The Geisha Boy (1958) Movie Script
Hey, there she comes.
Oh, I dig that crazy police escort.
It's the first time I've seen the cops
in front of her, instead of chasing her.
- Hi there, Lola!
- How are you, Lola?
Lola! Tell us about your trip, Lola.
How long you gonna be gone, Lola?
Come on, Lola, give us a bit
of a story, will you, please?
- Right this way, Lola.
- Hold it there.
- Why did you decide to go to Japan?
- Hold it, please, for one more.
Well, let them to get their
pictures first, shall we?
- Yeah, certainly.
- Hold it. Hold it. Thank you.
- Right this way, Lola.
- Hold it here, please. Thank you.
What about your TV show, Lola?
My TV show? Well... One at a
time, fellows. Just one more?
Please, Lola. Would you please tell
us why you decided to go to Japan?
Well, I decided to go on this USO
tour, because my picture's been postponed
for a month until my leading
man gets over his hangover.
And about that television show?
My television show?
I lost my sponsor.
They didn't think I was the type to
narrate fairy tales to the kiddies.
So I decided to go on this USO
tour and entertain the soldier boys.
You mean Lola Livingston
gets the patriotic urge?
Well, my urge is always patriotic.
Well, you feel you're
going to boost their morale?
Well, I ain't gonna hurt it, buster.
That's it. Hold it right there,
please? That's the one. Thank you.
- Miss Livingston?
- Yes?
I'm Sergeant Pearson.
On behalf of Major Ridgley, in
charge of the entertainment tour,
and on behalf of the United
States Department of Defense,
I'd like to welcome you.
I hope we can make your trip as pleasant
and comfortable as possible.
Well, thank you very much, Sergeant.
- So long, Lola.
- Have a good time, Lola.
So long, fellows, sayonara, and
take care of the home front.
You know all these people?
- Major Ridgley?
- Yes, Sergeant.
- Miss Livingston's checking in, sir.
- It's about time.
- All right. We leave as scheduled.
- I don't know, sir.
Three of the other
acts haven't arrived yet.
The sword swallower, the
fire-eater and the magic act.
A magic act.
- How much is that?
- Ninety-five cents.
Here's a dollar. Keep the change.
Thanks, sport.
Wait a minute,
buddy. I'm not being cheap.
I'm a magician and I haven't been able
to get a booking for almost six months.
I can't even get on daytime TV.
That's the last buck I had.
That's why I took this
USO tour. See, I...
I figured maybe I could
get lucky in Japan.
Oh, goody. Send me some yen.
"Send me some yen"! Hey,
that's pretty funny.
I think I'll put it in the act.
I have no act. That's my rabbit!
My rabbit! That's my
bunny. Hold... Stop that...
Harry! Harry! Harry!
Harry!
Harry! Harry!
Harry.
Don't break up the act. Harry.
Oh, Harry.
Harry.
Harry, sweetheart.
You sure are fast, Harry.
And I thought you left me
forever and our trip would be over.
Boy, you are fast. You're
not even breathing hard.
You're fast, Harry.
United Airlines Flight 534 for
Chicago, now loading at Gate 2.
Now, remember, Harry, we're
friends and we're buddies,
and we're supposed to stick together,
so you shouldn't try
and run away from me.
Harry, please. Harry.
Please don't try and run away from
me, because we gotta stick together.
And remember, I told
you, when we get to Tokyo,
I'm gonna get you
carrots with sukiyaki sauce.
- Gilbert Wooley!
- What?
Wanted at the information
counter. Gilbert Wooley!
Wanted at the information counter.
Take it easy and rest, Harry. Nice.
Oh, Harry. Let go of the
belt, Harry. Here, just rest.
Yes, sir. I understand.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
I'm sorry, Miss Livingston, but
that's Major Ridgley's rule.
- No pets allowed.
- But, please, Sergeant.
But, Miss Livingston,
a rule's a rule.
But he's such a darling and
he wouldn't cause any trouble.
He's so well behaved and he
never makes any kind of noise.
Never barks.
What is it, darling? What is it?
- Are you annoying my dog?
- Me?
Miss Livingston, I'm afraid
your dog is much too nervous.
Nervous? Why, he's not
nervous. It's him. He's scaring my dog.
Why, look at that
face. He'd scare anyone.
Me? Hey, just a
minute, Miss Livingston.
I know you're a big
star and all that, and I...
I'm just a small-time act, but,
well, that doesn't give you
the right to make fun of me.
I'm sorry, Miss Livingston, but
you'll have to leave your dog here.
- Here. Take him home.
- Yes, Miss Livingston.
- Have a nice trip.
- I doubt it.
I do that in the act.
I'm a magician, and it's
a novel kind of an act.
I play the part of the rabbit,
too. The magician and the rabbit.
I pull myself out of the hat.
I pull myself... You know?
- Mr Wooley?
- Oh, yes? Yes, Sergeant.
- Are you all right, Mr Wooley?
- Oh, yes, ma'am, thank you. I'm fine.
- It's time to take your seat.
- Take my seat, yes. Thank you.
This way, Mr Wooley.
Will you fasten your
seat belt, please?
Seat belts, please.
Well, he seems like a sweet
boy, but he must be a vegetarian.
He had a carrot salad for
lunch, a carrot salad for dinner,
and then, after the carrot
salad he had for dinner,
he had a carrot salad for dessert.
Now he wants a carrot
salad for a midnight snack.
Well, maybe he's
trying to become a rabbit.
Well, I'm going up front.
- Good night, Sergeant.
- Good night, Major.
Thank you very much.
You're sure you still want it that way,
no oil, no vinegar, no dressing, nothing?
No, nothing. That's fine. Thank you.
- Do you mind if I eat with you?
- Not at all. Go right ahead.
No, thanks. I'll bring
something for myself.
Oh, all right.
Could you help me with
this tray, please?
Oh, sure.
There you are.
- I'm sorry. You have to sit down first.
- Yeah.
You brought yourself
a little snack, huh?
No, this is my dinner. I was
too busy to eat at dinnertime.
You know, I've never met
a real magician before.
Really?
That makes us even. I
never met a real WAF before.
Well, why don't you eat? You
said you were starving.
- Oh, yes. I sure am.
- Then dig in.
Yeah.
You must have wonderful
eyesight, eating all those carrots.
Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. I have
a real good set of eyes.
Yeah. I see very
good from eating carrots.
I see so good that I can tell
you, right from looking here,
without the help of glasses or
anything, as I look down, I see carrots.
I can see that. Yeah. Yes,
sirree. Lots of carrots.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like some?
- No, thank you.
I have this big New York cut to eat.
Yeah. I can see that.
- Oh, Mr Wooley, I'm sorry.
- You are?
Well, this food I'm eating must be
disgusting to a vegetarian like you.
Yeah.
You mean the New York cut steak
with the smothered
onions and all the mushrooms.
mode is that dessert?
I mean, I'm just curious.
I shouldn't tell you.
I'm making you sick.
Oh, well, so I'll be a little sicker.
It's just curious.
I... You know, I like to know.
Sometimes I get frustrated until
I know, when I want to know...
What is that, really?
It's tutti-frutti.
Tutti-frutti?
Look, let's not talk about this.
Let's talk about something else
instead of the disgusting food I'm eating.
Why don't you just eat your salad?
I don't mind discussing the
disgusting food you're eating.
Let's talk about you.
It must be wonderful
being a magician,
doing all kinds of
wonderful magic tricks.
Yeah. I sure wish I
could do one right now.
I bet you're a wonderful magician.
Do you saw women in
half and things like that?
No, I like women.
And I would never saw one in half.
I wouldn't know which
part to throw away.
Saw it in half, not know
which half to give away!
Tutti-frutti.
I'll wake up everybody.
- Oh, Sergeant.
- Yes, Miss Livingston?
- Do you have any sleeping pills?
- Oh, yes.
That fool magician fixed it so that I
couldn't bring my French poodle along,
and I'm not used to sleeping
alone, without my poodle.
I understand.
Harry.
Yeah, it's me, boy. Where are you?
Just relax, sweetheart. I'm coming.
I'm sorry I had to hide
you like this, Harry,
but you're not
supposed to be on the plane,
and I had to wait until
everybody was asleep,
so they don't see you.
Hiya, boy. Come on, Harry.
Harry?
Harry, stop fooling around.
You son of a gun.
I don't know how he
does it, this Harry.
I don't know how he does it. One
minute he's here and one minute...
Harry. Harry!
Stop kidding around.
I don't know how you do it, Harry.
Son of a gun. Come on, sweetheart.
Careful. Did you miss me? Did you?
Come on, like the Eskimos do.
Come on, like the Eskimos do.
Nice kiss.
I missed you too, Harry.
I've got something for you. Just
relax. Here, look what I got.
Don't say nothing. Harry, here.
Come on. Come on. Come on, nice boy.
It's good. It's good. Very good.
You'll never wear
glasses. Yes, sweetheart.
You're hungry, aren't you, Harry?
All right. Well, there's
more where this came from.
Just relax. Relax. I got this.
Here, get in, now. Here,
look what I got for my boy.
Look what I got, Harry.
Here's some more carrots.
Chew, chew, that's it. Don't
be greedy. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute,
Harry. Something's tickling.
Harry? Harry?
Harry! Harry!
Harry! Nice carrot. Yum,
yum, yummy. Carrot.
Come on, Harry. Harry!
Yummy, yummy.
Harry.
Harry, you come here!
Harry.
- Harry.
- I'm Harry.
Harry.
Harry. Harry.
Harry. Harry. Harry.
I know your teeth.
Get off the hat!
Harry, get off the hat!
What are you eating?
Cherries? Harry, not cherries.
Harry, you'll swallow a pit. You'll
have a ball grow in your stomach.
You won't be able to get out
of the hat. You'll be a fat...
Don't chew cherries!
Carrots. I got carrots
back there. Harry.
Harry. Harry.
Harry.
Harry. Get out of there.
Harry.
Harry.
Harry. Harry.
Harry.
Hold still.
Harry.
- Get me out of here!
- The Major!
- Will you get out of here?
- I can't! I can't get out! I'm stuck!
Get me out of here!
Get me out of here!
- Can I help you, Major?
- Will you get him out of here?
- Get that thing out from behind me!
- Yes, sir.
- Come on!
- I can't move it, Major. It's stuck.
Well, do something!
Get me out of here!
All right! Wait a minute!
Get me out of here!
Boy, this is exciting. I never
took a trip like this before.
It's been quite a trip.
Last night, for instance?
Last night? What about last night?
I never would have thought a
fine man like Major Ridgley
would make a pass at Lola
Livingston, would you?
I don't think he did.
Well, Lola sure thought so.
Good afternoon, Major.
Good afternoon, Sergeant.
It's ground.
Would you like to see a trick?
I got it right here. I
don't have to go and get it.
This is one of the big
tricks I do in the act.
Watch the rope, and watch that the
hand is quicker than the eye.
No knot.
If you go into this
pocket. There it is.
Say, what hotel are
we staying at in Tokyo?
The Hotel Oya, and stop
trying to change the subject.
Now, what do you think the Major's
wife and family are gonna think
when they hear about him and Lola?
He has a wife and family?
- And when I think about the Pentagon.
- The Pentagon?
Why, he'll be busted
out of the service.
They'll rip his medals
off. Drums will roll.
They'll cut his buttons
off with a sharp sword.
- They will?
- Why, he'll lose his pension.
They'll cancel his military funeral.
It's such a shame, because the
Major just loves the sound of Taps.
They wouldn't do that.
- You know what else will happen?
- Don't tell me. It's too awful.
Well, Hollywood will
make a movie of his life
in VistaVision and Technicolor.
I can see it now.
The Oversexed Major.
Well, I'm oversexed... I mean...
The Major... Well,
it wasn't his fault.
- It was my fault, Sergeant Pearson.
- Yes, I know.
I found some carrots
in the cargo hold.
- Besides, your friend is a noisy eater.
- You know about Harry?
Don't saying nothing to
anybody, will you, please?
They didn't want...
They don't allow...
Without Harry, I
ain't got an act, see.
I know, but don't you think you
ought to explain it to Miss Livingston
before she talks to the reporters, so
she won't ruin the Major's reputation?
Oh, yes, I will. I'll do that.
Gee, that's
terrible. The Oversexed Major.
Besides, soldiers can't be sexy.
Not with the food the
Army gives them to eat.
Sorry, I don't understand
Japanese, but take it easy.
My interpreter will be here.
She's here now.
I am sorry to be delayed, Colonel,
but I had no place where
I could leave my nephew.
My father was busy today.
- You said it was extremely important.
- It is.
Lola Livingston's on that plane.
Something happened
on board last night
that could be very
embarrassing to the Defense Department.
- Miss Livingston, I want...
- Beat it, crumb.
But I just wanted to
explain. You see...
They're taking my picture. Scram.
Well, you don't
understand, Miss Livingston.
You see, all I wanted to
do was apologise to you.
Will you get out of
here? If you don't, I'm gonna...
Well, yes, all right.
Oh, wait. My foot.
- My foot is stuck. Wait a minute.
- Get out of here, or I'll crown you!
All right. My arm. Wait, wait,
wait. Here, let me cover you.
You idiot, you're
making a fool of me.
What are you hitting? I'm
helping. I'm helping.
- What are you doing?
- I'm only helping. Let me help.
I'm helping! Wait!
I'm sorry, Miss
Livingston. Here, let me help you up.
I'm awfully sorry. Here,
let me cover you up.
Get me out of here!
Harry. How do you feel?
Harry, I said, how do
you feel? Any better?
Well, it's your own fault.
You had to go eat those artificial
cherries off the fat lady's hat.
And me starving myself so I
could bring you all those carrots.
Besides, you gotta
watch your diet, Harry.
If you get too fat, you're not
gonna be able to get out of the hat.
Excuse me, I'll be
right back. Just rest.
Yes?
Mr Wooley, I hope that you
will pardon our intrusion.
I am Kimi Sikita and this is
Mitsuo Watanabe, my nephew.
How do you do? I'm
very glad to know you.
- What can I do for you?
- It is not what you can do, Mr Wooley.
I have come to thank you for
what you have already done.
What I've done?
I remember you two.
You were at the airport when
I landed there today.
Yes.
I helped unroll Miss
Livingston out of the red carpet
when the military
police took you away.
Well, everything's straightened
out with the Army now.
What's the matter, Miss
Sikita? You're crying.
Oh, Mr Wooley, how
can I ever repay you?
Repay me? For what?
Well, come in, won't you, Miss
Sikita, Mitsvah Watanabble?
Tell the Great Ichiyama. Huh?
It is me, Osakawa, the
private eye who calls, please.
Who is it you say you are, please?
Osakawa, the private eye.
Osakawa. I'll talk to him. He
has been following my woman.
So, Osakawa.
And after his parents were
lost in that terrible accident,
he was never the same.
He has never smiled, he has
never known laughter until today.
You, Mr Wooley, have brought first
joy to the heart of the little boy.
I am your most humble servant.
Poor kid. No parents. Just
like me. I lost my parents, too.
I was brought up by my Aunt
Hazel in Glendale, California.
She was a nice aunt.
But she was certainly not as
pretty as his aunt, which is you.
I am most unworthy of
your compliment, Mr Wooley.
The heck you aren't.
You're beautiful.
I can understand now why
Marlon Brando dug this place.
Thank you.
That's nice to hear,
but my intended would
not like to hear it.
- Your intended?
- The Great Ichiyama,
the man I will someday marry.
It was arranged by our families.
The Great Ichiyama is a very
famous baseball pitcher in Japan
and he is very jealous of me.
He is very tall and very strong.
His stomach measures around
middle, over 60 inches.
- Sixty?
- He has much courage.
Yeah, he sounds like
he's got a lot of guts.
Well, it sure was
swell meeting you both.
I have been honoured
to visit you, Mr Wooley.
Well, thank you very much, Miss
Kimi, and it was very nice meeting you,
Mitsvah Watanibble.
And would you tell him, please, that
I would like to be his friend
and that I'll come and see
him before I go back to America?
He said he loves you, Mr Wooley,
and will you do him the
honour to be his father?
I wish I were your father.
Mr Wooley, I told him that
you said you loved him too,
because that is what
he wanted to hear.
Please forgive me for lying.
I don't know that you were lying.
He said he loves you because
you are a great man
to come from so far to give
happiness to the soldiers.
I wish that was the reason.
But don't tell him I took the job
because I needed the money,
and because I couldn't
get a job stateside.
He bows nice.
Pretty nice. The little
boy was nice and cute.
There's nothing wrong with
the aunt either, huh?
I'd like to chop
chopsticks with her anytime.
Well. Hey!
Harry, you watch me, 'cause
I'm gonna rehearse a little bit.
We have to work for the Gls tomorrow,
and these fellows are not easy to fool.
Pretty good, Harry? Laugh
it up, applaud, something.
My greatest illusion.
I will produce before your
very eyes, ladies and gentlemen,
a full-grown, genuine,
100% pure genie.
We do it with this genie-producing
magic powder.
We place in the fuse.
I wonder if I can do it this
time. It's never worked before.
Well, we'll try.
Harry. Harry.
Harry.
Harry? You have no
confidence in me, you fink?
Root me on, boy. Say, "Go get 'em."
"Build that genie.
Make yourself a..."
"That's it. You gotta go,
boy! And say, 'Go get 'em."'
You watch it!
For the first time in my
life, we will produce a genie.
Pure, 100%.
Harry! Harry, it worked! Look!
Harry, look, he's here. Genie!
I'm the greatest magician
in the whole world, Harry.
I'm the greatest
magician in the whole universe.
There's two of them.
Harry, two genies, a
king-size and a regular.
I'm awfully glad my
trick finally worked.
Hello, Genie.
I am not Genie!
I am the Great Ichiyama.
Oh, yeah. That's your name. Sure.
You see, oh, you... You're
Ichiyama. Well, I'm very...
Ichiyama?
- What were you doing with my Kimi?
- Nothing.
Don't get... Don't hurt your...
I didn't do nothing. Wait,
I was talking, that's all.
You know, little boy...
- What were you doing with my Kimi?
- Nothing.
I was talking, you know.
Mitsvah Watanabble, the
little... The little...
I was just talking.
Harry! Harry! I lost
my rabbit. Harry?
Harry, baby! Harry!
What, are you crazy?
Come here, Harry!
Harry! Harry! Harry,
will you stop fooling?
That's the fastest rabbit. Harry,
will you come back here?
I'm sorry, Miss Livingston.
What are you doing
here? What do you want?
- Get out of here!
- I'll get out as soon as I get my...
Swim, baby! Harry. Here, baby.
One second.
Nice. Harry, you're wet.
- Will you get out of here?
- You better get out of here.
There's gonna be a pretty
good splash any second.
Harry!
Harry!
Harry!
Now you listen to me,
Wooley, and listen good!
Personally, I don't
think you are an entertainer!
No entertainer ever caused
us the trouble that you have!
Not even the
out-of-work TV comedians!
I think you must have been
sent over here by the enemy
to destroy our
relations with the Japanese
and undo all the
work that's been done
by the Republicans!
And, mind you,
I'm not including you pushing
me into Miss Livingston's bed!
Or you ripping her dress off!
Or you secreting that
rabbit aboard the plane!
Setting off an
explosion in your hotel room
that endangered the life of one of
Japan's greatest baseball heroes!
But evidently that wasn't enough!
You wanted to drown the
man, so you flooded a bathhouse!
And you flooded a whole city street!
Have you...
Have you got any idea what this is
gonna cost the Defense Department?
Well, I'll be glad to pay
for everything, Major Ridgley.
How?
By your own admission,
you're only here
because you
couldn't get a job stateside!
Well, I can pay for
everything, Major,
with the money I earn entertaining
the soldiers.
You're not gonna
entertain any troops.
Miss Livingston doesn't want
you along. And I don't blame her!
I'm not gonna entertain the
troops? Now, wait a minute, Major Ridgley.
I'll admit that I came over here
just because I wanted to
pick up a couple of bucks,
but that's not the
reason any more, sir.
I wanna entertain the soldiers.
Really, I do, and I don't
care whether you pay me or not.
I've just gotta do this. It's
awfully important to me.
What brought on this sudden
astonishing change of heart?
A little boy.
A little boy who
thinks I'm something.
He thinks I'm something special.
This is the first time in my life that
anybody thought I was something.
And I sure would love to
prove to him that he's right.
I gotta go on that tour, Major.
Well, you're not going! Now, get out!
- Wooley!
- Yes, sir.
Hand in your equipment!
- My equipment?
- You heard me! Your USO button.
And your dog tags.
Dog tags?
I was saving them for my dog.
And your USO whistle.
Anything at all,
Major, but not my whistle.
Now, your whistle is
government property
just the same as all the
rest of your equipment.
Now, hand it over!
Not the whistle.
My favourite piece of equipment.
- Major?
- What is it?
Well, I was just thinking.
I mean, here, you know, it's
yours. I'm gonna give it to you.
But could I... Do you think maybe...
Could I just one more time?
- Well, all right.
- Thank you very much.
Thanks a lot, Maj.
Oh, Mr Wooley.
I heard what happened last night.
- I'm terribly sorry.
- That's all right. I...
I can't blame your
boyfriend for being jealous.
I told my father of his actions.
My father became very angry.
Now it is over between
Ichiyama and myself.
Someday I hope to meet a
fine man like you, Mr Wooley.
Well, thank you, Kimi.
Well, good morning, Mitsuo.
What did he say?
He said, "Good morning to
you, my honourable father."
Come here, Mitsuo.
Your honourable
father is a honourable jerk
who just got a dishonourable
discharge and they're sending me home.
It can't be.
Last night, Mitsuo went to
the shrine and prayed for you.
He prayed that you
would always be with him.
Mr Wooley. May I see
you a moment, please?
- Will you excuse me?
- Of course.
Excuse me.
Yes, Sergeant Pearson?
- What's this?
- Major Ridgley changed his mind.
He isn't sending you back.
He's not? You mean I'm
gonna go on the tour?
Well, you're not gonna go on
the tour with Miss Livingston
and the other performers. You're
gonna take out your own tour.
I'm gonna take out my own...
I'm gonna headline my own tour!
I'm gonna headline... I'm
gonna headline my own...
You know, it was the prayers, that's
what it was. The prayers.
He prayed for me and they
heard him. And my own, too.
I'm gonna head...
They heard the prayers.
That little boy prayed.
They heard Mitsuo. I don't have to
go. I can stay and I can see him again.
Wait here, Harry.
Excuse me, do you know where
Kimi Sikita's house is?
We don't understand each other and
We're a big destroyer.
Swim, swimming. Swimming
all the time.
Mitsuo has told his friends about
you. They are here to meet you now.
- I hope I don't disappoint them.
- I am sure you will not.
I'd disappoint anyone in
these trunks you loaned me.
Those are Ichiyama's. He forgot
them when he was last here.
He can have them back.
Where are Mitsy's friends?
They will come over
there by the pavilion.
Harry! Harry, don't
stay out there too long.
Be careful. You could get sunburnt.
Next, watch that we have liquid.
In the glass the liquid should go.
Watch closely. Placing liquid in box.
Yeah, mashite, in the box.
And we will turn box and put
down and find still liquid.
Next, we have card trick.
Watch closely, please.
Will you pick a card, if you
don't mind. Any card at all.
Any card. That's fine. Any
card at all. What card is it?
Which is the undes, hearts, three.
Placing inside. Looking closely
at card. Coming out. No card.
Where can be card?
We will find out in just one moment.
Tell them it's not me.
The lousy gun got stuck.
Yeah, it happens sometimes.
But tell them it's not the
act. I just got this all...
- What'd he say?
- He said,
"If the honourable
American will allow me."
Certainly. Sure.
Give me the gun. Wiseacre.
Coming in and lousing up the act.
Do I go where you
work and louse you up?
You try this again and you're
gonna wind up with a new set of teeth.
If you would practise
more, you could do better.
Get out of here!
"Practise more, you could do better."
Three of hearts. It's a good trick.
You know what I'm gonna do
the minute the plane lands?
No plane can land where you're
going. It's too muddy in the rainy season.
Muddy? Rainy season?
- Where am I going?
- To Korea.
You see, there are these military
outposts along the Communist line.
The boys can't get any entertainment, so
you'll be doing a lot for their morale.
Along the Communist line?
You mean with bullets?
Shooting? Real guns?
I know what this is! It's the
Major! He's getting even with me.
I'm too yellow to die.
You know what'll happen
if the commies catch me?
I'll be a prisoner and
they'll wash my brain!
I don't think there's
much chance of that.
Don't blame the
Major. It wasn't his idea.
No?
Well, pray tell, whose idea was it?
The Major didn't change
his mind. It was me.
I suggested he send you to Korea.
Don't take my part. What
are you helping me for?
Don't take my part. What
are you helping me for?
I was very touched when I heard how
you felt about the little boy.
I thought you should have
a chance to prove yourself.
That was before I knew it was
his aunt you were stuck on.
- Who's stuck on what aunt?
- You are.
I saw the way you looked at her.
You know, you're no vegetarian.
Will you tell me one thing?
What is it you see in these girls?
What is the big difference
between American girls and Oriental girls?
What are you so steamed about?
Who's steamed? Come on,
your plane is waiting.
Good day, sir.
The Defense
Department of the United States
would like you to know that you
heroic fighting men have not been forgotten.
And the taxpayers at home are
thinking about you, too.
So, believe it or not, entertainment
has come to you.
Sit back and be regaled by
some of the great illusions
and feats of
legerdemain, performed for you,
and you alone, by the Great Wooley.
A little music
accompaniment and we shall begin.
Turn that off. You want
the enemy to get my range?
As you gentlemen can see,
nothing at all in the hat.
Nothing in the hat, except water.
Harry? Harry.
Oh, Harry.
The United States Defense
Department brings to you the Great Wooley.
My first trick, my first
illusion, the first feat of legerdemain,
is one of the truly
great tricks of all time.
If you will notice,
this is merely a hat.
An opera hat, some people call it. That
is, the people that go to the opera.
Now, there is nothing in this
hat whatsoever, do you notice?
Nothing in the hat. Many
of my friends say
there's nothing in the
hat when I'm wearing the hat.
We place the hat on the table.
I'm putting my hand into the hat
and out comes a real,
live, for-heaven's-sakes bunny.
What are you looking at the bunny?
You look hungry. You
got stuff in the can.
So, get back in the hat, Harry, you
idiot. You wanna go get chewed up?
Well, it was certainly
dandy entertaining you.
Mitsuo.
- I think I know where he is, Father.
- Tell him it is time to go to bed.
Yes, Father.
Please take care of my
friend and partner, Harry.
And take care of my Aunt Hazel.
And take care of my agent.
And please take care of Mitsuo
Watanabe and Kimi Sikita.
And please, please help the
helicopter find us tomorrow,
because I want to get
back and see them all. Amen.
Mr Wooley! Mr Wooley!
Mr Wooley! Mr Wooley!
Wooley! Mr Wooley!
Welcome back, Mr
Wooley. We have missed you.
I can't tell you how I've missed you.
It sure is wonderful seeing
someone who doesn't need a shave.
I would like you to meet
my father, Mr Wooley.
I would like very
much to meet your father.
Father, Mr Wooley is here.
This is your father?
Yes, he is building a little
bridge to amuse Mitsuo.
I have heard so much
about you, Mr Wooley.
- Welcome to my house.
- Thank you, sir.
You have done so
much for my grandchild.
My daughter and I had despaired.
We could do nothing to bring him joy.
Even that little
bridge I am building for him.
Now I know it's a waste of time.
Only you can make him happy.
Well, thank you very much, sir. It's
a very beautiful bridge, too.
You know, you kind of remind me of...
- Of that actor.
- The actor, yes.
Oh, yes.
Many people think so,
but I was building
bridges long before him.
Come, we shall have tea, huh?
Mitsuo has planned
everything himself.
He wants to show you all the
interesting places in Japan.
It will be a wonderful
trip, Mr Wooley.
Oh, yes, that's very nice, Kimi, but
I'm gonna have to be going home soon.
Why must you go back, Mr Wooley?
You can stay here with us and
continue to bring joy to my grandson.
Well, thank you, sir, but you
see I just received a letter
from my agent and he said
that they want me to appear
at the Sands Hotel in Las Vegas.
That is wonderful, Mr Wooley.
At last you have been recognised
as a great magician.
Well, not exactly, Kimi.
I'm famous at home, but not
for being a great magician.
My grandson remembers.
That was the day he
began to live again.
That was the day I
almost stopped living.
Well, shall we go into the garden?
Do you not wish to go
into garden, Mr Wooley?
Oh, yes, Kimi, I do
wish to go into garden,
except that I've been
sitting on my feet so long that I...
I think I spoiled the set.
The whole set of
feet. I ruined my feet.
Oh, yeah. I don't think I'm
ever gonna use these feet again.
They're... I bent them.
Well, at least Mitsuo and
I, when we go on the trip...
I'll be saving shoe leather,
because I'll never use these.
No wonder the Japanese
men are so clean.
All the women walk around looking
like Brigitte Bardot.
Come on, Gil! Hodges,
attaway. Gil Hodges, first base.
First base, Gil Hodges. Attaway.
Pee Wee. Pee Wee Reese, shortstop.
Know them all. Know
them all. Pee Wee.
Good boy, baby. Charlie Neal,
second. Charlie! Attaway, babe!
Charlie Neal, second base.
Third base, Junior
Gilliam. Jim Gilliam, third base.
He's thrilled with
this. Jim! Attaway, babe!
Left field, Gino Cimoli. Love
you, baby. See you, hon.
Gino Cimoli, left field.
We must come here
again early tomorrow.
Right field. Carlie
Furillo. Attaway, babe.
Heads up ball. Heads up all the way.
Duke Snider. Duke Snider,
centre field. Duke Snider!
Centre field. Attaway, babe.
Carl Erskine on the mound.
Really big ball in there, Carlie.
Catching, Johnny Roseboro.
Know them all by
name. All the... Yeah.
And we have a tied ballgame.
Los Angeles Dodgers
five, Tonichi five,
and here we are at the
bottom of the eighth inning.
Cimoli had the ball but dropped
it, and the runner is safe at first.
And now batting for
Tonichi, Tag Taguchi!
That's all right. It's only
one of them. Only one of them.
You're way ahead of him, Carlie.
And now, batting for
Tonichi, is the Great Ichiyama.
He's great as a pitcher, but we're
not too thrilled about his hitting.
Carl, we got them now, Carl baby!
No batter there! No batter with Ichi.
Get him! Get him! Get him!
Ichiyama is caught off third.
Yes, sir, folks,
Ichiyama is in a pickle.
That's it, that's it! No,
no, back, back, back!
Get him, get him,
get him! You got it!
That's it. Three-way! You're out!
And the Tonichi team takes the
field for the top of the ninth inning.
Come on, Gil! Lay it back
in LA! Right out of the park!
The American spectator is really
getting to the Great Ichiyama.
Where'd you learn how to pitch, Ich?
Hey, Ich!
That'll rattle him.
It looks like the Great
Ichiyama is going to throw
his famous
Nipponese sideways curve ball.
No one in there. No pitcher there.
Hey, Mits, I'm pooped. I've
seen everything there is to see.
Why don't we go home?
I'm tired and I'm not
as young as you are.
Besides, my teeth are loose.
- Geisha.
- Yeah, I know what "geisha" means.
Geishas are girls and they are trained
to entertain tired Japanese businessmen.
Tired I am. Japanese I'm not.
And a businessman I ain't either.
And a businessman I ain't either.
- Geisha.
- Nothing doing.
Not after being in that hot bathhouse
with all those girls running
around without clothes.
Now you want to take
me into a geisha house.
Are you sure you're
only six years old?
What?
They serve food in
here? Why didn't you say so?
I'm starved to death. Let's go
inside and we'll eat something.
I'm hungry enough I don't care if
they serve salad without dressing.
Goodbye, little fellow.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
What are you doing here?
I see. You packed your bag
and you thought you
were gonna go with me, huh?
Well, you're not going.
Now, where's Kimi?
She's asleep, huh? Where's
your grandfather?
Your grandfather, the bridge builder?
Grandfather.
He's sleeping, too. Well,
that's what you should be doing.
Sleeping!
Now go home. You, home.
Go home. You sleep, too.
All right, Harry, relax.
I'm sorry. I sat on Harry.
Mitsuo, let me explain
something. You cannot go with me.
Do you understand?
Mitsy, don't make it more
difficult for me than it is.
I would like you to...
I can't take you with me.
Now go home.
Here.
Now. Now, march.
Mitsy, I told you to go
home. I can't take you with me.
Now, don't start that again!
Before you know it, we're
gonna be hugging and kissing again.
With squeezing and
affection and loving and...
I just want you to
stop it and go home.
One of us has to be
strong. Don't you understand?
I hate to do this.
This is gonna hurt.
But I gotta.
Will you get out of here?
Vamoose! Scram! Go on! I don't
wanna see your face any more!
Go on, get!
Go home!
I don't like you any more!
I don't want you any more!
You're not my son any more!
Now, go! Go!
Mr Wooley.
And stop Wooleying me!
Go on! Get out of here!
Mr Wooley, Mitsuo Watanabe love you.
Well, I don't love you!
And I don't like that
stupid photograph either!
Mr Wooley! Mr Wooley!
Hi, Mr Wooley.
- Mr Wooley.
- Yeah?
How about some
sandwiches and coffee now?
No, thank you.
You haven't eaten a
thing this entire trip.
I'm not very hungry.
Thank you, anyhow.
In case you change your mind.
- Mr Wooley?
- Yeah?
I'd like to apologise for the
way I acted on the field that day.
- That's all right.
- No, it wasn't.
I want to explain.
You see, there was this boy in the
Air Force that I was very fond of.
And I lost him to a Japanese girl.
So, I guess I'm very touchy as
far as Orientals are concerned.
Yeah, they're wonderful people.
Especially when they're
about six, going on seven.
Believe me, the next man I
meet I'm gonna forget that so-called
American-emancipated-woman type of independence
and treat him just the
way the girls in Japan do.
Good luck.
- One more thing.
- Yes?
Don't throw your chairs away.
That sitting on the floor is murder.
Well, you sure changed your
mind and ate those in a hurry.
I'll get you some more hot coffee.
Yes, I got it. I'll get it
to Major Ridgley right away.
Mike, get this down to Major
Ridgley in the MATS plane.
Yes, sir.
Goodbye.
So long.
- Goodbye. You did a great job.
- Goodbye.
Goodbye. Good luck.
Major Ridgley, this message
just came. It's urgent.
Thanks.
- Where's Wooley?
- He just left, Major. Why?
- Is something wrong?
- Something wrong?
Why, now that woolly-headed
idiot has kidnapped a Japanese boy!
He wouldn't do that.
This sure is a heavy trunk, boss.
I just have a rabbit in there.
Man, that sure must
be a bundle of bunny.
And I thought I was
finally rid of that guy.
Porter, you see a man with a big
trunk labelled "The Great Wooley"?
- Yes, he had a big fatso rabbit in it.
- That's it. Where did he go?
He just left in that cab, sir.
Follow that red trunk!
I'm going to Glendale. 1647
North Louise Avenue.
Okay, bud.
Take it easy. We'll
be home soon enough.
What's the matter? Am
I driving too fast?
Oh, no. I wasn't talking to
you. I was talking to my rabbit.
Harry, are you all right?
- Hi, Mr Wooley.
- Mits!
What are you doing here?
Never mind. I don't care.
Gee, it's good to see you.
Faster! Faster!
They'll never separate
us this time, Mitsuo.
Oh, come on. Let's go, Mits.
Harry. Harry. I forgot Harry.
Harry! Come on, Harry.
Wooley, you come back here!
Stop that man!
Somebody get a hold of him!
Mitsuo. Mitsuo.
I have some sandwiches and
a nice salad for you.
Well, in case you change your mind.
Well, we'll be landing
in a few minutes, Harry.
Now, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna mark this
trunk like this, see.
And you and I are gonna get in it.
That's how we get off the
plane, and nobody's gonna know.
Yeah, but how's Kimi gonna
know where we are?
I got an idea.
Harry, just relax one second.
Harry, relax. Don't make no noise.
Kimi! Kimi!
Never mind what he
found in his pocket.
We must get him home to bed.
They should be
reading my note by now.
- Kimi.
- Yes, Father.
I do not read English well enough,
but I think it says something about
getting a trunk which
has an "X" on it.
Trunk with an "X" on it?
He had no trunk,
Father. Throw the paper away.
Look, here's one that isn't
even locked and we get blamed
- if anything goes wrong.
- Yeah, you're right.
Kimi! You had better read this.
Father, we must get the boy home.
Read.
Harry, we're locked in.
"Harry and I are in a trunk with
the 'X' on it. Come and get us."
Then Mr Wooley is here. In
a trunk with an "X" on it.
Let's go! Come on!
I'm sick, Harry. I'm sick.
Hear that? Yeah, I'm sick, Harry.
- Stop!
- Stop it! Hold it!
Don't worry about me, Mits.
It was all worth it, because
now we're together, see?
And as soon as Harry and
I get over our trunkitis,
we're gonna have the gosh-darnedest
geisha-house-combination-magic-show that Tokyo ever saw. You'll see.
And now for the really
big trick of the evening.
Out of this hat here, a live,
beautiful, 100% pure bunny.
Harry, the rabbit.
It's not funny. It's
a regular rabbit.
And I've been undressing in
front of you all these years?
You've been deceiving me. You're
not a Harry, you're a Harriet!
Well, that's all, folks.
Oh, I dig that crazy police escort.
It's the first time I've seen the cops
in front of her, instead of chasing her.
- Hi there, Lola!
- How are you, Lola?
Lola! Tell us about your trip, Lola.
How long you gonna be gone, Lola?
Come on, Lola, give us a bit
of a story, will you, please?
- Right this way, Lola.
- Hold it there.
- Why did you decide to go to Japan?
- Hold it, please, for one more.
Well, let them to get their
pictures first, shall we?
- Yeah, certainly.
- Hold it. Hold it. Thank you.
- Right this way, Lola.
- Hold it here, please. Thank you.
What about your TV show, Lola?
My TV show? Well... One at a
time, fellows. Just one more?
Please, Lola. Would you please tell
us why you decided to go to Japan?
Well, I decided to go on this USO
tour, because my picture's been postponed
for a month until my leading
man gets over his hangover.
And about that television show?
My television show?
I lost my sponsor.
They didn't think I was the type to
narrate fairy tales to the kiddies.
So I decided to go on this USO
tour and entertain the soldier boys.
You mean Lola Livingston
gets the patriotic urge?
Well, my urge is always patriotic.
Well, you feel you're
going to boost their morale?
Well, I ain't gonna hurt it, buster.
That's it. Hold it right there,
please? That's the one. Thank you.
- Miss Livingston?
- Yes?
I'm Sergeant Pearson.
On behalf of Major Ridgley, in
charge of the entertainment tour,
and on behalf of the United
States Department of Defense,
I'd like to welcome you.
I hope we can make your trip as pleasant
and comfortable as possible.
Well, thank you very much, Sergeant.
- So long, Lola.
- Have a good time, Lola.
So long, fellows, sayonara, and
take care of the home front.
You know all these people?
- Major Ridgley?
- Yes, Sergeant.
- Miss Livingston's checking in, sir.
- It's about time.
- All right. We leave as scheduled.
- I don't know, sir.
Three of the other
acts haven't arrived yet.
The sword swallower, the
fire-eater and the magic act.
A magic act.
- How much is that?
- Ninety-five cents.
Here's a dollar. Keep the change.
Thanks, sport.
Wait a minute,
buddy. I'm not being cheap.
I'm a magician and I haven't been able
to get a booking for almost six months.
I can't even get on daytime TV.
That's the last buck I had.
That's why I took this
USO tour. See, I...
I figured maybe I could
get lucky in Japan.
Oh, goody. Send me some yen.
"Send me some yen"! Hey,
that's pretty funny.
I think I'll put it in the act.
I have no act. That's my rabbit!
My rabbit! That's my
bunny. Hold... Stop that...
Harry! Harry! Harry!
Harry!
Harry! Harry!
Harry.
Don't break up the act. Harry.
Oh, Harry.
Harry.
Harry, sweetheart.
You sure are fast, Harry.
And I thought you left me
forever and our trip would be over.
Boy, you are fast. You're
not even breathing hard.
You're fast, Harry.
United Airlines Flight 534 for
Chicago, now loading at Gate 2.
Now, remember, Harry, we're
friends and we're buddies,
and we're supposed to stick together,
so you shouldn't try
and run away from me.
Harry, please. Harry.
Please don't try and run away from
me, because we gotta stick together.
And remember, I told
you, when we get to Tokyo,
I'm gonna get you
carrots with sukiyaki sauce.
- Gilbert Wooley!
- What?
Wanted at the information
counter. Gilbert Wooley!
Wanted at the information counter.
Take it easy and rest, Harry. Nice.
Oh, Harry. Let go of the
belt, Harry. Here, just rest.
Yes, sir. I understand.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
I'm sorry, Miss Livingston, but
that's Major Ridgley's rule.
- No pets allowed.
- But, please, Sergeant.
But, Miss Livingston,
a rule's a rule.
But he's such a darling and
he wouldn't cause any trouble.
He's so well behaved and he
never makes any kind of noise.
Never barks.
What is it, darling? What is it?
- Are you annoying my dog?
- Me?
Miss Livingston, I'm afraid
your dog is much too nervous.
Nervous? Why, he's not
nervous. It's him. He's scaring my dog.
Why, look at that
face. He'd scare anyone.
Me? Hey, just a
minute, Miss Livingston.
I know you're a big
star and all that, and I...
I'm just a small-time act, but,
well, that doesn't give you
the right to make fun of me.
I'm sorry, Miss Livingston, but
you'll have to leave your dog here.
- Here. Take him home.
- Yes, Miss Livingston.
- Have a nice trip.
- I doubt it.
I do that in the act.
I'm a magician, and it's
a novel kind of an act.
I play the part of the rabbit,
too. The magician and the rabbit.
I pull myself out of the hat.
I pull myself... You know?
- Mr Wooley?
- Oh, yes? Yes, Sergeant.
- Are you all right, Mr Wooley?
- Oh, yes, ma'am, thank you. I'm fine.
- It's time to take your seat.
- Take my seat, yes. Thank you.
This way, Mr Wooley.
Will you fasten your
seat belt, please?
Seat belts, please.
Well, he seems like a sweet
boy, but he must be a vegetarian.
He had a carrot salad for
lunch, a carrot salad for dinner,
and then, after the carrot
salad he had for dinner,
he had a carrot salad for dessert.
Now he wants a carrot
salad for a midnight snack.
Well, maybe he's
trying to become a rabbit.
Well, I'm going up front.
- Good night, Sergeant.
- Good night, Major.
Thank you very much.
You're sure you still want it that way,
no oil, no vinegar, no dressing, nothing?
No, nothing. That's fine. Thank you.
- Do you mind if I eat with you?
- Not at all. Go right ahead.
No, thanks. I'll bring
something for myself.
Oh, all right.
Could you help me with
this tray, please?
Oh, sure.
There you are.
- I'm sorry. You have to sit down first.
- Yeah.
You brought yourself
a little snack, huh?
No, this is my dinner. I was
too busy to eat at dinnertime.
You know, I've never met
a real magician before.
Really?
That makes us even. I
never met a real WAF before.
Well, why don't you eat? You
said you were starving.
- Oh, yes. I sure am.
- Then dig in.
Yeah.
You must have wonderful
eyesight, eating all those carrots.
Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. I have
a real good set of eyes.
Yeah. I see very
good from eating carrots.
I see so good that I can tell
you, right from looking here,
without the help of glasses or
anything, as I look down, I see carrots.
I can see that. Yeah. Yes,
sirree. Lots of carrots.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like some?
- No, thank you.
I have this big New York cut to eat.
Yeah. I can see that.
- Oh, Mr Wooley, I'm sorry.
- You are?
Well, this food I'm eating must be
disgusting to a vegetarian like you.
Yeah.
You mean the New York cut steak
with the smothered
onions and all the mushrooms.
mode is that dessert?
I mean, I'm just curious.
I shouldn't tell you.
I'm making you sick.
Oh, well, so I'll be a little sicker.
It's just curious.
I... You know, I like to know.
Sometimes I get frustrated until
I know, when I want to know...
What is that, really?
It's tutti-frutti.
Tutti-frutti?
Look, let's not talk about this.
Let's talk about something else
instead of the disgusting food I'm eating.
Why don't you just eat your salad?
I don't mind discussing the
disgusting food you're eating.
Let's talk about you.
It must be wonderful
being a magician,
doing all kinds of
wonderful magic tricks.
Yeah. I sure wish I
could do one right now.
I bet you're a wonderful magician.
Do you saw women in
half and things like that?
No, I like women.
And I would never saw one in half.
I wouldn't know which
part to throw away.
Saw it in half, not know
which half to give away!
Tutti-frutti.
I'll wake up everybody.
- Oh, Sergeant.
- Yes, Miss Livingston?
- Do you have any sleeping pills?
- Oh, yes.
That fool magician fixed it so that I
couldn't bring my French poodle along,
and I'm not used to sleeping
alone, without my poodle.
I understand.
Harry.
Yeah, it's me, boy. Where are you?
Just relax, sweetheart. I'm coming.
I'm sorry I had to hide
you like this, Harry,
but you're not
supposed to be on the plane,
and I had to wait until
everybody was asleep,
so they don't see you.
Hiya, boy. Come on, Harry.
Harry?
Harry, stop fooling around.
You son of a gun.
I don't know how he
does it, this Harry.
I don't know how he does it. One
minute he's here and one minute...
Harry. Harry!
Stop kidding around.
I don't know how you do it, Harry.
Son of a gun. Come on, sweetheart.
Careful. Did you miss me? Did you?
Come on, like the Eskimos do.
Come on, like the Eskimos do.
Nice kiss.
I missed you too, Harry.
I've got something for you. Just
relax. Here, look what I got.
Don't say nothing. Harry, here.
Come on. Come on. Come on, nice boy.
It's good. It's good. Very good.
You'll never wear
glasses. Yes, sweetheart.
You're hungry, aren't you, Harry?
All right. Well, there's
more where this came from.
Just relax. Relax. I got this.
Here, get in, now. Here,
look what I got for my boy.
Look what I got, Harry.
Here's some more carrots.
Chew, chew, that's it. Don't
be greedy. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute,
Harry. Something's tickling.
Harry? Harry?
Harry! Harry!
Harry! Nice carrot. Yum,
yum, yummy. Carrot.
Come on, Harry. Harry!
Yummy, yummy.
Harry.
Harry, you come here!
Harry.
- Harry.
- I'm Harry.
Harry.
Harry. Harry.
Harry. Harry. Harry.
I know your teeth.
Get off the hat!
Harry, get off the hat!
What are you eating?
Cherries? Harry, not cherries.
Harry, you'll swallow a pit. You'll
have a ball grow in your stomach.
You won't be able to get out
of the hat. You'll be a fat...
Don't chew cherries!
Carrots. I got carrots
back there. Harry.
Harry. Harry.
Harry.
Harry. Get out of there.
Harry.
Harry.
Harry. Harry.
Harry.
Hold still.
Harry.
- Get me out of here!
- The Major!
- Will you get out of here?
- I can't! I can't get out! I'm stuck!
Get me out of here!
Get me out of here!
- Can I help you, Major?
- Will you get him out of here?
- Get that thing out from behind me!
- Yes, sir.
- Come on!
- I can't move it, Major. It's stuck.
Well, do something!
Get me out of here!
All right! Wait a minute!
Get me out of here!
Boy, this is exciting. I never
took a trip like this before.
It's been quite a trip.
Last night, for instance?
Last night? What about last night?
I never would have thought a
fine man like Major Ridgley
would make a pass at Lola
Livingston, would you?
I don't think he did.
Well, Lola sure thought so.
Good afternoon, Major.
Good afternoon, Sergeant.
It's ground.
Would you like to see a trick?
I got it right here. I
don't have to go and get it.
This is one of the big
tricks I do in the act.
Watch the rope, and watch that the
hand is quicker than the eye.
No knot.
If you go into this
pocket. There it is.
Say, what hotel are
we staying at in Tokyo?
The Hotel Oya, and stop
trying to change the subject.
Now, what do you think the Major's
wife and family are gonna think
when they hear about him and Lola?
He has a wife and family?
- And when I think about the Pentagon.
- The Pentagon?
Why, he'll be busted
out of the service.
They'll rip his medals
off. Drums will roll.
They'll cut his buttons
off with a sharp sword.
- They will?
- Why, he'll lose his pension.
They'll cancel his military funeral.
It's such a shame, because the
Major just loves the sound of Taps.
They wouldn't do that.
- You know what else will happen?
- Don't tell me. It's too awful.
Well, Hollywood will
make a movie of his life
in VistaVision and Technicolor.
I can see it now.
The Oversexed Major.
Well, I'm oversexed... I mean...
The Major... Well,
it wasn't his fault.
- It was my fault, Sergeant Pearson.
- Yes, I know.
I found some carrots
in the cargo hold.
- Besides, your friend is a noisy eater.
- You know about Harry?
Don't saying nothing to
anybody, will you, please?
They didn't want...
They don't allow...
Without Harry, I
ain't got an act, see.
I know, but don't you think you
ought to explain it to Miss Livingston
before she talks to the reporters, so
she won't ruin the Major's reputation?
Oh, yes, I will. I'll do that.
Gee, that's
terrible. The Oversexed Major.
Besides, soldiers can't be sexy.
Not with the food the
Army gives them to eat.
Sorry, I don't understand
Japanese, but take it easy.
My interpreter will be here.
She's here now.
I am sorry to be delayed, Colonel,
but I had no place where
I could leave my nephew.
My father was busy today.
- You said it was extremely important.
- It is.
Lola Livingston's on that plane.
Something happened
on board last night
that could be very
embarrassing to the Defense Department.
- Miss Livingston, I want...
- Beat it, crumb.
But I just wanted to
explain. You see...
They're taking my picture. Scram.
Well, you don't
understand, Miss Livingston.
You see, all I wanted to
do was apologise to you.
Will you get out of
here? If you don't, I'm gonna...
Well, yes, all right.
Oh, wait. My foot.
- My foot is stuck. Wait a minute.
- Get out of here, or I'll crown you!
All right. My arm. Wait, wait,
wait. Here, let me cover you.
You idiot, you're
making a fool of me.
What are you hitting? I'm
helping. I'm helping.
- What are you doing?
- I'm only helping. Let me help.
I'm helping! Wait!
I'm sorry, Miss
Livingston. Here, let me help you up.
I'm awfully sorry. Here,
let me cover you up.
Get me out of here!
Harry. How do you feel?
Harry, I said, how do
you feel? Any better?
Well, it's your own fault.
You had to go eat those artificial
cherries off the fat lady's hat.
And me starving myself so I
could bring you all those carrots.
Besides, you gotta
watch your diet, Harry.
If you get too fat, you're not
gonna be able to get out of the hat.
Excuse me, I'll be
right back. Just rest.
Yes?
Mr Wooley, I hope that you
will pardon our intrusion.
I am Kimi Sikita and this is
Mitsuo Watanabe, my nephew.
How do you do? I'm
very glad to know you.
- What can I do for you?
- It is not what you can do, Mr Wooley.
I have come to thank you for
what you have already done.
What I've done?
I remember you two.
You were at the airport when
I landed there today.
Yes.
I helped unroll Miss
Livingston out of the red carpet
when the military
police took you away.
Well, everything's straightened
out with the Army now.
What's the matter, Miss
Sikita? You're crying.
Oh, Mr Wooley, how
can I ever repay you?
Repay me? For what?
Well, come in, won't you, Miss
Sikita, Mitsvah Watanabble?
Tell the Great Ichiyama. Huh?
It is me, Osakawa, the
private eye who calls, please.
Who is it you say you are, please?
Osakawa, the private eye.
Osakawa. I'll talk to him. He
has been following my woman.
So, Osakawa.
And after his parents were
lost in that terrible accident,
he was never the same.
He has never smiled, he has
never known laughter until today.
You, Mr Wooley, have brought first
joy to the heart of the little boy.
I am your most humble servant.
Poor kid. No parents. Just
like me. I lost my parents, too.
I was brought up by my Aunt
Hazel in Glendale, California.
She was a nice aunt.
But she was certainly not as
pretty as his aunt, which is you.
I am most unworthy of
your compliment, Mr Wooley.
The heck you aren't.
You're beautiful.
I can understand now why
Marlon Brando dug this place.
Thank you.
That's nice to hear,
but my intended would
not like to hear it.
- Your intended?
- The Great Ichiyama,
the man I will someday marry.
It was arranged by our families.
The Great Ichiyama is a very
famous baseball pitcher in Japan
and he is very jealous of me.
He is very tall and very strong.
His stomach measures around
middle, over 60 inches.
- Sixty?
- He has much courage.
Yeah, he sounds like
he's got a lot of guts.
Well, it sure was
swell meeting you both.
I have been honoured
to visit you, Mr Wooley.
Well, thank you very much, Miss
Kimi, and it was very nice meeting you,
Mitsvah Watanibble.
And would you tell him, please, that
I would like to be his friend
and that I'll come and see
him before I go back to America?
He said he loves you, Mr Wooley,
and will you do him the
honour to be his father?
I wish I were your father.
Mr Wooley, I told him that
you said you loved him too,
because that is what
he wanted to hear.
Please forgive me for lying.
I don't know that you were lying.
He said he loves you because
you are a great man
to come from so far to give
happiness to the soldiers.
I wish that was the reason.
But don't tell him I took the job
because I needed the money,
and because I couldn't
get a job stateside.
He bows nice.
Pretty nice. The little
boy was nice and cute.
There's nothing wrong with
the aunt either, huh?
I'd like to chop
chopsticks with her anytime.
Well. Hey!
Harry, you watch me, 'cause
I'm gonna rehearse a little bit.
We have to work for the Gls tomorrow,
and these fellows are not easy to fool.
Pretty good, Harry? Laugh
it up, applaud, something.
My greatest illusion.
I will produce before your
very eyes, ladies and gentlemen,
a full-grown, genuine,
100% pure genie.
We do it with this genie-producing
magic powder.
We place in the fuse.
I wonder if I can do it this
time. It's never worked before.
Well, we'll try.
Harry. Harry.
Harry.
Harry? You have no
confidence in me, you fink?
Root me on, boy. Say, "Go get 'em."
"Build that genie.
Make yourself a..."
"That's it. You gotta go,
boy! And say, 'Go get 'em."'
You watch it!
For the first time in my
life, we will produce a genie.
Pure, 100%.
Harry! Harry, it worked! Look!
Harry, look, he's here. Genie!
I'm the greatest magician
in the whole world, Harry.
I'm the greatest
magician in the whole universe.
There's two of them.
Harry, two genies, a
king-size and a regular.
I'm awfully glad my
trick finally worked.
Hello, Genie.
I am not Genie!
I am the Great Ichiyama.
Oh, yeah. That's your name. Sure.
You see, oh, you... You're
Ichiyama. Well, I'm very...
Ichiyama?
- What were you doing with my Kimi?
- Nothing.
Don't get... Don't hurt your...
I didn't do nothing. Wait,
I was talking, that's all.
You know, little boy...
- What were you doing with my Kimi?
- Nothing.
I was talking, you know.
Mitsvah Watanabble, the
little... The little...
I was just talking.
Harry! Harry! I lost
my rabbit. Harry?
Harry, baby! Harry!
What, are you crazy?
Come here, Harry!
Harry! Harry! Harry,
will you stop fooling?
That's the fastest rabbit. Harry,
will you come back here?
I'm sorry, Miss Livingston.
What are you doing
here? What do you want?
- Get out of here!
- I'll get out as soon as I get my...
Swim, baby! Harry. Here, baby.
One second.
Nice. Harry, you're wet.
- Will you get out of here?
- You better get out of here.
There's gonna be a pretty
good splash any second.
Harry!
Harry!
Harry!
Now you listen to me,
Wooley, and listen good!
Personally, I don't
think you are an entertainer!
No entertainer ever caused
us the trouble that you have!
Not even the
out-of-work TV comedians!
I think you must have been
sent over here by the enemy
to destroy our
relations with the Japanese
and undo all the
work that's been done
by the Republicans!
And, mind you,
I'm not including you pushing
me into Miss Livingston's bed!
Or you ripping her dress off!
Or you secreting that
rabbit aboard the plane!
Setting off an
explosion in your hotel room
that endangered the life of one of
Japan's greatest baseball heroes!
But evidently that wasn't enough!
You wanted to drown the
man, so you flooded a bathhouse!
And you flooded a whole city street!
Have you...
Have you got any idea what this is
gonna cost the Defense Department?
Well, I'll be glad to pay
for everything, Major Ridgley.
How?
By your own admission,
you're only here
because you
couldn't get a job stateside!
Well, I can pay for
everything, Major,
with the money I earn entertaining
the soldiers.
You're not gonna
entertain any troops.
Miss Livingston doesn't want
you along. And I don't blame her!
I'm not gonna entertain the
troops? Now, wait a minute, Major Ridgley.
I'll admit that I came over here
just because I wanted to
pick up a couple of bucks,
but that's not the
reason any more, sir.
I wanna entertain the soldiers.
Really, I do, and I don't
care whether you pay me or not.
I've just gotta do this. It's
awfully important to me.
What brought on this sudden
astonishing change of heart?
A little boy.
A little boy who
thinks I'm something.
He thinks I'm something special.
This is the first time in my life that
anybody thought I was something.
And I sure would love to
prove to him that he's right.
I gotta go on that tour, Major.
Well, you're not going! Now, get out!
- Wooley!
- Yes, sir.
Hand in your equipment!
- My equipment?
- You heard me! Your USO button.
And your dog tags.
Dog tags?
I was saving them for my dog.
And your USO whistle.
Anything at all,
Major, but not my whistle.
Now, your whistle is
government property
just the same as all the
rest of your equipment.
Now, hand it over!
Not the whistle.
My favourite piece of equipment.
- Major?
- What is it?
Well, I was just thinking.
I mean, here, you know, it's
yours. I'm gonna give it to you.
But could I... Do you think maybe...
Could I just one more time?
- Well, all right.
- Thank you very much.
Thanks a lot, Maj.
Oh, Mr Wooley.
I heard what happened last night.
- I'm terribly sorry.
- That's all right. I...
I can't blame your
boyfriend for being jealous.
I told my father of his actions.
My father became very angry.
Now it is over between
Ichiyama and myself.
Someday I hope to meet a
fine man like you, Mr Wooley.
Well, thank you, Kimi.
Well, good morning, Mitsuo.
What did he say?
He said, "Good morning to
you, my honourable father."
Come here, Mitsuo.
Your honourable
father is a honourable jerk
who just got a dishonourable
discharge and they're sending me home.
It can't be.
Last night, Mitsuo went to
the shrine and prayed for you.
He prayed that you
would always be with him.
Mr Wooley. May I see
you a moment, please?
- Will you excuse me?
- Of course.
Excuse me.
Yes, Sergeant Pearson?
- What's this?
- Major Ridgley changed his mind.
He isn't sending you back.
He's not? You mean I'm
gonna go on the tour?
Well, you're not gonna go on
the tour with Miss Livingston
and the other performers. You're
gonna take out your own tour.
I'm gonna take out my own...
I'm gonna headline my own tour!
I'm gonna headline... I'm
gonna headline my own...
You know, it was the prayers, that's
what it was. The prayers.
He prayed for me and they
heard him. And my own, too.
I'm gonna head...
They heard the prayers.
That little boy prayed.
They heard Mitsuo. I don't have to
go. I can stay and I can see him again.
Wait here, Harry.
Excuse me, do you know where
Kimi Sikita's house is?
We don't understand each other and
We're a big destroyer.
Swim, swimming. Swimming
all the time.
Mitsuo has told his friends about
you. They are here to meet you now.
- I hope I don't disappoint them.
- I am sure you will not.
I'd disappoint anyone in
these trunks you loaned me.
Those are Ichiyama's. He forgot
them when he was last here.
He can have them back.
Where are Mitsy's friends?
They will come over
there by the pavilion.
Harry! Harry, don't
stay out there too long.
Be careful. You could get sunburnt.
Next, watch that we have liquid.
In the glass the liquid should go.
Watch closely. Placing liquid in box.
Yeah, mashite, in the box.
And we will turn box and put
down and find still liquid.
Next, we have card trick.
Watch closely, please.
Will you pick a card, if you
don't mind. Any card at all.
Any card. That's fine. Any
card at all. What card is it?
Which is the undes, hearts, three.
Placing inside. Looking closely
at card. Coming out. No card.
Where can be card?
We will find out in just one moment.
Tell them it's not me.
The lousy gun got stuck.
Yeah, it happens sometimes.
But tell them it's not the
act. I just got this all...
- What'd he say?
- He said,
"If the honourable
American will allow me."
Certainly. Sure.
Give me the gun. Wiseacre.
Coming in and lousing up the act.
Do I go where you
work and louse you up?
You try this again and you're
gonna wind up with a new set of teeth.
If you would practise
more, you could do better.
Get out of here!
"Practise more, you could do better."
Three of hearts. It's a good trick.
You know what I'm gonna do
the minute the plane lands?
No plane can land where you're
going. It's too muddy in the rainy season.
Muddy? Rainy season?
- Where am I going?
- To Korea.
You see, there are these military
outposts along the Communist line.
The boys can't get any entertainment, so
you'll be doing a lot for their morale.
Along the Communist line?
You mean with bullets?
Shooting? Real guns?
I know what this is! It's the
Major! He's getting even with me.
I'm too yellow to die.
You know what'll happen
if the commies catch me?
I'll be a prisoner and
they'll wash my brain!
I don't think there's
much chance of that.
Don't blame the
Major. It wasn't his idea.
No?
Well, pray tell, whose idea was it?
The Major didn't change
his mind. It was me.
I suggested he send you to Korea.
Don't take my part. What
are you helping me for?
Don't take my part. What
are you helping me for?
I was very touched when I heard how
you felt about the little boy.
I thought you should have
a chance to prove yourself.
That was before I knew it was
his aunt you were stuck on.
- Who's stuck on what aunt?
- You are.
I saw the way you looked at her.
You know, you're no vegetarian.
Will you tell me one thing?
What is it you see in these girls?
What is the big difference
between American girls and Oriental girls?
What are you so steamed about?
Who's steamed? Come on,
your plane is waiting.
Good day, sir.
The Defense
Department of the United States
would like you to know that you
heroic fighting men have not been forgotten.
And the taxpayers at home are
thinking about you, too.
So, believe it or not, entertainment
has come to you.
Sit back and be regaled by
some of the great illusions
and feats of
legerdemain, performed for you,
and you alone, by the Great Wooley.
A little music
accompaniment and we shall begin.
Turn that off. You want
the enemy to get my range?
As you gentlemen can see,
nothing at all in the hat.
Nothing in the hat, except water.
Harry? Harry.
Oh, Harry.
The United States Defense
Department brings to you the Great Wooley.
My first trick, my first
illusion, the first feat of legerdemain,
is one of the truly
great tricks of all time.
If you will notice,
this is merely a hat.
An opera hat, some people call it. That
is, the people that go to the opera.
Now, there is nothing in this
hat whatsoever, do you notice?
Nothing in the hat. Many
of my friends say
there's nothing in the
hat when I'm wearing the hat.
We place the hat on the table.
I'm putting my hand into the hat
and out comes a real,
live, for-heaven's-sakes bunny.
What are you looking at the bunny?
You look hungry. You
got stuff in the can.
So, get back in the hat, Harry, you
idiot. You wanna go get chewed up?
Well, it was certainly
dandy entertaining you.
Mitsuo.
- I think I know where he is, Father.
- Tell him it is time to go to bed.
Yes, Father.
Please take care of my
friend and partner, Harry.
And take care of my Aunt Hazel.
And take care of my agent.
And please take care of Mitsuo
Watanabe and Kimi Sikita.
And please, please help the
helicopter find us tomorrow,
because I want to get
back and see them all. Amen.
Mr Wooley! Mr Wooley!
Mr Wooley! Mr Wooley!
Wooley! Mr Wooley!
Welcome back, Mr
Wooley. We have missed you.
I can't tell you how I've missed you.
It sure is wonderful seeing
someone who doesn't need a shave.
I would like you to meet
my father, Mr Wooley.
I would like very
much to meet your father.
Father, Mr Wooley is here.
This is your father?
Yes, he is building a little
bridge to amuse Mitsuo.
I have heard so much
about you, Mr Wooley.
- Welcome to my house.
- Thank you, sir.
You have done so
much for my grandchild.
My daughter and I had despaired.
We could do nothing to bring him joy.
Even that little
bridge I am building for him.
Now I know it's a waste of time.
Only you can make him happy.
Well, thank you very much, sir. It's
a very beautiful bridge, too.
You know, you kind of remind me of...
- Of that actor.
- The actor, yes.
Oh, yes.
Many people think so,
but I was building
bridges long before him.
Come, we shall have tea, huh?
Mitsuo has planned
everything himself.
He wants to show you all the
interesting places in Japan.
It will be a wonderful
trip, Mr Wooley.
Oh, yes, that's very nice, Kimi, but
I'm gonna have to be going home soon.
Why must you go back, Mr Wooley?
You can stay here with us and
continue to bring joy to my grandson.
Well, thank you, sir, but you
see I just received a letter
from my agent and he said
that they want me to appear
at the Sands Hotel in Las Vegas.
That is wonderful, Mr Wooley.
At last you have been recognised
as a great magician.
Well, not exactly, Kimi.
I'm famous at home, but not
for being a great magician.
My grandson remembers.
That was the day he
began to live again.
That was the day I
almost stopped living.
Well, shall we go into the garden?
Do you not wish to go
into garden, Mr Wooley?
Oh, yes, Kimi, I do
wish to go into garden,
except that I've been
sitting on my feet so long that I...
I think I spoiled the set.
The whole set of
feet. I ruined my feet.
Oh, yeah. I don't think I'm
ever gonna use these feet again.
They're... I bent them.
Well, at least Mitsuo and
I, when we go on the trip...
I'll be saving shoe leather,
because I'll never use these.
No wonder the Japanese
men are so clean.
All the women walk around looking
like Brigitte Bardot.
Come on, Gil! Hodges,
attaway. Gil Hodges, first base.
First base, Gil Hodges. Attaway.
Pee Wee. Pee Wee Reese, shortstop.
Know them all. Know
them all. Pee Wee.
Good boy, baby. Charlie Neal,
second. Charlie! Attaway, babe!
Charlie Neal, second base.
Third base, Junior
Gilliam. Jim Gilliam, third base.
He's thrilled with
this. Jim! Attaway, babe!
Left field, Gino Cimoli. Love
you, baby. See you, hon.
Gino Cimoli, left field.
We must come here
again early tomorrow.
Right field. Carlie
Furillo. Attaway, babe.
Heads up ball. Heads up all the way.
Duke Snider. Duke Snider,
centre field. Duke Snider!
Centre field. Attaway, babe.
Carl Erskine on the mound.
Really big ball in there, Carlie.
Catching, Johnny Roseboro.
Know them all by
name. All the... Yeah.
And we have a tied ballgame.
Los Angeles Dodgers
five, Tonichi five,
and here we are at the
bottom of the eighth inning.
Cimoli had the ball but dropped
it, and the runner is safe at first.
And now batting for
Tonichi, Tag Taguchi!
That's all right. It's only
one of them. Only one of them.
You're way ahead of him, Carlie.
And now, batting for
Tonichi, is the Great Ichiyama.
He's great as a pitcher, but we're
not too thrilled about his hitting.
Carl, we got them now, Carl baby!
No batter there! No batter with Ichi.
Get him! Get him! Get him!
Ichiyama is caught off third.
Yes, sir, folks,
Ichiyama is in a pickle.
That's it, that's it! No,
no, back, back, back!
Get him, get him,
get him! You got it!
That's it. Three-way! You're out!
And the Tonichi team takes the
field for the top of the ninth inning.
Come on, Gil! Lay it back
in LA! Right out of the park!
The American spectator is really
getting to the Great Ichiyama.
Where'd you learn how to pitch, Ich?
Hey, Ich!
That'll rattle him.
It looks like the Great
Ichiyama is going to throw
his famous
Nipponese sideways curve ball.
No one in there. No pitcher there.
Hey, Mits, I'm pooped. I've
seen everything there is to see.
Why don't we go home?
I'm tired and I'm not
as young as you are.
Besides, my teeth are loose.
- Geisha.
- Yeah, I know what "geisha" means.
Geishas are girls and they are trained
to entertain tired Japanese businessmen.
Tired I am. Japanese I'm not.
And a businessman I ain't either.
And a businessman I ain't either.
- Geisha.
- Nothing doing.
Not after being in that hot bathhouse
with all those girls running
around without clothes.
Now you want to take
me into a geisha house.
Are you sure you're
only six years old?
What?
They serve food in
here? Why didn't you say so?
I'm starved to death. Let's go
inside and we'll eat something.
I'm hungry enough I don't care if
they serve salad without dressing.
Goodbye, little fellow.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
What are you doing here?
I see. You packed your bag
and you thought you
were gonna go with me, huh?
Well, you're not going.
Now, where's Kimi?
She's asleep, huh? Where's
your grandfather?
Your grandfather, the bridge builder?
Grandfather.
He's sleeping, too. Well,
that's what you should be doing.
Sleeping!
Now go home. You, home.
Go home. You sleep, too.
All right, Harry, relax.
I'm sorry. I sat on Harry.
Mitsuo, let me explain
something. You cannot go with me.
Do you understand?
Mitsy, don't make it more
difficult for me than it is.
I would like you to...
I can't take you with me.
Now go home.
Here.
Now. Now, march.
Mitsy, I told you to go
home. I can't take you with me.
Now, don't start that again!
Before you know it, we're
gonna be hugging and kissing again.
With squeezing and
affection and loving and...
I just want you to
stop it and go home.
One of us has to be
strong. Don't you understand?
I hate to do this.
This is gonna hurt.
But I gotta.
Will you get out of here?
Vamoose! Scram! Go on! I don't
wanna see your face any more!
Go on, get!
Go home!
I don't like you any more!
I don't want you any more!
You're not my son any more!
Now, go! Go!
Mr Wooley.
And stop Wooleying me!
Go on! Get out of here!
Mr Wooley, Mitsuo Watanabe love you.
Well, I don't love you!
And I don't like that
stupid photograph either!
Mr Wooley! Mr Wooley!
Hi, Mr Wooley.
- Mr Wooley.
- Yeah?
How about some
sandwiches and coffee now?
No, thank you.
You haven't eaten a
thing this entire trip.
I'm not very hungry.
Thank you, anyhow.
In case you change your mind.
- Mr Wooley?
- Yeah?
I'd like to apologise for the
way I acted on the field that day.
- That's all right.
- No, it wasn't.
I want to explain.
You see, there was this boy in the
Air Force that I was very fond of.
And I lost him to a Japanese girl.
So, I guess I'm very touchy as
far as Orientals are concerned.
Yeah, they're wonderful people.
Especially when they're
about six, going on seven.
Believe me, the next man I
meet I'm gonna forget that so-called
American-emancipated-woman type of independence
and treat him just the
way the girls in Japan do.
Good luck.
- One more thing.
- Yes?
Don't throw your chairs away.
That sitting on the floor is murder.
Well, you sure changed your
mind and ate those in a hurry.
I'll get you some more hot coffee.
Yes, I got it. I'll get it
to Major Ridgley right away.
Mike, get this down to Major
Ridgley in the MATS plane.
Yes, sir.
Goodbye.
So long.
- Goodbye. You did a great job.
- Goodbye.
Goodbye. Good luck.
Major Ridgley, this message
just came. It's urgent.
Thanks.
- Where's Wooley?
- He just left, Major. Why?
- Is something wrong?
- Something wrong?
Why, now that woolly-headed
idiot has kidnapped a Japanese boy!
He wouldn't do that.
This sure is a heavy trunk, boss.
I just have a rabbit in there.
Man, that sure must
be a bundle of bunny.
And I thought I was
finally rid of that guy.
Porter, you see a man with a big
trunk labelled "The Great Wooley"?
- Yes, he had a big fatso rabbit in it.
- That's it. Where did he go?
He just left in that cab, sir.
Follow that red trunk!
I'm going to Glendale. 1647
North Louise Avenue.
Okay, bud.
Take it easy. We'll
be home soon enough.
What's the matter? Am
I driving too fast?
Oh, no. I wasn't talking to
you. I was talking to my rabbit.
Harry, are you all right?
- Hi, Mr Wooley.
- Mits!
What are you doing here?
Never mind. I don't care.
Gee, it's good to see you.
Faster! Faster!
They'll never separate
us this time, Mitsuo.
Oh, come on. Let's go, Mits.
Harry. Harry. I forgot Harry.
Harry! Come on, Harry.
Wooley, you come back here!
Stop that man!
Somebody get a hold of him!
Mitsuo. Mitsuo.
I have some sandwiches and
a nice salad for you.
Well, in case you change your mind.
Well, we'll be landing
in a few minutes, Harry.
Now, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna mark this
trunk like this, see.
And you and I are gonna get in it.
That's how we get off the
plane, and nobody's gonna know.
Yeah, but how's Kimi gonna
know where we are?
I got an idea.
Harry, just relax one second.
Harry, relax. Don't make no noise.
Kimi! Kimi!
Never mind what he
found in his pocket.
We must get him home to bed.
They should be
reading my note by now.
- Kimi.
- Yes, Father.
I do not read English well enough,
but I think it says something about
getting a trunk which
has an "X" on it.
Trunk with an "X" on it?
He had no trunk,
Father. Throw the paper away.
Look, here's one that isn't
even locked and we get blamed
- if anything goes wrong.
- Yeah, you're right.
Kimi! You had better read this.
Father, we must get the boy home.
Read.
Harry, we're locked in.
"Harry and I are in a trunk with
the 'X' on it. Come and get us."
Then Mr Wooley is here. In
a trunk with an "X" on it.
Let's go! Come on!
I'm sick, Harry. I'm sick.
Hear that? Yeah, I'm sick, Harry.
- Stop!
- Stop it! Hold it!
Don't worry about me, Mits.
It was all worth it, because
now we're together, see?
And as soon as Harry and
I get over our trunkitis,
we're gonna have the gosh-darnedest
geisha-house-combination-magic-show that Tokyo ever saw. You'll see.
And now for the really
big trick of the evening.
Out of this hat here, a live,
beautiful, 100% pure bunny.
Harry, the rabbit.
It's not funny. It's
a regular rabbit.
And I've been undressing in
front of you all these years?
You've been deceiving me. You're
not a Harry, you're a Harriet!
Well, that's all, folks.