The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys (2002) Movie Script
1
[Crickets Chirping]
Tell Me Again
Why We're Doing This.
Homework, Francis.
- The Future's Built On It.
- Right.
Hey, Give Me Some Of That
Before You Kill It.
You Know, Last Chug
Is 89% Backwash.
[Belches]
Here?
No. You're Too Close.
Move A Foot Back.
Okay.
All Right. That's It.
Don't Move.
[Engine Starts, Revs]
- Hey, Leatherface?
- What?
- Can You Really Use
That Thing?
- What Did You Say?
Can You Really Use
That Thing?
I Don't Know.
Can You Really Triangulate?
[Chainsaw Stops]
Seems Like The Perfect Spot
For Deciding What You
Really Want In Life.
My Own Comic Book.
Bigger Than Anything
That Marvel Or D.C. Has.
No. I'm Talking About
What You Really Want Right Now,
Like Revenge On The One-Legged
Bitch In Black And White.
[Creaking]
Margie Flynn!
Shit!
Shit!
[Clattering]
[Breathing Heavily]
I Knew It.
[Sing-SONG VOICE]
Margie Flynn.
[Chuckles]
[Rock Music Plays]
Ah, Stupid!
[Groaning, Screaming]
[Screaming]
[Teeth Chattering]
Oh!
[Rocket Whistles, Crashes]
[All Scream]
[Roars]
[Growls]
Hmm!
Aah!
[Whirring]
Hey, Guys. Excuse Me.
Coming Through Here.
Excuse Me, Excuse Me. Hello.
[All Screaming]
Aah!
Aah! Hah!
Aah!
Aha! Huh!
Man:
Body Of Christ.
Are You With Me Here,
Altar Boy?
Body Of Christ.
Amen.
- Body Of Christ.
- Amen.
Body Of Christ.
Body Of Christ.
Amen.
Body Of Christ.
Amen.
- Body Of Christ.
- Amen.
- [Gasps]
- [Bell Rings]
"You're So Sweet.
I Think About You
A Lot, Too."
It's The "Too"
That Gets Me.
That Means She Knows I Was
Thinking About Her, Right?
- How Would She Know That?
- Your Obvious Boner.
You Know What?
Give Me That.
No. Why? Why, You Gonna
Do Something About It?
What Are You Checking Out
My Ass For?
Take The Damn Note, Then. Bzz!
But How Would She Know?
Well, Maybe It's 'Cause
You Wrote Her A Note.
I Didn't Write Her A Note.
Actually, You're Right.
You Wrote Her A Poem.
Well, She Tried
To Kill Herself, So You Know
She's Gotta Love Poetry,
Like Sylvia Plath
Or William Blake, Probably.
What Are You Talking About?
You Wrote Her A Note?
No, Asshole, It Was A Poem...
With A Note At The End.
- Jesus Christ!
- Hey, Guys.
- Hey. Good Morning, Fellas.
- Good Morning.
Get Lucky Last Night,
You Guys?
- Yeah!
- [Indistinct Chatter]
So, Is Anyone Going
With Donny Flynn's Sister
That You Know Of?
Who, Margie? Why?
You Think You're Gonna
Get Something Off Her?
Oh, Not Me.
Stan Lee Over Here.
Well, I Kissed Her,
Like, Two Years Ago.
Two Years? What Was She Then,
Like, 8 Years Old?
Old Enough. I Mean,
She Uses Her Tongue.
Bullshit!
[Scoffs]
Whatever.
I Mean, The Girl Was Hungry
And I Got Some Tongue.
[Girls Chanting]
Girl:
I Forgot My Homework.
Okay.
"The Atomic Trinity."
Hey, Check It Out.
- Oh, Cool. Captain Asskicker.
- That's Really Good.
- He's Kicking
The Shit Out Of Someone.
- What's This Shit Over Here?
That's The Shit He Just
Kicked Out Of Him, Numb Nuts.
Ohh! That's Disgusting.
- That's Really Cool.
- Thanks.
- I'm Not Serious.
- Wait Till You See This.
I Spent All Night On It. Watch.
You Spent All Night
On That?
- Yeah.
- What Is It?
It's Major Screw Going At It
With The Evil Warrior Babe.
Going At What?
- 69.
- Oh, That 69.
That Looks
More Like...47?
- Okay...
- Whatever.
Check This Out.
I Got Some New Stuff.
This Is Miss September.
- Oh, Wow!
- Oh, My Goodness.
- You Draw A Great Butt.
- Thank You.
- You Do.
- Nice.
- This Is Assumpta...
Flogging Casey.
- All Right!
And This Is The Atomic Trinity
Wasting A Guy.
- Yeah!
- I Like That.
- Asskicker.
- Yeah, But...
I Thought We Were Gonna
Change The Name 'Cause
There's 4 Of Us Now.
Shut Up, Joey.
You Don't Count.
The Guy's Got A Point.
Well, What About You?
You Haven't Done Shit
On This Thing.
- I Haven't Done Shit?
- No, You Have Not.
Okay, Um, Let Me Show You
Something Here.
Let Me Educate You
A Little Bit. Look At This.
Tim Sullivan,
The Editor.
Behind Every Great Book
Is A Great Editor.
- But What's An Editor Do?
- Yeah?
Um, Basically,
He Tells You If You Suck,
And, Wade, You Suck.
[Indistinct Conversations]
- Suck?
- Well, He Doesn't Make
Any Sense, All Right?
- Agatha...
- [Smooches]
All: Good Morning.
[School Bell Rings]
[Indistinct Conversations]
Woman:
And Hear Us, Oh, Lord,
As We Pray...
- [Leg Creaking]
- ...For Dottie Baker's Safe
Recovery From Tonsillitis.
For Keith Bloom
And His Family,
As They Mourn The Loss
Of His Grandmother, Irene.
And Let Us Pray, O Lord,
For The Sullivans,
As They Seek To Rebuild
Their Holy Marriage
After Struggles
With Alcohol, Adultery,
And Separation.
Mr. Sullivan...
When We Asked You To Repeat
Sixth Grade Two Years Ago,
We Hoped That It Would Give You
Time To Find Maturity,
To Get You Through
A Difficult Period At Home.
Now, I'm Sure
That You Can Find
The Maturity Now
To Join Us In A Prayer
For Your Family.
O Lord, We Ask
All These Things In Your Name.
All: Amen.
Math.
Yesterday, I Asked You
To Find A Practical Use
For Your New
Measuring Skills--
Triangulation.
Has Everyone Done
Their Homework?
[Whistle Blows]
[Indistinct Shouting]
All Right, Boys!
Spread It Out!
I Want To See
Some Positions!
Bet You'd Love To Say That
To Margie, Huh?
Shut Up.
That's Her, Isn't It?
She's Right There.
Wait, Isn't That Her?
Man:
Shoot, Flynn! Shoot!
Lucky Save, Sullivan.
Lucky? No, I Don't Think
That Was Lucky.
You Shoot Like
Your Little Sister Over There.
- Man: Sullivan!
- Now I'm Gonna Go This Way.
Or Should I Go This Way?
Sullivan, It's Not
A Dance Class.
How About This?
How About This?
Jesus H. Christ!
Sorry, Father.
What Does The "H"
Stand For?
Give Me The Ball, Anderson.
Free Kick-- White.
Donny Flynn,
Back To Midfield!
Father:
All Right, You're Bunching Up.
You're Bunching Up.
Come On, Now.
Quit Bunching Up.
Okay, You Can Go Talk
To Her Now.
Go Ahead. I Got Ya.
What Are You
Waiting For?
She Wants You.
She Loved Your Poetry.
You Are Such
An Asshole, Sullivan.
[Sighs]
I Guess I'm Gonna Have
To Do It Myself.
- Hey, Margie?
- Shut Up!
[Muffled Shouting]
- Francis--
- [Whistle Blows]
- Doyle, What Are You Doing?
- Nothing, Father.
Well, Do Nothing
On The Bench.
[Tim Laughing]
Yeah, Yeah.
Go Do Nothing On The Bench.
Father:
Who's On Him?
Who's On Him?
Boy: Come On,
That Was A Foul!
Sullivan!
Man:
Cut The Ball Hogging!
- Boy: Get It!
- [Bell Tolling]
Man: Walter,
You're Toeing The Ball.
[Sighs]
Father:
Watch The Offsides!
Hi.
Hi.
Look, Uh, I Didn't Send
That Note.
An Ex-Friend Of Mine
Did It As A Joke.
- Oh.
- I Just Wanted You To Know
I Didn't Send It.
I Didn't Think You Did.
Well, I Didn't.
I'm Real Sorry.
I Mean, If I Sounded Mean
Just Then.
I Was Only Mad
About The Joke.
It's Okay. Thanks
For Being Honest, Francis.
I Think About You
All The Time.
It...
Keeps Me Awake
At Night.
I Guess You Must Think
That Is Really Creepy.
[Whistle Blows]
Do Some Penalty Kicks.
Uh, What About This, Father?
Put It Behind Your Back.
You'll Be Fine.
Hey, That Poem
I Didn't Write--
There's No Dirty Stuff In It,
Is There?
"Margie, Margie,
Burning Bright,
"In The Forests
Of The Night,
What Immortal Hand Or Eye Dared
Frame Thy Perfect Symmetry?"
That Sounds About Right.
So, You're Into
William Blake?
Uh...Yeah.
See Ya.
Bye.
[Mid-Tempo Music Plays]
[Horn Honks,
Vehicle Approaches]
[Brakes Squeal]
Hey.
What's Up,
My Friend?
[Exhales]
- I'll Get This.
- All Right.
I Got The New
"Swamp Thing" Now.
- Oh, Yeah?
- Oh, Yeah!
"Mirror Monster."
Tripped Me Out, Man.
- Yeah?
- Oh, Yeah.
Cool. Thanks.
Yeah.
Yeah, Major Screw Would Kill
This Guy To Death.
Yeah, But Major Screw's
Weird, Man.
I Mean, When He's Fighting,
He's Screwing Guys.
Captain Asskicker--
He Kicks Ass, But--
But Major Screw-- He--
He's Screwing Guys.
No, No. It's Not Like A Screw.
It's More Like A Drill.
Like It'll Spin.
Like, Get Up And Just Like--
Just Like
Go Down On People--
He Goes Down On People?
- That's Sick.
- That's Disgusting, Man.
I'll Just Read
My Comic Book, Then.
How About That?
- Good Idea.
- Guys?
We Should Do A Story...
With Different Episodes.
Yeah, We Can Have One
Where, Uh...
Toilet Paper Man
Meets Captain Asswipe.
Captain Asskicker, Asshole.
Seriously, Maybe The First One
Should Feature Your Guy.
Mm, Nah. See, I'm Not Sure
About The Muscle.
Come On, I Got Him
All Worked Out.
Well, See, The Thing Is,
I Kind Of Want Someone
Who's Stripped
To Their Core.
Like A Skeleton
Or Something.
- A Skeleton?
- Yeah.
- It Sounds Kind Of Wimpy.
- Well, He's Not, Though.
See, A Skeleton
Can't Be Killed.
So He's All Bone
And No Bullshit.
Yeah, But A Skeleton's
Also Dickless.
He's All Bone And No Skin.
No Skin Means No Dick.
Just Like You.
That's Not True, Guys,
'Cause There Is A Bone
In Your Penis.
That's Why They Call It
A Boner.
Yeah-- Oh, You're Right!
You're Right, Joey.
- Shut Up!
- Ah! What Was That For?
You're An Idiot.
- [Laughs]
- Moron.
Anyway, If We're
Gonna Have A Story,
Then We've Got
To Have A Bad Guy.
So Who's Gonna Be
The Bad Guy?
[Engine Running]
Aah!
[Tires Screech]
Kneel And Pray, Boys.
[Engines Running]
[Muffled Moaning]
- [Moaning Continues]
- Huh?
Let's Kick Some Ass!
Aah!
Ugh!
[Grunting]
Aah! Yeah!
[Grunting]
[Roars]
- Let's Waste 'Em!
- [All Roaring]
Ugh!
Aah!
[Motorcycle Crashes]
Out Of The Street, Dummy!
Come Back, Bitch!
Later, Loser!
[Laughter]
[Laughing Wildly]
Who Are You?
I'm Sorcerella.
This Is My Kingdom.
Ha! You Call
This Dump A Kingdom?
Peg Leg And Her Evil Horde
Destroyed It.
This Sacred Sword Must Be United
With The Pearl Of Wisdom.
Only Then Will My World
Be Restored To Life.
Where Is This Pearl?
In There,
Guarded By Peg Leg.
That's Why I Need Your Help.
Who's Your Girlfriend?
I Don't Have A Girlfriend.
Oh.
Dinner's Ready.
Based On The Body, I'd Guess
Farrah Fawcett-Majors.
Based On The Face, Though,
I'd Say The Flynn Girl.
Thank You.
So, You Decided
To Join Us?
Yeah.
Let's Pray.
Bless Us, O Lord,
With These, Thy Gifts,
Which We Are About To Receive
From Thy Bounty,
Through Christ
Our Lord, Amen.
All: Amen.
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Look At This.
It's Incredible.
He Wrote It, He Drew It,
He Printed It.
He Did Whatever He Wanted.
Listen To This.
"The Nakedness Of Woman
Is The Work Of God."
Kumbaya
Someone's Praying,
My Lord
Now, See How His Painting
Describes His Writing?
Someone's Praying,
My Lord
- Kumbaya
- "This Is The Marriage
Of Heaven And Hell."
Oh, Lord, Kumbaya
Someone's Crying,
My Lord
There's No Writing
On This One.
Is That God
Triangulating?
[Chuckles]
Yeah, Probably.
[Singing Stops]
Show Me Whatever That Is.
- It's My Dad's, Sister.
- William Blake.
A Little Advanced,
Mr. Sullivan,
Don't You Think?
Um, Not Really, Sister.
It's Written Simply Enough
For A 6-Year-Old.
So Are The Instructions
For A Handgun.
Blake Is A Very Dangerous
Thinker. Now Give It To Me.
You Should Forgive Him That,
Sister, 'Cause He Was A Genius.
Give It To Me.
Sullivan, Front Of The Bus.
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Woman: Yeah, That's A Very
Thoughtful Question.
The Head Of The Sexually
Aroused Adult Gobbler
Can Change Into
A Variety Of Shades
Of Red, White, And Blue.
Yeah, It's A Patriotic Bird.
In Fact, It Was Supposed
To Be The Bird Of Our Nation
Until The, Uh, Bald Eagle
Got The Most Votes.
Yeah. That's It
For The Turkeys.
Oh, Ho! We're In Luck Today.
He's Just Been Fed.
It's Not Often
That He's Out Like This,
Where We Can See Him So Well.
Some Folks Call Them Cougars,
Or Panthers.
Different Name,
Same Mountain Lion.
Yeah, They Used To Rule
This Country.
They're, Uh, Not Much Use To Us
And Our Technological World,
But, Uh, Then Again,
We're Not Much Use To...
The Lady's Smoked A Few Joints
In Her Life.
Woman: People Killed Them
Because They Were Dangerous.
Tim:
That Animal Sees
Something In Me.
Yeah, Lunch.
Woman: ...Automobiles,
Nuclear Plants And All.
Yeah. Any Questions?
Do You Think An Animal
Like That Has A Soul?
We're Taught That They Don't.
That's A Very
Thoughtful Question.
I Don't Know. I Do Know
That They're Incapable Of Sin.
Even When An Animal Kills,
It's In Innocence.
[Clears Throat]
All Right, Back To The Bus.
- Come Along.
- Hey, Look At That.
He Seems To Be
Tracking Our Teacher,
Sister Assumpta.
Is That Because She's Moving,
Or-- Or Is It Possible
That He's Locked On To Her
Particular Scent Or Something?
That's A Very
Thoughtful Question.
Predators Have A Variety Of Ways
That They Can Just Hone In
On Their Prey And Then Just--
[Snaps Fingers]
- Take Them Out.
- Like That.
Yeah, All We Got To Do
Is Capture The Cougar
And Put It In Assumpta's Office.
- Why?
- Because She's Gonna Think
She's Been Tracked.
She's Gonna Wet Her Wimple.
Wimple? What's That?
Jesus! You Don't Know
What A Wimple Is?
The Cops Would Just Shoot It.
The Cops Aren't Gonna Shoot It.
It's An Endangered Species.
We Could Get
In Serious Trouble, Man.
- Serious Trouble Beats
Serious Boredom.
- [Exhales]
- You Want To Move A 200-Pound
Cougar From Here To School?
- Mm-Hmm.
- How Are We Gonna Do That?
- Yeah.
That's A Very
Thoughtful Question.
[Chuckling]
So, You're Interested
In Souls And Stuff?
- Souls And Stuff?
- [Chuckles]
You Asked The Ranger?
I Mean-- I Mean,
I Like Your Question.
Oh, Yeah. Thanks.
Do Want To Meet Me
Tomorrow Night After Dinner?
Tomorrow Night?
Yeah. Where?
- I Don't Know.
- Assumpta: Find Your Partner.
The Oak Tree
On Castle Street?
- Okay.
- Come On, You Two.
[Engine Turns Over]
[Indistinct Talking]
Those Pinheads--
I Thought They Were Cool.
But The Best Part
Was The Siamese Twins.
I Mean, She Was Making Out
With That One Guy,
And Then The Sister Felt...
That Was Really Cool.
Hey, You Guys,
I Found Something
That Feels Just Like
The Real Thing.
Yeah, Really?
Yeah. A Warm Washcloth
And Lots Of Soap.
I Tried That
Beating-Off Crap Once.
Oh, Just Once, Wade?
Yeah, Just Once...Asshole.
Tim: All Right,
I'm Thinking Blowgun.
Now, I Can Tag The Cat
With An Anesthetic Dart.
[Sighs]
No?
All Right, Does Anyone Else
Have An Idea?
Where Would You Get
That Kind Of Anesthetic?
- Uh, Probably A Drug Store.
- A Drug Store?
- Well, What About The Fence?
- Wire Cutters.
We Can Just Cut A Flap In
The Chain Link, And We Can
Just Pull It Through.
Nah. It'll Be Too Obvious
The Thing Was Stolen.
I Thought That The Whole Point
Was To Make Assumpta Think
It Tracked Her
Back To School.
- Well, We Can Just Put
The Chain Link Back.
- No, Tim.
We're Gonna Take The Cat
Over The Fence.
Can You Dig It?
Oh, I Can Dig It.
- More-- More In This One.
- Hey, Hey, Hey.
Lining 'Em Up,
Lining 'Em Up.
Francis...And Joey.
I'm Cutting You Off.
You've Had
A Little Bit Too Much.
You're Not Getting
Your Cigarette, Then.
- Sorry, Man.
- I'm Tending Bar Here. Relax.
You Can See Her Nipples.
That's The Point
Of The Magazine.
Dude, What Are You Doing?
I Forgot It Was Your Dad's.
I'm Sorry.
[Coughs]
[Imitating Assumpta]
We Had Hoped
That You Would Help
Join Us In Prayer
For Your Family.
Or That.
Wait, Wait. Like--
Whoa!
Yee-Hah!
[Indistinct Chatter]
Hey, Joey, Didn't You Say
Something About A Rag With Soap?
Yeah.
Looks Like I Found
Your Girlfriend, Big Guy.
Come Here,
You Got A Date.
[Laughter, Shouting]
Whoo!
[Rock Music Plays]
Thank You
And Good Night!
Check It Out.
101 Ways
To Kill A Nun.
I Am A Sick Monkey.
Yes, You Are.
Tim: You Guys Up
For A Delicious Treat?
Anchovies!
That's Disgusting.
It'll Rid You
Of The Booze Breath.
Joey, You're First.
- I Hate These Things.
- Oh, You Love 'Em.
Hey, Francis,
You Don't Go Anywhere.
You're Gonna Need
One Of These.
No, Thanks.
Really?
You Gonna Live Dangerously?
Something Like That.
[Gagging]
Where The Hell's
He Going?
Ugh! Thanks.
They're Disgusting.
Oh...
Margie: Francis.
Hey.
Hey.
So, You Want To Go Someplace?
I Know A Place.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Come On.
So, We Stole
A Couple Of Valiums
From Jimmy's Mom
And Put Them
In The Communion Wine.
Father Casey Didn't Get
To The End Of The Mass
That Morning.
He Just Nodded Off.
God, That's Such A Freak-Out.
Yeah. That Was One
Of Tim's Crazy Ideas.
Those Are The Only Kinds
Of Ideas Tim Has.
Tim. He's The One That Sent Me
The Poem, Isn't He?
Right. But...
But It Didn't Turn Out
To Be Too Crazy, Did It?
Nope.
It's This Way.
What Is This Place?
Oh, I Used To Take
Piano Lessons Here
When I Was Younger.
I Sucked.
But It's Been Empty
For A While.
[Clattering]
I Think It's Like Film
Or Records, You Know--
Stuff That Takes
An Imprint.
Well, Wouldn't It Be So Cool
If A Person's Spirit
Was So Strong
It Could Just Leave
An Imprint Behind?
Hard To See,
But It's There, You Know?
Yeah.
Like Those Japanese People
Whose Shadows
Got Burned Onto The Walls
By The Atom Bomb.
Well, Maybe I Should Believe
In Ghosts, Then.
My House
Is Sort Of Haunted.
There Was This Woman
Who Died There
Before My Family
Bought It, And...
Sometimes, I Wake Up
And I See Her Come In.
She Sort Of Just Hangs Out
At The Foot Of My Bed.
Do You Get Scared?
No.
Do You Think I'm Crazy?
When You Look At Me...
I Can Hardly Breathe.
Your Heart's So Loud.
Yeah?
My Lips Are Numb.
No, They Aren't.
We Should Go Soon.
I Gotta Get Home.
Hey, Next Time,
Bring Some Of Whatever
You've Been Drinking.
[Chuckles Softly]
- You Ready?
- Yes.
Hang On.
Where Do You Guys
Come From?
We're Outcasts.
We Don't Belong Anywhere.
- Cozy Ride?
- Well, Once We've
Accomplished Our Mission
And The Sword Is Back
With The Pearl,
My Kingdom Will Be Restored
And This Could Be Your Home.
Who Cares?
Let's Go Get Peg Leg.
I Feel Like Kicking
A Nasty Habit.
Time To Swing
Into Action.
I'm Not Asking You
"Did You Feel Her Up?"
Or "Did You See Her Tits?"
Those Are Wade Questions.
You Gotta Tell Me
About This, Man.
I Suck With Girls.
Don't Even Tell Those Guys
I'm Seeing Her, All Right?
Anything You Tell Me
About Margie Stays
Right Here. Honest.
Like I Said,
It Was Great.
She's Great.
Come On,
Get Your Ass Over Here.
Help Me With This.
[Sighs]
So...
Did You Feel Her Up?
Let's Take This Thing
For A Test Run.
[Clattering And Squeaking]
Francis:
Man, She's Really Heavy.
Yeah, I Know.
- You Said She Was Hollow.
- I Did?
Let's Pull Her, Okay?
All Right.
Oh, Shit!
Hold On, Man.
Come On.
We Got It.
- Shit!
- Oh!
Ugh!
- Oh, Shit!
- Shit!
[Thud, Squeak]
- [Breathing Heavily]
- What Are You Doing?
[Muttering]
[Grunting]
Assumpta: Mary, Full Of Grace,
The Lord Is With Thee.
Blessed Art Thou Among Women.
Blessed Is The Fruit
Of Thy Womb, Jesus.
[Exhales]
Damn.
A Little Lower.
Oh, Shit.
- Oh, Shit!
- Oh, Sh--
What's With Them?
It's Father Casey. Shit.
Oh, Shit! Shit!
- Shit! Shit!
- Just Hold On.
- What Do You Think I'm Doing?
- Shh!
[Breathing Heavily]
[Squeaking]
Come On. He's Gone.
Sister, I'm Sorry About
Interrupting Your Devotions.
I Was Almost Done, Father.
- [Both Grunting]
- We Should Put Her Back.
What?
We're Blown, Man.
Come On, Let's Pull.
No Way. No.
Ugh!
We're Gonna Have
To Drop Her, Then.
You're Not Gonna Do
That Whole Stack Tonight,
Are You, Sister?
Well, I Have To Keep
On Top Of It Every Day,
Or By Tomorrow, There'll
Be Twice As Much Damage.
Shit. Can't You Just Anchor
The Rope Or Something?
Yeah, Okay. You Sit Here
And Relax, And I'll Go
Anchor It For You.
Could Tie It To Your Dick
If You Want.
They're My Children.
Bright Bunch.
Okay.
You're Right.
Let's Drop Her.
But It's A Troubled World
Out There.
On The Count Of Three.
And I'm Here To Make Sure
That They're Ready For It.
1, 2, 3!
What Are You Doing?
Just As I Planned.
[Panting]
Move!
I Burned The Skin
Off My Hands.
I Can Barely Curl
My Fingers Now.
- There Goes Your Sex Life.
- [Laughs Sarcastically]
Shut Up.
- To Agatha.
- To Agatha.
Tim: I'm Telling You,
The Whole World Is Stupider
Than We Are.
It'll Be Weeks
Before Anyone Notices
She's Gone. Weeks.
This Is An Insult...
Not Only To The School...
But To The Spirit
Of Saint Agatha Herself,
Whose Rueful Martyrdom
At Pagan Hands
Is Deserving Of Reverence...
Not Desecration.
[Inhales Deeply]
[Exhales Deeply]
So, Tonight We Should
Get Something
- That'll Knock Out The Cougar.
- Tonight?
I Can't Tonight.
Tomorrow Night...Maybe.
What Is This,
Four Nights In A Row Now?
Well, I'm No Expert,
So You Gotta Tell Me.
How Many Days
Is This Gonna Take?
Another One.
See You.
[Coughs]
What's In That Again?
Bourbon And Gin...
Vodka...
Rum...
White Wine,
Frangelico...
Whenever My Dad
Opens A Bottle,
I Skim Some...
For Emergencies.
So, Am I An Emergency?
Kind Of.
You Know, You're...
You're All I Think About.
So You Don't Think
About Wade, Huh?
He Claims He Kissed You,
I Mean, Like, When You Were 12.
Does That...
Bother You A Lot?
No.
Not Too Much.
'Cause...
'Cause I've Done
A Lot Of Stuff
Worse Than That.
What?
You'd Hate Me.
No Fooling.
That's Why I Tried
To Kill Myself.
What?
I Used To Let Donny
Do Things To Me.
You Know?
Everything.
Who's Donny?
Donny...Your Brother?
He Did It
A Lot Of Times.
I Was Just Confused.
Then I Started Feeling Sick
And I Couldn't Sleep.
I Even Felt Like
I Was Possessed Or Something.
I Guess I'll Go To Hell
About Twice Over.
I Don't Believe
There Is A Hell.
I Gotta Go.
Look, I'm Just Gonna
Stay Here For A While.
[Sighing]
Okay.
[Indistinct Arguing]
Woman ON Tv:
Good Afternoon.
Mr. Kitzmiller's Office.
[Arguing Continues,
Television Blares]
Good Afternoon.
Mr. Kitzmiller's Office.
Well, He's Not In
At The Moment.
[School Bell Rings]
Mr. Duckery...
Mr. Scalisi...
Mr. Gibbney,
Mr. Flynn...
Mr. Doyle...
And, Of Course,
Mr. Sullivan.
The Rest Are Dismissed.
[Coughing]
[Clears Throat]
I Am Very Disappointed
That The Statue
Has Not Been Returned.
And I Would Like To Ask
For Your Boys' Help
In This Matter.
Now, I'm Not Saying
That Any Of You
Are Responsible For This.
Mr. Scalisi,
You're More Of A--
Of A Talker Than A Doer.
Mr. Doyle,
You're More Of A Follower
Than A Leader.
Mr. Sullivan...
Well, Frankly,
I Don't Think That You're...
Smart Enough For This One.
Since All Of You Have Been
In Trouble Before,
I Can't Imagine That
You Would Be Foolish Enough
To Be A Part Of This.
But Make No Mistake...
The Culprits
Will Be Fingered.
I Will Finger The Culprits.
Dismissed.
Tim: If She's Upset
About The Statue,
She's Gonna Freak Out
When She Sees The Cougar.
Hey, Man. I'm Out.
Yeah, Sorry, Man.
We Can't Help You.
- Yeah.
- No.
That Which Doesn't Kill You
Makes You Stronger.
- Well, That's A Crock.
- That's Bullshit, Man.
[Sighs]
Ah, They're Morons.
Let's Just Go.
[Straining]
Yeah.
[Exhales Sharply]
So, We're Still On
For Tomorrow Night, Right?
You Can Tell Your Parents
You're With Me
And Ditto, Vice Versa.
- Okay.
- Oh, Don't Forget
The Wire Cutters.
Okay.
What's The Matter
With You?
I'm Fine.
[Grunting]
Okay, Let's Go.
[Tires Screech]
[Engines Revving]
And...Charge!
[Indistinct Shouting]
[Blades Whirring]
No!
[Women Screaming]
[Gasps]
[Screams]
Ugh! Ahh!
Over Here, Bigfoot!
[Groaning]
Shit, We Just Lost Screw
And Asskicker.
[Growling]
- Aaah!
- [Screaming]
- [Growling]
- Oh, No!
- I Gotta Go Help Her.
- Okay.
Go.
Look Out!
[Gasps]
Aaaaaah!
[Growling]
[Gasping, Neck Snaps]
[Groans Softly]
[Sighs]
Margie: Francis?
[Sighs]
The First Few Times,
I Felt Smarter...
Than Everyone Else.
Sort Of Dangerous.
[VOICE CRACKING]
Do You Know That Feeling?
Yeah.
Then I Just Started Feeling
Like A Monster.
[Sobbing]
Look, I Was Going Crazy
Keeping It Secret.
I Had To Tell You.
And I Have Been Practicing
What To Say
Ever Since We Met.
Don't Hurt Yourself.
You Hate Me.
No.
I'm Just...
I Don't Know.
[VOICE CRACKING]
I Don't Know.
Look, What Are You
Doing Tonight?
I'm Doing Something...
With Tim.
I Mean...
I'd Ask You
To Come Along, But...
It's Kind Of Secret.
You Can Come...
If You Want To.
[Sighs]
[Bicycle Chain Rattling]
[Brakes Squeal]
Aren't You Even Gonna
Ask Me If I'm Pissed?
Here.
This Way.
You Did Bring
Your Wire Cutters, Right?
No.
[Grunts]
[Grunts]
[Insects Chirping,
Birds Squawking]
There He Is.
Do You Guys See Him?
He's Right There.
Let's Go.
See, If We Get Him
Right There,
Where He Usually Eats,
He's In Easy Blowgun Reach.
Once He Goes Down,
We're Gonna Have
To Wait A Few Minutes
To Make Sure It's Cool.
And Then We Go In Together.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- Oh...
- [Chain Clanging]
This Chain's
Bad News, Though.
It's No Big Deal.
We Can Cut A Link,
And After, Press It Back.
All We're Gonna Need
Is Bolt Cutters.
- And A Vise.
- And A Gag
For Your Girlfriend.
- She Won't Say Anything.
- How Do You Know?
'Cause I Know.
So What Are You Doing
Next Weekend?
I Don't Know.
'Cause My Mom's
Going Out Of Town,
And My Dad's Supposed
To Take Us,
But I'm Sure He Won't, So...
I Just Wish You Could
Find A Way To Come Over
And Watch For The Ghost
With Me.
If You Want.
[Chuckles]
Sullivan?
Take This To Mrs. Burns.
She's In The Parish Hall.
- Yes, Father.
- Francis...
I Could Use A Hand.
[Grunting]
Okay.
Okay.
[Inhales Deeply]
Something On Your Mind?
Usually, Uh...
When You're
Talking About Sin
And Forgiving It
And All, Um,
I'm Going, "Yeah, Okay.
Who Cares?"
'Cause I Didn't Really Know
What You Were Talking About.
But...
But Now I Do.
[Sighs]
Was It A Venial
Or A Mortal Sin?
- I Don't Know.
- [Lighter Clicks]
You'll Be Fine.
Just Let Your Faith
Guide You,
Even If Your Body
Tells You Otherwise.
[Exhales Sharply]
Think Of The Lord's Prayer
If You're Tempted.
Thank You, Father.
Sure.
[Door Opens]
[Sighs]
[Sighs]
[Grunts]
All Right.
So I Figured It Out,
In Case You Care.
For A 120-Pound Animal
Like That,
We're Gonna Need
About A Quart Of Nyquil.
That's, Like, 20 Bottles
Or Something.
Right.
Right?
What Do You Mean, "Right"?
I Mean, Yeah.
[Screams]
Whoo!
Will You Quit
With That Kung Fu Crap?
No.
[Screaming]
[Asian ACCENT]
Master! I Can Feel It.
I No Longer Be Grasshopper.
Jesus! What's With You?
Look, This Is Serious,
So Quit Fucking Around.
Who's Fucking Around?
You Think This
Will Hold A Cougar?
Well, If By Some Chance
It Wakes Up Before We
Get It To The School--
Oh, Yeah,
If The Cherry-Flavored Nyquil
Doesn't Keep It Snoozing Away,
Well, Then, This Incredible
Cage Will Hold Him.
Right? Get Real, Tim.
Get Fucking Real.
[Scoffs]
To Hell With You.
See You Later.
Not Everyone Has To Make Up
Trouble For Themselves
Just So They're Not Bored.
At Least, I'm Doing Something.
What Are You Doing, Francis?
What Exactly Do You Do?
Have You Done Anything
With Margie Yet?
You Don't Know
Anything About That.
So You Haven't Done Anything
With Margie. How About I Go
Write You Another Note
So That You Can Have A Lot
More Time Making Up Shit
Like This?
[Grunts]
So What's The Matter?
Is She Getting Freaky On You?
It's A Secret,
Goddamn It!
[Both Panting]
You're Bleeding.
She Told Me A Secret.
It's Not A Regular Secret.
Not Normal.
You Could Never Tell Anyone.
Anyone.
Uh, That Doesn't Really Mean
Anything About Margie.
She's Kind Of Cool...
Not Ordinary...
You Know,
In A Cool Sort Of Way.
Edgar Allan Poe Did It
With His Cousin.
And I Forgive Him That,
Of Course...
Because He Was A Genius.
[Chuckling]
[Leg Creaking]
How About You,
Mr. Gibbney?
You're Something
Of A...Class Gossip.
Do You Know Anything
About This?
No, Sister.
Mr. Sullivan?
I've Never Seen
That Before.
Mr. Doyle?
Frankly,
This Kind Of Crudity
Isn't Really
Your Style, Now, Is It?
No, Sister.
Francis...
Do You Know Anything
About Our Saint Agatha?
- Yes, Father.
- Good.
Tell Us What You Know.
She Was Really Good-Looking,
And She Promised God
She'd Be A Virgin,
But Then Some Guy
Wanted To Marry Her,
And When She Wouldn't,
- Stop It! Stop It!
- He Took Her In A Brothel.
And Then He Cut
Her Breasts Off.
I Won't Tolerate
Any More Disrespect From You.
Now, You Confess.
You Tell Us Why You Did This.
Actually, I Heard
That He Branded Her--
You Hold Your Tongue,
Young Man!
You Are On A Terrible
Downward Spiral.
He Sees In Your Heart.
He Knows What You Do.
I Fear For You.
[Father Casey Clears Throat]
Boys...
Church Property
Was Stolen...
And Now,
Apparently, Damaged.
We Had Hoped To Have
The Statue Back By Now.
We Expect It Back
Immediately.
We Don't Want To Have
To Call The Police.
You're Dismissed.
Straight To Classes.
Whew.
[Both Chuckling]
[Canned Heat's
"On The Road Again"]
Well, I'm So Tired
Of Crying
But I'm On
The Road Again
Hey, How Do You Aim
This Thing?
Well, I'm So Tired
Of Crying
But I'm On
The Road Again
I'm On The Road Again
I Ain't Got No Woman
Be The Dart.
- How Much Is That?
- That's His Third Helping.
Or, Roughly,
An Amount That Would Get
Into His Bloodstream
If We Hit Him
With 160 Darts.
In The Rain And Snow
- Plan B?
- Plan B.
In The Rain And Snow
Hello?
- You Know His Name?
- No, Don't You?
Hello?
Hey, It's
The Altar Boys.
Here To Get Altered?
Okay.
Y'all Got The Money?
Uh, Yeah.
You Got
The Illegal Substance?
Oh, Yeah.
It's There.
Oh...
Y-Yes.
That's It?
That's All?
Man, That's Enough
To Melt An Elephant.
Excuse My Friend.
He-- He Thinks He Wants
To Melt 2 Elephants.
Mm-Hmm.
Y'all Want
To Smoke A Roach?
- Oh, Yeah, Sure. Okay.
- Okay.
Yeah.
- It Looks Like A Rat Turd.
- [Chuckles]
Tastes Like One, Too.
[Rock Music Plays]
[Imitating Monkey]
I Am Brachion.
God, Come Save Us Now.
You're Wrestling With It, Man.
Just Let It Take You Away.
[Music Fades]
[Dog Whining Weakly]
Oh, Shit.
It's Been Hit.
- It's Still Alive.
- [Dog Panting]
Somebody's Got To Help It.
They Got To Come
And Get It.
They? There Is No "They."
We Are "They."
- [Dog Barks Weakly]
- Oh, Jesus, Tim.
No, It's Okay.
I Got It.
Hey, Tim,
Where Are You Going With It?
It's Practically Dead.
I'm Just Going Away
From Here.
- Come On, Tim.
- No.
It's Gonna Die.
It Looks Dead.
I-I Think It's Dead.
No One Was Coming For This Dog.
I Hope You Realize That.
Nobody Around Here,
Nobody Who Passed It,
Not Even The Guy
Who Hit It.
I Hope You Realize That.
[Sniffles]
Don't You Ever Tell Me
To Get Real.
I Know What
Fucking Real Is, Okay?
Okay.
- Ugh!
- Leave Her!
I Have To Get Her
To The Pearl.
We Gotta Find Peg Leg.
[Grunting]
- Aaah!
- Aaah!
You Know,
Forget This Feeble Flesh.
I'm Doing Skeleton Boy.
Aah!
[Grunting]
Aaaah!
[Laughing Wildly]
[Boy Talking Indistinctly,
Knocking On Door]
[Boys Screaming]
Hey.
- Hey.
- [Chuckles]
Let Go, Donny!
[Screaming Continues]
[Stephen Stills'
"Do For The Others"]
I Got This, Too.
Every Song Is Good.
Yeah.
Yeah. If You Sit
On The Bed,
The Sound Echoes
In This Weird Way.
Round, Round,
Up And Down
All Along
The Lonely Town
- See Him Sinking Low
- It's Like You're Inside It.
Yeah, This Is The Best Spot.
Doesn't See The Joy
There Is To Know
And He Cries
From The Misery
And He Lies
You Sure Smell Good.
[Chuckles]
She Is Gone
There Is No Tomorrow
It Is Done
Donny: Margie!
Where's The Damn Spaghetti?
I Cooked It!
Make Something Else!
There's Beans And Franks!
Ignore Him.
...Must Do
For The Others
I Think I'm Ugly
And I'm Awful,
And I Don't Know
Why You Came Here.
No, You're Not.
Do You Think
I Lied About The Ghost
To Get You Here?
- I Didn't Come Here
Because Of The Ghost.
- She's Real.
All Right?
Either She's Real...
Or I'm Crazy.
I'm So Scared Of Being Crazy
That I'm Going Crazy.
I Thought I Saw A Trace
- Don't!
- [Knock On Door]
There Isn't
Any Beans And Franks.
Hey, Hey. I Told You There Was
Macaroni And Cheese. Come On.
Come On. Hey.
You Guys All Right In Here?
All Right. Sorry.
From The Misery
And The Lies
Singing Harmony
She Is Gone
There Is No Tomorrow
It Is Done
So Now He Must Borrow
The Life Of His Brothers
And Living In Sorrow
Must Do
See, I Tried To Do
The Constellations.
[Song Ends]
That's Orion.
Francis, Tell Me
The Most Amazing Thing
You've Ever Heard.
There's This Fish...
That Lives At The Bottom
Of The Ocean...
And It Has A Spine
Sticking Out Of Its Head...
To Lure Prey.
The Females
Are The Glowing Ones.
The Males Are Smaller.
After The Male Fish Hatch,
They Bite On To The Female.
They're Like Parasites.
But After A While,
They Grow Into Each Other,
And They Share The Same Blood
And Everything.
They Turn
Into One Single Fish.
Wow.
That's Really Weird.
[Laughs]
We've Made It.
We've Made It To The Pearl.
[Grunts]
So...
What'd You Do Last Night?
We Didn't Do Anything.
Well, If You Feel
That's Sin,
I Still Think I Deserve
To Know The Specifics.
We Didn't Do Anything
But Listen To Music.
Music--
That Sounds Good.
What'd You Listen To?
[Imitating Margie]
Ooh! Oh, Francis! Mmm!
- [Laughs]
- Oh, I Can't Take It. Aah!
[Normal VOICE]
You Laugh, But I'm Right.
[Laughs]
Ah, Francis The Man.
[Thunder Rumbles Lightly]
- Come On, Pass It.
- Come On!
- Put It In The Middle.
- Right Here.
[Whistle Blows]
Come On, Boys.
[Whistle Blows]
We've Got A Few Minutes Left.
We're Gonna Finish Up
With Some Headings.
Dummy In The Middle.
I'm Gonna Pair You Up.
Smith...Roosevelt.
Doyle...Dockery.
Anderson...Floyd.
Sullivan...Flynn.
The Rest Of You Boys Over Here.
Barnes, You're In The Middle.
Let's Go! Hustle!
Come On, Boys!
[Chuckles]
All Right,
Hurry Up, Spaz. Come On.
- Okay.
- Ow.
What's Wrong With You?
Why Can't You Get It?
All Right, What Was Wrong
With That One?
I Think
It Was A Little High.
It's Not Too--
It's Not Too High.
- You Just Need To Jump For It.
- Okay, I'll Jump For It.
Oh!
Is That Low Enough For You?
Not As Low As Fucking
Your Own Sister.
[Whistle Blows]
Casey:
Okay, Come Here, Boys.
Let's Go.
Let's Take It In.
Let's Go!
What The Hell
Happened To You?
I Screwed Up.
I Let Donny Know...
That I Know
About Him And Margie.
You What?
I'm Sorry.
I Had To Tell Someone
Just Like You Had To.
Only, I Had No One To Tell,
So I Kept It In, And...
It Just Came Out.
It Came Out To Donny?
Yeah.
How Stupid Are You?
You're On Your Own, Tim.
You're On Your Fucking Own.
[Locker Doors Slam]
[Toilet Flushes]
It's Not Important
How I Got This.
What Is Important...
Is That It Is...
Disgusting.
Blasphemous Enough
For A Lifetime.
Never In My Life
Have I Seen Anything...
So...Vile...
And Cruel And Insulting.
You Are Suspended
Immediately...
Expulsion Pending.
I'll Call
Your Parents On Monday
To Discuss Your Removal
From School.
I Don't Know
How To Get Through
To You Boys.
I Will Pray...
For Your Guidance.
And I Suggest
That You Spend The Weekend...
Doing The Same.
[Brakes Squeal]
[Brakes Squeal]
I Was Gonna Tell You.
- It All Just Happened.
- I'm The Bad One.
All Right, You Can Hate Donny
And Think He's An Evil Asshole,
But I Made Him Do It.
I-I Tricked Him One Night
When He Was Stoned,
And Then I Blackmailed Him
Into Doing It All The Time.
And I Loved It.
It Was All
I Thought About.
All Right, There.
[Sighs] It's The Whole Truth,
All Right? Now You Can Hate Me.
- I Don't Hate You.
- Well, Why Don't You
Go Tell Tim?
Have You Gone
Through All Of This?
No-- Well...
Briefly.
[Leg Creaking]
Is This Supposed To Be Me?
Yes, And That's...
Supposed To Be Me.
[Inhales Deeply]
[Sighs]
So...
Did Assumpta Like
Your Stupid Comic Book?
She Recognized Herself.
I'll Bet That Means You're
A Pretty Good Artist, Huh?
I'm Not Getting Into It
With You, Donny. I'm Sorry.
- Call It Even.
- Even?
Oh, No,
We're Not Fucking Even!
Come On, Superhero!
[Gasps]
Aaah!
[Laughing Wildly]
[Laughs]
[Tires Screeching]
Aah!
Aah!
Ahh.
Here's Your Girlfriend!
Aah!
Skeleton Boy...
Where Are You?
[Laughs]
[Tires Screeching]
Ha!
[Engine Revving]
No!
[Laughing]
[Grunting]
[Tires Screeching]
[Laughing]
Look, Sugarfoot, He Gave Us
The Deed To His House.
Man ON Tv:
The Old-Timer Give The Deed
To That Woodpecker.
Francis, Joey's Here.
Hi, Mr. Doyle.
Hello, Joey.
Where You Going?
Just Outside.
No Further
Than The Driveway.
Okay.
I Mean It.
Tim Told Us To Meet Here.
Tim?
Jesus, Doyle,
What Happened To Your Face?
I Fell Off My Bike.
[Chuckles]
What's Up, Francis?
How's It Going
With Margie?
Get There Yet?
Tongue.
Told You.
Hey, Everybody.
Ooh, Nice Shot.
[Grunts]
Not Quite There, Wade.
Hey, Joey, How's That Whole
Warm-Washcloth Thing Going?
- [Chuckles]
- Man, Come On.
How's It Going, Asshole?
Hey, I'm Here To Save Your Ass,
Wade, All Right?
Okay, Guys...
There's A Notebook
That We And A Certain Cougar
Are Gonna Have
To Make Disappear.
God, Man, You're Still
Into That Stupid-Ass Idea?
Hey, It Wasn't
My Stupid Idea To Draw Shit
Flying Out Of People,
Or Evil Babes Trying
To Figure Out 69,
Though That
Was Pretty Cool.
How Long Do You Guys Think
It'll Be Before Assumpta
Sees Your Names In There?
You Guys
Are Gonna Be Expelled...
Just Like We Were.
Shit.
All Right, Man,
We'll Do It.
All Right.
We're In.
Francis, Come On.
You Got What You Wanted,
And Now It's My Turn.
- I Got What I Wanted?
- Yeah.
I'm Completely Screwed.
Then We're Both Screwed.
So We Got To Do Something
About It, Right?
You And Me.
I Can't Do This
Without You.
[Chuckles]
You With Me, Here,
Altar Boy?
That's It.
All Right.
For The Gods.
No.
For The Gods.
For The G--
For God.
For The Gods.
- What Are You Doing, Man?
- [Laughing]
Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey!
Stop! We're Wasting Beer!
You Want Some?
Ooh, There You Go!
All Right, Everybody,
Seriously...
Think Like Cougars.
Let's Go.
No, Wait. Guys? Guys...
Don't-- Don't-- Don't Cougar's
Mark Their Territory?
No, No, No, No,
That's Wolves.
Come On. Come On.
[All Cheering]
Whoo!
All: Whoo!
[Laughing]
Flesh To Bone
And Bone To Die.
Time To Finger
The Culprit.
Ay-Yi-I-I!
Ah, Ding-Fucking-Dong.
The Bitch Is Dead.
Come On.
Stop.
[Cougar Growls, Screeches]
Are We Downwind?
Hopefully, Not From Him.
All Right,
I'm Gonna Go Check It Out.
You Three Go Get The Gate.
Come On, You Guys.
[Spits]
[Whispering]
- Hurry.
- All Right, Now, Wait Till
You Get On The Other Side Of Me.
All Right, Joey,
Get In The...
[All Grunting]
- Now, Just Pull It Off.
- Really? Pull It Off?
[Sighs]
Can You Open This?
[Sniffing]
Oh! What The Hell Is This?
Sullivan's Surefire
Cougar Tranquilizer.
He Cooked Up A Paste
Of Stolen Pharmaceuticals
And Uncut Angel Dust.
- [Chuckles] Angel Dust?
- Where'd You Get Angel Dust?
- Hey, Joey?
- What?
Shine Your Flashlight On Him.
Wait. Go Back. Go Back.
There. There.
Here, Why Don't You
Give It A Shot?
- You Sure?
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Just Go.
- Sorry.
- Maybe You're Not
Gonna Make It Anyway.
- Hurry Up.
- Push It In.
- You Missed It.
- Shit!
- Don't Worry About It.
- No, Wait. You Flushed Him.
You Know, That's What
I Was Trying To Do.
We Got It.
Why Don't You Give It A Shot?
Yeah, Like He's Gonna
Do Better.
He'll Do It.
- [Snarls]
- Holy Shit!
Oh, My God, You Got Him!
Good Job, Man.
- Oh, My--
- Good Job.
All That Kissing Must've
Strengthened Your Cheeks.
I Could've Done That.
It's Such A Tiny Dart, Though.
You Think It'll Work?
Well, We'll See.
He's Going Down.
Whoo.
Guys, Quiet.
[Growls Softly]
Ye Of Little Faith.
Jesus, Sullivan,
I Don't Believe It.
We Just Knocked Out A Cougar
With A Kmart Blowgun.
- Yes!
- You're A Genius!
That Was Great, Man!
- Get Him?
- Let's Go, Man!
- [Grunts]
- Hey, What Are You Doing?
- We've Unlocked The Gate.
- Risk Leads To Greatness.
Yeah, But, Tim,
I Thought We Were All
Gonna Go In Together.
[Grunts]
- Wait.
- Get In There.
He's Fine.
Breathing Fine.
He's Beautiful.
So Hot.
- Shit! Tim, Look Out!
- [Snarls]
- [Snarls]
- No!
Francis! Aah!
- Aaaah!
- Aaaah!
Oh, Shit!
- [Snarling]
- Aaaah!
Aaaah!
- [Growls]
- Shit. Oh, Shit.
Wade, Go Get Help!
Joey, Let's Get Him
Out Of Here!
- Shit!
- Come On, Come Over Here!
- Where The Hell Is He?
- I Don't Know.
Let's Get Him Out Of Here!
Come On!
Turn Him Over. Come On.
Careful!
- Okay.
- Where The Hell Is It?
Oh, Christ!
- [Panting]
- [Gasping]
Oh, Christ!
[Groans Painfully]
[Crying]
Christ, Timmy. Oh, Christ.
Oh, Christ! Timmy.
Oh, Christ.
Someone's Coming, Timmy.
You're Gonna Be Okay.
You're Gonna
Be Okay, Timmy.
You're Gonna Be Okay.
It's Okay.
[Grunting]
[Gasps]
Aaaah!
Skeleton Boy, Look Out!
[Laughs Evilly]
Aaaah!
No! No!
Don't Forget The Pearl!
[Laughs Evilly]
[Roaring]
- Brakken!
- [Roars]
Aaaah!
Brakken, Help!
Help!
- Aaaah!
- Aaaah!
Help!
No!
No!
[Groans]
[Breathing Heavily]
Father Casey's
Ready For You Now.
Everybody's Waiting.
Do You Know
What You're Going To Read?
"For This Is The Will
Of My Father, Who Sent Me,
"That Whoever Beholds The Son
"And Believes In Him
"Shall Have Everlasting Life,
And I Will Raise Him Up
On The Last Day."
Amen.
All: Amen.
And Now, A Reading
From Tim's Friend,
Francis Doyle.
"Tiger, Tiger,
Burning Bright...
"In The Forests
Of The Night...
"What Immortal Hand Or Eye
"Could Frame
Thy Fearful Symmetry?
"In What Distant Deeps
Or Skies...
"Burnt The Fire Of Thine Eyes?
[Voice BREAKING]
"On What Wings Dare He Aspire?
"What The Hand
Dare Seize The Fire?
"And What Shoulder
And What Art...
"Could Twist The Sinews
Of Thy Heart?
"When The Stars...
"Threw Down Their Spears...
"And Water'd Heaven
With Their Tears...
"Did He Smile His Work To See?
Did He Who Made The Lamb
Make Thee?"
[Birds Chirping]
[Creaking]
[Mid-Tempo Music Plays]
[Door Slams]
- [Rock Music Plays]
- [Laughs Wildly]
[Laughs Wildly]
Huh?
Yaah!
[Joshua Homme's
"All The Same" Plays]
I Saw You In A Way
But That's Another Life
Maybe They're The Same
I Wonder Where You Are
Yesterday Is Gone
But It Ain't Far Away
I Guess It's Far Enough
I'm Older In My Head
My Innocence Is Gone
I Have The Book You Read
To Help Me Carry On
What A Price To Pay
To Feel Like You're Alive
I Was Blind When He Said
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
He Said,
But He Was Wrong
I'm Your Jezebel
She Said
On My Way To Hell
She Said
What A Price To Pay
To Feel Like You're Alive
She Was Blind
When She Said
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
She Said,
But She Was Wrong
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
[Music Ends]
[Crickets Chirping]
Tell Me Again
Why We're Doing This.
Homework, Francis.
- The Future's Built On It.
- Right.
Hey, Give Me Some Of That
Before You Kill It.
You Know, Last Chug
Is 89% Backwash.
[Belches]
Here?
No. You're Too Close.
Move A Foot Back.
Okay.
All Right. That's It.
Don't Move.
[Engine Starts, Revs]
- Hey, Leatherface?
- What?
- Can You Really Use
That Thing?
- What Did You Say?
Can You Really Use
That Thing?
I Don't Know.
Can You Really Triangulate?
[Chainsaw Stops]
Seems Like The Perfect Spot
For Deciding What You
Really Want In Life.
My Own Comic Book.
Bigger Than Anything
That Marvel Or D.C. Has.
No. I'm Talking About
What You Really Want Right Now,
Like Revenge On The One-Legged
Bitch In Black And White.
[Creaking]
Margie Flynn!
Shit!
Shit!
[Clattering]
[Breathing Heavily]
I Knew It.
[Sing-SONG VOICE]
Margie Flynn.
[Chuckles]
[Rock Music Plays]
Ah, Stupid!
[Groaning, Screaming]
[Screaming]
[Teeth Chattering]
Oh!
[Rocket Whistles, Crashes]
[All Scream]
[Roars]
[Growls]
Hmm!
Aah!
[Whirring]
Hey, Guys. Excuse Me.
Coming Through Here.
Excuse Me, Excuse Me. Hello.
[All Screaming]
Aah!
Aah! Hah!
Aah!
Aha! Huh!
Man:
Body Of Christ.
Are You With Me Here,
Altar Boy?
Body Of Christ.
Amen.
- Body Of Christ.
- Amen.
Body Of Christ.
Body Of Christ.
Amen.
Body Of Christ.
Amen.
- Body Of Christ.
- Amen.
- [Gasps]
- [Bell Rings]
"You're So Sweet.
I Think About You
A Lot, Too."
It's The "Too"
That Gets Me.
That Means She Knows I Was
Thinking About Her, Right?
- How Would She Know That?
- Your Obvious Boner.
You Know What?
Give Me That.
No. Why? Why, You Gonna
Do Something About It?
What Are You Checking Out
My Ass For?
Take The Damn Note, Then. Bzz!
But How Would She Know?
Well, Maybe It's 'Cause
You Wrote Her A Note.
I Didn't Write Her A Note.
Actually, You're Right.
You Wrote Her A Poem.
Well, She Tried
To Kill Herself, So You Know
She's Gotta Love Poetry,
Like Sylvia Plath
Or William Blake, Probably.
What Are You Talking About?
You Wrote Her A Note?
No, Asshole, It Was A Poem...
With A Note At The End.
- Jesus Christ!
- Hey, Guys.
- Hey. Good Morning, Fellas.
- Good Morning.
Get Lucky Last Night,
You Guys?
- Yeah!
- [Indistinct Chatter]
So, Is Anyone Going
With Donny Flynn's Sister
That You Know Of?
Who, Margie? Why?
You Think You're Gonna
Get Something Off Her?
Oh, Not Me.
Stan Lee Over Here.
Well, I Kissed Her,
Like, Two Years Ago.
Two Years? What Was She Then,
Like, 8 Years Old?
Old Enough. I Mean,
She Uses Her Tongue.
Bullshit!
[Scoffs]
Whatever.
I Mean, The Girl Was Hungry
And I Got Some Tongue.
[Girls Chanting]
Girl:
I Forgot My Homework.
Okay.
"The Atomic Trinity."
Hey, Check It Out.
- Oh, Cool. Captain Asskicker.
- That's Really Good.
- He's Kicking
The Shit Out Of Someone.
- What's This Shit Over Here?
That's The Shit He Just
Kicked Out Of Him, Numb Nuts.
Ohh! That's Disgusting.
- That's Really Cool.
- Thanks.
- I'm Not Serious.
- Wait Till You See This.
I Spent All Night On It. Watch.
You Spent All Night
On That?
- Yeah.
- What Is It?
It's Major Screw Going At It
With The Evil Warrior Babe.
Going At What?
- 69.
- Oh, That 69.
That Looks
More Like...47?
- Okay...
- Whatever.
Check This Out.
I Got Some New Stuff.
This Is Miss September.
- Oh, Wow!
- Oh, My Goodness.
- You Draw A Great Butt.
- Thank You.
- You Do.
- Nice.
- This Is Assumpta...
Flogging Casey.
- All Right!
And This Is The Atomic Trinity
Wasting A Guy.
- Yeah!
- I Like That.
- Asskicker.
- Yeah, But...
I Thought We Were Gonna
Change The Name 'Cause
There's 4 Of Us Now.
Shut Up, Joey.
You Don't Count.
The Guy's Got A Point.
Well, What About You?
You Haven't Done Shit
On This Thing.
- I Haven't Done Shit?
- No, You Have Not.
Okay, Um, Let Me Show You
Something Here.
Let Me Educate You
A Little Bit. Look At This.
Tim Sullivan,
The Editor.
Behind Every Great Book
Is A Great Editor.
- But What's An Editor Do?
- Yeah?
Um, Basically,
He Tells You If You Suck,
And, Wade, You Suck.
[Indistinct Conversations]
- Suck?
- Well, He Doesn't Make
Any Sense, All Right?
- Agatha...
- [Smooches]
All: Good Morning.
[School Bell Rings]
[Indistinct Conversations]
Woman:
And Hear Us, Oh, Lord,
As We Pray...
- [Leg Creaking]
- ...For Dottie Baker's Safe
Recovery From Tonsillitis.
For Keith Bloom
And His Family,
As They Mourn The Loss
Of His Grandmother, Irene.
And Let Us Pray, O Lord,
For The Sullivans,
As They Seek To Rebuild
Their Holy Marriage
After Struggles
With Alcohol, Adultery,
And Separation.
Mr. Sullivan...
When We Asked You To Repeat
Sixth Grade Two Years Ago,
We Hoped That It Would Give You
Time To Find Maturity,
To Get You Through
A Difficult Period At Home.
Now, I'm Sure
That You Can Find
The Maturity Now
To Join Us In A Prayer
For Your Family.
O Lord, We Ask
All These Things In Your Name.
All: Amen.
Math.
Yesterday, I Asked You
To Find A Practical Use
For Your New
Measuring Skills--
Triangulation.
Has Everyone Done
Their Homework?
[Whistle Blows]
[Indistinct Shouting]
All Right, Boys!
Spread It Out!
I Want To See
Some Positions!
Bet You'd Love To Say That
To Margie, Huh?
Shut Up.
That's Her, Isn't It?
She's Right There.
Wait, Isn't That Her?
Man:
Shoot, Flynn! Shoot!
Lucky Save, Sullivan.
Lucky? No, I Don't Think
That Was Lucky.
You Shoot Like
Your Little Sister Over There.
- Man: Sullivan!
- Now I'm Gonna Go This Way.
Or Should I Go This Way?
Sullivan, It's Not
A Dance Class.
How About This?
How About This?
Jesus H. Christ!
Sorry, Father.
What Does The "H"
Stand For?
Give Me The Ball, Anderson.
Free Kick-- White.
Donny Flynn,
Back To Midfield!
Father:
All Right, You're Bunching Up.
You're Bunching Up.
Come On, Now.
Quit Bunching Up.
Okay, You Can Go Talk
To Her Now.
Go Ahead. I Got Ya.
What Are You
Waiting For?
She Wants You.
She Loved Your Poetry.
You Are Such
An Asshole, Sullivan.
[Sighs]
I Guess I'm Gonna Have
To Do It Myself.
- Hey, Margie?
- Shut Up!
[Muffled Shouting]
- Francis--
- [Whistle Blows]
- Doyle, What Are You Doing?
- Nothing, Father.
Well, Do Nothing
On The Bench.
[Tim Laughing]
Yeah, Yeah.
Go Do Nothing On The Bench.
Father:
Who's On Him?
Who's On Him?
Boy: Come On,
That Was A Foul!
Sullivan!
Man:
Cut The Ball Hogging!
- Boy: Get It!
- [Bell Tolling]
Man: Walter,
You're Toeing The Ball.
[Sighs]
Father:
Watch The Offsides!
Hi.
Hi.
Look, Uh, I Didn't Send
That Note.
An Ex-Friend Of Mine
Did It As A Joke.
- Oh.
- I Just Wanted You To Know
I Didn't Send It.
I Didn't Think You Did.
Well, I Didn't.
I'm Real Sorry.
I Mean, If I Sounded Mean
Just Then.
I Was Only Mad
About The Joke.
It's Okay. Thanks
For Being Honest, Francis.
I Think About You
All The Time.
It...
Keeps Me Awake
At Night.
I Guess You Must Think
That Is Really Creepy.
[Whistle Blows]
Do Some Penalty Kicks.
Uh, What About This, Father?
Put It Behind Your Back.
You'll Be Fine.
Hey, That Poem
I Didn't Write--
There's No Dirty Stuff In It,
Is There?
"Margie, Margie,
Burning Bright,
"In The Forests
Of The Night,
What Immortal Hand Or Eye Dared
Frame Thy Perfect Symmetry?"
That Sounds About Right.
So, You're Into
William Blake?
Uh...Yeah.
See Ya.
Bye.
[Mid-Tempo Music Plays]
[Horn Honks,
Vehicle Approaches]
[Brakes Squeal]
Hey.
What's Up,
My Friend?
[Exhales]
- I'll Get This.
- All Right.
I Got The New
"Swamp Thing" Now.
- Oh, Yeah?
- Oh, Yeah!
"Mirror Monster."
Tripped Me Out, Man.
- Yeah?
- Oh, Yeah.
Cool. Thanks.
Yeah.
Yeah, Major Screw Would Kill
This Guy To Death.
Yeah, But Major Screw's
Weird, Man.
I Mean, When He's Fighting,
He's Screwing Guys.
Captain Asskicker--
He Kicks Ass, But--
But Major Screw-- He--
He's Screwing Guys.
No, No. It's Not Like A Screw.
It's More Like A Drill.
Like It'll Spin.
Like, Get Up And Just Like--
Just Like
Go Down On People--
He Goes Down On People?
- That's Sick.
- That's Disgusting, Man.
I'll Just Read
My Comic Book, Then.
How About That?
- Good Idea.
- Guys?
We Should Do A Story...
With Different Episodes.
Yeah, We Can Have One
Where, Uh...
Toilet Paper Man
Meets Captain Asswipe.
Captain Asskicker, Asshole.
Seriously, Maybe The First One
Should Feature Your Guy.
Mm, Nah. See, I'm Not Sure
About The Muscle.
Come On, I Got Him
All Worked Out.
Well, See, The Thing Is,
I Kind Of Want Someone
Who's Stripped
To Their Core.
Like A Skeleton
Or Something.
- A Skeleton?
- Yeah.
- It Sounds Kind Of Wimpy.
- Well, He's Not, Though.
See, A Skeleton
Can't Be Killed.
So He's All Bone
And No Bullshit.
Yeah, But A Skeleton's
Also Dickless.
He's All Bone And No Skin.
No Skin Means No Dick.
Just Like You.
That's Not True, Guys,
'Cause There Is A Bone
In Your Penis.
That's Why They Call It
A Boner.
Yeah-- Oh, You're Right!
You're Right, Joey.
- Shut Up!
- Ah! What Was That For?
You're An Idiot.
- [Laughs]
- Moron.
Anyway, If We're
Gonna Have A Story,
Then We've Got
To Have A Bad Guy.
So Who's Gonna Be
The Bad Guy?
[Engine Running]
Aah!
[Tires Screech]
Kneel And Pray, Boys.
[Engines Running]
[Muffled Moaning]
- [Moaning Continues]
- Huh?
Let's Kick Some Ass!
Aah!
Ugh!
[Grunting]
Aah! Yeah!
[Grunting]
[Roars]
- Let's Waste 'Em!
- [All Roaring]
Ugh!
Aah!
[Motorcycle Crashes]
Out Of The Street, Dummy!
Come Back, Bitch!
Later, Loser!
[Laughter]
[Laughing Wildly]
Who Are You?
I'm Sorcerella.
This Is My Kingdom.
Ha! You Call
This Dump A Kingdom?
Peg Leg And Her Evil Horde
Destroyed It.
This Sacred Sword Must Be United
With The Pearl Of Wisdom.
Only Then Will My World
Be Restored To Life.
Where Is This Pearl?
In There,
Guarded By Peg Leg.
That's Why I Need Your Help.
Who's Your Girlfriend?
I Don't Have A Girlfriend.
Oh.
Dinner's Ready.
Based On The Body, I'd Guess
Farrah Fawcett-Majors.
Based On The Face, Though,
I'd Say The Flynn Girl.
Thank You.
So, You Decided
To Join Us?
Yeah.
Let's Pray.
Bless Us, O Lord,
With These, Thy Gifts,
Which We Are About To Receive
From Thy Bounty,
Through Christ
Our Lord, Amen.
All: Amen.
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Look At This.
It's Incredible.
He Wrote It, He Drew It,
He Printed It.
He Did Whatever He Wanted.
Listen To This.
"The Nakedness Of Woman
Is The Work Of God."
Kumbaya
Someone's Praying,
My Lord
Now, See How His Painting
Describes His Writing?
Someone's Praying,
My Lord
- Kumbaya
- "This Is The Marriage
Of Heaven And Hell."
Oh, Lord, Kumbaya
Someone's Crying,
My Lord
There's No Writing
On This One.
Is That God
Triangulating?
[Chuckles]
Yeah, Probably.
[Singing Stops]
Show Me Whatever That Is.
- It's My Dad's, Sister.
- William Blake.
A Little Advanced,
Mr. Sullivan,
Don't You Think?
Um, Not Really, Sister.
It's Written Simply Enough
For A 6-Year-Old.
So Are The Instructions
For A Handgun.
Blake Is A Very Dangerous
Thinker. Now Give It To Me.
You Should Forgive Him That,
Sister, 'Cause He Was A Genius.
Give It To Me.
Sullivan, Front Of The Bus.
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Someone's Singing,
My Lord
Kumbaya
Woman: Yeah, That's A Very
Thoughtful Question.
The Head Of The Sexually
Aroused Adult Gobbler
Can Change Into
A Variety Of Shades
Of Red, White, And Blue.
Yeah, It's A Patriotic Bird.
In Fact, It Was Supposed
To Be The Bird Of Our Nation
Until The, Uh, Bald Eagle
Got The Most Votes.
Yeah. That's It
For The Turkeys.
Oh, Ho! We're In Luck Today.
He's Just Been Fed.
It's Not Often
That He's Out Like This,
Where We Can See Him So Well.
Some Folks Call Them Cougars,
Or Panthers.
Different Name,
Same Mountain Lion.
Yeah, They Used To Rule
This Country.
They're, Uh, Not Much Use To Us
And Our Technological World,
But, Uh, Then Again,
We're Not Much Use To...
The Lady's Smoked A Few Joints
In Her Life.
Woman: People Killed Them
Because They Were Dangerous.
Tim:
That Animal Sees
Something In Me.
Yeah, Lunch.
Woman: ...Automobiles,
Nuclear Plants And All.
Yeah. Any Questions?
Do You Think An Animal
Like That Has A Soul?
We're Taught That They Don't.
That's A Very
Thoughtful Question.
I Don't Know. I Do Know
That They're Incapable Of Sin.
Even When An Animal Kills,
It's In Innocence.
[Clears Throat]
All Right, Back To The Bus.
- Come Along.
- Hey, Look At That.
He Seems To Be
Tracking Our Teacher,
Sister Assumpta.
Is That Because She's Moving,
Or-- Or Is It Possible
That He's Locked On To Her
Particular Scent Or Something?
That's A Very
Thoughtful Question.
Predators Have A Variety Of Ways
That They Can Just Hone In
On Their Prey And Then Just--
[Snaps Fingers]
- Take Them Out.
- Like That.
Yeah, All We Got To Do
Is Capture The Cougar
And Put It In Assumpta's Office.
- Why?
- Because She's Gonna Think
She's Been Tracked.
She's Gonna Wet Her Wimple.
Wimple? What's That?
Jesus! You Don't Know
What A Wimple Is?
The Cops Would Just Shoot It.
The Cops Aren't Gonna Shoot It.
It's An Endangered Species.
We Could Get
In Serious Trouble, Man.
- Serious Trouble Beats
Serious Boredom.
- [Exhales]
- You Want To Move A 200-Pound
Cougar From Here To School?
- Mm-Hmm.
- How Are We Gonna Do That?
- Yeah.
That's A Very
Thoughtful Question.
[Chuckling]
So, You're Interested
In Souls And Stuff?
- Souls And Stuff?
- [Chuckles]
You Asked The Ranger?
I Mean-- I Mean,
I Like Your Question.
Oh, Yeah. Thanks.
Do Want To Meet Me
Tomorrow Night After Dinner?
Tomorrow Night?
Yeah. Where?
- I Don't Know.
- Assumpta: Find Your Partner.
The Oak Tree
On Castle Street?
- Okay.
- Come On, You Two.
[Engine Turns Over]
[Indistinct Talking]
Those Pinheads--
I Thought They Were Cool.
But The Best Part
Was The Siamese Twins.
I Mean, She Was Making Out
With That One Guy,
And Then The Sister Felt...
That Was Really Cool.
Hey, You Guys,
I Found Something
That Feels Just Like
The Real Thing.
Yeah, Really?
Yeah. A Warm Washcloth
And Lots Of Soap.
I Tried That
Beating-Off Crap Once.
Oh, Just Once, Wade?
Yeah, Just Once...Asshole.
Tim: All Right,
I'm Thinking Blowgun.
Now, I Can Tag The Cat
With An Anesthetic Dart.
[Sighs]
No?
All Right, Does Anyone Else
Have An Idea?
Where Would You Get
That Kind Of Anesthetic?
- Uh, Probably A Drug Store.
- A Drug Store?
- Well, What About The Fence?
- Wire Cutters.
We Can Just Cut A Flap In
The Chain Link, And We Can
Just Pull It Through.
Nah. It'll Be Too Obvious
The Thing Was Stolen.
I Thought That The Whole Point
Was To Make Assumpta Think
It Tracked Her
Back To School.
- Well, We Can Just Put
The Chain Link Back.
- No, Tim.
We're Gonna Take The Cat
Over The Fence.
Can You Dig It?
Oh, I Can Dig It.
- More-- More In This One.
- Hey, Hey, Hey.
Lining 'Em Up,
Lining 'Em Up.
Francis...And Joey.
I'm Cutting You Off.
You've Had
A Little Bit Too Much.
You're Not Getting
Your Cigarette, Then.
- Sorry, Man.
- I'm Tending Bar Here. Relax.
You Can See Her Nipples.
That's The Point
Of The Magazine.
Dude, What Are You Doing?
I Forgot It Was Your Dad's.
I'm Sorry.
[Coughs]
[Imitating Assumpta]
We Had Hoped
That You Would Help
Join Us In Prayer
For Your Family.
Or That.
Wait, Wait. Like--
Whoa!
Yee-Hah!
[Indistinct Chatter]
Hey, Joey, Didn't You Say
Something About A Rag With Soap?
Yeah.
Looks Like I Found
Your Girlfriend, Big Guy.
Come Here,
You Got A Date.
[Laughter, Shouting]
Whoo!
[Rock Music Plays]
Thank You
And Good Night!
Check It Out.
101 Ways
To Kill A Nun.
I Am A Sick Monkey.
Yes, You Are.
Tim: You Guys Up
For A Delicious Treat?
Anchovies!
That's Disgusting.
It'll Rid You
Of The Booze Breath.
Joey, You're First.
- I Hate These Things.
- Oh, You Love 'Em.
Hey, Francis,
You Don't Go Anywhere.
You're Gonna Need
One Of These.
No, Thanks.
Really?
You Gonna Live Dangerously?
Something Like That.
[Gagging]
Where The Hell's
He Going?
Ugh! Thanks.
They're Disgusting.
Oh...
Margie: Francis.
Hey.
Hey.
So, You Want To Go Someplace?
I Know A Place.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Come On.
So, We Stole
A Couple Of Valiums
From Jimmy's Mom
And Put Them
In The Communion Wine.
Father Casey Didn't Get
To The End Of The Mass
That Morning.
He Just Nodded Off.
God, That's Such A Freak-Out.
Yeah. That Was One
Of Tim's Crazy Ideas.
Those Are The Only Kinds
Of Ideas Tim Has.
Tim. He's The One That Sent Me
The Poem, Isn't He?
Right. But...
But It Didn't Turn Out
To Be Too Crazy, Did It?
Nope.
It's This Way.
What Is This Place?
Oh, I Used To Take
Piano Lessons Here
When I Was Younger.
I Sucked.
But It's Been Empty
For A While.
[Clattering]
I Think It's Like Film
Or Records, You Know--
Stuff That Takes
An Imprint.
Well, Wouldn't It Be So Cool
If A Person's Spirit
Was So Strong
It Could Just Leave
An Imprint Behind?
Hard To See,
But It's There, You Know?
Yeah.
Like Those Japanese People
Whose Shadows
Got Burned Onto The Walls
By The Atom Bomb.
Well, Maybe I Should Believe
In Ghosts, Then.
My House
Is Sort Of Haunted.
There Was This Woman
Who Died There
Before My Family
Bought It, And...
Sometimes, I Wake Up
And I See Her Come In.
She Sort Of Just Hangs Out
At The Foot Of My Bed.
Do You Get Scared?
No.
Do You Think I'm Crazy?
When You Look At Me...
I Can Hardly Breathe.
Your Heart's So Loud.
Yeah?
My Lips Are Numb.
No, They Aren't.
We Should Go Soon.
I Gotta Get Home.
Hey, Next Time,
Bring Some Of Whatever
You've Been Drinking.
[Chuckles Softly]
- You Ready?
- Yes.
Hang On.
Where Do You Guys
Come From?
We're Outcasts.
We Don't Belong Anywhere.
- Cozy Ride?
- Well, Once We've
Accomplished Our Mission
And The Sword Is Back
With The Pearl,
My Kingdom Will Be Restored
And This Could Be Your Home.
Who Cares?
Let's Go Get Peg Leg.
I Feel Like Kicking
A Nasty Habit.
Time To Swing
Into Action.
I'm Not Asking You
"Did You Feel Her Up?"
Or "Did You See Her Tits?"
Those Are Wade Questions.
You Gotta Tell Me
About This, Man.
I Suck With Girls.
Don't Even Tell Those Guys
I'm Seeing Her, All Right?
Anything You Tell Me
About Margie Stays
Right Here. Honest.
Like I Said,
It Was Great.
She's Great.
Come On,
Get Your Ass Over Here.
Help Me With This.
[Sighs]
So...
Did You Feel Her Up?
Let's Take This Thing
For A Test Run.
[Clattering And Squeaking]
Francis:
Man, She's Really Heavy.
Yeah, I Know.
- You Said She Was Hollow.
- I Did?
Let's Pull Her, Okay?
All Right.
Oh, Shit!
Hold On, Man.
Come On.
We Got It.
- Shit!
- Oh!
Ugh!
- Oh, Shit!
- Shit!
[Thud, Squeak]
- [Breathing Heavily]
- What Are You Doing?
[Muttering]
[Grunting]
Assumpta: Mary, Full Of Grace,
The Lord Is With Thee.
Blessed Art Thou Among Women.
Blessed Is The Fruit
Of Thy Womb, Jesus.
[Exhales]
Damn.
A Little Lower.
Oh, Shit.
- Oh, Shit!
- Oh, Sh--
What's With Them?
It's Father Casey. Shit.
Oh, Shit! Shit!
- Shit! Shit!
- Just Hold On.
- What Do You Think I'm Doing?
- Shh!
[Breathing Heavily]
[Squeaking]
Come On. He's Gone.
Sister, I'm Sorry About
Interrupting Your Devotions.
I Was Almost Done, Father.
- [Both Grunting]
- We Should Put Her Back.
What?
We're Blown, Man.
Come On, Let's Pull.
No Way. No.
Ugh!
We're Gonna Have
To Drop Her, Then.
You're Not Gonna Do
That Whole Stack Tonight,
Are You, Sister?
Well, I Have To Keep
On Top Of It Every Day,
Or By Tomorrow, There'll
Be Twice As Much Damage.
Shit. Can't You Just Anchor
The Rope Or Something?
Yeah, Okay. You Sit Here
And Relax, And I'll Go
Anchor It For You.
Could Tie It To Your Dick
If You Want.
They're My Children.
Bright Bunch.
Okay.
You're Right.
Let's Drop Her.
But It's A Troubled World
Out There.
On The Count Of Three.
And I'm Here To Make Sure
That They're Ready For It.
1, 2, 3!
What Are You Doing?
Just As I Planned.
[Panting]
Move!
I Burned The Skin
Off My Hands.
I Can Barely Curl
My Fingers Now.
- There Goes Your Sex Life.
- [Laughs Sarcastically]
Shut Up.
- To Agatha.
- To Agatha.
Tim: I'm Telling You,
The Whole World Is Stupider
Than We Are.
It'll Be Weeks
Before Anyone Notices
She's Gone. Weeks.
This Is An Insult...
Not Only To The School...
But To The Spirit
Of Saint Agatha Herself,
Whose Rueful Martyrdom
At Pagan Hands
Is Deserving Of Reverence...
Not Desecration.
[Inhales Deeply]
[Exhales Deeply]
So, Tonight We Should
Get Something
- That'll Knock Out The Cougar.
- Tonight?
I Can't Tonight.
Tomorrow Night...Maybe.
What Is This,
Four Nights In A Row Now?
Well, I'm No Expert,
So You Gotta Tell Me.
How Many Days
Is This Gonna Take?
Another One.
See You.
[Coughs]
What's In That Again?
Bourbon And Gin...
Vodka...
Rum...
White Wine,
Frangelico...
Whenever My Dad
Opens A Bottle,
I Skim Some...
For Emergencies.
So, Am I An Emergency?
Kind Of.
You Know, You're...
You're All I Think About.
So You Don't Think
About Wade, Huh?
He Claims He Kissed You,
I Mean, Like, When You Were 12.
Does That...
Bother You A Lot?
No.
Not Too Much.
'Cause...
'Cause I've Done
A Lot Of Stuff
Worse Than That.
What?
You'd Hate Me.
No Fooling.
That's Why I Tried
To Kill Myself.
What?
I Used To Let Donny
Do Things To Me.
You Know?
Everything.
Who's Donny?
Donny...Your Brother?
He Did It
A Lot Of Times.
I Was Just Confused.
Then I Started Feeling Sick
And I Couldn't Sleep.
I Even Felt Like
I Was Possessed Or Something.
I Guess I'll Go To Hell
About Twice Over.
I Don't Believe
There Is A Hell.
I Gotta Go.
Look, I'm Just Gonna
Stay Here For A While.
[Sighing]
Okay.
[Indistinct Arguing]
Woman ON Tv:
Good Afternoon.
Mr. Kitzmiller's Office.
[Arguing Continues,
Television Blares]
Good Afternoon.
Mr. Kitzmiller's Office.
Well, He's Not In
At The Moment.
[School Bell Rings]
Mr. Duckery...
Mr. Scalisi...
Mr. Gibbney,
Mr. Flynn...
Mr. Doyle...
And, Of Course,
Mr. Sullivan.
The Rest Are Dismissed.
[Coughing]
[Clears Throat]
I Am Very Disappointed
That The Statue
Has Not Been Returned.
And I Would Like To Ask
For Your Boys' Help
In This Matter.
Now, I'm Not Saying
That Any Of You
Are Responsible For This.
Mr. Scalisi,
You're More Of A--
Of A Talker Than A Doer.
Mr. Doyle,
You're More Of A Follower
Than A Leader.
Mr. Sullivan...
Well, Frankly,
I Don't Think That You're...
Smart Enough For This One.
Since All Of You Have Been
In Trouble Before,
I Can't Imagine That
You Would Be Foolish Enough
To Be A Part Of This.
But Make No Mistake...
The Culprits
Will Be Fingered.
I Will Finger The Culprits.
Dismissed.
Tim: If She's Upset
About The Statue,
She's Gonna Freak Out
When She Sees The Cougar.
Hey, Man. I'm Out.
Yeah, Sorry, Man.
We Can't Help You.
- Yeah.
- No.
That Which Doesn't Kill You
Makes You Stronger.
- Well, That's A Crock.
- That's Bullshit, Man.
[Sighs]
Ah, They're Morons.
Let's Just Go.
[Straining]
Yeah.
[Exhales Sharply]
So, We're Still On
For Tomorrow Night, Right?
You Can Tell Your Parents
You're With Me
And Ditto, Vice Versa.
- Okay.
- Oh, Don't Forget
The Wire Cutters.
Okay.
What's The Matter
With You?
I'm Fine.
[Grunting]
Okay, Let's Go.
[Tires Screech]
[Engines Revving]
And...Charge!
[Indistinct Shouting]
[Blades Whirring]
No!
[Women Screaming]
[Gasps]
[Screams]
Ugh! Ahh!
Over Here, Bigfoot!
[Groaning]
Shit, We Just Lost Screw
And Asskicker.
[Growling]
- Aaah!
- [Screaming]
- [Growling]
- Oh, No!
- I Gotta Go Help Her.
- Okay.
Go.
Look Out!
[Gasps]
Aaaaaah!
[Growling]
[Gasping, Neck Snaps]
[Groans Softly]
[Sighs]
Margie: Francis?
[Sighs]
The First Few Times,
I Felt Smarter...
Than Everyone Else.
Sort Of Dangerous.
[VOICE CRACKING]
Do You Know That Feeling?
Yeah.
Then I Just Started Feeling
Like A Monster.
[Sobbing]
Look, I Was Going Crazy
Keeping It Secret.
I Had To Tell You.
And I Have Been Practicing
What To Say
Ever Since We Met.
Don't Hurt Yourself.
You Hate Me.
No.
I'm Just...
I Don't Know.
[VOICE CRACKING]
I Don't Know.
Look, What Are You
Doing Tonight?
I'm Doing Something...
With Tim.
I Mean...
I'd Ask You
To Come Along, But...
It's Kind Of Secret.
You Can Come...
If You Want To.
[Sighs]
[Bicycle Chain Rattling]
[Brakes Squeal]
Aren't You Even Gonna
Ask Me If I'm Pissed?
Here.
This Way.
You Did Bring
Your Wire Cutters, Right?
No.
[Grunts]
[Grunts]
[Insects Chirping,
Birds Squawking]
There He Is.
Do You Guys See Him?
He's Right There.
Let's Go.
See, If We Get Him
Right There,
Where He Usually Eats,
He's In Easy Blowgun Reach.
Once He Goes Down,
We're Gonna Have
To Wait A Few Minutes
To Make Sure It's Cool.
And Then We Go In Together.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- Oh...
- [Chain Clanging]
This Chain's
Bad News, Though.
It's No Big Deal.
We Can Cut A Link,
And After, Press It Back.
All We're Gonna Need
Is Bolt Cutters.
- And A Vise.
- And A Gag
For Your Girlfriend.
- She Won't Say Anything.
- How Do You Know?
'Cause I Know.
So What Are You Doing
Next Weekend?
I Don't Know.
'Cause My Mom's
Going Out Of Town,
And My Dad's Supposed
To Take Us,
But I'm Sure He Won't, So...
I Just Wish You Could
Find A Way To Come Over
And Watch For The Ghost
With Me.
If You Want.
[Chuckles]
Sullivan?
Take This To Mrs. Burns.
She's In The Parish Hall.
- Yes, Father.
- Francis...
I Could Use A Hand.
[Grunting]
Okay.
Okay.
[Inhales Deeply]
Something On Your Mind?
Usually, Uh...
When You're
Talking About Sin
And Forgiving It
And All, Um,
I'm Going, "Yeah, Okay.
Who Cares?"
'Cause I Didn't Really Know
What You Were Talking About.
But...
But Now I Do.
[Sighs]
Was It A Venial
Or A Mortal Sin?
- I Don't Know.
- [Lighter Clicks]
You'll Be Fine.
Just Let Your Faith
Guide You,
Even If Your Body
Tells You Otherwise.
[Exhales Sharply]
Think Of The Lord's Prayer
If You're Tempted.
Thank You, Father.
Sure.
[Door Opens]
[Sighs]
[Sighs]
[Grunts]
All Right.
So I Figured It Out,
In Case You Care.
For A 120-Pound Animal
Like That,
We're Gonna Need
About A Quart Of Nyquil.
That's, Like, 20 Bottles
Or Something.
Right.
Right?
What Do You Mean, "Right"?
I Mean, Yeah.
[Screams]
Whoo!
Will You Quit
With That Kung Fu Crap?
No.
[Screaming]
[Asian ACCENT]
Master! I Can Feel It.
I No Longer Be Grasshopper.
Jesus! What's With You?
Look, This Is Serious,
So Quit Fucking Around.
Who's Fucking Around?
You Think This
Will Hold A Cougar?
Well, If By Some Chance
It Wakes Up Before We
Get It To The School--
Oh, Yeah,
If The Cherry-Flavored Nyquil
Doesn't Keep It Snoozing Away,
Well, Then, This Incredible
Cage Will Hold Him.
Right? Get Real, Tim.
Get Fucking Real.
[Scoffs]
To Hell With You.
See You Later.
Not Everyone Has To Make Up
Trouble For Themselves
Just So They're Not Bored.
At Least, I'm Doing Something.
What Are You Doing, Francis?
What Exactly Do You Do?
Have You Done Anything
With Margie Yet?
You Don't Know
Anything About That.
So You Haven't Done Anything
With Margie. How About I Go
Write You Another Note
So That You Can Have A Lot
More Time Making Up Shit
Like This?
[Grunts]
So What's The Matter?
Is She Getting Freaky On You?
It's A Secret,
Goddamn It!
[Both Panting]
You're Bleeding.
She Told Me A Secret.
It's Not A Regular Secret.
Not Normal.
You Could Never Tell Anyone.
Anyone.
Uh, That Doesn't Really Mean
Anything About Margie.
She's Kind Of Cool...
Not Ordinary...
You Know,
In A Cool Sort Of Way.
Edgar Allan Poe Did It
With His Cousin.
And I Forgive Him That,
Of Course...
Because He Was A Genius.
[Chuckling]
[Leg Creaking]
How About You,
Mr. Gibbney?
You're Something
Of A...Class Gossip.
Do You Know Anything
About This?
No, Sister.
Mr. Sullivan?
I've Never Seen
That Before.
Mr. Doyle?
Frankly,
This Kind Of Crudity
Isn't Really
Your Style, Now, Is It?
No, Sister.
Francis...
Do You Know Anything
About Our Saint Agatha?
- Yes, Father.
- Good.
Tell Us What You Know.
She Was Really Good-Looking,
And She Promised God
She'd Be A Virgin,
But Then Some Guy
Wanted To Marry Her,
And When She Wouldn't,
- Stop It! Stop It!
- He Took Her In A Brothel.
And Then He Cut
Her Breasts Off.
I Won't Tolerate
Any More Disrespect From You.
Now, You Confess.
You Tell Us Why You Did This.
Actually, I Heard
That He Branded Her--
You Hold Your Tongue,
Young Man!
You Are On A Terrible
Downward Spiral.
He Sees In Your Heart.
He Knows What You Do.
I Fear For You.
[Father Casey Clears Throat]
Boys...
Church Property
Was Stolen...
And Now,
Apparently, Damaged.
We Had Hoped To Have
The Statue Back By Now.
We Expect It Back
Immediately.
We Don't Want To Have
To Call The Police.
You're Dismissed.
Straight To Classes.
Whew.
[Both Chuckling]
[Canned Heat's
"On The Road Again"]
Well, I'm So Tired
Of Crying
But I'm On
The Road Again
Hey, How Do You Aim
This Thing?
Well, I'm So Tired
Of Crying
But I'm On
The Road Again
I'm On The Road Again
I Ain't Got No Woman
Be The Dart.
- How Much Is That?
- That's His Third Helping.
Or, Roughly,
An Amount That Would Get
Into His Bloodstream
If We Hit Him
With 160 Darts.
In The Rain And Snow
- Plan B?
- Plan B.
In The Rain And Snow
Hello?
- You Know His Name?
- No, Don't You?
Hello?
Hey, It's
The Altar Boys.
Here To Get Altered?
Okay.
Y'all Got The Money?
Uh, Yeah.
You Got
The Illegal Substance?
Oh, Yeah.
It's There.
Oh...
Y-Yes.
That's It?
That's All?
Man, That's Enough
To Melt An Elephant.
Excuse My Friend.
He-- He Thinks He Wants
To Melt 2 Elephants.
Mm-Hmm.
Y'all Want
To Smoke A Roach?
- Oh, Yeah, Sure. Okay.
- Okay.
Yeah.
- It Looks Like A Rat Turd.
- [Chuckles]
Tastes Like One, Too.
[Rock Music Plays]
[Imitating Monkey]
I Am Brachion.
God, Come Save Us Now.
You're Wrestling With It, Man.
Just Let It Take You Away.
[Music Fades]
[Dog Whining Weakly]
Oh, Shit.
It's Been Hit.
- It's Still Alive.
- [Dog Panting]
Somebody's Got To Help It.
They Got To Come
And Get It.
They? There Is No "They."
We Are "They."
- [Dog Barks Weakly]
- Oh, Jesus, Tim.
No, It's Okay.
I Got It.
Hey, Tim,
Where Are You Going With It?
It's Practically Dead.
I'm Just Going Away
From Here.
- Come On, Tim.
- No.
It's Gonna Die.
It Looks Dead.
I-I Think It's Dead.
No One Was Coming For This Dog.
I Hope You Realize That.
Nobody Around Here,
Nobody Who Passed It,
Not Even The Guy
Who Hit It.
I Hope You Realize That.
[Sniffles]
Don't You Ever Tell Me
To Get Real.
I Know What
Fucking Real Is, Okay?
Okay.
- Ugh!
- Leave Her!
I Have To Get Her
To The Pearl.
We Gotta Find Peg Leg.
[Grunting]
- Aaah!
- Aaah!
You Know,
Forget This Feeble Flesh.
I'm Doing Skeleton Boy.
Aah!
[Grunting]
Aaaah!
[Laughing Wildly]
[Boy Talking Indistinctly,
Knocking On Door]
[Boys Screaming]
Hey.
- Hey.
- [Chuckles]
Let Go, Donny!
[Screaming Continues]
[Stephen Stills'
"Do For The Others"]
I Got This, Too.
Every Song Is Good.
Yeah.
Yeah. If You Sit
On The Bed,
The Sound Echoes
In This Weird Way.
Round, Round,
Up And Down
All Along
The Lonely Town
- See Him Sinking Low
- It's Like You're Inside It.
Yeah, This Is The Best Spot.
Doesn't See The Joy
There Is To Know
And He Cries
From The Misery
And He Lies
You Sure Smell Good.
[Chuckles]
She Is Gone
There Is No Tomorrow
It Is Done
Donny: Margie!
Where's The Damn Spaghetti?
I Cooked It!
Make Something Else!
There's Beans And Franks!
Ignore Him.
...Must Do
For The Others
I Think I'm Ugly
And I'm Awful,
And I Don't Know
Why You Came Here.
No, You're Not.
Do You Think
I Lied About The Ghost
To Get You Here?
- I Didn't Come Here
Because Of The Ghost.
- She's Real.
All Right?
Either She's Real...
Or I'm Crazy.
I'm So Scared Of Being Crazy
That I'm Going Crazy.
I Thought I Saw A Trace
- Don't!
- [Knock On Door]
There Isn't
Any Beans And Franks.
Hey, Hey. I Told You There Was
Macaroni And Cheese. Come On.
Come On. Hey.
You Guys All Right In Here?
All Right. Sorry.
From The Misery
And The Lies
Singing Harmony
She Is Gone
There Is No Tomorrow
It Is Done
So Now He Must Borrow
The Life Of His Brothers
And Living In Sorrow
Must Do
See, I Tried To Do
The Constellations.
[Song Ends]
That's Orion.
Francis, Tell Me
The Most Amazing Thing
You've Ever Heard.
There's This Fish...
That Lives At The Bottom
Of The Ocean...
And It Has A Spine
Sticking Out Of Its Head...
To Lure Prey.
The Females
Are The Glowing Ones.
The Males Are Smaller.
After The Male Fish Hatch,
They Bite On To The Female.
They're Like Parasites.
But After A While,
They Grow Into Each Other,
And They Share The Same Blood
And Everything.
They Turn
Into One Single Fish.
Wow.
That's Really Weird.
[Laughs]
We've Made It.
We've Made It To The Pearl.
[Grunts]
So...
What'd You Do Last Night?
We Didn't Do Anything.
Well, If You Feel
That's Sin,
I Still Think I Deserve
To Know The Specifics.
We Didn't Do Anything
But Listen To Music.
Music--
That Sounds Good.
What'd You Listen To?
[Imitating Margie]
Ooh! Oh, Francis! Mmm!
- [Laughs]
- Oh, I Can't Take It. Aah!
[Normal VOICE]
You Laugh, But I'm Right.
[Laughs]
Ah, Francis The Man.
[Thunder Rumbles Lightly]
- Come On, Pass It.
- Come On!
- Put It In The Middle.
- Right Here.
[Whistle Blows]
Come On, Boys.
[Whistle Blows]
We've Got A Few Minutes Left.
We're Gonna Finish Up
With Some Headings.
Dummy In The Middle.
I'm Gonna Pair You Up.
Smith...Roosevelt.
Doyle...Dockery.
Anderson...Floyd.
Sullivan...Flynn.
The Rest Of You Boys Over Here.
Barnes, You're In The Middle.
Let's Go! Hustle!
Come On, Boys!
[Chuckles]
All Right,
Hurry Up, Spaz. Come On.
- Okay.
- Ow.
What's Wrong With You?
Why Can't You Get It?
All Right, What Was Wrong
With That One?
I Think
It Was A Little High.
It's Not Too--
It's Not Too High.
- You Just Need To Jump For It.
- Okay, I'll Jump For It.
Oh!
Is That Low Enough For You?
Not As Low As Fucking
Your Own Sister.
[Whistle Blows]
Casey:
Okay, Come Here, Boys.
Let's Go.
Let's Take It In.
Let's Go!
What The Hell
Happened To You?
I Screwed Up.
I Let Donny Know...
That I Know
About Him And Margie.
You What?
I'm Sorry.
I Had To Tell Someone
Just Like You Had To.
Only, I Had No One To Tell,
So I Kept It In, And...
It Just Came Out.
It Came Out To Donny?
Yeah.
How Stupid Are You?
You're On Your Own, Tim.
You're On Your Fucking Own.
[Locker Doors Slam]
[Toilet Flushes]
It's Not Important
How I Got This.
What Is Important...
Is That It Is...
Disgusting.
Blasphemous Enough
For A Lifetime.
Never In My Life
Have I Seen Anything...
So...Vile...
And Cruel And Insulting.
You Are Suspended
Immediately...
Expulsion Pending.
I'll Call
Your Parents On Monday
To Discuss Your Removal
From School.
I Don't Know
How To Get Through
To You Boys.
I Will Pray...
For Your Guidance.
And I Suggest
That You Spend The Weekend...
Doing The Same.
[Brakes Squeal]
[Brakes Squeal]
I Was Gonna Tell You.
- It All Just Happened.
- I'm The Bad One.
All Right, You Can Hate Donny
And Think He's An Evil Asshole,
But I Made Him Do It.
I-I Tricked Him One Night
When He Was Stoned,
And Then I Blackmailed Him
Into Doing It All The Time.
And I Loved It.
It Was All
I Thought About.
All Right, There.
[Sighs] It's The Whole Truth,
All Right? Now You Can Hate Me.
- I Don't Hate You.
- Well, Why Don't You
Go Tell Tim?
Have You Gone
Through All Of This?
No-- Well...
Briefly.
[Leg Creaking]
Is This Supposed To Be Me?
Yes, And That's...
Supposed To Be Me.
[Inhales Deeply]
[Sighs]
So...
Did Assumpta Like
Your Stupid Comic Book?
She Recognized Herself.
I'll Bet That Means You're
A Pretty Good Artist, Huh?
I'm Not Getting Into It
With You, Donny. I'm Sorry.
- Call It Even.
- Even?
Oh, No,
We're Not Fucking Even!
Come On, Superhero!
[Gasps]
Aaah!
[Laughing Wildly]
[Laughs]
[Tires Screeching]
Aah!
Aah!
Ahh.
Here's Your Girlfriend!
Aah!
Skeleton Boy...
Where Are You?
[Laughs]
[Tires Screeching]
Ha!
[Engine Revving]
No!
[Laughing]
[Grunting]
[Tires Screeching]
[Laughing]
Look, Sugarfoot, He Gave Us
The Deed To His House.
Man ON Tv:
The Old-Timer Give The Deed
To That Woodpecker.
Francis, Joey's Here.
Hi, Mr. Doyle.
Hello, Joey.
Where You Going?
Just Outside.
No Further
Than The Driveway.
Okay.
I Mean It.
Tim Told Us To Meet Here.
Tim?
Jesus, Doyle,
What Happened To Your Face?
I Fell Off My Bike.
[Chuckles]
What's Up, Francis?
How's It Going
With Margie?
Get There Yet?
Tongue.
Told You.
Hey, Everybody.
Ooh, Nice Shot.
[Grunts]
Not Quite There, Wade.
Hey, Joey, How's That Whole
Warm-Washcloth Thing Going?
- [Chuckles]
- Man, Come On.
How's It Going, Asshole?
Hey, I'm Here To Save Your Ass,
Wade, All Right?
Okay, Guys...
There's A Notebook
That We And A Certain Cougar
Are Gonna Have
To Make Disappear.
God, Man, You're Still
Into That Stupid-Ass Idea?
Hey, It Wasn't
My Stupid Idea To Draw Shit
Flying Out Of People,
Or Evil Babes Trying
To Figure Out 69,
Though That
Was Pretty Cool.
How Long Do You Guys Think
It'll Be Before Assumpta
Sees Your Names In There?
You Guys
Are Gonna Be Expelled...
Just Like We Were.
Shit.
All Right, Man,
We'll Do It.
All Right.
We're In.
Francis, Come On.
You Got What You Wanted,
And Now It's My Turn.
- I Got What I Wanted?
- Yeah.
I'm Completely Screwed.
Then We're Both Screwed.
So We Got To Do Something
About It, Right?
You And Me.
I Can't Do This
Without You.
[Chuckles]
You With Me, Here,
Altar Boy?
That's It.
All Right.
For The Gods.
No.
For The Gods.
For The G--
For God.
For The Gods.
- What Are You Doing, Man?
- [Laughing]
Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey!
Stop! We're Wasting Beer!
You Want Some?
Ooh, There You Go!
All Right, Everybody,
Seriously...
Think Like Cougars.
Let's Go.
No, Wait. Guys? Guys...
Don't-- Don't-- Don't Cougar's
Mark Their Territory?
No, No, No, No,
That's Wolves.
Come On. Come On.
[All Cheering]
Whoo!
All: Whoo!
[Laughing]
Flesh To Bone
And Bone To Die.
Time To Finger
The Culprit.
Ay-Yi-I-I!
Ah, Ding-Fucking-Dong.
The Bitch Is Dead.
Come On.
Stop.
[Cougar Growls, Screeches]
Are We Downwind?
Hopefully, Not From Him.
All Right,
I'm Gonna Go Check It Out.
You Three Go Get The Gate.
Come On, You Guys.
[Spits]
[Whispering]
- Hurry.
- All Right, Now, Wait Till
You Get On The Other Side Of Me.
All Right, Joey,
Get In The...
[All Grunting]
- Now, Just Pull It Off.
- Really? Pull It Off?
[Sighs]
Can You Open This?
[Sniffing]
Oh! What The Hell Is This?
Sullivan's Surefire
Cougar Tranquilizer.
He Cooked Up A Paste
Of Stolen Pharmaceuticals
And Uncut Angel Dust.
- [Chuckles] Angel Dust?
- Where'd You Get Angel Dust?
- Hey, Joey?
- What?
Shine Your Flashlight On Him.
Wait. Go Back. Go Back.
There. There.
Here, Why Don't You
Give It A Shot?
- You Sure?
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Just Go.
- Sorry.
- Maybe You're Not
Gonna Make It Anyway.
- Hurry Up.
- Push It In.
- You Missed It.
- Shit!
- Don't Worry About It.
- No, Wait. You Flushed Him.
You Know, That's What
I Was Trying To Do.
We Got It.
Why Don't You Give It A Shot?
Yeah, Like He's Gonna
Do Better.
He'll Do It.
- [Snarls]
- Holy Shit!
Oh, My God, You Got Him!
Good Job, Man.
- Oh, My--
- Good Job.
All That Kissing Must've
Strengthened Your Cheeks.
I Could've Done That.
It's Such A Tiny Dart, Though.
You Think It'll Work?
Well, We'll See.
He's Going Down.
Whoo.
Guys, Quiet.
[Growls Softly]
Ye Of Little Faith.
Jesus, Sullivan,
I Don't Believe It.
We Just Knocked Out A Cougar
With A Kmart Blowgun.
- Yes!
- You're A Genius!
That Was Great, Man!
- Get Him?
- Let's Go, Man!
- [Grunts]
- Hey, What Are You Doing?
- We've Unlocked The Gate.
- Risk Leads To Greatness.
Yeah, But, Tim,
I Thought We Were All
Gonna Go In Together.
[Grunts]
- Wait.
- Get In There.
He's Fine.
Breathing Fine.
He's Beautiful.
So Hot.
- Shit! Tim, Look Out!
- [Snarls]
- [Snarls]
- No!
Francis! Aah!
- Aaaah!
- Aaaah!
Oh, Shit!
- [Snarling]
- Aaaah!
Aaaah!
- [Growls]
- Shit. Oh, Shit.
Wade, Go Get Help!
Joey, Let's Get Him
Out Of Here!
- Shit!
- Come On, Come Over Here!
- Where The Hell Is He?
- I Don't Know.
Let's Get Him Out Of Here!
Come On!
Turn Him Over. Come On.
Careful!
- Okay.
- Where The Hell Is It?
Oh, Christ!
- [Panting]
- [Gasping]
Oh, Christ!
[Groans Painfully]
[Crying]
Christ, Timmy. Oh, Christ.
Oh, Christ! Timmy.
Oh, Christ.
Someone's Coming, Timmy.
You're Gonna Be Okay.
You're Gonna
Be Okay, Timmy.
You're Gonna Be Okay.
It's Okay.
[Grunting]
[Gasps]
Aaaah!
Skeleton Boy, Look Out!
[Laughs Evilly]
Aaaah!
No! No!
Don't Forget The Pearl!
[Laughs Evilly]
[Roaring]
- Brakken!
- [Roars]
Aaaah!
Brakken, Help!
Help!
- Aaaah!
- Aaaah!
Help!
No!
No!
[Groans]
[Breathing Heavily]
Father Casey's
Ready For You Now.
Everybody's Waiting.
Do You Know
What You're Going To Read?
"For This Is The Will
Of My Father, Who Sent Me,
"That Whoever Beholds The Son
"And Believes In Him
"Shall Have Everlasting Life,
And I Will Raise Him Up
On The Last Day."
Amen.
All: Amen.
And Now, A Reading
From Tim's Friend,
Francis Doyle.
"Tiger, Tiger,
Burning Bright...
"In The Forests
Of The Night...
"What Immortal Hand Or Eye
"Could Frame
Thy Fearful Symmetry?
"In What Distant Deeps
Or Skies...
"Burnt The Fire Of Thine Eyes?
[Voice BREAKING]
"On What Wings Dare He Aspire?
"What The Hand
Dare Seize The Fire?
"And What Shoulder
And What Art...
"Could Twist The Sinews
Of Thy Heart?
"When The Stars...
"Threw Down Their Spears...
"And Water'd Heaven
With Their Tears...
"Did He Smile His Work To See?
Did He Who Made The Lamb
Make Thee?"
[Birds Chirping]
[Creaking]
[Mid-Tempo Music Plays]
[Door Slams]
- [Rock Music Plays]
- [Laughs Wildly]
[Laughs Wildly]
Huh?
Yaah!
[Joshua Homme's
"All The Same" Plays]
I Saw You In A Way
But That's Another Life
Maybe They're The Same
I Wonder Where You Are
Yesterday Is Gone
But It Ain't Far Away
I Guess It's Far Enough
I'm Older In My Head
My Innocence Is Gone
I Have The Book You Read
To Help Me Carry On
What A Price To Pay
To Feel Like You're Alive
I Was Blind When He Said
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
He Said,
But He Was Wrong
I'm Your Jezebel
She Said
On My Way To Hell
She Said
What A Price To Pay
To Feel Like You're Alive
She Was Blind
When She Said
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
She Said,
But She Was Wrong
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
No Matter Where You Are
Ooh, Ooh,
It's All The Same
[Music Ends]