The Greatest of All Tina (2022) Movie Script
1
[bright music]
[suspenseful music]
[bright orchestral music]
[goat bleats]
[goat bleats]
[goat bleats]
[goat bleats]
[Lyla exhales]
As we enter tree pose,
we accept the earth's energy.
Let it surge through you
from the ground
up into your fingertips.
Hey, shoo.
And let's come back down and
let's finish in child's pose.
And down.
Very good.
Reach back and grab
the heels of your feet.
[goat bleats]
[Lyla exhales]
Find your breath.
[Lyla exhales]
Surrender your
stress and tension.
[Lyla]
Let your worries and fears...
drip off your shoulders
like rain.
[urine trickles]
[Lyla] Let your ego drop,
like stones in a flowing river.
-Namaste.
-Namaste.
Tina! Thanks for
coming to my class.
-What'd you think?
-I got pooped on.
Wow. You're so lucky.
-I am?
-Yeah! It's a great honor
to have a goat be that relaxed
with you.
-Namaste.
-Namaste.
That's what my boss told me
to say.
[Tina chuckles]
Anyway,
thanks
for wearing the pants.
I really appreciate it.
No, thank you.
They're super cute.
Namaste.
Do you think that
they'd sell them
in the studio shop area?
You know, Namaste.
I don't see why not.
I'll ask Barb about it.
Oh, my God. You are the best.
No, I love you.
I appreciate this so much.
[Lyla] I love you, too.
-You're the best.
-Okay.
[bright music]
[horn honks]
[paper rustles]
And that is the beauty
of the Slender Slim System!
You do zero work,
but you lose mega pounds.
No, [chuckles] Diana.
I don't think
you're truly grasping it, Diana.
Diana. That is a lovely name,
by the way.
-Where's Sasha?
-Shh!
I'm so sorry about that, Diana.
Diana?
Hello?
Hell--
God damn it!
[gentle music]
What're doing in here?
Oh.
Oh, gross. Come on.
[Lloyd] Hey, I was this close
to making that sale.
This close.
You know I hate it
when you do that.
You can't leave babies
alone in bathtubs.
-What if she would've drowned?
-Did she?
Did she drown?
There's not even any water
in the tub.
But did I not make my sale?
Did I?
She was sitting
in her own poop, Lloyd.
Where?
Hey, you promised me
you'd do better.
This is really disappointing.
Here we go again.
Another fight
where you are upset
about something
that could have,
but did not happen!
Instead of being satisfied
with the reality
of the situation.
Your daughter was sitting
in her own filth, Lloyd.
Is that not reality
enough for you?
[baby crying]
Whatever. Sorry.
I want you to mean it
and not just say it
to shut me up.
Will you grab me a carrot?
Then I am sorry
from the bottom of my heart.
We need more beer.
I don't know
if we can afford it.
Things are really tight
this month.
Money, money, money, money.
You know, we'd have more money
if you'd let me make my sale.
You sell any furry pants today?
[sighs] I have to pee.
Can you feed her?
[melancholy piano music]
[phone thuds]
[sighs]
[sewing machine clacks]
-Mom?
-Hey, Tina.
Your mom can't come to the
phone right now.
Her hands are all gunky,
covered with salmon. [growls]
[giggles]
Hi, honey! I want a pair
of those fluffy pants.
Oh, and one for Jocelyn, too.
-Okay.
-Mama, mama!
I'm sorry to put this on you,
but the rent is due,
and I don't have the money
to pay it.
[sighs] Okay.
We have been down this road
before. Haven't we, Tina?
I get it, Gary.
I do, but if I don't get
that rent money, then-
-Is everything okay?
-Oh, everything's fine, dear.
She's just calling to say hello.
That's not true! I need money!
You too, Tina!
Have a good night.
I love you!
[phone bleeps]
[laughs]
[Tina] If we push power
and gas to next month again,
and maybe we can cancel
the cell phone plan,
ask for a refund, and just
restart it after we pay rent,
and then we can
stay another month.
Except the insurance
payment is due as well.
Is that a new phone?
[Sasha cries]
Yeah.
-Lloyd!
-I'm a salesman, okay?
So...
Image. It's an investment.
You think going from an 11
to a 12 is a good investment?
It's gonna be fine.
You know,
it's not gonna be fine.
We got an eviction notice.
Can we just go inside
and try to have a nice time,
please?
Okay, but I don't think
this conversation is over.
We need to talk seriously
about our finances.
I just miss
when we didn't only talk
about money and the baby.
-Lyla!
-[Lyla] Hey!
[water splashes]
Oh! You do not know
how much I needed this.
Thank you, guys.
You got it, broham.
[Lyla] You guys sure
you don't wanna come in?
Water's warm!
Yeah, I'm okay.
You guys enjoy it.
Like I was saying,
demand has been
through the roof.
They're expanding my schedule,
and I get a nice little pay bump
along with it!
I'm so proud of you, babe.
[Lyla giggles]
So, it's goat yoga?
Like living goats, right?
I mean, how does that work?
Well, they're super cute.
They bounce around
and they help you connect
and, you know,
connect to your center.
Tina came.
Oh, and a goat pooped on her.
[group laughs]
Are you serious?
It was so gross.
Oh, man. I wish
I would've seen that.
Um, hey, were you gonna
talk to Barb about the pants?
Oh, yeah, and we're all set.
Oh, my God. Did you hear that?
I'm gonna be a one-woman
factory and make a bunch.
Yeah, they're so cute.
They'll sell, for sure.
Not like those ugly
furry ones, right? [laughs]
You guys should've seen those.
[Lyla mumbles]
[Lloyd chuckles]
[gunfire and music from TV]
Honey?
Uh, please.
You okay, babe?
Your energy feels...
You ever feel like
you're being pushed
into a little ball?
Like you're at the bottom
of the ocean and all the weight
of all the water
is bearing down on you.
Except, it's not water.
It's responsibility,
and doubt,
and anger,
resentment,
fear.
Not really,
but things will work out
for you. You'll see.
If we don't pay
our rent tomorrow,
we're gonna be evicted.
[Lloyd] Ooh!
Nice kill.
[chuckles]
And he doesn't...
I'm sorry, this is ugly of me,
but do you think that--
Tina, you're too in your head
about the future.
You need to be more
in the now. Like the goats.
The goats?
Goats don't worry
about the future
or dwell in the past.
They're relaxed and present
in the moment.
They just are.
But I'm not a goat.
I'm a human.
[sighs] I was just saying. Jeez.
[gentle music]
[Sasha cries]
Can you get her?
[Sasha cries]
Lloyd, can you please get her?
Lloyd?
[Tina] It's okay.
Come here.
Come here.
[knocks on door]
[Landlord] You gotta
pay up or get out, Tina.
I just got a huge order
for new pants,
so as soon as the supplier
pays, I'll have your money.
So, you don't have
the rent money?
[landlord sighs]
[gentle music continues]
Looks like it's gonna be
just you and me
for a little while, kiddo.
Things are gonna turn around,
though. I just know it.
[engine struggles]
I said things are gonna
turn around, though.
I just know it.
[engine struggles]
I said things are gonna turn
around though. I just know it!
[screams]
[Sasha cries]
I got kicked out!
So I've come to visit
with you guys.
[screams]
You know
she can't stay here, right?
Oh, I don't see why not.
Because if we let her stay
now, she'll never leave.
Baby. You're being so dramatic.
She's hurting.
If we coddle her now,
it'll only hurt her further.
She needs to learn
how to face the world
as an adult.
-Not a child.
-[sighs]
What she needs
is love and compassion
from her mommy and step-daddy.
-Baby.
-Aww.
-Baby.
-Baby.
I've seen what her vibe
does to you.
I only want what's best
for you.
-Aww.
-And her.
You're so thoughtful.
My polar bear.
[growls]
[giggles]
Oh.
You're sitting like a big girl!
You're sitting like a big girl.
Look at you.
Where's your little cheek?
Do you know where your cheek is?
There's your cheek,
right there.
Where's your nose?
Show me your nose again.
That's your mouth!
Where's your nose?
Nose.
Nose! Yay! [giggles]
-You're so good with her.
-[Pam chuckles]
She's my little ooky booky!
Are you my little ooky booky?
-[Sasha cooes]
-[Pam] Ooh!
[gentle chime music]
Okay.
Hey, I know you're not happy
about this arrangement.
-But I promise-
-Tina, you're family.
You can stay as long
as you like,
but I want you out of here
as soon as possible.
[gentle music]
[sewing machine clacks]
[Tina sighs]
[phone vibrates]
[sighs]
Oh, my God, Lyla,
you are never gonna believe
the shit time I've had
since I left your house,
but I am pleased to report
I've got all the pants ready.
[Lyla] Oh, bummer.
You're telling me.
Uh, no, because
I talked to Barb again,
and it turns out
we actually
have an exclusive deal
to sell lululemon
apparel at the store.
So, we can't sell your pants,
but...
why don't you and Lloyd
come back over for dinner
and we can drown your sorrows
in a bottle of wine?
Well, he, uh...
I gotta go.
[sighs]
Oh. Yeah, sure,
just lie in bed all day.
It's not like this is
my office or anything.
[goat bleating]
-[eerie music]
-[goat continues bleating]
[Lyla's voice] You're too in
your head about the future.
You need to be more in
the now. Like the goats.
-Goats, goats, goats, goats.
-[goats bleating]
Mom? I need you to take care
of Sasha for me.
I'm doing my kegels.
Please? I need this right now.
Is everything okay?
You're worrying me.
Yeah, everything's fine.
Just please take her?
[Pam] Okay,
let's go see the whale.
And you'll take good care
of her?
[chuckles] Of course I will,
honey.
I can't believe
you're asking me that.
You be good, okay?
-Mommy loves you.
-[Pam] Okay, say bye-bye.
Say bye-bye.
My little bubba chubba.
[sewing machine clacks]
-[eerie orchestral music]
-[sewing machine clacks]
Where's the puppy?
-Where's the puppy?
-Here?
That's not a puppy!
Where's the little lamb?
Where's the little lamb?
There's a little lamb!
Where's the mommy?
Where's the mommy?
Gary, it's nice
we get to spend time
with our little granddaughter!
Yeah, a little time's nice,
but uh,
it's gone on quite a while.
-I'm going.
-Yeah.
You know, you're right,
actually.
I'm gonna go find Tina.
Come on, let's go find Mommy.
Come on, let's go find Mommy!
We're gonna get her, yeah.
Let's go find Mommy!
Let's go find your mommy,
princess. Where is she?
Tina?
Tina?
Are you in the potty?
No.
Tina?
-[child laughs]
-[dog barks]
Gary?
Gary.
I think I need your help.
Something's wrong with Tina.
You could've used my help
30 years ago, when you were
raising that child.
Excuse me?
I did the very best I could,
thank you very much.
It was not easy raising
her as a single--
Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is,
I need your help, Gary!
Get off your ass!
[suspenseful orchestral music]
[bright whimsical music]
Honey?
What are you doing out here?
Just enjoying the sunshine.
Why are you dressed like that?
I'm a goat.
[laughs]
I get it! That's--that's funny.
It's not meant to be.
Oh, then I guess
I don't get it.
There's nothing to get.
I'm a goat.
[sighs] No, Tina, you're not.
You're Tina. Not a goat.
Tina, the goat.
-[sighs]
-Okay, Tina, this is cute.
But our neighbors
may be watching,
so now it's time to come in.
I wanna stay here, so I will.
Uh... [chuckles]
What about baby Sasha?
She--she wants her mommy.
That is a human,
and I'm a goat.
Yeah, it'd be pretty reckless
and irresponsible of you
to leave a human child
with a goat, don't you think?
Oh.
Who knows
what could happen to her?
[Tina bleats]
This is by far the most
bizarre thing she's ever done.
-[phone rings]
-Honey, what are we gonna do?
We're gonna send her
to the damn loony bin.
That's what we're gonna do.
[Pam] Honey, she's just
having a hard time.
She just needs
a good night's sleep.
Pam, she's acting like a goat.
Hi!
Yeah, no, no. No, that's my
stepdaughter, she's fine.
She's doing one of those
art installation things.
[chuckles] Yeah,
I know. Yeah, right?
Thanks. Bye.
-[sighs] That was
the neighborhood watch.
-Get her in the car right away.
We're taking her
to see Dr. Morvareed.
Dr. Morvareed.
He'll fix her right up.
[suspenseful orchestral music]
Okay, Tina!
We're gonna go on a nice
little trip in the car.
Why don't you come with us?
I got a lot going on,
so I think I'll just
stay right here.
But you're not actually
doing anything. [chuckles]
I know. Isn't it great?
Tina, why don't
you get in the car?
-[bleats]
-You're gonna get in the car,
right this instant,
and go see the doctor,
young lady!
Goats don't see doctors.
They see veterinarians.
That is it, Tina!
You're going to get in the car.
Don't mess with me, old man,
unless you want a taste
of my horns.
[Gary] Oh, okay. Come on,
you're...
-[screams]
-[Gary] Oh, stop that!
Get in the car!
[Gary grunts]
[Gary groans]
My gonads!
[screams]
[Gary groans]
[Pam] Tina.
You have a visitor.
[Dr. Morvareed] Hello.
I'm Dr. Morvareed.
[Tina snorts]
[Pam] Tina! don't be rude.
[Dr. Morvareed]
Oh, that's perfectly all right.
Could I bother you
for some tea, please?
-[Pam] It's my pleasure.
-[Dr. Morvareed] Thank you.
So, uh...
You are a goat, huh?
Yep.
And, uh, have you
always been a goat, or uh,
this is a new thing?
It's new. Being a human sucks,
so I decided to become
a goat instead.
Why a goat?
Why not a...
A horse, or a bird?
Why are you a human?
Are you confronted
by my question?
[Tina]
Goats don't get confronted.
So, you are a human
pretending to be a goat.
Not actually a goat, right?
I mean, I guess I'm pretending
in the same way
as when I was human I was
pretending to be human.
Okay.
You like being a goat?
[chuckles] Yeah, it's the best.
Why don't you
tell me what it is
that you like
about being a goat?
Have you been
around goats before?
They get to just
frolic in the sun,
and do whatever they want.
They've got no
responsibilities of any kind.
They just eat and poop.
That sounds nice, but
it's sort of, uh, limiting.
Not really a full life.
I don't see it that way,
but you're free to.
Oh, by the way,
your mother told me
that you have a one-year-old.
It's hard raising a child.
[Tina] Do you have kids?
[Dr. Morvareed] One.
My wife had a hard
time for a while,
but eventually, things
evened out for her.
Uh... [clears throat]
Do you feel depressed?
Not anymore.
[crunching]
The feathers went everywhere.
My kitchen's a mess.
My house is a mess, Gary.
It's becoming kind of obvious.
Isn't it, honey?
-Baby, come on.
-[Pam sighs, gasps]
Doctor.
Doctor, is she crazy?
What do you think?
Well, she's definitely having
a minor psychotic episode.
Likely brought on
by depression and stress.
But she does not seem
to be a danger
to herself or to others.
-Tell that to my testicles.
-Can you fix it?
-His testicle?
-No! My daughter.
Oh, she seems to be
aware of what she's doing.
-Like I said, not a threat.
-I looked it up online.
It seems like she's displaying
major lycanthropic delusions.
I mean, we should probably
institutionalize her, right?
We are not
institutionalizing her, Gary!
[Dr. Morvareed] Well, in Tina's
case, I think she just needs
anti-depression and
a break, honestly.
-A break?
-Yeah,
she's gone through
a lot of hardships,
and needs time to
reflect and process.
Thank God I'm gonna get
my daughter back! [gasps]
Thank you, Doctor.
That will be $800.
Oh.
[Sasha] Mama!
[cheerful whimsical music]
Hello!
Beautiful daughter of mine.
Oh, I see you've helped
yourself
to the contents of the fridge
and the cake I bought
for Gary's birthday.
It's nice to see you
eating people food,
and standing on two legs.
Maybe you'd like to
eat one of these?
[snorts]
Goats don't eat pills.
I'm pretty sure they do.
They go to the...
Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is, you're not a goat.
You're my daughter.
And if you take one of these,
you might start to feel better
and wanna take care of
your own daughter and,
and get ahold of your life!
-[cake thuds]
-[Pam gasps]
I am a goat.
Now and forever.
The quicker you come
to terms with that,
the better off we'll all be.
[Pam gasps]
Animal!
[hurried footsteps clack]
[cheerful music continues]
Tina!
Beautiful daughter of mine.
Where are you?
I made you a snack!
-[Tina bleats]
-[gasps, screams]
Oh, hey, baby. How you doing?
I picked up another box
of beef from Murphy's.
I know we got a freezer
full, but they're hurting...
What's going on?
[muffled glass shatters]
[sighs]
So, when's dinner?
[whines]
-It's gonna be okay.
-I can't take it anymore.
Well, what happened?
First--first she
wouldn't take her pill.
And then she was
all up in the trash!
-And then, Gary,
she was on the roof.
-On the roof?
I'm losing it, Gary!
I'm losing it!
[sighs]
It's gonna be okay.
[gentle music]
[food crunches]
Tina, when you decided that
you wanted to be a drummer
in a punk band, I just watched,
as your mother jumped
out of her skin,
every single time
you banged one of those cymbals.
And then you decided
you wanted to be a painter,
and you covered the walls
with your designs
and you massacred your mother's
tasteful paint selections
for this house.
I just stood by, didn't I?
But this?
This right here?
This is too far, young lady!
Now, listen. You got one
chance to take this pill.
If you don't take it,
things are gonna get messy.
It's not wise to
threaten a goat.
You are not a--
[breathes deeply]
Say goat. One more time.
No, no! Say it one more time.
Say goat, Tina.
-Goat.
-[Gary screams]
That did it! That is it!
You're gonna take this.
You're gonna eat it, eat it!
[screams] God dang it!
What is wrong with you?
Why are you like this?
Gary, stop it! That's
my beautiful daughter!
[sighs] She is sick, Pam.
She needs professional help!
No. No, no, no.
You are not taking
her to a professional.
They'll take out
part of her brain,
and turn her into a zombie.
-I saw it in a movie!
-She needs an exorcism.
What she needs is
kindness and caring,
and understanding
from her family.
She's gonna turn this
around, Gary. You'll see.
She was such sweet girl.
[Tina farts]
[grunts]
I am sorry. I was
a terrible mother!
I don't know. Maybe it was
that preschool I sent you to.
They had all that experimental
stuff with the farm animals.
I don't know, you got
pregnant so young,
and then I should've
been there for you.
I should've been there for you.
But you did poop on
my dining table, Tina.
[Pam whimpers]
[mellow acoustic music]
I give up trying
I'm tired
Can't keep on striving
I surrender
What might happen
If I let go...
Okay, so, as I understand it...
Yeah, I'm sorry, Gary.
Could you explain it to me
again?
[chuckles] Yeah,
I completely understand.
It's the most ridiculous
and outrageous story.
-No, no.
-My stepdaughter, Tina,
is pretending that she's a goat
and I was hoping to put
some sense into her head,
that she could stay here,
and learn what it's like
to be a goat.
-Well, this ain't a goat farm.
-Yeah, I know that.
-That's okay.
-You know, I don't know
what to tell you, Gary.
I already got too many mouths
to feed as it is.
She'd just need to roam
your fields and stay
in your barn.
And I am sure
after a couple of days
of farm living,
she will be ready to come
back home and act right.
Still, I don't know.
Well...
[sighs]
I'll pay you $50 a day.
Well, hell, why didn't
you start with that?
Mainly raise beef cattle,
but she can sleep in the barn
with the lambs, I suppose.
Well, that'll do nicely.
This here's my brood.
Jeremiah, Mary, Chewbacca.
Howdy.
Their mother was a big
"Star Wars" fan.
This is the man here
to buy the manure, Daddy?
No. No, he'll be by later.
This man is here
to drop off his daughter
who thinks she's a goat,
and she is to live here
till uh...
till she doesn't feel like it
anymore, I suppose.
Why a goat?
Mind your manners, boy,
or you'll get the saddle.
[Gary] Uh, you have
a really nice family.
Yeah, their mother, God bless
her soul, used to keep 'em
whipped in shape,
acting as God intended, but...
[sighs]
she ain't with us anymore.
So they've gone down Satan's
pathway, one too many times.
I am so sorry.
When did she pass?
She didn't. She left us.
Moved to Florida to be
closer to Disney World.
-Lives in Kissimmee.
-[Tina] Kill you, old man!
[groans]
Damn you, Gary!
What the hell is this?
Slow it down.
Am I on a farm?
Oh, my god, Gary.
This is perfect.
-It is?
-Yeah.
Hey. Okay.
Loosen this rope, old man.
Name's Murphy.
And I don't believe I ever seen
a talking goat.
You ever seen that before,
Gary?
No, sir.
I don't think I ever have.
All right, Tina. Let's
get you to your stable.
You loosen this rope, old man,
unless you wanna
be choked with it!
Feisty.
All right. Let's see
how that plays out.
Okay, Gary,
I'll give you a call
if your problems get solved.
[trunk door slams]
Welcome home.
Wow. This looks cozy.
Yeah, I might wanna
sleep under the stars.
I figure in here,
at least you won't shiver
to your death overnight.
Some hay for you over there.
Sheep shouldn't have got
too much manure on it.
[Murphy] Oats in the mornin'.
[sighs] This will do nicely.
What is daddy thinking
letting some crazy girl
stay in the barn?
-Who knows?
-What's it matter?
You're okay with some lunatic,
who thinks she's a goat,
staying in the barn?
I think she's kinda cute.
You think all girls
are kind of cute.
No.
She won't last a week out here.
Tina?
-Tina?
-[door closes]
Oh, Gary. I can't
find Tina anywhere!
We need to send
out a search party.
No, no, no. She's not lost
or anything like that.
I took her to some
place that can help.
Did you take her to an asylum?
[chuckles] No, no.
Nothing like that.
I took her to a place that...
can help goat girls.
They'll give her the love and
the care that she deserves.
You have nothing to worry
about.
Aww, thank you.
Gary, are they gonna
electroshock my baby?
You have nothing
to worry about.
[gentle music]
Go on now! Get
your ass outside!
Get that zappy
thing outta my face,
or else it's going inside you.
Jeremiah! Quit it.
That thing's for cattle,
not goats.
But it is time for you
to start earning your keep, so,
you better get yourself chewing
on that grass, you hear?
[gentle music continues]
All right.
Now, go on and do it.
You seriously want
me to eat grass?
I mean, unless you're
not really a goat?
No. I'm a goat
and I love grass.
Mm. Delicious.
I can't wait
to eat this entire field.
Hey, you missed a spot.
[Mary] We'll be back later on to
make sure you've done your part.
Try not to eat any sheep shit.
So, I was thinking
about mowing, but later.
That girl acting right?
That some kinda joke?
Yeah, she's okay.
Grab a seat.
Family business needs
discussed.
Now, as you're all aware,
last year wasn't great
for the cattle market.
It was a hard year
and we are hanging on
but by the grace
of the good Lord.
I'm looking for ways to offset
some of our loss.
No bad ideas. I'm willing
to hear anything you got.
What about, uh...
We could do something
extra with the cattle?
We're already selling 'em
for meat, leather, and wool.
What about we,
um, we do something
that can, like, make us money?
So, there are some
real perverts in town.
What if we invite them
to come to the farm
and charge them to
have sex with the cows?
-Whoa!
-What the fuck, Mary?
What? I don't see you
bringing anything to the table!
No one is having sex
with my cows!
Maybe we could sell
some of the land.
Cows don't have enough
room to graze, as it is,
but sadly, that might be it.
Sell it all, I say.
Why don't you boys
have some dessert?
[melancholy piano music]
So, how serious is it, Daddy?
Serious as a frost
before the harvest.
We'll figure something out.
Hey, you done pretty
good with that grass,
but you missed a spot.
You did that one already.
Yeah, well what
the hell you standing
like that for, anyway?
People stand up. Not goats.
Shut up, Jer.
That ice cream
looks pretty good.
[chuckles] It's real good.
It's too bad you
can't have none.
You can have some
of mine, if you want.
No. Goats only
eat hay and straw.
Goats can eat whatever
the hell they want.
Including ice cream.
Well, if that's the case,
it shouldn't matter.
-What the hell, Jer?
-Look, if she's a goat,
she can eat off the ground!
Ain't a problem!
Yeah, but I was eating that!
Hey, you deserve
better than that, miss.
Let me help you out.
[laughs] She's eating
out of my hands.
Thank you.
[warm music]
What the hell?
-I know you're out there.
-Oh, uh, sorry.
I was just checking on
the sheep and stuff.
-How you getting on?
-Pretty good.
This hay is comfy.
That's probably why they
call it rolling in the hay.
Maybe.
I'm Chewbacca. Most
people call me Chew.
Which do you prefer?
Well, I figured my mama named me
Chewbacca for a reason.
But I don't get put down
if people call me whatever.
I'm Tina.
Yeah, I know.
Dad said you've come
to live with us for a while.
I guess I have.
I like your fur. It looks soft.
It is. You can touch it
if you want.
Oh, uh, I'd better
get back to my chores
before Dad threatens me
with the whip again.
He's old,
but that man is fierce.
Goodnight, Chewbacca.
Goodnight, Tina.
[sheep bleats]
Shut up. No, he doesn't.
Whichever y'all
finishes breakfast first,
go get our, uh, lawnmower
started on her day.
I'll go.
Something's wrong
with Chew, Daddy.
Something's always
been wrong with Chew.
Tina?
Tina?
[stomach grumbles]
You're at work nice and early.
Something in my stomach
isn't sitting right.
Oh, maybe Jeremiah
was right about goats
not being able to eat ice
cream.
Oh, God!
Oh, don't look!
[Jeremiah laughs]
Farm life don't seem to agree
with you now does it, girly?
-It hurts!
-[Chewbacca] It's all right.
We'll call the doctor for you.
Goats don't see doctors!
All right, we'll call a vet!
Hurry!
I've definitely seen this
on the internet.
-Hey, Mur.
-Hey, Doc.
Thanks for coming out.
Got a real interesting case
for you.
Yeah, a goat
you're looking after's
having some intestinal problem?
Yeah. Somethin' like that.
I didn't think
you raised goats.
Me neither.
Is this some kind
of prank, Murphy?
Ain't no prank, miss.
Just treat her like you would
any other goat.
Okay.
I don't know
what kind of sick shit it is
you've got going on here,
Mur, but I want no part of it.
-Oh, no, no.
-[Tina] Please don't leave.
My stomach really hurts.
Then go see a doctor!
Please just help me.
[sighs]
I'll leave you ladies to it.
Okay. Well... [sighs]
I'm Dr. Mercedes.
Tina.
You sure you wouldn't rather see
a people doctor?
Please just make my stomach
stop hurting.
[sighs] Okay. Let's see.
Oh, [passes gas]
it's coming!
[passing gas, grunts]
Oh. Okay.
[sighs]
Okay. Well...
Stomach pain.
Diarrhea. Gas.
What has your diet consisted of
lately?
I have been eating
a lot of grass.
You have worms.
I have worms?
I mean, I can give you something
that should clear that right up,
but [sighs] are you being held
here against your will?
Do you need help?
What? I live here in the barn.
-You live here?
-Yeah, it's nice, right?
Okay.
Well, if you don't
want worms again,
you'll stop doing whatever
this is, and stop eating grass.
Just give me the pills.
We're gonna take it nice
and slow tonight.
Really take the time.
Work it right up in there.
All the way in there.
-[phone rings]
-[sighs]
Blast.
I'll be back in a second, okay?
Mm-hm. I'll get her
all warmed up for you, baby.
-You do that.
-[giggles]
-Hello?
-[Murphy] Hi, Gary.
I needed to give you a call.
Tina come down
with a case of the worms,
but we had the vet come out
and she is on the mend.
Worms? That's great!
I bet she's close to giving up
the goat, so to speak.
Actually, she's taken
a real shining to our farm.
Yeah, and getting along
well with the other animals.
Doing a heck of a job keeping
the grass nice and trim.
[chuckles] Hell, I feel like
I should be paying you.
Um... Actually,
if some sort
of rehabilitation's
what your figure would
be going on here,
I reckon you oughta find
someplace else for her.
Oh, well, you know,
if she's doing that great there,
then far be it from me
to take her away.
You know what?
I gotta run, Murphy.
Missus is calling.
[chuckles]
Give her my love.
[sheeps bleat]
[Mary] All right, come on.
Come on!
Why are y'all so scared.
Come on.
[Tina] Man, they're cute.
[Mary] Yeah.
I like your flannel.
Oh.
Thanks. My boyfriend Franklin
gave it to me.
He's so sweet.
I feel bad 'cause it's already
got a hole right here, see?
I could fix that for you.
That's an odd trick for a goat.
[warm piano music]
-You're good at that.
-[Tina] Thanks.
I used to enjoy making clothes.
Did you make your goat costume?
My mama used to sew up
the holes,
back before she left us.
Things were a lot
simpler back then.
-What happened to her?
-It was a while back.
I think it all just
became too much for her.
Living on the farm,
raising three kids,
doing the same thing every day
with the same people.
That wasn't the life she wanted.
So, she left.
It hurts,
but I respect her for it.
Hell, she got out
at the right time, honestly.
How so?
I've said a lot already.
I don't wanna bore you
or put my troubles
on your shoulders.
Goats don't get bored.
Well, even in a banner year,
the farm makes just
enough money to survive,
and these last few
winters haven't been kind.
Once we sell the animals
off for meat and hide,
I'm not sure we're gonna have
enough to keep the farm going.
I am so sorry. I had no idea.
Like I said.
Don't wanna trouble you.
[warm music continues]
Hello.
[sheep bleat]
Oh, [chuckles] you're right.
[Tina bleats]
[sheep bleats]
[bleats]
[sheeps bleat]
-[Tina bleats]
-[sheeps bleat]
Come on, girl.
Come get this fruit.
Come on!
[sheep bleats]
[Tina bleats]
Come on. Get this fruit.
[Tina bleats]
[fruit crunches]
[chuckles]
[warm music continues]
[Jeremiah] That ain't right.
[Mary] Why does it bother you
so much?
Well, you know Chew.
He's gonna fall head
over for that girl,
and she decides she don't
like a farm no more,
his heart's gonna be broken.
Nah. This ain't like
it was with Susie Myers.
Or Mama.
He'll be okay.
[Jeremiah] You agree with me,
don't you, Daddy?
That girl
ain't no good for Chew.
-Who?
-Goat girl.
[Murphy] Bring some hay
to the deep cattle.
[cow bellows]
[cow bellows]
[cow bellows]
-It's all right, I guess.
-I don't know.
It seems really tiring
working all day like that.
Oh, it's better than
working at a desk.
And this way, I get to be
on the earth and stuff.
Hey, Chew. Daddy wants you.
All right. See you around.
[Tina] See ya.
-I know what you're doing.
-And what's that?
[chuckles] Why don't
we take a little walk?
[suspenseful percussive music]
All right.
Now, since you're a goat,
that means your livestock,
and livestock around here
does not just go around,
all willy nilly,
without being marked.
"Marked"?
Branded.
Are you being
serious right now?
Well, you are a goat
on this farm, ain't you?
You're outta your hick mind,
if you think that's happening.
I ain't got to listen
to the livestock.
[tense music continues]
What you want, Dad?
A six pack.
Uh, all right.
You want me to head into town
to get you one?
That's mighty
Christian of you, son.
Uh, is there anything else
you need?
Why are you asking me that?
What do you want from me?
I don't know.
Jeremiah said you needed me.
I don't know why that
boy does anything he does.
[tense music continues]
[Chewbacca] Shit!
Hey. Hey, what
about my six pack?
You better go on
and get outta here!
[growls]
Yah! Yah!
Go on now!
-I'm gonna brand your ass!
-[Tina growls]
-[head thuds]
-[Jeremiah groans]
-[flesh sizzles]
-[Jeremiah screams]
Smells like barbecue!
[Jeremiah] This is fucked up.
You brought it
on yourself, man.
Well, I thought
she'd finally run away,
and get the hell outta here!
Why would you do that?
Don't do that.
That girl's no good for you,
Chew, and this proves it!
I like her, man.
Don't mess this up for me.
You shouldn't be getting
involved with people like her.
You're not my keeper.
Well, I don't wanna see you
mope around the closet again
when she realizes
this place sucks.
Y'all? Um...
-Why is your ass out?
-The damn-
No, don't tell me.
I don't wanna know.
Listen, I got something
I gotta tell both of you,
before Daddy comes in.
Franklin asked me
to move in with him.
[Jeremiah] Hey! Congratulations.
I'm glad someone's getting
outta this shit hole.
So, you're moving out?
-I mean,
I know Daddy's not
gonna be pleased about it,
but I'll still come help out,
most days.
Well, how often
will you be back?
Well, I don't know, Chew.
I don't think the farm
can survive without you.
Shut up! Just let her be happy.
What're you gonna tell Daddy?
I don't know.
Maybe to use Tina's free labor?
Well, I'm sure
he'll understand, and
if not, he can rot.
And we'll be fine here, but
it'll be a cold day in hell
before I work with
that goat bitch.
[Mary sighs]
-[wind blows]
-[birds chirp]
[Sasha cries]
Oh, there there,
my screeching little angel.
Grammy Pammy's here.
Oh, yeah. Somebody's
a little fuss bucket, huh?
Yeah.
I know you miss your Mommy.
[Tina] How's Jeremiah's butt?
[Chewbacca] Ah, it's okay.
[Tina] Can't believe
he came at me like that.
[Chewbacca] Yeah, he could
be real wicked, Jeremiah,
but he ain't all badness.
[Tina] Yeah, you, Mary and
Murphy all kinda look alike,
but Jeremiah, I don't know.
Is he adopted?
[Chewbacca] I don't know.
[Tina] Hey, what's the matter?
[Chewbacca] What you mean?
You're shoveling
the shit kinda sadly.
Oh, uh...
I guess I'm sad 'cause
Mary's moving in
with her boyfriend.
What?
Why are you sad about that?
You should be happy.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
You know, Jeremiah and Ma
look a lot alike,
and Jer was her favorite.
So it hit him the hardest
when she left.
And now Mary's leaving.
I hate when people leave.
I know what you mean.
Oh, my mom was a mess
when my dad left.
And Gary and I
have never seen eye to eye,
but he does right by my mom.
[Chewbacca]
When did your dad leave?
When I was eight.
I haven't seen him since.
[Chewbacca] Wow.
I'm sorry.
Heard the farm's in trouble
from Mary.
Yeah, and her
moving out won't help.
I wish I could solve
the problems, but
making money's hard.
Amen.
What're you gonna do
if you lose the farm?
I don't know.
Really? Nothing
else you wanna do?
Little Chewbacca didn't
wanna be an astronaut?
[chuckles]
I never figured on
doing anything else.
I have to be here.
Well, I wanted
to be an astronaut.
Then I wanted to be a musician,
and then a fashion designer.
Yada yada.
I thought you
wanted to be a goat?
I think you'd make a good goat.
Well, maybe if we lose the farm,
that's what I'll do.
[Tina chuckles]
-[Pam] Tina?
-Mom?
[gasps]
Are you still in that thing?
You haven't washed it
since you've been here?
Mom, you've come to the farm.
Oh, I'm your mom now, am I?
I didn't know goats
could have moms.
How else would
other goats be born?
I don't know! How else could
other humans be born, huh?
Well, this little human
is your little human,
and this little human
wants her human mommy back.
-No, thanks.
-[Pam] I am tired of this.
You need to come
and take care of your child.
I've let this go on long
enough!
-Mom.
-Tina, I am begging you!
Take your child!
-Mom, I can't right now.
-[Pam] Okay!
I'm just gonna leave her
here, right in the dirt!
You can't just
ignore her, can you?
You can't just let her die!
Don't you worry,
my sweet little grand baby.
Your mommy's gonna do the
right thing. I just know it.
[playful music]
[Tina whimpers]
Hey. Uh, Ma'am?
I don't think it's the best
idea to leave a baby here.
Tina?
[hay rustles]
-[Tina grunts]
-Tina?
Uh, I don't know what to do
with this here baby.
[Tina bleats]
-Yeah, I hear you, but...
-[bleats]
Tina, you can't just scream
your way out of this.
[Tina screams]
Well, I guess you can scream
your way outta this.
[gentle chime music]
[Pam sighs]
[Jeremiah]
What kind of psychopath
abandons her baby to be a goat?
You trying to get
an ass whooping, donkey?
No, no, no, she's perfect
for you. Just like Mama.
Ready to abandon her baby
at the drop of a hat.
[Mary] Here we go!
[playful music]
-[fist thuds]
-[Jeremiah groans]
[whimpers]
-Hey.
-I'm not here!
[Jeremiah]
Don't let me find you, Chew!
I'm gonna bust
your ass when I do!
Can I help you?
I don't come into your home
and mess with your things.
That's exactly
what you're doing.
-[Tina] Oh, whatever.
-Yeah, whatever.
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
Hey, he's just mad 'cause
I punched him in the cock.
That does make people mad.
Are you all right?
You seem upset.
I'm fine.
Goats don't get upset.
You know, Mary loves babies.
She's gonna take good care
of your little girl.
Hey, we'll keep her
fed and everything until...
I don't know...
Uh...
Life's hard.
Yeah.
There are things
that we think we want,
and then there are things
we know we shouldn't have.
And there are feelings
that we don't know
if I should listen to
them, or ignore them.
What I'm saying is you could
talk to me, if you want.
I appreciate that.
People expect you
to be things for them.
Things like a mother,
or a daughter,
or a lover, or a host of
other things, and I hated it
I hated having all these
expectations around my neck.
But being a goat?
I'm free of all that.
I don't have to be
anything for anybody.
I get to just be Tina.
Hey, what the hell, dude?
But I like you.
Did you not hear
anything I just said?
I heard it, but I like you
and how--
I thought you liked me?
Do you not like me?
I'm a goat, Chewbacca,
and you're a farmer.
[Chewbacca] So what?
So, it's not right.
People get it on with animals
all the time, Tina.
-It's okay.
-That's disgusting!
Please leave.
Wait. I didn't
mean it like that.
Look. I don't understand
what's going on with you.
I think you're being a goat
because you don't wanna do
the BS that everybody
has to do every day.
But has your life really
gotten any better?
You don't know a thing about
me or what I'm doing, okay?
You're just some sad
little farmer boy
who misses his mama,
can't get over it.
I'm a good man and I deserve
to be happy
and love someone. All right?
And why would I wanna be
with someone who could just
throw away their own kid
like that?
Jeremiah was right about you.
[fist thuds]
That's for whacking me
in the dick!
[door creaks]
[door closes]
How could you leave her
in a place like that, Gary?
I thought it would help.
You said it would fix it.
Now she's more of a goat
than she was before.
She's eating grass and dirt.
What happened to my
beautiful daughter?
Hey, hey, hey.
Baby. Baby.
[Gary sighs]
How about you and I, we just...
-get away from all this, huh?
-Gary.
How about we get away
from all these bad vibes?
-I don't wanna go anywhere.
-Oh, come on, baby.
I don't wanna
do anything, Gary.
Baby!
You've been upset
about this long enough.
It's time for you to break outta
the slump you're in, hm?
Don't.
-[Gary] What? try to
make you feel better?
-No.
You're trying to make
you feel better, Gary!
-Oh, come on.
-Oh, no!
You are always trying
to minimize my emotions.
I'm sad, Gary, okay?
And I'm depressed, okay?
I just can't be the...
happy, smiling wife
you always wanted!
-I'm not asking for that!
-Oh, yes, you are.
How does this turn
into you being mad at me,
when it's Tina that's
making you act like this?
It's Tina now, is it?
Why don't she just blame Tina
for all the problems
in the world?
Oh, wah, wah, wah!
Why don't you cry me
some more about it?
Oh, you scoundrel!
You scoundrel!
I always knew
you were an asshole.
[sighs] My mother
was right about you!
Pam, baby.
Come on, there has to
be something I can say
or do to make you stay!
[Gary groans]
-[car door slams]
-[car starts]
[car engine revs]
[thunder rumbles]
[somber music]
-This looks great.
-Mm-hm.
So, Daddy,
there's something
I wanna talk to you about.
-What the hell?
-No swearing.
Oh, so sorry.
There was no more food!
So, you know that me and--
Don't waste food!
Go on, Mary.
[doorbell rings]
[screams]
Damn that thing!
Looks like your
girlfriend's at the door.
She's not!
-This is bullshit.
-[Murphy] No swearing.
-What's up his ass?
-[door bell rings]
Jesus! Will someone
answer the damn door?
I'm moving in with Franklin!
I'll still be close by
and I'll be back to work
every day.
[rain splashes]
Well! [chuckles]
Ain't you a sight
for sore eyes?
Can I talk to Mary?
You can talk to me.
I'm on my time of the month
and I was hoping
maybe Mary
had some pads in the house?
On the rag, huh?
Now, what would a goat
need with a pad?
Do you prefer I bleed
all over the place?
Well, I can give you a diaper!
I'm not wearing a diaper.
Well, you know, see, typically,
we lock the livestock up
out there in the barn,
so the wolves don't get you.
Jeremiah, I am seriously
asking you for help right now.
The way you abandoned
your baby so easily? Honestly?
You should be sterilized.
Why are you so cruel to me?
-[bleak music]
-[rain splashes]
[Jeremiah] What the hell?
[dark music]
[Tina screams]
[thunder booms]
Just fucking hit me.
[Lloyd] Tina?
Lloyd?
What are you doing
out here in the rain?
[car door slams]
Let's get you inside.
[gentle piano music]
[Tina]
Did Pam get you to come here?
I talked to her.
Thought she was lying,
when she said you
were living on a farm.
Why are you in a costume?
I'm a goat.
Come on. Do you really
think this is gonna work?
I'm making it work.
I just can't believe that
you would go to this extent
to not sign the divorce papers.
I'm kidding, okay?
Look, I am ecstatic that
you didn't sign them.
Leaving you and Sasha
was the biggest mistake
of my life.
-I love you.
-How dare you.
-I know you're upset.
-Upset?
You left us, Lloyd.
I felt stifled, okay?
I thought I wanted freedom.
You can understand that, right?
-No, I can't.
-Come on.
Isn't it what this
whole goat thing is about?
Freedom to do
what you want, when you want?
The freedom to just exist?
It's not as free as you'd think.
It's just, I kept thinking
about when we were young and...
crazy, like the time
I got tickets for us
to go to Alaska for
your birthday, right?
And we spent four days
not sleeping,
and drinking and laughing.
I just want us to go
back to the good times.
We can't go back to how it was.
Life is messy and hard.
Yeah, it's gonna
be rocky at times,
but we'll get through it
together.
Life sucks, but...
with you, it's okay.
[chuckles]
Thank you.
So, come on. Let's get Sasha.
Let's get outta this barn.
We're not going
anywhere with you.
[chuckles] What?
I always want you to be
a part of Sasha's life, but...
you left.
Some things can't be undone.
This is who I am now.
[scoffs]
[rain splashes]
I really hope you find
what you're looking for
with this!
[car door slams]
[groans]
[sobs]
[sobbing]
[birds chirp]
Gary?
All right. Let's go.
Hey, let go of me!
I never thought
I'd meet the perfect woman.
And she is perfect
for me, your mom.
Perfect for me and everything
I'm into, in so many ways,
but you, you do something
that makes her crazy
and you're making me crazy,
and it's killing her!
So, we are gonna do
whatever it takes
to make you better
again, for her!
[Tina] Let me go, Gary!
I'm not going with you!
-[fabric tears]
-[Gary grunts]
If there's no more goat
for you to be,
then you can't be a goat!
-[foot thuds]
-[Gary groans]
Tina, come back!
You have to come back, Tina.
-I won't!
-You have to!
I have to prove to your mother
that I can fix you!
Tina, come on!
You've gotta come back!
-Get away, Gary!
-Tina, Tina!
I belong here!
Tina!
Come, Tina. Come on!
[groans]
Hands off my livestock.
Tina, you have to come back!
I'm sorry, Gary,
but I belong here.
Deal's off.
[brooding piano music]
That was wild.
I'ma go throw some cow shit
at her.
Seriously?
Don't you feel bad for her?
Hell no!
How can you even say that
when you're holding her baby?
If anything,
you should feel bad!
Jerry, there is a big difference
between being kind of a dick
and being a total dick,
and you are leaning toward
the wrong side of the sack.
[chuckles] Wait. Did you
just come up with that?
I'm serious!
Everyone is human.
Everyone is flawed.
And everyone deserves a bit
of grace from time to time.
Here.
Hey!
I'm-I'm Jeremiah.
It's nice to meet you.
[chuckles]
Wow. You are adorable.
[birds chirp]
Hey, Chew?
Are you in here?
[Chewbacca] Go away!
First you don't
want me to leave,
now you want to get rid of me?
You're gonna give me whiplash.
Hey.
[gentle piano music]
I'm sorry, Chew.
I know you don't want me
to leave,
but that's part of life.
Leaving home, sometimes.
Maybe Tina will stay,
and then who knows
what might happen
between you two?
Nothing's gonna happen.
She definitely wants to
be all over that knobby,
gangly body of yours.
No, she doesn't!
I tried to kiss her,
it got weird!
I don't wanna talk about it!
-Go away.
-[Mary] Chew.
Look.
I think that girl likes you,
but if she doesn't,
it's her loss,
because you are handsome,
and you're caring,
and loyal and kind.
And you're gonna make someone
a really,
really good husband, one day.
-You really think so?
-[Mary] Yeah.
Yeah.
I really, really think so.
Now quit being
a whiny little bitch
and get up out the closet.
-Okay.
-[Mary] Okay.
[gentle orchestral music]
You know, we held onto these,
'cause I was convinced
she was coming back and...
I thought she'd really
appreciate
that we held onto 'em.
-Aww.
-Oh, don't do that.
I was convinced,
you know? But...
She was sensitive.
And he was devastated.
And you came out here and...
we don't get a lot of women
on the farm
and all I could think is
he's gonna get attached
and have his heart broken.
I don't wanna break
anyone's heart.
Well, anyway, you can
wear these, if you want to.
Thanks, but goats
don't wear clothes.
-Why are you doing this?
-I'm not doing anything.
Why are you a goat
and not a person?
Goats have it
easier than people.
[Jeremiah] Do they?
Goats don't have
responsibilities.
They don't have to abide by
the unwritten laws of society.
They get to just be goats
and take it easy.
From where I'm sitting,
it don't look that easy.
Anyway. You wanna help me
bring this hay into the barn?
Can I have a pad first?
The mark on my ass says no.
[gentle music continues]
[Mary] I got something for you.
Oh, thanks.
Hey, congrats, by the way.
You moving out?
Yeah. I'm a little scared
about leaving the farm.
I've been here my whole life.
God, I make it sound
like I'm going more than
five miles down the road.
[Tina chuckles]
Well, I'm happy for you.
I hope it works out
with you and Franklin.
He's the one.
Mm, that's what I thought
when I married Lloyd.
Chew... [sighs]
Chew likes you.
I know.
Do you like him?
He's really sweet,
and gentle and earnest.
But so was Lloyd,
once upon a time,
and I just need my life
to be simple.
Well, whatever happens, [sighs]
I hope you stay here,
and fill in the hole that
I leave when I move out.
I think you're good
for this farm.
Yeah?
I gotta go put in this pad.
Right. Okay.
[gentle music continues]
-That's fine work.
-Oh, thanks, Murphy.
Hey, there's something
I've been wanting
to talk to you about.
So, I've got this friend
who teaches yoga and she has
a class with animals.
I was thinking that since you
already have so many here,
you could start something
where people from the city
get to interact with the animals
and you charge 'em for it?
It'll be cold in the earth
before I let hippies come
here and do yoga with my cows!
Okay, not yoga. I was
thinking like video calls?
You could call it
"Calls With Cows".
You're telling me
people would pay money
[chuckles] to have
a call with a cow?
Get a slick website, people
will pay for almost anything.
If you think enough people
will buy it, I'm all for it.
[gentle music continues]
-[Chewbacca] Hey.
-Hey.
What're you doing?
Well, you said
I'd make a good goat.
Here. I got you one, too.
I know it's not as fancy
as yours, but,
I figured since yours
is all torn up...
Tina, I'm really sorry about
what I said the other day.
I like you and if I have to
be a goat to be with you,
I'm gonna be the best
damn goat there is.
Except for you, of course.
You'd do that for me?
And more.
[warm orchestral music]
We're gonna have
nasty goat sex.
-[lively trumpet music]
-[Tina bleats]
[elephant trumpets]
[both bleat]
[elephant trumpets]
And that was goat sex.
And it was pretty bad.
-Did you just make a goat pun?
-Mm-hm.
I'm gonna have to reevaluate
this whole situation.
Shut up.
[upbeat music]
[both slurp]
I have to go to the bathroom.
Go ahead.
No, I mean I have
to go to the bathroom.
You're a goat now. Just
lift your flap and go for it.
What, here?
The world is your toilet.
I'm a shy pooper.
[Mary giggles] Oh, oh!
What in the sam hell
am I looking at here?
It's all right, Daddy!
Chew decided he was
gonna be a goat, too!
Ain't no son of
mine gonna be a goat.
It's all right, Pops.
It's not as bad as it looks.
I'll still get all my chores
done. I promise.
I will not have you bring
this embarrassment upon me.
What would your
mother have thought?
Don't look. It's shameful.
It's all right, Chew. Mama
would've been okay with it.
[gentle music]
[Chewbacca sighs]
[Tina] You okay?
I just can't get comfortable.
This is a lot harder than
I thought it would be.
[sighs] Me too.
Really?
I thought you made
it look so easy.
Oh, no. It's really hard.
But it is what it is, I guess
[sighs] I miss my bed.
Well, you know,
a goat can sleep in a bed.
[sighs] I miss cooked food.
You don't miss things
from being a human?
I miss my baby.
Well, she's in the house.
I can go get her if you--
No!
No.
I...
I could be dangerous.
Okay.
You think I'm a bad mother.
No.
I think you're a goat.
They say when your baby's born,
you'll feel this
overwhelming love.
But I didn't feel that for her.
They put her in my arms and...
I just felt empty.
I thought I'd get better.
Maybe it has, a little, but...
I don't know, Chewbacca.
Sometimes, I have these
dark, dark thoughts
and how can I be a
good mother to Sasha,
if I'm having these
terrible thoughts?
Thoughts are just thoughts.
Everyone has weird
ideas, sometimes.
Not like this.
When I was 16,
I liked this girl named Susie,
and I followed her,
all around the fair,
waiting to ask her out.
Of course, she knew
I was following her,
but didn't know why.
She freaked out
and told the police
I was stalking her.
When I finally got the
courage to ask her out,
things went south, really fast.
I had some bad
thoughts that night.
Really bad.
The important thing is
not to act on
those crazy thoughts.
I'm sorry you went through that,
but...
it doesn't change the fact
that I'm a bad mother to Sasha.
Trust me when I tell you,
a flawed mom is better
than no mom.
[sighs]
It's disgusting in here.
-You came back?
-I just came to get my pills.
I'm just gonna get them and go.
No, no, no. You don't
have to, you know.
[sighs] Yes, I do.
Oh, no.
Jesus, Gary. Don't do that.
I went to visit Tina to try
to convince her to be a person
so that things could get back
to normal and...
I failed. And it doesn't matter,
I realized it's okay
because she can come
and be with us, and she could
be a goat
and we'll let her be a goat.
And, I mean, she could be a lion
and she could chew us all up,
if that's what it takes
to make you come back home.
I don't know, Gary.
This has been hard for me.
And I didn't do the right thing
multiple times,
and I know that, and I know
what I did was wrong.
And I just want a chance
to re-earn your trust.
You can't just take a box,
and spill out all the contents
and then shove it back in.
-It doesn't work like that.
-I can try. Let me try.
[sighs] I don't know, Gary.
One chance?
Okay.
Okay?
Okay.
Jesus, Gary!
When was the last time
you brushed your teeth?
Sorry.
-[Tina growls]
-[ominous music]
[Mercedes] Okay, good.
One more big push!
[Tina grunts]
[ominous music continues]
[Chewbacca bleats]
[suspenseful orchestral music]
Hey.
Oh, I got a surprise for you!
Oh, no. I can't.
Look at her! Look
how happy she is!
[gasps]
[warm music]
My baby.
Oh, baby.
Mommy missed you so much.
I am so sorry I abandoned you.
I will never leave you again.
I know it's been hard,
but...
maybe this'll make things
easier.
No, she's a goat.
This isn't what I want.
[Chewbacca] What do you want?
I don't know.
Can I think about it?
-[distant waves crash]
-[warm music continues]
Figure out what you want?
Yes.
Well?
I want a cheeseburger.
And my phone
and a hot shower and...
Oh, my God. I want
out of this costume.
[chuckles]
-[fire crackles]
-[upbeat music]
[fire crackles]
What about that thing?
I think I'm gonna
keep it, for now.
Welcome, little lady.
My name is Murphy
and it is a pleasure
to finally meet you.
I'm Tina.
And I'm a person.
Well, Tina, how'd you like
a hot shower
and a home cooked meal?
I'd be honored.
But let's start
with the shower.
Oh, I thought you had to go into
the station and check-
Some people are
fluent in Spanish.
No, they flew it
from here to there.
That too has the same word,
different meaning.
No, no.
Like to, too and two.
They flew.
I think I like you
better as a human.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
But the sex was better
when we were goats.
-Ooh.
-Put it on.
Bah.
Hey.
Hey. We're set to jet.
All right.
I'm gonna go say goodbye.
-Will you tell her it's time?
-Yeah, okay.
[Mary] Well...
[sighs] it's time.
I can't believe
it's finally happening.
Bye bye, baby girl.
-[Tina] It's okay.
-Bye bye! Bye!
Somehow, you ended up being
the least weird person here.
-Take care of them for me.
-I will.
I'm happy for you, Mary.
I'll be back so often
you won't even know I'm gone,
Chew.
[Jeremiah] I'm proud of ya.
Franklin's got a
few screws loose,
but I think you'll
bust him into shape.
You know now that I'm gone,
you're gonna have
to pick up slack?
I'm counting on you, Jerry.
[Jeremiah] Yeah, yeah.
Well, all right. So long.
Daddy?
I don't have the right words
to say to you, so,
I got you something instead.
Oh, you didn't have...
Well, I'm back!
Mom!
[triumphant music]
[Carol chuckles] Okay!
[Chewbacca sobs]
Oh, I'm so sorry
for leaving ya.
But I'm here to stay.
All right. That's enough.
[chuckles]
Well?
Ain't you gonna give me a kiss?
You leave for 15 years,
just walk back in,
like I ain't praying
for you every day
since you've been gone?
You bet I do!
So, you better get onboard!
Come here!
[both laugh]
-Hello, Murph.
-Welcome home, Ma.
[Carol] Oh!
[cheerful orchestral music]
Well, who is this hussy?
And why is she wearing
my good dress?
That's my girlfriend, Ma!
I'm Tina, and I'm a person.
Okay. [laughs]
She's a little weird,
but I like her!
[chuckles]
[Pam] So, she's just in
the barn, with the sheep?
[Gary] I'm pretty sure
that's the pen she was in.
-Hi. Tina?
We've come to talk to you.
-[sheep bleats]
And to tell you
how sorry we are,
and that we only ever wanted
what was best for you.
And I know I acted wrong
about it,
but everything I did
was from the heart,
and I'm really sorry.
Ditto.
And we want to ask you
to come back to live with us.
And if you want to be
a goat, we accept it.
And if you wanna stay
here and live as a goat,
that's fine, too,
as long as we can visit,
and see our little jelly bean
and you.
[Tina]
Hey, what're you two doing?
-Tina. [chuckles]
-Tina!
We thought you were in
with the sheep.
Me? [chuckles] A sheep?
Preposterous.
-[gasps]
-Hey.
You're not a goat.
She's not a goat.
-She's not a goat.
-She's not a goat. [chuckles]
[Pam] And you're sure?
[Tina]
Yeah. I really like it here.
[Gary] I never pegged you
for a farmer.
[Tina] Well, the work is hard,
but fulfilling.
[Pam] And what about
your sewing?
I can still pursue it,
while I live here on the farm,
making clothes for me
and the boys.
You know, more as a hobby
than a career?
I think
that is very mature of you.
I know. It's gross, right?
[chuckles]
[Tina] Say bye to Grandma!
Bye bye, Grandma! Say bye bye.
-Bye bye.
-Bye bye!
Yeah, bye bye! Say bye bye.
-You ready to come in
for dinner?
-Yeah. In a minute.
I just wanna enjoy the air
a little while longer.
You all right?
Have you ever wondered
what it would be like
to be a donkey?
[cheerful music]
I have been eating
a lot of grass.
I'ma go throw some cow shit
at her.
This close! You know
I hate it when you do that.
So, you don't have
the rent money?
That's not the point.
The point is you're not a goat.
You need to be more in the now.
Like the goats.
Are you being held here
against your will?
Do you need help?
Quit being a whiny little bitch
and get up out the closet.
Oh, and a goat pooped on her.
Smells like barbecue!
If you don't take it,
things are gonna get messy.
Hands off my livestock.
[chuckles]
Well?
Ain't you gonna give me a kiss?
Are you confronted
by my question?
Okay, last item on the agenda.
We know that it's been
a challenging year,
and so corporate thought
that it would be a nice treat
to have a special guest.
Please welcome Tina.
Hello, there. Um, have a cow.
[cheerful music]
[bright music]
[suspenseful music]
[bright orchestral music]
[goat bleats]
[goat bleats]
[goat bleats]
[goat bleats]
[Lyla exhales]
As we enter tree pose,
we accept the earth's energy.
Let it surge through you
from the ground
up into your fingertips.
Hey, shoo.
And let's come back down and
let's finish in child's pose.
And down.
Very good.
Reach back and grab
the heels of your feet.
[goat bleats]
[Lyla exhales]
Find your breath.
[Lyla exhales]
Surrender your
stress and tension.
[Lyla]
Let your worries and fears...
drip off your shoulders
like rain.
[urine trickles]
[Lyla] Let your ego drop,
like stones in a flowing river.
-Namaste.
-Namaste.
Tina! Thanks for
coming to my class.
-What'd you think?
-I got pooped on.
Wow. You're so lucky.
-I am?
-Yeah! It's a great honor
to have a goat be that relaxed
with you.
-Namaste.
-Namaste.
That's what my boss told me
to say.
[Tina chuckles]
Anyway,
thanks
for wearing the pants.
I really appreciate it.
No, thank you.
They're super cute.
Namaste.
Do you think that
they'd sell them
in the studio shop area?
You know, Namaste.
I don't see why not.
I'll ask Barb about it.
Oh, my God. You are the best.
No, I love you.
I appreciate this so much.
[Lyla] I love you, too.
-You're the best.
-Okay.
[bright music]
[horn honks]
[paper rustles]
And that is the beauty
of the Slender Slim System!
You do zero work,
but you lose mega pounds.
No, [chuckles] Diana.
I don't think
you're truly grasping it, Diana.
Diana. That is a lovely name,
by the way.
-Where's Sasha?
-Shh!
I'm so sorry about that, Diana.
Diana?
Hello?
Hell--
God damn it!
[gentle music]
What're doing in here?
Oh.
Oh, gross. Come on.
[Lloyd] Hey, I was this close
to making that sale.
This close.
You know I hate it
when you do that.
You can't leave babies
alone in bathtubs.
-What if she would've drowned?
-Did she?
Did she drown?
There's not even any water
in the tub.
But did I not make my sale?
Did I?
She was sitting
in her own poop, Lloyd.
Where?
Hey, you promised me
you'd do better.
This is really disappointing.
Here we go again.
Another fight
where you are upset
about something
that could have,
but did not happen!
Instead of being satisfied
with the reality
of the situation.
Your daughter was sitting
in her own filth, Lloyd.
Is that not reality
enough for you?
[baby crying]
Whatever. Sorry.
I want you to mean it
and not just say it
to shut me up.
Will you grab me a carrot?
Then I am sorry
from the bottom of my heart.
We need more beer.
I don't know
if we can afford it.
Things are really tight
this month.
Money, money, money, money.
You know, we'd have more money
if you'd let me make my sale.
You sell any furry pants today?
[sighs] I have to pee.
Can you feed her?
[melancholy piano music]
[phone thuds]
[sighs]
[sewing machine clacks]
-Mom?
-Hey, Tina.
Your mom can't come to the
phone right now.
Her hands are all gunky,
covered with salmon. [growls]
[giggles]
Hi, honey! I want a pair
of those fluffy pants.
Oh, and one for Jocelyn, too.
-Okay.
-Mama, mama!
I'm sorry to put this on you,
but the rent is due,
and I don't have the money
to pay it.
[sighs] Okay.
We have been down this road
before. Haven't we, Tina?
I get it, Gary.
I do, but if I don't get
that rent money, then-
-Is everything okay?
-Oh, everything's fine, dear.
She's just calling to say hello.
That's not true! I need money!
You too, Tina!
Have a good night.
I love you!
[phone bleeps]
[laughs]
[Tina] If we push power
and gas to next month again,
and maybe we can cancel
the cell phone plan,
ask for a refund, and just
restart it after we pay rent,
and then we can
stay another month.
Except the insurance
payment is due as well.
Is that a new phone?
[Sasha cries]
Yeah.
-Lloyd!
-I'm a salesman, okay?
So...
Image. It's an investment.
You think going from an 11
to a 12 is a good investment?
It's gonna be fine.
You know,
it's not gonna be fine.
We got an eviction notice.
Can we just go inside
and try to have a nice time,
please?
Okay, but I don't think
this conversation is over.
We need to talk seriously
about our finances.
I just miss
when we didn't only talk
about money and the baby.
-Lyla!
-[Lyla] Hey!
[water splashes]
Oh! You do not know
how much I needed this.
Thank you, guys.
You got it, broham.
[Lyla] You guys sure
you don't wanna come in?
Water's warm!
Yeah, I'm okay.
You guys enjoy it.
Like I was saying,
demand has been
through the roof.
They're expanding my schedule,
and I get a nice little pay bump
along with it!
I'm so proud of you, babe.
[Lyla giggles]
So, it's goat yoga?
Like living goats, right?
I mean, how does that work?
Well, they're super cute.
They bounce around
and they help you connect
and, you know,
connect to your center.
Tina came.
Oh, and a goat pooped on her.
[group laughs]
Are you serious?
It was so gross.
Oh, man. I wish
I would've seen that.
Um, hey, were you gonna
talk to Barb about the pants?
Oh, yeah, and we're all set.
Oh, my God. Did you hear that?
I'm gonna be a one-woman
factory and make a bunch.
Yeah, they're so cute.
They'll sell, for sure.
Not like those ugly
furry ones, right? [laughs]
You guys should've seen those.
[Lyla mumbles]
[Lloyd chuckles]
[gunfire and music from TV]
Honey?
Uh, please.
You okay, babe?
Your energy feels...
You ever feel like
you're being pushed
into a little ball?
Like you're at the bottom
of the ocean and all the weight
of all the water
is bearing down on you.
Except, it's not water.
It's responsibility,
and doubt,
and anger,
resentment,
fear.
Not really,
but things will work out
for you. You'll see.
If we don't pay
our rent tomorrow,
we're gonna be evicted.
[Lloyd] Ooh!
Nice kill.
[chuckles]
And he doesn't...
I'm sorry, this is ugly of me,
but do you think that--
Tina, you're too in your head
about the future.
You need to be more
in the now. Like the goats.
The goats?
Goats don't worry
about the future
or dwell in the past.
They're relaxed and present
in the moment.
They just are.
But I'm not a goat.
I'm a human.
[sighs] I was just saying. Jeez.
[gentle music]
[Sasha cries]
Can you get her?
[Sasha cries]
Lloyd, can you please get her?
Lloyd?
[Tina] It's okay.
Come here.
Come here.
[knocks on door]
[Landlord] You gotta
pay up or get out, Tina.
I just got a huge order
for new pants,
so as soon as the supplier
pays, I'll have your money.
So, you don't have
the rent money?
[landlord sighs]
[gentle music continues]
Looks like it's gonna be
just you and me
for a little while, kiddo.
Things are gonna turn around,
though. I just know it.
[engine struggles]
I said things are gonna
turn around, though.
I just know it.
[engine struggles]
I said things are gonna turn
around though. I just know it!
[screams]
[Sasha cries]
I got kicked out!
So I've come to visit
with you guys.
[screams]
You know
she can't stay here, right?
Oh, I don't see why not.
Because if we let her stay
now, she'll never leave.
Baby. You're being so dramatic.
She's hurting.
If we coddle her now,
it'll only hurt her further.
She needs to learn
how to face the world
as an adult.
-Not a child.
-[sighs]
What she needs
is love and compassion
from her mommy and step-daddy.
-Baby.
-Aww.
-Baby.
-Baby.
I've seen what her vibe
does to you.
I only want what's best
for you.
-Aww.
-And her.
You're so thoughtful.
My polar bear.
[growls]
[giggles]
Oh.
You're sitting like a big girl!
You're sitting like a big girl.
Look at you.
Where's your little cheek?
Do you know where your cheek is?
There's your cheek,
right there.
Where's your nose?
Show me your nose again.
That's your mouth!
Where's your nose?
Nose.
Nose! Yay! [giggles]
-You're so good with her.
-[Pam chuckles]
She's my little ooky booky!
Are you my little ooky booky?
-[Sasha cooes]
-[Pam] Ooh!
[gentle chime music]
Okay.
Hey, I know you're not happy
about this arrangement.
-But I promise-
-Tina, you're family.
You can stay as long
as you like,
but I want you out of here
as soon as possible.
[gentle music]
[sewing machine clacks]
[Tina sighs]
[phone vibrates]
[sighs]
Oh, my God, Lyla,
you are never gonna believe
the shit time I've had
since I left your house,
but I am pleased to report
I've got all the pants ready.
[Lyla] Oh, bummer.
You're telling me.
Uh, no, because
I talked to Barb again,
and it turns out
we actually
have an exclusive deal
to sell lululemon
apparel at the store.
So, we can't sell your pants,
but...
why don't you and Lloyd
come back over for dinner
and we can drown your sorrows
in a bottle of wine?
Well, he, uh...
I gotta go.
[sighs]
Oh. Yeah, sure,
just lie in bed all day.
It's not like this is
my office or anything.
[goat bleating]
-[eerie music]
-[goat continues bleating]
[Lyla's voice] You're too in
your head about the future.
You need to be more in
the now. Like the goats.
-Goats, goats, goats, goats.
-[goats bleating]
Mom? I need you to take care
of Sasha for me.
I'm doing my kegels.
Please? I need this right now.
Is everything okay?
You're worrying me.
Yeah, everything's fine.
Just please take her?
[Pam] Okay,
let's go see the whale.
And you'll take good care
of her?
[chuckles] Of course I will,
honey.
I can't believe
you're asking me that.
You be good, okay?
-Mommy loves you.
-[Pam] Okay, say bye-bye.
Say bye-bye.
My little bubba chubba.
[sewing machine clacks]
-[eerie orchestral music]
-[sewing machine clacks]
Where's the puppy?
-Where's the puppy?
-Here?
That's not a puppy!
Where's the little lamb?
Where's the little lamb?
There's a little lamb!
Where's the mommy?
Where's the mommy?
Gary, it's nice
we get to spend time
with our little granddaughter!
Yeah, a little time's nice,
but uh,
it's gone on quite a while.
-I'm going.
-Yeah.
You know, you're right,
actually.
I'm gonna go find Tina.
Come on, let's go find Mommy.
Come on, let's go find Mommy!
We're gonna get her, yeah.
Let's go find Mommy!
Let's go find your mommy,
princess. Where is she?
Tina?
Tina?
Are you in the potty?
No.
Tina?
-[child laughs]
-[dog barks]
Gary?
Gary.
I think I need your help.
Something's wrong with Tina.
You could've used my help
30 years ago, when you were
raising that child.
Excuse me?
I did the very best I could,
thank you very much.
It was not easy raising
her as a single--
Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is,
I need your help, Gary!
Get off your ass!
[suspenseful orchestral music]
[bright whimsical music]
Honey?
What are you doing out here?
Just enjoying the sunshine.
Why are you dressed like that?
I'm a goat.
[laughs]
I get it! That's--that's funny.
It's not meant to be.
Oh, then I guess
I don't get it.
There's nothing to get.
I'm a goat.
[sighs] No, Tina, you're not.
You're Tina. Not a goat.
Tina, the goat.
-[sighs]
-Okay, Tina, this is cute.
But our neighbors
may be watching,
so now it's time to come in.
I wanna stay here, so I will.
Uh... [chuckles]
What about baby Sasha?
She--she wants her mommy.
That is a human,
and I'm a goat.
Yeah, it'd be pretty reckless
and irresponsible of you
to leave a human child
with a goat, don't you think?
Oh.
Who knows
what could happen to her?
[Tina bleats]
This is by far the most
bizarre thing she's ever done.
-[phone rings]
-Honey, what are we gonna do?
We're gonna send her
to the damn loony bin.
That's what we're gonna do.
[Pam] Honey, she's just
having a hard time.
She just needs
a good night's sleep.
Pam, she's acting like a goat.
Hi!
Yeah, no, no. No, that's my
stepdaughter, she's fine.
She's doing one of those
art installation things.
[chuckles] Yeah,
I know. Yeah, right?
Thanks. Bye.
-[sighs] That was
the neighborhood watch.
-Get her in the car right away.
We're taking her
to see Dr. Morvareed.
Dr. Morvareed.
He'll fix her right up.
[suspenseful orchestral music]
Okay, Tina!
We're gonna go on a nice
little trip in the car.
Why don't you come with us?
I got a lot going on,
so I think I'll just
stay right here.
But you're not actually
doing anything. [chuckles]
I know. Isn't it great?
Tina, why don't
you get in the car?
-[bleats]
-You're gonna get in the car,
right this instant,
and go see the doctor,
young lady!
Goats don't see doctors.
They see veterinarians.
That is it, Tina!
You're going to get in the car.
Don't mess with me, old man,
unless you want a taste
of my horns.
[Gary] Oh, okay. Come on,
you're...
-[screams]
-[Gary] Oh, stop that!
Get in the car!
[Gary grunts]
[Gary groans]
My gonads!
[screams]
[Gary groans]
[Pam] Tina.
You have a visitor.
[Dr. Morvareed] Hello.
I'm Dr. Morvareed.
[Tina snorts]
[Pam] Tina! don't be rude.
[Dr. Morvareed]
Oh, that's perfectly all right.
Could I bother you
for some tea, please?
-[Pam] It's my pleasure.
-[Dr. Morvareed] Thank you.
So, uh...
You are a goat, huh?
Yep.
And, uh, have you
always been a goat, or uh,
this is a new thing?
It's new. Being a human sucks,
so I decided to become
a goat instead.
Why a goat?
Why not a...
A horse, or a bird?
Why are you a human?
Are you confronted
by my question?
[Tina]
Goats don't get confronted.
So, you are a human
pretending to be a goat.
Not actually a goat, right?
I mean, I guess I'm pretending
in the same way
as when I was human I was
pretending to be human.
Okay.
You like being a goat?
[chuckles] Yeah, it's the best.
Why don't you
tell me what it is
that you like
about being a goat?
Have you been
around goats before?
They get to just
frolic in the sun,
and do whatever they want.
They've got no
responsibilities of any kind.
They just eat and poop.
That sounds nice, but
it's sort of, uh, limiting.
Not really a full life.
I don't see it that way,
but you're free to.
Oh, by the way,
your mother told me
that you have a one-year-old.
It's hard raising a child.
[Tina] Do you have kids?
[Dr. Morvareed] One.
My wife had a hard
time for a while,
but eventually, things
evened out for her.
Uh... [clears throat]
Do you feel depressed?
Not anymore.
[crunching]
The feathers went everywhere.
My kitchen's a mess.
My house is a mess, Gary.
It's becoming kind of obvious.
Isn't it, honey?
-Baby, come on.
-[Pam sighs, gasps]
Doctor.
Doctor, is she crazy?
What do you think?
Well, she's definitely having
a minor psychotic episode.
Likely brought on
by depression and stress.
But she does not seem
to be a danger
to herself or to others.
-Tell that to my testicles.
-Can you fix it?
-His testicle?
-No! My daughter.
Oh, she seems to be
aware of what she's doing.
-Like I said, not a threat.
-I looked it up online.
It seems like she's displaying
major lycanthropic delusions.
I mean, we should probably
institutionalize her, right?
We are not
institutionalizing her, Gary!
[Dr. Morvareed] Well, in Tina's
case, I think she just needs
anti-depression and
a break, honestly.
-A break?
-Yeah,
she's gone through
a lot of hardships,
and needs time to
reflect and process.
Thank God I'm gonna get
my daughter back! [gasps]
Thank you, Doctor.
That will be $800.
Oh.
[Sasha] Mama!
[cheerful whimsical music]
Hello!
Beautiful daughter of mine.
Oh, I see you've helped
yourself
to the contents of the fridge
and the cake I bought
for Gary's birthday.
It's nice to see you
eating people food,
and standing on two legs.
Maybe you'd like to
eat one of these?
[snorts]
Goats don't eat pills.
I'm pretty sure they do.
They go to the...
Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is, you're not a goat.
You're my daughter.
And if you take one of these,
you might start to feel better
and wanna take care of
your own daughter and,
and get ahold of your life!
-[cake thuds]
-[Pam gasps]
I am a goat.
Now and forever.
The quicker you come
to terms with that,
the better off we'll all be.
[Pam gasps]
Animal!
[hurried footsteps clack]
[cheerful music continues]
Tina!
Beautiful daughter of mine.
Where are you?
I made you a snack!
-[Tina bleats]
-[gasps, screams]
Oh, hey, baby. How you doing?
I picked up another box
of beef from Murphy's.
I know we got a freezer
full, but they're hurting...
What's going on?
[muffled glass shatters]
[sighs]
So, when's dinner?
[whines]
-It's gonna be okay.
-I can't take it anymore.
Well, what happened?
First--first she
wouldn't take her pill.
And then she was
all up in the trash!
-And then, Gary,
she was on the roof.
-On the roof?
I'm losing it, Gary!
I'm losing it!
[sighs]
It's gonna be okay.
[gentle music]
[food crunches]
Tina, when you decided that
you wanted to be a drummer
in a punk band, I just watched,
as your mother jumped
out of her skin,
every single time
you banged one of those cymbals.
And then you decided
you wanted to be a painter,
and you covered the walls
with your designs
and you massacred your mother's
tasteful paint selections
for this house.
I just stood by, didn't I?
But this?
This right here?
This is too far, young lady!
Now, listen. You got one
chance to take this pill.
If you don't take it,
things are gonna get messy.
It's not wise to
threaten a goat.
You are not a--
[breathes deeply]
Say goat. One more time.
No, no! Say it one more time.
Say goat, Tina.
-Goat.
-[Gary screams]
That did it! That is it!
You're gonna take this.
You're gonna eat it, eat it!
[screams] God dang it!
What is wrong with you?
Why are you like this?
Gary, stop it! That's
my beautiful daughter!
[sighs] She is sick, Pam.
She needs professional help!
No. No, no, no.
You are not taking
her to a professional.
They'll take out
part of her brain,
and turn her into a zombie.
-I saw it in a movie!
-She needs an exorcism.
What she needs is
kindness and caring,
and understanding
from her family.
She's gonna turn this
around, Gary. You'll see.
She was such sweet girl.
[Tina farts]
[grunts]
I am sorry. I was
a terrible mother!
I don't know. Maybe it was
that preschool I sent you to.
They had all that experimental
stuff with the farm animals.
I don't know, you got
pregnant so young,
and then I should've
been there for you.
I should've been there for you.
But you did poop on
my dining table, Tina.
[Pam whimpers]
[mellow acoustic music]
I give up trying
I'm tired
Can't keep on striving
I surrender
What might happen
If I let go...
Okay, so, as I understand it...
Yeah, I'm sorry, Gary.
Could you explain it to me
again?
[chuckles] Yeah,
I completely understand.
It's the most ridiculous
and outrageous story.
-No, no.
-My stepdaughter, Tina,
is pretending that she's a goat
and I was hoping to put
some sense into her head,
that she could stay here,
and learn what it's like
to be a goat.
-Well, this ain't a goat farm.
-Yeah, I know that.
-That's okay.
-You know, I don't know
what to tell you, Gary.
I already got too many mouths
to feed as it is.
She'd just need to roam
your fields and stay
in your barn.
And I am sure
after a couple of days
of farm living,
she will be ready to come
back home and act right.
Still, I don't know.
Well...
[sighs]
I'll pay you $50 a day.
Well, hell, why didn't
you start with that?
Mainly raise beef cattle,
but she can sleep in the barn
with the lambs, I suppose.
Well, that'll do nicely.
This here's my brood.
Jeremiah, Mary, Chewbacca.
Howdy.
Their mother was a big
"Star Wars" fan.
This is the man here
to buy the manure, Daddy?
No. No, he'll be by later.
This man is here
to drop off his daughter
who thinks she's a goat,
and she is to live here
till uh...
till she doesn't feel like it
anymore, I suppose.
Why a goat?
Mind your manners, boy,
or you'll get the saddle.
[Gary] Uh, you have
a really nice family.
Yeah, their mother, God bless
her soul, used to keep 'em
whipped in shape,
acting as God intended, but...
[sighs]
she ain't with us anymore.
So they've gone down Satan's
pathway, one too many times.
I am so sorry.
When did she pass?
She didn't. She left us.
Moved to Florida to be
closer to Disney World.
-Lives in Kissimmee.
-[Tina] Kill you, old man!
[groans]
Damn you, Gary!
What the hell is this?
Slow it down.
Am I on a farm?
Oh, my god, Gary.
This is perfect.
-It is?
-Yeah.
Hey. Okay.
Loosen this rope, old man.
Name's Murphy.
And I don't believe I ever seen
a talking goat.
You ever seen that before,
Gary?
No, sir.
I don't think I ever have.
All right, Tina. Let's
get you to your stable.
You loosen this rope, old man,
unless you wanna
be choked with it!
Feisty.
All right. Let's see
how that plays out.
Okay, Gary,
I'll give you a call
if your problems get solved.
[trunk door slams]
Welcome home.
Wow. This looks cozy.
Yeah, I might wanna
sleep under the stars.
I figure in here,
at least you won't shiver
to your death overnight.
Some hay for you over there.
Sheep shouldn't have got
too much manure on it.
[Murphy] Oats in the mornin'.
[sighs] This will do nicely.
What is daddy thinking
letting some crazy girl
stay in the barn?
-Who knows?
-What's it matter?
You're okay with some lunatic,
who thinks she's a goat,
staying in the barn?
I think she's kinda cute.
You think all girls
are kind of cute.
No.
She won't last a week out here.
Tina?
-Tina?
-[door closes]
Oh, Gary. I can't
find Tina anywhere!
We need to send
out a search party.
No, no, no. She's not lost
or anything like that.
I took her to some
place that can help.
Did you take her to an asylum?
[chuckles] No, no.
Nothing like that.
I took her to a place that...
can help goat girls.
They'll give her the love and
the care that she deserves.
You have nothing to worry
about.
Aww, thank you.
Gary, are they gonna
electroshock my baby?
You have nothing
to worry about.
[gentle music]
Go on now! Get
your ass outside!
Get that zappy
thing outta my face,
or else it's going inside you.
Jeremiah! Quit it.
That thing's for cattle,
not goats.
But it is time for you
to start earning your keep, so,
you better get yourself chewing
on that grass, you hear?
[gentle music continues]
All right.
Now, go on and do it.
You seriously want
me to eat grass?
I mean, unless you're
not really a goat?
No. I'm a goat
and I love grass.
Mm. Delicious.
I can't wait
to eat this entire field.
Hey, you missed a spot.
[Mary] We'll be back later on to
make sure you've done your part.
Try not to eat any sheep shit.
So, I was thinking
about mowing, but later.
That girl acting right?
That some kinda joke?
Yeah, she's okay.
Grab a seat.
Family business needs
discussed.
Now, as you're all aware,
last year wasn't great
for the cattle market.
It was a hard year
and we are hanging on
but by the grace
of the good Lord.
I'm looking for ways to offset
some of our loss.
No bad ideas. I'm willing
to hear anything you got.
What about, uh...
We could do something
extra with the cattle?
We're already selling 'em
for meat, leather, and wool.
What about we,
um, we do something
that can, like, make us money?
So, there are some
real perverts in town.
What if we invite them
to come to the farm
and charge them to
have sex with the cows?
-Whoa!
-What the fuck, Mary?
What? I don't see you
bringing anything to the table!
No one is having sex
with my cows!
Maybe we could sell
some of the land.
Cows don't have enough
room to graze, as it is,
but sadly, that might be it.
Sell it all, I say.
Why don't you boys
have some dessert?
[melancholy piano music]
So, how serious is it, Daddy?
Serious as a frost
before the harvest.
We'll figure something out.
Hey, you done pretty
good with that grass,
but you missed a spot.
You did that one already.
Yeah, well what
the hell you standing
like that for, anyway?
People stand up. Not goats.
Shut up, Jer.
That ice cream
looks pretty good.
[chuckles] It's real good.
It's too bad you
can't have none.
You can have some
of mine, if you want.
No. Goats only
eat hay and straw.
Goats can eat whatever
the hell they want.
Including ice cream.
Well, if that's the case,
it shouldn't matter.
-What the hell, Jer?
-Look, if she's a goat,
she can eat off the ground!
Ain't a problem!
Yeah, but I was eating that!
Hey, you deserve
better than that, miss.
Let me help you out.
[laughs] She's eating
out of my hands.
Thank you.
[warm music]
What the hell?
-I know you're out there.
-Oh, uh, sorry.
I was just checking on
the sheep and stuff.
-How you getting on?
-Pretty good.
This hay is comfy.
That's probably why they
call it rolling in the hay.
Maybe.
I'm Chewbacca. Most
people call me Chew.
Which do you prefer?
Well, I figured my mama named me
Chewbacca for a reason.
But I don't get put down
if people call me whatever.
I'm Tina.
Yeah, I know.
Dad said you've come
to live with us for a while.
I guess I have.
I like your fur. It looks soft.
It is. You can touch it
if you want.
Oh, uh, I'd better
get back to my chores
before Dad threatens me
with the whip again.
He's old,
but that man is fierce.
Goodnight, Chewbacca.
Goodnight, Tina.
[sheep bleats]
Shut up. No, he doesn't.
Whichever y'all
finishes breakfast first,
go get our, uh, lawnmower
started on her day.
I'll go.
Something's wrong
with Chew, Daddy.
Something's always
been wrong with Chew.
Tina?
Tina?
[stomach grumbles]
You're at work nice and early.
Something in my stomach
isn't sitting right.
Oh, maybe Jeremiah
was right about goats
not being able to eat ice
cream.
Oh, God!
Oh, don't look!
[Jeremiah laughs]
Farm life don't seem to agree
with you now does it, girly?
-It hurts!
-[Chewbacca] It's all right.
We'll call the doctor for you.
Goats don't see doctors!
All right, we'll call a vet!
Hurry!
I've definitely seen this
on the internet.
-Hey, Mur.
-Hey, Doc.
Thanks for coming out.
Got a real interesting case
for you.
Yeah, a goat
you're looking after's
having some intestinal problem?
Yeah. Somethin' like that.
I didn't think
you raised goats.
Me neither.
Is this some kind
of prank, Murphy?
Ain't no prank, miss.
Just treat her like you would
any other goat.
Okay.
I don't know
what kind of sick shit it is
you've got going on here,
Mur, but I want no part of it.
-Oh, no, no.
-[Tina] Please don't leave.
My stomach really hurts.
Then go see a doctor!
Please just help me.
[sighs]
I'll leave you ladies to it.
Okay. Well... [sighs]
I'm Dr. Mercedes.
Tina.
You sure you wouldn't rather see
a people doctor?
Please just make my stomach
stop hurting.
[sighs] Okay. Let's see.
Oh, [passes gas]
it's coming!
[passing gas, grunts]
Oh. Okay.
[sighs]
Okay. Well...
Stomach pain.
Diarrhea. Gas.
What has your diet consisted of
lately?
I have been eating
a lot of grass.
You have worms.
I have worms?
I mean, I can give you something
that should clear that right up,
but [sighs] are you being held
here against your will?
Do you need help?
What? I live here in the barn.
-You live here?
-Yeah, it's nice, right?
Okay.
Well, if you don't
want worms again,
you'll stop doing whatever
this is, and stop eating grass.
Just give me the pills.
We're gonna take it nice
and slow tonight.
Really take the time.
Work it right up in there.
All the way in there.
-[phone rings]
-[sighs]
Blast.
I'll be back in a second, okay?
Mm-hm. I'll get her
all warmed up for you, baby.
-You do that.
-[giggles]
-Hello?
-[Murphy] Hi, Gary.
I needed to give you a call.
Tina come down
with a case of the worms,
but we had the vet come out
and she is on the mend.
Worms? That's great!
I bet she's close to giving up
the goat, so to speak.
Actually, she's taken
a real shining to our farm.
Yeah, and getting along
well with the other animals.
Doing a heck of a job keeping
the grass nice and trim.
[chuckles] Hell, I feel like
I should be paying you.
Um... Actually,
if some sort
of rehabilitation's
what your figure would
be going on here,
I reckon you oughta find
someplace else for her.
Oh, well, you know,
if she's doing that great there,
then far be it from me
to take her away.
You know what?
I gotta run, Murphy.
Missus is calling.
[chuckles]
Give her my love.
[sheeps bleat]
[Mary] All right, come on.
Come on!
Why are y'all so scared.
Come on.
[Tina] Man, they're cute.
[Mary] Yeah.
I like your flannel.
Oh.
Thanks. My boyfriend Franklin
gave it to me.
He's so sweet.
I feel bad 'cause it's already
got a hole right here, see?
I could fix that for you.
That's an odd trick for a goat.
[warm piano music]
-You're good at that.
-[Tina] Thanks.
I used to enjoy making clothes.
Did you make your goat costume?
My mama used to sew up
the holes,
back before she left us.
Things were a lot
simpler back then.
-What happened to her?
-It was a while back.
I think it all just
became too much for her.
Living on the farm,
raising three kids,
doing the same thing every day
with the same people.
That wasn't the life she wanted.
So, she left.
It hurts,
but I respect her for it.
Hell, she got out
at the right time, honestly.
How so?
I've said a lot already.
I don't wanna bore you
or put my troubles
on your shoulders.
Goats don't get bored.
Well, even in a banner year,
the farm makes just
enough money to survive,
and these last few
winters haven't been kind.
Once we sell the animals
off for meat and hide,
I'm not sure we're gonna have
enough to keep the farm going.
I am so sorry. I had no idea.
Like I said.
Don't wanna trouble you.
[warm music continues]
Hello.
[sheep bleat]
Oh, [chuckles] you're right.
[Tina bleats]
[sheep bleats]
[bleats]
[sheeps bleat]
-[Tina bleats]
-[sheeps bleat]
Come on, girl.
Come get this fruit.
Come on!
[sheep bleats]
[Tina bleats]
Come on. Get this fruit.
[Tina bleats]
[fruit crunches]
[chuckles]
[warm music continues]
[Jeremiah] That ain't right.
[Mary] Why does it bother you
so much?
Well, you know Chew.
He's gonna fall head
over for that girl,
and she decides she don't
like a farm no more,
his heart's gonna be broken.
Nah. This ain't like
it was with Susie Myers.
Or Mama.
He'll be okay.
[Jeremiah] You agree with me,
don't you, Daddy?
That girl
ain't no good for Chew.
-Who?
-Goat girl.
[Murphy] Bring some hay
to the deep cattle.
[cow bellows]
[cow bellows]
[cow bellows]
-It's all right, I guess.
-I don't know.
It seems really tiring
working all day like that.
Oh, it's better than
working at a desk.
And this way, I get to be
on the earth and stuff.
Hey, Chew. Daddy wants you.
All right. See you around.
[Tina] See ya.
-I know what you're doing.
-And what's that?
[chuckles] Why don't
we take a little walk?
[suspenseful percussive music]
All right.
Now, since you're a goat,
that means your livestock,
and livestock around here
does not just go around,
all willy nilly,
without being marked.
"Marked"?
Branded.
Are you being
serious right now?
Well, you are a goat
on this farm, ain't you?
You're outta your hick mind,
if you think that's happening.
I ain't got to listen
to the livestock.
[tense music continues]
What you want, Dad?
A six pack.
Uh, all right.
You want me to head into town
to get you one?
That's mighty
Christian of you, son.
Uh, is there anything else
you need?
Why are you asking me that?
What do you want from me?
I don't know.
Jeremiah said you needed me.
I don't know why that
boy does anything he does.
[tense music continues]
[Chewbacca] Shit!
Hey. Hey, what
about my six pack?
You better go on
and get outta here!
[growls]
Yah! Yah!
Go on now!
-I'm gonna brand your ass!
-[Tina growls]
-[head thuds]
-[Jeremiah groans]
-[flesh sizzles]
-[Jeremiah screams]
Smells like barbecue!
[Jeremiah] This is fucked up.
You brought it
on yourself, man.
Well, I thought
she'd finally run away,
and get the hell outta here!
Why would you do that?
Don't do that.
That girl's no good for you,
Chew, and this proves it!
I like her, man.
Don't mess this up for me.
You shouldn't be getting
involved with people like her.
You're not my keeper.
Well, I don't wanna see you
mope around the closet again
when she realizes
this place sucks.
Y'all? Um...
-Why is your ass out?
-The damn-
No, don't tell me.
I don't wanna know.
Listen, I got something
I gotta tell both of you,
before Daddy comes in.
Franklin asked me
to move in with him.
[Jeremiah] Hey! Congratulations.
I'm glad someone's getting
outta this shit hole.
So, you're moving out?
-I mean,
I know Daddy's not
gonna be pleased about it,
but I'll still come help out,
most days.
Well, how often
will you be back?
Well, I don't know, Chew.
I don't think the farm
can survive without you.
Shut up! Just let her be happy.
What're you gonna tell Daddy?
I don't know.
Maybe to use Tina's free labor?
Well, I'm sure
he'll understand, and
if not, he can rot.
And we'll be fine here, but
it'll be a cold day in hell
before I work with
that goat bitch.
[Mary sighs]
-[wind blows]
-[birds chirp]
[Sasha cries]
Oh, there there,
my screeching little angel.
Grammy Pammy's here.
Oh, yeah. Somebody's
a little fuss bucket, huh?
Yeah.
I know you miss your Mommy.
[Tina] How's Jeremiah's butt?
[Chewbacca] Ah, it's okay.
[Tina] Can't believe
he came at me like that.
[Chewbacca] Yeah, he could
be real wicked, Jeremiah,
but he ain't all badness.
[Tina] Yeah, you, Mary and
Murphy all kinda look alike,
but Jeremiah, I don't know.
Is he adopted?
[Chewbacca] I don't know.
[Tina] Hey, what's the matter?
[Chewbacca] What you mean?
You're shoveling
the shit kinda sadly.
Oh, uh...
I guess I'm sad 'cause
Mary's moving in
with her boyfriend.
What?
Why are you sad about that?
You should be happy.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
You know, Jeremiah and Ma
look a lot alike,
and Jer was her favorite.
So it hit him the hardest
when she left.
And now Mary's leaving.
I hate when people leave.
I know what you mean.
Oh, my mom was a mess
when my dad left.
And Gary and I
have never seen eye to eye,
but he does right by my mom.
[Chewbacca]
When did your dad leave?
When I was eight.
I haven't seen him since.
[Chewbacca] Wow.
I'm sorry.
Heard the farm's in trouble
from Mary.
Yeah, and her
moving out won't help.
I wish I could solve
the problems, but
making money's hard.
Amen.
What're you gonna do
if you lose the farm?
I don't know.
Really? Nothing
else you wanna do?
Little Chewbacca didn't
wanna be an astronaut?
[chuckles]
I never figured on
doing anything else.
I have to be here.
Well, I wanted
to be an astronaut.
Then I wanted to be a musician,
and then a fashion designer.
Yada yada.
I thought you
wanted to be a goat?
I think you'd make a good goat.
Well, maybe if we lose the farm,
that's what I'll do.
[Tina chuckles]
-[Pam] Tina?
-Mom?
[gasps]
Are you still in that thing?
You haven't washed it
since you've been here?
Mom, you've come to the farm.
Oh, I'm your mom now, am I?
I didn't know goats
could have moms.
How else would
other goats be born?
I don't know! How else could
other humans be born, huh?
Well, this little human
is your little human,
and this little human
wants her human mommy back.
-No, thanks.
-[Pam] I am tired of this.
You need to come
and take care of your child.
I've let this go on long
enough!
-Mom.
-Tina, I am begging you!
Take your child!
-Mom, I can't right now.
-[Pam] Okay!
I'm just gonna leave her
here, right in the dirt!
You can't just
ignore her, can you?
You can't just let her die!
Don't you worry,
my sweet little grand baby.
Your mommy's gonna do the
right thing. I just know it.
[playful music]
[Tina whimpers]
Hey. Uh, Ma'am?
I don't think it's the best
idea to leave a baby here.
Tina?
[hay rustles]
-[Tina grunts]
-Tina?
Uh, I don't know what to do
with this here baby.
[Tina bleats]
-Yeah, I hear you, but...
-[bleats]
Tina, you can't just scream
your way out of this.
[Tina screams]
Well, I guess you can scream
your way outta this.
[gentle chime music]
[Pam sighs]
[Jeremiah]
What kind of psychopath
abandons her baby to be a goat?
You trying to get
an ass whooping, donkey?
No, no, no, she's perfect
for you. Just like Mama.
Ready to abandon her baby
at the drop of a hat.
[Mary] Here we go!
[playful music]
-[fist thuds]
-[Jeremiah groans]
[whimpers]
-Hey.
-I'm not here!
[Jeremiah]
Don't let me find you, Chew!
I'm gonna bust
your ass when I do!
Can I help you?
I don't come into your home
and mess with your things.
That's exactly
what you're doing.
-[Tina] Oh, whatever.
-Yeah, whatever.
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
Hey, he's just mad 'cause
I punched him in the cock.
That does make people mad.
Are you all right?
You seem upset.
I'm fine.
Goats don't get upset.
You know, Mary loves babies.
She's gonna take good care
of your little girl.
Hey, we'll keep her
fed and everything until...
I don't know...
Uh...
Life's hard.
Yeah.
There are things
that we think we want,
and then there are things
we know we shouldn't have.
And there are feelings
that we don't know
if I should listen to
them, or ignore them.
What I'm saying is you could
talk to me, if you want.
I appreciate that.
People expect you
to be things for them.
Things like a mother,
or a daughter,
or a lover, or a host of
other things, and I hated it
I hated having all these
expectations around my neck.
But being a goat?
I'm free of all that.
I don't have to be
anything for anybody.
I get to just be Tina.
Hey, what the hell, dude?
But I like you.
Did you not hear
anything I just said?
I heard it, but I like you
and how--
I thought you liked me?
Do you not like me?
I'm a goat, Chewbacca,
and you're a farmer.
[Chewbacca] So what?
So, it's not right.
People get it on with animals
all the time, Tina.
-It's okay.
-That's disgusting!
Please leave.
Wait. I didn't
mean it like that.
Look. I don't understand
what's going on with you.
I think you're being a goat
because you don't wanna do
the BS that everybody
has to do every day.
But has your life really
gotten any better?
You don't know a thing about
me or what I'm doing, okay?
You're just some sad
little farmer boy
who misses his mama,
can't get over it.
I'm a good man and I deserve
to be happy
and love someone. All right?
And why would I wanna be
with someone who could just
throw away their own kid
like that?
Jeremiah was right about you.
[fist thuds]
That's for whacking me
in the dick!
[door creaks]
[door closes]
How could you leave her
in a place like that, Gary?
I thought it would help.
You said it would fix it.
Now she's more of a goat
than she was before.
She's eating grass and dirt.
What happened to my
beautiful daughter?
Hey, hey, hey.
Baby. Baby.
[Gary sighs]
How about you and I, we just...
-get away from all this, huh?
-Gary.
How about we get away
from all these bad vibes?
-I don't wanna go anywhere.
-Oh, come on, baby.
I don't wanna
do anything, Gary.
Baby!
You've been upset
about this long enough.
It's time for you to break outta
the slump you're in, hm?
Don't.
-[Gary] What? try to
make you feel better?
-No.
You're trying to make
you feel better, Gary!
-Oh, come on.
-Oh, no!
You are always trying
to minimize my emotions.
I'm sad, Gary, okay?
And I'm depressed, okay?
I just can't be the...
happy, smiling wife
you always wanted!
-I'm not asking for that!
-Oh, yes, you are.
How does this turn
into you being mad at me,
when it's Tina that's
making you act like this?
It's Tina now, is it?
Why don't she just blame Tina
for all the problems
in the world?
Oh, wah, wah, wah!
Why don't you cry me
some more about it?
Oh, you scoundrel!
You scoundrel!
I always knew
you were an asshole.
[sighs] My mother
was right about you!
Pam, baby.
Come on, there has to
be something I can say
or do to make you stay!
[Gary groans]
-[car door slams]
-[car starts]
[car engine revs]
[thunder rumbles]
[somber music]
-This looks great.
-Mm-hm.
So, Daddy,
there's something
I wanna talk to you about.
-What the hell?
-No swearing.
Oh, so sorry.
There was no more food!
So, you know that me and--
Don't waste food!
Go on, Mary.
[doorbell rings]
[screams]
Damn that thing!
Looks like your
girlfriend's at the door.
She's not!
-This is bullshit.
-[Murphy] No swearing.
-What's up his ass?
-[door bell rings]
Jesus! Will someone
answer the damn door?
I'm moving in with Franklin!
I'll still be close by
and I'll be back to work
every day.
[rain splashes]
Well! [chuckles]
Ain't you a sight
for sore eyes?
Can I talk to Mary?
You can talk to me.
I'm on my time of the month
and I was hoping
maybe Mary
had some pads in the house?
On the rag, huh?
Now, what would a goat
need with a pad?
Do you prefer I bleed
all over the place?
Well, I can give you a diaper!
I'm not wearing a diaper.
Well, you know, see, typically,
we lock the livestock up
out there in the barn,
so the wolves don't get you.
Jeremiah, I am seriously
asking you for help right now.
The way you abandoned
your baby so easily? Honestly?
You should be sterilized.
Why are you so cruel to me?
-[bleak music]
-[rain splashes]
[Jeremiah] What the hell?
[dark music]
[Tina screams]
[thunder booms]
Just fucking hit me.
[Lloyd] Tina?
Lloyd?
What are you doing
out here in the rain?
[car door slams]
Let's get you inside.
[gentle piano music]
[Tina]
Did Pam get you to come here?
I talked to her.
Thought she was lying,
when she said you
were living on a farm.
Why are you in a costume?
I'm a goat.
Come on. Do you really
think this is gonna work?
I'm making it work.
I just can't believe that
you would go to this extent
to not sign the divorce papers.
I'm kidding, okay?
Look, I am ecstatic that
you didn't sign them.
Leaving you and Sasha
was the biggest mistake
of my life.
-I love you.
-How dare you.
-I know you're upset.
-Upset?
You left us, Lloyd.
I felt stifled, okay?
I thought I wanted freedom.
You can understand that, right?
-No, I can't.
-Come on.
Isn't it what this
whole goat thing is about?
Freedom to do
what you want, when you want?
The freedom to just exist?
It's not as free as you'd think.
It's just, I kept thinking
about when we were young and...
crazy, like the time
I got tickets for us
to go to Alaska for
your birthday, right?
And we spent four days
not sleeping,
and drinking and laughing.
I just want us to go
back to the good times.
We can't go back to how it was.
Life is messy and hard.
Yeah, it's gonna
be rocky at times,
but we'll get through it
together.
Life sucks, but...
with you, it's okay.
[chuckles]
Thank you.
So, come on. Let's get Sasha.
Let's get outta this barn.
We're not going
anywhere with you.
[chuckles] What?
I always want you to be
a part of Sasha's life, but...
you left.
Some things can't be undone.
This is who I am now.
[scoffs]
[rain splashes]
I really hope you find
what you're looking for
with this!
[car door slams]
[groans]
[sobs]
[sobbing]
[birds chirp]
Gary?
All right. Let's go.
Hey, let go of me!
I never thought
I'd meet the perfect woman.
And she is perfect
for me, your mom.
Perfect for me and everything
I'm into, in so many ways,
but you, you do something
that makes her crazy
and you're making me crazy,
and it's killing her!
So, we are gonna do
whatever it takes
to make you better
again, for her!
[Tina] Let me go, Gary!
I'm not going with you!
-[fabric tears]
-[Gary grunts]
If there's no more goat
for you to be,
then you can't be a goat!
-[foot thuds]
-[Gary groans]
Tina, come back!
You have to come back, Tina.
-I won't!
-You have to!
I have to prove to your mother
that I can fix you!
Tina, come on!
You've gotta come back!
-Get away, Gary!
-Tina, Tina!
I belong here!
Tina!
Come, Tina. Come on!
[groans]
Hands off my livestock.
Tina, you have to come back!
I'm sorry, Gary,
but I belong here.
Deal's off.
[brooding piano music]
That was wild.
I'ma go throw some cow shit
at her.
Seriously?
Don't you feel bad for her?
Hell no!
How can you even say that
when you're holding her baby?
If anything,
you should feel bad!
Jerry, there is a big difference
between being kind of a dick
and being a total dick,
and you are leaning toward
the wrong side of the sack.
[chuckles] Wait. Did you
just come up with that?
I'm serious!
Everyone is human.
Everyone is flawed.
And everyone deserves a bit
of grace from time to time.
Here.
Hey!
I'm-I'm Jeremiah.
It's nice to meet you.
[chuckles]
Wow. You are adorable.
[birds chirp]
Hey, Chew?
Are you in here?
[Chewbacca] Go away!
First you don't
want me to leave,
now you want to get rid of me?
You're gonna give me whiplash.
Hey.
[gentle piano music]
I'm sorry, Chew.
I know you don't want me
to leave,
but that's part of life.
Leaving home, sometimes.
Maybe Tina will stay,
and then who knows
what might happen
between you two?
Nothing's gonna happen.
She definitely wants to
be all over that knobby,
gangly body of yours.
No, she doesn't!
I tried to kiss her,
it got weird!
I don't wanna talk about it!
-Go away.
-[Mary] Chew.
Look.
I think that girl likes you,
but if she doesn't,
it's her loss,
because you are handsome,
and you're caring,
and loyal and kind.
And you're gonna make someone
a really,
really good husband, one day.
-You really think so?
-[Mary] Yeah.
Yeah.
I really, really think so.
Now quit being
a whiny little bitch
and get up out the closet.
-Okay.
-[Mary] Okay.
[gentle orchestral music]
You know, we held onto these,
'cause I was convinced
she was coming back and...
I thought she'd really
appreciate
that we held onto 'em.
-Aww.
-Oh, don't do that.
I was convinced,
you know? But...
She was sensitive.
And he was devastated.
And you came out here and...
we don't get a lot of women
on the farm
and all I could think is
he's gonna get attached
and have his heart broken.
I don't wanna break
anyone's heart.
Well, anyway, you can
wear these, if you want to.
Thanks, but goats
don't wear clothes.
-Why are you doing this?
-I'm not doing anything.
Why are you a goat
and not a person?
Goats have it
easier than people.
[Jeremiah] Do they?
Goats don't have
responsibilities.
They don't have to abide by
the unwritten laws of society.
They get to just be goats
and take it easy.
From where I'm sitting,
it don't look that easy.
Anyway. You wanna help me
bring this hay into the barn?
Can I have a pad first?
The mark on my ass says no.
[gentle music continues]
[Mary] I got something for you.
Oh, thanks.
Hey, congrats, by the way.
You moving out?
Yeah. I'm a little scared
about leaving the farm.
I've been here my whole life.
God, I make it sound
like I'm going more than
five miles down the road.
[Tina chuckles]
Well, I'm happy for you.
I hope it works out
with you and Franklin.
He's the one.
Mm, that's what I thought
when I married Lloyd.
Chew... [sighs]
Chew likes you.
I know.
Do you like him?
He's really sweet,
and gentle and earnest.
But so was Lloyd,
once upon a time,
and I just need my life
to be simple.
Well, whatever happens, [sighs]
I hope you stay here,
and fill in the hole that
I leave when I move out.
I think you're good
for this farm.
Yeah?
I gotta go put in this pad.
Right. Okay.
[gentle music continues]
-That's fine work.
-Oh, thanks, Murphy.
Hey, there's something
I've been wanting
to talk to you about.
So, I've got this friend
who teaches yoga and she has
a class with animals.
I was thinking that since you
already have so many here,
you could start something
where people from the city
get to interact with the animals
and you charge 'em for it?
It'll be cold in the earth
before I let hippies come
here and do yoga with my cows!
Okay, not yoga. I was
thinking like video calls?
You could call it
"Calls With Cows".
You're telling me
people would pay money
[chuckles] to have
a call with a cow?
Get a slick website, people
will pay for almost anything.
If you think enough people
will buy it, I'm all for it.
[gentle music continues]
-[Chewbacca] Hey.
-Hey.
What're you doing?
Well, you said
I'd make a good goat.
Here. I got you one, too.
I know it's not as fancy
as yours, but,
I figured since yours
is all torn up...
Tina, I'm really sorry about
what I said the other day.
I like you and if I have to
be a goat to be with you,
I'm gonna be the best
damn goat there is.
Except for you, of course.
You'd do that for me?
And more.
[warm orchestral music]
We're gonna have
nasty goat sex.
-[lively trumpet music]
-[Tina bleats]
[elephant trumpets]
[both bleat]
[elephant trumpets]
And that was goat sex.
And it was pretty bad.
-Did you just make a goat pun?
-Mm-hm.
I'm gonna have to reevaluate
this whole situation.
Shut up.
[upbeat music]
[both slurp]
I have to go to the bathroom.
Go ahead.
No, I mean I have
to go to the bathroom.
You're a goat now. Just
lift your flap and go for it.
What, here?
The world is your toilet.
I'm a shy pooper.
[Mary giggles] Oh, oh!
What in the sam hell
am I looking at here?
It's all right, Daddy!
Chew decided he was
gonna be a goat, too!
Ain't no son of
mine gonna be a goat.
It's all right, Pops.
It's not as bad as it looks.
I'll still get all my chores
done. I promise.
I will not have you bring
this embarrassment upon me.
What would your
mother have thought?
Don't look. It's shameful.
It's all right, Chew. Mama
would've been okay with it.
[gentle music]
[Chewbacca sighs]
[Tina] You okay?
I just can't get comfortable.
This is a lot harder than
I thought it would be.
[sighs] Me too.
Really?
I thought you made
it look so easy.
Oh, no. It's really hard.
But it is what it is, I guess
[sighs] I miss my bed.
Well, you know,
a goat can sleep in a bed.
[sighs] I miss cooked food.
You don't miss things
from being a human?
I miss my baby.
Well, she's in the house.
I can go get her if you--
No!
No.
I...
I could be dangerous.
Okay.
You think I'm a bad mother.
No.
I think you're a goat.
They say when your baby's born,
you'll feel this
overwhelming love.
But I didn't feel that for her.
They put her in my arms and...
I just felt empty.
I thought I'd get better.
Maybe it has, a little, but...
I don't know, Chewbacca.
Sometimes, I have these
dark, dark thoughts
and how can I be a
good mother to Sasha,
if I'm having these
terrible thoughts?
Thoughts are just thoughts.
Everyone has weird
ideas, sometimes.
Not like this.
When I was 16,
I liked this girl named Susie,
and I followed her,
all around the fair,
waiting to ask her out.
Of course, she knew
I was following her,
but didn't know why.
She freaked out
and told the police
I was stalking her.
When I finally got the
courage to ask her out,
things went south, really fast.
I had some bad
thoughts that night.
Really bad.
The important thing is
not to act on
those crazy thoughts.
I'm sorry you went through that,
but...
it doesn't change the fact
that I'm a bad mother to Sasha.
Trust me when I tell you,
a flawed mom is better
than no mom.
[sighs]
It's disgusting in here.
-You came back?
-I just came to get my pills.
I'm just gonna get them and go.
No, no, no. You don't
have to, you know.
[sighs] Yes, I do.
Oh, no.
Jesus, Gary. Don't do that.
I went to visit Tina to try
to convince her to be a person
so that things could get back
to normal and...
I failed. And it doesn't matter,
I realized it's okay
because she can come
and be with us, and she could
be a goat
and we'll let her be a goat.
And, I mean, she could be a lion
and she could chew us all up,
if that's what it takes
to make you come back home.
I don't know, Gary.
This has been hard for me.
And I didn't do the right thing
multiple times,
and I know that, and I know
what I did was wrong.
And I just want a chance
to re-earn your trust.
You can't just take a box,
and spill out all the contents
and then shove it back in.
-It doesn't work like that.
-I can try. Let me try.
[sighs] I don't know, Gary.
One chance?
Okay.
Okay?
Okay.
Jesus, Gary!
When was the last time
you brushed your teeth?
Sorry.
-[Tina growls]
-[ominous music]
[Mercedes] Okay, good.
One more big push!
[Tina grunts]
[ominous music continues]
[Chewbacca bleats]
[suspenseful orchestral music]
Hey.
Oh, I got a surprise for you!
Oh, no. I can't.
Look at her! Look
how happy she is!
[gasps]
[warm music]
My baby.
Oh, baby.
Mommy missed you so much.
I am so sorry I abandoned you.
I will never leave you again.
I know it's been hard,
but...
maybe this'll make things
easier.
No, she's a goat.
This isn't what I want.
[Chewbacca] What do you want?
I don't know.
Can I think about it?
-[distant waves crash]
-[warm music continues]
Figure out what you want?
Yes.
Well?
I want a cheeseburger.
And my phone
and a hot shower and...
Oh, my God. I want
out of this costume.
[chuckles]
-[fire crackles]
-[upbeat music]
[fire crackles]
What about that thing?
I think I'm gonna
keep it, for now.
Welcome, little lady.
My name is Murphy
and it is a pleasure
to finally meet you.
I'm Tina.
And I'm a person.
Well, Tina, how'd you like
a hot shower
and a home cooked meal?
I'd be honored.
But let's start
with the shower.
Oh, I thought you had to go into
the station and check-
Some people are
fluent in Spanish.
No, they flew it
from here to there.
That too has the same word,
different meaning.
No, no.
Like to, too and two.
They flew.
I think I like you
better as a human.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
But the sex was better
when we were goats.
-Ooh.
-Put it on.
Bah.
Hey.
Hey. We're set to jet.
All right.
I'm gonna go say goodbye.
-Will you tell her it's time?
-Yeah, okay.
[Mary] Well...
[sighs] it's time.
I can't believe
it's finally happening.
Bye bye, baby girl.
-[Tina] It's okay.
-Bye bye! Bye!
Somehow, you ended up being
the least weird person here.
-Take care of them for me.
-I will.
I'm happy for you, Mary.
I'll be back so often
you won't even know I'm gone,
Chew.
[Jeremiah] I'm proud of ya.
Franklin's got a
few screws loose,
but I think you'll
bust him into shape.
You know now that I'm gone,
you're gonna have
to pick up slack?
I'm counting on you, Jerry.
[Jeremiah] Yeah, yeah.
Well, all right. So long.
Daddy?
I don't have the right words
to say to you, so,
I got you something instead.
Oh, you didn't have...
Well, I'm back!
Mom!
[triumphant music]
[Carol chuckles] Okay!
[Chewbacca sobs]
Oh, I'm so sorry
for leaving ya.
But I'm here to stay.
All right. That's enough.
[chuckles]
Well?
Ain't you gonna give me a kiss?
You leave for 15 years,
just walk back in,
like I ain't praying
for you every day
since you've been gone?
You bet I do!
So, you better get onboard!
Come here!
[both laugh]
-Hello, Murph.
-Welcome home, Ma.
[Carol] Oh!
[cheerful orchestral music]
Well, who is this hussy?
And why is she wearing
my good dress?
That's my girlfriend, Ma!
I'm Tina, and I'm a person.
Okay. [laughs]
She's a little weird,
but I like her!
[chuckles]
[Pam] So, she's just in
the barn, with the sheep?
[Gary] I'm pretty sure
that's the pen she was in.
-Hi. Tina?
We've come to talk to you.
-[sheep bleats]
And to tell you
how sorry we are,
and that we only ever wanted
what was best for you.
And I know I acted wrong
about it,
but everything I did
was from the heart,
and I'm really sorry.
Ditto.
And we want to ask you
to come back to live with us.
And if you want to be
a goat, we accept it.
And if you wanna stay
here and live as a goat,
that's fine, too,
as long as we can visit,
and see our little jelly bean
and you.
[Tina]
Hey, what're you two doing?
-Tina. [chuckles]
-Tina!
We thought you were in
with the sheep.
Me? [chuckles] A sheep?
Preposterous.
-[gasps]
-Hey.
You're not a goat.
She's not a goat.
-She's not a goat.
-She's not a goat. [chuckles]
[Pam] And you're sure?
[Tina]
Yeah. I really like it here.
[Gary] I never pegged you
for a farmer.
[Tina] Well, the work is hard,
but fulfilling.
[Pam] And what about
your sewing?
I can still pursue it,
while I live here on the farm,
making clothes for me
and the boys.
You know, more as a hobby
than a career?
I think
that is very mature of you.
I know. It's gross, right?
[chuckles]
[Tina] Say bye to Grandma!
Bye bye, Grandma! Say bye bye.
-Bye bye.
-Bye bye!
Yeah, bye bye! Say bye bye.
-You ready to come in
for dinner?
-Yeah. In a minute.
I just wanna enjoy the air
a little while longer.
You all right?
Have you ever wondered
what it would be like
to be a donkey?
[cheerful music]
I have been eating
a lot of grass.
I'ma go throw some cow shit
at her.
This close! You know
I hate it when you do that.
So, you don't have
the rent money?
That's not the point.
The point is you're not a goat.
You need to be more in the now.
Like the goats.
Are you being held here
against your will?
Do you need help?
Quit being a whiny little bitch
and get up out the closet.
Oh, and a goat pooped on her.
Smells like barbecue!
If you don't take it,
things are gonna get messy.
Hands off my livestock.
[chuckles]
Well?
Ain't you gonna give me a kiss?
Are you confronted
by my question?
Okay, last item on the agenda.
We know that it's been
a challenging year,
and so corporate thought
that it would be a nice treat
to have a special guest.
Please welcome Tina.
Hello, there. Um, have a cow.
[cheerful music]