The F**k-It List (2020) Movie Script

[Brett] Do you ever have that dream,
where you make one dumb mistake
and ruin your entire life?
Well, that's where I am right now.
Except this is real.
There is nothing I can do to stop
what is about to happen.
Years of preparation,
tens of thousands of hours,
all of it gone in seconds.
In this final moment...
I have one thought...
and that is...
I am so fucked!
You wanna know how I got here?
I'll show you.
When you eat what you wanna eat
And sleep where you wanna sleep
And say what you wanna say
And let the children play
What they wanna play
Free, free, free
Free, free, free
Free, free, free
Free, free, free
[Elsa] Security alert.
Movement detected in the back yard.
-Elsa, what?
-[Elsa] Security alert.
Movement detected in the side yard.
-Elsa, blinds!
-[Elsa] Opening all window blinds.
No, no, no, Elsa! Blinds down!
Blinds down!
[Elsa] Closing all window blinds.
Security alert.
-Movement detected at the front door.
-[Brett] Elsa, shut up.
[Elsa] Security alert.
Movement detected at the front door.
[Brett] Shh!
Shit, shit, shit! Shit.
-Elsa, lights off!
-[Elsa] Turning all lights off.
-Talk they way you wanna talk
-Free, free, free
-Shout the way you wanna shout
-Free, free, free
Oh, shit!
[Nico] Brett! Look, ponies.
Remember? Like the third grade.
But, uh, this is different. [chuckles]
-Yeah. That's a lot of beer, man.
-Oh! Brett, you into cosplay now?
Um. Studying, actually.
Decisions are made. E-mails fly tomorrow.
Yo, what is the point?
-[cellphone's camera shutter clicks]
-I don't know, its just-- Just--
Hey, Kayla.
-Stace, please, no social, come on.
-What? But you look so--
Im not into having a thing, guys!
Seriously, okay?
You have not been any fun
since like sixth grade,
except this one time with this robe.
My parents are home in 12 hours.
You guys realize that, right?
Dude, that's what we were just saying.
-What? That I'm not having a thing?
-No. That that gives us...
11.45 hours of pony tapping.
-[Stacy] Aye!
-We love you too!
-[man] Come on, Bretty! Aw!
[music playing]
Come on! Okay, go, go, go!
[all cheer]
Guy, guys, guys! Can we keep
the party downstairs, please? Thank you.
-Go, go, go!
-Guys, guys, guys, stop! Stop.
No, no, no. I said, no posting, Stace.
-What are you guys doing?
-I said no posting on social media.
-Hey, Kayla.
Hey, I'm just rifling through your stuff.
I'm joking. I'm just waiting
in line for the bathroom.
There's not--
No ones in there. There's not even a line
if you wanna just--
-just go in there.
-Right. Guess Im busted.
Look, I found this and I was, like,
wow, it's us! Remember cotillion?
Yeah. I don't know why that's there.
-[Kayla] I loved it.
Etiquette, rules. Everything simple.
-I thought it was perfect.
-Yeah. Me too.
Really? You?
No. Actually, no. I...
You know, I mean, I thought it was cool,
it was fun.
-You were super cool. [chuckles]
You always were a little gentleman.
Always thought you'd ask me to a dance
or something when we got older.
You thought that?
I ended up skipping
most of the dances anyway. You?
Yeah, no, yeah. No dances for me.
Never thought you'd be the guy
that'd throw a party.
Oh. It's not really my party,
right, or even...
a party at all. It's just my--
Like, everybody else's.
At your house.
Yeah, yeah. At my house, yeah.
Maybe you do have a wild side
despite what everyone else says.
-Oh. Hey, girl. You're good?
Tell Clint to meet me
in your parents' room?
Tell Clint to meet me
in your parents' room?
No. No, Stacy. No, that's off limits!
[Stacy] God, dude!
Just focus on what's in your room.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
-Life defining moment. Take note.
-Please, just do this?
I-- Hold on a second. Hold on. [sighs]
Brett, I just want to say
I want to raise a glass.
You've done everything right
in your 17 years.
You've set yourself up
for all the blessings that lie ahead.
-4.65 GPA...
-Thank you, Marheem Tutorials.
-[chuckles] ...1590 on your SAT...
-Thank you, Infinite Futures Prep course.
Oh. It's that one missed question
that just sort of, toys with you--
Okay, but, but national recognition
in clarinet. Reed instrument.
That was a very strategic thing
on our part.
Exactly. It's like I've always said,
becoming ones true best self...
achieving ones potential,
that is success.
And with success comes freedom.
And with freedom comes
-all the great things--
-[Brett] Dad!
-Please, can we just get into it?
-[Kristen] Okay.
-[Jeffrey] Let's go!
-Boom! Yes!
-We got into Cornell.
We're going to Cornell.
We're going to Cornell.
Okay. Next up, come on.
Oh, God. We're into Yale.
We're going to Yale! We're into to Yale!
Those dormy little house things!
They gotta let me in too!
Oh! And Penn! And Dartmouth!
We're so good at this!
-All right. Brown, Brown. Boom!
Brown! Okay, click on the last one.
It's Harvard, click on the last one.
Right there. Click on it.
Oh, my-- Oh, wait.
You're wait-listed at Harvard.
-[Kristen] But Harvard.
Hey, come on! Seven out of eight.
That's amazing! What are we batting?
-Eight seventy-five.
-Eight seventy-five! Yes, 875!
There, there are those math skills
at work right there. Congratulations!
-Wassup, dude?
-[Clint] Yo, wassup?
-Is she new?
-Dude, don't give him the satisfaction.
-I can't just, like, ghost him.
-Yes, you can.
Just, like, swipe left on the entire
disturbing scenario, all right?
Do they, do they just stake out
the house? Like, I--
-Basically, yes. What'd you hear?
-It doesn't matter, man.
Whoa. Bad?
-Tell me or you walk.
-All right, man. Just on the DL.
-I just don't wanna to be that guy.
-What guy?
-The guy that got into Cornell.
And Yale and Columbia. And Dartmouth,
Penn, Brown and Princeton.
Dude, you're shitting me?
That's like every one of them.
-Not Harvard. Wait-listed.
So, a loser.
You're just lucky
you committed for ball, man.
Didn't have to deal
with all the weirdness of it.
Okay, bro, you just hit a walk-off homer.
Do not complain about the trot.
-Don't ask, not discussing.
-Wisco and Tulane? Come on!
-He went seven for eight.
That's sick!
Okay, but which one dissed you?
-Harvard. Listed.
Listed at Harvard. Loser, right?
-I mean, rank.
All right. God, I get it.
You're gonna clear Wisco or Tulane, man.
No JC with your scores.
I dunno. GPA jacks me.
Absences jack me. The world is jacking me.
Yo, Nick, how many ethnicity boxes
did you check on the app?
-Four. Plus other.
-An admission officer's wet dream.
You, there.
-Stop it.
-[Baird] Good morning Cali students.
Today is a big day for our seniors
and we hope the news is joyful.
We've already heard from one
of the parents of our students
who has been accepted
to seven out of eight Ivies.
to our valedictorian Brett Blackmore!
Hell, yeah, man!
Proud of you, man!
-[man] Hey, nice bro!
-Thanks, man.
You seem happy!
-Is it that obvious?
-Uh. Yeah.
Look, I'm happy, all right? It's just,
my parents called the school to brag.
-Yeah, I--
-And they called the local news station,
they're throwing a party
for their friends.
Okay, the news station,
that's kind of weird.
-But at least, it'll all be over soon
-and you get to get out of here.
-Can I ask you something?
Am I just that guy who did nothing
but study for four years?
Yeah, pretty much.
-So, I blew high school?
-What do you mean, "you blew high school?"
I don't know, I mean that
you said that you thought
I would never throw a party
and that I might have a wild side--
Joking! Joking, hi. Remember that?
Like, who cares what people think anyways?
Well, not me. Obviously.
You really don't, do you?
-Care what anybody else thinks.
-Is it that obvious?
I never asked. Did you hear from anybody?
-Uh. Yeah, I got into my top two.
-That's awesome. Where?
It doesn't matter, anyways.
I can't afford either, so.
-You could apply for aid or something.
-I'm coming up with another plan.
-Okay, is it top secret?
Maybe not.
Depends on what?
I'll let you figure that one out
on your own.
[cellphone chimes]
-You're Brett Blackmore.
-No, sorry.
-Close though.
-Hey, you guys know Brett Blackmore?
-Yeah. Dude's like an urban legend.
Yeah, doesn't leave the house,
only studies. Most boring kid in America.
Double on the house for the brainiac.
Shut up. You outscored me on the SAand got a full ride to Santa Clara.
-Are you stalking me?
-[Brett] Maybe.
Extra creamy for Clint.
Personal toppings later.
Come on, Stace, the pact thing?
That was like two years ago.
Uh-uh! A pact is a pact.
And its end of senior year now, so,
-we're gonna, you know.
-Dude, please stop making her beg.
-Hey, lets go out from the back.
-[cash register dings]
-See you later.
-[Stacy] Bye.
-You know, he buys lotto tix with that.
-Come on.
Twice a week.
Says has some sort of system.
[Brett] Might be genius.
-Hey, Dee.
-[Dee] What up, fellas?
-[Nico] Rollin into summer, Dee.
-Thank you, thank you.
-[coins clank]
-Hey, hey, hey! Guys, guys, guys!
I just wanna make sure
that we're still on for tonight.
-I worked my ass off on this thing.
-Of course, are you kidding?
-A 1,000 percent.
-Thank you.
I have a chem project.
Oh! Come on, dude. The race is over.
You won by like a billion miles.
BB, please, come on!
No more wasting formative years.
Dude, it's one senior prank night
your entire life, Brett Blackmore.
-You dont skip it.
I mean, like, come on! Fuck it.
[Brett] Right there. You hear that?
Those two words?
By themselves, relatively harmless.
Put them together
and they're life changing.
I didn't know that yet,
I was too busy thinking
they were right. Maybe for once
I should just let go and say...
-All right, maybe.
-Well. Way to fully commit.
-Was it worth it? Absolutely. Come on!
-And to think you had it all figured out.
Had we known,
none of us would've helped him, right?
Am I right? Hey, buddy. I love you!
Congrats to the Blackmores.
-Congrats to the Blackmores.
-Congrats to the Blackmores.
-Well done! Well played.
-Than you, thank you. Come on.
When ours go through it,
I will be belly up in Cabo.
-Drink in hand.
-This one, double-fisted.
[Suzanne] They can do it themselves.
Course it helps
that theyre already in, so to speak.
Theyre in middle school.
Well, if Barry keeps his ass
on the advisory board,
-I can keep mine in Cabo.
-[Barry] What an ass she has.
Listen, dont beat yourself up.
Harvard is very difficult
for non-legacies, its hardly fair.
Hey, guys, I'm really sorry. I mean,
I don't know what happened. I pushed.
-Really, Barry? How hard?
-Hard, very hard.
Didn't Dean Reilly personally invite you
to sit on the board?
Yeah. Aren't you guys
close personal friends?
It's Harvard. They go their own way.
Look, he made on the waitlist.
I'm sure he'll clear it.
-Hes a wonderful young man.
-Yeah, well, you can thank us for that.
Where do you think hes sitting
on the wait list? One? Two?
-Maybe three.
-Sadly, it doesnt matter.
Nobody who gets into Harvard doesn't go.
I didn't know that. Really?
What do us state-school girls know
about this Ivy league thing?
Oh, my God! It's all I can say.
[Doug] Well, what are you doing stuffing
Adderall in that kid's burgers or what?
-[Jeffrey] Hell yeah. Aren't we all?
-[Leslie] We should be.
[man] Sweet.
You need to capitalize on this.
I mean, a book, a blog, I don't know what.
Brett, honey, why aren't you coming down?
Everybody wants to see you.
-[Kristen] These people have known you
since you were a baby.
Five minutes. Say hello.
Make Suzanne Brooks feel
completely inferior as a parent.
-You know I hate her.
-Maybe. I have a chem project due.
[game controller buttons clicking]
Okay, well, before everyone leaves.
Especially her.
[Stacy] Whoa, whoa. Okay, so this is 31-A.
It has to interlock with B.
Hey, no climbing on it though, right?
And I can't have it falling or anything.
Donnie. Come on, okay. I designed it.
Personally designed it.
Who gonna take all this down?
Well, thats kinda the point, here, Donny.
Hey, you want some more pizza?
-Do I look like an idiot to you?
-Of course I want more pizza.
-Stace, this looks awesome.
-I know, right?
-Awesome. Look, are they...
[Nico] Okay. Okay. Yeah.
[Les laughing]
The inner sanctum.
Attention peons under my command.
-Can you do it?
-It's gonna be great.
Whoa! The inner inner sanctum.
It's all here.
Where are my parent's grades?
-Yo, Les, what are you doing?
-[Les] Is that...
-Dude, is my voice higher now?
-That's gas! What the fuck, Les?
Oh my God, stop-- stop it. Stop the gas!
-How do you shut this off?
-Just shut it off!
I'm trying!
-[Nico] Shit. Shit. Shit.
-We need help!
-Okay. I'm gonna get help!
-[Les] Huh.
I think my voice is lower now,
instead of higher.
-Get down!
-[Stacy] Yeah.
You said no climbing!
I did. It's just some selfies though,
so chill.
-Oh, hey, there you are.
-Hey, hey. We need you. Now. Now!
-So, why does it smell like gas in here?
-Just put your shirt over your mouth.
Are these rubbers?
-Is he like a porn star?
-My dad gets them by the case,
-who the fuck cares? Tell us what to do?
-Open the windows, now! All of them. Go!
-[Nico] Dude, none of those open!
-[Brett] Go!
-[Nico] Brett, none of those open!
-[Brett] Doors! Open everything. Go.
We are so screwed. We are so--
What the fuck are you doing, man?
I thought we could do whatever we want
as long as we save the school?
Guys, I can't do this.
I'm getting really dizzy.
We gotta get out of here. We gotta--
Come on!
Hurry up, come on!
Come on, man!
[man] Yeah!
You know what's happening?
Cold air is pouring in those windows
right now.
[air hissing]
And that pushes lighter methane up
packing it tighter and tighter.
The cold air makes the temperature
in the room drop
which makes the gas settle...
which pushes out more of the diffused air.
But what really matters is...
the temperature drop.
Okay. You're freaking me out.
I'm gonna call--
Because it's just gonna get colder
and colder in there until something...
and then...
I'm so fucked!
[Legere] An interesting turn of events
in Pacific Palisades.
Brett Blackmore,
who made local news yesterday
with acceptances
into multiple exclusive colleges
today is suspected of blowing up
his high school's administration building.
-[doorbell rings]
-[Legere] Stay tuned for more updates
with Channel Six news.
We did manage to pull a frame off
the melted security cam drive.
-Well, its fuzzy.
-But obvious.
-Look, it was just a prank.
-The picnic tables weren't the real prank?
Yes, but we did data entry
during free and--
"We" being?
Like, a lot of people did data entry
during free for community service credits,
and I know how to run the computers.
So there were others
with you in the office?
No. It was just me. I already said that.
It was just me
and I know how to run the computers.
I was gonna go into the office
and I was just--
And just do this portal thing
and give all the seniors straight A's.
All by yourself. No help.
This was completely your idea?
All by myself.
[Jeffrey] Well, that--
that doesn't even sound credible
that you could do this on your own.
Honey, this could impact
the rest of your life.
This could change everything for--
Well, for all of us.
I know that.
Is that all of them?
All seven.
Three hours.
But they all said
"to be reviewed at a later time".
Yes, that's polite-speak
for "not a chance in hell."
I have to cancel my book proposal meeting.
Oh, and those blog people...
What were you thinking?
-I'm going to Clint's.
-Oh, no, no, no, no.
Okay, yeah. That's good.
Maybe thats good.
Just check in with us, okay?
Often. Please?
-We didn't hear from Harvard.
-He's wait-listed.
They're not even gonna bother.
Well, then, we need to go to Barry
and we need to throw ourselves at him.
We already did, okay?
He did everything he could.
-You heard what he said.
-He wasnt properly motivated.
If he was properly motivated,
he'd do more.
[Jeffery sighs]
He's always had a thing for me,
you know that.
What? Are you talking
about the Jacuzzi thing in Palm Springs?
-That was an accident.
-No, that was no accident.
-Are you seriously suggesting--
-That we do anything to rectify this?
For our son? For us?
You want to throw away 18 years,
not to mention the nine months
of bodily sacrifice I made,
to come up short?
So-- so, you're offering yourself
so our kid can go to college--
I am suggesting
that we properly motivate him.
-Thats it. End of sentence.
-So you're offering yourself.
Oh, my God. Yes, I am offering. That's--
You got it.
What are the odds that yours
is literally the only photo
-they retrieved off the camera?
-Pretty shitty.
-Hey, you wanna know the actual math?
-Are they pressing you?
That doesn't matter, man.
I'm not tanking your ride.
Or getting Nico's wait-list tossed.
Dude, you do not have to do that.
We were all there. All right?
Come on. You guys would have done
the same for me. You all would.
[Stacy] Ticking down. Then were off
to separate schools.
[Clint] And we will still be friends.
You balked on a promise
made in tenth grade.
Okay, I am down with the baseball term,
that was nice move
-Thank you, well deserved.
-Respect, respect.
It sucks what's happening to you.
It definitely does that.
My aunt says sometimes the universe
gives us a little more than we can handle,
so that we can grow, like, emotionally.
-Sounds kinda smart. I guess.
-No, I don't know. She's weird.
You remember that stuff the other night?
About cotillion? How you...
thought that I'd ask you to a dance?
Okay, truth?
I used to write
"Mrs. Kayla Blackmore" over and over
in all my spelling journals really tiny.
-Yeah, it was sixth grade.
You went your way and I went mine.
I do remember that you smelled like
that Irish soap.
It was the OCD, okay?
I took like, four showers a day.
And that my feet were, like,
twice as big as yours.
Yeah, and you werent very good
with them, Mr. Smooth.
Yeah, they felt like flippers!
What was I supposed to do?
-I want to go back to San Juan.
Can I tell you something?
-Is it weird?
[chuckles] No, I just,
I don't know, I remember...
your hand in mine...
mine on your back. It was like...
the closest I'd ever been to a girl.
-How come you never said anything?
-I don't know, it seemed...
-I mean, a little stalker-y is okay.
What about being obsessed
with you ever since then?
That might be exactly the right amount.
And I can't find your eyes yeah
But I wish I could
Brett? You should know I'm...
kind of a mess.
Well, I doubt that.
Yeah, everything might seem cool
from the surface,
but, you know how it really is.
I'm not-- I'm not sure that
I understand what youre saying.
Everyone has baggage. Mine just
might be a little darker and more--
Still I feel your heart beat
-Okay, that was ballsy. [laughs]
-[laughs] Guess, I'm just saying, fuck it.
Baggage and all.
-Thats kinda bad-ass.
-Or insane.
-First time I feel free though.
-That's totally bad-ass.
What was that?
Just a debt from sixth grade cotillion.
With the guy who mushroomed the school?
Shouldn't you be in prison or something
instead of out here walking around?
Shouldnt you be in the corner,
Juul-ing, Ted?
[Clint] Hey, Ted?
I dont totally remember inviting you.
-Yeah. Im with her.
-Yeah, like I said.
-We're out.
-See you later, captain?
-[Brett] I don't know, it seems stalker-y.
-I think a little stalker-y is okay.
[Brett] Ugh! God, for the first time
I feel free.
That's kinda bad-ass.
Do what youre told, they tell you.
Stay on your path,
That's what they say. They say,
it leads to some great life
but do they know who we are?
Do they know what we want?
One mistake and everything goes away.
Total bullshit.
But, you know, I've had this list
in my head of things I wanted to do
but I've always been too afraid.
You wanna know what's on my list? Huh?
You wanna know what's on my list?
I'll tell ya. I hate the clarinet.
I've also always wanted to get anything
other than an A.
Punch my physical-ed teacher in the face.
I just wanna skip school!
To base jump. No, actually, scratch that.
No, no, that sounds sketchy.
But maybe bungee jumping.
Road trip.
I've always wanted to travel east.
Ride a motorcycle.
I wanna play the guitar.
Jam out. I want to go on tour.
I think we should just start a band
and go on tour.
Yeah, we should do that. On motorcycles.
And we can drag race the motorcycles.
On Tour. Perfect!
But most of all, man.
I just wanna fall in love, you know?
I just wanna fall in real love.
And kiss my crush since the fifth grade.
Kayla Pierce.
Oh, yeah, I already did that.
I did that.
And have the balls to post this list
to you guys.
[cellphone vibrating]
-Brett! Were you faded last night?
-Like after you left Clint's?
-What do you mean?
Because you posted about your love
for Kayla last night.
-Yeah, to our group.
-Yeah. No, no, no.
-Your post went big.
-Wait, what?
Or someone ripped and shared it,
but it's got over a thousand views.
And kiss my crush since the fifth grade.
But, oh yeah, I already did that.
I did that!
-[telephone ringing]
-All of them, within hours.
Man, I am-- I am truly sorry.
Ugh! [exhales]
All of them except for...
Well, I suppose since...
he wasn't cleared,
there's no reason to notify.
-[Barry clears throat]
you know what we're asking.
I already wrote the endorsement letter,
you know, as a board member,
-and alum, I'm bound by--
-We're asking for a favor. A huge favor.
And we are prepared to respond in kind.
-In kind?
-With a similarly sized gesture.
Myself and...
are willing to grant you
whatever you may wish.
I'm-- I'm not sure I'm clear
on what you're saying.
In light of...
-the Jacuzzi incident
-Okay, that was an accident.
-Was it? Was it?
-I-- I thought we were all skinny dipping!
-No, no, no. You leaned into her.
No, no. The jet went on behind me
and water was shooting up my ass,
-I-- I leaned. She moved.
-Okay, okay. Sensitive topic. Sensitive.
[Barry sighs]
[laughs] Offering your wife...
as if that would incentivize me.
I mean, did you really think that?
Well, come on, let's be honest.
You've always had a thing for her.
I have not.
Why do you keep clinging to this?
I'm so sorry, is this for show
or on the record?
You know, I...
I am willing to forget
this conversation happened.
And I am willing to think
about ways to help Brett.
-Oh. Thank you.
I do not...
want to have sex with your wife.
Do you understand?
-Am I making myself clear?
Yeah. Yes.
-Jesus, Jeffrey, stop! Just stop.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
[cellphone vibrates]
[cellphone keypad clicking]
[cellphone keypad clicking]
["Be Good To Me" by Milo Greene playing]
-Where are we going?
-Yeah, I can see that. Thanks.
See you lying on the floor
And I lay next to you
-Put your head on me
-This is his place.
-So be good to me
-Be good to me
My mom's boyfriend, Steve.
'Cause I give everything
They've been together eight years.
They like to drink until they pass out.
Usually, she goes first
and then he comes looking for me.
Has he ever...
No, no.
No, he's easy to put down when he's drunk.
Does your mom know?
She told me to shut up
and stop provoking him.
And I was 11.
-Shit, Kayla.
Do you wanna...
confront him or something? I mean,
we can record it
-and take it to the police.
[music playing]
What are you doing?
I wanna do what I've always been
too afraid to do.
Before your post, I never had the guts.
This is his favorite thing in the world.
He spent like, six years on it.
You sure about this?
Brett, I was 11.
Yeah, do it.
Do it.
Kayla! Kayla, let's go.
[Steve] You bitch!
-[Kayla] That felt so good! [screams]
You're right. I've never felt this free.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
That was pretty bad-ass. Pretty bad-ass.
Yeah, it was.
-So, what else is on your list?
-No, intimate knowledge.
Thought that was something we'd agree
we have to wait and see about.
What? Accessory to auto-assault
doesn't come with that?
Okay, yeah. Probably, it does. Okay.
Okay, let's see.
My deep dark secret list of things
I've always wanted to do
but I've always been afraid to do.
-I've always wanted to learn Italian.
-Ooh. Scandalous.
No wonder it's a secret.
-See the South Pacific.
-I'm down.
-Still pretty tame though.
-Go to space.
-Like an astronaut.
-Yeah. Yeah, like an astronaut.
That might include zero gravity sex.
I don't know,
it might be kind of overrated.
-Maybe zero-G while speaking Italian.
That'll be pretty cool.
I don't know. Fall in love
is kind of a big one.
-You are messing with me.
-No. Who wouldn't wanna do it in space?
No, I'm talking about love.
That was what I said.
You think you're the only one?
I'm pretty sure it's on everyone's list.
I don't need no money
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-You have to!
-Absolutely not.
-You have to.
-No, no.
-It's on your list!
I meant I wanted to play. All right?
I've done, like,
YouTube sessions, but there's--
there's no way. No, Kayla!
Hey, five dollars for five minutes.
-I hate you.
-[Kayla] I believe in you.
Don't mess up.
See, you can play.
That was the one song
that I learned in, like, eighth grade.
Since you said I don't have a wild side...
-[Kayla] Sing!
-I can barely play this thing.
You have to sing.
-Wild thing
You make my heart sing
-You are so groovy
-[Kayla] Woo!
Wild thing
- I think I love you
-That's a little forward.
But I just wanna know for sure
Wild thing
You make my heart sing
-You just got paid.
-You're groovy!
-You're basically a professional.
Wild thing
-You make my heart sing
-You make my heart sing
-Oh you're so groovy!
-Wild thing
That was incredible.
I'd buy a ticket to see your show.
[Brett] I missed out on everything,
you know what I mean? I never...
cut class to go to the beach,
or failed a test, or even got a "B".
Its not the end of the world, you know.
I never snuck a girl in my room.
Never even fooled around.
Like nothing?
So what? That'll all happen
when you want it to.
Yeah, but it didn't happen because,
you know, I was told to...
keep pressing, get ahead, get this
and get that and get there.
-You know, it's like--
-I mean, that's all we hear.
It's always, is that gonna
get you into a good school,
is that gonna
look good on your college app.
-Never is that, gonna make you happy?
I just dont know if I can
get it back together, you know?
They know you're not a psychopath
who tried to blow up the school.
They have to know it was a mistake.
[cellphone vibrating]
[Kayla grunts] Ted.
-What's his deal? Seriously, I mean?
-It's platonic. He wants more. But...
He's kinda possessive though,
wouldn't you say?
His dad runs this modeling agency
and they're sending me
to Milan this summer.
Yeah, I heard.
-When do you go?
-Two weeks after graduation.
Anyway, he said, Teds having
a hard time fitting in at SC
and asked if I could hang with him some.
And you just like hang out with him
'cause his dad's your ticket outta here?
What's your problem, Brett?
No, I mean, I just--
It's just kinda, I dont know,
morally questionable?
Morally questionable?
I mean, maybe for you
and your endless options
and perfect family. You think I have that?
You think my alcoholic mom
and asshole Steve
are gonna help me pay for college?
Look, I'm earning every cent of it
and who are you to judge me how I do that?
Yeah, you're right. You're right.
Have you even thought that I can't go home
after what we just did?
Shit. I mean, did you think about that
before you smashed the car?
No. No, I didn't
because that's what fuck-it means, right?
Fuck! Do you have a place to stay?
No I dont. And I, kind of, thought
maybe, I don't know,
someone who cared would maybe
sneak me into their room or something.
It's-- My parents would know.
And what? What?
Think you're becoming a man?
I just, I have to keep it
on the narrow, okay?
I have a meeting tomorrow,
I need to get things back on track.
No, I get it. I get it.
It's all about your needs.
And sure, yeah, judge me
for my morally questionable actions
but you're not even living up
to the shit that you post.
I gotta find somewhere to sleep tonight.
-Kayla! That's not what I meant.
-[Kayla] No, it's fine, Brett.
-[Brett] Kayla!
[gunshots firing in video game]
Kids are posting their own lists
and tagging you, you know.
-[Clint] That's crazy.
-I know.
[Nico] It's not crazy. It's a movement.
People are calling you "The Father
of the Fuck-it List."
Maybe I dont wanna be the father.
-Did anybody consider that?
-All right, you sure?
Just wanna say I knocked my top item
off my Fuck-it list last night,
thanks to Brett Blackmore.
Brett, you gave me the courage to do
what I've always been afraid to do.
And I hope that in that school meeting,
you get what you need. Whatever that is.
[Nico] Dude, nice.
You look like you're gonna puke.
-I screwed that up, man.
-It's not good.
[Baird] Let me start by saying
that I understand the tragic components
to this situation.
-It's been a nightmare.
-For all of us.
And it will go down as one of the most
regrettable incidents of my career.
Brett has been an exemplary student
by every measure.
[Kristen] Yes, and obviously we are
incredibly concerned about you
-and the school, and--
-We'd love to put this whole thing
behind us and get back on track.
And with that, we would love
to start the rebuilding fund
for the new and improved
administration building.
It's like we're...
headed down the road
and we picked up a nail,
now we've just got to identify the leak,
fix the leak, fix the flat,
and boom, continue to our destination.
Only I'm afraid
this is more like a stalagmite
that's impaled the entire car.
-Stalagmites, that's the ones that--
-Yes. Up from the floor.
Look, we have two
very serious issues here.
One, a school prank that's gone
horribly awry.
It's unfortunate, it's costly,
it's understandable
in some idiotic teenage way,
because it was an accident
and thankfully, nobody died.
Well, yes, well, the nobody died part.
That, that is a plus.
And the rest can be rebuilt, right?
Probably better than it was before.
-This is gonna be a six-figure number.
-Yes, I understand.
-Okay, so, what is the other issue?
-Speaks to character.
-Integrity. On a-- on a much larger scale.
-Well, that's great then.
Yeah, because as you said,
Brett is exemplary--
Yes, that is the argument I made
to the school board
before the latest development.
Would you like to tell them, Brett?
About your list?
It's-- it's just something that I said
to six of my friends.
-And that list has gone viral.
-That's not my fault.
The perils of social media
have been well documented.
It has almost 100,000 views
and it's been up for less than 36 hours.
-What are we talking about?
-What is it?
I don't know, it's a list, you know,
like a bucket list of things that I...
wish I had done, I guess.
Well, it does rhyme with bucket,
doesn't it?
What rhymes with bucket?
-Oh! Fu--
-Fu-- Brett? Really?
In the middle of this meltdown,
you make a list of all the people
-you want to have sex with?
-No, that's not what it's about.
-Well then, what in God's name is it?
It's about all the times that I wish
I could have just said fuck-it
and done the thing that I wanted to do,
-instead of doing what I was supposed to.
-What you wanted to do? Like what?
Like, play high school basketball.
I wanted to play basketball
but it conflicted with jazz band,
which you made me do.
Yes, because it's a fact
that male reed instrument musicians,
they're in short supply
in the Ivy League--
But I hate reed instruments!
You know that.
You know that, you know that,
you both know that. I hate--
I think that this is an internal issue
that your family needs
to discuss in private.
But as far as Brett's future here
at Cali High...
he won't be receiving his diploma
at this institution.
You've gone from being accepted
to seven out of eight Ivies
to not graduating high school
in the span of 72 hours.
Did you finally get what you wanted?
Maybe it's what I needed.
What-- I'm sorry, what was that,
young man? Get over here right now.
Get, get over here! Paddle over here,
right now! Get over here.
I know what you're doing.
I know exactly what you're doing.
I showed you that movie!
You are no Dustin Hoffman! Not even close!
Brett, get over here. Now!
Get on over here! Come on!
[Jeffrey] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Excuse me? Ex-- Hey!
Hey! Hello! Hello!
Where do you think you're going? Get...
And way down we go, go, go
Not the car, Brett! Brett! Brett!
And way down we go, go, go
Say way down we go
Way down we go
-Oh you let your feet run wild
-[car horn honks]
Time has come as we all oh go down
Yeah but for the fall
And way down we go, go, go
Way down we go
Say way down we go
Oh 'cause they will run you down
Down 'til you fall
Oh way down we go
[all cheer] Yeah!
[all cheer]
Oh baby yeah
Oh way down
-[cellphone chimes]
-Way down we go, go, go
-[cellphone chimes]
-Oh way down we go
Say way down we go
-Way down we go
-Can you believe it, man?
I put down my list last night.
There was only one thing on it.
-I didn't see it.
-I have a Finsta.
Yeah, dude. I made it with you.
I follow you.
No, dude. Like, another one. A real one.
[Brett] Wow.
Yes and no.
I don't know, you've been kinda
more low key than most guys.
I said I was focused on baseball.
Had some stuff to work through.
You've been good though? You okay?
I've been trying to be.
I gotta be who I am, you know?
Isn't that what all this is about?
Does this...
I don't know...
mess us up?
Hell, no, dude. You're like
the closest thing to a brother I have.
I wonder what my dad will say.
-You're gonna tell him?
-Not till I'm out of the house.
Yeah, I hear that, man.
Hey look, just know if anybody
messes with you, I got your back.
Good, cause this is all on you now.
Back home they're talking
They say that you're not the same
[cellphone ringing]
-[Zim] Brett Blackmore
of the fuck-it list?
Uh. How'd you get this number?
Dude, anyone that can't get your number
isn't worth your data or your talk time.
I, my friend, am taking you
to the next level.
That Burning Kid session
you did tonight? Epic.
I saw it on Snap, my Twitter,
my Insta feed in the last 20 minutes,
and you are blowing up.
Teenagers building an effigy with articles
of enslavement and burning it down
just to announce that
theyre not going to be yoked
to this parent-planned marathon
of arduous work any longer?
hashtag win, hashtag epicwin,
hashtag epiclogarithmicwinwinwin.
How many different ways
do you want me to put it, dude?
You have struck a main vein
and you need to get monetized,
I'm willing to bet that that Benz
that you're driving is not even yours.
And it should be. For cash.
You're an adult now. No more daddy's car.
Okay, so I'm on Livestream, I get it.
Big deal.
But, it is a big deal, Brett,
because you are not benefiting from it.
Listen to this,
I have about a dozen brands
that are willing pay you five to ten K
just to be associated with you
and your fuck-it list right now.
It's, like, 50,000 dollars just to...
what, wear t-shirts, launch merchandise?
Wear t-shirts and launch merchandise!
Yeah, 50K, minimum.
You grow this thing
and I'll grow your green to no end.
Look, you seen a rain in the club?
Let's make it thunderstorm
in your backyard.
Okay, I get it. That's a lot of money.
-I'll think about it?
Do that. Think about it.
Pound a triple espresso and a rock star.
I'm calling you back in an hour.
-[car horn honks]
They were high school kids
They were high school kids
-[man] Here you go.
-Thanks, man.
[cellphone vibrating]
-How many you got? Right now.
-Followers, dude. Just check.
'Cause you're tagged everywhere.
Like Reddit level stuff.
What are you talking about?
[gulps surprisingly]
Shit, I'm-- Sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
-Holy shit!
-Nope. Haven't eaten yet, just coffee.
What the fuck are you doing?
Get off my car!
I've been wanting to do this for years.
I give you money every day.
And you go buy lotto tickets.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not quick picks. I use an algorithm.
No. You can't use an algorithm
to buy lotto--
-What are you doing pissing on my car?
-What are you, some special needs kid?
A, you haven't even seen the algorithm,
Mr. A.P. Calculus Lightweight,
B, you have no business
having a car like this,
and C, there's a list in case
your brain has coddled.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
How do you know about that?
You think not having shelter
means I'm an idiot?
It's empowering shit, man.
You do what you believe in
and it's gonna save the world.
I'm pissing on excess. Sorry it was yours.
You're lucky I didn't eat!
Because the real item for the list--
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.
Hey, Dad.
You okay?
Your mother and I looked up that list
that you posted last night.
All that frustration,
everything that we forced you to do.
We are so lost right now.
We have no idea how we got here.
We had this...
18-year plan for you that got us
to the one-yard line and then...
-Yeah, but it was your 18-year plan.
-Fair enough.
It was fun while it lasted.
-Listen. When I was your age--
Come on, don't say that you know kids
because you were one once.
All right, nobody's had it
like we do these days.
That's true.
I mean, you said...
right, that success
is becoming one's true, best self,
achieving one's potential.
All right? But, I can't...
I cannot do that with you and mom
just paving the road in front of me.
I mean, when everything is about
this class and that instrument
and this grade, it's-- It just can't be
all that growing up is about.
You know? I have to be able to...
make decisions for myself.
Maybe that's the realization
of wherever you are that you...
need to make your own decisions.
But I'd be a lousy parent...
if I didn't tell you...
that this thing you started,
it can't be erased.
It lives forever,
whether you want it to or not.
Everyone else gets to jump in,
jump out, move on with their lives
but if you're the face of this thing,
you own it.
And in the end, who knows how
it'll treat you, because it does not care.
Not about you.
No matter how wrong-minded...
your mother and I were
for this 18-year plan...
the one thing we did do was care.
I know you did.
Part of being an adult is knowing
that sometimes things don't work out.
Sometimes people's lives
get thrown off the rails.
And they never recover.
[sighs] Yeah, I get it. I...
[Jeffrey] So, just be careful.
I will.
It's safe to assume that my car
is in the garage right now, right?
Oh. Well...
It's not in the garage yet...
because I am getting it detailed for you.
Thank you. That's big of you.
I think.
This is a beautiful feeling
of complete validation.
Three hundred thousand followers.
[Zim] I mean,
rate of uptake is impressive,
all the metrics seemed to be pointed
in the right direction,
and most importantly, it's spawning.
What that means is, kids, they're posting
their lists in honor of yours.
With this growth rate,
a little viral marketing,
this thing doubles in a week.
But you gotta keep it relevant, all right.
You gotta-- you gotta post,
you gotta like kid's posts,
you gotta keep it a part
of the bigger conversation.
You do that, my friend, you got your shot
at reaching a mil, easy.
Money. What does that mean in money?
That's when the largeness start
to roll in.
Yeah, forget that,
let's talk about the power.
-This is direct access to a generation.
Guys, I started this as a rant
because I've been being ridden
like a racehorse my whole life.
All right? This wasn't meant
to be seen by anybody.
-I'm not a poster boy, dude.
-Dude, we-- we get that.
-Butting in, if I may?
Brett, this thing is like lightning, okay?
It never appears when it should.
Your frustrations, they're real,
as they should be.
This thing, it's bigger than you,
it's being shared by kids everywhere.
And they're genuinely invested in you.
You're tending the flame for all of them.
Maybe it moves on without you, maybe not.
Yo, fellas!
Got some smoothies in the back
if you want some.
Yeah, Dad, we're, kind of,
in the middle of a meeting here.
Yeah, y'all trying to act grown,
that's right.
Brett, you might wanna check out
what's going on next door though.
[Brett] No, I don't know them.
How could I know that what--
-Where is this again?
-Huntsville, Alabama.
And they actually robbed a bank
because of this list?
Okay, well, that's their list.
That's not my list.
-Am I being blamed for this?
-Should you be?
-What kind of question is that?
-That's a grand jury question.
Whether his use of social media
is an incitement to commit crime.
Our recommendation?
Stop whatever you're doing,
posting or sharing.
[car engine starts]
You feel that? That's the road
not being paved in front of you.
I think it might be time
to call Aunt Maisie.
-Mom, she's a slip and fall attorney.
-I know, dear. You've done both.
-I've been waiting
-I've been waiting
I've been waiting up
'Cause I can't get enough oh
My list is tour with A$AP Rocky,
perform at Tomorrowland,
squirrel suit from the top of Everest.
Your needle sews my heart oh
Fuck me up and make me just go crazy
-Go watch the Olympics.
-To go to a World Series game seven.
I wanna steal
the Declaration of Independence.
Scuba dive at the Great Barrier Reef.
You're the only one that I want
-I wanna learn how to play quidditch.
-I wanna take a year off to travel Europe.
I wanna go to the Met ball.
Let me go, I'm spendin' time
Not doin' fine but I'm doin' fine
Why you actin' vain for my love
Vain for my love
-I just quit my job!
-I wanna visit every country in the world.
And then become president.
I want to be a Hollywood movie star,
win a Grammy and make out with J.Lo.
I wanna drink my wine
I wanna pass that by
I wanna make her cry
She wanna make me die
Apple pie six cigarettes and I'll catch
The vibe that we can't forget
Be a pirate.
I wanna star, write and direct
my own movie.
I wanna travel to Tokyo.
When you got everything that I want?
Why you actin' vain for my blood
Vain for my blood
When you got everything that I want?
Tell my parents that I'm bi
and I'm proud of that.
It's hard to miss you when you are
Always on the tip of my tongue
I feel like I'm looking for somethin'
Somethin' that'll never come
-I'll be waiting
-I'll be waiting
-Oh for you
-I'll be waiting for you
[woman] Dean Reilly calling back
regarding Brett Blackmore.
[Reilly] It certainly impacts me
when the department chair
of media studies brings it
to my attention.
Or my own two teenage girls
can't stop talking about it.
[chuckles] Understood.
As you know,
his father's my business partner,
so I will do everything I can
to shut it down.
No, no, no, Barry,
you're missing the point.
This kid could be another iconoclast.
I mean, sure, yeah,
we get our fair share here,
the Zuckerbergs and the Gates.
Those are two of the weirdest kids
we've ever admitted.
But, theyre the disruptors.
So, I personally,
I'd like to hear more
from Brett Blackmore.
And Im going to need the voting members
of the board to back me on this.
Of course. You can count on me. I mean,
listen, I understood,
as a disruptor myself--
[Reilly] Yeah, okay, Barry, stop it.
Just deliver the kid. Okay?
[clears throat] Got it.
[Jeffrey] Brett! Brett! Brett!
You are not gonna believe this.
You been okay?
Other than hiding from my mom and Steve?
-[Brett] I want you to come live with me.
-You cant.
Then I'll get you a hotel room
or something.
-Brett, stop. Its fine.
-No, its not fine.
How many people do you think
I ever told about Steve?
Look, we had a moment,
and it was cool, but...
I can't mess this thing up with Ted's dad.
-Its the only way I can pay for school.
-I know. I get it.
And I am sorry, you know.
Dont be. I have no regrets.
You know, Id kill to be able to say that.
Last week, I was so sure of everything,
you know? College...
my future.
-Now, it's all just gone.
-Yeah, it blows.
-Is that it?
-All I got.
Okay, Brett. Look, beyond the horizon.
It's unknown.
Your future. Just waiting for you
to discover it.
This shitty time?
Soon it will just be a memory.
Whether you're still standing here,
stuck, that's all you get to control.
And what kills the future is fear.
And your post showed me that.
So the question is,
what would you do if you had no fear?
Close your eyes...
and imagine what you want
your future to be.
And when you open them...
thats your decision.
And Brett, I meant what I said,
the other day.
I hope you get what you need.
Brett, honey, we need you to come home
as fast as you can, okay?
Hurry up, right now.
-Marheem is coming.
-Marheem is coming.
Marheem is coming, that's--
-that's the emergency?
you have an opportunity to snatch victory
from the jaws of defeat.
Harvard is impressed with your initiative.
And your "fuck-you" list.
They want you to write an essay
detailing everything you've learned.
Barry seems to think
that the dean's daughters
are really obsessed with you.
-Wait. But I don't even--
-[Jeffrey] Not even what?
What is this "not even"?
Why are you us a "not even" right now?
-Well, it's just that, I've been...
-What is that?
...considering everything
and thinking about what I might want
for myself, you know.
Hold on, is this "yay" basketball,
"boo" clarinet again, really?
No, Mom! It's just that-- that--
It's about my future, you know,
and the unknown.
Yeah, we're-- we're trying
to get rid of the "un" part
and get you toward the known part.
That's what we do.
Dad, I mean we...
-we talked about this.
-Yes, we did.
We talked and we hear you, but...
but, Brett, this is Harvard.
I mean, maybe, I'm not even...
-For real? This is 'cause I...
-[Kristen] Yeah. Brett. Brett!
-For real.
-Okay, look.
We have two paths here.
A, you don't graduate high school
or attend college
and we deal with the legal
and academic fallout of that
-for the next five to six years.
-[Kristen] Or maybe forever.
And then, there's option B, where we--
Where you write a great essay,
you get into Harvard and you look back
on option A and-- and-- and politely
smile and give it the finger.
It doesn't even really sound
like a choice when you put it like that.
-Come on! You got this.
Theme is everything.
Okay, um...
Conquering my fear, finding my voice...
-helping other kids...
-[Marheem] Ugh! Boring.
Harvard doesn't give a shit
about any of that stuff.
-But they-- they said--
-Who cares what they said?
They're a profit-making enterprise.
And they're not giving you this chance
-because they value what you've done.
-They're not?
Brett, please. Don't be an idiot.
Your parents are on the clock.
Okay, then what is their motive?
-To stop your little movement.
[Marheem] I'm sure on some level
Harvard is impressed,
but you've become a voice of dissent,
galvanizing the masses
against their oppressors.
The educational industrial complex
has been hijacked
and turned into a money press.
Private schools, tutor fees,
personal counselors, test prep materials,
online courses, test fees,
application fees,
all designed to bind kids
ages four to 18 to the machinery.
It sucks parents dry,
and drives you into institutions
that cost a quarter of a million dollars
for an undergraduate degree.
-A piece of paper.
-That could be our theme.
Are you hallucinating?
The system is imperfect, Brett.
But it's the system.
-Don't try and change it, exploit it!
-Okay. I'm not-- I don't--
I don't know what you're saying,
Marheem, and I haven't had any sleep
and the past few weeks
have just been a real shit show,
so if you could just explain to me,
just tell me what to write, please.
I am, Brett. But first,
you need to wake up.
You had it right for the past 15 years.
Play their game,
get a degree from Harvard,
and then you can do anything
you want with your life.
Do you want to be able to do anything--
I want to be able to do
anything I want in my life.
Good. Then, contrition.
-Excuse me?
-Your theme is contrition.
You realize that the past few weeks
have been an epic life-fart,
a moment of behavioral flatulence
caused by a freak accident
that occurred during an incident
that you were roped into by your
prankster friends, and you are sorry.
You are repentant.
You wanna get your life back on track,
and Harvard is the place to do that.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, life-fart. I can...
I can write that.
What's he doing?
He's thinking. He's got to be thinking.
Yes. Shouldn't that occur
in front of a computer?
-[Brett] Hmm?
-How's the essay coming?
When do think we'll get a draft?
Would you mind taking off your glasses?
Wanna see your eyes.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm good, Dad. I'm good.
There's nothing going on
that we should know about?
[Brett] No.
You're gonna get the essay
done on time, right?
What? You want me to promise?
-Wouldn't hurt.
[Jeffrey] Brett! Brett!
-Is-- is he promising?
-[Kristen] Uh. I think that's a...
-[woman] Okay, smile!
-]Stacy] Wait, wait, wait!
-One more, one more!
-[woman] Smile, guys.
-[woman] Okay. One more. Aw, sweet.
-Dude, I'm so proud of you.
-It's too cool, huh?
-Okay, okay, Mom! I think that's enough.
[Stacy] Okay! Bye!
-[Clint] All right, see you, Stace!
-[Nico] See you, Stace!
[Clint] Yeah, it's crazy.
-[Brett] Nice robes, graduates.
-[Nico] There he is!
Did you catch that? Ritualistic freedom!
No, I actually just showed up.
Im not even sure I'm allowed on campus.
You are gonna write the shit
out of that essay.
-Hey, we'll catch up with you in a bit.
-Sounds good. Have fun.
[Brett inhales, exhales]
[woman laughs]
I hear you're abandoning the list.
Yeah, Harvard is pretty--
it's pretty tough to pass up.
I get it.
If thats your decision,
Im happy for you.
Yeah, me too.
[car horn honking]
Look, can we just hang out before you go
to Europe, please?
I'm actually-- I'm leaving tonight.
I thought you said
you have, like, two weeks?
Things change. It happens.
-[car horn honks]
-I gotta go.
Good luck. Seriously.
Just like that. Life moment,
like your dad always says.
-She's leaving tonight.
-Yeah, well, dude, it's couch surfing.
It blows.
And Steve filed charges
for the car thing, so, you know.
Why didn't she tell me any of this?
Brett, come on. You were valedictorian.
What good is that
if you can't figure this shit out?
[car door closes, engine starts]
[Clint] You can't take it down.
You know that.
Yeah, I'm familiar
with how the Internet works.
I'm just gonna post
my Harvard letter, man.
Serves an act of contrition and...
you know, disconnect me
from the movement.
But that won't end it.
-Well, it'll end my involvement with it.
-It's done some good, you know.
Clint, you realize that my whole life
didn't have to crater for you to come out.
Bro, get outside of yourself.
You think I'm the only one
that found the balls to face my fears?
No, you gave courage to a whole
lot of people. That is worth something.
Brett, how's the-- Hey, Clint.
Oh. Hello, Mrs. Blackmore.
I was just leaving.
Can I read a draft?
-Uh. No, not yet.
-Why not?
I'm working on it.
-You know, you have to turn this in soon.
-I know. I know.
-I know.
You're not going to blow this, are you?
-Okay, sorry.
Hey, bro.
Oh, man!
You've had a rough few weeks, man.
I mean, shit.
-That's fairly accurate.
-You know there are times when I just...
-think if I hadn't stepped on that pipe--
-Dude, don't even go there.
Don't go there.
Man! We're like a metaphor for life,
you and me, you know that?
Born in the same town...
grew up going to the same schools,
and playing in the same little leagues.
And now, you're poised to depart,
again for like...
a life of big shit, like, Ivy League,
and mega financial success.
I don't know.
What about you?
Other half of the metaphor.
You know me.
Start working for my dad,
join the plumbers union.
pull 100-G a year.
Surf and party. Just live.
-That doesn't sound bad, dude.
-Yeah, it's really not. I'm stoked.
Yo, is that who I think? Dee?
[Les] Yeah, that's Dee.
Talk about a fall from grace.
There's your cautionary tale.
-What do you mean?
-Dude, the wall.
I mean, you guys were almost neighbors
until your world exploded.
[Brett] What?
[Les] Dee. Douglas Ebeyer.
He was valedictorian, like, 20 years ago.
Dude, he was you.
Dear Harvard Admissions Committee...
everyone tells me that acceptance
to your institution is the first step
on the path to guaranteed success.
And yet, I have no idea what that means.
Are we talking money? A big job?
A mansion in a community of mansions?
My dad says, "Success is about becoming
your true self."
But how many parents really want
their kids to do that?
Parents and institutions ignore evidence
about how to raise happy children
and then expect us to just be happy,
or force us to be just as unhappy as them.
Studies show that adolescents
are nocturnal.
Our biorhythms cause us
to stay up later and wake up later.
And yet school still starts at 7:45 am.
Studies also show that GPA
and standardized test scores
do not accurately measure future academic,
professional or personal success...
and yet those are still
the barometers of acceptance.
I could go on and on,
but you get the point.
So, why doesn't the system adapt?
I'll tell you why.
Because the system is more dedicated
to itself than to future generations.
Your university was kind enough
to extend me this opportunity
to pull myself back from the abyss.
And I am grateful for that, for sure.
But I'm not contrite.
I am the opposite of contrite.
The system rewards drones,
rule-followers, test-takers.
We graduate, make money, have kids,
and continue the cycle.
And I've felt for years that my dreams
have been sanded down
so that I can fit into the mechanism
of this machine.
My friend tells me,
"What kills your future is fear.
It kills the pursuit of the unknown.
Now, it took a while, but I've learned
how right that friend is.
So now I'm out here running in fresh snow,
where there are no tracks.
I have no idea where I'm going...
but I know that it'll be someplace
I couldn't possibly discover
while transiting the passageways
of your institution.
So, with that...
I say thank you for your offer but...
in the most respectful way, I respond...
Fuck it. Harvard's not for me.
Respectfully, Brett Blackmore.
Fuck it.
We were trying really hard,
me and your father.
Everyone else was having babies. Us?
So, when we finally had you, it was...
I gave up architecture and I signed on
to the Westside young mother role
and I loved it.
But, somewhere along the way, I, um...
I kind of lost track of who I was.
I started living through you
because all those years I...
I had been living for you,
and when you take on that role,
nothing is more important
than how your kid is perceived
because that's how you're perceived.
That's the measure of success and it...
it blows.
My dad would say...
"The hard choice is the right choice."
I used to tell you that, right?
All the time when you were little.
I just didn't think that applied to me.
And reading the essay you posted, I...
I remember it does.
You know, I never knew
why Mom gave up architecture.
She was super talented.
You were.
[indistinct chatter]
[Zim] That's good.
If you put it right there.
Who is that?
Jessica, make sure the streets are clear
and if there are any vendors here
that do not belong, let me know.
it's my PR guy.
-You have a PR guy?
Thank you so much.
They're selling them.
-There's a shaved ice truck out.
-[Kristen] That's not beer, is it?
[Jeffrey] It's kombucha.
It's money day, let's get it.
Holy crap! Guys!
I hit three million followers.
And my essay's been shared
ten million times.
-[Kristen] What?
[doorbell rings]
Uh. I gotta go put pants on, hold on.
[sighs] I just got off a conference call
with the Harvard board.
Look, Mr. Brooks, I'm sorry, all right.
I know what they wanted to hear, but I...
-I had to tell the truth.
-And we couldn't be more proud
so if you're here to tell us
that he's blown it,
-and that it doesn't--
-Hold on, please!
They couldn't agree with you more.
They know all too well the problems
with the system.
Wait. Are you, what--
What are you, I don't--
What are you saying?
You are just the type
of out-of-the-box thinker Harvard wants.
-[cellphone ringing]
-As a matter of fact,
this must Dean Reilly right now.
-She wants to talk to you personally.
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
[Barry] You just got your boy
into Harvard!
Yeah, this is...
[Jeffrey] Hello, hey?
[Brett] Yeah.
Nice to meet you too.
[women speaking foreign language]
Es Brett Blackmore. Bad ass.
I learned, it's that, this generation
doesn't need a voice, right,
'cause everybody has their own.
Bret, you've become the voice
of a generation.
[Brett] I don't know about that,
if there's one thing
that I've learned it's that
this generation doesn't need a voice,
right, because...
-we all have our own.
-Deep thinking for an 18-year-old.
No, not really. I mean,
it's just the reality of our generation.
Right? And I'm not just talking
about myself. I mean...
all these people that are here with us.
These guys, especially.
These, these are the people
you should be talking to.
-Seriously, go talk to them.
-You're all creators of the infamous list.
My guy, you realize
what you've accomplished, right?
You have done something only a handful
of people have been able to do
-in over six million years.
-What's that?
You've gone viral, bro.
Like, you've gone massively viral.
-I'm proud of you.
-Thanks, man.
Look, you wanna rep me?
Like, seriously, rep me.
I'm not standing in this hot sun
for nothing.
-What's up?
-I need something.
-Shit, right now?
-Right now.
-You can!
-Of course, I can! I'm your guy.
-Let's roll.
-Give me those keys. Come on.
[woman] All right, girl. Let me check.
Okay? Take this off.
-You, your hair--
-[man] Boat's on the way.
Come on, let's go, girls.
Boat's on the way.
Let's go, girls, important clients.
Boat's on the way.
Hey. [speaking foreign language]
She said that it's not that bad.
Just stay with us.
[woman] You want in this business?
These are the dues.
The yacht can be full
of lecherous billionaires or...
opportunities and stepping stones.
Your choice.
No, I've seen this shit before.
This is not what I signed up for.
But you did sign, so,
you'll need a lawyer to get out.
You ever just want to say "fuck-it"?
[chuckles] Me? Every day.
Sometimes every hour.
Still, your best move?
Get on the boat.
Thank you, thank you.
-Is that it?
[blows] When do they come back?
Morning. Next week.
Some not until October.
Shit! Shit! Shit.
Thank you.
This one is for you?
Yeah... pretty much.
There's one every year.
-What are you doing there?
-Me? I think the question is you?
I'm chasing my...
I'm chasing you, really.
Yeah? Hows that working for you?
I don't know, you tell me.
A little stalker-y, maybe?
Nope. Its exactly the right amount.
Good, 'cause something
just brushed up against me
and I need to get the hell outta here.
Wait, you didn't really blow off Harvard?
-I did, yeah.
-That was, like, your dream.
They asked me if I wanted
to defer for a year.
-That's awesome.
-I said no.
-They offered me a scholarship.
I said no, again.
I had to Heimlich my parents on that one.
-Both of them choking at once, seriously.
-[Kayla] Oh, my God. [chuckling]
-[Jeffrey gasps]
-[Kristen gasps]
Then they offered me
a visiting professorship.
-Like, a guest lecturing kind of thing.
-I thought that sounded kinda cool.
-Yeah, that's really cool. That's awesome.
Sneaking someone into your room?
Seemed like an overdue idea.
So you wanna stick around?
So you wanna wait and hold me darling?
One mistake.
That's it, really.
And it destroyed everything.
But through that, I discovered that fear
really is the killer. Sometimes...
you just got to say
two harmless little words, and--
I think my eyes are finally open
[man] In California, the largest single
winning ticket in an American Lotto game
was turned in by a homeless man today,
Douglas Ebeyer.
He apparently used an algorithm
to select the winning numbers.
-If I take it back
-[camera shutter clicking]
If I change my mind
Ill learn from what I lose
I can only take whats mine
So you wanna stick around?
If I let you go could I start over?
Now I'm scared to be alone
Maybe I'm afraid
I'll get much colder
-Sometimes it's more than I can take
-[dog barking]
I try to hold on
Cause I always run away
Just wanna see you
At the end of everyday
Cause if I lose I'll love you anyway
Oh, oh, oh. I got one, I got one. Ready?
To sail around the world.
-[laughs] Yeah, that's a good one.
-It's good.
Okay, here we go. [clears throat]
Hit the game winning grand slam
in game seven of the World Series.
Oh! No, you can't do that.
You can't put that on your list.
-It defies logic and natural science.
-But it's my list.
I know, honey, but it's not,
it's not physiologically possible.
Okay. [clears throat]
-Go to a nude beach with this one.
-Wait, why is everyone naked?
I don't feel-- I'm so sorry,
I don't feel comfortable with that.
-I'm gonna upload that.
-You can delete it, right?
Done. Phew! [chuckles]
-[Kristen] It's public.
-I don't care.
[Kristen] Okay.
-Oh! That felt so freeing.
-[Kristen] Yeah?
-[Kristen] You good?
Don't think people from work
will see that, do you?
I think the world will see it.
-Hold, hold on. There--
-Oh, Jesus.
-No, no, no, no.
-Call Brett, call Brett.
-Oh, no, no, no. Call Brett.
["Shake And Shout' by Turf Club playing]
I'm driving through the long day
Singing every song I know
Yeah, it's your phone
That's my favorite song, hello
I used to think the wrong way
Like I'd be better on my own
Where'd you get this?
Is it on? Is there a light?
-Yes, it's on!
No, there's no light. It's daylight.
-You're ready? Three...
-I mean a light on the camera.
Babe, it's a video. It's not a picture.
You make me wanna shake, shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
And shout it
You make me wanna wait, wait, wait
Wait, wait around it
If the whole world gets down
On the love I found
You make me wanna shake, shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
And shout it
I wanna shake
Your love is like a mountain
I had to climb the whole way up
And I guess that now
That I won't look down, I'm stuck
It's brighter than a hot day
Enough to light the moonlight up
And I won't turn down
No, I can't scream loud
You make me wanna shake, shake, shake
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
And shout it
You make me wanna wait, wait
Wait, wait, wait, wait around it
If the whole world gets down
On the love I found
You make me wanna shake, shake, shake
shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
And shout it
I wanna shake, shake, shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake and shout it
I wanna shake!