut up and listen!
Yesterday morning when I first saw
the Kid, I could tell he was rattled...
So, you're The Undertaker.
I just wanna look in the eyes of the man
that shot my brother before I kill him.
Cherokee feather.
I'm gonna take that after I kill you.
Word of advice...
Don't mistake stupidity for courage.
Now it's your turn to die.
Sweet dreams.
Sweet dreams! Which is what I always
told my little brother at night.
I told ya I'd come back
from my grave to kill ya!
I knew it!
Where the heck is my rifle?
Bob, I'm so happy to see you!
I knew it!
I'm goin' after
Bloomington!
Cortina, do you have a moment?
This fur's heavy!
Bob! I'll be back!
I got you, Bob!
Cortina! Jed, cover me!
-Take it easy. You okay?
-No... I've been better, Bob.
For a man so good
with words,
that was the sorriest eulogy
I've ever heard in my life.
Now that I am dying, I hope you do
better for me.
Please. You're too
conceded to die.
No matter what happens, little brother.
It's been the happiest day of my life.
-Me, too. Let's finish it.
-Come on.
We'll be right back.
Let's do it!
-Where the hell's Bloomington?
-That coward is tryin' to get away.
Bloomington!
Just stop what you're
doin', Bloomington.
Not so tough by yourself, are you?
Now, you're not gonna shoot a man in
the back, are ya?
Wouldn't bother me none. Remember,
you killed my mama.
Yeah, but that was because
when I was really young and foolish.
I'm really sorry about that,
I was workin' for the railroad then
and now the railroad
is workin' for me.
What if we could become partners,
maybe and...
Hell, I've got more money than
you could ever steal.
I'll be Governor next year, more than
likely. Well, what do you say?
You know what?
You're a pathetic old man.
You're not even worth
a bullet.
That was for my mama.
Bacca sholea.
We lost a good friend.
My teacher, like a father to me.
Gonna miss ya, Nat.
So, Jed. When did you start callin'
yourself The Undertaker?
I got in some trouble a while back,
little brother, and had to disappear.
Just like mama taught me,
I killed myself off,
buried myself and named
my newself The Undertaker.
I almost got buried back there.
You almost hit me.
-You almost shot my ear off.
-It's a good thing I drew first.
-You? Who drew first?
-You gettin' deaf? I drew first.
-Did not.
-Did so.
-No, you did not.
-Yes, I did.
-Where you goin'?
-Did not.
I figure I'd go out West. Get a chance
to know my brother better.
Besides, there's some
more wrongs got to be right.
You avenged your parents death, you
even found your long-lost brother...
Isaiah, you don't have to be
The Cherokee Kid no more!
I know I don't have to be,
but I kinda like bein' The Cherokee Kid.
Besides, I'm good at it.
I like bein' a gunslinger.
I best be goin'.
-Okay! Asta las vistas, compadre.
-And where do you think you're goin'?
-I'm going!
-Didn't I just save your life?
Bob!
Okay.
Take care, Ms. Abby.
Woman, what is wrong
with you?
You ain't ridin' off into no damn sunset
without me!
Come on, then!
You better keep up!
Bob! It's this way!
I know!
The sun got in my eyes!