The Devil Dared Me To (2007) Movie Script
NARRATOR: Below you is
the ass end of the world.
The country you can see is
the land known as New Zealand.
It's a pretty simple
little place, really --
The North Island --
that's the good one --
And the South Island,
which sucks.
Spanning these two
imaginatively titled isles
is a turbulent stretch of water
known as the Cook Strait.
It has been swum across
and rode across,
and thousands cross it
every day by ferry and plane.
But only one man
has ever tried to jump it.
His name is Randy Cambell,
and this is his story.
RANDY: Are you recording,
Spanners?
Yeah, I think so.
Hold on.
Yeah, I'm recording.
[ beeping ]
Hey, Randy,
how are you gonna get back?
Reckon I'll swim.
Whoa!
[ moans ]
My arm!
[ sea gulls calling ]
Randy Cambell was born
into a long line
of New Zealand stunt men.
[ ragtime piano music playing ]
His great granddad,
Colonel "Calamity" Cambell,
Was New Zealand's
first true daredevil.
When he went over
the Huka Falls in a wine barrel
and survived,
He began a family tradition
that would last generations.
But Randy's greatest
inspiration was his father,
"Flaming Redge" Cambell.
[ heavy metal music playing ]
His rocket car of death stunt
would've made him the greatest
daredevil of all time...
[ explosion ]
...if it hadn't killed him.
Redge took many lives
with him that day,
and many others
were horribly burnt,
including his own sister,
Dangerous Debbie.
Ugh...
[ fire extinguisher hissing ]
There you go, son.
Ugh!
Let's see if you can top
that one, Randy.
[ groans, gurgles ]
Randy was only 2 years old
when he was orphaned.
He was adopted
By his Aunt Debbie
and her husband, Norm,
and brought up as far away from
the glamorous world of stunts
as possible --
a South Island sheep farm.
[ heavy metal music continues ]
NORM: Randy!
RANDY: A sheep?
Why would I want a sheep
for a cake?
I hate sheep.
You're lucky you got a cake
after ruining your new bike.
That bike sucked.
I want a BMX.
Rubbish!
A Healing Cruiser is
the safest bike on the market.
It's the gayest bike
on the market.
We just want you
to be safe,
to make sure that nothing
horrible happens to you.
Don't think we didn't see
that bloody old helmet.
Tomorrow it's going in the bin.
- But it was my dad's.
I don't want any talk of that
man in this house again!
We've bought you
a perfectly good helmet.
It's even worse than the cake.
- Oh, go to your room!
You don't bloody deserve
any cake!
[ horn honking ] MAN:
Spanners, you little shit! Time to go!
Yeah, bugger off!
[ glass shattering ]
ANNOUNCER:
Tonight, in your town,
Dick Johansonson
and the Timaru Hellriders!
Dick Johansonson
and the Timaru Hellriders --
Believe the dream.
Dick Johansonson
and the Timaru Hellriders
put their ass on the line
one more time!
Dick Johansonson
and the Timaru Hellriders --
Every breakfast
could be their last!
Tonight!
Collingwood Speedway,
five bucks.
[ heavy metal music playing ]
Hey, Randy, over here!
Hey, Randy,
Me and dad are working
on Dick Johansonson's car.
Awesome, eh?
Fucking g'day, Randy,
you fucking little prick.
How the fuck are you,
matey?
Hi, Mr. Watson.
I'm okay.
I've kind of fucked my arm.
Geez, mate.
You've broken
your fucking wank Spanner.
Compound fucking fracture.
So what do I do about it?
You take a suck on that.
You shove that
in your gob.
Give us
the fucking arm here.
[ cracking ]
Aah!
Ugh!
[ groans ]
That's it, boys.
There you go, you genius.
You're fucking cured.
Now, grab this rag,
give the car a good wipe-down,
and maybe I'll introduce
you little shits
to a real live
fucking stunt man.
Wow! Can you introduce us
to Dick Johansonson?
Depends on how hard you boys
work in the next 10 minutes.
Hey, Dad, what's he like
in real life?
Is he cool, like you?
No, Spanners.
He's a cock.
The Timaru Hellriders,
ladies and gentlemen!
And here's Chip Butler
on his 50/50
About to jump
four upside-down lawn mowers!
Go, Chip!
[ crowd cheering ]
[ engine revs ]
And here's French-Australian
And if I'm not mistaken,
that's Lucky Peter
stuck to the hood!
And oh, my god! They're headed
straight for that --
Pete's a bit cooked,
but he's all right!
Here comes Chip Butler!
Watch out for the ramp, boys!
Oh, no!
Whoa! Ohh!
Shit!
This is a disaster!
That poor man!
Better get out, boys!
That car's about to blow!
Oh, man!
Oh, and what's this?
T-bone has been in the boot
the whole time!
It's amazing!
[ cheers and applause ]
All right.
Now, come on, T-bone.
Stop posing, you bloody wanker!
Pull finger
and put out the bloody fire!
They're all okay!
[ cheers and applause ]
The Timaru Hellriders!
And now, ladies and gentlemen
and children of all ages,
the moment
you've all been waiting for --
Will you please
put your hands together
for the star of the show,
Australasian stunt sensation
Dick Johansonson!
[ engine revving ]
[ "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" plays
on guitar ]
[ fireworks whistling,
cheers and applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen...
Tonight, you -- yes, you --
get to help me,
Dick Johansonson, make history.
Sounds unbelievable, doesn't it?
But here's the deal.
I need 13 of you
charming hillbillies
to lie down on these
comfy mattresses for two minutes
while I jump over you in my car.
It's that easy.
Who amongst you is brave enough
to take part
in Dick's people jump?
Who wants to make history?!
Me! Yes! Me!
Go on, you little pin nibblers!
Fucking get in there!
Yes!
Come on, Spanners!
Seat belt on till we're parked,
please, Debra.
This is it, buddy --
the real thing.
We're gonna be stunt men.
Randy, I don't think
I really want to be a stunt man.
That's okay, Spanners, mate.
You don't have to do it.
You stick to being
the mechanic.
I'll do the stunts.
Yeah, I'm going to get
candy floss.
Excuse me.
Is that spot taken?
Oh. Um, no.
Cool.
[ ding! ]
[ heavy metal music continues ]
So you reckon
he'll make it?
As if.
Haven't you heard?
He's totally lost his nerve.
Says who?
Says everyone.
My dad told me.
No way.
Your dad's full of it.
Shows what you know,
country boy.
Ugh!
Norm!
You worthless...little...
DEBBIE: Please, Norm!
Norm! Norm!
Ugh!
Hey, Norm, you boring old prick.
How are you?
GIRL:
You all right?
Yeah, it happens all the time.
That was nothing.
Well, then, take your
fucking place, homeowner,
right there on the ramp
in the total-pussy area.
Now, shut the fuck up
and don't move
or I'll clock you.
[ grunts ]
Hey, Debs.
There's still a place
for you, Debs.
What do you say?
One more stunt
for old times' sake?
Leave her alone, Watson!
Those days are long behind us.
She's a fucking Cambell!
Fucking stunts
are in her bloody blood!
Leave her alone.
She's already
been hurt enough!
Mate, you're a jizzlobber.
Shut the fuck up.
Now, for fuck's sake, Debs,
You been hiding
for 10 fucking years.
Come on.
Let's show these kids
some of the old magic.
Magic?
I'll show you
what that magic does!
It turns my wife
into a sideshow freak!
Look at her!
She was so beautiful.
You petrol-heads ruined her!
Yeah!
You don't have to listen
to that ball-less wonder.
You're
Dangerous Debbie Cambell.
You'll always be beautiful
to me.
So go on, Debbie.
I dare you.
All right.
I'll do it.
Good luck to you, "D."
Thanks, Jimmy.
[ breathing heavily ]
Get a room, Watson.
[ rock music plays ]
[ engine turns over ]
Five bucks he lames out.
Five bucks he doesn't.
Get on with it!
Do it!
# we don't care
about your blues #
# don't give in
or take it down #
Aah!
[ tires screech ]
[ crowd boos ]
Faggot!
[ laughter ]
Guess you owe me
five bucks, loser.
Guess so.
Dick "The Chicken" Johansonson
has punked out again.
Are the rumors true?
Has he lost his nerve?
[ feedback ]
Ladies and gentlemen, uh...
That was just a practice run
to see if the, uh, run-up
and the...the ramp were safe.
Sorry, folks.
The ramp's not safe.
I'm calling the stunt off.
[ booing ]
Hey, what's your name?
Tracy Jones, but my friends
call me "Tragedy."
Tragedy?
How come?
[ wood cracking ]
[ Tracy screaming ]
[ screaming continues ]
[ monitor beeping,
ventilator hissing ]
DICK: All right, coming through.
Out of the way.
Move along.
Move it.
Out of the way. Go, go.
You guys -- you cooking?
You ready?
Okay.
Let's go for a take.
Hello, New Zealand.
My name's Dick Johansonson.
Last night,
through no fault of my own,
a little buddy of mine
got seriously hurt.
[ soft music playing ]
I personally swear
I will not leave his side
until he makes a full recovery.
And I know with my support
he just might pull through.
How do I know that?
'Cause I just made him
an honorary member
of the Timaru Hellriders,
and Hellriders are built tough!
Yeah! - Yeah!
- Yeah!
Randy, my good little buddy,
this is for you.
If you ever need a brother,
a father, or just a buddy,
I'll be there for you, mate.
From now on,
me and the Timaru Hellriders
have got your back,
and that's a Dick Johansonson
promise.
Get it? Okay?
Let's get a beer
and go and get one
with the, uh,
brace-face cripple.
I think he's coming to.
[ weakly ] Dick?
What'd he say?
I think he said "Dick."
Dick?
What?
Thanks, buddy.
Let's get out of here.
This kid is freaking me out.
Oh, yeah, and you guys,
that jacket is from all of us,
okay?
So you all owe me 10 bucks.
Do not fuck me
on this one, boys.
Sweet.
[ fireworks whistling ]
NARRATOR:
Uncle Norm and Aunt Debbie
were given a proper
stunt-man sendoff.
Norm, of course,
would've hated it.
It was a sad day.
But secretly, Randy was stoked.
11 years of boring farm work
were now behind him.
Randy Cambell
was now a Timaru Hellrider.
MAN: Mr. Johansonson,
myself and my team here,
as occupational safety
and health inspectors,
are to ensure the complete
safety of this stunt site.
So listen here.
I'm not saying
that you can't have fire,
but if you want it,
you're going to have to have
a permit from the council.
Pull finger, Cambell.
Those toilets
aren't gonna clean themselves.
Richard!
Richard!
Richard, listen to me!
We don't want a repeat
of Collingwood, do we?
[ talking indistinctly ]
Phew.
[ flies buzzing ]
ohh!
Oh, God!
Ugh!
Ugh.
Hey, hotshot.
You got my five bucks?
# nobody else in my life #
[ needle scratches ]
Tragedy!
You look...
Shit,
I haven't got five bucks.
Well, you can shout me a beer
after the show tonight.
Okay.
So you got some good stunts
lined up for tonight?
Stunts.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Uh, probably.
Yep.
Yeah. Should be great.
That's what I do -- stunts.
Cool.
Can't wait
to see you in action.
Mm.
You're coming tonight?
Cool. Okay.
Break it up, Cambell.
I'm not paying you to flirt.
Hey, Dick.
Remember me?
Tracy Jones.
How could I forget?
You may have noticed
this is a crew-only area,
So why don't you hop along,
there, stumpy?
See you later, Daredevil.
Cripples are bad luck, mate.
I don't want her
hanging around here.
[ muttering ]
How's that toilet looking?
- Oh, it's clean.
Good, 'cause I've got a sudden
urge for a big, stinking shit.
Well, I was kind of...
wondering...
Mr. Johansonson,
seven issues of noncompliance.
[ Dick screams ]
No, no!
Not like that!
Don't use your back
like a crane!
Use your legs to lift!
Use your legs!
[ sighs ]
Hey, um...hey, Dick?
What do you want, Cambell?
Can I do a stunt tonight?
Listen, mate,
you're not a stunt man.
You're just a dumb kid
in a cool jacket.
I spent five years with the best
stunt team in the country!
I've learnt heaps!
Can't learn what I've got,
buddy.
It's a kind of magic.
Besides, if you cock up,
it's my ass.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm trying to wipe my ring-piece here.
- Dick...
[ grunting ]
Fuck!
Piece of shit...
Stunts are in my blood.
My dad was
Flaming Redge Cambell.
Newsflash, mate --
your dad's dead.
I suggest you stop whining,
or you'll end up the same way.
Now, give us your jacket.
- What? No.
Give me your jacket.
I'd do the same for you,
mate.
Jacket.
- Let's go.
Jacket, jacket.
- Let's go.
Come on.
Jacket. Jacket. Jacket.
Now, break's over,
so clean that shit up, will you?
Ugh.
Oh, Christ.
What do you losers want?
Just a quick fucking word,
Dick.
With regard
to our fucking pay.
You'll get your pay,
genius.
There just isn't any money,
okay?
Hey, Dicky, babe.
Hey, can I borrow 50 bucks?
Sure can.
Where's our 50 fucking bucks,
Dick?
Guys...
This is Dick Johansonson.
Come on, he's a Hellrider, too.
He's one of us.
Get your finger
out of my asshole, Cambell!
You're not doing any stunts!
And as for you morons,
listen up.
I'm currently balls deep
in health and safety red tape.
Attendances
are an all-time low
'cause you guys
are fucking shit.
I'm expecting the bank
to turn up
and finish the job...
any...second...now.
Fuck!
Fucking banker.
Has he come
to shut us down, Dad?
That'd be my guess, son.
Sorry, Dad.
Shh, boy.
You're not the prick
who got us into this shit.
Hello, boys.
Which one of you
fine gentleman
goes by the name
of Dick Johansonson?
Oh, thanks, guys.
Yeah, thanks.
I was wondering if I might have
a moment of your time.
Okay.
Let's get this over with.
[ hinges creak ]
Gather around, assholes.
Let's go.
Hustle.
Tonight will be the last show
the Timaru Hellriders perform
on the South Island ever.
[ sighs ]
I can't deal with this.
Tomorrow, we clean up
all this crap...
and sell it for scrap.
Oh, I fucking knew it.
Back on the dole, boy.
What little money we get
from doing so
we'll spend on beers
while we're on the ferry...
on our way to a little place
called Wellington.
What?
What? - What?
- What?
I hope you boys like big tits
and cocaine,
'cause we're taking this show
to the North Island!
[ cheering ]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
I'm not gonna need a toilet
cleaner on the North Island,
So you're fired, mate.
Fuck off.
Out, out, out, out.
Now, boys, listen up.
I'd like to introduce you
to a very, very close
and personal friend of mine.
His name is Sheldon Snake.
He's a hotshot promoter
from the North Island.
He's got a lot of contacts
and a lot of money.
Sheldon,
they're all yours.
He's right, gentlemen.
I'm here to offer
every single one of you
the opportunity
of a lifetime.
You've each been
hand-selected,
and I want you to be
the official stunt team
of a little radio station
called radio Te Puke
and a little cigarette company
called lucky cigarettes.
Yeah!
[ cheering ]
I'm gonna have to see the show
before everything is signed off,
but let me tell you
this much --
If you boys are half as good
as I've heard you are,
then the possibilities
are endless.
Mate, we're the best
in the business.
Nothing can go wrong.
[ metal screeching ]
[ screaming ]
Oh, for Christ's Sake.
22 people.
You are kidding.
Is that it?
Well, there's a few
fucking comps, as well,
so that's, uh, 20-fucking-5,
counting those cocksuckers.
Who's been giving out comps?
Lucky Peter
gave one to his mom.
Lucky Fucking Peter.
Thanks for the comp.
It's cool.
Can't wait to see you
out there,
amidst the flames
and explosions.
Must be exciting.
Yeah, it's -- it's great.
I mean,
there's nothing like it.
Will you dedicate a stunt
to me?
Look, Tracy, I-I've got to
tell you something.
I'm not --
Hey, look!
Dick's throwing a shitty.
What do you mean,
you can't do it?
I crushed three vertebrae!
Do it or no pay!
No!
Would you just excuse me
for just a second?
DICK:
I mean, Christ!
Screw you!
Find another
human battering ram, asshole!
Let's go, Mom.
There is no one else!
Hey, um...Dick?
I thought I smelled something.
What do you want, Cambell?
Look, please, can I do
the human battering ram tonight?
It's probably my last chance
I'll ever get to do a stunt,
And I-I promised Tracy.
"N" and "O" spells "no,"
And I told you --
peg legs are jinxed.
I don't want her
hanging around.
Get rid of her or I will.
Asshole.
Fuck.
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please
put your hands together
for the Timaru Hellriders!
This is shit.
ANNOUNCER: Well, I've seen
some piss-poor stunt shows
in my time,
but that really takes
the shit biscuit!
Right. Great.
Awesome.
Hey, thanks, guys.
We can kiss the North Island
goodbye.
Hope you're happy.
So much for me
being a stunt man.
And here comes
Dick Johansonson.
He's got safety officers on him
like flies on shit!
He is one unhappy bastard!
MAN: Richard!
Now, you just listen to me!
Oy!
Oy! Stop!
You listen!
Richard!
Now, we're having nothing
over 25 kilometers an hour,
okay, Richard?
Oh, safety first!
Stop!
This is not a safe piece
of equipment!
You should go around,
please.
Go around.
That's it.
I give up.
Ugh!
ANNOUNCER:
Oh, yes, ladies and gentlemen,
this sucks the big one.
I'm off to the pub.
Hey, Dick. Baby, don't worry
about those losers.
I'll make it up to you, okay?
Yep.
We're rooted.
[ insects chirping ]
Fuck this, guys.
[ rock music plays ]
You go, boy!
[ chuckling ]
[ engine revs ]
No, no, no!
[ shouting indistinctly ]
[ cheering ]
Aw, fuck!
I probably should've moved
Dick's caravan.
Not to worry.
[ coughing ]
[ coughing ]
# everybody light up #
# everybody light up #
# everybody light up now #
# everybody light up #
Good one, Cambell.
You really screwed us,
Cambell.
It's all over,
and it's all your fault.
Dick, that was fantastic.
Who is this little bad boy?
What, the kid?
Yes.
Dick and the kid.
I can see it now, up in lights.
Let me tell you what, boys.
We are gonna make some money.
I got the contract
with me right now.
I need you two to both sign it
and then you are officially
with Sheldon Snake.
Congratulations.
Yeah!
Whoo!
[ laughs ]
Yes, boy!
We're gonna set
the North Island on fire.
[ coughs ]
I'm fine!
I'm fine!
My fault, my fault.
And you -- don't use your back
like a crane!
Bend your knees!
The following day, Randy
and his heavily hung-over mates
boarded the ferry
to the North Island.
Randy had dreamed of jumping
Cook Strait his whole life.
But for now
he'd have to settle
for a three-hour boat trip.
Hey, Randy, catch!
Ugh!
Bye, Randy!
# I should've known it
from the start #
# that's why I'm telling you,
this is what I saw through #
# I turn away
as you close the door #
[ air horn sounds ]
SPANNERS: Tell us about
the North Island again, Dad.
Glamour, class, pizzazz --
Just sophistication
just dribbling out of its ass.
Not that I've lived there,
of course.
It's full of fucking poseurs.
What are the ladies like?
Oh, you're in for
a treat there, mate.
They're a different breed
up there.
Shave their armpits --
and their coochers.
Wow.
Gross.
You'll understand
one day, boy.
They're not all that bad.
Some of them are pretty nice.
Take your auntie.
She was pretty tidy
back in the day.
So did you and Aunt Debbie
really go out?
Yep.
Three beautiful bloody years.
Wow.
What happened?
Oh, I fucked Spanner's mum
while we were on tour.
That would do it.
Yeah.
Anyway,
enough of this bullshit.
Let's play
some fucking drinking games.
Yay!
- Yay! - Yay!
[ indistinct shouting ]
[ keypad beeping ]
Hey, Cindy?
- Hmm?
Will you marry me?
What?
You want to get married?
Okay. Yeah.
I suppose.
Awesome.
You and me are gonna have
a long, beautiful future
together.
[ cellphone beeps ]
Hang on one second.
Sorry, babe.
- What?
I love you, Cindy.
You're so cute.
[ keypad beeping ]
[ air horn sounds ]
Gentlemen,
welcome to the North Island.
You are now
the Te Puke Hellriders.
We're the Timaru
Hellriders.
What's wrong
with Timaru?
Come on, boys.
Read between the lines.
Te Puke is money,
it's glamour, it's excitement.
Timaru is a shithole.
I really liked Timaru, Dad.
Good for you.
But let's leave the thinking
up to old Sheldon over here.
And you know what's on my mind
right now?
Making some Sir Edmunds.
So let's get this little puppy
on the road.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Buy that for a dollar.
Wow.
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Wellington Motordome
is proud to present
the hottest new stunt team
in the North Island --
The Te Puke Hellriders,
featuring Dick and the kid!
Tonight, these bad mothers
will be performing
the trampoline of death!
Aw, shit,
isn't that gonna be...
Randy?
Can we have
a fucking word, mate?
Yeah. Sure, guys.
What's up?
We don't think you should do
the stunt, Randy.
How come?
'Cause I was there in '83,
when Lucky Peter tried it.
Really?
What happened?
Tell him, Dad.
Tell me.
I can handle it.
Lucky Peter was the first
to try this gag.
It was all worked out perfectly,
only at the last second,
it all turned to shit.
The fat fuck went straight
through the trampoline.
The car hit him -- smack!
Straight fucking on.
Ugh!
Poor bastard!
Was he all right?
No, Randy.
He was fucked.
His left leg was completely torn
from the hip socket,
hanging there like a --
like a sack of meat.
That's not
the really fucked-up part.
You see, in order to get him
on the stretcher,
they needed to wrestle that bone
back into the socket.
Brace yourself.
We got that bone back
into place okay...
only one of his testicles
got caught in the hip socket.
[ crunching ]
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!
Ohh!
He shredded three vocal cords
screaming.
Never heard
anything like it before,
and I never want to again.
Don't do it, Randy!
You listen to him, Randy.
He's smarter
than he fucking looks.
Don't do it.
Don't be an egg.
I'm sorry, guys,
but my mind's made up.
I've got to do it.
[ sighs ]
[ chanting ] The kid!
The kid! The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
[ cheers and applause ]
- Ohh! - Ohh!
- Ohh! - Ohh!
[ cheers and applause ]
Little prick.
Whoo! Yeah!
- Ohh! - Ohh!
- Ohh! - Ohh!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Yes!
CROWD: [ chanting ]
Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
In your face, Cambell!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
[ horn honking ]
Dick! Dick!
Dick, we did it!
Dick, we made it!
We did it!
[ cheers and applause ]
[ horn honking ]
[ rock music playing ]
[ indistinct shouting ]
Whoo!
Next!
[ laughter ]
You're next!
Ohh!
You're next!
[ rock music continues ]
Aaaah!
[ laughter ]
Gentlemen...
Welcome to Te Puke.
Yeah!
Tonight, we believe that
we have come up with a stunt
that will send the kid here
over the top.
What about me?
People pay to see Dick.
Relax.
You, too, will play a crucial
role in tonight's stunt,
because you'll be driving
the car
that crashes head-on
with the kid.
Let me talk you through it.
This is how I see it going down.
We'll have the Dick here
in this corner,
Randy in the other,
and then, gentlemen...
It's party time.
You'll race towards each other
full tit,
and in the middle,
you will collide.
Cue the explosion.
I want you out of that car.
I want you covered in fire.
Flames burning, on the ground,
rolling around
in agonizing pain,
and if I believe it,
if you sell it to me,
if I feel it...
then I'll put you out.
Any thoughts?
It's suicide.
It's how Lucky Peter
lost his teeth.
And I, for one,
refuse to do it.
I want you
to cast your mind back
to when you signed
that contract.
You remember doing that,
right, Dick?
Writing your name
down the bottom?
Putting your little Dick on it?
Well, that means
that I own you.
In fact, it means
I own all of you.
And I tell you what --
if you do not do exactly
what I tell you to do,
I will get my lawyers involved,
and they will bend you
over a barrel
and give you a little bit
of the Sheldon Snake.
Understood?
Understood.
All right, then.
Let's get on with it.
15 years.
15 miserable, painful years,
I've been risking my butt.
Dick and the kid, my ass.
That little turd
has got to go.
I think I might have to organize
a little accident
for Randy "Fuckface"
Cambell --
See how good his stunts are
from a hospital bed.
If you fuck me in the ass,
you're gonna get shit
on your Dick.
ANNOUNCER: Tonight, Te Puke,
you're in for a treat.
Dick and the kid
performing a flaming hot dog!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Let's see if we can rustle up
some applause
for Dick Johansonson.
[ crowd booing ]
[ belches ]
Let's give a warm
Te Puke welcome
to Randy "The Kid"
Cambe-e-e-e-e-e-ll!
[ cheers and applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's see if we can get
a couple of words
with this amazing
stunt sensation.
So you two morons think
you know something
about stunt showmanship?
Well, you don't.
You, get to your car
and get ready.
Give me that.
I'll show you
how you work a crowd.
Listen up, assholes.
[ booing ]
You can all
go screw yourselves.
This stunt is dedicated
to one person
and one person only --
The love of my life,
Cindy Cockburn.
I love you, Cindy.
He's so romantic.
Yeah.
[ feedback ]
[ crowd jeering ]
[ exhales deeply ]
JIM:
Well, he's off his bloody tits.
That's a good start.
Hey, do you want to know
a fucking secret?
What's that, Dad?
Well, that come-licker Dick
sabotaged Randy's car
with explosives.
That's not very nice.
Not to worry.
I disconnected them all
and put them on Dick's car.
Randy will be sweet as.
Dick, on the other hand,
is completely fucked.
[ laughing ]
You're funny, Dad.
# we don't care about the truth
or the wisdom of your gold #
# as you walk upright #
ANNOUNCER:
Here we go!
Five, four, three, two, one!
[ grunting ]
# you give a little
and a little bit #
# we'll give you even more... #
[ engines revving ]
[ beeps ]
[ tires screeching ]
[ crowd screaming ]
[ voice breaking ]
no, baby...
[ sobs ]
No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
[ sobbing ]
Cindy Cockburn's death
marked the end
For the Te Puke Hellriders.
Dick Johansonson
was found to be
10 times over the legal limit
to operate a motor vehicle.
He got five years
in the most nut-busting prison
in New Zealand --
Loose Canyon
correctional facility.
For the rest of the Hellriders,
there was nothing left to do
but pack up their bags
and hit the road.
[ whistles ]
In New Zealand,
all roads lead to one place --
Auckland City,
A city of excitement,
glamour, and dreams,
A place where people come
from miles around
To make it big in the movies,
A city where
a hardworking stunt man
could make a decent living
as long as he didn't mind
some posey actor
taking all the credit.
And action.
Cut.
Michael, that was outstanding.
Now bring in the stunt meat.
Make me look good, kid.
Action.
[ glass shattering ]
Another one, please.
[ glass shattering ]
Ugh.
[ spits ]
Same again, please.
[ glass shattering ]
Cut.
All right.
That'll do, I suppose.
Now, get him out of here,
will you?
[ spitting ]
[ coughs, sniffs ]
Great work, kid.
- Which way did I land?
I think I got a splinter.
Oh, my God.
Are you all right?
First aid!
[ swords clanging ]
Ugh!
[ groans ]
Oh! Oh, my nuts!
[ sighs ]
G'day, asshole!
[ laughs ]
Yo, Randy.
Geez, man,
you look like shit.
Yeah. Well, that's funny,
'cause I feel fucking great.
Me and the boys are gonna grab
a few beers,
head on up to Studio 17.
This new kid on the lot
is supposed to be pretty good.
I'll see how I feel after I get
the glass out of my face.
You should come, bro.
You might learn a thing or two.
Hey, monkey boy,
get back to work.
See you there, bro.
Ugh!
[ indistinct conversation ]
Hey, kid.
Hey, guys.
Hey, check out
your competition.
See that dining table there?
Props couldn't afford
a breakaway table.
Now watch this.
MAN: Action.
Whoa.
# don't leave me standing here #
# I'm not the kind
that likes to be the #
# clown in the rainbow #
# the one who must say... #
Well, what do you know?
Tragedy Jones.
# forever Tuesday morning #
# without tomorrow's gonna be #
# forever Tuesday morning #
Nice work, kiddo.
Hey. Could you take
a quick look at my ass?
Ooh, you're gonna need
a few stitches.
How about you get me
to a doctor,
and then we can catch up?
Let's roll.
Oh, Christ.
Not again.
[ rock music plays ]
# lost my faith #
# got release #
# you go play
on artificial grass #
# lined up in black tuxedos #
# lined up flat on my ass #
[ laughter ]
# I'm feeling comfortably
shaken #
[ screaming ]
# getting lost,
getting high #
# hit it up,
bring it down #
# laying back, flat on my bed #
# laying back
with mirrors above #
# hey, I'm gonna hit it up #
# I'm feeling comfortably
shaken #
What do you want, screw?
You're free to go,
shit stain.
About time.
Action!
Ow!
# lost my faith #
# got release #
# you go play
on artificial grass #
# lined up in black tuxedos #
# lined up flat on my ass #
# getting lost,
getting high #
# hit it up... #
Cut!
Well, that sucked.
# flat on my bed #
# laying back
with mirrors above my head #
# I'm gonna hit it up #
# I'm feeling comfortably
shaken #
[ moaning ]
Oh, Randy!
[ moaning continues ]
# I'm feeling #
# well, I'm feeling comfortably
shaken #
Jesus Christ!
G'day, asshole.
G'day, jinx.
Have you been watching?
That's not important right now.
I'm here to talk business.
The fuck are you
talking about?
Stunt number three, spanky.
Do you remember that contract
you signed with Sheldon Snake?
That contract was years ago.
I've got a job now.
That's not stunt work, mate.
It's pathetic.
Yeah.
Well, the pay's good.
It's weak.
I thought you wanted to be
a daredevil like your dead dad.
Oh, yeah.
Good.
Well, listen up.
I've got an offer
you won't refuse.
A stunt so spectacular
it'll make Randy Cambell
the greatest daredevil
of all time.
Dick -- no offense,
but you're a dick.
You're gonna
get Randy killed.
Why would I want to
kill Randall?
He's always been
like a son to me.
Cut the crap, Johansonson.
What's in it for you?
Just my normal 20% fee.
For doing what?
For being a fuckwit?
Safety coordination, genius.
What, you think stunts like this
just fall out
of people's assholes?
No.
They take a lot of planning
and a lot of greasing.
A shitload of greasing with
this amount of money involved.
What kind of money?
6 million big ones.
Remember, son,
you're a Cambell.
Stunts are
in your blood.
All right.
I'll do it.
Disgraced daredevil
Dick Johansonson
Today announced
what he promised would be
the greatest stunt of all time.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Randy Cambell
and the $6 million stunt!
[ cheers and applause ]
[ indistinct shouting ]
Well...
Me and wee Spanners here,
We've been working
on the vehicle itself.
But all we know
about the stunt
is that it's gonna be
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep] big.
MAN ON RADIO:
G' day, Auckland City.
You're listening to the rock,
and today could well be
Suicide Sunday.
That's right.
We're broadcasting live
from the Harbour Bridge,
Where young stunt man
Randy Cambell
will be putting his ass
on the line
once and for all.
[ shouting indistinctly ]
Over here, Dick!
[ needle scratches, feedback ]
[ shouting stops ]
Listen up, assholes.
I'd like you to meet
a very brave little boy.
A very close and personal friend
of mine.
His name's Randy Cambell,
but they call him "The Kid."
When I met him,
he was a retched little
orphan boy,
but I took him under my wing.
I nurtured him.
Today he sails
into the history books.
I want a loud round of applause
for The Kid!
[ cheers and applause ]
Just tell him
what he's got to fucking jump,
you annoying fucking prick!
Okay, okay.
Here we go.
Today The Kid here will be
jumping the harbour!
What?!
- Ohh.
Auckland bloody Harbour, mate --
1.5 miles.
But...you'd need a rocket car
to jump that far.
[ "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" plays
on guitar ]
DICK: You'd better
believe it, buddy.
That little honey will do
zero to 500 in 2.5 seconds.
Should jump that pond
in second gear.
Piece of piss.
Surely this is suicide.
Listen, lady, if they can send
a man to the moon,
I reckon I can get this kid
at least as far as Takapuna.
[ music continues ]
Cover me, Spanners.
Whoa. You can't come through
this way.
But my boyfriend's
making the jump.
No pass, no entry.
[ beeping ]
Randy, I think I found something
under the car.
Not now, Spanners.
He's busy.
Get away from him, boy.
He's in the fucking zone.
Randy, baby.
Hey, Trag, what's up?
Randy...
Please don't do this stunt.
It's suicide.
What? I've got to do it.
I mean, Dick's counting on me.
I don't trust him, Randy.
He's gonna kill you.
[ sighs ]
Look, he's not gonna kill me.
I've got to do this.
There's heaps of money at stake,
and we got flags and everything.
Who cares? What good's money
if you're dead?
Just don't do it, Randy,
please.
For me?
Bet my dad
would have done it.
Yeah, your dead dad.
REDGE:
Come on, Randy.
[ echoing ] Stop fucking around
and get on with it.
Well, okay, hotshot.
I figured you'd feel this way.
What are you doing?
I'm not standing by
while you fly to your death.
I'm coming with you.
What? You can't!
Why not?
Because it's suicide.
Well, exactly.
[ sighs ]
[ screaming ]
[ crunching ]
Asshole.
You're right.
Johansonson is a dick.
He's always been a dick.
I can't survive this stunt.
I mean,
look at this rocket car.
It's shit.
Looks like it's made
out of junk.
I'm not gonna do it.
Thanks, Randy.
You'll find your big stunt
one day.
But right now, I love you
and I want you alive.
We got a long future
ahead of us, Tragedy.
Let's get out of here.
Cool.
Um...
There's just one other thing
I need to tell you.
Aaaaaaaaah!
Ugh!
Come on, Randy.
Come on, Randy!
Randy?!
Come on, Randy!
- No!
Oh, man.
Come on.
Come on, mate.
[ spectators screaming ]
[ metal snaps ]
Fuck me in the ass,
you're gonna get shit
on your dick.
[ sirens wailing ]
Take me to the fucking airport,
asshole.
NARRATOR:
Against all the odds,
Tracy "Tragedy" Jones survived.
But not for very long.
She was left a dribbling,
brain-dead quadruple amputee,
paralyzed from the neck down
with a barbecued lung
and no skin.
The machines kept her alive
for three weeks
before her family made
the decision to pull the plug.
That's when Randy left.
[ Randy sobbing ]
Doctor, I think
you should check this out.
[ rapid heartbeat ]
# when you left me #
# you never said goodbye #
# nobody told me #
# the reason why #
# and when you left me #
# a little part of me died #
# would you think less
of me now #
# if I broke down and cried? #
# I'm lonely, baby #
# why'd you have to? #
# nothing they give me #
# will take away this pain #
# I drink myself stupid #
# again and again
and again and again #
# and all of my days and nights,
they end the same #
# I go to bed happy #
# and wake up in pain #
# I'm lonely, baby #
# why'd you have to? #
# I'm lonely without you #
# can't live without you #
# don't want to make it
on my own #
[ snorting ]
# I'm nothing without you #
# go nowhere without you #
# don't want to live
this life alone #
# well, the smile on your face #
# will never be replaced #
[ doorbell rings ]
I'll get the door,
then, sir.
Don't bother.
It'll be my morning blowjob.
Very good, sir.
[ mockingly ]
"Very good, sir."
Cock.
G'day, fuck-knuckle.
NARRATOR:
Dick Johansonson got 25 years
for the murder
of Tracy "Tragedy" Jones.
MAN: Your ass is mine,
Johansonson!
But for Randy,
the punishment was far worse.
He was back in the South Island
and back on the farm.
[ sheep bleating ]
[ birds chirping ]
Long time no see.
Yeah.
So what's up, farm boy?
Word is you're planning
something big.
We want in.
What the fuck
are you trying to do?
That's got to be 10 miles,
at least.
You recording, Spanners?
Uh, yeah.
How far do you think
you're going to get, Randy?
Well, Spanners,
I hope no one's eating
their dinner in Upper Hutt,
'cause I might just
come crashing down
through their roof.
[ beeping ]
Now, let's do it.
Yeah, Randy.
Good work on the car, Dad.
Now, son,
You did most of the fucking work
on this ring-piece.
I'm very fucking proud
of you.
Thanks, Dad.
You're a good little cuss,
Spanners.
Come here. Eh?
Go on.
- Fuck off.
[ whirring ]
[ whirring intensifies ]
Go, Randy! Go!
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
[ cheering ]
REDGE: Randy...
no matter what happens,
just remember...
stunts are cool.
[ laughing ]
Did I make it?
NARRATOR:
Randy Cambell's rocket car
didn't make it
to the North Island.
But Randy did.
Just a little slower
than expected, but in style...
with his arms around
the New Zealand bikini team.
At 9:00 that night,
Randy realized his dream.
He left the South Island
in a rocket car
and arrived
in the North Island a hero.
Randy Cambell,
the last in long line
of New Zealand stunt men.
Or was he?
Randy, meet your son...
Ricky.
What?
Hi, Dad.
G'day, son.
Want to see me
do a stunt, Dad?
Yeah.
- Aww. - Aww.
- Aww. - Aww.
[ cheering ]
JIM: Whoo!
Come here, boy!
Ricky Cambell's first stunt
was shit.
But he would get better...
a whole lot better.
He would live to make Randy
the proudest dad
in the whole wide
southern hemisphere
and possibly
the whole stinking planet.
For one day,
Ricky "Tragedy" Cambell
would fulfill the great
New Zealand dream...
and make the jump
to Australia.
[ engines roaring ]
Because he was a Cambell,
and Cambells have got stunts
in their bloody blood.
RICKY:
Ricky to bulls-eye.
[ beep ]
You bastards better
watch out down there.
I'm coming
in fast!
[ crash ]
the ass end of the world.
The country you can see is
the land known as New Zealand.
It's a pretty simple
little place, really --
The North Island --
that's the good one --
And the South Island,
which sucks.
Spanning these two
imaginatively titled isles
is a turbulent stretch of water
known as the Cook Strait.
It has been swum across
and rode across,
and thousands cross it
every day by ferry and plane.
But only one man
has ever tried to jump it.
His name is Randy Cambell,
and this is his story.
RANDY: Are you recording,
Spanners?
Yeah, I think so.
Hold on.
Yeah, I'm recording.
[ beeping ]
Hey, Randy,
how are you gonna get back?
Reckon I'll swim.
Whoa!
[ moans ]
My arm!
[ sea gulls calling ]
Randy Cambell was born
into a long line
of New Zealand stunt men.
[ ragtime piano music playing ]
His great granddad,
Colonel "Calamity" Cambell,
Was New Zealand's
first true daredevil.
When he went over
the Huka Falls in a wine barrel
and survived,
He began a family tradition
that would last generations.
But Randy's greatest
inspiration was his father,
"Flaming Redge" Cambell.
[ heavy metal music playing ]
His rocket car of death stunt
would've made him the greatest
daredevil of all time...
[ explosion ]
...if it hadn't killed him.
Redge took many lives
with him that day,
and many others
were horribly burnt,
including his own sister,
Dangerous Debbie.
Ugh...
[ fire extinguisher hissing ]
There you go, son.
Ugh!
Let's see if you can top
that one, Randy.
[ groans, gurgles ]
Randy was only 2 years old
when he was orphaned.
He was adopted
By his Aunt Debbie
and her husband, Norm,
and brought up as far away from
the glamorous world of stunts
as possible --
a South Island sheep farm.
[ heavy metal music continues ]
NORM: Randy!
RANDY: A sheep?
Why would I want a sheep
for a cake?
I hate sheep.
You're lucky you got a cake
after ruining your new bike.
That bike sucked.
I want a BMX.
Rubbish!
A Healing Cruiser is
the safest bike on the market.
It's the gayest bike
on the market.
We just want you
to be safe,
to make sure that nothing
horrible happens to you.
Don't think we didn't see
that bloody old helmet.
Tomorrow it's going in the bin.
- But it was my dad's.
I don't want any talk of that
man in this house again!
We've bought you
a perfectly good helmet.
It's even worse than the cake.
- Oh, go to your room!
You don't bloody deserve
any cake!
[ horn honking ] MAN:
Spanners, you little shit! Time to go!
Yeah, bugger off!
[ glass shattering ]
ANNOUNCER:
Tonight, in your town,
Dick Johansonson
and the Timaru Hellriders!
Dick Johansonson
and the Timaru Hellriders --
Believe the dream.
Dick Johansonson
and the Timaru Hellriders
put their ass on the line
one more time!
Dick Johansonson
and the Timaru Hellriders --
Every breakfast
could be their last!
Tonight!
Collingwood Speedway,
five bucks.
[ heavy metal music playing ]
Hey, Randy, over here!
Hey, Randy,
Me and dad are working
on Dick Johansonson's car.
Awesome, eh?
Fucking g'day, Randy,
you fucking little prick.
How the fuck are you,
matey?
Hi, Mr. Watson.
I'm okay.
I've kind of fucked my arm.
Geez, mate.
You've broken
your fucking wank Spanner.
Compound fucking fracture.
So what do I do about it?
You take a suck on that.
You shove that
in your gob.
Give us
the fucking arm here.
[ cracking ]
Aah!
Ugh!
[ groans ]
That's it, boys.
There you go, you genius.
You're fucking cured.
Now, grab this rag,
give the car a good wipe-down,
and maybe I'll introduce
you little shits
to a real live
fucking stunt man.
Wow! Can you introduce us
to Dick Johansonson?
Depends on how hard you boys
work in the next 10 minutes.
Hey, Dad, what's he like
in real life?
Is he cool, like you?
No, Spanners.
He's a cock.
The Timaru Hellriders,
ladies and gentlemen!
And here's Chip Butler
on his 50/50
About to jump
four upside-down lawn mowers!
Go, Chip!
[ crowd cheering ]
[ engine revs ]
And here's French-Australian
And if I'm not mistaken,
that's Lucky Peter
stuck to the hood!
And oh, my god! They're headed
straight for that --
Pete's a bit cooked,
but he's all right!
Here comes Chip Butler!
Watch out for the ramp, boys!
Oh, no!
Whoa! Ohh!
Shit!
This is a disaster!
That poor man!
Better get out, boys!
That car's about to blow!
Oh, man!
Oh, and what's this?
T-bone has been in the boot
the whole time!
It's amazing!
[ cheers and applause ]
All right.
Now, come on, T-bone.
Stop posing, you bloody wanker!
Pull finger
and put out the bloody fire!
They're all okay!
[ cheers and applause ]
The Timaru Hellriders!
And now, ladies and gentlemen
and children of all ages,
the moment
you've all been waiting for --
Will you please
put your hands together
for the star of the show,
Australasian stunt sensation
Dick Johansonson!
[ engine revving ]
[ "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" plays
on guitar ]
[ fireworks whistling,
cheers and applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen...
Tonight, you -- yes, you --
get to help me,
Dick Johansonson, make history.
Sounds unbelievable, doesn't it?
But here's the deal.
I need 13 of you
charming hillbillies
to lie down on these
comfy mattresses for two minutes
while I jump over you in my car.
It's that easy.
Who amongst you is brave enough
to take part
in Dick's people jump?
Who wants to make history?!
Me! Yes! Me!
Go on, you little pin nibblers!
Fucking get in there!
Yes!
Come on, Spanners!
Seat belt on till we're parked,
please, Debra.
This is it, buddy --
the real thing.
We're gonna be stunt men.
Randy, I don't think
I really want to be a stunt man.
That's okay, Spanners, mate.
You don't have to do it.
You stick to being
the mechanic.
I'll do the stunts.
Yeah, I'm going to get
candy floss.
Excuse me.
Is that spot taken?
Oh. Um, no.
Cool.
[ ding! ]
[ heavy metal music continues ]
So you reckon
he'll make it?
As if.
Haven't you heard?
He's totally lost his nerve.
Says who?
Says everyone.
My dad told me.
No way.
Your dad's full of it.
Shows what you know,
country boy.
Ugh!
Norm!
You worthless...little...
DEBBIE: Please, Norm!
Norm! Norm!
Ugh!
Hey, Norm, you boring old prick.
How are you?
GIRL:
You all right?
Yeah, it happens all the time.
That was nothing.
Well, then, take your
fucking place, homeowner,
right there on the ramp
in the total-pussy area.
Now, shut the fuck up
and don't move
or I'll clock you.
[ grunts ]
Hey, Debs.
There's still a place
for you, Debs.
What do you say?
One more stunt
for old times' sake?
Leave her alone, Watson!
Those days are long behind us.
She's a fucking Cambell!
Fucking stunts
are in her bloody blood!
Leave her alone.
She's already
been hurt enough!
Mate, you're a jizzlobber.
Shut the fuck up.
Now, for fuck's sake, Debs,
You been hiding
for 10 fucking years.
Come on.
Let's show these kids
some of the old magic.
Magic?
I'll show you
what that magic does!
It turns my wife
into a sideshow freak!
Look at her!
She was so beautiful.
You petrol-heads ruined her!
Yeah!
You don't have to listen
to that ball-less wonder.
You're
Dangerous Debbie Cambell.
You'll always be beautiful
to me.
So go on, Debbie.
I dare you.
All right.
I'll do it.
Good luck to you, "D."
Thanks, Jimmy.
[ breathing heavily ]
Get a room, Watson.
[ rock music plays ]
[ engine turns over ]
Five bucks he lames out.
Five bucks he doesn't.
Get on with it!
Do it!
# we don't care
about your blues #
# don't give in
or take it down #
Aah!
[ tires screech ]
[ crowd boos ]
Faggot!
[ laughter ]
Guess you owe me
five bucks, loser.
Guess so.
Dick "The Chicken" Johansonson
has punked out again.
Are the rumors true?
Has he lost his nerve?
[ feedback ]
Ladies and gentlemen, uh...
That was just a practice run
to see if the, uh, run-up
and the...the ramp were safe.
Sorry, folks.
The ramp's not safe.
I'm calling the stunt off.
[ booing ]
Hey, what's your name?
Tracy Jones, but my friends
call me "Tragedy."
Tragedy?
How come?
[ wood cracking ]
[ Tracy screaming ]
[ screaming continues ]
[ monitor beeping,
ventilator hissing ]
DICK: All right, coming through.
Out of the way.
Move along.
Move it.
Out of the way. Go, go.
You guys -- you cooking?
You ready?
Okay.
Let's go for a take.
Hello, New Zealand.
My name's Dick Johansonson.
Last night,
through no fault of my own,
a little buddy of mine
got seriously hurt.
[ soft music playing ]
I personally swear
I will not leave his side
until he makes a full recovery.
And I know with my support
he just might pull through.
How do I know that?
'Cause I just made him
an honorary member
of the Timaru Hellriders,
and Hellriders are built tough!
Yeah! - Yeah!
- Yeah!
Randy, my good little buddy,
this is for you.
If you ever need a brother,
a father, or just a buddy,
I'll be there for you, mate.
From now on,
me and the Timaru Hellriders
have got your back,
and that's a Dick Johansonson
promise.
Get it? Okay?
Let's get a beer
and go and get one
with the, uh,
brace-face cripple.
I think he's coming to.
[ weakly ] Dick?
What'd he say?
I think he said "Dick."
Dick?
What?
Thanks, buddy.
Let's get out of here.
This kid is freaking me out.
Oh, yeah, and you guys,
that jacket is from all of us,
okay?
So you all owe me 10 bucks.
Do not fuck me
on this one, boys.
Sweet.
[ fireworks whistling ]
NARRATOR:
Uncle Norm and Aunt Debbie
were given a proper
stunt-man sendoff.
Norm, of course,
would've hated it.
It was a sad day.
But secretly, Randy was stoked.
11 years of boring farm work
were now behind him.
Randy Cambell
was now a Timaru Hellrider.
MAN: Mr. Johansonson,
myself and my team here,
as occupational safety
and health inspectors,
are to ensure the complete
safety of this stunt site.
So listen here.
I'm not saying
that you can't have fire,
but if you want it,
you're going to have to have
a permit from the council.
Pull finger, Cambell.
Those toilets
aren't gonna clean themselves.
Richard!
Richard!
Richard, listen to me!
We don't want a repeat
of Collingwood, do we?
[ talking indistinctly ]
Phew.
[ flies buzzing ]
ohh!
Oh, God!
Ugh!
Ugh.
Hey, hotshot.
You got my five bucks?
# nobody else in my life #
[ needle scratches ]
Tragedy!
You look...
Shit,
I haven't got five bucks.
Well, you can shout me a beer
after the show tonight.
Okay.
So you got some good stunts
lined up for tonight?
Stunts.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Uh, probably.
Yep.
Yeah. Should be great.
That's what I do -- stunts.
Cool.
Can't wait
to see you in action.
Mm.
You're coming tonight?
Cool. Okay.
Break it up, Cambell.
I'm not paying you to flirt.
Hey, Dick.
Remember me?
Tracy Jones.
How could I forget?
You may have noticed
this is a crew-only area,
So why don't you hop along,
there, stumpy?
See you later, Daredevil.
Cripples are bad luck, mate.
I don't want her
hanging around here.
[ muttering ]
How's that toilet looking?
- Oh, it's clean.
Good, 'cause I've got a sudden
urge for a big, stinking shit.
Well, I was kind of...
wondering...
Mr. Johansonson,
seven issues of noncompliance.
[ Dick screams ]
No, no!
Not like that!
Don't use your back
like a crane!
Use your legs to lift!
Use your legs!
[ sighs ]
Hey, um...hey, Dick?
What do you want, Cambell?
Can I do a stunt tonight?
Listen, mate,
you're not a stunt man.
You're just a dumb kid
in a cool jacket.
I spent five years with the best
stunt team in the country!
I've learnt heaps!
Can't learn what I've got,
buddy.
It's a kind of magic.
Besides, if you cock up,
it's my ass.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm trying to wipe my ring-piece here.
- Dick...
[ grunting ]
Fuck!
Piece of shit...
Stunts are in my blood.
My dad was
Flaming Redge Cambell.
Newsflash, mate --
your dad's dead.
I suggest you stop whining,
or you'll end up the same way.
Now, give us your jacket.
- What? No.
Give me your jacket.
I'd do the same for you,
mate.
Jacket.
- Let's go.
Jacket, jacket.
- Let's go.
Come on.
Jacket. Jacket. Jacket.
Now, break's over,
so clean that shit up, will you?
Ugh.
Oh, Christ.
What do you losers want?
Just a quick fucking word,
Dick.
With regard
to our fucking pay.
You'll get your pay,
genius.
There just isn't any money,
okay?
Hey, Dicky, babe.
Hey, can I borrow 50 bucks?
Sure can.
Where's our 50 fucking bucks,
Dick?
Guys...
This is Dick Johansonson.
Come on, he's a Hellrider, too.
He's one of us.
Get your finger
out of my asshole, Cambell!
You're not doing any stunts!
And as for you morons,
listen up.
I'm currently balls deep
in health and safety red tape.
Attendances
are an all-time low
'cause you guys
are fucking shit.
I'm expecting the bank
to turn up
and finish the job...
any...second...now.
Fuck!
Fucking banker.
Has he come
to shut us down, Dad?
That'd be my guess, son.
Sorry, Dad.
Shh, boy.
You're not the prick
who got us into this shit.
Hello, boys.
Which one of you
fine gentleman
goes by the name
of Dick Johansonson?
Oh, thanks, guys.
Yeah, thanks.
I was wondering if I might have
a moment of your time.
Okay.
Let's get this over with.
[ hinges creak ]
Gather around, assholes.
Let's go.
Hustle.
Tonight will be the last show
the Timaru Hellriders perform
on the South Island ever.
[ sighs ]
I can't deal with this.
Tomorrow, we clean up
all this crap...
and sell it for scrap.
Oh, I fucking knew it.
Back on the dole, boy.
What little money we get
from doing so
we'll spend on beers
while we're on the ferry...
on our way to a little place
called Wellington.
What?
What? - What?
- What?
I hope you boys like big tits
and cocaine,
'cause we're taking this show
to the North Island!
[ cheering ]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
I'm not gonna need a toilet
cleaner on the North Island,
So you're fired, mate.
Fuck off.
Out, out, out, out.
Now, boys, listen up.
I'd like to introduce you
to a very, very close
and personal friend of mine.
His name is Sheldon Snake.
He's a hotshot promoter
from the North Island.
He's got a lot of contacts
and a lot of money.
Sheldon,
they're all yours.
He's right, gentlemen.
I'm here to offer
every single one of you
the opportunity
of a lifetime.
You've each been
hand-selected,
and I want you to be
the official stunt team
of a little radio station
called radio Te Puke
and a little cigarette company
called lucky cigarettes.
Yeah!
[ cheering ]
I'm gonna have to see the show
before everything is signed off,
but let me tell you
this much --
If you boys are half as good
as I've heard you are,
then the possibilities
are endless.
Mate, we're the best
in the business.
Nothing can go wrong.
[ metal screeching ]
[ screaming ]
Oh, for Christ's Sake.
22 people.
You are kidding.
Is that it?
Well, there's a few
fucking comps, as well,
so that's, uh, 20-fucking-5,
counting those cocksuckers.
Who's been giving out comps?
Lucky Peter
gave one to his mom.
Lucky Fucking Peter.
Thanks for the comp.
It's cool.
Can't wait to see you
out there,
amidst the flames
and explosions.
Must be exciting.
Yeah, it's -- it's great.
I mean,
there's nothing like it.
Will you dedicate a stunt
to me?
Look, Tracy, I-I've got to
tell you something.
I'm not --
Hey, look!
Dick's throwing a shitty.
What do you mean,
you can't do it?
I crushed three vertebrae!
Do it or no pay!
No!
Would you just excuse me
for just a second?
DICK:
I mean, Christ!
Screw you!
Find another
human battering ram, asshole!
Let's go, Mom.
There is no one else!
Hey, um...Dick?
I thought I smelled something.
What do you want, Cambell?
Look, please, can I do
the human battering ram tonight?
It's probably my last chance
I'll ever get to do a stunt,
And I-I promised Tracy.
"N" and "O" spells "no,"
And I told you --
peg legs are jinxed.
I don't want her
hanging around.
Get rid of her or I will.
Asshole.
Fuck.
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please
put your hands together
for the Timaru Hellriders!
This is shit.
ANNOUNCER: Well, I've seen
some piss-poor stunt shows
in my time,
but that really takes
the shit biscuit!
Right. Great.
Awesome.
Hey, thanks, guys.
We can kiss the North Island
goodbye.
Hope you're happy.
So much for me
being a stunt man.
And here comes
Dick Johansonson.
He's got safety officers on him
like flies on shit!
He is one unhappy bastard!
MAN: Richard!
Now, you just listen to me!
Oy!
Oy! Stop!
You listen!
Richard!
Now, we're having nothing
over 25 kilometers an hour,
okay, Richard?
Oh, safety first!
Stop!
This is not a safe piece
of equipment!
You should go around,
please.
Go around.
That's it.
I give up.
Ugh!
ANNOUNCER:
Oh, yes, ladies and gentlemen,
this sucks the big one.
I'm off to the pub.
Hey, Dick. Baby, don't worry
about those losers.
I'll make it up to you, okay?
Yep.
We're rooted.
[ insects chirping ]
Fuck this, guys.
[ rock music plays ]
You go, boy!
[ chuckling ]
[ engine revs ]
No, no, no!
[ shouting indistinctly ]
[ cheering ]
Aw, fuck!
I probably should've moved
Dick's caravan.
Not to worry.
[ coughing ]
[ coughing ]
# everybody light up #
# everybody light up #
# everybody light up now #
# everybody light up #
Good one, Cambell.
You really screwed us,
Cambell.
It's all over,
and it's all your fault.
Dick, that was fantastic.
Who is this little bad boy?
What, the kid?
Yes.
Dick and the kid.
I can see it now, up in lights.
Let me tell you what, boys.
We are gonna make some money.
I got the contract
with me right now.
I need you two to both sign it
and then you are officially
with Sheldon Snake.
Congratulations.
Yeah!
Whoo!
[ laughs ]
Yes, boy!
We're gonna set
the North Island on fire.
[ coughs ]
I'm fine!
I'm fine!
My fault, my fault.
And you -- don't use your back
like a crane!
Bend your knees!
The following day, Randy
and his heavily hung-over mates
boarded the ferry
to the North Island.
Randy had dreamed of jumping
Cook Strait his whole life.
But for now
he'd have to settle
for a three-hour boat trip.
Hey, Randy, catch!
Ugh!
Bye, Randy!
# I should've known it
from the start #
# that's why I'm telling you,
this is what I saw through #
# I turn away
as you close the door #
[ air horn sounds ]
SPANNERS: Tell us about
the North Island again, Dad.
Glamour, class, pizzazz --
Just sophistication
just dribbling out of its ass.
Not that I've lived there,
of course.
It's full of fucking poseurs.
What are the ladies like?
Oh, you're in for
a treat there, mate.
They're a different breed
up there.
Shave their armpits --
and their coochers.
Wow.
Gross.
You'll understand
one day, boy.
They're not all that bad.
Some of them are pretty nice.
Take your auntie.
She was pretty tidy
back in the day.
So did you and Aunt Debbie
really go out?
Yep.
Three beautiful bloody years.
Wow.
What happened?
Oh, I fucked Spanner's mum
while we were on tour.
That would do it.
Yeah.
Anyway,
enough of this bullshit.
Let's play
some fucking drinking games.
Yay!
- Yay! - Yay!
[ indistinct shouting ]
[ keypad beeping ]
Hey, Cindy?
- Hmm?
Will you marry me?
What?
You want to get married?
Okay. Yeah.
I suppose.
Awesome.
You and me are gonna have
a long, beautiful future
together.
[ cellphone beeps ]
Hang on one second.
Sorry, babe.
- What?
I love you, Cindy.
You're so cute.
[ keypad beeping ]
[ air horn sounds ]
Gentlemen,
welcome to the North Island.
You are now
the Te Puke Hellriders.
We're the Timaru
Hellriders.
What's wrong
with Timaru?
Come on, boys.
Read between the lines.
Te Puke is money,
it's glamour, it's excitement.
Timaru is a shithole.
I really liked Timaru, Dad.
Good for you.
But let's leave the thinking
up to old Sheldon over here.
And you know what's on my mind
right now?
Making some Sir Edmunds.
So let's get this little puppy
on the road.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Buy that for a dollar.
Wow.
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Wellington Motordome
is proud to present
the hottest new stunt team
in the North Island --
The Te Puke Hellriders,
featuring Dick and the kid!
Tonight, these bad mothers
will be performing
the trampoline of death!
Aw, shit,
isn't that gonna be...
Randy?
Can we have
a fucking word, mate?
Yeah. Sure, guys.
What's up?
We don't think you should do
the stunt, Randy.
How come?
'Cause I was there in '83,
when Lucky Peter tried it.
Really?
What happened?
Tell him, Dad.
Tell me.
I can handle it.
Lucky Peter was the first
to try this gag.
It was all worked out perfectly,
only at the last second,
it all turned to shit.
The fat fuck went straight
through the trampoline.
The car hit him -- smack!
Straight fucking on.
Ugh!
Poor bastard!
Was he all right?
No, Randy.
He was fucked.
His left leg was completely torn
from the hip socket,
hanging there like a --
like a sack of meat.
That's not
the really fucked-up part.
You see, in order to get him
on the stretcher,
they needed to wrestle that bone
back into the socket.
Brace yourself.
We got that bone back
into place okay...
only one of his testicles
got caught in the hip socket.
[ crunching ]
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!
Ohh!
He shredded three vocal cords
screaming.
Never heard
anything like it before,
and I never want to again.
Don't do it, Randy!
You listen to him, Randy.
He's smarter
than he fucking looks.
Don't do it.
Don't be an egg.
I'm sorry, guys,
but my mind's made up.
I've got to do it.
[ sighs ]
[ chanting ] The kid!
The kid! The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
The kid! The kid!
[ cheers and applause ]
- Ohh! - Ohh!
- Ohh! - Ohh!
[ cheers and applause ]
Little prick.
Whoo! Yeah!
- Ohh! - Ohh!
- Ohh! - Ohh!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Yes!
CROWD: [ chanting ]
Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
In your face, Cambell!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dick!
[ horn honking ]
Dick! Dick!
Dick, we did it!
Dick, we made it!
We did it!
[ cheers and applause ]
[ horn honking ]
[ rock music playing ]
[ indistinct shouting ]
Whoo!
Next!
[ laughter ]
You're next!
Ohh!
You're next!
[ rock music continues ]
Aaaah!
[ laughter ]
Gentlemen...
Welcome to Te Puke.
Yeah!
Tonight, we believe that
we have come up with a stunt
that will send the kid here
over the top.
What about me?
People pay to see Dick.
Relax.
You, too, will play a crucial
role in tonight's stunt,
because you'll be driving
the car
that crashes head-on
with the kid.
Let me talk you through it.
This is how I see it going down.
We'll have the Dick here
in this corner,
Randy in the other,
and then, gentlemen...
It's party time.
You'll race towards each other
full tit,
and in the middle,
you will collide.
Cue the explosion.
I want you out of that car.
I want you covered in fire.
Flames burning, on the ground,
rolling around
in agonizing pain,
and if I believe it,
if you sell it to me,
if I feel it...
then I'll put you out.
Any thoughts?
It's suicide.
It's how Lucky Peter
lost his teeth.
And I, for one,
refuse to do it.
I want you
to cast your mind back
to when you signed
that contract.
You remember doing that,
right, Dick?
Writing your name
down the bottom?
Putting your little Dick on it?
Well, that means
that I own you.
In fact, it means
I own all of you.
And I tell you what --
if you do not do exactly
what I tell you to do,
I will get my lawyers involved,
and they will bend you
over a barrel
and give you a little bit
of the Sheldon Snake.
Understood?
Understood.
All right, then.
Let's get on with it.
15 years.
15 miserable, painful years,
I've been risking my butt.
Dick and the kid, my ass.
That little turd
has got to go.
I think I might have to organize
a little accident
for Randy "Fuckface"
Cambell --
See how good his stunts are
from a hospital bed.
If you fuck me in the ass,
you're gonna get shit
on your Dick.
ANNOUNCER: Tonight, Te Puke,
you're in for a treat.
Dick and the kid
performing a flaming hot dog!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Let's see if we can rustle up
some applause
for Dick Johansonson.
[ crowd booing ]
[ belches ]
Let's give a warm
Te Puke welcome
to Randy "The Kid"
Cambe-e-e-e-e-e-ll!
[ cheers and applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's see if we can get
a couple of words
with this amazing
stunt sensation.
So you two morons think
you know something
about stunt showmanship?
Well, you don't.
You, get to your car
and get ready.
Give me that.
I'll show you
how you work a crowd.
Listen up, assholes.
[ booing ]
You can all
go screw yourselves.
This stunt is dedicated
to one person
and one person only --
The love of my life,
Cindy Cockburn.
I love you, Cindy.
He's so romantic.
Yeah.
[ feedback ]
[ crowd jeering ]
[ exhales deeply ]
JIM:
Well, he's off his bloody tits.
That's a good start.
Hey, do you want to know
a fucking secret?
What's that, Dad?
Well, that come-licker Dick
sabotaged Randy's car
with explosives.
That's not very nice.
Not to worry.
I disconnected them all
and put them on Dick's car.
Randy will be sweet as.
Dick, on the other hand,
is completely fucked.
[ laughing ]
You're funny, Dad.
# we don't care about the truth
or the wisdom of your gold #
# as you walk upright #
ANNOUNCER:
Here we go!
Five, four, three, two, one!
[ grunting ]
# you give a little
and a little bit #
# we'll give you even more... #
[ engines revving ]
[ beeps ]
[ tires screeching ]
[ crowd screaming ]
[ voice breaking ]
no, baby...
[ sobs ]
No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
[ sobbing ]
Cindy Cockburn's death
marked the end
For the Te Puke Hellriders.
Dick Johansonson
was found to be
10 times over the legal limit
to operate a motor vehicle.
He got five years
in the most nut-busting prison
in New Zealand --
Loose Canyon
correctional facility.
For the rest of the Hellriders,
there was nothing left to do
but pack up their bags
and hit the road.
[ whistles ]
In New Zealand,
all roads lead to one place --
Auckland City,
A city of excitement,
glamour, and dreams,
A place where people come
from miles around
To make it big in the movies,
A city where
a hardworking stunt man
could make a decent living
as long as he didn't mind
some posey actor
taking all the credit.
And action.
Cut.
Michael, that was outstanding.
Now bring in the stunt meat.
Make me look good, kid.
Action.
[ glass shattering ]
Another one, please.
[ glass shattering ]
Ugh.
[ spits ]
Same again, please.
[ glass shattering ]
Cut.
All right.
That'll do, I suppose.
Now, get him out of here,
will you?
[ spitting ]
[ coughs, sniffs ]
Great work, kid.
- Which way did I land?
I think I got a splinter.
Oh, my God.
Are you all right?
First aid!
[ swords clanging ]
Ugh!
[ groans ]
Oh! Oh, my nuts!
[ sighs ]
G'day, asshole!
[ laughs ]
Yo, Randy.
Geez, man,
you look like shit.
Yeah. Well, that's funny,
'cause I feel fucking great.
Me and the boys are gonna grab
a few beers,
head on up to Studio 17.
This new kid on the lot
is supposed to be pretty good.
I'll see how I feel after I get
the glass out of my face.
You should come, bro.
You might learn a thing or two.
Hey, monkey boy,
get back to work.
See you there, bro.
Ugh!
[ indistinct conversation ]
Hey, kid.
Hey, guys.
Hey, check out
your competition.
See that dining table there?
Props couldn't afford
a breakaway table.
Now watch this.
MAN: Action.
Whoa.
# don't leave me standing here #
# I'm not the kind
that likes to be the #
# clown in the rainbow #
# the one who must say... #
Well, what do you know?
Tragedy Jones.
# forever Tuesday morning #
# without tomorrow's gonna be #
# forever Tuesday morning #
Nice work, kiddo.
Hey. Could you take
a quick look at my ass?
Ooh, you're gonna need
a few stitches.
How about you get me
to a doctor,
and then we can catch up?
Let's roll.
Oh, Christ.
Not again.
[ rock music plays ]
# lost my faith #
# got release #
# you go play
on artificial grass #
# lined up in black tuxedos #
# lined up flat on my ass #
[ laughter ]
# I'm feeling comfortably
shaken #
[ screaming ]
# getting lost,
getting high #
# hit it up,
bring it down #
# laying back, flat on my bed #
# laying back
with mirrors above #
# hey, I'm gonna hit it up #
# I'm feeling comfortably
shaken #
What do you want, screw?
You're free to go,
shit stain.
About time.
Action!
Ow!
# lost my faith #
# got release #
# you go play
on artificial grass #
# lined up in black tuxedos #
# lined up flat on my ass #
# getting lost,
getting high #
# hit it up... #
Cut!
Well, that sucked.
# flat on my bed #
# laying back
with mirrors above my head #
# I'm gonna hit it up #
# I'm feeling comfortably
shaken #
[ moaning ]
Oh, Randy!
[ moaning continues ]
# I'm feeling #
# well, I'm feeling comfortably
shaken #
Jesus Christ!
G'day, asshole.
G'day, jinx.
Have you been watching?
That's not important right now.
I'm here to talk business.
The fuck are you
talking about?
Stunt number three, spanky.
Do you remember that contract
you signed with Sheldon Snake?
That contract was years ago.
I've got a job now.
That's not stunt work, mate.
It's pathetic.
Yeah.
Well, the pay's good.
It's weak.
I thought you wanted to be
a daredevil like your dead dad.
Oh, yeah.
Good.
Well, listen up.
I've got an offer
you won't refuse.
A stunt so spectacular
it'll make Randy Cambell
the greatest daredevil
of all time.
Dick -- no offense,
but you're a dick.
You're gonna
get Randy killed.
Why would I want to
kill Randall?
He's always been
like a son to me.
Cut the crap, Johansonson.
What's in it for you?
Just my normal 20% fee.
For doing what?
For being a fuckwit?
Safety coordination, genius.
What, you think stunts like this
just fall out
of people's assholes?
No.
They take a lot of planning
and a lot of greasing.
A shitload of greasing with
this amount of money involved.
What kind of money?
6 million big ones.
Remember, son,
you're a Cambell.
Stunts are
in your blood.
All right.
I'll do it.
Disgraced daredevil
Dick Johansonson
Today announced
what he promised would be
the greatest stunt of all time.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Randy Cambell
and the $6 million stunt!
[ cheers and applause ]
[ indistinct shouting ]
Well...
Me and wee Spanners here,
We've been working
on the vehicle itself.
But all we know
about the stunt
is that it's gonna be
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep] big.
MAN ON RADIO:
G' day, Auckland City.
You're listening to the rock,
and today could well be
Suicide Sunday.
That's right.
We're broadcasting live
from the Harbour Bridge,
Where young stunt man
Randy Cambell
will be putting his ass
on the line
once and for all.
[ shouting indistinctly ]
Over here, Dick!
[ needle scratches, feedback ]
[ shouting stops ]
Listen up, assholes.
I'd like you to meet
a very brave little boy.
A very close and personal friend
of mine.
His name's Randy Cambell,
but they call him "The Kid."
When I met him,
he was a retched little
orphan boy,
but I took him under my wing.
I nurtured him.
Today he sails
into the history books.
I want a loud round of applause
for The Kid!
[ cheers and applause ]
Just tell him
what he's got to fucking jump,
you annoying fucking prick!
Okay, okay.
Here we go.
Today The Kid here will be
jumping the harbour!
What?!
- Ohh.
Auckland bloody Harbour, mate --
1.5 miles.
But...you'd need a rocket car
to jump that far.
[ "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" plays
on guitar ]
DICK: You'd better
believe it, buddy.
That little honey will do
zero to 500 in 2.5 seconds.
Should jump that pond
in second gear.
Piece of piss.
Surely this is suicide.
Listen, lady, if they can send
a man to the moon,
I reckon I can get this kid
at least as far as Takapuna.
[ music continues ]
Cover me, Spanners.
Whoa. You can't come through
this way.
But my boyfriend's
making the jump.
No pass, no entry.
[ beeping ]
Randy, I think I found something
under the car.
Not now, Spanners.
He's busy.
Get away from him, boy.
He's in the fucking zone.
Randy, baby.
Hey, Trag, what's up?
Randy...
Please don't do this stunt.
It's suicide.
What? I've got to do it.
I mean, Dick's counting on me.
I don't trust him, Randy.
He's gonna kill you.
[ sighs ]
Look, he's not gonna kill me.
I've got to do this.
There's heaps of money at stake,
and we got flags and everything.
Who cares? What good's money
if you're dead?
Just don't do it, Randy,
please.
For me?
Bet my dad
would have done it.
Yeah, your dead dad.
REDGE:
Come on, Randy.
[ echoing ] Stop fucking around
and get on with it.
Well, okay, hotshot.
I figured you'd feel this way.
What are you doing?
I'm not standing by
while you fly to your death.
I'm coming with you.
What? You can't!
Why not?
Because it's suicide.
Well, exactly.
[ sighs ]
[ screaming ]
[ crunching ]
Asshole.
You're right.
Johansonson is a dick.
He's always been a dick.
I can't survive this stunt.
I mean,
look at this rocket car.
It's shit.
Looks like it's made
out of junk.
I'm not gonna do it.
Thanks, Randy.
You'll find your big stunt
one day.
But right now, I love you
and I want you alive.
We got a long future
ahead of us, Tragedy.
Let's get out of here.
Cool.
Um...
There's just one other thing
I need to tell you.
Aaaaaaaaah!
Ugh!
Come on, Randy.
Come on, Randy!
Randy?!
Come on, Randy!
- No!
Oh, man.
Come on.
Come on, mate.
[ spectators screaming ]
[ metal snaps ]
Fuck me in the ass,
you're gonna get shit
on your dick.
[ sirens wailing ]
Take me to the fucking airport,
asshole.
NARRATOR:
Against all the odds,
Tracy "Tragedy" Jones survived.
But not for very long.
She was left a dribbling,
brain-dead quadruple amputee,
paralyzed from the neck down
with a barbecued lung
and no skin.
The machines kept her alive
for three weeks
before her family made
the decision to pull the plug.
That's when Randy left.
[ Randy sobbing ]
Doctor, I think
you should check this out.
[ rapid heartbeat ]
# when you left me #
# you never said goodbye #
# nobody told me #
# the reason why #
# and when you left me #
# a little part of me died #
# would you think less
of me now #
# if I broke down and cried? #
# I'm lonely, baby #
# why'd you have to? #
# nothing they give me #
# will take away this pain #
# I drink myself stupid #
# again and again
and again and again #
# and all of my days and nights,
they end the same #
# I go to bed happy #
# and wake up in pain #
# I'm lonely, baby #
# why'd you have to? #
# I'm lonely without you #
# can't live without you #
# don't want to make it
on my own #
[ snorting ]
# I'm nothing without you #
# go nowhere without you #
# don't want to live
this life alone #
# well, the smile on your face #
# will never be replaced #
[ doorbell rings ]
I'll get the door,
then, sir.
Don't bother.
It'll be my morning blowjob.
Very good, sir.
[ mockingly ]
"Very good, sir."
Cock.
G'day, fuck-knuckle.
NARRATOR:
Dick Johansonson got 25 years
for the murder
of Tracy "Tragedy" Jones.
MAN: Your ass is mine,
Johansonson!
But for Randy,
the punishment was far worse.
He was back in the South Island
and back on the farm.
[ sheep bleating ]
[ birds chirping ]
Long time no see.
Yeah.
So what's up, farm boy?
Word is you're planning
something big.
We want in.
What the fuck
are you trying to do?
That's got to be 10 miles,
at least.
You recording, Spanners?
Uh, yeah.
How far do you think
you're going to get, Randy?
Well, Spanners,
I hope no one's eating
their dinner in Upper Hutt,
'cause I might just
come crashing down
through their roof.
[ beeping ]
Now, let's do it.
Yeah, Randy.
Good work on the car, Dad.
Now, son,
You did most of the fucking work
on this ring-piece.
I'm very fucking proud
of you.
Thanks, Dad.
You're a good little cuss,
Spanners.
Come here. Eh?
Go on.
- Fuck off.
[ whirring ]
[ whirring intensifies ]
Go, Randy! Go!
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
[ cheering ]
REDGE: Randy...
no matter what happens,
just remember...
stunts are cool.
[ laughing ]
Did I make it?
NARRATOR:
Randy Cambell's rocket car
didn't make it
to the North Island.
But Randy did.
Just a little slower
than expected, but in style...
with his arms around
the New Zealand bikini team.
At 9:00 that night,
Randy realized his dream.
He left the South Island
in a rocket car
and arrived
in the North Island a hero.
Randy Cambell,
the last in long line
of New Zealand stunt men.
Or was he?
Randy, meet your son...
Ricky.
What?
Hi, Dad.
G'day, son.
Want to see me
do a stunt, Dad?
Yeah.
- Aww. - Aww.
- Aww. - Aww.
[ cheering ]
JIM: Whoo!
Come here, boy!
Ricky Cambell's first stunt
was shit.
But he would get better...
a whole lot better.
He would live to make Randy
the proudest dad
in the whole wide
southern hemisphere
and possibly
the whole stinking planet.
For one day,
Ricky "Tragedy" Cambell
would fulfill the great
New Zealand dream...
and make the jump
to Australia.
[ engines roaring ]
Because he was a Cambell,
and Cambells have got stunts
in their bloody blood.
RICKY:
Ricky to bulls-eye.
[ beep ]
You bastards better
watch out down there.
I'm coming
in fast!
[ crash ]