The Golden Arrow (1936) Movie Script

What? What is this? Hey there!
What's going on?
What the ..?
What's going on? What is this?
Mad people.
If they can't think they can get
away with that. I'll put a stop to it.
Who's bathroom was that, G.G.?
I have no idea.
Aubrey Rutherford the 2nd.
Oh sure, I've heard of him somewhere.
Here is your liquor, William Tell.
I saw his name in the
social register didn't I?
Yes, he's very much in that. I sometimes
meet him at my aunt's in Paris.
Why don't you bring him over, Peter?
I'm afraid he's here
for quiet, Hortense.
Oh I see. Hard to meet, huh?
Good evening.
Look at those.
Why, they are arrows.
Shot at me while I was bathing!
They're really harmless little things.
Will you get rid of those
ruffians from the other wing.
Oh positively not.
Well, call the police then.
It mustn't be thought of.
Well ..
Are you out of your mind?
The young lady giving that party is
Miss Hortense Burke-Meyers.
Who is she?
The richest girl in the world.
Distressing, isn't it.
I've never heard of her.
Well probably not. There are so many
"richest girls in the world" today.
Anyhow, she is one them.
Her father used to own a corner
drugstore somewhere in Oklahoma.
First, nature presented
him with Hortense.
And then, as if that weren't enough.
With an oil gusher in his back yard.
Oil and Hortense make
a terrible mixture.
Oh, I wonder what boat that is.
Why, that's ..
I don't know.
Well, you look like you did.
Well, I thought at first ..
Okay with me.
Oh, I can't stay. I'm sorry.
You can't? Well, I thought that ..
You must forgive me. A week ago
Mrs Winton asked me to join her party.
I almost forgot.
But I may see you soon?
Oh sure. We're riding tomorrow.
Oh tomorrow, I have some
important business.
But I'll be back soon.
Well, I see.
Goodnight .. goodnight.
Well that's got all the
earmarks of a polite walk-out.
I think probably G.G. got an
eyeful of the Appleby yacht.
Is that Miss Appleby's yacht?
That's Daisy's.
Now there are two of you.
Well, I never knew she was coming here.
I wonder if G.G. knew.
Probably he and his Russian highness
in there, met her on the Riviera.
Come on out here everybody
and look at this swell boat.
Hey, that's Daisy Appleby's boat.
Oh, Daisy is back again.
How adorable. Oh, you must meet
her, Hortense. You'll love her.
Oh maybe I will.
One of you can bring her
to the party Saturday night.
Oh Peter, you do it.
If I can come, Hortense.
Well, can't you?
My aunt may arrive Saturday.
But G.G. knows her.
Where is G.G.?
G.G. blew.
Yeah. I think he went rowing.
Take me out to Miss Appleby's yacht.
Yes, sir.
Good evening.
Miss Appleby?
Miss Appleby has retired
for the evening, sir.
Oh. Well then, I shall
leave these for her.
Very well, sir.
No Rogers, I don't
even want to look at it.
Let me see it.
Count Vittorio Guilliano.
Let me see.
That is all.
Pommesby, I'm sick of this racket.
Oh come now. Everybody likes Florida.
We'll meet the same loafers here
we met last year on the Riviera.
I'll kill the first reporter
that comes aboard.
You cannot offend the press.
The cream would suffer.
Someday, I am going to tell the world
what i think of Appleby facial creams.
They are so much mud.
Daisy ..
To Miss Appleby's yacht in a hurry.
Which one?
What difference does it make?
It will be the wrong one anyway.
Mr Jones, we have a harbor in this town.
And in the harbor, Mr Jones, is a yacht.
And on the yacht is a Dame, Mr Jones.
And in her sock is 12
million dollars. Catch on?
That's right.
But unfortunately Mr Jones,
she won't talk to anybody.
Would you, if you had
12 million dollars?
But you only get thirty a week, Mr Jones
so I would talk to her if I were you.
Catch on?
What's her name?
Daisy Appleby.
You've no doubt read
of her in public print.
Not in the public print Mr Smith.
In your newspaper.
Catch on?
By the way, if I come back with
the interview, do I get a raise?
Well I was just asking to see if you
were the kind of man I thought you were.
You are.
Good day, Mr Smith .. catch on?
Oh. Good morning.
Is Miss Appleby at home?
On board, I mean?
What name please?
I'll see.
A Mr Jones to see Miss Appleby.
What a refreshingly simple name.
I hope I know him, Pommesby.
Jones ..?
Oh yes, of course.
Do you mean Cliff Horton-Jones?
I have a letter from him.
You never get names right.
He looks human.
Who is he, Pommesby?
The family are prominent, but they
have recently lost their money.
The young man wrote to ask if he may talk
to you about selling his father's yacht.
Well, let's.
Bring him here.
But you will have to talk to him.
He can't see me this way.
Tell him that I once met his father and
mother when the Seahawk was at Cannes.
That's the boat he
wants to see you about.
Don't come back too soon, Pommesby.
Miss Appleby will see you, sir.
No fooling?
Yes, sir.
Follow me, sir.
How do you do.
I'm Daisy Appleby.
Well, it's kind of you to
see me, Miss Appleby.
Won't you sit down?
Oh, thanks.
I came to see you about ..
I don't know a thing about boats.
No, this is the only one I've ever had.
She's beautiful.
Oh, but she rolls terribly.
Oh .. like that?
But that doesn't mean a boat
isn't seaworthy. Do you think so?
Well, sometimes.
Of course, I don't suppose a
rolling boat bothers you much.
Oh no.
Miss Pommesby says she's
seen your Seahawk.
She's my guardian. She's been
with me ever since I left school.
You'll meet her later.
Will I?
By the way, do you swim?
Like to? I was just going in.
Well, I ..
There's suits in the dressing room.
Right through that door there.
Right across the passage.
Pommesby, I ..
What did he say?
Oh nothing much.
Well, he hasn't had time yet.
I just came in to tell you that
I asked him to go for a swim.
Well, I thought the cold water might
knock the shyness out of him.
Well, I suppose it's alright.
Pommesby, who did you
say his people were?
His father was a banker, before
the crash. Back Bay, Boston.
They are as old as the Adams family,
Well, he's he first human
I have met in months.
Oh, really.
Thank you.
Say, Miss Appleby is sort-of
nuts about boats, isn't she?
I couldn't say, sir.
Gee, I wish I knew more about
them. I could draw her out.
If I can be any help.
No, I doubt I can draw her out anyway.
Did you find something to fit you?
Let's duck, shall we.
Alright. If you think there is enough
room in there for both of us.
Just about.
Come on.
It's almost better than taking a bath.
Not quite. There is a slight difference.
Why not swim in the pool the boat is in?
Much more room and no sharks.
It's better here. Cold out there.
It won't be next month.
You here that long?
I hope so.
How about a little sun?
You know.
I wish you'd been on
the Riviera when I was.
Well, I don't.
You know, I never had very much fun.
What, with a boat like this?
Oh this ..
You'd like a nice big battleship, huh?
You haven't an extra
rowboat have you?
Yes I have, and a couple of
oars and a great big ocean.
It's alright until somebody
rocks the boat.
The last time I pushed
a man into a pool.
I had to pull him out.
He was some funny little French Duke.
Oh, you don't push Dukes in the water.
You marry them.
Any American heiress knows that.
That's what he wanted me to do.
That's why I pushed him in.
Well, I'm not a duke and I
don't want to marry you.
You're just eccentric.
As long as I'm about to drown you.
I might as well prepare your epitaph.
What is your first name?
John as in Johnson.
Well Mr Johnny Cliff Horton-Jones.
You are about to get the worst ..
Where do you get that
Cliff Horton-Jones stuff?
You brought it with you.
What do you mean?
You are fooling, aren't you?
Aren't you Johnny Cliff Horton-Jones?
No .. just "Jones".
Well, didn't you come
here to sell a boat?
I'm from the Florida Star.
Oh you aren't!
I'm sorry.
You'd better get your clothes on.
I never talk to reporters.
I don't blame you, Miss Appleby.
I think they're detestable.
Sneaking in on people and lying to them.
Well, I didn't know that ..
Whatever made you thing
I'd talk to a reporter?
I was surprised.
You had better get off the boat before
you're found out and thrown off.
I don't think there are
any towels in there.
Johnny .. I mean "Jones".
How much would you take
not to write about me?
Oh you won't, eh?
And I'm not going to write about you.
Not a word?
I wouldn't even mention
you in the death notices.
Not even if you're fired?
I can take it.
Go and ask the maid for my book,
will you. Yes, ma'am.
As far as I'm concerned,
this interview never happened.
I'm sorry, but my boat is loose.
Did you tie her that way on purpose?
I said I was sorry.
Oh well, alright.
Here, hold this.
No, no. Hands up .. there.
I'll have a sailor get your old boat.
Oh thank you.
Mr Cliff Horton-Jones' boat is loose.
Yes, ma'am.
Come on.
You might as well be
useful while you wait.
I suppose so.
Are you a good reporter?
I'm trying to support myself
while I write a book.
Oh, so you're writing a book?
What's it about?
I don't think you'd be very interested
in knowing what its about.
Would you like a drink?
Scotch or Rye? Long or short?
Rye .. short.
Water chaser?
No thanks.
It's certainly good to see somebody
who drinks like an American again.
Now tell me your story.
It's laid on the coast of Maine.
So you see, it's just a simple story of
a couple of tough New England kids.
But I think it's honest.
I love it.
Oh, I'm happy.
No. I really do.
What part did you like best?
Oh, I ..
I think I liked the place where they
go to the movies together and ..
Afterwards they sit in the
hot-dog stand and talk.
They are so perfectly contented.
I wish I could spend a Saturday night
with you like that with you sometime.
Well .. tonight is my night off.
Unfortunately it isn't mine.
Oh, I know.
It's Parade Night at The Casino.
Every night is a parade night.
And you should see the gang
I have to goose-step with.
Look at them.
Will you step in there, please.
Pommesby has asked them all for lunch.
Not an American in the boatload and
they all want to marry my money.
I know.
I've seen them work on
the Queen's in The Casino.
They tend to like it.
Well .. I go to go.
I suppose so.
It's been nice.
I hope I see you again sometime.
And I hope I see you.
Are there any other big diners, Marcel?
Nothing like yours, Mademoiselle.
I thought Miss Appleby had a big table.
Miss Appleby's reservation was canceled.
She's queer.
Shall we proceed?
Papa, you and Ma are there.
No I'm not and Ma ain't either.
Papa, did you hear what I said?
Go back there.
You're down there, Milord.
No, Mack. You're here. Renaldo, there.
You are down there, Milord.
And you, Baron ..
You are down there too, Baron.
I tried to get all of you Spaniards
together and the Frenchmen together ..
And all the Slovakians. That is,
as close as I could figure out.
I'd like to eat with my
family once in a while.
Now Ma, you're over on that
corner and you're there, Hattie.
Sit down, folks.
Look .. everybody is looking at us.
We're the center of attraction.
Good evening, Miss Appleby.
Good evening.
Something off the floor Marcel, please.
This way Mr Rutherford.
Thank you.
Here is Daisy Appleby.
Oh, she's beautiful.
She's a mighty good-looker, Ma.
Look where he's dumping them.
Well I do hope the music is .. special.
Hey, when is the roast beef coming?
Hush, Pa. After the entre.
After the entre.
That's all they ever have at
these dinners is entres.
I'm going outside for a smoke
until it's time for some real food.
What a strange-looking table.
Who are they?
I suppose you know them?
Fortunately, no.
G.G. Tell us about the
young lady. You've met her.
Only by accident. In swimming.
She looks quite
presentable in the ocean.
Yes sir, we'd give a lot for these kind
of nights in the mid-west where I'm from.
I was just talking to Ma
about it at suppertime.
I don't suppose you've
ever been up to ..
Hey Miss Appleby,
I'd like to introduce myself.
Oh sit down, gentlemen.
I am Mr Myers.
I do quite a bit of business with
the Appleby Cold Cream company.
How do you do, Mr Myers.
I know these two young fellows.
They chase around after
my daughter, Hattie.
Look. Pa's got acquainted.
I just thought I'd speak .. being
as I know some of your firm.
I'm glad you did, Mr Myers.
I've been just sauntering around waiting
for them to bring on the roast beef.
Good evening, all.
Well, this is cozy.
Do you think your friend will be
back with his entire family?
He seemed friendly enough.
Speaking to strangers?
Why, she ain't exactly a stranger.
I do quite a bit of business
with the Appleby people.
Can't you suppress him, Ma?
Do you see that, Pa? Photographers.
Oh he snapped me before
I could smile. Hey!
May I have the dance?
Oh, you promised me.
Oh do you mind very much
if we didn't? I'm tired.
I'm awfully sorry.
Such impudence!
I've changed my mind.
I'd like to dance.
Oh, won't you.
You are capricious tonight.
Yes, aren't I.
Well, I guess you'd
better pack up there.
Oh .. I've torn my dress.
Oh I'm sorry. Terribly sorry.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Do you think it was my fault?
Oh no.
But hadn't you better wait at the table?
Oh no, I shall wait for you here.
I'm afraid you'll have
to wait a long time.
I shall wait here.
Hello, Johnny.
Hello, Daisy.
Let's get out of here.
Have you got an overcoat?
Sure. In the cloak room.
Would you please call a taxi?
Taxi? Where are we going?
Oh, where there are some real
people and some hot-dogs.
If anybody asks you about me,
don't you open your head.
Oh, thank you Miss Appleby.
I'll get the coat.
Slip me ten, will you?
Ten .. ten?
Oh now listen Johnny,
I'd like to help you, but ..
Well, it's a long-shot.
But I'll stake you.
You know Johnny, you're the best
dancer I've ever danced with.
Next thing you'll be telling me I ought
to be in the Jiggy and Peter business.
I'll bet you'd make a success of it.
Maybe I'll hire myself a dress suit.
If you did, you would probably
marry that Myers creature.
Then all I would have left
would be G.G. and Peter.
Oh, you poor kid.
I guess you do need a
blowout once in a while.
You know Johnny, you're a darling
when you're understanding.
Lady, cut out that cheek-dancing.
Oh certainly, I ..
I forgot where I was.
Let's try them all.
We've got to get back.
No .. no, I don't want to.
Well if you must have the horrible
truth the taxi fare is $3:80.
Exactly what I have left.
Well, can't you write a check?
Miss Appleby, if you
have in your collection ..
The kind of bank that would cash the
kind of checks that I would make out.
I stand ready to oblige.
The streetcar fare is
only ten cents apiece.
That would leave us three
dollars and sixty cents to spend.
Come on.
Be sure to put your belts on.
A little.
Johnny, put your arms
around me will you.
Johnny, do you like me?
Kinda sorry for you.
That's nice.
Here goes.
Johnny, let's get married.
Upside down like this?
Whee ..!
Johnny, I meant it.
It's a grand idea.
Johnny, will you?
What makes you think I loved you?
Whoever said you did?
It's just a marriage of convenience.
Oh Johnny, I'm serious.
Whee! Whee!
Another one?
No, that's enough.
Come on.
Don't you see, Johnny?
Johnny, I want to be free. I don't want
to be pestered by fortune hunters.
But they'll never let me alone unless ..
Unless I'm Mrs Jones or somebody.
Oh don't disappoint me, Johnny.
Why you young nut, you shouldn't be
allowed out. Come on, you're going home.
And you want to write
your book, don't you?
Well, to do that you should have a nice,
quiet place in the country, and leisure.
You can't write without
leisure you know.
All out. End of the line.
It's a beautiful idea,
Johnny. Really it is.
You go off to a country house and
I'll get you one with a golf course.
And I'll travel around and
pick out my real husband.
You haven't any scruples against
divorce, have you Johnny?
I'll take vanilla.
Johnny, you needn't run.
I'm trying to get you off my hands.
[ Police siren ]
Can I trust you to go
down to your boat alone?
I don't know.
Listen. This may be a scoop for my paper.
To explain my being out of the office.
Oh, what time is it?
Holy smoke. It's 1:10.
I'll bet it's the police looking for me.
I thought you said ..
It doesn't matter what I said.
I've been missing for 4 hours.
And Pommesby gets hysterical
at the slightest provocation.
It will look swell in tomorrow's paper.
"Appleby Cream heiress does
nightlife with hick reporter."
That's your grief. Come on.
What will Pommesby,
what will my guardian say?
You'll find out you can't take a
girl out and ruin her reputation.
What reputation? Who's
ruining a reputation?
Hush up. I'm sorry I ever thought
of marrying a man like you.
Listen, Peter.
I've promised Miss Pommesby
I'll search for her.
I too have promised
Miss Pommesby to search.
Well then we search apart.
Clever. Perhaps you know where she is.
You find her and propose, yes?
No sir, we stick together.
Listen, Peter.
We mustn't keep that up.
If we do, we'll both lose her.
We toss the coin. If I win ..
I see you are taken care of.
If you win, you see that
I am taken care of.
What do you want?
Do you see what it's like?
Oh, I can't stand it any longer.
Won't you help me, Johnny?
It can't make any difference to you.
It would just be a marriage
for appearance. Nothing else.
Won't you, Johnny?
You win.
Let's find a judge, right now.
Before anything happens.
We're nuts.
We haven't even got a witness.
Miss Appleby.
Mr Myers.
Johnny. Johnny, here is our witness.
Hey Miss Appleby, everybody
in town is hunting you.
Mr Myers .. Mr Jones.
How do you do, Mr Jones.
How do you do.
He's an author, Mr Myers.
He works, and he's an American.
We're looking for a judge to marry us.
Right now?
Uhuh. Would you come along as witness?
Johnny wants it to look
authentic or something.
Well, are you in love with him?
Of course I am.
And you, Mr Jones. Are your
feelings on this matter on the level?
Dead on the level.
So you want to marry a young American?
I certainly do.
Well, I wish my daughter
was like you, Miss Appleby.
I'll be most pleased to accompany you.
Oh, good evening, Rogers.
Miss Pommesby is waiting
in her cabin, Miss Appleby.
Not Miss Appleby any more, Rogers.
"Mrs Jones" now.
Oh, congratulations.
Thank you, Rogers. Goodnight.
Good evening, Pommesby.
Why are you up so late?
You wretched girl, you.
Where have you been?
Oh, we've been getting married.
Miss Pommesby, this is
my husband, Mr Jones.
This is outrageous,
Mr Cliff Horton-Jones.
Oh no. Just plain "Jones" Pommesby.
Johnny Yankee-doodle Jones. American.
Now you've done it.
What are you?
A reporter. Florida Star.
Just wait until your
guardian hears of this.
An American.
A nobody.
Anyhow, you'll have to face Mr Appleby.
We sail for New York tonight.
Don't worry, Johnny. I can handle him.
I'll have the steward
show you to your cabin.
[ Telephone ]
I was just wondering if you were asleep.
Not a chance.
You don't sound very much
like a loving bridegroom.
Well, I didn't marry you
for love or for money.
"I'm not that kind of a guy."
"Of course Johnny, darling."
Well .. goodnight.
Johnny, you wait out here.
Pommesby and I will see him first.
Mr Appleby is in the director's room.
I believe they are waiting for you.
With the directors?
Come in.
Don't let it get you down, Pommesby.
Hello everybody.
How do you do.
I'll get you a chair.
Oh don't bother about me.
I'll sit over here out of the way.
Thank you, Jorgenson.
Well .. let's begin.
Daisy, if I didn't appreciate
soft, beautiful necks ..
I'd ring that one of yours gladly.
A million dollars worth of advertizing
chucked out the window.
What made you take the proposition
if you couldn't stick it out?
We take you from a cashier's
cage of a hick town cafeteria ..
Because my name
happened to be "Appleby".
And you thought I had the
bearing of a Duchess.
Oh, I remember my cafeteria
connections very distinctly.
Oh, gentlemen.
Never will I forget that momentous lunch
hour when your brave publicity chief ..
Stood outside my cashier's cage.
Eyed me appraisingly ..
Reached in to ascertain the
velvety quality of my arm.
Then turned to his companion
and uttered those magic words ..
That were to destine
me to a life of Riley.
"She'll do, she's a honey."
Alright, be funny.
But we give you the life of a princess:
dresses, horses, yachts, travel.
All the expense money you can use.
And you ruin it all for a
30-dollar a week reporter.
Daisy, whatever possessed you?
Oh, I got tired of being pawed by
all the royal backwash of Europe.
Well, that was the idea, wasn't it?
That's why we hired you.
We needed a Appleby heiress
for publicity .. and you're it.
I know, but I'm only human.
And even if the idea did come from
the world's greatest publicity man ..
It soon became dull to me.
I'll be the judge of that.
Oh listen Jorgenson,
and all the rest of you.
If you must look at this from
a publicity standpoint.
My marrying Johnny is the best thing ever
to increase the popularity of your cream.
Yes, sir. I married an American!
That's a new angle.
Oh the public is tired of its
heiresses marrying foreigners.
You'll win as much popularity for the
cream business with this marriage ..
As George M. Cohan did for the show
business with the American flag.
Now see if you don't.
There is something in that.
By George, she's right.
It's an angle I can do a lot with.
"The Cream Princess who married
a poor American for love."
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What will the young fellow do when
he finds you're just a dummy ..
Used for advertizing purposes?
I don't know.
But I don't suppose he'd care.
Why, if this goes on indefinitely he's
bound to find out you're a joke.
Oh, but this is just a
marriage of convenience.
He'll gladly give me a
divorce whenever I want it.
Don't worry about that.
Yes, after he's tried to shake you down
for the money you're supposed to have.
Oh Appleby, Johnny isn't like that.
Daisy, you've put us in a spot.
Suppose you wait until you meet
Johnny before you start panning him.
I'm married to him. That's that.
You have to make
the best of it, or else.
That's right, Daisy.
Bring your Johnny into my office
and I'll have a talk with him.
But you be careful what you say to him.
He has pride.
If he didn't think he was doing me a
great favor, he would chuck everything.
Miss Pommesby.
Now then, what's this all about?
Obviously it is a love match.
But Johnny is such a proud young idiot.
And neither one of them will admit it.
Listen, I can make that
boy as big a stunt as Daisy.
The great American sportsman.
Lions in Africa. A Polo player.
A flier. A Lindbergh!
Supposedly on Daisy's money?
You'll never do it.
He's thinking of living in a
cabin in the mountains.
And writing his book.
Johnny .. don't let him frighten you.
Johnny, this is my guardian, Mr Appleby.
Well, Mr Jones.
You've given us quite a jolt.
I hardly know where to begin.
Well, I want you to
understand, Mr Appleby ..
Of course. Sit down. Sit down.
Well I mean, I'm merely
giving Daisy my name.
It's a swell one, too.
Yes, well there's a lot of horrible
people chasing her down.
Well I suppose Daisy could have done
worse .. and she might have done better.
Listen. This doesn't matter you know.
Of course not.
No, I merely gave Daisy my name for a
while as a favor. I don't expect a thing.
Is it true Mr Jones that you mean to go
up to a mountain retreat without Daisy?
It does sound rather silly, doesn't it.
Well, that's all I'll
take for my services.
A little grub and some
leisure to do my work.
But the matrimonial program you outline
would make matters harder for Daisy.
Well, Daisy is very much
in the public eye.
What will people think if you two begin
living apart immediately after marriage?
Why, it smacks of scandal.
That's right.
I suppose we should hang
around together for a little while.
Well, I'm sorry. I didn't get into this
thing to be supported by a rich wife.
But being seen in my neighborhood once
in a while doesn't mean that, Johnny.
As a matter of fact, Mr Jones.
You'd cost Daisy more money
by living apart from her.
Because of the unfavorable
publicity her business would suffer.
That's right. I would probably lose
thousands off my income, wouldn't I.
Well, it's a fine time to think of that.
Well, lets consider this
a business proposition.
You're on salary say, for six months?
Yes, thirty a week. Now, that's
what I got on the paper. No more.
That's agreeable.
And then it's Reno for you.
Oh, I'll probably find
the right man by then.
Well ..
Where do we hang out?
Let her go back to Florida.
Say, a modest apartment at the hotel.
Be sure it's modest.
Oh I will.
Well, don't forget it.
I won't forget it.
Well, how many rooms would you require?
My oh my, I'm afraid
that's hardly possible.
It's high season and the Burke-Myers
occupy an entire wing of the 3rd floor.
They're simply crowding us to capacity.
Now listen, I don't care how you do it.
But clear out another wing
and we'll meet the price.
And while you're at it
order ten Polo ponies.
Yeah, and don't forget
about those flowers.
Glad to see you, Mr Jones.
Pretty soft.
Don't forget who staked you.
That's so.
Thank you.
How do you do, Mr Jones.
How do you do.
Why hello Peter. Hello G.G.
How do you do.
Congratulations. Since you put it over,
us Americans are getting a break.
Here we are, nose place and show, but ..
Lay it on the nose, Johnny.
I'm so sorry we couldn't let you have
the south wing with the view of the bay.
We get a wing?
Well, we call it a grand suite.
Well, how many rooms?
Our only other grand suite has twelve,
but the Burke-Myers have that.
Listen, we want two
bedrooms and a parlor.
Are you serious?
Oh come on, Daisy.
Now wait a minute, Johnny.
Well now, the grand suite is out.
Well this is most upsetting. Why, ever
since Mr Jorgenson telephoned I ..
I've moved heaven and earth to
have these rooms vacated in time.
Who is Jorgenson?
Oh, he's the man that
arranges these things.
Johnny, I told him I didn't
want anything pretentious.
I'll telephone him. Where's the phone.
No, I'll talk to him.
Would you show my
husband some single suites.
Not two bedrooms.
Anything he wants.
Of course. This way, Mr Jones.
For a guy who last week
was the hotel reporter.
What is this, an act?
Johnny was promised that we'd
live inexpensively down here.
Well, I don't know what Appleby
promised to coax him down there.
But there will be nothing inexpensive
about what he's going to get.
That boy is scheduled to become
the original Cinderella in pants.
If Johnny leaves me because of
your doings, I'll break my contract.
And what's more,
I'll tell him everything.
I don't think you will.
Because you know in your heart, if he
learns you're a phony, he'll walk out.
It's a lie! Johnny didn't
marry me for my money.
Don't get the idea he's in love
with you yet, because he's not.
If he learns now that
you're a phony, he'll walk.
Just give him time and he'll fall.
"You play along with him
and string along with me."
"And in three months you'll
have him sold in a sack."
Well, alright.
But don't go too strong, will you.
[ Door knocks ]
Come in.
Oh hello, Useless.
Mrs Jones would like to speak to
you if you can spare the time.
Maybe you'd like to comb my hair?
I think one can only comb one's
own hair to one's satisfaction, sir.
It's rather like putting
on one's own hat.
Perhaps you'd like to help
me brush my teeth?
[ Door knocks ]
Will you come in.
Oh, hello Johnny.
I'll wait out here.
Well, I'll be changed in a minute.
How is the book going?
Not so good.
Johnny, does the hotel distract you?
Oh lets take a house
with nice quiet grounds.
Now just a minute.
You've already talked me
into staying in a grand suite.
You must be comfortable to do your work.
Well, I am .. almost.
Well, you might fire that valet
of mine. He's embarrassing.
I don't need a valet for four suits.
Oh, but you're having others, Johnny.
Oh no I'm not.
I've already taken four so I wouldn't
disgrace you. But that's the limit.
Well, fire anyone you like.
You know you're the boss.
Here I am.
How do you like the suit?
Oh Johnny.
I wanted to ask you if you'd
join me at the Polo field later.
Oh and sit in that box
on exhibition, huh?
Why, Johnny.
Look at that.
Last week I sent a boatload of professors
to Geneva to run the League Of Nations.
Who's doing this?
Oh, I don't know.
You know .. I sometimes
suspect that Jorgenson of yours.
I'm certainly becoming swell
publicity for the cream business.
Oh no Johnny. He wouldn't dare.
I would fire him.
Don't you see?
That's what comes of
having too much money.
I wish I were poor.
Well I've certainly had enough of it.
Don't say that, Johnny.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Please be kind to me.
Alright. Now, now, now don't cry.
You do like me a little, don't you?
You are very charming.
Am I?
So you'd better find the right man.
Well .. he'll turn up. Just be patient.
You will come to the Polo
field later, won't you Johnny?
You know the foreign elements crowd
me the minute you're not with me.
Please come, Johnny.
Alright. I'll join you.
You are sweet.
I'll have the car at the
door for you at three.
Bye, darling.
So long.
Car, please.
Mr Jones' car.
Pretty soft, kid.
Oh shut up.
Yes sir, Mr Jones.
Ready, Mr Jones.
Sure. Where is the car?
Right in front of you, Mr Jones.
That isn't our car.
Your name is in it, Mr Jones.
Where did this car come from?
It came to the hotel garage
from the agency this morning.
One of our business officials named
Jorgenson got in this morning.
She and him picked it out for you.
Pretty soft.
A nice car, Johnny.
Get in, Johnny. We'll take your picture.
I'll take a taxi.
Listen Johnny, come on.
How about a little bit of a story?
Hey, is it true that
Jorgenson is in town?
Sure. He came in this morning by plane.
He's at the Polo field with your wife.
Oh I see.
Aren't you going to take your new car?
What? Me in a thing like that?
The Polo field.
Yes, sir. Your Johnny will
surely fall for this one.
Your just wasting your money.
He won't ride any of them.
When he reads in the papers
what a Polo player he is ..
He won't stand much more of this.
He'll leave me.
And so help me if he does.
Now listen. He knows when
he's got a good thing.
I'll lighten the pressure
before anything happens.
Here he comes.
Alright boys, get your cameras ready.
Hello Johnny.
A little surprise for you, Johnny.
Hold it, Johnnie. For a picture
I didn't have anything to do with this.
I see.
Thank you.
The police say he bought a
Ford from some reporter friend.
He's .. driving north.
Now, now. Don't cry, Daisy.
We'll get him back.
Now that we know where he is, its easy.
Well if you don't, I'm quitting.
Quitting, do you hear?
Now, now. I'll have the right
man on the job in five minutes.
Hello, hello?
What's wrong?
Oh, I'm selling tickets to the
policeman's ball. Oh,
But that won't do you any good.
Turn that car around.
What for?
Come on, turn that car around.
I must know it this means.
But Johnny, you were in
such a temper when you left ..
Your probably didn't have any
idea how fast you were going.
It really is serious, Johnny.
You bet it is. 80 in a 15 mile zone.
Why that speedometer isn't
capable of going to 35.
But Johnny, the speedometer
isn't in jail. You are.
You know how judges are
nowadays about speeding.
What's more, you've
liquor on your breath.
I haven't had a drink.
Possibly not.
Sometimes it's just a little touch
of toothpaste on the breath.
In fact, our firm is getting
one out right now.
Listen! I need a lawyer.
Oh but a lawyer would only irritate
the judge and ruin everything.
Yeah, whats "everything"?
Darling, do you ever talk generalities?
I would if I were in jail.
Now see here. I married you as a favor
because I thought you needed protection.
But that was a mistake. You don't
need protection. I need protection.
I'm going to get out of here.
Of course you are darling.
On probation.
Of course.
Yes, you'll be paroled for six months.
To your wife.
I've talked to the judge.
I have some influence.
I'll say you have.
In the circumstances he'll be lenient.
Of course, you can't leave the state.
No. We'll go back to the hotel and
live and everything will be swell.
Just as a I thought: framed.
Why, Johnny.
It's a trick to keep me shackled to you.
Well, the decision
remains with you, Johnny.
But have you ever been shackled
to a Florida chain-gang?
Hello Johnny.
Did you see a ball land?
Huh? Yes. Back there.
Did you lose one?
Is your wife with you?
Well .. I don't think so.
I mean if she were, we
may have a foursome.
I'm going around with Hortense,
but not professionally.
Pretty soon you'll be one of us.
Oh no no.
Here it is.
I want you to meet Hortense. Two couples
like us ought to get around together.
This is Johnny - Hortense.
How do you do. It's time we met.
Yes, rather.
Have you found the ball?
Right back there. I'll go get it.
I was telling Johnny that we ought to
have a foursome sometime with Mrs Jones.
Does your wife play?
Oh .. I think so.
Oh, you're not sure?
Well, I've seen you around a great
deal alone the last day or so.
Yes, I do quite a bit of that.
Oh I see. You're one of those
writers who like to be alone?
Well, not necessarily.
Have you the time?
Well I'm going back to
have tea at the clubhouse.
Would you like tea?
Oh thanks. With lemon.
Well, why don't you join me?
Alright, I'd love to.
Alright, let's go back.
Operator, get me
Western Union, will you.
I want to send a telegram.
Mr Pat Parker.
840 Laurel Avenue, Brooklyn.
"Come at once. Urgent."
"All expenses paid."
Signed "Daisy".
Yes, that's right.
Charge it to this apartment.
Oh yes, darling.
That's perfectly alright.
Oh, that will be grand.
Am I disturbing you?
Oh, not at all.
I was just talking to
an old beau of mine.
Were you?
That sounds promising.
Oh I haven't seen him for years. I don't
know whether I like him anymore or not.
Now you have me in the anxious seat.
Johnny, are you really so
anxious to get rid of me?
What do you think?
Oh, I'm a little bit afraid you are.
You know.
I'd never have got you into this mess if
I'd known how it was going to work out.
So you bought the judge to keep me here?
Next time you go shopping to get
your own way .. don't be a piker.
Try congress.
Oh but Johnny, I like
you terribly. Really I do.
I couldn't bear to think you'd run out
on me the first week we were married.
It won't be so terrible
for six months, will it?
Oh, I'm sure I can amuse myself.
Of course you can. I'm certain of that.
You know, you're perfectly free
to do whatever you want to.
Of course it will be easier for
you when Pat arrives because ..
Well, you won't have to
bother to take me places.
You can just go around and like
whoever happens to appeal to you.
Who wants to like anyone?
That seems to be an obsession with you.
I guess it is.
I want to like somebody terribly.
I'm hungry to love somebody
and have somebody love me.
Oh Johnny.
Johnny, can't you understand that?
No .. but .. good luck.
Listen, Walker.
I meant to fire you last week.
You're through Saturday.
I'm sorry I haven't made good, sir.
Well, I don't need a valet.
Every gentleman needs a valet, sir.
I'm no gentleman, I'm a heel! And what's
more I'm going to keep on being a heel.
As you wish.
Now listen.
If you'll tip me off if
I forget to be a heel.
Why, I'll let you stay.
You will be under the
closest observation, sir.
A cigarette?
Who is that riding with your wife?
An old friend. A chap named Parker.
You met him?
Nope. Haven't had time.
I've been too busy with you.
Well, let's go.
Why the interest? Look good to you?
Not so very.
Just familiar.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Daisy.
Don't cry.
Oh, Daisy dear.
Give me Miss Burke-Myers
apartment. Please.
Hello Johnny.
Just a minute, Daisy.
Oh, hello Johnny.
For tonight?
Why sure, I'd love to.
Alright. I'll call for you about seven.
Bye bye, dear.
Are you using The Casino this evening?
If you don't mind.
Well, I just usually stay out of
the place when you're there.
I think it's more comfortable for you.
But Pat dances so
beautifully that I thought ..
Alright. Tonight The Casino is yours.
I'll bury myself.
Oh, why do you have to act so abused?
Do I?
Well you'd like to make
people think you are.
It must be my unfortunate manner.
Oh yes?
Well, I'll spread a little
propaganda stuff, too.
I'll make people think that I'm abused.
Let's look in here.
But Daisy, you can't take
that black eye in there.
I can if he can take that
awful woman in there.
But they'll have it in the
papers that he socked you.
Well, it's about time he did sock me
and show a bit of human feeling.
Come on.
Good evening, Mrs Jones.
Good evening.
Something on the floor, please.
I like that table over there.
Yes, Mrs Jones.
Why, what in the world ..?
Hello, Aubrey.
Mr Davis of the Florida Star would
like to speak with Mr Jones.
Oh a reporter, huh?
I'll bet it's about us.
Well .. excuse me.
Oh, I'll be putting on my wrap.
Johnny, how about loosening up a little?
I must get something
hot or I'll get the can.
The boss has been on my tail for a week.
How much?
No, no. I mean the dope
on your wife's shiner.
You did it, didn't you?
Did what?
Blacken her eye.
This story has broken.
You might as well come across.
She's packing the brightest
lamp in The Casino.
A black eye?
What did you sock her for?
Over .. Parker, huh?
I'll be right down.
No thanks.
Tell Miss Burke-Myers
I'll meet her downstairs.
Yes, sir.
Hello, Johnny.
Say, is that black eye on the level?
Take a peep in the dining room.
They say I did it?
Everybody knows it, boy.
Come on.
Where we going?
I'm going to give you a good story.
Hey, wait a minute.
You did sock her, didn't you?
Sure I did. Like this .. and this ..
Hey, watch it.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Hey, that's good, that's fine.
There's your story. What is?
Well, a family fight. I stopped
her but she stopped me first.
Right. Can I print that?
Sure. Good!
What was it, anything exciting?
I'll tell you inside.
A table, Mr Jones?
Yes, for two.
This way.
Let's go.
Why, what the ..?
What's that?
Oh, that ..
Johnny, what happened?
I don't know, but she'll not put a
thing over on me with a black eye
Its fifty-fifty or nothing.
Where did they come from?
Well, I went shopping for mine.
She probably did the same thing.
Probably got it from that guy with her.
You know, she can buy anything.
I'll bet he did it on purpose.
I think I'll give him another.
Don't you dare.
I'm just going to smile it off.
I'm not going to lose
my poise, if it kills me.
Let's dance.
Oh Daisy, this is absurd.
Yes, it is.
Who? Oh Miss Burke-Myers?
Just a moment, please.
New York calling Miss Burke-Myers.
She's expecting it.
Hello Johnny. Having fun?
And how? And you?
She'll be having the time of
her life before long alright.
What do you mean?
We'll see.
Miss Burke-Myers. New York is
calling you on the telephone.
Uhoh. Wait for me in the bar will
you, Johnny? Sure.
A lemonade.
Yes, sir.
There he is.
You come back a little later.
Oh .. what will you have?
What's yours?
It smells wicked.
I'll have one of the same.
It looks like an epidemic, doesn't it.
Well, you started it.
Hadn't we better get
together on a story?
We did. The papers have it.
A scrap?
Hmm, so I'm told.
Sort of funny, isn't it.
I came here to tell you that I'm
really in love with someone.
Yes. He's the man I've been waiting for.
You've been awfully sweet about it.
Glad to help out.
Here's luck.
Everything is alright between
you and the Myers girl, isn't it?
You should be happy.
You taught me to like the life.
But you like her too, don't you?
I'll never marry again. Without love.
Nor I, Johny.
Mr Jones. Miss Burke-Myers wants
you to come up to her apartment.
Take me back to Pat, will you.
Check please.
Oh Mr Parker, this is my husband.
How are you?
Fine, except for the chapped
hands and chapped face.
Goodnight, Johny.
And have I got some
hilarious news for you.
You have?
Sit down.
What's the news? What is it?
That wife of yours is a fake.
A colossal fake.
Why she's no heiress.
What do you mean?
She's been promoted by the Appleby Cream
Corporation to advertize their business.
Where did you get that crazy idea?
I recognized that Parker person.
He's a motor Cop.
A what?
A motor Cop. He rides down Park Avenue.
Why, I was so certain, I engaged a
lawyer to investigate Daisy Appleby.
Why, she used to be a
cashier in a cafeteria.
How will that look when
I spill it to the papers?
Excuse me.
See you later, Johnny.
Send up all the reporters you can find.
I'll take the rest of this.
Why, Johnny.
Of course you're right.
We should keep up appearances.
Appearances, huh?
For the cream, I suppose?
Yes, that's it.
The cream for all and all for the cream.
What's the idea?
Where is your black eye?
Hey, wait a minute.
What's the idea?
Now that's for the Polo pnies.
Go on, get in there.
Where to? Any place,
Well ..
Shut up.
I was going to tell you something.
I wouldn't believe you anyway.
You little phony.
Phony? Then you know?
I know everything.
All except that two-wheeled Cop, Parker.
Hmm .. he's the biggest phony of all.
He's my sister's husband.
A nice family. All phonies.
If you don't mind my asking,
where are we going?
You're going home.
No I'm not, because I
haven't got a home.
Yes you have and
you'll stay in this one.
Because it's on an island.
I'm not so sure I'd
like love in a cottage.
It isn't a cottage. It's a shack.
Where do you people want to go?
Look .. he's one-up on us.