The Fatal Glass of Beer (1933) Movie Script

- Who's thar?
- Officer Postlewhistle of the Canadian Mounted.
- Hello, officer.
- Good evening, Mr. Snavely.
- Is it still snowin'?
- I don't know. To tell you the truth, I never looked.
- Did you get your man?
- Not yet, but I got my eye on 'im.
Well, that's somethin'.
- You pullin' out?
- Figurin' on goin' over the Rim tonight.
How's your son Chester?
You heared
from him lately?
I ain't a-heared
from Chester...
it'll be a year,
come Michaelmas.
I was thinkin' of the song
that you writ about him.
I wanted to sing it
to my wife last night.
You know, we got a boy
just about Chester's age...
who's got a hankerin'
to go to the city.
- Have you got your dulcimer here?
- Yes, I have, officer.
I wonder if you would mind
singin' me that song.
I'd be tickled to death.
You'll have to excuse me,
though, if my voice isn't just right.
You know, we can't get any ipecac
up in this part of the country.
Go right ahead,
Mr. Snavely.
You won't consider me rude
if I play with my mitts on, will you?
Not at all, Mr. Snavely.
Not at all.
There was once
a poor boy
And he left
his country home
And he came to the city
to look for work
He promised
his ma and pa
He would lead
a sinless life
And always shun
the fatal curse of drink
Once in the city
He got a situation
in a quarry
And there he made
the acquaintance
Of some
college students
He little thought
they were demons
For they wore
the best of clothes
But good clothes
do not always make the gentleman
So they tempted him
to drink
And they said
he was a coward
Until at last he took
The fatal glass of beer
When he found
what he'd done
He dashed the glass
upon the floor
And he staggered
through the door
With delirium tremens
Once upon the sidewalk
He met
a Salvation Army girl
And wickedly
he broke her tambourine
All she said
was "Heaven...
"Heaven bless you"
And placed a mark
upon his brow
With a kick
she'd learned
Before she had been saved
Now, as a moral
to young men
Who come down
to the city
Don't go 'round breaking
people's tambourines
That certainly is a sad song.
Don't cry, constable.
It is a sad song.
My Uncle Ichabod said,
speakin' of the city,
"It ain't no place
for women, gal,
but pretty men go thar."
He always said somethin'
to make you split your sides a-laughin'.
Comical old gentleman he was.
Well, I think I'll
be a-hightailin' it over the Rim.
- - And it ain't a fit night out for man nor beast.
Otto, mush!
March! March!
Tastes more like corn flakes. March!
- - And it ain't a fit night out for man nor beast.
Hello there!
- How, Mr. Snavely?
- How, Chief.
- How.
- And how.
It ain't a fit night out
for man nor beast.
And it's been a-stormin'
for almost a "fort-nit."
- Who's thar?
- It's me, Ma.
Did you find any gold
down at the gulf, Pa?
I found that "nougat."
It be on the table.
A "nougat."
A golden "nougat."
Just what you been a-combin' them thar
hills for for nigh on to 30 years.
It must be worth
almost a hundred dollars.
Help to pay off the mortgage
on the old shack.
Has that pill from Medicine Hat
been here again?
- Yes, and he wants more money.
- Rot his hide.
He wants more money, and if he
don't get it, he'll take our malamute.
- He won't take old Bozo, my lead dog.
- Why not, Pa?
'Cause I 'et him.
You 'et him?
He was mighty good
with mustard.
We was a-mushing over
Blind Nag Rim last night.
I got mighty hungry.
You better take
your mukluks off, Pa.
Captain Pepitone
of the Canadian Mounted...
smuggled a police dog
across the border for you.
Smuggled a police dog
across the border for me?
Yes, and he says for you
to keep it under your hat.
- How big is it?
- About so high.
He's crazy.
Pa, it's just
three years today...
since they put our dear son in jail
for stealing them thar bonds.
- And I know he never stole 'em.
- Sure he never stole 'em.
Our Chester
never stole nothin', from nobody.
Hardly ever.
Do you think he'll come
headin' for home...
when they turn him loose
from that plagued jail?
- I reckon, guess and calculate he will, Ma. -
Who's thar?
Our son
back again!
My own...
- Chester, my darling boy!
- Chester!
It ain't a fit night out
for man or beast.
Don't cry, Ma. We got our son
back again, ain't we?
Welcome home, Chester.
Thank you, Pa.
I don't suppose
we'll have him with us long.
Once the city gets
into a boy's system,
he loses his hankerin'
for the country.
- Sit down, Chester.
- Thank you, Pa.
- Will you have some soup, Chester?
- That's my soup, Ma.
Hand me that bread
I was dunkin', will ya?
Dad, I ain't ever gonna leave
the old farm again.
I've come back here to stay with you and Ma,
and I ain't ever
gonna leave again.
It's so good
to see you both again.
And I'm so glad to be back
home with you and Ma that I can't talk.
I'd like to go
to my little bedroom...
and lay on the bed
and cry like I was a baby again.
Thar, thar.
Go to your room and
have a good cry, dear.
I know how you feel.
I feel so tired,
I think I'll go to bed.
Why don't you lie down
and take a little rest first, Chester?
- Well, good night, Pa.
- Good night, Chester.
- Good night, Ma.
- Good night, Chester.
- Sleep well, Chester.
- Thank you, Pa. You too.
- Thank you, Chester.
- Sleep well, Chester.
- Thank you, Ma. You sleep well.
- Thank you.
Don't forget to open
the window a bit.
- Don't forget to open yours a bit, Pa.
- I won't, son.
Yes, don't forget
to open your window a bit, Chester.
- Put yours up a bit, too, Ma?
- Good night, Chester.
- Good night, Chester.
- Good night, Pa.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Good night, Chester.
I think I'll go out
and milk the elk.
Don't forget
your moose horn, Pa.
Thank you, Ma.
It ain't a fit night out
for man or beast.
Lida, honey.
Papa's calling.
Papa's calling ya.
My old embouchure
ain't what it used to be.
Hello, Lida.
Hello, Li...
Say, Elmer, have you seen Lida?
Tell her
Mr. Snavely wants...
Hello, Li... Certainly a bright
moonlight night tonight.
Hello, Li...
Hello, Lida.
Hey, Lida! It's me! Come here!
Don't you know me? Mr. Snavely.
Battered old hide.
Chester, did you
steal them bonds?
Yes, Ma,
I stole them bonds.
I was a bank messenger,
and they caught me fair and square.
I wasn't framed.
I knowed you stole 'em,
but I never would admit it
to your father.
If he thought
you stole 'em,
it would break
his poor old heart.
Never tell him
any different.
- Good night, Chester.
- Good night, Ma.
And it ain't
a fit night out...
for man or beast.
Has Chester
gone to bed yet, Ma?
I don't think so, Pa.
- Chester?
- Yes, Pa?
- Can I speak to you a minute, son?
- Yes, Pa.
did you steal
them bonds?
I knowed you
stole 'em, son,
but I never would admit it
to your mother.
She thinks
you're innocent.
You must never tell her
any different.
If she thought
you stole 'em,
it would break
her poor old heart.
It's so good
to be home, Dad.
I'm gonna stay here now
with you and Ma for all time.
Chester, have you
any of them bonds on you...
or any of that money?
No, Dad, I ain't got
any of them bonds on me.
And I took that tainted money
and threw it away.
And you came back...
to me and mother.
Yes, Pa.
To sponge on us
the rest of your life, you block...
You lug!
Get out of here!
Get out...
you tramp, you!
Get out of here!
And it ain't a fit night out
for man or beast.