The Exorcism (2013) Movie Script
(creepy music)
(possessed screaming in the distance)
- [Beth] Thank you so much for coming,
I really hope you can help.
She's--she's--I don't know.
I don't know what's going on with her.
Um, so--
- I want you to remember,
the girl we confront in
there is not your sister.
(possessed screaming)
(demonic hissing)
- Jacob?
- Valak?
(she laughs)
Are you kidding?
Holy shit.
Valak, you old
son-of-a-bitch, how are you?
- Well, I'm always crawling my way out,
you know what I'm saying?
- Where have you been all this time?
- Ah, ya know.
Possessed through Europe some, you?
- I've been in the States, you know,
bad economy, better the Satanism.
(they laugh)
I'm sorry, Beth this
is Valak, Valak, Beth.
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey, we've already met.
- Know how many rounds I've gone
with this bastard right here?
What is it, like, twelve now?
So tell me.
How'd you wrangle this one?
Heavy metal?
- Come on, what is this, 1985?
- Harry Potter.
(she laughs)
Shoulda been my first guess.
That is the gift that keeps on giving.
- Oh, the fucking Potterheads.
- It is good to see you, man.
I gotta tell you, nobody's
doing it deep these days,
it's just very uninspired.
- Oh really?
- I mean nobody's shaking the room,
or ya know, masturbating with a crucifix.
- Hey, who was that kid at Bridgeport?
Ya know, the fat one--
- Oh Lord, here we go.
- I'm Thomas Pratt and I love cupcakes.
- Sound just like him,
this fucker's retarded,
go ahead, tell the story.
- (laughs) Okay, we're
with this kid right?
He's like, this butterball kid, he's 12.
- This kid's flipped over on his belly,
and I see this writing,
just right over his little butthole there.
- "Take me to hell"
or some shit like that.
- And I'm leaning in,
I'm like, "What is that?"
- He's looking, he's looking and--can I?
I shot explosive, green, lava
diarrhea all over his face!
I mean, he's painted with it!
- Right in my mouth.
- It was-- (laughs)
- I'm like, "Aaghhhh."
- No, no, I think it was
more like this, "Blerghhhh."
- I was like gargling, it
was like thick all running--
- [Valak] All this green shit!
- It was shit for sure,
with Chamorron bean in.
- It was green!
- Ah, I'm tellin' ya, I was this close
to quitting exorcism altogether.
- You were not.
Well I'm really glad you didn't.
- Yeah.
I'm glad I didn't either.
- So, about my sister? (nervous laugh)
- Right.
- The sister.
Look at us back with all the
bunch of Golden Girls over here. (laughs)
- So tell me you gonna get on out of there
and let me get home in time
to watch some SportsCenter?
- I don't think so Jacob.
I'm going up against you, I wanna dance.
- I wouldn't expect it any other way.
- Oh and Jacob?
- Yeah?
- One more thing.
Your mother sucks cock in hell!
- Hey, yours does.
- (laughs) You know what
the fucked up thing is?
She does! (laughs)
- She does! (laughs)
(horrifying music)
(demonic hissing)
- It's the power of
Christ that compels you!
(demonic screaming)
It's the power of Christ that compels you!
It's the power of Christ that compels you!
- [Boy] Oh shit!
Jason, we've got to
fucking go, we gotta go!
Fuck, shit, dude,
we need to get the fuck out of here.
Taylor has lost her mind.
- I know.
(tense music)
(possessed screaming in the distance)
- [Beth] Thank you so much for coming,
I really hope you can help.
She's--she's--I don't know.
I don't know what's going on with her.
Um, so--
- I want you to remember,
the girl we confront in
there is not your sister.
(possessed screaming)
(demonic hissing)
- Jacob?
- Valak?
(she laughs)
Are you kidding?
Holy shit.
Valak, you old
son-of-a-bitch, how are you?
- Well, I'm always crawling my way out,
you know what I'm saying?
- Where have you been all this time?
- Ah, ya know.
Possessed through Europe some, you?
- I've been in the States, you know,
bad economy, better the Satanism.
(they laugh)
I'm sorry, Beth this
is Valak, Valak, Beth.
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey, we've already met.
- Know how many rounds I've gone
with this bastard right here?
What is it, like, twelve now?
So tell me.
How'd you wrangle this one?
Heavy metal?
- Come on, what is this, 1985?
- Harry Potter.
(she laughs)
Shoulda been my first guess.
That is the gift that keeps on giving.
- Oh, the fucking Potterheads.
- It is good to see you, man.
I gotta tell you, nobody's
doing it deep these days,
it's just very uninspired.
- Oh really?
- I mean nobody's shaking the room,
or ya know, masturbating with a crucifix.
- Hey, who was that kid at Bridgeport?
Ya know, the fat one--
- Oh Lord, here we go.
- I'm Thomas Pratt and I love cupcakes.
- Sound just like him,
this fucker's retarded,
go ahead, tell the story.
- (laughs) Okay, we're
with this kid right?
He's like, this butterball kid, he's 12.
- This kid's flipped over on his belly,
and I see this writing,
just right over his little butthole there.
- "Take me to hell"
or some shit like that.
- And I'm leaning in,
I'm like, "What is that?"
- He's looking, he's looking and--can I?
I shot explosive, green, lava
diarrhea all over his face!
I mean, he's painted with it!
- Right in my mouth.
- It was-- (laughs)
- I'm like, "Aaghhhh."
- No, no, I think it was
more like this, "Blerghhhh."
- I was like gargling, it
was like thick all running--
- [Valak] All this green shit!
- It was shit for sure,
with Chamorron bean in.
- It was green!
- Ah, I'm tellin' ya, I was this close
to quitting exorcism altogether.
- You were not.
Well I'm really glad you didn't.
- Yeah.
I'm glad I didn't either.
- So, about my sister? (nervous laugh)
- Right.
- The sister.
Look at us back with all the
bunch of Golden Girls over here. (laughs)
- So tell me you gonna get on out of there
and let me get home in time
to watch some SportsCenter?
- I don't think so Jacob.
I'm going up against you, I wanna dance.
- I wouldn't expect it any other way.
- Oh and Jacob?
- Yeah?
- One more thing.
Your mother sucks cock in hell!
- Hey, yours does.
- (laughs) You know what
the fucked up thing is?
She does! (laughs)
- She does! (laughs)
(horrifying music)
(demonic hissing)
- It's the power of
Christ that compels you!
(demonic screaming)
It's the power of Christ that compels you!
It's the power of Christ that compels you!
- [Boy] Oh shit!
Jason, we've got to
fucking go, we gotta go!
Fuck, shit, dude,
we need to get the fuck out of here.
Taylor has lost her mind.
- I know.
(tense music)