The Fabelmans (2022) Movie Script

(grand orchestral fanfare
playing)
(lively orchestral music
playing)
BURT: Mommy and Daddy
will be right next to you.
The lights will go down.
There may be some organ music
as the curtain opens.
(chuckles): Don't be scared.
It'll be dark in there,
you said.
- I don't want to go in.
- But it's fun.
All week,
you've been so excited.
Your first ever movie.
- And the people are gigantic.
- What people?
You said the people
in the movie are gigantic.
Oh, because of
the big screen they're on,
but they're not real, uh, right?
- MITZI: They're like dreams.
- Dreams are scary.
Some dreams are, but this is
gonna be a nice dream.
About a circus and clowns
and acrobats and, um...
You want to know how it works?
There's a big machine
called a projector.
Inside, there's
a big bright light,
and it projects photographs
- of-of clowns and acrobats.
- MITZI: And elephants.
- Uh, "projecting" means it
sends them out. -Happy things.
Happy things like light
from a huge flashlight.
But these photographs move past
the light really fast.
24 photos in every second.
Now, in your brain,
each photograph stays
for about a 15th of a second.
That's called
persistence of vision.
The photographs move past
faster than your brain
can let go of them,
and that's how
the movie projector tricks us
into believing that
motionless pictures are moving.
A motion picture.
Movies are dreams, doll,
that you never forget.
You just wait and see.
When it's over,
you're gonna have
the biggest, sloppiest smile
on your face.
- (chuckles)
- They're letting us in.
(lively orchestral music
continues)
(train chugging on-screen)
HARRY (on-screen):
Wait till the engines pass.
(chugging slows)
(steam whistling)
- (man shouts on-screen)
- Unlock the door.
(audience gasps)
KLAUS (on-screen): Pass it down.
(tires screech)
(distant train whistle blowing)
- What's that?
- Second section.
- (train chugging)
- (bell clanging)
KLAUS:
Angel. She's on that train.
HARRY: So what? We got the
dough. Let's get out of here.
Lights. I must turn the lights
down the track.
You crazy lunkhead.
Give me that wheel.
We are going to...
Down the track!
(Harry grunts)
(audience gasps)
The train! Stop the train!
Stop the train!
(tires screech)
Stop! Can't you see the lights?!
Stop!
(train whistle blowing)
First section! Hold it!
- KLAUS: Angel! Angel!
- (brakes screeching)
(audience exclaiming)
(panicked screaming)
(lions roaring)
What was your favorite part?
Sammy, what do you want
for Hanukkah?
I told you
this wasn't a good idea,
what with all of his
A-N-X-I-E-T-I-E-S.
Kids his age have big
I-M-A-G-I-N-A-T-I-O-N-S.
No fair spelling out
the long words.
The lights change
how everything looks.
It's hard to find our house.
Ours is the dark house
with no lights.
(Mitzi snickers)
That's what I want for Hanukkah.
- What?
- Christmas lights!
(laughs)
Sorry, dolly.
Jews don't get Christmas lights.
Eight nights of candlelight.
Who could ask
for anything more?
Who could ask for
anything more?
Can I sleep
with the oscilloscope?
(quiet rhythmic buzzing)
(train whistle blowing faintly)
HARRY: Get going.
We got to burn rubber.
- KLAUS: What's that?
- Second section.
KLAUS:
Angel. She's on that train.
- The lights.
- (train whistle blows)
I must turn the lights
down the track.
- Stop the train!
- (train chugging)
Stop the train!
- (brakes screeching)
- Angel!
(whistle blowing)
SAMMY: Mommy! Mommy!
I know what I want for Hanukkah!
I know what I want for Hanukkah!
(all speaking Hebrew in unison)
Hanukkah!
- (laughter)
- (girls scream excitedly)
NATALIE: Thank you!
(giggles, whoops)
Sammy.
- (giggles) Oh, my God.
- Whoa.
I'm so excited.
(piano playing
"Down by the Station")
ALL: Down by the station
early in the morning
See the little pufferbellies
all in a row
See the stationmaster
pull the little handle
Puff, puff, toot, toot
Off they go
Down by the station
early in the morning
See the shiny train cars
all in a row
Waiting to get hitched up
and go on their adventure
Puff, puff, toot, toot
- Off they go.
- (music ends)
Okay, so the outside grounds,
the middle conducts the power,
and these two metal wheels
under the engine
complete the circuit.
So, new, Mr. Engineer?
RCA gave you a raise?
That is
one expensive trolley car.
It's not a trolley car.
It's a Lionel train.
No raises for the computer guys
this year.
Next year, maybe.
Your moonlighting son
is paying for it
by filling up my house
with broken TVs.
Repair work, that's how.
Oy, careful he doesn't
electrocute himself.
(speaks Russian)
- TINA: Hold on.
- You're okay.
You're not taking that fancy
train to Florida without me.
Hey, look.
She's down on the floor.
(chuckles):
Who's gonna help her up?
Who says I'm getting up?
I'm going to Miami
on the Sammy Limited.
Go ahead.
- Ooh. (gasps)
- (whirring)
- (laughter)
- (toy train whistle blowing)
(toy bell dinging)
(girls screaming excitedly)
(real train whistle blowing)
(whistle growing louder)
(bell clangs)
(wheels squealing)
(whirring)
(real train chugging,
whistle blowing)
(brakes screeching)
(people screaming)
(lions roaring)
(Mitzi gasps)
(panting)
I precisely engineer toys.
You can play with them
when you've learned
to treat them with respect.
I do respect them. I love them.
I know you do, but you can't
just love something.
You also have to
take care of it, right?
Maybe we can play together
with them this weekend.
But I need to see them crash.
I don't understand.
Why does he need
to see them crash?
(Burt sighs)
It's late.
You don't want
to shut your light?
Mm. In a minute.
I'm still wide-awake.
You see these descending notes?
That's called a lament bass.
(vocalizes music)
You should play it on the radio
on that arts program.
- Oh. (laughs) -They keep
asking you to go back.
I don't have time for that. Mm.
Well, we can hire a sitter.
Who can afford that? Forget it.
That was another life.
(chuckles)
That was two kids ago.
You know what I miss most
about the piano?
Surrendering to the score.
Knowing Bach is
gonna tell you how...
First this note,
then this chord,
then you open your hand,
you stretch down an octave...
(vocalizes music)
Making a little world
you can be safe and happy in.
(whispers): Thank you.
That's why he needs
to watch them crash.
He's trying to get
some kind of control over it.
Sammy?
We're going to use
Daddy's camera to film it.
Only crash the train once, okay?
Then, after we get
the film developed,
you can watch it crash
over and over
till it's not so scary anymore.
And your real train
won't ever get broken.
One more thing, dolly.
Let's not tell your father.
It'll be our secret movie,
just yours and mine.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Sorry I'm late.
I picked up
Ms. Moynahan's Motorola.
There's no room left
in the workshop.
- Where should I put it?
- The living room, I guess?
Okay.
Hey, uh, sorry I'm late.
I picked up Mrs. Fabelman.
Where should I put her?
(speaking Russian)
(chuckles): Ow! Ow, ow, ow.
- Did the mail come?
- It's on the table.
(door closes)
Cossack.
(food sizzling)
- This is brisket?
- SAMMY: My movie!
MITZI:
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
After supper.
The amount of magnetism
is increased by
how magnetically permeable
the core material is.
The tricky thing is
how permeable we can make it.
Am I supposed to be
following any of this?
You know what
a magnetic field is, right?
Uh, yeah. Well, sure.
I mean, it...
Sammy, do you know
what a magnetic field is?
- Can I be excused?
- Nope.
But I need to,
just for a minute.
- What's so urgent?
- HADASSAH: Honey.
This tastes funny, Burt.
It tastes funny
on a plastic fork.
- Ma.
- Is she saving the silverware
for when the Eisenhowers
drop by?
The problem is
we're using vacuum tubes,
not transistors,
and magnetic cores
- to try to access memory...
- 35,000 magnetic cores.
Hey, Sam, you know
on your father's camera
when the film runs out?
When that happens,
what do you do?
- Load more film.
- The same with computers.
You have to load more tape, and
that slows everything down...
Mitz, the chopped liver
was beyond belief.
- (shushes)
- BENNIE: load it with data,
and instead of changing tapes
every ten seconds,
this new machine
he's engineering...
- The BIZMAC!
- The BIZMAC!
It can search for information
through all these tapes at once.
You never need
to change any of them.
It'll be ten times faster.
I love Burt's brain. (chuckles)
Especially when you're around
to explain what's in it.
(laughter)
Mom, I have to go upstairs now.
Not until
you've finished eating.
He cleaned his plate.
No, he didn't.
(Sammy scoffs)
- (Reggie gasps)
- Sammy.
Hey, Natalie, I think there's
something under your plate.
- MITZI: Sammy.
- No, there isn't.
BENNIE: Lift it up and check.
I saw it moving.
- (screaming)
- (yelling playfully)
(girls groaning)
- (gulps)
- (laughter)
Licorice.
(chuckles): If there's anything
I'm a sucker for,
it's licorice.
(laughter continues)
Uncle Bennie,
that was so disgusting!
- No, no!
- Natalie, he is not your uncle.
Also, he is not that funny.
Oh, "uncle" is a term
of affection. (laughing)
Natalie, he's not related.
He's only always here
because he works for my son.
He's only always here because
he's my best friend.
And deep down inside you,
Mrs. Fabelman,
admit it, I'm your friend, too.
Deep down inside of me
is none of your business.
(Bennie laughs)
MITZI: (grunts)
Sid Caesar's on tonight.
Help me.
- BURT: Natalie, get that corner.
- What?
BENNIE:
Get the corner. Get the corner.
NATALIE:
Can I help you take it out?
(projector whirring quietly)
Sammy.
(chuckling)
(projector whirring quietly)
I had to crash it
a whole lot of times,
- but the train never got hurt.
- (sighs) Golly.
(chuckles)
I thought that was
The Greatest Show on Earth.
(laughing): Oh, more,
more, more, more, more.

Head back. Open.
- Ah.
- Candy corn in.
- (Reggie giggles)
- Say, "Ah."
Head back.
- Ketchup. Okay.
- (giggling)
Scream like it hurts.
Pull it!
(Natalie screaming)
(Reggie gasps)
(spits)
(Reggie grunts)
(chuckles): Sammy!
(kids laughing)
Oh.
(gasps)
(laughing)
(grunting, gasping)
(roaring)
(growling, shrieking)

(girls growling, roaring)
(roaring continues in distance)
Take off the blindfolds.
(camera whirring)
(both screaming)
(gasping)
Sammy?
Reggie, Natalie,
come downstairs pronto.
Your father has an announcement.
General Electric
wants to hire me
because of what I did on BIZMAC.
They want to use my
electronic library system to...
Well, I-I don't think
they have any notion
of what I can do with it.
And I'll make more money.
Is Uncle Bennie coming, too?
Well, D-Daddy and me
haven't had a chance to think
- about Uncle Bennie, but...
- Bennie, no. He lives here.
Burt.
(stammers softly)
I'll miss
your Uncle Bennie, too,
but Phoenix is a real neat city.
It's on the rise.
They've only just hired me.
I've got no pull there yet.
I can't ask General Electric
to hire somebody else
on my say-so.
- That's not how it works.
- Don't ask them.
Do it yourself.
They're hiring you to manage.
Managers hire. Hire Bennie.
Uh, who's watching... Sammy!
- He's got to make a name for
himself at RCA. -(baby wailing)
- Come here. Come here.
(shushing) -That's what I did.
He'll stay in New Jersey,
get out from
under my shadow and then...
- He needs you, Burt. -NATALIE:
There's a tornado outside!
Yeah, well,
there's a bigger one in here.
Honestly, honestly, Burt,
sometimes I want to shake you.
You're-you're gonna leave him
behind with just a-a shrug?
GIRLS: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
"We'll see ya later."
And once we're gone, who will
he have left in New Jersey?
You have an opportunity
to help your best friend.
- Mommy, look!
- Mommy! Mommy!
- Honestly, wake up.
- Mom! Mom!
- What?! -Look!
There's a tornado outside.
- I'm scared.
- Just go.
(wind whooshing)
Wow! Ah!
(laughs)
Oh!
You weren't kidding!
How close is it?
Why does the sky look orange?
(wailing)
MITZI: Come on!
Come on. Let's go see.
(girls screaming)
- Get in, get in!
- Get in!
Mitz? Where are you going?
(chuckles): Mitz, where are...
- Hey!
- (engine starts)
Where are you going?
Mitz!
(tires squealing)
Mitzi!
(tires squealing)
REGGIE: Where is it?
- I can't see it anymore.
- (horn blaring)
Up ahead somewhere.
We'll find it.
(gasps)
Mom, it's there. It's there!
- Is this s-safe?
- (siren wailing in distance)
Of course it's safe.
I'm your mother.
(kids screaming)
SAMMY: Mom, stop!
(tires squeal)
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything happens for a reason.
Say it with me.
Everything happens for a reason.
ALL:
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything happens for a reason.
("By a Campfire on the Trail"
by Sons of the Pioneers plays)
Take me back to dream again
By a campfire on the trail
By a campfire on the trail
When day is done
Let me smell that chaparral
REGGIE: I think there's
something dead in the road.
Let me join my saddle pals
- (camera whirs, stops)
- By a campfire on the trail
When day is done...
- Reggie, wave in the camera.
- (camera whirring)
Let me smell that chaparral
Let me join my saddle pals
By a campfire on the trail
When day is done
- (mouthing)
- I'll make my bed and rest
Beneath the western sky
And tell the moon...
- BURT: Ooh, look.
- MITZI: There it is!
- BURT: There it is. Wow.
- (Natalie exclaims)
SAMMY: Whoa!
Let me out. I want to take
a shot of him pulling in.
- NATALIE: No!
- REGGIE: No, I have to pee now!
NATALIE: Me, too! Now! No!
He and I will always be
By a campfire
on the trail...
GIRLS (in unison):
No! I have to pee!
- Keep coming.
- No!
Keep coming, Dad.
You're doing great.
And...
OLDER SAMMY: Stop.
Freeze.
- Where's the lunch box?
- Wow.
Where's the lunch box?! Hurry!
Guys, look at the monster
Sammy caught.
I got the babies.
- ROGER: Sal found babies.
- Look at that.
ROGER: Sammy, Dean, come on.
There's a huge nest right there.
- Come on, guys.
- A big one, Sammy.
- SAMMY: Oh, God.
- BOYS: Oh!
DEAN: It's a whole herd of 'em.
SAL: Scorpions come in nests.
No, actually,
it's a bed of scorpions.
- No, it's a nest.
- (excited, overlapping chatter)
The baby scorpions
are called "scorplings."
They're twice as venomous.
That's-that's why
the lab pays more.
There's got to be
like 50 of 'em.
Well, how much is the
laboratory gonna pay for them?
50 cents per baby.
- That's 25 bucks!
- We're rich. -(laughs)
Well, what are we gonna buy?
(Sammy sighs)
(entry bell jingling)
12 dollars even.
Well, it's the merit badge
for photography, not movies.
The manual says you got to tell
a story with still pictures.
Yeah, but all a movie is
is still pictures.
You just put a bunch of them
together and they move.
Okay, but what kind of movie
are we making?
Ooh. Sammy, look.
It's Janet Benedict.
(girls chattering)
Hey, go on and talk to her.
I dare you.
HARK: He already talked to her.
- SAL: No way.
- DEAN: Like hell.
No way.
He actually spoke to her?
He did. He did.
He walked right up to her.
- And he...
- You went up to Janet Benedict?
- What did you say to her?
- Nothing.
Oh, come on.
Tell them what happened, Sammy.
Nothing happened.
Something happened. Come on.
(on-screen):
Could be the same one.
"Overland." Say, I think
it is the same one.
Well, I declare.
So, uh, (clears throat)
Sammy kind of sidewinds his way
in her direction.
And he's trying to, um...
he-he's trying to work up
the nerve to say something
slick and smooth like,
- "Hey, Jan, baby."
- No, I wasn't.
- You're making this up.
- (laughs)
But-but he sees that Janet's
got something on her nose.
So now he's thinking, "Cool.
Here's my excuse to go up
and talk to her."
So he goes and he says, "Hey,
uh, (chuckles) sorry, Janet.
It-it looks like you have
a little smudge on your nose."
- Shut up, Hark.
- But it wasn't a smudge.
- It looked like a smudge.
- And it wasn't little.
Hark, shut up!
- It was a booger!
- (quiet laughter)
A big, fat,
- Janet Benedict booger.
- (shushing)
(laughs)
It was huge. (laughs)
(horses neighing frantically)
(quietly): Hey, Sammy.
(on-screen): Stand and deliver.
What kind of movie
are we gonna make?
HARK: Stand and deliver.
(girls screaming)
SAMMY: No, keep screaming.
Keep screaming.
- (coughing)
- (screaming)
I need more dust. Dad, can you
grab the sandwich board?
REGGIE: No, no. God, no,
no more dust. No. (coughing)
Reggie, stop coughing!
- REGGIE: I'm coughing
because there's dust. -Okay.
- More dust, fellas. -Natalie,
say, "Please don't kill me."
- NATALIE: All right.
- SAMMY: Reggie, stop coughing.
You're being dramatic.
Mr. Fabelman, you're getting
dirt inside my stagecoach.
REGGIE: Don't you want me
to be dramatic?
- Don't look into the camera.
- Well, we'll clean it out.
Guys, stop looking
into the camera.
- I can't use any of this.
- (coughs) Dad!

(projector whirring)

(projector clicking)
Fake.
Totally fake.
(piano playing classical music)
- (music continues)
- (nails tapping on keys)
(music and tapping continues)
- (quietly): You hear it?
- (shushes)
She has got to cut
those goddamn fingernails
before she goes
on live television.
- I have to perform this
tomorrow. -(music stops)
(laughs) It's a difficult piece.
It's a very big deal for me.
All I asked was for you
to keep your big traps shut
and listen
to my dress rehearsal.
Sorry, Mitz. It's wonderful.
You hear how
the rising arpeggios
- lift up the sad notes?
- (Sammy chuckles)
It's in F minor, but your mom
makes it sound so alive.
She makes it sound like
she's playing a typewriter.
(laughter)
Oh, no. (laughs)
Not this again.
(vocalizes classical music)
(imitates typewriter keys
clicking, bell dinging)
(laughter)
Do you hear it? Am I clicking?
I concentrate
on your playing, but...
Bu... Oh, great. But what?
But people can hear it
in Tucson.
- Maybe I've gotten used to it.
- (chuckles)
Maybe GE should make
rubber tips for fingernails.
All right, Mitzi Fabelman.
Time to face the music.
- BURT: Oh, boy.
- (clicking)
You stay away from me
with those things.
- It's Beethoven, damn it.
- No, no, no!
- It is not Morse code. Come on.
- No! Stop! Stop! Stop it!
He has a point, though,
especially with
the polydirectional
ribbon microphones
- they have on television
stage... -(shouts playfully)
(laughter)
Come on. You married her.
(grunts)
Dad, don't.
Do it. Do it.
Do it. Do it. Do it!
I will scratch you.
Don't think I won't!
BENNIE:
Do you think Arthur Rubinstein
- had fingernails?
- (laughing)
- Horowitz? Schnabel?
- Do not think about it.
- Kempff?
- No, no, no.
- MEN: Liberace.
- No, no, no, no.
- Not my nails.
- Come on, Fabelman.
Show her
who's General Electric's
- product design manager.
- No, my beautiful nails.
I paid a buck 50
at the beauty parlor for these.
(sobbing): Oh, no.
- MEN: One, two, three.
- (wailing)
(Bennie grunts)
Get off of me, Delilah.
- Delilah?
- Okay, the fun's over.
I'll do the rest myself.
(Mitzi sighs)
Oh. (clicks tongue)
Oh, great.
Just great.
Well, that decides it.
I'm gonna play the program
from memory tomorrow.
No sheet music, short nails,
like a real performing artist.
(Mitzi sighs)
(dramatic music begins)
- (projector whirring)
- (dramatic music continues)
(laughter)
(laughter)
(laughter)
(laughter)
(laughter)
Did you drop your gun?
(laughs): Come on.
(dramatic music continues)
(audience murmuring, chuckling)
(audience oohing)
That's me.
(laughter)
ROGER: Real scary, Sheriff.
(laughter)
- (laughter)
- BOY: Whoa.
(audience exclaims)
(cheering, applause)
(dramatic music continues)
(laughs)
- (audience exclaiming)
- BOY: Whoa.
(laughter, excited chatter)
H-How'd you do that?
(audience exclaiming, murmuring)
How'd you do that?
(audience exclaiming)
(audience exclaiming)
- Whoa!
- (laughter)
(scattered clapping, murmuring)
(cheering, whooping)
BOY: Go, Sammy!
(applause and music fade)
It's kind of like what I do,
isn't it,
what a movie director does?
- It is?
- I figure out
what my division
needs to accomplish,
then I work out how my guys
are gonna get it done.
Yeah, it is. Yeah, sort of.
How'd you make it look like
the guns were really firing?
I did it with pins.
Pins.
Yeah, I poked holes
in the film with pins.
- Sammy.
- Yeah. (laughing)
Thinking like an engineer.
(laughs): Watch the road, Dad.
(passing car horn blares)
Sammy, watch the road.
I can't edit
without an editing machine.
I have to be able
to cut and splice, and I...
Let's revisit it
after the camping trip.
It's three hours
to the national forest.
If you get your license,
you can help with the driving.
Okay.
"You are approaching
a railroad crossing
"with no warning devices
and limited visibility.
The speed limit is..."
See, the thing is, though,
about my new movie,
is that it's just...
It's about World War II,
your war.
It's gonna be, like,
out of this world.
I'm shooting on a Bolex H8.
Finally, I can use
double run film.
You know, that's six minutes
without having to
change the reel.
How much did you spend
to rent this camera?
- 20 bucks. But I used
my own money. -(scoffs)
- You don't have to...
- (chuckles)
And this movie editor
gizmo costs?
It's a Mansfield
eight millimeter movie editor.
How much?
- 80 bucks.
- Doggone it, Sammy!
A hundred dollars for a hobby?
It's not a hobby, Dad.
If you spent half the time
on algebra that you spend on
- these movies, you could get...
- Algebra? I hate algebra.
Why are you...
(scoffs)
It's completely pointless.
Not if you want to make
something, it's not pointless.
Gee, Sammy, when I was a boy,
I always used to think,
-"Somebody figured out
how to make this." -Yeah.
- This car...
- Uh-huh.
That rearview mirror,
that directional signal.
I want to make movies, though.
I mean something real.
Not imaginary.
Something someone can
actually use.
Like a driver's license.
LISA: I'm gonna vomit, Sammy!
I'm gonna vomit!
REGGIE: Sammy, please pull over.
She's gonna puke all over me.
-(Mitzi chuckling) -Go slower.
You are the worst driver.
You're gonna break the car.
We're on a back road going
three miles per hour.
- Calm down.
- You're doing great, doll.
You're doing very well.
Okay, watch out.
Puddle up ahead.
- (laughter, lively chatter)
- BURT: So we've got three
that are strong and still green
inside, so they don't burn.
Bright green means
that they're still alive
and that they carry moisture.
And the reason that we use
the shape of the triangle
is that when
these three points connect,
if we find the center
of gravitational force,
it creates
almost perfect balance.
- Whew. Oh. -Because I'm Tutti,
and you're Frutti.
So who else
are you gonna listen to?
BOTH: A wop bop b-luma,
b-lop bam bom.
Okay. (grunts)
- the pyramids, right?
- (Bennie yells)
(Mitzi shrieks, laughs)
- Guys, come on!
- I mean, the history
- behind this shape...
- (Reggie laughs)
- Ah. Oh!
- Is pretty in...
- Is pretty incredible.
- (laughter)
(groans) Oh, hello!
- Uh...
- Hi!
(laughter)
MITZI: Wait. Let me try it...
- Let me try it like this.
- Okay, one more time.
- Yeah, after one more time.
- Okay.
- (chuckles) Ready?
- BURT: Hey.
Girls, I'm gonna start the fire!
- BENNIE: Three, two, one!
- Okay. Really big, really big!
- Go! Whoa!
- (screams, laughs)
-(laughter) -BENNIE:
I thought it was gonna break.
Oh. It's-it's happening!
BENNIE (laughs):
You almost broke it in half.
(whoops)
(hums)
(singing in Russian)
(Reggie yelps, giggles)
(blowing)
(all singing in Russian)
(singing continues faster)
BENNIE:
Kleenex-ica, Windex-ica
She's sexy-ca, oh, boy
-Pneumonia, dyslexia,
leukemia -(Mitzi laughing)
- Oy, oy, oy, oy
- (Burt singing in Russian)
(chuckles) Ah, Leningrad,
then Petrograd
I'm sorry, Dad, I lied,
I snatched the keys
And stole the car
and took it for a ride
You take it back
(sings in Yiddish)
- You're giving me a...
- Heart attack! (shrieks)
- (Mitzi laughing)
- (kids whoop)
- We'll take a schvitz
and have a... -(laughing)
- Shmitz.
- And eat some...
Schnitzelpitz.
- And drink slivovitz.
- And we'll lose our wits.
- And we'll get the shits!
- And have... (screams)
- Whoa!
- (laughter)
We live in Arizon-ia
-Where nothing can be
grown-ia -Wait.
The land is dry and stony-a
- And we can eat bologn-ia
- Exactly!
(Bennie and kids cheering)
BENNIE and SAMMY: Hyen-ica,
hyen-ica, hyen-ica, hiya
Hyena, eat some pita,
eat some pita
Hyena, eat some pizza,
eat some pita...
BENNIE: They're gonna know
that kind of FPU
is not for
industrial process control,
and it will raise
every red flag there is.
- How many bits?
- Float64.
64 bits?
Sixty... You are nuts.
And time-sharing
for 11 operators?
They're gonna know
this is a business machine
- we're building, and we're
all gonna get fired. -(scoffs)
(laughing): No.
Yes!
GE doesn't build
business computers.
We do heavy industry processing.
You got that
straight from the CEO.
Ralph Cordiner is gonna
skin you alive.
Once Bank of America buys in,
this will be profitable,
and that's Mr. Cordiner's job,
making money.
My job is getting Raytheon
to deliver
10,000 germanium transistors
that meet
our tolerance standards.
And your job is to get
the cabling diagrams
to Pitney Bowes
so when the time comes,
we have a sorter to hook up
to the mainframe.
Well, maybe Pitney Bowes
will hire me
after you get us both
canned from GE.
Isn't it worth getting canned
for the chance to build
a machine that can do all that?
It's worth it to you, maybe!
Sure as the Lord made
little green apples,
California, here you come.
IBM is waiting.
REGGIE:
Are we moving to California?
- BENNIE: You are, any day now.
- BURT: No, no, no.
SAMMY: What?
BURT: IBM's asking,
and that's flattering, but...
BENNIE: Flattering?
(stammers) Flattering!
Every guy in computer
would give his matzo balls
to get an offer.
You'll be in California
building double-precision
auxiliary units with an FP64.
I'm gonna be left
schvitzing in Arizona
- making 40-watt light bulbs.
- Hold your horses.
- Congruence? Come on. -I told
your mom it'll be up to her.
I'm not uprooting us again
unless she says yes.
Why would Mamaleh ever leave
all of this for California?
- We have the Grand Canyon.
- (chuckles)
They have the
San Andreas Fault. (chuckles)
Mamaleh says... (inhales deeply)
I will never leave Arizona,
and Arizona will never leave me.

Kids, avert your eyes.
(chuckles)
(Bennie sniffs, chuckling)
(Mitzi chuckling)
- Hey, man.
- SAMMY: Hmm?
- Shouldn't you be filming this?
- Not enough light.
(snorts)
GE, living better electrically!

Mom?
Mom, everyone can see
through your dress. Um...
(Reggie sighs)
Reggie, get out of the way.
Dad, can you please stop this?
- Come. Sit.
- No.
Bennie, don't look!
- (kisses)
- Oh! You're all nuts!
(Bennie and Sammy laugh)

(sighs)
(heart monitor beeping steadily)
(whispering):
My mama's such a good mama.
(Mitzi sniffles)
I love you so much.
I'm right here.
I'm right here with you.
I'm holding your hand.
Can you feel that, Mama?
I just gave you a squeeze.
(sobs softly)
I love you, Mama.
(beeping stops)
Ma.
Mommy?
She opened her eyes.
Nurse.
Mommy, I'm here.
Here. I'm right here.
I'm right here, Mama.
Mommy, look at me.
Mommy, can you hear?
(groans): Oh.
(crying): Oh, oh...
(piano playing
gentle classical music)
(sobbing)
(gentle classical music
continues)
BURT: It's a Mansfield
eight millimeter movie editor.
That's what you wanted, right?
Oh, my God.
(Burt exhales deeply)
Uh, now I need a favor
in return.
(both chuckle)
Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
- (grunts)
- Here's the favor.
Yeah.
(clicks tongue)
I want you to make
a camping trip movie.
Uh, you can learn
how the editing machine works
while you do this.
It'll make your mom feel better.
Yeah.
That last night when she danced
in the headlights,
that'd be great.
Get to it tomorrow, okay?
Um, tomorrow's
when we start shooting.
(laughs) Escape to Nowhere.
We're shooting all weekend, Dad.
- I can't.
- Shoot it next weekend.
We've got like 40 guys
coming to be in the movie.
I'll-I'll w-work on all the
camping trip stuff on Monday.
I'm asking you to do this now
for your mom. She's...
Yeah, and I said that I will,
just not tomorrow, please.
Don't be selfish.
She just lost her mother.
That's more important
than your hobby.
Dad, can you stop
calling it a hobby?
It'll cheer her up,
watching this.
- It's something we can do to...
- Her mom just died.
(stammers)
How is that gonna cheer her up?
Because you made it for her.
(Sammy sighs, clicks tongue)
Uh, something's not right.
I don't know what else to do.
Can you help me?
(ringing)
MITZI: Hello.
TINA (over phone): Mitzi. Mitzi.

Mama?
Somebody's coming.
MITZI: Mama?
(grunts) M-Mama. What...
- Mama. Mam...
- You mustn't let him in.
- You mustn't let him in.
- Mama, I-I can't hear you.
I am scared.
You mustn't let him
in the house.
Mama, please. I...
Do not let him in.
- Do not let him in the house.
- What? No, I can't...
(stutters) Wh-Who's coming?
Don't open the door.
Mama.
Mommy, don't go.
Don't go yet.
(dial tone drones)
-(sighs) You're having
a bad dream. -(whimpers)
(Mitzi breathing shakily)
- This is a lot of food, Mom.
- (Mitzi sighs, clears throat)
Well, I'm upset.
Oh, my God. That crazy dream.
I can't get it out of my head.
Uh, last night, I dreamed
I got a call from my mama.
(laughs)
And she wanted to warn me.
- That's silly. Grandma died.
- REGGIE: About what?
MITZI: Well, something's coming.
She wants me
to batten down the hatches.
We're never going to be able
to eat all of this.
(brakes squeal outside)
(engine idling)
Who is that?
It's Uncle Boris.
SAMMY: Hmm?
Uncle who?
Mom?
That's who she meant! (gasps)
My...
That's my-my mama's brother!
Oh, he scared the crap
out of her when they were kids!
- Don't let him in!
- (Reggie gasps)
You were in the circus?
Mama said you were
the lion tamer.
BORIS: No, not at first.
At first, it was, "Podgorny,
pound in the tent pegs."
"Podgorny, muck out the
pachyderms." (clears throat)
And then, one night,
the big cat act,
he comes down with the flu bug,
so it was, uh,
"Boris Podgorny,
in with the lions."
- (Sammy chuckles)
- He's lying, right?
- No, he's telling you a story.
- Know what it's like, huh?
(chuckles)
Pain in the ass, sisters.
(chuckles)
- That's rude.
- He said "ass"!
(shushes) I know.
But when did you start
working in the movies?
1927... that was The Jazz Singer.
That's the year
that talkies started.
Yeah, sure, talkies. But me, no.
I started with, um,
Uncle Tom's Cabin.
Not a talkie.
It was Harry Pollard.
He acted for Selig Polyscope.
He, uh, married
Maggie what's-her-name.
- Mm-hmm.
- He directed Uncle Tom.
Lift up your plate.
So, Pollard needed help
with the bloodhounds.
So, my pal Fleischaker was
a big name in dog acts.
- Poodles, mainly.
- (Sammy chuckles)
But, "Sure,"
Fleischaker says to Pollard.
"Yeah. Bloodhounds, poodles,
what's the difference?"
LISA: Ooh.
So, he went. (chuckles)
But, uh, by this time,
uh, Fleischaker,
he had it up to here
with the Jew-haters.
There was a lot of that kind
in the circuses.
Not many Jews,
lots of Jew-haters.
- Right.
- But the movies...
(laughs) Oy vavoy!
Fleischaker writes to me,
"Boris," he writes.
"Boris," he writes, (chuckles)
"Hollywood is heimish, heimishe.
I'm in a minyan with Douglas
Fairbanks and Ricardo Cortez."
- Whoa.
- "Come to Hollywood."
So, (grunts) I went.
(Sammy laughs)
Your wife, she don't like
doing the dishes?
Uh, piano hands.
Ah, fershteyn.
So, you like the movies,
huh, Mr. Pitselshas?
Okay, so the sergeant,
he comes over the hill here,
and I'm gonna go below him,
so we see him and the sky.
And so we don't see
what he sees,
but we do see that he's really...
Okay, so he's, like,
almost losing his mind, right?
- Mm-hmm. -'Cause what he is
seeing is totally terrible.
And then, I'm gonna turn
the camera so that we see it.
It's just in another notebook.
Hang on.
If that's the movie, uh...
(grunts)
you could show me instead of
describing me to death.
No, that's just
our stupid camping trip.
My dad's...
He wants me to put
this camping film together
so it'll cheer up Mom.
Because her heart is broken.
Because her mama iz toyt.
But you, Mr. Director,
you don't want to do this,
what your daddy tells you,
because you want to make
your war picture, huh?
(chuckles): Yeah, yeah.
Believe me, Sammy boy, I get it.
Family, art. (grunts)
It'll tear you in two.
- (Sammy chuckles)
- (piano playing in distance)
You hear that?
Oh, yeah. My mom's practicing.
She's always...
Sha. You talk too much. Listen.
(piano continues playing
classical music)
When she was a kid,
already she played like that.
She should have been
a concert piano player.
Little Rubinstein, she was.
She could have played...
You name it,
she could have played there.
And she...
Once, I visited her and Tina
and Menashe in Cincinnati,
and she says to me she wants
to be a great piano artist.
But she didn't do it.
Yeah, she's really good.
You know, she played on TV.
TV? Feh!
She could have played
at Musikverein in Vienna.
You see,
what she got in her heart
is what you got, what I got.
Art.
Like me. Like you, I think.
We're junkies,
and art is our drug.
Family, we love.
But art, we're meshuga for art.
You think I wanted to leave my
sisters, my mama and my papa,
and go stick my stupid head
in the mouth of lions?
Put-Putting your head
in-in a lion's mouth is art?
(laughing)
No. Sticking your head in
the mouths of lions was balls.
Making sure the lion
don't eat my head, that is art.
You see, Tini,
she didn't say to Mitzi,
"Go do what you gotta."
I mean, she was a good person,
my sister, but she was scared.
Scared for your mother.
- She should have safety
in the family. -Uh...
So Mitzi, she gave it all up.
Ow! Wh...
I want you should remember
how that hurt.
Because when they say all this,
when they say, "What you do?"
"Oh, that's cute. It's a hobby.
It's like stamps
or butterfly collecting,"
you feel your face,
how it feels now.
Yeah, you almost pulled it off.
So you remember your Uncle Boris
and what he's telling you.
Because you're going to join
the circus, I can tell.
You can't hardly wait.
You want to be in the big top.
You'll shovel elephant shit
until they say,
"Okay, Sammy,
now ride the goddamn elephant."
Oh, you love those people, huh?
Your sisters, your mama,
your papa. Except...
Except this.
This, I think you love
a little more.
No, I don't.
(chuckles): Yeah.
Oh, hey.
Run all you want, boychick,
but you know I ain't
whistling Dixie here.
You'll make your movies,
and you will do your art.
And you'll remember how it hurt.
So you know what I'm saying?
Art will give you crowns in
heaven and laurels on earth.
But...
it'll tear your heart out
and leave you lonely.
You'll be a shanda
for your loved ones.
An exile in the desert.
A gypsy.
Art is no game.
Art is dangerous
as a lion's mouth.
It'll bite your head off.
(piano continues playing
classical music)
Look at me.
Look at me.
Is it a wonder that Tini, she
wanted nothing to do with me?
With me, with...
(sobbing): Oh, Tini.
Oh, Tini! Oh, Tini.
I...
(crying)
(grunts)
Stop, stop! Stop it!
What, you never saw
nobody grieving before?
(blows raspberry, sighs)
(piano continues playing
classical music)
Let's go to sleep, bubbala.
(sighs)
(grunts)
Uh, you can sleep in the bed.
I have my sleeping bag.
I'm sitting shiva for my sister.
I sleep on the floor.
Y-You want to sleep
on the floor, too?
- (sighs)
- She was your grandma.
Tear your clothes.
Sleep on the floor.
(grunts) Good night.
- (grunts)
- (fabric tears)
- Say "bye-bye."
- Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
(piano continues playing
classical music)

(engine starts)
I don't know what Mama
was so worried about.
(breathes shakily)
It was a nice visit.
(piano playing
gentle classical music)
(piano continues playing
gentle classical music)
(chuckles)


(chuckles)

(piano continues playing
gentle classical music)







(sighs)
(music ends)
(laughter)
Yuck.
(laughter continues)
- BENNIE: Whoa!
- (girls whooping, laughing)
- (laughter)
- GIRLS: Oh!
MITZI and GIRLS: Aw.
This is the life.
(girls chuckle)
Only you can prevent
forest fires.
MITZI: Mm.
(Mitzi sighs)
(chuckling)
(inhales deeply) Oh.
It's so beautiful,
what you made, dolly.
You really see me.
BENNIE:
Hey, man. How about that, huh?
BURT:
Hey, Sammy, that was real neat.
("Raw-Hide"
by Link Wray playing)
Die, Amerikaner!
(imitates machine gun firing)
BOY: Move! Move! Fall backwards!
ALL: Whoa!
Attacke!
- (boys grunting)
- (wheels squeaking)
- (shouts)
- Ah! Cover!
- (rapid popping)
- (boys shout)
(grunting)
Krauts, they're everywhere!
There's too many of them!
(lively chatter)
(rapid popping)
SAMMY: Turn.
Cut!
Great. Now, um...
Okay, come here. Come here.
Um, you're standing here
a minute,
looking down
at what just happened.
- A whole minute?
- I'll give you a signal
when I want you to start
to move, okay? So you're just...
Like, you mean
I should count to 60?
- What? No. No, no, no, no.
- Like, one Mississippi,
two Mississippi, and then move?
Don't-don't count to 60.
You just got to... (sighs)
S-S-So... So you're all
like-like-like,
"Oh, my God."
Like, "All my men,
they're all...
they're all dead.
All my men, they're-they're..."
So you want me to,
like, act and stuff.
Well... yeah.
- Like I'm-I'm sort of sad
or something? -Right.
- Um, that's the whole point.
- 'Cause my whole platoon...
R-Right, right. Your platoon.
Your... (growls) Your men!
They've been wiped out.
These guys, they're your family.
Your family's being,
- like, murdered, -(sniffs)
and it's your fault.
You did this to them, and you...
I-I thought it was
the Nazis that...
Okay, yeah, but it was you
who gave the order
to go down into
the Valley of Death.
- Okay? You decided.
- Mm-hmm.
Nobody else. You could've...
Mm-hmm.
You could've protected them.
Okay?
'Cause they trusted you,
and they loved you.
Mm-hmm.
Now you're just looking
at this...
at this thing that you've done,
and... you can't
save them anymore.
Because they're all dead.
- Wow, that's, uh...
- Yeah.
Real gung ho. (sniffs)
(sniffs)
Okay. Okay.
- You good?
- Lock and load.
Yeah. Yeah. Lock and load.
All right.
Good.


(sniffling)
(whimpering)
Uh, Sammy?
How far are you
gonna let him walk?
Cut!
(boys grunting, murmuring)
BOY: Hey, that's a cut, Angelo!
- BOYS: Angelo!
- Angelo!
BOYS: Come back! Come back!
- He said, "Cut!"
- Angelo, hey! -Angelo!
(dramatic orchestral music
playing)

(audience gasping, murmuring)

(somber orchestral music
playing)

- (laughter, cheering)
- MAN: Bravo!
Bravo!
(both laughing)
Sammy!
(laughs): Oh, dolly!
You're not a civilian anymore.
That movie, my God.
It was... (sighs)
ROGER: Hi, Mrs. Fabelman.
Mr. DeMille.
Come here.
- Hey, there he is.
- Congratulations, young man.
- Congratulations.
- Hey. Hey, hey.
I guess you based it on
your dad's war stories, huh?
SAMMY: Sort of.
You know, but he doesn't like
- to talk about it, so...
- MAN: No, I understand.
- SAMMY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- (laughter)
Dad, Mom's getting a ride
with Bennie.
She'll see us at home.
Hey, that last scene with the...
REGGIE:
Why do you like blood so much?
NATALIE: And are you ever
gonna make a movie
with parts for girls again?
- ANGELO: Yeah.
- MAN: Make a career...
- What? -NATALIE: With girls,
you know, like,
because all the men stare off
into the distance all the time,
maybe a girl could save the day.
(engine starts)
Okay, what are the five steps
to save a drowning person?
All right, one is
you swim behind the person
so they don't grab you.
Two, you throw your arm
across his chest.
- Or her chest.
- Three.
Not Sammy. He's too scared
of girls' boobies.
-(giggles) -Three, you swim
on your back with the victim
on your chest, using your
free arm to paddle yourself.
And speaking of boobies,
if you ever get any,
we'll have a party. Um...
And at the party,
we'll give her the booby prize.
- (chuckles)
- Ha-ha. What's four?
Um...
- (Lisa grunts)
- Crap.
Bring the victim to land, dummy.
- SAMMY: Mm.
- Then five?
(clicks tongue)
Call the undertaker.
(Sammy sighs)
This is serious business.
I got to know all of this to
get the lifesaving merit badge.
More kids die
in swimming accidents
than in any other kind
of accident.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Not everything is a big joke.
Okay, okay.
So what's step number five?
It's just...
You laugh at everything,
even when nothing's funny.
You always have to be
the center of attention.
Eat. And don't talk
with your mouth full.
I'm not eating this crud
before a swimming test.
You can get cramps in the water
if you eat before,
and you can drown
from getting cramps!
Stop shouting at her!
Sammy Fabelman, goddamn it!
For weeks now,
it has been nothing
but disrespect from you!
Disrespect?!
Why are you being
such a little shit to me?!
Damn it to hell,
I am your mother!
I wish you weren't!
- (pained shout)
- (gasps)
(girls gasp)
(panting)
(sniffs)
(sniffling, breathing heavily)
Oh. Let me see.
Oh, my God.
Oh, what have I done?
(sniffling)
(sighs) Talk to me.
Oh, Sammy, please talk to me.
Tell me what's happening.
Do you have any idea
how much I love you?
(breathing shakily)
Don't go.
(projector whirring)
(no audio)



(door creaks)
(sobs)
Mom.
Mom.
I won't tell.
I won't tell. I won't.
- (sobs)
- I won't tell.
I won't.
(breathing heavily)
(sighs)
- (Sammy sniffs)
- (quiet chatter)
Sure about this?
Mm-hmm.
There you go.
Bought and paid for.
Oh. Just a second.
It's in the back.
(Bennie chuckles softly)
Stocking up on Kodak
before the big move?
N-No, I'm...
Smart. Film's cheaper here
than in California.
I bet everything's
more expensive there. (laughs)
You're losing
your steadiest customer.
Him and his whole family,
they're moving west.
He just sold me his camera.
Oh, yeah? How come?
Says he's finished.
Sorry about the wait, Mr. Loewy.
We had to order it special.
You bought a camera?
(imitates drumroll)
It's for you!
I know how much you loved
using it for your war picture,
so I figured you ought to have
one of your own.
It's, um, a "bon voyage,"
"see you later, alligator,"
"I believe in you" present
from your uncle Bennie.
Because it's from me?
This move? Huh?
This is your dad's
glory-hallelujah moment.
And, oy vavoy, Sammy,
does that guy ever deserve it.
All the way back when,
back at RCA,
he knew what computing
was gonna be about
before practically
anybody else knew it.
(panting)
And IBM?
That's where guys like Burt
are figuring out
how to use what he's made to...
They're gonna change
the whole goddamn world,
so this was the right decision.
For all sorts of reasons.
Yeah, so I'm happy for you.
You know I am.
But I'm gonna miss you.
All of you, a lot.
You think whatever bad things
you want about me, kiddo,
but you stop making movies,
it'll break your mother's heart.
You will break her heart,
I mean it.
She doesn't deserve that,
not from anybody,
least of all from you.
I'll give you 35 bucks for it.
You drive a hard bargain, kid.
(inhales deeply)
(sighs)
I'm still done
making movies, though.
Everybody makes movies
in California.
(engine starts)
Hey!
Keep the change.
I met him on a Monday
and my heart stood still
Da doo ron ron ron,
da doo ron ron
Somebody told me
that his name was Bill
Da doo ron ron ron,
da doo ron ron...
When will the new house
be finished?
A few months, in the spring.
Can I have my own room?
Everybody gets their own room.
- Yay!
- Yes!
(Burt laughing)
I just remembered, last night,
I had a funny dream.
REGGIE: What was it?
I-I can't believe
I dreamed this.
Uh, uh, uh, Bennie and me
were having an argument,
and I hauled off and socked him
right in the nose.
Yes, my oh my
And when he walked me home
Da doo ron ron ron, da...
- (engine shuts off)
- (music stops)
What's wrong?
Is Mommy carsick?
Let's just give her
a little time.
(crying):
Bennie and me, we never...
we never...
(sighs)
I would never let it get
as far as I imagine you think.
(chuckles) Oh, I never
imagined any of that.
You think Dad knows?
I don't... I don't mean...
I don't mean,
"Did you tell him?"
I know you didn't.
But...
But you think he has an inkling?
I've almost told him
so many times.
(sniffles) I'll say,
"Burt, there's something
I've got to tell you."
Then he looks at me
like he can't conceive
that anything
could be wrong between us,
so instead, I say,
"Burt, we got ants."
(crying)
Or, "Burt, could you climb
on the roof
and turn the antenna
so I can watch channel 5?"
(chuckles):
Which, of course, he does.
I can't fight with your father.
He kills with such kindness.
I'm mean to him,
he buys me a dress.
(chuckles) From Saks.
(sighs)
Mom, when I showed you
what I filmed,
I never meant
for any of this to happen.
Oh... mmm.
Guilt is a wasted emotion.
SAMMY: Hmm.
(sighs) What's gonna happen now?
I'm gonna be your mom.
I'm gonna be the girls' mom.
Despite my countless faults,
I'm not ruining everything
for everyone.
I'm gonna not be selfish.
(sighs, sniffles)
Burt Fabelman is the kindest,
smartest, wisest,
most patient, most decent,
most understanding man there is,
and I'm gonna stay married
to him.
(Mitzi sniffles)
(clicks tongue)
(both grunt)
(wipes hands together)
(sighs)
(dog barking in distance)
It's only a rental.
The new house will be ready
faster than you can say
"Jack Robinson."
Jack Robinson.
And we're still here.
Just tell me if
you're going to mope
for the rest of your life
or if it's something
you plan to outgrow.
Bug off.
You're, like, going for
the misery merit badge,
you and Mom
with your long faces.
She can't even get out of bed
to make breakfast and...
Okay, new rule, guys.
Um, when we walk to school
in the morning,
let's just leave
all the Fabelman mishegoss
behind us in the Fabelmans'
moldy old rental house.
So, for eight hours a day,
let's be normal kids
in an ordinary,
normal school, okay?
(school bell ringing)
STUDENT: Some glue
on your hand or something.
(laughter, indistinct chatter)
- Too easy.
- That's what I'm telling you.
It's like we got parachuted
into the land of
the giant sequoia people.
REGGIE: All right.
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- (laughter, chatter)
- Up over! Nice dig.
- (ball bouncing)
Atta Johnson.
- I got it. I got it.
- Get it up. Get it up.
- Oh!
- Set, set, set, set.
- Hit it.
- Take it.
I got it.
COACH: Way to get up!
- Nice.
- (excited chatter)
(cheering)
Nice. Attababy, Logan.
(applause)
Do it again. Go again.
- STUDENT: Come on, boys.
- (taking deep breaths)
- COACH: Good work, guys.
- (whistle blows)
Keep the intensity. Keep moving.
Rotate. Nice, Jake.
Good job, Chris.
(students groan, exclaim)
Fabelman, it won't hurt you.
It's a volleyball,
not a cannonball.
- Okay. Let's go. Serve.
- (whistle blows)
COACH: Go!
Attababy!
That's good reactions.
Let's move. Let's...
- (groaning)
- (students exclaim)
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
I didn't... Oh, my...
I'm gonna murder you,
you piece of shit!
Hey, Chad.
Cool it.
I am... I did not mean
to do that.
- Are you okay? I'm...
- That really hurt, asshole.
Watch your mouth, Logan.
Go fetch the ball.
(sniffs)
Sure, yeah.
- LOGAN: Let's go.
- SAMMY: Mm-hmm.
(laughter)
Hey, new kid.
What's your name?
Sam.
Sam what?
Fabelman.
Told you he's a kike.
He doesn't like Jews.
(laughing): Nobody likes Jews.
Except other Jews, right?
So, Bagelman...
No, that's not my name.
- Don't call me that.
- So...
you gave my best friend
a concussion, Bagelman.
- No, I didn't. Leave me alone.
- Hey.
Don't argue with me.
A serious concussion.
So, how do we make you pay?
How about this? We...
You're drinking
from the fountain.
You never hear me come up
from behind you, and bam!
- I shatter your front teeth
all over the spigot. -(laughs)
(Chad laughs)
Hey, look at me.
(Sammy breathing heavily)
He's demented, like, medically.
So watch out for yourself.
(school bell ringing)
(girl screams)
(clattering)
(girl screams)
(animal screeching)
- (glass shattering)
- Close the door!
(screeching continues)
- Mom got a monkey.
- Why'd you get a monkey?
'Cause I needed to laugh.
- (screeches)
- (screams)
- (screams)
- MITZI: Oh, help me with this.
The directions don't make
any sense.
REGGIE: Careful. Careful.
NATALIE: Get down! (grunts)
I'll get a banana.
Save the curtains.
They're rented.
- (screeching continues)
- (grunts)
(screeching)
Oh.
Uh, hello.
Who are you?
He's mine.
What are we gonna call him?
Bennie. His name's Bennie.
(monkey chattering)
I don't want to see
a psychiatrist, Burt.
You're scaring the kids.
You're sleeping all day.
(sighs) I miss the desert.
I miss dry heat.
You haven't even unwrapped
the piano.
You aren't cooking
or shopping or unpacking.
MITZI:
Psychiatrists help you know
why you're feeling something.
They can't help you feel
something different.
You're behaving
like when your mother died,
like you're in mourning,
but nobody's died.
Okay.
So I'll call the monkey
some other name.
(sighs)
IBM's out of his league, Mitz.
Bennie was... He...
is my best friend.
But they don't need him.
This is what I know.
I don't need him, either.
Bennie wasn't your friend.
But you knew he was mine.
What does that mean?
(quiet chatter)
(heavy breathing nearby)
Logan, I'm really,
really missing you.
(both moaning softly)
- (clattering)
- Hey!
- (Sammy yells)
- Who's there?
Who's there?
(students chattering)
Bagelman, yo.
(sighs)
I left you a little snack
in your locker.
Did you like it?
Guess he wasn't hungry.
Uh, he said... he said it was...
- What'd you call it, Chad?
- Kosher.
- (laughs): Kosher.
- Knock it off, moron!
We talked about this.
All right.
Come on.
We'll be late for practice.
So, what is this?
Are you Jewish?
Well...
(chuckles): Holy crap.
He's got the hots so bad,
he can't even talk to her.
No, I don't.
Apologize to her.
For what?
For making goo-goo eyes at her,
for drooling at her.
I wasn't drooling at her.
Then apologize to her
for killing Christ.
- (laughter)
- Why are you encouraging him?
Go on.
Apologize to her
for killing our Lord.
LOGAN: Ugh. Don't go.
- Come watch me run.
- No, thanks.
- I'm not in the mood now.
- Oh, please.
I run better when you are there.
Apologize to her, you
Christ-killing son of a bitch!
I'm going home.
(sighs)
Go on and say sorry.
You're getting me in trouble
with my girl.
You know, obviously,
since I'm not 2,000 years old
and have never been to Rome,
I'm not apologizing.
But hey, you know, maybe, uh,
your boyfriend should
apologize to you
for making out in the stairwell
half an hour ago
with some redhead.
He-he's lying. He's...
I-I didn't do that.
I swear.
You told me
you were finished with her.
Logan, you lied to me!
Claudia.
Whoa...
You made a mistake.
Listen to me.
- (groans)
- You made a mistake.
- You're gonna fix it.
- Bash his head in!
Shut up, Chad, goddamn it!
Tomorrow, you're gonna
find her first thing,
and you're gonna tell her
you were lying.
Say-say you were, um, scared.
Say-say whatever you
got to say, but you tell her
it wasn't true and you did not
see me doing that.
Or I swear, I will hurt you
worse than
you've ever been hurt.
You get me?
Nod to show
you dig what I'm saying.
He won't tell me who did this.
- Ask him who did this.
- (door closes)
Tell your father who did this,
and he will drive
to that little shit's house,
and he will beat
- the living crap out of him.
- Is your nose broken?
No, of course it's not broken.
You think I'd be sitting here
- if his nose was broken?
- Who hit you?
(crying):
What do you care who it was?
It's not like
you'll do anything about it.
Tell me what happened first.
What happened is I hate it here,
and what happened is
you brought us here because...
Because I got a better job,
so we moved.
You don't even care
where you are.
You get to go to work,
and that could be in Iceland.
You're working
with your goddamn machines,
so you get to be happy
while the rest of us are mis...
- Just, come on.
- Don't.
Well, but you-you're bleeding
on the carpet.
It's a rental house.
Do you even notice
how much we hate it here,
where we're practically the
only Jewish people for miles
and everything is awful?
Do you even care
that this is your fault...
Everything
that's happening now...
Just because
you ran away from home
and took all of us with you?!
I came here so I could work
ten times harder
with ten times
the responsibility,
which seems to have escaped
everybody,
s-so I could build us
a nice home and...
Could everyone settle?
I want to say something.
No, no. You didn't come here
to build houses.
You didn't come here to work.
You ran away.
I think you have something
to say to me, Sammy!
And if I'm right about that,
then get it off your chest
and say it to my face!
I started therapy.
(door opens)
(door slams shut)
(sighs heavily)




(camera whirring, film rattling)
SAMMY: Anyways,
what I really wanted
to say is that,
about yesterday,
what I told you was...
it wasn't true, and I lied,
and I'm sorry.
But why?
- What did I ever do to you?
- Oh, no, no.
- It wasn't about you.
- Because that, like, really,
- really wasn't cool, you know?
- No, I didn't mean to hurt...
- I didn't mean to hurt you.
- Because I really love Logan.
Yeah, she cried herself to sleep
thinking he cheated on her.
You ought to be more considerate
of other people's feelings.
Okay, but Logan told me
to say I killed Christ.
- That wasn't Logan.
- What?
- That was Chad.
- Why would he do that?
Logan laughed.
He thought it was hilarious.
He's Jewish.
You don't say.
(stammers softly)
Yeah, I mean, since the day
I was circumcised.
(both laugh)
(chuckles)
So, how'd you know
she was a redhead?
- Oh, my God.
- SAMMY: Hmm?
He was making out
with Renee Reynolds?
- If you were lying...
- Mm-hmm?
How'd you know her hair color?
Uh...
Does it hurt?
So, you don't believe in Jesus?
Monica's, like,
totally hot on Jesus.
(all laugh)
I can't imagine my life
without him.
Well, we've managed
for like 5,000 years,
(chuckles):
so I guess it's possible.
Maybe we could...
I don't know, get together
and pray on it.
(Sammy laughs)
- What, like, you and me?
- (chuckles)
We can ask him
to come into your heart
and, you know, see what happens.
(stammering):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
- I mean...
- (laughter)
What? Like, that would be,
like, when? Like, today?
It's a lot, huh?
It's sort of a shrine almost.
A shrine to guys.
L-Lots of guys.
They're sexy.
I guess.
I mean, not Jesus.
Jesus is sexy.
Isn't that, like,
a sin or something?
(chuckles): I don't know.
He came to us as a man.
A handsome young man.
He could've come as a girl
or an old man
or someone with leprosy, but...
Nobody knows
what he really looked like.
Probably, he looked like you.
Oh, because... because he was...
Jewish.
A handsome Jewish boy.
Just like you.
(lock clicks)
Let's pray.
Close your eyes.
Lord, I'm here
with my friend Sammy...
Sam.
I'm here with
my good friend Sam,
who's Jewish,
and he's a nice boy.
Lord Jesus, he's good and brave,
and he's funny, Lord, and...
and I like him.
Relax.
Ask.
Ask him to come into you.
Ask him to enter you.
Um...
hi there, Jesus.
It's me, Sam Fabelman.
If you're real, show me
- a sign or something, and...
- No, wait. You can't...
You can't ask Jesus
to do tricks to impress you.
You have to be humble.
You have to beg him to.
I'll do it.
I'm gonna beg the Holy Spirit
to come into me.
I'm gonna draw the Spirit
in with my breath.
(inhales deeply)
Spirit, come into me!
Please, Holy Spirit!
I'm begging you,
sweet Holy Father,
for the sake of my friend Sammy.
Sam.
Come into us, Jesus!
Hear our prayer!
Open your mouth.
Open your mouth and take
the spirit of Christ into you.
(inhales sharply, exhales)


(knocking at door)
MONICA'S MOTHER:
Monica, Sammy, I made snacks.
- We're coming!
- (both breathing heavily)
- Oh...
- Tomorrow after school,
want to meet out back
behind the bleachers?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
We can pray some more.
(screeches)
When I was a girl
and I felt sad,
I'd go to the zoo
and I'd watch the monkeys.
MONICA: They made you laugh?
Yeah, yeah, the monkeyshines.
Oh, but there was
more to it than that.
It was... (sighs)
They understand
what we've done to them,
with the cages
and the people pointing.
We share that with them,
the truth of
how cruel people are.
But if you watch them
for long enough,
you can tell they know stuff
we can't begin to imagine.
Important stuff.
And they're not gonna
let us in on it
'cause it belongs to them.
It's their own monkey business.
Theirs. It's not ours. It's...
(monkey chitters)
Oh, I don't know.
Self-possession.
Right.
They belong to themselves.
If it belongs to itself,
let it go back
to where it came from.
Anyway, that's how come
I got a monkey.
And a therapist.
He throws his poop.
(gasps) The therapist?
No, the monkey.
That's why I'm staying
in a hotel.
You don't have to.
We have plenty of room.
My rabbi in New Jersey says
a monkey in the house
isn't kosher.
That's why we're not
going to eat him.
Did you schedule him
for his polio vaccine?
- MONICA: They can get polio?
- MITZI: Pass the peas.
BURT: Well, they're susceptible
to pretty much everything
- humans are, so yes.
- He hates going to the vet.
You see, Monica, in this family,
it's the scientists
versus the artists.
Sammy's on my team.
Takes after me,
except he's got real talent.
Mom.
And he's completely terrible
at science.
Mm. And algebra.
And sports.
- Will you please stop?
- He showed me his camera.
- Is he good at kissing?
- (Reggie snickers)
- I'll tell you later.
- Shut up!
- He sleeps with a camera
under his pillow. -No, I don't.
But he refuses
to actually shoot anything.
(gasps)
He should shoot Ditch Day.
- SAMMY: Mm. Mm-mm. -They still
don't have a photographer.
- You could volunteer.
- What's Ditch Day?
It doesn't matter.
I'm not going.
Something seniors get to do
at the end of the year.
They let us pretend like
we're ditching school,
and we all take buses
to Santa Cruz Main Beach.
You have to go! Everyone goes.
My dad will lend you his camera.
It's super fancy.
Costs like a thousand dollars.
It's called, like, a...
an "Air" something. I forget.
- Wait, not an Arriflex.
- Right.
Your dad owns
a 16 millimeter Arriflex?
Wow. Wow, okay.
So, 16 millimeter on stock...
See, usually it's the teacher
who shoots the Ditch Day movie,
- and it's a big joke. -That's
two minutes, 45 seconds a roll.
At ten bucks a roll,
for a whole day, that would be,
- like, insanely expensive.
- I owe you a graduation check.
My dad will get the school
to pay for it.
And I need to rent a
16 millimeter editing machine,
and I have no idea
how much that costs,
- so it's not gonna work.
- My dad will rent one for you.
Uh, we can rent it,
whatever it costs, right?
Burt.
Uh, what's wrong
with your Bolex?
You could afford to be
a little encouraging.
About what?
About him making movies again.
Well, I didn't say that.
I'm just talking...
- Maybe he's moved on.
- On from what?
He hasn't picked up his camera
once since we got here.
He'll be going to college
this September.
Maybe his feelings about it
have changed.
He's growing up.
I'm enthusiastic about that.
Filming is what he loves.
- I don't think him...
- Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry.
Guys, can we please just
stop talking about me?
I'd think that you,
more than anyone,
should have some
understanding of what a...
Let's go to your place
or something.
Maybe your dad
can show me the camera.
- A vocation, a-a calling is.
- BURT: All right. All right.
We'll rent him the equipment.
He hates the beach.
That's why he doesn't want
to go to Ditch Day.
But it's not your calling.
Is that why you can't, uh,
respect it?
BURT:
I have respect for everything
- he works hard doing.
- He's afraid.
He's scared if he does, those
guys will beat him up again.
What? No, I'm not. I never said
that I was scared of them.
- MITZI: You don't, though.
- You got beat up?
You always dismiss
what he does, what anyone does,
that's playful or imaginative
as a pastime or a hobby.
You already won, Mitz.
I surrendered.
I'm not taking the bait.
SAMMY: Can you guys please
just cut it out?
- MITZI: Oh, who's baiting who?
- You're embarrassing me.
I said I'd take him for his
polio shot the first five times
- you asked me, didn't I?
- Well, you say you will,
but I guess you don't mean it,
so I ask again
- and again and again.
- He's scared of shots.
- He's scared of the doctor.
- (slams table)
I am taking the goddamn monkey
to the vet, okay?
HADASSAH:
Probably needs a tranquilizer
with all this yelling.
Can you ask your dad
about borrowing the camera?
He'll say yes.
Thank you.
I'm filming Ditch Day.
I think it's a great idea.
("Goodbye Cruel World"
by James Darren playing)
Goodbye, cruel world
Goodbye, cruel world
- Oh, goodbye, cruel world
- (laughter)
- I'm off to join the circus
- (whooping)
Gonna be
a brokenhearted clown
Paint my face
with a good-for-nothin' smile
'Cause a mean, fickle woman
Turned my whole world
upside down
- Nice!
- Goodbye, cruel world
(lively, encouraging chatter)
Farewell to love
I'm off to join the circus
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Gotta find
A way to hide my tears
Then I'll have them
rollin' in the aisle
And I'll forget that woman
If it takes a hundred years
(laughter)
Goodbye, cruel world
Whoa-oh-oh, step right up
and take a look at a fool
He has got a heart
as stubborn as a mule
Come on, everybody,
he is good for a laugh
And no one could tell
his heart is broken in half
Well, the joke's on me
I'm off to join the circus
Oh, Mr. Barnum,
save a place for me
Shoot me out of a cannon,
I don't care
Let the people
point at me and stare
I'll tell the world
that woman
Wherever she may be
That mean, fickle woman
Made a cryin' clown
out of me
Goodbye, cruel world
Goodbye, cruel world
- Goodbye, cruel world.
- (song fades)
(film rattling)
(no audio)

(no audio)


- Don't be scared.
- (trembling breaths)
Your mom misses Phoenix
too much.
Tell them the truth.
And I can't leave.
This is where my work is.
I have to...
That's crazy.
(crying):
You... you can't ruin everything
because you miss one place
and you're stuck someplace else.
(crying):
I miss Bennie too much.
NATALIE: So?
We all miss him.
This is a different kind
of missing.
NATALIE: Because what?
You love Bennie?
- Don't you love Daddy?
- (Reggie sobbing)
Sure she does.
- Of course I love Dad.
- And I love Mom.
Then why is this
all of a sudden happening?!
Stay together.
(crying): You love each other,
and you love us,
and we don't want this.
We don't want to have to move
back and forth
and not live with both of you.
We can't. Dad, we can't.
You're always so mean to him!
(sobbing): That's why
you're getting divorced!
It's because of you!
(crying): Don't blame your mom.
This wasn't her idea.
It was mine.
- Don't-don't say that.
- NATALIE: No, it wasn't.
She just said it was because
of Bennie, so stop lying!
Both of you, stop lying!
(voice fading):
I'm giving your mom a chance
to go back to, uh,
Phoenix to live...
(film rattling)

("If You Wanna Be Happy"
by Jimmy Soul playing)
A pretty woman makes
her husband look small
And very often
causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her,
then she starts
To do the things
that will break his heart
But if you make
an ugly woman your wife...
(music stops)
I don't understand
how you can go back
to your beach blanket movie
after that.
We're different, I guess.
(whispers):
Is she gonna marry Bennie?
If she wants to, she will.
God, she's the most selfish
person in the world.
It must've been hard for her,
married to a...
a genius.
Dad worships Mom.
Okay.
But maybe it's hard
being worshipped by someone
you know you'll never
be as good as
or ever do anything as good as.
She...
She laughs at Bennie's jokes...
(crying): but Dad's always
been her best audience.
Come on.
She'll be fine.
She'll tell herself everything
happens for a reason.
She'll make excuses
like she always does.
You're way more selfish
than her.
(chuckles)
That's why you're angry at her.
It's because she's scared,
just like you, Sammy.
Out of everyone
in this out-of-control,
falling-apart family,
the one who's most like Mitzi
is you.
(sobbing)
Wait.
Look, before I show this
to the whole school,
could you please
watch it with me?
(switch clicks)
("He's So Fine" by The Chiffons
playing)
He's a soft-spoken guy
Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang
Also seems kinda shy
Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang
Makes me wonder if I
Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang
Should even give him a try
Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang
But then I know he can't shy
He can't shy away forever
And I'm gonna make him mine
(fading):
If it takes me forever...
(engine shuts off)
(sighs)
- Hold your breath!
- (coughing)
(continues coughing)
Here.
(gasps) Oh, wow.
(gasps)
Did you find Jesus?
In a jewelry store.
(both laughing)
(band playing "Walk On By")
If you see me walking
down the street
And I start to cry
each time we meet
Walk on by
(playing off-key)
Walk on by
Make believe that
you don't see the tears...
Hey, man, look who's here.
Hey!
Let's get this party started!
- (laughter)
- Let the festivities begin.
'Cause each time
I see you...
So, in September,
when I move to L.A.,
I'm gonna try and get work
in a movie studio.
Thought you were going
to college.
Could you...
Would you ever consider
coming with me?
(chuckles)
I'm going to Texas A&M.
You know that.
Yes, I do.
But I thought...
maybe you should
change your mind, because...
Because what?
- Because I love you.
- Ow!
- Sammy!
- Oh, sorry!
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
That's not possible.
- (Monica chuckles)
- What?
N-No, it is.
- Monica, I love you.
- (sighs)
That's impossible. Sammy...
Sam.
We only started dating like...
Walk on by...
Everything was so normal before.
Why are you acting so...
No, because
nothing's normal now.
They're getting a divorce.
What are you talking about?
My mom and dad,
they're splitting up.
The tears and the sadness
you gave me...
(hushed):
Jesus Christ! This is prom!
You can't just blurt something
out like that at prom!
Wait.
Don't
Stop...
Monica!
Look, that's-that's got
nothing to do with us, okay?
- I'm not... -That's not why
I said that I love you.
- I don't know why I...
- I'm not gonna change
my whole life
and move to Hollywood
because your parents are having
marital difficulties.

(sighs softly)
Walk on by
Walk on by
You can get a refund.
I hardly wore it at all.
Foolish pride,
that's all that I have...
Are you breaking up with me?
(chuckles) Not at prom,
but of course, eventually.
I'm gonna pray on it.
And I'm gonna pray
really, really hard for you
because you're such a fun boy
to kiss, but...
- (song ends)
- (applause, cheering)
PRINCIPAL: Thank you. Thank you.
Wonderful. Wonderful.
Let's thank our band
for that great music.
Sometimes we just can't
fix things, Sam...
and all we can do is suffer.
(feedback squeals)
PRINCIPAL: Now we're gonna take
a little break from the dancing
for a very special moment
for the class of 1964.
(cheering)
Um, Mr. Samuel Fabelman,
where are you?
Where is he?
Okay.
Bagelman!
STUDENTS (chanting): Bagelman!
- PRINCIPAL: Okay, everybody.
- (chant continues)
- Face this way. Grab a chair.
- (chant dies down)
Let's all get close
to the screen.
(students murmuring)
Right up front. Very good.
Mr. Fabelman,
this is your big moment.
We're ready to watch
your Technicolor masterpiece,
"Ditch Day 1964."
(cheering and applause)
And as they say way down south
in Hollywoodland, "lights..."
Uh, "lights, camera, action!"
(cheering)
("If You Wanna Be Happy"
by Jimmy Soul playing)
If you wanna be happy
for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman
your wife
So for my personal
point of view
Get an ugly girl
to marry you
If you wanna be happy
- (cheering)
- For the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman
your wife
So for my personal
point of view
Get an ugly girl
to marry you
A pretty woman makes
her husband look small
And very often causes
his downfall
As soon as he marries her,
then she starts
To do the things
- (students gasping)
- That will break his heart
But if you make
an ugly woman your wife
You'll be happy
for the rest of your life
An ugly woman
cooks meals on time
She'll always give you
peace of mind
- (laughter)
- If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman
your wife
-(whooping) -So for
my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl
to marry you
(students cheering)
I'll take an ugly one
anytime
Don't let your friends say
you have no taste
- (students exclaiming)
- Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly,
her eyes don't match
-(cheering) -Take it from me,
she's a better catch
If you wanna be happy
for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman
your wife
So for my personal
point of view
Get an ugly girl
to marry you
- Say, man
- Hey, baby
I saw your wife
the other day...
(students laughing, groaning)
(song fades)
("Limbo Rock" by Chubby Checker
playing)
(students groaning, exclaiming)
(students exclaiming)
- Oh, no!
- Every limbo boy and girl
All around the limbo world
Gonna do the limbo rock
- (students gasping, exclaiming)
- All around the limbo clock
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go under limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
(cheering)
Hey, let's do the limbo rock
(singer howling)
Limbo lower now
- (cheering)
- Limbo lower now
How low can you go?
First you spread
- STUDENTS: Aw.
- Your limbo feet
Then you move to limbo beat
Limbo ankle, limbo knee
Bend back like a limbo tree
(cheering)
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go under limbo stick
(laughter)
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock
La, la, la, la-la, la-la
- La, la...
- (song fades)
(dramatic orchestral music
playing)
(cheering)

(cheering)
(cheering and applause)
Whoo! Let's go! Come on!
No, no, no, no, no.
Logan, you were so incredible
up there.
It was amazing.
(dramatic orchestral music
continues)
(girls yelling excitedly)
(music stops)
(footsteps approaching)
LOGAN: Why'd you do that?
SAMMY (sighs): What?
Why'd you make me
look like that?
- In the film?
- Yes, in the film!
Oh, shit! Shit.
What's the matter with you?
I've been a...
a total asshole to you.
- I broke your nose, and then...
- You didn't break my nose.
- Then you go and make me look
like-like that. -You almost...
- You didn't break it.
- What's wrong with you?
Logan, all I did was hold the
camera, and it saw what it saw.
Oh, bullshit! Fabelman,
you made me look like...
like this golden kind of thing.
- Yeah? -And Claudia,
she just kissed me.
- Mazel tov.
- In front of the whole school.
- Okay, great. -I treat her
shittier than I treat you,
- and now she wants to...
- You're welcome, man. Jesus...
No, no. Don't...
Don't go. Don't go.
I want to know why you did that.
I don't know. I ought to have
my head examined.
Am I supposed to feel bad now
about all that shit
we did to you?
Do you feel bad
about all that shit?
That's none of
your goddamn business!
-'Cause you should feel bad
about... -Oh, right!
That's why you did it. You want
me to feel like crap about...
I wanted you to be nice to me
for five minutes!
Or I did it
to make my movie better.
I don't know why.
You are the biggest jerk
I've ever met in my entire life.
I have a monkey at home
that's smarter than you!
You dumb, anti-Semitic asshole!
I made you look like
you could fly.
But I can't fly.
I can outrun any guy
in Santa Clara County,
and I worked real hard
to do that.
But you... you make me feel
like I'm some kind of failure
or a phony or...
or like I'm supposed to be
some guy I'm never gonna be,
not even in my dreams.
You took that guy,
whoever he is,
wherever you got him from,
and you put him up there
on that screen
and told everyone...
everyone that that's me.
And that's not me.
That's... It's...
(trembling breaths)
(crying):
Goddamn it. Goddamn it.
(whimpering)
Jesus, it wasn't supposed
to make you upset.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
I didn't mean...
Who cares what you meant?
Fabelman!
Oh, shit.
You liar! You backstabbing liar!
I'm gonna beat your...
(grunting)
You totally bought it,
his whole snow job.
You ate it up. You moron.
Logan, you are so conceited
and dumb.
(grunts, groans)
(panting)
(neck cracks)
(panting)
Is something about to happen?
You like living dangerously,
Fabelman.
No, I don't.
I really, really don't.
Yes, you do.
But you tell anybody
about me getting, um...
upset, that would be a mistake.
Our secret.
Okay?
Definitely.
Unless I make a movie about it.
Which I'm never ever gonna do.
(lighter clicking)
You never...
What's it like?
It kind of shows you how
out of control everything is
and how y-you're not
in charge of anything.
A-And how it doesn't matter.
I better not.
In my head, everything's
already out of control.
- You're full of shit.
- (chuckles)
I got to split.
Claudia's waiting for me.
Life's nothing like the movies,
Fabelman.
SAMMY: Maybe not.
But hey, in the end...
you got the girl.
(sighs heavily)
(food sizzling)
(Mitzi chuckling)
Must have been some night.
Did Monica like the corsage?
- Yeah.
- Well, I told you she would.
(cabinet closes)
(faucet running)
That time when I hit you...
In-in Phoenix, when I...
(sighs): Oh, God. You remember.
- (sighs)
- (food sizzling)
SAMMY: Not really.
Oh, for the love of God,
it's not like
I spent my whole life
hitting you.
Once. I hit you once.
It should've been memorable.
Before the swimming test.
Yes, before the swimming test!
Yes. Well, I-I...
I s-slapped you on your back...
as hard as I could.
I screwed up your tryouts,
and you-you couldn't get
your merit badge,
and then you couldn't make
Eagle Scout.
- Ma, I made Eagle Scout.
- And I...
- It wasn't a big deal.
- Well, I left a goddamn mark
on your skin
in the sh-shape of my hand.
And I need you to say
you forgive me for doing that.
- Well, okay. I forgive you.
- Because... Because...
- Because you're my kid.
- Mom, I forgive you.
And-and-and my kids
mean more to me than...
- Mom, I forgive you.
- Anything else on the Earth.
- I forgive you.
- (stammering): Because...
Please, please. Because how
am I ever gonna forgive myself?
- I can't.
- Mom, I-I-I...
I forgive you.
The eggs are burning.
MITZI: Oh, God.

(sighs) I'm doing this thing.
And I-I don't know
if it's the right thing,
but it's a life-and-death
thing for me.
And I'm sorry,
but everybody else
is gonna have to hang on
for dear life.
And somehow,
we will survive this, all of us.
Even your father,
who I adore with all my heart.
He deserves so much better
than what I'm doing, but...
(sighs)
but Bennie needs me, dolly.
And I need him.
So much so that without him,
I'm turning into someone
I don't know
and none of you
will know me anymore.
I'll just be that hateful person
who did that terrible thing
to your back.
And yes, this is the most
selfish thing I have ever done,
but I've got to do this now
because, Sammy...
you do what your heart
says you have to,
'cause you don't owe anyone
your life.
Not even me.

Oh... Are they ruined?
I-I-I can make some more.
(chuckles): Oh, no, no, no.
I like 'em burnt.
(Mitzi sighs)
So, Monica dumped me.
She did?
Yeah, after I told her
about the divorce.
Huh?
Probably shouldn't have
asked her to marry me.
- You did not.
- Oh, but...
- Oh. You did?
- (laughing)
- In so many words.
- (sighs) Poor girl.
(vehicle pulling to stop)
(engine shuts off)
(panting)
Dad?
(breathing heavily)
Hey, Dad, I'm home.
(continues breathing heavily)
(grunts)
BURT: Sammy?
(faucet running)
I think I'm having
a heart attack.
- (shuts off faucet)
- Come here.
(breathing heavily, whimpering)
It's a panic attack.
Your mother gets them.
- What did you do when she'd
get them? -I made her tea.
Okay.
(continues breathing heavily)
Plus, you're exhausted.
You don't sleep.
I hear you walking around
all night
or typing those letters,
and the three hours' drive
to the college
- every day and back, it's...
- Oh, no, no, no.
I can't go back to that dorm.
Maybe your roommate
settled down.
He voted for Goldwater.
I can't go back.
Dad...
(breathing shakily)
I don't know...
what to do anymore.
I don't want to disappoint you,
and I promised
that I'd stick it out,
but two years is like forever,
and I hate school.
- (teakettle whistling)
- Like, a lot.
And I want to get work
on a movie or a TV show,
so I send out all those letters,
but nobody ever writes back.
And my life is just
going by so fast,
but it's not getting anywhere.
(continues breathing heavily)
Concentrate on sipping.
It'll calm you down.
Here. Uh...
(rummaging)
You can go through the mail
while I get the soup hot.
SAMMY: It's from Mom.
It's just a bunch
of goofy photos
from some kind of block party.
(both chuckle)


Dad?
Dad, what's...
Oh, Dad, I didn't mean to...
If you hate school so much,
don't go.
But... Dad, we need...
I don't know.
I would like you to
because this film thing...
I don't know.
Maybe I should have
put my foot down about it
years ago, but...
I know you're gonna work
like the dickens
on whatever you wind up doing
because you're a chip
off the old block.
We're never not going to know
each other, Sammy.
How do you know that?
You and Mom don't anymore.
Yes, we do.
We always will.
I know it because...
we've gone too far in our story
to actually say "the end."
Uh, you missed something
in the mail.
(Burt sniffs)
(Burt sighs)
Good news?
BERNIE FEIN:
They've ordered 32 half hours,
Fridays at 8:30 p.m. on CBS,
starting September 17th.
We already have six shows
in the can.
It's like Stalag 17
or The Great Escape,
- except it's funnier.
- SAMMY: Mm.
And it's for television.
- (chuckles): And it's funny.
- Yeah.
Or at least I pray to God
that it's funny.
Hogan's Heroes...
That's the title.
What do you think?
- Pretty catchy, right?
- Catchy. Yeah.
And if all goes well,
I might be able to offer you
something next season.
Maybe assisting an assistant
to an assistant.
(sighs)
You don't want to be
in TV anyway.
Um, your letter said as much.
By the way, I love this letter.
- (chuckles): Oh.
- I used to write a whole bunch
of these letters
when I was your age.
You want to make movies.
Am I right?
Well, yeah. Yes, I do.
But look, I'm just happy
to start anywhere,
- and-and that doesn't...
- (snaps fingers)
You know who you need to meet?
I mean, not for a job,
'cause he doesn't do that.
How would you like to meet
the greatest film director
who ever lived?
And he's right across the hall.
Come on.
Wait here a minute.
Um, this is Nona.
Nona's gonna look after you.
Um, he's not here. He's...
- NONA: He's at lunch.
- Right.
- You want to wait?
- BERNIE: Yeah, he'll wait.
Sit.
Good luck.
Could be hours.
(coughs quietly)
(Max Steiner's "Ethan Returns"
from The Searchers plays)


(door opens)
(record scratches, music stops)
(breathing heavily)
(sighs heavily)
All right, kid,
you got five minutes.
Probably one. Stand up.
Hey. L-Lose the tie.
You'll stand a better chance.
(Sammy sniffs)
(puffing repeatedly)
They tell me you want to be
a picture maker.
Um, yes, sir, I do.
Why?
This business,
it'll rip you apart.
(sighs): W-Well...
Mr. Ford, I...
So, what do you know
about art, kid?
I-I love your movies so much.
No. Art.
See that painting over there?
Uh, yeah. I mean yes.
Yes, I do see it.
Walk over to it.
Well, what's in it? Describe it.
Oh, okay. Um...
So, there are two guys,
and they're on horseback,
and they're looking
for something.
So maybe they're scouting...
No. No.
Where's the horizon?
The-the horizon?
- Where is it?
- Yeah, it's at the bottom.
That's right.
Walk over to this painting.
Well?
Right, okay.
So, there are five cowboys.
- You know, they could be
Indian... -No, no, no, no, no!
Where's the goddamn horizon?
Um, it's-it's there.
- Where?
- At the top of the painting.
All right, get over here.
Now, remember this.
When the horizon's
at the bottom,
it's interesting.
When the horizon's at the top,
it's interesting.
When the horizon's
in the middle,
it's boring as shit.
Now, good luck to you.
And get the fuck out
of my office!
(softly): Okay.
Thank you.
My pleasure.

(sighs)
(sighs)














(music fades)