The Eye of the Salamander (2024) Movie Script
1
- Shit.
God damn!
Good boy.
You have got to be kidding me.
Working late again, Dr. Hiscock?
Yes, Dr. Hiscock.
Since there's nothing else to
do in your boring little life.
Careful, Doc.
You keep talking to yourself,
you're gonna need to
see a real doctor.
Maybe it's finally
time to get a pet.
Oh, wait. No.
I've already got
triceratops at home.
A big fat beastie
with three horns.
Only thing she left me after
the divorce.
Triceratops? Sure, yeah.
Could really use one of those.
- Hold it right there.
Working late again, Professor?
What? Are you famished?
- Midnight munchies.
- You gotta be
careful with those.
You're round enough already.
- Goodnight to you too, sir.
- Hey, Hiscock.
Boo!
I'll see ya.
- Butt hole.
What's that smell?
Something.
Well, hello there.
What do we have here?
Where's my God damn phone?
I left it right here.
Or in the car.
Hell with it. Don't need it
much these days, anyhow, do I?
Okay.
Exhibit number 25003.
Found in the Pyramid of the Moon
at the ancient city Teoteqokan
in the valley of Mexico,
the top part is crowned by a
head that looks like a dragon,
on an ugly version of
an axolotl salamander,
probably dedicated to
the Aztec God Xolotl.
The pyramid appears to be more
Egyptian than South American.
Possible connection there.
Carbon dating could
be a good idea.
Dimensions, 25.5 by 32 inches.
Under 41 pounds.
Made of stone.
Collected a lot of residue.
Requiring cleaning.
And that...
Is exactly what we're gonna do.
Oh!
Done.
Done for the night.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Hello, beautiful.
Am I getting lucky tonight?
Hey.
Not such a bad night after all.
Sooner or later, I'm
gonna crack you, sweetie.
What the hell?
This keeps getting
better and better.
Tricky little sucker!
Get you...
Got ya!
What is that?
No way.
Shit.
What the hell?
That's what weighed 40 pounds?
What's this made of? Plutonium?
It's warm.
And radioactive?
Shit!
The exhibit appears to
be a hollow stone casket,
holding a decorative tablet.
Probably made of uranium
or some other heavy metal.
It consists of two
sides, held together by
an electromagnetic force.
Pattern...
Markings don't appear
to be any Toltec, Mayan,
Aztec pattern known to me.
It's probably
from another cult.
What the hell?
I gotta stop
drinking this stuff.
Damn it!
Hello?
Screw this.
Come on.
Come on, sesame. Open up.
Come on.
You stay here.
Okay.
Okay, okay, okay!
Come on. Work, you
son of a bitch!
Okay, okay, okay. Come on.
Come on, this can't be
happening. This can't be real!
Come on, come on, come on!
Hello?
What the fuck?
No, please!
No!
Oh.
You can talk.
I'm sorry. I don't
know what you mean.
But whatever I did,
I'm really sorry.
Look, I'm just visiting here.
I tell you what.
You tell me how
to get outta here,
you'll never see me
again, I promise!
What do you want from me?
I don't know what you mean!
What do you want from me?
Whatever it is, I don't have it!
Nightmare.
I gotta
quit smoking pot.
- I wouldn't
mind a hit right now.
- Who said that?
- Shut up!
It can hear better
than it can see!
- You're...
- You.
I mean, I'm me, but
I'm also you too.
- Okay.
First, I get zapped
into these mines.
Then that thing that
looks like some Xolotl
from an Aztec
nightmare shows up.
And now you.
- It is Xolotl.
- What? How do you know?
- I asked him.
- I said, "Excuse me.
Aren't you Xolotl
from Aztec religion?"
And he goes, "Oh,
no. No, no, no, no.
I'm just a guy in a costume,
'cause it's Halloween
on freaking Mars."
- Mars.
The surface.
How do you know that was Mars?
- Because I've been in
the moon since then.
And you know what?
I think I saw your
ugly mug up there.
- I've never been to the moon.
- Not yet.
- What do you mean?
- Shut up.
I don't have time.
I need to think.
Light speed.
The time is divided by...
That gives us about
a 20-minute gap.
- Look, I'm sorry, but
you're gonna have to-
- Give me those.
Oh.
I used the tablet
from Xolotl's chamber.
- How? it didn't work.
- You have to use
the opposite side.
- Oh.
- It dropped me onto
the moon's surface.
- How did you survive?
Look at my face, dick wad.
Ooh.
Ow!
Well, at least you
don't have a black eye.
- But the space vacuum
jump-started my brain.
Now I know I need to turn
the damn thing to jump back.
There's one more thing.
I saw what was up there.
I think he tried to
scream something.
- What?
The vacuum's dangerous,
especially for the brain.
You were probably hallucinating.
- Oh, please. I'm
here now, aren't I?
- Hey.
The tablet from the
lab is still here.
We can use it to get home!
- At first I thought
I went straight back,
but something didn't feel right.
This time, it was as if the
beast had never been chasing me.
Like it had never even happened.
And the tablet was
gone, too. Just poof.
Vanished.
And then I hear you chattering
away with El Monstro.
- You mean you got away, too?
- Yeah, I ran.
Then I used a tablet, which
sent me to the moon and back.
Back to the past.
To the time before I was
sent here from Earth.
- I need a smoke.
- Now you're talkin'.
- Well, how is that even
possible? Is it a time machine?
- Don't ask
me. I'm just visiting.
But if it is some sort
of instant teleporter,
then it's faster than
the speed of a light.
- Right.
Because...
If time is slowing down
closer to the speed of light,
then theoretically,
if exceeded,
it goes backward.
- Bingo.
Hey.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
- But wait, what about my mass?
It would grow and
then go to infinity.
- Oh, I don't think
you need any help
in that department, chubs.
No, no, no.
I don't think the
tablet moves you.
I think it shreds you to atoms,
reads and scans 'em,
and sends 'em back
here to generate
some quantum teleportation
shit, faster than light.
- That's heavy, man.
I knew I died when
I saw that demon.
What do you think
it's doing out here?
- Ask it yourself.
It's your turn.
He was probably on his
way to some wild Aztec
sacrificial party but found
your fat ass teleported here.
- All right, here's a question.
If you saved me, who saved you?
- Nobody. I mean,
nobody grabbed me.
I got the tablet and
I decoyed the beast
with some helpful jerky.
Speaking of. Give me.
That thing's probably
starved after 500 years.
- Did you put the pen
knife under the chair?
- No, but I saw that arrow too.
- So that means
there's gotta be...
- A third butt hole.
Namely you and me.
- have you seen him?
- Nope.
- Well, why is he hiding?
- Ask yourself.
- Well, we gotta find him.
- Listen, creepazoid.
I don't have time for some
bullshit manhunt, all right?
And if we do manage
to make it back,
I'm not splitting the
jackpot three ways.
- What jackpot?
- The...
The lottery, dumb ass.
We go back, just in time
to buy the right ticket.
- Dude!
I knew I was an asshole,
but not on that level!
How could you even think
about something like that,
right now?
- I think you know.
- Okay.
What's the plan?
- We go back to the moon.
- Hell no!
- No, that's fine.
Why don't you stay here
with your new friend Xolotl?
- Okay, you convinced
me. Then what?
- We go back to the moon
and back to the past.
We wait for the next
one of us to arrive,
intercept the tablet,
use it to jump back.
- Well, what about
the next of us?
Should we take 'em with us?
- Meh. Leave 'em here.
They'll have a little adventure.
They'll find the knife
and escape anyway.
- You're a real
prick, you know that?
- Time is
a great teacher.
But it kills all its students.
You know I could've
very well have left
your fat ass back
here, but I didn't.
Hell, I don't even know if
the tablet works for two.
- All right, let's do it. You
still got the moon tablet?
- No. It vanished.
Looks like it's a
round-trip ticket.
- How are you planning
on getting past
our grumpy old friend?
- Same way I did before.
We outsmart him.
Give me your watch.
- How do you know
this is gonna work?
- Shut up! It worked
before, stupid.
- He's not here.
Good.
- How do you know
it's not a her?
You're not sexist, am I?
Hey, she might like ya. She...
Wait. I think it's close.
- So we won't need your trick.
- We'll see.
Should be any minute now.
- Didn't your buddy react
to this the last time?
- It did.
Maybe it's further
down in the tunnels.
- What do we do?
- We do it.
When we get to the moon,
breathe out, or you'll explode.
- Thanks for the tip.
- Come on!
Hurry up, dumb
Oops.
- Great job, Hiscock. Great job.
You're gonna die on
this miserable planet!
God!
I told you not to work late.
I told you to start working
out, but you didn't listen!
Shut up!
Shut up.
Just quit talkin' to yourself.
Keep your shit together.
Okay, what am I gonna
do? What am I gonna do?
I gotta get back to the past.
Find him before
a new me arrives.
We get the tablet,
we get back home,
and we get that
damn lottery ticket.
How am I supposed to get past
that fossilized piece of shit?
The old me says this
attracts the beast.
Snacks.
You never let me down.
Okay, stone.
Bring me luck.
Where's my glasses?
Other side, God damn it.
Nightmare.
- I wish it was.
- You're alive!
- Excuse me?
- Long story.
- Oh, I got all the time
in the world. Enlighten me.
- How'd I get here?
- I found your fat ass lying
in the catacombs like bait.
You weigh a ton, dude. You've
gotta lose the weight, man.
- First thing I'm gonna
do when we get back.
- I'm not going
anywhere with you.
- What? You don't wanna
split the lottery?
- What lottery?
- Didn't think
about that part yet, did ya?
- Okay, you're gonna
tell me what's going on,
or else I'm gonna
feed you that thing.
- Sorry.
I'm you.
I mean...
I'm me.
But I'm also you, too.
- Yeah. I got that part already.
What do you think
I am? A retard?
- Look, the trick is the
tablet sends you back in time,
through teleporting.
- Oh.
So, that explains...
I saw you on the moon.
You tried to scream something.
- That wasn't me.
You saw the third one.
Well, the very first one.
The one who planted the knife.
- You didn't do that?
- No, but I saw you
teleported, right before me.
- "Third one."
Interesting.
What's with the shiner?
- Uh...
You gave me that.
- Probably
for a good reason.
What did you mean
by me being alive?
- Let's not talk about that.
- No.
Let's.
- - Let's just
say, in the future,
you have a little accident.
- Beast?
- Yeah.
- Crap.
- Wanna change the subject?
- Got a smoke?
- Uh, no, but...
I got this.
- That'll do.
But how do we get back?
Couldn't find the tablet.
- You gotta start
thinking in the past, man.
It's not here yet.
- Okay. When?
- Well, I'm not sure.
How long was I out?
- Well, I don't know.
Maybe half an hour?
- Crap! Why didn't you tell me?
- You didn't ask!
- Shit! We're late!
- I can hear that.
- Come on!
I think I know what he's saying.
- It's "Where is it?" in
Aztec. Don't be a smart ass.
- Sorry. Had to try.
There it is!
- Stop talking, moron.
- Oh, shit. Hide!
There he is!
Hey! We're here!
Hey! Stop!
- Why is he running?
- To get to the tablet first.
Obviously.
- Why?
- To go back alone, stupid!
- He wants to steal it from us?
- I would!
- Run faster, fat brains!
- Stop!
Idiot!
Got you, you crook!
- I'm sorry.
- What an asshole!
- Last time, you
called him a butthole-
- Well, he exceeded
my expectations.
What are we gonna do now?
Right.
- Oh, not again.
- Should we save him?
- Wanna try?
- Nope.
- He'll find that
knife. Remember?
- Yeah. Let's do it.
Okay.
Are you kidding me?
- You bastard!
Stop, you idiot!
Trying to dump me, Brutus?
- Don't stand
there like a lemon.
Damn it!
- Hello?
- Screw this.
- Come on.
Come on, sesame. Open up.
- Hey! We're here!
Hey, stop!
Stop!
You idiot!
Got you, you crook!
- I'm sorry.
What a trip.
Who needs LSD, these days?
Nope.
No way.
I'm sending you back tomorrow.
Yes.
We made it. There's still time.
I gotta piss.
Number two didn't
make it back twice.
You should've given
him the tablet.
Then what?
You wouldn't have survived
your third jump to the moon.
Stop whining.
What's done is done.
Yeah, right.
- Dude.
You need a shower.
Ooh, la, la, la, la!
La, la, la, la!
Ooh!
Oh!
All right.
Snack time!
Later, dude.
- Damn.
I completely forgot
about that asshole.
Ah!
Should I tell him?
You'd better, or
he'll go through hell.
He kinda deserves it.
Who knows? He might
even make it back.
All right.
Tell him.
Wait.
What if there are
more time loops?
What if the beast found
the tablet before me?
Shit, I gotta stop myself
so none of this happens.
No.
Oh, thank you, vending machine.
He's gonna eat him
in the snack room.
Then I won't exist anymore.
Hey!
Ass clown!
Crap
Are you kidding me?
- Freeze!
Shut up, you bum.
- Shh, shh.
Be quiet.
- How did you get in here?
- I'm begging you. Be quiet.
It's me. Professor Hiscock.
- Huh?
I can't believe it.
Professor!
What happened to you, Hiscock?
Did you swim in the
crapper?
Die, you freakin' beast.
- Welcome to Earth!
Dumb ass!
Good luck on Mars, butt hole.
One Extra Millions
ticket, please.
These exact numbers.
What're you looking
at? Hurry up, dude.
Oh. shit. I'm late.
God damn it!
What the hell was that?
- Shit.
God damn!
Good boy.
You have got to be kidding me.
Working late again, Dr. Hiscock?
Yes, Dr. Hiscock.
Since there's nothing else to
do in your boring little life.
Careful, Doc.
You keep talking to yourself,
you're gonna need to
see a real doctor.
Maybe it's finally
time to get a pet.
Oh, wait. No.
I've already got
triceratops at home.
A big fat beastie
with three horns.
Only thing she left me after
the divorce.
Triceratops? Sure, yeah.
Could really use one of those.
- Hold it right there.
Working late again, Professor?
What? Are you famished?
- Midnight munchies.
- You gotta be
careful with those.
You're round enough already.
- Goodnight to you too, sir.
- Hey, Hiscock.
Boo!
I'll see ya.
- Butt hole.
What's that smell?
Something.
Well, hello there.
What do we have here?
Where's my God damn phone?
I left it right here.
Or in the car.
Hell with it. Don't need it
much these days, anyhow, do I?
Okay.
Exhibit number 25003.
Found in the Pyramid of the Moon
at the ancient city Teoteqokan
in the valley of Mexico,
the top part is crowned by a
head that looks like a dragon,
on an ugly version of
an axolotl salamander,
probably dedicated to
the Aztec God Xolotl.
The pyramid appears to be more
Egyptian than South American.
Possible connection there.
Carbon dating could
be a good idea.
Dimensions, 25.5 by 32 inches.
Under 41 pounds.
Made of stone.
Collected a lot of residue.
Requiring cleaning.
And that...
Is exactly what we're gonna do.
Oh!
Done.
Done for the night.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Hello, beautiful.
Am I getting lucky tonight?
Hey.
Not such a bad night after all.
Sooner or later, I'm
gonna crack you, sweetie.
What the hell?
This keeps getting
better and better.
Tricky little sucker!
Get you...
Got ya!
What is that?
No way.
Shit.
What the hell?
That's what weighed 40 pounds?
What's this made of? Plutonium?
It's warm.
And radioactive?
Shit!
The exhibit appears to
be a hollow stone casket,
holding a decorative tablet.
Probably made of uranium
or some other heavy metal.
It consists of two
sides, held together by
an electromagnetic force.
Pattern...
Markings don't appear
to be any Toltec, Mayan,
Aztec pattern known to me.
It's probably
from another cult.
What the hell?
I gotta stop
drinking this stuff.
Damn it!
Hello?
Screw this.
Come on.
Come on, sesame. Open up.
Come on.
You stay here.
Okay.
Okay, okay, okay!
Come on. Work, you
son of a bitch!
Okay, okay, okay. Come on.
Come on, this can't be
happening. This can't be real!
Come on, come on, come on!
Hello?
What the fuck?
No, please!
No!
Oh.
You can talk.
I'm sorry. I don't
know what you mean.
But whatever I did,
I'm really sorry.
Look, I'm just visiting here.
I tell you what.
You tell me how
to get outta here,
you'll never see me
again, I promise!
What do you want from me?
I don't know what you mean!
What do you want from me?
Whatever it is, I don't have it!
Nightmare.
I gotta
quit smoking pot.
- I wouldn't
mind a hit right now.
- Who said that?
- Shut up!
It can hear better
than it can see!
- You're...
- You.
I mean, I'm me, but
I'm also you too.
- Okay.
First, I get zapped
into these mines.
Then that thing that
looks like some Xolotl
from an Aztec
nightmare shows up.
And now you.
- It is Xolotl.
- What? How do you know?
- I asked him.
- I said, "Excuse me.
Aren't you Xolotl
from Aztec religion?"
And he goes, "Oh,
no. No, no, no, no.
I'm just a guy in a costume,
'cause it's Halloween
on freaking Mars."
- Mars.
The surface.
How do you know that was Mars?
- Because I've been in
the moon since then.
And you know what?
I think I saw your
ugly mug up there.
- I've never been to the moon.
- Not yet.
- What do you mean?
- Shut up.
I don't have time.
I need to think.
Light speed.
The time is divided by...
That gives us about
a 20-minute gap.
- Look, I'm sorry, but
you're gonna have to-
- Give me those.
Oh.
I used the tablet
from Xolotl's chamber.
- How? it didn't work.
- You have to use
the opposite side.
- Oh.
- It dropped me onto
the moon's surface.
- How did you survive?
Look at my face, dick wad.
Ooh.
Ow!
Well, at least you
don't have a black eye.
- But the space vacuum
jump-started my brain.
Now I know I need to turn
the damn thing to jump back.
There's one more thing.
I saw what was up there.
I think he tried to
scream something.
- What?
The vacuum's dangerous,
especially for the brain.
You were probably hallucinating.
- Oh, please. I'm
here now, aren't I?
- Hey.
The tablet from the
lab is still here.
We can use it to get home!
- At first I thought
I went straight back,
but something didn't feel right.
This time, it was as if the
beast had never been chasing me.
Like it had never even happened.
And the tablet was
gone, too. Just poof.
Vanished.
And then I hear you chattering
away with El Monstro.
- You mean you got away, too?
- Yeah, I ran.
Then I used a tablet, which
sent me to the moon and back.
Back to the past.
To the time before I was
sent here from Earth.
- I need a smoke.
- Now you're talkin'.
- Well, how is that even
possible? Is it a time machine?
- Don't ask
me. I'm just visiting.
But if it is some sort
of instant teleporter,
then it's faster than
the speed of a light.
- Right.
Because...
If time is slowing down
closer to the speed of light,
then theoretically,
if exceeded,
it goes backward.
- Bingo.
Hey.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
- But wait, what about my mass?
It would grow and
then go to infinity.
- Oh, I don't think
you need any help
in that department, chubs.
No, no, no.
I don't think the
tablet moves you.
I think it shreds you to atoms,
reads and scans 'em,
and sends 'em back
here to generate
some quantum teleportation
shit, faster than light.
- That's heavy, man.
I knew I died when
I saw that demon.
What do you think
it's doing out here?
- Ask it yourself.
It's your turn.
He was probably on his
way to some wild Aztec
sacrificial party but found
your fat ass teleported here.
- All right, here's a question.
If you saved me, who saved you?
- Nobody. I mean,
nobody grabbed me.
I got the tablet and
I decoyed the beast
with some helpful jerky.
Speaking of. Give me.
That thing's probably
starved after 500 years.
- Did you put the pen
knife under the chair?
- No, but I saw that arrow too.
- So that means
there's gotta be...
- A third butt hole.
Namely you and me.
- have you seen him?
- Nope.
- Well, why is he hiding?
- Ask yourself.
- Well, we gotta find him.
- Listen, creepazoid.
I don't have time for some
bullshit manhunt, all right?
And if we do manage
to make it back,
I'm not splitting the
jackpot three ways.
- What jackpot?
- The...
The lottery, dumb ass.
We go back, just in time
to buy the right ticket.
- Dude!
I knew I was an asshole,
but not on that level!
How could you even think
about something like that,
right now?
- I think you know.
- Okay.
What's the plan?
- We go back to the moon.
- Hell no!
- No, that's fine.
Why don't you stay here
with your new friend Xolotl?
- Okay, you convinced
me. Then what?
- We go back to the moon
and back to the past.
We wait for the next
one of us to arrive,
intercept the tablet,
use it to jump back.
- Well, what about
the next of us?
Should we take 'em with us?
- Meh. Leave 'em here.
They'll have a little adventure.
They'll find the knife
and escape anyway.
- You're a real
prick, you know that?
- Time is
a great teacher.
But it kills all its students.
You know I could've
very well have left
your fat ass back
here, but I didn't.
Hell, I don't even know if
the tablet works for two.
- All right, let's do it. You
still got the moon tablet?
- No. It vanished.
Looks like it's a
round-trip ticket.
- How are you planning
on getting past
our grumpy old friend?
- Same way I did before.
We outsmart him.
Give me your watch.
- How do you know
this is gonna work?
- Shut up! It worked
before, stupid.
- He's not here.
Good.
- How do you know
it's not a her?
You're not sexist, am I?
Hey, she might like ya. She...
Wait. I think it's close.
- So we won't need your trick.
- We'll see.
Should be any minute now.
- Didn't your buddy react
to this the last time?
- It did.
Maybe it's further
down in the tunnels.
- What do we do?
- We do it.
When we get to the moon,
breathe out, or you'll explode.
- Thanks for the tip.
- Come on!
Hurry up, dumb
Oops.
- Great job, Hiscock. Great job.
You're gonna die on
this miserable planet!
God!
I told you not to work late.
I told you to start working
out, but you didn't listen!
Shut up!
Shut up.
Just quit talkin' to yourself.
Keep your shit together.
Okay, what am I gonna
do? What am I gonna do?
I gotta get back to the past.
Find him before
a new me arrives.
We get the tablet,
we get back home,
and we get that
damn lottery ticket.
How am I supposed to get past
that fossilized piece of shit?
The old me says this
attracts the beast.
Snacks.
You never let me down.
Okay, stone.
Bring me luck.
Where's my glasses?
Other side, God damn it.
Nightmare.
- I wish it was.
- You're alive!
- Excuse me?
- Long story.
- Oh, I got all the time
in the world. Enlighten me.
- How'd I get here?
- I found your fat ass lying
in the catacombs like bait.
You weigh a ton, dude. You've
gotta lose the weight, man.
- First thing I'm gonna
do when we get back.
- I'm not going
anywhere with you.
- What? You don't wanna
split the lottery?
- What lottery?
- Didn't think
about that part yet, did ya?
- Okay, you're gonna
tell me what's going on,
or else I'm gonna
feed you that thing.
- Sorry.
I'm you.
I mean...
I'm me.
But I'm also you, too.
- Yeah. I got that part already.
What do you think
I am? A retard?
- Look, the trick is the
tablet sends you back in time,
through teleporting.
- Oh.
So, that explains...
I saw you on the moon.
You tried to scream something.
- That wasn't me.
You saw the third one.
Well, the very first one.
The one who planted the knife.
- You didn't do that?
- No, but I saw you
teleported, right before me.
- "Third one."
Interesting.
What's with the shiner?
- Uh...
You gave me that.
- Probably
for a good reason.
What did you mean
by me being alive?
- Let's not talk about that.
- No.
Let's.
- - Let's just
say, in the future,
you have a little accident.
- Beast?
- Yeah.
- Crap.
- Wanna change the subject?
- Got a smoke?
- Uh, no, but...
I got this.
- That'll do.
But how do we get back?
Couldn't find the tablet.
- You gotta start
thinking in the past, man.
It's not here yet.
- Okay. When?
- Well, I'm not sure.
How long was I out?
- Well, I don't know.
Maybe half an hour?
- Crap! Why didn't you tell me?
- You didn't ask!
- Shit! We're late!
- I can hear that.
- Come on!
I think I know what he's saying.
- It's "Where is it?" in
Aztec. Don't be a smart ass.
- Sorry. Had to try.
There it is!
- Stop talking, moron.
- Oh, shit. Hide!
There he is!
Hey! We're here!
Hey! Stop!
- Why is he running?
- To get to the tablet first.
Obviously.
- Why?
- To go back alone, stupid!
- He wants to steal it from us?
- I would!
- Run faster, fat brains!
- Stop!
Idiot!
Got you, you crook!
- I'm sorry.
- What an asshole!
- Last time, you
called him a butthole-
- Well, he exceeded
my expectations.
What are we gonna do now?
Right.
- Oh, not again.
- Should we save him?
- Wanna try?
- Nope.
- He'll find that
knife. Remember?
- Yeah. Let's do it.
Okay.
Are you kidding me?
- You bastard!
Stop, you idiot!
Trying to dump me, Brutus?
- Don't stand
there like a lemon.
Damn it!
- Hello?
- Screw this.
- Come on.
Come on, sesame. Open up.
- Hey! We're here!
Hey, stop!
Stop!
You idiot!
Got you, you crook!
- I'm sorry.
What a trip.
Who needs LSD, these days?
Nope.
No way.
I'm sending you back tomorrow.
Yes.
We made it. There's still time.
I gotta piss.
Number two didn't
make it back twice.
You should've given
him the tablet.
Then what?
You wouldn't have survived
your third jump to the moon.
Stop whining.
What's done is done.
Yeah, right.
- Dude.
You need a shower.
Ooh, la, la, la, la!
La, la, la, la!
Ooh!
Oh!
All right.
Snack time!
Later, dude.
- Damn.
I completely forgot
about that asshole.
Ah!
Should I tell him?
You'd better, or
he'll go through hell.
He kinda deserves it.
Who knows? He might
even make it back.
All right.
Tell him.
Wait.
What if there are
more time loops?
What if the beast found
the tablet before me?
Shit, I gotta stop myself
so none of this happens.
No.
Oh, thank you, vending machine.
He's gonna eat him
in the snack room.
Then I won't exist anymore.
Hey!
Ass clown!
Crap
Are you kidding me?
- Freeze!
Shut up, you bum.
- Shh, shh.
Be quiet.
- How did you get in here?
- I'm begging you. Be quiet.
It's me. Professor Hiscock.
- Huh?
I can't believe it.
Professor!
What happened to you, Hiscock?
Did you swim in the
crapper?
Die, you freakin' beast.
- Welcome to Earth!
Dumb ass!
Good luck on Mars, butt hole.
One Extra Millions
ticket, please.
These exact numbers.
What're you looking
at? Hurry up, dude.
Oh. shit. I'm late.
God damn it!
What the hell was that?