The Divorce Party (2019) Movie Script

[airplane flying]
[protagonist] I'm going to tell you the
story, about how I met someone remarkable.
[pilot] We would like
to welcome you to Savanna.
The temperature on the ground is 70
degrees, and the local time is...
[background music]
[protagonist] I'd just
flown in for a job interview.
I had already
prepaid for my come-pick car,
when the rental place
had a water main break.
[phone voice] I'm sorry sir, we are
going to have to cancel your reservation.
[protagonist] The car rental lot had
flooded. I didn't have time for this.
I was already running a little late,
and I was trying to remember my answers
to all the pre-interview
questions I'd practiced,
so I had them drop me
off at the closest place.
Excuse me, can you pull over?
Excuse me.
[protagonist] Then suddenly,
I was standing in front of her.
[Susan] Thank you for
choosing Savanna Car Rentals.
How can I help...
[protagonist] I can't remember
which one of us smiled first.
I just want to get a car.
That's me, yeah.
July 10th?
I'm May 10th.
What are the chances?
[protagonist] Actually, the chances
are one in 30, but that didn't matter.
We both could
feel something happening.
[protagonist] By the end of
my first four hours in Savanna,
I had a job,
and more importantly,
I had a date.
A little less than a year
later, we were married,
and to think, it all happened because
some guy working for Savanna Water
forgot to regulate the pressure.
[Nate] Every time,
I think we should remodel.
- [Susan] I speak up and say, "We have to go to Paris."
- Great, then let's go to Paris.
And then I wake up the next morning,
and say, "we have to remodel".
- [laughter]
- We've been trying to decide
if we want to put
in a new pool in the backyard,
or take that trip to Cabo.
I'm very glad that we decided
that we are going to do the pool.
Honey, I thought
we decided on Cabo?
Yes, right.
No, we are going to Cabo.
- [Jan] We are going to Cabo.
- [Dan] Brain fart. Wow.
- [doorbell rings]
- That must be Katie and Chuck.
There are the wines.
She's white, he's red.
- Hi.
- [cries]
Katie, are you okay?
- Where's Chuck?
- [cries]
That's why all these jobs are moving to Florida
and Texas. There's no state income tax.
- [Dan] A part of me has always wanted to live in Texas.
- All those tornadoes,
- it's so dangerous.
- Then, how about Florida?
Florida is great.
It's right next door.
Well, they have a lot of hurricanes...
Not to mention the humidity.
- It's...
- [Katie cries]
We were supposed to go
to Florida this summer.
His sister's getting married.
We have the plane tickets
already, and the hotel, and my...
My... bridesmaid's dress,
and he even said, it was going
to be like our second honeymoon.
But then he screwed
a girl he met online.
Katie, would you like
to lie down or...
Guys, I'm fine.
I'm going to be
a divorce wedding planner.
That's great.
More Syrah, anyone?
- [Jan] Yes.
- [Dan] Yes.
[Sabrina] Yes, okay.
[Dan] Jan might have some Xanax.
Steve and Sabrina
just liked our photo.
- [smirks]
- They just said, where's their invite?
- I've always liked them.
- Yes, they are nice. We haven't seen them in a while.
We should invite them
to the next barbecue.
Maybe we can have a cookout competition.
He's always bragging about his brisket.
- It's not that good.
- No, it's too dry.
- No way.
- What?
Chuck just changed
his status to single.
- He did?
- Yes.
Well, that is disgusting.
You should unfriend him.
- No, okay.
- It's up to you.
Only do it if it's
what you really want.
[background music]
[Colin] If we go, I'll buy
you the first three rounds.
- If he doesn't go, you owe me.
- [Jake] I could take that.
- Prove me right, Nate.
- No, prove me wrong.
We've got an extra ticket
for the game tonight.
He thinks if we
offered to you, you won't go.
- He thinks you will.
- It's the first three rounds on the winner.
- Guys, I can't.
- [laughter] There it is.
- Victory.
- I would love to, but I can't. Tonight, I've got plans...
Susan, steak, chips,
game shows waiting at home?
[laughs] That was last night actually.
No, tonight's remodeling shows.
Susan and I are re-doing the new bathroom.
She'd kill me if I missed it,
but I'll go
with you guys next time.
You realize you tell us that
every single week, right?
Look, it's cool. Just tell us you'd
rather go home and hang with your wife.
- We'll stop asking.
- No, it's just... If I start going out on a guys' night,
then she'll start going on girls
nights, and then before you know it,
I'm only going to
see her on the weekends.
- And that's wrong because?
- Weekends are for projects.
- Projects?
- Yes, mowing the lawn, painting the trim, building a new deck.
Look, Susan and I made a commitment
to make our commitment work,
- and you know what that takes?
- Masochistic guilt?
No, it takes commitment.
When you guys find
the right relationship,
you'll love that commitment.
No, man, you're right.
You're right. I mean, we are
just gonna go to the game,
we're going to get hammered, we're
going to probably embarrass ourselves...
- Yes.
- front of some coeds.
But you, you'd rather go home to your wife.
That's amazing.
- Yes.
- Seriously, man.
- You're kind of lucky.
- I tell myself that every day.
[voice on tv] Just to clean down these
walls. Free it up from all the...
That is a great idea for
a backsplash. What do you think?
I don't know. What do you think?
- Maybe.
- Yes, maybe.
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
[Dan] Well, we want to do the infinity
pool because it looks amazing, but...
- [doorbell rings]
- Grab your glasses. He's Riesling, she's champagne.
- Hi.
- Hello.
I can't eat it.
I thought you loved cheesecake?
I do, but I made
a deal with Deborah.
She stops using her passive-aggressive
manipulation to make me go visit her mother,
and I lose ten pounds.
Well, eh,
commitment takes compromise.
No, it takes ignorance.
- What's this?
- Some event the city's hosting.
They're looking for a design
for the new concert hall.
- Cool, are you going?
- Christ.
I wish, but I've got
Deborah's third annual
organic guacamole competition that
she hosts every year with her sisters.
- That sounds fun.
- Yes, if you don't have a dick.
You should go to that though. They have
free food, free booze, and who knows,
you might even get
inspired to design something.
- Right.
- [phone buzzing]
It's the wife.
Time to compromise.
- Hey.
- Hey, I left some frosting off the list this morning,
so can you pick some up? It's in
aisle three, next to the flour.
Yes, but frosting for what?
I told Dan and Jan that we
would bring a cake on Friday.
- Nate?
- Yes, sorry.
Do we really want to go to that?
I mean, it's just to celebrate the first
day of construction on the new pool.
- What else would we do?
- Well, I was thinking,
the city is hosting this event to find
architects to design the new concert hall
and, I don't know, I thought
it sounded like it could be fun.
[car alarms]
- Susan?
- Yes. No, I mean, we could go,
but last time we went to one of those
things you were bored out of your mind
and you made me promise
that we would never go again.
Besides, we already told
Dan and Jan we would be there.
You know what?
It was unbearable.
Intolerable, but it's up to you.
I'll only do it
if it's what you really want.
[car alarms]
- [door closes]
- [Nate] Hello.
- [Susan cries]
- [Nate] Susan?
- What's wrong?
- [Susan] It just hit me, okay?
This wave of emotion,
this feeling
and I don't know
how to describe it,
but every part of me realize
that every part of me is just...
How is that even possible?
One minute I'm on the phone and we're debating
what to do Friday night and then the next,
you tell me that you're miserable.
How the fuck is that even possible?
It just is, okay?
No, no, listen to me.
Let's talk about this.
What can we do?
What can I do to fix this?
I wish I knew.
[soft music]
[protagonist] I really think I just
needed to put this all in perspective.
[door slams]
I mean, what marriage didn't
have a little bump in the road?
A hill to climb.
I figured that when our friends
heard about this Friday night,
they'd cut the cake
and toast to Nate's night out.
- Good morning.
- Oh my. Nate, what the hell are you doing?
I just thought we could talk.
I brought us some coffee.
Okay, but don't just
barge in on me when I'm naked.
What are you talking about? I've
seen you naked a thousand times.
I don't get
what the big deal is.
Look, we're having some issues
and I don't want
to complicate things.
I don't have any issues. You said
you were unhappy. I'm not unhappy.
- I love our life, our marriage, getting to sleep in my own bed.
- I know.
- I feel different, okay?
- Different?
- What do you mean, better?
- What do you think I mean?
Do you want me to lie to you?
But the fourth wife,
she was a real looker.
We both got our
money's worth on that one.
So, do you think you, uh,
could ever get married again?
No. No, no, no, no.
I don't think so. I'm...
I'm so unlucky.
If it were raining pussies,
the one that would land on my head
would have a dick already in it.
All right, moving on.
Ed, how about you, any movement
with your action items this week?
Yes. I finally got rid of that
hyphen at the end of my name,
so I'm no longer Ed Smith-Myers.
I'm just Ed Smith.
Congratulations, Ed.
You're making real progress.
I'm proud of you.
Nate, how about you?
Would you like
to share with the group?
Hi, I'm Nate.
I just came
to check this out because
American Voices
is finished for this season,
so I had a little bit
of extra time this week.
I don't really
know what I'm doing here.
[typing on keyboard]
[computer beeps]
[customer] I know, I got really lucky,
I was able to get an earlier flight.
It means we can definitely make
it to Peter and Penny's potluck.
Yes, yes,
I'll pick up a bottle of Syrah.
You look like the expert.
Are the waffles here any good?
Are the waffles here any good?
Yes, yes, they're okay.
I had better. My wife actually
makes really good waffles.
Wholegrain, soy milk, egg whites
and we only use grade A maple syrup,
medium amber in the little
maple leaf bottle from Vermont.
Susan has this way of pouring the
maple syrup into every other square,
there's never too much
but never too little.
She would even take the butter out of the
fridge an hour before we ate so it softens,
then when it hits the top of the waffle,
it just melts in every direction.
I bet you can't
wait to get home.
[Dan] I placed the Blueridge mountain,
the problem is we got to use it.
- [Jan] We go back and forth and I say...
- Hey, Nate.
- [Jan] I have to go to Asheville and he says...
- [Dan] How's it going?
- I feel like it's been a while.
- Yes, it has, hasn't it?
We cannot decide. [laughs]
Nate, what a surprise.
Yes, it is a surprise, isn't it?
You're having a dinner party with all
our friends as if nothing even happened.
- Are you okay?
- Yes, I'm really good.
Thanks for asking.
I'm getting along just swell.
I'm really glad that you're
making good use of our time apart.
The space that you wanted so bad
is treating you well. Then hey,
- it's just shits and giggles here at my expense, isn't it?
- It's not like that,
- let's just go upstairs and talk.
- Holy shit.
Is that the new 65-inch 4K HDTV
with crystal clear pixilation,
the one that I wanted to get
instead of redoing the bathroom?
[Nick] Okay, the rocking ribs
are ready to be tasted.
Who wants some more pinot?
Oh. Hey, how's it going?
I'm Nick. Good to meet you.
- What's your name?
- My name is Nate Brown.
- Nate Brown.
- It's on the mail that comes here. It's on the cable bill.
- Nate, can we please just talk about this...
- You know what?
It's really not the fact that you're
screwing my wife that bothers me,
because honestly, that I
could get over, but Susan,
if you're going to let this guy
wear my "kiss the cook" apron,
use my dripless basting brush and
cook in my 44-inch combo grill,
then I'm sorry, but you're
nothing but a filthy whore.
[door slams]
I'm just having a really hard time
adjusting to everything right now.
- Hard, how?
- Well...
I... I just feel like my whole
life is turned upside down, right?
And I don't know
where to start, you know.
I'm also dealing with some
pretty big issues at the moment
like not being allowed back into my
own house that I bought and paid for.
But then, there's also like the little things
that bother me even more than being homeless.
Like I passed our Thai
food place the other night.
We loved Thai food, it was our
favorite and every time we'd go,
I would get the chicken skewers and she would
get the garlic beef and then we'd share.
And it's like...
What the fuck
am I supposed to do now?
I mean, I can't get both.
It's just
going to take some time.
How long have
you been coming here?
15 years.
I would've gone to Paris.
No, she remodels.
[Katie] Nate?
Nate Brown.
It's Katie, Katie Franco,
- used to be Hamilton.
- Oh, Katie.
Katie, hi!
What the hell happened to you?
I'll take that as a compliment.
And you look
like you always did.
Really? Because half of me
is divorcing the other half.
- Aw, you too?
- M-hm.
So, what are you up to now?
You still helping the betrothed
march to their emotional death?
- God, no.
- Really?
That... that was your life.
You lived for it.
No, I had what could
be innocently described
as a complete fucking meltdown
where I lost my cool on a customer
to the point where
they called off the engagement.
Probably good you quit.
Are you kidding? It was
like the best day of my life.
I... suddenly felt
empowered and inspired
and it allowed me to shed the
past and take hold of my own life.
I thought from that moment on
of my breakup as my wakeup,
as the moment in my life when
I said, "I am my own person.
I'm not just half of Katie
and Chuck. I'm Katie Franco."
and the fun of the single thing is starting
over. Don't commiserate, celebrate.
- What is there to celebrate?
- You.
Your newfound freedom,
your independence.
- The new life you're about to embark on.
- Celebrate being single?
My... my marriage
was everything to me.
Operative word: Was. You got
to start living in the now.
- Fuck the past.
- Fuck the past?
- Seize your future.
- Carpe diem?
Listen, you guys
planned a wedding, right?
That was just one big party.
Why don't you throw another one?
I don't know,
I guess I could try.
I just don't know if I could pull it off.
Seems like a lot to celebrate just moi.
Who else would
you rather celebrate?
Well, listen.
Call me if you need me.
I'm back to being an accountant.
Taxes after
a divorce can be a bit tricky.
[typing on keyboard]
7:00 p.m.
This is so out of character.
I'm honestly surprised
he came up with it himself.
Really? You think?
If that was my ex-husband,
I... I would sabotage the party
and make a complete ass out of him
in front of all of his loser friends.
speaking, you know.
[laughs] Jan loves
her little hypotheticals.
- You know, I just... Throwing a party is hard.
- It's tough.
It's not just buying a six-pack
and serving some onion dip,
it's... it's a lot more,
you know.
I always planned who's
coming and what we would serve
and where they
would sit, you know?
I always made him
feel like he was involved.
Yeah, he always had those amazing
syrupy sweet and spicy ribs.
- Seriously? It was seriously not syrupy.
- Misspoke.
And if I hadn't added white pepper
to the rub, it would have been bland.
And if I didn't constantly baste
the ribs, it would've burned.
If I didn't serve merlot, he
would've served chardonnay, so.
- That would not have gone...
- You can't do that.
After the term alimony?
Permanent alimony.
Her pension contribution
entitlement, her car insurance.
Her healthcare coverage.
I see 17% of my salary.
No wonder I feel 83% like shit.
The irony?
Before our first date,
I dreamed of fucking her
and now she's fucking me.
Right up the ass.
Okay. Uh...
Anyone else have
anything they'd like to add?
I have something.
I was actually trying to think about
this divorce thing in a whole new way.
So instead of
feeling like shit about it,
I decided why not have a party?
I'm... I'm sorry,
why not have a what?
A divorce party.
I... I think
that might be misdirecting
some of the pain
that you're feeling.
Yeah, why would
you want to do that?
I mean, you could think
about it any way you want,
but you'd still be broadcasting
your failure to the world.
We come in here to share
our lives with each other,
but we keep it in this room.
You want to share your
misery with the world?
Fine, but for me,
I... I'd rather be safe in here,
than deal with
what's going on out there.
[radio playing]
I need to understand how I,
a guy that I think
is pretty normal, not offensive,
only rarely loses his temper in public,
only has one guest attending his party.
- What party?
- The divorce party.
The one that you RSVP'd to?
Oh, yeah. Here it is.
Well, first of all,
I RSVP yes to every invite.
It doesn't mean I'm going, it
means that you think I'm going.
So for the next week, if I see you at spin
class, you don't think I'm lame for saying no.
Then, about an hour
before the party starts,
I send you an email with
something along the lines of,
"Oh my God,
I'm so sorry I can't make it.
But do a shot for me.
Love you. Katie."
So you weren't coming either?
No, of course not.
- Okay.
- Listen, Nate. I don't know what to tell you.
You decided to throw a party and now you're
realizing that without your marriage,
no one feels obligated
to show up just for you.
Why not?
Because you used to be half of
something and now you're all of nothing.
- Don't you think that's kind of your fault?
- Oh, my fault?
Yeah. I mean, you gave me the whole,
"Don't commiserate, celebrate" speech.
Nate, please.
Look at your invite.
Chips and dip at the Savannah Inn
Express isn't a party, it's pathetic.
- I got the Double Deluxe Suite.
- Nate, if you want to have a successful divorce party,
- you got to treat this as if...
- As if what?
As if it was
as important as your wedding.
Okay. Look, if I had 30 grand to
spend, I'd throw something cool,
- but I don't have that kind of money.
- Are you telling me
your new life is only worth a bag of
tortilla chips and a jar of salsa?
Because that's what I'm hearing.
Okay, think about it. If you
were getting married somehow,
you and your over-eager bride would find the
money to flaunt your new life together, right?
Why don't you throw it for me?
I mean, you love doing that.
You lived for it.
What I lived for
was a feeling, you know?
The rush of making a memory that could
maybe carry somebody through a lifetime.
I was creating a piece of art,
and I was the artist,
but that was the past.
Your specialty was sending
people off into the world,
with the memory
of the best day of their lives.
Help me have
a new best day of my life.
Make me a work of art.
Okay. If you can find
the money to pay my full fee
and allow me to plan something
with the bells and whistles
that keeps my former reputation
intact, then I'll do it.
[optimistic music playing]
[door opens and closes]
- [Susan] Okay, are we good?
- [Nick] Okay. All right.
Look at that body.
[Nick moaning] Fuck, yeah.
[Nick] Ooh, yeah. Come on, baby.
[grunts and laughs]
Oh, Jesus Christ already!
Nate! What the hell
are you doing here?
Oh, my God.
I thought you'd be at work.
There must be some reason, some urgent
need that absolutely could not wait.
- Well, I need my tennis shoes.
- Your tennis shoes?
Yeah, I looked in the closet and
on the shoe rack and I just...
Yeah, dude, yeah
right behind my ab-roller.
Yes, little guy, huh?
Size eight and a half, right?
Nine and a half. [clears throat]
Yeah, thank you. Okay.
[Nate] There I was standing in front of my
soon to be ex and her buck naked boyfriend
and it was clear, the ring
meant absolutely nothing to her.
It was like she was void of that gush
of emotion that she had when I proposed.
I spent weeks, months even
researching the stupid four C's:
cut, color, clarity, and carat.
I organized a flash mob
for the perfect proposal.
I even hired dancers
to present the ring.
I mean, the fucking absurdity of
this invented tradition where men
have to bust their ass
and spend three months salary just
to express their undying devotion.
I mean, when
the hell did that start?
When men were stupid
enough to fall for it.
I don't know, maybe
I should just give it back.
Well, the courts look at an engagement
ring as a promise of a marriage,
and that the bride fulfills that
promise, and your ex certainly did.
It's supposedly hers,
free and clear.
- You think I should return it?
- Hell no, it's a bullshit law.
Hock that ring and you get as much
money for it as you can, fuck her.
This is the Bridal Bible,
all my girls used to get one.
It's the "how to" for the "I do" even if we're
celebrating the death of your marriage.
Since you've been lost in the
delusional fairy tale of marriage,
how about
something truly romantic?
Maybe even a mask party where
we reveal the new Nate Brown.
Hm? What do you think?
[Nate] I don't know.
How about this, you've got a sweeping
view of the water, what's not to love?
And we could even do maybe like,
a little spiritual cleansing in the river.
I don't know.
I thought this could be the perfect place
to be loud and proud about your new life.
What do you think?
What about something
exotic like Indian food?
- We don't like Indian.
- What do you mean we?
I mean me.
- [Nick] That is bitching.
- [Susan] Yeah, and if I serve that,
everyone's going
to think I'm a huge a bitch.
Maybe, it's cushy.
It's cringe-worthy.
I don't want people to think that I
have all of this pent-up emotions,
this bitter pill that
I'm forcing them to swallow.
This looks like
a Halloween cake.
Besides, no one even
likes white icing, do they?
I mean, it's just a cake.
I set the seating at a 100.
We can always adjust up if we
need to or down for that matter.
I don't understand why we're working on a
seating chart when I don't have any guests yet.
- That's exactly my point.
- And it's valid, but I don't have anyone to invite.
All of my so-called friends were just
bodies that would come over two by two
for bland wine
and safe conversation.
Trust me, I remember that.
Your revolving list
of couple friend guests.
Listen, it doesn't matter,
because I'm pretty sure
those people are going
to go to Susan's party anyways.
Of course, she's having a party.
She lives for those things.
Exactly, so why don't you let her live
her life while you go define yours.
Go find some people
you actually want to be around.
[Colin] 39 trees, 39.
It's got to have greenery.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, man.
Just wanted to see what you
guys were up to this weekend.
See If you wanted to have some brewskis
or tease some tail or something.
I'm sorry, tease some tail?
Yeah, you know,
go out and just...
Everything okay?
Yeah, yeah,
everything's fine. I'm fine.
- Well, better than fine.
- You don't have to lie.
I'm not, lie about what?
A guy's wife who's in my fantasy
league, who also take yoga with Jan,
who apparently attends your dinner
parties, told us that Susan kicked you out.
Why weren't we invited
to those dinner parties?
We're just... We're
working through some issues.
- She's divorcing you.
- That is one of the issues.
Look, those dinner parties
were boring. I was bored.
- You guys would have been bored.
- All right, look,
we see through
your little charade here.
Clearly, everything isn't
hunky dory in Brown manor
and now that there's no Susan,
I'd say you're a little
desperate to hang out with us.
Desperate? I'm not desperate.
- What do you think?
- We're going to that thing this weekend.
- All right, look. Here's the deal, dude, no.
- No.
- Not in this condition.
- What condition?
You're like a caged man
in the zoo of life,
a sad little Panda cub that's
been protected behind bars,
suckling milk from your mother's tits
and now, you don't have a mommy anymore.
Trust us, this is for your own safety. If
we put you into the wild, you'd be killed.
I can survive in the wild, okay?
I can be a tiger.
I can kill.
- Seth. Hey, man.
- Good to see you.
Heidi, what's up, baby?
Looking good.
- Hey.
- Yo.
Hi, just be cool, right? Mingle.
[background chattering]
It's good to be out, you know,
on my own, solo, kicking it.
Not having to worry about what time I get
home tonight, so I can make some stupid
brunch plans in the morning,
do you know what that's like?
I mean, dude,
I spent so much time
worrying about
Susan this, Susan that.
Trying to keep her happy for her to turn
around one day and tell me that she's unhappy.
What the fuck is up with that?
I mean it's okay. At least I'm not one of those
guys that has to talk about it all the time.
- You know?
- All right, baby.
Your turn to drink,
let's go, okay.
Chug, chug, chug.
[all] Chug, chug, chug.
- [cheers]
- Chug.
I got you. [laughs]
Chad, badass rad Chad.
What's up, motherfucker?
[sighs] Hey dude,
all kidding aside,
- you're a really awesome guy, man.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Cool, man.
- I love you, buddy.
Hey, we should
hang out sometime.
What do you put in your hair,
too? How do you get it to...
- What do you mean hang out?
- I don't mean that in a gay way.
Like, I'm not trying to pick you up or
take you to like a homo bar or something.
Right, so if you were, you know, trying
to pick me up, would that be a bad thing?
No, that's what I'm saying.
You're a really good
looking guy, but I'm not gay.
- You know, I feel bad for the gays, though.
- Oh, yeah?
Adopting children, and marriage
equality, and like...
Fuck marriage, man.
It's bad enough being
married to the opposite sex,
why the fuck would you want
to be married to the same sex,
you know what I mean?
[door closes]
[Colin] Hey.
Hey, guys.
Do you guys want a drink?
- Fuck no, I don't want a drink.
- Why would you hit on Chad?
- Yeah, what were you thinking?
- What do you mean?
Oh, dude, come on. We're cool.
Hey, Chad, Chad,
do you want a drink?
- Watch, I got this.
- Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Listen, I don't know
who the hell you think you are,
but I think I speak for everyone here when I
tell you that it's time for you to go home.
[curtains being pulled]
[Katie] I think you're in
serious need of inspiration.
- I think you need a date.
- A date?
not a girlfriend, not a wife,
not someone
to help you plan everything.
Just someone who might actually enjoy
your company during your divorce party.
A date?
- At least I have one person coming.
- Exactly,
maybe a little momentum will
help figure everything else out.
Where do you want me
to find somebody?
I don't know if you know, but
I'm not the best at socializing.
It's strange, really. If the
flood hadn't delayed my flight...
I would have been bored sitting there at
my laptop looking at dating sites. [laughs]
I mean, what are the chances?
Tell me more about yourself.
Well, I've always
wanted to go to Ireland.
It just...
it looks so pristine online.
Which isn't to say that I feel
the need to go jet-setting
across the world all the time
or anything like that.
I have this really
great couch at home.
It's white. Shabby chic.
So comfortable for watching TV.
- It's just too big.
- Too big?
Yes. I mean,
whether it's on the couch...
- Or the beach...
- Or even on the moon...
It's just not the same unless
someone's there by your side
watching remodeling shows
with you.
- Do you like your job?
- It's a job. That's all it is, really.
I know I shouldn't feel that way
about my career, but I don't care.
I told them I don't
want to go into management.
Because I need time to live.
To nurture
the relationships in my life.
To find someone.
- I want to bury it at the party.
- Want to get some
- flowers and a tombstone for it also?
- I'm serious, Nick.
I want to do this.
I need to do this.
I think it's going to be
really therapeutic, you know?
It will help me just
get rid of the ring for good.
- One final symbolic gesture.
- If you say so, baby.
- Makes sense, right?
- Yeah, it makes sense to you, it makes sense to me.
You've got to be kidding me.
What are you doing?
[turns video back on]
the best day of my life.
Nate, the whole idea is to make your
divorce party your new best day.
I don't want a new best day.
I just want to lie here
until they find my corpse
fused to the comforter.
What? What do you want?
I hate to tell you, but your
bridal bible planning guide sucks.
Finding a date was meant
to help me to get over Susan.
Every girl felt like
some kind of version of Susan,
- except they weren't Susan. Now I can't stop thinking about...
- Susan?
Jesus Christ. Enough with your
whole misery routine. It's tiring.
Then why was
everyone so much like her?
Because of this.
- How did you get that?
- I hacked into your account.
- How do you know my password?
- It's Susan and the year you were married.
You said, "Willing to adjust your
life goals for the right person."
You prefer someone adverse
to breaking up after a year
and are interested in exploring the
interest and hobbies of your next partner?
So what? What's wrong with that?
If someone really likes cycling,
there's no problem
with me taking time out
of my day to do that with them.
They want to go on a cruise ship
to Mexico, then sure, why not?
- Something to do.
- Do you even like cycling? Or cruising?
That's not the point. It shows that
I'm willing to meet them in the middle.
Oh. Is that where you
want to live your life?
In the middle?
- Called compromise.
- No, it's called sacrifice.
Giving up who you are
to be someone you're not.
Sometimes that's what it takes.
That's why Susan and I worked
so well for all those years.
How's it working for you now?
Okay, throw it in.
- I don't want to.
- Do it.
- No.
- Nate.
- Listen, I know how this feels.
- No, you don't.
I'm not as strong
as you think I am.
I thought you got rid of every
picture of you and Chuck?
Believe me, I know this is hard.
I know it better
than anyone else
because you're not just letting go of the past,
but you have to let go of the future too.
The future?
The memories you've dreamed of
that you'll never share
and the kids you won't know and
the Christmases you won't celebrate
and growing old together. You
have to say goodbye to all of it.
- Even if you know it was probably your fault.
- You don't blame Chuck?
You know when people say, "It's not you,
it's me" and they're completely lying?
Well, it actually was me. In trying
to make our relationship perfect,
I completely suffocated him.
Come on, Nate. You can do this.
Start over.
And your wedding picture.
And your honeymoon picture.
And the picture you keep in
your wallet behind your license
next to the spare key that opens
the house that used to be yours.
- How did you...
- You're like an addict. I had to search everything.
Now, light it.
[Nate VO] As the memories
of my past burned away,
I couldn't help but wonder why
they've been so damn important to me.
She was right all along.
Carpe diem.
The future holds
the memories of tomorrow
and I was ready
to experience every single one.
[Katie] Okay, so my whole plan for
tonight is that you're no longer Nate.
- Who am I?
- You're going to choose an alter ego and role play.
Trust me, this works. I used it
whenever my brides were really nervous
about their wedding. It breaks you out of
that shell and gives you that confidence
that, frankly, you have
none of and desperately need.
So, who do you think
I should be?
Whoever you want to be.
It doesn't matter,
but no matter who you choose to be, you have
to, and I mean have to, follow my two rules.
- Okay.
- You cannot break character and you cannot talk about Susan.
Susan who?
How are we
getting into this thing?
Didn't I tell you?
I RSVP to everything.
Thank you.
What do you think?
[with French accent]
It's quite clever.
I took several classes
at the cole des Beaux-Arts.
post-modernism, the avant-garde.
How productive.
Well, well, you should know the
tales of the life I've lived.
Excuse me,
where in France are you from?
We're going to Cannes next year.
I thought we'd
settled on Copenhagen.
[clears throat]
I am from Normandy.
Oui, yes.
Have you... this painting here?
[woman] No, I haven't.
You see on the surface
Adam and Eve in a disrupted
Eden, is a familiar topic.
But if you look at it,
there is no depth,
no soul, no character.
It is nothing more
than shock art.
Wow, very insightful.
What do you think
of this painting?
This one. Right there.
This... This is...
- I'm...
- What?
I am speechless.
It's brilliant.
[man] Well, you should tell the
artist. He's right behind you.
[woman] Excuse me, this lovely Frenchman
was just admiring the depth of your work.
- Yes, your painting...
- Do I know you from somewhere?
Uh, no, no.
I don't think we've ever met.
It is you.
You are the guy from the party.
- No.
- What are you... what are you putting on some kind of accent?
No, you're mistaken. I am...
My name is Pierre.
Pierre Lumiere.
No, I remember you, drunken ass.
I remember the whole night.
So what? You make fun
of me in your native tongue,
then you thought, hey,
I want to track this guy down,
put on some phony ass French accent
and want to fuck with me again?
Because I remember you droning on and
on and on about your ex-wife, right?
How Stacey broke up with you.
How Stacey won't
return your calls,
and how you're worried that Stacey's
going to find some other cock,
- and she's coming back...
- It's Susan, okay?
- Her name is Susan.
- Susan?
Sarah, Steve, who cares, huh?
Then you mock me for being gay.
What the fuck is that?
- Maybe we should go.
- What? Are you gonna give me shit about my work now too,
- is that it?
- No, no.
- You're right about me.
- Yeah.
I am stuck in my head
about my relationship
and the whole fucking thing and
the other night, I was a mess.
I barely even remember what
happened, but screw all that.
Tonight's about you.
It's about
appreciating your work.
It's impressive.
I really like this, man.
The texture, the weight of it,
the simplicity...
It's moving.
You should be really proud.
You are an incredible artist.
I'm sorry for
bothering you. Come on.
Okay, what do you think?
Does it look like
I'm going to a funeral?
Should I add like a pop of color
or something more casual?
Nick, I need your help, okay?
Is this stunning or stupid?
I still have time
to take it back.
It's black, right? It'll
go along with the whole thing.
Okay. Well, even if that's the case,
could you just indulge me, please?
Is this costume or couture?
- Uh, isn't it bad luck for me to see you in the dress?
- Nick, that's a wedding.
- This whole thing sort of feels like a wedding.
- What?
Babe, you're having a ring ceremony,
a cake, you're trying on a dress.
The next thing I know you're
going to be asking me
to take you on some
post-divorce honeymoon.
Well, you know what? After all of this,
it would be nice to have a little getaway.
[background chattering]
I was kind of surprised when you
said you wanted to meet for a drink.
Yeah, well, it's because I have to
do something that I really hate.
What do you mean?
I got to give
someone else credit.
The other night,
when you walked into my show.
You really helped.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I thought I ruined everything.
- No, not at all.
You broke me out of my misery.
You know, so here I was bitter
because I wasn't in a relationship.
And then you spot my work,
and it speaks to you.
Truly, speaks to you.
When you shared that passion,
it became infectious.
I meant what I said.
Yeah, well.
Because of that,
I sold my first painting.
- You did?
- Yeah, my first.
- Good for you.
- Thanks.
I don't know, it just
made me think, man.
And who cares,
my ex broke up with me, right?
For the first time
in a long time, I...
felt like something more
than his boyfriend.
[Colin] Sorry. Sorry, we're late. Jake
didn't know his ass from his hand.
Woah, woah, woah. I thought
we told you no crashing.
- What are you doing here?
- No, relax, relax. I invited him.
- You did?
- Yeah.
He's getting the first round.
Right, Nate?
We play our cards right,
we close the bar down.
- [chants]
- Damn straight.
I'm going to let
my sorrows drown.
- [chants]
- Anybody needs to call home to get a hall pass?
Uh, no, I'm newly single,
- so nobody is watching my ass.
- [cheers]
- My wife loves when I go out so she can work on her novel.
- [chants]
- Really, you don't have to go home and grovel?
- [chants]
- I haven't had this much fun since... I don't know when.
- [chants]
- Keep hanging with us, you'll find your zen.
- [chants]
- Hey, I need one burger, one scotch, and one beer.
- [chants]
- What about a chardonnay from a stellar year.
- [chants]
- I know before hanging with you guys, I was a pathetic dude.
- [chants]
- But thanks to your help, I'm feeling renewed.
- [chants]
- Well, congratulations and welcome to your new life.
- [chants]
- Should come and help me get over my ex-wife.
- [chants]
- That sounds like a party with no remorse.
- [chants]
Actually, I'm sending out
invites to celebrate my divorce.
- [phone buzzing]
- Hello.
[Katie] Chapter 7 in the bridal bible,
squeezing sublimely into the wedding dress.
We need you toned and tight.
No I will
Ever call me and no I will
Ever need me and no I will
Ever love me at all
No I will ever hurt me
And no I will
Ever desert me And no I will
Ever leave me
I'd like to register for the
beer mug set, the ping pong table
and the 65-inch 4K Ultra HDTV with
crystal clear pure pixilation.
If you can also throw in one of
the mini fridges for the bedroom,
I've kind of gotten used to it.
Is this for a wedding?
No, it's for a divorce.
[soft music]
I have a challenge for you.
A challenge for me? Like
fixing you hasn't been enough.
You have to say yes or no
before hearing the question.
- That seems a little unfair.
- Oh, it's completely unfair.
The odds are totally in
my favor. What's it going to be?
- I'm too tired for this.
- Yes or no?
Yes. Fine, okay.
Now, can you end my misery and tell me
what horrible thing I just agreed to?
A night on the town with me.
We'll consider it a practice
date before I find a real date.
Assuming you can even find someone
willing to hang out with you.
Well, I just did, didn't I?
Look, I'm ready
for something new.
I mean look at me.
This is Susan's idea
of what I should look like.
- [chuckles]
- And for example, my hair,
she made an appointment for me every fourth
Saturday and every fourth Saturday, I would go.
I get it, you're a blank canvas.
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
I need your help.
Okay, I'll make some calls
and put you in touch
with the right people, okay?
[Nate] I had no clue so many guys use
lowlights to offset the highlights
so that the hair
looks darker and thicker.
I never even thought
to do anything with my face.
I didn't exfoliate,
I didn't moisturize.
I just showered, shaved and maybe threw
some chap stick on when my lips cracked.
And when Susan and I shopped, we
always bought clothes a little bigger
so if I put on
a few pounds, they'd still fit.
What the hell happened to you?
I take that as a compliment.
Did you think of a name
for your signature cocktail yet?
I was thinking
the Tyrannosaurus-ex.
- The he-devil.
- [chuckles]
- The obituary.
- [laughing]
- You're such a cunning linguist.
- [laughing]
[announcing karaoke on stage]
[singing "Only the Lonely"]
One dance.
As your primary Svengali, I'm telling
you this is taking it too far.
- I insist.
- I resist.
I persist.
- Nathaniel.
- Katarina.
["Only the Lonely" continues]
[music fading]
Not bad for a first date.
I think this poor group
of divorcees would be proud.
Well, I...
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
I... I don't know.
It's just so daring.
- So you don't like it?
- No.
Nope. I love it.
So what is it?
- Don't take this the wrong way.
- Okay.
But I'm just
surprised and shocked
that something so smart,
sophisticated and unique
actually came from you.
I'm sorry, did I do something? You guys are
staring at me like I did something wrong.
I mean, I know I skipped a few
sessions, but what's going on here?
I don't know about the other
guys, but me personally,
coming in here
with new shoes, hip hair,
like you're
ready to conquer the world.
It makes me
feel a little uncomfortable.
Are you serious?
I'm just supposed to come here
when I feel down and struggling
and feeling miserable?
What are you guys saying?
We're thinking maybe you don't
belong in this group anymore.
We think maybe
you need to leave.
He did look pretty good though.
Uhm, hi, everyone.
I just wanted to say thank you so much
for coming to my little dress rehearsal.
I wanna make sure that
this goes off without a hitch.
So without further ado, Nick.
Excuse me, Nick, could
you cue the music, please?
Oh, you want it right now?
[Nate] Hi, guys.
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
You mind if
we just talk privately?
If you have something to say, you
can just say it in front of everyone.
I'm also having a divorce party.
I miss you guys and I just
wanted to extend the invite.
I'd also really love to have
you there, if you can make it.
I mean that.
I'm just gonna leave these here.
I can't believe
that just happened.
Not to mention
those weird clothes.
Your clothes are weird.
- No, they're not.
- Yes, they are.
You said I looked nice.
Well, I lied.
Hey, Muffin, these are great.
I really like the...
You can feel the letters.
You know, it's got like the raised letters
like little goosebumps on the paper.
Did you still
wanna play the song or...
What is this?
Did I miss something?
Listen, I don't know. I...
This started
as a business arrangement.
I signed on to plan
your party and that was it.
It didn't even
cross my mind that I would
actually start to soften or
actually start to feel like
I was missing who I used to be.
But the closer I got to you, the more it
reminded me of what Chuck and I used to be.
And as much as it ended badly,
that life was
comforting and enticing.
Of course, you're still going to have
memories and feelings for who you used to be.
But that's my problem, Nate.
That life is addictive.
It's all-consuming and I...
If I'm not careful,
I'll end up standing behind
double pane windows
holding a bun cake
and commenting on how I really
hope to get to Europe this summer.
I understand.
I understand what you're saying,
but you can't just predetermine
where two people are going
to end up in a relationship.
I mean, isn't it
about the journey?
And then there will be one
night when you come back home
and you look at me and you
say, "I'm just not happy".
And then where do we go?
Good luck with the party.
[tears up the card]
Well, I'm not going
to sugarcoat bad news.
Everybody loved your
design for the concert hall,
but you came in second.
Something about it being
too inventive,
too creative and simply the best
most original
idea they ever saw.
- Too creative?
- What can I say?
That's why I do mini-malls.
- Hi.
- Whoa! Hey.
What... what are you doing here?
Oh, I told the guy at
the front desk I was your wife
and he was so excited. He showed
me the door and everything.
- Have you've been working out?
- You just barge in here while I'm naked?
I don't get what the big deal is.
I've seen you naked a thousand times.
Well, the big deal is that we're kind of
working through some issues at the moment.
I don't know if you've got
the right to see my nude body.
You're right and I have some things
that I'd like to talk to you about.
So, can I buy you dinner?
Why would I
let you buy me dinner?
[Susan] I could apologize.
I could make excuses.
But the truth is,
I miss you.
I miss us.
We had a language, we had a way of
communicating that belongs to us
and I foolishly tried to
recreate that with Nick.
We didn't get each other.
I wasn't in sync with
him like I am with you.
I miss that.
And I'm willing to bet
that you miss it too.
There's a lot I miss.
Thank you.
So, what do you think?
I don't know. What do you think?
I think we were together
for five years.
And it would be crazy
not to give it another shot.
[Charlie] Excuse me,
I'm sorry to bother you.
I was told
I could find you here.
[chuckles] I know this is
going to sound really weird
but... I heard you help
people with divorce parties.
Who did you hear that from?
A former member of our group.
Yes, we thought he was
emotionally unstable at the time
but now, it seems
like a pretty good idea.
I'm sorry,
that was just a one-time thing.
Oh, that's too bad.
He said you're a real artist.
Sorry to bother you.
- Shit.
- What?
I was still trying to figure out
what the hell I was going say to you.
Do you want me
to give you another minute?
Do you want me to close the
door and come back out again?
No, I'm fine.
Moving out?
What? Does the motel down
the street have better rates?
No, I'm getting
back together with Susan.
I'm going home.
That's it? You're not
going to say anything else?
There's nothing
more to say, Nate.
I got to say, this is one
of the things I really missed.
I got to say
I missed doing it for us.
So, I was thinking for the party,
maybe I can invite some of my friends.
- Would they be new friends or...
- Colin and Jake.
You mean the Colin and Jake who
bragged about sleeping with coeds?
You know, it's probably
not their kind of party.
I'm not sure
they'd even have fun.
Yes, we should
have them over another time.
But you know what?
It's up to you.
Only do it if it's
what you really want.
Oh, I am getting my hair done tomorrow
and I made you an appointment.
They asked where you'd been and
I told them traveling for work.
Tell me it is not fucking true.
- [Colin] Of course, it's true.
- [Jake] How can you tell?
His shoulders are slumped,
his head is sagging and he's
wearing that new cologne
Defeated by Lane Jackoff.
- What the hell are you guys talking about?
- Remember that guy's wife
who's in my fantasy league
who also takes yoga with Jan?
Did I hear that she got invited to a
barbecue you and Susan are throwing?
Why weren't we
invited to that BBQ?
- Okay, wait.
- Unbelievable.
- You got back together with her?
- So there's no divorce party.
I wanted to take you guys out to
lunch and explain everything properly.
What is there to explain?
I'm trying to work things
out with Susan at the moment.
It's really complicated.
Look man,
divorce Susan, stay with Susan.
Honestly, we don't care.
It's really
not that complicated.
[phone rings]
Hey, I am so glad you called because I
left some things off the list this morning.
I've decided to make potato salad instead
of coleslaw. So can you please pick up
- a pound of redskin potatoes, a bunch of chives and some mayo.
- Yes, actually, you know what?
That's perfect because I was thinking
of inviting a friend of mine.
- Oh, you are?
- Yes, Chad. I met him through Colin and Jake.
You're going to love him.
This barbecue isn't really the
environment for guys who chase coeds.
[chuckles] No, trust me. He's the last
person to be chasing co-eds around.
Yes, we could do eight.
Of course.
Is he bringing
a wife or a girlfriend?
No, actually, he just broke up with
his boyfriend, so we'll just be seven.
You know, seven's like
just an odd number and I don't want
him to feel like a seventh wheel.
Trust me,
he's going to blend right in.
I don't want to tell you you can't invite
him, so if it's what you really want to do.
I really do. Okay?
Okay. Bye.
[Susan] I know what you mean.
Nate and I have
been trying to decide
if we should get pregnant or if we
should take one last trip to Paris.
Nate, how's work stuff going?
You know, honestly, I've
been thinking about leaving.
- Really?
- Yeah, I actually entered this competition
to design the new concert hall and it sort of
got me thinking about striking out on my own.
Well, you know how risky
it is to go out on your own.
I said to him, let's just
make that a goal for the future
- when we don't have a mortgage to pay every month.
- Not to mention
the distance, you know. It's like what
happens if you get a job to do a building in
- some other city like Omaha?
- I hope not.
I hate Omaha.
Well, if you never take a leap,
then things never change.
You know there's plenty of room
for an in-ground pool back here?
[Dan] Yes, I'm always
saying that to these two.
It could increase
the property value 20% easily.
[rhythmic tapping]
You ever play the rhyme game?
I played this in college
and it was kind of lame.
Hang on, I don't
think our guests are interested
in playing some unintelligible
drinking game so they can get hammered.
I'm drinking water,
I wanna play.
I think I'm enamored.
- Maybe it's time for a change of pace.
- [chants]
So we don't spend the whole
night treading in the same place.
- [chants]
- Exactly.
- It doesn't hurt to try something new.
- [chants]
Unless you're scared to face
yourself and what is true.
Okay, play your
stupid game, fine.
Jane, can I have some more wine?
We can sit here
and eat chips all night.
Feels like we're trying to force
something that shouldn't be forced.
Feels that way, doesn't it?
I think I need to be
on my own for a while.
Take it from me,
it's not gonna
be as bad as you think.
- [chuckles]
- Okay?
- You're resigning?
- Yes, I need to.
I mean, you believed in me and I thank you
for that, but I always wanted my own firm.
I know it's going to be tight, but I
feel that now's the time to take a shot.
Well, funny enough,
you're already
reaping the rewards.
- What do you mean?
- The city called. All that imagination
and creativity that was way
too much for the concert hall
is perfect for the new skate
park they just commissioned.
Why don't you make that your very first
official job for your new company?
Are you serious?
Hey, man. We just
wanted to congratulate you.
- Yeah, that design kicked ass.
- Thanks, guys.
Well, whenever you're free, I'm ready to
down some Brewskis or tease some tail.
Of course, you're both
still invited to the party.
- We wouldn't miss it.
- Yeah, I wanna meet Katie.
Yeah, well, unfortunately, she's
the only one who hasn't RSVP-ed.
[somber music]
[typing on laptop]
[Nate] I'm going to tell you the story about
how I recently met someone remarkable.
That person was pretty
invisible for a long time.
You, you worry about nothing
That's what I find
so crazy about you
There's no silver lining no
gray sky that could ever be blue
[Nate] And with
the help of someone special
this invisible person was finally
able to emerge and find his voice.
You don't trust the sun
'cause it always setting down
Here you go
Put me down again
- [Colin] Looking good.
- [Jake] Ready for the first night of the rest of your life?
- Yeah.
- Well, let's get this party started.
- You guys go in ahead.
- You okay?
- I just need a sec.
- Okay.
I forgot to RSVP.
I thought you
RSVP-ed to everything.
I guess I've changed.
Shall we, Ms. Franco?
Certainly, Mr. Brown.