The Haunted Forest (2025) Movie Script
1
My lover
- Are you sure this
is the best place?
Isn't this near where they
found all those bodies?
- Sweetheart, the
only body I'm thinkin'
about right now is yours.
- Come on, Todd, I'm serious.
- So am I.
I've been thinkin'
about you all day,
and exactly what
I am gonna do to you.
- Come on, Todd.
I'm not messing around.
- Oh, you're not?
- Hm-mm.
- Isn't that what we
came here to do?
- I just think we could
be more comfortable
at my parents' place.
- Your parents are nosy.
- They just want
what's best for me.
- I know what's best
for you, baby girl.
- My God, you're impossible.
I'm trying to have like an
actual conversation here.
- Sweetie, I'm
listening to you, okay?
I really am.
If what you really want is for
us to drive all the way back
to your parents so they can
make us some chamomile tea
and probably grill me
about my college plans,
then that,
is exactly,
what,
we'll do.
Well?
- I guess we can stay
for a little longer.
- That's my girl.
- What was that?
- I don't know.
- Okay, can you go
and check it out?
- Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
And there's a home
over your head
- And that's
what made Jane Austen
such a revolutionary
force in literature.
She brought a level of
psychological realism,
not to mention physical
realism to the English novel
that really had no parallel
in the writers who
came before her.
In this sense, we could argue
that Jane Austen invented
the English novel and the
modern novel as we know it.
We'll get into more
detail on this next week.
Please read chapters
five through eight.
Have a great weekend.
- This is
DJ Coronary,
and that was "Medianoche"
by a Dark Lunch.
It's Friday, October 3rd,
which makes it exactly
four weeks until Halloween.
- Who's ready to get scary?
All right!
All right, that's
what we like to hear!
Now, I know you've all
been working really hard,
getting ready for tonight.
You are tired,
you're stressed out,
you probably still
have a few things
to get done before we
open at eight p.m. sharp.
So I'm gonna keep this brief,
but I do just
wanna take a moment
to remind ourselves
why we're here.
What are we doing here?
What is this about?
This ground that we're standing
on right now is sacred ground.
And some would say cursed,
but I don't see it that way.
300 years ago, there was
a massacre right here.
400 Piscataway Indians
were slaughtered
by enraged white settlers.
This kind of thing happened
all too often in the early days
of this country
because of greed,
because of hatred,
because of ignorance.
And those spirits
are not at rest.
Those victims still
cry out at night.
I hear them.
You guys know I live
less than 100 yards away.
I'm telling you, I hear
those ghosts at night.
Sometimes they keep me
up into the wee hours.
So yeah, we're running
a business here.
We are entertainers.
People come out for the night
from D.C., from Baltimore.
They wanna have a good time,
they wanna have a good burger,
and they wanna get good and
scared, and that's great.
That's all great.
But I like to think we're
also here to honor the dead.
To be their voice when they
can't speak for themselves.
So let's just, let's
keep that in mind
as we go about our
duties, all right?
Let's be safe, let's have fun,
and let's scare the shit
outta some people, am I right?
- Woo!
- Ow!
- All right, you all
know your assignments,
so let's get into
makeup and get set.
You have two hours. Go.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Yo, yo, yo, cousin!
- Yes.
- When'd you get here?
How was the drive?
- Good, man, good.
I'm really happy to be here.
- Oh, happy to
have you, brother.
Happy to have you.
Yeah, this is gonna be fun.
- Yeah, thanks a
lot for just like,
letting me come here and-
- Listen, don't thank me, okay?
Don't thank me.
You're gonna work your ass off.
You'll be cursin' my name
before the night's out.
- I doubt it.
- You good, man?
You need anything?
- Just point me in
the right direction.
- Oh, sure thing, yeah.
Hey, Jacko?
- Yeah?
- Can you show Fresh Meat here
where he gets his face done?
- Yeah, sure.
Just follow me.
- Just follow Jacko.
He'll get you situated.
- All right.
Come to me if you
need anything, okay?
All right, thanks man.
- Sure thing.
So good to see you, I'll
see you back at the house.
- Hey.
- Hi.
So you're Mark's cousin?
- Yeah. Zach.
- I'm Jacko.
Nice to meet you.
- You've been doin' this awhile?
- Oh, about 15 years.
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
I was here when
Mark started this place
many moons ago.
- Anything I should
know about it?
- It's a blast, man.
Just relax and enjoy yourself.
This is a magical place.
- Is it true about the
massacre and everything?
- I doubt it.
Mark likes to tell stories.
- So, you've never
seen a ghost here?
- Well, no, I didn't say that.
Through the morning rain
I thought they
were gone again
Get in line, muchacho.
This is where the magic happens.
It's Halloween
It's Halloween for you
- You ever been a
walking skeleton before?
- Not that I can remember.
- You're
gonna love it.
Wait till you see.
- So, how long have
you worked here?
- A couple years.
- Do you go to school
around here or?
- Yeah, I did.
Kinda takin' a couple years
off before I go to college.
- That's smart,
consider your options.
- Exactly.
Do you go to school around here?
- Yeah, I'm at Philips-Howard.
I'm a senior.
- Philips-Howard, is that...
That's a boarding school, right?
- Yeah.
- What are you, rich?
- No, just smart.
- Well, I guess that's
the next best thing.
All right, let's take a look.
You like it?
- It's like I'm looking at the
real me for the first time.
- I'll take that as
a yes.
All right, next customer.
It's nice to meet you, Zach.
- Yeah, you too.
- Okay, so this spot
is pretty simple.
You're gonna hide
behind the scarecrow,
jump out and scare people.
If someone seems a little
nervous, definitely target them.
You can also kinda walk along
beside them, get too close.
That freaks 'em out sometimes.
You don't need to say anything.
It's usually scarier
if you don't.
Any last questions?
- When will I know when
it's time to leave?
- Oh, someone will
come find you.
Don't worry about it.
All right, have fun.
See you after.
- Thanks, man.
See you soon.
- Jesus man, what are
you supposed to be?
Aw, I think he wants
to be friends.
Hey, nice meetin' you, man.
- I really wanna
get outta here.
- Oh my God!
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
- Trisha, don't be such a wuss.
- Did you see that guy?
He's fucking creepy!
Oh!
Yo, Jesus, man!
Oh, absolutely not.
Oh, fuck!
- Come on guys, are
we open or what?
Hm.
Guess they forgot about me.
Uh, hello?
Do you know if we're
closed or what?
I just left my station.
I was told somebody
would come and get me.
Hey, look, I'm a scarer too,
so, you don't have to scare me.
I mean, I'm not scared,
so just cut it out.
Okay, seriously, this
isn't funny, man.
I know you're just
another staff member,
so if you could please--
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
We do that to all the new staff.
- Yeah, it's cool, it's cool.
I wasn't that scared.
- You were fuckin' terrified.
- Okay, yeah, I was
terrified.
- Here, come on.
Let's get a beer.
- All right.
- You have a
good time tonight?
- Great time.
It's amazing.
- Scare some people?
- Actually, yes.
- You honor the ghosts?
- I think so. Yeah.
- Good, man.
To the dead.
- To the dead.
- She's single.
That's what I heard.
- A little too old
for me, you think?
- Hm. No, no, no.
You need an older woman.
Keep you in line.
Here, let's go talk to her.
Come on.
- Wait, hey, you
don't need too--
- No, come on, come on.
- Hey, newbie.
How was your first night?
- Best night of my life.
- Oh, that's what
we like to hear.
- Sarah, you know my
cousin Zach, right?
- Do I know him?
I'm the reason he
looks so terrifying.
- I actually think
it's an improvement.
Hey, Jacko, you got a second?
- Yeah.
- I wanna talk to you about
that swooping skeleton.
- Oh yeah. Okay.
This is a tricky one.
If you don't push too hard
on the lever, it's fine.
If you do, it gathers
too much speed.
Honestly, it's a
tough thing to fix
because that motor
only has two speeds.
- Didn't know you
were Mark's cousin.
- You don't see the resemblance?
- Now that you mention it, no.
- Hey, I like your necklace.
- Oh, thank you.
- Does it mean something or?
- Yeah.
It's a Native American charm.
It's supposed to help you
commune with the spirits.
- Does it work?
- You'd be surprised.
The light's getting dim
So that's it?
You're all outta questions.
- No, no, no, I have a question.
- Okay.
- What...
what terrifies you?
- That's kind of an
intense question.
- I guess I'm kind of intense.
- It's not the worst thing.
Spiders.
- Really?
- Absolutely.
They're fucking terrifying.
- But they're so tiny.
- Well, fears aren't
rational, Zach.
- Well, some are, aren't they?
- You're very deep.
- I like to think so.
- Okay, what about you?
- Werewolves.
What, what, what?
That's totally rational.
- Oh no, you're right.
You're totally right.
Very scary.
- Fucking terrifying.
- All right, well, if you
protect me from spiders,
I'll protect you
from werewolves.
- It's a deal.
Keep your head up
- How'd it go?
- Jesus.
You scared the crap outta me.
- Sorry.
- What are you doing
standing there in the dark?
- I got good night vision.
I usually don't think
to turn on a light.
So ,
how'd it go with Sarah?
- I think well.
Yeah, we just talked.
- No smooching?
- No.
- Oh, that's too bad.
Thought there might've
been some smooching.
- No, no, no.
We just, we had a
really good talk.
She's really cool.
- She is cool.
And hot and cool.
You could do a lot worse.
- Yeah, we'll see, you know?
We'll see.
- Amen to that, brother.
You should get some
sleep, all right?
Make sure you turn the
lights off when you come up.
- There's still no light on.
- It's a joke, compadre.
- I get it.
- Sleep well.
Good morning, cousin.
How'd you sleep?
- Like the dead.
- Well, that's appropriate.
You remember Susie, don't you?
- Hey, Zach.
It's good to see you.
- It's good to see you.
Yo, thank you so much for
letting me crash here.
- It's no problem.
We're happy to have you.
Girls, you remember
your cousin, Zach?
- Hey, Zach.
- Hey, Maddie.
You look a lot bigger than
the last time I saw you.
- I grew two inches
in the last year.
- That is awesome.
- I'm gonna be taller than Mom.
- Not for a few more
years.
- I know.
- What are you watchin'?
- Something she shouldn't
be watching at
the kitchen table.
- I told you, I'm almost done.
- Mm hm.
- Wait,
is this one of those
like housewives shows?
- That's Ashley Delaso.
She's really pretty.
- Like you
look ridiculous right now.
Yep, real classy.
Mm hm.
- Doesn't seem
very nice, though.
- She's just speaking her truth.
- Hey, yo, cousin, you
want a breakfast sandwich?
- Yes, please.
- You want ham, bacon, both?
- Both, please.
Thank you.
- You got it.
- So, how's your mom doing?
- She's...
Yeah, she's okay.
Better.
They think she might be able
to come home in a couple months.
- Well, that's good.
You know, you're welcome to
stay here anytime you want.
- Thanks, I really
appreciate it.
- Honestly, it's no trouble.
Right, girls?
- It's really not.
We're happy to have you.
- Thanks, Maddie.
That's...
Thanks.
- My pleasure.
- All right, ladies and germs.
Let's eat.
- Oh.
- Let's see.
No, no cheese?
No cheese. There you go.
- Thank you, honey.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
- How was that?
- That was good.
Yeah, I think you're
gettin' the hang of it.
I'll let you send
just a couple more
and then I think you're
good to go without me.
All right, step right up, sir.
Here we go, here we go.
And you're gonna step up there.
My boy Zach can
take it from here.
- Hey, there.
- Whew.
- All right.
- You're the trainee?
- Yes, sir.
- So, should I be worried?
- No, man, we got you.
- All right then.
Let's do this.
- All right, whenever
you're ready, sir,
you can go ahead and step out.
- Has anyone ever
died doing this?
- None so far tonight.
- All right then, here I go.
Whoa!
- Who's that talking to Mark?
- Oh, shit.
Hey, you good to
run this on your own?
- Yeah, I'm...
Yeah.
- Okay, great.
Have fun.
- No, no.
- You know what you did.
You know what you did.
You come here, you
steal our stuff.
You're not allowed to be here.
- I'm a little bit scared.
- It's okay, it's
okay to be scared.
This cable can hold
up a cow, though.
Seriously.
We've tried it.
- Really?
- I swear to God, we got cows
comin' down here all the time.
Here, lemme just
clip you in here.
- I agree, we don't
need to have it anymore.
Go, go.
- I'm not sure
I wanna do this.
- You got this, bud.
You'll be fine.
You feel that cable?
It's not goin' anywhere, okay?
- Can you just push me?
- You want me to?
- Yes, please.
- All right, here we go.
Have fun.
- Wait, I wasn't ready!
- Compadre.
How was the zip line?
Any casualties?
- Couple of near heart attacks.
Other than that.
- Excellent, good work.
We're gonna put you on
something else tomorrow.
I want you to try everything
before the month is out.
- Hey, what was that issue?
Earlier on, you were
talkin' to someone.
You and Jacko both
seemed a little upset.
- Oh, that was...
It's nothin'.
It's just a guy we
don't like very much.
You can ask Jacko about it.
I'm gonna go get a beer.
- Hey, man.
How'd the zip line go?
- Actually, really well.
We only lost a couple people.
- Oh, it happens, yeah.
Hey, I'm sorry I
had to ditch ya.
I saw Mark talkin' to the enemy.
I thought I should intervene
before it came to blows.
- Who is the enemy?
- Oh, just some jackass
who used to work here.
We call him Captain Ahab
because he limps everywhere
and he's also bitter and crazy.
He works for Phantom Wood now
but he's always
snoopin' around tryin'
to steal our ideas
and our staff.
- Wait, what is Phantom Wood?
- You don't know?
It's our rival haunt.
They call it Phantom Wood
because The Haunted
Forest was already taken
but they've been ripping off
everything we've done for years.
Like imitation is flattery,
but these guys, they're
not even good at imitation
and their haunt sucks.
It just sucks.
Mark thinks it makes
us look bad too.
What really sucks is I
used to like that guy.
We were kayaking
buddies and he was good.
Like, really good.
And then he took a bad
swim below Great Falls,
got pretty banged up on
some rocks on the way down.
Had to have like 19 pins
put into his right knee.
That's why he limps.
And it totally changed him.
He blamed me.
He blamed Mark.
He blamed everyone but himself.
Anyway, it's
not worth dwelling on.
Hey um, you should find Sarah.
She's lookin' for you.
- Really?
- Yes, really.
- Okay.
I guess I'll go find her.
- Yeah, do that.
- But with
the rising of the moon,
the scene changes.
Shadows race across the
gravestones, like living things.
A breeze stirs in the
trees beyond the railings,
and something deeply buried
begins to stir to
life once more.
- This movie's
gonna put me to sleep.
- It gets good, I promise.
- I don't believe you.
I'm gonna make coffee.
- Seriously?
It's 9:30.
- Yeah, and I know you.
We're gonna finish the movie
and you're gonna wanna
stay up to talk about it,
so if I don't get
caffeine in my system
in the next 10 minutes,
I'm literally going--
- Did you get the question...
That doesn't look like biology.
- Sure, it is.
Zombies.
Biology.
- You know this test
is in a week, right?
- Yes, I do.
- Zach?
Zach, look at me.
Look, you've always
been a space case,
but this is getting ridiculous.
Where is your head at?
What's goin' on?
- It's hard to explain.
- Try me.
- It's this haunted forest thing
you know that I've been doing
on the weekends.
- Mm hm.
- It just seems so
much more exciting,
interesting and real
than being here.
- Dressing like a zombie
and running around chasing
people is more real than school?
- I mean, kind of.
Yeah, kind of.
I mean, this place is amazing.
It's like a whole
carnival of death.
- And that's a good thing?
- I like it.
- Yeah, but you're a weirdo.
- Always have been.
- Mm.
Okay, I'll make you a deal.
Gimme 20 minutes.
The next 20 minutes, I
quiz you, you quiz me,
and if you can
give me 20 minutes
of unadulterated
studying without drawing,
then I will let you pick the
movie that we watch tonight.
- Any movie?
- Just don't give me nightmares
for the rest of my life.
- No promises.
- I hate you.
Okay, wait, let me find
the chapter to quiz you on.
Okay, no wait.
The...
Okay, so this is a rough
endoplasmic reticulum,
and these structures
are ribosomes.
- Ladies and
goblins, girls and ghouls,
don't forget to pick up your
tickets to the Trail of Doom.
Try the cotton candy
at the Witch's Hut.
We are not allowed to
reveal the ingredients.
Let's just say
none of it is legal
and you eat it at your
own risk.
- You see how that works?
Obviously with no chain on it,
it's completely harmless.
Yeah, it feels a little
weird but other than that...
Normally we just
chase people around.
We don't actually
touch 'em with it.
But if you're bored, feel free.
It does usually get
a good reaction.
Any questions?
- Yeah, where do
you keep the chains?
- That's on
a need to know basis.
You good?
- Yeah.
- Kick ass.
- All right.
- You're a
little jumpy, new guy.
- Serves me right.
I've been doing that
to people all night.
- Ah, turnabout's
fair play they say.
- Do they say that?
Who says that?
- I don't know, old people.
Hey, can I show you something?
- Is it something terrifying?
- Of course.
- Then lead on.
Well, so far I'm not terrified.
- Close your eyes.
Do you feel it?
- I'm not sure.
- This is the burial ground.
The 400 Piscataway Indians,
men, women, and children.
They were shot, hanged
and cut into pieces.
They were all buried in
a mass grave right here.
- But Jacko said
that story was bullshit.
- Jacko doesn't know everything.
- Well, I'm sure that's true.
- I come out here sometimes.
Just to...
kinda...
be...
with the spirits.
I don't know if that's
too strange or...
- No, it's nice.
- We actually have a group.
It's kind of a
little club, I guess.
We get together
sometimes and meditate
and do traditional chanting.
Try to make a connection, you
know, with the other side.
I don't know if that's something
you'd be interested in, but--
- No, yes, absolutely.
Sign me up.
- Hey, close your eyes again.
- Why?
- It's a trust exercise.
Don't you trust me?
- Should I trust you?
- Just give it a shot.
- Okay.
Well, I'm glad I trusted you.
- Told you it was worth a shot.
- Thank you all for coming
to this unscheduled meeting.
A lot of you have
probably heard already
about what we found on
the zip line this morning.
Those of you that
haven't, Jacko was...
Jacko was found dead.
At this point we don't
know what happened
or how it happened.
He was hanging
from the zip line.
It's not clear whether this
was an accident or if...
Yeah, we don't know.
Obviously, we're
cooperating with the police.
I've spoken with Jacko's family
who were obviously devastated.
If any of you know anything
about what Jacko
might've been thinking
or about anything at all,
please do not hesitate to
come find me and talk to me.
This is a terrible time for
all of us here at The Forest.
Jacko worked here
for a long time.
He was one of our
best employees.
He put his heart and
soul into this place,
and we are gonna do
everything we can
to honor him in
the weeks to come.
And if any of you
are are struggling
to process this in any way,
please know that we
will be here for you.
Okay?
So look, I hesitate
to even bring this up
on a day when so many of us
are shocked and grieving,
but we do have to think
about the good of The Forest.
So please, if a member of
the press approaches you,
no comment.
All media inquiries
should go to the office.
They should be official.
They should not be handled
by individual staff members.
The last thing we need are a lot
of unkind rumors swirling
around this place.
Jacko would not
have wanted that.
We don't want that.
Until we have a better sense
of what happened
and how it happened,
let's please just keep this
in the family, all right?
Does anyone have any questions?
Does anyone have anything
they would like to add?
Okay, let's get to work.
Show must go on.
You doin' all right?
- Yeah, I'm just stunned.
- Me too, man.
Me too.
- You okay?
I'm so sorry.
I didn't really
know him that well,
but he seemed like
a really good guy.
- He was.
- I can't even imagine
how it could've--
- Don't laugh.
- Why would I laugh?
- I think it was them.
- Who?
- The spirits.
They don't want us here, Zach.
This is their land and
they want it back.
- It was the hardest thing
getting through the weekend.
It didn't seem like fun anymore.
Like every scene we do is
about death in some way.
It's supposed to be this like
fun, campy version of death.
But after what happened,
I just don't know
if I can do it anymore.
- Yeah, man, I hear you.
- I am sorry, Zach.
Did we wake you?
- Sorry, I just...
Sorry.
- Try and get some better
sleep at night, okay?
- Yeah, I will.
- Saved by the bell.
- Dude, is it true one of
your coworkers fucking died?
- I heard the guy
hanged himself.
Is that true?
That's nasty.
- I'm really not supposed
to talk about it.
- Did he get a boner?
I heard when you hang
yourself, you get a boner.
- That's probably the only
way you can get a boner.
- Dude, shut the fuck up.
- Okay, break it up.
Go play with your lacrosse
sticks or something.
- You can play with
mine anytime, Carly.
- I'd rather die.
- Dude, she totally
just told you off.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Are you okay?
- I am absolutely fantastic.
- I'm really sorry, Zach.
- It's okay.
I'm okay, really.
- Maybe...
maybe you should take some time
off from The Haunted Forest?
- Honestly, I don't
think they're gonna
run it this weekend.
They tried to keep it quiet,
but it's all over the news.
I think it might be smart to
just shut it down for awhile.
Like, who would go
to a haunted forest
where people actually die?
This is DJ Coronary,
bringing you the latest track
from Grammy nominated breakout
star Fly the Freak-Nasty.
The song is called
"Halloween Freak."
- I can't believe this.
- Yeah, who would've thought?
Death sells.
Halloween
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
- It's amazing.
Absolutely amazing.
It's the best night we've
had in years, maybe ever.
Is it the best night
we've had ever?
And not just the numbers, right?
The whole atmosphere.
Did you guys feel it?
It was like electricity.
People were stoked to be there.
What a feeling.
What a night!
- Doesn't it bother you?
Like the morbid curiosity?
Like, if Jacko hadn't--
- No, I know, I know, I know.
Believe me, I hear you.
And of course, it bothers me.
But this is the deal.
We are fascinated by death.
We just are.
That's why The Forest is
here in the first place.
That's why Halloween,
that's why all of it.
It's part of how we process
the reality of death.
We make a joke out of it.
Helps us feel like
we're in control.
- Have you heard anything
new from the cops?
Like, what do they
think happened?
- I don't know.
I should call them.
I've been a little
wrapped up in the...
I should call them.
I'm gonna get some shuteye.
Sleep well you crazy kids.
- You too, man.
See you tomorrow.
- Goodnight.
Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Are you okay?
- I'm okay.
We should probably get to bed.
- Absolutely.
- Ancestors of
the Piscataway,
those we have wronged,
those whose lands
we have stolen,
we ask you in all humility,
and with every sense
of our unworthiness
to guide our brother,
Jacko Fitzgerald,
into the dark lands
beyond this one
where he may be safe from
the pain of this world.
Forgive him his sins,
and let him not fall into
the places of torment.
We ask this in your mercy.
We pray that you will reward
us, not as we deserve,
but as we ask.
What'd you think?
Too weird?
- No, it was really interesting.
- Interesting can
mean anything, Zach.
- Yeah, you're right.
It's just, I was
a little behind.
Like, clearly you guys have
been doing this for awhile.
I just have some
catching up to do.
- Well, you'll just
have to come back.
- Oh, definitely.
Yeah, definitely.
- Okay, I shouldn't do this yet,
but,
this is your badge
if you really want
to be part of it.
- No, I do.
Yeah, I do.
- Pin it to your
clothes ,
anywhere people can see it.
It's a symbol of the
gate to the other side.
We call it The Man in the Maze.
- I like it.
- I thought you would.
- I feel I do my best work
when I got a little
buzz goin' on.
- I'm certainly willing
to give it a try.
- Oh, oh, hey.
And have you seen this yet?
- What's up, y'all?
It's your boy Stinky Steve here,
and I'm out here
offering $10,000
to the first homeless person
who can do a standing
jump over this trash can.
Let's meet our first contestant.
- Yo, this guy's
hilarious.
- Yeah, he's pretty
funny, I guess.
- Oh!
Yo, did you see that!
- Hey, I think we
should get back.
- Oh, shit, yeah.
Thank you.
Where'd I put those chainsaws?
- We left them right inside.
- Oh yeah, that's right.
Okay.
All right, let's go terrify
some motherfuckers.
- What the fuck?
- Hey, guys, no, stop!
Stop!
- Oh!
- Oh, fuck!
- All right, you're
gonna be all right.
- Chopped my fuckin'
arm off, Jesus Christ.
- Is he okay?
- They got him
to an ambulance.
He lost a lot of blood,
but he should be all right.
- I don't know
what happened, man.
I swear to God, I don't.
- I know.
I know, me neither.
You gotta come back, though.
They're looking for you.
- I'm fucked, aren't I?
- Just tell them the truth.
- Yeah.
Like they gonna believe that.
Fuck.
I'm fucked.
I didn't know man, I swear.
I swear to God, I didn't know.
- It's those fuckers
at Phantom Wood.
It's gotta be.
They've been tryin'
to find a way
to bring us down for
years and this is it.
I mean, who would go
to a haunted forest
where people get cut
up by real chainsaws?
Jacko was one thing,
but this is...
This is probably the end.
- It's late, Mark.
Maybe you should get some sleep.
- Sleep isn't gonna
fix this, Susie.
I gotta fix this.
I gotta find a way out.
- Maybe it is
best that you pack it in.
- You know what this
place means to me.
- Yeah, I know.
- Then how could you say that?
- 'Cause Mark, you're not the
only person in this family.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Goodnight, Zach.
- Goodnight.
- You really don't
know what happened?
- I told you, I
didn't see anything.
- You were right there, Zach.
You held one of those
chainsaws in your hands.
You didn't notice
anything different?
You didn't see anything?
You didn't hear anything?
Nothing?
Really?
- I noticed the chain five
seconds before it happened.
I tried to warn them,
but it was too loud.
They couldn't hear me.
- And that's it?
That's all you have to say?
- I don't know what
you want from me, Mark.
You think I don't feel terrible?
I feel terrible.
You think I don't blame myself?
Of course I do.
But I had no reason to believe
that anything like
this could happen.
I don't know what's going
on anymore than you do.
Blaming me is not
gonna solve anything.
- You're right, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm drunk and I'm
fuckin' devastated.
But, no you're right.
This isn't your fault.
I apologize.
- It's okay, it's okay.
We're both exhausted.
We should get some sleep.
- Yeah, you're right.
You should go on up.
I'm gonna clean up
down here for a bit.
- All right.
Sleep well.
- Yeah, you too man.
You too.
So, I've spoken to the
police, spoken to the town.
They're still deciding
whether they're gonna let
us open next weekend or not.
In the meantime,
we have a lot of questions
we need to answer.
What happened to Jacko?
What happened with
the chainsaws?
Are the two things connected?
Just what the fuck is
happening here anyway?
If anyone knows anything,
anything that might give
us a clue about all this,
this would be a great
time for you to speak up.
This is not a joke.
This is not funny.
This is literally
life and death.
And if you know anything
that could help us,
you have a moral and
professional obligation
to come forward right now.
Okay, then.
You're probably wondering what
we're gonna do this weekend.
What we're gonna do is
we are gonna prepare
to open for Halloween
as if we are 100% certain
of getting permission.
Needless to say, there
will be no chainsaws.
There will be new
safety procedures
and there will be
a buddy system.
There will be double checks
and triple checks on every
single piece of equipment.
Any questions?
Zach?
- Are we sure we want
to open next weekend?
- Any other questions?
Okay, let's get to work.
- So, if one of the major
themes we're dealing
with here is the conflict
between love and duty,
is there a character
who exemplifies
that conflict
especially clearly?
Is there someone who really
does seem perfectly
poised between the two?
Mary?
Shh.
So, I suppose we could
argue that in a sense,
it's less of a question
of love versus duty
than a question
of different duties
conflicting with one another
because love itself can be seen
as a kind of obligation or...
Are you awake now?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Sorry, I must have...
- It's okay.
It looked like you needed it.
Zach, are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
- Do you wanna talk about it?
- About what?
- About why you
haven't been sleeping?
- What do you mean?
I was literally just sleeping--
- At night, Zach.
You haven't been
sleeping at night.
It's pretty obvious.
It's also pretty obvious
that your mind's a
million miles away.
- Yeah, it's been stressful.
You know, The Forest,
it's been a lot.
- Do you really think they're
gonna reopen this weekend?
- I don't know.
- You don't have to
go back, you know?
- I know.
- But you're going to.
- I mean, it's Halloween.
Where else would I be?
- Some people go to parties.
- I'm not one of those people.
- I know.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we assure you that
all of our attractions
are now completely safe.
We have chased away all the
chainsaw wielding maniacs
and their bodies
will never be found.
So, relax, enjoy yourselves
and remember that any
screaming that you may hear
is all just part of the show.
Or at least, let's hope so.
- That was pretty good.
You have a knack for this.
- Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I love this
Halloween stuff.
- Well, I think you
can take it from here.
I'll be at the Witch's
Hut if you need me.
- Thanks, Kim.
See you later.
- Hey, creepy.
- Carly?
What the hell are
you doing here?
- Where else would
I be on Halloween?
- You look,
very spooky.
- Why, thank you.
- Hey, do you want me to show
you around the
control booth here?
- Oh, I'm sorry, did you think
that I came all the way
out here to just
hang out with you?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I'm sorry.
- Zach, I'm kidding.
Yes, I'd love to
come inside, please.
- All right. Yeah, yeah.
Just come around the side.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Talkin' about creepy.
- Yeah, but that's
not the good part.
This is the good part.
- May I?
- Be my guest?
- Um...
Would the...
owner of the bloodied
carriage being pulled
by two decapitated
horses please
make your way to
the control booth?
You left your lights on.
- That, that was,
that was really good.
- You know, honestly, I
think I could get into this.
- It's like a whole
different side of you.
- Yeah, but you don't know
everything about me, Zach.
- Apparently not.
Lemme try one.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
All right.
If you have
lost a seven-year-old child
named Algernon,
please come to the main
entrance and claim him.
He is wearing a
Victorian nightgown
and seems to be invoking
demons in ancient Babylonian.
Please come quickly.
His head is now
rotating backwards.
- Okay, wait, no,
gimme, no, gimme.
I've got one.
- What's up, y'all?
It's your boy Stinky Steve here.
And today I'm out here at
the legendary Haunted Forest
where we're about
to take an exclusive
all VIP tour of their
famous Trail of Terror.
What kind of VIPs you ask?
Let's check 'em out.
From "Housewives of
Montgomery County,"
that's Ashley Delaso.
Say hi, Ashley.
- Hey.
- Next up, we got none
other than DJ Coronary.
Say what's up, DJ?
- What's up?
- Yeah.
And last but not least,
we have Grammy
nominated superstar,
Fly the Freak Nasty.
How's it hangin', Fly?
- Get outta here.
- All right, all right,
let's get this show on
the road now, shall we?
See my boy Mark
comin' over here now.
Mark runs this place.
If he's here, then
it's game time.
- All right guys,
we still have a few people
filing outta the exits.
We're sweepin' the trail,
making sure it's clear.
Then we're gonna send
you guys down one by one
so you get the whole experience.
Should be about
five or 10 minutes.
Sound good?
- Flippin' fabbo-fantabbo,
my main man.
- All right.
Okay.
I'll see you guys in a few.
Hey, you guys can take off.
We're closed to the public.
We're just clearin' out
the last few stragglers.
- No problem, Mark.
We'll see you next year.
- See ya.
Hey, I'm lovin'
the announcements,
but who's the witch?
- Mark, meet my friend Carly.
Carly, my cousin, Mark.
- You're friends with
this knucklehead.
What's wrong with you?
- Mm, he got grandfathered in.
We've known each other
since I was five.
- Mm, you have
my condolences.
- Oh.
- Nice to meet you.
Hey, you can start cleanin' up.
We closed the trail.
We're down to the VIPs.
- Shit, I didn't get a chance
to check out the trail.
- I didn't realize it
had gotten so late. My bad.
- Well, you're
lucky I wandered by.
Come on, I'll get you in line.
- Seriously?
- You're a friend
of Zach's, right?
That makes you a VIP.
Come on.
- Yeah, go for it.
Yeah, I still have
some cleanup to do.
- I'll see you after.
- Yeah, I'll find you.
- Come on, come on.
They probably already
started lettin' people in.
- Okay, okay.
Thank you.
- It's your
first time here?
- Yeah, no, I'm kind of a wimp
with these sort of things,
but I'm excited.
- Oh, don't worry.
- No, it'll be a good time.
- Okay.
- Just have fun with it.
- All right.
- All right, I'm
on the trail now.
Not freakin' out yet.
There's definitely
some kinda atmosphere.
Feels like somethin's
about to happen any minute.
Fuck!
What the fuck?
Jesus!
Scared the shit out of me.
Well
played, pumpkin man.
Well played.
All right, if that's
the worst it gets,
I think I can handle it.
Ah, heart is poundin' though.
Like, legit.
Adrenaline's lightin' me up.
It's wild.
I can do this.
I just gotta keep
my wits about me.
Ah!
Hey, you gotta be
more careful, man.
That shit's expensive.
Hey!
Hey!
Not so hard, man.
It actually hurts.
Can I get my camera
back, please?
I'm a professional.
I'm an influencer.
I need to be getting all this.
All right, look.
You're scarin' me, all right?
You fucking scared me.
Great job.
Now can you please just like...
You're not a part of
the show, are you?
Shit.
- Yeah, so honestly, it's
like totally lame so far.
It's like super
cheesy and everything.
Can't wait to get to the club
as soon as I get outta here.
- Did I show you what
I'm wearing tonight?
- O-m-g, no.
What is it?
O-m-g, you slut.
O-m-g, that is filthy.
What do you think?
Is Sean gonna like it?
- Sean is gonna
freak the fuck out.
He's gonna lose his shit.
You look like a
$10 million whore
and I love that for you.
- Hey Ash,
there's something
behind you, like a rope.
- It's just gonna be
some stupid jump scare.
I'm telling you,
I am so over this.
- Okay, no problem.
It's just a haunted house.
It's just for fun.
All right, everything's fine.
Everything is fine.
Just crossin' this bridge.
Perfectly safe.
Built up to code.
Shit!
Shit, man.
You got me.
All right, you
got me good, okay?
Okay?
I mentioned this to Mark,
but I mean, I do have
a heart condition.
That's why they call
me DJ Coronary.
I actually got a quintuple
bypass back in April.
So, if there's a version of this
you know, that's a little
bit more mellow,
I'd really appreciate that.
Is that something that we
can work out with you guys?
Gentlemen?
Fellas?
Hey, can you hear me?
Hey, I'm serious!
I'm not fucking around!
- Man,
you're trippin'.
Eminem's not even top five.
- All right,
then who's in your top five?
Fuckin' Shakespeare?
Fuckin' Jesus?
- God, dude, Dre,
Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z.
- All right, all right.
That's three.
Who else?
- I mean, for me, Common's
gotta be up there.
You know, I'm really into that
socially conscious shit.
- All right, now
I know you ain't serious.
- How much of a raise do the two
of you need to shut the fuck up?
- Extra $10 an hour.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Hey, y'all smell gas?
Oh, shit!
- Oh, goddammit.
- Had to have like 19 pins
put into his right knee.
That's why he limps.
They've been ripping off
everything we've done for years,
and Mark thinks it
makes us look bad too.
- It's those fuckers
at Phantom Wood.
It's gotta be.
You're a friend
of Zach's, right?
That makes you a VIP.
Come on.
- Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Carly!
- Let her go, Mark.
I know what you did.
I called the cops back.
They're already on their way.
You're not getting
away with any of this.
You don't want another
murder to answer for.
I guess Captain Ahab was
just an accident, right?
Maybe an impulse?
I saw you arguing with him.
You followed him
back to his car.
Is that where it happened?
It's just a crime of passion.
But then Jacko saw you,
or he saw too much,
so you had to take care of him.
And that was a little
easier than you expected.
After that who knows?
Maybe you got a taste for it.
Maybe you wanted the publicity.
Tonight, you murdered
the most famous people
you could get to come here.
Is that what this is about?
Just some free promotion.
You've lost the plot, Mark.
There's no way this
ends well for you.
Just let her go and
I'll testify for you.
I'll say that you,
you showed mercy,
that you were truly repentant.
But if you hurt her, in any way,
I will make sure
that you never see
the outside of a prison again.
- You're giving Mark
way too much credit.
He could never pull
all of this off.
He doesn't have the vision.
- I'm dreaming.
I'm dreaming, I'm
dreaming, I'm dreaming.
- No, no, no,
you're not dreaming.
You're learning something.
We're all guilty, Zach.
You, me, Mark, even his
adorable little children.
We were born guilty, Zach.
We have to pay.
You think it's enough to
sit cross-legged and chant?
You think that washes away
the sins of our people?
I see them, Zach.
They're all around us.
Behind you, behind
me, everywhere.
They are crying
out for vengeance
and only blood can
wash out blood.
- You're insane.
- This world is insane.
We live and laugh and love
on the graves of the
people we slaughtered.
I won't be part of it anymore.
My ceremony will
finally bring peace,
and justice to the dead.
- You guys can't be serious.
What are you gonna
do, sacrifice Mark?
What is that gonna
do for anyone?
What is that gonna
do for the dead?
- It's going to give
them rest, Zach.
Just watch.
You'll understand.
Get her ready.
Restless spirits of
this place, hear us.
We offer you this flesh
for the expiation
of all the.
- Run!
Go!
Run!
- Hold still.
What?
- I said be careful.
- Oh, all right, right.
No worries.
- Are the cops really coming?
- No, I was bluffing.
- You are such an idiot.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
I just, I just like, I was
just trying to--
So...
- So.
There's a cult
trying to murder us.
- Yeah.
- So...
we can talk about
the rest of this later.
- Sounds good.
- I don't hear them.
- They're gonna be coming soon.
- Do you have a plan?
- Gimme a second.
Okay.
Yes, I have a plan.
- Whoa!
Shit!
- Is that the best
you could do?
- Hey, Sarah.
He liked me better, anyway.
- All right.
Here we go.
- She's here somewhere,
I can feel it.
Great work.
She's definitely dead now.
You're helping me, you know?
We were never supposed
to survive this.
This is all part
of the sacrifice.
- Yeah, well, happy to help.
- Wait, what?
Sarah, that's not
what we talked about.
- Zach, this is a totally
different side of you.
I like it.
- You killed my cousin.
I don't give a
shit what you like.
- Zach, wait.
She's done.
She's not even armed.
We don't need to kill her.
Besides, she'll
suffer more in prison.
- She's right.
I deserve to suffer.
We all do.
I'm not exempt.
I know you think I'm a
monster, and you're right.
But the way that I felt for you,
the way that I
still feel for you,
that has always been 100%.
- Zach, Zach, are you okay?
- Where is she going?
- She's heading
towards the exit.
- She said something
about Mark's kids.
Just go, go, go.
- Sarah?
- Mark?
- Hey, listen, I...
I don't blame you.
You did what you
thought was right.
But you can rest now.
You hear me?
Your work is done.
You can go to sleep.
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.
Shh.
There's so much
deck the halling
And friends are calling
And snow is falling and how
It's gotta be Christmas
It's gotta be now
It's got to be Christmas
I'll say it again
It's got to be Christmas
What else could explain...
- Merry fucking Christmas.
Anticipating
Celebrating and cheer
It's gotta be Christmas
It's got to be near
Hello?
Bring it on
Hello?
Oh, it's gotta be Christmas
It's gonna be great
It's got to be Christmas
It's gotta be Christmas
You know what I mean
Now, all those
bells are ringing
It's got to be Christmas
Around and around
Rupert, what the hell
are you doing here?
- Diana, I am so sorry.
I was an idiot.
Can you forgive me?
- Well, that's a start.
And everyone knowing that
Santa may be on his way
It's gotta be Christmas
- We should find
a vase for these.
- Just throw them on the ground.
It really is Christmas
- I really like this.
- It's a
little cheesy maybe.
- No, I like it.
It's something new for you.
- Well, I think I've had
enough zombies for awhile.
- I completely agree.
So you're coming over to
watch "Love Actually" tonight?
- It's not even Thanksgiving.
- I watch it year round.
- I'll make you a deal.
If you wear something spooky,
we can watch "Love Actually?"
- Is spooky a euphemism?
- Obviously.
Is it a deal?
- It's a deal.
So, Chapter 22.
- Oh God, God,
God, do we have to?
- It's due on Thursday.
- It's Monday.
- So we gotta get started.
- If you say so.
- I do.
Anyway...
Anyway, I think I missed
a question about...
Oh, water containing heat.
Heat retention in water.
There was that question
about, about like...
Smoke's risin' high
From all the buildings
in the town
People are running, screaming,
crying on the ground
If we got up now
we'd need to get down
People surviving
in a new kinda way
If you see the sunrise
You might live to
see another day
Up in the sky
I see a plane coming down
Smoke risin' high
From all the buildings
in the town
People are running, screaming,
crying on the ground
If we got up now
we'd need to go down
Up in the sky
I see a plane coming down
Smoke risin' high
From all the buildings
in the town
People are running, screaming,
crying on the ground
If we got up now
we'd need to go down
My lover
- Are you sure this
is the best place?
Isn't this near where they
found all those bodies?
- Sweetheart, the
only body I'm thinkin'
about right now is yours.
- Come on, Todd, I'm serious.
- So am I.
I've been thinkin'
about you all day,
and exactly what
I am gonna do to you.
- Come on, Todd.
I'm not messing around.
- Oh, you're not?
- Hm-mm.
- Isn't that what we
came here to do?
- I just think we could
be more comfortable
at my parents' place.
- Your parents are nosy.
- They just want
what's best for me.
- I know what's best
for you, baby girl.
- My God, you're impossible.
I'm trying to have like an
actual conversation here.
- Sweetie, I'm
listening to you, okay?
I really am.
If what you really want is for
us to drive all the way back
to your parents so they can
make us some chamomile tea
and probably grill me
about my college plans,
then that,
is exactly,
what,
we'll do.
Well?
- I guess we can stay
for a little longer.
- That's my girl.
- What was that?
- I don't know.
- Okay, can you go
and check it out?
- Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
And there's a home
over your head
- And that's
what made Jane Austen
such a revolutionary
force in literature.
She brought a level of
psychological realism,
not to mention physical
realism to the English novel
that really had no parallel
in the writers who
came before her.
In this sense, we could argue
that Jane Austen invented
the English novel and the
modern novel as we know it.
We'll get into more
detail on this next week.
Please read chapters
five through eight.
Have a great weekend.
- This is
DJ Coronary,
and that was "Medianoche"
by a Dark Lunch.
It's Friday, October 3rd,
which makes it exactly
four weeks until Halloween.
- Who's ready to get scary?
All right!
All right, that's
what we like to hear!
Now, I know you've all
been working really hard,
getting ready for tonight.
You are tired,
you're stressed out,
you probably still
have a few things
to get done before we
open at eight p.m. sharp.
So I'm gonna keep this brief,
but I do just
wanna take a moment
to remind ourselves
why we're here.
What are we doing here?
What is this about?
This ground that we're standing
on right now is sacred ground.
And some would say cursed,
but I don't see it that way.
300 years ago, there was
a massacre right here.
400 Piscataway Indians
were slaughtered
by enraged white settlers.
This kind of thing happened
all too often in the early days
of this country
because of greed,
because of hatred,
because of ignorance.
And those spirits
are not at rest.
Those victims still
cry out at night.
I hear them.
You guys know I live
less than 100 yards away.
I'm telling you, I hear
those ghosts at night.
Sometimes they keep me
up into the wee hours.
So yeah, we're running
a business here.
We are entertainers.
People come out for the night
from D.C., from Baltimore.
They wanna have a good time,
they wanna have a good burger,
and they wanna get good and
scared, and that's great.
That's all great.
But I like to think we're
also here to honor the dead.
To be their voice when they
can't speak for themselves.
So let's just, let's
keep that in mind
as we go about our
duties, all right?
Let's be safe, let's have fun,
and let's scare the shit
outta some people, am I right?
- Woo!
- Ow!
- All right, you all
know your assignments,
so let's get into
makeup and get set.
You have two hours. Go.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Yo, yo, yo, cousin!
- Yes.
- When'd you get here?
How was the drive?
- Good, man, good.
I'm really happy to be here.
- Oh, happy to
have you, brother.
Happy to have you.
Yeah, this is gonna be fun.
- Yeah, thanks a
lot for just like,
letting me come here and-
- Listen, don't thank me, okay?
Don't thank me.
You're gonna work your ass off.
You'll be cursin' my name
before the night's out.
- I doubt it.
- You good, man?
You need anything?
- Just point me in
the right direction.
- Oh, sure thing, yeah.
Hey, Jacko?
- Yeah?
- Can you show Fresh Meat here
where he gets his face done?
- Yeah, sure.
Just follow me.
- Just follow Jacko.
He'll get you situated.
- All right.
Come to me if you
need anything, okay?
All right, thanks man.
- Sure thing.
So good to see you, I'll
see you back at the house.
- Hey.
- Hi.
So you're Mark's cousin?
- Yeah. Zach.
- I'm Jacko.
Nice to meet you.
- You've been doin' this awhile?
- Oh, about 15 years.
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
I was here when
Mark started this place
many moons ago.
- Anything I should
know about it?
- It's a blast, man.
Just relax and enjoy yourself.
This is a magical place.
- Is it true about the
massacre and everything?
- I doubt it.
Mark likes to tell stories.
- So, you've never
seen a ghost here?
- Well, no, I didn't say that.
Through the morning rain
I thought they
were gone again
Get in line, muchacho.
This is where the magic happens.
It's Halloween
It's Halloween for you
- You ever been a
walking skeleton before?
- Not that I can remember.
- You're
gonna love it.
Wait till you see.
- So, how long have
you worked here?
- A couple years.
- Do you go to school
around here or?
- Yeah, I did.
Kinda takin' a couple years
off before I go to college.
- That's smart,
consider your options.
- Exactly.
Do you go to school around here?
- Yeah, I'm at Philips-Howard.
I'm a senior.
- Philips-Howard, is that...
That's a boarding school, right?
- Yeah.
- What are you, rich?
- No, just smart.
- Well, I guess that's
the next best thing.
All right, let's take a look.
You like it?
- It's like I'm looking at the
real me for the first time.
- I'll take that as
a yes.
All right, next customer.
It's nice to meet you, Zach.
- Yeah, you too.
- Okay, so this spot
is pretty simple.
You're gonna hide
behind the scarecrow,
jump out and scare people.
If someone seems a little
nervous, definitely target them.
You can also kinda walk along
beside them, get too close.
That freaks 'em out sometimes.
You don't need to say anything.
It's usually scarier
if you don't.
Any last questions?
- When will I know when
it's time to leave?
- Oh, someone will
come find you.
Don't worry about it.
All right, have fun.
See you after.
- Thanks, man.
See you soon.
- Jesus man, what are
you supposed to be?
Aw, I think he wants
to be friends.
Hey, nice meetin' you, man.
- I really wanna
get outta here.
- Oh my God!
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
- Trisha, don't be such a wuss.
- Did you see that guy?
He's fucking creepy!
Oh!
Yo, Jesus, man!
Oh, absolutely not.
Oh, fuck!
- Come on guys, are
we open or what?
Hm.
Guess they forgot about me.
Uh, hello?
Do you know if we're
closed or what?
I just left my station.
I was told somebody
would come and get me.
Hey, look, I'm a scarer too,
so, you don't have to scare me.
I mean, I'm not scared,
so just cut it out.
Okay, seriously, this
isn't funny, man.
I know you're just
another staff member,
so if you could please--
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
We do that to all the new staff.
- Yeah, it's cool, it's cool.
I wasn't that scared.
- You were fuckin' terrified.
- Okay, yeah, I was
terrified.
- Here, come on.
Let's get a beer.
- All right.
- You have a
good time tonight?
- Great time.
It's amazing.
- Scare some people?
- Actually, yes.
- You honor the ghosts?
- I think so. Yeah.
- Good, man.
To the dead.
- To the dead.
- She's single.
That's what I heard.
- A little too old
for me, you think?
- Hm. No, no, no.
You need an older woman.
Keep you in line.
Here, let's go talk to her.
Come on.
- Wait, hey, you
don't need too--
- No, come on, come on.
- Hey, newbie.
How was your first night?
- Best night of my life.
- Oh, that's what
we like to hear.
- Sarah, you know my
cousin Zach, right?
- Do I know him?
I'm the reason he
looks so terrifying.
- I actually think
it's an improvement.
Hey, Jacko, you got a second?
- Yeah.
- I wanna talk to you about
that swooping skeleton.
- Oh yeah. Okay.
This is a tricky one.
If you don't push too hard
on the lever, it's fine.
If you do, it gathers
too much speed.
Honestly, it's a
tough thing to fix
because that motor
only has two speeds.
- Didn't know you
were Mark's cousin.
- You don't see the resemblance?
- Now that you mention it, no.
- Hey, I like your necklace.
- Oh, thank you.
- Does it mean something or?
- Yeah.
It's a Native American charm.
It's supposed to help you
commune with the spirits.
- Does it work?
- You'd be surprised.
The light's getting dim
So that's it?
You're all outta questions.
- No, no, no, I have a question.
- Okay.
- What...
what terrifies you?
- That's kind of an
intense question.
- I guess I'm kind of intense.
- It's not the worst thing.
Spiders.
- Really?
- Absolutely.
They're fucking terrifying.
- But they're so tiny.
- Well, fears aren't
rational, Zach.
- Well, some are, aren't they?
- You're very deep.
- I like to think so.
- Okay, what about you?
- Werewolves.
What, what, what?
That's totally rational.
- Oh no, you're right.
You're totally right.
Very scary.
- Fucking terrifying.
- All right, well, if you
protect me from spiders,
I'll protect you
from werewolves.
- It's a deal.
Keep your head up
- How'd it go?
- Jesus.
You scared the crap outta me.
- Sorry.
- What are you doing
standing there in the dark?
- I got good night vision.
I usually don't think
to turn on a light.
So ,
how'd it go with Sarah?
- I think well.
Yeah, we just talked.
- No smooching?
- No.
- Oh, that's too bad.
Thought there might've
been some smooching.
- No, no, no.
We just, we had a
really good talk.
She's really cool.
- She is cool.
And hot and cool.
You could do a lot worse.
- Yeah, we'll see, you know?
We'll see.
- Amen to that, brother.
You should get some
sleep, all right?
Make sure you turn the
lights off when you come up.
- There's still no light on.
- It's a joke, compadre.
- I get it.
- Sleep well.
Good morning, cousin.
How'd you sleep?
- Like the dead.
- Well, that's appropriate.
You remember Susie, don't you?
- Hey, Zach.
It's good to see you.
- It's good to see you.
Yo, thank you so much for
letting me crash here.
- It's no problem.
We're happy to have you.
Girls, you remember
your cousin, Zach?
- Hey, Zach.
- Hey, Maddie.
You look a lot bigger than
the last time I saw you.
- I grew two inches
in the last year.
- That is awesome.
- I'm gonna be taller than Mom.
- Not for a few more
years.
- I know.
- What are you watchin'?
- Something she shouldn't
be watching at
the kitchen table.
- I told you, I'm almost done.
- Mm hm.
- Wait,
is this one of those
like housewives shows?
- That's Ashley Delaso.
She's really pretty.
- Like you
look ridiculous right now.
Yep, real classy.
Mm hm.
- Doesn't seem
very nice, though.
- She's just speaking her truth.
- Hey, yo, cousin, you
want a breakfast sandwich?
- Yes, please.
- You want ham, bacon, both?
- Both, please.
Thank you.
- You got it.
- So, how's your mom doing?
- She's...
Yeah, she's okay.
Better.
They think she might be able
to come home in a couple months.
- Well, that's good.
You know, you're welcome to
stay here anytime you want.
- Thanks, I really
appreciate it.
- Honestly, it's no trouble.
Right, girls?
- It's really not.
We're happy to have you.
- Thanks, Maddie.
That's...
Thanks.
- My pleasure.
- All right, ladies and germs.
Let's eat.
- Oh.
- Let's see.
No, no cheese?
No cheese. There you go.
- Thank you, honey.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
- How was that?
- That was good.
Yeah, I think you're
gettin' the hang of it.
I'll let you send
just a couple more
and then I think you're
good to go without me.
All right, step right up, sir.
Here we go, here we go.
And you're gonna step up there.
My boy Zach can
take it from here.
- Hey, there.
- Whew.
- All right.
- You're the trainee?
- Yes, sir.
- So, should I be worried?
- No, man, we got you.
- All right then.
Let's do this.
- All right, whenever
you're ready, sir,
you can go ahead and step out.
- Has anyone ever
died doing this?
- None so far tonight.
- All right then, here I go.
Whoa!
- Who's that talking to Mark?
- Oh, shit.
Hey, you good to
run this on your own?
- Yeah, I'm...
Yeah.
- Okay, great.
Have fun.
- No, no.
- You know what you did.
You know what you did.
You come here, you
steal our stuff.
You're not allowed to be here.
- I'm a little bit scared.
- It's okay, it's
okay to be scared.
This cable can hold
up a cow, though.
Seriously.
We've tried it.
- Really?
- I swear to God, we got cows
comin' down here all the time.
Here, lemme just
clip you in here.
- I agree, we don't
need to have it anymore.
Go, go.
- I'm not sure
I wanna do this.
- You got this, bud.
You'll be fine.
You feel that cable?
It's not goin' anywhere, okay?
- Can you just push me?
- You want me to?
- Yes, please.
- All right, here we go.
Have fun.
- Wait, I wasn't ready!
- Compadre.
How was the zip line?
Any casualties?
- Couple of near heart attacks.
Other than that.
- Excellent, good work.
We're gonna put you on
something else tomorrow.
I want you to try everything
before the month is out.
- Hey, what was that issue?
Earlier on, you were
talkin' to someone.
You and Jacko both
seemed a little upset.
- Oh, that was...
It's nothin'.
It's just a guy we
don't like very much.
You can ask Jacko about it.
I'm gonna go get a beer.
- Hey, man.
How'd the zip line go?
- Actually, really well.
We only lost a couple people.
- Oh, it happens, yeah.
Hey, I'm sorry I
had to ditch ya.
I saw Mark talkin' to the enemy.
I thought I should intervene
before it came to blows.
- Who is the enemy?
- Oh, just some jackass
who used to work here.
We call him Captain Ahab
because he limps everywhere
and he's also bitter and crazy.
He works for Phantom Wood now
but he's always
snoopin' around tryin'
to steal our ideas
and our staff.
- Wait, what is Phantom Wood?
- You don't know?
It's our rival haunt.
They call it Phantom Wood
because The Haunted
Forest was already taken
but they've been ripping off
everything we've done for years.
Like imitation is flattery,
but these guys, they're
not even good at imitation
and their haunt sucks.
It just sucks.
Mark thinks it makes
us look bad too.
What really sucks is I
used to like that guy.
We were kayaking
buddies and he was good.
Like, really good.
And then he took a bad
swim below Great Falls,
got pretty banged up on
some rocks on the way down.
Had to have like 19 pins
put into his right knee.
That's why he limps.
And it totally changed him.
He blamed me.
He blamed Mark.
He blamed everyone but himself.
Anyway, it's
not worth dwelling on.
Hey um, you should find Sarah.
She's lookin' for you.
- Really?
- Yes, really.
- Okay.
I guess I'll go find her.
- Yeah, do that.
- But with
the rising of the moon,
the scene changes.
Shadows race across the
gravestones, like living things.
A breeze stirs in the
trees beyond the railings,
and something deeply buried
begins to stir to
life once more.
- This movie's
gonna put me to sleep.
- It gets good, I promise.
- I don't believe you.
I'm gonna make coffee.
- Seriously?
It's 9:30.
- Yeah, and I know you.
We're gonna finish the movie
and you're gonna wanna
stay up to talk about it,
so if I don't get
caffeine in my system
in the next 10 minutes,
I'm literally going--
- Did you get the question...
That doesn't look like biology.
- Sure, it is.
Zombies.
Biology.
- You know this test
is in a week, right?
- Yes, I do.
- Zach?
Zach, look at me.
Look, you've always
been a space case,
but this is getting ridiculous.
Where is your head at?
What's goin' on?
- It's hard to explain.
- Try me.
- It's this haunted forest thing
you know that I've been doing
on the weekends.
- Mm hm.
- It just seems so
much more exciting,
interesting and real
than being here.
- Dressing like a zombie
and running around chasing
people is more real than school?
- I mean, kind of.
Yeah, kind of.
I mean, this place is amazing.
It's like a whole
carnival of death.
- And that's a good thing?
- I like it.
- Yeah, but you're a weirdo.
- Always have been.
- Mm.
Okay, I'll make you a deal.
Gimme 20 minutes.
The next 20 minutes, I
quiz you, you quiz me,
and if you can
give me 20 minutes
of unadulterated
studying without drawing,
then I will let you pick the
movie that we watch tonight.
- Any movie?
- Just don't give me nightmares
for the rest of my life.
- No promises.
- I hate you.
Okay, wait, let me find
the chapter to quiz you on.
Okay, no wait.
The...
Okay, so this is a rough
endoplasmic reticulum,
and these structures
are ribosomes.
- Ladies and
goblins, girls and ghouls,
don't forget to pick up your
tickets to the Trail of Doom.
Try the cotton candy
at the Witch's Hut.
We are not allowed to
reveal the ingredients.
Let's just say
none of it is legal
and you eat it at your
own risk.
- You see how that works?
Obviously with no chain on it,
it's completely harmless.
Yeah, it feels a little
weird but other than that...
Normally we just
chase people around.
We don't actually
touch 'em with it.
But if you're bored, feel free.
It does usually get
a good reaction.
Any questions?
- Yeah, where do
you keep the chains?
- That's on
a need to know basis.
You good?
- Yeah.
- Kick ass.
- All right.
- You're a
little jumpy, new guy.
- Serves me right.
I've been doing that
to people all night.
- Ah, turnabout's
fair play they say.
- Do they say that?
Who says that?
- I don't know, old people.
Hey, can I show you something?
- Is it something terrifying?
- Of course.
- Then lead on.
Well, so far I'm not terrified.
- Close your eyes.
Do you feel it?
- I'm not sure.
- This is the burial ground.
The 400 Piscataway Indians,
men, women, and children.
They were shot, hanged
and cut into pieces.
They were all buried in
a mass grave right here.
- But Jacko said
that story was bullshit.
- Jacko doesn't know everything.
- Well, I'm sure that's true.
- I come out here sometimes.
Just to...
kinda...
be...
with the spirits.
I don't know if that's
too strange or...
- No, it's nice.
- We actually have a group.
It's kind of a
little club, I guess.
We get together
sometimes and meditate
and do traditional chanting.
Try to make a connection, you
know, with the other side.
I don't know if that's something
you'd be interested in, but--
- No, yes, absolutely.
Sign me up.
- Hey, close your eyes again.
- Why?
- It's a trust exercise.
Don't you trust me?
- Should I trust you?
- Just give it a shot.
- Okay.
Well, I'm glad I trusted you.
- Told you it was worth a shot.
- Thank you all for coming
to this unscheduled meeting.
A lot of you have
probably heard already
about what we found on
the zip line this morning.
Those of you that
haven't, Jacko was...
Jacko was found dead.
At this point we don't
know what happened
or how it happened.
He was hanging
from the zip line.
It's not clear whether this
was an accident or if...
Yeah, we don't know.
Obviously, we're
cooperating with the police.
I've spoken with Jacko's family
who were obviously devastated.
If any of you know anything
about what Jacko
might've been thinking
or about anything at all,
please do not hesitate to
come find me and talk to me.
This is a terrible time for
all of us here at The Forest.
Jacko worked here
for a long time.
He was one of our
best employees.
He put his heart and
soul into this place,
and we are gonna do
everything we can
to honor him in
the weeks to come.
And if any of you
are are struggling
to process this in any way,
please know that we
will be here for you.
Okay?
So look, I hesitate
to even bring this up
on a day when so many of us
are shocked and grieving,
but we do have to think
about the good of The Forest.
So please, if a member of
the press approaches you,
no comment.
All media inquiries
should go to the office.
They should be official.
They should not be handled
by individual staff members.
The last thing we need are a lot
of unkind rumors swirling
around this place.
Jacko would not
have wanted that.
We don't want that.
Until we have a better sense
of what happened
and how it happened,
let's please just keep this
in the family, all right?
Does anyone have any questions?
Does anyone have anything
they would like to add?
Okay, let's get to work.
Show must go on.
You doin' all right?
- Yeah, I'm just stunned.
- Me too, man.
Me too.
- You okay?
I'm so sorry.
I didn't really
know him that well,
but he seemed like
a really good guy.
- He was.
- I can't even imagine
how it could've--
- Don't laugh.
- Why would I laugh?
- I think it was them.
- Who?
- The spirits.
They don't want us here, Zach.
This is their land and
they want it back.
- It was the hardest thing
getting through the weekend.
It didn't seem like fun anymore.
Like every scene we do is
about death in some way.
It's supposed to be this like
fun, campy version of death.
But after what happened,
I just don't know
if I can do it anymore.
- Yeah, man, I hear you.
- I am sorry, Zach.
Did we wake you?
- Sorry, I just...
Sorry.
- Try and get some better
sleep at night, okay?
- Yeah, I will.
- Saved by the bell.
- Dude, is it true one of
your coworkers fucking died?
- I heard the guy
hanged himself.
Is that true?
That's nasty.
- I'm really not supposed
to talk about it.
- Did he get a boner?
I heard when you hang
yourself, you get a boner.
- That's probably the only
way you can get a boner.
- Dude, shut the fuck up.
- Okay, break it up.
Go play with your lacrosse
sticks or something.
- You can play with
mine anytime, Carly.
- I'd rather die.
- Dude, she totally
just told you off.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Are you okay?
- I am absolutely fantastic.
- I'm really sorry, Zach.
- It's okay.
I'm okay, really.
- Maybe...
maybe you should take some time
off from The Haunted Forest?
- Honestly, I don't
think they're gonna
run it this weekend.
They tried to keep it quiet,
but it's all over the news.
I think it might be smart to
just shut it down for awhile.
Like, who would go
to a haunted forest
where people actually die?
This is DJ Coronary,
bringing you the latest track
from Grammy nominated breakout
star Fly the Freak-Nasty.
The song is called
"Halloween Freak."
- I can't believe this.
- Yeah, who would've thought?
Death sells.
Halloween
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
Halloween freak
- It's amazing.
Absolutely amazing.
It's the best night we've
had in years, maybe ever.
Is it the best night
we've had ever?
And not just the numbers, right?
The whole atmosphere.
Did you guys feel it?
It was like electricity.
People were stoked to be there.
What a feeling.
What a night!
- Doesn't it bother you?
Like the morbid curiosity?
Like, if Jacko hadn't--
- No, I know, I know, I know.
Believe me, I hear you.
And of course, it bothers me.
But this is the deal.
We are fascinated by death.
We just are.
That's why The Forest is
here in the first place.
That's why Halloween,
that's why all of it.
It's part of how we process
the reality of death.
We make a joke out of it.
Helps us feel like
we're in control.
- Have you heard anything
new from the cops?
Like, what do they
think happened?
- I don't know.
I should call them.
I've been a little
wrapped up in the...
I should call them.
I'm gonna get some shuteye.
Sleep well you crazy kids.
- You too, man.
See you tomorrow.
- Goodnight.
Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Are you okay?
- I'm okay.
We should probably get to bed.
- Absolutely.
- Ancestors of
the Piscataway,
those we have wronged,
those whose lands
we have stolen,
we ask you in all humility,
and with every sense
of our unworthiness
to guide our brother,
Jacko Fitzgerald,
into the dark lands
beyond this one
where he may be safe from
the pain of this world.
Forgive him his sins,
and let him not fall into
the places of torment.
We ask this in your mercy.
We pray that you will reward
us, not as we deserve,
but as we ask.
What'd you think?
Too weird?
- No, it was really interesting.
- Interesting can
mean anything, Zach.
- Yeah, you're right.
It's just, I was
a little behind.
Like, clearly you guys have
been doing this for awhile.
I just have some
catching up to do.
- Well, you'll just
have to come back.
- Oh, definitely.
Yeah, definitely.
- Okay, I shouldn't do this yet,
but,
this is your badge
if you really want
to be part of it.
- No, I do.
Yeah, I do.
- Pin it to your
clothes ,
anywhere people can see it.
It's a symbol of the
gate to the other side.
We call it The Man in the Maze.
- I like it.
- I thought you would.
- I feel I do my best work
when I got a little
buzz goin' on.
- I'm certainly willing
to give it a try.
- Oh, oh, hey.
And have you seen this yet?
- What's up, y'all?
It's your boy Stinky Steve here,
and I'm out here
offering $10,000
to the first homeless person
who can do a standing
jump over this trash can.
Let's meet our first contestant.
- Yo, this guy's
hilarious.
- Yeah, he's pretty
funny, I guess.
- Oh!
Yo, did you see that!
- Hey, I think we
should get back.
- Oh, shit, yeah.
Thank you.
Where'd I put those chainsaws?
- We left them right inside.
- Oh yeah, that's right.
Okay.
All right, let's go terrify
some motherfuckers.
- What the fuck?
- Hey, guys, no, stop!
Stop!
- Oh!
- Oh, fuck!
- All right, you're
gonna be all right.
- Chopped my fuckin'
arm off, Jesus Christ.
- Is he okay?
- They got him
to an ambulance.
He lost a lot of blood,
but he should be all right.
- I don't know
what happened, man.
I swear to God, I don't.
- I know.
I know, me neither.
You gotta come back, though.
They're looking for you.
- I'm fucked, aren't I?
- Just tell them the truth.
- Yeah.
Like they gonna believe that.
Fuck.
I'm fucked.
I didn't know man, I swear.
I swear to God, I didn't know.
- It's those fuckers
at Phantom Wood.
It's gotta be.
They've been tryin'
to find a way
to bring us down for
years and this is it.
I mean, who would go
to a haunted forest
where people get cut
up by real chainsaws?
Jacko was one thing,
but this is...
This is probably the end.
- It's late, Mark.
Maybe you should get some sleep.
- Sleep isn't gonna
fix this, Susie.
I gotta fix this.
I gotta find a way out.
- Maybe it is
best that you pack it in.
- You know what this
place means to me.
- Yeah, I know.
- Then how could you say that?
- 'Cause Mark, you're not the
only person in this family.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Goodnight, Zach.
- Goodnight.
- You really don't
know what happened?
- I told you, I
didn't see anything.
- You were right there, Zach.
You held one of those
chainsaws in your hands.
You didn't notice
anything different?
You didn't see anything?
You didn't hear anything?
Nothing?
Really?
- I noticed the chain five
seconds before it happened.
I tried to warn them,
but it was too loud.
They couldn't hear me.
- And that's it?
That's all you have to say?
- I don't know what
you want from me, Mark.
You think I don't feel terrible?
I feel terrible.
You think I don't blame myself?
Of course I do.
But I had no reason to believe
that anything like
this could happen.
I don't know what's going
on anymore than you do.
Blaming me is not
gonna solve anything.
- You're right, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm drunk and I'm
fuckin' devastated.
But, no you're right.
This isn't your fault.
I apologize.
- It's okay, it's okay.
We're both exhausted.
We should get some sleep.
- Yeah, you're right.
You should go on up.
I'm gonna clean up
down here for a bit.
- All right.
Sleep well.
- Yeah, you too man.
You too.
So, I've spoken to the
police, spoken to the town.
They're still deciding
whether they're gonna let
us open next weekend or not.
In the meantime,
we have a lot of questions
we need to answer.
What happened to Jacko?
What happened with
the chainsaws?
Are the two things connected?
Just what the fuck is
happening here anyway?
If anyone knows anything,
anything that might give
us a clue about all this,
this would be a great
time for you to speak up.
This is not a joke.
This is not funny.
This is literally
life and death.
And if you know anything
that could help us,
you have a moral and
professional obligation
to come forward right now.
Okay, then.
You're probably wondering what
we're gonna do this weekend.
What we're gonna do is
we are gonna prepare
to open for Halloween
as if we are 100% certain
of getting permission.
Needless to say, there
will be no chainsaws.
There will be new
safety procedures
and there will be
a buddy system.
There will be double checks
and triple checks on every
single piece of equipment.
Any questions?
Zach?
- Are we sure we want
to open next weekend?
- Any other questions?
Okay, let's get to work.
- So, if one of the major
themes we're dealing
with here is the conflict
between love and duty,
is there a character
who exemplifies
that conflict
especially clearly?
Is there someone who really
does seem perfectly
poised between the two?
Mary?
Shh.
So, I suppose we could
argue that in a sense,
it's less of a question
of love versus duty
than a question
of different duties
conflicting with one another
because love itself can be seen
as a kind of obligation or...
Are you awake now?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Sorry, I must have...
- It's okay.
It looked like you needed it.
Zach, are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
- Do you wanna talk about it?
- About what?
- About why you
haven't been sleeping?
- What do you mean?
I was literally just sleeping--
- At night, Zach.
You haven't been
sleeping at night.
It's pretty obvious.
It's also pretty obvious
that your mind's a
million miles away.
- Yeah, it's been stressful.
You know, The Forest,
it's been a lot.
- Do you really think they're
gonna reopen this weekend?
- I don't know.
- You don't have to
go back, you know?
- I know.
- But you're going to.
- I mean, it's Halloween.
Where else would I be?
- Some people go to parties.
- I'm not one of those people.
- I know.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we assure you that
all of our attractions
are now completely safe.
We have chased away all the
chainsaw wielding maniacs
and their bodies
will never be found.
So, relax, enjoy yourselves
and remember that any
screaming that you may hear
is all just part of the show.
Or at least, let's hope so.
- That was pretty good.
You have a knack for this.
- Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I love this
Halloween stuff.
- Well, I think you
can take it from here.
I'll be at the Witch's
Hut if you need me.
- Thanks, Kim.
See you later.
- Hey, creepy.
- Carly?
What the hell are
you doing here?
- Where else would
I be on Halloween?
- You look,
very spooky.
- Why, thank you.
- Hey, do you want me to show
you around the
control booth here?
- Oh, I'm sorry, did you think
that I came all the way
out here to just
hang out with you?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I'm sorry.
- Zach, I'm kidding.
Yes, I'd love to
come inside, please.
- All right. Yeah, yeah.
Just come around the side.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Talkin' about creepy.
- Yeah, but that's
not the good part.
This is the good part.
- May I?
- Be my guest?
- Um...
Would the...
owner of the bloodied
carriage being pulled
by two decapitated
horses please
make your way to
the control booth?
You left your lights on.
- That, that was,
that was really good.
- You know, honestly, I
think I could get into this.
- It's like a whole
different side of you.
- Yeah, but you don't know
everything about me, Zach.
- Apparently not.
Lemme try one.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
All right.
If you have
lost a seven-year-old child
named Algernon,
please come to the main
entrance and claim him.
He is wearing a
Victorian nightgown
and seems to be invoking
demons in ancient Babylonian.
Please come quickly.
His head is now
rotating backwards.
- Okay, wait, no,
gimme, no, gimme.
I've got one.
- What's up, y'all?
It's your boy Stinky Steve here.
And today I'm out here at
the legendary Haunted Forest
where we're about
to take an exclusive
all VIP tour of their
famous Trail of Terror.
What kind of VIPs you ask?
Let's check 'em out.
From "Housewives of
Montgomery County,"
that's Ashley Delaso.
Say hi, Ashley.
- Hey.
- Next up, we got none
other than DJ Coronary.
Say what's up, DJ?
- What's up?
- Yeah.
And last but not least,
we have Grammy
nominated superstar,
Fly the Freak Nasty.
How's it hangin', Fly?
- Get outta here.
- All right, all right,
let's get this show on
the road now, shall we?
See my boy Mark
comin' over here now.
Mark runs this place.
If he's here, then
it's game time.
- All right guys,
we still have a few people
filing outta the exits.
We're sweepin' the trail,
making sure it's clear.
Then we're gonna send
you guys down one by one
so you get the whole experience.
Should be about
five or 10 minutes.
Sound good?
- Flippin' fabbo-fantabbo,
my main man.
- All right.
Okay.
I'll see you guys in a few.
Hey, you guys can take off.
We're closed to the public.
We're just clearin' out
the last few stragglers.
- No problem, Mark.
We'll see you next year.
- See ya.
Hey, I'm lovin'
the announcements,
but who's the witch?
- Mark, meet my friend Carly.
Carly, my cousin, Mark.
- You're friends with
this knucklehead.
What's wrong with you?
- Mm, he got grandfathered in.
We've known each other
since I was five.
- Mm, you have
my condolences.
- Oh.
- Nice to meet you.
Hey, you can start cleanin' up.
We closed the trail.
We're down to the VIPs.
- Shit, I didn't get a chance
to check out the trail.
- I didn't realize it
had gotten so late. My bad.
- Well, you're
lucky I wandered by.
Come on, I'll get you in line.
- Seriously?
- You're a friend
of Zach's, right?
That makes you a VIP.
Come on.
- Yeah, go for it.
Yeah, I still have
some cleanup to do.
- I'll see you after.
- Yeah, I'll find you.
- Come on, come on.
They probably already
started lettin' people in.
- Okay, okay.
Thank you.
- It's your
first time here?
- Yeah, no, I'm kind of a wimp
with these sort of things,
but I'm excited.
- Oh, don't worry.
- No, it'll be a good time.
- Okay.
- Just have fun with it.
- All right.
- All right, I'm
on the trail now.
Not freakin' out yet.
There's definitely
some kinda atmosphere.
Feels like somethin's
about to happen any minute.
Fuck!
What the fuck?
Jesus!
Scared the shit out of me.
Well
played, pumpkin man.
Well played.
All right, if that's
the worst it gets,
I think I can handle it.
Ah, heart is poundin' though.
Like, legit.
Adrenaline's lightin' me up.
It's wild.
I can do this.
I just gotta keep
my wits about me.
Ah!
Hey, you gotta be
more careful, man.
That shit's expensive.
Hey!
Hey!
Not so hard, man.
It actually hurts.
Can I get my camera
back, please?
I'm a professional.
I'm an influencer.
I need to be getting all this.
All right, look.
You're scarin' me, all right?
You fucking scared me.
Great job.
Now can you please just like...
You're not a part of
the show, are you?
Shit.
- Yeah, so honestly, it's
like totally lame so far.
It's like super
cheesy and everything.
Can't wait to get to the club
as soon as I get outta here.
- Did I show you what
I'm wearing tonight?
- O-m-g, no.
What is it?
O-m-g, you slut.
O-m-g, that is filthy.
What do you think?
Is Sean gonna like it?
- Sean is gonna
freak the fuck out.
He's gonna lose his shit.
You look like a
$10 million whore
and I love that for you.
- Hey Ash,
there's something
behind you, like a rope.
- It's just gonna be
some stupid jump scare.
I'm telling you,
I am so over this.
- Okay, no problem.
It's just a haunted house.
It's just for fun.
All right, everything's fine.
Everything is fine.
Just crossin' this bridge.
Perfectly safe.
Built up to code.
Shit!
Shit, man.
You got me.
All right, you
got me good, okay?
Okay?
I mentioned this to Mark,
but I mean, I do have
a heart condition.
That's why they call
me DJ Coronary.
I actually got a quintuple
bypass back in April.
So, if there's a version of this
you know, that's a little
bit more mellow,
I'd really appreciate that.
Is that something that we
can work out with you guys?
Gentlemen?
Fellas?
Hey, can you hear me?
Hey, I'm serious!
I'm not fucking around!
- Man,
you're trippin'.
Eminem's not even top five.
- All right,
then who's in your top five?
Fuckin' Shakespeare?
Fuckin' Jesus?
- God, dude, Dre,
Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z.
- All right, all right.
That's three.
Who else?
- I mean, for me, Common's
gotta be up there.
You know, I'm really into that
socially conscious shit.
- All right, now
I know you ain't serious.
- How much of a raise do the two
of you need to shut the fuck up?
- Extra $10 an hour.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Hey, y'all smell gas?
Oh, shit!
- Oh, goddammit.
- Had to have like 19 pins
put into his right knee.
That's why he limps.
They've been ripping off
everything we've done for years,
and Mark thinks it
makes us look bad too.
- It's those fuckers
at Phantom Wood.
It's gotta be.
You're a friend
of Zach's, right?
That makes you a VIP.
Come on.
- Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Carly!
- Let her go, Mark.
I know what you did.
I called the cops back.
They're already on their way.
You're not getting
away with any of this.
You don't want another
murder to answer for.
I guess Captain Ahab was
just an accident, right?
Maybe an impulse?
I saw you arguing with him.
You followed him
back to his car.
Is that where it happened?
It's just a crime of passion.
But then Jacko saw you,
or he saw too much,
so you had to take care of him.
And that was a little
easier than you expected.
After that who knows?
Maybe you got a taste for it.
Maybe you wanted the publicity.
Tonight, you murdered
the most famous people
you could get to come here.
Is that what this is about?
Just some free promotion.
You've lost the plot, Mark.
There's no way this
ends well for you.
Just let her go and
I'll testify for you.
I'll say that you,
you showed mercy,
that you were truly repentant.
But if you hurt her, in any way,
I will make sure
that you never see
the outside of a prison again.
- You're giving Mark
way too much credit.
He could never pull
all of this off.
He doesn't have the vision.
- I'm dreaming.
I'm dreaming, I'm
dreaming, I'm dreaming.
- No, no, no,
you're not dreaming.
You're learning something.
We're all guilty, Zach.
You, me, Mark, even his
adorable little children.
We were born guilty, Zach.
We have to pay.
You think it's enough to
sit cross-legged and chant?
You think that washes away
the sins of our people?
I see them, Zach.
They're all around us.
Behind you, behind
me, everywhere.
They are crying
out for vengeance
and only blood can
wash out blood.
- You're insane.
- This world is insane.
We live and laugh and love
on the graves of the
people we slaughtered.
I won't be part of it anymore.
My ceremony will
finally bring peace,
and justice to the dead.
- You guys can't be serious.
What are you gonna
do, sacrifice Mark?
What is that gonna
do for anyone?
What is that gonna
do for the dead?
- It's going to give
them rest, Zach.
Just watch.
You'll understand.
Get her ready.
Restless spirits of
this place, hear us.
We offer you this flesh
for the expiation
of all the.
- Run!
Go!
Run!
- Hold still.
What?
- I said be careful.
- Oh, all right, right.
No worries.
- Are the cops really coming?
- No, I was bluffing.
- You are such an idiot.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
I just, I just like, I was
just trying to--
So...
- So.
There's a cult
trying to murder us.
- Yeah.
- So...
we can talk about
the rest of this later.
- Sounds good.
- I don't hear them.
- They're gonna be coming soon.
- Do you have a plan?
- Gimme a second.
Okay.
Yes, I have a plan.
- Whoa!
Shit!
- Is that the best
you could do?
- Hey, Sarah.
He liked me better, anyway.
- All right.
Here we go.
- She's here somewhere,
I can feel it.
Great work.
She's definitely dead now.
You're helping me, you know?
We were never supposed
to survive this.
This is all part
of the sacrifice.
- Yeah, well, happy to help.
- Wait, what?
Sarah, that's not
what we talked about.
- Zach, this is a totally
different side of you.
I like it.
- You killed my cousin.
I don't give a
shit what you like.
- Zach, wait.
She's done.
She's not even armed.
We don't need to kill her.
Besides, she'll
suffer more in prison.
- She's right.
I deserve to suffer.
We all do.
I'm not exempt.
I know you think I'm a
monster, and you're right.
But the way that I felt for you,
the way that I
still feel for you,
that has always been 100%.
- Zach, Zach, are you okay?
- Where is she going?
- She's heading
towards the exit.
- She said something
about Mark's kids.
Just go, go, go.
- Sarah?
- Mark?
- Hey, listen, I...
I don't blame you.
You did what you
thought was right.
But you can rest now.
You hear me?
Your work is done.
You can go to sleep.
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.
Shh.
There's so much
deck the halling
And friends are calling
And snow is falling and how
It's gotta be Christmas
It's gotta be now
It's got to be Christmas
I'll say it again
It's got to be Christmas
What else could explain...
- Merry fucking Christmas.
Anticipating
Celebrating and cheer
It's gotta be Christmas
It's got to be near
Hello?
Bring it on
Hello?
Oh, it's gotta be Christmas
It's gonna be great
It's got to be Christmas
It's gotta be Christmas
You know what I mean
Now, all those
bells are ringing
It's got to be Christmas
Around and around
Rupert, what the hell
are you doing here?
- Diana, I am so sorry.
I was an idiot.
Can you forgive me?
- Well, that's a start.
And everyone knowing that
Santa may be on his way
It's gotta be Christmas
- We should find
a vase for these.
- Just throw them on the ground.
It really is Christmas
- I really like this.
- It's a
little cheesy maybe.
- No, I like it.
It's something new for you.
- Well, I think I've had
enough zombies for awhile.
- I completely agree.
So you're coming over to
watch "Love Actually" tonight?
- It's not even Thanksgiving.
- I watch it year round.
- I'll make you a deal.
If you wear something spooky,
we can watch "Love Actually?"
- Is spooky a euphemism?
- Obviously.
Is it a deal?
- It's a deal.
So, Chapter 22.
- Oh God, God,
God, do we have to?
- It's due on Thursday.
- It's Monday.
- So we gotta get started.
- If you say so.
- I do.
Anyway...
Anyway, I think I missed
a question about...
Oh, water containing heat.
Heat retention in water.
There was that question
about, about like...
Smoke's risin' high
From all the buildings
in the town
People are running, screaming,
crying on the ground
If we got up now
we'd need to get down
People surviving
in a new kinda way
If you see the sunrise
You might live to
see another day
Up in the sky
I see a plane coming down
Smoke risin' high
From all the buildings
in the town
People are running, screaming,
crying on the ground
If we got up now
we'd need to go down
Up in the sky
I see a plane coming down
Smoke risin' high
From all the buildings
in the town
People are running, screaming,
crying on the ground
If we got up now
we'd need to go down