The Exchange (2021) Movie Script
(WINDHOWLING)
BOY1: Thisisme.
GIRL:(MOANING)Oh,yeah!
BOY1: No,notthisguy.
GIRL:Oh,yeah.
Oh,don'tstop!
Oh,myGod!
BOY1: Thisguy.
GIRL:Oh,myGod!
(BOY2GRUNTING)
Oh,rightthere!
(BOTHMOANINGANDGRUNTING)
GIRL:Oh,yeah!
I...I'mgonna...
BOY1: Ikindofwanted
tofreezetodeaththatday.
TimLong,no!
Ievenfantasized
aboutaheadline.
"TeenageGeniusDies
InBlizzard"
Butintruth,
Iknewmydeath
wouldmakeoneparagraph
onpage12atbest.
(BOY2YELLING)
Igrewupinwhatis
technicallyknown
amonggeographers
asthemiddle
offuckingnowhere,
inatownwhosemascot
wasthisguy.
Thewhitesquirrel.
Now,whitesquirrelshave
arecessivegenethatmakes
themsuperrare...
Andsuperdumb.
Andin1986,
whenthetownwasinthemidst
ofacripplingrecession,
Hobartandthesquirrel
hadalotincommon.
Theywereboththrowbacks
onthevergeofextinction,
strugglingtofightoff
strongercompetitors,
andalmosttotallywhite.
WOMAN:Tim,comeon!
Yeah,it'stough
foreverybodyrightnow.
Didyouhearabout
Robertson'svariety?
YouknowDougRobertson,
noheadforbusiness.
Tim,Mom'swaiting!
That'swhatyousaid
aboutStedmanShoes
andthey'vebeen
inbusiness
for60years,right?
Hey,buddy!
Hey.
Yeah.
Youknow,youdon'tgottogo
totheparademeeting
withyourmom.
Youcanalwaysheaddown
totherinkand,uh,
Idon'tknow,hangout
withyourfriends.
(GLENNSIGHS)
Why'dyouhave
tomentionfriends?
(CARDOOROPENS)
Ispywithmylittleeye
somethingthatstarts
withaC.
Car?
Yeah.
TIM: Hobart'sannual
whitesquirrelparade
wasthemostembarrassing
andculturallycringeworthy
eventimaginable...
Unlessyouarefouryearsold,
orKevin,
theparadeorganizer.
Comewithme,ifyouwill,
ona...
(SQUEAKING)
Onajourney
throughthemistsoftime.
MAN:Whoa.
Lettheyearsrollback
beforeyoureyes.
The'70s
turnintothe'60s.
Groovy.
Righton.
(ALLCHUCKLE)
The'50s,Elvis...
(CHUCKLES)
The'40s,Korea...
Backandback
andbackwego...
It's1939.
TheNazisarecutting
aswaththroughEurope.
Jewsandgypsies
aremurdered
indiscriminately.
Ooh.
AndtheTorontoMapleLeafs
havewontheirsecond
StanleyCup.
(WHOOPINGANDCHEERING)
Yeah!
Yeah!
MAN:Yeah!
Iproposethisyear,
werecreateHobart's
veryfirst
whitesquirrelparade.
I'msorry,
whyarethereNazis?
Therewon'tbe
actualNazis,
itwasjust
forhistoricalcontext.
Um,beforewecommit
toanyonetheme,
weshouldmaybe
lookatcost.
Cutbackalittle.
Hell,no.
(ALLGASP)
Youknowwhocutscorners
ontheirtownfairs?
(SOFTLY)Wingham.
IthinkthatSheila
hasapoint.
Imean,
moneyissotight
thesedays.
Maybewecancutback
onthesnowremoval,
orthedaycarehours
attheoldfolkshome.
Butwhataboutthetheme?
Retrovintage!
Okay,Ithinkthattheparade
isreallyimportant
toalotofpeople.
So,whydon'twejustall
putourthinkingcapson
and,uh,
we'lldiscussit
nextweek.
Itellyouwhat,
whydon'tweput
ourthinkingcapson,
justdiscussit
nextweek.
Iknowtheparade
isreallyimportant
toeveryone.
MAN:That'sagreatidea,Gary.
Thankyou.
TIM: Whilemyschoolmates
wereattherink,
Isoughtsolaceinthecompany
ofourTownHalljanitor.
Hello.
I,uh,
couldn'tdecidebetween
and LaDolceVita,
soIbrought
themall.
Whatwasthatagain?
Youtoldmeyou'dbought
aVCRplayer,
soIthoughtI'dbring
somemovies.
Idon'tcaremuch
formovies.
TIM:Right,sure.
But,incaseyouchange
yourmind,
I'mgonnaleave
thesehere.
Moviesfromallaround
theworld,
includingone
fromKorea.
Ishotmybestfriend
inKorea.
Usedhisbody
forshelter.
Okay.
I...Ididn'tknowthat,
I'msorry.
I'lltakethatoneout.
Farewell,
TheHousemaid.
There'satamponblocking
thedrainpipe.
I'llseeyoulater.
Yeah,okay.
Goodluck
withthe,uh...
Goodluckwiththe...
Withthetampon.
(SIGHS)
Youwerereally
impressiveinthere,Gary.
Youhavesuch
awaywithwords.
Thankyouforkeeping
Timcompany.
Careful,
it'stheCrowfoots.
WOMAN:WhatcanIdo
foryou,sir?
Gunpermit.
WOMAN:Downstairs
totheleft...
Oops!Sorry!
Iheardthesister
doesn'teventalk.
Hi,TimLong!
Look,samesweater!
See?
(SCHOOLBELLRINGING)
BOY:Hey,Long.
How'syourbook?
Uh,it's...
It'snotabook,
it'samagazine.
Yeah?Areyougonna
fuckit?
(BOTHCHUCKLE)
Howexactly
wouldIdothat?
Idon'tknow,man,
you'retheonewho'sgay.
(BOTHLAUGHING)
Whyisthemagazine
aman?
Dude,Fleming'scoming.
Wegottago.
MRS.FLEMING:(INFRENCH)
Quelesttonfilmprefere?
yourfavoritefilm?
Mary.(INFRENCH)
Quelesttonfilmprefere?
Monfilmprefere,
c'estEndlessLove
avec BrookeShields.
MRS.FLEMING:Craig.
Quelesttonfilmprefere?
Monfilmprefere,
c'estPorky'sIII:
Porky'sRevenge.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Monsieur Long?
(ALLGROAN)
Shit,herewego...
Allright.
Um...
(INFRENCH) Monfilm
prefere,c'est
LeCercleRouge
par Jean-PierreMelville.
(MARYSCOFFS)
(MRS.FLEMINGSPEAKINGFRENCH)
Whatisthestory?
Um...
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
(BELLRINGING)
Wait,holdon.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
talktoyouabout
thisFrance-Canada
exchangeprogram.
Thisisareallygreatway
toexpandyourhorizons.
Asuper-duperway
tomakefriends,
learnabouttheworld,
makesureyourparents
seethis,too.
WOMAN:(OVERPA)
Attention,students,
PrincipalWareham
hasdecidedtomake
finalperiod
amandatoryphysical
educationhour
atourveryown
WhiteSquirrelIceRink!
(ALLCHEERING)
Yes!
Jesus,doesthatmean
wecangonow?
Actually,
Monsieur Hudson,
Timhadn'tfinished
describinghisfilm.
(ALLSIGHING)
Monsieur Long,continue.
Please,nomore.
Um...
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
(CHUCKLES)
youcanbringitin
andwecanwatchit
enclasse.
Everybody,
enjoyyourskating.
(INDISTINCTTALKING)
I'mgonnakillmyself.
Enfrancais.
Jevaismetuer.
Bien.
Takealittlelook.
Oh,and,uh,
justonemorething.
Allnon-skatersshouldbring
theirhomeworktothenorth
bleachers!
Hey.
Yougonnaskate?
DoesthePope
wearadress?
Yeah,Ithink
Imight,too,onceI'm...
allfinisheduphere.
How'syourhearing?
Myhearing?
Yeah.
It'sgood.
Youdidn'trespondto
the,uh,jokeabout
thePopeinthedress.
(LAUGHS)Yeah,well,
youmakethatonealot,
so...
DoI?
I...Well...
Four...
Five...
Six...Mmm.
Thatwas
goodfeedback.
Thankyou.
You'refunny.
Yes,Iam.
(INDISTINCTCHATTER)
TimLong,TimLong
Rockettothestars
everyweekendtonight
Iliketomakeupsongs
withpeople'snames.
Cecil'sgotawoman
inthecity...
Shutup!Everyonehates
yourstupidsongs.
Uh,youknow,
Ihaven'theardenoughofthem
tosayIhatethem.
HateisawordIreserve
forapartheid...
Andfamine.
Apartheidandfamine!
Youknow,
youlookjustlike
SteveDalrymple.
Who?
SteveDalrymple?
Hewasthatkid
whomovedhere
fromManitoba?
Andthenhisdad
gothitbyamotorbike?
Andthentheymoved
backtoManitoba?
TIM:Yeah,I...
Idon'trememberhim.
(CHUCKLES)
Ialwaysthought
SteveDalrymplewascute.
Flashblizzard!
Okay,I'llseeyou.
Okay...(GRUNTS)
Ow!
BOY:Outoftheway,Tim!
GIRL:Mom,openthecar!
Fuckoff!
Ow!
GIRL:Suchaloser.
(BOTHGRUNT)
(WINDHOWLING)
Whydowelivehere?
Wedon'tevenhave
aMcDonald's.
Okay.
TIM: Itsuddenlystruckme
thattheFrenchexchange
couldbemysalvation,
mychancetoinject
somesophistication,
someculture,some
jenesaisquoi intomylife.
(ROCKMUSICPLAYING)
Icouldfindsomeonewho
wouldn'tstareatmeblankly
whenItalkedaboutTruffaut,
orthinkthattheFrenchNew
Wavewasahairstyle.
(MUSICCONTINUESPLAYING)
Finally,Icouldfind
arealfriend.
(PRINTERSCREECHING)
What'shedoingnow?
Idon'tknow.
Jerkingoff?
Howcanyouuse
acomputertojerkoff?
They'llfindaway.
Theyalwaysfindaway.
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)
SHEILA:Thisisfun,Tim.
No,no,please.
SHEILA:Yougotit?
GLENN:Handsomeboy.
SHEILA:Yeah.On?
Yeah.
I'mhere,uh,withTimLong,
awaitingthearrival
ofayoungmanfromParis.
Tellourviewers
howyou'refeeling.
Canwestop,please?
Thisguy'sfromEurope.
He'sgonnabe
sophisticatedandsmart
andworldly,andhe's...
He'snotgonnalikeit.
Oh,Tim,
areweembarrassingyou?
(CHUCKLES)
(GLENNLAUGHS)
TIM: Jesus.
Huh.
GLENN: Well...
Um,thisisSheilaLong,
LongFamilyNews,
theairport.
Ithoughtitwasfun.
GLENN: God,thisthing
weighsaton.
Theydon'ttellyouthat
onthebox,orhowmuch
thegoddamntapescost.
Oh,expensive.
Comeon.Saveme.
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)
Hey.
BOY: Allo, Tim.
(HIP-HOPMUSICPLAYING)
Allo, TimLong.
What?
Iamyourexchangepartner,
StephaneBelmadi.Eh?
Whatdoyoumean?
ForTimLong?
SHEILA: Glenn,yougettingthis?
GLENN: Iactually
havenoidea...
SHEILA: Getinthere.Zoomin.
...ifthisison
ornot,but...
AndyoumustbeGlenn?
GLENN:Yeah.
Well, bonjour.
Hello.
Ithinkthere'samix-up.
STEPHANE: Bonjour.
(STEPHANESPEAKSFRENCH)
Wow,Sheila.Abeauty.
GLENN: Whoa!
Ah.
Enchantee.
Sobeautiful.
(GLENNANDSHEILALAUGHING)
Threetimes.
Longfamily.(LAUGHS)
So,Stephane,um,
ourcarisinthe...
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Just,uh...
Givehimtheword.
GLENN:Yeah.
SHEILA:Should've
dog-earedthis.
It'smasculine.
GLENN: Okay,then.Mix-up?
Ijust...Igetstuckon
that.Hangon.
Itwashereearlier.
Okay, "leparking."
Sameword.Sameword.
(SPEAKSFRENCH) Let'sgo.
Okay,okay.
Okay,okay.
Now,it'sabitofadrive.
Stephane,doyouneedtouse
thelittleboys'room?
(LAUGHS) Youcrazyboy.Comeon.
(GLENNANDSHEILALAUGHING)
(SCOFFS)
Whoa.
Ah,cow.
TIM:Mmm.
STEPHANE:Seelo.
TIM:Silo.
Oui. Mmm-hmm.
Silo.
Oh,yeah.
And,uh...
Uh,cow.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
Uh...
House.
Yeah.
Oui?
Oh,yeah.
STEPHANE:Cow.
(INAUDIBLE)
Uh,yeah.
No.Yeah,weliveina
veryagriculturalarea,
soalotofcow.
BeforeIcomehere,peoplesay,
"WhyyougoCanada?
It'ssoboring."
Butformeit's tresbien.
BigwowforCanada,huh.
Really?
Oui,oui.
Thepeoplewhosay
thatCanadaisshitUSA,
thesepeopleare,
uh,howyousay...
Motherfucker.
Oh.Oh.
Yousaythis?
Wedon't.
Motherfucker,huh?
That'sawordwedon'tuse
intheLonghousehold.
Yes,theyare,Stephane.
That'sexactlywhattheyare.
Motherfuckers.
Oh.
Tresbien.
(CLEARSTHROAT)Stephane,
Inoticethat,uh,you'renot...
Youdon'tlookFrench.
Dad,Idon'tthinkthat's...
Oh.No,he'sfine.
Myfamilywasnot
borninFrance,
butIliveParis,uh,
sinceIwasthreeyearsold.
(SINGINGINFRENCH)
Areyou...Arewearingcologne?
Oui,oui.
Youknowthesaying,beforesex
canhappeninthepants,
itmustfirsthappen
inthenose.
Inthenose.Okay.
Ididn'tknowthat.
Thankyou.
(SPEAKSINDISTINCTLY)
Uh,no.No,thankyou.
(GLENNSINGINGINDISTINCTLY)
(COUGHS)
SHEILA:Thisisit.
Allright.Hereweare.
Chez Long.
Huh?
Youdidnotsay
youliveinapalace.
Howmanyfamilies
livehere?
Justus,Stephane.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Huh.
Wow.
Bigwow.
Well,um,
thisisyourroom,so...
Thisisallme?
Yeah.No,it'sallyou.
(CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES)Wow.Bigwow.
Yeah.Usedtobe,uh,
kindamyprivateretreat.
WhereI'dgetaway
fromitall.Uh...
It'sallyoursnow,
soyou'rewelcome.
Theseareyourfriends?
My...No,no,notmyfriends.
Theylooksad.
TIM:Uh,they'reTheSmiths.
Huh?
GreatnewbandoutofEngland.
Verysmart,verycool...
Youknow,
Idon'tlikethis.
Ilike,uh,youknow,hip-hop?
Sure,yeah,okay.
Actually,Ireadagreat
articleabouthowrap...
STEPHANE:
Don'tpushme
'CauseI'mclose
totheedge
Okay.Yeah.
I'mtrying
nottolosemyhead
Yeah.No.Maybenotthevase.
Verydelicate.
Mynanaboughtme
thatfromVenice.
Popthatthere.
SHEILA:Hello.
Youboysgettingalong?
Weare meilleurscopains.
Yeah.
Bestfriends.
Aww...
TIM:Yeah.
Yeah,it'sgoinggreat.
SHEILA:Icanseethat.
Ibroughtyousomething.
It'scalledabeanbagchair.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
(CHUCKLES)
It'sfullofbeans,likeme.
(CLICKINGTONGUE)
(ALLLAUGHING)
Sheveryfunny.
Yes.Yeah,veryfunny,Mom.
I'llleaveyoutoit.
Tellyousomething,Tim.
(COUGHS)
Thisismybestlife.
Lotoffun.
Lotoffun.
Well,uh,thecouchfoldsout
intoabed,
soyoucanfeelfreetoget
onthat,watchsomemovies.
TVhereisgreat.Records.
Hey,Tim.Tim.
Music.Yeah.
Softlikeawoman,huh?
Oh,yeah.
Likethis?
Commeca?Commeca.
Huh?
Yeah,yeah,yeah.
Dosomeofthat.
Likethis?Legup?
Oh.(CHUCKLES)
Yeah.
That'sgreat,yeah.
Maybelikethis,nohands?
Oh!Yeah.
Yeah.Yeah,okay.
Yes.
Yeah,upanddown.
Perfect.
Youtryitnow.
No.
Softlikewoman.
Yeah.Orlikea...
Lileabigoldmarshmallow.
(MIMICSCRUNCHING)
Likeamarshmallow.
Good.
Yeah,it'salotoffun.Yeah.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Stephane,schoolisat8:30.
(STEPHANESPEAKSFRENCH)
Iamalreadyready.Huh?
Alreadyready.Alreadyready.
Thisisfuntosay,eh?
GLENN:Bringthemilk.
Toastonthetable.
AmIcrazy,orarehispants
totallydiaphanous?
Dia-what?
They'resee-through.
Hispantsare...
Dad.
SHEILA:Hello.
Morning,boys.
WhowantsFrenchtoast?
OrIguess
youwouldjustcallittoast.
(STEPHANECHUCKLES)
Mmm.Hmm.
Glenn,Iwouldlike
totellyou,
youaresosmart
andsosuccess,huh.
Youare,andSheila,wow,
youaresobeautiful.
Huh.
SHEILA:Oh!
Yeah.
CornFlakes,please.
Hmm...
(STUTTERING)Maybeyoushould
changeyourpants,
becauseyoucanseeright
throughthem.
Canyoureally?
Notatall.
Wholeoutfit'sterrific.
Yeah,it'sgreat.
It'sverychic.
GLENN:Verysmart.
TIM: ItalkedStephane
intochanginghistrousers,
butIcouldn'tchangehim.
Idreadedwalkingtoschool
withhimthatfirstday.
Thisplaceislike,uh...
Whatisthatmovie?
Uh, TheBreakfastClub.
Trustme,
insideit'sanightmare.
What?
Whatnightmare?
Hello,teachers.
Hello,fellowpupils.
Hello,girlwith
thepinkhaton.
Ilovethisschool.
Igothisschoolnow.
Yeah.
Pleasestopspeaking.
Boys,Idon'tknow
whatacooch-gobblerevenis...
(BOTHCHUCKLE)
...butI'mprettysurethat
Mrs.McConnelldoesn'twantit
scrawledalloverherSubaru.
Stephane,Mrs.Fleming.
Allo.
Oh,oh.(LAUGHS)
Uh,that'stheviceprincipal.
Ah.
AndshealsoteachesFrench.
Andshe,um,
ismoreorlessmayor.
Whoa!Sheveryimportant,ah?
(LAUGHS)
No.Notreally.
It'sjustHobart,so...
Uh,here.
That'shispaperwork.
I'llgetoutofyourhair.
Seeyou.
MRS.FLEMING:Boys,
I'llseeyouatlunch.
Bye,coolguys.
Igothisschoolnow.
We'regladyou'rehere,
Stephane.
Um...
(DOORCLOSES)
Iknowyouhad
abitofaroughtimeathome,
butyoucanstart
withacleanslate
hereatHobartHigh.
It'sgood,huh.
Hobartarenumberone.
Oh,go,
thefightingwhitesquirrel.
(CHUCKLES)
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Salut.
Youare
ateacherhere?
Oh.No.Well,notyet.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
Well,I'veapplied
toteacher'scollege,and
I'mstillwaitingtohearback.
It'skindofalongstory.
(LAUGHS)
Okay.
Allo.
Begin.
Oh,um...
Well,uh...(SIGHS)
Ihadthebestteacher
inkindergarten,Mrs.Johannson,
andshewasjustsokind
andreallylikeasecondmom
tomeinalotofways.
ROTHBAUER:That's'causeher
realmomlefttown,
andthingsgottough,
andherdadstarted
hittingthesauceprettyhard,
andshewasforcedtomovein
withherauntieacrosstown,
whichbasicallymadeher
mega-intoteachers,which,
ofcourse,isgoodforme.
(CHUCKLESNERVOUSLY)
Sorry,honey,
justsavingusalotoftime.
Gary,um,thisisStephane,
heistheexchangestudent
fromFrance.
Sure,whywouldn'thebe?
GaryRothbauer.
Gary'sagymteacher.
Hmm.
Gary'salso
thelocallawenforcement.
Mmm.
Part-time.
Um,therealsheriff's
basedinWingham.
Wingham's20milesaway,
soshithitsthefan,
I'mthefirstresponder.
Ialsoteachskating,
hockey,andsoccer.
Youplaysoccerhere?
DoesthePopewearadress?
(CHUCKLES)Hedoes.
(LAUGHING)Yes,hedoes.
Really?
Huh?
(CONTINUESLAUGHING)
See?International.
Myjokesareinternational.
Maynotlooklikeit,
buthe'soneofus.Huh?
Ilikethisguy.Allright.
Listen,wordtothewise.
Oh.
Oh.
Uh,justleaveit.
Youmayhear
peopletalkingabout
mebeingthegreatest
hockeyplayertoever
comeoutofthistown.
Playedinpro-hockey,son.
Powerforward,15games.
Butthecoachwasanarsehole,
andwhoneedsallthetravel?
Ilovesoccer.
Iscored20goals
in20games.
Wow.
Notbad.
Notbadatall.
Ifyouwannaplay,
practiceisat2:00.
Youcantryfortheteam.
Oui?
Now,I'mfirm,butI'mfair,
and,uh,Idon'tseecolor.
Oh,no.
Youshould,
uh,goseethedoctor.
Why?
MRS.FLEMING:Stephane.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
STEPHANE:Bye-bye.Seeyou.
Bye.(GIGGLES)
Goodbye,queenoftheoffice.
Sweetkid.
Copier'soutofpaper.
Sure,I'llgetonthat.
TIM: Ihadabsolutelynoidea
whattoexpect
fromStephane'sfirstday
atHobartHigh.
Howhe'dmakeout.
Whowouldheantagonize?
Whatwouldhehump?
(INDISTINCTCHATTER)
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)
TIM: Butwhat
Ididn'texpectwasthis.
(ALLCHEERING)
TIM: Hejoinedmore
sportsteamsthanme,one...
Andmademorefriendsthanme.
So,itwasinfuriating.
(MOUTHING)
ROTHBAUER:AndIhadtheidea
for StarWars waybefore
itcameout.
Therewasnopointinpursuing.
Loseallthemoney
tolawyersand...
Andthelionspotshisprey
andmovesinforthekill.
Comeon,Gary,I'mtired.
Maybewecango...
(DOGBARKING)
Woofyourself.
Dick.
DIANE:I'lljustwaithere.
Oh,jeez.
Isthatnubuck,hmm?
No.
Sureitis.
Yougottaworkwithmehere.
Gary,I'mdyinghere.
You'redying?Whatisthis,
ashoestoreorLiveAid?
Ihaveafamilytofeed.
They'reonly$20.
Lookatthat.
That'snotgood.
I'llgiveyou16becauseIlike
you.I'mdoingyouafavor.
Makeit12.
I'llgiveyou12.
And,uh,
yougotanyothercolors?
I'mnottaking
thefloormodel.
I'llcheck.
Thankyou,Robbie.
Youdriveahardbargain.
Yourdad'llbeproud.
How'syourday?
Pfft!Oohlala,
it'snotsoeasy.
Oh.Really?
Why?
Well,everyone
wantstotalktome.
"Stephane.Comesitwithme."
"You'resocool,Stephane."
Cometomyhouse,
watchT.J.Hooker.
Myheadispfft!
It'scrazy,huh.
Youknowthisproblem?
Sure.
(DOGBARKING)
Realdilemma.
IsthatDiane?
(BARKING)
Bonjour, Diane.
Oh,uh...Idon'tspeak...
Sorry.
Um...
Huh?
(DIANESPEAKINGFRENCH)
Oh,myGod.Oh,myGod.
STEPHANE:No,no,no.
(STEPHANETALKINGINDISTINCTLY)
(GRUNTS)
Oh,myGod.Oh,myGod.
Mr.Steadman,
areyoualive?
He'sdead.
Areyoualive.
He'salive.Okay.
DIANE:Ishedead?
TIM:Canyousay
something,please?
DIANE:Oh,mygosh,
Mr.Steadman.
ROBBIE:I'mfine.
DIANE:Thankyousomuch.
TIM:Here,letmehelpyou.
Letmehelpyou.
ROBBIE:Don'ttouchme.
(GROANING)
What'sgoingon?
Stephanehere
justsavedmylife.
Oh,no,it's,
uh,nothing.
No,youdid.Thankyou.
(GROANING)
Nineandahalf.
TIM: Thatnightmyparents
wantedtorewardStephane
forhisheroism
byshowinghim
thebestofCanadiancuisine.
STEPHANE:It'ssogood.
TIM: So,wewent
foraChinesemeal.
InFrance,thismeal
costsonemillionsdollar.
Canada,too.
Oh.
Hey,thereheis.
(CHUCKLES)
HerbDeVries.
StephaneBelmadi.
HERB:Isthatright?
Howdoyoupronouncethat?
StephaneBermady.
No.
So,uh,Iheard
yousavedpoorlittle
DianeDearling'slifetoday.
STEPHANE:Oh,no,no,no.
It'snothing.
Bonjour, heroofthehour.
Bonjour.Enchante...
Sheila,canI
bendyourear
forasec?
Hello,anybodynotice
we'reeatinghere?
Youknow,I'vemade
alotofprogresswith
ourretro-vintagetheme.
Kev,youknow,
Iloveitwhenyouthinkbig.
Ijustthinkthat,youknow,
weneedatheme
that'salittleclosertohome.
Okay.
Sorry.Nottohurt
yourfeelings.
No.Icanrespectthat.
I'msorry.
(TRADITIONALCHINESEMUSIC
PLAYING)
Lightbulbalert.Stephane.
OurthemeisStephane.
(HERBCHUCKLES)
Wait.Youwantthethemeofthe
paradetobeStephane?
He'sbeenherethreedays.
HERB:Lorna,comeover
andhearKev'snewplan.
Well,notStephane,
butStephane.
Mmm-hmm?
HERB:Mmm.
Whoheis.
Whatherepresents.
HERB:Yeah.
(GASPS)Hobartwelcomes
theworld.
HERB:Yeah.
Internationalfriendship!
(HERBCHUCKLES)
HERB:Yeah,thatcouldwork.
Eggrollsforeveryone.
HERB:Whoo!
SHEILA:Oh!
HERB:Yeah!
HERB:(LAUGHS)Thanks,Glenn.
LORNA:Thankyou.
(MUSICCONTINUESPLAYING)
(GASPS)Youknow
whoshouldjoinyou?Dr.Moe.
Dr.Moe,thetowndentist.
Mmm-hmm.
(YELLS)Moe!
Moe!(SNAPSFINGERS)
Moe,look!
Huh?
HERB:Huh?
Whereareyoufrom,again?
Ottawa.
No,hemeans
whereyou'refrom-from?
IwasborninEgypt,butmoved
whenIwasaninfant.
(GASPS)That'sgreat.
Stephane,youcanbeFrance
andDr.Moecanbe...Africa.
Nofuckingway.
Canyougotalktohim
because...
Ineedbothofyou
andhegetsalittlemoody
andwon'tlistentome.
DR.MOE:Hey!
Icanstillhearyou.
Hecanstillhearus
sojustnod.
Jesus!
Thisfuckingtown.
HERB:Thatwasgreat,eh?
Oh,careful,honey.
DoyouknowtheEnglishword,
grapefruit,huh?
InFrenchwehaveaword,
wecallita pamplemousse.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Pamplemousse isafunny
word,huh?
(ALLLAUGHING)
Tim,Iknowheisn't,
uh,whatyouexpected.
Yeah.Understatement.
Giveittime.Youknow,
relationshipscanbetricky.
Iunderstandthat.
It'slikeagarden,
withattentionandcultivation,
goodthingscangrow.
Weonlygotsixeggrolls,
butyou'rechargingus
foreight.
WAITRESS:Butifyoulook...
Glenn.
WAITRESS:Yousee,
youhaveextra.
(WOMANSPEAKING
INDISTINCTLYONTV)
So,thisis,uh,
yourfavoritemovie?
Oh,oneofthem.Yeah.
Yeah.Plus,it'sFrench.
So,youknow...
Iseethat.
Wedon'thavetowatchit.
No,it's,uh...It'sfine.
Maybe,uh,
wejustsitandtalk,huh?
Onetoother,askingquestions.
Yeah.Okay.Sure.
Mmm.
Um,okay,well...
TellmeaboutParis.
What'sitlike?
Old.Howmanytimes
youmakethefuck,Tim?
What?
Twotimes?Threetimes?
Fivetimes?Twenty-fivetimes,
youdirtyboy,huh?
Busyboy.
Please!
Canyoutellme
anythingaboutParis?
JusttellmeabouttheLouvre,
theChamps-Elysees,anything.
ThatistouristParis.
It's,uh,notmyParis.
MyParisisnotsogreat.
Oh.
So,uh,tomorrowwemeet
yourfriends,huh?
Yeah.Yeah,maybe.
Idon'tknow,we'llsee.
Maybewe'llwatch
adifferentmovie.
Sure.Okay.
Oui.
Let'sdothat.Yeah.Okay.
Oh.
Ifit'sFrench,Iwarnyou,
I'veprobablyalready
seenit.(CHUCKLES)
ItisFrench.
(STEPHANEGROANS)
(GIRLSMOANING)
Oh.
Uh...
Youtravel
withyourownporn?
Yes,and,uh,toothpaste.
It'sgood,huh?
(MOANINGONTV)
(STUTTERING)Ithink
I'mgonnagotobed.
Why?
Why?Youdon'tlikethismovie?
No.Ijust,uh...
Idon'tthink
thatwouldhappen
inacourthouse.
(TVPLAYING)
Thatwasafunnight,huh?
Gosh,Ithought
thatwassuchagreatidea
aboutinvolvingStephane
intheparade.
GLENN:Mmm-hmm.
(REPORTERSPEAKING
INDISTINCTLYONTV)
Glenn.
Yeah.
Glenn?
Yeah.
Kev'sidea,
"Hobartwelcomestheworld."
It'snotbad,huh?
Yeah,yeah.Sure.
Glenn...
Yeah.
It'llcost,though.
Youknow,wemightneedsome
moremoneyfromthecommunity.
I'mnot...Idon'tknowhow
toaskpeoplerightnow.
Ijustthink
thetimesare...
What?What?
Istheremoisturizeronmylips?
No.No.
Youreyeslook...
Reallyprettyrightnow.
SHEILA:Oh.That'snice.
No,no.Keepthemon.
That'sit.Oh,evenprettier.
(GIGGLES)Thanks.Anyway...
LongTractorreallyisoneof
theveryfewthrivingbits.
Yeah!Oh...(CLEARSTHROAT)
(CLEARSTHROAT)
Sorryaboutmy...
(CHUCKLES)
Jeez,Glenn!Gosh!
Sheila,comeon.
No,Glenn.
It'sgame7.
It's...Sheila!
(GROANING)
Hey,how'sitgoing?
Fuckoff.
BRENDA:TimLong!
Tim!
TimLong.
Tim.Tim.Tim.
Yourfriend
seemstobecatchingon.
TIM:He'snotmyfriend.
He'smoreofacrueljoke
Iplayedonmyself.
Well,he'snoDaleHawerchuk.
(CHUCKLES)
Sure.
That'smybrother's
favoritehockeyplayer.
Notmine,though.
Okay.Yougotit.
Ifyouaskedme
myfavoritehockeyplayer,
Idefinitelywouldn'tsay
DaleHawerchuk.
So,who'syourfavorite
hockeyplayer,Brenda?
Oh...
Iguess
Idon'treallyhaveone.
(SHUDDERS)
Thisrinkiscold.
(SKATERSWHOOPING)
STEPHANE:I'msorry
Imakeyoufall.
DIANE:I'msosorry.
TIM: ItfeltlikeIwas
theonlypersoninHobart
whohadn'tfalleninlove
withStephane.
It's pamplemousse.
(ALLLAUGHING)
STEPHANE:It's
afunwordtosay.
TIM: Madeeveryfemaleswoon.
Heinspiredafreakingparade.
ALL:Aw...
You'vegottobe
fuckingkiddingme.
I'mnotwearingthis.Uh-uh.
TIM: Andhewas
thestarofthebestteam
Hobarthadseeninyears.
Witharealshotatbeating
ourarchrival,Wingham.
Noshowboating.
(SCREAMING)
(ALLCHEERING)
ALL:(CHANTING)Oohlala,
Stephane!Oohlala,Stephane!
HobartSquirrels
arenumberone!
(CHEERINGINFRENCH)
Gethimtheball
andwatchhimgo!
Seven,huh?IloveHobart.
TIM: ButonethingStephane
couldn'tdowassave
mydad'sfailingbusiness.
GLENN:Salesaredown
thismonth.Wegottowork
onourtechnique.
Allright,Todd,
let'stryoneout.
Youbethecustomer.
(TODDSIGHS)
Hello,sir,
I'minterestedinthe1160...
Combine,butI'mnotyetready
topullthetrigger.
Mmm-hmm.Okay,Geoff,
youseehowheuses
hishandswhenhe'stalking?
Oh,I'msorry.
GLENN:No.No.
It'snotwrongorright.
Itisjust,uh,
atraitformetomirror,
whenwe'retalking.
Thatwayyou'lltrustme.
Andwe'llestablishrapport.
Oh,herecomesIvan.
Goodnews
ishebringingtoday?
Jesus,fuck.
Watchandlearn,boys.
Watchandlearn.
Ivan.
WhatcanIdoyoufor?
Needtobringitback,Glenn.
Thingsarereallybad.
Uh-huh.
Okay.Ihearyou.
Ihearyou,buddy.
Ithinkifyoutakealookat
ourre-financingplans,
youreallydon'twant
tomakethedecision
untilsuchtimeas,uh...
(CLEARSTHROAT)
I'llstartthepaperwork.
How'sthewife?
IVAN:Notgood,Glenn.
Notgood.
Excellent. Excellente.
BRENDA:Thatwasamazing,
TimLong.
Youtookthataceticacid.
Yousizeditupandthen
titratedtheshitoutofit.
STEPHANE:Uh,Tim.Tim,Tim.
DriveustoMary'shouse,huh?
Shewantstomakeout.
Uh,nocando.Sorry.
Uh,becauseIpromised
I'dgiveBrendaaridehome.
IliverightnexttoBrenda.
STEPHANE:Amazing.
Weallgotogether.
Formidable. Let'sgo.
MARY: Formidable. (CHUCKLES)
Comeon.
It'sgettingprettysnowy.
It'sjustflurries.
Flurries...
Yougotmeinahurry
Justtoshovelmydriveway
Squalls,Ilikeyou
bestofall
Hey,doyoumind
ifwe'requiet?
I'mananxiousdriver.
Yougotit.
(MARYGIGGLING)
Tim,pullover,eh?
Uh,no.No,it'sfine.
Wekeepgoing.
JesusChrist!
(MARYMOANING)
(WINDHOWLING)
Tim,shelikesyou,huh.
Makewithher.
TIM:Uh...
Didyoulearntowhisper
inahelicopter?
(MARYMOANINGANDGIGGLING)
Uh...
Doyouwantto...
Yes.
...uh,playawordgame?
Um...
I'llsaythenameofaplace
andthenyoucansay
anothernameofaplace
thatbeginswith
thelastletter
oftheplaceIsaid.
(MARYMOANING)
I'llstartwithCanada.
Okay.
Arkansas.Guys,doyou
wanttoplay?We'reon"S."
MARY:SaultSte.Marie.
That'sagreatone.
MARY:Mycousinplaysjunior
hockeythere.
Theymustbegood.
MARY:They'reamazing.
(MARYMOANING)
(STEPHANEGASPING)
Tim,justdoit.
Thetimeisnow.
No.
(STEPHANEGRUNTING)
STEPHANE:Thetimeisnow!
Okay.
I'lltellyouwhat?
I'lljustgetout.
BRENDA:No.
(WINDHOWLING)
(MARYANDSTEPHANEYELLING)
Ah...Ah...Oh...
(MARYANDSTEPHANESIGHING)
(MARYGIGGLES)
STEPHANE:Oh,it'ssnowing,
itseems,huh?
Thatwascrazy,TimLong.
Whatletterareweon?
TIM: Afterthat,
itbecameclear
thepersonIhadhoped
wouldbemysalvation,
mybrother-in-arms,
moncamarade, mademe
feellonelierthanever.
So,whileStephane
cutaswaththrough
Hobart'sfemalepopulation,
Ihadneverfelt
likemoreofanoutsider.
(CARHONKS)
TIM: Hobart'sveryown
l'etranger.
Hey,Stephane.
STEPHANE:Glenn.
YoumusttellSheila
yourtroubles,huh?
Whattroubles?
(GLENNMUMBLING)
Oh,God.You'reright.
Ijustdon'twant
toworryher.
Youworryhernow.
Remember,Glenn,
honest,leadtoclose.
Andclose,leadtosexy.
You'reawiseman,Stephane.
Hashbrowns?
(SIGHS)NotsowiseforTim,
Ithink.
Hehateme.
No,no,no.
Oh,no,no,no,
no,no,no,no.
Maybe.
Oh,yeah,no,
I'mprettysurehedoes.
ThethingaboutTimis,
andIsaythisboth
asafatherandasalesman.
Youcan'tcoaxhim
todothings.
He'sgottobeforced.
Yougottodraghimtoyes.
You'llthankmelater.
Tim.Tim.
Wakeup.Wemustgo. Allez.
What?What?
Wherearethekeys
tothecar?
Stephane,what'sgoingon?
Didyougetintrouble?
Didyougetagirlpregnant?
Didyouget
abunchofgirlspregnant?
DoyouhaveAIDS?
Oh,Isaw...Areyoudriving
withyourknees?
STEPHANE:Tim,chillout.
(IMITATING)"Chillout."
Youhavetotrustme,Tim.
What?Howthehell
didyougetyourlicense?
Idon'thavelicense.
Youdon'thavealicense?
I'mnotstupid.
That'swhywetake
thebackroads.
Okay,stopthecarrightnow.
Pullover,andyouhavetotell
mewherewearegoing.
Okay,okay,
wearegoingtoMcDonalds.
ToMcDonalds?
Why?IknowyouloveMcDonalds.
Andit'sonlythreehoursaway.
Ilookatthemap.
Stopthecar.
Burgersforbreakfast,Tim.
Itislikedream
cometrueforyou.
Idon'tcare,stopthecar.
(TIRESSCREECHING)
(COWSMOOING)
Okay,
sothat'snotmyfault.
Yousaidstop,
soIstopped,
sowestop.
Oh,my...Getout.
What?
Getout.Getoutofthecar.
Why?
BecauseI'mdrivingushome.
Okay,fine.
Don'tyellatme,huh.
TIM:Whoa,whoa.
Shit.
Tim,Ifeellike
Ihavedonethings
tomakeyounotlikeme.
Oh,whatdoyouthink?
Ifyoutellmethethings,
Iwillnotdothemagain.
Okay,youknow,whydon'twe
startwiththedrinking,
thesmoking,
thesexinthebackseat,
thepornandallthat
constant...
(MOOING)
(BOTHGRUNT)
Whatwasthat?
Ithinkyouhitsomething.
TIM:Shit,shit,shit.
STEPHANE:Oh...
Oh,myGod.
Ithinkyoukillhim.
Her.
It'sagirl?
Yeah,it'sacow.
Ofcourseit'sagirl.
Oh.
You'reangry,
aren'tyou,huh?
Didnotliketokillthecow?
No.
I...Idon'tenjoykillingcows.
Butyou,uh,eatMcDonalds.
(STUTTERS)
That'snotthesame.
Andyouweartheshoesof
leathersometimes.
Okay,stop.
Stop.Pleasestoptalking.
We'reinaworld
ofshithere.
God.
Oh,myGod.
Oh,myGod.Fuck.
Tim,youbreakyourmom'scar.
Youknowwhat?
Beforeyoucamehere,
mylifewasalready
asteamingpileofshit.
Butsinceyou'vebeenhere,
you'veputsomuchshit
ontopofthisshit
thatwasalreadythere,
Ican'tevenseewhere
theoriginalshitwas.
Hey,canyoulookatme
whenI'mtalkingtoyou?
It'smyfault.
Idon'twhat
kindoffuckingasshole
writestoanothercountry
togetafriend.
Tim,Tim.
You'vetakenadumponmysoul.
Tim.
What?
Idon'tknowwhattosay.
SoIwilljustsaythis.
Heisalive.
What?
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
STEPHANE:TheJesuscow,huh?
Herisefromthedead.
She.
She,uh...
Sherisefromthedead.
Oui.
Oh,myGod.
Imean,shelooksokay.
Wemusthave
juststunnedher.
(LAUGHING)
Just fantastique, huh?
Lookathergo.
Youknowwhat,Tim?
(CHUCKLES)
Things,theyworkout.
I'vegotsomethinghere.
Oh...
Herewego.
Comeon,comeon.
TotheJesuscow.
TotheJesuscow.
Goon.
TIM: Idon'tknowhowmany
friendshipsbeginby
almostkillingacow,
butforStephaneandme,
itseemedtowork.
Hey,Tim.
Wesharehappytimenow.
(CHUCKLES)Yeah,Iguess.
Yeah.
Justdon'tsayit.
It'sweird.
(SHUSHES)
(RADIOCLICKS)
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)
There'sthisgirl
that'sbeenonmymind
Allthetime
Su-Sussudio
Drivewithyourknees.
Okay,comeon.
Nowshedon'teven
knowmyname
ButIthinkshelikesme
justthesame
TIM: Andaswedanced
inourseats
tomindlesssynthpop,
werealizedwecouldn'ttake
thecarhomejustyet.
Notwitha
cow-sizeddentinit.
Thankfully
Stephanecameupwith
averyplausiblecoverstory.
So,welookoutthewindow
andweseethethief
gettinginthecar.
So,Tim,youknow,Tim,
herunoutand
hesays,"Stop, arret.
"Thisisthecarofmymother
thatshewantto
gogetthegroceries
"andtovisit
variouslocations."
TIM:Mmm-hmm.
That'sadirectquote.
Timsaidthat?
He'sahero,Glenn.
Hedidit.
(MUSICCONTINUESPLAYING)
NowIknow
thatI'mtooyoung
TIM: Ididn'thaveanymoney
topayfortherepairs
butStephanehelpedme
paybacktheCrowfoots
inother,morecreativeways.
(MANSPEAKINGFRENCH)
Oh, tresbien.
OnedayyouspeaktheFrench
asgoodasme.
Well,youknow,
Icouldlendyousome
Frenchfilmsifyou'dlike.
Bandeapart.
Aboutdesouffle.
Unlessyou've
alreadyseenthem.
TheFrenchnewwave.
Talkaboutpretentious.
Whosaidthat?
Well,IthinkitwasBrenda.
Oh,thatBrenda.
Okay,listen.
Lecerclerouge is
sonotpretentious.
I'mgonnalendityou
andyou'regonnawatchit.
Okay,sirTimLong.
TIM: Iwasbeginningtofeel
somethingbizarre
andcompletelyalientome.
Happiness.
Tim,heis
soclever,huh.
Heknowseverything
aboutthemusic.
Andbooks.
Yeah?
TIM:Ido.
Sometimes
I'llbereadingabook,
layingback,readingabook,
andthen
I'lljustberockingout.
(GIRLSGIGGLING)
Iwouldbereading,rocking,
I'llberockingandreading.
Readingaboutrocking,
backandforth.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Idigit.Yeah,yeah.
Hekillme,Tim.
Tim,hekillme,
hekilleveryonehere.
Yeah.
TIM:Yeah,yeah.
I'mliketheUpperCanada
Rebellionof1838.(CHUCKLES)
Oh,'causethatkilled
severalpeople.
Lots,yeah,
killedlotsofpeople.
Hanged.Theywereallhanged.
That'sfunny.
(GIGGLES)
STEPHANE:Veryfunny.
Glenn!
Glenn,she'sback!
(MUSICCONTINUESPLAYING)
Ijustsaytheword
Shecameback.
(INFRENCHACCENT)
Hello,IamStephaneBelmadi.
I,uh...
Ilovetofuckthewomen,
Iliketodothedance,
Iliketofuckthemailbox,
thetoaster.
Ilovethecigarette.
STEPHANE: Idon'tdo
anyofthat.
Iwouldnotfuckatoaster.
TIM:Ithinkyouwould.
Stop,stop.Getoutofhere.
Myturn.
ThisiswhatTimsays.
Hesays,uh...
Howdy,I'mTim.
Iliketofuckthebook...
No,no,no...
No,no,no,no.
Fuckthebook...
That'salibrarycopy.
AndIdon't
fuckCamus,so...
Butseriously,Tim.
Why?Why?
Why,younot
likethegirl,huh?
What?
Ilovethegirl.
Youknowhowmuch
Ilovethegirl.
No,Ido
likethegirl,alot.
Ijustdon't...
I...IthinkIjustprefer
nottotalktothem
or...Orbotherthem
ortouch...
Ortouchthem.
Areyougay,huh?
Youliketheboy?
Mmm-mmm.
No,it'sokay,
youliketheboys.
No,no,no.
No,Ilikegirlsalot.
Ijust,um...
Ijustdon'tsee
whytheywouldlikeme.
What?Why?
You'vegoodface,veryclean.
You,uh,
haveanicepenis,huh?
Mmm.
Iseeitinthebathroom,Tim.
Huh?Wow.
Thankyou?
ThisBrenda...
Shelikeyou,Ithink.
Oh,youknow,Ithink...
Imean,Ilikeher,too.
She'sreallypretty
and...(CHUCKLES)
I...I...WhatdoIdo?
HowdoI...
Huh?Youtellher.Easy.
What,doyouwantme
togoupandsay,
"Hey,Brenda,I'msuper
intoyouandIlikeyour...
"Yourstupidsongs
andyourweirdhair.
"Andifyouaskme
totouchyourboobs,
"Iwouldprobablysayyes.
"And,hey,well,seeyoulater.
Seeyouinhistory.
"Ithinkwe'relearning
aboutSirWilfridLaurier."
It'sperfect.
Yousayjustthat.
AndIlikethatlittlecrinkle
betweenyoureyes
whenyousmile.
AndIlikethatyourskinsmells
likeaCrispyCrunchbar.
(SIGHS)
AndwhenIseeyou
Ijustwanna...
(STUTTERSANDSIGHS)
Whatdoyouwannado,Tim?
(RETCHING)
What,wearegoing?
(TIMCOUGHING)
(DOOROPENSANDCLOSES)
(TIMCOUGHINGANDRETCHING)
TIM:Oh,fuck.
Uh,Tim,Ihopeyouareokay.
It'simportant
todrinkthewater.
(TIMRETCHING)
Youdrinkthewater,
younotgetsick.
Okay.
Thisway.
Thisway,thisway.
Okay.
Oh,my...
Voila!
(SQUEALINGANDGASPING)
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
HappyBirthday,Sheila.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Tim,oohlala.
Oui,oui.
Thankyousomuchboys.
J'adore.
HappyBirthday,
Sheila.
Mmm.
(CHUCKLES)
Hereyougo.
SHEILA:Thankyou.
Wow,okay.
Fifty-fourdollars.
MaybeI'llgotothedollar
storeandbuy54things.
DIANE:(OVERPA)
Andremembertosupport
theWhiteSquirrel
thisafternoon.
It'sabiggameagainstWingham.
Go,WhiteSquirrels!
Hey,hey,goodluck
withthebiggame.
Huh?Andgoodluck
withyour,uh...
Yep,my,uh...
MyFrenchpresentation
infrontoftheentireclass.
Exactement.
Ipredictyoumakeabigwow.
Well,score
asportpointforme.
(BOTHLAUGHING)
TIM: WhileStephanewas
gettingreadyforthe
biggestgameoftheyear,
noteverybody
wasrootingforhim
tobethehero.
Dudecan'ttake
afuckingjoke.
(ALLWHOOPINGANDCHEERING)
(WHISTLEBLOWS)
Let'sgo,WhiteSquirrels!
Comeon!
MAN:Let'sgo,WhiteSquirrels.
Comeon,Stephane.
ROTHBAUER:Whatare
youdoingthere?
Usethewing.
Giveittothewing.
(WHISTLEBLOWS)
BOY:Comeon.
Waytogo,brownclown.
Yeah,brownclown,
waytogo.
BOY:Allright.
Hey.
MAN:Hey,that'safoul.
ROTHBAUER:Moveit,moveit.
Watchyourfeet,
brownclown.
(TIMSPEAKINGFRENCH)
Uh,I'msorry,
I'mreallynervous.
MRS.FLEMING:
It'sokay,it'sokay.
Youknowwhat,youcandoyour
presentationinEnglish.
ThefilmisinFrench.
Okay.Thankyou.
Um...
Nowyou'llimmediatelysee
thedirectoruses
costumingandlighting
toconveymood.
And,um,weopenona
protagonist,who'sathief.
Acon,acheat.
(ALLGIGGLING)
Acocksmoker.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Andhe's...
Ilovethegirl.
Youknowhowmuch
Ilovethegirl.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Oh,shit.
Watchyourfeet,
brownfuckingclown.
(WHISTLEBLOWING)
BOY:Oh!
(WHISTLEBLOWS)
(PLAYERSCHEERING)
No,Ilikegirlsalot.
Ijustdon't...
"Ilikegirls."
Whatafreak.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Timwantstogeton
BrendaCrowfoot!
Loser.
IthinkthatIwould
probablysayyes.
Stopit.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Thisis
thegreatestthingever.
(ALLLAUGHING)
(WHISTLEBLOWS)
MAN1:Comeon.Comeon.
(MAN2GROANS)
Damnit!
Well,son,I'mnotone
topointfingers,
neverhavebeen,
notmynature.
But,uh,youjustfucked
theentiretown.
It'snotmyfault.
Notyourfault?
Well,whosefaultisit?
Uh,ColonelGadhafi,hmm?
You'readisgrace,son.
You'redisgrace
totheWhiteSquirrel.
There,Isaidit!
Okay?Isaidit.
Fuckyou
andfuck
yourWhiteSquirrel.
Andfuckthis
pieceofshittown!
Shameonyou!
I'llbeokay.Huh?
Enough!
Me?Yousawwhat
hedid.This...
It'snothowwedothings
inHobart.
Oh,yeah.No.
Wejustvictimize
teenageboys
becausewe'rescared
andjealousthat
they'renotlikeus.
Sure.
Youknowwhat?Idon'tthink
Icanbewithaman
thatIdon'trespect.
Weneedtotakeabreak.
I'llpickupmystuff
ontheweekend.
What?Hmm?
Nothing.
Youwannagiveme20?
No.
Twentylaps?
Highstepping.
Let'sgo.
Highstepping.Let'sgo!
I'msorry.Ow!
Comeon,
let'sgo.
Iguessyougottofinally
seetherealHobart.
Idonotbelievethis.
TheysayCanada
isjusttheuglyfriend
oftheUSA.
ButIloved
thisuglyfriend.
Yeah,Iknow.
Theycanonlyfoolyou
forsolong.
Yeah,Idon'tunderstand.
Hey,Brenda,you'regonnago
makeoutwithTimLong?
What?
No.IhaveCapeBreton
stepdancing.
I'mnicetothem.
Isaynice...
Hey,Brenda,TimLong
iswaitingforyou.
He'sjustdying
toseeyou.
Andyourboobs.
LikeIsaid,Ihave
CapeBretonstepdance
onaWednesday,so...
Whyiseveryoneaskingme
aboutTimLong?
Youtotaldick!
Tim.
Wasthatsupposed
tobefunny?
Youswappedthatstupidvideo
wemadefor LeCercleRouge.
Thatwasmypresentation!
No.
No,youtoldmethat
youwantedtoshow
themovietoBrenda.
What?
Comeon,Long.
She'srightthere,
humpitout.
No,Isw...Iswitched
themovietopushyou,huh,
becauseIwantBrendatosee
howmuchyoulikeher.
Okay,whatmovie?
Stephaneswapped
LeCercleRouge forthis
stupidvideowetook,
andthewholeclasssawmesay
howmuchIlikeyourhair
andyourstupidsongs
andhowmuchIwant
tokissyou.
Youdid?
Tim,Iwastryingtobe
agoodfriend.
Youhumiliatedme.
Youmademelooklike
anidiot.Youruinedmylife.
You'renofriendofmine.
No,ofcourse,
becauseyouhave
nofriends,
notme,notanyone.
Youknow,
whatthey'resaying
aboutyouistrue.
You'reano-friendloser.
You'reaself-centered,
narcissistic,sexcrazed,
thoroughlyabsurd...
What?
Okay,soyoulike
myhair?
TIM:No,Idon'tlike
yourhair.
I...I...
Iwasdrunk.
Andhemademesaythings
Idon'tmeantosay.
Idon'tlikeyourhair
oryourstupidsongsoryou!
Idon'tlikeyou!
Brenda.
(SIGHS)Shit.
Youknow,Iwish
Inotchooseyou,
huh,orthisbucket
ofshitplace.
Yeah,well,
Iwishthat,too.
Vatefairefoutre!
KEVIN:(PANTING)
Please,somebody!
TIM:Mom!Mom!
WherearetheDoritos?
Andwhere'sMom?
"DearestTim,I'vedecided
tomoveoutofthehouse
fora..."
What?
Itgetsworse.
Well,maybenotworse,
butitstartsbad,staysbad.
SHEILA: Yourdad
isawonderfulman,
butit'sbeenclear
forsometime
thatmylifeismissing
acertain jenesaisquoi.
"Jenesaisquoi"?
Yeah, jenesaisquoi.
God,fuckingStephane.
Language.
TIM: I...Icouldn'tbelieve
I'dinvitedthischaos
intomylife.
(INDISTINCTCHATTER)
Youcancomestaywithus
foraslongasyouneed.
STEPHANE:Thankyou.
TIM: Itwasn'tjustme
shunningStephane.
Theschoolhadturned
onhim,too.
He'dlostusasoccermatch
andcalledourtown
apieceofshit.
Whichitmighthavebeen,
butthey
didn'tlikehearingit
fromsomeonelikehim.
Iftheywerelooking
forareasontoturn
onastrangerintheirtown,
they'dfoundone.
(POPMUSICPLAYING)
Looksgood.
Ah...
Hi.
Howareyou?
Yeah,I'mgood.
SHEILA:Sitdown,
let'schat.
Uh,how'sAuntThelma?
Shesnores.Onenight,
at4:00inthemorning,she...
Ican'tbelieveStephane
madeyouleave.
What?
Imean,
youknowI'magnostic,
butIthinkhemight
literallybeademon.
Tim!Thingshavenot
beengreat
betweenyourdadandI
foraverylongtime.
Okay?
Stephaneisnottoblame
andneitherareyou.
Yeah.
Nobody'sblamingme.
I'm...I'mgreat.
Yeah,you'regreat.
You'regreat.
Comehere.
Whowouldblameme?
Comehere.
Nobodyisblamingyou.
Sheila?
Mmm,justasec.
Sheila?
Thankyousomuch.
Oh.Hey.
(CHUCKLES)
IsthatKevin?
Yeah,it'sKevin.
Yeah,helookspissed.
Just10seconds.Please.
Sheila!
Thisbetternotbeabout
thefuckingacorn,okay?
It'snotabout
theacorn.
Okay.
You'regonnabe
attheparadetomorrow,
right?Okay?
Trytoremember
thatmostpeople
arenotreallybad
andnotreallystupid,
okay?
They'rejustdoingthebest
thattheycan.
Yes,Kevin.
It'sabouttheacorn.
Iknewitwasabout
thefuckingacorn.
Thetown,thesquirrel
andmylife.
(GASPS)What...
Putain,merde, shit!
(SIGHS)Youknow
whyIcomehere?
Ithoughtitwould
bedifferent,huh.
WhereI'mfrom,
thekidswholooklikeme,
theyonlyhangout
withpeoplewholook
likeme.
InHobart,
it'sthesame,
maybebecauseHobart
isshit.
Huh.Canadaisshit!
They'llalwaysfindaway
toscrewyou.
I...Ineedtogoclear
myhead.
Here,takethetruck.
Thankyou,Crowfeet.
TIM: Thenextmorning,
aseveryonewasgetting
readyfortheparade,
allIcouldthinkabout
waswhereStephanewas,
andwhoelse'slife
hemightberuining.
Whoa.
(KEVINSOBBING)
Okay,we,uh...
Wegotta...
Wegottastaycalm.
(WAILINGLOUDLY)Why?
It'snotfair!
Kev,it'sgonnabeokay.
Maybewecanfixit.
Itwon'tbethesame!
Theyruinedher!
"Her"?
Whocoulddo
suchathing?
(KEVINCRYING)
I'llgiveyou
threeguesses.
MRS.FLEMING:Stephane?
He'snotthatkindofkid.
ROTHBAUER:Mmm.
Ishe?
ROTHBAUER:
Well,youtellme.
There'stheheadbutt,
huh?
There'sthe,uh...
(INFRENCHACCENT)
"FucktheWhiteSquirrel,"
right?
(NORMALACCENT)Plus,Isawhim
hangingaroundthetownhall
at3:00thismorning.
SoyouthinkStephane
didthis?
WhatIthinkis
wedon'tknowshit,son.
Ofcourse
wewon'tknowanything
untilweget
theautopsyresultsback.
Appearstobe
asingleassailant.
Subcutaneousabrasions
alongtherightfemurthere.
Itlookslikethere's
somefleshunderneath
theclaws,
whichmeansthevictim
didfightback.
KEVIN:Tellme
shedidn'tsuffer.
(SIGHS)Oh,Kevin,
Iwouldlovetobeable
totellyouthat,
butI'mnotaliar.
Wedon'tknowanything
aboutthisguy.
Iheardhisoldman
didsomejailtime.
Well,that'strue.
It'sinhisfile.
MRS.FLEMING:Iread
thefiletoo,Gary.
Hisdadwasarrested
duringlaborprotest.
Hewastheheadoftheunion.
ROTHBAUER:Mmm-hmm.
Takethisdowntothelab.
Havetheboyscheckit
forblood,urine,semen.
Yes,sir.
ROTHBAUER:Mypointexactly.
Troublemaker,
bornandbred.
Theappleneverfalls
farfromthetree.
(SCOFFS)Okay.
Maybehecamehere
forafreshstart.
Freshstart?Theonlything
hegotfreshwith
isHerb'sdaughter.
(CHUCKLING)
Yeah...What?
Freshwith
yourdaughter.
Didyouhave
ahandinthis?
What?No,no,no,no,
Ihaven't...
He'snotstaying...
He'sstayingwith
theCrowfoots.
Right.
Shootingoffguns.
Hehitmycar
lastnight.
Maybehewasaiming
atmygastank.
Ka-boom!
Makemywife
awidow.
Allright,whydon'tyouquit
cryingintoyourDinkyDonuts
andbringhimin,hmm?
HERB:Surething,Gary.
Yeah,thereisnoway.
There'snofreakingway.
Iknowhehated
theWhiteSquirrel,but...
Yeah,Iknow,buthewas
withyoulastnight,right?
Sure,untilhetook
mybrother'struck
anddroveoffinto
thedirectionofthetown.
Superfurious.Andthen,
hecameback
thismorninglooking...
Mega-guilty.
Butstill,
there'snofreakingway.
Okay,look,Ineedyou
todosomethingforme.
No,Iamnotdoing
anythingforyou.
Thattractorhassailed.
Okay.Wouldyoudoit
forStephane?
TIM: Stephane
wasmanythings...
Oversexed,
intellectuallybereft,
permanentlyerect.
ButIknewhewasn'taliar
oracriminal.
AndIhadtomakethetown
seethat,too.
Hi.
Hi.
(CARNIVALMUSICPLAYING)
Brenda.
Thatiscrazy.
Thatissoweird.
TimLong?Whatare
thechancesofthat?
Oneinamillion,maybe.
Idon'tknowhowhegothere.
That'stooweird.
Ijustcan'tbelieveit.
I...Ineverknew
thiscouldneverhappen.
It'stheweirdestthing.
Whatdoyouwant,Tim?
Listen,you'reinbigtrouble.
Okay?Becausetheythink
youdidthat.
STEPHANE:JustlikeParis.
Somethinggowrong,
blameStephane.
Thesquirrelgetbroken,
youblameStephane.
Moneygomissing,
youblameStephane.
Substituteteacher
getspregnant,
blameStephane.
What?
Fuck.Shit.
Okay,comeon.
Why?
Comeon.Comeon.
Comeon.
Okay.Puttheseon.
Please,it'syourturn
totrustme.
STEPHANE:Ican'tseeshit.
Whichwayarewegoing?
ROTHBAUER:Ifyou'regonnalet
yourkidscometotheparade,
youcan'tlet'emplay
withthebeavertails,okay?
Theyplay
withtheirbottomsallday,
nextthingyouknow,
there'sbabyshit
inthebeaver.
That'swhy
youdon'tadopt.
(SIGHS)
IwenttotheCrowfoots',
andhewasalreadygone.
Damnit,Herb.
Youhadonejobtodo.
I'msorry,Gary.
Mmm-hmm.
Isawtheirtruck
ontheedgeoftown.
Hemightbeheresomewhere.
Noshit.He'sprobablytrying
tofinishwhathestarted.
Heonlywantstoruin
ourwholedamnparade.
Hewouldn't.
Hewouldn't?
Oh,hehatesthistown,
andeverything
westandfor,Herb.
Peace,freedom,
moretraditional
wayoflife.
Hi,Gary.
Kev.
ROTHBAUER:Now,listen,
Iwantyoutodo
athoroughsweep
oftheentire
paraderoute,okay?
Andyouletmeknow
whenyouhaveeyes
onthatsonofabitch.
Yes,sir.
(PARADEMUSICPLAYING)
(PEOPLECHEERINGANDAPPLAUDING)
STEPHANE:Tim!Tim!Tim!
Wherearewegoing?
What'stheplan,Tim?
TIM:(SHUSHES)
Peoplewillheartheaccent!
STEPHANE:Idon'thaveaccent,
youhaveaccent!
BRENDA:Hey,guys,Iactually
can'tseeanything,so...
SOS!
STEPHANE:Tim,
Brendaisfalling.
TIM:Oh,fuck!
STEPHANE:Letmehelpyouup.
Givemeyourhand.
Hey,thatMexicanfuck
isactuallythatArabfuck!
STEPHANE:No,no,no.
IamaMexican.
Uh, porfavor!
BOY:Hey,it'shim!
That'shim!
That'stheperp!
(GRUNTS)
TIM:(MUTTERS)Fuck.
Fuck!Fuck!
Getoutofmyway.
Getoutofmyway.
Rightthen,IknewIhad
tostandupforStephane,
andmakethetownsee
whatIsawinhim,
becausethat'swhatfriendsdo
foreachother.
Stoptheparade!
Stop.
Stoptheparade.
ROTHBAUER:Whatare
wedancingfor?Ididn'tknow
therewasgonnabeadance.
Stop.
KEVIN:Thisisfun,
butwhoisthat?
Whatdoyouthink
I'mdoing?Stop.
I'mnotdancing.
Stoptheparade.
Stopthe...
Stopthefriggin'
parade.
ROTHBAUER:Whatthehell
areyoudoing?
HERB:Hey,Gary.
Lookwhatthecat
draggedin.
No,no,no.
Lethimgo,please.
Lethimgo.
Please,lethimgo.
KEVIN:You'reruining
myparade.
Justholdon.
(MICSQUEALING)
Uh...
Okay.
Okay.
NowIknowI'veneverbeen
themostpopularkid
inschool...
BOY1:Noshit!
Okay.
Uh,andIknowalotofyou
probablythinkI'msome...
GIRL1:You'reacreep!
BOY2:Nerd.
GIRL2:That'sright.
MAN:Gomakeanothertape,
youpervert.
BOY3:GobangBrenda.
Everyonehatesyou.
Okay.
Well,uh,Ijustwant
tosaythatStephane...
(ALLBOOING)
StephaneBelmadeismyfriend,
andhe'sareallygreatguy.
Okay,comeon.
(ALLBOOING)
AndIknowhewouldnever
dothattothesquirrel.
Buthowdoyouknow,
Tim?
ALL:Yeah!
Because...
BecauseIjustknow.
Ijustknow.
Andifyou'renotwilling
togiveavisitortoourtown
thebenefitofthedoubt,
thenI'mnotsureIhave
anythinglefttosaytoyou.
Okey-doke.
Wait,no,wait.
Canyoustop,please?
It'safigureofspeech.
Ihavealittlebitmore
tosay.
(ALLPROTESTING)
StephaneBelmadehasdone
somuchforsomanyofus.
Yeah.
Youknow,hecamehere
andhewasreadytosee
thebestinallofus,
butwechosetosee
theworstinhim
becauseofwhat,
becauseoftheway
helooks.
But,look,
it'snottoolate.
Wecanlaunchafull-scale
investigation,wecould...
Whoa,whoa,whoa,
weknowwhathedid.
ALL:Yeah.
ROTHBAUER:Okay?
Isawhimbreak
intotownhallyelling,
"FuckzeWhiteSquirrel!"
Okay.
"Fuckit.Fuckithard!"
Okay,thatcan'tbetrue.
Stephane,wherewereyou
lastnight?
ALL:Yeah.
MAN:Tellus.
Icannotsay
whereIwas. Desole.
Herb,
takehimaway.
Wait.
Yes,sir.
TIM: No,no,no.
GLENN:Wait!
Glenn?
Stephanewas
withme.
WOMAN:Comeon.
SHEILA:What?
GLENN:Andthank
friggin'Christhewas.
Wheretobegin?Uh...
Sevenyearsago,
theCanadiangovernment
madeaseriesofdisastrous
economicdecisions...
Dad!
Maybe...Maybestart
nearertheend.
Smartboy.Ijustwanted
togivethemabitofcontext,
putabackstorythere,but,
uh...(CLEARSTHROAT)
(MICSQUEALING)
Hello?Um...
Likealotofyouse,
I'vegotabusiness
that'sgoingunder.
Lastnight,Iwasdesperate,
ontheverge
oflosingeverything.
Hey!
Glenn,whatare
youdoing,huh?
GLENN: Stephanethrewme
inachair,
mademesomecoffee
andtalkedsomesense
intome.
(CLEARSTHROAT)
(IMITATINGSTEPHANE) "Glenn,
yougetcaught,yougotojail!
"YoucannotdothattoTim
andtoSheila.
Theyloveyousomuch."
Uh,Ican'treally
dotheaccentthatgood.
Anyways,hesatwithme
allnight.
Hedidn'tleavemyside,
didyou,mylittle
Frenchbuddy? (CHUCKLES)
Mr.Long's
tellingthetruth!
There'sabonfire
inthere!
MRS.FLEMING:Holdon.
Youcouldn'thaveseen
Stephane.
So,wheredidyouspend
lastnight,Gary?
Me?
(WHISPERS)Fuck.
Uh...
IwaswithDiane.
Ofcourse,wewere,uh...
Engagingin...
Ratherheavypetting,
thatledtofull-blown,
penetrativeintercourse.
Areyouinsane?
Iamrighthere,
andthatdidn'thappen.
(CROWDCLAMORING)
Couldhavehappened.
(STAMMERING)
ALL:Hey!
DIANE:Don'tlethimgetaway!
ALL:Oh!
TIM: I'msureyoucanguess
whoactuallydiddestroy
thesquirrel.
Bydinnertime,
everyonejustforgot
theirrace-basedwitch-hunt,
theirxenophobicrush
tojudgment,
theirethnically-motivated
vigilantism...
Yougetthepoint.
TimLong,
youstandupforme.
Infront
ofthewholetown.
Thesepeople,
theyhateyou.
No,I...
Iwouldn'tsay"Hate."
Oui.Oui,oui.
Theysaidterriblethings
aboutyou.
"TimLongisabookworm."
"TimLongisaloser."
"TimLongisneedle-dicked,
four-eyesshitboy."
Iactuallyhaven'theard
thatone.
Terriblethings.
Me,Idon'tsay
thesethings
because...
Whosaid"Shitboy?"
Well,once,becauseweare
meilleurscopains.
Meilleurscopains.
(CHUCKLES)
Iguessweare.
(SIGHS)Oh,God.Okay.
I'vegotta...
Igottadosomething.
(CHUCKLES)
Bonnechance.
Gogether,TimLong.
Whydidn'tyoutellme
aboutthebusinessgoing
inthecrapper?
'CauseI'manidiot.
Wemighthave
tosellthehouse.
Mmm.
We'verented
before.
Maybeyourmom
willdiesoontoo.
She'sgotcash,right?
(BOTHLAUGHING)
We'llfigureitout.
Wealwaysdo.
Westillgot
what'smostimportant.
You're...You'retalking
aboutusbeingtogether,
right?
Yes,Glenn.
Yeah.
Well,maybeweshould
tellTimthatwe'vepatched
thingsup.
(SIGHS)
Oh,Imean...
We'vestarted
thedifficult
andpainfuljourney
towardspatching
thingsup.
Yeah.
Yeah,yeah.Good.
Hello,TimLong.
Ithoughtwhat
youdidtoday
wasnotun-heroic,
andmaybe...
I...I...I'mreally
sorry,Brenda.
I...Idolikeyourhair,
andyourcrazysongs,
andI...
(CHUCKLES)
Hi.
Don'tletus
stopyou.
Theywerewatching
thewholetime?
It'sagood
technique,huh?
Notbad.
Ican...Icanfeel
youlooking.Pleasestop.
Idon'tknow...
Idon'tknowwhy
you'restaring.
We'reveryproud
ofyou.
Allright.
Allright.
"Allright"what?
Justholdstill.
Okay.
TIM: TherestofStephane's
staywithuswas,well,
kindofterrific.
Someofthebesttimes
I'veeverhad.
(MOANINGONTV)
Youknow,
ifyoulookclosely,
youcanseetheframing's
reallybeeninfluenced
byGodardandTruffaut...
Imade
amistake.Okay?
So,youhaulmein.
Ifthecoach
hadn'tdroppedme
fortheplay-offs,
youwouldn'tbe
staringatme
righthere,
broken,humiliated,
soiled.
TIM: Butlikealloflife's
loveliestthings,
itwasoverwaytoosoon.
Oh,I'msosorry
weweren'tup
toyourhighstandards,
Jean-Claude...
Terriblecuisine,
terribletown,
terriblecountry.
Screwyou!
WOMAN:(SCOFFS)Let'sgo.
STEPHANE:Hey,look.
It'stheHobart
posse,huh?
ALL:Hey!
Wecametosay
goodbye.
Andwe'resorry.
Wedrewcertain
conclusions
basedonyoubeing
different.
Andthat'swrong.
InHobart,
weprideourselves
intreatingeveryone
equally,
regardlessofrace.
(SNORTSANDLAUGHS)
Oh,you'rebeingserious.
Whatwemeanis,uh,
wewerewrong.
Iwillmiss
thisHobart.
Iwanttomakelove
onallofyou.
Thankyou.
MAN:(ONPA) Ladies
andgentlemen,
thisisthelastcall
forflightnumber827
toParis.
HERB:We'regonna
missyou,buddy.
KEVIN: Bonnechance,
mybrown-skinnedfriend.
Weare
meilleurscopains.
Bestfriends.
I'llgonow.
Yeah.
I'llwritetoyou.
I'llwritetoyou,
TimLong.
AndI'llusethebigwords
youteachme.
Diaphanous.
TIM: Stephanemightnot
havebeenwhatIwanted,
butitturnedout
hewaswhatIneeded.
AndIthink
heneededmetoo.
Hemightnothave
enlightenedmeonTruffaut
orhowtoconjugateaverb...
Hey.
...buthetaughtmethings
I'llneverforget.
Aboutlove,
life,
secondchances...
Bye,Stephane.
STEPHANE:Bye,TimLong.
TIM: ...andhowtoundo
abrawithonehand.
Sexynerdcouple.
(BOTHCHUCKLING)
(SIGHS)
TimLong,
areyouwearingcologne?
Yeah.Yeah,well,
youknowwhat
theysay.
"Beforesexhappens
inthepants,
ithappensinthenose."
Oh.(GIGGLES)
TIM: AsIwavedgoodbye,
Ididn'tknowwhether
itwas aurevoir or adieu.
ButIdidknowthat
Stephanehadchangedmylife...
Forever.
Bonjour!
WemadeittoParis,
mydreamcity,theheart
ofallculture
andallthatisgood.
Wemadeit.Wemadeit.
Tim,look.
ImadetheEiffelTower
mycock.
Iknow.
Hey,Tim,youcome
jerkmeoff,huh?
It'dbefunny.
Youjerkmeoff.
Okay.
WheninParis.
Yeah.
(GRUNTING)
Oh,oh!(CHUCKLES)
Okay.
(LAUGHS)
Tim,you'renext!
TIM: Okay.
You'renext!
(STEPHANEBEATBOXING
ANDSINGING)
TimisinParis
Hip-hopiscool
Thisisveryfun
ALL: Whoo!
Oh,whoa.
Freezeit.
Comeon,Tim.
"Shitboy."
"Shitboy,"huh?
(CHUCKLES)
Holdit.
(STUTTERS)
Tellmeyou'regettingthis.
Thisisanincredible
andclassicMaillol.
Yougotthebraveuseofcolors
andtheboldbrushstrokes,
and,ofcourse,
it'sDina,hismuse.
Hepaintedalotofher.
Imean,thisis...
Thisisunbelievable.
Really?
STEPHANE: Tim,Itellyou,
thisistherealmasterpiece.
(UPBEATSONGPLAYING)
HowcanIaskfor
anon-alcoholicdrink?
Ah.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Okay.
Uh,excuseme.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Whatthefuck
isthis?
Ididnotdo
anything.
(INAUDIBLE)
Burgersforbreakfast,
hereinParis.
It'spretty
good.
Prettygood.
Cheers.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
(SONGCONTINUESPLAYING)
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)
BOY1: Thisisme.
GIRL:(MOANING)Oh,yeah!
BOY1: No,notthisguy.
GIRL:Oh,yeah.
Oh,don'tstop!
Oh,myGod!
BOY1: Thisguy.
GIRL:Oh,myGod!
(BOY2GRUNTING)
Oh,rightthere!
(BOTHMOANINGANDGRUNTING)
GIRL:Oh,yeah!
I...I'mgonna...
BOY1: Ikindofwanted
tofreezetodeaththatday.
TimLong,no!
Ievenfantasized
aboutaheadline.
"TeenageGeniusDies
InBlizzard"
Butintruth,
Iknewmydeath
wouldmakeoneparagraph
onpage12atbest.
(BOY2YELLING)
Igrewupinwhatis
technicallyknown
amonggeographers
asthemiddle
offuckingnowhere,
inatownwhosemascot
wasthisguy.
Thewhitesquirrel.
Now,whitesquirrelshave
arecessivegenethatmakes
themsuperrare...
Andsuperdumb.
Andin1986,
whenthetownwasinthemidst
ofacripplingrecession,
Hobartandthesquirrel
hadalotincommon.
Theywereboththrowbacks
onthevergeofextinction,
strugglingtofightoff
strongercompetitors,
andalmosttotallywhite.
WOMAN:Tim,comeon!
Yeah,it'stough
foreverybodyrightnow.
Didyouhearabout
Robertson'svariety?
YouknowDougRobertson,
noheadforbusiness.
Tim,Mom'swaiting!
That'swhatyousaid
aboutStedmanShoes
andthey'vebeen
inbusiness
for60years,right?
Hey,buddy!
Hey.
Yeah.
Youknow,youdon'tgottogo
totheparademeeting
withyourmom.
Youcanalwaysheaddown
totherinkand,uh,
Idon'tknow,hangout
withyourfriends.
(GLENNSIGHS)
Why'dyouhave
tomentionfriends?
(CARDOOROPENS)
Ispywithmylittleeye
somethingthatstarts
withaC.
Car?
Yeah.
TIM: Hobart'sannual
whitesquirrelparade
wasthemostembarrassing
andculturallycringeworthy
eventimaginable...
Unlessyouarefouryearsold,
orKevin,
theparadeorganizer.
Comewithme,ifyouwill,
ona...
(SQUEAKING)
Onajourney
throughthemistsoftime.
MAN:Whoa.
Lettheyearsrollback
beforeyoureyes.
The'70s
turnintothe'60s.
Groovy.
Righton.
(ALLCHUCKLE)
The'50s,Elvis...
(CHUCKLES)
The'40s,Korea...
Backandback
andbackwego...
It's1939.
TheNazisarecutting
aswaththroughEurope.
Jewsandgypsies
aremurdered
indiscriminately.
Ooh.
AndtheTorontoMapleLeafs
havewontheirsecond
StanleyCup.
(WHOOPINGANDCHEERING)
Yeah!
Yeah!
MAN:Yeah!
Iproposethisyear,
werecreateHobart's
veryfirst
whitesquirrelparade.
I'msorry,
whyarethereNazis?
Therewon'tbe
actualNazis,
itwasjust
forhistoricalcontext.
Um,beforewecommit
toanyonetheme,
weshouldmaybe
lookatcost.
Cutbackalittle.
Hell,no.
(ALLGASP)
Youknowwhocutscorners
ontheirtownfairs?
(SOFTLY)Wingham.
IthinkthatSheila
hasapoint.
Imean,
moneyissotight
thesedays.
Maybewecancutback
onthesnowremoval,
orthedaycarehours
attheoldfolkshome.
Butwhataboutthetheme?
Retrovintage!
Okay,Ithinkthattheparade
isreallyimportant
toalotofpeople.
So,whydon'twejustall
putourthinkingcapson
and,uh,
we'lldiscussit
nextweek.
Itellyouwhat,
whydon'tweput
ourthinkingcapson,
justdiscussit
nextweek.
Iknowtheparade
isreallyimportant
toeveryone.
MAN:That'sagreatidea,Gary.
Thankyou.
TIM: Whilemyschoolmates
wereattherink,
Isoughtsolaceinthecompany
ofourTownHalljanitor.
Hello.
I,uh,
couldn'tdecidebetween
and LaDolceVita,
soIbrought
themall.
Whatwasthatagain?
Youtoldmeyou'dbought
aVCRplayer,
soIthoughtI'dbring
somemovies.
Idon'tcaremuch
formovies.
TIM:Right,sure.
But,incaseyouchange
yourmind,
I'mgonnaleave
thesehere.
Moviesfromallaround
theworld,
includingone
fromKorea.
Ishotmybestfriend
inKorea.
Usedhisbody
forshelter.
Okay.
I...Ididn'tknowthat,
I'msorry.
I'lltakethatoneout.
Farewell,
TheHousemaid.
There'satamponblocking
thedrainpipe.
I'llseeyoulater.
Yeah,okay.
Goodluck
withthe,uh...
Goodluckwiththe...
Withthetampon.
(SIGHS)
Youwerereally
impressiveinthere,Gary.
Youhavesuch
awaywithwords.
Thankyouforkeeping
Timcompany.
Careful,
it'stheCrowfoots.
WOMAN:WhatcanIdo
foryou,sir?
Gunpermit.
WOMAN:Downstairs
totheleft...
Oops!Sorry!
Iheardthesister
doesn'teventalk.
Hi,TimLong!
Look,samesweater!
See?
(SCHOOLBELLRINGING)
BOY:Hey,Long.
How'syourbook?
Uh,it's...
It'snotabook,
it'samagazine.
Yeah?Areyougonna
fuckit?
(BOTHCHUCKLE)
Howexactly
wouldIdothat?
Idon'tknow,man,
you'retheonewho'sgay.
(BOTHLAUGHING)
Whyisthemagazine
aman?
Dude,Fleming'scoming.
Wegottago.
MRS.FLEMING:(INFRENCH)
Quelesttonfilmprefere?
yourfavoritefilm?
Mary.(INFRENCH)
Quelesttonfilmprefere?
Monfilmprefere,
c'estEndlessLove
avec BrookeShields.
MRS.FLEMING:Craig.
Quelesttonfilmprefere?
Monfilmprefere,
c'estPorky'sIII:
Porky'sRevenge.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Monsieur Long?
(ALLGROAN)
Shit,herewego...
Allright.
Um...
(INFRENCH) Monfilm
prefere,c'est
LeCercleRouge
par Jean-PierreMelville.
(MARYSCOFFS)
(MRS.FLEMINGSPEAKINGFRENCH)
Whatisthestory?
Um...
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
(BELLRINGING)
Wait,holdon.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
talktoyouabout
thisFrance-Canada
exchangeprogram.
Thisisareallygreatway
toexpandyourhorizons.
Asuper-duperway
tomakefriends,
learnabouttheworld,
makesureyourparents
seethis,too.
WOMAN:(OVERPA)
Attention,students,
PrincipalWareham
hasdecidedtomake
finalperiod
amandatoryphysical
educationhour
atourveryown
WhiteSquirrelIceRink!
(ALLCHEERING)
Yes!
Jesus,doesthatmean
wecangonow?
Actually,
Monsieur Hudson,
Timhadn'tfinished
describinghisfilm.
(ALLSIGHING)
Monsieur Long,continue.
Please,nomore.
Um...
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
(CHUCKLES)
youcanbringitin
andwecanwatchit
enclasse.
Everybody,
enjoyyourskating.
(INDISTINCTTALKING)
I'mgonnakillmyself.
Enfrancais.
Jevaismetuer.
Bien.
Takealittlelook.
Oh,and,uh,
justonemorething.
Allnon-skatersshouldbring
theirhomeworktothenorth
bleachers!
Hey.
Yougonnaskate?
DoesthePope
wearadress?
Yeah,Ithink
Imight,too,onceI'm...
allfinisheduphere.
How'syourhearing?
Myhearing?
Yeah.
It'sgood.
Youdidn'trespondto
the,uh,jokeabout
thePopeinthedress.
(LAUGHS)Yeah,well,
youmakethatonealot,
so...
DoI?
I...Well...
Four...
Five...
Six...Mmm.
Thatwas
goodfeedback.
Thankyou.
You'refunny.
Yes,Iam.
(INDISTINCTCHATTER)
TimLong,TimLong
Rockettothestars
everyweekendtonight
Iliketomakeupsongs
withpeople'snames.
Cecil'sgotawoman
inthecity...
Shutup!Everyonehates
yourstupidsongs.
Uh,youknow,
Ihaven'theardenoughofthem
tosayIhatethem.
HateisawordIreserve
forapartheid...
Andfamine.
Apartheidandfamine!
Youknow,
youlookjustlike
SteveDalrymple.
Who?
SteveDalrymple?
Hewasthatkid
whomovedhere
fromManitoba?
Andthenhisdad
gothitbyamotorbike?
Andthentheymoved
backtoManitoba?
TIM:Yeah,I...
Idon'trememberhim.
(CHUCKLES)
Ialwaysthought
SteveDalrymplewascute.
Flashblizzard!
Okay,I'llseeyou.
Okay...(GRUNTS)
Ow!
BOY:Outoftheway,Tim!
GIRL:Mom,openthecar!
Fuckoff!
Ow!
GIRL:Suchaloser.
(BOTHGRUNT)
(WINDHOWLING)
Whydowelivehere?
Wedon'tevenhave
aMcDonald's.
Okay.
TIM: Itsuddenlystruckme
thattheFrenchexchange
couldbemysalvation,
mychancetoinject
somesophistication,
someculture,some
jenesaisquoi intomylife.
(ROCKMUSICPLAYING)
Icouldfindsomeonewho
wouldn'tstareatmeblankly
whenItalkedaboutTruffaut,
orthinkthattheFrenchNew
Wavewasahairstyle.
(MUSICCONTINUESPLAYING)
Finally,Icouldfind
arealfriend.
(PRINTERSCREECHING)
What'shedoingnow?
Idon'tknow.
Jerkingoff?
Howcanyouuse
acomputertojerkoff?
They'llfindaway.
Theyalwaysfindaway.
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)
SHEILA:Thisisfun,Tim.
No,no,please.
SHEILA:Yougotit?
GLENN:Handsomeboy.
SHEILA:Yeah.On?
Yeah.
I'mhere,uh,withTimLong,
awaitingthearrival
ofayoungmanfromParis.
Tellourviewers
howyou'refeeling.
Canwestop,please?
Thisguy'sfromEurope.
He'sgonnabe
sophisticatedandsmart
andworldly,andhe's...
He'snotgonnalikeit.
Oh,Tim,
areweembarrassingyou?
(CHUCKLES)
(GLENNLAUGHS)
TIM: Jesus.
Huh.
GLENN: Well...
Um,thisisSheilaLong,
LongFamilyNews,
theairport.
Ithoughtitwasfun.
GLENN: God,thisthing
weighsaton.
Theydon'ttellyouthat
onthebox,orhowmuch
thegoddamntapescost.
Oh,expensive.
Comeon.Saveme.
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)
Hey.
BOY: Allo, Tim.
(HIP-HOPMUSICPLAYING)
Allo, TimLong.
What?
Iamyourexchangepartner,
StephaneBelmadi.Eh?
Whatdoyoumean?
ForTimLong?
SHEILA: Glenn,yougettingthis?
GLENN: Iactually
havenoidea...
SHEILA: Getinthere.Zoomin.
...ifthisison
ornot,but...
AndyoumustbeGlenn?
GLENN:Yeah.
Well, bonjour.
Hello.
Ithinkthere'samix-up.
STEPHANE: Bonjour.
(STEPHANESPEAKSFRENCH)
Wow,Sheila.Abeauty.
GLENN: Whoa!
Ah.
Enchantee.
Sobeautiful.
(GLENNANDSHEILALAUGHING)
Threetimes.
Longfamily.(LAUGHS)
So,Stephane,um,
ourcarisinthe...
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Just,uh...
Givehimtheword.
GLENN:Yeah.
SHEILA:Should've
dog-earedthis.
It'smasculine.
GLENN: Okay,then.Mix-up?
Ijust...Igetstuckon
that.Hangon.
Itwashereearlier.
Okay, "leparking."
Sameword.Sameword.
(SPEAKSFRENCH) Let'sgo.
Okay,okay.
Okay,okay.
Now,it'sabitofadrive.
Stephane,doyouneedtouse
thelittleboys'room?
(LAUGHS) Youcrazyboy.Comeon.
(GLENNANDSHEILALAUGHING)
(SCOFFS)
Whoa.
Ah,cow.
TIM:Mmm.
STEPHANE:Seelo.
TIM:Silo.
Oui. Mmm-hmm.
Silo.
Oh,yeah.
And,uh...
Uh,cow.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
Uh...
House.
Yeah.
Oui?
Oh,yeah.
STEPHANE:Cow.
(INAUDIBLE)
Uh,yeah.
No.Yeah,weliveina
veryagriculturalarea,
soalotofcow.
BeforeIcomehere,peoplesay,
"WhyyougoCanada?
It'ssoboring."
Butformeit's tresbien.
BigwowforCanada,huh.
Really?
Oui,oui.
Thepeoplewhosay
thatCanadaisshitUSA,
thesepeopleare,
uh,howyousay...
Motherfucker.
Oh.Oh.
Yousaythis?
Wedon't.
Motherfucker,huh?
That'sawordwedon'tuse
intheLonghousehold.
Yes,theyare,Stephane.
That'sexactlywhattheyare.
Motherfuckers.
Oh.
Tresbien.
(CLEARSTHROAT)Stephane,
Inoticethat,uh,you'renot...
Youdon'tlookFrench.
Dad,Idon'tthinkthat's...
Oh.No,he'sfine.
Myfamilywasnot
borninFrance,
butIliveParis,uh,
sinceIwasthreeyearsold.
(SINGINGINFRENCH)
Areyou...Arewearingcologne?
Oui,oui.
Youknowthesaying,beforesex
canhappeninthepants,
itmustfirsthappen
inthenose.
Inthenose.Okay.
Ididn'tknowthat.
Thankyou.
(SPEAKSINDISTINCTLY)
Uh,no.No,thankyou.
(GLENNSINGINGINDISTINCTLY)
(COUGHS)
SHEILA:Thisisit.
Allright.Hereweare.
Chez Long.
Huh?
Youdidnotsay
youliveinapalace.
Howmanyfamilies
livehere?
Justus,Stephane.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Huh.
Wow.
Bigwow.
Well,um,
thisisyourroom,so...
Thisisallme?
Yeah.No,it'sallyou.
(CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES)Wow.Bigwow.
Yeah.Usedtobe,uh,
kindamyprivateretreat.
WhereI'dgetaway
fromitall.Uh...
It'sallyoursnow,
soyou'rewelcome.
Theseareyourfriends?
My...No,no,notmyfriends.
Theylooksad.
TIM:Uh,they'reTheSmiths.
Huh?
GreatnewbandoutofEngland.
Verysmart,verycool...
Youknow,
Idon'tlikethis.
Ilike,uh,youknow,hip-hop?
Sure,yeah,okay.
Actually,Ireadagreat
articleabouthowrap...
STEPHANE:
Don'tpushme
'CauseI'mclose
totheedge
Okay.Yeah.
I'mtrying
nottolosemyhead
Yeah.No.Maybenotthevase.
Verydelicate.
Mynanaboughtme
thatfromVenice.
Popthatthere.
SHEILA:Hello.
Youboysgettingalong?
Weare meilleurscopains.
Yeah.
Bestfriends.
Aww...
TIM:Yeah.
Yeah,it'sgoinggreat.
SHEILA:Icanseethat.
Ibroughtyousomething.
It'scalledabeanbagchair.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
(CHUCKLES)
It'sfullofbeans,likeme.
(CLICKINGTONGUE)
(ALLLAUGHING)
Sheveryfunny.
Yes.Yeah,veryfunny,Mom.
I'llleaveyoutoit.
Tellyousomething,Tim.
(COUGHS)
Thisismybestlife.
Lotoffun.
Lotoffun.
Well,uh,thecouchfoldsout
intoabed,
soyoucanfeelfreetoget
onthat,watchsomemovies.
TVhereisgreat.Records.
Hey,Tim.Tim.
Music.Yeah.
Softlikeawoman,huh?
Oh,yeah.
Likethis?
Commeca?Commeca.
Huh?
Yeah,yeah,yeah.
Dosomeofthat.
Likethis?Legup?
Oh.(CHUCKLES)
Yeah.
That'sgreat,yeah.
Maybelikethis,nohands?
Oh!Yeah.
Yeah.Yeah,okay.
Yes.
Yeah,upanddown.
Perfect.
Youtryitnow.
No.
Softlikewoman.
Yeah.Orlikea...
Lileabigoldmarshmallow.
(MIMICSCRUNCHING)
Likeamarshmallow.
Good.
Yeah,it'salotoffun.Yeah.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Stephane,schoolisat8:30.
(STEPHANESPEAKSFRENCH)
Iamalreadyready.Huh?
Alreadyready.Alreadyready.
Thisisfuntosay,eh?
GLENN:Bringthemilk.
Toastonthetable.
AmIcrazy,orarehispants
totallydiaphanous?
Dia-what?
They'resee-through.
Hispantsare...
Dad.
SHEILA:Hello.
Morning,boys.
WhowantsFrenchtoast?
OrIguess
youwouldjustcallittoast.
(STEPHANECHUCKLES)
Mmm.Hmm.
Glenn,Iwouldlike
totellyou,
youaresosmart
andsosuccess,huh.
Youare,andSheila,wow,
youaresobeautiful.
Huh.
SHEILA:Oh!
Yeah.
CornFlakes,please.
Hmm...
(STUTTERING)Maybeyoushould
changeyourpants,
becauseyoucanseeright
throughthem.
Canyoureally?
Notatall.
Wholeoutfit'sterrific.
Yeah,it'sgreat.
It'sverychic.
GLENN:Verysmart.
TIM: ItalkedStephane
intochanginghistrousers,
butIcouldn'tchangehim.
Idreadedwalkingtoschool
withhimthatfirstday.
Thisplaceislike,uh...
Whatisthatmovie?
Uh, TheBreakfastClub.
Trustme,
insideit'sanightmare.
What?
Whatnightmare?
Hello,teachers.
Hello,fellowpupils.
Hello,girlwith
thepinkhaton.
Ilovethisschool.
Igothisschoolnow.
Yeah.
Pleasestopspeaking.
Boys,Idon'tknow
whatacooch-gobblerevenis...
(BOTHCHUCKLE)
...butI'mprettysurethat
Mrs.McConnelldoesn'twantit
scrawledalloverherSubaru.
Stephane,Mrs.Fleming.
Allo.
Oh,oh.(LAUGHS)
Uh,that'stheviceprincipal.
Ah.
AndshealsoteachesFrench.
Andshe,um,
ismoreorlessmayor.
Whoa!Sheveryimportant,ah?
(LAUGHS)
No.Notreally.
It'sjustHobart,so...
Uh,here.
That'shispaperwork.
I'llgetoutofyourhair.
Seeyou.
MRS.FLEMING:Boys,
I'llseeyouatlunch.
Bye,coolguys.
Igothisschoolnow.
We'regladyou'rehere,
Stephane.
Um...
(DOORCLOSES)
Iknowyouhad
abitofaroughtimeathome,
butyoucanstart
withacleanslate
hereatHobartHigh.
It'sgood,huh.
Hobartarenumberone.
Oh,go,
thefightingwhitesquirrel.
(CHUCKLES)
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Salut.
Youare
ateacherhere?
Oh.No.Well,notyet.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
Well,I'veapplied
toteacher'scollege,and
I'mstillwaitingtohearback.
It'skindofalongstory.
(LAUGHS)
Okay.
Allo.
Begin.
Oh,um...
Well,uh...(SIGHS)
Ihadthebestteacher
inkindergarten,Mrs.Johannson,
andshewasjustsokind
andreallylikeasecondmom
tomeinalotofways.
ROTHBAUER:That's'causeher
realmomlefttown,
andthingsgottough,
andherdadstarted
hittingthesauceprettyhard,
andshewasforcedtomovein
withherauntieacrosstown,
whichbasicallymadeher
mega-intoteachers,which,
ofcourse,isgoodforme.
(CHUCKLESNERVOUSLY)
Sorry,honey,
justsavingusalotoftime.
Gary,um,thisisStephane,
heistheexchangestudent
fromFrance.
Sure,whywouldn'thebe?
GaryRothbauer.
Gary'sagymteacher.
Hmm.
Gary'salso
thelocallawenforcement.
Mmm.
Part-time.
Um,therealsheriff's
basedinWingham.
Wingham's20milesaway,
soshithitsthefan,
I'mthefirstresponder.
Ialsoteachskating,
hockey,andsoccer.
Youplaysoccerhere?
DoesthePopewearadress?
(CHUCKLES)Hedoes.
(LAUGHING)Yes,hedoes.
Really?
Huh?
(CONTINUESLAUGHING)
See?International.
Myjokesareinternational.
Maynotlooklikeit,
buthe'soneofus.Huh?
Ilikethisguy.Allright.
Listen,wordtothewise.
Oh.
Oh.
Uh,justleaveit.
Youmayhear
peopletalkingabout
mebeingthegreatest
hockeyplayertoever
comeoutofthistown.
Playedinpro-hockey,son.
Powerforward,15games.
Butthecoachwasanarsehole,
andwhoneedsallthetravel?
Ilovesoccer.
Iscored20goals
in20games.
Wow.
Notbad.
Notbadatall.
Ifyouwannaplay,
practiceisat2:00.
Youcantryfortheteam.
Oui?
Now,I'mfirm,butI'mfair,
and,uh,Idon'tseecolor.
Oh,no.
Youshould,
uh,goseethedoctor.
Why?
MRS.FLEMING:Stephane.
(SPEAKSFRENCH)
STEPHANE:Bye-bye.Seeyou.
Bye.(GIGGLES)
Goodbye,queenoftheoffice.
Sweetkid.
Copier'soutofpaper.
Sure,I'llgetonthat.
TIM: Ihadabsolutelynoidea
whattoexpect
fromStephane'sfirstday
atHobartHigh.
Howhe'dmakeout.
Whowouldheantagonize?
Whatwouldhehump?
(INDISTINCTCHATTER)
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)
TIM: Butwhat
Ididn'texpectwasthis.
(ALLCHEERING)
TIM: Hejoinedmore
sportsteamsthanme,one...
Andmademorefriendsthanme.
So,itwasinfuriating.
(MOUTHING)
ROTHBAUER:AndIhadtheidea
for StarWars waybefore
itcameout.
Therewasnopointinpursuing.
Loseallthemoney
tolawyersand...
Andthelionspotshisprey
andmovesinforthekill.
Comeon,Gary,I'mtired.
Maybewecango...
(DOGBARKING)
Woofyourself.
Dick.
DIANE:I'lljustwaithere.
Oh,jeez.
Isthatnubuck,hmm?
No.
Sureitis.
Yougottaworkwithmehere.
Gary,I'mdyinghere.
You'redying?Whatisthis,
ashoestoreorLiveAid?
Ihaveafamilytofeed.
They'reonly$20.
Lookatthat.
That'snotgood.
I'llgiveyou16becauseIlike
you.I'mdoingyouafavor.
Makeit12.
I'llgiveyou12.
And,uh,
yougotanyothercolors?
I'mnottaking
thefloormodel.
I'llcheck.
Thankyou,Robbie.
Youdriveahardbargain.
Yourdad'llbeproud.
How'syourday?
Pfft!Oohlala,
it'snotsoeasy.
Oh.Really?
Why?
Well,everyone
wantstotalktome.
"Stephane.Comesitwithme."
"You'resocool,Stephane."
Cometomyhouse,
watchT.J.Hooker.
Myheadispfft!
It'scrazy,huh.
Youknowthisproblem?
Sure.
(DOGBARKING)
Realdilemma.
IsthatDiane?
(BARKING)
Bonjour, Diane.
Oh,uh...Idon'tspeak...
Sorry.
Um...
Huh?
(DIANESPEAKINGFRENCH)
Oh,myGod.Oh,myGod.
STEPHANE:No,no,no.
(STEPHANETALKINGINDISTINCTLY)
(GRUNTS)
Oh,myGod.Oh,myGod.
Mr.Steadman,
areyoualive?
He'sdead.
Areyoualive.
He'salive.Okay.
DIANE:Ishedead?
TIM:Canyousay
something,please?
DIANE:Oh,mygosh,
Mr.Steadman.
ROBBIE:I'mfine.
DIANE:Thankyousomuch.
TIM:Here,letmehelpyou.
Letmehelpyou.
ROBBIE:Don'ttouchme.
(GROANING)
What'sgoingon?
Stephanehere
justsavedmylife.
Oh,no,it's,
uh,nothing.
No,youdid.Thankyou.
(GROANING)
Nineandahalf.
TIM: Thatnightmyparents
wantedtorewardStephane
forhisheroism
byshowinghim
thebestofCanadiancuisine.
STEPHANE:It'ssogood.
TIM: So,wewent
foraChinesemeal.
InFrance,thismeal
costsonemillionsdollar.
Canada,too.
Oh.
Hey,thereheis.
(CHUCKLES)
HerbDeVries.
StephaneBelmadi.
HERB:Isthatright?
Howdoyoupronouncethat?
StephaneBermady.
No.
So,uh,Iheard
yousavedpoorlittle
DianeDearling'slifetoday.
STEPHANE:Oh,no,no,no.
It'snothing.
Bonjour, heroofthehour.
Bonjour.Enchante...
Sheila,canI
bendyourear
forasec?
Hello,anybodynotice
we'reeatinghere?
Youknow,I'vemade
alotofprogresswith
ourretro-vintagetheme.
Kev,youknow,
Iloveitwhenyouthinkbig.
Ijustthinkthat,youknow,
weneedatheme
that'salittleclosertohome.
Okay.
Sorry.Nottohurt
yourfeelings.
No.Icanrespectthat.
I'msorry.
(TRADITIONALCHINESEMUSIC
PLAYING)
Lightbulbalert.Stephane.
OurthemeisStephane.
(HERBCHUCKLES)
Wait.Youwantthethemeofthe
paradetobeStephane?
He'sbeenherethreedays.
HERB:Lorna,comeover
andhearKev'snewplan.
Well,notStephane,
butStephane.
Mmm-hmm?
HERB:Mmm.
Whoheis.
Whatherepresents.
HERB:Yeah.
(GASPS)Hobartwelcomes
theworld.
HERB:Yeah.
Internationalfriendship!
(HERBCHUCKLES)
HERB:Yeah,thatcouldwork.
Eggrollsforeveryone.
HERB:Whoo!
SHEILA:Oh!
HERB:Yeah!
HERB:(LAUGHS)Thanks,Glenn.
LORNA:Thankyou.
(MUSICCONTINUESPLAYING)
(GASPS)Youknow
whoshouldjoinyou?Dr.Moe.
Dr.Moe,thetowndentist.
Mmm-hmm.
(YELLS)Moe!
Moe!(SNAPSFINGERS)
Moe,look!
Huh?
HERB:Huh?
Whereareyoufrom,again?
Ottawa.
No,hemeans
whereyou'refrom-from?
IwasborninEgypt,butmoved
whenIwasaninfant.
(GASPS)That'sgreat.
Stephane,youcanbeFrance
andDr.Moecanbe...Africa.
Nofuckingway.
Canyougotalktohim
because...
Ineedbothofyou
andhegetsalittlemoody
andwon'tlistentome.
DR.MOE:Hey!
Icanstillhearyou.
Hecanstillhearus
sojustnod.
Jesus!
Thisfuckingtown.
HERB:Thatwasgreat,eh?
Oh,careful,honey.
DoyouknowtheEnglishword,
grapefruit,huh?
InFrenchwehaveaword,
wecallita pamplemousse.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Pamplemousse isafunny
word,huh?
(ALLLAUGHING)
Tim,Iknowheisn't,
uh,whatyouexpected.
Yeah.Understatement.
Giveittime.Youknow,
relationshipscanbetricky.
Iunderstandthat.
It'slikeagarden,
withattentionandcultivation,
goodthingscangrow.
Weonlygotsixeggrolls,
butyou'rechargingus
foreight.
WAITRESS:Butifyoulook...
Glenn.
WAITRESS:Yousee,
youhaveextra.
(WOMANSPEAKING
INDISTINCTLYONTV)
So,thisis,uh,
yourfavoritemovie?
Oh,oneofthem.Yeah.
Yeah.Plus,it'sFrench.
So,youknow...
Iseethat.
Wedon'thavetowatchit.
No,it's,uh...It'sfine.
Maybe,uh,
wejustsitandtalk,huh?
Onetoother,askingquestions.
Yeah.Okay.Sure.
Mmm.
Um,okay,well...
TellmeaboutParis.
What'sitlike?
Old.Howmanytimes
youmakethefuck,Tim?
What?
Twotimes?Threetimes?
Fivetimes?Twenty-fivetimes,
youdirtyboy,huh?
Busyboy.
Please!
Canyoutellme
anythingaboutParis?
JusttellmeabouttheLouvre,
theChamps-Elysees,anything.
ThatistouristParis.
It's,uh,notmyParis.
MyParisisnotsogreat.
Oh.
So,uh,tomorrowwemeet
yourfriends,huh?
Yeah.Yeah,maybe.
Idon'tknow,we'llsee.
Maybewe'llwatch
adifferentmovie.
Sure.Okay.
Oui.
Let'sdothat.Yeah.Okay.
Oh.
Ifit'sFrench,Iwarnyou,
I'veprobablyalready
seenit.(CHUCKLES)
ItisFrench.
(STEPHANEGROANS)
(GIRLSMOANING)
Oh.
Uh...
Youtravel
withyourownporn?
Yes,and,uh,toothpaste.
It'sgood,huh?
(MOANINGONTV)
(STUTTERING)Ithink
I'mgonnagotobed.
Why?
Why?Youdon'tlikethismovie?
No.Ijust,uh...
Idon'tthink
thatwouldhappen
inacourthouse.
(TVPLAYING)
Thatwasafunnight,huh?
Gosh,Ithought
thatwassuchagreatidea
aboutinvolvingStephane
intheparade.
GLENN:Mmm-hmm.
(REPORTERSPEAKING
INDISTINCTLYONTV)
Glenn.
Yeah.
Glenn?
Yeah.
Kev'sidea,
"Hobartwelcomestheworld."
It'snotbad,huh?
Yeah,yeah.Sure.
Glenn...
Yeah.
It'llcost,though.
Youknow,wemightneedsome
moremoneyfromthecommunity.
I'mnot...Idon'tknowhow
toaskpeoplerightnow.
Ijustthink
thetimesare...
What?What?
Istheremoisturizeronmylips?
No.No.
Youreyeslook...
Reallyprettyrightnow.
SHEILA:Oh.That'snice.
No,no.Keepthemon.
That'sit.Oh,evenprettier.
(GIGGLES)Thanks.Anyway...
LongTractorreallyisoneof
theveryfewthrivingbits.
Yeah!Oh...(CLEARSTHROAT)
(CLEARSTHROAT)
Sorryaboutmy...
(CHUCKLES)
Jeez,Glenn!Gosh!
Sheila,comeon.
No,Glenn.
It'sgame7.
It's...Sheila!
(GROANING)
Hey,how'sitgoing?
Fuckoff.
BRENDA:TimLong!
Tim!
TimLong.
Tim.Tim.Tim.
Yourfriend
seemstobecatchingon.
TIM:He'snotmyfriend.
He'smoreofacrueljoke
Iplayedonmyself.
Well,he'snoDaleHawerchuk.
(CHUCKLES)
Sure.
That'smybrother's
favoritehockeyplayer.
Notmine,though.
Okay.Yougotit.
Ifyouaskedme
myfavoritehockeyplayer,
Idefinitelywouldn'tsay
DaleHawerchuk.
So,who'syourfavorite
hockeyplayer,Brenda?
Oh...
Iguess
Idon'treallyhaveone.
(SHUDDERS)
Thisrinkiscold.
(SKATERSWHOOPING)
STEPHANE:I'msorry
Imakeyoufall.
DIANE:I'msosorry.
TIM: ItfeltlikeIwas
theonlypersoninHobart
whohadn'tfalleninlove
withStephane.
It's pamplemousse.
(ALLLAUGHING)
STEPHANE:It's
afunwordtosay.
TIM: Madeeveryfemaleswoon.
Heinspiredafreakingparade.
ALL:Aw...
You'vegottobe
fuckingkiddingme.
I'mnotwearingthis.Uh-uh.
TIM: Andhewas
thestarofthebestteam
Hobarthadseeninyears.
Witharealshotatbeating
ourarchrival,Wingham.
Noshowboating.
(SCREAMING)
(ALLCHEERING)
ALL:(CHANTING)Oohlala,
Stephane!Oohlala,Stephane!
HobartSquirrels
arenumberone!
(CHEERINGINFRENCH)
Gethimtheball
andwatchhimgo!
Seven,huh?IloveHobart.
TIM: ButonethingStephane
couldn'tdowassave
mydad'sfailingbusiness.
GLENN:Salesaredown
thismonth.Wegottowork
onourtechnique.
Allright,Todd,
let'stryoneout.
Youbethecustomer.
(TODDSIGHS)
Hello,sir,
I'minterestedinthe1160...
Combine,butI'mnotyetready
topullthetrigger.
Mmm-hmm.Okay,Geoff,
youseehowheuses
hishandswhenhe'stalking?
Oh,I'msorry.
GLENN:No.No.
It'snotwrongorright.
Itisjust,uh,
atraitformetomirror,
whenwe'retalking.
Thatwayyou'lltrustme.
Andwe'llestablishrapport.
Oh,herecomesIvan.
Goodnews
ishebringingtoday?
Jesus,fuck.
Watchandlearn,boys.
Watchandlearn.
Ivan.
WhatcanIdoyoufor?
Needtobringitback,Glenn.
Thingsarereallybad.
Uh-huh.
Okay.Ihearyou.
Ihearyou,buddy.
Ithinkifyoutakealookat
ourre-financingplans,
youreallydon'twant
tomakethedecision
untilsuchtimeas,uh...
(CLEARSTHROAT)
I'llstartthepaperwork.
How'sthewife?
IVAN:Notgood,Glenn.
Notgood.
Excellent. Excellente.
BRENDA:Thatwasamazing,
TimLong.
Youtookthataceticacid.
Yousizeditupandthen
titratedtheshitoutofit.
STEPHANE:Uh,Tim.Tim,Tim.
DriveustoMary'shouse,huh?
Shewantstomakeout.
Uh,nocando.Sorry.
Uh,becauseIpromised
I'dgiveBrendaaridehome.
IliverightnexttoBrenda.
STEPHANE:Amazing.
Weallgotogether.
Formidable. Let'sgo.
MARY: Formidable. (CHUCKLES)
Comeon.
It'sgettingprettysnowy.
It'sjustflurries.
Flurries...
Yougotmeinahurry
Justtoshovelmydriveway
Squalls,Ilikeyou
bestofall
Hey,doyoumind
ifwe'requiet?
I'mananxiousdriver.
Yougotit.
(MARYGIGGLING)
Tim,pullover,eh?
Uh,no.No,it'sfine.
Wekeepgoing.
JesusChrist!
(MARYMOANING)
(WINDHOWLING)
Tim,shelikesyou,huh.
Makewithher.
TIM:Uh...
Didyoulearntowhisper
inahelicopter?
(MARYMOANINGANDGIGGLING)
Uh...
Doyouwantto...
Yes.
...uh,playawordgame?
Um...
I'llsaythenameofaplace
andthenyoucansay
anothernameofaplace
thatbeginswith
thelastletter
oftheplaceIsaid.
(MARYMOANING)
I'llstartwithCanada.
Okay.
Arkansas.Guys,doyou
wanttoplay?We'reon"S."
MARY:SaultSte.Marie.
That'sagreatone.
MARY:Mycousinplaysjunior
hockeythere.
Theymustbegood.
MARY:They'reamazing.
(MARYMOANING)
(STEPHANEGASPING)
Tim,justdoit.
Thetimeisnow.
No.
(STEPHANEGRUNTING)
STEPHANE:Thetimeisnow!
Okay.
I'lltellyouwhat?
I'lljustgetout.
BRENDA:No.
(WINDHOWLING)
(MARYANDSTEPHANEYELLING)
Ah...Ah...Oh...
(MARYANDSTEPHANESIGHING)
(MARYGIGGLES)
STEPHANE:Oh,it'ssnowing,
itseems,huh?
Thatwascrazy,TimLong.
Whatletterareweon?
TIM: Afterthat,
itbecameclear
thepersonIhadhoped
wouldbemysalvation,
mybrother-in-arms,
moncamarade, mademe
feellonelierthanever.
So,whileStephane
cutaswaththrough
Hobart'sfemalepopulation,
Ihadneverfelt
likemoreofanoutsider.
(CARHONKS)
TIM: Hobart'sveryown
l'etranger.
Hey,Stephane.
STEPHANE:Glenn.
YoumusttellSheila
yourtroubles,huh?
Whattroubles?
(GLENNMUMBLING)
Oh,God.You'reright.
Ijustdon'twant
toworryher.
Youworryhernow.
Remember,Glenn,
honest,leadtoclose.
Andclose,leadtosexy.
You'reawiseman,Stephane.
Hashbrowns?
(SIGHS)NotsowiseforTim,
Ithink.
Hehateme.
No,no,no.
Oh,no,no,no,
no,no,no,no.
Maybe.
Oh,yeah,no,
I'mprettysurehedoes.
ThethingaboutTimis,
andIsaythisboth
asafatherandasalesman.
Youcan'tcoaxhim
todothings.
He'sgottobeforced.
Yougottodraghimtoyes.
You'llthankmelater.
Tim.Tim.
Wakeup.Wemustgo. Allez.
What?What?
Wherearethekeys
tothecar?
Stephane,what'sgoingon?
Didyougetintrouble?
Didyougetagirlpregnant?
Didyouget
abunchofgirlspregnant?
DoyouhaveAIDS?
Oh,Isaw...Areyoudriving
withyourknees?
STEPHANE:Tim,chillout.
(IMITATING)"Chillout."
Youhavetotrustme,Tim.
What?Howthehell
didyougetyourlicense?
Idon'thavelicense.
Youdon'thavealicense?
I'mnotstupid.
That'swhywetake
thebackroads.
Okay,stopthecarrightnow.
Pullover,andyouhavetotell
mewherewearegoing.
Okay,okay,
wearegoingtoMcDonalds.
ToMcDonalds?
Why?IknowyouloveMcDonalds.
Andit'sonlythreehoursaway.
Ilookatthemap.
Stopthecar.
Burgersforbreakfast,Tim.
Itislikedream
cometrueforyou.
Idon'tcare,stopthecar.
(TIRESSCREECHING)
(COWSMOOING)
Okay,
sothat'snotmyfault.
Yousaidstop,
soIstopped,
sowestop.
Oh,my...Getout.
What?
Getout.Getoutofthecar.
Why?
BecauseI'mdrivingushome.
Okay,fine.
Don'tyellatme,huh.
TIM:Whoa,whoa.
Shit.
Tim,Ifeellike
Ihavedonethings
tomakeyounotlikeme.
Oh,whatdoyouthink?
Ifyoutellmethethings,
Iwillnotdothemagain.
Okay,youknow,whydon'twe
startwiththedrinking,
thesmoking,
thesexinthebackseat,
thepornandallthat
constant...
(MOOING)
(BOTHGRUNT)
Whatwasthat?
Ithinkyouhitsomething.
TIM:Shit,shit,shit.
STEPHANE:Oh...
Oh,myGod.
Ithinkyoukillhim.
Her.
It'sagirl?
Yeah,it'sacow.
Ofcourseit'sagirl.
Oh.
You'reangry,
aren'tyou,huh?
Didnotliketokillthecow?
No.
I...Idon'tenjoykillingcows.
Butyou,uh,eatMcDonalds.
(STUTTERS)
That'snotthesame.
Andyouweartheshoesof
leathersometimes.
Okay,stop.
Stop.Pleasestoptalking.
We'reinaworld
ofshithere.
God.
Oh,myGod.
Oh,myGod.Fuck.
Tim,youbreakyourmom'scar.
Youknowwhat?
Beforeyoucamehere,
mylifewasalready
asteamingpileofshit.
Butsinceyou'vebeenhere,
you'veputsomuchshit
ontopofthisshit
thatwasalreadythere,
Ican'tevenseewhere
theoriginalshitwas.
Hey,canyoulookatme
whenI'mtalkingtoyou?
It'smyfault.
Idon'twhat
kindoffuckingasshole
writestoanothercountry
togetafriend.
Tim,Tim.
You'vetakenadumponmysoul.
Tim.
What?
Idon'tknowwhattosay.
SoIwilljustsaythis.
Heisalive.
What?
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
STEPHANE:TheJesuscow,huh?
Herisefromthedead.
She.
She,uh...
Sherisefromthedead.
Oui.
Oh,myGod.
Imean,shelooksokay.
Wemusthave
juststunnedher.
(LAUGHING)
Just fantastique, huh?
Lookathergo.
Youknowwhat,Tim?
(CHUCKLES)
Things,theyworkout.
I'vegotsomethinghere.
Oh...
Herewego.
Comeon,comeon.
TotheJesuscow.
TotheJesuscow.
Goon.
TIM: Idon'tknowhowmany
friendshipsbeginby
almostkillingacow,
butforStephaneandme,
itseemedtowork.
Hey,Tim.
Wesharehappytimenow.
(CHUCKLES)Yeah,Iguess.
Yeah.
Justdon'tsayit.
It'sweird.
(SHUSHES)
(RADIOCLICKS)
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)
There'sthisgirl
that'sbeenonmymind
Allthetime
Su-Sussudio
Drivewithyourknees.
Okay,comeon.
Nowshedon'teven
knowmyname
ButIthinkshelikesme
justthesame
TIM: Andaswedanced
inourseats
tomindlesssynthpop,
werealizedwecouldn'ttake
thecarhomejustyet.
Notwitha
cow-sizeddentinit.
Thankfully
Stephanecameupwith
averyplausiblecoverstory.
So,welookoutthewindow
andweseethethief
gettinginthecar.
So,Tim,youknow,Tim,
herunoutand
hesays,"Stop, arret.
"Thisisthecarofmymother
thatshewantto
gogetthegroceries
"andtovisit
variouslocations."
TIM:Mmm-hmm.
That'sadirectquote.
Timsaidthat?
He'sahero,Glenn.
Hedidit.
(MUSICCONTINUESPLAYING)
NowIknow
thatI'mtooyoung
TIM: Ididn'thaveanymoney
topayfortherepairs
butStephanehelpedme
paybacktheCrowfoots
inother,morecreativeways.
(MANSPEAKINGFRENCH)
Oh, tresbien.
OnedayyouspeaktheFrench
asgoodasme.
Well,youknow,
Icouldlendyousome
Frenchfilmsifyou'dlike.
Bandeapart.
Aboutdesouffle.
Unlessyou've
alreadyseenthem.
TheFrenchnewwave.
Talkaboutpretentious.
Whosaidthat?
Well,IthinkitwasBrenda.
Oh,thatBrenda.
Okay,listen.
Lecerclerouge is
sonotpretentious.
I'mgonnalendityou
andyou'regonnawatchit.
Okay,sirTimLong.
TIM: Iwasbeginningtofeel
somethingbizarre
andcompletelyalientome.
Happiness.
Tim,heis
soclever,huh.
Heknowseverything
aboutthemusic.
Andbooks.
Yeah?
TIM:Ido.
Sometimes
I'llbereadingabook,
layingback,readingabook,
andthen
I'lljustberockingout.
(GIRLSGIGGLING)
Iwouldbereading,rocking,
I'llberockingandreading.
Readingaboutrocking,
backandforth.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Idigit.Yeah,yeah.
Hekillme,Tim.
Tim,hekillme,
hekilleveryonehere.
Yeah.
TIM:Yeah,yeah.
I'mliketheUpperCanada
Rebellionof1838.(CHUCKLES)
Oh,'causethatkilled
severalpeople.
Lots,yeah,
killedlotsofpeople.
Hanged.Theywereallhanged.
That'sfunny.
(GIGGLES)
STEPHANE:Veryfunny.
Glenn!
Glenn,she'sback!
(MUSICCONTINUESPLAYING)
Ijustsaytheword
Shecameback.
(INFRENCHACCENT)
Hello,IamStephaneBelmadi.
I,uh...
Ilovetofuckthewomen,
Iliketodothedance,
Iliketofuckthemailbox,
thetoaster.
Ilovethecigarette.
STEPHANE: Idon'tdo
anyofthat.
Iwouldnotfuckatoaster.
TIM:Ithinkyouwould.
Stop,stop.Getoutofhere.
Myturn.
ThisiswhatTimsays.
Hesays,uh...
Howdy,I'mTim.
Iliketofuckthebook...
No,no,no...
No,no,no,no.
Fuckthebook...
That'salibrarycopy.
AndIdon't
fuckCamus,so...
Butseriously,Tim.
Why?Why?
Why,younot
likethegirl,huh?
What?
Ilovethegirl.
Youknowhowmuch
Ilovethegirl.
No,Ido
likethegirl,alot.
Ijustdon't...
I...IthinkIjustprefer
nottotalktothem
or...Orbotherthem
ortouch...
Ortouchthem.
Areyougay,huh?
Youliketheboy?
Mmm-mmm.
No,it'sokay,
youliketheboys.
No,no,no.
No,Ilikegirlsalot.
Ijust,um...
Ijustdon'tsee
whytheywouldlikeme.
What?Why?
You'vegoodface,veryclean.
You,uh,
haveanicepenis,huh?
Mmm.
Iseeitinthebathroom,Tim.
Huh?Wow.
Thankyou?
ThisBrenda...
Shelikeyou,Ithink.
Oh,youknow,Ithink...
Imean,Ilikeher,too.
She'sreallypretty
and...(CHUCKLES)
I...I...WhatdoIdo?
HowdoI...
Huh?Youtellher.Easy.
What,doyouwantme
togoupandsay,
"Hey,Brenda,I'msuper
intoyouandIlikeyour...
"Yourstupidsongs
andyourweirdhair.
"Andifyouaskme
totouchyourboobs,
"Iwouldprobablysayyes.
"And,hey,well,seeyoulater.
Seeyouinhistory.
"Ithinkwe'relearning
aboutSirWilfridLaurier."
It'sperfect.
Yousayjustthat.
AndIlikethatlittlecrinkle
betweenyoureyes
whenyousmile.
AndIlikethatyourskinsmells
likeaCrispyCrunchbar.
(SIGHS)
AndwhenIseeyou
Ijustwanna...
(STUTTERSANDSIGHS)
Whatdoyouwannado,Tim?
(RETCHING)
What,wearegoing?
(TIMCOUGHING)
(DOOROPENSANDCLOSES)
(TIMCOUGHINGANDRETCHING)
TIM:Oh,fuck.
Uh,Tim,Ihopeyouareokay.
It'simportant
todrinkthewater.
(TIMRETCHING)
Youdrinkthewater,
younotgetsick.
Okay.
Thisway.
Thisway,thisway.
Okay.
Oh,my...
Voila!
(SQUEALINGANDGASPING)
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
HappyBirthday,Sheila.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Tim,oohlala.
Oui,oui.
Thankyousomuchboys.
J'adore.
HappyBirthday,
Sheila.
Mmm.
(CHUCKLES)
Hereyougo.
SHEILA:Thankyou.
Wow,okay.
Fifty-fourdollars.
MaybeI'llgotothedollar
storeandbuy54things.
DIANE:(OVERPA)
Andremembertosupport
theWhiteSquirrel
thisafternoon.
It'sabiggameagainstWingham.
Go,WhiteSquirrels!
Hey,hey,goodluck
withthebiggame.
Huh?Andgoodluck
withyour,uh...
Yep,my,uh...
MyFrenchpresentation
infrontoftheentireclass.
Exactement.
Ipredictyoumakeabigwow.
Well,score
asportpointforme.
(BOTHLAUGHING)
TIM: WhileStephanewas
gettingreadyforthe
biggestgameoftheyear,
noteverybody
wasrootingforhim
tobethehero.
Dudecan'ttake
afuckingjoke.
(ALLWHOOPINGANDCHEERING)
(WHISTLEBLOWS)
Let'sgo,WhiteSquirrels!
Comeon!
MAN:Let'sgo,WhiteSquirrels.
Comeon,Stephane.
ROTHBAUER:Whatare
youdoingthere?
Usethewing.
Giveittothewing.
(WHISTLEBLOWS)
BOY:Comeon.
Waytogo,brownclown.
Yeah,brownclown,
waytogo.
BOY:Allright.
Hey.
MAN:Hey,that'safoul.
ROTHBAUER:Moveit,moveit.
Watchyourfeet,
brownclown.
(TIMSPEAKINGFRENCH)
Uh,I'msorry,
I'mreallynervous.
MRS.FLEMING:
It'sokay,it'sokay.
Youknowwhat,youcandoyour
presentationinEnglish.
ThefilmisinFrench.
Okay.Thankyou.
Um...
Nowyou'llimmediatelysee
thedirectoruses
costumingandlighting
toconveymood.
And,um,weopenona
protagonist,who'sathief.
Acon,acheat.
(ALLGIGGLING)
Acocksmoker.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Andhe's...
Ilovethegirl.
Youknowhowmuch
Ilovethegirl.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Oh,shit.
Watchyourfeet,
brownfuckingclown.
(WHISTLEBLOWING)
BOY:Oh!
(WHISTLEBLOWS)
(PLAYERSCHEERING)
No,Ilikegirlsalot.
Ijustdon't...
"Ilikegirls."
Whatafreak.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Timwantstogeton
BrendaCrowfoot!
Loser.
IthinkthatIwould
probablysayyes.
Stopit.
(ALLLAUGHING)
Thisis
thegreatestthingever.
(ALLLAUGHING)
(WHISTLEBLOWS)
MAN1:Comeon.Comeon.
(MAN2GROANS)
Damnit!
Well,son,I'mnotone
topointfingers,
neverhavebeen,
notmynature.
But,uh,youjustfucked
theentiretown.
It'snotmyfault.
Notyourfault?
Well,whosefaultisit?
Uh,ColonelGadhafi,hmm?
You'readisgrace,son.
You'redisgrace
totheWhiteSquirrel.
There,Isaidit!
Okay?Isaidit.
Fuckyou
andfuck
yourWhiteSquirrel.
Andfuckthis
pieceofshittown!
Shameonyou!
I'llbeokay.Huh?
Enough!
Me?Yousawwhat
hedid.This...
It'snothowwedothings
inHobart.
Oh,yeah.No.
Wejustvictimize
teenageboys
becausewe'rescared
andjealousthat
they'renotlikeus.
Sure.
Youknowwhat?Idon'tthink
Icanbewithaman
thatIdon'trespect.
Weneedtotakeabreak.
I'llpickupmystuff
ontheweekend.
What?Hmm?
Nothing.
Youwannagiveme20?
No.
Twentylaps?
Highstepping.
Let'sgo.
Highstepping.Let'sgo!
I'msorry.Ow!
Comeon,
let'sgo.
Iguessyougottofinally
seetherealHobart.
Idonotbelievethis.
TheysayCanada
isjusttheuglyfriend
oftheUSA.
ButIloved
thisuglyfriend.
Yeah,Iknow.
Theycanonlyfoolyou
forsolong.
Yeah,Idon'tunderstand.
Hey,Brenda,you'regonnago
makeoutwithTimLong?
What?
No.IhaveCapeBreton
stepdancing.
I'mnicetothem.
Isaynice...
Hey,Brenda,TimLong
iswaitingforyou.
He'sjustdying
toseeyou.
Andyourboobs.
LikeIsaid,Ihave
CapeBretonstepdance
onaWednesday,so...
Whyiseveryoneaskingme
aboutTimLong?
Youtotaldick!
Tim.
Wasthatsupposed
tobefunny?
Youswappedthatstupidvideo
wemadefor LeCercleRouge.
Thatwasmypresentation!
No.
No,youtoldmethat
youwantedtoshow
themovietoBrenda.
What?
Comeon,Long.
She'srightthere,
humpitout.
No,Isw...Iswitched
themovietopushyou,huh,
becauseIwantBrendatosee
howmuchyoulikeher.
Okay,whatmovie?
Stephaneswapped
LeCercleRouge forthis
stupidvideowetook,
andthewholeclasssawmesay
howmuchIlikeyourhair
andyourstupidsongs
andhowmuchIwant
tokissyou.
Youdid?
Tim,Iwastryingtobe
agoodfriend.
Youhumiliatedme.
Youmademelooklike
anidiot.Youruinedmylife.
You'renofriendofmine.
No,ofcourse,
becauseyouhave
nofriends,
notme,notanyone.
Youknow,
whatthey'resaying
aboutyouistrue.
You'reano-friendloser.
You'reaself-centered,
narcissistic,sexcrazed,
thoroughlyabsurd...
What?
Okay,soyoulike
myhair?
TIM:No,Idon'tlike
yourhair.
I...I...
Iwasdrunk.
Andhemademesaythings
Idon'tmeantosay.
Idon'tlikeyourhair
oryourstupidsongsoryou!
Idon'tlikeyou!
Brenda.
(SIGHS)Shit.
Youknow,Iwish
Inotchooseyou,
huh,orthisbucket
ofshitplace.
Yeah,well,
Iwishthat,too.
Vatefairefoutre!
KEVIN:(PANTING)
Please,somebody!
TIM:Mom!Mom!
WherearetheDoritos?
Andwhere'sMom?
"DearestTim,I'vedecided
tomoveoutofthehouse
fora..."
What?
Itgetsworse.
Well,maybenotworse,
butitstartsbad,staysbad.
SHEILA: Yourdad
isawonderfulman,
butit'sbeenclear
forsometime
thatmylifeismissing
acertain jenesaisquoi.
"Jenesaisquoi"?
Yeah, jenesaisquoi.
God,fuckingStephane.
Language.
TIM: I...Icouldn'tbelieve
I'dinvitedthischaos
intomylife.
(INDISTINCTCHATTER)
Youcancomestaywithus
foraslongasyouneed.
STEPHANE:Thankyou.
TIM: Itwasn'tjustme
shunningStephane.
Theschoolhadturned
onhim,too.
He'dlostusasoccermatch
andcalledourtown
apieceofshit.
Whichitmighthavebeen,
butthey
didn'tlikehearingit
fromsomeonelikehim.
Iftheywerelooking
forareasontoturn
onastrangerintheirtown,
they'dfoundone.
(POPMUSICPLAYING)
Looksgood.
Ah...
Hi.
Howareyou?
Yeah,I'mgood.
SHEILA:Sitdown,
let'schat.
Uh,how'sAuntThelma?
Shesnores.Onenight,
at4:00inthemorning,she...
Ican'tbelieveStephane
madeyouleave.
What?
Imean,
youknowI'magnostic,
butIthinkhemight
literallybeademon.
Tim!Thingshavenot
beengreat
betweenyourdadandI
foraverylongtime.
Okay?
Stephaneisnottoblame
andneitherareyou.
Yeah.
Nobody'sblamingme.
I'm...I'mgreat.
Yeah,you'regreat.
You'regreat.
Comehere.
Whowouldblameme?
Comehere.
Nobodyisblamingyou.
Sheila?
Mmm,justasec.
Sheila?
Thankyousomuch.
Oh.Hey.
(CHUCKLES)
IsthatKevin?
Yeah,it'sKevin.
Yeah,helookspissed.
Just10seconds.Please.
Sheila!
Thisbetternotbeabout
thefuckingacorn,okay?
It'snotabout
theacorn.
Okay.
You'regonnabe
attheparadetomorrow,
right?Okay?
Trytoremember
thatmostpeople
arenotreallybad
andnotreallystupid,
okay?
They'rejustdoingthebest
thattheycan.
Yes,Kevin.
It'sabouttheacorn.
Iknewitwasabout
thefuckingacorn.
Thetown,thesquirrel
andmylife.
(GASPS)What...
Putain,merde, shit!
(SIGHS)Youknow
whyIcomehere?
Ithoughtitwould
bedifferent,huh.
WhereI'mfrom,
thekidswholooklikeme,
theyonlyhangout
withpeoplewholook
likeme.
InHobart,
it'sthesame,
maybebecauseHobart
isshit.
Huh.Canadaisshit!
They'llalwaysfindaway
toscrewyou.
I...Ineedtogoclear
myhead.
Here,takethetruck.
Thankyou,Crowfeet.
TIM: Thenextmorning,
aseveryonewasgetting
readyfortheparade,
allIcouldthinkabout
waswhereStephanewas,
andwhoelse'slife
hemightberuining.
Whoa.
(KEVINSOBBING)
Okay,we,uh...
Wegotta...
Wegottastaycalm.
(WAILINGLOUDLY)Why?
It'snotfair!
Kev,it'sgonnabeokay.
Maybewecanfixit.
Itwon'tbethesame!
Theyruinedher!
"Her"?
Whocoulddo
suchathing?
(KEVINCRYING)
I'llgiveyou
threeguesses.
MRS.FLEMING:Stephane?
He'snotthatkindofkid.
ROTHBAUER:Mmm.
Ishe?
ROTHBAUER:
Well,youtellme.
There'stheheadbutt,
huh?
There'sthe,uh...
(INFRENCHACCENT)
"FucktheWhiteSquirrel,"
right?
(NORMALACCENT)Plus,Isawhim
hangingaroundthetownhall
at3:00thismorning.
SoyouthinkStephane
didthis?
WhatIthinkis
wedon'tknowshit,son.
Ofcourse
wewon'tknowanything
untilweget
theautopsyresultsback.
Appearstobe
asingleassailant.
Subcutaneousabrasions
alongtherightfemurthere.
Itlookslikethere's
somefleshunderneath
theclaws,
whichmeansthevictim
didfightback.
KEVIN:Tellme
shedidn'tsuffer.
(SIGHS)Oh,Kevin,
Iwouldlovetobeable
totellyouthat,
butI'mnotaliar.
Wedon'tknowanything
aboutthisguy.
Iheardhisoldman
didsomejailtime.
Well,that'strue.
It'sinhisfile.
MRS.FLEMING:Iread
thefiletoo,Gary.
Hisdadwasarrested
duringlaborprotest.
Hewastheheadoftheunion.
ROTHBAUER:Mmm-hmm.
Takethisdowntothelab.
Havetheboyscheckit
forblood,urine,semen.
Yes,sir.
ROTHBAUER:Mypointexactly.
Troublemaker,
bornandbred.
Theappleneverfalls
farfromthetree.
(SCOFFS)Okay.
Maybehecamehere
forafreshstart.
Freshstart?Theonlything
hegotfreshwith
isHerb'sdaughter.
(CHUCKLING)
Yeah...What?
Freshwith
yourdaughter.
Didyouhave
ahandinthis?
What?No,no,no,no,
Ihaven't...
He'snotstaying...
He'sstayingwith
theCrowfoots.
Right.
Shootingoffguns.
Hehitmycar
lastnight.
Maybehewasaiming
atmygastank.
Ka-boom!
Makemywife
awidow.
Allright,whydon'tyouquit
cryingintoyourDinkyDonuts
andbringhimin,hmm?
HERB:Surething,Gary.
Yeah,thereisnoway.
There'snofreakingway.
Iknowhehated
theWhiteSquirrel,but...
Yeah,Iknow,buthewas
withyoulastnight,right?
Sure,untilhetook
mybrother'struck
anddroveoffinto
thedirectionofthetown.
Superfurious.Andthen,
hecameback
thismorninglooking...
Mega-guilty.
Butstill,
there'snofreakingway.
Okay,look,Ineedyou
todosomethingforme.
No,Iamnotdoing
anythingforyou.
Thattractorhassailed.
Okay.Wouldyoudoit
forStephane?
TIM: Stephane
wasmanythings...
Oversexed,
intellectuallybereft,
permanentlyerect.
ButIknewhewasn'taliar
oracriminal.
AndIhadtomakethetown
seethat,too.
Hi.
Hi.
(CARNIVALMUSICPLAYING)
Brenda.
Thatiscrazy.
Thatissoweird.
TimLong?Whatare
thechancesofthat?
Oneinamillion,maybe.
Idon'tknowhowhegothere.
That'stooweird.
Ijustcan'tbelieveit.
I...Ineverknew
thiscouldneverhappen.
It'stheweirdestthing.
Whatdoyouwant,Tim?
Listen,you'reinbigtrouble.
Okay?Becausetheythink
youdidthat.
STEPHANE:JustlikeParis.
Somethinggowrong,
blameStephane.
Thesquirrelgetbroken,
youblameStephane.
Moneygomissing,
youblameStephane.
Substituteteacher
getspregnant,
blameStephane.
What?
Fuck.Shit.
Okay,comeon.
Why?
Comeon.Comeon.
Comeon.
Okay.Puttheseon.
Please,it'syourturn
totrustme.
STEPHANE:Ican'tseeshit.
Whichwayarewegoing?
ROTHBAUER:Ifyou'regonnalet
yourkidscometotheparade,
youcan'tlet'emplay
withthebeavertails,okay?
Theyplay
withtheirbottomsallday,
nextthingyouknow,
there'sbabyshit
inthebeaver.
That'swhy
youdon'tadopt.
(SIGHS)
IwenttotheCrowfoots',
andhewasalreadygone.
Damnit,Herb.
Youhadonejobtodo.
I'msorry,Gary.
Mmm-hmm.
Isawtheirtruck
ontheedgeoftown.
Hemightbeheresomewhere.
Noshit.He'sprobablytrying
tofinishwhathestarted.
Heonlywantstoruin
ourwholedamnparade.
Hewouldn't.
Hewouldn't?
Oh,hehatesthistown,
andeverything
westandfor,Herb.
Peace,freedom,
moretraditional
wayoflife.
Hi,Gary.
Kev.
ROTHBAUER:Now,listen,
Iwantyoutodo
athoroughsweep
oftheentire
paraderoute,okay?
Andyouletmeknow
whenyouhaveeyes
onthatsonofabitch.
Yes,sir.
(PARADEMUSICPLAYING)
(PEOPLECHEERINGANDAPPLAUDING)
STEPHANE:Tim!Tim!Tim!
Wherearewegoing?
What'stheplan,Tim?
TIM:(SHUSHES)
Peoplewillheartheaccent!
STEPHANE:Idon'thaveaccent,
youhaveaccent!
BRENDA:Hey,guys,Iactually
can'tseeanything,so...
SOS!
STEPHANE:Tim,
Brendaisfalling.
TIM:Oh,fuck!
STEPHANE:Letmehelpyouup.
Givemeyourhand.
Hey,thatMexicanfuck
isactuallythatArabfuck!
STEPHANE:No,no,no.
IamaMexican.
Uh, porfavor!
BOY:Hey,it'shim!
That'shim!
That'stheperp!
(GRUNTS)
TIM:(MUTTERS)Fuck.
Fuck!Fuck!
Getoutofmyway.
Getoutofmyway.
Rightthen,IknewIhad
tostandupforStephane,
andmakethetownsee
whatIsawinhim,
becausethat'swhatfriendsdo
foreachother.
Stoptheparade!
Stop.
Stoptheparade.
ROTHBAUER:Whatare
wedancingfor?Ididn'tknow
therewasgonnabeadance.
Stop.
KEVIN:Thisisfun,
butwhoisthat?
Whatdoyouthink
I'mdoing?Stop.
I'mnotdancing.
Stoptheparade.
Stopthe...
Stopthefriggin'
parade.
ROTHBAUER:Whatthehell
areyoudoing?
HERB:Hey,Gary.
Lookwhatthecat
draggedin.
No,no,no.
Lethimgo,please.
Lethimgo.
Please,lethimgo.
KEVIN:You'reruining
myparade.
Justholdon.
(MICSQUEALING)
Uh...
Okay.
Okay.
NowIknowI'veneverbeen
themostpopularkid
inschool...
BOY1:Noshit!
Okay.
Uh,andIknowalotofyou
probablythinkI'msome...
GIRL1:You'reacreep!
BOY2:Nerd.
GIRL2:That'sright.
MAN:Gomakeanothertape,
youpervert.
BOY3:GobangBrenda.
Everyonehatesyou.
Okay.
Well,uh,Ijustwant
tosaythatStephane...
(ALLBOOING)
StephaneBelmadeismyfriend,
andhe'sareallygreatguy.
Okay,comeon.
(ALLBOOING)
AndIknowhewouldnever
dothattothesquirrel.
Buthowdoyouknow,
Tim?
ALL:Yeah!
Because...
BecauseIjustknow.
Ijustknow.
Andifyou'renotwilling
togiveavisitortoourtown
thebenefitofthedoubt,
thenI'mnotsureIhave
anythinglefttosaytoyou.
Okey-doke.
Wait,no,wait.
Canyoustop,please?
It'safigureofspeech.
Ihavealittlebitmore
tosay.
(ALLPROTESTING)
StephaneBelmadehasdone
somuchforsomanyofus.
Yeah.
Youknow,hecamehere
andhewasreadytosee
thebestinallofus,
butwechosetosee
theworstinhim
becauseofwhat,
becauseoftheway
helooks.
But,look,
it'snottoolate.
Wecanlaunchafull-scale
investigation,wecould...
Whoa,whoa,whoa,
weknowwhathedid.
ALL:Yeah.
ROTHBAUER:Okay?
Isawhimbreak
intotownhallyelling,
"FuckzeWhiteSquirrel!"
Okay.
"Fuckit.Fuckithard!"
Okay,thatcan'tbetrue.
Stephane,wherewereyou
lastnight?
ALL:Yeah.
MAN:Tellus.
Icannotsay
whereIwas. Desole.
Herb,
takehimaway.
Wait.
Yes,sir.
TIM: No,no,no.
GLENN:Wait!
Glenn?
Stephanewas
withme.
WOMAN:Comeon.
SHEILA:What?
GLENN:Andthank
friggin'Christhewas.
Wheretobegin?Uh...
Sevenyearsago,
theCanadiangovernment
madeaseriesofdisastrous
economicdecisions...
Dad!
Maybe...Maybestart
nearertheend.
Smartboy.Ijustwanted
togivethemabitofcontext,
putabackstorythere,but,
uh...(CLEARSTHROAT)
(MICSQUEALING)
Hello?Um...
Likealotofyouse,
I'vegotabusiness
that'sgoingunder.
Lastnight,Iwasdesperate,
ontheverge
oflosingeverything.
Hey!
Glenn,whatare
youdoing,huh?
GLENN: Stephanethrewme
inachair,
mademesomecoffee
andtalkedsomesense
intome.
(CLEARSTHROAT)
(IMITATINGSTEPHANE) "Glenn,
yougetcaught,yougotojail!
"YoucannotdothattoTim
andtoSheila.
Theyloveyousomuch."
Uh,Ican'treally
dotheaccentthatgood.
Anyways,hesatwithme
allnight.
Hedidn'tleavemyside,
didyou,mylittle
Frenchbuddy? (CHUCKLES)
Mr.Long's
tellingthetruth!
There'sabonfire
inthere!
MRS.FLEMING:Holdon.
Youcouldn'thaveseen
Stephane.
So,wheredidyouspend
lastnight,Gary?
Me?
(WHISPERS)Fuck.
Uh...
IwaswithDiane.
Ofcourse,wewere,uh...
Engagingin...
Ratherheavypetting,
thatledtofull-blown,
penetrativeintercourse.
Areyouinsane?
Iamrighthere,
andthatdidn'thappen.
(CROWDCLAMORING)
Couldhavehappened.
(STAMMERING)
ALL:Hey!
DIANE:Don'tlethimgetaway!
ALL:Oh!
TIM: I'msureyoucanguess
whoactuallydiddestroy
thesquirrel.
Bydinnertime,
everyonejustforgot
theirrace-basedwitch-hunt,
theirxenophobicrush
tojudgment,
theirethnically-motivated
vigilantism...
Yougetthepoint.
TimLong,
youstandupforme.
Infront
ofthewholetown.
Thesepeople,
theyhateyou.
No,I...
Iwouldn'tsay"Hate."
Oui.Oui,oui.
Theysaidterriblethings
aboutyou.
"TimLongisabookworm."
"TimLongisaloser."
"TimLongisneedle-dicked,
four-eyesshitboy."
Iactuallyhaven'theard
thatone.
Terriblethings.
Me,Idon'tsay
thesethings
because...
Whosaid"Shitboy?"
Well,once,becauseweare
meilleurscopains.
Meilleurscopains.
(CHUCKLES)
Iguessweare.
(SIGHS)Oh,God.Okay.
I'vegotta...
Igottadosomething.
(CHUCKLES)
Bonnechance.
Gogether,TimLong.
Whydidn'tyoutellme
aboutthebusinessgoing
inthecrapper?
'CauseI'manidiot.
Wemighthave
tosellthehouse.
Mmm.
We'verented
before.
Maybeyourmom
willdiesoontoo.
She'sgotcash,right?
(BOTHLAUGHING)
We'llfigureitout.
Wealwaysdo.
Westillgot
what'smostimportant.
You're...You'retalking
aboutusbeingtogether,
right?
Yes,Glenn.
Yeah.
Well,maybeweshould
tellTimthatwe'vepatched
thingsup.
(SIGHS)
Oh,Imean...
We'vestarted
thedifficult
andpainfuljourney
towardspatching
thingsup.
Yeah.
Yeah,yeah.Good.
Hello,TimLong.
Ithoughtwhat
youdidtoday
wasnotun-heroic,
andmaybe...
I...I...I'mreally
sorry,Brenda.
I...Idolikeyourhair,
andyourcrazysongs,
andI...
(CHUCKLES)
Hi.
Don'tletus
stopyou.
Theywerewatching
thewholetime?
It'sagood
technique,huh?
Notbad.
Ican...Icanfeel
youlooking.Pleasestop.
Idon'tknow...
Idon'tknowwhy
you'restaring.
We'reveryproud
ofyou.
Allright.
Allright.
"Allright"what?
Justholdstill.
Okay.
TIM: TherestofStephane's
staywithuswas,well,
kindofterrific.
Someofthebesttimes
I'veeverhad.
(MOANINGONTV)
Youknow,
ifyoulookclosely,
youcanseetheframing's
reallybeeninfluenced
byGodardandTruffaut...
Imade
amistake.Okay?
So,youhaulmein.
Ifthecoach
hadn'tdroppedme
fortheplay-offs,
youwouldn'tbe
staringatme
righthere,
broken,humiliated,
soiled.
TIM: Butlikealloflife's
loveliestthings,
itwasoverwaytoosoon.
Oh,I'msosorry
weweren'tup
toyourhighstandards,
Jean-Claude...
Terriblecuisine,
terribletown,
terriblecountry.
Screwyou!
WOMAN:(SCOFFS)Let'sgo.
STEPHANE:Hey,look.
It'stheHobart
posse,huh?
ALL:Hey!
Wecametosay
goodbye.
Andwe'resorry.
Wedrewcertain
conclusions
basedonyoubeing
different.
Andthat'swrong.
InHobart,
weprideourselves
intreatingeveryone
equally,
regardlessofrace.
(SNORTSANDLAUGHS)
Oh,you'rebeingserious.
Whatwemeanis,uh,
wewerewrong.
Iwillmiss
thisHobart.
Iwanttomakelove
onallofyou.
Thankyou.
MAN:(ONPA) Ladies
andgentlemen,
thisisthelastcall
forflightnumber827
toParis.
HERB:We'regonna
missyou,buddy.
KEVIN: Bonnechance,
mybrown-skinnedfriend.
Weare
meilleurscopains.
Bestfriends.
I'llgonow.
Yeah.
I'llwritetoyou.
I'llwritetoyou,
TimLong.
AndI'llusethebigwords
youteachme.
Diaphanous.
TIM: Stephanemightnot
havebeenwhatIwanted,
butitturnedout
hewaswhatIneeded.
AndIthink
heneededmetoo.
Hemightnothave
enlightenedmeonTruffaut
orhowtoconjugateaverb...
Hey.
...buthetaughtmethings
I'llneverforget.
Aboutlove,
life,
secondchances...
Bye,Stephane.
STEPHANE:Bye,TimLong.
TIM: ...andhowtoundo
abrawithonehand.
Sexynerdcouple.
(BOTHCHUCKLING)
(SIGHS)
TimLong,
areyouwearingcologne?
Yeah.Yeah,well,
youknowwhat
theysay.
"Beforesexhappens
inthepants,
ithappensinthenose."
Oh.(GIGGLES)
TIM: AsIwavedgoodbye,
Ididn'tknowwhether
itwas aurevoir or adieu.
ButIdidknowthat
Stephanehadchangedmylife...
Forever.
Bonjour!
WemadeittoParis,
mydreamcity,theheart
ofallculture
andallthatisgood.
Wemadeit.Wemadeit.
Tim,look.
ImadetheEiffelTower
mycock.
Iknow.
Hey,Tim,youcome
jerkmeoff,huh?
It'dbefunny.
Youjerkmeoff.
Okay.
WheninParis.
Yeah.
(GRUNTING)
Oh,oh!(CHUCKLES)
Okay.
(LAUGHS)
Tim,you'renext!
TIM: Okay.
You'renext!
(STEPHANEBEATBOXING
ANDSINGING)
TimisinParis
Hip-hopiscool
Thisisveryfun
ALL: Whoo!
Oh,whoa.
Freezeit.
Comeon,Tim.
"Shitboy."
"Shitboy,"huh?
(CHUCKLES)
Holdit.
(STUTTERS)
Tellmeyou'regettingthis.
Thisisanincredible
andclassicMaillol.
Yougotthebraveuseofcolors
andtheboldbrushstrokes,
and,ofcourse,
it'sDina,hismuse.
Hepaintedalotofher.
Imean,thisis...
Thisisunbelievable.
Really?
STEPHANE: Tim,Itellyou,
thisistherealmasterpiece.
(UPBEATSONGPLAYING)
HowcanIaskfor
anon-alcoholicdrink?
Ah.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Okay.
Uh,excuseme.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
Whatthefuck
isthis?
Ididnotdo
anything.
(INAUDIBLE)
Burgersforbreakfast,
hereinParis.
It'spretty
good.
Prettygood.
Cheers.
(SPEAKINGFRENCH)
(SONGCONTINUESPLAYING)
(UPBEATMUSICPLAYING)