The Dancing Masters (1943) Movie Script
Oh, yes, madam. Yes, we teach
every possible form of dancing.
Ballroom, tap, ballet, rhythmic, hula
and jitter.
That's it, girls. That's it.
Remember, gracefulness is everything.
Now..."London Bridge."
Isn't he light?
In the head.
Wonderful. What's it called?
That is called
the "Dance of the Pelican"...
...my own original creation.
Now, girls, we'll try
some bar exercises. Right over here.
Let's have it right this time.
Now you've just got to follow me
and do exactly as I do.
Now you put your right foot up
on the top, like that.
Now. One, two. One, two.
Now the other foot.
Hey, Trudy, come and get me.
- What's the matter?
- I think I'm stuck.
Hey, girls, come and help.
- Wait. You'd better get Ollie.
- All right.
Yeah, he'll get me off.
Make it snappy.
Oliver...
...Stanley's stuck to the wall.
- What, again?
All right, girls, relax.
I'll be right back.
You're always sticking
your foot into something.
- What's the matter now?
- I think I've got Charlie's horse.
- Get me out of here, will you?
- All right, girls, stand back.
Now, one, two, three.
I'm sorry, Ollie, I couldn't help it.
You see, it was...
- Class dismissed.
- Oh, goody!
Listen, boys,
we gotta get a new set up.
The FBI closed down all rackets, and
the snatch now gets you throat trouble.
I've got a new angle.
What do you think of that?
Never should've told
he looks like Eddie Robinson.
From now on, we're strictly on the legit.
We got a new front.
- We're gonna sell insurance.
- What do we know about insurance?
You used to sell protection,
didn't you?
What is insurance
but a form of protection, see?
You gonna sell insurance
the way you used to sell protection.
When the chump won't kick in, give him
the muscle the way you used to.
If there's any belch, the guys
at headquarters will take care of things.
This is no two-bit racket.
We'll divide up the towns in the state.
And you'll work the towns in pairs.
I got these wholesale.
One of you will act as the salesman,
the convincer. The other will use this.
He's the croaker, makes examinations
and certifies the chump...
...as being a sound insurance risk.
Any questions?
Mickey, you draw Chambersburg. You
can take Jasper along as your croaker.
Croaker?
I'll show you how to use it later.
And you, Hymie the Goat,
you're going to Danville.
Don't forget to tell them you'll collect
the payments each month in person.
You make me sick.
Well, we've all go to live and learn.
- Yes, but you just live.
- Well, I can't help it.
Come in.
- Hello, boys.
- Hello, Trudy.
I just thought I'd drop in and pay
my tuition in advance for three months.
- Swell.
- I don't know what we'd do without you.
You know, you're practically
keeping the school open.
The other students
are putting us on the cuff.
- Oh, why, that's terrible.
- This morning we got a nasty letter...
...from the landlord and a very ugly letter
from the furniture man.
Look, I'll show you.
By the way,
have you seen Grant lately?
I'll see him later. Mother's waiting
below, we're going out to the plant.
- Give him our best.
- Oh, I will.
You know, Grant did
a great turn for us once.
- A friend in need...
- Is a friend in need.
- Indeed. Goodbye, boys.
- Goodbye, Trudy.
Goodbye.
Friend in...
I'll put this in the safe.
- What's the combination to this thing?
- Two turns to the left.
One, two. What do you mean,
two turns to the left?
Hold this a minute.
One...
...two.
- Two turns to the left.
- It'll be safer here.
One...
...two.
See, one good turn
deserves another.
One good turn deserves another.
He's always picking on me.
- Good afternoon, gentlemen.
- We'd like to see the boss.
Which one? They're both very busy.
Mr. Hardy has an afternoon class in hula.
Look, we don't feel like
being argued with.
Mr. Hardy can let the hula dancers
wait around and twiddle their tums.
Shut up. Get him.
- Well, really, l...
- I said, get him.
You gotta be firm
with these tomatoes.
But they insist on seeing both you
and Mr. Laurel at once.
- Not income tax?
- No, I don't think so.
- We haven't got time, we're busy.
- Mr. Hardy, you'd better see them.
They're... Well, they don't take no
for an answer.
In fact, they intimidated me.
They did?
Well, you throw them out
and if you have any trouble, send for me.
- All right.
- The idea intimidating you.
- Can't tell us...
- I'll never stand...
- Did you wish to see me?
- I'm Mr. Halligon.
Here's my associate, Dr. Jasper.
I'm Mr. Hardy
and my partner, Mr. Laurel.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
- How's everything?
- Everything is fine.
- Well...
- Oh!
This is a pretty nice
layout you got here.
- I'm glad you approve of it.
- Doing a tremendous business.
Oh, yes, indeed.
- You're just the people we like to meet.
- Oh, yes.
- People are turning us away.
- They certainly...
Uh, my card.
"The Last Mile Insurance Company."
I'm sorry but we do not need
any insurance.
- Oh, yes, you do.
- Oh, no, we don't.
You do and you gonna have it,
understand?
We do not. N-O "ot." Not.
You got a nice joint, you wouldn't want
anything to happen to it, would you?
Why not?
I mean why would we?
If you don't take insurance and have
protection, accidents might happen.
- That's right.
The joint might burn down.
Gee, that'd be awful.
Suppose there was an explosion,
your partner broke an arm or a leg.
- You get paid for things like that?
- Plenty.
Oh, well, if you get money for it,
it's okay with me.
I don't want it to burn down,
we wouldn't have money to pay.
Could I speak to you privately
just a moment?
How much does he get
if he breaks an arm?
- Five thousand dollars.
- And a leg?
Ten Thousand. And if he loses an eye,
that's $25,000.
What did he say?
If you break an arm
you get $5000...
...a leg, $ 10,000.
- That's a lot of money.
It certainly...
Will you sit down a moment.
We're talking privately.
Now, in the event
that he breaks his neck...
Well, that makes you the beneficiary
for the full amount, $ 100,000.
A hundred thousand dollars?
- It's a deal.
- Okay, doc, do your stuff.
Give us your pulse, sister.
- Perfect, ticking like a clock.
- It's not a clock, it's a watch.
You're cute.
Now for the old pump.
Excuse me.
Perfect. Cross your legs.
Perfect. A perfect specimen
if I ever saw one.
- Professor, if you'll just sign right here.
- Yes, sir.
That'll be $ 100,
the first premium on the policy.
All right, sir. I have it right here.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
That makes it legal.
We'll be back on the third of next month
and that dough had better be ready.
- Or else.
- All right, sir, I'll have it for you.
- Goodbye.
- So long.
- What a soft touch, huh?
- Perfect. Like taking candy from a baby.
Come on, your gang's waiting
at headquarters.
- Hey, what is this?
- Come on. You'll find out.
- Go on.
- We're in a legitimate racket.
Cross your legs.
Get up. Get up.
Hit my knee.
Harder.
- Good day, Mrs. Harlan.
- How do you do, John?
- Miss Trudy?
- Hello.
Grant.
You all look alike
with those things on.
You didn't recognize
the great Lawrence personality?
- How's your invention?
- Swell, Trudy.
The invisible ray is almost finished.
It'll burn everything it hits. A new
weapon that will revolutionize warfare.
- Why, that's marvelous.
- What are you doing at the plant?
We're picking up Father. He and Mother
are leaving for Washington.
I thought you might be interested
in the fact that I'll be alone tonight.
You mean without
that George Worthing around?
Now, Grant, I'll tell you what to do.
You pick up Stanley and Oliver
and we'll have a party.
- Okay.
- Be there at 8 sharp.
- The folks will be gone by then.
- Swell.
Oh, here comes your father
and George Worthing. Duck, quick.
I'll see you later.
Our trip to Washington's very important,
George.
What happens if Washington
approves our merger?
Well, you automatically
become vice president...
...and, I hope, my son-in-law.
Now here's an example,
this obsolete boiler, which...
Why, you clumsy fool.
Can't you watch what it... You.
- I might have suspected it.
- I think he did it on purpose.
- I assure you...
I have an excuse for firing you.
- Oh, Mr. Harlan, l...
- Get out of here.
Come along, Worthing.
Wasn't that nice of her to leave
the door open for us?
- Yeah.
- Well, we're right on time.
- Oh, Trudy, we're here.
- What was that?
It must be the radio, Mother.
I'll go down and turn it off.
Did you get the potato salad?
Yeah, and I got this succotash
and the "bolami."
- I think it's in that bag...
- Bolami.
- Hi, Trudy.
- Shh. The folks haven't left yet.
Come back later.
Here comes Father. He'd better not find
you here. Hide, quick.
In here.
I forgot my pipe.
- I'll get it, Daddy.
- Never mind. I'll get it.
Where did I leave that pipe?
Now, let me see.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Hurry, Daddy,
you'll be late for your plane.
- Goodbye, Trudy dear.
- Goodbye, Mother.
- Come on, Wentworth.
- Goodbye, dear.
Goodbye, Daddy.
Oh, Daddy,
you'll be late for your plane.
- Daddy, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
That was close. If Father had caught
Grant here, he would've killed him...
...and likely shot both of you.
I notice he's got a lot of guns.
He's a crack shot.
He's won a lot of trophies.
How about a drink? My nerves
are all shot, do you know that?
Yeah. I wish we had
something stronger than ginger ale.
It's good you didn't get anything
stronger.
Father won't have
liquor in the house.
Make yourselves at home.
We'll fix supper.
Say, Trudy, I brought you
some chrysanthemums.
- Oh, how beautiful. Thank you, Stanley.
- I'm glad you like them.
Chrysanthemums.
- Where did you get them?
- I got them out of her garden.
You know, she's got the most
beautiful flowers that you ever saw.
In fact, l...
We might need some glasses, Ollie.
Give it to me, I'll open it.
Simple.
Would you settle for orange juice?
Oh, that Ora. She always fills up the
icebox until it won't hold another thing.
- Gee, what a swell home.
- Yeah, here's a radio.
Boy, look at that library. I wonder if they
have Superman or Dick Tracy.
Boswell's Life of Johnson.
Gee, I bet that's interesting.
Yeah, I remember the day
that Jess Willard knocked him out.
- It sure was a hot day.
- Gee, I'll... I'll have to read that.
It must be a swell book.
Say, didn't Trudy's old man say that he
wouldn't have any liquor in the house?
- Yeah.
- Well, there's a bar here with everything.
- Where?
- Right here.
Boy, your nerves certainly are shot.
You sit down and I'll get you
some music to soothe them.
Now, just relax.
- Look, look, look.
- What?
See...
Sit down.
You'd better remove your hat. Maybe
it's causing a pressure on your head.
Bar.
- Okay, boys, food's on.
- Come on, men, dig in.
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Say, Trudy.
You say your father wouldn't
allow liquor in the house?
That's right.
I saw a bar over there
as big as that bookcase...
...full of whiskey and stuff
and things and everything.
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Stanley.
Don't mind him, Trudy,
he's not feeling well lately.
He's been overdoing
the Dance of the Pelican.
You'll pardon me, Trudy,
but I think that you're sitting on my hat.
- I'm so sorry, Oliver.
- That's all right.
I'm awfully sorry.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Here you are.
You see, you had no priorities
on your bookings...
...and the Army took over
your seats.
We need to get to Washington,
we're on government business.
I'm very sorry but three officers
have to go east tonight.
Why did you give us the reservations
if you can't deliver them?
- I'm very sorry.
- There's nothing we can do about it.
Won't Trudy be surprised when we
return?
Come and spend the evening with us.
Yes, do, Trudy would be so happy
to see you.
- Trudy, that was delicious.
- Yeah, the bolami was swell.
- I'll put these away, then we'll have fun.
- Good.
Say, how about opening a bottle of
ginger ale and let's raise some dickens.
- Sounds like a good idea.
- I think it is.
Then maybe we can play some
pong-ping. We'll really have a lot of...
- Open this, Ollie, will you?
- I don't care for any.
- Here, I'll open it.
- Okay.
What causes that to fuzzle?
The bottles are warm.
They should be put in the icebox.
That's a good idea.
Here, now put them in the icebox.
What in the world
happened to you?
I was trying to open a bottle
of ginger ale and it slipped.
Look at me, I'm soaked.
Well, I might as well go home.
Oh, don't go home, Grant.
Take them off, I'll dry them for you.
- Okay.
- Oh, I'll do it, Ollie.
Bring them into the kitchen
and they'll be ready in a jiffy.
All right, take them off, Grant.
Stanley, what in the world
are you doing?
Well, Ollie told me to put them
in the icebox.
- No, no, Stanley, in here.
- Oh, pardon me, l...
That's all right.
Oh, Stanley, I'm sorry.
- You want them pressed?
- Never mind, just get them dry.
- Why don't you be careful?
- Well, why didn't you knock?
- I didn't know you were here.
- Oh, knock.
- Did you see him push me?
- I certainly did.
- You know what I'm going to do?
- No, what?
When he does it again,
the first thing I'll...
You'll do what?
I'll push you back.
- Why, you little...
- No, no, boys, not here.
Well, it's a good thing you interfered.
- Is that so?
- Yes.
- Come on outside.
- All right.
The harder they fall, the bigger I am.
- Come and see this.
- You stay here, I'll be right back.
I'll show you.
Remember, you asked for this,
you little pipsqueak.
- That settles it.
- You bet it.
I'll show you.
Now, put your hands
and fight like a man.
Here comes her old man.
Oh, no, no, no, there's too many guns
in there. Upstairs.
I'm going up to change.
I'll see you later.
We'll be in the Rumpus Room, dear.
- Say, you've got quite a place here.
- This is my sanctum sanctorum.
I had no idea you made
a hobby of marksmanship.
Yes. This is an elephant gun...
...with which I won the
Edwin K. Spilsbury trophy last month.
Say, that's sure a beauty, isn't it?
Look.
- What the blazes are you doing here?
- Why, Mr. Harlan, we thought...
I understood you were
going to Washington.
You'd take advantage of my absence
here, knowing how I feel about you?
Your dismissal this afternoon
was a strong hint.
When the cat's away,
the mice will play, is that it?
Trudy invited me here this afternoon.
Oh, she did, eh?
Sit down, I want to talk to you.
If you don't mind, I'd rather stand.
- I've been standing... Sitting all day.
- You won't have trouble in the future.
I should think you would have sense
enough to keep away from my daughter.
What is the meaning of this?
- I got my pants wet.
You what?
We were having supper
and I spilled something on them.
- Why don't you call the police?
- Grant, here's your pants.
- Why, Trudy.
- Young lady, what's the meaning of this?
I always understood that I could invite
anyone to this house that I wished.
I know, Trudy dear,
but at least with their pants on.
Oh, Mother.
- Why, are they back already?
- Yeah.
My, my.
What a fast world we're living in.
- Good night, Trudy.
- But, Father, it was all my idea.
Now, that's enough from you.
Go on, sir, get out.
I'll see you later, Trudy.
Just a minute, Grant.
If I catch you with Trudy again,
I'm gonna punch you right in the nose.
Sit down.
Wentworth.
- How will we ever live this down?
- What is it, my dear?
Why, this...
Wentworth, there was a bar there.
- A bar?
- Yes.
- Why.
- Now, don't tell me, I saw it.
You've had a very trying evening.
- You should take a rest.
- I can't stand anymore.
I'm so unstrung.
- Cute gadget, Dad.
- Now, Trudy.
So this is the reason
for your sanctorum.
My dear, we've always been pals.
It's up to you to understand.
I do, and I know you'll understand
about Grant, won't you?
- I think you'd better go to bed too.
- Good night, Daddy.
- Good night, Mr. Worthing.
- Good night.
- Well, George, I could use a drink.
- How about you?
Yeah, I could use one too.
By the way, that Grant boy is working
on a very interesting invention.
- It shoots an invisible ray.
- How do you know this?
- A couple of my men are watching him.
- Is that so?
I'm waiting till he runs out of money,
then I intend to step in and grab it.
You'd best come in with me.
If what I hear about it is the truth...
...there's a fortune in it.
- Sounds interesting.
He's just about ready to give it a test.
I'll let you know all about it.
- Good night, dear.
- I'm not speaking to you.
Wentworth.
- Wentworth.
- Yes, dear, what is it?
I have a feeling
there's someone in this room.
Certainly there is. I'm here.
Don't be so nasty. After all, I wasn't
discovered with a concealed bar.
Quiet. Go to sleep.
Wentworth, will you get off your back
and stop that snoring?
I'm not on my back
and I'm not snoring.
If anybody's snoring in this room,
it's you.
I never snore.
Shh.
Don't you shush me.
If there's anything I hate, it's a shusher.
Oh, shush!
I shouldn't have taken that last drink.
Louise!
Louise!
They weren't at school.
They'd better be at home.
Darling, don't be too hard
on the boys.
Remember after all,
Stanley did teach me the rumba.
Anything would strengthen my decision,
that would.
They're gonna pay the rent
on that dancing school or out they go.
Well, we're certainly glad
to hear it, Grant.
See you later. Goodbye.
- Who was it?
- It was Grant.
- Did he die?
- How can he die, I just talked to him?
- Well, he was shot. I heard it.
- Let's get the house cleaned up.
Answer that.
Hello. Hello...
- Who was it?
- Must have been wrong number.
There was nobody answered.
Hello.
It's the door bell, stupid!
- I'm sorry, Stanley.
- It's all right, Ollie.
I knew I couldn't be that stupid.
I'll answer it. Hello.
- It's the doorbell, stupid.
- Oh, thank you.
What do you mean, stupid?
- It's the phone, stupids!
- Thank you.
Did you receive my letter regarding
the rent due on the dancing academy?
Why, I have no recollection
of it, sir.
- We got it two days ago.
- Oh, you did, did you?
And you have allowed 48 hours
to elapse...
...without making any
attempt to rectify the matter?
- You see, it's like this...
- I wish to hear no more excuses.
If the rent isn't paid by 12 noon today,
you are dispossessed...
...evicted, thrown out!
- What about our dancing pupils?
- I imagine the world will still wag on.
You're a hard man, Mr. Featherstone.
I'm a man who wants his rent.
Twelve o'clock noon, today.
What did he say?
Twelve o'clock noon, to...
You heard what he said!
What did you want to tell him
I got the letter two days ago for?
- Well, you did.
- I know it.
- Why don't you pay him?
- Because I haven't got the money.
What do you mean you have...?
We've got $300 in the bank.
That's our nest egg, and I'm not
drawing it out, and that is final.
All right, have it your own way.
Let him throw us out.
I don't care.
Only I had a pelican class this afternoon
might have made a few dollars.
But if you feel that way about it,
let it go.
I don't mind starving again.
It's all right with me.
You know, you can't keep an egg
in two baskets. That's silly.
Unless you scramble them.
I wouldn't be that stupid.
You know, I knew a fella once.
He had some money in the bank,
and he wouldn't draw it out.
And you know what?
He lost his job.
And still he wouldn't draw it out.
Then he starved to death.
That killed him.
And then he died,
and after he was dead...
...a friend of his got all the money...
...and he drew it out of the bank...
...and I could live happily ever after.
- Yes, sir.
- All right.
I'll draw the money out of the bank.
Come on.
Now we'll go down and give
that guy his rent...
...and at the same time
I'll give him a piece of my mind.
Yeah, and give him another piece
of your mind for me too.
Right this way to the greatest auction
of the year. Step right inside.
On the inside for the first time, we're
giving away something absolutely free.
Yes, ma'am, absolutely free
on the inside, folks.
- You mean something for nothing.
- Yes, sir, on the inside, absolutely free.
Absolutely free on the inside.
25 twice.
25 three times.
Sold, $25.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Won't you sit down?
Thank you.
Now...
Yes, Your Honor?
Ladies and gentlemen...
...we have here one of the finest pieces
in our entire collection...
...this 18th-century
grandfather's clock.
What am I offered? Who'll start?
I will, $ 100.
$ 100 is bid,
$ 100.
Ladies and gentlemen, do you mean to
say that I'm only offered only $ 100...
...for this very rare piece?
This magnificent clock?
- 110.
- Do I hear an advance? 110.
- 130.
- 130!
- 140.
- 140.
Ladies and gentlemen,
is that all I'm bid, 140?
Let me get you the history
on this clock and read it to you.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
- There's something wrong, lady?
- Yes.
I've got my heart set on that clock...
...and I've just found out that I left
my money and my checkbook at home.
Gee, that's too bad.
Will you do me a favor
by keeping the bidding open?
I don't care what the price. If you will,
I'll make it worth your while...
...and I'll give you my free gift.
Why don't you help her out?
She'll make it worth your while.
We can pay the rent
and have some money left over.
Then with our two gifts
we'll have three for nothing.
I'll be glad to keep the bidding
open for you lady.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
I'll be right back.
Take your time.
The history of this fine clock
dates back more than 200 years.
- 150.
- 150.
- 160.
- 160.
- 170.
- 170.
- 180.
- 180. 180.
- 190.
- 190, the lady bids 190.
- 200.
- 200.
- 210.
- 210. 210.
- 220.
- 220.
- 230.
- 230 is bid.
- 250.
- 250.
- 260.
- 260.
- 280.
- 280.
- 290.
- 290.
- 295.
- 295.
Sold to the cheerful gentleman
for $300.
What are you bidding against me for?
And now, sir, in appreciation of your
good taste in purchasing this clock...
...we are presenting to you, absolutely
free, our capital gift of the day...
...this lucky cat.
- Free.
Will you take the clock
or shall we deliver it?
We'll wait for the lady,
if you don't mind.
Then will you kindly step over
to the cashier.
Here's your receipt. That'll be $300.
Our next offering, ladies and gentlemen,
is a very rare piece...
...a genuine Chippendale chair
direct from England.
- Now, who'll start the bidding on this?
- I will, $ 100.
$ 100 is bid. 100.
Ladies and gentlemen,
is that all I'm bid...
...for this magnificent thing,
$ 100?
- 110.
- 110.
- 120.
- 120 is bid...
- Take that out when you get through.
- Okay.
Come in.
Good morning, boys.
- Hello, Trudy.
- Hello, Trudy.
I have something very important
to discuss with you.
All right.
- Sit down.
- Thank you.
Not you.
- Sit down, Trudy.
- Thank you, Oliver.
Now, what is it?
You boys believe that Grant has a great
future as an inventor, don't you?
Well, I believe that Grant will be an
inventor of the first rank.
- What's rank?
- You are, shut up.
- Proceed, dear.
- Well, I was thinking...
...if we could keep Grant
in the background...
...have someone else demonstrate
the invisible ray...
...and when Father
became enthusiastic...
...we could spring it on him
that Grant was the real inventor.
- Then everything would be fine.
- We can do it, couldn't we, Ollie?
We'd do anything for Grant.
And we like you too.
I think the invisible ray
will be sensational.
- The vacuum cleaner was, wasn't it?
- Was it.
- Was it.
- I said, "Was it."
You mean you've never seen Grant's
vacuum cleaner in operation?
- No.
- Let's show it to her.
Indeed we will.
We use it all the time.
- Wait till you see this.
- Just sit over there.
This is really something.
All ready?
Now, we'll dirty it up a little.
- Well, let's make it good and dirty.
- All right.
- How about a little of this.
- All right.
- There we are now.
- And some of that.
Now we'll get started.
Oh, wait, just a minute.
Oh, wait a minute.
Might as well do it good.
Wait till you see this.
That's really something.
Yes, sir.
- We'll fix this up for you.
- Yeah. There.
- You think that'll be enough?
- No, no. Here, just a minute.
- What?
- We'll put some feathers down.
It's the hardest thing for a vacuum.
- This will show you how good it is.
- Yeah.
It's really something.
There we are, that'll be enough.
I think that's all right, don't you, Ollie?
- That's all right.
- Now, it'll even pick that bag up.
Now, you just watch this.
- All right, Stanley, go ahead.
- Wait, I'll plug it in here.
- There.
- Now...
What happened?
I forgot to tell you:
The man turned off
the electricity this morning.
You know, this is hard to get set.
- You have to turn the handle.
- You've got the easiest part.
All you've got to do is remember
what Grant told you...
...and I'll do the rest.
- What?
Aim the machine at the target
and hit it.
- In the middle?
- Yes, in the middle.
- That's easy.
- And remember, you can't speak English.
- Yes, I can.
- No, just pretend that you can't.
Here they come now.
- I sure hope the boys don't muff things.
- So do I.
Right over here, gentlemen,
right over here.
- I'm Mr. Harlan.
- I'm Mr. Hardy.
This is Professor Findush Gorp,
the great inventor from Bulewayo.
Unfortunately, the professor
does not speak a word of English.
- This is my Board of Directors.
- Gentlemen.
What is the principle
of your invention?
Well, I'm not the inventor.
Professor Findush Gorp is the inventor.
I'm merely his American associate.
You've heard of the flames
of Vesuvius?
You've also heard of the cow...
...that kicked over the lamp
that burned the great metropolis.
- Yes. Yes.
- The professor says...
...that this machine
is much more devastating.
But what is the principle involved?
That's a secret the professor's
not even divulged to me.
Very well, proceed
with your demonstration.
- What strange glasses.
- That's another one of his inventions:
His blackout glasses.
But you don't wear
dark glasses in a blackout.
No, but he uses them
to practice with in the daytime.
But what's one of the glasses
doing out?
Yes, to see where he's going.
Now, if you'll be seated, we'll proceed
with the demonstration. Thank you.
It's marvelous.
- Congratulations, Mr. Hardy.
- That's marvelous.
Splendid, professor.
A marvelous demonstration.
Might I speak to you a moment,
Mr. Harlan?
- Don't bother me now, I'm busy.
- Very good, sir.
- It's a most wonderful invention.
- I'm glad you liked it.
- What was it he said?
- He said he was very pleased with the...
Stanley, why didn't you shut it off?
I don't know. I can't speak English.
Oh, look. You've ruined my machine.
- Mr. Harlan, this is really most important.
- Well, what is it?
- Your house is on fire.
- What?
Good grief. Call the fire department.
Alakazam bazooka, smorgasbord.
Smorgasbord.
You silly, fuzzle-brained nincompoop.
Well, it wasn't my fault
the machine blew up.
What do you mean it wasn't your fault?
Why didn't you turn it off?
Well, Grant showed me how to start it,
but he didn't tell me how to stop it.
- How was I to know?
- You remember this.
Everything you start,
you stop the same way. Everything.
- Not everything.
- For instance?
Well, a horse.
To start it you go:
And to stop it you say, "Whoa."
And it stops.
S-T-O "ops." Stops.
That is neither here nor there.
- Where?
- There... Oh.
Gee, I wish there was a way
to raise some money.
- How much did he say he needed?
- Just a mere $ 10,000.
Too bad he didn't have
the machine insured.
Then he would've been able to get
the money and have a new one fixed...
...without any trouble at all.
Stanley, you have given me
a brilliant idea.
- Have I?
- I believe that I have a way...
...to raise some money for Grant.
- Swell.
- Let's take a walk.
- Where are you going?
To raise some money for Grant.
Gee, that's a great idea.
Won't he be surprised?
- Wait a minute. Hey, mister.
- Yes, sir.
- How much are bananas?
- Five cents a pound.
Let me have a pound.
Here you are.
There you are, sir.
Come on.
Let's go back to Third Street.
- We'd better go over to First Street.
- You bet.
- Just a minute.
- What?
Let's you and I take a little walk.
- What happened?
- Fifteen dollars.
Come on.
- Help me up.
- Hold that.
- Got a little surprise for you.
- Well, I've had several today.
The blueprints
of our friend's invention.
- How did you get them?
- A bit of money changed hands.
That's a duplicate set,
he'll never miss them.
- Is that so?
- I figure now is the time to step in.
His two friends have ruined his machine,
he hasn't got a dime.
And he'll probably sell his works
for hundreds.
- You think so?
- lf he doesn't...
...we'll have the blueprints redrafted,
make minor changes...
...and tell him to go jump in the lake.
You think we should steal
these plans from this boy?
Steal is a pretty ugly word,
Mr. Harlan.
I don't like your dealings, Worthing.
You're a crook.
- You needn't be offensive, sir.
- I'm trying to be.
And for your information,
I'm going to finance that young man.
- Gonna double-cross me, huh?
- Get out.
Very well,
if that's the way you want it.
Say, that's dangerous.
Somebody's liable to get hurt.
- They certainly might.
- They should move those...
Hey.
- What?
- Wait here for me. I'll be right back.
- Where are you going?
- To try and raise some money for Grant.
- Well, don't be long.
- I won't.
- Good luck.
- You wait here.
I'll wait right here for you.
I hope you get it.
- Have an accident?
- No, thanks. I just had one.
Oh, no. I mean
how did you have your accident?
Well, it sounds silly,
but I stood up on a roller coaster.
- Roller coaster?
- Yeah.
Didn't hurt much. A couple of weeks
in the hospital. I'll be all right soon.
- Did you have any insurance?
- Did I?
I collected a nice little bundle.
Thank you.
- We're going to the beach.
- What?
- We're going to the beach.
- I can't hear you.
I said...
Come on.
Two, please.
Hey!
Let's go up on top,
it's smoother riding.
That's a good idea.
And you can read
the signboards to me too.
- Where are we going?
- We're going to the beach.
- What for?
- To raise some money for Grant.
Say, after we get the money,
how about let's go in fishing?
All right. Do you know a good place?
Sure, I know a swell place.
You go through a fence
along the beach which has a sign on it...
...and it says "private."
And you go through a gate
which has another sign...
...which says "keep out."
Then you go further along the beach
and you come to another sign...
...and it says "no fishing."
That's the place to fish.
They come about that long...
- Grant!
- What's happened?
Everything. Dad knew the machine
was yours all the time.
He's terribly impressed
and he's going to back you.
- What?
- That's right.
George Worthing was going to steal
your invention.
Daddy told him
to get out and stay out.
- I can't believe it.
- Don't you see what it means?
Do I.
Say, we've got to tell
Stanley and Oliver.
- They're sitting around broken-hearted.
- I've got my car.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Mad dog!
Mad dog!
Let me out of here.
That driver's awfully careless.
Why don't you look
where you're going.
Go down and tell her
how to be a little more careful.
- Okay.
- And tell her I said so.
Why don't you be...
- Did you tell her?
- I couldn't.
- Why?
- Well, she wasn't there.
- In fact, we're the only ones on the bus.
- Is that...?
Oh, well, we'd better get out of here.
Come on.
Oh, wait. My foot's caught.
Oh, I can't.
Go down and steer the bus.
And watch where you're going.
Hey, Stan, come up and get my foot
out of this rail.
Oh, get! Look out!
Hey, take it easy.
- What happened?
- Something blew up...
...and this went like that.
- Oh, look what you've done.
- Go down and throw out the gear.
- Good idea. You wait here.
I will, go on and hurry.
I told you to go down
and throw out the gear.
I did. I threw it out the window.
Stanley and Oliver
haven't been here all day.
That's funny. Stanley was to start
a new class of rumba this afternoon.
Maybe they're at Gabby's Beanery.
Let's go.
Okay.
Hey, Stan.
Oh, Stan!
Hey, Stan! Oh, Stan!
Hey! Come and help me!
I can't!
Come on. Come and get me.
And this is what happened!
That's terrible. If only we could have
found you in time.
Well, hurry up and get well.
If you need anything, call on me.
- I sure will.
- Not you.
Thank you, Grant and Trudy.
- So long, Ollie.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Ollie.
- Goodbye, Trudy.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Stanley.
- Goodbye, Ollie.
- Goodbye.
Come in.
I went out by mistake.
Will you sit down
and stop eating my fruit.
And take your hat off.
Don't you feel well?
My foot's gone to sleep.
Is there anything I can do
to make you comfortable?
What are you whispering about?
I didn't want to wake your foot up.
every possible form of dancing.
Ballroom, tap, ballet, rhythmic, hula
and jitter.
That's it, girls. That's it.
Remember, gracefulness is everything.
Now..."London Bridge."
Isn't he light?
In the head.
Wonderful. What's it called?
That is called
the "Dance of the Pelican"...
...my own original creation.
Now, girls, we'll try
some bar exercises. Right over here.
Let's have it right this time.
Now you've just got to follow me
and do exactly as I do.
Now you put your right foot up
on the top, like that.
Now. One, two. One, two.
Now the other foot.
Hey, Trudy, come and get me.
- What's the matter?
- I think I'm stuck.
Hey, girls, come and help.
- Wait. You'd better get Ollie.
- All right.
Yeah, he'll get me off.
Make it snappy.
Oliver...
...Stanley's stuck to the wall.
- What, again?
All right, girls, relax.
I'll be right back.
You're always sticking
your foot into something.
- What's the matter now?
- I think I've got Charlie's horse.
- Get me out of here, will you?
- All right, girls, stand back.
Now, one, two, three.
I'm sorry, Ollie, I couldn't help it.
You see, it was...
- Class dismissed.
- Oh, goody!
Listen, boys,
we gotta get a new set up.
The FBI closed down all rackets, and
the snatch now gets you throat trouble.
I've got a new angle.
What do you think of that?
Never should've told
he looks like Eddie Robinson.
From now on, we're strictly on the legit.
We got a new front.
- We're gonna sell insurance.
- What do we know about insurance?
You used to sell protection,
didn't you?
What is insurance
but a form of protection, see?
You gonna sell insurance
the way you used to sell protection.
When the chump won't kick in, give him
the muscle the way you used to.
If there's any belch, the guys
at headquarters will take care of things.
This is no two-bit racket.
We'll divide up the towns in the state.
And you'll work the towns in pairs.
I got these wholesale.
One of you will act as the salesman,
the convincer. The other will use this.
He's the croaker, makes examinations
and certifies the chump...
...as being a sound insurance risk.
Any questions?
Mickey, you draw Chambersburg. You
can take Jasper along as your croaker.
Croaker?
I'll show you how to use it later.
And you, Hymie the Goat,
you're going to Danville.
Don't forget to tell them you'll collect
the payments each month in person.
You make me sick.
Well, we've all go to live and learn.
- Yes, but you just live.
- Well, I can't help it.
Come in.
- Hello, boys.
- Hello, Trudy.
I just thought I'd drop in and pay
my tuition in advance for three months.
- Swell.
- I don't know what we'd do without you.
You know, you're practically
keeping the school open.
The other students
are putting us on the cuff.
- Oh, why, that's terrible.
- This morning we got a nasty letter...
...from the landlord and a very ugly letter
from the furniture man.
Look, I'll show you.
By the way,
have you seen Grant lately?
I'll see him later. Mother's waiting
below, we're going out to the plant.
- Give him our best.
- Oh, I will.
You know, Grant did
a great turn for us once.
- A friend in need...
- Is a friend in need.
- Indeed. Goodbye, boys.
- Goodbye, Trudy.
Goodbye.
Friend in...
I'll put this in the safe.
- What's the combination to this thing?
- Two turns to the left.
One, two. What do you mean,
two turns to the left?
Hold this a minute.
One...
...two.
- Two turns to the left.
- It'll be safer here.
One...
...two.
See, one good turn
deserves another.
One good turn deserves another.
He's always picking on me.
- Good afternoon, gentlemen.
- We'd like to see the boss.
Which one? They're both very busy.
Mr. Hardy has an afternoon class in hula.
Look, we don't feel like
being argued with.
Mr. Hardy can let the hula dancers
wait around and twiddle their tums.
Shut up. Get him.
- Well, really, l...
- I said, get him.
You gotta be firm
with these tomatoes.
But they insist on seeing both you
and Mr. Laurel at once.
- Not income tax?
- No, I don't think so.
- We haven't got time, we're busy.
- Mr. Hardy, you'd better see them.
They're... Well, they don't take no
for an answer.
In fact, they intimidated me.
They did?
Well, you throw them out
and if you have any trouble, send for me.
- All right.
- The idea intimidating you.
- Can't tell us...
- I'll never stand...
- Did you wish to see me?
- I'm Mr. Halligon.
Here's my associate, Dr. Jasper.
I'm Mr. Hardy
and my partner, Mr. Laurel.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
- How's everything?
- Everything is fine.
- Well...
- Oh!
This is a pretty nice
layout you got here.
- I'm glad you approve of it.
- Doing a tremendous business.
Oh, yes, indeed.
- You're just the people we like to meet.
- Oh, yes.
- People are turning us away.
- They certainly...
Uh, my card.
"The Last Mile Insurance Company."
I'm sorry but we do not need
any insurance.
- Oh, yes, you do.
- Oh, no, we don't.
You do and you gonna have it,
understand?
We do not. N-O "ot." Not.
You got a nice joint, you wouldn't want
anything to happen to it, would you?
Why not?
I mean why would we?
If you don't take insurance and have
protection, accidents might happen.
- That's right.
The joint might burn down.
Gee, that'd be awful.
Suppose there was an explosion,
your partner broke an arm or a leg.
- You get paid for things like that?
- Plenty.
Oh, well, if you get money for it,
it's okay with me.
I don't want it to burn down,
we wouldn't have money to pay.
Could I speak to you privately
just a moment?
How much does he get
if he breaks an arm?
- Five thousand dollars.
- And a leg?
Ten Thousand. And if he loses an eye,
that's $25,000.
What did he say?
If you break an arm
you get $5000...
...a leg, $ 10,000.
- That's a lot of money.
It certainly...
Will you sit down a moment.
We're talking privately.
Now, in the event
that he breaks his neck...
Well, that makes you the beneficiary
for the full amount, $ 100,000.
A hundred thousand dollars?
- It's a deal.
- Okay, doc, do your stuff.
Give us your pulse, sister.
- Perfect, ticking like a clock.
- It's not a clock, it's a watch.
You're cute.
Now for the old pump.
Excuse me.
Perfect. Cross your legs.
Perfect. A perfect specimen
if I ever saw one.
- Professor, if you'll just sign right here.
- Yes, sir.
That'll be $ 100,
the first premium on the policy.
All right, sir. I have it right here.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
That makes it legal.
We'll be back on the third of next month
and that dough had better be ready.
- Or else.
- All right, sir, I'll have it for you.
- Goodbye.
- So long.
- What a soft touch, huh?
- Perfect. Like taking candy from a baby.
Come on, your gang's waiting
at headquarters.
- Hey, what is this?
- Come on. You'll find out.
- Go on.
- We're in a legitimate racket.
Cross your legs.
Get up. Get up.
Hit my knee.
Harder.
- Good day, Mrs. Harlan.
- How do you do, John?
- Miss Trudy?
- Hello.
Grant.
You all look alike
with those things on.
You didn't recognize
the great Lawrence personality?
- How's your invention?
- Swell, Trudy.
The invisible ray is almost finished.
It'll burn everything it hits. A new
weapon that will revolutionize warfare.
- Why, that's marvelous.
- What are you doing at the plant?
We're picking up Father. He and Mother
are leaving for Washington.
I thought you might be interested
in the fact that I'll be alone tonight.
You mean without
that George Worthing around?
Now, Grant, I'll tell you what to do.
You pick up Stanley and Oliver
and we'll have a party.
- Okay.
- Be there at 8 sharp.
- The folks will be gone by then.
- Swell.
Oh, here comes your father
and George Worthing. Duck, quick.
I'll see you later.
Our trip to Washington's very important,
George.
What happens if Washington
approves our merger?
Well, you automatically
become vice president...
...and, I hope, my son-in-law.
Now here's an example,
this obsolete boiler, which...
Why, you clumsy fool.
Can't you watch what it... You.
- I might have suspected it.
- I think he did it on purpose.
- I assure you...
I have an excuse for firing you.
- Oh, Mr. Harlan, l...
- Get out of here.
Come along, Worthing.
Wasn't that nice of her to leave
the door open for us?
- Yeah.
- Well, we're right on time.
- Oh, Trudy, we're here.
- What was that?
It must be the radio, Mother.
I'll go down and turn it off.
Did you get the potato salad?
Yeah, and I got this succotash
and the "bolami."
- I think it's in that bag...
- Bolami.
- Hi, Trudy.
- Shh. The folks haven't left yet.
Come back later.
Here comes Father. He'd better not find
you here. Hide, quick.
In here.
I forgot my pipe.
- I'll get it, Daddy.
- Never mind. I'll get it.
Where did I leave that pipe?
Now, let me see.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Hurry, Daddy,
you'll be late for your plane.
- Goodbye, Trudy dear.
- Goodbye, Mother.
- Come on, Wentworth.
- Goodbye, dear.
Goodbye, Daddy.
Oh, Daddy,
you'll be late for your plane.
- Daddy, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
That was close. If Father had caught
Grant here, he would've killed him...
...and likely shot both of you.
I notice he's got a lot of guns.
He's a crack shot.
He's won a lot of trophies.
How about a drink? My nerves
are all shot, do you know that?
Yeah. I wish we had
something stronger than ginger ale.
It's good you didn't get anything
stronger.
Father won't have
liquor in the house.
Make yourselves at home.
We'll fix supper.
Say, Trudy, I brought you
some chrysanthemums.
- Oh, how beautiful. Thank you, Stanley.
- I'm glad you like them.
Chrysanthemums.
- Where did you get them?
- I got them out of her garden.
You know, she's got the most
beautiful flowers that you ever saw.
In fact, l...
We might need some glasses, Ollie.
Give it to me, I'll open it.
Simple.
Would you settle for orange juice?
Oh, that Ora. She always fills up the
icebox until it won't hold another thing.
- Gee, what a swell home.
- Yeah, here's a radio.
Boy, look at that library. I wonder if they
have Superman or Dick Tracy.
Boswell's Life of Johnson.
Gee, I bet that's interesting.
Yeah, I remember the day
that Jess Willard knocked him out.
- It sure was a hot day.
- Gee, I'll... I'll have to read that.
It must be a swell book.
Say, didn't Trudy's old man say that he
wouldn't have any liquor in the house?
- Yeah.
- Well, there's a bar here with everything.
- Where?
- Right here.
Boy, your nerves certainly are shot.
You sit down and I'll get you
some music to soothe them.
Now, just relax.
- Look, look, look.
- What?
See...
Sit down.
You'd better remove your hat. Maybe
it's causing a pressure on your head.
Bar.
- Okay, boys, food's on.
- Come on, men, dig in.
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Say, Trudy.
You say your father wouldn't
allow liquor in the house?
That's right.
I saw a bar over there
as big as that bookcase...
...full of whiskey and stuff
and things and everything.
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Stanley.
Don't mind him, Trudy,
he's not feeling well lately.
He's been overdoing
the Dance of the Pelican.
You'll pardon me, Trudy,
but I think that you're sitting on my hat.
- I'm so sorry, Oliver.
- That's all right.
I'm awfully sorry.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Here you are.
You see, you had no priorities
on your bookings...
...and the Army took over
your seats.
We need to get to Washington,
we're on government business.
I'm very sorry but three officers
have to go east tonight.
Why did you give us the reservations
if you can't deliver them?
- I'm very sorry.
- There's nothing we can do about it.
Won't Trudy be surprised when we
return?
Come and spend the evening with us.
Yes, do, Trudy would be so happy
to see you.
- Trudy, that was delicious.
- Yeah, the bolami was swell.
- I'll put these away, then we'll have fun.
- Good.
Say, how about opening a bottle of
ginger ale and let's raise some dickens.
- Sounds like a good idea.
- I think it is.
Then maybe we can play some
pong-ping. We'll really have a lot of...
- Open this, Ollie, will you?
- I don't care for any.
- Here, I'll open it.
- Okay.
What causes that to fuzzle?
The bottles are warm.
They should be put in the icebox.
That's a good idea.
Here, now put them in the icebox.
What in the world
happened to you?
I was trying to open a bottle
of ginger ale and it slipped.
Look at me, I'm soaked.
Well, I might as well go home.
Oh, don't go home, Grant.
Take them off, I'll dry them for you.
- Okay.
- Oh, I'll do it, Ollie.
Bring them into the kitchen
and they'll be ready in a jiffy.
All right, take them off, Grant.
Stanley, what in the world
are you doing?
Well, Ollie told me to put them
in the icebox.
- No, no, Stanley, in here.
- Oh, pardon me, l...
That's all right.
Oh, Stanley, I'm sorry.
- You want them pressed?
- Never mind, just get them dry.
- Why don't you be careful?
- Well, why didn't you knock?
- I didn't know you were here.
- Oh, knock.
- Did you see him push me?
- I certainly did.
- You know what I'm going to do?
- No, what?
When he does it again,
the first thing I'll...
You'll do what?
I'll push you back.
- Why, you little...
- No, no, boys, not here.
Well, it's a good thing you interfered.
- Is that so?
- Yes.
- Come on outside.
- All right.
The harder they fall, the bigger I am.
- Come and see this.
- You stay here, I'll be right back.
I'll show you.
Remember, you asked for this,
you little pipsqueak.
- That settles it.
- You bet it.
I'll show you.
Now, put your hands
and fight like a man.
Here comes her old man.
Oh, no, no, no, there's too many guns
in there. Upstairs.
I'm going up to change.
I'll see you later.
We'll be in the Rumpus Room, dear.
- Say, you've got quite a place here.
- This is my sanctum sanctorum.
I had no idea you made
a hobby of marksmanship.
Yes. This is an elephant gun...
...with which I won the
Edwin K. Spilsbury trophy last month.
Say, that's sure a beauty, isn't it?
Look.
- What the blazes are you doing here?
- Why, Mr. Harlan, we thought...
I understood you were
going to Washington.
You'd take advantage of my absence
here, knowing how I feel about you?
Your dismissal this afternoon
was a strong hint.
When the cat's away,
the mice will play, is that it?
Trudy invited me here this afternoon.
Oh, she did, eh?
Sit down, I want to talk to you.
If you don't mind, I'd rather stand.
- I've been standing... Sitting all day.
- You won't have trouble in the future.
I should think you would have sense
enough to keep away from my daughter.
What is the meaning of this?
- I got my pants wet.
You what?
We were having supper
and I spilled something on them.
- Why don't you call the police?
- Grant, here's your pants.
- Why, Trudy.
- Young lady, what's the meaning of this?
I always understood that I could invite
anyone to this house that I wished.
I know, Trudy dear,
but at least with their pants on.
Oh, Mother.
- Why, are they back already?
- Yeah.
My, my.
What a fast world we're living in.
- Good night, Trudy.
- But, Father, it was all my idea.
Now, that's enough from you.
Go on, sir, get out.
I'll see you later, Trudy.
Just a minute, Grant.
If I catch you with Trudy again,
I'm gonna punch you right in the nose.
Sit down.
Wentworth.
- How will we ever live this down?
- What is it, my dear?
Why, this...
Wentworth, there was a bar there.
- A bar?
- Yes.
- Why.
- Now, don't tell me, I saw it.
You've had a very trying evening.
- You should take a rest.
- I can't stand anymore.
I'm so unstrung.
- Cute gadget, Dad.
- Now, Trudy.
So this is the reason
for your sanctorum.
My dear, we've always been pals.
It's up to you to understand.
I do, and I know you'll understand
about Grant, won't you?
- I think you'd better go to bed too.
- Good night, Daddy.
- Good night, Mr. Worthing.
- Good night.
- Well, George, I could use a drink.
- How about you?
Yeah, I could use one too.
By the way, that Grant boy is working
on a very interesting invention.
- It shoots an invisible ray.
- How do you know this?
- A couple of my men are watching him.
- Is that so?
I'm waiting till he runs out of money,
then I intend to step in and grab it.
You'd best come in with me.
If what I hear about it is the truth...
...there's a fortune in it.
- Sounds interesting.
He's just about ready to give it a test.
I'll let you know all about it.
- Good night, dear.
- I'm not speaking to you.
Wentworth.
- Wentworth.
- Yes, dear, what is it?
I have a feeling
there's someone in this room.
Certainly there is. I'm here.
Don't be so nasty. After all, I wasn't
discovered with a concealed bar.
Quiet. Go to sleep.
Wentworth, will you get off your back
and stop that snoring?
I'm not on my back
and I'm not snoring.
If anybody's snoring in this room,
it's you.
I never snore.
Shh.
Don't you shush me.
If there's anything I hate, it's a shusher.
Oh, shush!
I shouldn't have taken that last drink.
Louise!
Louise!
They weren't at school.
They'd better be at home.
Darling, don't be too hard
on the boys.
Remember after all,
Stanley did teach me the rumba.
Anything would strengthen my decision,
that would.
They're gonna pay the rent
on that dancing school or out they go.
Well, we're certainly glad
to hear it, Grant.
See you later. Goodbye.
- Who was it?
- It was Grant.
- Did he die?
- How can he die, I just talked to him?
- Well, he was shot. I heard it.
- Let's get the house cleaned up.
Answer that.
Hello. Hello...
- Who was it?
- Must have been wrong number.
There was nobody answered.
Hello.
It's the door bell, stupid!
- I'm sorry, Stanley.
- It's all right, Ollie.
I knew I couldn't be that stupid.
I'll answer it. Hello.
- It's the doorbell, stupid.
- Oh, thank you.
What do you mean, stupid?
- It's the phone, stupids!
- Thank you.
Did you receive my letter regarding
the rent due on the dancing academy?
Why, I have no recollection
of it, sir.
- We got it two days ago.
- Oh, you did, did you?
And you have allowed 48 hours
to elapse...
...without making any
attempt to rectify the matter?
- You see, it's like this...
- I wish to hear no more excuses.
If the rent isn't paid by 12 noon today,
you are dispossessed...
...evicted, thrown out!
- What about our dancing pupils?
- I imagine the world will still wag on.
You're a hard man, Mr. Featherstone.
I'm a man who wants his rent.
Twelve o'clock noon, today.
What did he say?
Twelve o'clock noon, to...
You heard what he said!
What did you want to tell him
I got the letter two days ago for?
- Well, you did.
- I know it.
- Why don't you pay him?
- Because I haven't got the money.
What do you mean you have...?
We've got $300 in the bank.
That's our nest egg, and I'm not
drawing it out, and that is final.
All right, have it your own way.
Let him throw us out.
I don't care.
Only I had a pelican class this afternoon
might have made a few dollars.
But if you feel that way about it,
let it go.
I don't mind starving again.
It's all right with me.
You know, you can't keep an egg
in two baskets. That's silly.
Unless you scramble them.
I wouldn't be that stupid.
You know, I knew a fella once.
He had some money in the bank,
and he wouldn't draw it out.
And you know what?
He lost his job.
And still he wouldn't draw it out.
Then he starved to death.
That killed him.
And then he died,
and after he was dead...
...a friend of his got all the money...
...and he drew it out of the bank...
...and I could live happily ever after.
- Yes, sir.
- All right.
I'll draw the money out of the bank.
Come on.
Now we'll go down and give
that guy his rent...
...and at the same time
I'll give him a piece of my mind.
Yeah, and give him another piece
of your mind for me too.
Right this way to the greatest auction
of the year. Step right inside.
On the inside for the first time, we're
giving away something absolutely free.
Yes, ma'am, absolutely free
on the inside, folks.
- You mean something for nothing.
- Yes, sir, on the inside, absolutely free.
Absolutely free on the inside.
25 twice.
25 three times.
Sold, $25.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Won't you sit down?
Thank you.
Now...
Yes, Your Honor?
Ladies and gentlemen...
...we have here one of the finest pieces
in our entire collection...
...this 18th-century
grandfather's clock.
What am I offered? Who'll start?
I will, $ 100.
$ 100 is bid,
$ 100.
Ladies and gentlemen, do you mean to
say that I'm only offered only $ 100...
...for this very rare piece?
This magnificent clock?
- 110.
- Do I hear an advance? 110.
- 130.
- 130!
- 140.
- 140.
Ladies and gentlemen,
is that all I'm bid, 140?
Let me get you the history
on this clock and read it to you.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
- There's something wrong, lady?
- Yes.
I've got my heart set on that clock...
...and I've just found out that I left
my money and my checkbook at home.
Gee, that's too bad.
Will you do me a favor
by keeping the bidding open?
I don't care what the price. If you will,
I'll make it worth your while...
...and I'll give you my free gift.
Why don't you help her out?
She'll make it worth your while.
We can pay the rent
and have some money left over.
Then with our two gifts
we'll have three for nothing.
I'll be glad to keep the bidding
open for you lady.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
I'll be right back.
Take your time.
The history of this fine clock
dates back more than 200 years.
- 150.
- 150.
- 160.
- 160.
- 170.
- 170.
- 180.
- 180. 180.
- 190.
- 190, the lady bids 190.
- 200.
- 200.
- 210.
- 210. 210.
- 220.
- 220.
- 230.
- 230 is bid.
- 250.
- 250.
- 260.
- 260.
- 280.
- 280.
- 290.
- 290.
- 295.
- 295.
Sold to the cheerful gentleman
for $300.
What are you bidding against me for?
And now, sir, in appreciation of your
good taste in purchasing this clock...
...we are presenting to you, absolutely
free, our capital gift of the day...
...this lucky cat.
- Free.
Will you take the clock
or shall we deliver it?
We'll wait for the lady,
if you don't mind.
Then will you kindly step over
to the cashier.
Here's your receipt. That'll be $300.
Our next offering, ladies and gentlemen,
is a very rare piece...
...a genuine Chippendale chair
direct from England.
- Now, who'll start the bidding on this?
- I will, $ 100.
$ 100 is bid. 100.
Ladies and gentlemen,
is that all I'm bid...
...for this magnificent thing,
$ 100?
- 110.
- 110.
- 120.
- 120 is bid...
- Take that out when you get through.
- Okay.
Come in.
Good morning, boys.
- Hello, Trudy.
- Hello, Trudy.
I have something very important
to discuss with you.
All right.
- Sit down.
- Thank you.
Not you.
- Sit down, Trudy.
- Thank you, Oliver.
Now, what is it?
You boys believe that Grant has a great
future as an inventor, don't you?
Well, I believe that Grant will be an
inventor of the first rank.
- What's rank?
- You are, shut up.
- Proceed, dear.
- Well, I was thinking...
...if we could keep Grant
in the background...
...have someone else demonstrate
the invisible ray...
...and when Father
became enthusiastic...
...we could spring it on him
that Grant was the real inventor.
- Then everything would be fine.
- We can do it, couldn't we, Ollie?
We'd do anything for Grant.
And we like you too.
I think the invisible ray
will be sensational.
- The vacuum cleaner was, wasn't it?
- Was it.
- Was it.
- I said, "Was it."
You mean you've never seen Grant's
vacuum cleaner in operation?
- No.
- Let's show it to her.
Indeed we will.
We use it all the time.
- Wait till you see this.
- Just sit over there.
This is really something.
All ready?
Now, we'll dirty it up a little.
- Well, let's make it good and dirty.
- All right.
- How about a little of this.
- All right.
- There we are now.
- And some of that.
Now we'll get started.
Oh, wait, just a minute.
Oh, wait a minute.
Might as well do it good.
Wait till you see this.
That's really something.
Yes, sir.
- We'll fix this up for you.
- Yeah. There.
- You think that'll be enough?
- No, no. Here, just a minute.
- What?
- We'll put some feathers down.
It's the hardest thing for a vacuum.
- This will show you how good it is.
- Yeah.
It's really something.
There we are, that'll be enough.
I think that's all right, don't you, Ollie?
- That's all right.
- Now, it'll even pick that bag up.
Now, you just watch this.
- All right, Stanley, go ahead.
- Wait, I'll plug it in here.
- There.
- Now...
What happened?
I forgot to tell you:
The man turned off
the electricity this morning.
You know, this is hard to get set.
- You have to turn the handle.
- You've got the easiest part.
All you've got to do is remember
what Grant told you...
...and I'll do the rest.
- What?
Aim the machine at the target
and hit it.
- In the middle?
- Yes, in the middle.
- That's easy.
- And remember, you can't speak English.
- Yes, I can.
- No, just pretend that you can't.
Here they come now.
- I sure hope the boys don't muff things.
- So do I.
Right over here, gentlemen,
right over here.
- I'm Mr. Harlan.
- I'm Mr. Hardy.
This is Professor Findush Gorp,
the great inventor from Bulewayo.
Unfortunately, the professor
does not speak a word of English.
- This is my Board of Directors.
- Gentlemen.
What is the principle
of your invention?
Well, I'm not the inventor.
Professor Findush Gorp is the inventor.
I'm merely his American associate.
You've heard of the flames
of Vesuvius?
You've also heard of the cow...
...that kicked over the lamp
that burned the great metropolis.
- Yes. Yes.
- The professor says...
...that this machine
is much more devastating.
But what is the principle involved?
That's a secret the professor's
not even divulged to me.
Very well, proceed
with your demonstration.
- What strange glasses.
- That's another one of his inventions:
His blackout glasses.
But you don't wear
dark glasses in a blackout.
No, but he uses them
to practice with in the daytime.
But what's one of the glasses
doing out?
Yes, to see where he's going.
Now, if you'll be seated, we'll proceed
with the demonstration. Thank you.
It's marvelous.
- Congratulations, Mr. Hardy.
- That's marvelous.
Splendid, professor.
A marvelous demonstration.
Might I speak to you a moment,
Mr. Harlan?
- Don't bother me now, I'm busy.
- Very good, sir.
- It's a most wonderful invention.
- I'm glad you liked it.
- What was it he said?
- He said he was very pleased with the...
Stanley, why didn't you shut it off?
I don't know. I can't speak English.
Oh, look. You've ruined my machine.
- Mr. Harlan, this is really most important.
- Well, what is it?
- Your house is on fire.
- What?
Good grief. Call the fire department.
Alakazam bazooka, smorgasbord.
Smorgasbord.
You silly, fuzzle-brained nincompoop.
Well, it wasn't my fault
the machine blew up.
What do you mean it wasn't your fault?
Why didn't you turn it off?
Well, Grant showed me how to start it,
but he didn't tell me how to stop it.
- How was I to know?
- You remember this.
Everything you start,
you stop the same way. Everything.
- Not everything.
- For instance?
Well, a horse.
To start it you go:
And to stop it you say, "Whoa."
And it stops.
S-T-O "ops." Stops.
That is neither here nor there.
- Where?
- There... Oh.
Gee, I wish there was a way
to raise some money.
- How much did he say he needed?
- Just a mere $ 10,000.
Too bad he didn't have
the machine insured.
Then he would've been able to get
the money and have a new one fixed...
...without any trouble at all.
Stanley, you have given me
a brilliant idea.
- Have I?
- I believe that I have a way...
...to raise some money for Grant.
- Swell.
- Let's take a walk.
- Where are you going?
To raise some money for Grant.
Gee, that's a great idea.
Won't he be surprised?
- Wait a minute. Hey, mister.
- Yes, sir.
- How much are bananas?
- Five cents a pound.
Let me have a pound.
Here you are.
There you are, sir.
Come on.
Let's go back to Third Street.
- We'd better go over to First Street.
- You bet.
- Just a minute.
- What?
Let's you and I take a little walk.
- What happened?
- Fifteen dollars.
Come on.
- Help me up.
- Hold that.
- Got a little surprise for you.
- Well, I've had several today.
The blueprints
of our friend's invention.
- How did you get them?
- A bit of money changed hands.
That's a duplicate set,
he'll never miss them.
- Is that so?
- I figure now is the time to step in.
His two friends have ruined his machine,
he hasn't got a dime.
And he'll probably sell his works
for hundreds.
- You think so?
- lf he doesn't...
...we'll have the blueprints redrafted,
make minor changes...
...and tell him to go jump in the lake.
You think we should steal
these plans from this boy?
Steal is a pretty ugly word,
Mr. Harlan.
I don't like your dealings, Worthing.
You're a crook.
- You needn't be offensive, sir.
- I'm trying to be.
And for your information,
I'm going to finance that young man.
- Gonna double-cross me, huh?
- Get out.
Very well,
if that's the way you want it.
Say, that's dangerous.
Somebody's liable to get hurt.
- They certainly might.
- They should move those...
Hey.
- What?
- Wait here for me. I'll be right back.
- Where are you going?
- To try and raise some money for Grant.
- Well, don't be long.
- I won't.
- Good luck.
- You wait here.
I'll wait right here for you.
I hope you get it.
- Have an accident?
- No, thanks. I just had one.
Oh, no. I mean
how did you have your accident?
Well, it sounds silly,
but I stood up on a roller coaster.
- Roller coaster?
- Yeah.
Didn't hurt much. A couple of weeks
in the hospital. I'll be all right soon.
- Did you have any insurance?
- Did I?
I collected a nice little bundle.
Thank you.
- We're going to the beach.
- What?
- We're going to the beach.
- I can't hear you.
I said...
Come on.
Two, please.
Hey!
Let's go up on top,
it's smoother riding.
That's a good idea.
And you can read
the signboards to me too.
- Where are we going?
- We're going to the beach.
- What for?
- To raise some money for Grant.
Say, after we get the money,
how about let's go in fishing?
All right. Do you know a good place?
Sure, I know a swell place.
You go through a fence
along the beach which has a sign on it...
...and it says "private."
And you go through a gate
which has another sign...
...which says "keep out."
Then you go further along the beach
and you come to another sign...
...and it says "no fishing."
That's the place to fish.
They come about that long...
- Grant!
- What's happened?
Everything. Dad knew the machine
was yours all the time.
He's terribly impressed
and he's going to back you.
- What?
- That's right.
George Worthing was going to steal
your invention.
Daddy told him
to get out and stay out.
- I can't believe it.
- Don't you see what it means?
Do I.
Say, we've got to tell
Stanley and Oliver.
- They're sitting around broken-hearted.
- I've got my car.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Mad dog!
Mad dog!
Let me out of here.
That driver's awfully careless.
Why don't you look
where you're going.
Go down and tell her
how to be a little more careful.
- Okay.
- And tell her I said so.
Why don't you be...
- Did you tell her?
- I couldn't.
- Why?
- Well, she wasn't there.
- In fact, we're the only ones on the bus.
- Is that...?
Oh, well, we'd better get out of here.
Come on.
Oh, wait. My foot's caught.
Oh, I can't.
Go down and steer the bus.
And watch where you're going.
Hey, Stan, come up and get my foot
out of this rail.
Oh, get! Look out!
Hey, take it easy.
- What happened?
- Something blew up...
...and this went like that.
- Oh, look what you've done.
- Go down and throw out the gear.
- Good idea. You wait here.
I will, go on and hurry.
I told you to go down
and throw out the gear.
I did. I threw it out the window.
Stanley and Oliver
haven't been here all day.
That's funny. Stanley was to start
a new class of rumba this afternoon.
Maybe they're at Gabby's Beanery.
Let's go.
Okay.
Hey, Stan.
Oh, Stan!
Hey, Stan! Oh, Stan!
Hey! Come and help me!
I can't!
Come on. Come and get me.
And this is what happened!
That's terrible. If only we could have
found you in time.
Well, hurry up and get well.
If you need anything, call on me.
- I sure will.
- Not you.
Thank you, Grant and Trudy.
- So long, Ollie.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Ollie.
- Goodbye, Trudy.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Stanley.
- Goodbye, Ollie.
- Goodbye.
Come in.
I went out by mistake.
Will you sit down
and stop eating my fruit.
And take your hat off.
Don't you feel well?
My foot's gone to sleep.
Is there anything I can do
to make you comfortable?
What are you whispering about?
I didn't want to wake your foot up.