The Christmas Project (2016) Movie Script

I remember the winter of '86. The snow came early.
And it was time to get our sleds ready for fun.
Can we be done now? I'm starving.
No, Simon's grounded to the house so we get first dibs on
the paint.
Remember what happened last year?
I remember.
The war to end all wars had nothing on the pecking order
of the Buckley brothers.
Today another skirmish in the struggle for the coveted
upper hand.
It usually belonged to Simon,
but at this moment it belonged to me.
And my brother Peter.
And Simon couldn't stand it.
He had called dibs on my favorite color, again, but uh,
I'm not grounded to the house, am I?
New decorations came in at Smithee's so I'm running
over there to get some before they run out.
Gee, Mom, how many more do you need?
That's a good one honey. A hot pizza is inside. Matthew, don't
get paint on those new pants!
OK!
Pepperoni, my taste buds are yours.
What? It's locked!
Peter, go check the other door.
OK.
Ugh.
Is it open?
Nope!
Let us in, I have to get this paint off my pants before
Dad gets home!
And we want some pizza!
This?
Let us in or else!
Let's smash the door down!
Drop the hoe, Peter!
So far there'd been no sign of the real enemy.
An interesting strategy. Simon was in there somewhere, snarfing
the pizza while we raged against the impenetrable fortress.
[whistling]
Hey it's Morris, it's Morris, come on!
The mailman! Every kid's favorite person
around Christmas time.
He brought candy, presents from Grandma, and the Christmas
catalog.
Hey boys!
Is it here, is it here yet?
Not today.
When-when?
Soon!
Soon.
Every year we boys waited for the Christmas catalog.
Whoever got their hands on the catalog first could get their
order in to Santa before the best toys were spoken for.
Simon got it last year.
Come to think of it, Simon got it every year.
Simon!

Simon! Over here!
Simon!
Come on!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
[sighs]
I think you forgot one thing, Simon...
Your sled's outside.
Are you out of your teeny tiny mind?
For a moment I thought I detected a whiff of fear in
Simon's voice-it was an octave higher than usual.
Puberty had so far eluded Simon.
It was his Achilles' heel.
You have thirty seconds to let us in.
But all your stuff is in here and I'm going to destroy it.
Remember what Dad did the last time you destroyed my stuff?
Fine! I'll unlock the front door.
Huh... I won.
And with fewer casualties than normal.
When the calm voice of reason kicked in later,
I cursed myself for falling for Simon's bluff.
Ugh!
How did he get the sled?
Wait a minute!
Traitor!
Sorry!
I was hungry!
My goal in life back then was to beat Simon.
Beat him at something, anything, it didn't matter.
Simon always won, no matter what it was he won.
But today would be different.
Today, I would win.
Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah!
Freeze! Right there, Santa's
little helper!
Dad!
Keep your hands where I can see them. Give me the hoe,
give me the hoe!
Are those your new pants?
What in the name of... Kris Kringle is going on out here?
Well how should I know? I lost my glasses and you know I can't
see a thing without them.
They wrecked Simon's sled!
You ate all the pizza!
They locked us out!
Matthew wiped paint on the door!
Woah what?!
Oh! Payback's coming, John!
That is it!
We're getting chickens!
Chickens?
[chickens clucking]
When it came time for Dad to hand out the chicken chores,
wouldn't you know it? Simon suddenly realized he was
allergic to feathers.
I was born second,
and I've been in second place ever since.
[humming Christmas music]
The day Mom found out she was having number five,
she began to wear nothing but pink.
She was sure that would guarantee that she'd have a girl
Good girl Rosie.
Yeah, Peter never quite caught on that chickens aren't pets.
I mean, chickens don't even like people. Rosie bit me once,
so I know.
No fair! Simon always gets juice!
You know milk gives him a tummy ache.
Yeah, Simon was lactose intolerant before lactose
intolerance was even a thing.
[gasp]
Ew! Stop that, Farding!
[laughter]
F-A-R-D-I-NG
Farding.
Mmhmm.
It's funny every time.
The naming of our dog was brilliant.
A serendipitous gift that kept on giving every single day.
Come here, Farding!
Good Farding!
Up!
Good Farding!
By the time Mom caught on to what we'd done, it was
too late. She tried her best to change Farding's name to Spot,
Muffy, even Warren G. Harding.
But lucky for us, Farding only answered to "Farding."
Hey guys, I'm going to need a lot of hard boiled eggs for my
egg and spoon race tonight, Matthew,
you're in charge of that.
Peter, can you just get Rosie in her coop before you go
school? All right? She left me a little present on the couch
last night.
Will do, Mom.
Oohh! This better be a girl.
What's that under your shirt?
Lookie what I found.
The elving stocking! Mom knitted that stocking right after I
was born! That's when everything in our lives turned pink.
Mom wanted a girl.
The pink elving stocking!
Look with your eyes, not your hands!
Where'd you get that?
That's for me to know and you to find out.
I'm choosing first this year.
[car honks]
Um, I'll put this back where I found it, but I pick first,
Capiche?
Capiche, unless I find it first.
Hey!
Take the first available seat!
Now, rumor had it that Earl, our bus driver, fought in Vietnam.
I believed it.
He ran his bus like a drill sergeant.
Our last driver let you choose which seat you wanted to sit in.
[clears throat]
Not Earl.
[ominous music]
First available seat, Finn. Good morning.
Morning, guys.
[kids talking]
[gasp]
The Hagbarts! Finn, Feeb, Fae, and Little Francie.
Nemesis to all.
They doled out a slice of misery to anyone who got in their way.
Scaredy cats.
Now, we Buckley brothers had miraculously evaded
their evil eye by laying low in vinyl seats.
Our strategy was to never make eye contact.
We thought we'd be free of them this year.
You're in my seat.
But lucky us, Finn got held back.
Scram!
You big smelly goober face!
Nice one, Simon.
Let's just, rewind the VCR...
No harm done.
You gonna beat Simon up?
Shut it, Sid.
Looks like it's gonna' be a holly jolly Christmas.
[school bell rings]
After six hours of being locked up, we were finally set free.
Look what I made!
What is that?
An angel! We're putting it on our tree when we get home.
That thing is as ugly as sin and will never go on a Buckley tree.
I'm telling Mom.
Huh, the school yard had been cleared out like last year's
decorations at Smithee's general store. I sniffed the air.
It smelled like a brawl.
You guys, stay right here. Don't move.
[kids chanting fight]
Oh! Simon!
First blood has been drawn, and there was only one person who
could be responsible.
I smelled him before I saw him.
Get him, Finn!
He's gonna get it now.
Hit him, Finn!
Matthew, watch out!
Ha!
Uh oh.
That's not good.
I'm dead!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Listen!
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist!
Finn!
Remember that!
Bus leaves in two minutes.
You want a ride home?
You'd best be on it.

Let's go.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Finn. What happened?
I couldn't understand why Mrs. Honeywell was always so
kind to Finn.
All right, let's go inside and get you cleaned up, ok?
Maybe she just didn't see what was really going on.
Hey, the parents will know nothing.
Thanks, guys.
The catalog!
Back off, brothers!
I'm gonna' get that Finn Hagbart if it's the last thing I do.
You and what army?
[Romeo and Juliet Fantasy Overture]
Looks like we have new neighbors.
Why are you talking funny?
I'm not talking funny.
You know the first time you notice that a girl is a girl?
Stay here.
Yeah...
John, boil the eggs.
OK.
Why are you here?
No reason.
[overture continues]
Peter was... too young to understand.
Boys, eleven o'clock.
What are you doing?
Gathering... soil samples?
How do I keep loosing to this guy?
Fascinating.
I'm Juniper, and you guys are?
I'm Peter, this is Rosie.
Oh your dogs so cute, what's her name?
Uhh...
Hi, I'm Alan Goodman.
Nice chicken, I used to raise dorkens when I was little.
Dorken? What's a dorken?
You look like you could use a friend.
Ohhh, that's a dorken.
Boys, lets go, we're late.
I should go.
There's a carnival at the school later.
You guys should come, its free.
Maybe I will, bye.
Bye.
Nice job Pete!
Huh? What did I do?
Hey, thanks for boiling the eggs.
What does boil mean?
Mhmm.
Big smiles!
Do not let John bob for apples, last year he fell in the barrel
and almost drowned.
Alright no drowning this year.
And no candy, or junk.
Ok no candy or junk.
Was she serious? Candy and junk were flowing like milk and honey
But come to my egg and spoon race, we have prizes.
Not candy.
Tooth brushes, pencils.
I want candy.
Me too, lets go.
[carnival music plays]
Thank you.
Scram!
Why are the Hagbarts so evil?
That's one of life's great mysteries.
She came!
Sweeter than candy.
Lets go bob for apples.
But, you promised mom.
I'll hold your feet.
Yeah, come on.
You said you'd hold my feet.
I could have died. I'm telling mom!
You tell mom no catalog, no toys.
Attention kids, the egg and spoon race will start in a few
minutes.
I've never been in an egg and spoon race before.
Oh I have, lots of times.
Matthew Marrian Buckley.
Not my middle name!
Did I not ask you to boil the eggs?
Thanks Mom.
Seven years of hiding Marrian from public knowledge,
down the drain.
Matthew, you're in time out when we get home.
Very disappointed.
At least I can count on Simon to do the right thing.
thank you sweetheart for taking such good care of John.
My pleasure mom.
But--
Mom says no but, I'm pretty sure Simon's adopted.
Now I don't recall when the parents decided that the tub
was the perfect place for timeouts, but eventually boys
learned to accept, and then embrace it.
I mean, if we figured if we were in the tub we didnt have to do
chores or homework, it was a win-win.
So uhh... what did you do this time?
I don't remember.
That's a good answer.
You've got a future in politics I think.
And listen, I think your mom's had a really, really long day
I would really appreciate it if you could try a little
bit harder.
But...
Ok... I'll try.
Thanks.
Now why don't you go apologize, and then perhaps you, your
brothers, and myself.
Could make our way up to the pirate ship.
Sail the seven seas for a little while.
What do you say about that?
Arrrrg.
Arrrrgh.
Arrrrrrg.
Barnacle, check the front.
We pitched in our allowances for months to build this with dad.
It was our sanctuary, where we guys read stories about pirates,
gold doubloons, and adventures at sea.
No one but Buckleys were allowed on this hallowed place, ever.
Arrrgh! Everyone up!
There he stood on the deck of the ship, blood dripping
from his rapier.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
The crew held still, they didn't dare move.
Not one lick, for if they moved they knew
What red beard would...
[evil laughter]
Help me!
Ha Hah!
Captain Buck-Beard?
Fight me!
[grunting]
Noo!
[grunting, swords clanging]
No!
Ha ha hah!
Whoaah!
Help me!
[water splashes]
My hero!
Matthew!
What do ye be dreaming about?
Nothing!
I just, liked dad's story.
You'll like it from Davey Jones locker! Ha Ha Ha!
We're here to pick a family to elve.
Ok guys, so before we get started um... I just want to
make a quick little announcement to the family. Mom is going to
have another baby.
No, really?
Its a boy baby, right daddy?
Well we don't really know that yet.
we don't know that yet, its a girl.
Girls are putrid.
What about Juniper, is she?
She's different.
Ok boys um... because of the baby I won't be able to head
up the elving project this year.
Interesting...
So... its gonna' rest on your shoulders.
Lets do the pledge.
We do hereby promise.
To fulfill our elving duties with honor and bravery.
We will never divulge our identities.
To the people we elve,
No matter what mayhem, or bedlam
might be inflicted upon us.
This is our solemn pledge.
Ralph you really need to memorize that
one of these years.
I had it fine, here you go Simon, go ahead.
Simon always gets to go first.
Well its because I love Simon more, plus he's the oldest
we just start in order, ok?
Who wrote this?
We can't elve mom, no one can elve mom.
Yeah, she lives here.
The Goodmans.
Goodmans?
Mom.
For cryin' out loud.
The Goodmans.
You guys only wanna' elve the Goodmans because you have a mush
crush on Juniper.
Whoah whoah whoah!
I do not have a mush crush on--
Hey! Hey! Feet off the couch come on!
Alright, obviously we have a tie, so...
Since I got two of the votes,
I would kinda like to choose.
There's a family,
they live on the edge of town,
We think you know them, the Hagbarts.
[ominous music]
Joy... to the world.
Great, that's settled.
Hagbarts it is then.
[Joy to The World]
So I guess Coca-Cola is trying a new formula.
Calling it "New Coke".
Oh, that's gonna be big.
It sure was.
Well here's an article about the school carnival
And a picture of John Buckley.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh that's, its so cu--
[gasp]
Simon.
[sighs]
Now you have to miss the first night of elving.
Justice, served.
Mom style.

The glorious days of elving had finally begun.
And even though I wanted to deck Finn instead of deck the halls
I felt a twinge of excitement, there was more to this than
giving out treats, we became a band of brothers.
The Robin Hoods of the neighborhood,
delivering out bounty to those who needed it.
Holy moly.
The magic of elving kicked in.
And when I saw little Francine with the cookies, I realized
that...
maybe she wasn't so bad after all.
Now I head searched every square inch of that house.
Maybe the catalog really hadn't come yet.
[whistling]
Well hey buddy, how are ya?
Sorry.
No catalog today, maybe tomorrow?
Matthew.
I'm sorry about the other day, its kind of embarrassing when
your mom gets mad at you in front of your friends.
Thanks.
I was just about to take the dog for a walk.
Could I come?
Sure, I guess.
If you want to.
I do.
Wow!
Is this really yours?
Yeah, its mine, well, its all of ours the Buckley brothers.
Can we go inside?
Well... we better not.
Please?
Ok.
Ok... now what? Uhmm... candy?
Want some?
Sure! Thanks.
Its just too quiet.
Say something, anything!!
So... what do you want to be when you grow up?
Probably a lawyer. What about you?
Well... I'd like to write, so...
I guess I'll be a writer.
Ok, not bad.
Monica would love this place, she loves pirates.
You can't tell Monica, only Buckleys are allowed in here.
I'm not a Buckley.
That's a good point.
Gasp! Her candy cane!
Stop, Farding!
I didn't, I mean...
No, the dog.
Her name
its Farding..
Farding, why?
Well, our mom wears a lot of pink blush and
well, another word for blush is fard, and we thought it
was funny, so...
We're just stupid boys.
Aww...
my ship, has sunk.
Stop that... Farding.
Oh!
It was then that I knew, that I'd met the girl of my dreams.
Christmas was coming and things were looking up for
Matthew Marrian Buckley
Not one more sound goodnight!
[door slams]
If somebody yells goodnight at you do you think they
actually want you to have a good night?
Now I actually wanted my own room but Mom and Dad thought
we would bond better this way.
Get the pillows.
They were right.
We'd always send peter to get the pillows, he's sell his soul
for one of those wax bottles.
We bought 'em by the dozen.
[laughing]
[thump]
I'm going up there.
Honey, they're boys, sit, grab me that pillow for my feet.
Can you get'em up there?
Barely, oh my gosh its just, this child better be a girl.
Oh my gosh.
You alright?
Oh!
Oh honey, can you get me a pillow for my back?
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll hold these.
I bet you will.
Its payback time John Buckley.
Payback time it is.
Ready Pete?
Its ready.
Now John could sleep through anything.
Once he was out he stayed out.
Is he still asleep?
Yeah, he's still asleep.
you wanna' go again?
Yeah!
[circus music plays]
[thump]
The lamp!
We're dead!
Oh no! Dads coming!
What are we gonna' do? Simon?
Simon had mastered the art of a hasty retreat years ago.
I stared at him in loathing admiration as I noticed he had
the presence of mind to let a rivulet of spittle drip down his
And then, I noticed John. Sleeping like a sloth on
the floor.
[door opens]
Did he stay asleep the whole time?
[chuckling]
That's pretty cool.
Just for the record it was my idea.
Yeah but its still pretty cool.
Maybe I'm not adopted after all.
Has anyone seen Rosie?
Dad, Rosie is missing.
I'm sure she'll turn up somewhere bud.
I bet she flew away.
Why would she do that? She loves me!
Rosie, where are you girl?
And now for the pice de rsistance.
Oh wow, honey you have really outdone yourself this time.
Wow.
Thanks honey.
Look at that.
[Ralph takes a deep breath]
Whoah.
Is that a store bought chicken?
Uhmmm...
Is that... Rosie?
Ralph, you didn't...
No, I...
Ralph...
You, you know all those chickens. They all look alike.
are moments in everyone's
they wear little name tags or anything like that so...
Peter l-listen...
There are moments in everyones lives when the stars fall out of
alignment and nothing seems right with the world.
This was one of those moments.
Rosie really looks delicious right now and if you look at her
I mean its almost as if she is... asking you to eat her,
You could have your pick of piece, you could have whichever
piece you want.
She looks more beautiful now than she did then.
[exasperated sigh]
We ate the potatoes, the stuffing, the rolls and the
pumpkin pie.
Rosie, remained unconsumed.
[grave music plays]
[crying]
Who's for breakfast, Farding?
Mom's favorite platter lies under the ground to this day.
[pirate speak]
Dad! Dad!
Who did this?
My heart sank, the Hagbarts had plundered our ship!
They pillaged our loot!
It was time for revenge and we would give them no quarter.
My sled is gone!
Question is...
how did they find our ship?
You didn't bring someone here?
Of course he didn't.
Did you?
I brought Juniper here.
But I didn't know someone would follow us and do this!
You brought a girl... here?
What about the Buckley code?
Matthew I am really disappointed in you.
So am I.
Me too.
I had to deflect attention.
Well at least I didn't kill Rosie.
I had seen Mom use this tactic on Dad many times.
No. Wait-wait just a minute here.
You all had something to do with this.
You're all grounded, going home now, grounded!
I owe you guys an apology.
I made a mistake,
and I'm sorry.
we all do.
Make mistakes that is.
I'm sorry too guys.
Christmas was barreling down on us like a train out of a tunnel.
We were running out of time, where was the catalog.
Where did Simon hide it?
Ho ho ho, who wouldn't go, ho ho ho, who wouldn't go
up on the housetop, click, click, click.
[clicking]
Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick.
I want the best tree on the lot.
Wait why are we going past Jay's?
We're trying something new this year guys.
New?
Augghh. Not the Hagbarts.
Look who's coming.
Hi Finn.
Prices are on the Trees, cash only.
Perfect.
The Hagbart's trees were not like the ones on Jay's lot.
Jay's trees were tall and strong looking.
These trees were straggly and ugly, just like the Hagbarts.
[car door closes]
[gasp]
My sled!
That's Matthews sled!
Not anymore.
What's that?
An angel, we're putting it on our tree when we get home.
Give that back!
Its OK, he can look at it.
Call this an angel?
Its ugly as sin.
First the ship
Whoops.
And now this?
Hey!
I don't remember what happened next, it was a blur of white hot
righteous indignation all I knew was no one messed with John
Buckley, except his brothers.
he broke my angel.
We'll make another angel honey.
Not like this one.
Listen Finn.
Here, we really wanna' take that, that tree.
You paid way too much money.
You know I don't think so that tree is really something special
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Take the tree to their car.

You know, after the tree was decorated it wasn't so bad.
Even that angel was starting to grow on me.
Like a fungus.
You have the catalog right?
Maybe.
Give it to me next OK?
Maybe.
John, John, for your class party buddy.
Thanks Mom, you're the best.
[giggling]
Alright, alright, you got me.
What's all this catalog business?
You've never gotten a Christmas catalog before?
A Christmas catalog? Of course, only ours come twice a year.
Hey, did I ever tell you that I'm the champ at ping pong?
Nope.
Wanna' come over later, for a game?
Now I almost said no, but then I realized that being best friends
with Alan could have fringe benefits.
Alright, you caught me.
Wow you're hair's so pretty, how do you grow it.
[giggling]
Sure.
Just don't go crying to your Mom when I win, ok?
[giggling]
Morning Finn.
Oh wow, thank you Finn, this was so sweet of you.
My pleasure Mrs. Honeywell.
Morning guys.
Yeah, Finn sure is a sweet guy.
These are delicious Finn, thank you.
There had to be a way to get him back.
Duckley's staring at you.
Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer.
Click.
Me. You. Pain.
I wondered how many crumby TV villains Finn had watched
to master the art of the fist grind.
Listen up, tomorrow is the egg drop project.
I'm really excited to see what you've created.
And to see who's going to win the prize.
Egg drop day! We were going to drop raw eggs off the
roof of the school. Problem was, I couldn't figure out how to
keep my egg from breaking.
Finn made good on his promise of pain, but it wasn't just for me
See ya Earl.
He beat up Simon and Peter too.
Have a good one.
I'm droppin' out of school.
But Dad said drop outs never get jobs.
Better to drop out than die.
Look on the bright side.
There's a bright side?
Now the Hagbarts have beaten you guys up.
They'll move on to fresh meat.
I mean why beat a dead horse?
We're not dead, bird brain.
Not yet.
Did the catalog come yet?
No... what happened?
As much as we despised the Hagbarts, we had a code
of honor.
Buckleys never snitch.
Besides, being beaten up every day is bad enough without having
to admit it to your mother.
We were playing football at school and it got a bit rough.
Here, can you fix these?
Simon.
Can I go to Alan's?
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me.
Peter. That's enough.
So you were saying Simon has the catalog?
Uh huh. Last year he hid it till a week before Christmas and got
way better toys than I did. This year I have to get it first.
Alright, enough chit chat, prepare for your vanquishment.
oh!
Ohh! Did you see that!
Wow!
I told you I'm the king of ping!
So, um... Juniper home?
Yeah she's upstairs, why?
Just asking.
Do you like her, like...
Me? No, no way, come on, lets just play.
Ok.
Lucky for you if that ball had hit the table it would have been
it would have been scientifically impossible for
you to return it.
Uh huh.
Oh would it?
Swing and a miss.
Whoah, that ball had a superior spin on it.
Yeah, that was it.
I get it, you're playing dirty already.
Sneaky, and smart.
2 - 1
Whoah!
You think I could get contacts for Christmas?
Uhh... your doctor said that contacts won't work for
your eyes.
Where's Matthew?
He went across the street.
I think he's got a cute little crush on Juniper.
What? She's way to old for him.
Not even his type, I gotta' go.
Your glasses!
[doorbell rings]
Hey Simon.
Is Matthew here?
Yeah. He's in the basement with Alan, they're playing ping pong.
Oh.
Do you wanna' come in?
Ok.
Hey dweebs, have a treat.
Feed.
You want milk?
They taste really good with milk.
I love milk, lots of milk, bring on the milk.
Chew fast, then squick.
I don't believe in sugar.
Monica made up the recipe.
Impressive.
[crunching]
Told 'ya. Just as good.
So where are your parents?
At a convention.
For how long?
Until they get back.
And they left you in charge?
Are you trying to make a point?
Me no, must be um...
cool not to have your parents around, no one telling you
what to do.
Deal me in.
Gone already?
Here, have another.
[crunching]
Wait!
Now what?
You have my lucky paddle!
Ohh! Lucky paddle, of course.
This guy's hilarious.
20 - 1
Don't you just love this game?
You know when I say twenty to one I'm twenty and you're one.
Exactly, one, serve the ball.
Ok.
And I win.
Hey Simon, what are you up to.
Where's your glasses?
Cookie?
They're Monica's recipe.
They're delicious.
Right June bug?
June bug? When did they get to June bug?
They're the best cookies I've ever--
[stomach rumbling]
[crunching]
These are even better than Mom's.
Cool.
How's the king of ping?
Better than ever.
Uhh...
I just remembered I need to clean out the chicken coop I'd--
whoah, whoah, the chickens can wait. Come on.
Simon, are you feeling ok?
Of course! Why, why wouldn't I--
[stomach rumbles]
[telephone ringing]
Monica
The baby's coming,
your Mom's in the hospital,
she wants me to babysit.
Baby? Its too early.
[stomach rumbling]
If you're gonna toss my cookies don't do it on the table.
What's up?
Don't fret, Juniper came two weeks early and look how
cute she is.
She knew? I tried to play it cool to throw her off.
Simon has the crush, not me.
Monica knows better.
Oh yeah? But you don't know how to make a raw
egg survive being dropped off a building.
One would think that after birthing four boys I would be
able to tell if I'm in labor or not.
Well honey, every baby is a little bit different
so don't beat yourself up.
Maybe this means we're having a girl.
Maybe.
Monica helped me with my egg drop.
Ohhh, thank you.
That's so kind.
Here, let me clean up the mess.
No, Matthew will get it.
Let me walk you home.
Its just across the street.
I know, but I would want someone to walk him home.
Come on.
Ok. Thanks.
Mhmm.
Can you smell garlic?
No.
Really? Sniff up?
Nope.
Ohh! Did you know that if you're pregnant and you eat a bunch of
garlic and it doesn't seep into your skin and make you smell all
bad it means you have a girl.
I did not know that mom, that's really really nice.
she's moving.
Wait, wait.
Did you feel that?
That's your baby sister buddy.
I know you guys all think you want a boy, but I think
you'd really love a little sister.
But we need another boy for the basketball team.
Girls play basketball.
Kinda hate to say this...
Good, then don't.
I was going to say I hate to say this but I think you have a good
chance of winning.
Really?
Yeah, a really good chance of winning.
If I hadn't created this!
Brown eggs have stronger shells than white eggs.
So I'm set.
Genius huh?
Mhmm, its... tubular.
Hey Finn! Hey,
I see you're empty handed, you can share my creation if you
want to.
Its gonna win hands down.
[egg cracks]
Why don't you go suck an egg?
It didn't matter if that was the worst invention in the world,
I felt bad for my friend.
Your mother must be so proud.
What'd you say?
Mr. Earl! Theres gonna' be a fight! Stop!
What's going on back here?
You kids are getting nothing for Christmas.
I'll see to that personally.
[sound of bus]
Have a good day kids, be safe.
Have a good day.
Hold up Matthew lets talk.
I can't, its egg drop day.
Oh give me a second.
My Daddy gave this to me when I graduated from high school.
He told me the pen is mightier than the sword.
I didn't get it back then either, but I do now
Mmm, keep it a bit.
Go on now, its egg drop day.
See ya.
Have a good day.
This is mine.
No its not, its mine, give it back, let go.
Give it, or else.
Or else what? Maybe whatever Finn had in mind was worse
than losing the squash.
I didn't want to chance it, besides the squash
didn't have a chance.
Well, more a chance than that.
I bet Mrs. Honeywell could fix that.
Yeah!
I dropped my egg on the bus.
Do you have any brown ones per chance?
That's the best I can do.
Brilliant!
Thanks Mrs. Honeywell.
What are you doing?
Adding layers for extra strength.
Victory,
you
are
mine.
You gotta' hand it to Alan, he never gives up.
Awesome!
I can't believe that actually worked.
Wow!
Looks like we have a winner.
Hey everyone!
And I can't believe he gets the credit, again!
What the, Alan!
Cheaters never prosper.
Looks to me like they do.
Now we waited a few days for the second night of elving,
that's the Buckley family secret: you never elve two
nights in a row.
That way they don't know when you're coming.
But I gotta' admit, I wasn't into it.
This guy didn't deserve moms cookies.
He didn't even deserve Monica's cookies.
Hah.
Now I had never seen Finn that happy before.
Could it be that under all that dirt and bravado he was a
regular kid like me?
Naaah.
[whistling]
Hey boys, nothing today.
Are you ever gonna' bring that catalog?
I did, I put it in the mail a few days ago.
But we didn't get it.
Well somebody died.
We'll see uh... we'll see you two tomorrow.
Simon!
This was the best job Simon's ever done at hiding the catalog.
Nope, not where it was last year.
Oh! There's an idea.
Told ya so.
Yes you did.
Finn, that is so thoughtful of you, thank you
Thanks.
Emmh,
Eww, ohh.
Is this some kind of a joke?
Uhh, no I mean uhh,
Toothpaste?
With fluoride.
I didn't, I-I wouldn't.
I'm seriously disappointed in you Finn.
You're staying after school today.
He can't stay after school, he has to take care of
take care of little Francie.
Take your seat Finn.
Go on.
Dad's gonna be mad if you're late.
Don't you think I know that?
Two words.
OK
Matthew Buckley.
Christmas catalog.
Who stole your candy and ate it?
He feels bad about playing that trick on Finn Hagbart.
How did he know that? I didn't even know that.
You're full of it.
But you got a weird feeling right here, huh?
I read minds, can't control it.
Finn Hagbart had that coming, he broke my glasses.
Yeah, and he stole your sled!
They busted our ship for Pete's sake!
For my sake?
You saw John's face when they wrecked his angel.
Just because we have to elve the Hagbarts,
doesn't mean we have to like it. Or them.
I did it, I won.
So, why did I feel so bad inside?
Thought Id find you here
Can I join ya?
Did I ever tell you about Tony Pickney?
He used to beat me up every day after school.
Every day, well not every day he was sick now and then, but.
If you need me to step in on this
No, I've got this.
Did I ever tell you about Suzan Smallform?
You had a girlfriend before Mom?
Oh yeah, I was quite the catch back in 6th grade
Of course she, she dumped me for Tony Pickne.
But then, then I met your mom.
She was my first real kiss.
School auditorium, wrapped up in the curtains.
It was awesome.
I think I knew she was the one back then.
I took, definitely took a while to convince her of
that, but uhh,
But eventually it all works out.
What do you say we get to work?
That was my first talk that was man to man with my dad.
Hes been my best friend ever since.
Have a good day kids, stay safe, have a good day Gene.
Simon said you were in Vietnam.
That's right, I was.
Did you have to fight a lot?
I did what I had to, I didnt like it.
You have to know what's worth fighting for Matthew.
Aggression?
Aggression will win a battle.
But only love will end war.
[school bell rings]
Bell rang, go on.
On the third night of elving Mom was having contractions again
So Dad took her to the hospital, but Monica offered to drive us.
We quickly made her recite the elving pledge and we were ready
to go.
This is our solemn pledge.
Where's Juniper?
Shes busy.
Doing what?
Do you want a ride or not?

Does she always drive this slow?
Yeah she flunked drivers ed.
I cant concentrate with all this noise going on!
Alright, that's better.
What?
What!?
Be prepared.
That's what I learned when I got my eagle.
This is gonna be fun!
Ahh, Pete and Johnny boy gotta' stay in the car.
Parental orders.
What! No fair!
Fardings gotta' stay in the car too, but is she griping about it
No.
[exasperated sigh]
Here, feed.
[power steering squeals]
Whoah! We dont go down the driveway!
My van, my rules.
Ok so theyre gonna be watching for us this time.
So well need to look out ok?
Alright.
Looks like no ones home.
No, theyre home.
Simon, you go over there, and if they see us you can distract
Ok, got it.
You ready?
You want me to do it? Thanks!
Hey, remember, drop and run.
Ok.
[door opens]
[kids yelling]
Hey come over here!
Wuuuaaaghh!
I goofed up didnt I?
Its fine it happens to all of us.
Pretty sure Simon has the catalog.
Really? What makes you say that?
Well...
Morris said he brought it a few days ago.
You should try to find it.
What do you think Ive been doing?
Ok, the coast is clear, come on.
Finn, Finn, Finn!
Ok, just lay low, and don't panic.
Run for your lives!
Serpentine! Serpenti- whoah! whoah!
Serpentine!
Hey c'mon, come on!
[car door closes]
[horn honks]
Finn's coming up behind the van!
Alan, mask!
Hurry! Go!
Cant you go any faster?
Sure, if I wanted to.
[Finn tapping glass]
Matthew.
From Juniper.
Juniper?
Come up.
[overture swells]
That's for being Matthew Marrian Buckley.
I couldnt say it any better than that.
Have a good day, be safe Simon.
Hey, everything going ok?
Everything's great.
Where is the catalog?
I know you have it, where is it, I need it.
That's for me to know and you to find out, capiche?
Now Im totally lost, if Simon didnt have the catalog...
then who did?
Peter?
[evil laughter]
Mom?
[evil laughter]
Dad!
[evil laughter]
OK class, if youll all put your pencils down please,
I have a little surprise for you.
I have arranged for our class to become pen pals with someone
from some place very special.
Who can tell me what this place is famous for?
[kids laughing]
Even though those were not my tighty whities, I didnt matter
Finn Hagbart made sure everyone in the school thought they
and there was no point in trying to deny it.
Then, Alan sealed the deal.
Don't feel bad, the kids at my old school hung my boxers on
the flag pole every day even in the summer.
[kids laugh more]
And that was it, I wanted to be anywhere, but there.
Shame on all of you!
Then more shame on whoever did this.
I will find out who the culprit is and your parents
will be called.
If anyone knows whos responsible for this prank,
you can come and talk to me, privately.
[car approaching]
Get in Marrian.
Matthew wait, please.
[power steering squeals]
Look, this could go two ways: I fight you and you lose, or you
get in the van.
Lets go home Matthew.
At that moment my heart melted like one of those ice
creatures in a claymation Christmas movie.
And not because it was the first time a girl held my hand.
It was... the kindness she showed.
Hey why don't you deliver tonight Matthew.
No thanks.
Hey, why are you being such a grumpy gus. Its elving!
You know theyre gonna see you with all that pink stuff on
Deck the halls with bows of holly fa la la la la
la la la la la.
Alright boys, he who falls behind gets left behind.
Yup!
Including women.
Ralph!
Shhh...
I'm so nervous, I haven't done this for a while.
Oh my gosh, I hope I can run fast.
Dont worry Mom you'll be great.
Dont let Dad drive off without me.
Ok.

This is the best part guys.
Why are you crying?
Im ok honey, I-I'm just nine months pregnant.
As I watched my Mom cry, I realized that each time we
elved the Hagbarts.
Id never seen their mother.
Every night they were... home alone.
Who are you?
We got peanut brittle!
I love peanut brittle!
Awee nuts! I dont like nuts!
Huh! Looks like someone knew that!
Theres some without nuts!
Ill take this in.
Thank you.
Finn! Come out here!
We got gloves too!
Cool!
I think that these are for you!
You like 'em?
Me too.
There you go!
You look very pretty.
Lets go inside.
In past years we didn't know much about the people we gave
out treats to.
I mean, we knew they were lonely, maybe out of work.
It was fun! But quickly forgotten.
Lets go home guys.
But elving the Hagbarts, was different.
It was complicated.
Everything this year was complicated.
Come on. Just tell me.
I swear I don't have it.
Hope to die?
Yeah!
I really like Juniper, and...
and I think she likes me too.
I mean like, really likes me.
You know what I mean?
Yeah...
Does my voice sound deeper to you?
No.
I couldnt stop thinking about Finn.
So I decided to pick up Earls pen and see what it had to say.
Hey Duckley! Look at this!
My new gloves!
[air breaks release]
Hey bud, step into my office.
You ever heard about the soldiers who called a truce on
Christmas eve?
It happened on the western front in 1914.
These guys...
Earl told me all the soldiers laid down there weapons on
Christmas eve.
They emerged from their trenches and shook hands.
They exchanged their rations as presents.
They even sang Christmas carols together.
Good morning.
But a truce between the Hagbarts and the Buckleys?
Was that even possible?
I mean come on, how do you love your enemy if they wont
stop hurting you?
Oh please, me and my dad delivered one of these to the
White House and we didnt drop that one.
I got this.
You go ping king.
Hey, you should take your sled back.
As I took it back I kept thinking about the two Finns
I knew.
One at school, and the other one here.
A ginger bread house!
Look Finn!
Its like magic huh!
Finn?
Yeah?
I'm hungry.
What's for dinner?
You got a gingerbread house don't ya?
Don't me mad Finn.
I'm not mad.
Go and get some before your sisters eat it all.
Dad drove by a couple of times wondering what was going on.
But I couldn't move.
I wanted to make a run for it, but...
I didnt want Finn to know I was watching.
Hey save some for me.
And suddenly, that Christmas catalog
didn't seem important at all.
Where's your sled.
What did he do?
I'm going to get him back.
After Simon went to bed I told Mom and Dad what I saw.
Mom said that Finns mother left one summer and never
So Mr. Hagbart had to work long hours just to make ends meat.
Youve all done extremely well.
I'm proud of all of you.
Marry Christmas, Finn.
Nice work.
Mrs. Honeywell?
Yes Alan?
I know who put Matthew's underwear on the map.
You're absolutely sure?
Absolutely.
Ok.
Come with me please.
What are you doing?
Its payback time.
Wait!
It was me.
I did it.
Pretty good trick, huh.
Cant believe you guys all fell for it.
You all felt sorry for me.
Take your seat please Alan.
I'll see you after class Matthew.
Bye-bye ladies.
Goodbye.
Marry Christmas girls.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas Mrs. Honeywell.
Bye-bye.
That was quite a noble thing you did just now.
Im really proud of you
Go on home, merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
I realized then that Mrs. Honeywell was so kind of Finn
because she did see.
She saw in him what I couldn't have.
Until now.
Hey, red Marrian.
[knuckles cracking]
You're a real spaz, you know that?
Yeah I know.
First that sappy letter, now this?
Guess I owe you one.
No you don't.
Yeah I do.
[throat clearing]
You boys ok?
Yeah, we're good.
Catch ya' later.
Duck brains.
Thanks.
Did I make the bus late?
Nah, I think some people are worth being late for
Lets go.
Why'd you take the blame?
Because it was the right thing to do.
Merry Christmas.
Your lucky paddle?
For me?
Look, I gotta' tell you something.
Please don't be mad, OK?
OK
I'm not really the king of ping.
And Im not an Eagle Scout,
Ive never even seen the White House,
I got all my trophies at the Goodwill.
No kidding, you thought I fell for all that stuff?
The Christmas catalog!
You took it?
Why?
Because, I've never really had a real friend before.
So when you started liking Juniper more than me,
I got jealous so I wanted to hurt you back.
So I took it.
Not more, just different.
Really?
Lets go ping king.
The house was dark on the last night.
I felt kinda bad knowing they must have stayed up late
hoping for just one last gift.

It was Christmas Eve, the best and most magical night of the
whole year.
I tried to imagine the faces of the Hagbarts.
When they say their presents.


Merry Christmas.
[rock hits window]
What are you doing?
I'm wishing you a merry Christmas.
What are you doing?
I actually just finished writing a story for you.
Really, for me? May I see it?
Merry Christmas Matthew.
Merry Christmas.
Yup, angels are real.
I've met one.
Guys! Santa time!

[kids giggling]
Come on! Go!
Santa said he likes my angel.
Whoah, whoah, whoah! Let me see that!
Keep the racket down!
Where's Mom and Dad?
The baby came.
Is it a boy or a girl?
Uh huh.
Which one?
Well why don't we find out, huh?
You're home? Already?
Wasnt gonna miss Christmas morning with my boys.
She actually bribed the doctor ...
to get her to come home early.
Boys, I want you to meet, Mary
Noel
Buckley.
She's beautiful.
She's so teeny.
[laughing]
I guess I'm not the baby anymore.
Oh honey.
Can I hold her?

Welcome to the team little sister.
Merry Christmas, Buckley brothers.
Do you wanna' come over to my house and see what I
got for Christmas?
I'm... opening my stocking with Simon.
OK.
Now I know it looks like I just blew her off,
but I promise I made it up to her 15 years later
when I asked her to marry me.
On that Christmas morning I wanted to spend it with just us
The Buckley brothers.
Oh! And little Mary.
[car engine]
[car doors close]
Hey Matthew.
We're going to live with our grandma.
We got a new sled for Christmas, so uh...
We dont need this pile of junk anymore.
Thanks, Finn.
My Dad's waiting for me.
See you later Matthew.
[car starts]
And suddenly there was peace on earth
and good will toward men.
At least in our neighborhood.
What are you looking at!?
Scram!
Huh.
That didn't last long.
And youll never guess who Mom decided to elve
next Christmas.