The Country Club (2023) Movie Script
1
(Good Deed Entertainment logo)
("Dancing in the
Moonlight" by Toploader)
We get it on
most every night
When that moon
is big and bright
It's a supernatural delight
Everybody's dancing
in the moonlight
(upbeat music)
Everybody here
is outta sight
They don't bark
and they don't bite
They keep things loose,
they keep them tight
Everybody's dancing
in the moonlight
Dancing in the moonlight
Everybody's feeling
warm and bright
Ladies!
Break's over.
Elsa Cartwright, I'm not
paying you to hit golf balls.
(Elsa grunting)
(man clapping)
(light music)
(sighing)
(light music)
I want you to deliver
these to the golf teams
of every elite private
school in New England.
Outsiders?
Hardly.
This year's junior tournament
parent coordinator thought
it would be a strategic
move to recruit new members.
Doling out invites
like CVS coupons.
Just do as I say, Petey Varga.
(light music)
(fingers snapping)
See you on the green.
(upbeat music)
(birds chirping)
Wait, wait.
Delivery, wait.
Wait wait wait.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'm looking for the
school's golf teams.
The JV and varsity.
It's the summer.
(birds chirping)
There's a driving
range two miles west.
I think the kids practice there.
Kid's got a bright
future, unlike me.
(soft music)
Can I help you?
Invitations to
Butlerbrick Golf
and Country Club's
junior tournament.
Old elitist institution
getting desperate, huh?
Elsa Cartwright?
From the Connecticut
Cartwrights?
[Petey] That's right, ma'am.
Well, these kids
only practice here
when school's in session.
Right, summer.
Who knew?
Actually, there is
another Elsa Cartwright
that's working a
summer job here for me.
Of course, not a
Connecticut Cartwright,
more of like a cleaning
crew Cartwright.
But she's still a
pretty good golfer.
(light music)
Here, how about I give
these to their parents?
[Petey] You're my
type of woman, ma'am.
(light music)
Excuse me, I have a meeting.
(light music)
(phone ringing)
Reception, please hold.
Back.
Else, I'm concerned
you're taking out
your frustration on
Mom's golf clubs.
They're practically heirlooms.
No, they're hand-me-downs.
If they were worth anything, I
would have sold them already.
[Tina] They were Mom's. That's
gotta count for something.
I'm sorry. I didn't
mean it like that.
(phone ringing)
Oh, one second.
Reception, please hold.
[Tina]
Here.
I don't know, I guess I'm just
upset about Dad being laid off.
College and getting a job is
just so far out of reach now.
I just don't wanna end up like
everyone else around here.
Who works in construction
or does hair.
Weird.
[Elsa] Weird?
It's humiliating.
You really want student
debt, or like a useless
college degree and
still be living at home.
I'm having a midlife crisis.
(phone ringing)
Ugh!
Reception, please hold.
[Caller] You know, I
called three times already.
Well, I am sorry you've
called three times today,
but we are very busy.
Back.
My life is literally
in the shitter.
Hey, everyone shits,
even rich people.
(soft music)
(urine flowing)
(woman sighing)
(gas passing)
(toilet flushing)
[Margery]
Miss Cartwright.
Tina, I found
these in the store.
You know you're not supposed
to sell your designs here.
But look how cute they are.
Tina.
Please, Margery.
Tina, the women that come
in here, they want labels.
They want brand names.
They wanna wear what
their friends are wearing.
All right, I've tried to sell
other stuff in here before.
It doesn't sell. I am sorry.
All right, look at it like this.
You walk into a grocery
store. You need some cat food.
I don't have a cat.
We have a dog.
Fine, you need dog food.
They have some Purina,
they have some Blue Ribbon.
But then, look, on the shelf,
sitting in a plastic bag,
is some bootleg dog food.
What are you gonna choose?
The plastic bag if it
was in my price range.
Duh.
The point is, labels
aren't just for show.
They show what's inside.
Now don't let me find
these here again,
or you'll be out of a job.
This is a summer job, and
Labor Day is this weekend.
Well in that case, you'll
be out of a reference.
Now take your freaking
designs. Get outta here.
Come on.
Else.
[Margery] Better
not see these again.
("Dips" by Daisy The Great)
The yellow sun is setting
Into mellow purple blues
The tournament has been
generously underwritten,
and juniors will receive
a cash prize of $15,000.
(brakes squealing)
$15,000?
[Elsa]
Yeah. I think
that's pretty normal.
Haven't you heard people
at the driving range
talk about their private clubs?
(soft music)
(dog barking)
[Tina]
Aw, did you miss us?
All I know, know,
know, know, know
(soft music)
It's a sign.
Seriously.
You've been stressing
about college all summer.
Now you can win your tuition.
It's a coincidence for sure.
You know what Dad
says about coincidences.
They're for people who
don't believe in destiny.
How did this happen?
Doesn't matter.
You have to go.
No, I'm sure
there's an entry fee,
and they probably charge
a lot to stay there.
I'm sure we can
afford like one night,
between the two of us.
I mean, I have savings
from the summer, don't you?
What's in this for you?
I could make us some cute
clothes, and then maybe
the people at the club
woulda wanna wear them.
Our savings is money
that could go to Dad, to--
To what?
It's not even enough for like
a semester of community college.
[Elsa]
Oh wow.
(soft music)
I'm in.
(laughing)
When Butlerbrick
Golf and Country Club
opened its doors in 1924,
it became an instant--
(beeping)
Scene 101, Take 38.
When Butlerbrick Golf and
Country Club opened its doors
in 1913, it became an
instantaneous hot spot,
for golf enthusiasts
and swinging socialites.
Ah, sorry, I gotta
start again (laughs).
(beep)
Seasons have changed.
Fortunes have fallen.
But Butlerbrick has remained
a place of community
for those wealthy
enough to afford one.
Hello, I'm Victor Simmons,
and for four generations,
my family has made it a priority
to create a welcoming
home for the elite.
[Director]
Cut.
I can see you.
Are you sure this
thing doesn't work?
Unfortunately, no, ma'am.
I need you to get down lower.
You have to get lower.
Lower.
You know what, forget it,
you're done. You're cut.
Let's go.
Did you deliver
the invitations?
It's all taken care of, sir.
I've got a commercial to run.
And we're rolling again.
Consider Butlerbrick the
next time you feel unimportant.
(laughing)
You have money.
You are important.
(TV clicking)
(soft piano music)
(bell ringing)
(soft piano music)
Nurse, tell Pilot to
turn on the heat seaters.
Heat--
Seat heaters?
In the heli.
There's somewhere
that I need to be.
(blades chopping)
(birds singing)
(blades chopping)
Come on.
Let's go.
(birds chirping)
Perfect.
(upbeat music)
(door shutting)
Go.
(girls slapping hands)
Where will you and I be when
Everything is said and done
I know you forgot about me
And I know you didn't
see this coming
We've got so long before we
Have to worry about shit
Why don't we
just vibe forever
[Elsa]
Aunt Janet says hi, Dad.
[GPS] You have arrived.
I love you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Okay, ready?
["Phone Numbers" By
Dominic Fike] Whoa, Kenny!
Why you not here with me?
Can you break bread with me?
Why you switch phone
numbers like clothes?
Why you can't answer me?
Cause I got more coming
Why you not here with me?
Can you break
bread with me?
Why you switch phone
numbers like clothes?
Why you can't answer me?
Cause I got more coming
Yes I flew my shorty
from Florida to Hollywood
Got some gold shit
looked big on me
Got some goals,
it's a list on me
Yeah lil bitch, I'm
rich, I fucking roll you
This strippers and the
stroll playing tricks on me
Next time, may I
suggest you walk?
And yes I moved lil
shorty from 'round me
She been all in my
business as of late
I got rich so goddamn fast
They want this bread,
can't catch a break
And yes I know you're
tired of hating
I'm tired of
staring at your face
And if a bitch retaliate
(tires squealing)
He was rude.
(uplifting music)
There's only
up from here, sir.
This is humiliating.
Let's just try and
forget last year's debacle.
Forget?
How can I forget when my
name is ranked dead last?
It's like you trying to
forget you were born a caddy
when you're scrambling
for stray golf balls.
I wasn't born a caddy.
I'm sorry, okay.
It's hard to be
political correct
when you're feeling lightheaded.
Are you hungry?
Am I having
a heart attack?
Ow, Ow
Roger?
Do you need a snack?
Nuts or trail mix?
Nuts.
Excellent choice, sir.
Who's Cartwright?
Who?
Number three.
I nearly won last year. I
should be on top of Northfield.
[Northfield] Always
thought you'd be a bottom.
Mm, make out.
Northfield, didn't
see you coming.
That's sexy.
Stop fannying.
Who's Cartwright?
I'm not fannying.
You're the one
fannying while faffing.
I'm not faffing.
Who is Cartwright?
You don't know the
infamous Cartwright
of the Connecticut Cartwrights?
Oh, the Connecticut
Cartwrights.
Why didn't you just say so?
Overheard Simmons discussing
the news story at brunch.
Arg, matey.
But he didn't
even play last year.
How can he be third?
Ah, last year.
Well, when one player drives
their golf cart into the lake
when they're about to
clinch the tournament,
just how much
competition is there?
For old acquaintance
be forgot
[Roger] Aw, fudge.
(cart splashing)
How dare you
bring up my incident?
I nearly drowned.
I had to spend a week in the
spa sauna after the lake leech.
I'll never understand
why Lumer wasn't driving.
Why would you drive
your own golf cart, bro?
Ah!
Granny Lynn. So
she's back, eh?
Speaking of unfair.
She's an 83-year-old woman
who only golfs with
her right hand.
The odds are really stacked
against you, Kowalski.
The rules say 18 and under,
so you'd see why I'd be upset.
Admit that you suck at golf.
Maybe I like sucking.
Ah.
Hi, excuse me.
Could you point us
to tournament check-in?
Yeah.
(light music)
Hello there, fair maiden.
Not interrupting at all.
In the foyer. I can
walk you there if need be.
I'm Roger. My mommy
is underwriting the
tournament prize.
To avoid scandal, he's
number eight on the board.
See number eight,
Kowalski, at the bottom.
And I'm number one,
Bernard Northfield.
And these are our caddies,
but they're unimportant.
Hi, Lumer.
Oh, hi, I'm Tina.
(dreamy music)
(birds singing)
(laughing)
I'm Elsa, Cartwright.
[Roger] Cartwright.
You're ranking number
three, Cartwright.
[Elsa] Oh, cool.
Pre-rankings, that's
a lotta pressure
for a junior golf
game, isn't it?
Thank you. See, that's what
I've been trying to tell you.
See? Doesn't mean anything.
I'd rather
be ranked last night
than not ranked at all, caddy.
Well, your dreams came true.
Shut up.
[Elsa] Well it's
nice to meet you guys.
Yeah, thank you.
Cool, okay.
I will follow you on Instagram.
Follow her on Instagram?
I'll follow her into Chernobyl.
Wait up.
What's Chernobyl?
Enjoy nut munching.
Maybe I will.
Yeah, it's tasty.
Gunter!
- I'll take this.
- Thank you (laughs).
(upbeat music)
[Northfield]
Marshal.
Thanks.
(door slams)
Oh!
What the hell, dude?
[Marshal] Did it hurt,
when you fell from heaven?
You just slammed a door in
my face, so yeah, it hurt.
I panicked.
You look exactly like
my future ex-wife.
(laughing)
I'm Marshal, Mayson.
Hi.
The Fifth.
Okay, I'm Tina Cartwright.
Of the Connecticut
Cartwrights?
Yeah, I am from Connecticut.
Aren't you gonna apologize?
For what?
Bashing my nose in.
Uh, I kinda did you a
favor, because now the ladies
at the Junior League
don't have to talk
when you get that nose job.
Are you saying my nose is big?
I'm not not saying it's big.
Say you're sorry.
I'm not sorry we met.
And I'm not wearing
any underwear.
Again, have we met?
I'm Marshal Mayson V
Right through here.
[Granny Lynn] Oh,
just one waiter?
Oh, it's Winston.
He's very efficient.
Ah, ladies, meet Ms. Lynn.
She's just returned
from a lengthy hiatus.
It's Granny Lynn to you dears.
(laughing)
May I present Elsa Cartwright
of the Connecticut Cartwrights.
I don't think so.
Hm?
I said I don't think
this is Elsa Cartwright
of the Connecticut Cartwrights.
Oh.
Elsa grandmother's was
one of my closest friends.
Diana Cartwright, and
I saw Elsa many times.
The most recent time being
at her grandmother's funeral.
Uh.
Yes, I remember you.
I probably look a
little different.
I've been working all summer.
Working?
(soft music)
Oh, oh, you mean with
your charity work.
Yes, my charity work.
What a summer can
do when you're 17.
(laughing)
Well (clears throat),
wait a minute.
Your shoulders should be
covered in a club, young lady.
(laughing)
Okay.
I can't believe I
forgot a cardigan.
More importantly, who the fuck
are these Connecticut
Cartwrights?
(upbeat music)
[Tina]
Okay, I found it.
Diana Cartwright's
obituary is in Vanity Fair.
Oh my God.
They're like some kind
of American dynasty.
Oh my God.
Get this.
She is survived by
her parakeet, Wendell,
to whom a sizable trust
fund has been left.
Nice.
Guess there is more than one
Elsa Cartwright in Connecticut.
(light music)
So she goes to the Daft School.
Ugh.
And she golfs at the driving
range during the school year.
So, should we unpack?
I think we should
make a run for it.
We already made it this far.
Everyone here
knows these people.
They're gonna
realize I'm not her.
They know of them.
But only that old lady
like actually knows them,
and you already fooled her.
Come on.
You're both, I don't know,
brunettes.
(light music)
Oh my God, wait.
No, look, look, look, look.
Says she's gone for the summer.
(clears throat)
No having cellphones out
on club property, Rule 78.
Heed my warning.
Ladies.
Hi, would you like
to join me at lunch?
- Oh, no.
- We'd love to.
- We can't impose.
- Yes, no.
We'd love, yes.
No no, no no, hey, it's on me.
It's on Daddy, but
it will be fun.
(laughing)
Follow me, ha ha.
Here you are.
Thank you.
Lumer, sit.
(light music)
Oh yes, hotdogs.
(light music)
That was fast.
[Winston]
Roger's family are
gold status members.
They've been here for years.
[Roger]
Dig in.
(slurping)
(crunching)
What is this?
(light music)
Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
Roger, can I ask
you a question?
- Why?
- Oh.
[Roger] God.
Unfortunate turn of events.
Caddy, wand me.
[Elsa] It's fine.
Thank you. Allow me.
The White's Wand.
Gets anything out like magic.
You just apply a
little bit to your, um,
to your chest area.
To your breasts, your boobs.
- Got it.
- Okay, sorry.
Oh, first you actually
need to apply some water, oh!
[Elsa] Oh my God.
Okay, there I go again, ha ha.
Mr. Klutz.
Ol!
Sorry.
Smoothly executed, sir.
[Roger] I feel flushed.
I think you're
just embarrassed.
Are you okay?
Feel my forehead.
You're fine.
I'm not fine. I
think I have a fever.
He's got a panic disorder.
He doesn't look good.
No, that's mild.
Can I ask you a question?
Winston?
Sir?
Grab me a fresh
wiener for Elsa.
Actually I should probably
go see if Elsa's okay, so
Winston, will you
just send it up?
Thanks.
(light music)
Roger, my
man, whatever you guys
are doing over here,
you need to chill it out, okay?
Especially you.
(light music)
Hey!
[Marshal] You had your hat on.
I thought you were leaving.
I always have my hat on.
He knows I don't
take off my hat.
He's an asshole.
Oh my God, what the H?
What is going on
with these people?
Mommy says to never let
anybody see the top of my head
because of my genetic
predisposition for early onset
- Male pattern baldness.
- Male pattern baldness.
(whimpering)
[Tina] I had an inquiry for you,
Roger. Will you give me a call?
Can't really use my
cellphone on club premises.
That's why she's
giving you her number,
in case you go to
the cellphone room.
(dramatic music)
No thanks.
Um, give me a call?
Yeah.
Thank God.
What?
- Huh?
- What?
You heard her. She said
can I ask you a question?
That's premier I'm about
to ask you out intro.
Is that what she was doing?
Caddy, leave the
social science to me.
There's a reason some
of us are born caddies.
Please tell me you know
I wasn't born a caddy.
What?
Tina just gave
me a great idea.
I will ask out Elsa.
So you're gonna reject Tina
and then ask out her sister?
Hm, I know you are but a
humble caddy and have much
to learn in this world,
but the best way to win
a tournament, as an
athlete, is to focus
on distracting the competition.
If Elsa is worried about me,
she will not have any
time to think about golf.
What about we
focus on your drives?
Instead of, like,
all this nonsense.
- Winston.
- Sir?
I will be taking
this. Thank you.
I can't, sir.
I will deliver it,
Winston. That's very fine.
I have my orders, sir.
Winston, let go of the box.
No, sir, I have my orders.
I will deliver it, Winston.
You cannot take it.
Winston, let go of
the box. Give it to me!
I can't, sir.
(pants tearing)
A bag, sir?
That will not be necessary.
Thank you, Winston, lead me out.
Very good, sir.
[Roger]
Just go a little bit faster.
[Winston]
I can't go any faster, sir.
I tried to ask Roger
if he would model
for my clothing line, but
he got like violently ill.
Will you ask him? I
don't think he likes me.
Why Roger?
Have you seen his
all-pink ensemble?
He's clearly into fashion.
Isn't it a
woman's sports line?
Gender is a construct.
(gasps) Look, tennis rackets.
[Roger] Oh, Elsa.
(knocking on door)
(laughs)
At your service.
[Elsa]
Thank you.
Oh, a note.
Oh, what?
[Tina] What's it say?
Elsa, will you go to
the junior tournament
celebrational formal
with me, kisses, Roger?
My mommy's organizing it.
When is it?
Post-tournament, that evening.
Okay, sure. Thanks, Roger.
Awesome sauce. Also,
will you be my girlfriend?
Uh, wow.
Okay.
Okay, well.
Okay, you'll be my girlfriend?
Okay.
(laughs) Okay,
I have girlfriend.
Okay.
Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye.
Thought I was gonna sneeze.
Okay, bye.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
Make it rain!
(upbeat music)
Love 30.
Send it!
[Tina]
Are you queefing serious?
Love 40.
(upbeat music)
Fuck yeah!
Ow! You got me in the boob.
Game.
(soft music)
My new girlfriend asked me
to model, so model I will.
Hello, Mr. New Booty.
You're in too deep.
Then don't come.
You'll see.
The fish has already eaten
the hook hidden inside me.
The juicy bait.
(soft music)
I know exactly
what to get you.
Okay.
He looks good.
(soft music)
[Elsa] I mean Roger
is a great dresser.
Mm-hm.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I'll be right back, okay?
O-kay.
Hey.
Looks like we're
playing together.
Elsa's the golfer.
Looks like we're
playing together.
(laughing)
Look, it's not too
late to just call it off.
Get some sleep.
Lumer, ever since my daddy
had to take up residence
in Antigua for chasing the
American dream, sans taxes,
I haven't quite been myself.
(laughing)
Sir--
Oh oh oh, don't interrupt.
My daddy always said to
me, to be successful,
to be this successful,
you can't be honest.
And that applies to sports,
life, whatever you can win at.
All right, Marshal seems to be
Mr. Steal Yo Girl right now.
Mr. Steal My What?
(laughing)
Hello!
Shoo.
- Bye.
- Bye.
(light music)
You couldn't have picked
a better guy for the job.
Roger loves his outfits.
Who, Marshal? That guy
smells like shit (laughs).
Yeah.
How are you, um,
how are you doing?
So how's your sister
feeling about, about the game?
And you also like television?
Cool.
(laughing)
Hello.
Hey.
May I interest you in a secret
handshake, as my girlfriend?
Sure.
This could be the
boyfriend-girlfriend handshake.
Slide.
Pound, not like that.
That's pretty good.
And a little peace sign, and
we're boyfriend girlfriend.
(chuckling)
(light music)
No, I think I'll
just sleep in the nude.
I think you
made the right decision.
I regret it. Give
me the chemise.
I meant coming back here.
Why don't we go down and
have a drink with Winston?
Oh no, I'm not ready
to face Winston yet.
(light music)
(camera snapping)
You know what's funny?
Even though I'm not a model
or anything, I've always kind
of been immersed in like the
competitive world of fashion.
Like, my mommy's always
told me that you can tell
how much money somebody
has based off their handbag
and stuff like that.
Like, my greatest accessory
would be, like Lumer,
because I don't have a handbag.
On second thought, I'm not
sure that the beret is working.
But if Lumer was a
handbag, he'd probably--
Could you take it off, maybe?
(light music)
Oh no, I think it
brings some worldliness
to this whole thing.
A little bit of
parlez-vous Francais.
Well, maybe,
let's see.
Yeah, let's do this.
Can you just tie this
around your waist,
and maybe lose the scarf?
Oh, I see what you
ladies are doing.
Wanna see the goodies.
You got it (laughs).
Did you hear that?
[Tina] Some power poses.
Got it.
[Tina] Just like
confident stuff.
Totally.
But you, Roger you.
The beauty within?
Like Vince Vaughn.
(camera snapping)
Not like Vince Vaughn.
Maybe somebody like Steve-O.
You can't handle the truth.
Something like that.
No, I think it's the beret.
What?
Can we just lose it?
- No, no no no.
- Please.
- Please.
- No no, no no.
Okay, bring it in.
What's up?
Okay, so you know how
you were saying that
Lumer is like an
accessory, right?
Yeah, he's super nice, right.
But that's like, that's
kind of it, you know.
Some accessories, they
enhance us, and others,
they just, they keep us from
shining on our own, right?
- Mm.
- Hm-mm?
Mm-hm.
[Tina] You don't need Lumer,
just like you don't
need that beret.
Come on, we'll do
it together, okay?
This one is for Vince.
(soft dramatic music)
Toss that old thing aside.
Let me see the cardigan.
(stomach rumbling)
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, yes!
Yes, yes!
Perfect, that was great.
What the hell is
going on out here?
Oh no.
Not again.
Put up your hands and step
away from the flagpole please.
Come on, over here.
(light music)
(gas passing)
Jesus, Roger, ow!
Freeze.
I'm just gonna head out, too.
(gas passing) Ah.
For God sake, Roger, what
the hell are you doing?
Just chilling.
[Victor] No you're not.
Get up.
Tired, long day.
Just taking a nap, buddy.
[Victor] Come
on, let's go, up.
[Roger] Just don't.
(pooping)
Oh.
Oh! Roger.
What was that?
Was there an animal?
(liquid sloshing)
I think there's an
animal behind me.
A muddy animal.
Hello.
What's up, Mr. Simmons?
This is not what it looks like.
Looks like you're flouncing
around for the camera.
God, you're smart. That's
exactly what this is.
Here I am, trying to
sleep, and I can't get a wink
because you hooligans
are traipsing around
in my beautifully
manicured grounds.
You think this is some sort
of Midwestern
putt-putt fun center?
This golf course costs
more than your life.
Fine, I'll take
full responsibility.
It was Tina's idea.
Yeah, you think I don't
know that you don't have
the wherewithal to
orchestrate anything?
Go lick your wounds, elsewhere.
Miss Cartwright? What
are you doing here?
Are you practicing?
- Yes.
- At midnight?
[Elsa] Yes.
Well, big day tomorrow, ha ha.
You done?
- Yes.
- Okay.
You feeling good?
(gas passing)
It's very important.
Everything's riding on this.
No, I'm kidding.
Everything's not riding on
it, but it is important.
Ugh.
(liquid sloshing)
(laughing)
What did you do to poor Roger?
We were doing a photo shoot.
With Roger?
What, are you jealous?
Maybe, a little bit.
Come here, I wanna
show you something.
Oh, and get this. She
asked to remove the beret.
Yeah, I lost it.
That's unlike you.
Ugh, I know. I was
pooping everywhere.
Ooh, boy.
(exhaling)
(phone pinging)
Oh my God.
200 calories left on my
dieting app for today (laughs).
Oh, two taquitos, please.
One and a half.
Guess I shouldn't
be eating this late?
(phone ringing)
Lumer, phone.
(phone ringing)
Lumer, phone.
(phone ringing)
Hello, Lumer, phone!
(phone ringing)
Lumer.
(phone ringing)
Hello.
[Mr. Kowalski] Hello.
Daddy?
How's Antigua?
Feel good
Feel good
(Tina laughing)
What?
Hey, I meant to talk
to you about something,
but I forget exactly (splashes).
What it was.
Coming in?
It's warm.
I don't think so.
How are you
liking Butlerbrick?
I love it.
You love it? Nobody
loves Butlerbrick.
It's iconic.
It's iconic? (laughs)
Maybe the golf tournament.
There's like 10
people signed up
for the junior tournament.
Not the junior tournament.
The junior tournament sucks.
(laughs) Really?
The junior tournament's just
there to get new families in,
you know, new blood with old
money like Granny Lynn money.
What is the deal
with Granny Lynn?
Like, what's with the fur?
The fur, she's a legend.
It's 80 degrees outside.
She's a legend.
She can wear fur in the
summer if she wants.
She's got all that
cheese money, you know.
What?
She's a cheese heiress.
I mean, her family
literally made their money
on the backs of smoked
Gouda and Parmesan.
Are you serious?
I'm serious. (laughs)
She used to come out
here every summer,
like a thousand different WASPS,
and they'd just party and rage,
and then she stopped
coming for some reason
and they all stopped coming too.
Now they all gather in
Westhampton every summer.
- Westhampton?
- Yeah, right.
Not even a real Hampton.
Can you help me out?
I wasn't born yesterday.
I'm freezing. Can
you just help me out?
No.
I'm not gonna pull you in.
Promise?
Yeah, totally.
Please.
- Good.
- Thank you.
(splashing)
I lied, sorry.
Aren't you glad
you got in, though?
It's warm, right?
I pretty much knew
that was gonna happen.
Oh, you knew that
was gonna happen?
Mm-hm.
Did you? Are you a
psychic or something?
Do you have ESP?
(Tina laughing)
(kissing)
I was hoping for some hedge
fund new money, some Democrats.
Why?
Because otherwise
you wouldn't be here.
You don't know
anything about me.
I know you're not a
Connecticut Cartwright.
I was kicked out
of the Daft School.
(water bubbling)
Where you going?
(soft dramatic music)
Your secret's safe with me.
(knocking on door)
Come in.
(door opening)
Why can't I work up the courage
to say hello to Winston?
Truthfully, it was so wonderful
to catch a glimpse
of him at lunch.
Mm.
Even though he got that gut now.
Oh, I wonder what he would
think of me. (laughs)
Uh-huh, Nurse, are you there?
(light music)
(both screaming)
Oh.
My apologies, Madame.
(door creaking)
(Winston moaning)
Oh, shut the door, man.
Least you got
the one good hand.
(blowing raspberry)
No!
(soft music)
(birds singing)
(uplifting music)
Crown thy good
with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea
All right.
(group applauding)
Thank you, it's a beautiful day.
Very excited, just
a few announcements.
Due to last year's incident
involving an unidentified
member who will not be
named, all caddies have been
equipped with a life jacket,
should this function
be necessary.
Woo!
What happened,
with the life vest?
Players have been
paired by starting rank,
so number one with
number two and so on.
Excuse me, is this really
fiscally responsible?
Why should we all have
the burden of extra weight
when only some of
us are incompetent?
Who cares if
you're incompetent?
As long as you're not impotent.
Excellent motto, Granny Lynn.
Boop, boop.
And due to a different
biohazard incident involving
the same unidentified member,
we will not be
playing hole four.
Play hole five twice.
I guess that's my bad.
[Victor] Please stay hydrated.
We have beverages courtesy
of the Northfield family.
Ugh.
Woo-hoo.
(group applauding)
Thank you, okay.
Jesus, what's up your butt?
There's been nothing
in my butt for weeks.
All right.
The diarrhea was a
psychosomatic issue.
(light music)
Thanks.
(Gunter mumbling)
(soft music)
[Roger] Caddy!
I don't know if this
is a competition thing,
because you're
being really rude.
Just trying to
do my job, Tina.
You know, be the best
accessory that I could be.
How's that working out?
Lumer, move your bootay
souffle (chuckles).
Let the games begin.
(upbeat music)
(throat clearing)
I know you're not supposed
to ask a woman for her age,
but, uh, are you in college?
You see, I'm 14 trying
to take applications
- for a little side piece thing.
- His mom knows my mom. Sorry.
Think about it.
(club whooshing)
(group applauding)
(camera snapping)
Keep your puppy on a leash.
You tapping that tonight?
Roger and Elsa?
Yeah, I thought Elsa
was dating her sister.
Gunter, I'm teeing off.
It's a conflict of interest.
I mean, there has to be
something in the rules
about dating the competition.
Take a crack, young'un.
Lick my crack, old man.
Well.
(light music)
(club striking)
Duck hook.
Quack, quack.
No caddy, Mary-Anne?
Isn't that what
golf carts are for?
I thought at least
my mom would show.
Should I go first?
Whatever, Mary-Anne.
Free country.
Will you tee off for me?
She's right there.
She will see us.
Oh my God, I hate
Mary-Anne so much.
I can hear you.
Good.
Then do you mind if
Lumer tees off for me?
What do I get in return?
Whatever you want.
Tee for two?
Oh, that's perfect.
That's actually a
really good idea.
There you go, buddy.
You love golf, yay.
Stay humble.
And always move forward.
All right, you got it.
(birds chirping)
Remember, eye on the prize.
His teeth are shining
He walks like a pro
He plays a scratch game
He's hard to know
He's a three-time loser
But he's the best
that we've got
To show us the way
To play our shot
His teeth are shining
His skin is tan,
don't play too good
But when he wants to, he can
He drinks a little
He drinks a lot
Depending on whether or not
Someone's got some pot
He's a stoned-cold
professional
Playing the fifth hole
twice is getting crowded.
Yeah.
(birds chirping)
(sighing)
I like her butt when she putt.
Not looking too fierce.
Hey, I made this.
The competition.
(soft music)
You a good golfer?
Yeah, you?
I'm good, just not like,
interested in getting better.
(laughing)
(bright music)
[Together] One, two, three.
Three, three.
- Three.
- Three.
Yeah.
(bright music)
(exhaling)
(bright music)
- Bravo.
(group applauding)
Bravo.
[Roger] Is it snack time yet?
God help me. I will
turn this cart around.
- Please.
- Please.
I'm the only one
doing any golfing here.
Not that anybody would know.
Because nobody's here,
and nobody cares.
I care.
I really don't care
if you care, Mary-Anne.
Okay, fine then, I don't care.
Fine, that's great.
Fine.
I'm glad we agree.
Why are you so mean about it?
I'm not being mean.
I'm just hungry.
Carbs or fruit?
Fruit.
Yay, thanks.
(pop topping)
Can I have some?
Yeah.
Good luck, buddy.
(birds chirping)
(hitting golf ball)
Whoa ho ho, nice job.
I guess you don't miss 100%
of the shots you don't take.
(laughing)
What the hell? (laughs)
That was funny.
Hey, good job.
That was good stuff.
(group laughing)
Woo!
Love is like a game of golf
All adventures had a famous
scene on the way to the green
It starts smooth
on the tee off
But ends rough
Trees, birds and
pretty things
Balls flying through
the air with no wings
When you finally get
to the dance floor
My favorite part
You tap the ball and it
Disappears into your heart
(birds chirping)
Trade?
Wait, what?
You golfed better for
Roger than for me?
(laughs) Nice, take
that, Northfield.
You know what? I quit.
Wait, Mary-Anne, Mary-Anne.
I just golfed 18 holes for you.
Whatever, Lumer.
What does that mean?
It means lunch.
Let's go to lunch.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ho ho ho!
You look rough.
Not as rough as hole four
after you pooped on it.
You guys were supposed
to play hole five twice.
There's nothing wrong
with a round two.
Slut.
All right, enough.
I have to go.
What, go poo-poo?
(laughing)
At least I have a real caddy.
Everybody knows Gunter
here doesn't even
belong to this country club.
(bomb exploding)
(chuckling)
Roger, can we go to lunch?
Caddy, I'm trying
to make a point.
You see, I have a
real-life caddy.
One that was born a caddy.
I wasn't born a caddy.
Lumer, chill.
Look, man, I just golfed
18 holes for you and 18 holes
for Mary-Anne, and
you don't care.
I'm exhausted.
And I heard you agree with Tina.
I'm just an accessory,
so, you know what, man?
If I'm that disposable to you,
then good luck without me.
What are you doing?
(water splashing)
I know a better
way to get wet.
Leaving the luncheon already?
Yeah, you'll learn
that country club
food is not the best.
Meeting some friends for lunch.
(horn honking)
Your, uh, your Uber's here.
That's my driver.
(horn honking)
See ya.
Yep.
(birds singing)
(door shutting)
(clubs rattling)
Hey, I tried texting you,
but that tween took my phone
for not being in
a cellphone room.
I wouldn't have been
able to answer anyways,
unless I was also
in a cellphone room.
So.
Okay, that doesn't
make any sense.
I mean, doesn't that
mean we'll just end up
having a face-to-face
conversation?
I think that's
sort of the point.
Hey, I wanted
to say I'm sorry.
I didn't mean all that stuff
about you being an accessory.
I don't think that about you.
I'm starving.
Do you wanna?
No, I'll see you in there.
Roger's driving me
absolutely crazy,
so I'm gonna take a five.
Take a five, and take a 10.
Okay, see you there.
(laughing)
Okay, sweet.
- Okay.
- All right, yeah.
What the hell am I doing?
Do do
Do do
Do do
Do do, do do
Sha la la, la la
Sha la la, la la
Sha la la, la la, la la
(thunder rumbling)
(splashing)
(soft dramatic music)
Hello, Mommy.
Didn't see you at
the tournament today.
Oh, traffic from
Southampton was horrid.
Why can't I stay
in Southampton?
Darling, you know, I told you.
The Winthrops have so many
guests already this summer.
But don't worry, we'll
be back in our own home
just as soon as your
father's name is cleared.
Mm-mm.
Now, I want you to make
a good impression, mmkay?
Because we don't
exactly have the highest
reputation right now.
I also want you to be a
good boy, and to help string
some of the lanterns
along the table, Roger!
And then, I want you
to help the servers
to light the, oh,
the purple ones.
To light the food troughs.
Thanks for asking how the
tournament's going. Not!
Okay.
(glass clinking)
Hello.
Ooh.
Hi, for those of
you who don't know me,
I'm Frances Kowalski, but
you may call me Fanny.
(camera snapping)
As the parent coordinator
for this year's Labor Day
junior golf tournament--
(phone ringing)
It makes me and my
son Roger so happy
to have a sense of community.
(phone ringing)
Myself and Roger appreciate
community so much.
(phone ringing)
Right now.
Everyone knows my
son Roger, right?
- Hello.
[Mr. Kowalski] Hello.
[Roger] One sec.
(laughing)
To community.
- To community.
- Community.
(upbeat music)
Oh no, don't toast with
water, it's bad luck.
Cheers.
Cheers, too.
[Roger]
Hello.
[Mr. Kowalski]
How are you doing?
One sec.
You still there?
(upbeat music)
Daddy!
How's the big
tournament going?
It's um.
(light music)
It's going well, I hope.
It's uh, it's going.
(dramatic music)
(bomb exploding)
What's wrong?
Roger?
Betrayal.
Hello!
(banging)
I'd like to make a
toast too, as well.
Roger, honey, come sit down.
Not now, boy.
Yes, now, boy.
My own mommy, Frances Kowalski,
is so obsessed with
having everything all--
Are you listening?
Why are you eating?
My mommy, right there, is
so obsessed with having it
all figured out, doing
everything for herself,
that she's abandoned me.
That is not true.
We still have a
staff in the city.
Cheers to being a
terrible mommy, Mommy.
Roger? Is this because
you're not winning?
How would you even know?
You haven't even been
to the tournament.
Roger, Fanny's
been a part of it.
- She was at Elsa's
first-hole tee-off.
- Well--
What the H?
Roger.
Are you H'ing me?
Oh my A.
Traitor, traitor.
Please.
You too, old man.
Hey.
[Roger]
Traitor.
Roger.
Do you feel better now?
You're a traitor!
[Fanny] Roger,
that's enough.
All right, Roger,
that's enough.
(dramatic music)
I'm gonna set myself on fire.
- Okay.
- Settle down.
[Fanny]
Roger.
God, I'm gonna do
it! I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it, I'm
gonna set myself on fire!
Ah!
There's a snake.
Ow, ow!
Ow, I'm suffocating.
I don't like it.
This is it for me.
Bye.
(soft music)
What a wonderful
performance, so passionate.
Everyone, go back to your lunch.
Bravo, bravo.
He's high-strung.
No, somebody's in there.
(toilet flushing)
(throat clearing)
Why don't you have a seat?
All right, very good.
(lightning striking)
[Elsa] What about
the tournament?
Excuse me, I'm looking
for Elsa Cartwright.
And who are you?
I'm Elsa Cartwright.
Someone here is
pretending to be me.
Which one of you
is @RogerThatZaddy?
Roger Kowalski?
(rain tapping)
He tagged me in a
picture on Instagram
with the caption,
Love at First Sight.
My beautiful girlfriend
Elsa Cartwright
of the Connecticut Cartwrights.
I was giving a bath
to a rescue goat
when I got the notification.
Obviously, this is not me.
(soft music)
[Elsa]
What she said is true.
Well, my name is also
Elsa Cartwright, but
I pretended to be you.
I did it because I don't
have any money for college.
I work at a driving
range in New Haven,
and your invitation
was sent there,
so I thought it was for me.
I thought this was my chance.
That I wouldn't be
judged by my clothes
or by my neighborhood, but
by my skill as a golfer.
By the time I realized
it was a mistake,
I couldn't walk away.
I'm sorry.
I for one think
you should stay,
and finish the remainder
of the tournament.
I'm sorry, no. You're
obviously a wannabe.
(rain tapping)
(thunder rumbling)
Well, what's
Labor Day out east
without a little scandal, right?
Whose side are you on?
Yours.
I just, I thought your family
was known for their charity.
Smoking in the rain
The caddy's all wet
Water dripping from my nose
Oh.
What have I told you about
serving minors, Winston?
Oh, posh.
I was crawling myself out
of a barrel of Guinness
before I had my
first pubic hair.
You were a good time back
then, Winston (laughs).
(upbeat music)
Oh, Winston.
I came back here
looking for excitement.
But just now when
that Kowalski boy
almost set himself on fire ...
Hello.
I realized that
the only excitement
I ever really missed was you.
I've never been one
for monotony, monot--
Monogamy.
Same thing.
I should have done
this long ago.
(laughing)
- One.
- One.
- Two.
- Two.
- Three.
- Three.
Yeah.
Winston, will you marry me?
Oh.
(man clapping)
(rain tapping)
(thunder rumbling)
(knocking on door)
Hey, what's going on?
I have good news,
Cartwrights from Connecticut.
You guys can stay.
Yeah, I talked to the
other Elsa and I told her
the only thing worse
than being talked about
is not being talked about.
[Elsa] And that works?
Yes, that and I offered
to show her around.
(laughing)
You're welcome, you
little troublemakers.
(soft music)
I'll catch up with you.
Hey, you okay?
(soft music)
Lumer has resigned.
The storm is passing.
How am I gonna get myself
dressed for the tournament?
Yeah, you can't go
out in that bathrobe.
It's too Harvey Weinstein.
Okay, don't worry. Let's see.
Look!
Hey.
(dramatic chase music)
Macaw!
(soft dramatic music)
(rain pelting)
(thunder rumbling)
Granny Lynn?
(piano music)
(thunder rumbling)
(thunder rumbling)
No Service!
(soft music)
What are you doing here?
Texting you.
What are you doing here?
Yeah, I was gonna text you.
Oh, really?
What did you wanna say?
Yeah, some girl, she
commented on Roger's post,
that she's coming here.
Oh yeah, that actually
already happened.
Times at Butlerbrick
move fast, so, keep up.
Cool.
So you're like not
getting thrown out?
Sweet.
What did you,
what did you wanna say to me?
You wanted--
Oh you to, to you.
(thunder rumbling)
(soft music)
(kissing)
(soft music)
Those are tough.
(soft music)
(lightning cracking)
I can see clearly
now, the rain is gone
I can see all
obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark
clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright
Ladies and gentlemen,
the homestretch.
A few contenders have forfeited.
Mary-Anne Montreal
and Marshal Mayson.
Also Granny Mary Lynn,
who asked me to read
her official
statement, and I quote.
"I felt bad crushing the juniors
in their baby competition."
All of the bad feelings
have disappeared
Look, I know that was
super quick, I just--
It's been like a
like a long time.
Can you help me
with something?
It's gonna be a bright,
bright, sunshiney day
Look all around, there's
nothing but blue sky
Roger's returns closet.
[Tina]
Oh my God.
[Lumer]
Whenever he buys something
he doesn't like or it's like
the wrong size, he acts
like he's gonna return it,
but inevitably waits too
long, throws it in here
and pretends like
it never happened.
It's been such a long summer.
For a second, Roger got
really into wakeboarding.
Can't imagine he'd
be very good at that.
He realized that as soon
as he got into the boat.
Look straight ahead,
nothing but blue sky
I can see clearly
now, the rain is gone
(club striking)
I can see all
obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark
clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright,
bright sunshiney day
Oh it's gonna be a
bright sunshiney day
Wand me.
And now for the dark horse
of the tournament,
Ms. Cartwright.
(dramatic music)
(rain pelting)
That was a major mistake
for young Cartwright.
She's gonna have to
hit a three-wood here.
(dramatic music)
She's hitting a
driver off the deck.
Ugh, did anybody else get
a whiff of that whiff?
Terrible.
One more try for
Miss Cartwright.
(hitting golf ball)
(group applauding)
(rain tapping)
(soft music)
(light music)
Just as I thought,
southwesterly.
(light music)
My mistake, it's just westerly.
Coincidentally, this
is the same position
Mr. Kowalski held at this time
as he was about to clinch
last year's tournament,
and we all know how that ended.
There's grass on
the ball, ha ha.
Okay, here we go, woo!
(light music)
Lumer!
You came back.
(light music)
Checking the time
Inspecting the air
Hopelessly searching for
something you care about
They're about to ask you
Who do you wanna be?
What are you doing here?
Are you living a lie here?
What if you grow
old and die here?
Mr. Kowalski, please
clear the premises,
so we can continue
the tournament.
Lumer, Lumer, something
grave has happened.
Take me to the pool house.
(light music)
(rain pelting)
Wait, Lumer.
Sorry I hurt your feelings.
You're my best friend.
I'm your only friend.
Onward.
(light music)
Oh.
Daddy?
Oh.
Wheel me away.
(possum growling)
Hey, no!
Oh my God.
Whoa.
[Marshal] That was
literally my family,
like all the little
ice coffee shit
that like hipsters drink--
Is somebody coming?
My grandpa invented
that. It's crazy.
I promise. This is not a morgue.
What are they doing?
This is my spot.
Oh, we were just leaving.
Just looking for, um,
decorations for a junior formal.
Yeah, I put the
decorations outside
because Simmons kept
walking in on me.
Oh sweet, well,
that makes sense.
Do you wanna, let's head out?
We'll head out back, okay?
Cool.
Bye.
(rain tapping)
(gentle music)
(crowd applauding)
Thank you so much. I
love you all, thank you.
(gentle music)
(crowd applauding)
[Victor] Do as I say,
Petey. Victor Simmons.
(storm raging)
Hidden in plain
sight, bastard.
[Lumer] You have
to tell your mom.
(phone ringing)
Oh my God, he's calling me.
Don't answer it.
Stop.
(phone ringing)
That's good.
Oh shoot. Will you
go get that for me?
I didn't back it up.
Thank you, buddy.
(rain pelting)
(dramatic music)
[Winston] Next
up, Ms. Cartwright.
Can she eagle this hole
and win, or will the rains
continue to get
the better of her?
(camera snapping)
(camera snapping)
(dramatic music)
(camera snapping)
(dramatic music)
(hitting golf ball)
(wind whistling)
(dramatic music)
(crowd cheering)
(dramatic music)
(bright music)
I hate him.
No, no no no no no no.
I married wrong.
Roger, honey, your father
has always been a sociopath.
I mean, he was
wild and handsome.
But he was also off.
It was part of his charm.
He strangled a ferret to death
at his fraternity when he was
in college, for no reason.
They got it as a mascot,
and then it ended up
being too much work.
Well the president
said get rid of it,
and he meant take it
back to the pet store.
But your father killed it,
with his own bare hands.
That shoulda been
the first red flag.
But I was in love.
I thought, what's
one ferret's life
in the grand scheme
of a relationship?
(dog whining)
Hm.
I'm sorry I didn't
come see you play.
I was so busy keeping
up appearances,
putting on a good face.
Your face looks fine.
Mm, Botox.
Mommy?
Did you mean what you said
when I was in the bathroom?
No, somebody's in there.
That somebody was in there?
Somebody's in there.
Do you really
think I'm a somebody?
Yes, dear.
I think you're a somebody.
Now, go get cleaned up.
I'll take care of this
pool house situation.
(soft music)
Oh.
(soft music)
(birds singing)
There you are.
Now congratulations (laughs).
(upbeat rock music)
(radio chattering)
(upbeat rock music)
Excuse me. I'm the proprietor.
(upbeat rock music)
(radio chattering)
Excuse me.
Harboring a wanted
criminal is a felony.
Well, I know that.
Let's go.
[Victor] What does
that have to do with me?
(upbeat rock music)
(soft music)
Is it hot in here,
or is it just me?
(soft piano music)
There's always next year.
Too bad about last year.
If only you hadn't
driven your golf cart--
Your elitism shines.
--into a lake.
Who would do
something that crazy?
Someone in love, that's who.
In love.
I mean, people do crazy
things for love, don't they?
Like try and set
themselves on fire.
I'm gonna set myself on fire.
Or hit themselves on the
head with their own golf club.
Point taken.
So I thought to myself,
who does Roger love?
Then I realized,
Roger loves golf.
Then I remembered, oh, not, no.
Lumer does all the brunt work.
So then I thought,
well, Roger must
love Cartwright.
I love my
girlfriend very much.
May I interest you
in a secret handshake?
But then, I remembered,
your girlfriend wasn't
around last year.
Was she?
She was busy.
Yeah.
And then it hit me.
Roger loves me.
Maybe I like sucking.
Are you in love with
me, Roger Kowalski?
You said you
wanted to do this.
I say a lot of things.
Don't just stand
there. Wash it off!
Ah, crap.
Oh, fudge.
Hurry up.
Hurry up.
[Lumer] All you have
are energy drinks.
Oh, I don't drink
water anymore.
I'm trying to lose weight.
Sir, these are loaded
with sugar. You know that?
Energy drinks are trendy,
and trendy people are skinny.
I don't want you to
beat yourself up for it.
Just stop making those
mistakes, okay, buddy?
Oh, shoot.
Oh.
Just use the White's Wand.
We're gonna be good,
I'm not scared.
[Lumer] It didn't work.
Aw, crap, we're
crap outta luck.
Get outta the way.
What are you doing?
Get out of the way.
Get out of the way!
For old acquaintance
be forgot
(cart splashing)
[Northfield] Shocking.
I hope he's okay.
Feel my abs.
Really?
Go on, feel my abs.
(soft music)
Gunter!
(soft music)
I have a hard exterior,
but I'm gooey underneath.
(soft music)
(men kissing)
My little lake leech.
And we'll all go together
To pull the wild
mountain thyme
All around the
purple heather
Will you go, lassie, go
Oh, there they are.
Bravo.
Thank you for everything.
What will happen to Butlerbrick?
I will be taking
over for my nephew.
And how about you?
What school have you
set your sights on?
Actually, I'd like to
stay here, if you'd let me.
As your golf pro.
What about college?
[Elsa]
I was told if I
didn't go to college
I'd never amount to anything.
But that's not true.
And if you let me stay here,
I can save this money
doing what I love.
The American dream.
Congrats.
You killed it. It was
definitely the outfit.
Lucy?
Ladies, just a minute please.
Ms. Cartwright here is going
to be our new golf pro.
So, perhaps a lesson?
Sure, why not?
(giggling)
("I Melt With You"
by Modern English)
Moving forward
using all my breath
Making love to you
was never second best
I saw the world thrashing
all around your face
Never really knowing it
was always mesh and lace
You don't know this, but
I actually took up golfing
just to be near you.
I was always so jealous.
You're so much better than me.
You finally admit it.
You've seen the difference
And it's getting
better all the time
There's nothing
you and I won't do
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
I owe you an
apology, Cartwright.
You were just a casualty
on the battlefield of love.
It's okay, Roger. Friends?
Friends.
Proud of you.
Thanks, but it's
not the Super Bowl.
I made a pilgrimage to
save this human's race
Never comprehending the
race had long gone by
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
You've seen the difference
And it's getting
better all the time
Let's stop the world
There's nothing
you and I won't do
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
The future's open wide
(upbeat rock music)
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
I've seen some changes
But it's getting
better all the time
There's nothing
you and I won't do
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
The future's open wide
(humming)
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
You've seen the difference
And it's getting
better all the time
There's nothing
you and I won't do
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
(Good Deed Entertainment logo)
("Dancing in the
Moonlight" by Toploader)
We get it on
most every night
When that moon
is big and bright
It's a supernatural delight
Everybody's dancing
in the moonlight
(upbeat music)
Everybody here
is outta sight
They don't bark
and they don't bite
They keep things loose,
they keep them tight
Everybody's dancing
in the moonlight
Dancing in the moonlight
Everybody's feeling
warm and bright
Ladies!
Break's over.
Elsa Cartwright, I'm not
paying you to hit golf balls.
(Elsa grunting)
(man clapping)
(light music)
(sighing)
(light music)
I want you to deliver
these to the golf teams
of every elite private
school in New England.
Outsiders?
Hardly.
This year's junior tournament
parent coordinator thought
it would be a strategic
move to recruit new members.
Doling out invites
like CVS coupons.
Just do as I say, Petey Varga.
(light music)
(fingers snapping)
See you on the green.
(upbeat music)
(birds chirping)
Wait, wait.
Delivery, wait.
Wait wait wait.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'm looking for the
school's golf teams.
The JV and varsity.
It's the summer.
(birds chirping)
There's a driving
range two miles west.
I think the kids practice there.
Kid's got a bright
future, unlike me.
(soft music)
Can I help you?
Invitations to
Butlerbrick Golf
and Country Club's
junior tournament.
Old elitist institution
getting desperate, huh?
Elsa Cartwright?
From the Connecticut
Cartwrights?
[Petey] That's right, ma'am.
Well, these kids
only practice here
when school's in session.
Right, summer.
Who knew?
Actually, there is
another Elsa Cartwright
that's working a
summer job here for me.
Of course, not a
Connecticut Cartwright,
more of like a cleaning
crew Cartwright.
But she's still a
pretty good golfer.
(light music)
Here, how about I give
these to their parents?
[Petey] You're my
type of woman, ma'am.
(light music)
Excuse me, I have a meeting.
(light music)
(phone ringing)
Reception, please hold.
Back.
Else, I'm concerned
you're taking out
your frustration on
Mom's golf clubs.
They're practically heirlooms.
No, they're hand-me-downs.
If they were worth anything, I
would have sold them already.
[Tina] They were Mom's. That's
gotta count for something.
I'm sorry. I didn't
mean it like that.
(phone ringing)
Oh, one second.
Reception, please hold.
[Tina]
Here.
I don't know, I guess I'm just
upset about Dad being laid off.
College and getting a job is
just so far out of reach now.
I just don't wanna end up like
everyone else around here.
Who works in construction
or does hair.
Weird.
[Elsa] Weird?
It's humiliating.
You really want student
debt, or like a useless
college degree and
still be living at home.
I'm having a midlife crisis.
(phone ringing)
Ugh!
Reception, please hold.
[Caller] You know, I
called three times already.
Well, I am sorry you've
called three times today,
but we are very busy.
Back.
My life is literally
in the shitter.
Hey, everyone shits,
even rich people.
(soft music)
(urine flowing)
(woman sighing)
(gas passing)
(toilet flushing)
[Margery]
Miss Cartwright.
Tina, I found
these in the store.
You know you're not supposed
to sell your designs here.
But look how cute they are.
Tina.
Please, Margery.
Tina, the women that come
in here, they want labels.
They want brand names.
They wanna wear what
their friends are wearing.
All right, I've tried to sell
other stuff in here before.
It doesn't sell. I am sorry.
All right, look at it like this.
You walk into a grocery
store. You need some cat food.
I don't have a cat.
We have a dog.
Fine, you need dog food.
They have some Purina,
they have some Blue Ribbon.
But then, look, on the shelf,
sitting in a plastic bag,
is some bootleg dog food.
What are you gonna choose?
The plastic bag if it
was in my price range.
Duh.
The point is, labels
aren't just for show.
They show what's inside.
Now don't let me find
these here again,
or you'll be out of a job.
This is a summer job, and
Labor Day is this weekend.
Well in that case, you'll
be out of a reference.
Now take your freaking
designs. Get outta here.
Come on.
Else.
[Margery] Better
not see these again.
("Dips" by Daisy The Great)
The yellow sun is setting
Into mellow purple blues
The tournament has been
generously underwritten,
and juniors will receive
a cash prize of $15,000.
(brakes squealing)
$15,000?
[Elsa]
Yeah. I think
that's pretty normal.
Haven't you heard people
at the driving range
talk about their private clubs?
(soft music)
(dog barking)
[Tina]
Aw, did you miss us?
All I know, know,
know, know, know
(soft music)
It's a sign.
Seriously.
You've been stressing
about college all summer.
Now you can win your tuition.
It's a coincidence for sure.
You know what Dad
says about coincidences.
They're for people who
don't believe in destiny.
How did this happen?
Doesn't matter.
You have to go.
No, I'm sure
there's an entry fee,
and they probably charge
a lot to stay there.
I'm sure we can
afford like one night,
between the two of us.
I mean, I have savings
from the summer, don't you?
What's in this for you?
I could make us some cute
clothes, and then maybe
the people at the club
woulda wanna wear them.
Our savings is money
that could go to Dad, to--
To what?
It's not even enough for like
a semester of community college.
[Elsa]
Oh wow.
(soft music)
I'm in.
(laughing)
When Butlerbrick
Golf and Country Club
opened its doors in 1924,
it became an instant--
(beeping)
Scene 101, Take 38.
When Butlerbrick Golf and
Country Club opened its doors
in 1913, it became an
instantaneous hot spot,
for golf enthusiasts
and swinging socialites.
Ah, sorry, I gotta
start again (laughs).
(beep)
Seasons have changed.
Fortunes have fallen.
But Butlerbrick has remained
a place of community
for those wealthy
enough to afford one.
Hello, I'm Victor Simmons,
and for four generations,
my family has made it a priority
to create a welcoming
home for the elite.
[Director]
Cut.
I can see you.
Are you sure this
thing doesn't work?
Unfortunately, no, ma'am.
I need you to get down lower.
You have to get lower.
Lower.
You know what, forget it,
you're done. You're cut.
Let's go.
Did you deliver
the invitations?
It's all taken care of, sir.
I've got a commercial to run.
And we're rolling again.
Consider Butlerbrick the
next time you feel unimportant.
(laughing)
You have money.
You are important.
(TV clicking)
(soft piano music)
(bell ringing)
(soft piano music)
Nurse, tell Pilot to
turn on the heat seaters.
Heat--
Seat heaters?
In the heli.
There's somewhere
that I need to be.
(blades chopping)
(birds singing)
(blades chopping)
Come on.
Let's go.
(birds chirping)
Perfect.
(upbeat music)
(door shutting)
Go.
(girls slapping hands)
Where will you and I be when
Everything is said and done
I know you forgot about me
And I know you didn't
see this coming
We've got so long before we
Have to worry about shit
Why don't we
just vibe forever
[Elsa]
Aunt Janet says hi, Dad.
[GPS] You have arrived.
I love you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Okay, ready?
["Phone Numbers" By
Dominic Fike] Whoa, Kenny!
Why you not here with me?
Can you break bread with me?
Why you switch phone
numbers like clothes?
Why you can't answer me?
Cause I got more coming
Why you not here with me?
Can you break
bread with me?
Why you switch phone
numbers like clothes?
Why you can't answer me?
Cause I got more coming
Yes I flew my shorty
from Florida to Hollywood
Got some gold shit
looked big on me
Got some goals,
it's a list on me
Yeah lil bitch, I'm
rich, I fucking roll you
This strippers and the
stroll playing tricks on me
Next time, may I
suggest you walk?
And yes I moved lil
shorty from 'round me
She been all in my
business as of late
I got rich so goddamn fast
They want this bread,
can't catch a break
And yes I know you're
tired of hating
I'm tired of
staring at your face
And if a bitch retaliate
(tires squealing)
He was rude.
(uplifting music)
There's only
up from here, sir.
This is humiliating.
Let's just try and
forget last year's debacle.
Forget?
How can I forget when my
name is ranked dead last?
It's like you trying to
forget you were born a caddy
when you're scrambling
for stray golf balls.
I wasn't born a caddy.
I'm sorry, okay.
It's hard to be
political correct
when you're feeling lightheaded.
Are you hungry?
Am I having
a heart attack?
Ow, Ow
Roger?
Do you need a snack?
Nuts or trail mix?
Nuts.
Excellent choice, sir.
Who's Cartwright?
Who?
Number three.
I nearly won last year. I
should be on top of Northfield.
[Northfield] Always
thought you'd be a bottom.
Mm, make out.
Northfield, didn't
see you coming.
That's sexy.
Stop fannying.
Who's Cartwright?
I'm not fannying.
You're the one
fannying while faffing.
I'm not faffing.
Who is Cartwright?
You don't know the
infamous Cartwright
of the Connecticut Cartwrights?
Oh, the Connecticut
Cartwrights.
Why didn't you just say so?
Overheard Simmons discussing
the news story at brunch.
Arg, matey.
But he didn't
even play last year.
How can he be third?
Ah, last year.
Well, when one player drives
their golf cart into the lake
when they're about to
clinch the tournament,
just how much
competition is there?
For old acquaintance
be forgot
[Roger] Aw, fudge.
(cart splashing)
How dare you
bring up my incident?
I nearly drowned.
I had to spend a week in the
spa sauna after the lake leech.
I'll never understand
why Lumer wasn't driving.
Why would you drive
your own golf cart, bro?
Ah!
Granny Lynn. So
she's back, eh?
Speaking of unfair.
She's an 83-year-old woman
who only golfs with
her right hand.
The odds are really stacked
against you, Kowalski.
The rules say 18 and under,
so you'd see why I'd be upset.
Admit that you suck at golf.
Maybe I like sucking.
Ah.
Hi, excuse me.
Could you point us
to tournament check-in?
Yeah.
(light music)
Hello there, fair maiden.
Not interrupting at all.
In the foyer. I can
walk you there if need be.
I'm Roger. My mommy
is underwriting the
tournament prize.
To avoid scandal, he's
number eight on the board.
See number eight,
Kowalski, at the bottom.
And I'm number one,
Bernard Northfield.
And these are our caddies,
but they're unimportant.
Hi, Lumer.
Oh, hi, I'm Tina.
(dreamy music)
(birds singing)
(laughing)
I'm Elsa, Cartwright.
[Roger] Cartwright.
You're ranking number
three, Cartwright.
[Elsa] Oh, cool.
Pre-rankings, that's
a lotta pressure
for a junior golf
game, isn't it?
Thank you. See, that's what
I've been trying to tell you.
See? Doesn't mean anything.
I'd rather
be ranked last night
than not ranked at all, caddy.
Well, your dreams came true.
Shut up.
[Elsa] Well it's
nice to meet you guys.
Yeah, thank you.
Cool, okay.
I will follow you on Instagram.
Follow her on Instagram?
I'll follow her into Chernobyl.
Wait up.
What's Chernobyl?
Enjoy nut munching.
Maybe I will.
Yeah, it's tasty.
Gunter!
- I'll take this.
- Thank you (laughs).
(upbeat music)
[Northfield]
Marshal.
Thanks.
(door slams)
Oh!
What the hell, dude?
[Marshal] Did it hurt,
when you fell from heaven?
You just slammed a door in
my face, so yeah, it hurt.
I panicked.
You look exactly like
my future ex-wife.
(laughing)
I'm Marshal, Mayson.
Hi.
The Fifth.
Okay, I'm Tina Cartwright.
Of the Connecticut
Cartwrights?
Yeah, I am from Connecticut.
Aren't you gonna apologize?
For what?
Bashing my nose in.
Uh, I kinda did you a
favor, because now the ladies
at the Junior League
don't have to talk
when you get that nose job.
Are you saying my nose is big?
I'm not not saying it's big.
Say you're sorry.
I'm not sorry we met.
And I'm not wearing
any underwear.
Again, have we met?
I'm Marshal Mayson V
Right through here.
[Granny Lynn] Oh,
just one waiter?
Oh, it's Winston.
He's very efficient.
Ah, ladies, meet Ms. Lynn.
She's just returned
from a lengthy hiatus.
It's Granny Lynn to you dears.
(laughing)
May I present Elsa Cartwright
of the Connecticut Cartwrights.
I don't think so.
Hm?
I said I don't think
this is Elsa Cartwright
of the Connecticut Cartwrights.
Oh.
Elsa grandmother's was
one of my closest friends.
Diana Cartwright, and
I saw Elsa many times.
The most recent time being
at her grandmother's funeral.
Uh.
Yes, I remember you.
I probably look a
little different.
I've been working all summer.
Working?
(soft music)
Oh, oh, you mean with
your charity work.
Yes, my charity work.
What a summer can
do when you're 17.
(laughing)
Well (clears throat),
wait a minute.
Your shoulders should be
covered in a club, young lady.
(laughing)
Okay.
I can't believe I
forgot a cardigan.
More importantly, who the fuck
are these Connecticut
Cartwrights?
(upbeat music)
[Tina]
Okay, I found it.
Diana Cartwright's
obituary is in Vanity Fair.
Oh my God.
They're like some kind
of American dynasty.
Oh my God.
Get this.
She is survived by
her parakeet, Wendell,
to whom a sizable trust
fund has been left.
Nice.
Guess there is more than one
Elsa Cartwright in Connecticut.
(light music)
So she goes to the Daft School.
Ugh.
And she golfs at the driving
range during the school year.
So, should we unpack?
I think we should
make a run for it.
We already made it this far.
Everyone here
knows these people.
They're gonna
realize I'm not her.
They know of them.
But only that old lady
like actually knows them,
and you already fooled her.
Come on.
You're both, I don't know,
brunettes.
(light music)
Oh my God, wait.
No, look, look, look, look.
Says she's gone for the summer.
(clears throat)
No having cellphones out
on club property, Rule 78.
Heed my warning.
Ladies.
Hi, would you like
to join me at lunch?
- Oh, no.
- We'd love to.
- We can't impose.
- Yes, no.
We'd love, yes.
No no, no no, hey, it's on me.
It's on Daddy, but
it will be fun.
(laughing)
Follow me, ha ha.
Here you are.
Thank you.
Lumer, sit.
(light music)
Oh yes, hotdogs.
(light music)
That was fast.
[Winston]
Roger's family are
gold status members.
They've been here for years.
[Roger]
Dig in.
(slurping)
(crunching)
What is this?
(light music)
Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
Roger, can I ask
you a question?
- Why?
- Oh.
[Roger] God.
Unfortunate turn of events.
Caddy, wand me.
[Elsa] It's fine.
Thank you. Allow me.
The White's Wand.
Gets anything out like magic.
You just apply a
little bit to your, um,
to your chest area.
To your breasts, your boobs.
- Got it.
- Okay, sorry.
Oh, first you actually
need to apply some water, oh!
[Elsa] Oh my God.
Okay, there I go again, ha ha.
Mr. Klutz.
Ol!
Sorry.
Smoothly executed, sir.
[Roger] I feel flushed.
I think you're
just embarrassed.
Are you okay?
Feel my forehead.
You're fine.
I'm not fine. I
think I have a fever.
He's got a panic disorder.
He doesn't look good.
No, that's mild.
Can I ask you a question?
Winston?
Sir?
Grab me a fresh
wiener for Elsa.
Actually I should probably
go see if Elsa's okay, so
Winston, will you
just send it up?
Thanks.
(light music)
Roger, my
man, whatever you guys
are doing over here,
you need to chill it out, okay?
Especially you.
(light music)
Hey!
[Marshal] You had your hat on.
I thought you were leaving.
I always have my hat on.
He knows I don't
take off my hat.
He's an asshole.
Oh my God, what the H?
What is going on
with these people?
Mommy says to never let
anybody see the top of my head
because of my genetic
predisposition for early onset
- Male pattern baldness.
- Male pattern baldness.
(whimpering)
[Tina] I had an inquiry for you,
Roger. Will you give me a call?
Can't really use my
cellphone on club premises.
That's why she's
giving you her number,
in case you go to
the cellphone room.
(dramatic music)
No thanks.
Um, give me a call?
Yeah.
Thank God.
What?
- Huh?
- What?
You heard her. She said
can I ask you a question?
That's premier I'm about
to ask you out intro.
Is that what she was doing?
Caddy, leave the
social science to me.
There's a reason some
of us are born caddies.
Please tell me you know
I wasn't born a caddy.
What?
Tina just gave
me a great idea.
I will ask out Elsa.
So you're gonna reject Tina
and then ask out her sister?
Hm, I know you are but a
humble caddy and have much
to learn in this world,
but the best way to win
a tournament, as an
athlete, is to focus
on distracting the competition.
If Elsa is worried about me,
she will not have any
time to think about golf.
What about we
focus on your drives?
Instead of, like,
all this nonsense.
- Winston.
- Sir?
I will be taking
this. Thank you.
I can't, sir.
I will deliver it,
Winston. That's very fine.
I have my orders, sir.
Winston, let go of the box.
No, sir, I have my orders.
I will deliver it, Winston.
You cannot take it.
Winston, let go of
the box. Give it to me!
I can't, sir.
(pants tearing)
A bag, sir?
That will not be necessary.
Thank you, Winston, lead me out.
Very good, sir.
[Roger]
Just go a little bit faster.
[Winston]
I can't go any faster, sir.
I tried to ask Roger
if he would model
for my clothing line, but
he got like violently ill.
Will you ask him? I
don't think he likes me.
Why Roger?
Have you seen his
all-pink ensemble?
He's clearly into fashion.
Isn't it a
woman's sports line?
Gender is a construct.
(gasps) Look, tennis rackets.
[Roger] Oh, Elsa.
(knocking on door)
(laughs)
At your service.
[Elsa]
Thank you.
Oh, a note.
Oh, what?
[Tina] What's it say?
Elsa, will you go to
the junior tournament
celebrational formal
with me, kisses, Roger?
My mommy's organizing it.
When is it?
Post-tournament, that evening.
Okay, sure. Thanks, Roger.
Awesome sauce. Also,
will you be my girlfriend?
Uh, wow.
Okay.
Okay, well.
Okay, you'll be my girlfriend?
Okay.
(laughs) Okay,
I have girlfriend.
Okay.
Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye.
Thought I was gonna sneeze.
Okay, bye.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
Make it rain!
(upbeat music)
Love 30.
Send it!
[Tina]
Are you queefing serious?
Love 40.
(upbeat music)
Fuck yeah!
Ow! You got me in the boob.
Game.
(soft music)
My new girlfriend asked me
to model, so model I will.
Hello, Mr. New Booty.
You're in too deep.
Then don't come.
You'll see.
The fish has already eaten
the hook hidden inside me.
The juicy bait.
(soft music)
I know exactly
what to get you.
Okay.
He looks good.
(soft music)
[Elsa] I mean Roger
is a great dresser.
Mm-hm.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I'll be right back, okay?
O-kay.
Hey.
Looks like we're
playing together.
Elsa's the golfer.
Looks like we're
playing together.
(laughing)
Look, it's not too
late to just call it off.
Get some sleep.
Lumer, ever since my daddy
had to take up residence
in Antigua for chasing the
American dream, sans taxes,
I haven't quite been myself.
(laughing)
Sir--
Oh oh oh, don't interrupt.
My daddy always said to
me, to be successful,
to be this successful,
you can't be honest.
And that applies to sports,
life, whatever you can win at.
All right, Marshal seems to be
Mr. Steal Yo Girl right now.
Mr. Steal My What?
(laughing)
Hello!
Shoo.
- Bye.
- Bye.
(light music)
You couldn't have picked
a better guy for the job.
Roger loves his outfits.
Who, Marshal? That guy
smells like shit (laughs).
Yeah.
How are you, um,
how are you doing?
So how's your sister
feeling about, about the game?
And you also like television?
Cool.
(laughing)
Hello.
Hey.
May I interest you in a secret
handshake, as my girlfriend?
Sure.
This could be the
boyfriend-girlfriend handshake.
Slide.
Pound, not like that.
That's pretty good.
And a little peace sign, and
we're boyfriend girlfriend.
(chuckling)
(light music)
No, I think I'll
just sleep in the nude.
I think you
made the right decision.
I regret it. Give
me the chemise.
I meant coming back here.
Why don't we go down and
have a drink with Winston?
Oh no, I'm not ready
to face Winston yet.
(light music)
(camera snapping)
You know what's funny?
Even though I'm not a model
or anything, I've always kind
of been immersed in like the
competitive world of fashion.
Like, my mommy's always
told me that you can tell
how much money somebody
has based off their handbag
and stuff like that.
Like, my greatest accessory
would be, like Lumer,
because I don't have a handbag.
On second thought, I'm not
sure that the beret is working.
But if Lumer was a
handbag, he'd probably--
Could you take it off, maybe?
(light music)
Oh no, I think it
brings some worldliness
to this whole thing.
A little bit of
parlez-vous Francais.
Well, maybe,
let's see.
Yeah, let's do this.
Can you just tie this
around your waist,
and maybe lose the scarf?
Oh, I see what you
ladies are doing.
Wanna see the goodies.
You got it (laughs).
Did you hear that?
[Tina] Some power poses.
Got it.
[Tina] Just like
confident stuff.
Totally.
But you, Roger you.
The beauty within?
Like Vince Vaughn.
(camera snapping)
Not like Vince Vaughn.
Maybe somebody like Steve-O.
You can't handle the truth.
Something like that.
No, I think it's the beret.
What?
Can we just lose it?
- No, no no no.
- Please.
- Please.
- No no, no no.
Okay, bring it in.
What's up?
Okay, so you know how
you were saying that
Lumer is like an
accessory, right?
Yeah, he's super nice, right.
But that's like, that's
kind of it, you know.
Some accessories, they
enhance us, and others,
they just, they keep us from
shining on our own, right?
- Mm.
- Hm-mm?
Mm-hm.
[Tina] You don't need Lumer,
just like you don't
need that beret.
Come on, we'll do
it together, okay?
This one is for Vince.
(soft dramatic music)
Toss that old thing aside.
Let me see the cardigan.
(stomach rumbling)
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, yes!
Yes, yes!
Perfect, that was great.
What the hell is
going on out here?
Oh no.
Not again.
Put up your hands and step
away from the flagpole please.
Come on, over here.
(light music)
(gas passing)
Jesus, Roger, ow!
Freeze.
I'm just gonna head out, too.
(gas passing) Ah.
For God sake, Roger, what
the hell are you doing?
Just chilling.
[Victor] No you're not.
Get up.
Tired, long day.
Just taking a nap, buddy.
[Victor] Come
on, let's go, up.
[Roger] Just don't.
(pooping)
Oh.
Oh! Roger.
What was that?
Was there an animal?
(liquid sloshing)
I think there's an
animal behind me.
A muddy animal.
Hello.
What's up, Mr. Simmons?
This is not what it looks like.
Looks like you're flouncing
around for the camera.
God, you're smart. That's
exactly what this is.
Here I am, trying to
sleep, and I can't get a wink
because you hooligans
are traipsing around
in my beautifully
manicured grounds.
You think this is some sort
of Midwestern
putt-putt fun center?
This golf course costs
more than your life.
Fine, I'll take
full responsibility.
It was Tina's idea.
Yeah, you think I don't
know that you don't have
the wherewithal to
orchestrate anything?
Go lick your wounds, elsewhere.
Miss Cartwright? What
are you doing here?
Are you practicing?
- Yes.
- At midnight?
[Elsa] Yes.
Well, big day tomorrow, ha ha.
You done?
- Yes.
- Okay.
You feeling good?
(gas passing)
It's very important.
Everything's riding on this.
No, I'm kidding.
Everything's not riding on
it, but it is important.
Ugh.
(liquid sloshing)
(laughing)
What did you do to poor Roger?
We were doing a photo shoot.
With Roger?
What, are you jealous?
Maybe, a little bit.
Come here, I wanna
show you something.
Oh, and get this. She
asked to remove the beret.
Yeah, I lost it.
That's unlike you.
Ugh, I know. I was
pooping everywhere.
Ooh, boy.
(exhaling)
(phone pinging)
Oh my God.
200 calories left on my
dieting app for today (laughs).
Oh, two taquitos, please.
One and a half.
Guess I shouldn't
be eating this late?
(phone ringing)
Lumer, phone.
(phone ringing)
Lumer, phone.
(phone ringing)
Hello, Lumer, phone!
(phone ringing)
Lumer.
(phone ringing)
Hello.
[Mr. Kowalski] Hello.
Daddy?
How's Antigua?
Feel good
Feel good
(Tina laughing)
What?
Hey, I meant to talk
to you about something,
but I forget exactly (splashes).
What it was.
Coming in?
It's warm.
I don't think so.
How are you
liking Butlerbrick?
I love it.
You love it? Nobody
loves Butlerbrick.
It's iconic.
It's iconic? (laughs)
Maybe the golf tournament.
There's like 10
people signed up
for the junior tournament.
Not the junior tournament.
The junior tournament sucks.
(laughs) Really?
The junior tournament's just
there to get new families in,
you know, new blood with old
money like Granny Lynn money.
What is the deal
with Granny Lynn?
Like, what's with the fur?
The fur, she's a legend.
It's 80 degrees outside.
She's a legend.
She can wear fur in the
summer if she wants.
She's got all that
cheese money, you know.
What?
She's a cheese heiress.
I mean, her family
literally made their money
on the backs of smoked
Gouda and Parmesan.
Are you serious?
I'm serious. (laughs)
She used to come out
here every summer,
like a thousand different WASPS,
and they'd just party and rage,
and then she stopped
coming for some reason
and they all stopped coming too.
Now they all gather in
Westhampton every summer.
- Westhampton?
- Yeah, right.
Not even a real Hampton.
Can you help me out?
I wasn't born yesterday.
I'm freezing. Can
you just help me out?
No.
I'm not gonna pull you in.
Promise?
Yeah, totally.
Please.
- Good.
- Thank you.
(splashing)
I lied, sorry.
Aren't you glad
you got in, though?
It's warm, right?
I pretty much knew
that was gonna happen.
Oh, you knew that
was gonna happen?
Mm-hm.
Did you? Are you a
psychic or something?
Do you have ESP?
(Tina laughing)
(kissing)
I was hoping for some hedge
fund new money, some Democrats.
Why?
Because otherwise
you wouldn't be here.
You don't know
anything about me.
I know you're not a
Connecticut Cartwright.
I was kicked out
of the Daft School.
(water bubbling)
Where you going?
(soft dramatic music)
Your secret's safe with me.
(knocking on door)
Come in.
(door opening)
Why can't I work up the courage
to say hello to Winston?
Truthfully, it was so wonderful
to catch a glimpse
of him at lunch.
Mm.
Even though he got that gut now.
Oh, I wonder what he would
think of me. (laughs)
Uh-huh, Nurse, are you there?
(light music)
(both screaming)
Oh.
My apologies, Madame.
(door creaking)
(Winston moaning)
Oh, shut the door, man.
Least you got
the one good hand.
(blowing raspberry)
No!
(soft music)
(birds singing)
(uplifting music)
Crown thy good
with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea
All right.
(group applauding)
Thank you, it's a beautiful day.
Very excited, just
a few announcements.
Due to last year's incident
involving an unidentified
member who will not be
named, all caddies have been
equipped with a life jacket,
should this function
be necessary.
Woo!
What happened,
with the life vest?
Players have been
paired by starting rank,
so number one with
number two and so on.
Excuse me, is this really
fiscally responsible?
Why should we all have
the burden of extra weight
when only some of
us are incompetent?
Who cares if
you're incompetent?
As long as you're not impotent.
Excellent motto, Granny Lynn.
Boop, boop.
And due to a different
biohazard incident involving
the same unidentified member,
we will not be
playing hole four.
Play hole five twice.
I guess that's my bad.
[Victor] Please stay hydrated.
We have beverages courtesy
of the Northfield family.
Ugh.
Woo-hoo.
(group applauding)
Thank you, okay.
Jesus, what's up your butt?
There's been nothing
in my butt for weeks.
All right.
The diarrhea was a
psychosomatic issue.
(light music)
Thanks.
(Gunter mumbling)
(soft music)
[Roger] Caddy!
I don't know if this
is a competition thing,
because you're
being really rude.
Just trying to
do my job, Tina.
You know, be the best
accessory that I could be.
How's that working out?
Lumer, move your bootay
souffle (chuckles).
Let the games begin.
(upbeat music)
(throat clearing)
I know you're not supposed
to ask a woman for her age,
but, uh, are you in college?
You see, I'm 14 trying
to take applications
- for a little side piece thing.
- His mom knows my mom. Sorry.
Think about it.
(club whooshing)
(group applauding)
(camera snapping)
Keep your puppy on a leash.
You tapping that tonight?
Roger and Elsa?
Yeah, I thought Elsa
was dating her sister.
Gunter, I'm teeing off.
It's a conflict of interest.
I mean, there has to be
something in the rules
about dating the competition.
Take a crack, young'un.
Lick my crack, old man.
Well.
(light music)
(club striking)
Duck hook.
Quack, quack.
No caddy, Mary-Anne?
Isn't that what
golf carts are for?
I thought at least
my mom would show.
Should I go first?
Whatever, Mary-Anne.
Free country.
Will you tee off for me?
She's right there.
She will see us.
Oh my God, I hate
Mary-Anne so much.
I can hear you.
Good.
Then do you mind if
Lumer tees off for me?
What do I get in return?
Whatever you want.
Tee for two?
Oh, that's perfect.
That's actually a
really good idea.
There you go, buddy.
You love golf, yay.
Stay humble.
And always move forward.
All right, you got it.
(birds chirping)
Remember, eye on the prize.
His teeth are shining
He walks like a pro
He plays a scratch game
He's hard to know
He's a three-time loser
But he's the best
that we've got
To show us the way
To play our shot
His teeth are shining
His skin is tan,
don't play too good
But when he wants to, he can
He drinks a little
He drinks a lot
Depending on whether or not
Someone's got some pot
He's a stoned-cold
professional
Playing the fifth hole
twice is getting crowded.
Yeah.
(birds chirping)
(sighing)
I like her butt when she putt.
Not looking too fierce.
Hey, I made this.
The competition.
(soft music)
You a good golfer?
Yeah, you?
I'm good, just not like,
interested in getting better.
(laughing)
(bright music)
[Together] One, two, three.
Three, three.
- Three.
- Three.
Yeah.
(bright music)
(exhaling)
(bright music)
- Bravo.
(group applauding)
Bravo.
[Roger] Is it snack time yet?
God help me. I will
turn this cart around.
- Please.
- Please.
I'm the only one
doing any golfing here.
Not that anybody would know.
Because nobody's here,
and nobody cares.
I care.
I really don't care
if you care, Mary-Anne.
Okay, fine then, I don't care.
Fine, that's great.
Fine.
I'm glad we agree.
Why are you so mean about it?
I'm not being mean.
I'm just hungry.
Carbs or fruit?
Fruit.
Yay, thanks.
(pop topping)
Can I have some?
Yeah.
Good luck, buddy.
(birds chirping)
(hitting golf ball)
Whoa ho ho, nice job.
I guess you don't miss 100%
of the shots you don't take.
(laughing)
What the hell? (laughs)
That was funny.
Hey, good job.
That was good stuff.
(group laughing)
Woo!
Love is like a game of golf
All adventures had a famous
scene on the way to the green
It starts smooth
on the tee off
But ends rough
Trees, birds and
pretty things
Balls flying through
the air with no wings
When you finally get
to the dance floor
My favorite part
You tap the ball and it
Disappears into your heart
(birds chirping)
Trade?
Wait, what?
You golfed better for
Roger than for me?
(laughs) Nice, take
that, Northfield.
You know what? I quit.
Wait, Mary-Anne, Mary-Anne.
I just golfed 18 holes for you.
Whatever, Lumer.
What does that mean?
It means lunch.
Let's go to lunch.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ho ho ho!
You look rough.
Not as rough as hole four
after you pooped on it.
You guys were supposed
to play hole five twice.
There's nothing wrong
with a round two.
Slut.
All right, enough.
I have to go.
What, go poo-poo?
(laughing)
At least I have a real caddy.
Everybody knows Gunter
here doesn't even
belong to this country club.
(bomb exploding)
(chuckling)
Roger, can we go to lunch?
Caddy, I'm trying
to make a point.
You see, I have a
real-life caddy.
One that was born a caddy.
I wasn't born a caddy.
Lumer, chill.
Look, man, I just golfed
18 holes for you and 18 holes
for Mary-Anne, and
you don't care.
I'm exhausted.
And I heard you agree with Tina.
I'm just an accessory,
so, you know what, man?
If I'm that disposable to you,
then good luck without me.
What are you doing?
(water splashing)
I know a better
way to get wet.
Leaving the luncheon already?
Yeah, you'll learn
that country club
food is not the best.
Meeting some friends for lunch.
(horn honking)
Your, uh, your Uber's here.
That's my driver.
(horn honking)
See ya.
Yep.
(birds singing)
(door shutting)
(clubs rattling)
Hey, I tried texting you,
but that tween took my phone
for not being in
a cellphone room.
I wouldn't have been
able to answer anyways,
unless I was also
in a cellphone room.
So.
Okay, that doesn't
make any sense.
I mean, doesn't that
mean we'll just end up
having a face-to-face
conversation?
I think that's
sort of the point.
Hey, I wanted
to say I'm sorry.
I didn't mean all that stuff
about you being an accessory.
I don't think that about you.
I'm starving.
Do you wanna?
No, I'll see you in there.
Roger's driving me
absolutely crazy,
so I'm gonna take a five.
Take a five, and take a 10.
Okay, see you there.
(laughing)
Okay, sweet.
- Okay.
- All right, yeah.
What the hell am I doing?
Do do
Do do
Do do
Do do, do do
Sha la la, la la
Sha la la, la la
Sha la la, la la, la la
(thunder rumbling)
(splashing)
(soft dramatic music)
Hello, Mommy.
Didn't see you at
the tournament today.
Oh, traffic from
Southampton was horrid.
Why can't I stay
in Southampton?
Darling, you know, I told you.
The Winthrops have so many
guests already this summer.
But don't worry, we'll
be back in our own home
just as soon as your
father's name is cleared.
Mm-mm.
Now, I want you to make
a good impression, mmkay?
Because we don't
exactly have the highest
reputation right now.
I also want you to be a
good boy, and to help string
some of the lanterns
along the table, Roger!
And then, I want you
to help the servers
to light the, oh,
the purple ones.
To light the food troughs.
Thanks for asking how the
tournament's going. Not!
Okay.
(glass clinking)
Hello.
Ooh.
Hi, for those of
you who don't know me,
I'm Frances Kowalski, but
you may call me Fanny.
(camera snapping)
As the parent coordinator
for this year's Labor Day
junior golf tournament--
(phone ringing)
It makes me and my
son Roger so happy
to have a sense of community.
(phone ringing)
Myself and Roger appreciate
community so much.
(phone ringing)
Right now.
Everyone knows my
son Roger, right?
- Hello.
[Mr. Kowalski] Hello.
[Roger] One sec.
(laughing)
To community.
- To community.
- Community.
(upbeat music)
Oh no, don't toast with
water, it's bad luck.
Cheers.
Cheers, too.
[Roger]
Hello.
[Mr. Kowalski]
How are you doing?
One sec.
You still there?
(upbeat music)
Daddy!
How's the big
tournament going?
It's um.
(light music)
It's going well, I hope.
It's uh, it's going.
(dramatic music)
(bomb exploding)
What's wrong?
Roger?
Betrayal.
Hello!
(banging)
I'd like to make a
toast too, as well.
Roger, honey, come sit down.
Not now, boy.
Yes, now, boy.
My own mommy, Frances Kowalski,
is so obsessed with
having everything all--
Are you listening?
Why are you eating?
My mommy, right there, is
so obsessed with having it
all figured out, doing
everything for herself,
that she's abandoned me.
That is not true.
We still have a
staff in the city.
Cheers to being a
terrible mommy, Mommy.
Roger? Is this because
you're not winning?
How would you even know?
You haven't even been
to the tournament.
Roger, Fanny's
been a part of it.
- She was at Elsa's
first-hole tee-off.
- Well--
What the H?
Roger.
Are you H'ing me?
Oh my A.
Traitor, traitor.
Please.
You too, old man.
Hey.
[Roger]
Traitor.
Roger.
Do you feel better now?
You're a traitor!
[Fanny] Roger,
that's enough.
All right, Roger,
that's enough.
(dramatic music)
I'm gonna set myself on fire.
- Okay.
- Settle down.
[Fanny]
Roger.
God, I'm gonna do
it! I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it, I'm
gonna set myself on fire!
Ah!
There's a snake.
Ow, ow!
Ow, I'm suffocating.
I don't like it.
This is it for me.
Bye.
(soft music)
What a wonderful
performance, so passionate.
Everyone, go back to your lunch.
Bravo, bravo.
He's high-strung.
No, somebody's in there.
(toilet flushing)
(throat clearing)
Why don't you have a seat?
All right, very good.
(lightning striking)
[Elsa] What about
the tournament?
Excuse me, I'm looking
for Elsa Cartwright.
And who are you?
I'm Elsa Cartwright.
Someone here is
pretending to be me.
Which one of you
is @RogerThatZaddy?
Roger Kowalski?
(rain tapping)
He tagged me in a
picture on Instagram
with the caption,
Love at First Sight.
My beautiful girlfriend
Elsa Cartwright
of the Connecticut Cartwrights.
I was giving a bath
to a rescue goat
when I got the notification.
Obviously, this is not me.
(soft music)
[Elsa]
What she said is true.
Well, my name is also
Elsa Cartwright, but
I pretended to be you.
I did it because I don't
have any money for college.
I work at a driving
range in New Haven,
and your invitation
was sent there,
so I thought it was for me.
I thought this was my chance.
That I wouldn't be
judged by my clothes
or by my neighborhood, but
by my skill as a golfer.
By the time I realized
it was a mistake,
I couldn't walk away.
I'm sorry.
I for one think
you should stay,
and finish the remainder
of the tournament.
I'm sorry, no. You're
obviously a wannabe.
(rain tapping)
(thunder rumbling)
Well, what's
Labor Day out east
without a little scandal, right?
Whose side are you on?
Yours.
I just, I thought your family
was known for their charity.
Smoking in the rain
The caddy's all wet
Water dripping from my nose
Oh.
What have I told you about
serving minors, Winston?
Oh, posh.
I was crawling myself out
of a barrel of Guinness
before I had my
first pubic hair.
You were a good time back
then, Winston (laughs).
(upbeat music)
Oh, Winston.
I came back here
looking for excitement.
But just now when
that Kowalski boy
almost set himself on fire ...
Hello.
I realized that
the only excitement
I ever really missed was you.
I've never been one
for monotony, monot--
Monogamy.
Same thing.
I should have done
this long ago.
(laughing)
- One.
- One.
- Two.
- Two.
- Three.
- Three.
Yeah.
Winston, will you marry me?
Oh.
(man clapping)
(rain tapping)
(thunder rumbling)
(knocking on door)
Hey, what's going on?
I have good news,
Cartwrights from Connecticut.
You guys can stay.
Yeah, I talked to the
other Elsa and I told her
the only thing worse
than being talked about
is not being talked about.
[Elsa] And that works?
Yes, that and I offered
to show her around.
(laughing)
You're welcome, you
little troublemakers.
(soft music)
I'll catch up with you.
Hey, you okay?
(soft music)
Lumer has resigned.
The storm is passing.
How am I gonna get myself
dressed for the tournament?
Yeah, you can't go
out in that bathrobe.
It's too Harvey Weinstein.
Okay, don't worry. Let's see.
Look!
Hey.
(dramatic chase music)
Macaw!
(soft dramatic music)
(rain pelting)
(thunder rumbling)
Granny Lynn?
(piano music)
(thunder rumbling)
(thunder rumbling)
No Service!
(soft music)
What are you doing here?
Texting you.
What are you doing here?
Yeah, I was gonna text you.
Oh, really?
What did you wanna say?
Yeah, some girl, she
commented on Roger's post,
that she's coming here.
Oh yeah, that actually
already happened.
Times at Butlerbrick
move fast, so, keep up.
Cool.
So you're like not
getting thrown out?
Sweet.
What did you,
what did you wanna say to me?
You wanted--
Oh you to, to you.
(thunder rumbling)
(soft music)
(kissing)
(soft music)
Those are tough.
(soft music)
(lightning cracking)
I can see clearly
now, the rain is gone
I can see all
obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark
clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright
Ladies and gentlemen,
the homestretch.
A few contenders have forfeited.
Mary-Anne Montreal
and Marshal Mayson.
Also Granny Mary Lynn,
who asked me to read
her official
statement, and I quote.
"I felt bad crushing the juniors
in their baby competition."
All of the bad feelings
have disappeared
Look, I know that was
super quick, I just--
It's been like a
like a long time.
Can you help me
with something?
It's gonna be a bright,
bright, sunshiney day
Look all around, there's
nothing but blue sky
Roger's returns closet.
[Tina]
Oh my God.
[Lumer]
Whenever he buys something
he doesn't like or it's like
the wrong size, he acts
like he's gonna return it,
but inevitably waits too
long, throws it in here
and pretends like
it never happened.
It's been such a long summer.
For a second, Roger got
really into wakeboarding.
Can't imagine he'd
be very good at that.
He realized that as soon
as he got into the boat.
Look straight ahead,
nothing but blue sky
I can see clearly
now, the rain is gone
(club striking)
I can see all
obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark
clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright,
bright sunshiney day
Oh it's gonna be a
bright sunshiney day
Wand me.
And now for the dark horse
of the tournament,
Ms. Cartwright.
(dramatic music)
(rain pelting)
That was a major mistake
for young Cartwright.
She's gonna have to
hit a three-wood here.
(dramatic music)
She's hitting a
driver off the deck.
Ugh, did anybody else get
a whiff of that whiff?
Terrible.
One more try for
Miss Cartwright.
(hitting golf ball)
(group applauding)
(rain tapping)
(soft music)
(light music)
Just as I thought,
southwesterly.
(light music)
My mistake, it's just westerly.
Coincidentally, this
is the same position
Mr. Kowalski held at this time
as he was about to clinch
last year's tournament,
and we all know how that ended.
There's grass on
the ball, ha ha.
Okay, here we go, woo!
(light music)
Lumer!
You came back.
(light music)
Checking the time
Inspecting the air
Hopelessly searching for
something you care about
They're about to ask you
Who do you wanna be?
What are you doing here?
Are you living a lie here?
What if you grow
old and die here?
Mr. Kowalski, please
clear the premises,
so we can continue
the tournament.
Lumer, Lumer, something
grave has happened.
Take me to the pool house.
(light music)
(rain pelting)
Wait, Lumer.
Sorry I hurt your feelings.
You're my best friend.
I'm your only friend.
Onward.
(light music)
Oh.
Daddy?
Oh.
Wheel me away.
(possum growling)
Hey, no!
Oh my God.
Whoa.
[Marshal] That was
literally my family,
like all the little
ice coffee shit
that like hipsters drink--
Is somebody coming?
My grandpa invented
that. It's crazy.
I promise. This is not a morgue.
What are they doing?
This is my spot.
Oh, we were just leaving.
Just looking for, um,
decorations for a junior formal.
Yeah, I put the
decorations outside
because Simmons kept
walking in on me.
Oh sweet, well,
that makes sense.
Do you wanna, let's head out?
We'll head out back, okay?
Cool.
Bye.
(rain tapping)
(gentle music)
(crowd applauding)
Thank you so much. I
love you all, thank you.
(gentle music)
(crowd applauding)
[Victor] Do as I say,
Petey. Victor Simmons.
(storm raging)
Hidden in plain
sight, bastard.
[Lumer] You have
to tell your mom.
(phone ringing)
Oh my God, he's calling me.
Don't answer it.
Stop.
(phone ringing)
That's good.
Oh shoot. Will you
go get that for me?
I didn't back it up.
Thank you, buddy.
(rain pelting)
(dramatic music)
[Winston] Next
up, Ms. Cartwright.
Can she eagle this hole
and win, or will the rains
continue to get
the better of her?
(camera snapping)
(camera snapping)
(dramatic music)
(camera snapping)
(dramatic music)
(hitting golf ball)
(wind whistling)
(dramatic music)
(crowd cheering)
(dramatic music)
(bright music)
I hate him.
No, no no no no no no.
I married wrong.
Roger, honey, your father
has always been a sociopath.
I mean, he was
wild and handsome.
But he was also off.
It was part of his charm.
He strangled a ferret to death
at his fraternity when he was
in college, for no reason.
They got it as a mascot,
and then it ended up
being too much work.
Well the president
said get rid of it,
and he meant take it
back to the pet store.
But your father killed it,
with his own bare hands.
That shoulda been
the first red flag.
But I was in love.
I thought, what's
one ferret's life
in the grand scheme
of a relationship?
(dog whining)
Hm.
I'm sorry I didn't
come see you play.
I was so busy keeping
up appearances,
putting on a good face.
Your face looks fine.
Mm, Botox.
Mommy?
Did you mean what you said
when I was in the bathroom?
No, somebody's in there.
That somebody was in there?
Somebody's in there.
Do you really
think I'm a somebody?
Yes, dear.
I think you're a somebody.
Now, go get cleaned up.
I'll take care of this
pool house situation.
(soft music)
Oh.
(soft music)
(birds singing)
There you are.
Now congratulations (laughs).
(upbeat rock music)
(radio chattering)
(upbeat rock music)
Excuse me. I'm the proprietor.
(upbeat rock music)
(radio chattering)
Excuse me.
Harboring a wanted
criminal is a felony.
Well, I know that.
Let's go.
[Victor] What does
that have to do with me?
(upbeat rock music)
(soft music)
Is it hot in here,
or is it just me?
(soft piano music)
There's always next year.
Too bad about last year.
If only you hadn't
driven your golf cart--
Your elitism shines.
--into a lake.
Who would do
something that crazy?
Someone in love, that's who.
In love.
I mean, people do crazy
things for love, don't they?
Like try and set
themselves on fire.
I'm gonna set myself on fire.
Or hit themselves on the
head with their own golf club.
Point taken.
So I thought to myself,
who does Roger love?
Then I realized,
Roger loves golf.
Then I remembered, oh, not, no.
Lumer does all the brunt work.
So then I thought,
well, Roger must
love Cartwright.
I love my
girlfriend very much.
May I interest you
in a secret handshake?
But then, I remembered,
your girlfriend wasn't
around last year.
Was she?
She was busy.
Yeah.
And then it hit me.
Roger loves me.
Maybe I like sucking.
Are you in love with
me, Roger Kowalski?
You said you
wanted to do this.
I say a lot of things.
Don't just stand
there. Wash it off!
Ah, crap.
Oh, fudge.
Hurry up.
Hurry up.
[Lumer] All you have
are energy drinks.
Oh, I don't drink
water anymore.
I'm trying to lose weight.
Sir, these are loaded
with sugar. You know that?
Energy drinks are trendy,
and trendy people are skinny.
I don't want you to
beat yourself up for it.
Just stop making those
mistakes, okay, buddy?
Oh, shoot.
Oh.
Just use the White's Wand.
We're gonna be good,
I'm not scared.
[Lumer] It didn't work.
Aw, crap, we're
crap outta luck.
Get outta the way.
What are you doing?
Get out of the way.
Get out of the way!
For old acquaintance
be forgot
(cart splashing)
[Northfield] Shocking.
I hope he's okay.
Feel my abs.
Really?
Go on, feel my abs.
(soft music)
Gunter!
(soft music)
I have a hard exterior,
but I'm gooey underneath.
(soft music)
(men kissing)
My little lake leech.
And we'll all go together
To pull the wild
mountain thyme
All around the
purple heather
Will you go, lassie, go
Oh, there they are.
Bravo.
Thank you for everything.
What will happen to Butlerbrick?
I will be taking
over for my nephew.
And how about you?
What school have you
set your sights on?
Actually, I'd like to
stay here, if you'd let me.
As your golf pro.
What about college?
[Elsa]
I was told if I
didn't go to college
I'd never amount to anything.
But that's not true.
And if you let me stay here,
I can save this money
doing what I love.
The American dream.
Congrats.
You killed it. It was
definitely the outfit.
Lucy?
Ladies, just a minute please.
Ms. Cartwright here is going
to be our new golf pro.
So, perhaps a lesson?
Sure, why not?
(giggling)
("I Melt With You"
by Modern English)
Moving forward
using all my breath
Making love to you
was never second best
I saw the world thrashing
all around your face
Never really knowing it
was always mesh and lace
You don't know this, but
I actually took up golfing
just to be near you.
I was always so jealous.
You're so much better than me.
You finally admit it.
You've seen the difference
And it's getting
better all the time
There's nothing
you and I won't do
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
I owe you an
apology, Cartwright.
You were just a casualty
on the battlefield of love.
It's okay, Roger. Friends?
Friends.
Proud of you.
Thanks, but it's
not the Super Bowl.
I made a pilgrimage to
save this human's race
Never comprehending the
race had long gone by
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
You've seen the difference
And it's getting
better all the time
Let's stop the world
There's nothing
you and I won't do
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
The future's open wide
(upbeat rock music)
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
I've seen some changes
But it's getting
better all the time
There's nothing
you and I won't do
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
The future's open wide
(humming)
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
You've seen the difference
And it's getting
better all the time
There's nothing
you and I won't do
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
I'll stop the world
and melt with you
Let's stop the world
I'll stop the world
and melt with you