The Dramatics: A Comedy (2015) Movie Script

- Are you ready?
- - Give me a sec.
- You're ready now?
- I said give me a sec.
That was one second.
Very funny.
Hi. Hi. Hello.
Okay, yeah, I'm ready.
All right.
Here we go.
I'm going to take you now.
Not now.
That was not a request, Lucy.
Ow! Stop! Charlie!
The time has come for you
to reap what you've sewn.
Sewn. Sewn.
I'm the master.
You are my mistress.
W-w-wait but...
But, Charlie...
Babe, that's your line.
"Charlie rips off
Lucy's bloomers
and enters her from behind.
It's animalistic.
Passion exuding out
of every pore."
Is this for real?
- Yeah.
- Is that a real thing?
Babe, this is not good.
This is not good writing
and it's actually, like
very degrading to women
and I feel like
we sort of see eye to eye on the
feminism issue. You know what I mean?
Can we just do
another take, please?
Find out what it means to you.
Alright, from the top.
From the animalistic
fucking or before that?
- Can we just... - You want to get
right before the animalistic fucking?
Can we just take
it from the top?
The top of the fucking
or the top of the scene?
- You want me to get you off?
- No, I'm okay.
Oh god, I can't believe I ate
all that ice cream last night.
I had a crazy fucking dream.
- I feel so fat.
- I wish.
- Shut up.
- Yeah, another 20 pounds...
You're such a liar.
You're right.
Thirty, thirty-five pounds
Shut up.
We're on this train to India.
And it was like, all these
snakes on board.
These like little spiders. There's like,
like something about little spiders.
I can't remember.
And you were there and you almost
got attacked by, like this lion
or something like that. And like,
I tried, I tried to
save you and I couldn't.
I kept going like,
"I should have gotten that gun."
I should have gotten that gun.
- I should have gotten that gun.
- Mm...
May be you should
write a movie about that.
I don't need suggestions.
- I thought you were stuck.
- I'm not stuck.
I think I'm going to get a gun.
- We can't have guns.
- Why not?
We're liberals.
I don't give a shit.
When shit goes down,
we're gonna want guns.
I mean, I think we should
probably get jobs first.
All right. Looking good, babe.
Sexy mama-ma-ma-mam-ma.
I have a meeting with my agent.
He said he wanted me to
just come by today
to talk about
some projects and stuff.
- Do I look okay?
- I mean, you look amazing, if that's all right.
- Hmm. Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
What's your deal today?
You're writing?
Yup. Feeling inspired.
- Really?
- Fuck, yeah, babe.
- Bye. Love you.
- Bye. Bye.
- I made you a PB & J.
- You're the best.
Also, Jim's out there
smoking pot.
Don't just go
smoke pot with him, okay?
All right. I don't even do that.
I will not. I cannot and I won't.
No, you can't.
Because I'm getting old
and my eggs are about
to shrivel up and die
and I want to have your
babies and a happy family.
And so we need to work hard
and make money, okay?
I'll all about it.
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
You're eggs aren't gonna
shrivel up and die.
Yeah, they are.
Don't smoke pot.
Smoke what? I couldn't...
I'm sorry.
I don't...
I couldn't hear you.
Love you.
Hey. How're you doing?
- How's, how's Katie?
- We're good.
Ever bother you that
she's such an ass-kicker?
And you're just a stoner?
- I'm not just a stoner.
- Of course you are.
She's not
just an ass-kicker.
- No one's just one thing.
- For sure, man.
Yeah, that's wh...
That's really what makes human beings
so awesome.
Is that it's our flaws
that make us beautiful.
And only when
you can love yourself
can you truly love
somebody else.
Where do you
get this stuff, man?
It's out there, you know.
In the air. You just gotta listen.
Listen, and the universe will
tell you all it's secrets.
No. The weed.
Oh. My cousin grows it
up in North Cal.
- Smoking hot, right?
- Yeah!
I wish I was like that.
Wh... I-I-I...
I love that you just...
You just stopped by.
- Yeah.
- That's great.
Oh, uh, great take
for, uh, Master's Maiden
by the way.
- Oh!
- Mm-hmm.
- Good!
- Mm-hmm.
Great. Thanks.
Which, which take
did you choose?
Oh, what you sent, it was great.
There were...
I sent two takes.
One was like, more um,
I think just grounded.
- Mm-hmm.
- And the other was kind of like...
Just a little bit more frantic.
More like...
It was great.
You-you-you're familiar
with the book
The Erotic Fictions of
Nineteenth Century England?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Of course you are.
I mean, chicks love
that S&M shit.
It's sexy stuff.
- Yeah, really, I went through that book.
- Mm-hmm.
- Super fast.
- I mean, how about Bryan?
Right? Going straight
from an Oscar to directing
a cable mini series.
- Crazy.
- Crazy.
I guess he's obsessed with
the book or some shit.
I hear he's a fucking maniac,
but I mean, talent's talent. Right?
Speaking of the devil,
Rebecca Moss had that part
at the audition for unlocked.
But she's like, great now.
So she had to drop out last minute to
shoot this new P.T Anderson thing.
Everybody's pissed off.
Uh, I mean, obviously going with
you would be like, you know,
a completely
different direction,
but, uh, you know,
they start shooting next week, so...
they're fucked
if they don't find somebody.
Oh, good.
You have any
movie ideas, Loafie?
- Hey.
- Hey! How's writing going?
- Great.
- Are you stoned?
- No.
- Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
Are you sure?
I'm kinda
in the zone here, babe.
Oh! Okay, super,
super quick.
Casting loved my
Master's Maiden tape.
Oh, that was the sex one, right?
It's not just the sex one.
It would be a huge opportunity for me.
Bryan J. Macy is directing. And he wrote
it, and he's gonna play the lead.
He sucks.
He just won an Oscar.
Yeah, well, awards are stupid.
What is wrong with you?
Nothing. I'm great.
Other than the fact that I'm
broke and can't sell a movie.
I mean, I think you need to
write one first.
Fuck money.
Fuck money?
Just bummed people need money for stuff.
It sucks.
Well, I just pulled up out front
and I'm gonna need
a new pilates tape.
So can I use the living room?
Um, I'm using the space
right now.
- For how long?
- For as long as it takes.
Well, can you
give me an estimate?
By the way, you know you're not gonna
get a job just by working out, right?
Like you're the supreme
expert on how to get a job.
You fucked Alex Wilson Dickson,
by the way.
Where's that coming from?
It comes from me having to see his
stupid face on billboards everyday
for his stupid,
not-funny show.
Rebecca Moss is on the cover
of fucking Perceive.
Oh, give me a break.
She gave me
half a blowjob one time
You had full sex with him.
No, I didn't.
I just hooked up with him.
And what is half a blow job?
Well, apparently, it's half the amount
of blowjob you gave Alex Wilson Dickson.
By the way,
we're going there. Tonight.
He's having that
dinner party at his house.
So, can you please just figure
out a way to get over it?
I'm not going to that shit.
All right? I already told you.
I hate your
stupid actor friends.
They sit around,
just trying to pump each other up.
- Trying to act like their life is so great.
- Such a dick!
Which, I got news for them,
they're not!
Okay? I got other shit
to do, by the way.
I'm sorry, but smoking pot
and jerking off,
does not constitute
other shit to do.
Okay, I was not jerking off.
I'm not going to that thing because
I'm going shopping for a gun.
You're going gun shopping?
Like, tonight?
I'm gonna start in the daytime. In late
afternoon, probably, when my schedule clears up,
and then I'm gonna continue until
I find the gun that I like.
It's probably gonna
take me into nightfall.
- Why do you want a gun?
- For protection.
- From what?
- From the fucking elements, babe.
- Are you kidding me? From evil.
- Evil?
You're a vulnerable woman.
You need to be protected.
That's where I come in
With a gun.
Honestly, if you wanna protect me,
then make some money.
You think money's gonna
keep you fucking secure
when someone is
banging down your door
trying to steal your
fucking food and kill you?
No one's gonna bang down our door
if we're living in Hollywood Hills.
- Why not?
- Because we're in the Hills.
Away from violent,
hungry people.
Those people, they can't
walk up a hill, then?
- No!
- Why not?
Because they're too hungry.
You're fucking...
Are you kidding me?
It's not a joke.
That's for real.
You kidding me?
That is so idiotic!
That is the most fucking
idiotic thing I've ever heard!
You know what?
If you think money's gonna keep you secure,
go ahead and leave me.
All right?
And then, just go marry some rich dick head
like Alex Wilson Dickson.
How about that?
Alex Wilson Dickson.
You're mouth, it's already been in there. So
that's like sort of old territory for you.
- Fucking stuck in his dick.
- Honestly... Honestly...
- You can marry him and get a bunch of fucking money.
- If it's between a rich dude
- and Mr. Fuck Money...
- Listen to me. Be quiet.
- I have to buy a gun so I can feel like a man?
- Be quiet and listen to me.
You can have money and then you're gonna
mistake that for a sense of self worth.
- I will fucking marry a rich dude.
- I promise you you're still gonna fucking hate yourself.
- You're such a dick!
- You're still gonna hate yourself.
- You're such a fucking... Fuck you!
- I'm not a dick.
- It's the fucking truth.
- You are a dick!
I should answer that.
I have to answer that.
It's the fucking truth.
- It's my agent.
- So what?
- Fucking take it.
- Hello?
Hi Katie.
I got the part.
- What? What part?
- The Master's Maiden.
I guess Bryan J. Macy watched
my tape and said I was his...
He said I was his girl.
So I got it.
I'm, um...
Production starts
next week in England.
Isn't that insane?
This is gonna be huge!
- Okay.
- Oh my God! I have to stop eating.
I'm gonna be in like
corsets and shit.
- Fuck!
- How long are you gonna be gone for?
- Six months.
- Ohh!
You'll come visit, obviously.
Why? So I can have
front row seats
to Bryan J. Macy
fucking my girlfriend?
No, thank you.
I can't believe you're making
this about you right now.
This is a huge
opportunity for me.
- I gotta go.
- Where?
- Coach improv.
- Okay.
I can't be seen drinking OJ.
Do you know what kind of political
ramifications there'll be?
I'm a black man.
- Black men drink OJ.
- Listen. Stop, guys.
This is why Capital Hill's
going downhill.
Scene. Okay, um...
That's was okay.
Was it?
I don't, I don't know.
Be real.
Make a decision.
What's unusual?
Play that, okay? Next scene.
Hey, roomie, don't, uh,
don't forget the rent's due next week.
Oh, no, I totally forgot.
I'm completely broke right now.
What are you talking about?
What are we supposed to do?
Well, if you can find
a way to cover me, I can
maybe find a way to repay you?
I'm not quite sure
what you mean by that.
You know, I could
do you a favor.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Like, a special
sexy kind of favor.
What do you mean by special?
- You know what I mean.
- Scene.
Okay, great,
so what's the joke, uh...
Sorry, what's your name again?
Abigail. Or Abby.
Either ways.
Abigail. Okay. So what's the joke?
Like, what's the game?
That you're trying to be sexy?
- Ye-yeah...
- What is that?
Okay, here's the thing.
Like, here's a better question.
Where does that lead?
You know what I mean?
What if he says yes? Then what?
Like, you guys have improv sex?
So what? We sit here and
watch you guys like do this?
You have like improv sex. You know
what I mean? It seems funny and cute.
The problem is it's a slippery slope.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like, first you're having improv sex,
then you're okay with that.
The next thing you know,
you're auditioning
to be someone's
sexual submissive.
And then after that,
you're letting some Oscar-winning fuck head
stick his dick in you because that's
what you think it takes to be an actor.
Next scene,
Don't take me wrong.
No, I...
Don't get me wrong.
I'm incredibly grateful for my job
for so many different reasons.
I mean, not the least of which is that it's
made me a heavy-hitter in the Twitter-sphere
Which I don't really
care about...
- I... No, honestly, I don't.
- It counts.
Well, it does. I mean, it's, uh, an amazing
platform for my charity work, so...
And then you've got the cast and,
uh, and the crew is amazing.
Except for...
you know who.
I'm not gonna say any names. I don't
like saying anything bad about anybody.
But you know
who I'm talking about.
And yet, some days,
you just think,
"Is this really making
the world a better place?"
You make tens of millions
of people laugh every week.
You cannot underestimate
the power of that.
No, I-I-I don't. I don't.
I appreciate it.
I just... You know, sometimes it
gets a little rough when you're...
I'm such a douche.
- No, you aren't.
- I am.
- We totally get it.
- Wait a minute. Stop this.
This... Tonight is
about you.
- Beautiful...
- Stop.
No, it is. I just want to say
congratulations on your job.
Th-This is gonna be huge
for you. Huge!
- To Katie.
- Thank you.
Come here.
You know how long
it's been since New York?
Ugh, god, so long.
- Do you remember oeuvre oui?
- Yes!
- Yes?
- Of course I remember.
- And the village culture?
- Yes!
You were amazing.
No, you were. You were.
- You were
- No.
- You stole that show.
- Remember the last night party?
- At that pub!
- Oh, I'm surprised you remember.
This one gets up on the bar,
unprompted, mind you,
and grabs on to one of the
pipes and starts pole dancing.
I forgot about that!
Yeah, I didn't.
I didn't forget.
'Cause then I walked you home.
- Yeah.
- Right?
I'm sorry.
- Hey, no, no, no.
- No, it takes you back.
Don't be sorry,
dude. Okay?
I'm glad that you guys hooked up.
I think it's awesome.
You can even probably say that I'm
kinda stoked that you guys hooked up.
We all need lovin'.
Right? We're all human.
I wasn't around back then.
I'm glad you were to give it to her, okay?
'Cause, hey,
what are you gonna do?
Not hook up with somebody on
the closing night of ooboo qua?
You know what I mean?
After she did a sexy pole dance?
Are you kidding me?
In New York City?
Sexiest city in the whole world.
It's awesome.
I'm so, I'm so...
I'm so pumped that you
guys hooked up that night.
- Yeah.
- - Awesome.
When I'm acting,
um, I'm the character.
Character's me.
- There's no difference.
- Hmm.
- I don't get into character.
- Hmm.
There is no process of
approaching the character.
And there is no process of removing
myself from the character.
Transcendent words
from a transcendent man.
- Bryan J. Macy...
- What are you looking at?
- My pleasure.
- Nothing.
And now...
What are you looking at?
Just... whatever.
You know,
you still haven't said congratulations.
This is a huge job for her.
You need to support your girl.
I know, man.
It's just...
Just so far away.
So long.
All right, that all may be true
but I don't think that's
what's really bothering you.
What're you talking about?
Your girlfriend is
playing Lucy Brighton
in The Master's Maiden
where she plays the maiden
who's taken on a long journey
into the depths
of sexual ecstasy.
Where the lines of pleasure
and pain are blurred.
- You read the book?
- Five times.
Look, I get it.
It must be weird.
Uh, I don't know.
I've never dated an actress.
It's weird.
Plus it's pay cable so she'll have
to show her boobs a whole bunch.
I mean, it's like
basically porn.
Why is she agreeing to do this?
Master's Maiden is not porn.
It's beautiful.
You should read it.
I'm good.
Okay, look. I understand that on a
primal level, this must be hard.
You know, thinking of
the woman you love,
being physical with another man,
even if it is just acting.
But think about her.
Put yourself in her shoes.
She's gonna be
freaking out right now.
With her body issues,
and what not.
Come on, man,
the last thing she needs
is her boyfriend making her
feel like she's a whore.
That's my two cents.
Oh boy, she's up.
She's up. She...
What's all this?
Congratulations, Katie.
Me and Loafie made this.
Thanks, babe.
That's so sweet.
I'm sorry for how I reacted.
You're a beautiful, sexy woman
and you deserve to embrace that.
You should dive into
this experience.
I'm gonna be right there
with you. Okay?
- I want to be the man who supports you in this.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thanks. I love you.
- I love you too.
- You smell good.
- Thanks.
- That is so sweet.
- You smell good.
I'm dominating you.
I'm the master.
I'm dominating you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, babe,
I can't hear what you're saying.
You know, like, like Master's Maiden.
I'm the mast... never mind.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Now I get it. Babe,
I just couldn't hear you.
No, I'm sorry.
Forget it.
What? No. No. It's great.
You can be the master.
- No.
- Yeah. Come...
Babe, you're the master.
You're dominating me.
- Don't patronize me.
- I'm... Babe, I'm not.
I'm not. I'm just
a fragile little girl
that's helpless under
your domineering power.
I need you to keep
dominating me.
It's turning me on.
Fine. I'll keep
dominating you.
Dominating you.
Take me again.
I got another one in me.
Before the lark sings,
dear god, take me again.
It's from the script.
Isn't that beautiful?
I love that line.
Do you wanna
do it again, though?
I should work out.
Bryan J. Macy wants to
get together tonight
and discuss character stuff.
Oh, yeah?
That's awesome.
- Isn't that insane?
- Yeah.
Oh, wait,
it's your show tonight.
That's okay. I mean, you know,
obviously this is more important.
I love coming to your shows.
You're very sweet.
But babe, you've gotta go.
- You're the best.
- I know that.
- Thanks for understanding.
- Yeah.
Gotta spoil my girl.
- My god!
- What?
What am I going to wear?
Oh, Jeez.
The toughest decision
of all, huh? Okay.
You may not care about yourself,
but maybe you will talk,
If I promise not to
hurt your girlfriend.
Whoa, whoa, whoa
whoa, whoa, whoa!
Who said, who said girlfriend?
I-I feel like we're
just kinda hanging out.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
It's so beautiful here.
Yeah. Yeah.
I wish I was a boat.
Maybe then I'll feel
still inside.
Every time I get back on land,
the restlessness returns.
I love that you sail.
What a powerful thing to do.
It's like... Wrestle with the
wind and the ocean like that.
I have these moments
when I'm out on the boat.
You find a line,
you get locked into it,
everything else just fades away.
I need you to let go.
- Of what?
- Of everything.
Nothing can come in between us.
Not right now.
I agree.
My god,
you're so beautiful.
Bryan, I-I should
tell you.
I have a boyfriend...
That I live with.
I think that's wonderful.
Brother, Jackson.
Good show, man.
Nice, what you got going here.
- Oh, what's your name?
- - Seriously?
- Take it easy.
- How's it goin'?
- Hey. Good show.
- Hey.
- Thank you.
- It's Abigail.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, I've seen you
perform like, three times.
- You're amazing.
- Thank you.
So, I'm sorry about
the other day in class
with that whole sexy,
how-do-I-pay-my-rent scene.
So embarrassing.
And you were totally right.
I just don't want you to think
I'm like a slut or anything...
No, no, no, no, no... I...
That's totally my fault.
I was just going through like
weird personal shit, you know.
But like, definitely
don't worry about it.
- Okay? You're doing great.
- Thanks.
Um, well, I know
that technically I'm like
your student or whatever,
so maybe this is weird.
But I have a lot
of weed in my car
and no one to smoke it with.
Is there any chance you want
to come smoke some with me?
Jump by Kriss Kross and Jump
Around by House of Pain.
Mm-hmm -
'92 was the year for jumping songs.
End of story.
Yeah, but like, in '83,
you had Jump for My Love
The Pointer Sisters, the greatest
grouping of musicians ever born.
- Oh, yeah?
- Heck, yeah.
And Jump by Van Halen.
- So, can't sleep on '83.
- Ah, very true.
- Fresh greens?
- Cool. Thanks.
I probably shouldn't
tell you this
'cause I don't want you to think I'm like,
a stalker or whatever
but I have seen like
every one of your videos.
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Cool. Thanks.
There's some clunkers in there.
Well, I like them.
- That odd?
- Yeah.
Oh! And I love
that web series you did
like, with a girl about a
couple moving in together.
- Mm-hmm.
- Who's that girl with you? She looks so familiar.
Uh, my girlfriend.
Oh. Cool.
Really stoned.
- Right?
- Yeah, me too.
- Muchas gracias for the herbage.
- Yeah.
Appreciate that.
May Jah bless you on your journey.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Oh, hey, um...
Can I get your number?
Not for like a date or anything.
I'm starting
another improv group
and we wanted you
to be our coach.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
- You're cold.
- Yeah.
- Wear my jacket.
- Oh, no, no, no, no. That's okay.
Sam, give her my jacket, please.
Oh, you...
I really don't need it.
Oh, all right.
Thank you.
Can I, can I have one?
You know,
women shouldn't smoke cigarettes.
I don't really.
It's really disgusting.
Open it.
Oh my god,
you're Bryan J. Macy.
- I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Don't worry about it. What's your name?
- Huge fan. I'm Eric.
- Hey.
Hey, game of chess,
I gotta tell you that, uh...
You know I wanted to
be a teacher,
but I was addicted to drugs
- Meant a lot to me.
- I'm sorry, man.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
- Thanks.
It means a lot.
- Good to see you.
- Yeah. Nice to meet you.
I desperately await
my punishment.
I desperately await
my punishment.
Eagerly await my punishment.
- What's going on champ?
- Oh, hey, babe.
- What you got on there?
- Uh, Bryan gave it to me.
It's just I guess to work on
character stuff or something.
Is that what you're
wearing on the show?
Uh, I mean, not this exactly.
I was researching
corsets from that period
and this is actually
a little too modern.
But, yeah, something like this.
- Do you like it?
- Love it.
Oh, also, I woke up
to a text from Bryan
saying that he wants to have
us over to his house tonight
for a little dinner slash meet
and greet with the producers.
- It's gonna be tough for me.
- Why?
It's just the writing. You know,
had a lot of breakthroughs yesterday
and, I mean,
gotta see them through.
Gotta strap myself to the beast.
I mean, you know how it is.
Uh, well, could you
just not be that late?
Life of an artist,
you know. It's tough.
I'm gonna try
and make it though.
I'll definitely try and be there.
What time is it?
- Eight.
- Eight. Ohh!
I'll make it work.
You submit a personal firearms
eligibility check application
along with 20 bucks and your ID.
Get that notarized and include
your right thumb print.
That's gonna take 38 to
120 days to come back.
Then you're gonna want to take
the personal handgun safety test
which is 30 questions...
I'm gonna go and cut
you off right there.
This all feels like a lot.
- You know what I mean?
- Uh...
Is there any way...
Would you kinda just like...
Bypass the red tape?
Uh, in what way?
What do you mean?
How can I put this?
You know, like in Taxi Driver,
when he goes and he meets
that guy in the hotel room.
And the guy's got all the
briefcases full of guns.
And he's like,
that's a .38 Magnum.
That's a snub nose.
I just sell high quality
goods to the right people.
Do you have any stuff like that?
Get out.
- Leave the store.
- Okay, I'm just gonna just...
Let me throw this one at you.
I'll give you $72 cash
up front for that shotgun,
no questions asked,
out the door.
Absolutely not.
Leave now.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you for seeing me last minute.
I am like
freaking out about this.
It's so much pressure.
You're like,
the only acting teacher I trust in LA.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi. Aah!
So what can I do for you, Katie?
Uh, well, I told you in the email
I think that I got this part.
The Master's Maiden."
The Master's Maiden.
Which, you know...
I mean, that's gonna
be like huge.
Mm. What's huge about it?
- Yeah...
- Mm-hmm?
He's so...
Yeah. Totally.
Why do you think
you attracted this part
at this point in your life?
Maybe like, something about...
Being sexy?
Do you think you're sexy
enough to play this part?
I mean, I guess I am.
Or they wouldn't have cast me.
- Right?
- I don't know.
Uh, so yeah,
can we just go over some of the...
Love yourself.
Yeah. Okay.
Love... yourself.
I mean I do, pretty much.
Hey, yeah, hi. This is Paul.
Katie's boyfriend.
Hello? Hello?
Wait there.
Remember, okay, we are the last line
of defense for these poor villagers.
I look up
and, and I see this kid,
no more than six years old.
No shirt, no shoes,
running towards me
as fast as he can.
He's shivering...
- Hey.
- Mr Macy's not expecting you.
Uh, well, my girlfriend...
Look, you're not on the list,
I can't let you in.
All right, look.
I'm just gonna call her.
What am I gonna do?
I can leave this, this child.
And I remembered where I am.
Lieutenant's yelling at me,
"Come on, come on!"
Gotta get back
on the helicopter.
So I-I-I grabbed this child
up in my arms
and I...
I run for the helicopter,
and all of a sudden, just pop!
His head explodes.
Fucking voice mail, dude.
Damn it! Look.
I get it. You're here to protect Bryan
from like crazy stalkers and shit.
I'm not that.
I wouldn't be here
if my girlfriend wasn't doing
some shitty series with him,
to be honest with you.
Not even a fan
of Bryan J. Macy.
Actually think he's
kind of a hack.
Still not gonna let you in.
Yeah. Well,
I'm gonna go then.
I always thought the line
between life and death was thin.
But it took that moment
for me to know
there is no line at all.
That is so powerful, Bryan.
Yeah. It is.
- The fuck!
- Paul?
Sorry, I'm sorta breaking into your house,
Bryan J. Macy. Uh...
Your guy wouldn't let me in.
Katie wasn't
picking up her phone.
Oh, I'm sorry.
My phone, it was inside.
It's cool, babe.
- Cool tiny bridge, man.
- Hey, what the fuck...
Dennis, Dennis, it's okay.
It's all right. He can stay.
Hey, I'm sorry I went
behind your back, man.
- Yeah, man.
- Thank you.
He's a good guy and...
He just wouldn't let me in. I'm sorry.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm good. I'm good.
So, Paul, Bryan.
Bryan, Paul.
Nice to meet you.
No big deal
'cause you're here now.
But I was kinda hoping it'd
just be people from the show.
What's that?
No, I'm just kidding.
Oh, man.
Gotta watch out
for this guy, huh?
- Anybody hungry?
- Hmm.
- Go inside.
- What're you drinking? Apple...
- Appletini.
- You don't... Okay.
- That's cool.
- Bryan made it.
I trip, I looked down.
It's this guy's foot.
He's been curled up underneath
one of the desks at the preschool
whacked out of his mind
on drugs...
Wait, who knows where he's
been the other two days.
Parents didn't know
that he was doing...
- This was his process you know.
- ...drugs,
So we're like, get him in the
wardrobe and get him in the scene.
- Right.
- I said, "Bryan, get up.
We got work to do here.
Come on, let's do the scene."
- What does he say?
- What does he say?
He says, "My name is Chester."
- Like, the guy is still in charac...
- Character.
- Yes!
- Wow!
- Big time.
- And disappeared.
I can talk about this all day.
I can talk about it all month.
No, I'm just happy to do
it with you guys again.
So, Bill, you said
you're an actor, too?
- Paul.
- Sorry, yeah, Paul.
No, no, it's cool, man.
I'm an actor, you know.
Haven't won any Oscars.
Yeah, I act. You know,
a lot of comedy stuff.
Uh, Paul's an
amazing improviser.
- I am all right.
- Babe...
Uh, the upright bridge?
Oh, yeah, upright bridge.
Bridge service?
- Yeah.
- Hmm?
- The improv...
- The comedy thing...
- No I don't...
- Yeah it's a comedy club. It's real big.
You should check that out.
- Pete, you gotta do that.
- It's Bill. Bill.
I want to thank all of you
for being here with me.
It's uh, a real pleasure
to dine with you.
But most of all,
I'd like to thank my little Katie bear.
For being so open and willing
to go on this journey with me.
This thing is about to get
so real so fast.
I had this room built halfway through
my first draft of the Master's Maiden.
I refused to enter it
till it was complete.
I wanted to experience it
for the first time.
Just like Lucy.
To really get inside of her
while I was writing.
What was that like for her?
To feel a level of arousal that
she's probably never known.
Is she's scared?
Maybe a little of both?
The smell of the leather.
What does that do to her?
Her life,
as she had always understood it,
In an instant.
- Hello.
- Hi Katie. This is Jason Shepard's manager...
Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay, thanks. Bye.
What was that all about?
I'm leaving tomorrow now.
- What? Why?
- I don't know.
Something about the location
backing out or something.
I don't know.
Do you know what time
you're leaving yet?
- Car's coming at noon.
- Fuck!
- I'm gonna miss you so much.
- I know, me too.
Hey. What do you want to do
on our last day together?
Honestly babe.
I have so much to do,
I don't even know how much time
we're gonna have together.
- What?
- Ugh!
What are you talking about?
I have to pack and get a wrap.
I can't believe
I drank so much last night.
I'm gonna be bloated for days.
Hi. Hi, is there any
chance at all
that you have time for a
detoxifying contour wrap today?
I know, okay. Thanks.
You're gonna get a wrap
instead of spend time with me?
I have to, babe.
I'm gonna be like naked
and shit for this thing.
Love yourself.
Love myself.
I love you.
I love you.
What do you think Loaf? Is this crazy
or we going to get killed or something?
Oh boy!
Come on, Loaf.
- I just had the detoxifying contour wrap.
- With Michael?
- I have a 3 o'clock.
- Okay.
- Rebecca?
- Mm-hmm.
It's Katie.
Uh... Um, I'm really good friends
with Alex Wilson Dickson.
He's introduced us
a couple of times.
And then, um... Also,
- So.
- Oh!
Yeah I'm... I just had the detoxifying
counter wrap so I must look totally insane.
- I just did not recognize you.
- I know.
- How, how you been?
- Good. I'm good.
It's actually so crazy that
I'm running into you right now
'cause, I'm actually going to do that mini
series that you I guess are unavailable for.
- Oh... Um...
- "Masters Maiden".
- Right! Hey congrats.
- Thank you. Yeah, but oh my God!
PT Anderson, you
must be flipping out.
I mean Paul's a good friend,
so when he called and asked me to do this,
I just felt like I had to
do this, you know.
And secretly I was happy to get out
of that mini series thing. I mean,
doesn't it feel like your getting tied
up and fucked over and over again
in like a dungeon or whatever.
I mean, not to say
it's just uh...
It's going to be an awesome job for you.
I just mean it's um...
No, yeah, I get it.
I totally get it.
- Objectifying. Yeah.
- Totally. Yeah.
So the contour wrap,
that works for you?
Yeah, I mean this is only like
the second time I've done it,
but the first time
I totally saw results.
- Weird, I kinda felt it was like bullshit.
- Really?
Yeah. If I were you, I mean this what I
do when I wanna lose weight super fast.
- What?
- I just put on like, the thickest warmest sweats
I can find like a wool hat
or just whatever.
A hat and I do jumping jacks.
- For three hours straight.
- Three hours?
You'll wake up tomorrow
and be super skinny.
Yeah, people will be
worried about you.
- I got to take this.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, go, go.
- Is that Rebecca Moss?
- Yeah.
- She's so beautiful.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Thanks.
I'll see you soon.
I'll see you soon. Bye.
Really is like Taxi Driver.
Fuck! What? Fuck!
Please pardon
my insolence, Master.
'Tis wrong of me to say it.
Please pardon
my insolence, Master.
Hey. Just checking in.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah, just working out.
How are you?
You getting writing done?
You know, it's a lot of
digging and throwing stuff out but uh,
yeah, um...
Going to take a break.
Probably take Loaf to the dog park.
- Yes, she'll love that.
- And then we'll come home around five like we planned?
Okay, great. Sounds good.
- Love you.
- Thanks.
I-I love you too.
Please pardon
my insolence, Master.
- Hey!
- Lucy, I'm downstairs.
- Let me in.
- I can't... I'm sorry, what?
It's Charlie.
Open the door.
I'm downstairs.
Open the door.
Um... I'm sorry, it's not such
a great time right now, Bryan.
Call me Charlie.
Okay. Yeah, just, just uh...
Give me five minutes.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hey, babe, I'm so sorry.
I got to push back our plans tonight.
- Why?
- Because Bryan J. Macy just showed up.
At our place? Why?
Yeah, yeah. I don't know, babe.
Honestly, I don't know.
He just showed up.
Can you imagine?
Maybe he wants to
rehearse or something.
Are you taking a bath?
Yeah, obviously.
I'm all sweaty and gross.
I'll call you so soon.
We're gonna be done really soon.
- Babe, I love you.
- Okay.
What up? What?
What did you say?
What did you say?
- Nothing.
- Oh.
I was just waiting for you
to get closer.
Oh well. Here I am.
- What did you want to say?
- Nothing.
- Hello.
- - Hello
- Oh my God! Is that your dog?
- Yeah.
He's so cute. What's his name?
- Uh, her name's Loafie.
- Oh, her name.
- Sorry.
- That's quite all right.
It's very common, you know.
She's not offended.
I can tell.
She's a bad ass bitch.
Yeah. She's a...
Tough cookie. She's good.
- Um...
- What's up?
- Do you, do you wanna get high?
- On weed?
Yeah, yeah, on weed.
- I could do that.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Do you have it?
- I mean not on me but...
- At my place.
- Huh... Shit.
Doesn't really help us here,
does it?
I... Well... I could go back
and get it.
Nah... You're already here.
You already came. It's fine.
I don't have to smoke weed all the time.
I can just be a regular human.
Or we could go back to my place?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- I mean, do you wanna do that?
- Yeah, yeah, you know, that's where the weed is.
- Good point.
- Yeah.
- Um...
- I'm really close.
- Yeah, I'll show you.
- Okay.
Ah... You'll love this song.
All right.
- Good work.
- - Thanks.
Are you hungry?
- I don't know. What you got?
- Um... Um... Let's see.
I have chips... or I can heat up
some diet Mac an Cheese.
- Sounds good but no, I'm okay.
- Sorry. I'm not much of a cook.
- Actually so, um, do...
- It's fine.
- Want a soda pop?
- Yeah, I'll take a pop.
- Okay.
- I'll take a pop.
- Thank you. I'll change it.
- Aw... Thank you.
So what are you
working on these days?
This and that.
Writing a movie.
Holy shit!
That's amazing.
- I'd love to read it.
- Nah, it's not done yet.
Can I read some of it?
- Definitely not.
- Boo. Boring.
Um... I'm so hot.
Last time I'm in Paris,
I took this crowning class.
With this like, awesome old
French teacher
who'd basically would tell us that
we sucked and were not funny.
But it was like, amazing, you know.
Who'd always tell us like...
Fuck us mean focus, you know.
Um, do you know comedia at all?
No, no I don't think so.
Okay. There's this thing.
It's called entrances and exits right.
And so, you start behind the thing
and then you just like, you enter.
Right. And you have to be in a state. It's got
to be like happy, anger, fear, sad, right.
So you enter and your like right at the
audience and then you have a partner and then
you toss it to your partner and then they
take it and toss it back to you, right.
- And then, that's basically it.
- Oh.
- So, yeah.
- Pretty cool.
- It's pretty useful right.
- Um hm...
Totally normal that
I just took my bra off right.
No, it's not.
Guess, I'm just weird.
No. Let's do it again.
Let's do it again.
- Come on.
- Sorry.
- Come on. Breathe. Fuck.
- Sorry, sorry. Okay.
Oh God, I'm just a
little nervous. Oh God!
Start, start over.
I can do it.
- You want this job?
- Of course
- Why, why do you want it?
- Because...
It's going to be great and...
Working with you.
Don't do that... Katie...
Why do you want to be an actor?
- I love it.
- Why?
I like pretending
to be someone else.
Um... Am I
doing something wrong?
You scare me.
- You scare me.
- You got this production in the palm of your hand.
And no one knows
who the fuck you are.
I mean I don't...
I don't really matter
as much as you do.
You're going to be amazing
and as long as I look good,
and we have good chemistry or whatever
I think it's going to be great.
I think you're right.
Where's that gift I got you.
Will you teach me?
What? What are you talking about?
Teach you what?
Like... Teach me
how to be funny like you.
- You're funny.
- I mean, thank you but like...
- You are amazing.
- I know.
- No seriously.
- I'm serious too.
- I fuck, I'm fucking serious.
- You are. I am right. No I was watching you last night
and you're just like so present
when you're on stage and...
So charismatic and no one
can take their eyes of you.
- It's hard.
- I'm being serious.
I know, that's what I'm talking about.
It's fuck... I get it.
I mean, is that just something
you have naturally like
or you have been like that since
you were a kid or whatever
or did you somehow learn that?
I... I don't...
I... Both... I...
I don't know.
- Will you do a scene with me?
- What?
- Like let's improvise a scene right now.
- No.
Come on. I'll start it. Oh wait
let me think. Uh... Okay.
Thank you for my anniversary present.
I love it.
That's the scene. Thank you for my
anniversary present. I love it.
This is dumb.
This sucks.
All right. Well,
I don't know.
Will you just tell me then.
This is ridiculous.
What are you talking about?
Just like tell me how
you do what you do?
You could teach me.
I'll be right back, okay.
Turn around.
Can you submit to me?
- Yeah.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Don't fuck with me.
I'm not.
- Are you my maiden?
- Yeah.
- I don't believe you.
- I am.
I don't think you
know what that means.
I am,
I am your maiden and I submit to you.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What... Bryan stop.
- What are you doing?
- Come on, I wasn't going to burn you.
What are you... Are you insane?
May be. A little.
Hey it's Katie.
Leave me a message.
Hey, why isn't your phone on.
It's been like 3 hours.
Are you still rehearsing or what?
Just call me when you can. Okay?
I went to far.
It's okay.
Let's keep exploring together.
I want to keep going.
I trust you.
- Everything okay?
- Yeah. Fine.
I got a gun today.
Are you serious?
- Yep.
- Oh my God. That is so fucking cool.
- You think so?
- Fuck yeah.
I mean I don't have one
but I totally get it.
You're gonna want one
if shit goes down right?
- That was exactly what I was thinking.
- Um hm... Can I see it?
- No.
- Oh come on. Please, I've never held a gun before.
- Not gonna happen.
- Please. I'll be super, super careful with it.
I promise.
- No way.
- Come on. Show it to me.
I should go.
- I'm gonna head out. Okay. This is all my fault.
- No.
- What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm sorry.
Don't do that okay. Why did you do that?
Why did we do that?
I don't know. I like you.
No stop. Don't go.
I'm just. Uh...
- I just... I got to go.
- Please, I'm sorry.
- Come Loaf. We got to go.
- Paul, please.
Do you have any idea
the size of this thing?
And, and, and, and what's at
stake for me here.
- Do you?
- - Of course.
No you don't. It's your first fucking job.
How could you? Seriously?
I mean, I did a pilot last year.
You have no idea what it's
like to direct something.
Let alone something
that you wrote.
I have people calling me
constantly asking me questions.
I created a fucking monster here
and now it's eating me alive.
- Okay.
- Look, I get it. You are under so much pressure.
But you know, you're brilliant
and every one knows it.
This project is going to be
huge for you. Huge!
And you know,
you just won an Oscar.
I mean, most people can barely even
dream of finding that kinda success,
and you did it. And you
will always have that.
This mini series
is gonna be amazing.
But even if it isn't, you've already
proven your self to the whole world.
Why am I so scared?
I get it.
Having this kind of power
is really scary.
I'm sorry for putting
you through all this.
It's okay.
You're a beautiful,
intelligent, sexy woman.
Nobody should ever tell you
other wise.
- Bryan, stop. I shouldn't.
- You said you were my maiden.
- I am, but I...
- Submit to me.
- I... I shouldn't. I can't.
- You have to.
- I...
- I'm the Master.
What the fuck?
- Oh boy.
- Oh my God. It's not, it's not what it looks like.
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Nothing.
It's Okay. No need
to get upset here. Hey.
Hey, don't touch my
fucking dog man.
What are you doing with my girl friend.
Loafie come here.
We were just exploring
character stuff.
Exploring character stuff.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Hey, Don't talk to her
like that.
Hey, you better watch it man.
All right. You watch it, okay.
You're spending our last night together
tied up, making out with this D-bag?
- We weren't making out.
- Fuck you guys.
Paul, can I talk to you
for a second.
Oh wow! Whoa! Oh my God!
- Are you Bryan J. Macy?
- Oh boy!
- Oh my God!
- What are you doing here?
- Who are you?
- She's just an improv friend of mine.
Yeah, I-I'm no one.
I just followed you here
because I felt like I needed to apologize
right away for what just happened.
- What just happened?
- Paul and I just kissed.
- Oh!
- I know, I'm sorry. It's totally my fault.
I knew he had a girlfriend.
But I'm a big fan of yours by the way. You're
great in that web series you guys did.
You... I can't believe I'm in
the same room as Bryan J. Macy.
Just freaking out. Sorry, I just wanted
to say that I'm sorry for doing that
and I hope it doesn't destroy you guys relationship
in any way because that would really suck.
Wow, looks like we're not
the only ones huh?
- Fuck you dude.
- You fucking kissed this girl?
Who the fuck is she.
Does it matter? I mean, there is obviously
something going on between them. So...
- Is there?
- No there's not and you better fucking watch it man, okay.
- 'cause I will shoot you in the face. I am not kidding.
- Paul, calm down.
- Oh... You're gonna shoot me in the face.
- Yeah.
- Shoot me. What the fuck you're gonna shoot me with?
- With my gun.
- Oh...
- He doesn't have a gun.
- Yes he does.
- Then go ahead. Come on. Pull your gun out.
Well, let me see
your fucking gun.
- You want to see it, big man.
- Yeah, come on.
Oh my God!
Where did you get that?
Don't worry about it.
Oh my God! Oh my God!
- No gun.
- Are you okay?
Oh my God! Paul are you okay?
- Paul are you okay?
- Get out of here.
You're gonna hear from
my lawyers you fuck.
And you're fired.
Wait, Bryan, wait.
Don't leave me just try and understand.
- Don't go.
- Oh my God! Paul are you okay?
- You should go.
- I'm so sorry.
It's fine.
It's my fault too. Just...
- Get, get out of here.
- Please leave. Now.
I'm, again I'm sorry.
- We are fucking done.
- Come on, Katie.
No, you just lost me
the best job of my life
and you're fucking
cheating on me.
I am not cheating on you. Okay.
I coach that girls fucking improve
group and it was only a kiss.
- Only a kiss?
- Yes, which is a lot less than what I fucking walked in on.
- She was not certainly dressed like a dominatrix.
- We were fucking rehearsing.
That is bull shit.
- Fuck!
- Oh my God! Oh my God!
- I took out all the bullets.
- Obviously not you fucking idiot.
This is not all your fault.
I shouldn't have done
all that stuff with Bryan.
Felt like I should...
I don't know, anyway.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry about that.
But I still think
we should take a break.
I mean, you pulled a gun
on someone, Paul.
- I didn't think it had bullets.
- Still!
For you to do that or whatever.
- Who was that chick?
- I don't even like her.
It doesn't matter
at this point honestly.
Katie, please.
I'm sorry. It's over.
It really is.
Uh... You can, uh... pick up your
stuff or whatever, when ever, but...
I just want to be
alone right now.
Oh... Are you good?
You look like shit.
- I need your help.
- All right.
Sir, are you expecting
a package?
- No, Dennis.
- Sorry, sir.
Actually, Dennis.
I think that may be my sterling
silver director's chair.
Okay, sir.
Gates are opening.
We... Well... Hey...
Uh... Got a delivery.
- Okay, I'll sign for it.
- Uh... No, you don't have to.
Uh... I'll just bring it in. I got to
bring it in. It's the shippers request.
All right.
Excellent. Thank you, sir.
You're welcome,
Bryan J. Macy.
- You need me to sign for that or...
- Nope. We're good.
No signature required.
- Fantastic. Dennis, can you show him the door.
- Yeah, sure.
- Let's go ahead and head out.
- No, I got to be here.
- No you don't.
- No, I gotta, I gotta, be here.
- Damn it, damn it.
- Fine, fine, fine.
I know this is crazy that I'm
breaking into your house. I just...
I need to talk to you
for one second, please.
First of all,
I want to apologize.
It was idiotic and dangerous for me to pull
out that gun. I shouldn't have done that,
and I hope that you
can accept my apology.
- Fine.
- Great. Thank you. Thank you.
Besides that,
I'm here to ask you
beg you, to reconsider
and give Katie the job back.
She doesn't deserve to be punished just
because she has a crazy jealous boy friend.
Or had.
She broke up with me,
but I owe it to her
to at least try to right my wrongs.
Please, let Katie
play this role.
What's done is done.
- Dennis, get these ass holes out of my house please.
- Okay, come on.
- Wait, Mr. Macy.
- No, I'm done here.
But this is just like
the "Master Maiden".
This is just like chapter 5. When uh...
Charlie almost banishes Lucy from
his manor in Canterbury, after he's
threatened by Sir Lyons of Nottingham Shire.
Okay, Sir Lyons and Lucy were
arranged to be married, right,
but then her father
suddenly dies,
and the pre-arrangement
became void.
Which is great,
because by that point,
Lucy's totally
in love with Charlie.
And then Sir Lyons, think Paul.
Is a jealous, petty man
who can't get over Lucy.
So when Sir Lyons walks in
on Lucy and Charlie
as Charlie is punishing her because
she over boiled the sheep's pudding
and he draws his sword.
Yeah Charlie banished her
at first.
But then he realized that it was Sir Lyons'
fault the whole time.
And again think Paul
when I say Sir Lyons,
'cause he's whinny
and he's insecure
and no impulse control.
But that doesn't mean
that Lucy should be banished.
I think.
I think you should let
Katie back in the manor.
You need to get your Lucy back.
I got your job back.
- What?
- I went to Bryan's and I begged him for it.
It's a long story.
Jim was involved.
- But, yeah.
- Oh my god!
I went to Bryan's and convinced
him and he gave you the job back.
Thank you!
Thank God!
That's so exciting.
Oh, thank you!
Oh! Um...
- What?
- Um...
I'm sorry.
I just...
I'm so grateful
that you got my job back,
but I, I still think
that we need a break.
No. Don't... What?
We just...
We've just been at each
other for so long.
And, and...
This whole situation
was awful, but no.
In a way,
I'm glad it all went down this way.
They past 24 hours has brought
so much stuff to light.
Especially with me
being in England.
I just...
I don't know how we're gonna fix it.
I know everything's not better
just because I got your job back.
The truth is
I never really loved you.
I thought I did.
And I said I did.
But I've been so angry
and jealous
and insecure,
there's no way that
I really could have.
So I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry
that I didn't love you
the way that you deserve
to be loved.
It's okay.
Can I hang out until you leave?
Of course.
Cool. Thanks.
You wanna help me pack?
Well, I mean,
that's usually an ordeal
with you.
But, yeah.
I would love to do that.
Katie, what're you doing?
I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
I'm not going anywhere.
I just called Bryan, I quit.
- Why?
- It just wasn't right for me.
Look, you were right
when you said that you didn't love me
the way that I deserved to be loved.
But I didn't love you
the right way either.
But we should.
Because we deserve it.
- So let's do that.
- Okay.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
We need to get jobs.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I'm gonna get a coffee.
You want something?
No, I'm good.